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Fox Hosts First 2012 Debate Between Real Ron Paul and Fake Obama


Fox Business Channel host and former Barbara Walters page boy John Stossel likes Ron Paul, so why not throw the show over to him for a little propaganda? That’s what Fox does best; may as well keep to the formula. Just insert a squirrel-voiced “Obama impersonator” and voila, you’ve got yourself a real live straw man.

But wait, aren’t television networks supposed to give “equal time” to the candidates? Yes, that sounds like a law that exists! But libertarians don’t believe in regulation, and if they don’t believe laws should exist, they don’t have to follow them, right?

GIVE JOHN STOSSEL A BREAAAAAAAAK:

Tonight I devote my entire FBN show to Congressman Paul.

I bring in an Obama impersonator for him to debate. Will their debate foreshadow the 2012 Presidential campaign? Probably not, but who knows?

Sponsored Video

Who knows! Ron Paul could be named the GOP nominee, Obama could die of shock, and the Republican Party could cover it up by hiring a squirrel-voiced impersonator to replace him in the debates, on the campaign trail, in reading stories at bedtime to his children, and in having sex with his wife. Yes, this sounds like something that could happen. Very foreshadow, John Stossel. Very foreshadow.

Is there a way Ron Paul could have seemed any more presidential in all of this? Perhaps if he did this debate in a dunk tank, while masturbating, drinking straight from a box of Franzia? And instead of this fake “Obama,” he debated a blind puppy? Yes, that does sound more presidential, but this was pretty good too. [Media Matters/John Stosselhttp://stossel.blogs.foxbusiness.com/2011/04/28/president-ron-paul/]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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146 comments

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Except the 'hit' part of the hit-and-miss quality of those things is lacking from this thing.

      It's not saying much, but even Fred Armisen does a better Barry than ol' squirrel-voice here.

    2. catchtheflava

      At least Armisen's biracial. That guy looks and sounds like some Indian dude with a head cold.

      I really couldn't continue watching that. I just felt so uncomfortable for everyone involved.

    3. fuflans

      i haven't seen snl in years – well except for tina fey – but this is really really really stupid. even though he's a freak, i'm frankly suprised paul agreed to this nonsense.

  1. Chillwaver

    Congratulations, you senile old man – you just spent 6 minutes "debating" a impressionator. As Trump would probably say "real fucking impressive, pal!"

  2. evan7257

    Pretend presidential candidate fake debates president impostor.
    How do we know that fake Obama wasn't born in Kenya?!

    1. Gopherit

      I expected that psychotic betoothed twat Pam Geller to come out and beat the shit out of the Barry impersonator with a bat, while screaming something incoherent about muslims and birth certificates.

  3. poncho_pilot

    as you know, ah, you go to debate with the candidates you have—not the candidates you might want or wish to have at a later time.

  4. emmelemm

    I'm literally flizabbergasted. WHAT.THE.FUCK.

    How about Obama debates Tina Fey AS Sarah Palin? Boy, nobody'd complain about that, right?

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    Ron Paul: "Sorry, Obama Impersonator, but my homeowner's association won't allow me to sell my house to the likes of you."

  6. FNMA

    Satire, which has been on its last legs recently, has died.
    Who says conservatives can't bring the funny?

  7. CapnFatback

    Didn't listen past "Obama's" first response ("a free market was never meant to be a free license to take what you can get"), but it sounded fairly sensible to me and was met with no jeers from the "audience."

  8. baconzgood

    "Tonight I devote my entire FBN show to Congressman Paul."

    Tonight the Koch brothers want me to suck Congressman Paul's cock

    FIXED

  9. SayItWithWookies

    It's the new meta-libertarianism — everybody gets to make up their own reality now.

  10. sezme

    I didn't watch the video, but nevertheless I offer the opinion that Paul should have used the word "fucking" as an adjective a lot more. Also, the Obama stand-in should have used the phrase "fo shizzle" a lot less.

  11. Barb

    I didn't watch the end of the clip. Did they give credit to Timmy Mitchell's 5th grade class for coming up with this idea?

  12. Dr_Zoidberg

    Wait a minute! Where the hell did Faux News get a black man?! And how did they get him past security?!

  13. DerrickWildcat

    I bring in an Obama impersonator for him to debate. Will their debate foreshadow the 2012 Presidential campaign? Probably not, but that isn't the point is it?

  14. glamourdammerung

    Just when I thought something new involving Ron Paul could not be more stupid than anything involving him previously.

  15. OneYieldRegular

    Where to even start – this is wrong on so, so many levels. But on the up side, at least ventriloquism wasn't involved.

  16. pinkocommi

    "Is there a way Ron Paul could have seemed any more presidential in all of this?"

    No. The End.

  17. natoslug

    I'm proud of myself for making it almost two minutes into that video before throwing my mouse at the screen. There's plenty of regulation in a free market economy . . . companies won't pollute because it hurts somebody else's environment? What fucking planet has he lived his 300+ years on? For those of you not excited about National Hairball Awareness Day, I say we double celebrate and make today National Kick A Paultard In The Nuts Day. Fight the unfair regulation of testicle bashing in America now!

