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If you want a vision of the future, imagine a hand sneaking into everyone’s pocket…forever

Donald Trump today unveiled his amazing fabulous infrastructure plan, a microscopic $200 billion federal investment over 10 years. It’s a piddling nothing of federal spending, and even that $200 billion will be paid for by cutting other infrastructure commitments. So when Donald Trump smiles and talks about his “1.5 trillion” in investments, keep in mind he’s lying — the rest of the money in that amount would supposedly be provided by private industry and state and local governments, but even if it materialized, the plan is unlikely to do a hell of a lot for America’s falling-apart roads, bridges, tunnels, sewers, airports, electrical grid, and other physical infrastructure, because the real motive here is — you may sense a theme with this administration — to funnel money to the real estate and construction industries, regardless of the actual public infrastructure needs.

The idea here is that if the feds stake 20 percent of any given project, then state/local government will work with private equity companies and contractors to complete the project. As the Washington Post points out, that’s a really inefficient way to get infrastructure built:

In normal circumstances, the government decides it needs a new bridge, so it hires Joe’s Construction to build it. But the bridge still belongs to the government; we just have to pay maintenance costs. In the kind of “partnership” the Trump administration wants more of, the government decides it needs a new bridge, so it gives PriveCo Equity Partners a gigantic tax incentive to build the bridge, which the company now owns — and which will charge tolls on in perpetuity. Taxpayers could shell out nearly as much in tax incentives to the private company as we would have spent to just build the bridge, and then on top of that you’ll have to pay tolls to cross it — forever. As long as the bridge stands, people are paying extra so PriveCo Equity Partners can make a profit.

Oh, hey, does it surprise anyone that this plan was “developed with the help of an advisory board headed by two New York real estate magnates who just happen to be personal friends of the president”?

While Trump’s at it, his plan also envisions selling off Reagan National Airport and Dulles International Airport, because why should the federal government own airports in the nation’s capital? Maybe some sharp investor could get a package deal with the International Space Station thrown in and convert one of the airports to a spaceport.

We’ve already looked at how this kind of “partnership” has played out for a bridge and freeway project in Providence, Rhode Island, where a pared-down version of a project that had originally been estimated to cost $226.1 million under Obama administration rules will now cost $342.9 million under Trump — most of that extra $100 million-plus will go to financing the interest on a loan from the private equity “partner” which has only been added into the deal under the new rules. See how efficient private money is?

But wait! It gets worse! Not only is this an inefficient, grifty way to finance infrastructure (so you can see why Trump likes it), it’s also next to useless for any infrastructure project that won’t turn a profit. Toll roads or bridges are a pain in the ass (and remember, a waste of public money) but are at least economically feasible in large cities with lots of traffic. Not so the infrastructure in rural areas, which is falling apart but not all that attractive to investors, who have no financial interest in keeping open a bridge that’s absolutely vital to, say, several farming communities. Nobody’s going to get rich fixing the water system in Flint, Michigan (and god help the people there if anyone tried). There are just some things that government is generally more efficient at doing than private capital, and building/repairing schools and firehouses and water and sewer systems is one of them.

Did we say it gets worse? Why, yes, it does indeed get worse: Beyond the inefficiencies and costs and the ignoring vital projects that won’t be funded, the Trump plan also seeks to “streamline” the process of getting projects underway by “cutting red tape,” because as we all know, regulations exist solely to get in the way of private capital. What kind of needless red tape does Trump’s infrastructure plan eliminate? Just some stupid environmental protections that no polluters like at all, according to the Center for American Progress:

[The] Trump administration’s plan would require fundamental changes to no fewer than 10 bedrock environmental laws that protect the nation’s clean air, clean water, wildlife, and national parks. The plan would hollow out the National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA), the law that requires federal project sponsors to consult with stakeholders who would be affected by new projects and identify ways to reduce their impact on the environment, public health, and cultural resources. The Endangered Species Act is also in the crosshairs, as several provisions would prioritize new development over the protection of wildlife that is on the brink of extinction. The Trump administration proposes significant changes to the Clean Air Act and Clean Water Act to make it easier for corporations to break ground and avoid inconvenient air and water quality protections

That’s not just a Trump thing, of course — Republicans have had it in for meddlesome endangered species ever since a teensy endangered fish that doesn’t make a profit for anyone got in the way of a dam back in the ’70s. Unpopular animals will finally get their comeuppance, and will that ever own the libs!

