Wonkette
You might have heard something about America’s new President, Captain Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger. He landed a plane on the Hudson, and was able to repeat the Oath of Office correctly, and now he is famous. Hooray! But how quickly America forgets its original Sully, a one Mr. Andrew “Sully” Sullivan, a Briton whom King George III put in charge of the colonies’ Internet in 1772. Where does one Sully begin and the other Sully end? See Wonkette’s official chart for your very own exciting answers!
Name
Captain Sully: Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger III
Journalist Sully: Andrew “Sully” Sullivan
Age
Captain Sully: 58
Journalist Sully: 45
Occupation
Captain Sully: US Air pilot, American hero
Journalist Sully: Internet-defining blogger for the Atlantic
Facial Hair
Captain Sully: A thin, white mustache that also flew F4s, for America
Journalist Sully: Strangely anthropomorphic beard
Claim to fame
Captain Sully: A visiting scholar at Berkeley (really!)! Also recently landed an airplane in the Hudson River
Journalist Sully: Gap model [Folio]
Sidekick
Captain Sully: His “crew” (actual) and his “crew” (colloquial), the latter including his fitness instructor wife and the California exurb of Danville, which recently gave him its key; plus his crew (cut) [The Mercury News]
Journalist Sully: “Patrick”, a shadowy, shapeless Rosencrantz who fills in for Sully when Christopher Hitchens’ cocktails prove too British; his two homosexual beagles
Bete Noire
Captain Sully: Islamofascist geese
Journalist Sully: 1980s pinup Leon Wieseltier, the New Republic’s literary editor; Paul Krugman [The New Republic] [The Nation]
What His Friends Say
Captain Sully: “It’s not too often to see a hometown hero from a small town” - Danville resident [Los Angeles Times]
Journalist Sully: “I want tongue. Give me tongue. Let the record show: Sullivan wouldn’t give tongue” - Christopher Hitchens, extra, La Dolce Vita [Wonkette]
What His Enemies Say
Captain Sully: “The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi” - Dick Cheney
Journalist Sully: “[Sullivan endorsed] Rep. Ron Paul for the Republican nomination” - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia [Andrew Sullivan]
Fun Fact!
Captain Sully: Was simply doing his job like he was trained to do.
Journalist Sully: Talks like this. [Google Video]
Catchphrase
Captain Sully: “Brace for impact.” [NY Daily News]
Journalist Sully: “But with no medical records, it’s impossible to know.” [The Daily Dish]
Can you really “land” an airplane in a river? I suppose if you can “launch” a boat, why not?
Captain Sully: Relevant.
“Journalist” Sully: Linked to Wonkette all the time for some god awful reason that only Wonkette understands.
I can’t resist a fellow with Roman numerals.
And, oddly enough, they both work for dying industries that once symbolized our advanced civilization but are now metaphorically going down faster and harder than Christopher Hitchens.
Captain Sully: MARCdMan will buy drinks for
“Journalist” Sully: MARCdMan will pour drinks on
You know, this one time, Andrew Sullivan had his wi-fi connection at Panera Bread flake out on him and had to run across the street, under glaring sunlight, to a Starbucks. So he too has acted heroically in the face of emergencies, also.
Actually they have a lot in common. They are both irredeemable pussies.
Original Muppet Sully shits on both of them.
http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Image:Sully.jpg
Mr Blifil: Fuck. Let’s try that again.
One cannot ignore lineage when assessing nobility, thus one cannot omit mention of Andrew’s famous father Silky Sullivan, from whom he got his habit of being 40 lengths off the pace.
Mr Blifil: Very nice.
Mr Blifil:
Ever hear of a seaplane?
ManchuCandidate: Winner
picture-5 is alive!
What? No buttsecks flow chart?
wow, this seems very much indebted to 23/6, which is usually almost as bad as its mother, the Huffington Post. Lol teh gay conservativeness!
Captain Sully: Chiron Rising
Journalist Sully: Bear411
Mr Blifil: Wow, missed your flight of fancy the day it appeared. Excellent! Ever read White Noise by Don DeLillo?
Capt. Sully: Snappy uniform
Sully: Embarrassing Guatemalan hippy-shirt
If GW Bush was still in charge he’d already be in Iraq destroying the nests of the Iraqi geese who did in that plane. God I miss him!
lawrenceofthedesert: ZOMG!
Silky Sullivan! was not a self hating conservative homo catholic.
To keep the confusion down, I say the pilot should change his name to “Chesty Chestenberger”
I think we need more of these user’s guides.