    1. SorosBot

      Randroids have never heard of externalities, in reason #616 of how Objectivism objectively differs from the real world.

    2. Trinket

      Well, yeah. And private innovators would have done a better job getting us to the moon, presumably because they would have made so much money off it.

  18. sezme

    On the actor's IMDB profile, we see for the year 2011:
    Fox News – "Obama Impersonator"
    Infowars.com-"Pony-tailed Photoshop Expert"

    And then the rest is just cable porn.

  19. real_dc_native

    I think the animatronic Abe Lincoln at Disney World is much more believable than … Ran Paul.

  20. prommie

    Stossel gives me the angries. He's a world class douchebag fuckhead cocksucking rat bastard fuckstick motherfucking shitbag.

    1. Gopherit

      I fully expect all of the world class douchebag fuckhead cocksucking rat bastard fuckstick motherfucking shitbags of the world to rise up in one voice of complaint after being compared to Stossel. That man is a merkin looking for a diseased dong to cover.

  21. poncho_pilot

    this is kind of sad now that i think about it. it's like the most pathetic pity fuck ever because this is the closest Paul will get to debating Obama IRL.

  22. timbo71351

    He's making that 30 Rock quote ring true. "Tonight, TGS will not be the worst thing on television. It'll be John Stossel!"

  23. CapnFatback

    "But then another presidential candidate stepped to the podium and said, 'Forget about it.'"

    You quoted Trump incorrectly, Stossel. He actually said, "Fuck that shit."

  24. DaSandman

    Stossell hasn't been right in the head since that wrestler bitch slapped the shit out of him on live TV.

    Turns out apparently the guy didn't hit him hard enough.

    1. tessiee

      "Stossell hasn't been right in the head since that wrestler bitch slapped the shit out of him on live TV."

      YES!!
      I can't believe anybody else remembers that!
      Best John Stossell moment EVAH!!

    2. HuddledMass

      I just watched that on youtube, having missed the original event. That clip MADE MY DAY. Highly recommended.

  25. SheriffRoscoe

    A bullet-point memo would have served the same purpose as this 'skit', and been more entertaining.

  26. OkieDokieDog

    Tiny weenie downfister either has 2 accounts or his Mommy also has one. The p-points are going down 2 at a time now.

    Does that make your tiny weenie get bigger when you do that? How about your Mama's?

      1. OkieDokieDog

        ha! Probably.
        I meant the thumbs up – not the p-points. But still annoying. I hate going over to that Breitbart rag every couple of days just for a smidgen of revenge. That place gives me the heebie jeebies. It probably is infested with cooties, too.

  27. real_dc_native

    I'm going to head over to NIH and pick up a package of stem cells and borrow some genetic engineer gear. I bet I can build a better Obama impersonator before the primaries are over.

  28. mavenmaven

    The scary part is that the fake Obama is more convincing and more rational than the real Ron Paul!

  29. Gleem_McShineys

    I can't wait until Obama-In-Drag debates CGI Scooby Doo! Then claymation Biden will debate Meatwad! PBS always gets the debates, which is unfair. It's about time Robot Chicken had a turn.

    FOX empties 50-gallon drums of industrial grade toxic Lame Pollution right into RealMerkin faces, yet never gets included in that description of the Lame Stream Media? Sounds about right.

    1. DarwinianDemon

      Cartoons will finally allow the Republicans to have a candidate worth getting excited about. I can see the base really getting behind "Duke Nukem", "Looten Plunder" and "Hoggish Greedly"

    2. RavenRant

      A Robot Chicken debate would be AWESOME!. And serve the highest interests of our nation, also, too.

  30. DonnyKerabotsos

    I'm sending a Donny Kerabatsos imitator over to Fox news right now to slap that mustache right off of John Stossel's smug kisser.

  31. PabaBritannica

    How do we solve the problem of emissions with free market and property rights? Why, allow people to own air!

    Actually, it's pretty easy to say shit like that when you refuse to believe in "science", the same way Austrian Economics doesn't use "math" or "statistics".

  32. SheriffRoscoe

    Now see kids, this is why we don't let conservatives and libertarians be in charge of comedy.

  33. BaldarTFlagass

    It says a lot that Ron Paul is the "real" most viable Republican candidate at this point.

  34. Worthly[♬♪♬♪♫♪♬]Skum

    Something tells me the impersonator is going to have a long career on Fox, if only wait tables at the company picnics.

  35. FidoMcCokefiend

    Dr D. comments. ""You think it's fake? What's that, is that fake? Huh? What the hell's wrong with you? That's President Obama. You think it's fake? I'll fake you. Huh? What do you mean, fake? What the hell's the matter with you?"

    Needed more open hand slaps to Stossel's head.

  36. SheriffRoscoe

    Ron Paul does a scene with an impersonator. Why do I have the feeling I've seen this movie before?

  37. BarackMyWorld

    The network is called Fox Business Channel?

    What kind of business? Certainly not the news business.

  38. imissopus

    Love to see ol' Ron win the nomination and have to debate the real Obama in front of an audience that's not allowed to clap and cheer him on. And be asked real questions!

