Come To Wonkette’s Patriotic Inaugural Ball This Friday!

by Jim Newell

To honor Barack Obama’s swearing-in as the first Luo president of America, ever, your Wonkette is hosting a sexy sexy party this Friday — yes, the one that’s in two days! Ha ha! And it’s free for everyone, with the musics and the alcohols. America’s videographer Liz Glover will play host at her very own yoga studio to boot! Oh boy! Details!

  • Where/when?

    10PM till seriously whenever
    410 H Street N.E. Washington, DC 20002
    $5 suggested donation (or you can pay nothing and be BANNED FOREVER from LIFE)

  • Who will play the musics and show you the sexy moving pictures? Descriptions from DC’s own resident art cartographer Nikolas Schiller, who knows all the hot tickets in this town!

    “visionary seductive sleaze from Luke & Christina, live music/video performance”

    “People’s Potential honcho spinning records so mind-bogglingly nasty that they don’t even actually exist”

    “Future Times heroes (DJ Ari G and Disco City’s Maxmillion Dunbar) banging that slow, aquatic house vibe”


  • Why?

    FOR AMERICA! (Free beer.)

  • Should I RSVP?

    Hmm maybe! Not really, ha. BUT if you’re interested, please send an e-mail indicating you would like to come to, subject line, “I HAVE COORDINATED MY BUMPASS-ROSE TO WONKETTE’S PARTY,” just so we can get a basic headcount, ok? Deal with it?

    There will be a Facebook info page soon, for the kids. UPDATE: Facebook event page is here! You can respond there too! Post wacky pictures!

    Peggy Noonan and Bill Kristol will be there too, with that same aquatic vibe, because they are fish. Uhh that’s all for now. Come!

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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TGY January 14, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Good thing somebody has the balls to give a ball.

Alas, Liz my love, I wouldn’t be caught dead in D.C. for the inauguration, but hey! Party on and take photos for blackmail.

Bruno January 14, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Damn, not enough notice. Flight from Islamabad coming in 3 days later.

Otherwise could have brought a pillowcase full of the good stuff. Is that allowed?

Min January 14, 2009 at 2:42 pm

Can I bring the Tennessee House Democrats?

chowkster January 14, 2009 at 2:43 pm

If only you had had the party on Sunday. I will be flying in from the Netherlands to New York only on Saturday :(
BTW, a question to fellow wonketteers – are there any Inauguration parties taking place in New York that I can crash / but tickets on short notice to?

shortsshortsshorts January 14, 2009 at 2:44 pm

Satellite party at my house in Marin County. Orgy will occur. Heroin will be distributed. E-mail for more details.

Mr Blifil January 14, 2009 at 2:45 pm

I got a bad feeling about this…

freakishlystrong January 14, 2009 at 2:47 pm

FRIDAY? As in a day and a half from now? Damn your elite DC dwelling hides! We want liveblog!

professionalcynic January 14, 2009 at 2:48 pm

I’ll probably bring beer, but who will bring the TruckNutz?

loudmouthredhead January 14, 2009 at 2:49 pm

You tempt us with Liz + yoga, but give us only 2 days notice? How cruel you’ve become, Jim!
If anyone is passing through Ann Arbor, MI, we are having some quality bar parties which this libtard will be attending.

Crow T. Robot January 14, 2009 at 2:52 pm

Could you guys have a San Diego version (no, I won’t drive to LA)? With the free booze? & snacks? & entertainment? & hoors? (or womenz, though they will not be automatically nice to me)
& someplace we can talk? (that’s not about the women, it’s about the um…nm)

I would bring fie dollas to u.

NoWireHangers January 14, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Bikram Yoga? What exactly is your plan for power-washing the baked-in stench of 100+ degree yoga ball-sweat out of there before your fancy ball?

memzilla January 14, 2009 at 2:53 pm

The closest I can come is to go up to my local Buddhist hot dog vendor and ask him to make me one with everything.

Check Out My Rack January 14, 2009 at 2:53 pm

Ooh…about the cover charge…I lit my last fiver to heat my apartment via fire-in-a-barrel. Could I perhaps interest the lovely Wonkette editors in some tomatoes from my Victory Garden instead?

Why does it have to be Friday?! I don’t roll in until Sunday morning. Maybe Liz and I can do an impromptu photoshoot in Lincoln’s lap later in the week.

Dientes January 14, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Bill Kristol is a fish mouthed bastard. Yay! I’m glad someone else sees it, too.

Jim Newell January 14, 2009 at 2:54 pm

[re=218690]NoWireHangers[/re]: The heat will not be turned on. Unless we want to kill you all, which is possible.

The Lucky Republican January 14, 2009 at 2:55 pm

I thought Liz was still being waterboarded for freedom?!?!?!

loudmouthredhead January 14, 2009 at 2:57 pm

[re=218693]Check Out My Rack[/re]: Happy Birthday indeed, Mr. President!