Still worser and worser: Since Republicans have already blown up the deficit with the Great Big Tax Cuts for Rich Fuckwads and the budget agreement, even that paltry $200 billion in federal funding will be paid for by cutting other infrastructure programs, a little here, a little there. They’re paying for infrastructure by cutting infrastructure, as one incredulous policy wonk at the Roosevelt Institute notes:

So, how much of Our Nation’s Crumbling Infrastructure (“crumbling” is the mandatory adjective for these stories) will the Trump plan fix? Remember, the $200 billion in federal money is all there is, and it can only make up 20 percent of any project. Grant applications will be limited to places that can pony up state/local funds, including the increased costs of subsidizing the profits of their private investment “partners.” Even if, by some miracle, that created $1.5 trillion in investment, the American Society of Civil Engineers estimated last year that the USA needs $4.6 trillion to upgrade/fix all its many, many infrastructure problems. And while a CNN investigation suggests that may be an inflated estimate (civil engineers have a stake in getting as much infrastructure spending as possible), the Trump plan is really just a drop in the bucket to address what’s needed.

That’s one leaky bucket, and it won’t help a hell of a lot if most of the money ends up going to Gold Bucket Equity Management LLC.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us some Ameros with which we can keep our personal infrastructure in good condition (Dok needs a new beer cooler).

[Guardian / Politico / WaPo / CNN / Center for American Progress]

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  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    I can’t wait for the fee I’ll be assessed by ScumCo for flushing my toilet into their privatized sewer system.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      To loop back to an earlier post, the trouble with private spaceflight is that any research they do up there is private property.

      • Doug Langley

        Wait – you mean we won’t find out the effects of zero G on power steering and automatic transmissions?

        • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

          Ain’t the lack of gravity, it’s the lack of friction

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    I’m shocked, shocked I tell you, that it is impossible to build infrastructure on tax cuts and pixie dust.

    • yyyaz

      More like angel dust.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        For this guy we should make devil dust a thing

  • BaconzShanz

    HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON THE BACONZ ROAD (a.k.a Pennsylvania turnpike)? 200 billion just keeps it maintained for 4 years.

    • GuidedAccordingly

      Not to mention the Schuylkill Expressway! That 16 miles should be repaved every 2 weeks or so it seems.

      • BaconzShanz

        I once flipped a Mercury Grand Marquette on the PA turn Puke (out side of Altoona).

        Bad roads man.

    • Doug Langley

      If it’s anything like Ohio roads, it only takes one snow/ice session to leave more potholes than a warehouse of Swiss cheese.

      • BaconzShanz

        Pa makes Ohio look like a nice smooth road.

  • Fatalysk Barnes
  • Scooby

    The Whitestone Bridge was supposed to have tolls for only 5 years to pay for it…that was 80 years ago.

    • PubOption

      Meanwhile, plans to privatize the Wheatstone Bridge met with resistance.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The idea here is that if the feds stake 20 percent of any given project, then state/local government will work with private equity companies and contractors to complete the project

    The same state and local governments that just saw the tax deduction for their taxes taken away from their constituents? Yeah, good luck with that.

    • yyyaz

      Every patriotic American is going to have to consume a whole lotta home-grown legal bud to make up the difference. So …. winning?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    You’ve got to admire his consistency. This is just how he ran his business – by offloading the cost of projects onto investors and contractors every chance he got. Hey – it worked before, right?

    Unfortunately, his “business” now is the USA. And his contractors and investors are the states and cities. If he stiffs them, he stiffs himself.

    But he doesn’t realize this.

    • Ling Ling

      And flatly lying about the effort estimates.

  • BaconzShanz

    Deficit spending only counts when a Democrat is in office I guess.

    • Bill D. Burger

      IOKWYAR

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Of course.

    • TJ Barke

      You are correct , sir!

  • Bill D. Burger

    WaPo Fact Check: Trump has repeated this number at least 21 times. “It’s a LIE.”

    Experts say the U.S. spent about $1.8 trillion on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan from 2001-2017. (Plus, Afghanistan is not actually in the Middle East.)

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/963031666150313984

    • The Wanderer

      Someone accidentally type 7 instead of 1 in his talking points.

    • canes_pugnaces

      In fairness, that $7 to 9T number is taking into account longterm consequences and liabilities for the war. That fucking war was / is expensive. Now, Fat Conny Tiny Hands own’t end the war and is increasing defense spending, so there’s that.

