THE IDJITS  1:56 pm January 27, 2012

Arizona Cop Not Sure What Big Deal Is Over His Bullet-Riddled Obama Photo

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

This is what education cuts look like.

What had we gone, a whole week or so without a news story about a public official cracking jokes online about murdering Barack Obama? That’s kind of a long time! Don’t “worry,” however, Mexico still does not want Arizona back, so we will never go too long without one of these kinds of things while a black guy is president: the Secret Service is investigating Sgt. Pat Shearer, a Peoria, Arizona police officer, after he posted a Facebook picture of a group of assault rifle-wielding teenagers holding up a bullet-riddled t-shirt with Barack Obama’s face on it during one of their Future Gas Station Attendants of America meetings. Shearer has taken the photo down, but come on, he just wants to know, what is everyone’s problem? Since when did everyone start taking assassination so seriously?

Shearer wouldn’t talk to the New York Times. He talked to Fox News, though, huh!

“I don’t think that the shooting of that T-shirt is that big of a deal,” he told the station. “It was more of a political statement … It’s not like they were going to go out and shoot the president.”

And now let’s check in with the Fox News commenters at the bottom of the story, just for Phriday Phuntimes, to see the innovative ways that they are testing the boundaries of the English language with surrealist variations on spelling and syntax.

Multiple-personality disorder victim tomgladden is going to defeat Barack Obama by voting against him “often” this fall:

liberal why do you twell the world your ignorant. progressives are a cancer in america, were your liberal badge in shame for what your kind did to this country and dont respond just know i will be at the voting booth november 6 and vote often against your moron in the whitehouse

Oh look, apparently “black” is a swear in Moron!

User bobbyg60:

Ya, we have seen how well electing a bl@ck is working out…….at least Newt is an American.

And our favorite randomly selected murderous idiot, who struggled bravely with the commenter registration form only to somehow turn up the username “decmocratsrcommunits”:

let’s see; the military and tens of millions of armed American men,women and youth allayed against obama and his army of welfare crackheads, entitlement slugs, union thugs and drug -addled feces-encrusted occupiers; wonder where the Las Vegas odds makers are on that one…

YEAH, WATCH OUT, COMMUNITS. [Fox News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 244 comments }

memzilla January 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"Knock Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Secret Service."

"Secret Service who?"

"We'll ask the questions here, buddy. Open the fucking door."

OneDollarJuana January 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

You know, G. Gordon Liddy bragged about using pictures of the Clintons for target practice way back when on his radio show, and the SS never broke his door down. Don't expect much out of O.

DahBoner January 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Ask Bill Maher what happens when you say "Conservatives Want to Kill People They Disagree With"…

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

They'll kill you for saying that, of course.

horsedreamer_1 January 27, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Self-fulfilling prophecy.

barto January 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Quick! Change the caption on the photo to "We got the guy who did this!"

sarah_connor January 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

drug-addled and feces-encrusted are us!

Generation[redacted] January 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

First they came for the drug-addled and feces-encrusted and I said nothing, for I just needed to run down to the store real quick to buy toilet paper and cheetos.

Terry January 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Sounds like a typical Wonketteer early on a Sunday morning.

HalluxValgus January 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

You can't argue with stupid

Beowoof January 27, 2012 at 2:38 pm

It is the willful stupidity that is annoying.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm

"Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain" — Friedrich von Schiller (German dramatist)

Guppy January 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm

"… and the pig likes it."

rickmaci January 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm

No. You can't FIX stupid.

FlownOver January 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I'm sure if we only had better arguments this sort of thing would never happen.

OneDollarJuana January 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

The kid with the red shirt seems to have the most persuasive argument.

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

"OKAY, they're idiots and there's no point trying to reason with them!! You guys don't have to harp on it!" — Matt Langer

FlownOver January 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Great minds, etc.…

Isyaignert January 28, 2012 at 2:53 am

'nuff said!

weej_bain January 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Communits? That's as bad as being called a "pinkie" when campaigning as a Vietnam vet for McGovern. Yesh², cubed even.

rickmaci January 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

WTH? Out here in California were call them condos, in New York they are lofts. Never heard of communits.

