Wonkette
Uhh, question of immense literary and historical importance: What does Sarah Palin’s departure from politics mean for Sarah Palin’s nascent book about being involved in politics? Probably nothing! Recall back to May: HarperCollins proudly announced that it would be publishing Palin’s book about bein’ a soccer mom and bein’ a hockey governor and bein’ a mom to a transgendered pitbull, and whatever else, doesn’t even matter, because they paid her ~one billion dollars for the privilege of distributing her words to the American public. So will HarperCollins publish Sarah Palin’s book about being governor that afternoon she was governor on a dare, or will they force her to write about … whatever it is she plans to do that she thinks will affect political change more than being paid to affect political change (cuckolding Todd with Argentinian Todd,T erencio, on a sandmobile??)?
Let’s hope that HarperCollins is savvier than Sentinel, the impossibly foolish “conservative imprint” that force-quitted Mark Sanford’s economic manifesto instead of demanding that he write and illustrate a Spanish-language epic poem with accompanying pop-out drawings about his line-crossing Adventure Trips.
Whatever its content, the Palin book—let’s give it a working title of Je Confuse — will be released on Mothers Day 2010. Oh but wait wait! Don’t rush off to pre-order it for mom just yet! Do make sure to get the Christian Collectors’ Edition, published by HarperCollins’ faith-y imprint, “Zondervan.” [TIME]
So I assume this will be an audiobook- seeing as none of her ‘fans’ can read?
I thought you were joking with the Zondervan thing — it sounds like a pill with a long list of side effects.
Just speculation, but maybe Sarah’s quitting (i.e. leading from elsewhere) so she can learn English. Although it’ll take more than a year and a half of effort, so she might just — um — you know, the Q word.
“101 Ways to Cook Moose. And Possibly Your Goose”
bonghitsforjesus: Well the bible is supposedly the best-selling book on the planet, that doesn’t mean its owners are reading it either. The important thing is to have it out where folks can see it.
So what’s the deal? Nothing for such a snark-worthy subject?
Why do Wonketeers hate Juli? I think that she’s right up there.
And I, for one, DO remember the Palin book deal.
Happy Independence Day!
She quit to become Julie McCoy: Cruise Director of The Rapture.
I suspect she’ll start writing the book, get halfway through, and then quit.
Doh! I typed too soon. Turns out that many lurves them some Juli.
It’s a better 4th than evah!
Today Team Sarah commented on the announcement that Sarah Palin will step down as Governor of Alaska on July 25, 2009: “Sarah Palin has always been an intensely independent woman– always true to her faith, her family and call to public service. She has taken vast numbers of Americans to a new place: politics without cynicism. And she has provided women with a new political role model,” said Team Sarah Co-Founder Marjorie Dannenfelser. “Her entrance onto the public stage has had an immensely positive effect, drawing in massive numbers of Americans new to the political process. We have every confidence she will have an equal and profound impact in whatever projects she undertakes now.”
“Team Sarah members anxiously await Palin’s next decision on how she believes she can best serve our nation. Since the 2008 Election, the continual presence of personal attacks on both Governor Palin and her family indicate that she remains a threat to the liberal feminist political establishment,” said Team Sarah Co-Founder Jane Abraham. “Despite criticism, Governor Palin’s success will endure. Team Sarah’s thousands of members remain as engaged as ever on TeamSarah.org. The Governor has inspired millions, and her audience of enthusiastic support will only grow in the future.”
Hey maybe they’re onto something about this new feminist role modeling. Let’s all quit . . . Or has that play already been written?
SayItWithWookies: Oops, you beat me to it. This commenting thing is too hard. I quit.
“I Blame Trig.”
Before reading the byline I had this as a Ken post.
Aw, lil’ Juli’s gettin’ so snarky so fast!
