'King Of Comedy' Ted Cruz Challenges Noted Humorist Patton Oswalt To Dick-Wagging Contest

But only wins at being one :(

Back in those days of innocence of December 2015, when we were all at least 20 or 30 years younger, NBC News ran a bizarre little piece about Sen. Ted Cruz, asking the question, "Ted Cruz: King of Comedy?" It works much better as a question than a statement, since viewers had the option to answer, "NBC News: Stupid, Craven, Or Just Really Really High?" (Rebecca, being the kindest, bravest, warmest, and most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life, thought they were holding him up for extremely warranted ridicule.) Here, prepare to gouge out your eyedrums. It's only a minute and 26 seconds, but it's a LONG minute and 26 seconds.

We're treated to a collection of clips of Cruz allegedly being funny, like that time he did really sad "Simpsons" impressions, plus bad impressions of JFK, and an incomprehensible string of words allegedly from The Princess Bride, although we don't recall ever wanting to punch Billy Crystal or Carol Kane in the face to make them stop talking. Not that we would ever do such a thing, for it would violate our comments policy. 

The very best part of the thing is where the video titles insist "His comedy routine includes more than just impressions," which is accurate enough, because it doesn't make any assertions about whether the comedy is funny. Then we get Ted Cruz telling "jokes" about how junior high science teaches that "invertebrates can't walk upright, and yet politicians disprove that every single day."

Or how about the one where he said, during Pope Francis's visit to Washington, that the press conference got a little awkward, since "every time reporters addressed a question to 'Your Holiness,' Barack Obama answered." That might have been the best of the bunch, since it's followed by a real thigh-slapper of a teleprompter joke, and another one about Hillary's emails.

Oh, wait. We may have been misunderstanding NBC all this time. Maybe "Ted Cruz: King of Comedy?" is a warning that, as in Martin Scorsese's 1982 dark comedy, Ted Cruz is a talentless psychotic who thinks he's a comedic genius but might end up kidnapping a late-night talk show host and forcing him to release The Day the Clown Cried from his secret vault.

All this is by way of saying that Ted Cruz yesterday took to Twitter to make an absolutely brilliant comedy joke about professional comedian Patton Oswalt, after a story at Glenn Beck's Internet House of Wingnut Rage And Cheesecake Ladies reported that Oswalt had canceled a couple of shows at venues that wouldn't require audiences to be vaccinated.

Oh boy, we hope you are ready for some wicked, incisive satire!

This is an example of the "incongruity/resolution" model of humor, since for the joke to strike you as funny, you have to be a fucking idiot.

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[ NBC News ]

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