Hera Sent Me January 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

"just know i will be at the voting booth november 6 and vote often against your moron"

Seems that for Republicans, voter fraud begins at home.

nounverb911 January 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

"Vote early, vote often"
–Mayor John Daley

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

You must have studied history under Newt!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vote_early_and_vote_

I'm so glad Mayor Ira Manuel ended the Daley Dynasty by defeating John M. "Johnnie" Daley.

Generation[redacted] January 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

History? I thought this was geography class! No wonder U.S. Americans don't have maps, such as.

CZL January 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

It's not fraud when white people do it. Then it's their patriotic duty to make sure bl@cks and musl1ms cannot be preznit.

Fukui_sanYesOta January 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Those are surveyor's holes.

Barb January 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Those are assholes.

SmutBoffin January 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

They're 2nd amendment holes, produced by high-velocity, full metal jacket votes.

not that Dewey January 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

They're speed holes. They make the t-shirt go faster.

user-of-owls January 31, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Six months, friend. Six months.I've been thinking of you all day, and that always, always give me strength. Sending you a big hug, little brother.

not that Dewey January 31, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Right back at you. That's a huge milestone. I raise a graham cracker, a thermodynamics textbook, and a glass of ginger ale, to our mutual success. L'Chaim! To Life!

My newest little cousin celebrated his six months today, too. (Check out that expression on his face. Not that much different from our own.)

user-of-owls February 1, 2012 at 10:56 am

Yes, to life indeed! And now I find I have a familiar in your wee cousin…we share a 'birthday.'! Pinch his little nose for me when you see him again. I'm giving the 100-seat Intro class their first 'point opportunity' tomorrow. Here's what's at the top…and what nicely encapsulates where I, where we, are:

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. –Dr. Seuss

Limeylizzie February 1, 2012 at 7:58 am

There you are, sending largish amounts of love your way, as always.

user-of-owls February 1, 2012 at 10:45 am

And it's radiating back to you, dear thing. I'm keeping my talons crossed for you. Beauty will out.

flamingpdog January 27, 2012 at 3:07 pm

They're black holes.

freakishlywrong January 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Arizona you say?

BarackMyWorld January 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I know RIGHT?

flamingpdog January 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Time for Mississippi to stand up to the plate.

GOPCrusher January 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Not sure that it needed to be pointed out.

GeorgiaBurning January 27, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Stay classy, Peoria! You wouldn't want to be confused with Maryvale or Tolleson!

smokefilledroommate January 27, 2012 at 10:22 pm

I always pronounce it 'Peeorrhea'. Also–you must have lived here at some point to know where (or what) Tolleson even is..

johnnyzhivago January 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Newt is only an American until he can move to the Moon.

littlebigdaddy January 27, 2012 at 2:03 pm

That last comment sounded like Ginsburg after a lobotomy.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Alan Ginsburg, Douglas Ginsburg, or Ruth Bader Ginsburg?

rocktonsam January 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm

all of them

starfanglednut January 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

katie.

flamingpdog January 29, 2012 at 12:11 am

Katie Ginsburg? Never heard of her.

BigDumbRedDog January 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

"welfare crackheads, entitlement slugs, union thugs and drug -addled feces-encrusted occupiers"

Such choices! Which one do I want to be today? Question: Do I have to be drug addled and feces-encrusted at the same time?

Terry January 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Usually, those two are sequential.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"entitlement slugs, union thugs"

As usual, the mugs, pugs, muggers, buggerers, rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists are left out of the equation.

SenileAgitation January 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Not to mention tossposts, lobcocks, smellsmocks, runagates, trulls, spallpeens clotpolls, bawds and archsots.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Trollops, slatterns, strumpets, hussies, floozies, wenches, and chippies, also too, and such.

Isyaignert January 28, 2012 at 2:55 am

…and the ballpeens, also, too.

Isyaignert January 28, 2012 at 2:54 am

…a/k/a the Republicons and their rubes.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm

"Do I have to be drug addled and feces-encrusted at the same time?"

Seems to me that if I *had* to be feces-encrusted, I'd insist upon *also* being drug-addled.

EatFrankRich January 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Aw, shit, I thought it said drug addled and fetus encrusted. Gonna hit the shower and BRB.

Ohforcripessake January 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

"Future Gas Station Attendants of America"

That's priceless! Bahahahahahah!

