Come To Wonkette’s Patriotic Inaugural Ball This Friday!

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To honor Barack Obama’s swearing-in as the first Luo president of America, ever, your Wonkette is hosting a sexy sexy party this Friday — yes, the one that’s in two days! Ha ha! And it’s free for everyone, with the musics and the alcohols. America’s videographer Liz Glover will play host at her very own yoga studio to boot! Oh boy! Details!

  • Where/when?

    10PM till seriously whenever
    @ BIKRAM YOGA CAPITOL HILL
    410 H Street N.E. Washington, DC 20002
    BYOB IF YOU WANT TO
    $5 suggested donation (or you can pay nothing and be BANNED FOREVER from LIFE)

  • Who will play the musics and show you the sexy moving pictures? Descriptions from DC’s own resident art cartographer Nikolas Schiller, who knows all the hot tickets in this town!

    BIG GOLD BELT
    “visionary seductive sleaze from Luke & Christina, live music/video performance”

    DJ ANDREW MORGAN
    “People’s Potential honcho spinning records so mind-bogglingly nasty that they don’t even actually exist”

    BEAUTIFUL SWIMMERS
    “Future Times heroes (DJ Ari G and Disco City’s Maxmillion Dunbar) banging that slow, aquatic house vibe”

    Mmhmm!

  • Why?

    FOR AMERICA! (Free beer.)

  • Should I RSVP?

    Hmm maybe! Not really, ha. BUT if you’re interested, please send an e-mail indicating you would like to come to tips@wonkette.com, subject line, “I HAVE COORDINATED MY BUMPASS-ROSE TO WONKETTE’S PARTY,” just so we can get a basic headcount, ok? Deal with it?

    There will be a Facebook info page soon, for the kids. UPDATE: Facebook event page is here! You can respond there too! Post wacky pictures!

    Peggy Noonan and Bill Kristol will be there too, with that same aquatic vibe, because they are fish. Uhh that’s all for now. Come!

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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1 comment

  1. TGY

    Good thing somebody has the balls to give a ball.

    Alas, Liz my love, I wouldn’t be caught dead in D.C. for the inauguration, but hey! Party on and take photos for blackmail.

  2. Bruno

    Damn, not enough notice. Flight from Islamabad coming in 3 days later.

    Otherwise could have brought a pillowcase full of the good stuff. Is that allowed?

  3. chowkster

    If only you had had the party on Sunday. I will be flying in from the Netherlands to New York only on Saturday :(
    BTW, a question to fellow wonketteers – are there any Inauguration parties taking place in New York that I can crash / but tickets on short notice to?

  4. freakishlystrong

    FRIDAY? As in a day and a half from now? Damn your elite DC dwelling hides! We want liveblog!

  5. loudmouthredhead

    You tempt us with Liz + yoga, but give us only 2 days notice? How cruel you’ve become, Jim!
    If anyone is passing through Ann Arbor, MI, we are having some quality bar parties which this libtard will be attending.

  6. Crow T. Robot

    Could you guys have a San Diego version (no, I won’t drive to LA)? With the free booze? & snacks? & entertainment? & hoors? (or womenz, though they will not be automatically nice to me)
    & someplace we can talk? (that’s not about the women, it’s about the um…nm)

    I would bring fie dollas to u.

  7. NoWireHangers

    Bikram Yoga? What exactly is your plan for power-washing the baked-in stench of 100+ degree yoga ball-sweat out of there before your fancy ball?

  8. memzilla

    The closest I can come is to go up to my local Buddhist hot dog vendor and ask him to make me one with everything.

  9. Check Out My Rack

    Ooh…about the cover charge…I lit my last fiver to heat my apartment via fire-in-a-barrel. Could I perhaps interest the lovely Wonkette editors in some tomatoes from my Victory Garden instead?

    Why does it have to be Friday?! I don’t roll in until Sunday morning. Maybe Liz and I can do an impromptu photoshoot in Lincoln’s lap later in the week.


  10. Post author
    Jim Newell

    [re=218690]NoWireHangers[/re]: The heat will not be turned on. Unless we want to kill you all, which is possible.

  11. Terry

    Oooh, sounds hip and fancy! Are crabby middle aged women invited? Oh, oh, oh, make sure Serolf Divad is there so I can get drunk and make a pass at him, please.

  12. WadISay

    Maybe I can astral travel* my way to the Yogic Center.

    *astral travel = buttsecks in the back of a moving vehicle.

  13. PerhapsSo

    I want to go, but there is no way that I am venturing anywhere near DC for the rest of the month. Can’t you move the party to Philadelphia or something?

  14. Mr Blifil

    Oh snap! Obama met with lib columnist/pundits today. MoDo and Maddow in the same room. The possibilities…

  15. Terry

    I’m not in DC, I’m in beautiful downtown Silver Spring but if I slip on some ice, I can slide into DC by accident so that pretty much counts as being in DC.

