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Legal Eagle

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, WONKERS! We love you like Michael Cohen loves Donald Trump! We love you enough to risk losing our license to practice law. We love you enough to violate campaign finance regulations. We love you enough to ensure that every Google search, news article and even our obituary links us to a porn star forever!

Okay, maybe not THAT MUCH. But we love you a lot, so please send us a Valentine!

Now that we’ve all finished LOLing at Michael Cohen’s statement that he paid off Stormy Daniels out of LOVE for Donald Trump, it’s time to talk about the mountain of shit that genius just waded into.

To start with, let’s just pretend that we believe Cooley Law School’s most distinguished alumnus. Okay, Michael. You really did pull out your personal checkbook and write a check for $130,000 to Stephanie Clifford, aka Stormy Daniels. Fine.

Just wondering, Boychik, did you disclose it on your 2016 tax return? Because unless you and Donald Trump are secretly gaymomarried, the most you could have given him in 2016 without triggering gift tax reporting was $14,000. Did you mention that $116,000 to the IRS? And if it wasn’t a gift, did Donald Trump pick it up as income on his 2016 tax return? Inquiring minds want to know!

(We’ve seen some people saying it was a “gift” to Stormy D herself. But they had a contract; he paid and she kept quiet. Which doesn’t look like a gift to us!)

Or was it a campaign contribution? Bet the campaign was grateful that Stormy wasn’t out there in October 2016 talking about spanking the candidate with Forbes magazine. Not to mention the shark stuff! But we can’t help noticing that the individual limit on personal contributions to a general election campaign is $2,700. Which is … a lot less than $130,000! Hey, remember that time when John Edwards got indicted for taking off-the-books contributions to keep his pregnant girlfriend hidden? WE DO.

And lest we forget, Wonkette’s own Evan Hurst told you just this this morning how it violates legal ethics for a lawyer to advance money to his client. Here, have a nice splainer from the New York State Bar Association to top it off.

But, if we’re being honest, Michael, we don’t believe you. We actually think you’re full of shit! For one thing, you funneled the payment through a Delaware LLC and had Daniels/Clifford sign under the pseudonym “Peggy Peterson.” Then you denied it for weeks, only admitting it after Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington unearthed all those interesting payments from the campaign to Trump Org.

And then Common Cause filed a complaint against you with the Federal Election Commission for making an illegal donation and violating campaign finance laws.

So, you’ll forgive us being suspicious, but it sure took you a long time to come out with this very carefully worded statement.

In a private transaction in 2016, I used my own personal funds to facilitate a payment of $130,000 to Ms. Stephanie Clifford. Neither the Trump Organization nor the Trump campaign was a party to the transaction with Ms. Clifford, and neither reimbursed me for the payment either directly or indirectly.

Huh. So did you get a personal check from Don Jr.? An extra-large care package containing $130,000-worth of Trump steaks, ties and wine? A deposit in a Swiss bank account from a friendly Russian oligarch? Did you get it from “Bunny” Mellon? (Deep cut for the oldtimers! HVD!) And what exactly does “facilitate” mean?

Well, however you got the money, we do hope you didn’t recoup it by padding your receivables after the election. Because that would be billing fraud, and the State of New York does not look kindly on that sort of thing.

Anyway, we’re sure you’ve got it all under control, Michael Cohen. You’ve been a bag man for a long time — “I will always protect Mr. Trump” — so we’re guessing you’ve thought of everything. Have fun with Robert Mueller and NY Attorney General Eric Schneiderman! We’re sure you’ll run rings around ’em!

Follow your FDF on Twitter right here!


Please send us a Happy Valentine’s day card with some sweet Amero love in it!

[WaPo / Vanity Fair / NYT]

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  • WotsAllThisThen

    It’s almost as if Trump said, “Get me a mob lawyer from central casting!”

  • RMKH

    OT:. Another fucking school shooting. Had enough yet, gun nuts?

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      I was already feeling depressed and now I’m just sick over it.

      I’m surprised it didn’t happen on Groundhog Day, because it’s the same old thing over and over and over again.

    • Dg Hacket

      No, i just berated a couple gun worshippers, they still think the goverments coming for their guns. I had to ask ” if you had a choice between the lives of 4 kids or keeping your cabinet full of guns, what would you do?” The answer? “Guns make us safe”

  • calliecallie

    OMG, he went to Cooley Law School? (Which is right down the street from me at this moment.) I bet they’re just thrilled with this turn of events.

    • little miss high and mighty

      Run over there and get a statement you could get on the teevees or something

      • calliecallie

        Thanks, but I know my limitations. :-) They have reporters for that kind of thing, even here.

        • little miss high and mighty

          You trust reporters now?

  • chiefkurtz

    That FHA mortgage application you filled out when you bought your first house requires you to be truthful under penalty of perjury. That ‘gift letter’ mom and dad gave you when you bought it probably wasn’t really a ‘gift’, but a loan, that you found a way to pay back. Well, it’s fraud, and if anyone cared to check, they’d probably indict both of you for fraud. There’s no way this does not lead back to Trump or his family/campaign. It may go through LLCs, LLPs, Foundations, Trust, Estates, etc., but it’ll get there, and Mueller, the FBI, or the FEC has plenty of time and motivation to look into it.

  • Rick Hill

    I’d make a guess that Mueller is already in possession of Cohen’s taxes.

    • Ronnie McDonald

      Do golems file taxes? Do they even have to?

  • Martini A 🍸 , glamazon bitch

    A guy notorious for not paying his bills attracts a bunch of ding-dongs that seem happily willing to fall on their swords for him on the most transparent way possible. What engenders this level of loyalty, I will never understand, but they sure ain’t too bright.

    • Yellerduck

      The Russian mafia can inspire a great deal of loyalty. Almost like your life depends on it.

    • My guess is that these Dunning-Kruger case studies think they’re way smarter than all the other people who’ve been burned by Trump and can squeeze some sort of reward out of working for him.

      • Historicat

        Much like the guy who jumped off the 20 story building, they’re at the 10th floor thinking “so far, so good”

    • diane surette

      A pee tape?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Maybe they just don’t want to wake up with a severed horse’s head under the sheets.

    • Widdle Kim

      You would if you knew what this pieces of crap bill per hour. A lot of lawyers are making a lot of cake offa Donnie.

    • Masochistic daddy issues

  • Crystalclear12

    What’s wrong with Trump’s lawyers?
    You get what you don’t pay for.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Yeah, I see he stiffed Cohen $0.28 up there.

  • calliecallie

    Now can Mr. Mueller subpoena Trump’s 2016 tax returns? Or Eric Schneiderman? Please?

  • little miss high and mighty

    Does he not undertand thre’s a trail behind him?
    Did he think he was clear to bag and carry and even drop and not be seen doing any of it? Inquiring minds, most def.

  • Daniel

    How do this many abject incompetents manage to work for the same guy?

    • MynameisBlarney

      He’s a magnet for morans?

    • Painter of Goats

      Process of elimination? Apparently all the competents were busy washing their hair the day Trump was hiring.

    • Widdle Kim

      Loyalty before all else. Which also means mediocrity. Look at his administration.
      Stephen Miller? Jeezuz H. Christ.

  • maxneanderthal

    The clue’s in the question-you’re a lawyer, and you’re working for Trump. Did m’learned friend need any further explanation?

  • P’jama Pahnts

    Time for Congress to start not caring!

    • bupkus231

      Dontchaknow? They’be been ahead of their times since the inauguration, at least…

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I dunno, if I had slept with Twitler … *shudder* … I would definitely consider it a gift to be given $130,000 never to have to speak of it again.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      I’d probably spend that money on a lobotomy so I never had to think about it again.

      • Jon Sussex

        This is one instance when I wouldn’t rather have a bottle in front of me.

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Probably not much to think about, TBH…

    • James Baskin

      I don’t know. If she was willing to sleep with Trump, her standards must be pretty low. Sheldon Anderson? Koch Brothers threesome? It’s hard to know just how low she would go.

    • Historicat

      You would probably pay a lot more than that to never admit it happened.

