we are the holodeck men

George Takei Was On The Colbert Report. Shut Up And Watch It (Video)

Oh my!
Stephen Colbert is one hella big fan of the old Star Wars television series — or as aficionados call themselves, a “Starry.” And so here he is, getting his nerd on with a suggestion to reform our midterm elections with an idea from Season 1, Episode 23, “A Taste of ...
  the tortoise and the scare

Not Content With His Face On TV, Mitch McConnell Also Trying To Scare Voters Through The Mail (Updated)

Ayup, this is Mitch McConnell callin', just wonderin' if you was fixin' to vote for me this Tuesday...
(Update: Grimes responds. See end of post) Since he’s up five points with just a few days to go until the election, one would think Tortoise-American Mitch McConnell would set the cruise control on the campaign bus, kick back, retract his head into his shell, and celebrate by nibbling on some ...
  The Sane In Maine Goes Plainly Against The Grain

Maine Judge Frees Kaci Hickox To Continue Not Spreading Ebola

Kaci Hickox, unaccountably not being killed by a mob
A small victory for science over fear today, as a Maine judge rejected Gov. Paul LePage’s attempt to impose a quarantine on Kaci Hickox, the nurse who has twice tested negative for Ebola and is in good health with no symptoms of the scariest disease in the world. Judge Charles C. ...
  But he’s so funny!

Bill Cosby Runs And Hides After Renewed Public Interest In All Those Rape Allegations

Yeah, he probably should be concerned
Looks like Bill Cosby has decided to keep a low profile after comedian Hannibal Buress made headlines by including Cosby’s long string of alleged sexual assaults in his standup routine. Cosby cancelled an appearance on The Queen Latifah Show to promote his own upcoming standup tour. Initial ...
  lectures from the schoolmarm

Peggy Noonan’s Dead Aunt Is Smarter Than You

Another drinkie-poo? Are you really asking me that?
Graciousness! A lost art in America, Peggy Noonan mused to herself as she wandered the marbled halls of her Upper East Side manse with a pitcher of gin-and-NyQuil martinis in one hand and her Aunt Mary’s framed Ellis Island health card in the other. The card had notches in it to indicate that ...
  Just Cut It Out Like...Like Something That Is Unlike An abortion

Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook

Fine, whatever, this is Shreveport, Loiusiana, not Gilbert. Fine
Rest easy, innocent children of Gilbert, Arizona: You won’t have to worry about being corrupted by your biology textbooks anymore! The Gilbert School Board voted Tuesday to remove a page from the high school’s honors biology textbook, because they were worried it might be in ...
  Wonkette Guide to Electoral Shenanigans

Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day

  When it comes to threats against fair elections in America, voter fraud is the new Black Panthers. The way everyone’s talking about electoral integrity this fall, people must be fake-voting coast to coast! With the midterm elections coming up on Tuesday, it’s time to ask: Is ...
  Thanks but no thanks

National Organization For Marriage Tries To Cram Endorsement Down Democrat’s Throat

Nobody actually listens to these assholes. Nobody.
The National Organization for Marriage is just about as dead as opposition to marriage equality itself. NOM is pretty darned sure homophobia is going to be making a big comeback any day now — any day, you’ll see! — and when it does, NOM will be there, telling all of us sinners ...
  Beats The Time We Drew Vulcan Eyebrows On Baby Zoom

You’re Not Going To Top This Halloween Costume: Ruth Baby Ginsburg

You just know the real RBG is just giggling like crazy at this
From Twitter, which finally decided to use its powers for good today. Turns out that this is actually the second “Ruth Baby Ginsburg” to win Halloween. Last year, a whole ‘nother babby won the award at Above the Law: Baby Clarence Thomas had no comment, undoubtedly not wanting ...
  The Power Of Christ Compelled Him

Silly Oklahoma Christian, You Are Supposed To Burn The Witch, Not Behead Him

If beheading was good enough for Leonora Dori Galigai, it's good enough for college guys who play Magic: The Gathering
OMG there’s been another religiously motivated beheading (fine, near-beheading) in Oklahoma! In Stillwater on Wednesday, 21-year-old Isaiah Zoar Marin had been watching a whole bunch of YouTube videos about Christianity, when apparently, the Spirit of the Lord drove him to take literally ...
  Illusion Of Protection Racket

