The Daily has a story up about this fellow, Sidney Barthwell, who was a high school classmate of Mitt Romney’s and a law school classmate of Barack Obama’s. It sounds nice! We didn’t read it. But have you seen this photo that complements it, in which Mitt Romney is smiling and pointing a gun to his jaw? READ MORE »
FUNNY PICTURES 2:45 pm May 29, 2012
And Here Is A Youthful, Smiling Mitt Romney Pointing A Gun At His Jaw
There is nothing more titillating than the possibility of spending a week with wingnut delegates and Mitt Romney in plastic neon boretown Tampa, Florida, the city where oppressive humidity was invented, in August. It’s everything overweight fair-skinned reporters have always dreamed of! And the Tampa Bay Host Committee has released a OR MAYBE HE'S OVERCOMPENSATING? 1:45 pm May 29, 2012
Ill. Senator Mark Kirk Turns Out Not To Be Gay, Actually Has Tons Of Lady Problems
Mark Kirk is the Republican who ran to succeed beloved Greatest Senator Ever Roland Burris, and you probably remember him for two reasons: that he was rumored to be gay, and that his ex-wife stopped supporting his campaign because he got too conservative under the sway of mysterious svengali Dodie McCracken. And then you forgot about him, because you get all your political news from your Wonkette, as is proper. What’s he been up to in the meantime? Well, he won his election (not funny) and had a stroke (not funny) but is recovering nicely (inspiring, not funny) and then his ex-wife filed an FEC complaint because he was paying Dodie McCracken in a dodgy roundabout fashion, and also fucking her (DING DING DING DING).
DAN ABRAMS' MEDIAITE 1:05 pm May 29, 2012
Dan Abrams Will Not Let His Mediaite Be Bullied By That Trollop Meghan McCain!
Dan Abrams, owner of the often-fun Mediaite, wants you to know right in his headline that he, Dan Abrams, questioned his writer, Noah Rothman, over what Abrams perceived as Rothman’s total-bullshit hack-job hit piece on Meghan McCain, wherein Rothman said McCain was a “bully” for saying Michelle Malkin was a syphilitic granny-raper and that Andrew Breitbart could spin on Satan’s dick. LIBEL! Malkin is not a granny raper! She will make love to your granny (who was asking for it). But that was before Meghan McCain proved Rothman’s point by referring constantly to Mediaite as “Dan Abrams’ Mediaite,” and if being associated with Mediaite is not bullying Dan Abram, then what on earth would be? (Unless it is Mediaite that is being bullied by its association with Dan Abrams? There is only one way to find out, and that would be to contact him, and therefore we will never, ever know.) READ MORE »
HEALTH CARE WILL KILL US ALL 12:31 pm May 29, 2012
GOP In Disarray Over Just How Much Of American Health Care System To Destroy
Only another month or so until the great Supreme Court case of our time, Wingnuts vs. Concept of Health Care, comes to its anticlimactic or completely terrifying conclusion! Now, since there is a not-insignificant possibility that Justices Scalia et al. will drop the full-overturning, “I don’t see any problems with conservative mid-18th century conceptions of society” bomb, a nation of cracked-skull diabetic zombies will then turn to the Republican party for those long-awaited “replacement” solutions they’ve been working on for zero hours over the last few years. Same deal for President Romney tries to repeal it during his first hour in office. Will they go with the ol’ Republican uselessness/added destruction trifecta of tort reform, selling insurance across state lines, and health savings accounts? Eventually. For now, though, some Republicans are considering keeping the most popular parts of the bill — more free money for olds, letting youngs stay on their parents’ plans, and, uhh, keeping the guarantee on coverage for people with pre-existing conditions… somehow. This admission that some parts of ObamaCare are good things, however, is causing a schism in the party. Not one single verb or preposition in that bill is worth keeping! READ MORE »
HELLBEASTS 11:05 am May 29, 2012
Morning Survey! Who Else, Besides Donald Trump, Is ‘Good People’?