  • chazmanr
  • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

    Cooley Law School. Let me put on my snob hat for a second and say thusly: pffffft.

    https://abovethelaw.com/2017/12/the-10-worst-law-schools-in-the-country-2017/?rf=1

    They’re number one! They’re number one!

    • NotDarkYet

      Behind No. 1 Harvard, in square footage library!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Go, Cooley Law!
      Go, Fighting Chinamen!

    • Sean Jungian

      I snickered heartily when I saw that. My first ex-husband went to Cooley (in Lansing, not Western, but whatev same diff).

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    This guy is a douchebag of the highest order. Nasty, greedy, unethical, and holier-than-thou. And lots of connections to the oligarchs. Too bad Mueller can’t preemptively take his passport.

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    OT So, my last year of teaching was in a high crime neighborhood (2016). My room was at the far end of a very large, sprawling building right next to an exterior door. You would think that door would be closed/locked and monitored during school hours. You would be wrong. Because the district believed in giving everyone “choices” except to choose a traditional neighborhood school, we had more than one school and each school had their own schedule. In any case, students would routinely prop the door open and kids would just come into my room and float around, disrupting the lessons. I would call for help. Sometimes it came, often it didn’t. Nothing was ever done to even post someone at the door or secure it during the day and make all students leaving by the front doors at the far end of the school.

    We had several real lockdowns during the year with several weapons including guns confiscated. I often feared (every day) that one day, someone would barge in and my life and my kids’ lives would be over. The district is lead by “liberal” technocrat/business-inspired assholes full of fondness for Bill Gates and other fool do-gooders. They pay attention to everything but the kids and teachers.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Sorry to hear about that, Cousin. I’m at a point where I really don’t want to even go out anymore because of this. Massachusetts is very “liberal” and stringent about guns, but as long as the 2A exists, and Republicans are in power and looking to introduce that “reciprocity” bullshit whereby every other state’s gun laws are rendered moot because some fucking hillbilly with penis anxiety wants the freedumz to bring his arse-and-all anywhere in the country without repercussion, there is always the possibility that one of these might happen even in the most unlikely places.

      I don’t fear death; in fact, I welcome it. But I do fear ending up paralyzed and in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, and then having no recourse to put myself out of my misery, because America clearly relishes the thought of other people suffering for their blood god of freedumz. Not to mention it’s become taboo to say that you’d rather be dead than disabled.

      Thanks also too, Republicans, and easily snookered “disability rights” activists, for playing the “mental health stigma” card in favor of the NRA to block background checks for certifiable crazy people on the grounds that it “discriminates against the mentally ill” (and even featured ads featuring vets with PTSD who “like to do their therapy on the gun range”). Right, because the Chris Kyle school of psychiatry is really a healthy approach for everyone else. FFS.

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        Peace be upon you, friend.

    • Vienna Woods

      When I was in grade 9 a student came to school with a gun and killed 2 people and himself. I was locked in the girl’s gym change room for 2 hours with the rest of my gym class. We were terrified.
      In my own teaching career I too had a classroom at the far end of the building . We had twice a year lockdown drills which never failed to flare up my ptsd . It took me quite a few years to figure out that was what it is. I can’t listen to or read reports about school shootings. I did, however, hear enough about Newtown to know that we needed doors that could be locked from the inside .I and others expressed that need. I retired June 2016 and they still hadn’t updated the door locks .

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        So sad, isn’t it? I still have trouble being around a school as my wife still teaches. Ptsd can be subtle and I am pretty certain I have it as do you. I’m thinking of going straight to the local muckraking media but my complaint is still in process. Right now, I am angry as hell.

        • Vienna Woods

          That classroom situation of yours sounds like a special type of hell. Kids just wandering in off the street? Fuck me that would have been unbearable . My worst problem was the occasional asshole kid with issues (as in I had expected him to you know, like, work in a previous semester) would slam against the door and then run away . Not designed to help with my issues, exactly.

          • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

            There is more to my story, of course. Once, I had been one of the best in the state and then the system finally did me in. I’m not implying that it was personal but the system is broken but not in the way most people, especially the do-gooders think.

      • littlegreen

        I’m so sorry you went through that.

        I’m so sorry such horrible things happen to anyone — and astonished we don’t take action to prevent it.

        My daughter has an extreme fear of shootings and it came from all the school lockdown drills. Many don’t realize that our elementary school kids are routinely trained to deal with horrifying scenarios. I doubt other countries put children through those drills, but we MUST. It’s life in America.

        Daugh’s okay. She just thinks about shootings more than one would wish. I know I’d have taken it hard if I had to practice hiding from gunmen with assault rifles. I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to experience the real thing.

        I feel for you and apologize for our barbaric gun-crazed country.

      • MC Planck

        When I was in grade 10 I took a rifle to school and put it in my locker until speech class, where I used it as a prop for my speech on how to clean a gun.

        This was a small town school, but it still had at least 1,000 students. I didn’t ask permission from the authorities. Nobody stopped me. Nobody even blinked.

        As you can guess, I went to school a long time ago.

    • Meccalopolis

      All NYC schools now have door alarms on unmonitored exits due to Avonte Oquendo a young autistic teen who wandered out of queens school and who was later found drowned. At the high school next to my mine I routinely hear that alarm going off all day. Where I teach in grammar school it is nit a problem but many high schools not only house multiple schools but each one has staggered start times.

  • Victoria Ricola

    I wonder how many porn stars have been paid off by fat Nixon’s gross band of incompetent jerkoffs? It’s got to be at least AOTK.

  • Boscoe

    Clearly the trump admin is all a giant ruse to inflate the value of popcorn futures.

  • C.W. St. John Nobbs

    Mikey-me-boyo, you should just go ahead and cut your dick off now, so you will stop stepping on it.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • Harry Nuggets

    Says who? …….says who? ………says who?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqlnoIlPskA

    • Anna Rompage

      Michael Cohen! MICHAEL COHEN!!! YOU’RE THE MICHAEL COHEN!!!!!!

  • Anna Rompage

    Is ABC & GMA farming out their transcribing services to first year ESL students or something? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8e3c8b4ee17f278aa8ca532a1ba2264db1e862a6683ec331fd020d2c8e731709.jpg

  • Yellerduck

    Notice how they cleverly disguised it by making the total $129,999.72. That’s not $130,000! Nuh,uh! I wonder who had the $0.28 in their pocket and ponied it up?

    • little miss high and mighty

      those damn clever disguisers!!

    • Daniel

      Libtards keep saying it’s $130 000!! Thats Fake News, suprise suprise!!!

    • Me not sure

      Cohen?

  • James Baskin

    I saw Stormy Daniels has said that this public statement violates the NDA and she is now free to talk.

    • Boscoe

      These Trump people are like drunk orangutans in a warehouse full of houses of cards. Blundering doesn’t begin to describe it…

      • Bobathonic

        Drunk orangutan libelz!

        • 16 banana daiquiris deep…

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fxNodRePzE

          • Karen

            Goℴgle is giving every one $97 per/hr to complete few services from a laptop .. Work Some just few time & stay more time together with your own loved ones . Any one can also apply this special offer!!last Saturday I got a gorgeous McLaren F1 just after making $10,000 this past six weeks .no doubt it is the coolest job however you could not forgive yourself if you don’t read this.!qe662s:=>>=>> http://GoogleFashionSuperjobsWorkingAtHome/get/97$/hourly ♥♥y♥♥k♥a♥♥♥g♥♥♥n♥r♥♥w♥♥♥x♥♥♥g♥♥s♥♥♥w♥♥e♥♥z♥♥t♥♥♥t♥♥♥n♥♥♥o♥♥♥x♥♥n♥l♥♥♥q♥♥q♥♥k♥♥k♥♥p:::::!ke681d:wto

    • diane surette

      Go ahead Lady, I’m listening

      • James Baskin

        That is one interview I will certainly not miss.

    • Ronnie McDonald

      As if that’s an improvement. A veritable cyclone of pure dumbness.