    • Doug Langley

      I’m just so fascinated that he thinks the massive war there was no more than “investment”.

    • yyyaz

      Add in the $5.6T the Shrub Tax Cuts have cost the Treasury. Then add $1.5T (minimum) from the latest shovel-upward plan, and voila: $7.1T! Winning!
      https://www.cbpp.org/research/federal-tax/the-legacy-of-the-2001-and-2003-bush-tax-cuts

  • canes_pugnaces

    The good news, is the call to privatize public assets. So Trump International can now buy your local park and charge you money for your picnic. And when they default, we get to buy it back from him. It’s a good deal. (But the emails)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    They’re paying for infrastructure by cutting infrastructure

    Their incompetence will never cease to amaze me FFS.

    • Rick Hill

      If he’s running things the way a typical CEO runs their corporation…..

    • MynameisBlarney

      One thing ya gotta admit, the putin/turmp regime has the best incompetence.

    • TJ Barke

      Not incompetence, malfeasance.

  • Rick Hill

    trump will do x.

    Obligatory: Wrong!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • beingreleased

      Completely unrelated, but my favorite line from Lev Grossman’s The Magicians is “He’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a ticking fucking time bomb. He was either going to hit somebody or start a blog.”

    • Eileen Besse

      THIS

  • La forza del resistino

    Highways for sale or rent, bridges to let, fifty cents.
    No phone, no pool, no cable, I ain’t got no cigarettes

    I’m a man of means … , king of the road.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Two hours of pushin’ brooms
      Buys an 8-12 mile span between toll booths
      (Okay, I need to work on the meter)

  • BaconzShanz

    How is money going to be “supplied by private” industry. Construction companies will do the work for free? That might work when stiffing contractors for putting bar stools in a mob casino in Atlantic City…but that’s not how government contracts workDick Cheney’s America.

    • Rick Hill

      They will also do the work more cheaply and without any cost overruns, too. Of course they will have little riders included that will exclude them from following labor laws, if they do get the project, reagrding the construction and the maintenance of it

      • Doug Langley

        Yes, just look at how fast the private companies got the power up and running in Puerto Rico.

        • Rick Hill

          Hey, 30 million to feed five people is a bargain! Can’t you just feel the MAGA?

          • BaconzShanz

            MAGA*+

            *MAGA may not be available in some areas. Check your local provider

            + MAGA void in Puerto Rico, Guam, and Southern Texas.

        • BaconzShanz

          Good point. Now P.R. is hurricane proof and a tourist destination. ..oh…wait. no

      • Treg (ง •̀_•́)

        Also, too, their contracts specify that they get paid whether they finish the job or not.

        • BaconzShanz

          And they can hire illegals and not pay them too also.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Whitefish libelz… Oh that’s impossible ,never mind.

      • yyyaz

        No liability for shoddy work that kills people either.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      No, the real estate moguls will supposedly fund the projects in exchange for getting collected tolls as their return. Plus naming rights, which we all know would be huge. So now instead of crossing the George Washington Bridge, you’ll be able to cross the KushnerCo Depends Adult Undergarments Bridge.

      • BaconzShanz

        I think I read this in a crappy Palanack book? Planet Sears? The interstellar Starbucks system. Something like that.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          TBH, this is how bridges used to be built. I read David McCullough’s “The Great Bridge” (about the building of the Brooklyn Bridge), and the idea of private companies building bridges and charging tolls isn’t new. But I don’t think there was a lot of impetus for them to build safely, as long as they got their money back before the thing collapsed.

  • Notreelyhelping

    We had to destroy the infrastructure in order to save it.

    • Rick Hill

      “We had to shunt 80% of funds available for infrastructure to make up for tax cuts to the rich.”

  • hey, that’s still better than bridges to nowhere, amirite?

  • Uncle Zor

    Sure is great to have a businessman in the White House. Say, didn’t the late, great George Carlin have a few words of wisdom on this matter?
    https://youtu.be/skhGSDAqzX8

  • Bill D. Burger

    Donald Trump: P O T U S

    (P)iece (O)f (T)otally (U)seless (S)hit

    https://media.giphy.com/media/CcUk4a6fkgUfu/giphy.gif

    • Jim Johnson

      Much better than POSPOTUS. More succinct.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        I eliminate the second P. Which, coincidentally, would probably excite POSOTUS.

