thursdays are for magazines

A Discussion About The New Yorker, Entirely Devoid Of He Who Must Not Be Fact-Checked

Let’s turn an eye toward the New Yorker, a popular New York-based magazine that sometimes has a passable amount to do with DC and politics, making it a-okay for this, “the DC gossip.” Plus, as you may have heard, certain New Yorker staff writers have been turning a bemonocoled eye towards your Wonkette, and you know, an eye for an eye, etc. So, let’s go through all the relevant stuff in here, yes?

“The Gatekeeper”: Obama ‘N Friends Bureau Chief Ryan Lizza, a recent-ish import from the New Republic, hangs out with Rahm Emanuel for this week’s big Letter from Washington. Despite Lizza making a terrible first impression by maliciously destroying Emanuel’s prize wooden paper tray upon entering his office, the profile is a flattering one, at least relatively—even if it does include Fidel Castro saying that this Rahm Emanuel is no Immanuel Kant. But here’s where it gets even weirder: Lizza reports that a rogue meat slicer (R-UT) robbed Emauel of 50% of one finger. Except! That’s not quite the whole story, is it Immanuel Emanuel? It was only after our hero went swimming in Lake Michigan later that night (prom night [seriously]) that the finger began to reject Rahm’s body and demanded its own removal. Why is G.W.F. Emanuel’s story suddenly changing, just as Obama is trying to socialize our health care for the communists? Liberal Ryan Lizza is conspicuously silent. [The Gatekeeper]

“Gitmo Get Together”: Uh so, the national director of the ACLU invited some other lawyers to his Chelsea apartment because there were lots of important things to celebrate about Obama and torture. It wasn’t an official ACLU thing—hence why this guy had to buy booze and Chinese food for the party out of his own pocket—but they all sat around and talked about their suspected-terrorist clients whom Bush tortured for the last 7ish years. These fancy lawyers are glad that Obama decided to close Gitmo but hope that Barry hates torture as much as he says he does. (Oh, there’s a parenthetical spoiler alert informing us that they already hate Barry too.) [Dept. of Hoopla: Gitmo Get Together]

“The Back Channel”: Ghost Wars author and frequent contributor Steve Coll has a big piece about things going on in Kashmir. It’s not online but the cover of the magazine is so funsy this week that it’s totally worth buying the deadtree version anyway. So, India and Pakistan have been feuding since forever B.C., and they were fairly close to CLOSING THE DEAL, but then old Ari Gold Kant fucked this up too by jumping in a lake right after prom, like an idiot, thus ruining the mood. Also there was instability in Pakistan, if you can believe it, and relations between the two weren’t exactly helped by the attacks in Mumbai earlier this year. [The Back Channel]

“Voter Beware”: Famous slacker Jeffrey Toobin has a piece about the Voting Rights Act, a piece of legislation that protects the voting rights of blacks, which was the sort of thing that a lot of America didn’t need so much, but they made it a national thing as to not embarrass the racist places too too much. But embarrassed they were! And now, because this is shameful, maybe these places are going to make a big thing about it by decrying unconstitutionality. Toobin says this is a bad call, to eradicate this thing, as just a few years ago all those disenfrancise-y things happened with blacks in Florida, Ohio, etc. [Voter, Beware]

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Bonus non-political/DC thing: Leonard Cohen has written a poem! It uh, sort of reads like song lyrics. [A Street Poetry]

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About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner

Hola wonkerados.

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36 comments

  1. Serolf Divad

    The similarities between Rahm Emmanuel and Immanuel Kant aren’t just superficial, though. few people know that Emmanuel published a book called The Critique of Pure Fukcing Reason: or How Synthetic Apriori Judgments are even Fucking Possible..

  2. V572625694

    [re=254153]Serolf Divad[/re]: Ha ha, geek liberal artsy WIN!

    If you grew up on the New Yorker, it’s still hard to countenance its current Tina Brown incarnation. Where are the 200-pp articles about nuclear winter?

  3. loquaciousmusic

    I noticed that no one mentioned David Denby’s review of The International, featured in this issue, which contains choice lines such as:

    “Clive Owen, unshaven and foul-tempered, stares and stares in outraged frustration, but not even this excellent actor and his beautiful dark eyes can create a role entirely out of wrath.”

    I will leave snarky comments to AngryBlakGuy and Shorts. I’m all out of juice today.

  4. phildeaux

    [re=254153]Serolf Divad[/re]: Don’t Forget “I Think Goddamnit, Therefore I Fucking Am, Motherfucker.”

