WE'RE GONNA MAKE HIM STAY UP ALL NIGHT  11:14 pm November 6, 2012

Livebloggenning the Election, Episode 4 More Years: Return Of The Jedi President

by Doktor Zoom

Say, did we mention that we really, REALLY like saying “Senator-Elect Elizabeth Warren”? It’s an awfully good phrase, don’t you think?

Here we are at the fourth installment of this marathon, and Virginia, Ohio, and Florida are all still in “godknowswhat” status. See our earlier rundowns: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. And for godssakes, if you’re in Los Angeles, get your butt to the Wonkette Party!

11:15 MSNBC CALLS OHIO AND THE ELECTION FOR OBAMA

Kris. he won HE WON WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO NORMAL !
Kris. OUR LIVES, THEY WILL GO BACK TO WHAT PASSES FOR NORMAL NOW!
Kaia M. ohio for obama on fox!
Kaia M. bile choking all over the place.
Josh F. YES!!!!!
Josh F. OHIO MOTHERFUCKER
Josh F. FUCK YOU FLORIDA YOU CAN SUCK A DICK
Kaia M. wish i could tell if brit hume had a sad face. :(

11:20 Kaia M. fox projecting obama re-election!
Kris. is romney scribblng his concession speech on a napkin right no?
Rich A. Wow
Kaia M. with the graphics and the everything.
Kris. FUCK YEAH. ou know it’s real when fox calls it. sadly.
Rich A. CNN called it for Barry too
Blair B. FINALLY
Rich A. John King is humping is superscreen
Josh F. BTW nate silver has not missed a state yet BTW
Rich A. Twitter will be pretty much useless for about 12 hours

11:25:

What? Wrong guy’s song?

11:26 Josh F. wishes to add that he is 100% pro dick-sucking, and is sorry he used it disparagingly

11:28 Kaia M. BO just tweeted “four more years.”
Josh F. i just got a one-word text from my dad that said “yes”
Kaia M. joke from twitter, nate silver making his acceptance speech in about 20 minutes.

11:36: Donald Trump is being statesmanlike, as usual:
trump takes a conciliatory tone

11:39 MSNBC reports that Romney is not ready to concede Ohio. (Nuance Update: OK, that the Romney Campaign is not yet ready to concede Ohio)

11:45 Hey kids, remember to celebrate safely!

Ain't no party like a Rainbow Dash Party!

11:54 kristina b. What if Romney is like “I’m not coming out! Fuck him. Obama is STUPID the whole thing is STUPID and I’m not coming out and you can’t make me so THERE!”

And Rachel Maddow on MSNBC notes that Karl Rove is now on Fox, asking the network to rescind its projection of Ohio for Obama…in favor of the candidate that Karl Rove bankrolled.

11:57 Josh F. Brian Williams just referred to “the five ohios inside the one ohio” #zen

12:02 Good Morning! Durn it, Jeff Flake won AZ Senate over Richard Carmona

Josh F. Barack Obama just emailed my wife to tell her that he’s about to speak to the crowd in chicago but wanted to thank her first

12:05 Kaia M. repub line seems to be NO MANDATE.

Dok Z. Well of course not. Man dates could lead to gay marriages

12:15 In other races! Same-sex marriage looks like a done deal in MD, leading in ME and WA Wingnut heads to commence essplodin’ shortly. HOW COULD THEY LOSE WHEN THEY ARE SO SINCERE? Also, say goodbye to the American Patriarchy Association’s talking point that “every time it’s gone before the voter’s dhey marriage been defeated.”

12:20: Josh F. Brian Williams just said Donald Trump has “driven well past the last exit to relevance” … then he read all of Trump’s tweets extremely sarcastically and said “So there you have that. That happened.”

12:25 Here is a photo of the Romney HQ from the NY Times:

Romney HQ

12:30 Kaia and Kristina are calling it a night and departing the ChatCave! Kaia’s final note: “Fingers crossed i don’t wake up to hear john kerry actually did win.”

12:35 Rich A:ALLEN WEST IS BEHIND
Rich A. 97.4 percent in
Rich A. murphy is up by 1,004 votes, 50.2 to 49.8
Rich A. i’m sorry all my hopes and dreams are on this race. I hate Allen West to the point that I would rather not get to write about him anymore than have him in charge of shit
Rich A. I think I peed a little

The Excitement Continues! Florida: Alan Grayson Wins his seat back! Illinois: Vile fucktoad Joe Walsh loses to Real American Hero Tammy Duckworth! Minnesota: Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann too close to call!

New Important Post by Rich Abdil on Donald Trump’s Tweesonous Tweats, and coming up NOW, more Liveblogging by Josh Fruhlinger! (Spoiler: Expect a Romney Concession!)

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 656 comments }

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Ohio! Done and Done!

viennawoods13 November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

O! Hi! O!

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

And done! And FL and VA both look like O+1ish. Was our possibly gay pretend BF Nate Silver maybe a bit conservative in his projections?

(Nah, spot-on, as usual.)

MosesInvests November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

AY, OH, WAY TO GO OHIO!

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Let me get some concessions for the concession speech! I feel like a new man!

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

And the Romney 2016 campaign starts in 5….4….3…..

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

…and the Elizabeth Warren 2016 campaign begins in 2 years?

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

No, I think he's finally done. Thank the lord.

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

Apparently you never watched the "Terminator" sequels. Every time you think it's over, the son of a bitch crawls out of the ashes…..

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

Nah, Ahnuld changed sides. Mitt's more Freddie Kruger.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Thanks for the shot of our favorite SILF. You know what they say about the big leagues: The hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.

noodlesalad November 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Over!!!! Obama!!!!!

And the world collectively breathes a sigh of relief….

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Literally, apparently.

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

right?

SavageDrummer November 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

BOOM! Obama is a two-termer!

BumbleKid November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I fucking love that guy!

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Me, too. He's smart, strong, and has his heart in the right place.

Barry, hon, please close the Gitmo detention center. It's a stain on our national soul.

IndianaKevin November 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

… and stop drone warfare and repeal the Patriot Act and …

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 11:31 pm

EIGHT years of a black, Democratic president. A first in American history.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

And Michelle hasn't even declared for 2016 yet!

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I'VE GOT A RHYME THAT COMES IN A RIDDLE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHAT'S ROUND AT THE ENDS AND HIGH IN THE MIDDLE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

SING IT:

O-HI-O!

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Yeah-yahh!

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

ok fine you called that two hours ago and cheers!

snowpointsecret November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

HANG ON SLOOPY, SLOOPY HANG ON!

O-H-I-O!

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

And you know what's smoky on both ends and High in the middle? Legalized dope is up by 10 points in WA sate. That's without hardly any of the big city votes counted, just teh conservative rural counties.

Your move, feds.

Be funny to see Bamz abolish the DEA by executive order, by, oh, say, tomorrow afternoon.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 12:39 am

Mitt dead in O-hi-o!

FlipFlopFuck November 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

I was born in Ohio…mothafucka.

noodlesalad November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Same here – native Buckeye, proud of my state, even if I don't live there any more.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I went to grad school in Ohio!

FlipFlopFuck November 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

BUCKEYES!!1!

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

My mom's from Akron.

C_R_Eature November 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I can beat that. I was born in New Jersey.

FlipFlopFuck November 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

The Bayou of Ohio….Cuyahoga.

C_R_Eature November 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Newark. HA I WIN!!1!

viennawoods13 November 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

My g-g-g-g-g grandfather used to tag along on scalping raids into the Ohio valley. Never had a high opinion of the place but hey.

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I was born in East Liverpool. I call it the black hole where OH, PA, and WV meet.

IndianaKevin November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I can see Ohio from my house (on a map).

mille derps November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

I've driven through parts of Ohio…

Badonkadonkette November 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Tant pis, Monseiur Romney.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Yes…and eat a big bag of heavily salted, brandy-infused and flame broiled rat dicks too, Romney…teabaggers, faux…every right wing racist fuckhead on the net!

NellCote71 November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

And all you rape-y is OK assholes, too.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

Shit. I gave a whoop when McCaskill was declared winner over Akin and everyone at my party was like ??? "Why do you care about a senator from MO?"

Not a single ONE of them had heard about the 'legitimate rape' bullshit. They were freaking shocked.

Sheltered lives, out here in our west coastal rainforest paradise.

NellCote71 November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

Luckily, my dog was the only one hear my whoops and curses, a d i gave her an anti-axiety piil.BTW, as a Dordogne cave crawler. any expression of pre-history manifestation of human expression brings me to my knees.

IceCreamEmpress November 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Mitch McConnell: "Job One will be making sure Barack Obama is only a two-term President."

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Hah…I wonder if someone has informed him yet…wish there was a video of his quavering jowels…it's the only time seeing Yurtle will be worth it. I can't wait to watch cockhead Romney concede, by the way…"I'm still talking, you'll get your chance"…not anymore, BITCH.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Word. I'm seriously thinking of sending him a nice fruit basket.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Will there be a postcard with the words: "Suck It"?