  • beingreleased

    This is probably completely unrelated to American infrastructure which Trump has no intention of doing anything about: Entire Baltimore Metro system to close for a month for emergency repairs

  • https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/67577d5492beed750f150ee0a7d14047781d95f9b79d75d520b05de6091e1f5f.png ot: the Obama’s portraits are amazing.

    The Washington Post describes the artist who did his:

    Wiley, who has made portraits of LL Cool J, Michael Jackson and Notorious B.I.G., often skewers the pomp and grandiloquence of historical portraiture, painting his subjects in poses familiar from classic works by Napoleon’s propagandist, Jacque-Louis David, or Tiepolo or Peter Paul Rubens (Wiley depicted Jackson on horseback, wearing the armor of a Habsburg king, crowned by angelic flying figures). Many of his works, which engage with hip-hop culture, have a distinct homoerotic quality as well.

    Wiley’s portrait of the former president doesn’t go there.

    Which, fine. But it does have _really_ big hands. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f363e7ac05324ab57e51c6166ec396959695b7e2e57f45afc30b4876d108b369.jpg

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I love this guy’s work. I’ve gotten to the museum early in the morning to stare at this. http://www2.artsmia.org/blogs/art-remix/files/2010/04/Wiley_SantosDumont.jpg

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Sorry, but I don’t like the one of her at all. Her skin tone in it is weirdly grey, and it doesn’t look like her in the least.

      • I do like hers. I think it’s kind of poetical, the way she was reduced to an archaic view of herself but then demanded to be seen differently.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Ling Ling

      Needs moar neck waddle

      • Barbara

        Goℴgle pays to people of all ages 97 dollars per-hour to complete few task off a home computer .. Labor for only few hours & fun greater time with your own friends . Any person can catch this specific job!!last weekend I purchased a new McLaren F2 after just getting $15422 this-past/five weeks .it’s certainly the best work however you could not forgive yourself if you don’t look it.!ww75s:⇒⇒⇒ http://GoogleGeoHighestPaidWorkFromHomeJobs/earn/97$/hr ♥♥v♥♥t♥s♥♥♥g♥♥♥b♥u♥y♥♥w♥♥k♥x♥o♥g♥♥♥f♥♥♥v♥♥y♥♥j♥♥♥l♥d♥♥w♥♥j♥♥v♥g♥p♥♥♥p♥i::::!zw661a:zblymj

  • ManchuCandidate

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sYSt26kh6Y
    You gotta pay the Trump Toll to get into US America’s shit soul/hole.

    Trump’s Infrastructure “plan” is basically the non musical awkward retelling of “The Nightman Cometh”

  • Scooby

    Meanwhile Asia is starting to make domestic air travel obsolete with mag-lev trains.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Oh yeah well who cares we gots “What? Another Accident?” Amtrak!

      • Scooby

        When you ride one of those trains you realize just how bad Amtrack and US domestic airlines really are.

  • BaconzShanz

    For a president that likes war parades and nuclear missiles…he really doesn’t understand logistics. Unless someone told him that alien technology gave us tele-transportors to move, make, and store this shit. It took weeks to dig baby Jane out of a hole.

  • JMP

    Good job electing a con artist moron because he promised to oppress black and brown people who is now stripping your communities’ roads while promising to treat you as criminals for getting addicted to Oxycontin, rednecks!

    • RickyG

      As long as somewhere, somehow, there is a triggered libtard.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Donald Trump is a thief.

    Never forget this, in addition to his other crimes.

    • Uncle Zor

      They’re putting the ‘kepto’ in kleptocracy.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Why don’t we just have all of our pay transferred to the rich and do away with this whole “functioning economy” thing?

    • Rick Hill

      Think of how much more would be available to give to the rich if we cut out the middle man!

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        They are.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump’s 2019 budget looks to cut Medicaid by $300 billion, Disability programs by $70+ billion, and SNAP by $213 billion!

    I’m sorry for the poor, the working poor and those who didn’t vote for The Fucking Moron, but not one scintilla of sympathy for those who did.

    • thixotropic jerk

      But Hillaries!!111!!!!1

  • Bill D. Burger

    With the socio-economic and political trajectory the Republicans have now set, THIS may be the fast approaching and last, best hope to save this democratic republic.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DV2elC4U0AAMXPz.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      And should not work in reality.