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:30 pm

More like future gas station robbers of Amurrica. Robbing gas stations is the last resort of the stupidest, most thuggish, moronic, drink and drug-addled loser assholes on earth. It really is the most pathetic crime there is. And the Southwest is the epicenter of it. Every fucktarded brain damaged drifter loser seems to drift to Arizona, eventually.

Boojum_Reborn January 27, 2012 at 9:57 pm

When I was a kid, the local inbred home grown thugs decided to rob the Post Office.

In their home town.

Which had fewer than a thousand people.

Of 17 dollars.

I think the Feds beat them to their house.

slowhansolo January 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Every shit job has its own brand of honor, "racist thug cop" possibly excepted.

Slim_Pickins January 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm

AKA Young Republicans

SorosBot January 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

But they're not racists, and calling them racists would be the worst thing in the world!

flamingpdog January 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Calling them racists would be the most racist thing in the world.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm

In fact, calling these guys racist would actually *be* racist (though I'm not sure exactly how).

Guppy January 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You're the true racist for calling them racist!

GOPCrusher January 27, 2012 at 4:12 pm

DEMOCRATIC PLANTATION LIBEL!!!!

BigDumbRedDog January 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

When I go cannibal I am going to eat this guy first. And then look up those commenters and eat them next. Yee Haw!

Dashboard Buddha January 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Mister…there ain't enough Tums in the world to offset that meal.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Plus all that fat would splatter like hell if you tried to fry him.

BigDumbRedDog January 27, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Great. Now I'm hungry.

MzNicky January 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Crazy kids these days! Eh, whadda ya gonna do.

CommieLibunatic January 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Slap them in the face with a frozen tuna? That's my first impulse.

Baconzgood January 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

John Wilkes Booth made a political statement too.

nounverb911 January 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

What would the cops reaction be if it was a Sarah Palin T-shirt?

fitley January 28, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I think they would hump the holes in the shirt.

BornInATrailer January 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Black!? I thought I was voting for a blah!

chicken_thief January 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

"bl@ck" is the new "blah"!!! After all "Bah in Blah" just doesn't work as AC/DC lyrics.

starfanglednut January 28, 2012 at 4:24 pm

"Bah in Blah".

FTW.

freakishlywrong January 27, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Oh, and Kristen, though I appreciate the wade in the feverswamp, be careful over there. Too much exposure to that ignorant hate gets you in to full fetal, rocking back and forth and mumbling; "where am I gonna move, man, where am I gonna move?"

MissTaken January 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I'm having difficulty understanding why studies show that conservatives are stupid.

nounverb911 January 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Because conservatives never study.

C_R_Eature January 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Are there any studies showing that Conservatives are Stupid and violent?

Oh, right, The Evening News.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm

All of history?

C_R_Eature January 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Except in Texas.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Not in the Tennessee schoolbooks, either.
http://wonkette.com/460890/tennessee-tea-party-do

Not_So_Much January 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm

How many different way do we have to twell you? What are you, a liberal communits moran?

Isyaignert January 28, 2012 at 2:56 am

Perhaps you're conservative and therefore stupid?

Naked_Bunny January 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Stop pointing that out! You're lowering the level of discourse.

Steverino247 January 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Hahaha! The joke is on all these commenters posting on Fox News because they're harnesting the e-mail addresses of those who post such comments and turning them over to the Secret Service as part of the secret plea bargain that keeps Fox News on the air.

Under the terms of the bargain: "You can say whatever you want on the air, but only if you give us the names and addresses of people who respond. Think of it as helping your government out with a sting operation if that helps sweeten the taste in your mouth, Mr. Ailes."

Dashboard Buddha January 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

you should post a comment there to that effect. We might get some nice head asplosions.

Steverino247 January 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Our top story tonight: Thousands of heads asploded all over America today as news of a secret plea deal between the Obama Administration and Fox News. Under the terms of this secret plan, Fox New could 'continue to lie' so long as information about subscribers who threaten Obama is given up for further investigation.

MissTaken January 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

"liberal why do you twell the world your ignorant"

How cute! He even twypes with a wisp!

SorosBot January 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Maybe he's the wacist kid fwom that video a few yeaws ago?

freakishlywrong January 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

"He's not my Pwesident, I want my cwuntry baaaaaack! He's Bwah"

sarah_connor January 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

too funneh. I'm not crying, i have rain on my face.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Weave Bwitney awone!

