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It’s Pickleball Night at the bar. All the players get a free cocktail and buffet. Not too busy, but post any questions here.

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Bartender Hooper sir! When and why did the US lose its mind, and decide that Guinness needed to be served room temperature? That was a thing you did if you were “in the know” back in my early drinking days (80s and 90s). Later in life I visited Ireland and had Guinness in a pub, and while not icy it was as you say “properly chilled.” Warm Guinness, or pretty much any beer except maybe a 13% Brandywine, is gross. What idiot promulgated this horror on us?

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It's the confusion in the US between room temperature and cellar temperature. Cellar temperature should be between 40 and 50 degrees and British pubs used to serve their ales that way because, well, the tanks were in the cellar. They also used to be naturally fermented and pulled through beer engines using only the natural carbonation, which is where the whole thing of using nitrogen to provide pressure to pour the beer started. Nitrogen won't dissolve in the beer so adds no extra bubbles like carbonation can.

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“Real Ale” in Britland is still naturally carbonated and unpressurized. You can tell when they have to pump the tap handle, not just open it up. Yummy.

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"Real ale" is interesting. In the US we have had "home brewing," and "craft brewing," and while many of these are naturally carbonated in fermentation, Americans don't quite have the sense that naturally carbonated and unfiltered is real, and force carbonated and filtered is not real? Since prohibition, almost all commercial beer in the US is force carbonated, filtered, and most of it is lager. The ale vs. lager thing took place later in Britain.

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Haven’t seen warm Guinness for a while; we serve it from chilled taps and frosty glasses at the bar and it’s in coolers at the store. Might have been an 80’s thing, which explains the madness.

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You're gonna knock over a lot of beers and piss off a lot of people doing th ...

Oh, you mean outside? OK then.

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Pickleball? Is that similar to Tucker's taint tanning?

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Half Sour Nutz.

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For what it's worth, Hooper, I have never been a fan of the Black and Tan. It's too posh for American tastes. I'm a working-class guy, and if I'm gonna get a bar worked up, gimme a Boilermaker. Now, if you wanna layer that with some hots and some bitters, then we can talk.

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A bar near where I live has half priced beer during their axe throwing league.

I don't like beer enough to take a risk.

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I've never had a half and half (I do like Guinness, but really don't drink beer), but layering Guinness over a good hard cider sounds intriguing.

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Is good.

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It’s very worth trying, I more than second Hooper’s recommendation. I third it.

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I read that as "Pickelhaube Night" and imagined a bunch of people in a bar wearing those pointy hats.

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Hey, Hooper, can you recommend a tonic water for someone who basically drinks it like a soda? The best I can get conveniently is TopoChico tonic. Any ideas?

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Fever Tree Mediterranean, enthusiastically. What I use for my own G&Ts at home.

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I’ve not seen Mediterranean; Fever Tree is my favorite tonic water.

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Thank you. I will look for it.

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I am NOT Hooper, but I can recommend Fever Tree or Q. We have some Fever Tree tonic water in the fridge, awaiting warm weather when it will be mixed with Gray Whale gin and fresh lime.

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I like Fever Tree, I tried Q tonic and it didn’t send me. I’ll give it another shot.

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I sort of equate Pickle Ball with Corn Holing.

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One fucking thing after another.

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HA. I didn't need that mouthful of coffee. I can make more.

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Who doesn't?

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So all your clientele is 80 plus? how many have their own teeth?

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You don't need teeth to drink.

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Why do people keep saying this ageist BS? And around here, I only see young folks playing that stupid game.

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You have someone else’s? I’m confused.

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Hey! Those teeth are bought and paid for!

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Hopefully you get fed from the buffet too.

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So, taking into account today’s political climate, does Guinness layer nicely over, oh I dunno, a tincture of laudanum?

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L in a mint julep is divine. A little absinthe too.

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I'll have what these people are having!

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I'd give antique Ozomultion a go!

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Back in my day at a favorite lowlife establishment, we played "Carrier Landing." You strip down to your skivvies, cover the bar with beer, and have a couple of the burlier fuckers shove you down the bar on you belly as hard as they can. A couple of people at the end of the bar would be holding a broom handle to serve as an arrestor cable if necessary. Never figured out how to determine who "won," but it could get to be a real blast.

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Dang, we just had pinball.

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Well, damn! We used to frequent a place where the bartenders would sling your beer down the bar and if they spilled it you got a freebie. It helped that the barkeeps were half in the bag as well. This establishment notably had a dart board right as you walked in “Norm!” Narrator: Norm is trying to remove a dart from his temple.

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You could score it like ski jumping -- a combination of distance and form.

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The beer won...

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As usually happens. :D

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For optimal use in Raman spectroscopy, should the laser be mode locked or Q switched?

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Only if you activate the wave motion cannon first.

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Snerk.

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When is the green food coloring inserted?

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Before pouring the pint of Miller Light. Don’t skimp, we only use it once a year.

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Striking any kind of ball with a preserved cucumber seems pointless to me.

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Exactly. That's why it's done at a bar.

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I like the ones that go "dill!"...

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