  • OTB

    I think they’re calling the plan The Big Infra Dig.

  • ((( Augustus )))

    civil engineers have a stake in getting as much infrastructure spending as possible

    as a civil engineer I say…

    CIVIL ENGINEER LIBEL!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Rick Hill

    My obligatory shout out to the rich folks who can’t stop pestering me to get their small, two day project finished and now are nowhere to be found now that I need a check.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Well, shit, this is DOA in Congress: it doesn’t allow enough money to shower their donors in fresh, crisp currency.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • eyelashviper

      Piss on it, and let the cat ack-up on it, also too.

      • Rick Hill

        Well, only the part that the wealthy aren’t going to pocket

      • atheist

        Don’t forget the random porn star. An accusation like that would bring down any other administration, now people are just so numb it’s just the new normal.

  • TJ Barke

    Government of the looters, by the looters, and for the looters.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      This.^^^

  • I pay taxes to have a motherfucking road to drive on. I shouldn’t have to pay taxes to have a motherfucking road to drive on and also have to pay a goddamned toll to a motherfucking corporation which will, almost certainly, come back to the motherfucking government in a few years asking for more of my tax dollars to maintain it.

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      Motherfuckers.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Infrastructure Week” is like “Shark Week” ___ OK, just without the porn star or Forbes Magazine.

    • It’s the Trump Administration. I’m sure there’s a porn star somewhere.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    So in theory 20 billion a year but less due to cuts on other funds? Bloody hell, we invest 7 billion per annum and we are the size of New Jersey.
    https://www.government.nl/latest/news/2016/09/23/infrastructure-funding-secured-for-the-future

    • yyyaz

      Stay civilized. We are the world’s worst example of unchecked capitalism and its war machine.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Yeah we need the investments because otherwise there will be no civilization in a couple of years other than a real life Atlantis.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          You could save a ton of money by firing all the government scientists and removing any references to elevations or “sea level” from your school textbooks.

          • Erala Contratista

            But how do you then explain the sea water flooding Miami and Paris and…….etc?

    • BaconzShanz

      200 billion will keep PA maintained for 5 years (no improvement)

  • Fire and Fury Demme

    Hey guys!
    Sorry to be OT, but just in case you haven’t heard about the #NotMyPresident flashmob: (here’s the info for hippy-dippy San Francisco)

    With the Mueller investigation into Trump/Russia under increasingly dire threat, MoveOn.org has decided to take a more proactive approach to defending the Constitution and upholding the rule of law.

    On #NotMyPresidentsDay we will gather at 1 Post Street in San Francisco to sing a couple of songs, make a couple of speeches, read a poem or two and generally #GetMad about the grave and imminent dangers confronting our republic.

    Please come and join us – you can sign up here: https://act.moveon.org/event/nial/19381/signup/?source=&s=&akid=.36296571.lMFug8
    Nobody Is Above The Law #NotMyPresidentsDay flashmob
    Monday 19th Feb 12:00pm McKesson Plaza @ 1 Post Street

    You can also help spread the word via social media, using the above URL and the hashtags #GetMad and #CoverUpCaucus. And on #NotMyPresidentsDay, don’t forget to bring your best sign!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    You know according to conservative ideology, tax cuts basically build bridges for themselves.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Factor in wage cuts when the projects are privatized. It still costs more, but the workers get less.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • yyyaz

    Have we no fuel taxes enacted to pay for just this purpose? /rq

  • eyelashviper

    Can’t wait to see a breakdown of his infrastructure plan and budget. It will look like the scribblings of a meth addict with anal retentive disorder and a side order of narcissism.

    This is his plan for investigating sexual abuse:

    http://www.suprmchaos.com/lumpy_wh-guide_021118.jpg

  • miss_grundy

    There is no “Trump” in “infrastructure”, so it won’t get any of his attention. Unless, he is going to make beaucoup bucks from the plan.

    • calliecallie

      Wouldn’t it be killer if they renamed the Memorial Bridge in DC after Trump? And tolled it in perpetuity? That would get the attention of some Beltway insiders I reckon.

  • BaconzShanz

    Breaking!