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I don't know…can a turtle suck?

Mittens Howell, III November 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Yurtle the butthurtle turtle!

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Any support for repealing the Twenty-Second Amendment?

gullywompr November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Motherfucking win.

Mittens Howell, III November 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

"Kicking me in the nuts is Obama's Waterloo. Ouch. Stop it. Ouch."

Jim De Mint

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Yes…I guess the big question is, how many more times does Karl Rove have to be discredited before wingnuts realize he's a pile of shit with nothing to offer aside from amoral asshollery? I would have thought 2006 and 2008 would have done it, but maybe Romney losing, Sherrod Brown winning (in spite of the enormous amounts of cash the fat little fucker plopped into defeating him), Alan Grayson winning, Allen West losing and the GOP losing seats in the house and Senate…if this doesn't do it they truly are redtards….

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Mitch McConnell on his best day is a major dickweed.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Time for me to change to iced water for a while or I am going to pass out.
Obama Takes OHIO!

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

We made it, Barb!! What a relief!!

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I was thinking of you the second it was announced. My phones started to ring, twitter blew up, text messages started to fly and I had to take a moment and give thanks to Sarah Plain for being a twat waffle on twitter.

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

OMG, there are more sane people than wingnuts.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Terry, Trump is going apeshit on Twitter, calling for a "revolution" The only revolution he's aware of is when Jeeves flips his mattress in his very, very, very nice house in every state of the U.S.A.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:06 am

Strangely, I have no memory of Donald Dump remarking on the discrepancy between the popular and electoral vote in 2000.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

"Kay, if I'm getting this right, then the Electoral Tally tus far is 'Bammerz-275, Willard-205…

Perhaps too early to call just yet, but Oh Frabjous Day!!

MozakiBlocks November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

YES WE CAN!!!!!

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

And we did!

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Yes, we can AGAIN

Badonkadonkette November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Drudge Sad Trombone

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Yes…there won't be any mega sirens for this one. I wonder if anyone would take a moment to go inform Malkin that Romney lost hahaha

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Yes, we fucking can!
President Obama, I REALLY love you.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Bamz went back to Ohio/ and Romney was gone!

IndianaKevin November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Romney? Who's that?

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

You know, I don't have a clue! What was I thinking?

ElPinche November 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

¸.•´ Congratulations President Obama!!!
`•.¸ )
¸.•)´ *
(.•´`*4 more for 44!!
*.*´¨)
.•´,•*´¨)¸.•*¨)
¸.•´¸.•*´¨­)
(¸.•´ (¸.•` * ¸.•´¸.•*´¨­)
……~~~~~/…..~~~~~/
…….~~~~/…….~~~~/
……..~~~/………~~~/
………~~/………..~~/
……….~/………… ~/
………..||…………….||
………..||…………….||
………..||…………….||
……./****………../****…..
*****************************
eh…the ascii art is all fucked up , but you get the idea. Hells yeah!!!

FlipFlopFuck November 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

(Hugs ElPinche)

ElPinche November 7, 2012 at 2:26 am

Belated gugs back. I was watching Karl Rove shit himself for 3 hours.

Blueb4sinrise November 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Boobies?

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Curse you, non fixed width fonts!

IndianaKevin November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I see a shopping cart and mosquitoes, but then, I've had a few.

BloviateMe November 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

more alcohol!!!!!!!! and lots of fuckin'

I love tonight.

mrs. blov will be walking bow legged.

viennawoods13 November 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

I can hear the cheer from across the lake.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Vienna waits for you?

comrad_darkness November 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

WHOA HOT DAMN

All right people. Time to get rid of the antiquated silly, undemocratic electoral college.

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Obviously, Ohio was swung by DEVO's song about Seamus the dog.

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Yes or maybe the story of Super-Hit the horse. My dog made me join "dogs against Romney" by the way…kept growling at me until I did.

kakotechnia November 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

I tried scorn-watching Fox, but it was just too sad.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 12:07 am

I tried for a few minutes, just to see whom and what they were blaming for this loss but then they brought on Dukakis campaign manager, which is a pretty far reach to find a Dem. He was a sad old drag queen with a 2-packs-a-day-for-fifty-years gravel voice. With that as their token Democrat, I had to turn it off.

comrad_darkness November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

How old is Murdoch anyway? From the looks of him, If he were a dog we'd be planning for that last trip to the vet. With votes, of course.

stew1 November 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm

WE FUCKIN' WON, BITCHES!!!!!!!!

PsycWench November 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Let the whining begin!

Willardbot9000_V2.5 November 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

dibs on collecting Limbaughs tears of frustration and failure…if only he'd just keel over tomorrow while he whines….I think after tonight overweight and obese scooter-riding honkey Southern teabaggers are officially over

glamourdammerung November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Let the whining begin!

It started a couple of hours back. Along with the "Republicans lost because they were not derpy enough".

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Can't you just enjoy the now? Be present!

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Champagne! Four more years! Phew.

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Thank God. We can't go back to that other shit

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

We seriously dodged a fuckin bullet.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Yes Jeffer, you may turn on Fox News. It seems that Obama won because of "negative advertising." Yes, Romney was so positive.

Jeffer November 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Back to Comedy Central once Colbert comes on. It's fun watching Turdblossom saying the race isn't over yet. I waiting for him to stroke out.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

Oh, if only.

Clancy_Pants November 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Is FoxNews really complaining about negative advertising and Romney not fighting back?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 6:29 am

On another planet, they are.

JohnnyQuick November 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm

I could run a marathon in Ryan time!!! Ohhh did Ryan lose his House Seat??? I would be all kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

deanbooth November 6, 2012 at 11:20 pm

"EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE"

Bravo!

slowhansolo November 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Wait, something happened today?

Redgyal November 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Did you say future President Warren?

AncienReggie November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I dunno, she's part Indian you know. Hey! Warren/Jindahl 2016!!

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I said it! More than once tonight.

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

I called it 2 weeks ago! Warren/Maddow 2016!

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

I got to vote for her today!

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Mmmmm…this victory beer tastes so fucking good!

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Cheers!

BumbleKid November 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

USA USA USA

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

USA USA USA!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

Motherfucking USA USA USA!!!

This is the motherfucking USA!

lumpenprole November 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Nate Silver wins!
First time I've watched Fox News in four years!

Designer_Rants November 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Oooh, I gotta turn it there for the best schadenfreude to be had anywhere right now!!! brb.\

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Yes we fucking CAN!

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

It's a BIG, BIG motherfuckin' deal!

viennawoods13 November 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Hey, Mitt… fuck you.

Close_Read November 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm

And your creepy sons, too.

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

And Ann and the dancing horse she rode on!

Yellerdawg November 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Repeal that two term rule on day one!

Veritas78 November 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm

We should start demanding that just to give them all strokes.

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Oh m god, you guys have to watch Fox so you can hear them talk about the polls.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Tried faux newz dotcom, but they had given up half an hour ago. Sadly, the star douchebags don't seem to be broadcast on the net.

SexySmurf November 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Unskew this poll, motherfuckers!

Clancy_Pants November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Ha Ha:

Christine O'Donnell ‏@ChristineOD Okay, #OH is out. We could still hope for a recount? Remember 2000? Many people went to bed thinking Bush lost.

IndianaKevin November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Knowing Bush lost.

boskolives November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Because, uh… He did?
And then the Supreme's pulled a rabbit out of his ass and it's all down hill from there.

kakotechnia November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I just don't know what the hell to make of Tom Brokaw chastising Republicans for not running a properly "postmodern" campaign.

docterry6973 November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Brokaw needs to go write another book. Someplace quiet and far away.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 12:42 am

??
Should they be wearing black turtlenecks and little ponytails?

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

The only thing I'm still watching for is Florida and Virginia. If they both go Hopey, Nate Silver is 100% accurate, like _The Human Centipede_ movie.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

Nate is a motherfucking G.

mmeetoilenoir November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

VA was called for Obama. FL will be next. I'm about to start calling him St. Nate.

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

YES!!! WIN!! I could totally blow Nate Silver right now!!!

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Get in line. Wait, you go first. I love Nate so much that I don't want to go for the "easy one."

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Dang, woman. *applauds*

boskolives November 7, 2012 at 12:00 am

Yeah, the blow job, well he predicted that too. Also

viennawoods13 November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Holy crap. Real gains number-wise in the Senate.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:12 am

Yeah, that was an unexpected delight. Some Blue Doggies, but still.

BloviateMe November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Big question: do we make sweet, slow love to Mitt's concession speech, or violently have our way with it, and not even leave money on the coffee table on our way out?

FUCK YOU MITT, VERY MUCH.

IndianaKevin November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Who?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

May I suggest that PRESIDENT Obama take out his dick and slap MItt across the face with it, back and forth, back and forth?

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:49 am

Hatefuck, of course. Duh!

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

BREAKING NEWS, EVERYONE!!!

Dewey Defeats Truman.

BloviateMe November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

LOL…stop it.

