Shame Hasn't Worked. How About Sharing?

Let’s Put Some Food On People

Happily, such scenes are a thing of the distant past
We at your Recipe Hub are monsters who like to play in butter all day, but the payout is being able to share our meals. Few things make me happier than putting food inside of people, especially because they are hungry and even more so because they need it. With that in mind, and with ...
  justice delayed

Judicial Nice Time: Man Wrongly Convicted Of 1978 Murder Exonerated, Finally

Crimes against fashion are all he's guilty of
Here’s a nice change: A story of what happens when the court system gets it right — belatedly, yes, but on a day like this, we’re about one post away from just saying screw it and posting adorable kitten videos all day, so we’ll take what we can get. In Los Angeles, ...
  Isn't It Iconic? A Little Too Iconic.

Will Fox News Accuse Ferguson Of Doing War On Christmas?

2014 America in one photo
Just a quick question for Todd Starnes and Bill O’Reilly: Would this photo be better or worse if the sign said “Merry Christmas”? Our guess: If Fox News does mention this sign, one of the resident Professionally Oppressed Christians will argue that perhaps Ferguson brought ...
  Obama Also To Blame For Terrible Hairdo

Donald Trump So Mad Obama Ruined America For Black People

We shoulda listened to him. Again.
Donald Trump is a YOOOGE expert on many things — in fact, all the things — but one of all the things about which he knows more than anyone else is how President Obama turned our post-racial United States of Color-blind America into a cesspool of racial divide and hatred. Like most ...
  Consider Pants Shat

Ted Nugent All Racist About Ferguson, Nation Back To Normal

Still very much on the NRA board
Guys, we are trying so hard not to be All Ferguson All the Time, but then, dammit, along comes Ted Nugent and posts this idiocy to his Faceplace: Here’s the lessons from Ferguson America- Don’t let your kids growup to be thugs who think they can steal, assault & attack cops as a ...
  Fuck This Shit

Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida

We can't even come up with a funny alt tag right now, guys.
You remember Marissa Alexander, right? She was the Florida woman who fired warning shots at her abusive husband (and missed) during a domestic dispute and got 20 years for it. Fortunately, she got a new trial, and on Monday, justice was finally served. Unfortunately, as the piping-hot bowl of ...

You Want Rolls For Thanksgiving, We’ve Got What You Knead

Come on in, we are having some cute lil yeast rolls. Don’t you want to start mowing down some warm yeast rolls? Who doesn’t! People from all walks of life love yeast rolls, probably even abnormal people with borderline personality disorders. Pets love them, too. If you’re not careful, dogs will ...
  Two-Fisted Tales

Darren Wilson Pretty Sure Mike Brown Had Mutant Supervillain Powers

Just to clarify: Hulk not supervillian. Hulk just misunderstood
After months of no information at all, and a grand jury process where the prosecuting attorney put on the best possible defense of Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson, we finally got a document dump of all the testimony presented to the grand jury and had a chance to see, for the first time, ...
  Outreach? What outreach?

GOP: Thanks For The Votes Ladies, We’ll Take It From Here

In theory anyway
Republicans aren’t too keen on putting women in charge. In the US House of Representatives, men will chair 20 of 21 committees next year. Assignments aren’t finalized for the new GOP leadership in the US Senate, but Lisa Murkowski appears to be the only woman to chair a committee on ...
  Here have some news n stuff

Thomas Jefferson Cosplay Will Not Save Your Job

Shockingly, this outfit is not a persuasive argument
Remember when we told you about one Ira Dennis Hawver Esquire JD, who appeared before the Kansas Supreme Court dressed up as Thomas Jefferson? And no, he wasn’t kidding. He was there to beg the court not to disbar him for being a terrible, awful THE WORST lawyer, and he figured if his ...
  Meanwhile in Missouri

Ferguson Grand Jury Says Darren Wilson Killed Michael Brown But It’s Cool

After dropping days of just-kidding hints and sending the media into a third-degree frenzy Monday, the grand jury mulling the fate of Ferguson, Missouri, police officer Darren Wilson finally released its decision. St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Robert P. McCulloch announced that Wilson ...
  Laugh While You Can

Let’s Pretend This Caption Contest Winner Is The Only Announcement Everyone’s Waiting On