    • La forza del resistino

      Bill tells Donald, you’re lucky, at least she’s better looking than having a Ken Starr on your case.

    • Me not sure

      …for cold hard cash.

      • sarafina

        She sounds nice.

        • B. Barr

          lol

      • MC Planck

        Na! Stormy will talk merely for exposure. She’s a media personality, after all… exposure is her livelihood.

        Well, in Stormy’s case, a little bit more literally true than usual. :D

        • Shibusa

          I’m betting sales of her vids spiked when this story broke.

          • MC Planck

            She’s been doing talk shows and night clubs. So ya. Good on her! :)

    • HogeyeGrex

      Whoopsie.

  • calliecallie
  • Indiepalin

    As an ethical CPA, I would have instructed Mr. Cohen to launder the $130,000 by burying it in line 20 of his Form 1065, U.S Return of Partnership Income, Other Deductions.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Most ridiculous thing Cohen said today about making the payment:

    Just because something isn’t true doesn’t mean it can’t hurt you.

    • Bobathonic

      HAHAHAHAHA!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      The Central Park Five would like to talk to you about that.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Just looking at that disbursements spreadsheet, I’m left wondering whether the missing 28 cents will one day be as notorious as Rosemary Woods’ missing 18 minutes of tape.

  • C.W. St. John Nobbs

    Is it a possibility that in order to board the Trumptrain you have to be willing to do Mercury shooters, and there is a ten drink minimum?

    • sarafina

      And then the murders started.

  • La forza del resistino

    Once AG Eric Schneiderman tires of gnawing on Cohen’s carcass, Michael won’t even be able to represent someone before Judge Judy’s bench.

    • Shawn Charniga

      I like him.

  • OutOfOrbit

    overheard in the WH, “This isn’t the squirrel we were looking for but we’ll take it by GOD!”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Because that would be billing fraud, and the State of New York does not look kindly on that sort of thing.

    Pro tip: you need to start buttering up Andy Cuomo, stat, cause Daddy Donnie can’t pardon your ass for that shit.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    School shooting in Florida arrives just in time to distract from porn star problems. Donnie has already sent thoughts and prayers.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      “Prayers” to Mammon.

      Thoughts? Unpossible; assumes actual thinking organ previously in evidence.

      • TundraGrifter

        Ten Percent is his profit.

    • rocktonsam

      He can pop in to console and whatevs on the way to the golf course.

      NRA USA…

    • MynameisBlarney

      Given the medias short attention spans in regards to school shooting, they’ll be back on to their regularly scheduled bullshit before you can turn around.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yes, unfortunately we’ve all gotten comfortably numb, unless the body count is over 50. It barely makes the news if only 2 or 3 kids are murdered. On the brighter side of things, some of the victims of mass shootings have been rethinking their positions on the 2nd amendment. Maybe we just need millions of more victims before we can get sensible gun control.

    • cmd resistor

      No, this time he send prayers and condolences.

  • Ronnie McDonald

    A fake news, fake boobed, fake tanned, shill enabled ballet of epic proportions.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Sure looks strange to me!

      • Ronnie McDonald

        Didn’t he tell her she reminded him of Ivanka?

        • OTB

          And had her spank him with a magazine featuring Ivanka on the cover.

      • Bobathonic

        I understand that reference.

  • OTB

    If it was meant to be a distraction from Portergate, I’d say it’s a fail.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      The Bush Administration at least had the decency to use color-coded terror alerts as “distractions”.

      • Historicat

        Give the Bush II admin their due – they put craftsmanship into their distractions. What we see now is dreck. For shame!

  • CripesAmighty

    Hope some of these violations fall under NY state law, as DOJ has been reassigned to Bagman Protection Detail.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Hey, guess whose parents are here as a result of illegal “chain immigration?” I’ll give you a hint: she’s an Eastern European soft core porn model who married a gross old egotistical narcissist, who hates illegal immigrants, unless they are 10s.

  • Scooby

    I can’t picture Trump letting that .28 cents go.

    • data_ninja

      It’s gotta be a transaction fee or something.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    HAPPY INFRASTRUCTURE WEEK!

    I have joy joy joy joy on the highways!
    LALALALALALALA!!!!!

    Everything is fine.

    • Doug Langley

      Whatever you’re smoking, I want some.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Vor uns liegt ein weites Tal
      Die Sonne scheint mit Glitzerstrahl

      Die Fahrbahn ist ein graues Band
      Weisse Streifen, gruener Rand
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gChOifUJZMc

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Didnt they already fix everything last year during infrastructure week?

      • Last year it was Jr. Meeting the Russians during infrastructure week? Or maybe firing Comey? Hard to tell, so many scandals ago.

    • GunToting[Redacted]
  • clairence

    Geez, these mob lawyers! Balls the size of melons, brains the size of… balls?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    He never said Vladimir didn’t reimburse him, did he?

    • weejee

      I hope it was Pence, to get a two-fer.

      • FlownΩver

        President Paul AynRyanRand? Pass.

  • rocktonsam

    So if blotus is against domestic violence of all kinds he must hate school shootings.

  • clairence

    if he used his own money to pay for gas to drive to meet the woman, or if he paid for the cellphone plan that enabled him to text or email her account information… that’s him using his own money to ‘facilitate’ the transfer. It may have been only a few cents. Right?

  • Why even say anything now? It was long past its news cycle.

    Or he’s running distraction for something else?

    • littlegreen

      There was reason to believe Trump paid Stormy out of campaign coffers. That would have been a violation of campaign finance laws. (And it’s probably how she was paid.)

      Cohen piped up to protect Trump from that charge — and idiotically opened the door to further financial investigation.

      Why were people wondering how Trump paid? There are so many crises, I can’t remember. I dimly recall that something like $20 million in campaign contributions have gone missing.

      • shivaskeeper

        Because Al Capone died in jail from tax evasion. The financials are murky at best, but they are what is going to bring this particular shit show to a halt. Every little bit of fuckery is more evidence of a crime.

        When Mueller is done, if he hasn’t already, I wouldn’t be surprised to see some RICO charges out of the NY AG’s office.

        That would be the most fitting end to this. Disgraced and the entire family penniless.

        • H0mer0

          except for the cute daughter that Don Jr shamed by pretending to give away her candy, and Barron.

        • Paul Dietzel

          Capone was paroled in 1939 and died at his home in Florida in 1947 after a stroke, pneumonia, then cardiac arrest, sickened from advanced syphilis which had also eroded his mental capacities. Which also might just be “a most fitting end to this” as well.

      • Lefty Wright

        The $107 million raised for his inauguration is unaccounted for. Obviously, some was spent legitimately, but no accounting of any of it has been provided.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        So let’s see. $20 million divided by 130 thou = 153.846153846153846 non-disclousurettes.

  • Dutchman

    I think Cohen must not have stayed at Holiday Inn Express.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Didn’t he used to go by Barry Zuckerkorn? I thought Admiralty Law was his niche.

  • weejee

    Today is St. Valentine’s Day, so it is only fitting my vision for this post is of every Mafia don and gunsel bleating “I pay my taxes” as they head-up the courthouse steps since Big Al went to Alcatraz for trying to dodge the IRS,

  • elviouslyqueer
    • Fire and Fury Demme

      Not at all surprised to learn that he is/was a creep.
      *shudder*

  • I think Michael Cohen may have just knocked up Satan’s daughter.

    • OutOfOrbit

      is that like, “screwed the pooch”?

      • RickyG

        The Mooch

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Don’t tell me what sex act “screwing the Mooch” involves. I am still coming to terms with the Bannon auto-fellation nightmares.

          • RickyG

            “Yeah, it’s called FA-QUE!
            It’s mostly just head butting and then kicking people when they’re on the ground.”

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Isn’t billing fraud what Tom Cruise used to bring down the evil lawyers in The Firm?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      No. He brought them down with Dianetics

      • JustDon’tSayCAPSLOCK!!!

        Diane who, now?

      • svejk

        that stuff’ll bring *any*body down.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Could. Not. Read. Bullshit meter crashed, due to overload.