Dr_Zoidberg November 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Called it!

glamourdammerung November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Look out for those "Second Amendment solutions", gang.

Redgyal November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Thanks for the warning Debbie Downer.

MozakiBlocks November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

When MSNBC called it I screamed so loud that all three dogs started barking.

Damn, it feels so good!!!

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Many dogs in my decidedly rural 'hood also started barking at that moment. I thought it had something to do with Fraü Blücher.

zumpie November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Miss zumpie, jr says her ears hurt from my screaming! And there are some very, very loooooong faces on Faux!!!

snowpointsecret November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

So basically Obama just wrecked tonight. Absolutely wrecked, it didn't even go to midnight.

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

If only Donald Trump had been able to see President Obama's YMCA application none of this would ever have happened.

YerMa November 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

What a beautiful day. Warren, Baldwin, Duckworth, McCaskill, Grayson, Pocan… Who else?

I'm in tears, guys.

BumbleKid November 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm

You're not alone!!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

*clinks glass* Well done!

gullywompr November 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

You're a winnah!

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

Don't forget the marriage equality and recreational marijuana initiatives that have passed! Not that I *ahem* care but legalizing weed is the most important step toward dismantling the private prison machine that is one of the biggest threats to our freedoms!

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Romney crew still not believing the Ohio call.

Edit: Oooh, only 999 difference in votes. I detect the unseen hand of Herman Cain.

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Romney's folks lack even a passing acquaintance with "facts"

Designer_Rants November 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I can haz Romney tax returnz now?

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Hey Romney, More than 47% of America just told you to kiss their butts!

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 12:17 am

Yeah!

Veritas78 November 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm

So how soon can we start confiscating all the guns?

Close_Read November 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Hey Koch brothers: Suck it.

And your moneez too.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Fuck you, Trump, Palin, Akin, Walsh, Romney, and all of my fucking idiot family on Facebook!

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Barb, my family will adopt you. No worries.

DoktorThompson November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Damn. What an unlucky hand Fate dealt you to be related to Trump, Palin, Akin, Walsh, and Romney.

proudgrampa November 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations, Mr, President!!!!!

BTW, Ms proudgrampa is unpacking her suitcase: we're gonna stay here for at least the next 4 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

snowpointsecret November 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

A message from Ohio: You're welcome.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Dear Ohio,

Were it within my power to do so at this moment, I would give handjobs to every last one of you.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm

THANK YOU!

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Rove is stirring shit now. He's saying that Obama hasn't won Ohio yet.

slowhansolo November 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I feel like I love everyone and everything right about now.

Blueb4sinrise November 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

trampndirtdown November 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

WEEE LOOOOOVE YOU BAAAACK!!!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Right back at you, Sinrise!

neiltheblaze November 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Congratulations, my fellow Commies! Well done!

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Lol, Rove is calling the win projection "premature." Hop back to the toad farm, Karl.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

'Kay, this may be a *little* premature, but SUCK IT WILLARD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kgprophet November 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Let this be a lesson to those like Slick Willard.
No Show Tax Returns. No President.
No Job Plan Details. No President.
No Details about any Plans. No President.

sbj1964 November 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Clean sweep! The good guy wins again.Say good night Mittens!

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I was about to turn to FOX to gloat, but I don't even remember what fucking channel they're on!!

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Channel 69!

OzoneTom November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Between Husted, and Romney voting machines, who knows?

I'll feel better when the remaining uncalled states start falling to the non-dark side.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Tweeting to Plain that she is a dip ship is the best!

proudgrampa November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

And congratulations to Elizabeth Warren: honey, I supported you from the beginning, and you deserve your fantastic win!!!!!! Enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

proudgrampa

DustyBowlBlues November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

A message from the USA to the rest of the world: you're welcome.

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

You'd wish NZ had seats in the electoral college. We had polls here and they were going 94-6 to Hopey.

starfanglednut November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

I so want to live in NZ.

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Now Canada has to make some changes to benefit the world.

Trannysurprise November 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

I want to ride Nate Silver's manhood right now.

GortRay November 6, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Suck it teabaggers! Suck it all night long!

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Hmmm. If Rmoney wins the popular vote, wingnuts calling for Electoral College abolition in 3… 2… 1…

Seriously, this is the dead end of the Southern Strategy. There's only so many 80% majorities you can pile up in Buttfuck, Oklahoma, and similar places, because you also need to win in states where it's not 1953 anymore.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

Wingers will NEVER call for Electoral College abolition, because we'd take them up on it in a fucking nanosecond. The EC totally favors the less-populated (i.e., wingnut-heavy) states. Even if Rmoney won this popular vote (which he won't — there are still a lot of votes to count in California), we'd take that as a temporary setback.

415buzzard November 7, 2012 at 12:21 am

Also Oregon, Washington.

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I wish I knew what radio station limpballs is on so I could listen to him spank America for being stupid, unlike himself?

No, I don't really want to listen to him, at all.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

No amount of afterglow can overcome that….

coolhandnuke November 6, 2012 at 11:31 pm

This is good news for the WORLD!

deanbooth November 6, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I just asked mrs. deanbooth if she had any hidden celebration donuts, and she brought out the secret party reeses cups!

LePiston November 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm

My husband surprised me with Twix, and don't those types of things just make you love perfect spouses even more?

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

You wild man!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

That is stupid sweet.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Not awesome Facebook rant:
We will only survive this second term by the grace of GOD. The destroyer of America has been re-elected. What a nation of sheep we are being lead to slaughter. If someone could give me one positive item to be taken from tonight, I would be happy to listen. My only comfort is this is part of GODs plan. This nation has drifted to far from almighty GOD.
———————————–
Fuck you, you hateful dweeb.

T3rbo November 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

haha. you need to troll that shit-tell them how obama has a secret plan to force marines to gay marry

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

unfriend!

imissopus November 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

But why are you reading Sarah Palin's FB page?

trampndirtdown November 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Evidently god lurves him some Obamz

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Sour grapes.

Yes, this God's Plan and its opposite of what those folks who say they know God's mind. Funny that.

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 12:12 am

Wasn't it God who sent the hurricane to derail the momentum of Mittens, Lord High Hairgel? Sword cuts both ways, bitches!

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

God hates the fuck out of you.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

There's gonna be a shit-ton of that. All I can say is, this election indicates that there is a slim majority of sane persons in the US, and we have to try to build from that,

glamourdammerung November 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Republicans losing those easy Senate pickups and the White House?

You all built that. Legitimately.

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Me-Gyn Kelly is doing some fancy pageant walking.

Designer_Rants November 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

lol. She can see an Ohio recount from her house!

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Romney is not conceding, yet. Sure, drag it out, crybabies!

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

When you think your presidency is predestined by God, it rather difficult to concede

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

Let him get his own planet and try again…

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

Rich people aren't very good at being told that they can't get what they want. Boo fucking hoo, bee-otch!

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Happy Birthday to Stephen Colbert's lovely mother, Lorna. She's 92-years-old tonight.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Wow. Seconded!

Yellerdawg November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

What I love is that we are all watching the same stuff like the old days when there were only three networks.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 6:35 am

When it comes to news, there are still only three.

BumbleKid November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I fucking love this country.

Assholes try to steal our votes? We vote MORE! Corporations spend millions trying to make us vote against our own interests? We say fuck you!

Seriously guys, I'm tearing up. I fucking love America.

Yellerdawg November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

And THAT is what the other side will never understand, is that we can fundamentally disagree with them and STILL fucking love America. Bless you.

Wadisay November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

When are the Romneys going to be brought out on their sedan chairs?

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

They have to dig the bearers out of their huts when they're finished with their gruel.

valthemus November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

This can't be right… according to Steve Forbes, *Romney* is supposed to win. DID THAT FUCKING FORBES LIE TO US?!? FUCKING RICH BASTARDS!!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

In honor of America I'm having a victory Newcastle Brown Ale!

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

Begging your pardon, but Stone Mint Chocolate Imperial Stout and Ruination IPA with habanero was how I celebrated. Beer Week in San Diego, dontcha know. An embarrassment of riches tonight!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

yum!

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

Arrogant Bastard, here.

yyyaz November 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

Cali bubbly and Oregon ale here. (brrrraaaaappppp) 'Scuse me.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

Also yum!

IceCreamEmpress November 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

People in my neighborhood are setting off firecrackers right now. Feels good, man.

Blueb4sinrise November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

OMG THOSE are the riots I heard about if Bamz loses………….or wins……….or
……….have another beer………..

VodkaGoGo November 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Fox: But, but we're still a center-right nation, right? And the fiscal cliff!! What about the fiscal cliff?

Designer_Rants November 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Fox News is havin' none of it. If Romney keeps watching this, he's bound to show up in the Oval Office tomorrow, reporting for duty.

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Fox's nerds just called Ohio for Obama.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

What next, Rush?

Thedongsofwar November 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

the livefeed on Mittens website is ABC news, and its showing the Obama hq in celebration.