  16. Mr Blifil

    [re=218690]NoWireHangers[/re]: Just shut up and show up with your scrupulously rolled up yoga mat slung over your shoulder and everything will be fine. Ball sweat odor is nothing to be ashamed of, but I should caution readers that it makes a lousy aperitif.

  17. wheelie

    Party tip: turn the taps on in the venue for few hours beforehand to conjure that aquatic house vibe for your guests.

  18. IslandGirlFL

    Friday. Damn townies. I don’t fly in from the provinces until Saturday. You will miss me. I am fabulous.

  19. Kev-O-Tron

    God damn America. I won’t be in DC until Sunday at the earliest. This is a conspiracy to rob me of the opportunity to get drunk and hit on our editors.

  20. Sassette

    It would take a lot more than free beer to inspire me to drag my ass anywhere near DC before at least two weeks from now (after which all the human excrement should either be washed from the streets or at least frozen under fresh snow). But you guys have fun!

  21. teebob2000

    Oh, that’s real nice.

    “Great party starting in 5 minutes, everyone!! Oh, you can’t make it on that short notice? Can’t get out of work to fly in?? Last-minute plane tickets are *expensive*?? Geez, sorry! Thought everyone lived off their trust fund! Huh!”

  22. hrhkingfriday

    [re=218725]MoonshineJoe[/re]: Yeah, srsly, lets all have a commentor pregame party (HOW LAME DOES THAT SOUND). Maybe we can ask for some bitters to go.

  23. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=218724]Kev-O-Tron[/re]: “This is a conspiracy to rob me of the opportunity to get drunk and hit on our editors.” I bet Ken & Jim are sorely pissed about that, too.

  24. NoWireHangers

    [re=218696]Jim Newell[/re]: [re=218716]Mr Blifil[/re]: Sadly, I won’t be able to attend as I’ll be spending Inauguration Day on the left coast. However, if I had to die anywhere it would be in Jim’s arms…

  25. Uncommon Sense

    This would qualify as a first date for Wonketteers, right? And as such, anal is to be expected, yes?

  26. HMS Nerd

    Is Bikram the kind of Yoga where they heat the room and everybody strips down? Gawd I hope Peggy N shows!

  27. Lascauxcaveman

    This Friday night? AWESOME> I will sooooo be th…no, wait a minute. I’ll be at work Friday night, about 3000 miles from DC, pulling a night shift. And probably doing the quarterly taxes. And the yearly taxes. And W3′s and all that. Also.

    Yay. (Aw, who cares, I hate DJ’ed events anyway. Live band, then I’m feeling I’m missing something.)

  28. Uncommon Sense

    [re=218759]StephanieInCA[/re]: You address people as “whores,” too? My God, we could be soulmates. Plus, you’re from California!

    . . . you know, like my wife!

  29. bureaucrap

    Capitol Hill???!!!! NE??? not even CLOSE to the subway???!!!! What kind of eco friendliness is that? Wasn’t Gazusa free??!!

  30. OffTheRecord

    I am trying to convince my officemate, who is going to the inauguration, to go to this. He seems scared. This is actually the first day we have shared an office since my old officemate graduated in December. Maybe springing Wonkette on him on the first day was not the best idea.

  31. Yoshi

    Aww, I can’t make it, either! But [re=218671]chowkster[/re] — I’m in NYC, too! I’ve been toying with the idea of using this internet thing to see if anything is happening in this town for the inauguration. Someone, can’t remember who atm, is doing a screening at City Hall… but meh. I may just go to work and TiVo the damn thing.

  32. Doglessliberal

    [re=218797]OffTheRecord[/re]: Totally drag him along. If he reacts badly, you can spend your time at work slowly driving him mad (hiding his stuff, moving things around on his desk). This can be an important test.

  33. Neilist

    [re=218674]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Jesus, Shorts. I grew up in Novato. Small world, eh? And have a peacock feather on me.

    On a more serious note: Why would anyone make a video about Yogi Bear? Liz, are you sure there is a market for “The Jellystone Diaries”?

    Now, if it was about Booboo, we could market to the “Bears,” If-You-Know-What-I-Mean-And-I-Think-You-Do . . . .

  34. Moleman v2.5

    Too bad I’m on the wrong coast for this one. Partying at a Bikrams? “Lock the knee [do a shot] Lock the knee [do a shot] Lock the knee! It’s okay to lie down if you can’t feel your legs anymore.”

  35. OffTheRecord

    [re=218827]Doglessliberal[/re]: We are already fighting over the fact that he really wants to leave the office door open and I really want it closed so no one can see how much time I spend on Wonkette. And also because if the door is closed it reduces human interaction with people I don’t like.