BornInATrailer January 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Or Lilly Von Schtupp

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Its twoo! Its twoo!

Generation[redacted] January 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Dat was weiwd.

starfanglednut January 28, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Have I really been on teh wonkette that long?

imissopus January 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Welease Woger!

flamingpdog January 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Dat wascawy wabbit!

Callyson January 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

That first comment–I know I should never expect wingnuts to make sense, but WTF does "twell" mean? Is this moran trying to say dwell or tell? Or is twell a new word now?
As in, I wish Pat Shearer would go twell off in a bullet riddled T – shirt…

SorosBot January 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

And then there's "your ignorant", "were your liberal badge", and the complete inability to use capital letters; yes that is one moran who definitely needs to get a brain.

MissTaken January 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I have my own personal ignorant that I carry in my purse.

SorosBot January 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

And my liberal badge is not in any shame.

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

A Herman Cain bobblehead?

MissTaken January 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I guess I wanted the job, after all.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"Herman Cain bobblehead"

That has a certain karmic irony to it.

flamingpdog January 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Everybody in American spelled words however they wanted to until Noah Webster came along.

Why did Noah Webster hate America???

anniegetyerfun January 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Everyone knows that real Americans make up words as they go along. Now I would like you to refudiate your earlier statement.

starfanglednut January 28, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I'm not going to get in a squirmish with you, you communit.

kissawookiee January 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I have never been prouder or more relieved to be a Decmocrat.

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Come on people, this is the way you declare candidacy for public office in Arizona.

Goonemeritus January 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I trust this soon to be ex Law Enforcement Officer has a real pull himself up by the boot straps plan for re-employment.

MissTaken January 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Soon to be ex? Silly, this is Arizona. He's now a shoe-in for a promotion.

Generation[redacted] January 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Not that I'm champing at the bit to refudiate your response, not while twelling here in your old stamping grounds, but the correct phrase is "shoo-in." Now you may were your liberal badge with pride.

MissTaken January 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Ah shit, stupid typo! Guess it's time to turn in my liberal badge and become a conservative. Here goes:

wy yu librulz hait AMEIRCA? iS NOT RASIST TO SHUUT PREZNIT PICHSURE SICNE HE IZ NOT PRENSET. reed yor bible kommy skum!1!!!

spinozasgod January 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

actually the good towns people are planning an award and parade in his honor….this is Arizona…..

lulzmonger January 27, 2012 at 2:11 pm

"This is proof that Obama is morally weak … once you can pop three or four rounds through his face, that is."

Callyson January 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

And the third comment–"decmocrats"?
Then again, since I wish some Dems would deck the wingnuts, maybe that's a useful term after all…

Generation[redacted] January 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

If there's a tenth of them, it's decimocrats.

starfanglednut January 28, 2012 at 4:29 pm

How do yo spell that in boolean?

Boojum_Reborn January 27, 2012 at 10:06 pm

With baus of hahli?

Wonderthing January 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

We'll defeat these fucks in November if we keep enough shiny things around.

nounverb911 January 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Jury selection should be fun.

Thurman Munster IV January 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Because, in Arizona, he'll have lots of peers.

Limeylizzie January 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Jan Brewer approves this message.

nounverb911 January 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Before or after they found her headless body in the desert?

Isyaignert January 28, 2012 at 2:58 am

Imagine the horror of waking up to that head every morning? Oye!

anniegetyerfun January 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Pointedly.

Extemporanus January 27, 2012 at 2:21 pm

How went the audition, madam?

Limeylizzie January 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

It's at 4.40pm , so I am getting ready to apply the make-up, douche etc.

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

"You want the part, don't you?"

Extemporanus January 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I'll at last succumb to hoary tradition and simply say, "Break a leg!"

Just think: If you get the part, you'll have people to primp & preen your hoohaw for you! (Not that you don't already, but these people will be union.)

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm

How do I get a job as a hoohaw primp and preener? Oh, wait, I'd have to be gay, wouldn't I?

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Don't call Extemp a douche, he was trying to be polite!

Extemporanus January 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Thanks, Holmes!

I actually read "douche etc." and thought to myself, "Well, 'etc.' is certainly an odd nickname to give one's vagina. Must be a British thing, like 'fanny'."