Deliciousssssssssssssssssssssss

sudsmckenzie November 6, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Its Nate Silvers World and we just live in it.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm

CNN has a feed from the Miffed Money HQ… that's a whiter crowd than even the Bruins usually get.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Ha-Ha!

Suck it, Brooks! Suck my big fat throbbing cock!

Wadisay November 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Denial is a river running through Fox News.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Death Star explodes! Ewoks dancing!

viennawoods13 November 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Please with the original music. Yub yub!

OzoneTom November 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

This is good new for Mittens' mental health.

Powerpuff_Grl November 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

2008 win – Malia (and Sasha) got a puppy.

2012 win – Does this mean that Malia gets to have her prom in the Rose Garden?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

No, but she gets a pony.

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

The FOX idiots right now — "The administration has suppressed the military vote." Yeah, that would've thrown the election to Romney. They've also run a few minutes with "Romney won the popular vote." Al Gore feels your pain, sweeties.

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Nate Silver just took out his cock and put it where Joe Scarborough's mustache will start growing as of tomorrow.

Redgyal November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

So glad Bronco Bama stopped getting his hair permed. The natural look is in style now.

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

LOL@Trumpy. Where were you in 2000, Mr Popular Vote Should Decide It? And isn't it the Repuggies who are always saying, no, we're NOT a democracy, we're a Republic?!?

But on the other hand, let's wait to see all California's votes come in before we decide who won the popular vote.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

*snerk*

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

rMoney isn't conceding Ohio!!!!

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I'm shocked, I say, shocked.

Dr_Zoidberg November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Well, not that shocked.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

I'm feeling all tingly…

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 12:49 am

What a sniveling little prick.

viennawoods13 November 7, 2012 at 12:51 am

Word.

gullywompr November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Romney refuses to concede Ohio!

mille derps November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

I paid good money for that state! I'm not giving up on our voter machine hijinx strategy yet!

Mumbletypeg November 6, 2012 at 11:41 pm

THIS is a President I can get behind~

C_R_Eature November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

That's the best political advertizing I've seen this campaign.

No wonder Barry won!

Disassembly November 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm
BumbleKid November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

It ain't pretty over there.

Not pretty at all.

Doktor Zoom November 7, 2012 at 3:01 am

Post deleted now

slowhansolo November 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

NBC: Romney campaign NOT conceding Ohio…

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

I hear that Sarah Palin might finally get to give that concession speech she had ready in 2008.

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

She said she'd SELL it to Rmoney, but she ain't giving it away for free.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

I would do pay per view to hear Palin's concession speech. I'd want a DVD, but the money would have to go to a charity, like planned parenthood…

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 5:03 am

I'd be happy to join you.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

I hope Barry and Michele finish their quickie soon, so he can come out and give his speech.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

Barry won't claim victory until Romney concedes and Romney won't concede. I believe that we will see just how small a man Mitt Romney really is.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Lady Gaga's Tweet speaks for me:
Lady Gaga ‏@ladygaga
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHRHRGRGRGRRRGURBHJB EORWPSOJWPJORGWOIRGWSGODEWPGOHEPW09GJEDPOKSD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0924QU8T63095JRGHWPE09UJ0PWHRGW

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Yes.

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

That's the title of her next single, right?

Yellerdawg November 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

They threw everything they had. Four years of hate, obstruction, professional grade false outrage, and it was all for nothing. Fuck those fuckers. They have nothing more to offer.

Mittaplasia November 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Poor Mittens; always a bridesmaid; never a bride.

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Does he finally get it that everybody doesn't like him?

LePiston November 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Mitt, I am so anxiously awaiting your concession speech. Can't wait!

xo,

LePiston

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Romney campaign "not prepared to concede to President Obama".

Mitt needs to sack up and behave honorably

DustyBowlBlues November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

A privileged prep school bully like MIttens can't even spell honorably, let alone start pretending he can do either tonight, of all nights.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Well, that'd certainly be a change…

docterry6973 November 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Did we send the UN troops into Lubbock yet? Times a wastin'.

Jukesgrrl November 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I'm calling for drones over the Arizona state house.

glasspusher November 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Call the strike in on your Obamaphone! Power to the 47%!

valthemus November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Awwwwww… poor little rich Romney. Someone give him an Etch-A-Sketch to play with.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 6:41 am

He had his victory speech all scrawled out on it, and then the mean black man came and shook it up.

deanbooth November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I expect Romney to give a victory speech and have his staff walk it back tomorrow.

mille derps November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

This!

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Rove's having a hard time conceding Ohio. This is some epic shit.

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

Savor…savor…

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Mitt won't concede. Color me STUNNED.

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Ann is hissing and baring her fangs at anyone who goes near the Concession Phone!!

SheriffRoscoe November 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Shoulda gone with Huntsman.. SADFACE.

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Andrew Sullivan is all verklempt on Colbert now…

snowpointsecret November 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Romney hasn't looked at Cuyahoga County lately, has he?

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

He's probably scared to go there

snowpointsecret November 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

That, along with Franklin, and Montgomery, and Lucas…

zedbot November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Bow chicka bow wow…..

VodkaGoGo November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Peggington Noonington is a completely broken soul right now. Holy shit she was crying.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Is it wrong that her tears make me smile?

VodkaGoGo November 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

No, I thoroughly enjoyed it too. I'm also the kind of person that thinks its funny that she is balding.

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Is she melting?

Chet Kincaid_ November 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

What channel is she on??

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

She was on Fox, but I dont think Fox News. Is Shep Smith doing the Fox coverage? I don't have cable so I'm not sure if it's different. Check your local Fox affiliate. Shep is actually pretty hilarious and condescending to his super sad panel.

slowhansolo November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

David Gregory, still being stupid: But how can he govern after the past four years?

Designer_Rants November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Uh oh, Krauthammer is up to his old hijinks again! #NotAHappyCamper #ProllyNeverBeenAHappyCamper

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 11:46 pm

In 1965, my great-grandmother, a little, old Southern lady, was arrested in Atlanta for supporting the civil rights and the equality of ALL Americans.

Forty-seven years later, I have had the privilege of helping RE-ELECT the first black president in American history. Despite our many problems, I still think this is a pretty special country… :0)

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Dr_Zoidberg November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Wonderfully said.

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Put some flowers on her grave site, Kitty, and a little flag

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

She rests with others of my family, in our plot. We take good care that she's looked after and not forgotten.

"She, being dead, yet speaks"

Yellerdawg November 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

We owe much to your grandmother and all those with courage.

Mittens Howell, III November 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

Beautiful.

yyyaz November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

I'll add only that we have taken another step toward that day when we are all judged only by the content of our character.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 6:48 am

As Doc Zoom has discovered in his Sunday school studies, the fundies aren't at all happy about that "pursuit of happiness" business. In the dark and moldy corners of their souls, they really hate Thomas Jefferson.

Gratuitous World November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

!!!

AlterNewt November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Andrew Sullivan is telling Steven Colbert that he wants to lick his 'tears of unfathomable sadness".

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

Uh…whut??

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Look at fucking Krauthammer. He's saying that Obama doesn't have a mandate and that he should govern like Clinton. Fuck off, you horrible cunt.

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Stand up and take a bow, Krauthammer!

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

I hope he stands up and throws himself off a cliff, the fucking piece of shit.

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

fuck you krauthammer YOU LOSE.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 12:16 am

Can you believe these asses? You didn't beat us by enough so you have to give us what we want. FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU RIGHT-WING BASTARDS.

Barry will be all gracious and even-tempered, cool as always. I wouldn't, which I guess is why I am here and he is there.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:17 am

That is exactly what the CNN republicans are saying

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Crap, I have to go to football practice soon so I might miss Mitten's concession speech, which I predict will run: "ERROR ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE DOES NOT COMPUTE DOES NOT COMP…" *puff of smoke* *explosion*

Mittens Howell, III November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Romney's team REFUSING to concede Ohio.

They have a crack team working on re-baptizing the election in Romney's favor.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Has Glenn Beck announced how he plans to commit suicide? And waiting for the Apocalypse doesn't count.

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Donald Trump is calling for a "revolution in this country." Jeeves, lay out something nice for me to wear as I watch you go revolt for me.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 6:49 am

Bring it on, Donny. Bring it on. Asshole doesn't realize there's exactly one doorman between him and everybody on the street.

SexySmurf November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Warshington update: Gay marriage up by 3, weed up by 11!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Oh thank god. I always make the mistake of looking at results right away when only the yahoo counties with 3 voters in them have reported.

Goonemeritus November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Should we really be spiking the ball now, souldn't we be sensitve to the feeling we might hurt over at Breitbart's Blog?

Barbara_ November 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Breitbart is dead, a shark ate Bin Laden's dick, and Palin is watching her Pay Pal account in the hopes of her followers sending their last nickels. It's over.

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

THE RE-HOPENING!

kakotechnia November 6, 2012 at 11:48 pm

All right Barry. I'll chill the fuck out from now on.

HELisforHEL November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Tonight, all dogs are as ecstatic as we are. Woooooooo!!!1!1!1!1

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

What is happening? Concede!

