Wonkette
If you’ve got a spare ticket to Obama’s Election Night Party in Chicago, you are going to get more ass than a toilet seat. Possibly attractive people are offering full access to all their various orifices to any creep with the special currency of Tuesday Night at Grant Park. Join us for a lecherous tour of Chicago Craigslist offers and demands.
- Free Obama Ticket: Im looking for a big beautiful Nubian Princess to join me to the rally on Tues. We can meet before hand if you would like.
- I have an extra ticket to the Obama rally and am looking for someone who’d like to go with me for free. I will be awarding this ticket strictly on looks and welcome all women to reply to this ad. I am a normal guy who is just looking to have a good time with a beautiful woman. Please reply to the ad with a current picture of yourself with your beauty on display. Nudes are ok. REQUESTS WITHOUT PICTURES WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED!
- I have two tickets on will call, if you want them show me what you got. Best sender gets the tickets. webcam offerings go to front of line.
- I have an extra ticket to the best party in America Tuesday evening! Let me know how much you want to be there!
- Looking for a fellow Obama supporter who has a ticket to the rally Tuesday. I want to go, hang out, have a drink and have fun. This pic is current. I will verify by cell and work phone.
- Hey, I managed to score an Obama rally invite and I can bring one person with me. I’ll accept offers until mid-Sunday … unless you want to make me an offer I can’t refuse, in which case I’ll hold the spot for you earlier. : ) — Heather
- I am not looking for a bundle of cash but I am curious. What are you willing to part with in exchange…send me your offers…
- Hi, I heard Ben Hawk on NPR and I have a free ticket to the Obama Rally in Grant Park for him! If you are Ben Hawk, please contact me! -Jill
- I am looking for a cute girl to use my guest spot. I love pictures! No money required. History date!
- Looking for a super hot chick to be my date to the Obama event. I have no problem pulling hot girls in general so since I have Obama tickets you have to be not just hot but like super model hot, or if you look like Eva Longoria. Wanna be my date to Obama?
- I tried to get a ticket to the election night party but got wait-listed. If you have a ticket you get to bring a guest, why not bring me? I’ve actually been thinking about otherwise putting an ad on craig’s list because I’ve also looking to meet someone to spend some casual time with (not the same thing as a casual hookup/one night stand, sorry). I’m a cute, slender, 5′7″ brunette. I’m a history student and a cellist. I’m intellectual and very political. So let’s spend our first date at this historic event! [This one sounds like a winner! -- Ed.]
And a lot of people are just trying to sell their free tickets, which has made at least one Obamatard very angry:
I could not possibly be more disgusted with my fellow human beings and Chicagoans than I am right now.
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.
In good faith, you were given the opportunity to come together in (hopefully) celebration of a new era of hope in America, and the first thought to cross your polluted mind was “How can I convert this good will into cash/ass/drugs?”
YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.
Yes, yes … I know. “Capitalism!” you’ll say. “Supply and Demand!” you’ll stammer. The truth is, these are the same weak arguments and excuses that have lead our nation to the verge of collapse.
YOU HAVEN’T BEEN LISTENING.
True change will require each of us to take responsibility, to stop making the same mistakes, and to selflessly commit ourselves to working towards a better America. Senator Obama is only one man, and he would be the first to tell you that he cannot fix our nation on his own.
Real change will require each of us to choose a departure from the greed and selfishness of the past. These ticket sales, misguided profiteers, are an awful beginning.
YOU SHOULD REMOVE YOUR POSTINGS AND GIVE YOUR GUEST TICKETS AWAY.
I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE RON PAUL RALLY IN WHEREVER THE FUCK. I WILL GIVE THEM TO ANY WOMAN WHO CAN DEFEAT MY WARCRAFT AVATAR. PLEASE RESPOND WITH PHOTO OF YOUR AVATAR SO I CAN DECIDE IF YOU ARE A WORTHY ADVERSARY.
rEVOLution!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!
There’s gotta be a catch. Does she sound like Fran Drescher?
Well, the sad pathetic losers of the world need to try and fight natural selection somehow.
Hahahahaha, suck it, comely Chicagoan females….insiders know that the Nation of Islam will pick out the most fertile and breed with them, passing them down the line to ensure a Hopey Muslin half-breed America!
You cain’t beat biology but you can beat a white man who won’t give up his “date”!
oh man, i’m gonna get so laid with my extra.
Im looking for a big beautiful Nubian Princess to join me to the rally on Tues.