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Perhaps next season, Buscemi will extend his range beyond "irritated" and "murderous".

prommie January 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Buscemi, James Woods with bad teeth!

prommie January 27, 2012 at 3:20 pm

And why do you get to know what she is auditioning for? What am I, chopped liver?

freakishlywrong January 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Oh, and fucking tomgladden, "your" welcome for holidays, weekends, sick days and vacations and a 40 hour work week. Where's "you're" cancer now, fuckwit?

OneDollarJuana January 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Arizona is a big mining state. These guys seem to be classic examples of heavy metal poisoning. You see the same kinds of attitudes and behavior in other metal-mining areas, such as Utah, or Northern Idaho.

SorosBot January 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I suffered from heavy metal poisoning in my youth; it made me bang my head, 'cause metal health will drive you mad.

horsedreamer_1 January 29, 2012 at 2:46 am

Cum on (feel the noize).

Isyaignert January 28, 2012 at 3:03 am

Damn Skippy! I saw an open pit mine in southern AZ that blew my mind. It looked unreal and I have no idea of the horrors it unleashed.

Fred_Wertham_Jr January 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Maybe we can sneak down there some night and move the border up a few hundred miles.

BornInATrailer January 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Also, those were the worst you could find? I only had to view one additional page of comments to find a good ol' fashioned nigger joke. Not with even an attempt to make it somehow related to the story at hand.

That's more like the Fox News comments with which I'm familiar.

EDIT: And it had 11 'likes'… I'm just going to go home and drink now.

nounverb911 January 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Peoria, AZ? I my sister used to live in Peoria. Come to think about it, the fat stupid one looks like my brother-in-law.

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Those comments make me proud that I identify my nationality as a drunkard, and thus, a citizen of the world.

Pat_Pending January 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

you and Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca…

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:48 pm

But of course.

Extemporanus January 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I just duct taped sleeves back on my "McCain for President" t-shirt in retaliation.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Kind of waste of a perfectly good shirt if you ask me.

archikvetch January 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm

What they did to the Gabby Giffords tube top was unspeakable

starfanglednut January 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Ouch!

smokefilledroommate January 27, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Kind of a waste of perfectly good humans as well.

arihaya January 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Sgt Shearer and Megyn Kelly : "John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald were just making political statements, essentially".

ifthethunderdontgetya January 27, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Meanwhile, President Joseph Lieberman Obama is busy going after Bush-era whistle-blowers and the few people who dare tell the press what our government is up to.

The real owners of America are happy to see your attention occupied by the pretend slap-fight between Obama and the corporate whores who actually call themselves Republicans.
~

anniegetyerfun January 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Fucking decmorats! Always trying to be so lalbire.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm

To the bitter envy of Herman Cain.

Boojum_Reborn January 27, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Labial?

ManchuCandidate January 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Well, I'm shooting at a T-shirt
in Peroia, Arizona
and such a fine sight to see
It's a Black, my Lord, in a colored
Shirt lookin' down and taxing me
Come on, Agents, don't say maybe
I gotta know if my white skin is
gonna save me

Baconzgood January 27, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Mr. tomgladden, Mr. decmocratsrcommunits, the algonquin round table is on line 2….SIKE!

GhostBuggy January 27, 2012 at 2:23 pm

A cop threatening a president as a "joke"? In Arizona? Preposterous!

Also, I like how these paranoid revenge fantasies like the one in the Fox comments always include the entire military siding with the racist rednecks in armed insurrection against That One. Yeah, sure, it wouldn't at all end with a robot drone dropping a bomb into the local gun club, would it? No, you're going to be a hero! Why, I bet they'll even let you be a general!

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Yeah, just like David Koresh.

BarackMyWorld January 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

That's one well-moderated message board Fox News has there.

freakishlywrong January 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

It's at least as well moderated as their "news".

ThundercatHo January 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Did they run out of gays to shoot?

Swampgas_Man January 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Move the phuck out of Arizona, probably.

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I was once accosted in a bar, in the South, by an example of the kind of people who wrote those comments, the incident epitomizes my experience with the Southern Male as a species. Now, I am basically a harmless nerd, never the least interested in bothering people, and I am polite and quiet, in public, so its not like I was blabbing the way I do here and gave any offense that way. I beleive I upset the natives because I used long words, and wore clean clothing, which indicated to them that I thought I was better than them. So, hayseed comes over and greets me with "you look like a college boy, with your fancy college boy clothes, or something like that." Then he says "you think you're so smart, lets see you outsmart my fist." This is why, no matter how good our arguments are, we will never sway these people, because their fists can beat our arguments. Failing that, their bullets will.