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

BroncoBama winz Nevaduh! My vote counted!

poorgradstudent November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

My conservative pal (not the far-right Catholic I always talk about!) posted to his blog a picture of Nobammers with the caption "America did not get the President it needed, but it got the President it deserved." So four more years of conservatives whining about getting a moderate Republican as President!

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

true fact. and their grandchildren will never look back.

ChuckieJesus November 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Per my one cool Republican friend, Romney's still got the pop vote by 200K right now. I expressed nuance by saying that I still thought the electoral college was pretty damn bogus anyway, win or lose.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Someone outside is democrabeeping!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Charles Krauthamer, the evil little gnome of Conserviatism, is pouting on FOX News. Romney was a New England liberal, and that is not what the GOP is about. We had a very weak field, but a very strong bench.

Yeah, got to love your strong bench that sat out against the Kenyan/Muslim usurper. Better luck against Hillary in '16.

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Mike Pence will run for president on the GOP ticket in 2016. Even I know more about republican back benchers than Charles Krauthammer.

trampndirtdown November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Ricky iz ready! SHITSTAIN16!

ChillBill November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Virginia just turned blue…"Romney Landslide" my balls!

poorgradstudent November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Also, don't ya'll forget about the gay marriage ballots!

BadKitty904 November 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

True. I pay my taxes, like other Americans, I obey the law, like other Americans, and I'd kinda like to enjoy the same rights as other Americans, too.

poorgradstudent November 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

Huffington Post has got the results on one handy page: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/06/gay-marr

The pro-gay marriage crowd is winning in all states except Minnesota, which sucks, but, hey, three more states I can get married in after I finish my degree ain't bad.

By the way, we should do something to get together all the Wonkette queers, online at least.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

Oooo, yes! The Gayening! Or the Fag Moot. Or whatever we'd call it.

sbj1964 November 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Make the call Mittens it's over.Go home,and play with your car elevator.

Steverino247 November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Obama ahead in Florida, Virginia and Colorado, so even if Mitt is able to pick up and shake Ohio, he still loses.

BoroPrimorac November 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Trump should mind himself or he's going to end up in an uncomfortable situation.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 12:21 am

He could lose his TV show and Lawrence O'Donnell has claimed that Trump needs that cash income really badly.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 6:54 am

Trump going bust would fatally schaden my freude.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE MITTENS FUCKING CONCEDE!

Wadisay November 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Please permit me to use this medium to send a personal message to Mitch McConnell: Suck a bag of rat dicks, turtle-face.

redarmyzombie November 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Oh! Oh, I loooooove the sound of Conservative Butthurt!

ChickTract_Fil_A November 6, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Now what do we do? All the crazy is gone. It all seems kinda like the final scene from The Truman Show. Do we disband Wonkette now?

fartknocker November 6, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Hey Mitt, it's called math and you haven't got the votes. Taking your pony and car elevator and go home. Be sure to amend your tax return so you can get that added $2.2 million back that you withheld so you could look like a credible candidate.

BaldarTFlagass November 6, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Huffpo map shows VA and FLA both in baby blue now. If he takes both, that would make 332, with Romney getting Alaska for a total of 206. What number = landslide?

doloras November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Was it a landslide in 2008 when he had all those plus NC and IN?

Terry November 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

Yes

ProgressiveInga November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Drunkle Karl is not convinced!

Blueb4sinrise November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

It's official..
al jazeera called it for Bamz.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

Were they tabulating the Kenyan votes?

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 12:24 am

Muslim news service. Coincidence? I think not.

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

this is my favorite comment of the night. can i copy/paste?

Yellerdawg November 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

Certainly! I'm flattered.

LIT_Fag November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Thank you all for collectively and figuratively holding me through this scary night! Y'all complete me

cousinitt November 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Greetings from the blue skies and snowy peaks* of Colorado!

*well, they should be snowy by now but what, with climate change and all–let's not forget we need to focus now on what really matters and never again let our guard down.

OzoneTom November 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Enjoy your recreational dope!

cousinitt November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

Oh Duuuude, you have no, cough, wheeze, uh, idea man. Que up my old John Denver 45–singing, "Rocky Mountiain high, Colorado…"

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

What, no snow-making? Mammoth in CA opens this weekend…

Mittaplasia November 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Waitin' for the concession speech, they're stubbornly prolonging the inevitable. He's probably in full "black knight" mode already.

Arm chopped off (with votes), blood gushing out. "It's just a scratch"….gets other arm and both legs hacked off…."come back you coward; I'll bite yer' ankles off"..

It's a great evening in OUR COUNTRY tonight…Cheers!

doloras November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

And when the Electoral College is actually sitting, with more than 300 Democrats in it, Mittens will be outside saying to Hopey: "Tell you what, let's call it a draw."

sbj1964 November 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Obama 290 EV's so far this was a slaughter!

Dr_Zoidberg November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Really turned out much better than I was afraid it was going to be.

slowhansolo November 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Hey Mitch McConnell? What's that noise? You hear it?

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

the crunch of salted rat dicks?

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

AP just called I-502 passes in Washington. Marijuana now will be decriminalized by public vote in the State of Washington.

Take that, bitches.

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 12:00 am

How a bout marriage?

RaflcaFlkaFlame November 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Oh GOD pass me the tissue! Also, NATE SILVER CALL ME.

Biff November 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Caveat emptor, mittens. Also, Sheldon Adelson. You both got what you paid for, right?

Steverino247 November 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Is the Donald calling for the violent overthrow of the government of the United States? I think he is…

"Thank you for calling the Federal Bureau of Investigation…"

Wile E. Quixote November 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

Fuck that, send in the Predators.

valthemus November 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

OMG! I wanted to watch the collective wrist-slitting over on Fox Kinda-News, but bile started leaking from my TV screen so I had to switch to the Science Channel real fast. Doze peeple iz maaaaaaaaad.

mbobier November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

WHEW!!!

ProgressiveInga November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Marriage Equality passes in Maryland! My son lives there and called me last week to say he was proud to have 2 Moms and get to vote for equality. What planet am I on again???

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:16 am

Planet Faerie! Enjoy!

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

It was my vote that put it over.

Nah, it wasn't that close:

FOR: 52%
AGAINST: 48%

Terry November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Alex Castellanos can kiss my pink behind

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Paul Ryan still has a job. Nerts.

Biff November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

What about ol' one L?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

Still too close.

Biff November 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

Fuckin' killing me. And that piece of shit Stephen King won his race. But at least no more Joe Walsh and Scott Brown.

Terry November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

For now. Janesville is sitting in the middle of a blue county

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

Yeah but I don't regret donating to Rob Zerban, we'll get him next time.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:17 am

He has to quite so he doesn't make a bunch of bad votes that disqualify him from running on 2016.

arihaya November 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

The biggest loser is Ann Romney, you know what: She has been rooting to be FLOTUS that she spent the last year wearing dresses by Oscar de la Renta (who made dresses for Nancy Reagan, Barbara Bush and Laura Bush.)

And now she has to weep and weep for the rest of her life.

sudsmckenzie November 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Ha Ha, Karl Rove just had his "bombing at the Apollo moment" on FOX, … if there was only some sort of German phrase for this.

fuflans November 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

nate silver for pres in 2020.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

Where is that guy? I wanna sex him right NOW!

Negropolis November 7, 2012 at 12:00 am

OT: Looks like homophobic mayor of Troy, Michigan, Janice Daniels, is on her way to be recalled.

ProgressiveInga November 7, 2012 at 12:06 am

She was stone-cold choked…with votes!

VinnyThePooh November 7, 2012 at 12:00 am

Money well spent, Kock Bros. & Grover.

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 12:00 am

The Lizard People aren't conceding.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 12:00 am

Joe Wals got his ass kicked by Tammy Duckworth's mechanical legs.

valthemus November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

I must say, this is so much more fun than following the posts on the KKK's Stormfront web site like I did four years ago. More hilariously witty remarks and far fewer racism-fueled death threats!

mille derps November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

Gay marriage passes in Maine…

Terry November 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

It's passing in Maryland, too, as is the Dream Act!

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 12:05 am

Bazinga!

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:06 am

It saddens me that we have to ponder and argue the rights for a same sex couple to do everything that we opposite sex couples do so flippantly in regards to marriage and equality.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 7:00 am

So long as there are relgious nuts out there, we're gonna have to waste time and engergy slapping them down. It's annoying as hell, but they never learn and never shut the fuck up, because religion.

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

OK, this election cycle is over my guess is we will start seeing Hillary 2016 ads by tomorrow.

LIT_Fag November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

And Romney 2016 signs too!

DixvilleCrotch November 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

Where can I get a poster of dreamy 70's Prince-bama for my wall?

jesus_vs_gojira November 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

Gay marriage in WA is up 52-48!

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 12:06 am

Equality Rulz!