  • RickyG
  • HarryButtle

    So, if Cohen is Trump’s Tom Hayden, who visits Cohen in prison and tells him to slit his wrists?

    • FlownΩver

      William Kunstler?

  • Widdle Kim

    And how did Stormy report it? And did she write of the surgical enhancements as business expenses? The plot thickens.

    • Maybe

      She may have called it a gift.

  • Gorillionaire

    So, Drumph’s “personal lawyer” went to Diploma Mill Law College, and his “personal doctor” went to Baby Doc University. At least his porn star girlfriend has good credentials.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      The best credentials: Ph.DD.

  • Marsupial99

    I really hadn’t thought about that phrase: “I used my own funds to FACILITATE a payment…” So, what, you paid the Western Union fee out of your own pocket to route $129,999.72 from the campaign coffers through Nigeria?

    And, $129,999.72?? Really? I’m an accountant. Those kinds of coincidences don’t exist.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      It’s 18 cents off. Checkmate libs!

      • JustDon’tSayCAPSLOCK!!!

        Hmm, someone was told there would be no math.

        • God Emperor Emeritus

          Shhh, don’t tell anyone I do math professionally. Turns out I don’t get a lot of practice making change though.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      He chipped in the 28 cents to make it an even 130,000.00

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I turned the TV on today. MSNBC BREAKING NEWS: “Trump condemns domestic violence.” That is how low the bar is. The President saying violence is bad is BREAKING NEWS.

    • Lefty Wright

      And it only took him a week to decide that. Talk about decisive action.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        PIVOT! PIVOT!

    • MC Planck

      Anything to make the president look good. A minor uptick in his approval rating because he bribed everyone with an unpaid tax cut is now being touted as a “turn-around.”

      The media really, really, really wants Donald Trump. Not because they like Trump, but because White Male Privilege must be shown to reign supreme.

      • Lord Jim

        And when your news model is conflict-driven reportage, Trump is the gift that keeps on giving.

  • Niblick

    $130,000.00 to a porn star and you didn’t get any? Not even a little?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He stiffed her on the tip/

      • Steve Haughn

        As one does?

  • shivaskeeper

    Cohen is the embodiment of the Peter’s Principle. This is what happens when a probably mobbed up, definitely shady New York real estate lawyer tries to move up beyond his abilities.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Good point and to me he’s a good example of why I slightly disagree with the Peter Principle. In the military, we were promoted not so much on what we accomplished at our current rank but our potential in the next rank.

      I mentioned to my wife this morning that there is no way in hell that Michael Cohen was competent at any level as a lawyer. $5 Feminist explained it far better than I could though, since I’m not a lawyer and such but I am going to show her this post after she gets home.

      “This is what I was talking about this morning – dude is a dipshit.”

      • Meccalopolis

        Why very few make chief in the navy. That and the fact that you are judged by other chiefs who get to decide if you can join their club.

      • shivaskeeper

        In the military, being a hierarchy where advancement is pretty linear, the Peter Principle applies differently than it would here. Military advancement is for leaders is typically junior Joe, to Team Leader, to Squad Leader, Platoon Sergeant,to 1SG, to CSM. Then there are the administrative duties like shop NCOIC for E6 thru E9. As an example before Mrs Keeper went to the dark side and got commissioned we were both E7 at the same time. She was an awesome administrator but a poor leader. Her job was always more technical, and required greater attention to the minutia of the regs than mine did, so she never really needed to work on her leadership chops. On the other side of it, I was a much better leader but my administrative skills were lacking.

        Cohen does not come from a hierarchy. He was a real estate lawyer. At some point he was probably a good one. But just because he is a lawyer does not mean his area of expertise translates to another area. I would not want a real estate lawyer representing me in criminal or family court. I would not want a Constitutional lawyer specializing in 1st Amendment cases drawing up legal contracts for me. All of them are lawyers, but their specialty does not translate to other areas.

        I think a better analog for him is someone who works in a factory on the floor. Hard work and knowing how all the ins and outs of the machines on the floor get him promoted to floor foreman. He does pretty well in that job and eventually gets moved off the floor into management where he falls flat. None of the skills he acquired on the floor translate to shifting into white collar management. That is where Cohen is fucking up. He has no clue what he’s doing outside his specialty, is too stupid/arrogant to listen to anyone else, which is probably more Dunning Kreuger, and is now so lost he couldn’t navigate his way out with with UTM maps, military grade GPS, native guides, and flat, open roads in front of him.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Those are very good points. I’ve heard it used by people in the past where I wasn’t really sure if they knew what they were talking about as they used it towards people who had very good qualifications, took an entry level job to get a foot in the door and then people started bringing up the Peter Principle to him anytime he applied for a promotion.

          “Dude, you’ve got it great where you are! Remember the Peter Principle!”

          To me, that isn’t how it applies.

          • shivaskeeper

            Because that is not the way it is supposed to apply. It basically means that at some point you may be promoted out of your level of competence. Whether it’s because you lacks the native skills, educations, training, experience, ability to react quickly, or whatever, you will get promoted to a point that you are marginal at best and will not be promoted further. I had a buddy that Peter’s Principled himself because he hated the job he got moved into with a promotion. In my last BDE the Engineer Company Platoon Sergeants were SSG’s. When he pinned on SFC, he got moved from his platoon to the BDE Engineer Cell and hated it. He was OK at the job, but not as good as he could have been.

            The two ways it’s usually put are: 1) Employees stop being promoted once they can no longer perform effectively. And 2) Managers get promoted to the level f their incompetence. The second one is where people misunderstand it. It;s not saying managers are incompetent. It’s just a rewording of the first point but for management.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Strictly speaking, Professor Peter’s principle does not cover situations where a person has no abilities whatsoever.

      Hence why this story comes under the heading of the Peggy Peterson Principle which states: “Facilitate me $130,000 and I’ll shut my mouth about opening my legs.” Also, too.

      • shivaskeeper

        He was probably a good, if not outstanding, real estate lawyer at some point.

      • FlownΩver

        I’ll try “Facilitatio” for $130,000, Alex.

  • Alice Peal

    Isn’t Michael Cohen 1. The mean mouthed Trump spokesperson I kept seeing on CNN during the campaign and 2. Trump’s go to guy to fix things

    • Mehmeisterjr

      In the interest of dick jokes, I should mention that my willie used to be called Stormy but now it is just called Light Drizzle.

      • Steve Haughn

        Aw, I see what you just did?

    • cmd resistor

      I took an instant dislike to him the first time I saw him on TV, more so than even some of his other spokespeople. mean mouthed is a good description. He was like someone pretending to be a mob lawyer.
      ETA: This TPM story was linked in the first COhen story this morning here, and it’s an interesting take on Cohen’s role, not much of it being a lawyer at all:
      https://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/who-will-rid-me-of-this-meddlesome-stormy-the-michael-cohen-story

      • Vienna Woods

        But he also fascinated me from the beginning because he is so completely what a Trump lawyer should be

  • rosenbomb

    Amidst all of this, one of the Kardashian/Jenner kids named her baby girl “Stormi.”

    Also, I have a ferret named Stormy.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Chaos is another good ferret name.

      • rosenbomb

        “Oh, did you want this potted plant here? Too bad.”

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          I stole it from one of my favorite authors but it seems so perfect.

    • FlownΩver

      I’m still expecting to hear the announcement of a Classics IV reunion & tour.

  • cheetojeebus

    ’cause I like grits and my fellow wonksapiens
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vel5wqOURMo

  • Spurning Beer

    I, too, did not reimburse Mr. Cohen for the $130,000 hush money pay off.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      Hillary should have publicly stated three weeks ago that she didn’t fund the hush money payout either. – Cizzilla (allegedly)

      • Maybe

        Of course she didn’t. It was Obama.

        • Meccalopolis

          One of them

  • Anna Rompage

    I’m really looking forward to when the $130k is proven to have come from Trump’s campaign funds, under the guise of paying rent on a non-existent address

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Mehmeisterjr

      I wonder what ever happened to that bit-part actress. She was cute.