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Did you wake up in a road-side ditch? This is why you gotta switch from Cable to Dish!

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I escaped unscathed, but this really happened, those were the words, and I heard variations of them on other occasions. I was also frequently called a "damyankee." My accent, diction, and grammar gave me away. I had long hair, which was the real trigger, I think. I was also once called a "yaller-haired hippie thang." I don't remember how I weasled and wangled my way out of that one, but I probably weaseled and wangled, acknowledged his obvious strength and fierceness, its like dogs, you recognize their superiority and they don't have to fight you to establish it. The funny thing is I am not a scrawny little dweeb, I am tight-end or outside linebacker sized, but that just egged them on, sometimes you can hear it, "look at that big one, Clem." "Ah hell, he ain't nothin but a yankee faggot, I can take him." Fun times.

Beowoof January 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Ah yes, I have been to the bar in Texas and met similar fellows. I am 5'10" and at the time I was a mere 169lbs. I found that one beer was all I needed as my co-worker and I were getting the damn yankee looks. I convinced friend that we should move on from the redneck bar and back to Marriot where CPA's drinking while traveling on business would be much safer.

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Jimmy Dean sausages will distract them while you run away.

BornInATrailer January 27, 2012 at 3:59 pm

That's when you throw out a joke like "Why do Texans have their names on their belt buckles? So the truckers know who they are sucking off!"

I promise you, hilarity will ensue.

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

If you have to travel down there, stay on the main roads, travel in daylight, and for God's sake, don't try to find accommodations outside of Asheville, Austin, Athens or the other college towns!! Download the 2012 Hipster Traveler's Green Book to your phone, also.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/02/24/green.book.black

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I would rather drive through Mexico than the US South.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:23 pm

"This is why, no matter how good our arguments are, we will never sway these people, because their fists can beat our arguments. Failing that, their bullets will."

"The violence spread down South where Jackson State brothers
Learned not to say nasty things about Southern policemen's mothers.
Nothing much was said about it and next to nothing done;
The pen is mightier than the sword, but no match for a gun."
– Beach Boys, "Student Demonstration Time"

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

"which indicated to them that I thought I was better than them"

The thing is?
I *AM* better than they (check out that grammar!).
I don't have ten out-of-wedlock kids from ten different fathers (eight of whom are blood relatives), a prison record, a meth lab in my garage, etc. etc. etc. Some of it is the luck of the draw in being born into a family that cares about education, but some of it is my own efforts and willingness to sit at the dining room table and do homework while Cletus and Brandine were out conceiving offspring, or rolling their cars, or lynching the neighbor kids, or whatever.

Guys like that correctly sense that they're the bottom of the barrel, without even the illusion of superiority that their white skins used to give them; and that, unlike the immigrants they hate so much, they're going to *stay* at the bottom of the barrel; and it turns all three of their brain cells rabid.

unclejeems January 27, 2012 at 10:29 pm
OneYieldRegular January 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

This might be a good moment for Jan Brewer to step in and demonstrate her incredibly effective leadership skills.

meatlofer January 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It must be the equatorial heat these fuckers put up with in the summer.

imissopus January 27, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Today we are all drug-addled, feces-encrusted occupiers! Or as we usually call it, Friday.

sharethegrief January 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

This is what happens when your family tree has no limbs.

mavenmaven January 27, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Jared Lautner was also just making a political statement. Arizona seems to breed a lot of sickos.

chascates January 27, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Arizona – America's red-headed stepchild.

PubOption January 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Red-necked?

C_R_Eature January 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Arizona, In The News!

Please keep it up. You're really making New Jersey look less bad.

outragedcitizen January 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Seriously, can me please split this country in half now? These guys along with the Evangelical Christians, GOP, Teabaggers and other racists can have the southern half. Everyone with an IQ above 70 can live in the northern half.