  5. rocktonsammy

    I remember when ma and pa had the New Yorker on the coffee table, they didn’t read it then either.

  6. drrty martini

    Juli, can you read the New Yorker every week for me? Your digest is more interesting and doesn’t make me sleepy!

  7. Come here a minute

    Yeah, that poem reads like a song lyric. That explains why all those stupid “new” poems do not rhyme/rhythm, because they’re songs for people with no musical talent.

  8. assistant/atlas

    Apropos of nothing, I checked out that ActForLove.org ad (because I support you, Wonkette!) and was disappointed that none of the chicks mentioned a propensity for teh buttsecks. What the hell kind of liberal dating site is bereft of free-lovin’ hippie chicks who do anal on the first date? I mean, seriously, I’d have better luck at Hannidate.

  9. masterdebater

    You’re kidding, they still print magazines? That’s so…quaint! I would also like to see the return of rotary-dial telephones, and the ice box! Not that either are any more or less relevant than the New Yorker, mind you.

  10. Serolf Divad

    [re=254155]V572625694[/re]:

    My very expensive eeeelite Northeastern college education enabled me to make such jokes.

  11. jagorev

    I wonder how much soap Ryan Lizza needed to wipe the smell of Emanuel’s taint off his mouth after that slobber-job.

  12. Come here a minute

    [re=254217]masterdebater[/re]: Ok, here’s a plug for good journalism…if you subscribe to the quaint print edition you can read everything, ever, from the New Yorker on line.

  13. DangerousLiberal

    Don’t dis the New Yorker, man. OK, so now I know that David Denby is a …. well, whatever. But the journalism is several orders of magnitude better than Popular Mechanics or the Wall Street Journal, and it’s just long enough to amuse me for a 2 hour flight. And, yes, the cartoons. Call me an elitist snob.

  14. snideinplainsight

    Curse you, New Yorker! Some day I will win the cartoon caption contest, and then I shall have my REVENGE!

  15. Filthy Crapcan

    But were it not for this most storied publication, we wouldn’t have libtard reporters for Bill’O to stalk!

  16. Bruno

    “bemonocoled eye towards your Wonkette”

    This deserves further detail, even though it is the New Yorker, is there warblogging that needs to be done? We haven’t crushed anyone in a while

  17. mauricewalkersiszlakIV

    I like the New Yorker, and I’m an undereducated hillbilly. Some good stories and eds. And cartoons. You dingleberries.

  18. Serolf Divad

    [re=254329]mauricewalkersiszlakIV[/re]:

    Come on… anyone with a smidgen of self-respect claims to read Playboy for the articles and The New Yorker for the cartoons.

  19. TGY

    Did it go downhill after Updike or uphill after Downdike? I get confused.

    [re=254153]Serolf Divad[/re]: Read Kant or Kant read?

  20. ThePerfesser

    It has much in common with Playboy. People used to say the subscribed to Playboy to read the articles.

    Only instead of airbrushed boobies, it’s the cartoons and typos that New Yorker readers turn to.
    The articles are an afterthought, unless someone later tells them they should have read one.

    I speak for myself here.

  21. dearest

    The New Yorker is the best thing that gets printed in America. Period. I am a bit worry because the last two issues had about five ads each, which is too bad and pretty dangerous in the ungracious Conde Nest world. I like how you dis it in the Wonkette way of love.

  22. qwerty42

    Well, we need to ask ourselves “would Joe the Plumber read The New Yorker“? We want to orient ourselves around that. I wonder how the teabag party (aka CPAC) is going …. seemed to be reaching heights of teh crazy yesterday.

  23. Doglessliberal

    [re=254166]loquaciousmusic[/re]: OMG, I just read that last night, and thought, does he, when he sits down to write, consciously say “I need to make this prose MORE purple!”?

  24. Bucky Katt

    I don’t know, there were some pretty grim things about the William Shawn era as well – I remember cringing every time I opened one to find another interminable personal history by Ved Mehta prattling on and on about mamajee and dadajee and whatever. Tina Brown admittedly dumbed it down but there were a few interesting things she did.

    These days the fiction and poetry are an absolute crock – I try to read one of their stories now and then and inevitably regret it. The Cohen piece is the first thing that’s looked like a real poem in their pages in years.

  25. Mustang

    [re=254444]Bucky Katt[/re]: I agree. The fiction and poetry went to hell. But I also think the nonfiction was more interesting. Also, it’s become political, which it has no business doing.

Comments are closed.