  • Maybe

    WTF is wrong with Donald Trump’s lawyers?

    Well, for starters, they work for Donald Trump.

  • Niblick

    “I’ll call you whatever you want me to call you, baby.” Stormy

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Annnnd Stormi/Stephanie/Peggy is saying that Cohen violated the non disclosure agreement by talking about the payment, so now she’s ready to talk about her adventures with Trumps micro peen

    • MC Planck

      Is this true? Can it be really true? Dog on a biscuit, only a complete idiot would f**k up a non-disclosure agreement and let the other party out. Surely the lawyer to the President* can’t be that… oh. NM. I temporarily forgot this was 2018.

      • God Emperor Emeritus

        IKR? I read this and I’m like “haha nice joke”, then “well, actually”, then “no”, then “probably true?”….

      • Mehmeisterjr

        At Cooley Law School, Hush Money I was a required course but Hush Money II was an elective.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I wish I had a linkey. But I have read from some lawyerly types that a non disclosure agreement concerning something like a sex act between two people probably isn’t enforceable anyway. That a non disclosure agreement is intended for employment contracts.

        • h4rr4r

          Well otherwise no one would pay a lady engaged in the world’s oldest profession for her work ever again. They would just pay for her to keep quiet about.

      • DrBigHead

        Trump only hires the best

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Trump wants his $130k back. I MEAN……

      • FlownΩver

        I still don’t see how this could ever work. She gets paid to keep quiet, she violates the agreement, and Trump does… what? Sue her for his money back because she didn’t keep it a secret that she did him? He’d have to admit to the snu-snu AND the payoff to make his case.

        • MC Planck

          I read somewhere that there was a penalty clause, so she would owe $500K. But still. If it was Obama, the Riech-Wingers would be falling over themselves to buy her out and make it public. With this guy the only thing we can say is she was overpaid; a scandal of this maginitude is worth nothing against Trump.

          Yet further proof he’s a lousy businessman; a real Art of the Deal impressario would have realized he could have got away with paying nothing.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And just wait until Peggy Peterson tells what she knows.

  • John Strycharz

    I wished her a happy Valentine’s day on Faceplant. A weary nation turns it’s eyes to her! 🙋

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    This morning on MSNBC Bret Baier formerly from Fox “News” was talking about how opioids killed his son (which is sad). He blamed the “wide open” southern border and praised Liddle’ Babby Donnie for being so compassionate toward him (Baier). At one point he said (paraphrase), “if something else was killing tens of thousands of Americans every year, we would DO SOMETHING.” And yet … and yet … something else is killing tens of thousands of Americans every year. Guns. And we DO NOTHING!

    FWIW: Chyron on Fox quotes someone saying today’s school shooting is “A terrible day in America.” FAKE NEWS! It’s a typical day in America.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Plus, opioids are not coming over the border. They’re coming from fucking Walgreen’s.

      • Anna Rompage

        My Walgreens pharmacist looks & sounds suspiciously foreign….

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          He is suspiciously foreign because Americans can’t afford pharmacy school anymore. But sure, let’s stop immigration. Who needs pharmacists anyway.

      • Spurning Beer

        Or the border with China.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Prescription pills were Phase I Of this problem. In many parts of the country it’s actually easier and cheaper to get heroin than it is to get prescription pills.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Except that 3/4 of the illegal drugs coming from Mexico enter through legal ports of entry, not from “open borders”. The wall wouldn’t do a thing about most of them…

        • Vienna Woods

          And fentanyl. That’s the leading killer now . More than 20,000 in 2016 , while prescription meds and heroin “only” accounted for 14,000 each. People moved over to fentanyl when they got cut off the meds or couldnt afford them any more.
          Fentanyl can easily be mailed in from China where most of it is produced.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Jeff Sessions was in Florida last week. He said that people in pain should tough it out and take aspirin.

        Yeah, that will solve the problem.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Fuck me running. Our local Rite Aid just changed into a Walgreen’s. We’re doomed.

        • I got the letter as well. (sigh) Well, that ought to shut down the meth labs.

    • IMPOed
    • everstar

      I thought the opioid addiction epidemic trafficked mostly in illegal prescription drugs, which has nothing to do with immigration? Or am I just confusing things with facts again?

    • Steve Haughn

      Wasn’t it Eric Bolling?

      • FlownΩver

        Seen one Foxoid, you’ve seen ‘em all. Except Shep.

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald’s legal eagles should take the time to watch Stormy’s role in ‘Lady Lawyer’s Motions’. She was small law school grade convincing.

    • cmd resistor

      So, I was reading some of the S. Florida news about the school shooting and saw a headline about Ms. Stormy performing at a strip club down the street from the Palm Beach Trump Golf Club or something like that. And I also think Trump will be in Florida this weekend. I did not read the details, tho.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        What are the rules re: using campaign funds for lap dances?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Ummm… No touching?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    From now on, I’m including a non-disclosure agreement with all my gifts.

  • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!

    “Peggy” Peterson sounds like someone Mike Pence would have paid off for his silence.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Pence’s favorite porn star goes by the stage name Mommy Mommerson. Don’t ask me what her specialty is. My German is rusty.

      • Daniel

        It’s actually called a “rusty German”.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Eine rostige Posaune?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Not to be confused with a dirty Italian

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      ISWYDT

  • Mueller has a lot on his plate. Maybe New York State can look into this one.

    • Paperless Tiger

      That plate’s getting tectonic.

  • Blanche de Shambles

    “…nor is the Trump Organization or the Trump campaign holding any of my family members or beloved pets hostage,” Cohen continued, mopping sweat from his forehead.

  • JLaw

    Trump hired a Cooley grad… More of those best people I guess.

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    I’ve seen disciplinary decisions suspending lawyers for giving a client money to keep the heat on and buy groceries (Personal Injury lawyers waiting for disbursement of a settlement). Never seen this set of facts

  • Khavrinen

    “No, but seriously! WTF is wrong with Donald Trump’s lawyers?”

    You mean aside from working for Trump?

  • Damn immigrants taking away jobs from American Gold digger parents!!!1!1!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/48e2a3f75547314a98b8c7cad2e105d3343e6e2c296445c833c07ad2b63bc449.jpg

    • WotsAllThisThen

      If ICE wants to set an example, deporting Melania’s parents would send a powerful message.

    • h4rr4r

      Sounds like chain migration.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that’s exactly what it was

    • HazooToo

      Her parents can suck my ass. That said, playing the hypocrite game is clearly a waste of time and energy, so fuck it all. They never admit it, they never change tactics, they never face consequences for it.

    • “Unpresidented” Linda

      Why not? They’re everything trump hates about immigrants. They’re old. They have no skills, no money, no real estate holdings, nothing. The only thing they have is Melania, and trump hates chain migrants.

      ICE needs to round them up and send them home.

  • IMPOed

    Republican MO, Lie, Cheat and Steal, exposed nearly daily and never held to account!
    Man there’s some dumb motherfuckin voters out there!!!

  • puredog

    If this story grew any more legs it would be a centipede.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I am contractually unable to comment on Stormy Daneils’ legs.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    We love you like Michael Cohen loves Donald Trump!

    OK, this is starting to feel a little clingy.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Here’s an interesting question. Did Cohen just forfeit his atty-client privilege? Since he can’t, as Donnie lawyer, pay money out that way, can he now claim atty-client privilege as a means to avoid having to answer questions about this?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      They never covered that Cooley, apparently.

      • mike stone

        Cooley is the diploma mill of law schools.

        • FlownΩver

          Is that the plural of “culo”?

    • Zonath

      Possibly. Attorney-client privilege is generally subject to the crime-fraud exception.

      https://www.americanbar.org/publications/litigation-news/top-stories/2017/crime-fraud-exception-to-privilege-requires-misuse-of-advice.html

      The tl:dr version of the link is basically that if the lawyer’s advice is utilized in furtherance of a crime, attorney-client privilege wouldn’t apply.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        My main question is can he assert he was acting as Donnie’s attorney at the time without confessing to the illegal disbursement of those funds. As his attorney, he can’t do that. The only way around that is to claim he wasn’t wearing his atty hat at the time and was acting as a friend/confidant/whatever, in which case he can’t invoke the privilege. It seems to me you don’t get to claim you are Schrödinger’s Counsel when it’s convenient…

        • Zonath

          Not really.