Beowoof January 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Yep, staying out of the former confederacy has been my personal motto for many years now.

slowhansolo January 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I'm certain nothing like this will happen ever again once all those vets come home and get rubberstamped into every police department in the nation.

prommie January 27, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Jeesus Fuck, as if the police were not militarized enough. Here is another reason I like the draft; to get people to join voluntarily, they have to constantly bombard us with propaganda about how the military is so cool and tough and everyone in the military is a "hero." When the country had a draft, they didn't have to do that shit, they would just draft people. People hated the military back when there was a draft. My father was a WWII vet, served 4 fucking years, he told me a million times, "don't ever join the fucking army." He thought it was a loser thing to do. Thats how it should be viewed.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Y U DONT SUPPROT THA TROOPZ U MUSLIN???

Seriously, nothing against the good people in the military — and there are some — and I feel sorry for the youngsters who got suckered into it, or have no other options; but that knee-jerk "support the troops" and "serving their country" is bullshit. What "service", exactly, are they providing? Did anyone here order a bunch of dead furriners from Sears? The military, in large part, exists to thin the herd and capture cheap oil, and that's about it.

wapitiscat January 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Can Communits be the new Muslin? Pleeeease.

Tundra Grifter January 27, 2012 at 2:40 pm

After their little shoot around, those boys went home and posted positive reviews on Amazon of Jan Brewer's book.

Eve8Apples January 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I doubt those dimwits have any future as gas station attendants. Most gas stations have replaced gas station attendants with gas pumps that allow the customer to scan a credit card at the pump without the need to pay inside. The gas station owner would rather employ a gas pump than those useless tools.

Guppy January 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm

They still need someone to sell the cigarettes.

VinnyThePooh January 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm

They wouldn't blur their faces if it truly wasn't a big deal.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm

And yet, somehow, I'm sure that every last one of them is smirking.

CapnFatback January 27, 2012 at 4:03 pm

That's no blur; it's the tragic genetic result of years of inbreeding.

fartknocker January 27, 2012 at 2:47 pm

R13-4-109. Denial, Revocation, Suspension, or Cancellation of Peace Officer Certified Status
A. Causes for denial, suspension, or revocation. The Board may deny certified status or suspend or revoke the certified status of a peace officer for:
9. Any conduct or pattern of conduct that tends to disrupt, diminish, or otherwise jeopardize public trust in the law enforcement profession.

Sgt. Shearer should learn the phrase "Do you want fries with that?"

Guppy January 27, 2012 at 3:30 pm

This is Arizona. Sure, "The Board may," but The Board may also give him a promotion and a medal.

Beowoof January 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm

In Arizona wouldn't it be "would you like hot sauce for your taco"?

Indiepalin January 27, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Q: Why did Lee Harvey Oswald act alone?

A: Because he could never remember his lines.

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm

" 'I'm just a….' goddamnit, what is it….'patsy!! I'm just a patsy!!' Why can't I remember that?!"

Allmighty_Manos January 27, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Obama passed a conservative-authored health-care reform law that is a near replica of the one passed by the presumptive GOP presidential nominee, continued the bailouts started by his Republican predecessor, maintained the tax cuts voted in by the GOP, and had Osama Bin Laden taken out. If that doesn't justify a bunch of raged up tea party yahoos shooting up a T-shirt out in the desert, I don't know what does

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Twell the world or swan about?
*ponders*
What to do… What to do…

ShaveTheWhales January 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm

How did Shakespeare miss that line?

owhatever January 27, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Now Sergeant Shearer and his posse of moronic inbreds are looking for a T-shirt with Gabby Giffords picture. Because she is white and if they shoot that shirt, then it proves they are not racist.

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"Sergeant Shearer and his Posse of Moronic Inbreds" — I used to love that comic!

MinAgain January 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm

How secret can the Secret Service be, if they tell you they're coming after you?

littlebigdaddy January 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Needz moar shaved eyebrows.

flamingpdog January 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

A few public hangings would solve this problem.

Beowoof January 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Problem is down south hanging brown people is the tradition. And they will hang white people who protest. I think it is best just to stay away from stupid.

rickmaci January 27, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Sell Arizona to Carlos Slim for enough to pay off our debt, Arizona becomes part of Mexico again, and the crackertrashfucktards have to learn to speak Spanish from scratch or sneak illegally across the border. Hey, I can dream.

Negropolis January 28, 2012 at 1:46 am

Send them back to Mexico, and then see how them rednecks stack up against them narcos.

Two birds, one stonne.