Aha! Obama is already transforming America into a Sub-Saharan African Monarchy, inviting the royal families of ancient kingdoms to celebrate his “coronation”…
Well, I actually do have a ticket to Hopetopia, but I am supporting Nader, so I’m going to burn it.
Theta: See also: Republican Party.
Oh great. Now I have to deal with my damned contradictory brain, which has already started imagining what similar postings to McCain’s event might be like…
ew.
I wouldn’t advertise for a hot young girl, I’d advertise for a Palin look-alike MILF.
After election night THAT sex would be so much more satisfying.
It’s been a tenant of american culture for 40 years: Gas, grass, or ass, no one rides for free.
Everyone is so getting laid on Tuesday night. Nine months from now, we would have had a mass of babies named Hopey, but we’ll probably just abort them.
frumious_bandersnatch: Such postings would probably got stay online for long, what will those child protection laws.
You’ll all be getting blue balls when your big party collapses after Walnuts wins in a landslide, LOSERS!
vintageways: Oh my god … I guess that is a WIN.
I don’t think I’ve heard the term “Nubian Princess” since the seventies… which is strange because I was born in 1980…
But YES! I am a big, beautiful woman from Nubia. and I suck cock for Obama tickets so that playa should HIT ME UP!
vintageways: Count me in!
In good faith, you were given the opportunity to come together in (hopefully) celebration of a new era of hope in America, and the first thought to cross your polluted mind was “How can I convert this good will into cash/ass/drugs?”
WTF, Mom?
I’m being kicked out of my Michigan Ave office at 2 PM on Tuesday. Apparently we need to make sidewalk room for the guys who have “no problem pulling hot girls in general” and their Eva Longorias… and the trannies. I’m looking at you in your current pic, Kathryn.
So…it’s gonna be like a spring break type of atmosphere?
vintageways: Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others
elcapitan: I live in Boston, so I know there are plenty of hot conservative chicks. Who are also dumb as rocks. And I’d hate-fuck Michelle Bachmann.
Which isn’t as bad as a friend of mine: he’d hate-fuck Michael Goldfarb.
The new dollar—the Obama.
How many babies are going to be born in July-August 2009? An Obamboomlet!
If you think that’s bad, im sure the chicago m4m craigslist is ten times worse.
It was nice of you to put a picture of Sara at the top of this post, Ken.
Native Chicagoans instinctively know that power = money = desirable, available nookie. What’s wrong wit dat?
vintageways: Oops, you beat me. I should have read all the comments.
vintageways: Naw, man, it’s gonna be a generation of Husseins.
Changing the subject…CNN sez Hagan up 53-44 over Dole. See Lizzy, god hates you now!!!
Converting good will into ass is my raison d’être. It’s the alchemist’s ultimate challenge.
I don’t have tickets, but I have a room at the Palmer House! Oh, it’s in my wife’s name, so that’s probably not going to work.
shortsshortsshorts:
Win
stew: I was so disappointed with Hagan’s Christian-pandering response that I don’t even care anymore.
shortsshortsshorts: You’ve won the thread, and my heart — where can we meet? I’m thinking either the fields of pain in Angrilor (be sure to wear Magrock cufflinks), or the mountains of Guano, near Absinthe Gate.
BTW, you’re not an orc, right?
The Inaugural Socialists Orgy.
stew: Why wont they believe that us atheist what to eat their babies and impregnate their daughters????????????????
http://i422.photobucket.com/albums/pp306/worldsend52/karma-its-a-bitch-aint-it-demotivat.jpg
HObamapalooza!
They better hope he wins, because there will be no legal abortions on the 5th if he doesn’t.
Doglessliberal: all of whom will be Democrats, leading to another landslide election in 2028, and another babie boom, and another landslide 20 years later…..
WTF is with all the haters? cash/ass/and drugs are god given rights written into the constitution. Granted they called them life/liberty/pursuit of happiness but the meaning was certainly implied
When all these Obamababies get growed up to 18, they better remember who to vote for to honor That One who got their parents to joyfucking and begetting them in the first place.
or something.
Malia-Ann Obama/Chelsea Clinton ‘28
I’d tap that, my friends…
All the liberals are gettin’ laid on Tuesday. That’s the whole point of going to a sexy, hopefest, unicorngy: half-breed muslin communist sex. Sure, you’ll probably get syphilis from someone, but we’ll have national health care soon (hopefully before the blindness sets in) so it’s all good!
shortsshortsshorts: Epic Win.