          If I’m not acting as your attorney, I don’t get to assert privilege just because I happen to be an attorney, or even because I happen to represent you in unrelated matters. So if I want to do a favor for you and pay a porn star $130k just because I’m a nice guy and I happen to know that said porn star might have some embarrassing information about you, then I’m not representing you as your attorney in that transaction, and privilege doesn’t apply.

          • HogeyeGrex

            I think that’s what he’s saying. You either get to claim privilege, wherein you are admitting to a crime, or you deny the crime, inherently waiving privilege, and opening the whole thing up to investigation.

          • Zonath

            Sure. If he asserts privilege, then that could potentially implicitly reveal that there was some sort of conspiracy with the aim of effectuating what would be an illegal payment. And since you can’t claim privilege where your client used your advice to commit a crime (or, heaven forbid, where you’ve committed the crime yourself at your client’s behest), you’re pretty much fucked.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Yup, “fucked” seems to be the key word here, as far as Cohen is concerned. Chalk it up to yet another moron who didn’t figure out that getting too near the boy king would destroy you…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Right, so when the inevitable flood of questions hits, from Mueller to Schneiderman to the IRS and who knows who else, Cohen can’t hide behind that privilege to avoid answering. Since I’m quite sure that neither Mueller nor Schneiderman are going to just accept that explanation at face value, Cohen just gave up his best and likely only protection to shield himself from those questions by claiming he was NOT acting as Donnie’s atty. I’m picturing a very large rock and a very hard place, with Cohen firmly wedged between them…

        • HogeyeGrex

          Well, they seem to get a pass on their Schrödinger’s ethics, Schrödinger’s morals, Schrödinger’s tax returns, Schrödinger’s disclosures to security clearance investigations, Schrödinger’s meetings with Russian spies, Schrödinger’s political positions, Schrödinger’s executive orders, and pretty much any and everything else Schrödinger you can think of, so why change now?

  • Her pseudonym was Peggy. Are we sure the magazine was used for spanking and not something…else?

    • Daniel

      Urgh. Can you imagine Trump being Noonaned?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Congratulations, you just gave Manuel a coronary…

      • Keith Taylor

        Prefer not to. But I’m sure Cohen will indeed run rings around any stupid law enforcement people who ask inconvenient questions and look sceptical. Mr. Cohen is probably as smart as Donald Trump and everybody else associated with him. Why, he may be even smarter than Donald Junior and Eric!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Smarter than Fredo!

  • Sheepshagger

    So, like….how the fuck is this supposed to work? Forget the ethics and the law and all that shit. How is it supposed to work? Donald trump fucks or doesn’t fuck or whatever Ms. Daniels. Then just before the election it becomes an issue. And what? Mr. Cohen becomes aware of and pays her off out of his own pocket just because …. he does? And trumps fully out of the loop? That’s nearly as compelling as my kid denying the cookies in her mouth.

    • “Unpresidented” Linda

      Yeah, but he’s gotten away with it from day one. Any single thing he’s done would have sunk the political career of any other politician, but not trump. And why not?

      I’ll bet Gary Hart gets in a shitty mood every time he reads about trump.

      • Blackest Noobs

        the reason isn’t that Trump is indestructible, it’s because you a non-functioning political party, ie. the Republicans, who cashed in all their chips with this guy and cannot accept it as a loss, so they keep doubling down to their own epicly not epic failure.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          The GOP is playing a giant game of Jenga, only they’ve stolen too many pieces from the bottom. They keep frantically building it higher and higher in hopes of avoiding the laws of gravity, but sooner or later gravity will win and it will all come crashing down…

          • And hopefully, the rest of us won’t get buried in the wreckage.

        • irishdave3

          Is that what business school teach as “sunk cost”?

    • Blackest Noobs

      or me with a roach in my mouth still smoking saying to the police officer, what marijuana?

      • DrBigHead

        “I’m not smoking this blunt, officer. That would be against the law”.

        • irishdave3

          But I expert guest you would be okay if you didn’t like, you know man..exhale.

      • Jimh

        I’m just holding it for someone.

    • Last Hussar

      That was my thought. Surely the first question to him is “what was in it for you?”

      • Stinky_Hole

        Polonium tea? He has other irons in the fire, don’t he?

  • “Unpresidented” Linda

    Every time these headlines come out, Melania puts one more deadbolt on her bedroom door.

    • It’s not like Donnie could get through the first one.

      • “Unpresidented” Linda

        She’s making damned sure. Besides, Kelly’s been giving her side eye.

    • Christopher Story

      That would explain the run on the local hardware store.

    • UnsaltedSinner
      • mike stone

        That photo says: “Happy Valentine’s Day!!” doesn’t it?

      • “Unpresidented” Linda

        Just the picture of marital bliss.

        I don’t feel sorry for her. She’s as calculating as he is.

    • CATMAN

      ..or, one more call to a divorce lawyer

    • Stinky_Hole

      Nah, she ticks it up a digit in the six-figure column.
      What SHE could tell…

  • They call it Stormy Tuesday but Wednesday’s just as bad.
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/VNFJZ6mpsvfHO/giphy.gif

    • irishdave3

      So far it’s been more like Partly Cloudy With A Chance of Rain.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Remember when Saint Ronnie Reagan fucked a pornstar with big boobies and had his sleazy sleaze_bag lawyer pay her off?

    yeah, me neither…

    • mike stone

      No, but I do recall the persistent rumor that Nancy gave old Ronnie great head in the studio while he was still married to Jane.

      • “Unpresidented” Linda

        That is probably true.

      • irishdave3

        Widely reported to the c*cksucking heiress of Virginia Hill, who is in the Congressional Record claiming to be the best in A-Merica, which is..Exceptional!

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Remember when he sold missiles to Iran in order to fund an illegal war in central America?

      • Wolverines!

        Yes I do. Oliver Traitor North is a name well known here.

      • Mavenmaven

        His heart told him he didn’t do it.

      • irishdave3

        You mean those misapropiated(stolen) TOWs from the arsenal of Democracy? Oh, wait, would that make Israel the receiver of stolen property?

    • “Unpresidented” Linda

      Well, he was somewhat of a horndog in his younger days, but no porn or payoffs are known…

      Did you know that he knocked up Nancy pre-marriage? And he was married when they first started seeing each other.

      Saint Ronnie’s ass.

      • Blackest Noobs

        oh yeah, yeah, scandalous, but white man, they could do anything they want back then, didn’t matter, just rinse with Jesus and good as new.

  • ken_kukec

    If Cohen ends up contending that the underlying allegations are not true, and that the payment for her silence was a shakedown scam, I should think that such an assertion would release Ms. Daniels from her non-disclosure agreement.

  • Herewegoagain

    …… Repeat Business …….that’s every Lawyers dream a big crook as a client….a Lawyers ATM…!

    None – we can prove – morally perhaps but it doesn’t go anywhere….

    A lawyer putting his hand in his own pocket …..wow .. that’s a good one….

    • A lawyers is the perfect vehicle to wash ( laundry ) dirty money – clean
    • Lawyers Trust Account – Cash in – inflated bills out …and they are clean ( like a Movie Production publish 200 million budget production for a 50 Million Dollar )

    • • All lawyers have 2 trust account

    • No 1 …the official trust account in money in advance ..Lawyers of all people understand the ropes one their client goes down – so is their prospect of getting a bill paid

    • No 2.. Cash money from client – like proceeds of crime – drug money – lawyers love them , they are the best clients – no invoice – no trust ledger – no question asked – once the client goes down

    • Its known ,….. that lawyer tell their client to rob a bank around the corner to top up the cash in the trust account..

    • Lawyers love repeat customers like Donny Hump……that’s every Lawyers dream a big crook as a client….

    • LadyLaz

      Um…. no.