It’s cuckold, not cuckhold.
shortsshortsshorts: The result of quitting her birth control pills. She can’t stick to anything!
saggyboobedhag: It is sad that she brought people to the political process because they saw someone as stupid as themselves running for VP. I guess people wanted to see someone running who was poorly educated, totally non-intellectual and whose grasp of proper English was as weak as their own. Certainly we need a Vp(or President) who is stupider than George Bush.
mattbolt: “let’s give it a working title of Je Confuse”. Semi obscure Zola/Dreyfus reference is pure Juli.
Country Club Jihadi: LOL. I knew there was something that tied it all together.
“J’Confuse” alone is grounds for a raise.
SayItWithWookies: Zondervan is big into audiobooks so there is that. They also publish the “Wild about Horses Bible”. Which seems significant, somehow, but probably is not.
“bein’ a mom to a transgendered pitbull”
STOP MAKING RAPE JOKES ABOUT WILLOW.
Prof. Matt Drudge has a ’scoop’:
“NY TIMES Op-Ed Queen Maureen Dowd runs out of adjectives and insults while ripping away at Alaska Governor Sarah Palin in an upcoming Sunday column.
Palin is “one nutty puppy”, in the mind of Dowd, newsroom sources tell the DRUDGE REPORT, with “erratic and egoistic behavior”.
Dowd spits her holiday barbecue in 800 words, designed for fireworks.
“Exquisite battiness… solipsistic meltdown so strange… incoherent, breathless and prickly… Sarah’s country-music melodramas… girlish burbling.”
And he’s changed the font color to a Four-of-July blue. Swine Fllu is still scary and he can’t wait for people to drop dead.
Now I’m openly rooting for her to be indicted for influence peddling over the whole hockey complex/house issue, simply to see what delusions her followers will reach for to justify it.
Zondervan is a Krazy Kristian publisher. I’m pretty sure they publish the Scofield Study Bible, which is the ur-text of the Rapture set.
Which is kinda funny, because the HarperCollins Study Bible is the go-to for us mainliners.
I don’t think HarperCollins wants another sub-lebrity’s crappy book about creatively hiding your kids’ peas + broccoli in a cupcake to get them to eat vegetables… They’ll wait for the other shoe to drop, imagine the dough they’d get for a story that includes:
• Sarah Palin + Mark Sanford at that GOP Governors convention
• A hidden mincam
• Animal pelts
• Copious amounts of booze and methamphetamines
• Polyester lingerie
• A slightly stale continental breakfast for 2, with a side order of guilt
Levi is apparantly close to a deal on a tell-all book about life “inside the Palin family”. That is something I will pay good money to read. Meanwhile, until he gets done giving the juice to the ghostwriter, the kid better start sleeping with one eye open
Por favor, no es sandmobile. Es sand machine.
And, you know, I just want to thank Atheist Nun for that lovely Blingee that was featured earlier. I don’t think I could feel any more patriotic on this day of our nation’s independence — unless you count all the crackhead college students in my neighborhood setting their roofs on fire right now.
Whatever the subject of Caribou Barbie’s book, I betcha it will have more dangling participles, subordinate clauses and run-on sentences per page than any book in the history of the world!
“I can see the birthplace of Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Turgenev, Chekhov, etc. from my house.”
I’m gonna tell my clients that I can do a better job for them after I quit their cases, and if they don’t appreciate the logic behind that, then that just proves they are elitist belt way types and that makes me sad. The end.
Happy 4th of July, Juli & fellow wonketteers. I know the date for sure because all the fuckingn redneck crackers are lighting their personal stashes of fireworks, thereby scaring my cats and no doubt our resident deer also.
I attended the 200-strong Austin teabagging festival yesterday (not the commercialized sellout one at the capitol today.) It was more rib-tickler than militant assault on my lefty soul. Mostly olds, no non-whites, lots of (gasp) correctly-spelled signs and also I INTERVIEWED JOE THE PLUMBER. He did not smell bad as I expected. Other minor surprises: Joe/Sam has a 13-year-old son and smokes cigarettes.
Anyhoo, no blog-whoring, so search the YouTubes for hobospacejunkie for the interview & other videos from the Austin teabagger party,
Back to draining & cleaning my pool. Oh what a wonderful holiday!