Doglessliberal: I think we have a follow-up article coming in 9 months’ time…
azw88: all Democrats touched with sparkly rainbow dust their copulating parents inhaled at Hopey’s rally. And they will be unicorns.
NoWireHangers Massive amounts of win!!!!
I picture the party in Chicago on Tuesday night as something out of Caligula.
shortsshortsshorts: vintageways: shutNoWireHangers:
Fucking fantastical. All of you.
shortsshortsshorts: MUST LIKE BLIMPS!!!1!!
shortsshortsshorts: with that and a box full of beads, you might see some tits, shorts.
I’m John. 72/M/AZ. I have 1500 free tickets to my election night rally. Looking for someone to take them and agree to come. Don’t have to provide pics. Don’t have to provide any information at all. I am willing to do whatever it takes. So is Cindy, or she will be once the pills kick in. Please, please, for God’s sake somebody agree to come. I don’t want to face this alone.
NO SARAH PALIN SUPPORTERS.
This rally is going to be like the penultimate scene in “Perfume,” isn’t it?
I have two tickets for “An American Carol” playing in the Loop. Now off acid. Take them. – Peggy N.
“Will you look again, please? It’s Burns. Eunice Burns.”
Little Blue Dune Buggy: Bus in some schoolkids. Loser.
Hoping this lady has a party
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh9BmNuqeiQ
Little Blue Dune Buggy: Winner. But Cindy will be at the Hopegasm fuckfest fo sho.
On a somewhat related note, breaking news:
Majority of Allegheny prostitutes are on the Democratic side
I have about 700 tickets to give away. You just have to earn them. Don’t be dirty! (Wait, this is Wonkette…)
I will trade my collector’s edition unused backdoor pass to Freaknik 2006 for a valet parking pass to this.
If this pimped-out Escalade’s rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’….jus’ sayin’…
I don’t work on election day and I vote absentee so I have mapped out my election day plans as follows:
5:30 PM Monday - 11:00 PM Tuesday: Margaritas
11:00 PM Tuesday - 12:00 AM Wednesday: Someone wins this damn thing and gives a speech
12:00 AM Wednesday - 12:15 AM Wednesday: Random Sex
12:15 AM Wednesday - 8:45 AM Wednesday: Sleep
8:45 AM Wednesday: Call in sick to work
8:45 AM Wednesday - 1:00 PM Wednesday: Sleep
1:00 PM Wednesday: Pancakes
Neon Trotsky:
Lawrenceville and Polish Hill girls are NAS-TEE.
Does Natalie Portman count as a beautiful Nubian princess?
OMG! I just realized Ken’s serious.
OMG! I just realized Ken’s right.
(Ah hell, Ken. Give them their one night of fun n’ passion, becuase then they’re trudging off to the hope mines bright and early on chilly, rainy Wednesday morning… )
Give me your credit card number and I’ll get you as many passes to Hopestock as you need, $20 each. We can meet up before the party for the hand-over–I’ll be lolling on a bus bench at Wacker and Clark, disguised as a filthy, urine smelling wino.
Little Blue Dune Buggy: John forgot to mention the FREE BEER, courtesy of his wife.
It would be some serious fun to hang out near the McCain wake.. I mean election night party in Phoenix. Can we start a pool about what time Johnny-mac makes his concession speech and what time the first staffer/aide jumps to his or her death?
Wonder where caribou barbie will be election night? Will Todd be somewhere in the back, drinking a few beers with is future son in law, talking about how great it is to be a fuckin redneck??
OffTheRecord: I took the fifth off so my schedule will be:
Nov. 4
7:00 AM - Vote for that clean, articulate colored fellow
8:00- 4:30 Pretend to work while staring at Wonkette and 538
5:00-12:00 Drink. oh god how I will drink
12 - ??? (what happens here is anyones guess. Either rioting in protest or rioting in celebration.)
as the wolf said, lets not suck each others dick quite yet.
Key leaders of the white supremacist movement are showing up to Palin rallies
I wish I can think about an election night party, right now.
Of course, even Barak is selling his tickets:
https://donate.barackobama.com/page/contribute/backstage1?source=20081031_BO_D1
And just so you know, yes, I ponied up more fucking cash hoping to get in.
sezme: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Bone
Neon Trotsky: That is because us good Democrats get our side-action in only slightly illegal ways. Wonder what % of the pedophile and NAMBLA vote McCain has??