Poor awkward Mitt Romney is coming under fire from respectable Republicans like George Will and Peggy Nooner for his embarrassing habit of trotting after Donald “The Donald” Trump and constantly licking clean the small fine hairs that ring his pooper. But Mitt says he should not be embarrassed, when asked about his association with Old Grossness over there, that he has the help of a lot of “good people”! READ MORE »
BUT DO THE PENGUINS GET A TOASTER? 10:30 am May 29, 2012
Why Are These Dastardly Spaniards Turning These Poor Penguins Gay?
Madrid, Spain, is the location for all those disgusting Pedro Almodovar movies about nuns and transvestites and nun-transvestites, and pregnant nuns caring for junkie transvestites. So it it any wonder that in Godless Madrid, zookeepers are turning poor penguins gay? They are even endangering unborn penguins by letting them be hatched and adopted by homosexual* birds!
A zoo in Madrid, Spain, recently gave a “gay” penguin couple an egg to watch over after the pair built nests together in hopes of finding a egg, ABC News reported.
For six years zookeepers at Faunia Park have been unable to separate Inca and Rayas. This year they decided to make the penguins parents and give the couple an egg to take care of. READ MORE »
RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS 10:01 am May 29, 2012
Google Thinks We’re Dumb And Lets Glenn Beck Take Over the Internet
Happy day after a long weekend! Here’s a list of news items that’ll likely bring upon a series of existential questions upon you – do you care what Google thinks of you? Would you sell your soul for coal? Are you going to watch Glenn Beck’s series for the laughs? Think hard on that one. It costs money now. - According to the writer of a new book about the Internet, Google thinks we’re stupid. Just because I had to look up what year Hart’s War came out, they think they can judge me like that? [The Daily Beast] READ MORE »
GRUMPY OLD MEN 9:13 am May 29, 2012
Mean Old Alan Simpson Not Done Yelling At Republicans
Here is the thing about the newest RINO, former Alan Simpson: back when he was Wyoming’s lone Congressman and then its senator, he was about as conservative as Republicans got — save a Jesse Helms here and an old Strom there. It’s not like he was ever Linc Chaffee, you dig? And now he’s so old and mean to the poor GOP, calling them out for being batshit aggressive and (simultaneously) giant pussies afraid of Grover Norquist. He’s a fun get, is what we’re saying. [NewsBusters]
BLOG ABOUT BLOG ABOUT BRETT KIMBERLIN DAY 8:32 pm May 28, 2012
The New Horrible Thing Liberals Are Responsible For: Some Bomber Dude
This special Memorial Day evening post comes courtesy of Wonkette Operative Doktor StrangeZoom. That’s right: Doktor StrangeZoom has saved Memorial Day!
Just when you had finally figured out who the hell Saul Alinsky was, the right-wing blogosphere has found a brand new boogeyman to be terrified of: Brett Kimberlin, a convicted bomber, maybe child molester and murderer, and head of a liberal organization that no one’s ever heard of, the Justice Through Music Project, which has received funding from the Tides Foundation (George Soros!) and Barbra Streisand (Yentl!).