Terry January 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Oooh, sounds hip and fancy! Are crabby middle aged women invited? Oh, oh, oh, make sure Serolf Divad is there so I can get drunk and make a pass at him, please.

rockstarjoe January 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Are a lot of you guys really in DC? I thought I was the only one.

WadISay January 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Maybe I can astral travel* my way to the Yogic Center.

*astral travel = buttsecks in the back of a moving vehicle.

MathewBrooks January 14, 2009 at 3:00 pm

[re=218690]NoWireHangers[/re]: Boric Acid

choinski January 14, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Is this the party Ken is finally crowned Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather?

Sash queen.

PerhapsSo January 14, 2009 at 3:01 pm

I want to go, but there is no way that I am venturing anywhere near DC for the rest of the month. Can’t you move the party to Philadelphia or something?

Mr Blifil January 14, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Oh snap! Obama met with lib columnist/pundits today. MoDo and Maddow in the same room. The possibilities…

Terry January 14, 2009 at 3:02 pm

I’m not in DC, I’m in beautiful downtown Silver Spring but if I slip on some ice, I can slide into DC by accident so that pretty much counts as being in DC.

Servo January 14, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Busy. I have a first date. Hopefully some anal, too.

Mr Blifil January 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=218690]NoWireHangers[/re]: Just shut up and show up with your scrupulously rolled up yoga mat slung over your shoulder and everything will be fine. Ball sweat odor is nothing to be ashamed of, but I should caution readers that it makes a lousy aperitif.

wheelie January 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Party tip: turn the taps on in the venue for few hours beforehand to conjure that aquatic house vibe for your guests.

IslandGirlFL January 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Friday. Damn townies. I don’t fly in from the provinces until Saturday. You will miss me. I am fabulous.

hrhkingfriday January 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

I’ll go, who wants to pregame with meeeee

thefrontpage January 14, 2009 at 3:05 pm


Kev-O-Tron January 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm

God damn America. I won’t be in DC until Sunday at the earliest. This is a conspiracy to rob me of the opportunity to get drunk and hit on our editors.

MoonshineJoe January 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm

[re=218703]rockstarjoe[/re]: Never fear, there is more than one DC(ish) person here!

Sassette January 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm

It would take a lot more than free beer to inspire me to drag my ass anywhere near DC before at least two weeks from now (after which all the human excrement should either be washed from the streets or at least frozen under fresh snow). But you guys have fun!

MathewBrooks January 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm

[re=218708]choinski[/re]: WIN

Josh Fruhlinger January 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Will that microphone-eating dog be there? He was adorable!

Gopherit January 14, 2009 at 3:11 pm

We’re always proud to see our editors hold balls.

TurdBlossom January 14, 2009 at 3:12 pm

I assume the editors, specifically Jim, will be in yoga apparel?

teebob2000 January 14, 2009 at 3:12 pm

Oh, that’s real nice.

“Great party starting in 5 minutes, everyone!! Oh, you can’t make it on that short notice? Can’t get out of work to fly in?? Last-minute plane tickets are *expensive*?? Geez, sorry! Thought everyone lived off their trust fund! Huh!”

hrhkingfriday January 14, 2009 at 3:12 pm

[re=218725]MoonshineJoe[/re]: Yeah, srsly, lets all have a commentor pregame party (HOW LAME DOES THAT SOUND). Maybe we can ask for some bitters to go.

Texan Bulldoggette January 14, 2009 at 3:13 pm

[re=218724]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: “This is a conspiracy to rob me of the opportunity to get drunk and hit on our editors.” I bet Ken & Jim are sorely pissed about that, too.

NoWireHangers January 14, 2009 at 3:13 pm

[re=218696]Jim Newell[/re]: [re=218716]Mr Blifil[/re]: Sadly, I won’t be able to attend as I’ll be spending Inauguration Day on the left coast. However, if I had to die anywhere it would be in Jim’s arms…

Gopherit January 14, 2009 at 3:15 pm

[re=218740]NoWireHangers[/re]: like the other victims before you?

loganmo January 14, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Fish? Will Governor Salmon Pouch be there, too?

Uncommon Sense January 14, 2009 at 3:16 pm

This would qualify as a first date for Wonketteers, right? And as such, anal is to be expected, yes?

StephanieInCA January 14, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Whores! I’m not getting in til saturday. because before that i have to “work”.

HMS Nerd January 14, 2009 at 3:23 pm

Is Bikram the kind of Yoga where they heat the room and everybody strips down? Gawd I hope Peggy N shows!

Lascauxcaveman January 14, 2009 at 3:26 pm

This Friday night? AWESOME> I will sooooo be th…no, wait a minute. I’ll be at work Friday night, about 3000 miles from DC, pulling a night shift. And probably doing the quarterly taxes. And the yearly taxes. And W3′s and all that. Also.