    BACONZ JUST Saw who the Trump administration put in charge of rebuilding the country’s infrastructure. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff0d3fecf49b63b899fc790f6a29b5f1afef8ebea55ce02854447723dabff88c.jpg

  • calliecallie

    It might just be a transcription error, but here’s a quote from the transcript of a call on infrastructure with reporters that took place over the weekend:

    “We’re not saying you can have a bigger impact on dangerous species, or the water can be dirtier or the air can be dirtier, or anything like that.”

    Note the “dangerous species” instead of “endangered species.” LOL. The most dangerous species I am aware of these days are Trump Republicans!

    • Snowbound Ron

      Sadly they don’t seem to be endangered.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Now hang on just a minute. Before we through this baby out with the bath water, I want to hear how Trump’s rural constituents are planning to pay for 80% of their own infrastructure needs.

    • TootsStansbury

      Fish fries and pancake suppers?

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Took me a while to catch “Pancake supper”

    • yyyaz

      Pimping out their sister/cousin-wives.

    • Rick Hill

      Well it’s a damn good thing folks living in the middle of nowhere don’t actually need to drive miles and miles each and every day

  • eyelashviper

    The Dotard is trying to spend all the money on a wall at the border (Mexico’s side only), and forget about everything else.
    A little ingenuity and a few pieces of lumber undo that billion dollar effort:

    https://s.yimg.com/ny/api/res/1.2/nF93mzbln7G3WrMv1_e47w–/YXBwaWQ9aGlnaGxhbmRlcjtzbT0xO3c9ODAwO2g9NjAwO2lsPXBsYW5l/http://media.zenfs.com/en_us/News/afp.com/29e9feedfe82f436aee9a24499c01406fc8967b1.jpg

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Does this mean I won’t have to fly into Reagan National anymore? Instead we’ll be landing at the Carls Jr Western Bacon Cheeseburger Airport and Burger Bar?

    • eyelashviper

      I think that all airports will now be designated as Koch Stops, with additional fees to be paid by consumers, and extra security to molest, harass, and shake down those of us who are too pathetic to own private jets.

    • For a low, low price, check out their special on air traffic control!

    • thixotropic jerk

      “Would you like fries with that, sir?”

  • TJ Barke

    This is a hostile takeover of America by corporate raiders.

    • yyyaz

      Yep. And there will nothing left to sell off when they are done.

      • Lord Jim

        Including us.

  • Hmm… hmm…. I think I’ve heard of this sort of thing before. Where… (opens Wikipedia) … oh, yes. Boss Tweed. A New York City icon, and an example for Trump!

    • Erala Contratista

      Don’t forget my boys, Huey and Earl! Now those guys could GRIFT, and make the public love it.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I’m under the impression that we wouldn’t have to spend all that money rebuilding the Middle East if we hadn’t spent all that money blowing it up.

    • They should pay to rebuild it! After all, we paid the demolition costs!

    • thixotropic jerk

      No no no we has to destroy the hamlet/village/country in order to save it!!!

  • TootsStansbury

    So that pendulum that’s supposed to start swing back leftward any moment now is actually a wrecking ball.

    • Proud Liberal

      God damn. I hope so! For the sake of the country!

    • atheist

      Winning !

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Infrastructure plan? Hah. It’s highway robbery.

  • OneYieldRegular

    They really are mobsters. It’s not just a joke.

    • Ducksworthy

      GottiCo Bridges and Tunnels

    • Ellie

      American and Russian.

  • thixotropic jerk

    I don’t know why everybody is so upset I think this is a brilliant plan I can’t wait for how much safer I’m going to feel driving over the Acme drawbridge, through the Acme tunnel and around and around and around the Acme cloverleaf to nowhere!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I’m shocked. Shocked I tell you.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      By which I mean, of course, shell-shocked.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Like all “ideas” floated by the current regime, this one has two things going for it:
    It’s based on lies
    It can’t possibly work

  • JohnBull

    This is how Putin builds things-give a ton of money to private contractors to build a couple hundred miles of road, then pull toll booths on it, and call it an investment.

  • Jenny

    Confound your toll troll!

    https://youtu.be/aDhAEmODyzw

  • Stable Uniomist Raan

    You know how Judge Doom planned to withhold Marvin Acme’s will, buying up and shuttering private mass transit, so he could snatch up Toontown and sell the right-of-way to the Bureau of Highways?

    This is worse.

    • JohnBull

      Isn’t that what GM did?

