Man, there is some big wonky shizz out of Kansas today, with their Supreme Court declaring that the way the state funds schools is unconstitutional because it is too disparate between districts. What does this mean in practical terms? It means Kansas gives more money to rich districts and less money to poor districts (because of tax cuts, natch) and that they really aren’t supposed to be able to do that because Constitution.
Cuts in school funding led to an unconstitutionally imbalanced playing field between rich and poor school districts, the Kansas Supreme Court ruled Friday.
In a unanimous ruling, the court found that cuts in funding from 2010 to 2012 denied money aimed at offsetting the gap between property-rich and property-poor school districts.
“School districts must have reasonably equal access to substantially similar educational opportunity through similar tax effort,” the court wrote.
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Well that escalated quickly. On Wednesday, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled that creepers couldn’t be prosecuted for taking creepy upskirt photos, because of the way the existing Peeping Tom law was written. And then the state legislature got to it, passed a new law, and Gov. Deval Patrick signed it this Friday morning. Our US Congress could never get its act together so quick, right? Wrong! Sure they could! Just not on something like “protecting women,” obviously — that’s a job for strong, heterosexual husbands and fathers and Jesuses with guns. But it’s not hard to imagine Congress acting expeditiously on other pressing issues. OK, it is actually kinda hard, but we did it anyway. READ MORE »
Whittle away at your afternoon by sneaking over to Happy Nice Time People and reading about how some lady sportsball runners are protesting Nike being evil, how you really probably shouldn’t see 300: Rise of an Empire even though it stars an impressive set of boobs, and how Thurston Moore is both a cheatmonster and a crybaby. Also don’t forget to check out our super intuitive and completely right guess about how “True Detective” will end, our taking a bullet for you and watching yet another children’s dance competition reality show, and of course, sideboob.
Oklawonkers, we have decided to fly into Oklahoma for our commie mommy’s commiemomathon, also known as the “Pottawatomie County Democrats St. Patrick’s Day Fundraiser.” You could go to that! It is at Tecumseh City Hall, 114 N. Broadway, Tecumseh, at 6 p.m. on Sat., March 15. (NOT THIS SATURDAY, BUT NEXT SATURDAY.) Our mom would like it!
But since it’s not really a “business trip” unless we’re “marketing Wonkette” by “buying you appetizers” and “throwing up pitchers of Sangria,” well, we have decided to do that too.
Join us Sunday, March 16, at 4 p.m., at Picasso On Paseo, (NOT THIS SUNDAY, BUT NEXT SUNDAY) because our mom’s friend Helen said that place is cool. Pitchers of Sangria are on us! But hopefully not actually on us, at least not vomit-wise. Luckily usually we got pretty good aim! :D
Are you guys ready to have your world rocked by Dinesh D’Souza’s America, a film that just got highlighted at CPAC and is causing a mass epidemic of fapping over at WND? Yes you are, because this trailer is a BEAST. It is the kingpin of trailers, the ultimate in trailers, the lord high god of trailers. Your life will never be the same after you watch this thing.
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It’s time once again to go down into the sub-basement levels of the WonketDome to flush out the comment queue and see what’s been clogging up the ones and zeroes. We got a whole bunch of comments in the last few days from people who don’t think a whole heck of a lot of our little wonkosite here; our first example is from “SJG613,” who was displeased with Yr Editrix’s shameful attack on poor Ben Shapiro’s precious freedom to discriminate against The Gays:
This is all the liberals do. Conservatives argue facts. Liberals argue insults and made-up stats and will string together any combination of words that will support their position not supported by facts. None of you offer any intelligent response to his POINTS.
This, by the way, was in reply to a post in which l’Editrice responded quite factually to Shapiro’s claim that since his right to practice his religion doesn’t come from government, then the government cannot encroach on his religious practice. She noted that the Supreme Court held pretty conclusively that states can say, sorry Native Americans, you don’t have any right to any rite using peyote — at least as long as peyote is banned for everyone. Sounds like facts to us, but Yr Doktor Zoom is so liberal he can barely put words together. READ MORE »
Our good friends at Newsmax — please click their linkies on the right side of your screen, to give Yr Wonket moneez — are going to be starting up an exciting and important cable teevee channel in June that we will never ever watch. (Who are we kidding, we will probably find all sorts of fine stories there, as well as some vitamin supplements.) According to BusinessWeek, NewsmaxTV will be aimed at “conservatives who feel Fox has drifted too far to the right,” which should at the very least make for some interesting Free Republic posts about the liberal RINOs at the new network. BusinessWeek devotes about 40 million words to fluffing Newsmax founder Chris Ruddy, who seems nice as long as you bar from your mind his central role in promoting the story that Vince Foster and a bunch of other people were murdered by Hillary Clinton so she could feed on their pineal glands. But now he’s besties with the Clintons, so no harm, no foul.
But you know what, if they want to give Yr Wonkette sweet rightwing delusion dollars to advertise their new dumb network, we will take them because free enterprise. And then we will make fun of their anchors’ dumb hair and dumber stories. READ MORE »
Have you been trying to sort out the complex distinction between Whoopi Goldberg’s “rape rape” and Todd Akin’s “legtimate rape” and plain old rape? Well now here is Very Famous Allegedly Rapey Former NFL Sportsball Player Darren Sharper to make this even more nonsensical: he was having some good old non-consensual sex but that isn’t actually rape, duh.