Apparently, in addition to saving the world through music and lying about having sold pot to Dan Quayle, Kimberlin’s other hobby is destroying Free Speech by suing, harassing, stalking, and maybe trying to kill right-wing bloggers, at least according to several right-wing bloggers, who decided that last Friday would be “Blog About Brett Kimberlin Day,” so that the entire right-wing blogosphere could have a collective freakout about how the Left is threatening America yet again. As part of the festivities, Glenn Beck’s Serious News Operation The Blaze contributed a sober, carefully sourced exposé titled MEET SOROS-FUNDED DOMESTIC TERRORIST BRETT KIMBERLIN WHOSE ‘JOB’ IS TERRORIZING BLOGGERS INTO SILENCE. READ MORE »
LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN 10:51 am May 28, 2012
New Hampshire House Majority Leader Will Keep Resigning Until He Gets It Right
Maine New Hampshire House Majority Leader D.J. Bettencourt is super sorry he is such a lying shitweasel, and also so very lazy and slothful and piggish (all three). And in Maine New Hampshire, apparently, making up 11 weeks worth of detailed entries for the law internship you only actually spent one hour on is enough to get you dragged screaming from your lofty perch in the Maine New Hampshire leadership! At least when the law internship is with J. Brandon Giuda, a fellow Republican who, weirdly, does not resemble the crusty old coot we imagined when picturing the kind of Mainer New Hampshirite who would force a fellow GOPpy to resign from the House over pathologically lying his way through a little paperwork. Anyway, Giuda saw a Facebook picture of Bettencourt graduating from law school, and he had himself a righteous holy snit. FACEBOOOOOK!!!! He demanded Bettencourt resign from the House for “personal reasons,” and then fink on himself to the law school; instead of placing blame on himself and his “personal problems,” though, Bettencourt blamed the resignation on his upcoming wedding. Giuda was not nearly satisfied with such a weaselly resignation, one that sought to hide how “dishonorable” he was, and made Bettencourt resign again. READ MORE »
BEDTIME STORIES 9:30 pm May 26, 2012
So Sorry, You Will Need To Change Your Panties Now
What’s up, Michelle Obama? Does your husband, the president, love you so much and is ridiculously sexy about it?
“We have a ritual where he tucks me in, because I’m usually in bed before anybody,” the First Lady spilled. “He’ll come and turn the lights out and give me a kiss, and we’ll talk. He’s like, Ready to be tucked? I’m like, Yes I am.’”
Leave your bedtime fan-fic in the comments. [NYDN, via Wonkette operative "chascates"]
TO THE HOT TUB! 7:47 pm May 26, 2012
Your Memorial Day Weekend Happy Funtime Post: Duke Cunningham Still Behind Bars
When your Editrix taught political science in the UC system — Scandal, Politics and the Press, naturally — she used TalkingPointsMemo as a class text. This was in the heady days of the Duke Cunningham story, first broken by the San Diego Union-Tribune and then ably followed up for months by TPM. Oh, what fun we had with Duke stewing in his nasty boatdeck hot tub, and also drawing awesome diagrams (from memory) featuring all the various skullduggeries of Jack Abramoff and Dusty Foggo! WELL! TPM is still on the case even today, as it lovingly showcases this WAAAAAAH POOR ME letter from the still-incarcerated Cunningham (for those who didn’t take our class, he was a Congressman with a special predilection for dirty filthy greasy money, going so far as to have A BRIBE MENU printed up and on-hand) to a judge. What would he like? A gun. Because the UT persecuted him by uncovering his story, the IRS made him poor (by seizing all his Crime Loot), and oh, lots of other stuff too! Let us look on TPM’s handiwork in awe and admiration. READ MORE »
TENDER JOE 3:36 pm May 26, 2012
Your Memorial Day Weekend Weep-Along, With Your Host, Old Handsome Joe Biden
Hello! Did you miss us? YES YOU DID! We apologize for having abandoned you right when you needed us most — Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend is clearly a time to be inside, on your computer, yelling at Your Wonket. Apparently some of you tried going outside? But we hear you didn’t like it. Here, to make up for our terrible absence, is a gift from us to you, and that is Old Handsome Joe Biden telling a sad terrible story to families of murdered troops. READ MORE »
LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUMBLE 8:43 pm May 25, 2012
Here Is Your Great Wisconsin Recall Debate Totally Timed For Maximum Exposure
Hi! Did you know there is a debate tonight between Scott Walker and that other dude, someone Barrett? (Hey, if the DNC doesn’t know Tom Barrett’s name, why should Your Wonkette?) It is so important it will be preempting Book Discussions on CSpan! (It will also be streaming live, here, for you Poors and you Youngs what ain’t got cable.) Go pee, and gather your beverages, and then we will gather here and go WHY IS IT NOT ON CSPAN and click around frantically, together! READ MORE »