      • Snowbound Ron

        Eyup. It was based on actual history. GM, Firestone, and a few others bought out the system and dismantled it.
        Life once again imitates art.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    The Right in general is obessed with the notion that all this development and economic growth is being held back by the evil envirnomentalists, and their obbession with protecting insects and tiny fish because they hate all captialism. They tried to blame a fish for why California was running out of water for instance. Its something to behold

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Yep – up and down Hwy 152 (Between Gilroy and Madera, CA) there are billboards telling Democrats to “turn the water back on”.

      Farmers are only torqued because they’re losing the political pull game to someone else…

      • georgiaburning

        Obama’s evil weather control machine is at it again.

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          Also the “My God, it sucks to live here” machine…

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        As a aside, Trump promised he would solve the Drought by opening up the water if he was elected. I guess he got busy solving the opiod epdemic and bringing peace on the middle east snd forgot.

      • Erala Contratista

        Yeah, and most of that is in a rain shadow, and the Valley aquifer is way overdrawn by big ag. But noooooo, ag wants to grow where water doesn’t flow.

        Cry me the San Joaquin River (of blessed memory).

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump has no friends, real estate or otherwise.

    • TJ Barke

      He has accomplices, though.

    • Ellie

      He’s got Chris Collins and Tom Reed. I believe they are now surgically connected.

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        He sewed his Chris Collins to his Tom Reed and now he need a glass belly button…

        • Ellie

          Interesting picture to contemplate.

  • Me not sure

    Couldn’t the states and localities just exercise the right of immenant domain to declare the finished projects essential to the public good, offer a fair market price and take ownership as money becomes available?

  • Ellie

    When the infrastructure of the country begins to resemble that of a dystopian fantasy, will the 1% finally realize that THEY also need bridges, roads, railway lines, and airports?

    • weejee

      Private helicopters and private airstrips for private jets. With the short-fingered vulgarian private parts reign supreme.

    • Cat Cafe

      I know, it’s like their disregard for nuclear war/apocalyptic climate events. They all have their plans to “escape to New Zealand.” Like, who will fuel their planes, where will the fuel come from, who will FLY their planes, who will provide the food and water on the plane, who will be the air traffic controllers, and even if they manage to get to New Zealand, where will their food, drink, household staff, etc, come from, and that’s assuming New Zealand is somehow unaffected? Or that any remaining New Zealanders would welcome them? What happens when they need a doctor? They’re like children. Not very smart, extremely spoiled, self-obsessed, unaware children. But we knew that.

  • weejee

    tRump’s gonna bring those incredible firms to the infrastructure party that he brought to the Puerto Rico rehab party.

    • bettycat

      As far as Puerto Rico goes you can see that it’s the first sign of the decline of the American century. Since it isn’t really part of the nation, it has now been cast adrift. The tax give away combined with the military build-up and privatizing of infrastructure will leave lots of poor rural folks even further behind. Face it, our time is up if we don’t turn this thing around pronto.

  • Rebel Scum Puipui

    Back during the 2016 election, I worked with a guy who claimed that it didn’t really matter who won, because it’s not like the president had a lot of power to do anything, anyway. He was, of course, straight, white, and from an affluent neighborhood.

    Sometimes I think about that guy when I’m reading the news, and I hate him with the fire of a thousand suns.

    • Shawn Charniga

      “What’s the big deal? No one’s life is going to change.” — a dumbass Chamber of Commerce Republican whose daughter is friends with my own, one day after the election.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I’ve been hanging around ye olde Wonkette for a few years now, and I think I can safely say that this is cover pic is my favorite of all. Bravo!

  • Dough

    Off topic.. but…
    “…His Sad Little Peener”
    – Shouldn’t we be past ‘small dick’ shaming by now?

    I mean, thanks to the internet, young guys these days definitely know if their peen is small – and budding teenage minds have enough trouble from the regular crap society throws at them.
    Do we really need to pile on to the various causes of teen insecurity or adult over-compensation-mentality with constant and blatant “small dick = lame man” jabs?

    (same goes with virgin shaming)

  • Bitter Scribe

    If there’s anything that should be a no-brainer, it’s spending on infrastructure. Not only is it desperately needed, it puts money directly into the pockets of people who are likely to spend it and thereby boost the economy.

    But no, we’ll keep firehosing money into the vaults of people who already have more of it than they know what to do with, because Freedumb and Black Guy.

    Will these people ever manage to not totally fuck up something? Anything at all?