BaldarTFlagass November 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

"Networks Project Second Term for Obama"
—NYT Website Headline
Way to be brave, Gray Lady.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 7:05 am

I've been following the NYT site, and it's almost comical how slow they are to call states for either candidate. NBC is painting the map on the ice at Rock Center, and the NYT is still going "Ummm, maybe, but we're not entirely sure that it's matematically certain…"

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

Bamz wins by promising to raise taxes. I fucking love it.

OzoneTom November 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

Tester ahead in MT.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 12:03 am

Do you all think Mitt is drunk right now?

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

Don't know about Mitt but I am.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

RIght there with you, Brother. In spirits.

yyyaz November 7, 2012 at 12:28 am

Punch-drunk, maybe. I hope.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

He's stoned out on Ibogane. It's a real problem.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:03 am

Fox: Obama needs to be Clinton II: reach out to the middle. Shrink that deficit with dot-com boom-dom.. But wait…didn't that get him an impeachment trial? Note to Prez: don't take advice from Fox. But DO give Old Bill a bear hug for us all. No cigar.

Jeffer November 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

Just in case you were wondering. Every Major Media Outlet has called the race for Obama: http://elections.nytimes.com/2012/results/preside

Chow Yun Flat November 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

I really love saying "Craven loser Scott Brown".

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

Hahahaha@realDonaldTrump: This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy! Megyn Kelly suggests having Karl Rove "duke it out" with the decision desk. CNN JOHN King first to say "civil war" coming. Romney still sore loser motherfucker.

Veritas78 November 7, 2012 at 12:05 am

The NYTimes just gave VA to Obama, hitting 270. FL and NV heading that way, too.

OH, however, is showing as pink.

Designer_Rants November 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

That's been all fucked up, basically for the entire time that it mattered, and still. They blew it on their coverage. Musta spent all the money on Nate Silver's platinum-plated calculator.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:05 am

Ok. Why does Fox love Bill Clinton so much. I'm really confused.

Designer_Rants November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

He's the white one.

ChuckieJesus November 7, 2012 at 12:05 am

CO and WA just leeeegalized it!

*does little dance*

Designer_Rants November 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

I hope Obuzzkill lightens up and gets a national trend going now.

CindynEncinitas November 7, 2012 at 12:06 am

All that's left is seeing Egg's clenched jaw and tortured smile as she rides Rafalca into the sunset.
Thank you Nate Silver! Thank you Actor212! You kept me sane today until I was able to imbibe.
Hey Mittens! We're in yer base pwning yer noobs, motherfucker!

prommie November 7, 2012 at 12:06 am

I wanna see some motherfucking crow eating eating, when is the motherfucking crow-eating? I wanna see that predacious lizard fuckwad eat some fucking crow, godddamn it, I want to see some crow eating, dammit. And I love Fakakta!

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

I love crow! I am thinking about having crow for Thanksgiving. We all love Fakakta!

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

Careful, Proms, you're about to jump the couch on Oprah!

prommie November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

Yeah but I am a heterosexual.

Designer_Rants November 7, 2012 at 12:07 am

If Romney doesn't concede, and shows up for work tomorrow at the Oval Office, they're going to have to build him a special Oval Office Replica out back where he can roam around and boss people and stay out of trouble. Because convincing him he lost will short out all those expensive circuits in his cranial server module.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

It was the strawberries. Yes. Yes. They were jealous of the strawberries.

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 12:07 am

The Conservatards over at Conservative Victory banned me for telling them to eat CROW!Looks like another 4 years for them so sulk in their little dens of hate.Don't forget the Mint sauce guys McCain choked on every bite! I'm sending Mittens his recipe.

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 12:07 am

Shep SmIth is actually kind of awesome. In as diplomatic a way as possible he keeps suggesting to his panel "do you think maybe the Republican party may have fucked this up the last four years, maybe just a little?"

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

Center right my nuts.

proudgrampa November 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

You know, I am not a cruel person, but nothing would please me more than to see Ann "Let them eat cake" Romney crying her eyes out as Mitt concedes.

Life is good.

deanbooth November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

Holding a doll with a matching outfit?

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

I'm TIVOing that shit.

stew1 November 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

"I hate you women!"

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:02 am

Just watched it, and Hatchet Puss did NOT look happy.

yyyaz November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

How do I spell relief? V-I-C-T-O-R-Y. Hoo-effing-ray!!!!!

Mittaplasia November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

Still no concession speech, eh, Mittens? Hmmm, mebbe build a really large badger?

miss_grundy November 7, 2012 at 12:22 am

He should keel over and die, the rat bastard.

Dr_Zoidberg November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

Well, I can safely stagger off to bed. We won, guys. WE WON!!!

Good night, everyone.

Terry November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

Gonna be some hours of whining by the GOP. I heading to bed and going to have happy dreams!

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 12:12 am

Sweet dreams!

comrad_darkness November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

Good night, john boy.

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:09 am

Okay, some of my long-lost love of Chuck Todd has returned as I watch him basically kick Romeny and his campaign in the nuts with his MATHS.

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

Wow, Hickenlooper has a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad haircut/toupee.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

WOOT, CO for Bama!

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

Ha! My bf just reminded me that this morning, before he went to vote, he told me that "the Blessed Virgin Most Pure will watch over the President today."

So. ¡Viva la Virgen de Regla!

doloras November 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

Nice work, Mary.

BumbleKid November 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

Congratuations BadKitty! Haha are you calmer now?

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 12:26 am

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better, thank you…though toasty and tired.

If this is what presidential election campaigns are like, I think I'm taking up lace-making…

miss_grundy November 7, 2012 at 12:24 am

Y La Caridad del Cobre!!!!

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

FoxNews.com Headline:

FOUR MORE YEARS

Ahhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Eat it!

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

Truly. Suck a dead one, Fox.

ChillBill November 7, 2012 at 12:11 am

Oh, no! Michele Bachman is neck and neck with Jim Graves! http://origin-elections-mtc-a.evip.aol.com/2012/r

GhostBuggy November 7, 2012 at 12:28 am

Marcus, meanwhile, is unsure where he stands with Graves, but would like to take a wide stance to be safe.

Veritas78 November 7, 2012 at 12:12 am

So electing a ni-CLANG wasn't a fluke, I guess.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

Oh gawd that bitch Brian Williams is talking about how shocking it is to come from the East Coast and smell MAR-I-G-UANA in whacky places like Boulder, where it's SOoooo easy to "obtain," TO the governor of Colorado. Who is all, ha-ha you old joker Brian. Yes, that's true but ah shawks.

Brian Williams and Paul Ryan in a spanking scene. I'm sorry, I've been drinking.

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

We all have, we all have.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 12:17 am

Brian Williams is stuffing his face with cheetos whenever the camera pans away.

GhostBuggy November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

Shorter Brian Williams: "I am so baked right now."

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

Brian Williams lies. He's a big fan of The Boss, and I tell ya, even on the East Coast, you can't go to a Bruce concert and not get a contact high.

Plus also too, MA voted for medical weed by a huge margin.

synykyl November 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

Hey Donald, you want to put your money where your mouth is? Nate Silver says when the West Coast votes are all counted Obama is likely to move ahead in the popular vote too. Yeah, eventually Nate will be wrong about something, but I'm betting with him on this, not with you ;-)

Wile E. Quixote November 7, 2012 at 12:21 am

Yeah, but it would still be kind of sweet if President Obama won the Electoral vote with over 300 votes and lost the popular vote. You'd probably see a whole bunch of wingnuts demanding the immediate replacement of the Electoral college with a national popular vote.

Jerri November 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

God damn it, I want to see Egg sqirm in a tacky dress.

synykyl November 7, 2012 at 12:25 am

Not me. I'd rather see Katy Perry in the Obama ballot dress again ;-)

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

Time for Romney to wake up and smell the decaf coffee. Concede now or you will just look more like a dick head when you have to concede.

miss_grundy November 7, 2012 at 12:26 am

You mean he hasn't looked like a dickhead, or a twit all along. I bet the official of the London Olympics are having a good laugh at his expense.

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

Notwithstanding tonight's events, I bet Mitt Romney still spends January 20, 2013, signing something to repeal Obamacare.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

So…, when does impeachment begin?

deanbooth November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

Right after Romney concedes, in July.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 12:16 am

How the fuck could a Republican pick fights with two CEOs of major corporations? The news on NPR was that Chrysler had given their employees a paid day off to go vote, and an executive VP (Design) tweets to the Rmoney acolyte, who was spreading the lie in his own, inimitable style, "Donald Trump is full of shit."

How?

Wadisay November 7, 2012 at 12:16 am

Romney still not conceding Ohio. Romney transition team, get your asses back to work!

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 12:25 am

He will claim retroactive victory.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:17 am

6:00 in the morning here in Germany and I thought I'd just take a peek at CNN. John King was busy choking on a turd burger the sized of Iowa, which I thought might be a good omen. When Blitzer came around to give him a Heimlich (at least I think that's what he was doing), I knew it was over.

Well done you libs!

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 12:39 am

What's German for schadenfreude anyway?