Winner, winner, chicken dinner! (for breakfast?)
We had a little caption contest last week, and we went and prepped the winners to run this afternoon, but it almost seems like you’re all… distracted, for some reason. Can’t imagine why! But since we have it, we will run it, because for godssake we could use something other ...
  i do declare i have the vapors

Lindsey Graham Is Mad About All The Things

It's crap, I tell you! Also garbage, crazy talk and foolishness.
The House Intelligence Committee’s report on BENGHAAAAAZI!!!1! continues to disappoint all the conservatives who are still absolutely positively 100 percent convinced that the Prophet Sheikh Obama (peace be upon him) should be impeached and perhaps rendered to the prison at Guantanamo Bay for ...
  Let's Focus On The Real Monster Here

John ‘God Did The Holocaust’ Hagee Thinks Barack Obama’s An Anti-Semite

Unclear whether Obama is God's Will or just bad luck
Wingnut San Antonio pastor John Hagee, who memorably explained that the Holocaust was God’s gift to the Jews so they could return to Israel, told the Zionist Organization of America Sunday that Barack Obama is anti-Semitic because he is too friendly with Iran. Hagee noted reports that the ...
  'Don't Know Much About History' Now Official Policy

Texas Gets The Moses-Wrote-The-Constitution Textbooks It Deserves

As far as we can tell, this guy is completely serious.
You may recall that back in September, we told you about some of the fascinating textbooks being written to conform to Texas’s cool new history standards, which the conservative Fordham Institute called “a confusing, unteachable hodgepodge.” The textbooks had a lot of ...
  Our Cold Dead Hands

A Responsible Gun Owner Thanksgiving

Yet another in the seemingly endless 'kitties and guns' series
With the annual Harvest Feast nearly upon us, when we give thanks for all our blessings, especially the Second Amendment, which makes all other blessings possible, let’s take a quick look at how America’s Responsible Gun Owners are keeping themselves safe from crime and preventing ...

Hero Dads Who Are Heroes Cook Dinner Sometimes Like Total F*cking Heroes

Sometimes he helps, no, no really
Sure, in old-timey days the women did all the housework and the childcare and the cooking and the shopping and the every other damned thing including the wiping of their husbands’ precious bottoms, but ever since the feminists killed patriarchy — well, it’s stayed pretty much ...
  Brother can you spare some canned corn?

Walmart Canned Food Drive For Its Own Employees Hits Alice Walton Right Where She Lives

What is wrong with this picture?
It’s that time of year again when the the magnanimous folks at Walmart ask the company’s hard-working employees to dig deep into their low-wage pockets to give, give, give to each other, on account of how hard-working employees of Walmart can’t even afford to eat that bargain ...
  Stuff it!

Eat Stuffed Celery Until The Feast Is Ready

Here’s an American-style vegetable dish for your Thanksgiving pre-feast noshing. It’s celery! Stuffed with cream cheese*, mostly. This Thanksgiving classic goes great with cocktails, so keep the recipe in mind next time you throw a party. Also, discuss in the comments your favorite ...
  Ira We Hardly Knew Ye

Ira Hansen, Your New Favorite Nevada Wingnut, Already Calls It Quits

Goodnight Sweet Dunce
Just after we proclaimed him our favorite new wingnut and looked forward to a 2015 full of brilliantly idiotic quotes and policy positions, Nevada state assemblyman Ira Hansen has announced that he will not become Speaker of the Nevada House of Representatives after all. It seems like only ...
  Guess who picked the short straw

Obama Learns His Lesson From Election, Fires Only Republican In Room

Sorry, Chuck, but someone's got to go
It seems President Obama has learned at least one valuable lesson from the devastating mandate delivered by the minority of the American people who bothered voting on Election Day: can the Republican. The New York Times is reporting that Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, the only Republican ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Maybe The GOP Will Pass An Immigration Bill, Just To Show Up Obama (Video)

No, really! They might pass a bill!
Rachel Maddow gets the feeling that this executive action on immigration isn’t going to be quite the disaster for Barack Obama that a lot of Republicans have been insisting it must. For all the bluster, impeachment is a no-go (even if the House votes to impeach, there’s no 2/3 ...