  36. Doglessliberal

    [re=218846]OffTheRecord[/re]: bring him to this, get him drunk, introduce him to Our Famous Wonkette Editors, and he will love you forever. Maybe.

  37. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I didn’t see “clothing optional”, but that’s okay, I can read between the lines, especially when I’m drunk.

  38. chowkster

    [re=218812]Yoshi[/re]: How about we NYC Wonketteers have our own inauguration ball / Rum and Meth party?

  39. SpikeyDog

    I wish I could come, but I live in the Midwest and this damn cold weather has frozen my hand to my penis. I can open a beer with my teeth though, and while I’m getting drunk I’ll be thinking about all the anal going on there without me. The thought of missing Ken in his harness and leather chaps brings tears.

  40. Keram2

    Man, I don’t plan on being anywhere near DC for the next week and a half. Your city is going to be more of a shithole than normal during Woodstock ’99… er, I mean the Inauguration.

  41. tocute2btrue

    As for myself I am going to wear Two pair of Depends, that way I don’t have to go Piss or Poop.
    I will thoroughly ENJOY the whole damn PARTY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  42. thefrontpage

    PLEASE CAN WE HAVE MICHELLE MALKIN THERE WE ALL SECRETLY LOVE MICHELLE MALKIN WE WANT MICHELE MALKIN MICHELLE MICHELE MICHELLE MALKIN IS REALLY A CLOSET WONKETTE OPERATIVE.

    Sorry. Too much afternoon caffiene.

  43. Senator Bateman

    This is bullshit! Two days away? That gives me heaps of time to book a flight from Los Angeles…thank you, Wonkette. God….I wish I knew how to quit you!

  44. Keram2

    [re=219069]Senator Bateman[/re]: You have some damn good eyes, friends. Yeah, it’s the my old avatar that comes up at work for some reason. Personally, I like my emObama icon more…

  45. myheadsexploding

    [re=218959]Keram2[/re]: The Ballad of Butterbeans = soundtrack for deeply baked Wonketteers stumbling through the snow from the station to the yoga Wonk palace. Wish I could go. I used my LA=>DC airfare to buy a big flatscreen teevee so I can watch Barry sparkle whilst still warm and toasty in my PJs. In LA. Also.

  46. Senator Bateman

    [re=219085]Keram2[/re]: Damn good album and damn good band….Anywho…I’ve decided that I’m having my own anti-wonkette inaugural ball party at the advertising arts building in Santa Ana, CA. I’m sure it’ll just be me, the Lord and Jose Cuervo….but if anybody knows the area they are more than welcome to help me indulge in my misplaced misanthropy.

  47. Keram2

    [re=219102]myheadsexploding[/re]: [re=219125]Senator Bateman[/re]: Nice guys as well. I could rant about the lack of Rabbit Habits on a stupid website’s stupid year-end list, but I’ll just go ahead and say fuck Pitchfork and end it there.

    [re=219119]Heywood Floyd[/re]: No one in this city has a car.

  48. Desi Douche

    [re=218719]hrhkingfriday[/re]: I’m down. Wanna go to the Argonaut on 14th and Md? First round on me.

  49. Cherry Garcia

    I knew there was a reason I am freezing my nalgas off to be in DC. I will be there and drag my heathen friends who don’t read Wonkette but have to listen to me carry on and on about the great wisdom I derive from reading it. Maybe we can convert them while we are at it, and then they, too, shall be saved.

  50. freerangemink

    Yeah what IS the fancyball dress-up code? Do I have to have my friend tie a tie for me (he went to business school) or start polishing my wingtips of fluffing my loafers’ tassels or somesuch? Dicky or ascot? Monocle or pince-nez? Mahogany pipe or cigarette holder (the longer the better)? Will my vintage “Wellstone” or “McGovern” stickers net me any tail? If not that’s fine too.

  51. non profit lakergrrl

    I knew there was a good reason I left the balmy city of Sacramento for the frigid DC K street corridor. Being able to do things like going to a wonkette party totally justifies paying twice my old rent and having to commute to work bundled up like a Yupik.

  52. TeddyS

    Sorry, but I cannot attend this party either due to being overwhelmed with my guvernatorette duties up here in Alaksa.

    Sarah

  53. DustBowlBlues

    I won’t be there, stuck and poverty stricken as I am here in Real America.

    For those of you who need a break from booze, whores, drugs and sex, gay sex, group sex, solo sex, etc, the “United Methodist Reporter” informs me that UM churches in the DC area are holding multitudinous events around DC, including drop in places to warm up and maybe sleep off you hangover if you can’t find your way home. (I made up that last one). You’ll also have an opportunity to engage a Wesleyan Theology Seminary prof in a discussion group.

    Yeah, I knew the wonkerrati would love knowing this. Your welcome.

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