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Let’s turn an eye toward the New Yorker, a popular New York-based magazine that sometimes has a passable amount to do with DC and politics, making it a-okay for this, “the DC gossip.” Plus, as you may have heard, certain New Yorker staff writers have been turning a bemonocoled eye towards your Wonkette, and you know, an eye for an eye, etc. So, let’s go through all the relevant stuff in here, yes?

“The Gatekeeper”: Obama ‘N Friends Bureau Chief Ryan Lizza, a recent-ish import from the New Republic, hangs out with Rahm Emanuel for this week’s big Letter from Washington. Despite Lizza making a terrible first impression by maliciously destroying Emanuel’s prize wooden paper tray upon entering his office, the profile is a flattering one, at least relatively—even if it does include Fidel Castro saying that this Rahm Emanuel is no Immanuel Kant. But here’s where it gets even weirder: Lizza reports that a rogue meat slicer (R-UT) robbed Emauel of 50% of one finger. Except! That’s not quite the whole story, is it Immanuel Emanuel? It was only after our hero went swimming in Lake Michigan later that night (prom night [seriously]) that the finger began to reject Rahm’s body and demanded its own removal. Why is G.W.F. Emanuel’s story suddenly changing, just as Obama is trying to socialize our health care for the communists? Liberal Ryan Lizza is conspicuously silent. [The Gatekeeper]

“Gitmo Get Together”: Uh so, the national director of the ACLU invited some other lawyers to his Chelsea apartment because there were lots of important things to celebrate about Obama and torture. It wasn’t an official ACLU thing—hence why this guy had to buy booze and Chinese food for the party out of his own pocket—but they all sat around and talked about their suspected-terrorist clients whom Bush tortured for the last 7ish years. These fancy lawyers are glad that Obama decided to close Gitmo but hope that Barry hates torture as much as he says he does. (Oh, there’s a parenthetical spoiler alert informing us that they already hate Barry too.) [Dept. of Hoopla: Gitmo Get Together]

“The Back Channel”: Ghost Wars author and frequent contributor Steve Coll has a big piece about things going on in Kashmir. It’s not online but the cover of the magazine is so funsy this week that it’s totally worth buying the deadtree version anyway. So, India and Pakistan have been feuding since forever B.C., and they were fairly close to CLOSING THE DEAL, but then old Ari Gold Kant fucked this up too by jumping in a lake right after prom, like an idiot, thus ruining the mood. Also there was instability in Pakistan, if you can believe it, and relations between the two weren’t exactly helped by the attacks in Mumbai earlier this year. [The Back Channel]

“Voter Beware”: Famous slacker Jeffrey Toobin has a piece about the Voting Rights Act, a piece of legislation that protects the voting rights of blacks, which was the sort of thing that a lot of America didn’t need so much, but they made it a national thing as to not embarrass the racist places too too much. But embarrassed they were! And now, because this is shameful, maybe these places are going to make a big thing about it by decrying unconstitutionality. Toobin says this is a bad call, to eradicate this thing, as just a few years ago all those disenfrancise-y things happened with blacks in Florida, Ohio, etc. [Voter, Beware]

Bonus non-political/DC thing: Leonard Cohen has written a poem! It uh, sort of reads like song lyrics. [A Street Poetry]

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