      • idiotboy

        I think you may be wrong. There is a person who used to run an office of the IRS. Retired and now owns a IRS consulting biz. When cash clients come in, greenbacks, they say thank you.

        • LadyLaz

          Can’t tell the difference between a cpa and an attorney? Of course I always base my opinions off some guy who used to run an irs office.

          It’s always good to have paying clients, but of course, that isn’t what you said.

          And yes, I do know.

    • Gigglesnort

      I do believe Mr. Cohen might be about to find out that white-collar crime is not that easy, safe or profitable.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Dear God, these people can’t even do hush money right.

    • Thorn Spike

      A Confederacy of Douches.

  • As Stormy noted earlier today, he violated the non-disclosure clause, so now she can talk. And, sure, Cohen, everyone believes that you used $130,000.00 of your own money because you’re such an altruistic pervert. Give ’em enough rope…

  • CATMAN

    My question is: why would Cohen go through all the trouble of setting up a LLC to funnel the money through to Daniels when a briefcase of C-notes would have been easier and a lot more anonymous?–its not like Donny wouldn’t have some loose cash floating around

    • Garbageman

      And that is an excellent question! I wondered about that myself. Maybe there are some legal eagles here who can ‘splain it! . . . Actually, the only reason I can think of is maybe something had to be ‘on the record’ in order to enforce the non-disclosure agreement . . .

      • “Unpresidented” Linda

        And how stupid is it, if that is the case, for the lawyer to talk about it!

        I think this is making me a little dizzy.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Because Stormy was smart enough to demand documentation?

    • ken_kukec

      The non-disclosure agreement was premised on an exchange of consideration — i.e., money paid for silence.

      A lawyer’s paying over $10k in cash triggers a cash transaction report (CTR) filing requirement with the IRS.

      • JerryRich

        The most boring thing I have ever seen was a public service TV short by a lawyer on the subject of “consideration”, but at least I learned something.

        • LadyLaz

          It’s a peppercorn!!!!

      • TundraGrifter

        I believe the Currency Transaction Report would be filed with FinCEN if somebody took $10,000 or more to the bank and deposited it. The IRS gets a copy of the 1099 sent to her at the end of the year (because it was more than $600).

        • “Unpresidented” Linda

          She paid taxes on this? That’s funny to me for some reason.

          • Autismmomx4

            Not if it was a gift.

    • Kooolest G

      because it’s really hard deal with big sums of cash, you can’t put it in your bank, you can’t pay your rent with it, you can’t buy a bunch of stuff with it that other people might claim on their taxes, you have to have someplace very safe to put it. a friend of mine had a similar experience where he would get just under 10k every few months in this kind of unreportable cash. it was a pain in the ass, and you get a very funny look from people when you ask if you can pay your kid’s preschool tuition all at once in cash. I can only imagine what it would be like with 130k

    • Phried Ω

      Let’s assume Ms. Clifford has a 26 inch waist. Let’s also assume she has an elastic g-string with a 20 to one elasticity ratio at the waist. According to this source:
      https://hypertextbook.com/facts/1999/DeneneWilliams.shtml
      a dollar bill is .0043 inches. How long would Stormy’s waistband have to be to hold $130,000?

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        $130K in $20’s is 6500 bills. US currency is about 3.5 inches wide, so the length around a stack of 6500 bills is 2x (3.5 + 6500 x .0043) = 62.9 inches. With a 26 inch waist, the g-string would have to stretch 2.42 times to hold the bundle assuming Ms Clifford is not in the G-string with the $130K.

        • Phried Ω

          Bonus point for showing your work.

          • InDogsWeTrust

            I LOLd so hard at this thread. Math nerd here. I think if she were paid in $100’s she could have fitted it under a bulky sweater, provided the g-string were stretchy enough. Why wasn’t Cohen SMRT enough to think of this?

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
  • Beelzebubba

    Cohen’s non-denial denial: “The allegations in the complaint are factually unsupported and without legal merit.”
    Or, in plain English, “They have no no proof.”

  • Jeff Mobile Rob

    Ok, so I guess on account of this idiot, Stormy is free of her deal and can now hit the open market with the story. People have gone to jail for campaign spending shenanigans, been awhile but could happen to these nitwits.

  • AnneBonny

    Regardless, wouldn’t Daniels have had to declare the payment to the IRS, whether it was a gift or income? Or are gifts only taxed on the giver’s end?

    • TundraGrifter

      A 1099 (copy to the IRS) should have been sent her by Cohen’s shell company.

      • Autismmomx4

        Nope. Not if it was a gift.

        • TundraGrifter

          $130,000 is a tad bit over the $14,000 Federal gift limit. And why would someone set up a series of shell companies to make a “gift?”

          • God Emperor Emeritus

            Regardless of size, a the gift tax is charged to the giver and must be reported by the giver, not the recipient. IANA Accountant but pretty sure that’s the general gist of it.

        • SineDie

          What suggests it was a gift? Facilitating a transfer of cash sounds like he was acting as a middleman, not a giftor.

          What’s the motivation for the gift? More like a payment on behalf of a client. I can’t wait to hear Stormy Daniel’s version of the transaction. If Cohen was involved, his pattern is to make threats.

        • akita96th

          You have to pay gift tax…at least for this year lol.

    • Autismmomx4

      Gifts are taxed to the giver, not the recipient.

  • It’s like we can’t hike in the dirt any more because of all the dropped gop dicks.
    We’re gonna need a bigger infrastructure package, chief.

    • Jim Johnson

      Gonna cost billions, maybe trillions, for all the bridges over, roads around, and drainage systems under this goddamned swamp.

      • Maybe we could start off with a few garden rakes and, of course, heavy voter turnout.

  • DJG

    Hah! Trump voters don’t care about the Forbes spanking…..but the scared of sharks thing is a show of fear and unforgivable

    • “Unpresidented” Linda

      It doesn’t matter what they think. This is out of their hands.

  • TheStrayGoose

    This sounds like a creative way of laundering $130K in Uncle Sammies, the green ones.

  • Wolverines!

    When the Special Prosecutor pulls Cohen’s bank records, is he going to find the 130K? I am willing to bet “no” because none of these clowns can do anything straight. There’s a twist every few seconds.

  • Kooolest G

    you hear that, that ka-ching sound? that’s the sound of stormy daniels selling her story to megyn kelly or the daily mail. if cohen wasn’t paying her to hush, there’s no reason she can’t blab all she wants, if he calls her on it or whips out the contract, he (and maybe trump) goes to jail. oh and she gets to keep that 130k that cohen gave her for no reason at all, on top of whatever she makes from selling her story. should I be worried that the president and his minions just got outsmarted by a porn star, or should that be comforting?

    tell us CNN

    “Gina Rodriguez, a manager for Stephanie Clifford, who is also known as Stormy Daniels, said Wednesday that Clifford believes Michael Cohen voided the non-disclosure agreement with her by admitting he paid Clifford $130,000.

    Rodriguez added: “Everything is off now, and Stormy is going to tell her story.”

    • Phried Ω

      Ka-ching might be a little high-pitched for a cell door latching shut but the acoustics in jails can be deceiving.

    • Stinky_Hole

      Worried? You should’ve just assumed that they’d been outsmarted.
      This lot has always been outsmarted in anything they’ve ever turned their hand to. How else do you turn millions grampy left you into grubbing for a ‘reality TeeVee’ deal?

    • phoenix00

      Except she ain’t even guilty, not like Mike Flynn.

      • Zippy49

        Just another “working girl!”

        • phoenix00

          Wait, that’s as good as guilty to conservatives. Carry on.

  • KKSD

    Using money to “facilitate” a payment is not making the payment. It’s paying someone to make a payment happen. Weasel words = guilty as all fuck.

  • Tennessee Rain Genius

    I’m so over this administration and its corruption. When do the good guys get to win? No seriously. When?

    • docterry6973

      Rarely, and by luck.