I’ll take the cellist; I’m all for women who are used to having a lot of wood between their legs, wokka, wokka, wokka…..
Speaking of satisfying conjugations, here is the spot Overlord Hopemaster has started running in AZ. It’s entitled “Mother.”
Guess who is making who his female dog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZSY2YG-cSk
Any God-full people want to go with me to the Elizabeth Dole victory party at….the….uhhh…the Phillip-Morris Tobacco Pavilion?
Kev-O-Tron: 12 - ??? (what happens here is anyones guess. Either rioting in protest or rioting in celebration.)
Tip for the ladies:
-wear “fuck me” pumps to the party
-keep “fuck shit up” lootin’ shoes in the trunk of your car (baseball bat/bricks optional)
I actually saw someone claim to be a nader supporter with 2 tickets who was going to burn them. Full-of-shit-sack. My source inside the Obama campaign says that people who volunteer at GOTV in Indianapolis on Monday and Tuesday get a free ticket. I’m hoping that mine comes through the emails soon. CHI is going to be MESSED UP on tuesday. Hopetopia is going to be like 4th of July/CHI Marathon combined! Fireworks?
I have 2 tickets to the Obama party in Honolulu. He wont be there but thats OK cause he has grown-up and left home for good. We will be partying starting at sunset (12am eastern time) and just in time for his acceptance speach. Afterwards we will have a big Luau, topless hula dance, and get very drunk and smoke a lot of weed. We were going to sacrifice a virgin to the godess Pele but we cant find one! If you are a virgin, I have a ticket for you. If your not a virgin I have a ticket for you too!!
HuskyMescan: Thx for the link, but the funnier aspect is this:
http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/racists-support-obama-061308
(Wonkette posted this last night, this is NOT a joke.)
Servo: Bwahahahahahaha…
What’s a nubian?
/chasing amy’d
HuskyMescan: http://www.moviesoundscentral.com/sounds/pulp_fiction/dicks.wav
Chicago, what has happened to you? You used to be a mere toddling town. That man is not dancing with his wife. His wife looks like Cathy Bates and that woman with him is quite good looking. If my big old orange tabby cat wasn’t counting on me to stay out here in California to watch the returns here, I’d be highly tempted to take up Kathryn’s offer and make it a special night. She’s definitely my type, you know the ones that still want to see you after the third or fourth time around and vice versa. I could easily see spending the night with sharing bottle of single malt scotch enjoying a bit of high quality company while watching the landslide from Chicago. I’d book a room somewhere with room service. If you’re free and don’t have to stay with the cat, be condom safe. We are after all democrats, not fools!
Neon Trotsky: can they sleep with some undecideds for free in exchange for some votes?
I’m going to go post something on Craigslist about how I have some air that Obama breathed and just wait for the blowjob offers to come rolling in.
Kev-O-Tron: Where do you live? There is nowhere you can vote that will take you an hour, I bet. I am sure there will be lines before the polls open.
Doglessliberal: Correct.
And actually, I hear trolling (not teh internets kind) could get pretty interesting at your local RNC HQ.
facehead: thanks for that.
“..Obama might be a better candidate for our cause because he’s racially conscious…”
aw, thank goodness for the insightful and sensitive colorist!
White women putting out for the opportunity to see a black man. It’s almost too bad Strom Thurmond didn’t get to see this. Almost.
Meth Lab for Cutie: haha. i say that all the time at work at meetings and conf. calls.
I have two tickets to my balls …
wavingnotdrowning: and a backstage pass to your taint?
azw88: Perhaps some good old fashioned NAMBLA-lovin’ is why Walnuts is going to be in a private room with a few “confidants” on election night…
Oh, I am a fail. I’m bringing my fat hairy male roommate as my guest. I could have had cash/ass/drugs!?!??
I have extra Obama TIX. Please send me your best three-way webcam show in WMV format and additional high resolution feet pics. Also, no AtM? No tix. I want real hardcore action I can believe in.
monty: Word! My condo’s value decreases with each passing day, and someone on a moral high horse is gonna tell ME that I can’t convert my extra Obama ticket into some cash (or at least some good times?)
Internally valid: Congratulations, you have enough self-awareness to sub for Ken Layne as a Wonkette editor.
FOLLOW UP:
http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/Will_Trade_Sex_For_Obama.html
Apparently there’s a crapload more of these people.