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:41 am

I commonly use the phrase "auf gefucked."

glamourdammerung November 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

Romney really needs to make his concession speech soon (assuming he does not cower out). I really want to count how many times he brings up Huey Lewis and the News.

AtwatersGhost November 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

Nazi Punks, Nazi Punks, Nazi Punks—Fuck off! Barry Rules!

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

Current says there is a good chance that One-L Crazy Eyes may be losing. If so, I hope Chris Matthews remembers to send her a sympathy card.

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

Brian willams just said Donald Trump "Has driven well past the last exit to relevance"

hahahahahah

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:18 am

"Donald Trump, who has long veered passed the exit to relevance…" SAAAAAHNAP, Brian Williams.

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:22 am

Oh my fucking FSM! That quote made our night here. I bet the neighbors heard us laugh.

Fairtackle November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

"NO MANDATE"

Well, it's no "Bush" mandate …

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

And it's bull, because he probably will win, narrowly, the popular vote, after all the California and other votes in states called for O are counted.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:25 am

Elections have consequences, muthafuckahs!

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

Fucking call Nevada and Florida for Bamz already, and shut up the whiney losers.

Really can't understand why Florida isn't called yet. Barry has an OK lead, and big numbers still to come in.

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

It's Florida. NO ONE wants to call Florida after 2000 early.

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

…and only Dade left to finish counting. Even my friend still in FL can't believe it! Sweet, sweet revenge!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

Tammy Baldwin, first female senator from the state of Wisconsin. First openly gay U.S. Senator. And I can't say how proud I am to say I voted for her today.

finallyhappy November 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

my daughter worked for her congressional campaign some years ago- so yea, we helped!

OzoneTom November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

With CO and NV in the Obama column is it safe to go to bed?

BumbleKid November 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

Brian Williams on Donald Trump: "That happened"

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

My freudes are so schadening!

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

Tammy Baldwin is giving her victory speech and that is something I really didn't expect to see even though I chipped in for her.The crowd is on fire with joy.
This night has been just awesome.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:26 am

Glad to see Bamz made good use of my $350 this year.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 7, 2012 at 12:31 am

Thanks for giving to Tammy! Consider my vote for her bought!

stew1 November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

Bama wins and Colorado pro-ganja! Good night, I'd say.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

So if they call Colorado, can we force Romney to come out?

Chow Yun Flat November 7, 2012 at 12:21 am

Someone just told Donald Trump about the Electoral College–and is he ever PISSED.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:22 am

Yeah, also failed to inform him there's a lot of people in California.

He said the world was laughing at us. No, Donald, they're just laughing at you, you loser.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 7:15 am

His people looked into it, and he can't believe what they found.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 12:21 am

economist bloggers are saying michele ma belle is still too close to call.

true?

stew1 November 7, 2012 at 12:22 am

Mitts won't concede. Is being snuck out of the country by Mormon missionaries.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 12:22 am

Gadsden Purchase Arizona holding on…rest of the state is fucked.

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

The Billionaires lose,the American people win! A good day for the middle class.

fuflans November 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

oh! and tammy baldwin is icing on the cake.

i say that in the most – syrupy – of ways

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

Pics or GTFO.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:23 am

Fox. Everything I believe about the universe and gawd has been turned upside down. Not so much.

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:24 am

So many people on Facebook plan to leave to live in another country. These are the same dick weeds who posted a few weeks ago that they had a used lawnmower for sale and they would meet up at the Krystal's and asked for "cash only." Good luck with that!

redarmyzombie November 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

So in other words: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

Where on earth could they find a country that would suit them? They going to Canada for some socialized medicene? To Europe? Are there any banana republics left in South America where they could live as the reckless soldiers of fortune that they imagine themselves to be?

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 7:22 am

The USA is their last refuge on this planet, which is why they're so fucking rabid. They know they're cornered, with no place to go, and they really think it's going to come down to Mad Max scenes at their compounds in the desert. Watch as ammo sales soar off the charts.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

Tell 'em not to let the door hit 'em in the ass on the way out. Or if it does, that's fine too.

Thinning out the crazy vote would do us good.

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 12:24 am

Medical Boo passed in MA, 63-37.
BoNg HiTS 4 Jesus!

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

Finally some cracks in that wall. 50 years late.

FakaktaSouth November 7, 2012 at 12:24 am

Okay, so Chuck Todd just endeared himself to me with his joke about the "voices in my head, and I'm not Donald Trump" and then kinda subtlely going off about "that individual." I truly look forward to laughing in these asshole's faces over the sanctity of the popular vote. God allmighty concede already Mitt, I'm TIRED and I want TEARS.

Barrelhse November 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

I kinda wish the Santorum "family" could be on stage, too. Just for the laughs, I mean.

Chet Kincaid_ November 7, 2012 at 12:35 am

Mitt's Last Revenge.

smellyal8tr November 7, 2012 at 12:24 am

NBC should just go ahead and cancel The Celebrity Apprentice and take Trump off their air.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 12:35 am

I think that we should ask serious questions about why a prominent public figure who advocates violent revolution is given his own TV show.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 7:24 am

Seeing him demoted to AM radio would be so sweet.

finallyhappy November 7, 2012 at 12:25 am

the Dream Act and Marriage Equality pass in Maryland and we now have all Democratic Congress people(Bartlett that dumb old fart got dumped). and I hear someone got re-elected to the White House- and now I can't sleep!!!

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:44 am

Well, not exactly. There's still Harris (R-Club for Growth), re-elected handily in the 1st district because that asshole Wendy Rosen was caught voting in both Florida and Maryland and resigned too late to bet her name removed from the ballot, leaving John LaFerla, who lost narrowly in the primaries, as one of the write-in candidates.

The re-drawn 1st is even more deeply red than the original 1st, also. The upshot is that I have to live with this awful corporate tool for two more years at the very least.

But, the rest of the night went better than I expected!

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:26 am

Fox. A pox on all their houses. Yikes. Populism? But not even unemployment (he's black!) could defeat him. What is wrong with the world.

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:26 am

If I were bamz, I would give my acceptance speech to an empty chair…

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 12:31 am

Ha!

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:31 am

Oh, that is fucking perfect my friend!

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:38 am

thanks. every once in a while a funny one slips out. I think I was inspired by Brian Williams' crack on Trump.

deliman4 November 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

Quiet,the sounds you hear are millions of cons heads exploding!! This election was for Carter,Mondale,Dukakis Kerry,and all the crap both Clinton and Obama took during their three terms!!

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

Washington State and Colorado voters legalize marijuana … And the sadistic and racist war on drugs slowly unravels…

Barbara_ November 7, 2012 at 12:28 am

It's being reported now that Romney didn't pen a concession speech, just a victory speech. People voted for a man this ill prepared?

Jerri November 7, 2012 at 12:33 am

Oh that just shows he has a confident positive outlook! Real leaders don't need a plan. B.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:45 am

It's probably there with his tax returns…

Hey, I guess he can file an amended return now and get back the "excess" taxes he paid last year! Silver lining and all.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Maybe he'll set a modern record and just never concede. It would fit in with his inability to stay on any position for more than five minutes. "I won, I lost, I won, I lost, waaa"

Jerri November 7, 2012 at 12:28 am

Ryan had to do some rage-induced P90-X tapes. That's why it's taking so long. Also the Romneys have to have the attention on them because they're so fancy and classy.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 12:29 am

Current says that it appears One-L Krazy Eyes may be losing. If she does, I hope Chris Matthews remembers to send her a sympathy card.

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 12:44 am

She is up 100 votes with 60% counted.

finallyhappy November 7, 2012 at 12:29 am

They keep saying McCain is coming out- will he give the speech he gave 4 years ago instead of Mittens??

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 12:38 am

I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh…….wait.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

Please do not use the words "McCain" and "coming out" in the same sentence. I'm afraid my head might explode.

DustyBowlBlues November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

And crazy Alan Grayson is back! Yippee! what about Alan West? Adam West? Dickhead Black West.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

We won all the states that flipped Teabagger in 2010. We kicked the shit out of the GOP among women. We kicked their ass with Latinos.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

On to 2014– let's take back the House!

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

FUCK YEA!

Something to look forward to.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

Fox. Enemas all around.

BadKitty904 November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

Oh, I think they're pretty much been administered…

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:52 am

With votes.

trampndirtdown November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

Maine Maryland yes, Washington looks good, any word on Minnesota?

Fukui-sanYesOta November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

Jolly good show, chaps.

HAHAHA SUCK IT MITTENS! Ahem. Also, that "nate silver was wrong" site the freepers were crowing about seems to be down. Most odd.

What a heartwarming morning here in limeyland. Again: top work, American chums.

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:32 am

Welcome back Fukui! You still owe me the position of Maritime Pub Inspector and don't you forget it.

Steverino247 November 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

You're welcome, although I could find a lot of better ways to spend the contributions I had to make because Mittens wouldn't release his tax returns.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

Fukui!!! You're back on Knifecrime Island?

barto November 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

Trump.
Sad.
On so, so many levels.