Yay. (Aw, who cares, I hate DJ’ed events anyway. Live band, then I’m feeling I’m missing something.)

Uncommon Sense January 14, 2009 at 3:28 pm

[re=218759]StephanieInCA[/re]: You address people as “whores,” too? My God, we could be soulmates. Plus, you’re from California!

. . . you know, like my wife!

Capitol Hillbilly January 14, 2009 at 3:29 pm

yoga? oh, i thought you said it was a toga party …

bureaucrap January 14, 2009 at 3:33 pm

Capitol Hill???!!!! NE??? not even CLOSE to the subway???!!!! What kind of eco friendliness is that? Wasn’t Gazusa free??!!

Capitol Hillbilly January 14, 2009 at 3:36 pm

[re=218780]bureaucrap[/re]: actually about 5 blocks from union station

finallyhappy January 14, 2009 at 3:42 pm

Sorry, I don’t want to reveal my true identity. And I only do Anusara yoga also.

OffTheRecord January 14, 2009 at 3:42 pm

I am trying to convince my officemate, who is going to the inauguration, to go to this. He seems scared. This is actually the first day we have shared an office since my old officemate graduated in December. Maybe springing Wonkette on him on the first day was not the best idea.

Yoshi January 14, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Aww, I can’t make it, either! But [re=218671]chowkster[/re] — I’m in NYC, too! I’ve been toying with the idea of using this internet thing to see if anything is happening in this town for the inauguration. Someone, can’t remember who atm, is doing a screening at City Hall… but meh. I may just go to work and TiVo the damn thing.

Doglessliberal January 14, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Crapola–Saturday much better….

Mustang January 14, 2009 at 3:50 pm

I wish I could go, but my mom won’t let me. I sure like free beer, though.

Doglessliberal January 14, 2009 at 3:50 pm

[re=218796]finallyhappy[/re]: Lie. Say you are AngryBlakGuy.

Doglessliberal January 14, 2009 at 3:54 pm

[re=218797]OffTheRecord[/re]: Totally drag him along. If he reacts badly, you can spend your time at work slowly driving him mad (hiding his stuff, moving things around on his desk). This can be an important test.

Neilist January 14, 2009 at 3:55 pm

[re=218674]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Jesus, Shorts. I grew up in Novato. Small world, eh? And have a peacock feather on me.

On a more serious note: Why would anyone make a video about Yogi Bear? Liz, are you sure there is a market for “The Jellystone Diaries”?

Now, if it was about Booboo, we could market to the “Bears,” If-You-Know-What-I-Mean-And-I-Think-You-Do . . . .

Moleman v2.5 January 14, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Too bad I’m on the wrong coast for this one. Partying at a Bikrams? “Lock the knee [do a shot] Lock the knee [do a shot] Lock the knee! It’s okay to lie down if you can’t feel your legs anymore.”

pinkdc January 14, 2009 at 4:06 pm

I’m in!

OffTheRecord January 14, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=218827]Doglessliberal[/re]: We are already fighting over the fact that he really wants to leave the office door open and I really want it closed so no one can see how much time I spend on Wonkette. And also because if the door is closed it reduces human interaction with people I don’t like.

MattW January 14, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Who’s up for pregame on Amtrak?

Doglessliberal January 14, 2009 at 4:17 pm

[re=218846]OffTheRecord[/re]: bring him to this, get him drunk, introduce him to Our Famous Wonkette Editors, and he will love you forever. Maybe.

Naked Bunny with a Whip January 14, 2009 at 4:17 pm

I didn’t see “clothing optional”, but that’s okay, I can read between the lines, especially when I’m drunk.

chowkster January 14, 2009 at 4:19 pm

[re=218812]Yoshi[/re]: How about we NYC Wonketteers have our own inauguration ball / Rum and Meth party?

PerhapsSo January 14, 2009 at 4:19 pm

[re=218849]MattW[/re]: Joe Biden?

Deepthroat January 14, 2009 at 4:23 pm

i have responded to your face, book.

SpikeyDog January 14, 2009 at 4:26 pm

I wish I could come, but I live in the Midwest and this damn cold weather has frozen my hand to my penis. I can open a beer with my teeth though, and while I’m getting drunk I’ll be thinking about all the anal going on there without me. The thought of missing Ken in his harness and leather chaps brings tears.

Keram2 January 14, 2009 at 5:13 pm

Man, I don’t plan on being anywhere near DC for the next week and a half. Your city is going to be more of a shithole than normal during Woodstock ’99… er, I mean the Inauguration.

tocute2btrue January 14, 2009 at 5:58 pm

As for myself I am going to wear Two pair of Depends, that way I don’t have to go Piss or Poop.
I will thoroughly ENJOY the whole damn PARTY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thefrontpage January 14, 2009 at 6:31 pm


Sorry. Too much afternoon caffiene.