I really hope she wins the Republican nomination for President in 2012 in a landslide, garnering all 6 votes from the last remaining members of the grand old party.
“To the extent several websites, most notably liberal Alaska blogger Shannyn Moore, are now claiming as ‘fact’ that Governor Palin resigned because she is ‘under federal investigation’ for embezzlement or other criminal wrongdoing, we will be exploring legal options this week to address such defamation,” Van Flein said in a statement. “This is to provide notice to Ms. Moore, and those who re-publish the defamation, such as Huffington Post, MSNBC, the New York Times and The Washington Post, that the Palins will not allow them to propagate defamatory material without answering to this in a court of law.”
http://tinyurl.com/lzs6ba
I am the teensiest bit cranky he did not mention our beloved Wonkette as being on notice.
Alpha O. Mega:
Oh yeah? I quit quiting.
hobospacejunkie: It has been said before but needs repeating. You sir are like (the boy who bore mid snow and ice the banner with the strange device) X (the Tianamen Square protesters) X Jesus X 100,000. I only wish you had punched Sam the Unlicenced in the throat. For Jeebus and Amurrican Independence.
hobospacejunkie: Did you get Joe’s autograph? How did he take to our ‘arm’ weather?
“Whatever its content, the Palin book—let’s give it a working title of Je Confuse—will be released on Mothers Day 2010″
Excellent, just in time for the 2011 Galactic Federation elections.
hobospacejunkie: I mean ‘warm’ weather. (I’ve finished my Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA & I have started on the Sazerac Rye.)
Who is this “Sarah Palin” that you mention? I think that I have heard the name before. So quickly do we forget.
Juli, your obscure literary references are pure gold. Well done!
I really really hope they just go all “fuckit, let’s publish the thing anyway” on us, because I think my head would explode from such a momentous pile of FAIL being pooped out onto the shelves of finer booksellers everywhere.
My money is on her quitting to go live at Neverland. I hear it’s for sale, also.
chascates: I did not get JTP’s autograph, though many in attendance did. He seemed almost Dan Ratheresque in his reaction to the heat. Probably due to the entire container of anti-perspirant applied to his head. I did manage to procure a photo with me & Joe which is ripe for photoshopping. I will post a link later.
x111e7thst: You are too kind. Thank you. I didn’t kick him in the nutz because I feared assault by a horde of olds who, after killing me, or maybe even before, would’ve then then gummed me furiously out of desperate hunger, neither food nor tea having been served at this geriatric angerfest.
worrierqueen: “my pet seal”?
Inside sources say she’s got a TV show. These are very good inside sources (hint: my penis).
WadISay: lol. And a hockey stick under his pillow.
Suds McKenzie: She can see mars from her bedroom window suds. What more experience do you need for the highest office in the universe?
My money’s on the book morphing into a coffee table size adaptation of the Runner’s World photo shoot.
Alpha O. Mega: I quit too. Tonight We are All Leaders.
Mumbletypeg: Yes, fundies never read the Bible or they would know its full of SECKS! Proverbs, chapter 30:18: There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not:
19: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.
Zhu Bajie
imissopus: Well, my favorite evangelist, Bro. Stair, claims she’s a tool of the Illuminati, who probably are every bit as cunning as she is, if they exist.
Zhu Bajie
Is it weird that Rush picked this precise moment in time to take a week off from his show? Whenever there’s bad news for Republicans he takes the day off (they always need a day to strategize how to spin the story). But a week long cross-country males-only golf trip? Is he in any kind of physical condition to handle that much golf?
But no one took this great loss harder than Hitler.
WadISay: So is HE Trig’s father?
Zhu Bajie
Genesis 49:5: Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations.
chascates: If by ’scoop’ Drudge means the same Google feed that I get every Saturday night on Dowd’s upcoming column, that is some deep investigative journalism. Also, ‘developing’ must mean he hasn’t read to the end of the column yet,
x111e7thst: chascates: As promised, here’s a photo of yours truly, HoboSpaceJunkie, with Joe the Plunger.