  • Daniel

    Oh, hey, does it surprise anyone that this plan was “developed with the help of an advisory board headed by two New York real estate magnates who just happen to be personal friends of the president”?

    Actually, yes. Trump has friends?

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      In the same sense that a shark does. Or a snake.

  • Kooolest G

    and as if right on cue, trump is trying to sell the TVA to the highest bidder.

    https://www.knoxnews.com/story/news/2018/02/12/trump-eyes-sale-tennessee-valley-authority/329682002/

    the whole reason for the TVA was that henry ford wanted to build a dam in tennessee but a very wise senator realized that a public/private deal was and is really just a way for the private to fuck over the public

  • Cat Cafe

    I mean, it’s almost like to be a successful, flourishing country, you need strong infrastructure, educated, healthy citizens, and the energy and talents and skills brought in by nurturing the skills of every possible person, including vagina-havers, teh blahs, people of Other Backgrounds, and hardworking, eager immigrants.

  • The best cure for Cletus’ economic anxiety is ten bucks worth of tolls on his commute to and from the job.

    • Snowbound Ron

      What job?

      • Ray in VT

        All the coal jobs that are for sure coming back.

  • YouInDangerGirl!

    I find it nearly impossible to believe that Trump can’t do literally ANYTHING right — in both in the executive and moral senses of the word. The only thing he’s worse at than President-ing is criminal-ing. You know how people tell you to follow your passion and everything will work out fine? Well, griftassery is obviously Trump’s passion, and he’s not even good at that. I’m starting to think the Universe doesn’t actually care about us like The Secret told me…

  • Angela Ruzzo

    In Missouri, tolls on roads and bridges are not allowed by the state constitution. Voters twice since 1970 have rejected constitutional amendments to allow toll roads and bridges. I believe some other states have similar restrictions. I wonder how this will mesh with Trump’s infrastructure plan. (If you have ever driven across the country on I-70, you will have noticed that it is a toll road in Pennsylvania and in Kansas, but not in any other states it passes through).

    • Snowbound Ron

      Simple. No new roads or bridges for them!

      • bettycat

        The geographically large states with small populations are going to get so hosed by their boy. Wow those goobers are dumb.

  • anon_the_great

    There is nothing funny about this

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Some things you don’t need to ask about.
    https://twitter.com/ladyfriday87/status/962533343278653440

  • jesuswasablack
    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Objects may be smaller than they appear

    • phoenix00

      Hands too big too.

  • Delu

    Unless it’s the Wall, Trump won’t do infrastructure bigly.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors
  • Herewegoagain

    Could it be he had a wet dream ? at 70 ?

    Donny ‘ grand scheme – just a wank….. ( thought bubble ,, Donny is too old for a wet-dream !!!) )

    -it’s more about a malignant narcissist screaming for attention. This idiocy is a way to get people talking about him, and he cares about that more than he cares about the responsibility of his office. Donny Trump is a weakling and a liar. He talks tough to mesmerize people into following him, but he has zero interest in little people like them.

    • Facts..

    • To bring the infrastructure p to scratch it will take 10 times 200 billion that’s 2 trillion – 200 billion is just a band-aid job

    • The US spends more on the military than the rest of the world combined. ….not including that hideous wall to keep the Mexican gangs” terrorizing you out !

    • Tax cut have to be funded – assuming the economy picks up would mean interest rate will go up…and that includes Government Debt with a falling Dollar and overseas borrowing…

    • Its going to be a loud bang

  • Zyxomma

    No, no, no, no, NO! This is not how it works. This is not how ANY of this works.

  • Gorillionaire

    I recall that during Trumpy’s 75 minute doom and gloom stream of unconsciousness RNC nomination speech that he went off on a weird tangent about how cruddy our nation’s airports are compared to the rest of the world, and then he went on to some other bullshit.

  • george lastrapes

    Is there any way for a guy to request an audience with Dr Zoom? No hurry.

  • Squeegee

    How does Melania Trump find Donald Trump’s tiny little pecker under all those folds of fat?

  • Squeegee

    The failure of some big cities to sufficiently invest in infrastructure takes a direct hit to growth as I heard from some friends who are insiders near the top of the management at Amazon that it wanted to pick Atlanta as its new headquarters but the lousy infrastructure in that city other than the airports is making them rethink it. Morning commute traffic in and out of downtown Atlanta is a nightmare.

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