Allo allo allo! New York City we are in you, and Manhattan can go fuck itself! Meet us and the Official Wonkette Baby (star of stage and screen) at Bohemian Beer Garden in Astoria,…

Bout ta 'SPLAIN each other.

Oh hey Wonkers, did you watch Thursday night's Big Exciting Democratic Debate? Well see ya wouldn't wanna be ya if you didn't! It was more of the same we've come to expect from those two…

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort Heidi.

Ted Cruz has one of the creepiest faces of any human ever to anchor baby hisself into America. It's that special combination of how he doesn't know how to genuinely smile — he constantly sports the expression…

Guys! GUYS! ARE YOU SO ANGRY AT YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS WHO ONLY AGREE WITH YOU ON 95 PERCENT OF THE THINGS? ARE YOU READY TO TELL EVERYBODY THEY ARE CROOKS FOR LIKING THAT…

John Ellis J.E.B. Jeb Bush was squirted out of his mama's beautiful mind on this day, but in the last century, some 63 or so years ago, somewhere in the middle of a Texas…

Wonkette Business

Is that gorgeous unit a penis pump for YOUR UNIT? Why yes, it is!

Oh hi, Wonkers. We are aroused to tell you about some product offerings from one of our new friends, L.A. Pump. Yes, they are penis pumps and pussy pumps and clit pumps, and we…

You saved so much money last year by not donating to any of the assorted bigot pizzas, and bigot florists, and bigot bigots. It is time for you to spend that money on YOU,…

Friends, Wonkers, perverts, lend us your danglies and your girl-danglies, and also listen up, sons (and girl-sons)! We come before you today to tell you that in 2015 you gave Wonkette $79,071 straight from…

Elections Of US America Election: The Game

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Red Lobster's all "Will you be our girlfriend?"

Red Lobster is having a very giggity week right now, what with the shoutout it just got from Queen Beyoncé Who Slays, in her stunning new single "Formation," which she released as a surprise on Saturday, the…

Probably how it happens.

In 2015, The Supreme Court forced all Americans to do gay to each other's butts within the bonds of holy homosexual matrimony, and the transgenders started invading all the Good Christian Potties and peeping…

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.

Marco Rubio is not very good at running for president. His impressive third-place win (that was sarcasm, by the way) in Iowa gave him the momentum to sweep fifth place in New Hampshire (more…

It's like a beautiful rusty rainbow!

Almost every time we write about the multiple bureaucratic and political failures that led to the poisoning of Flint, Michigan's water supply with incredible amounts of lead, we pour ourselves a nice cold glass…

But what about his Facebook page? have we found anything there to prove he deserved to die?

Look, being shot to death by police doesn't get you off the hook when it comes to paying your medical bills. At least according to the City of Cleveland, which filed a notice with…

Good show guys.

Big news from the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon Wednesday night. While most of the armed militia squatters are already rotting in jail as political prisoners, the FBI decided it was sick of waiting…

The drugs are hidden SOMEWHERE, Tennessee Republicans just KNOWS it.

If you are a Republican lawmaker in these US-es of America, you are absolutely certain that somewhere, a bunch of people are lazying around on their fat asses using their free Obamaphones to order 'spensive lobster…

Exclusive footage from tonight's Democratic debate.

Oh look it's time to do another Democratic debate because might as well. The New Hampshire primary is over, and now Hillary and Bernie are heading to Nevada and then South Carolina, and who's…

Remember when New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was going to bully his way to the White House with his stellar platform, "It's time to start offending people"? Boy did that get shut down faster…

Sure, Carly Fiorina is a total loser who stinks of epic FAIL, but she's not about to take her bitter vagina and go home just yet. After getting just a skosh above nothing percent in the New…

Here is Jeb Bush on Tuesday night, thanking the voters for his stunning victory in New Hampshire:

We need — we need a president with a steady hand, with a proven record. Who has a…

Normally, the most offensive thing associated with Denny's is literally any menu item served at Denny's, but this is an auspicious occasion.

See, on Feb. 5, Denny's settled a lawsuit over one location's attempt to make…

Babbies and bars!

Hey, Boston! Come meet, eat, and greet with Yr Wonkette, the Official Wonkette Babby, and also Shy! Today, from 4:30-7:30, at the Whiskey Priest! Yes, it is way down south, where RV parking grows…

Wheaton College's Lord And Savior, we guess.

Time for an Official Wonkette update on a story we brought you weeks back, about a political science professor from Illinois's Wheaton College, Larycia Hawkins, and her nasty proclivity for acting like Muslims are not…

Remember a couple years back, when we got BANNED by REDDIT (/r/politics) for the crime of inserting a speculum into their vagina? Those were fun good times! I was all hey we are not…

ALL HAIL WONKETTE BABY! You already know that, because you "all hail" her all the time. But if you were doing your normal routine Tuesday, which is obsessively staring at the respective Twitter feeds…

Maybe since Trump is playing hooky from the debate he can ride his confederate lion for the first time in forever.

Donald Trump finally redeemed himself after his humiliating weak-baby L-O-S-E-R loser defeat in corn mazes of Iowa last week, by winning the holy OMG hot dayum bejesus out of the New Hampshire primary Tuesday night.

He…

That IS his smile!

Big news out of New Hampshire, like they rarely say! With 92 percent (and updating!) of precincts reporting, Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire primary by a 60-38 margin to become…

Hello New Hampshire! Y'all done voting early and often for the guy or the other guy or the lady guy or the other lady guy or that punchy-faced pouty-assed Canadian? Oh, probably not him.

Cool. We…

Yeah, HE'S the idiot

Oooh, that devilish Obama! New Hampshiritiantonians are holding their FIRST!!!!1! in the nation primary right now — like, right now now — and the president refuses to tell the American people The Truth about just how he and his…