  • Bebecca

    So hubby and I went out for sushi for Valentine’s Day and came home to settle in to an evening of the Donald trump freak show on MSNBC and it’s all about the Florida school shooting. Now I’m very anti-guns (and would be happy if we eliminated every gun in this country) and I’m all about doing everything we can to prevent gun violence but sadly this is not even news, it’s at least the twelfth mass shooting in 2018. Why even bother making it news? So we’re watching the Olympics.

    • Elaine Hannah

      14 but who counts anymore

      • HawkeyeBarton

        18…we Canadians keep count.

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          According to NPR this morning, its #30 :-( Tho that might be all mass shootings, as opposed to schools – ?

          • HawkeyeBarton

            30? Hmmmm, I thought the 18 was all, not just school

    • SineDie

      Same reaction, sad to say.

    • Jim Johnson

      If they would announce, over and over, “this news is brought to you by the NRA…”, we would at least get some truth thrown in there.

      • Bebecca

        that’s exactly what they should do.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      We’ve had and average of one school shooting every 60 hours in 2018. It’s February 15……

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Oh the delicious irony! If, after all the russian hullabaloo, it’s a common extra-marital affair that brings down the Taint.

    • SineDie

      Something that people understand better than FISA warrants.

    • Beelzebubba

      You’re assuming that the Trumpanzees care – they don’t. Nor do the “Christian” right, nor do the Fux Gnus gasbags, nor do the GOP fucktards in Congress. Nothing short of Mueller proving a felony will matter; even then, they’ll grumble that it wasn’t really a big deal.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Let’s never forget that we were ripped off on Merick Garland and Gorsuch was a replacement for Tony “The Chin” Scalia. He merely maintained the SCOTUS status quo. What I think they’re holding out for at this point is a 2nd Supremes appointment for this clown to cement a conservative majority for our lifetimes.Other than that they’re tired of the tweets, the constant pointless personal attacks, and damned endless drama of this whiny queen of an orange man. It likely can’t happen before November and THEN we have to make clear it never will. Flip the House, flip the Senate if possible and make Pence’s tie-breaker meaningless.
        Hit the streets, knock on every door and make the ask.

        • Jim Johnson

          Our best, and possibly only, hope.

        • Zyxomma

          Register and VOTE. Help your friends vote. Maybe they need to borrow your high-speed internet access to track down documents for a photo ID. Maybe they need rides to and from the DMV to obtain said photo ID. Maybe they need a small money gift to pay the fees for the documents supporting their photo ID (you can always pretend the gift is a loan, to help them save face). Maybe they need a ride to the polls. Do everything you can to help every Democrat and every Independent to VOTE.

          Remember (and help them remember) that voting does not happen every four years. There are primaries and generals and special elections EVERY year (not in every municipality). I vote, on average, twice a year: first in the Democratic primary, then in the general election. My new member of NY City Council won against seven other contenders in the Democratic primary and won her election in a fucking LANDSLIDE. Why? She got out on street corners and talked to voters. Her neighbors and friends talked to voters. Her co-workers at GOLES (Good Old Lower East Side, where I first met her when I donated new clothes for the victims of a tragic fire) talked to voters. V-O-T-E!!!!!!

    • phoenix00

      Nah, I think it’ll be the pee tape.

    • Jim Johnson

      I think the release of outtakes from The Apprentice where Donald, the shitgibbon, throws all the racist, misogynist, insult shit would help build momentum towards the downfall.

  • BMW
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “But they had a contract; he paid and she kept quiet. Which doesn’t look like a gift to us!”

    I was taught that under common law, a gift is by definition not a contract?

    • SineDie

      That’s correct. The donee gives no consideration or promise for the gift, thus no contract. QED

      • MilwaukeeKent

        If there’s no contractual agreement, or the terms have been broken, she’s free to talk.

        • SineDie

          She can talk her head off and he is a public figure, so she has a lower bar to clear on exact accuracy.

          Behold! Trump as a sitting duck!

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Two things stand out in this story. One of them an omission which has been mentioned elsewhere — it wasn’t just an ordinary story of a rich guy wanting to be spanked with a rolled-up copy of Forbes, it was a Forbes issue of the 400 with Trump & and his weird clan on the cover, double crispy extra creepy.
    The other thing that stands out to me is from the Susan Simpson tweet, which seems to indicate that one Donald J. Trump may have — just spit-balling here — actually paid 28 cents OUT OF HIS OWN POCKET, one way or another. That defies everything we know about the man and frankly calls into question the veracity of the entire story.

    • Beelzebubba

      More likely that it came out of one of his “charities”.

  • Beelzebubba

    Seeing as being a fixer and bagman for Donnie Two Scoops is a full-time job, it’s pretty likely that Cohen is on a monthly retainer. A large one. One that, over a modest period of time, easily puts $130k into his pockets. One that could keep a slush fund well-stocked for the purchase of silence (a regular business expense for a professional con man and fraudster.)

  • andyshelt

    OK Trump lawyers, thanks for all your help but you’ve now given us enough case studies to use in the “you’re doing lawyering wrong and you could go to jail” module of our legal ethics course.

    Signed:
    Harvard Law School

  • rg9rts

    What gets me is this is the stuff we know about…how much is hidden from view or buried in the ETERNAL IRS audit…

  • irishdave3

    In this case does “facilitate” mean he went in his own pocket to set up the shell corporation, an Ll.c to hide money paid to Stormi for “services rendered” such as…too. also. nahw.

  • irishdave3

    So, did anyone in additon to Stormy benefit from the payment of hush money?

    • Relativicus

      ???

      • irishdave3

        Sorry, I meant by this specific payment of hush money. Say like, the Orange Leader of Morans his ownself, indirectly?

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Good question. None that we’ve heard about – yet (afaik).

  • Relativicus

    “Facilitate” most likely means “spent my own money to arrange the payment of $130,000”. The fee for the LLC, stamps, used his spillover minutes, etcetera. It definitely doesn’t mean “I paid her $130,000” and he never actually says he did pay her.

  • Karen

    Goℴgle is giving every one $97 per/hr to complete few services from a laptop .. Work Some just few time & stay more time together with your own loved ones . Any one can also apply this special offer!!last Saturday I got a gorgeous McLaren F1 just after making $10,000 this past six weeks .no doubt it is the coolest job however you could not forgive yourself if you don’t read this.!qe662s:=>>=>> http://GoogleFashionSuperjobsWorkingAtHome/get/97$/hourly ♥♥y♥♥k♥a♥♥♥g♥♥♥n♥r♥♥w♥♥♥x♥♥♥g♥♥s♥♥♥w♥♥e♥♥z♥♥t♥♥♥t♥♥♥n♥♥♥o♥♥♥x♥♥n♥l♥♥♥q♥♥q♥♥k♥♥k♥♥p:::::!ke681d:wt

  • Ray in VT

    Just a bit of nitpicking. In that bit right before the Ted Lieu tweet, shouldn’t the name of the payee more properly be Stormy DDD?

  • You should ice that burn

    “Neither the Trump Organization nor the Trump campaign”
    That’s cool, what about one DJT the individual, AKA “Pussy grabber”?

  • mardam422

    Oh, man! The perp walks are comin’. I can feel it in my loins, wherever that is. Who’s first?

    • Mark Breitinger

      Gird those loins once you find them!!!!

  • docterry6973

    Everyone Trump loves the sequential lie: Lie. Caught. New lie. Caught. New Lie. Caught. And so one. This doesn’t work, ever, but Team Trump modifies to make each lie a bad one; transparently self-serving and obvious. All we can do right now is wait for Cohen’s next lie in the series.

    • the_steamer

      Maybe there could be oversight from the FEC? or Congress? Anyone?

  • D-Reactor

    If were a prosecutor, I would simply point out Cohen’s own statement; “I’ll will always protect trump”, right after denying tRump had nothing to do with the payment.

    In his eagerness to display his loyalty to tRump who he knows would be watching, Cohen admits he is admitting to paying the money to protect trump

  • Zyxomma

    Eric Schneiderman is my hometown hero. He’d be my pretend-boyfriend, but I met him at a fundraiser and had a great conversation with his beautiful wife, so no.

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