Who needs to go to Hopestock to have a Hopegasm? All u need is a triple-stack, an Obama-Biden dildo & HDTV. I can sell you all of those things.
vintageways: Win!
Come on, spread the tickets around.
Come on, people, nothing is going to happen election night. At 4AM Obama will come out and say “thanks, folks” and we won’t know who won until November 14th. Because certain districts “lost” 95% of their ballots.
DoctorCulturae: Sweet. Lotta old folks down there, worried about paying for health care. Lotta young folks, worried about the old folks not being able to hire someone else to take care of them.
For a bunch of socialist, collectivist redistributionists, there’s a lot of posturing for personal advantage going on here. C’mon, from each according to his abilities to each according to his needs. And, ladies, my needs are enormous.
Pussy is in the tank.
The elevation of Rich Daley to political Pope is promising, and the forecast is really groovy for November in Chicago — no precip and temps 14 degrees above average. That will ensure some fine, fine turnout. It should be a crowd comparable to the Fourth of July fireworks, and that is a fine time. People in need of mating should go. I expect the election to be called well before midnight (though polls close in Hawaii at midnight Chicago time), if exit polls are even slightly akin to pre-election polling. Megahints will be dropped, in the media’s eagerness to be first.
Doglessliberal: Yes, I fear you are correct. I’m in downtown Seattle. Fortunately my polling place is only one block from my apartment on my way to work so I’m going to try and get it done quickly while most people are still commuting.
Nubian Princess, eh? Better have nice Nubs.
Kev-O-Tron: Good luck on that. I’m going to trade my tickets for a good space in line and a quick bj.
This is Chicago we’re talking about… YOU DON’T NEED A TICKET!
The will-call line is total bullshit, as they are emailing tickets in advance. I’m shocked, shocked! that people are lying on craigslist to procure sex. What has this world come to?
I am within a couple of hours of Chicago, and I MUST HAVE OBAMA PARTY TICKETS! I have several attractive children of both genders. One of the males is a serious babe magnet. Will barter any or all of them for a fun time. Please call (651) 735-7512, or e-mail your nude or semi-nude photo to info@michelebachmann.com.
I want to hear -
“Hello Chicago, I’m Barack the President!”
JadedDIssonance: Exactly! Come work for me on Monday and Tuesday, and I will be more than happy to give you a ticket.
I have eighty tickets to the McCain Victory Party-you must know morse code and be able to operate a telegraph machine in order to reach me.
I have sent this Fine Piece of ASS free Tickets, she is gonna get 13 hard firm inches shuved up her Fine ASS.
i want to go to this. but not that bad… come to think of it… who is barack obama, anyway? i’m so ho hum about all this at this point i like don’t even care. tired. sad. bored. hungry.
I bet it’ll be just like the Gay Pride party I went to last week, but with more blow laced with delicious schadenfreude.
tocute2btrue: After which you’ll…pull out your dick?
Man, I hope my husband all of a sudden has to work late on Tuesday so I can choose a different plus one.
It’s going to be awful. Seriously. It’s like 12 hours of pure hell…standing in crowds, not drinking, trying to get someone’s iphone to give returns while being jostled by thousands of people…it’ll probably snow…the CTA sucks…we’ll basically kill the city’s 2016 olympic bid in one night, but 40 years from now I can turn to my grandchildren and croak “I was there when…” Or I could stay at home, drink, stay warm, drink more, swear at MSNBC, and lie to my grandchildren.
Anyone who wants to make a fake ID with my name…
Ken,
Ashley is so smokin’ hot she melted a hole in my screen.
Tell her hello for me too.
This sucks. Barry’s been jamming me for months to give MORE,MORE,MORE…and now I get this e-mail from him, which tells me I should have waited:
I want you to be there with me on Election Night when the results come in.
We’re planning a big event that will include tens of thousands of supporters in Grant Park in downtown Chicago.
We’re saving some of the best seats in the house for 5 people who make their first donation to the campaign before Sunday at midnight.
If you’re selected, you can bring a guest, and we’ll fly you in and put you up in a hotel for the night. You’ll go backstage at the big event and — no matter what happens — you’ll have a front row seat to history as we celebrate the supporters who got us over the finish line.
………..
So, I need to submit a donation under a slightly misspelled alias?
Any donation counts — whatever you can afford. Show your support at this crucial time with a donation of $5 or more, and you could join me on Election Night
check out this mccain fraud video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGF-HEd6XnA
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Datsun510: You guys know this is Ashley the Prostitute, right?