Zuck, can I call you Zuck? Hahahahaha, I don't care what you think.
Listen, Zuck, you control Facebook. You control Meta. You've controlled them since day one. They are what you made them to be. And if you weren't able to make your company, with 2 to 1 ratio of men employees to women, masculine enough even while having the power of one of…
Zuck, can I call you Zuck? Hahahahaha, I don't care what you think.
Listen, Zuck, you control Facebook. You control Meta. You've controlled them since day one. They are what you made them to be. And if you weren't able to make your company, with 2 to 1 ratio of men employees to women, masculine enough even while having the power of one of the 10 richest men on earth, you're not going to be able to make it masculine enough.
If your company isn't masculine enough, the problem isn't the company. The problem is you. And you're not going to suddenly make it masculine enough during your midlife crisis by running to your political daddy and offering him everything he asks for any more than you can make yourself more masculine by buying a Ferrari and taking MMA classes where you and your buddies pretend to fight, but with pads on and no knives and no one ever ends up in the ICU with a collapsed lung waiting to be sufficiently stabilized for the surgeons to remove that barbed arrowhead from your liver.
Look at you. You sense something desperately wrong at your company, and instead of taking control, giving orders, and fixing shit, you're asking Trump what daddy wants, giving away your money to his coronation party to make sure the big man doesn't attack you later, and then running to the media to whine over and over about how there's a vibe in the air around you that just isn't masculine enough.
Dude. The vibe is coming from inside the you.
Do you even remember how Facebook started? It was a bunch of dweebs sitting around looking at pictures of women, fantasizing about them, and then rating them, based on a photo and a fantasy, on how fuckable they are. You could have been going to class, giving smart answers, talking to actual human beings, meeting enough people that eventually you'd find one you think is attractive and who actually fancies you, and then fucking your brains out as college students were ordained by god to do.
Instead, you were doing the beta cuck thing of looking at pictures of women who didn't know who the fuck you were and imagining yourself powerful because in your fantasies you got to say no to them. What godlike manhood! You pretended to say no to sex to a woman you pretended wanted you but who didn't know your fucking name.
You want Facebook to be masculine? Sell it to a man. Hell, sell it to a dyke. But Facebook isn't going to suddenly be a manly corporation tomorrow because you chatted on a podcast about feminine vibes and ball crushing feminists any more than you became a manly man by chatting in a dorm room about what size a woman's tits should be before drinking a lite beer and whacking it into a sock.
I'm no big advocate of masculinity, Zuck. Be masculine, don't be masculine. I don't really care. I'm just saying that you've got all the money in the world, and if you're not living exactly as you want to be, it's only because you're a pathetic, whiny, powerless dweeb who gets scared when he looks in a mirror.
This is such an excellent rant, like, ridiculously well written. Bravo!
My only critique is that it implies that the big boss actually has control over the company, and that's just not how big organizations work. Hierarchy is an attempt at control, yes, but that doesn't mean the attempt gives actual control. At most it gives you the power to break things, but your chances of successfully steering it one way or another are small. Big organizations are too complex for that.
An actual ALPHA MALE move would be to act like you don't give a shit about who occupies the White House or how many idiots he has following his bullshit and do something to make the world better.
Instead you act like the weakest little boy on the planet and let the mere inkling of blow back scare you into acting like the dumbest jocks you ever knew in college. You have enough money and power to protect yourself, your family and your business against whatever PAB and his dimwitted drooling MAGAt horde could throw at you and yet you cower and let your hair grow and get a scrip for testosterone so that you can bulk up like that brain dead Joe that you seem to think that you need approval from.
I’d pay money (not a lot, but enough for a rusty used bike) to have that printed on a (rusty, old) bicycle that Zuck had to then eat to prove his maskulinity.
Zuck, can I call you Zuck? Hahahahaha, I don't care what you think.
Listen, Zuck, you control Facebook. You control Meta. You've controlled them since day one. They are what you made them to be. And if you weren't able to make your company, with 2 to 1 ratio of men employees to women, masculine enough even while having the power of one of the 10 richest men on earth, you're not going to be able to make it masculine enough.