Senator Bateman January 14, 2009 at 6:47 pm

This is bullshit! Two days away? That gives me heaps of time to book a flight from Los Angeles…thank you, Wonkette. God….I wish I knew how to quit you!

Senator Bateman January 14, 2009 at 6:48 pm

[re=218959]Keram2[/re]: P.S. Rabbit Habits…nice.

Keram2 January 14, 2009 at 7:14 pm

[re=219069]Senator Bateman[/re]: You have some damn good eyes, friends. Yeah, it’s the my old avatar that comes up at work for some reason. Personally, I like my emObama icon more…

myheadsexploding January 14, 2009 at 7:53 pm

[re=218959]Keram2[/re]: The Ballad of Butterbeans = soundtrack for deeply baked Wonketteers stumbling through the snow from the station to the yoga Wonk palace. Wish I could go. I used my LA=>DC airfare to buy a big flatscreen teevee so I can watch Barry sparkle whilst still warm and toasty in my PJs. In LA. Also.

Heywood Floyd January 14, 2009 at 8:31 pm

Who wants to drive down from NY?

Who’s got a car?

I have monies I can provide.

Senator Bateman January 14, 2009 at 8:51 pm

[re=219085]Keram2[/re]: Damn good album and damn good band….Anywho…I’ve decided that I’m having my own anti-wonkette inaugural ball party at the advertising arts building in Santa Ana, CA. I’m sure it’ll just be me, the Lord and Jose Cuervo….but if anybody knows the area they are more than welcome to help me indulge in my misplaced misanthropy.

Keram2 January 14, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=219102]myheadsexploding[/re]: [re=219125]Senator Bateman[/re]: Nice guys as well. I could rant about the lack of Rabbit Habits on a stupid website’s stupid year-end list, but I’ll just go ahead and say fuck Pitchfork and end it there.

[re=219119]Heywood Floyd[/re]: No one in this city has a car.

Desi Douche January 14, 2009 at 11:36 pm

[re=218719]hrhkingfriday[/re]: I’m down. Wanna go to the Argonaut on 14th and Md? First round on me.

wonketti_cat January 15, 2009 at 12:22 am

Wish I had known sooner. I could’ve carpooled with everyone’s favorite muslin critics ( ) Would have been a cold ride though…

loquaciousmusic January 15, 2009 at 10:50 am

I am on the Facebook. Everyone, friend me!

barbpa January 15, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Join the Activist Coalition of DC in McPherson Square for Inauguration fun and activism! Tell President Obama what you HOPE for and then find out how to make it happen!

LeDauphin January 15, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Do you know anyone from Hawaii who is not a fan of the Maui Wowee? No wonder Barry is so cool.

sexytime January 15, 2009 at 2:13 pm

I is coming on your balls.

Cherry Garcia January 15, 2009 at 3:13 pm

I knew there was a reason I am freezing my nalgas off to be in DC. I will be there and drag my heathen friends who don’t read Wonkette but have to listen to me carry on and on about the great wisdom I derive from reading it. Maybe we can convert them while we are at it, and then they, too, shall be saved.

PolicyWhore January 15, 2009 at 9:35 pm

What’s the dress code at your fancy ball?

freerangemink January 15, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Yeah what IS the fancyball dress-up code? Do I have to have my friend tie a tie for me (he went to business school) or start polishing my wingtips of fluffing my loafers’ tassels or somesuch? Dicky or ascot? Monocle or pince-nez? Mahogany pipe or cigarette holder (the longer the better)? Will my vintage “Wellstone” or “McGovern” stickers net me any tail? If not that’s fine too.

Black_RayBans January 16, 2009 at 12:12 am

I will be there. I will be drunk. I will not be charming in any way.

non profit lakergrrl January 16, 2009 at 9:34 am

I knew there was a good reason I left the balmy city of Sacramento for the frigid DC K street corridor. Being able to do things like going to a wonkette party totally justifies paying twice my old rent and having to commute to work bundled up like a Yupik.

TeddyS January 16, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Sorry, but I cannot attend this party either due to being overwhelmed with my guvernatorette duties up here in Alaksa.


DustBowlBlues January 16, 2009 at 4:50 pm

I won’t be there, stuck and poverty stricken as I am here in Real America.

For those of you who need a break from booze, whores, drugs and sex, gay sex, group sex, solo sex, etc, the “United Methodist Reporter” informs me that UM churches in the DC area are holding multitudinous events around DC, including drop in places to warm up and maybe sleep off you hangover if you can’t find your way home. (I made up that last one). You’ll also have an opportunity to engage a Wesleyan Theology Seminary prof in a discussion group.

Yeah, I knew the wonkerrati would love knowing this. Your welcome.

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