Do You Love America Enough? You Probably Don't Love America Enough

Fox News Explains How American Snipers Saved India From Saddam Hussein

And is India even grateful that we saved them from Saddam Hussein? No they are not.
In case you missed it, the latest litmus test for whether you Love America Enough is whether you are an enthusiastic supporter of the movie American Sniper, which you have to love or you are a hater. You see, Michael Moore said unkind things about the movie’s glorification of snipers, who ...
  Trump/Thing On Trump's Head 2016!

President Trump Recalls How Easy Beating Obama Was In 2012

The yoogest, classiest President
Donald Trump was in Iowa this weekend making noises from his mouth hole about the possibility that he will keep talking forever about running for president, and people at Steve King’s CrazyRama actually applauded him. We can understand that, because as we believe we have pointed out, they ...
  insert your own ball joke

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls

We were doing our goddamned level best not to care about or pay attention to the sportsball controversy some moron decided to call Deflategate, because everything needs a fucking “-gate” suffix, because every-fucking-thing is just like Richard Nixon ratfucking the country. Whenever the ...
  meth is a helluva drug

Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc

No, she is never ever ever leaving. Who would pay for her wigs? Sarah Palin had a busy weekend, going to Las Vegas to eye-fuc this dude, Congressional Medal of Honor winner Dakota Meyers, while holding a sign telling lefty troll Michael Moore to fuc himself right in the surveyor’s marks. ...
  Wild Thing

Obama To Save Lazy Polar Bears Even Though They Don’t Even Have Jobs

Look at these arctic fox babies. LOOK AT THEM
This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair For Occasional Coverage of Not Spilling Oil All Over the Damn Planet With the Republicans’ top priority being the building of a pipeline to transport some of the dirtiest petroleum on the planet, we’re pretty ...
  He's a total RINO

GOP Senate Drops Words ‘Civil Rights’ From Subcommittee About Civil Rights, Because They Get It

we don't need no
In a move calculated to remind Tea Baggers and gun fondlers that yes, he totally gets it, John Cornyn (R-Texas), the incoming Chairman of  the Senate Judiciary Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights, and Human Rights, dropped the parts of the subcommittee name that don’t really ...
  Just Like George Wallace

Alabama Judges Forget How Law Works, Sorry Gay Couples

Artist's rendering
Remember when you and all your liberal commie friends were smoking crack rock together, on a Sunday no less, and played that game where you guessed which state would be the absolute dead last to legalize gay marriage? “Utah!” your dealer Ramone said, and then Ramone was wrong. “Florida!” ...
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Meet The Prophet Lady From Bobby Jindal’s Prayer-A-Palooza

Can you say for sure that Don't Ask Don't Tell *didn't* cause freak bird deaths in Arkansas?
Rachel Maddow Show led off Friday’s show with an unforgettable look at Cindy Jacobs, the self-proclaimed Texas prophet who God regularly warns about any number of tragedies — mass shootings, political coups, and so on — which she then prevents or at least reduces the severity ...
  She's SO ready for your call America

Carly Fiorina Will Be Best Lady President EVER, Says Carly Fiorina

She's ready for your call, America
Poor failure-at-everything Carly Fiorina. She really wants to be president, you guys, and she’s still eager to persuade America to want that too. But like everything else she tries to do, she is failing. Sad face. Super sad face. Here’s her latest attempt at seduction, which she ...
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Sarah Palin went to Iowa this weekend. Is she running for President? She’s not not running for President, she can tell you that much! How not-uninterested is she, Washington Post? “I am. As I said yesterday, I’m really interested in the opportunity to serve at some point,” Palin said ...
  all along the watchtowers

Sundays With The Christianists: Their Satanic Majesties Request … MORE COWBELL!