If your company isn't masculine enough, the problem isn't the company. The problem is you. And you're not going to suddenly make it masculine enough during your midlife crisis by running to your political daddy and offering him everything he asks for any more than you can make yourself more masculine by buying a Ferrari and taking MMA classes where you and your buddies pretend to fight, but with pads on and no knives and no one ever ends up in the ICU with a collapsed lung waiting to be sufficiently stabilized for the surgeons to remove that barbed arrowhead from your liver.
Look at you. You sense something desperately wrong at your company, and instead of taking control, giving orders, and fixing shit, you're asking Trump what daddy wants, giving away your money to his coronation party to make sure the big man doesn't attack you later, and then running to the media to whine over and over about how there's a vibe in the air around you that just isn't masculine enough.
Dude. The vibe is coming from inside the you.
Do you even remember how Facebook started? It was a bunch of dweebs sitting around looking at pictures of women, fantasizing about them, and then rating them, based on a photo and a fantasy, on how fuckable they are. You could have been going to class, giving smart answers, talking to actual human beings, meeting enough people that eventually you'd find one you think is attractive and who actually fancies you, and then fucking your brains out as college students were ordained by god to do.
Instead, you were doing the beta cuck thing of looking at pictures of women who didn't know who the fuck you were and imagining yourself powerful because in your fantasies you got to say no to them. What godlike manhood! You pretended to say no to sex to a woman you pretended wanted you but who didn't know your fucking name.
You want Facebook to be masculine? Sell it to a man. Hell, sell it to a dyke. But Facebook isn't going to suddenly be a manly corporation tomorrow because you chatted on a podcast about feminine vibes and ball crushing feminists any more than you became a manly man by chatting in a dorm room about what size a woman's tits should be before drinking a lite beer and whacking it into a sock.
I'm no big advocate of masculinity, Zuck. Be masculine, don't be masculine. I don't really care. I'm just saying that you've got all the money in the world, and if you're not living exactly as you want to be, it's only because you're a pathetic, whiny, powerless dweeb who gets scared when he looks in a mirror.
That's not something you can fix.
You said was I was thinking, but in a much for incisive & entertaining way !
This makes me want to hijack a major TV studio and read this post out loud. Wearing a balaclava, of course, I'm not stupid.
This is such an excellent rant, like, ridiculously well written. Bravo!
My only critique is that it implies that the big boss actually has control over the company, and that's just not how big organizations work. Hierarchy is an attempt at control, yes, but that doesn't mean the attempt gives actual control. At most it gives you the power to break things, but your chances of successfully steering it one way or another are small. Big organizations are too complex for that.
No notes. I couldn't have put it better myself.
An actual ALPHA MALE move would be to act like you don't give a shit about who occupies the White House or how many idiots he has following his bullshit and do something to make the world better.
Instead you act like the weakest little boy on the planet and let the mere inkling of blow back scare you into acting like the dumbest jocks you ever knew in college. You have enough money and power to protect yourself, your family and your business against whatever PAB and his dimwitted drooling MAGAt horde could throw at you and yet you cower and let your hair grow and get a scrip for testosterone so that you can bulk up like that brain dead Joe that you seem to think that you need approval from.
Pathetic.
Ouch! And LOL!
Chef's kiss.
Excellent critique; creepy oligarch boy doesn't deserve anything half so well-wrought..
Holy shit! That was amazing!!! <standing ovation, applause, cheers...>
I wish i could remember Mara Rooney's line from the movie where Jesse Eisenberg played Zuck. Something about being unlikable. As true now as ever.
LOL. That a guy so clearly lacking in testosterone would be seeking "masculine energy."
I’d pay money (not a lot, but enough for a rusty used bike) to have that printed on a (rusty, old) bicycle that Zuck had to then eat to prove his maskulinity.
Spelling intentional.
Oh! My! Heavens! Do I love your response! Like times a bajillion! Take my energy, and blessings! 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 🙌
:curtsy:
In which a crip and a dyke grinds Zuck’s faux bro masculinity into dust. And then puts it in a post-workout protein shake.
Huh. I have a merch person of my own. I think we need to make shirts in Facebook blue that say SELL IT TO A DYKE.
I'm on it.
Pure poetry, as per usual.
Reading about Zuck is so un-masculine I think this non-comment caused my own dick to shrink. This is a compliment, in its own special way.