Once upon a time, back in 2011, Donald Trump Jr., the messed up thing that came out the first time the American president attempted to father a baby human, was feeling lonely and sad in his marriage to a normal-looking human woman, so he hooked up with a lady named Aubrey O’Day, who was part of a singing group called Danity Kane, whom he met on the set of his dad’s famous TV show “No Fucking Lie, The Blowhard Host Of This Horseshit Reality TV Show Is Going To Be President One Day.” And they fucked and they fucked and they blew the house down, we guess, because now, seven years later, Vanessa Trump, wife of Don Jr., is OUTTA HERE. (Click that if you haven’t read it, we were SO MEAN.)
Unfortunately, and for reasons we cannot comprehend because we cannot imagine being a human who views Donald Trump Jr. as The Man That Got Away, when the affair dissolved after several months, Aubrey O’Danity was very sad, and much like Alanis Morissette asking if her former beau’s older version of her would go down on him in a theater, she sat down with her quill pen and her pipe organ and composed a chanson about that idiot, called “DJT.” Yr Wonkette Doktor Zoom analyzed its lyrics here.
Well, bad news, but Aubrey O’Diggity was not done emoting about the denouement of her surely heart-rending tryst with Donald Trump Jr., and added another selection to her lieder.
Quick reminder: We are talking about this guy, and how a human person was literally pining for both his penis AND his face, and maybe also his mind:
But this time, it was not an original song. It was a cover of Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know,” which, despite how it was played 45,000 TIMES PER DAY for two solid years, is a pretty great and well-written song on the subject. Here, refresh yourself if you can’t remember, with the cover version by Walk Off The Earth, which is (#sciencefact) better than the original:
But she wrote new lyrics. Now, as Jezebel notes, we cannot be FOR CERTAIN this is about GrundleShit McWhatHappenedToYourFace, but it was recorded in 2012 not long after he quit-fired her from their torrid affair. Secondly, in previously unreleased video footage obtained by TMZ, she is all nekkid and has words like “cheater” and “liar” written all over her body, to drive home the point. (You’ll have to visit TMZ if you really want to watch this shit.)
Also, the new lyrics kinda speak for themselves:
Now and then I think of when we were together, like when you told me that your marriage was a lie
It probably was.
Told me that I brought you back to life, couldn’t live without me by your side
Didn’t care about the sex you begged to fuck my mind,
And now we are thinking of Junior’s deformed reproductive bendy straw being inside somebody’s BRAIN and we are … well maybe that’s what happened to his dad’s brain, come to think of it. (Not with Junior’s bendy straw, that’s incest. We mean Putin’s.)
You can get addicted to a certain kind of madness
You’d love to be a man your life just won’t allow, you said that was the reason for your pain
But you were scared to ruin your family’s name,
What. Family. Name.
Your wife’s the only one glad we are over
Maybe in 2012, ma’am, but in 2018 Vanessa T. is glad about somethin’ else entirely, and it is that she never has to bump nakeds with WeenerStump McPantyDribbles Junior ever again.
If you hate yourself and want to die, choose life instead and don’t listen to O’Day’s cover below:
Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” is about Rosanna Arquette, JT’s “Cry Me A River” is about Britney, Alanis’s “You Oughta Know” is widely rumored to be about Dave Coulier (CUT! IT! OUT!), Taylor Swift’s oeuvre is about … everyone … and there are officially two songs in the world dedicated as in memoriam pieces to Donald Trump Jr.’s weenus.
God bless us, everyone.
And now it is your OPEN THREAD!
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