Satan's gang signs -- All the proof you need!
Rightwing radio preacher and homeschooling guru Kevin Swanson is starting to let us down, folks — the penultimate chapter of his e-rant about the inevitable doom of western civilization is just about the laziest attack on the supposedly corrupting influence of popular music that ...
  Guns don't kill people ... oh screw it

The Idiot’s Guide To Gun Storage

good wholesome ugh
Hey Wonkette, didn’t we just talk about Idiots With Guns being Idiots With Guns? Yes we did! But since this is America and small children seemingly have greater access to guns than to decent early childhood education, we had ample opportunity to up the depressing for today’s installment. ...
  For the Balancing of the Humours

The Snake Oil Bulletin: ‘Health Rangers,’ Please Don’t Put GMO Scientists On Your ‘Kill Lists’

Now with GMO-free shrapnel
Are you suffering from a poor case of chin cough, milk leg, or St. Anthony’s Fire? Well step right up hyah! Your Wonkette proudly presents to you, at only a modest fee, the Snake Oil Bulletin, your premier source for news on the world of woo, pseudoscience, and general bunkum! We have ...
  florida. man.

Guns, Boob Leaks, And Wack Doogie Howser: Your Florida Roundup

God’s Waiting Room did not disappoint this week, so let’s dive right in! We’ll begin in Florida’s northeast corner, the part that would probably rather be Georgia (and not the good parts of Georgia), where the good sheriff of Duval County has put his finger on what’s really to blame for ...
  Supreme Court set to rule on flying death robot marriage soon

Friendly Flying Death Robots And Mystery Bird-Killing Gunk: Your Life-Sucking Environment Roundup!

This week in environment news, California officials are baffled by some mysterious black gunk that kills waterfowl, while techbros in North Carolina and Mexico try to make sure that Skynet happens before we destroy the entire planet. For the last week, ducks in the San Francisco Bay area of ...
  In Case You Missed it

Wonkette Week In Review: The Best Of Our Site, Wrapped In Bread Bags

Wait, she lets her kid stand WHERE?
Been feeling a little deflated? Pump yourself up with the best of Yr Wonkette’s week, as chosen by You The Readers — the very lifeblood of our little ol’ mommyblog, recipe hub, and pony emporium. Here we have the top ten most-shared stories of the week…eleven actually, ...
  Just Remember You're A Living Organism On This Planet And You're Safe

Here Is A Jimmy Carter Caption Contest, For Your Weekend Amusement!

Preemptive Reference: 'Sounds like you've got yourself some Orange Sunshine'
Historian Michael Beschloss tweeted this awesome picture of James Earl Carter wearing an Allman Brothers T-Shirt while campaigning in 1976, and Twitter smart person Seth Cansler Clark summed up its content quite succinctly: “GEORGIA AS HELL!” But we know you, the Wonkeratti, can do ...
  Looks Like A Job For The Toxic Avenger

Same Jerks Who Poisoned West Virginia Back With New Name, New Toxic Spills

Nothing to see here
Hey, remember “Freedom Industries,” the nice folks who spilled an assload of toxic coal-cleaning chemicals into the Elk River in West Virginia a year ago, poisoning the drinking water for roughly a third of the state? We all enjoyed the antics of their CEO, Gary Southern, who ...
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that ...
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Five Other Already-Illegal Things Congress Should Vote to Make Illegal

The United States House of Representatives, man, what a place. When they’re not quoting the Bible to piss on climate change or trying to gut Social Security or voting for the 407th time to REPEAL OBAMACARE or fellating their corporate benefactors or holding their collective breath until the ...
  Reagan would never talk to real people

Watch President Obama Insult America By Talking To Regular People Instead Of Chuck Todd

The terrorists have won, obviously
President Obama took a break from his golf game and destroying America to be interviewed by some YouTube famous people who are famous for being famous on the YouTubes. Aw, that’s a nice thing of the president to do, isn’t it? Instead of just talking to Very Serious Journalists all ...
  Pitchforks And Torches First Items To Sell Out

Target Screws Fired Canadian Workers, CEO Only Gets $61 Million

No actual CEOs up against the wall. This time.
As you may have heard, Target will soon be closing all 133 of its stores in Canada, probably because they won’t allow Americans with guns to march around with their assault rifles. Or maybe, if you believe “business journalism,” it’s because Target expanded too quickly ...