Like a Dick v. Dick (Dick Cheney v. Dick Clark).
Mr Blifil: Yep, that one is filled with all kinds of win, and should be required reading for any and all persons who wish to open a a commenting account here at Wonkette. Y’know, to give them idea of what to shoot for.
Captain Sully: Last out.
Journalist Sully: First in.
Innocent older lady as I am, I sit here, eating my cream cheese (low fat) and jelly (sugar free) on toasted English Muffin, reading wonkette because CS Monitor has Blago on the front page and BOOM!
Hitchens and tongue in the same sentence. Fuck you, wonkette. I don’t have time to more, because I have to go throw up my lunch.
I will openly admire Juli for 1980s pin-up Leon Wieseltier. FTW! And if the Matt Damon-Bill Kristol debate comes through, Juli can have dibs for the video, “I’m effing Bill Kristol”.
There you go, just for you, Jules.
Servo: My point is that touching down on water can’t really be described as “landing” as there is no contact with land.
But yes I have heard of Seaplanes. In fact I have a fantasy of doing it with Sarah Palin while alone on a Seaplane at altitude, just me, her and her six-month developed fetus, flying high along the Alaskan coastline. After I have completed my manly deed, I don my cardboard wings and jump off the plane to safety, leaving Sarah and her swollen belly to the mercy of the ministrations of the auto pilot. I’m glad to have that out of my system thanks.
tootsieroll: hear hear
I can’t help myself. I’m weak.
“Did you ever see a grown man naked?”
Captain Sully: Airport ‘77
Journalist Sully:I Know What You Did Up The Bummer
COMBINE the sullys. This economy needs SYNERGY.
Tommy Says Soooo: DAMN. I wonder how many other Wonketteers had been pondering an “I’m fucking Bill Kristol video”? Is this a moment where great minds think alike?
Off Topic (OR IS IT?!?!??!?!?!?!)
SKATEBOARDING IN AFGHANISTAN (WORD TO YOUR MOTHA):
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/26/sports/othersports/26skate.html?_r=3&hp
shanemacgowan: Win
Journalist Sully: Scratched ass on national TV after interview.
Captain Sully: Scratched a number of geese.
Mr Blifil:
Don’t forget to open the fuel dump valve. Simultaneously test Sarah’s faith and Peggington’s “Lord’s Hands” theory of flight over the Brooks Range.
Andrew Sully’s beard is the leftovers from Rod Blagojevich’s brush.
Famous for ingesting…
Captain Sully: Flock of Canada geese.
Journalist Sully: Horde of conservative cock.
Mr Blifil: Excellent comments. And your new avatar is scaring the shit out of me. Excellent, also.
The two Sullivans do share some similarities, of course. For example, people speaking to and about them often have to use the phrases “cockpit”, “goose”, “suck”, and “water landing”.
The Good Sulley’s “fitness-expert” wife is MILF-tastic.
Hometown
Pilot Sully: Danville
Scribe Sully: manville
Servo: *pats little servo* You and me both. Also:
Captain Sully: gets key to the city
Journalist Sully: gets Hitchen’s ‘key’
facehead: That would also be a good steel cage death match. Dick Clark had a stroke a few years ago, so it’ll be a fair fight, unless someone gives Cheney a shotgun.
Mr Blifil: Just don’t look to me to be in the control tower as you try to glide in!
Capt. Sully’s plane is the first entrant to New Yorks newest, most exclusive address: FloHo , or anything that floats below Houston
Servo: Believe me. I will have dumped my fuel at that point.
Captain Sully: Immediate bailout
Andy Sully: Woe to the increasingly marginalized incurious intolerant regional party known as the Republicans, who oppose bailouts after years of profligate spending, and have turned on their ideological roots as outlined in my latest book, The Conservative Soul: How We Lost It, How to Get It Back.
…And I want Trigs medical records. Also.
bitchincamaro: He’s watching specially produced 3D porn on 3D total immersion glasses. He’s my hero.
Mr Blifil: Did you wash your hair or something?
“picture-5″?
Standards sure are dropping around here.
Journo Sully: Fat.
Cap’n Sully: Not fat.
Sarjo: Points for conciseness. Which is not the same as niceness.
Now, if I had been forced to endorse a Republican last round, I would have endorsed Ron Paul, too. At least he was entertainingly crazy instead of scary crazy. Or, in the case of Sarah Palin, winky psychotic hellspawn crazy. The pickings were rather slim.