A New Orleans police report says that Sharper, who is charged with drugging and raping two women in Louisiana, told a witness that he and buddy Erik Nunez had “non-consensual” sex with two women last September. [...] [T]he not-so-subtle nuance has already been used in defense of Nunez who was charged with two counts of aggravated rape and booked on Friday morning in Louisiana. As Nunez attorney’s astutely notes, “The word ‘rape’ did not occur.”
Kudos to Nunez’ attorney for making an argument that is both absurd on its face AND scummy. That is quite a feat! As long as your client never ever says the thing he is charged with, he is free to go. True fact.
Also kudos to Darren Sharper for really going all in on being an ALLEGED rapist, with charges or investigations now pending in California, Arizona, Nevada, and Florida.
Hey, everybody, Darrell Issa has apologized for cutting off Elijah Cummings’s mic at that hearing the other day, so please move on, nothing left to see, all is well. OK, all but the part where, on the very same day, Issa went on Fox News to tell Megyn Kelly that Cummings had thrown a “hissy fit” and that his anger at being denied the chance to speak was nothing more than a “pre-staged event” — we’d love to know why he thinks Cummings knew in advance that he’d be a dick, actually. Ha-ha, that is a joke because it is Darrell Issa after all!
In any case, it’s all cool, really, because he apologized about the mic. READ MORE »
Virginia is now really, truly for lovers. And not just the boring penis-in-vagina kind of lovers, but now you can put your naughty bits in whatever orifice you would like, even in the butt! Per WaPo:
More than a decade after the Supreme Court declared such bans unconstitutional, Virginia lawmakers have taken a ban on oral and anal sex out of the state code.
Congrats, Virginia! Welcome to life in post-Puritan America. We look forward to cops high-fiving Larry Craig blowing Rick Santorum’s brains out in the men’s room of Dulles airport. READ MORE »
The Gaylord National Resort is more than just a hotel with a name that makes pubescent boys snicker. It’s also a glassed-in mini-city with living trees and actual birds and tiny houses that hold patriotic gear stores and, for the second year, it is the Land of CPAC. Come along and let us visit this wondrous fantasy world! READ MORE »
The Daily Show squeezes amazing comedy mileage from this ridiculously simple premise: Take a rightwing cliché at face value and then go into the world to check the fit. And so Aasif Mandvi went to Knoxville, Tennesee with a charity doctor to test the premise that America has “the greatest healthcare system in the world.” After all, Fox Business Network commentator Todd Wilemon warns that Obamacare threatens to someday turn our healthcare into something you might find in the third world. And sure enough, accompanying Dr. Stan Brock of Remote Area Medical to Knoxville, he found a gymnasium crowded with impoverished people desperate to be seen by a doctor, but unable to pay for care.
Wilemon’s ensuing squirming is well worth watching.
National Rifle Association CEO and Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre admitted that he and most gun fondlers are motivated by fear, although he didn’t quite put it that way. At CPAC Thursday, the gun fetishist in chief shared a vision of America as a paranoid hellscape:
“We fear for the safety of our families. It’s why neighborhood streets that were once filled with bicycles and skateboards and laughter in the air, now sit empty and silent … [For] the things we care about most, we feel profound loss. We’re sad, not because we fear something is going wrong, but because we know something already has gone wrong. That’s why more Americans are buying firearms and ammunition.”
It’s nice to see Mr. LaPierre admit that the right’s obsessions with guns is largely driven by fear, and is largely a matter of perception. Poor man came remarkably close to something like an insight there, and then decided that the paranoid response is the reasonable answer, not a symptom of how sick the gun fondling worldview is. READ MORE »
Oh, Alaska. What did we do before we knew of your weird ways, thrown into harsh illumination on the national stage thanks to half-term grifterbilly Sarah Palin? If not for that fortuitous bit of happenstance, we would never be checking out an Alaska-based blog, and we would never have known about the Republican (of course!) Fairbanks borough assembly member who does not like Ms. Magazine oh no he does not, and he will make sure it doesn’t appear in his local grocers.
Oh, yeah, first. We had to look up what the hell a borough assembly member is as well, because it is maybe some weird Alaskan thing? Oh wait. It looks like it is basically the City Council of Fairbanks, but with an Alaska-fied name. Anyway. Mr. Lance Roberts of the assembly felt like his eyes were getting assaulted by having Ms. Magazine looking at him when he bought lettuce.
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Hola wonquistadors, and welcome to our new and possibly semi-regular feature we call That’s Our Katie! wherein we take a look at the lies that syphilitic skunk dick Katie Pavlich allows to drip from her face hole onto the pages of Townhall.com. Previously we have covered Katie lying about protestors in Texas bringing bricks into the Capitol building to throw at state legislators during last summer’s debate over an abortion-rights bill, lying about Planned Parenthood in Austin hiring protestors to march on the state Capitol during that same debate, and ignoring complicated subjects like “party realignment” and “history” in order to make a point (a point OF LIES).
What has been occupying Katie’s skull in recent weeks? The confirmation battle over Debo Adegbile of course, because Katie is very sensitive to racially charged issues. And what’s more racially charged than President Shaft appointing a cop-killer-lover to head the civil rights division of the Justice Department to carry out the New Black Panther goal of putting all the white people in FEMA camps? READ MORE »