Extemporanus where are you? Get your photoshop out & get to work putting a different head on me!
hobospacejunkie: Maybe it’s the cooking sherry talking, but you know that part during your clip of JTP not apologizing, where you see/hear about 12 people clapping when talks about not being apologetic for being an American, and a nice old white lady with one of those wheeled walkers and black fanny pack casually walks behind him (”is this the line for the salad bar?”), yeah, when that happened, I totes lost my shit.
hamletta: Actually Zondervan is pretty mainstream from within the world of conservative Christianity. Their titles are more along the lines of ‘Snake Handling: Will God Save You?’ as opposed to ‘Snake Handling: God Will Save You!’
worrierqueen: If you walk without rhythm, you wont attract the worm.
jetjaguar: I just took a look again. Nice visual non-sequitur going on behind Joe. You have eage eyes, jetjaguar.
“Excuse me, Joey, is this the line to apologize for America, sonny?”
There were lots of olds, almost a majority of olds, at this particular teabagging fest.
hobospacejunkie: Maybe he can duplicate you and make you hump yourself on a stump.
I think there should a be website dedicated to just doing that ….Humpmee ?
Mr Blifil: Complete with the discriminating man’s colorform– Fathead pullouts!
hobospacejunkie: Nice leer you got there. Impressive vids - David Blane’s got nothing on you - I’d have lasted maybe 30 seconds there before shuddering and puking on someone.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the new season of Big Brother begins in a few days, and they have promised that someone we know will be showing up. Methinks THIS is the reason Palin resigned, for a summer in the hot tub with beefy guys and the chance to eat slop for days on end.
hobospacejunkie: HA! You look positively ambivalent about giving that guy a big ol’ bear hug! I LOL’d.
(Which one’s Joe, again?)
hobospacejunkie: You know, every time one of you guys posts a link to a picture of yourselves, I always click on it, because, you know, to like see the people I’m talking with and all, and I’m disappointed every single time because you all look so fucking NORMAL. I expect more weirdness, I don’t know why.
gurukalehuru: you all look so fucking NORMAL. I expect more weirdness, I don’t know why.
Actually, for a Texan, I thought he looked freakishly thin. Then there’s that gay pink hat…
gurukalehuru: I’m with you. I picture us all looking (and talking) like Louie, Latka, Simka, and the Rev. Jim from Taxi.
SayItWithWookies: Queen Sarah does not need to learn English. This is Amurrica. We “write” “books” by talking into a tape recorder. Then “they” have the recordings “typed up” by people who finished college in four years.
bonghitsforjesus: I think the book will be 14 point type, large margins, lots-o-needless-capitalization, and occassional font changes
Her autobiography will obviously be stocked in the Children’s section.
mattbolt: But there’s that Newellesque lack of Alt-Text. Also.
Jukesgrrl: people can finish college in four years? who told you that? is it true? shit, i better get a move on. four’s out of the question, but maybe i can bring it home in forty.
so what are the choices biling down to for babble spice’s book? will it be a comic book — i’m sorry, i mean illustrated novel — about the exploits of team sarah, a close coterie of god-fearing superheroines and their kooky male sidekicks who sally forth from their crystalline ice fortress in the moosey and melting northlands to do this and that and eat oysters? or will she be channeling one of the lesser spirits of gertrude stein, the one known as trudy the rock, mixing hot word salad on the go? or will it be a fitness book with perky color photos and chapters on the various ways one (an untitled one) can run away from every difficult situation and still stay in media-pleasing shape? o wonketties, the possibilites are endless, rather like the sarah saga is proving to be, and what a beautiful illustration of the nadir of contemporary american politics her tome, whatever she may choose to spew forth, will prove to be. i am giddy with anticipation.
(nb — biling is a siccer (egg with intentionality, a true phenomenon))
bonghitsforjesus: It’ll be a pop-up book with a giant Putin head. Working title: “What is it that the VP does every day?”