  39. Redhead

    Eh. Half the people who watch this won't take it any more seriously than anything else they see on Faux "News."

    The other half are already convinced Obama's a socialist, facist, Nazi, racist, communist Muslim who was secretly born in Kenya AND Indonesia and who is going to steal funding from their medicaid and put it towards socialized medicine. Maybe they'll see this and add "secretly a white person in black face" to their list of conspiracy theories.

  40. FadHawk

    I think it's hilarious that, even with the very definition of "tomato can", Ron Paul fails to crush it.

    Fake Obama still probably wins that debate.

    1. poncho_pilot

      i remember watching the Kerry/Bush debates and thinking the same thing of Bush. and look how well that turned out. oh, wait…fuck.

    1. natoslug

      I wish I'd had your wisdom and saved two minutes that could have been better spent. Like plunging a toilet or gouging out my eyes.

  41. rhubarbpie2

    I'm pretty sure that wasn't the real Ron Paul either. The real Ron Paul wouldn't elevate himself to the level of debating with an impersonator, would he?

  42. Wilcoxyz

    I'd have used a squirrel voice and the "Head-O-State" Obama dildo. It's more popular with female voters. And the assholes who watch FBN.

  43. anniegetyerfun

    Haha, it's funny that people like John Stossel have jobs while so many of us don't.

  44. Poindexter718

    Fold up the stirrups and change the paper on the exam table, Dr. Paul–you made Fauxbama yer beyotch!
    I hope you enjoyed it though, cuz that's about as close as yer going to get to facing off with Barry O'.

  45. loulouroo

    So, this guy playing Barry? Must be a really proud moment in his acting carreer. I hope at Thanksgiving he says "Hey, I was on Fox's D grade channel with a bunch of racist hillbillies mocking the first black president!" And then I hope his own family kills him.

  46. Guppy06

    "having sex with his wife."

    I volunteer!

    On an unrelated note, anybody got a few dozen cans of shoe polish I can have?

  47. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Have you noticed the Neocons are still in control?
    Have you noticed who is protecting the Neocons?

  48. MilwaukeeKent

    "Squirrel-voiced Obama Impersonator, I served with Vaughn Meader, I knew Vaughn Meader, Vaughn Meader was a friend of mine. You, squirrel-voiced Obama Impersonator, are no Vaughn Meader."

    so sayeth Lloyd Bentsen Impersonator

  49. Gorillionaire

    I am suprised that Dr Ron Paul agreed to do this after he got punked so hard by Bruno.

  50. Southern_Beale

    Back when he was at ABC's "20/20" John Stossel Breitbarted a California preacher, editing his quotes to make him say something he never said, prompting the preacher to sue the network and finally receive an apology. So this is about par for the course for "journalist" John Stossel.

  51. tessiee

    "I bring in an Obama impersonator for him to debate."

    HAH ha!
    They forgot to photoshop in the horns, pitchfork, and tail!

  52. tessiee

    Since I prefer to waste my time on stuff that's actually, you know, fun, I didn't watch it.
    What did they make Fauxbama say?
    "I'm going to kill the lot of ya and burn your town to cinders"?

  53. anonymousryan

    If the government got out of the way we'd be taking trains to the moon to get free cancer treatments! Well, millionaires would be taking trains (fueled by the corpses of the poor) to get free cancer treatments (made from stem cells from babies the poor sold for a a gold doubloon). But still!!

      1. Beowoof

        Don't worry if some libertarian such as Ron Paul gets elected there will be lots of free cancer to go around. And treatment will only be available to the wealthy.

  54. Beowoof

    Dick Cheney did state that they create their own reality so you are on factual ground here.

  55. reliefsinn

    When "Obama" said that something that sounded like "Nassau" didn't exist until the government became involved, I had to turn it off, sorry.
    And who is tastyleadpaintchips, and why are they following me?

  56. Negropolis

    Just goes to show that actually looking like someone doesn't count for much in impersonations, because Fred Armisen is way better at capturing the essence of Obama.

  57. skytrucker

    Way to go Ron Paul, you really knocked it outta the er… swing-set area.

    And kudos to John Stossel for the stellar production-value. Great Obama impersonation and even better audience impersonation.

    Still, I'd have to give it to the fake Obama.

  58. GhostBuggy

    I know I'm late to an old post, but what the hell is going on with that impersonator? His voice is all fucked up, and he doesn't even look alive! Like he's some kind of dummy or robot or something. It freaks me out. Jesus Christ!

    1. HistoriCat

      A part of his soul died when he took that job – and maybe his parents were right for trying to get him to forget acting and go into insurance.

      1. GhostBuggy

        I don't know; I just Googled him and saw that he's a part of Laura Ingraham's minstrel show, "The Obama Diaries."

        Speaking of which, is anyone else aware of that monstrosity? I've caught her radio show, and she reads from the supposed diary in the "voice" of FLOTUS, and it's the racist-sounding, stereotypical clipped speech you'd expect from one of the most horrific GOP mouthpieces out there.

  59. lulzmonger

    I don't rubberneck at gory accidents soooooooo this gets a tfu;cw (too fucked up; couldn't watch).

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