Hot Today
Wonkagenda: Wednesday, August 24, 2016
You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
Donald Trump Paying Out The Nose To Donald Trump, Now He’s Got Other People’s Money
Donald Trump jacked up the rent his campaign pays him as soon as the donations started rolling in. Who says he's not a business genius?
Michele Bachmann So Mad Obama Made It Legal To Beat Up White People
We can hardly believe it either (because it is not true)!
LOL Hillary Clinton Might Win Missouri
The latest in our series on all the 57 states Hillary will probably win in the US American election.
Andrea Tantaros’s Lawsuit Against Fox News Is OMG WTF INSANE!
Bill O'Reilly's in there too. AND former Sen. Scott Brown. AND Dean Cain. AND AND AND AND AND!
Wonkette Business
What’s Up With All These Dumb Gross Ads At Yr Wonkette Dot Com? A Wonksplainer
Wonkers! There you are, just trying to read your dick jokes in peace, and some fucking thing keeps looping and crashing your browser. Or there's a fucking poll that sounds like it was written...
Switch To Clean Energy, Help The Earth And Your Wonkette All At Once With One Non-Weird Trick
Here's a company that's using the good ol' free market to expand the reach of clean wind power. You want to save the planet, don't you?
Oh Whoops We Just Forced You To Buy This Shirt Of Hillary Clinton Cutting Off Trump’s Head
Do you know the story of Judith and Holofernes? Judith was a rad Jewish woman, and Holofernes was a ... Roman? general who wanted to rape her. She was like "cool, Holofernes, I will...
2016 Election Chaos
Wonkette Bazaar
Trump Can’t Talk To The Blacks Because Blacktown Way Too Dangerous To Visit
Corey Lewandowski explained why Donald Trump's appeals to African-Americans always happen in front of white audiences: Black areas are too dangerous.
Teen Rapist Looks Forward To Enjoying College Experience, No Jail Time
David Becker is the new Brock Turner.
How One Liberal Website Ate Sh*t Apologizing To Donald Trump, And How Another Was A Freaking Hero
Free press? What free press?
Wingnut Conspiracies About Hillary Clinton’s Ailing Health Debunked By Jar Of Pickles
Finally, a Hillary 'scandal' that can be debunked in 5 seconds on late night TV!
Donald Trump’s Plan To End Crime: Unleash Dirty Harry, McBain, More-Racist Mel Gibson
Donald Trump has a plan to stop crime, and it all depends on One Tough Cop. Wish Trump had gotten his name.
Dumb Mike Pence Can’t Stop Giggling Over How Much Black People Hate Donald Trump
Mike Pence is a very stupid man, but apparently even he can't buy Trump's claim that 95% of black voters will support him in 2020.
That Eric Trump Boy Just Ain’t All That Bright
Eric Trump seems to think Syrian refugees have something to do with flat wages. Then again, he thinks his dad is a great man.
Cher Stumping For Hillary Clinton Is Bestest Thing Your Gay Ass Will See All Week
We nominate Cher as Hillary's official Secretary Of Talkin' Sh*t.
Hawaiian GOP Candidate’s Jebus War Against Tulsi Gabbard Too Crazy For Hawaiian GOP
A Republican nominee for Congress accuses her Democratic opponent, incumbent Tulsi Gabbard, of being a devil worshipper because Gabbard is Hindu. She also hates Japanese-Americans. She seems nice.
Texas A-Hole Judge Makes Sure America’s Transgender Kids Treated Like Filth, The Way Jesus Intended
The judge has issued a nationwide injunction against Obama's guidelines on How To Be Nice To Trans Kids.
How Can Breitbart Be Racist, When That Milo Dude Is Gayer Than Christmas? ANSWER THAT, LIBERALS
Trump surrogate Steve Cortes actually said that Milo Yiannopoulos's gayness means Breitbart isn't racist. Really.
Texas Defunding Of Planned Parenthood Improving Women’s Health By Killing Them
After massive cuts to women's clinics aimed at putting Planned Parenthood out of business, Texas now has the highest maternal death rate in the developed world. Yay! Still better than Sudan!
Sen. Mark Kirk Says Iran Deal Makes Barack Obama A Drug Gangster Who Deals Drugs Like A Gangster
Sen. Mark Kirk says Barack Obama is the 'drug dealer in chief' for releasing frozen Iranian assets. He doesn't do metaphors very good.
Thin-Skinned Baby Donald Trump Poops Diaper In Rage At Mean ‘Morning Joe’ Hosts
He probably 'regrets' saying all these things on Twitter now.
Let’s Imagine: Michele Bachmann Advises Donald Trump On Foreign Policy
The helicopter soared over the Minnesota woods like a huge machine designed for that purpose. Inside were Donald J. Trump and his pilot, Golden Pilot, a gold plated human pilot who was very expensive.
“Golden...
Michele Bachmann Advising Donald Trump On International Policy, Radical Islam, Underpants Gnomes
Michele Bachmann is advising Donald Trump on foreign policy. How's that for a kick in the pants?
Deleted Comments: Wonkette Doesn’t Meet Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza’s High Intellectual Standards
Hey, Dinesh D'Souza saw our review of his dumb movie! He didn't like it much.
Athletes, Please Don’t Stick Your Wieners in Vacuums
That blue stuff is kinesiology tape, a particularly pointless bit of pseudoscience that has infiltrated its way into the international sports world. As explained by Tech Insider, kinesiology tape was developed by a Japanese...