C_R_Eature January 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Do you think we could get these guys interested in signing up for Newt's Moon Colony?
We'll tell them it's a Libertarian paradise, they can bring all the guns they want and it's Whites Only.

Sort of an ass-backwards Annares.

LetUsBray January 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I would so love to dispossess those pigfuckers.

WiscDad January 27, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Perhaps the 'ignorant Conservative' study hit the nail on the head

WiscDad January 27, 2012 at 3:40 pm

If you admit you're gay in Arizona they chain you to a pick up truck bumper and drag you

Tommy1733 January 27, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Ironically, these kinds of half-threats on the president help to increase the size of government, as the secret service need to hire more staff to assess them.

sati_demise January 27, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Pat Shearer will run for Gabbys seat on the Teabagger ticket.

Antispandex January 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Geeze, imagine if a rich white guy took out a "Wanted Poster" ad in the news paper the day before the President was assassinated. Everyone might jump to the wrong conclussion and think some cabal of rich right-wing "patriots" killed him. That's how these conspiracy nuts get their ideas. It's better to just not think about things like that!

SorosBot January 27, 2012 at 5:12 pm

No; this is a country where Scott Roeder was a lone nut killer. Ignore the fact that Dr. Tiller survived several previous assassination attempts, that Operation Rescue had a wanted poster with his face on it on their website, or that Bill O'Reilly regularly called him a murderer on his show.

GeorgiaBurning January 27, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Just an incredible coincidence, I'm sure. That the Koch family was involved is another incredible coincidence.

BZ1 January 27, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Shearer: "I don't think …" (leave it at that)

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Your move, South Carolina.

not that Dewey January 27, 2012 at 9:12 pm

But will this play in Peoria?

horsedreamer_1 January 27, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I was hoping for a Cop Shoot Cop re-union.

Negropolis January 28, 2012 at 1:25 am

This is the land that is just now starting to move on from Loughner. Stay classy, you racist, xenophobic motherfuckers. You couldn't pay me that hell-brought-to-earth.

Fuck Arizona; fuck it with a prickly pear.

Negropolis January 28, 2012 at 1:49 am

Come on, guys. This is a town so smart it decided to name itself after Peoria, IL. What more needs to be said?

ttommyunger January 28, 2012 at 9:04 pm

"“It was more of a political statement … " Sure, Sparky, the Secret Service will buy that, no problem; now, just put your hands behind your back-you know the drill.

DrOzarkZ.Hellbender January 30, 2012 at 2:17 am

Yeah, but some British guy made a movie about Bush being assassinated, so this is no big deal.

(According to FreeRepublic, it's every liberal's favoritest movie ever, and not at all the footnote that those of us in the reality-based community consider it)

prommie January 27, 2012 at 3:04 pm

For God's sake don't use Parks.

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Well, la de dah, look who thinks he can start at the top without having to pay his dues like the rest of us!
Vajazzling is a skill, you know. You don't just *get* a job as a hoohaw primp and preener.
You have to start out as Callista's butthole bleacher and work your way up the ladder, (so to speak).

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Weren't you at the Clothing Optional Live-Blog last night?

flamingpdog January 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I remember driving through Alabama in 1964 on a family vacation. We were white, but had a D. C. license plate on our car. I was sweating bullets the whole time.

Beowoof January 27, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I made that mistake once. Wound up in the Crokett County Jail in Ozona, Texas. Best I can figure the charge was having New York plates. Once I was bailed out, I got out of Texas and won't go back. Still pissed about it all these years later and the charges were dropped.

prommie January 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I always miss the fun stuff, dammit.

Nostrildamus January 27, 2012 at 5:51 pm

It's a wing-nut carrousel!

tessiee January 27, 2012 at 9:10 pm

"Best I can figure the charge was having New York plates."

Back when I still lived in North Carolina, I was driving home from work (back when I still had work) and passed a Smokey and the Bandit type sheriff (khaki uniform, broad-brimmed hat, and all) who had pulled over a car — not just any car, but a very flashy sapphire blue Lincoln Continental with New York plates. The driver was a young African-American man wearing a very sharp suit, wraparound shades, and a different kind of broad-brimmed hat. I could pretty much read the thought balloons over their respective heads:
Cop: THANKYA, JEEEEEZUS!!
Driver: Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit…

Limeylizzie February 1, 2012 at 10:55 am

Kisses Owls on beak.

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