Ah well, a good night for progressives! Thank you Wonkette, for leading the charge!

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:32 am

Submission call. Submission call.

Ooops. I mean concession call.

BoroPrimorac November 7, 2012 at 12:32 am

Fox: Obama ran the most negative campaign.

They have Karl Rove in the fucking studio.

bobbert November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

Hey. Obama ran a pretty negative campaign. And he beat the fuck out of your negative campaign, Karl, so fuck off and die.

415buzzard November 7, 2012 at 12:33 am

OH MY gosh watching Fox tonight is just too sweet.

LOVE YOU BARRY!

ChillBill November 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

Holy shitballs! Is Allen West going to lose??? http://elections.huffingtonpost.com/2012/results/

cheetojeebus November 7, 2012 at 12:36 am

woot woot!

coolhandnuke November 7, 2012 at 12:42 am

Murphy is up by 900+ plus votes with 97% counted.

Steverino247 November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

Even though I live in CA, I had to give Murphy 50 bucks. West was a shit stain on the history and Officer Corps of the United States Army and I hope his departure leads to cleaning that up.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:34 am

if you're hispanic I hope you don't mind if I give you a hug tomorrow.

Steverino247 November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

Fuck it, cop a feel while you're at it.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

According to Lou Dobbs I may have Leprosy

VodkaGoGo November 7, 2012 at 12:35 am

I bet Romney is having an EPIC tantrum right now and that's why he's not conceded yet. Like in an old spy movie when the super villian realizes he's losing and he spazzes out and beats the shit out of his right hand man. He's probably shaving his campaign managers head right now.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 7:29 am

Is this the scene where Bamz blows the doors open, and voters invade Mitt's secret underground headquarters and everything starts blowing up?

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:36 am

I might be a little slow to concede too, given Gore in 2000. But at some point, if you are conceding to a sitting president, integrity would have you get off your ass and get it over.

BTWBFDIMHO November 7, 2012 at 12:38 am

Romney's trying to find out how much to charge for a concession speech.

Blueb4sinrise November 7, 2012 at 12:41 am

Still bringing it this late.
+10

vulpes82 November 7, 2012 at 12:38 am

What's taking Nevada so long? Did they get lost in the desert?

Biff November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

We're in! Also looking good for Shelly Berkeley vs Dean Heller, Steve Horsford (against a Tarkanian, even!) , and Dina Titus!

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:39 am

Gonna be some loooooong faces on Kolob today.

docterry6973 November 7, 2012 at 12:40 am

They really, truly believed that they had it in the bag. But why should we be surprised? It has been obvious for years that the far right has simply disengaged from the real world of fact and data, and substituted their own little hermetically-sealed world. So fuck 'em sideways.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

With votes.

Or chainsaws.

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:42 am

Miami/Dade is done counting for the night, they will continue tomorrow. This is romney's hail mary chance!

viennawoods13 November 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

And Obama just pulled ahead in the popular vote. Suck it, Donald.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 12:45 am

Once I was able to stop crying, I ran out in my front yard and yelled, "YEAH!!! YEAH!!! WE DID IT! THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND, Y'ALL! WOOOO!!"

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

Did I miss something? Something's up tonight?

Biff November 7, 2012 at 12:45 am

ROMBLEY CONCEDES!

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

where? it's all local here now!
Yes, 1255 eastern, NBC is saying!

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

CNN just said that Romney is expected to come out. It;s going to be a long walk though because the stick up his ass makes it tough to walk

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

He's gay?

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:07 am

If so, he would have at least some redeeming quality.

gullywompr November 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

Can you imagine the conference call that's going on right now with Mitt, Rove, Sheldon Adelson and David Koch? Maybe there's some more ad time in Ohio they can buy…

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

Hubby: "What difference does Ohio make now? Ohio is now known as Super Ohio and it is worth 100 votes"

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

As of right now, PRESIDENT Obama has 303 electoral votes to Mitt's 203.
The only way that could be better is if he held Mitt down and cut off that greasy, dyed floor mop on his head.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

The Brits call that a bog brush.

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

Fox. Maybe we don't need the high colonic. Just a little douche should do.

Callyson November 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

YES!!!

Biff November 7, 2012 at 12:49 am

I've been out in the garage listening to more returns, filing the rakes down on my rusty chainsaw, and also sharpening my machete. Just in case.

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:50 am

always good to have a plan B…canned goods?

VeraSevera November 7, 2012 at 12:52 am

Save the chainsaw fpr '16

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Warren/other hot dem '16!

Biff November 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

MRE's. And guns.

BTWBFDIMHO November 7, 2012 at 1:24 am

San José de Puerto Rico?

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 12:51 am

You know what? I still want to see his tax returns.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

No shit. He's probably working on an amended return for last year as we speak.

cousinitt November 7, 2012 at 12:51 am

Mittney speaks. America moves on.

Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:52 am

Romney has called Obama and conceded. Which voice did he use? "Patronizing" or "Snide"?

AlterNewt November 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

The call has been made.

a_pink_poodle November 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

Gays can get married and marijuana is legal in Washington! I did it! I won the election!

Doktor Zoom November 7, 2012 at 12:53 am
Dr. Nick Riviera November 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

Oh man, Josh Romeny is going to be full of hate stares

C_R_Eature November 7, 2012 at 12:54 am

Romney's spoken to The President and will concede the race. Re: CSPAN.

Mittaplasia November 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

Here we go! Bow to your Muslin overlord, Mittens!

Fukui-sanYesOta November 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Oh, this is going to be SWEET

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

There you are!

Fukui-sanYesOta November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Couldn't miss today!

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

Good to see you. I'm packing it in, early morning tomorrow. Let's do Jupiter sometime soon.

sullivanst November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

He's only smirking a little bit. YAY!

Not_Mother November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

1/8 of the romney crowd claps for the success of the country. sore fucking losers.

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

Classy speech so far

Close_Read November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

It took them all evening to program this speech into the Mittbot.

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 12:57 am

Beyond my wildest dreams. Teabagging is a sex act again.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Oh, for fuck's sake.
"Paul Ryan blah blah best choice I ever blah blah intellect blah".
Pee sniffer.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

So, no Mormon theocracy, then?

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

The more he talks, the worse this speech is getting…wrap it up, but he is trying to take the high road. Not bad. Don't let Ryan speak

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:11 am

What happened to Ryan's seat?

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

wrap it up before your heckling sore losers bring you down

glasspusher November 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

So, Dems win 5 out of the last 6 popular votes for prez?

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Haw, look at the expressions on Egg's and Ryan's faces!
I think somebody's ass hurts.

Mittaplasia November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

Jeez, do these people ever quit breeding, cast of thousands in Mitt's family!

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

So who is that blond boy?
Is he the mailman's son, or what?

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 1:03 am

And the ass Clown leaves the stage.

viennawoods13 November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

Good times, good times.

tessiee November 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

Thank God; now I can finally watch the "Let's wipe 'em out!" scene from "Blazing Saddles" again, without crying.

Fukui-sanYesOta November 7, 2012 at 1:12 am

So, um,

Bammaz is back – four more years, baby
Elizabeth Warren wins
Tammy Duckworth wins
Akin and Mourdock both lose
Nate Silver proven right
Allen West losing
Miche1e Bachmann in very tight race
Senate majority retained

Is it fair to say that tonight was a good night?

thatsitfortheother1 November 7, 2012 at 1:19 am

We are on the verge of creating the society we dreamed of in the 1960s. Real individual liberty. What a night.

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 1:18 am

I hope Barry breaks into a chorus of "I'm so in Love with you."

sbj1964 November 7, 2012 at 1:20 am

News Flash Florida count not in yet.Surprised?

Jukesgrrl November 7, 2012 at 4:22 am

Speaking of ass clowns.

leprechaunvict November 7, 2012 at 1:32 am

Just have to say, as a months-and-months-long creeper-but-not-commenter from ye olde Canada, who has watched (for years) your country with fascination, affection, and horror, that the above hilarious fucking album cover made me finally want to comment here and say cheers. And Christ on crutches are we ever relieved by the outcome of your election! Peace out :^) … really, when I get up tomorrow I'm sharing that image hahahahahaaaaa it's priceless…

mustangsavvy November 7, 2012 at 2:53 am

THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!!

Also – Donald Trump is a complete moron. Someone should sit him down and explain his overwhelming douchebaggery to him. It's painful. Also – hilarious.

FOUR MORE YEARS!!!!! And now I will fall into a deep and peaceful sleep =)

Biel_ze_Bubba November 7, 2012 at 6:37 am

Final take-home message for Koch, Trump, Adelson, and all those other rich pricks:
The 99% have 99% of the votes.

ttommyunger November 7, 2012 at 9:56 am

I really wasn't worried for myself, but I was terribly concerned for my Country, especially considering the fact that the Idiot Child Bush was elected twice, sort of.

Lascauxcaveman November 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Well, son. That's what I allus say, I say "If I'm about anything at all, I'm all about expression of pre-history manifestation of human expression," or whatever it was you all said.

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