Gov. Paul LePage To Nurse: Sure Would Be A Shame If An Angry Mob Attacked You

Nurse Kaci Hickox took a bike ride Thursday, and it was huge news because she was defying Maine’s arbitrary, unscientific semi-quarantine against her. There’s no official order, but the state has said she should not leave her home until Nov. 10, and there’s been a state police ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow Fillets Charlie Baker’s Tearjerking Fisherman Story (Video)

Tears of an assclown
In his debate Tuesday against Democrat Martha Coakley, Massachusetts gubernatorial candidate Charlie Baker was moved to tears. Baker recalled the travails of a New Bedford fisherman who was so overburdened by Big Government Regulation that he had to crush the dreams of his two sons. Both ...
  Here have some news n stuff

GOP Congressman Lee Terry Wins Coveted Convicted Killer Endorsement

Convicted killers for Lee Terry
Rep. Lee Terry of Nebraska is a real piece of work. He’s one of the charming fellas who insisted, during the government shutdown, that he was special and, unlike the rest of America, he really needed his paycheck because he, unlike the rest of America, had “a nice house and a kid in ...
  Listicles Are Still A Thing Right?

Nine Easy Halloween Costume Ideas That Won’t Get You Laid And May Kill You

We want your brains
This is you: “I want to dress up for Halloween but I’m lazy and have bad ideas. Can you help?” Probably not, but let’s take a crack at it anyway. Here are nine “easy” costume ideas for you to briefly consider before you just give up and go as whatever you ...
  everybody must get stoned

Reagan Drug Czar Says Weed Won’t Make You Gay Anymore But Will Still Kill You

Florida: This could be us but you playin'.
On Tuesday, Floridians have an important decision to make at the polls. No, not whether they prefer Medicare fraudster Rick “Bat Boy” Scott or walking bottle of bronzer Charlie Crist as their next governor. We’re thinking of a much more important issue: Should Florida legalize medical ...
  When did you stop assaulting your wife?

Conservative Nutjob Dennis Prager Sexually Assaults His Wife, So What’s The Big Deal?

Your lips are saying no but he's saying yes
Damn those feminists and their lies about “rape” and “sexual assault” and the “war on women” and other “things” Democrats say just to get people to vote for them. Because we all know that “hey, did you know rape is a thing?” is a ...
  The Morons Are Due On Maple Street

Outbreak Of Stupid In America Goes Full Sh*tstorm

OK, so maybe 'what will the dummies think of next?' wasn't a good rhetorical question
Here’s where we are in America 2014: Scared shitless of a disease that isn’t actually harming us, but that is killing thousands in Africa. The best way to make America safe is to bring Ebola under control in Africa, but now that we’re determined to ignore people who understand ...
  open scary

Kroger Execs Flee From Open Carry Nuts, Still Welcome Them In Their Stores

The second
In August, Moms Demand Action For Gun Sense began pressuring Kroger, the nation’s largest supermarket chain, to revise its policy of letting insecure manchildren carry loaded guns in their stores. Now the confrontation is getting delightfully wacky: Counter-protesters are flashing ...
  there goes my feminist card

A Polite Disagreement With The Universal Outrage On The Catcalling Video, Or, It’s Okay If You Would Like To F*k Me

Sometimes, when I read the Twitter, I feel myself morphing into Andrea Peyser or the dudes on Fox News. Case in point! The “catcall” video from evvvvery day, alllll week, which everybody is very SEE!???! about. There is much outrage from our feminist sistren, and much shamed ...
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Literally Eviscerates The Koch Brothers, Through A Window

We detect sarcasm
The Daily Show has a new advertiser, and it is Koch Industries, owned by those “lovable scamps” Charles and David. Jon Stewart graciously and very sincerely welcomes the new sponsor, who is simply trying to appeal to Stewart’s “not yet dying” audience. And how does he ...
  Arrest everyone

Bill O’Reilly Will Throw All The Health Care Criminals In Ebola Prison

Who cares if he doesn't know what he's talking about?
Bill O’Reilly is getting pretty sick and tired of the Obama administration refusing to follow Bill O’Reilly’s “common sense” advice on Ebola. First, Dr. Tom Frieden, the director of the Centers for Disease Control, refused to go on O’Reilly’s show to ...
  dirty old men

Congrats GOP Septuagenarian, You Are In Jail For Trying To Rape A Lady On Skype!

Olds. They are always burning up your phone like “how do I get to the Wonkette.com?” and “what’s a url?” and “oh no I accidentally attempted to rape a young lady while the Skype was skypeing and the police saw the Skype and now I am IN JAIL!” Learn some ...