In the history of Weeks, never has there been so much fun to be had on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays. Now, in honor of President Barry, all the parties on Earth have come to DC, making for a very special a To-Do: Wonkette’s Official Inaugural Mid-Week Programme.


Your Host: Wonkette’s own Liz Glover
Venue: Bikram Yoga Capitol Hill
Logistical Details: Friday 1/16; 10 PM to whenevsies; $5 suggested donation; RSVP to
Sexy Details: BYOB or not; plus DJs and a photographer
But Will There By Any Famous People?: Wonkette commenters and readers (maybe), and of course Liz Glover
[Wonkette’s Patriotic Inauguration Ball]


Your Host: Presidential Inaugural Committee
Venue: Lincoln Memorial
Logistical Details: Sunday 1/18; 7 2 PM; This thing is called “We Are One”, and it’s a huge concert on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial that’s free and open to the public
Sexy Details: It’s free!
But Will There Be Any Famous People?: Everyone there will be a celebrity, including famed humans Beyonce, Bono (let’s see, music; it is the Sirens chapter for Bono now, hm?), Sheryl Crow, Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, etc.

Your Host: Declare Yourself and Norman Lear
Venue: Renaissance Washington’s Grand Ballroom
Logistical Details: Sunday 1/18; 8 PM to midnight; $250
Sexy Details: Attire is “celebratory casual”
But Will There Be Any Famous People?: It’s hosted by Jessica Alba, there are performances by John Legend and Maroon 5 and LGBT activist Samantha Ronson will play an oldie and some Jay-Z off her iPod Shuffle.
[Inaugural Kickoff Celebration]

Your Host: American Scholars Inaugural Ball Committee
Venue: The Four Seasons in Georgetown
Logistical Details: Sunday 1/18; 8 PM to 2 AM; prices vary depending on how much Latin is on your degree (really)
Sexy Details: Unnamed musical acts will be in attendance
But Will There Be Any Famous People?: Yes but they are academically famous so not technically famous.
[Dreams From My Father: American Scholars Inaugural Ball]

Your Host: Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute and other various Hispanic/Latino groups
Venue: Union Staion (?); Wonkette Associate Editor Jim Newell says a party space “can be made” in Union Station
Logistical Details: Sunday 1/18; 7:30 PM to Midnight; $200/ticket
Sexy Details: So many trains! Ah!
But Will There Be Any Famous People?: No, just Marc Anthony
[The 2009 Latino Inaugural Gala]

Your Host: Democratic Leadership in the 21st Century (DL21C)
Venue: K Street Lounge
Logistical Details: Sunday 1/18; 8 PM to 4 AM; Free for members, $5/non-members; RSVP here
Sexy Details: There is an nearly identical DL21C party in New York. Doppelgangers only.
But Will There Be Any Famous People?: No.


Your Host: Hip Hop Summit Action Network, Russell Simmons, Young Jeezy, LL Cool J, T.I.
Venue: The Harman Center for the Arts
Logistical Details: Monday 1/19; 9 PM to 2 AM; $500; Black tie
Sexy Details: There will be an award ceremony (?), plus an afterparty for the award ceremony and possibly some things relating to the Inauguration of Barack Obama
But Will There By Any Famous People?: See “Your Host”
[Hip Hop Inaugural Ball]

Your Host: Rock the Vote
Venue: 9:30 Club
Logistical Details: Monday 1/19; 8 PM
Sexy Details: “Hey, America Feels Kinda Cool Again” features Sheryl Crow, the Beastie Boys, Citizen Cope, etc.
But Will There By Any Famous People?: Seems like they’ve shipped Sheryl Crow over from the Lincoln Memorial
[Hey America Feels Kinda Cool Again]


Your Host: The Baltimore-Washington Black McDonald’s Owners Association
Venue: The City Club at Franklin Square
Logistical Details: Tuesday 1/20; 8 PM to Midnight; $200; Black tie preferred
Sexy Details: The gathering is described as “intimate”, the d’oeuvre are described as “hors”
But Will There Be Any Famous People?: According to a Baltimore-Washington Black McDonald’s Owner himself, Gilbert Arenas, Jason Campell and Adrian Fenty were all “invited.”