“Palin informed her spokesman David Murrow early Saturday that someone using the name “exgovsarahpalin” on Twitter was spreading a false rumor that there was to be a party at her suburban home in Wasilla, outside Anchorage. Palin was afraid her home would be mobbed, and security was dispatched, Murrow said.”
Her ghostwriter is desperately twatting, trying to gin up material so she can focus on something besides the FAIL. A party would have been nice.
Or.. “Zondervan, interstellar hitbeast.” Hey just like the GOP, it can take the form of anything it likes but it still smells like six kinds of dead animal carcasses stuffed in a dead camels ass.
I hope there will be lots of pictures of SP playing basketball.
The Zondervan edition will prove: 1) why all Palin non-supporters are going to hell, and 2) why Jesus ordered Sarah to build her temple in Wasilla. Shame on all you unwashed hellions who hate Amerika, and Jeezus, and Trig.
saggyboobedhag:
“Hey maybe they’re onto something about this new feminist role modeling. Let’s all quit . . . Or has that play already been written?”
Not a play, but it’s certainly a recurring theme on South Park. Palin is now the Eric Cartman of politics. “F@#$ you guys, I’m goin’ home!”
Uh … you’ve used “affect” several times where it really *is* “effect”, in the “effect” = “create” sense. It’s all confusing, because “effect” is also a fairly common noun. But yeah, “to effect” means “to create” or “tp bring forth”, where “to affect” just means “to influence.”
- Your Grammar/Spelling Nazi
(”I only nag because I respect you and want you always to appear as smart as we all know you are.” ;->)
hobospacejunkie: I don’t see Leslie anywhere, it’s not a real party without the homeless-cross-dressing-mayoral-candidate there.
hobospacejunkie: Howww-DEE!
Nice prom photo, Sasquatch! Are you standing on the corpse of “Salad Bar Lady?” Also, perfect shit eating smirk on Le Petit Joe—judging by the flared nostrils, I’m guessing that it’s literal.
Sorry for the tardy reply. I was up late replying to Ken’s 2:00am diatribe with another hastily doctored Palin desecration of what this world needs more of, not less.
Do you have any melon-morphing requests, or should I just use my controlled substances, er, imagi…alright, controlled substances? I’ll check back later…
“special” means, “my poor kid thatI birthed, because I would NEVER abort”, is a retarded killer. But he’s special because my 3rd grade graduate, illiterate, pastor tells me so. He eats his own shit, strangles the cat, and smothers his siblings…but he’s “Downs” and we should NEVER abort him because he is sweet like JESUS..and perfect…just perfectly homicidal…not a big thing.
by all means..let’s save these poor retarded babies..they are “special”. When they kill the neighbor’s perfectly normal child…we can all cry. If in Texas or Oklahoma, we can execute this “special” child after it kills 2 or 3 or it’s normal neighbors. That’s just.
Save the unborn retards. Justify by death the innocent lives the retard takes.
AMEN.
Extemporanus: By all means use your imagination. Anything goes in the land of Wonkette.
Lascauxcaveman: My hat is pink but it is not gay, thank you very much.
Lascauxcaveman: Speaking of ambivalence, my wife, who took the photo of me & JTP, said he positively blanched when I put my arm around him. Like actual human contact was neither expected nor welcomed. I didn’t notice at the time, because shit, it’s a picture. It would look stupid just two guys standing next to each other. We’d already had a conversation on video, so obviously we were almost BFF at that point.
I work at HC. The deal looks like it will be squashed internally but we are awaiting final word. Main reason. Objections from our run on sentence division. Her book is expected to exhaust our supply of commas n colons n semi-colons n dashes n 3 letter words beginning with a n ending with d with an n in the middle causing a worldwide shortage n driving the price up exponentially. We are prohibited from use any of these until corporate makes final decision.
“There’s been so much written about and spoken about in the mainstream media and in the anonymous blogosphere world, that this will be a wonderful, refreshing chance for me to get to tell my story, that a lot of people have asked about, unfiltered,”
unfiltered = incoherent