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No, we didn’t freeze that while she was talking. Watch the video. It’s a kiss.

While Israeli soldiers shot and killed at least 50 protesters (and injured an incredible 2,400 people) in the Gaza Strip, the USA opened its brand new embassy in Jerusalem today, a step sure to please the fundagelicals in Donald Trump’s base because it will surely help bring the End Times and the second coming of Jesus, or at least a very solid turnout for Republicans in this year’s midterms and the 2020 elections.

While people in Gaza were getting shot and bombed, fundamentalist Christians who’ve said it’s a real bummer that Jews are damned (hey, it’s just prophecy, deal with it) celebrated the opening of the new embassy. Among the was John Hagee, who said last December that the embassy move was announced with “a biblical timing of absolute precision,” because isn’t most US foreign policy in accordance with Bible numerology? Hagee ruffled a few feathers back in 2008 when he said God had sent Hitler to hunt down Jews in the Holocaust and thereby make the founding of Israel possible in 1947, which makes us wonder why an omnipotent supreme being couldn’t have skipped the genocide step there. And of course Hagee also said God flooded New Orleans to punish the gays, so he’s a fine fellow to bless an embassy, too.

Also invoking the God of the Holy Land (which will soon be wiped from the Earth, along with just about everyone, HOORAY!) was pastor Robert Jeffress, who explained that God handed the keys to Jerusalem 4,000 years ago:

Jeffress’s presence to pray for peace — in the name of “Jesus our Lord” — might have seemed a little odd, what with his pronouncement in 2010 that Jews and Muslims are all damned to hell. Not that they’re bad people, just that anyone who isn’t a Christian (and the right flavor of Christian) is of course damned, no matter how “good” they might be:

God sends good people to Hell. Not only do religions like Mormonism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism — not only do they lead people away from God, they lead people to an eternity of separation from God in Hell.

For the sake of equality, he also said a year later that Catholicism is a “cult-like, pagan religion” that “doesn’t come from God’s word.” Because that’s just history, you know:

You say, “Well, now, Pastor, how can you say such a thing? That is such an indictment of the Catholic Church.” After all, the Catholic Church talks about God and the Bible and Jesus and the blood of Christ and salvation. Isn’t that the genius of Satan?”

Not that such talk is a problem for Israel’s rightwing government — the country is simply crawling with American fundamentalists, and as long as they keep bringing Jesus tourism and defense aid, a few dumb predictions of imminent damnation for all who reject Christ is no big.

Jeffress’s past condemnation of Mormons was very displeasing to Mittens Willardson Romneyton the 47th, who tweeted that the man shouldn’t be profaning the ceremonies:


As for the embassy dedication resulting in more than 50 dead and 2,400 wounded Palestinians, including at least eight children killed, Mitt didn’t have any commentary on whether that put a damper on things. But Jared Kushner did!


Yep, “Those provoking violence are part of the problem and not part of the solution.” The ones who are getting themselves shot and killed, those troublemakers. Including, presumably, the children. And now the US and Israel are both much more secure, somehow, because heaven knows there will never be any blowback.


Also, Ivanka blew the crowd a kiss:


Surely these will be the best End Times ever. And this is why God loves mankind.

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