Your Host: Famous internet website Brightest Young Things
Venue: Bohemian Caverns/LIV nightclub
Logistical Details: Tuesday 1/20; 9:30 AM (mmhmm, AM) to 4 AM
Sexy Details: Tig Notaro from Sarah Silverman’s teevee show will be there, plus bands like Team Facelift, Wale, and Team Robespierre. Plus baloon animals, and a burlesque show.
But Will There Be Any Famous People?: Maybe!
[Inauguration Spectacular]

Your Host: Washington DC, the city!
Venue: City Hall (the John A. Wilson Building)
Logistical Details: Tuesday 1/20; 8 PM; $51 (get it?)
Sexy Details: Taxation without representation, etc.
But Will There By Any Famous People?: Chuck Brown, of the go-go persuasion
[51st State Inaugural Ball]

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  1. [re=218811]JGB[/re]:

    Yep, the Lincoln Memorial concert (with my secret boyfriend Bruce Springsteen) is at 2pm and then will be shown on HBO at 7pm.

  2. I am impressed! The very mention of Wonkette’s Patriotic Inauguration Ball has caused good old Abe L to spontaneously starburst multicolored balloons out of his crotch. Huzzah!

  3. [re=218784]TGY[/re]: It think it’s a quote from a Bono song:

    “We are One
    But we’re not the same
    We need to carry each other
    In a black Nike holdall
    Which should be left in the third
    Dumpster on the left
    At midnight, and remember:
    Not a word to the police
    Or you will never see
    Your donkey alive again.”

    I think that’s how the song goes, my memory’s a little hazy.

  4. [re=218816]Terry[/re]: And my secret boyfriend Bobby Weir is playing some 1K fundraiser for Franken. Sucks. Oh well, I’ll settle for Bruce and Bono…and cross my fingers Bob shows up somewhere…

  5. Your Hosts: The Ghosts of Ohio Congressman Wilbur Mills and Argentine Stripper Fanne Foxe
    Venue: The former Zebra Room at the corner of Wisconsin and Macomb.
    Logistical Details: All weekend people will re-enact the insane drunken revelry leading to Fanne and Wilbur’s famous car “accident” at the Tidal Basin that resulted in Fanne being sent to St. Elizabeth’s (sexist bastards!) and Wilbur being re-elected with 60% of the vote.
    Sexy Details: Wilbur Mills was Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee for 18 years, longer than anyone in history, and I used to live across the street from the Zebra Room, back in the days when people knew how to drink and there were no consequences.
    But Will There Be Any Famous People?: The ghosts of Wayne (also feared and also from Ohio) Hays and Elizabeth Ray. (Look it up on the tubz, kids.)

  6. [re=218814]MoonshineJoe[/re]: Just think, if McCain had won, we would’ve had all sorts of Mavericky parties. We call ’em ‘riots’, and boy howdy they are a hoot!

  7. [re=218828]Terry[/re]: I didn’t think there was much left of Galveston … though I imagine the survivors will happily drink heavily in honor of the new administration. Now over in Austin on the other hand …

  8. [re=218828]Terry[/re]: True, they’re all for the wrath of god when it’s directed at the sodomites and baby killers but point it in their direction and they start whining like a bunch of wellfare queens.

  9. [re=218843]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I suggest much alcohol for the full reenactment because you will need to be stuporous, as the temps in the low teens at night, mid-20s, atbest, during the day, should make the Tidal Basin jump a whole barrel o’ laughs.

  10. What, no Mark Russell? No Starland Vocal Band reunion? A Charlie Byrd lookalike contest? A friggin’ Margaret Truman reading at McMurtry’s old bookstore? Has our nation’s capitol lost its sense of history? Couldn’t we at least break into Democratic headquarters or have a Wilbur Mills Memorial Fountain Splash? Sheesh. (Otoh, keep Barry out of Ford’s Theater…)

  11. I think I’m the only person who left DC instead of migrating towards it this month. My whole family is going to the inauguration while I’m stuck in London.

    But hey, American citizens get free entry to Madame Tussauds on inauguration day to see the new wax Prez.

  12. I’m driving back from Penn State to Richmond this Sunday, so I’ll be missing out on all those swanky parties. I would definitely love to stop by the Wonkette jam and awkwardly hit on Liz Glover, but unfortunately (or fortunately, if you’re Liz Glover) I’ll be getting fondled by I-95 traffic for 8 hours. Good thing I have the entire music catalog of Color Me Bad on my iPOD, or else I’d be fucked.

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