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HI. HOW YEW? Living it up in your balmy 45-degree bikini weather? Then we are COMIN’ TO VISIT! We love Montana, home to so many exciting Klan members running for office, plus whatever these guys are, but our winter lasts seven months, not kidding, and we need a little sunshine, the all-day-long Caribbean sort you get in … the Sierra Nevadas? Jesus, what is WRONG with us!

Be ready to PARTY SEVENTH-GRADE PIZZA STYLE (we actually just mean “a pizza party,” not “in a sex dungeon,” man they have ruined EVERYTHING) on the following days!

Long Beach, California, see us Monday, Feb. 5! Buono’s Pizza, 250 W. Ocean Blvd., Long Beach!

If you are in the Mammoth or June Lake or Mono Lake area and want to have us over for dinner or high tea, ask us sometime between Feb. 9 and 10!

Reno? We have heard your pleas and will see you Sunday, Feb. 11! Noble Pie downtown, 4-7 p.m.!

Klamath Falls? Are you there? Invite us to dogpile in your driveway Mon., Feb. 12! (We’re not bringing the dogs, but we are bringing Grandpa!)

Bend, Oregon! We will pre-game Valentine’s with you Tues., Feb. 13! Bend Pizza Kitchen, 2755 Northwest Crossing Dr., Bend, Oregon, 5:30 to 7:30 p.m.!

Portland, Oregon, and sloe gin fizz, we gon’ see you Feb. 15 and buy you some beer, because sloe gin fizz is not a thing anybody actually drinks anymore, Loretta Lynn’s LIES notwithstanding. We will see you at the Lucky Labrador Beer Hall — this is the QUIMBY location, in Northwest! 1945 NW Quimby St, Portland, OR 97209. 6:30-8:30 p.m.!

Spokane! You been added! Fri., Feb. 16! Hooray! South Perry Pizza, 6-8 p.m.! 1011 S. Perry St., Spokane!

OK love you bye bye!

It wouldn’t be a Wonkette World Tour without you giving us money to buy you a beer.

$
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  • msanthropesmr

    The east coast misses you Ms Schoenkopf!

  • Nounverb911
    • rebecca

      expect us in May.

      • Nounverb911

        YEAH!

        THE RUSSIANS COMMIES WONKETTES ARE COMING!
        THE RUSSIANS COMMIES WONKETTES ARE COMING!

  • HogeyeGrex

    No Bay Area? Again?

    • rebecca

      we just hit Sonoma AND Sacramento in October! WE HAD YOU SURROUNDED!

  • Jenny

    Be a real snowbird and hit Vegas or Phoenix!

    • armed_bears

      IK,R? Pizzeria Bianco is 3rd best pizza is the frickin’ US, FFS.

  • MynameisBlarney

    We’re freezin’ our butts off down here in the Keys.
    It’s below 80!

    • Me_And_My_Arrow

      It’s just over 60 here. Winter sucks!

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Let’s see…we’ve got Rick’s Pizza up by the University of Nevada campus, Wild Garlic Pizza and Pub in midtown, the Blind Onion over at Victorian Square in Sparks…we even got one of those “Cook the pizza at 850 degrees for 2 minutes” places down by the convention center.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Do those places have basements? We need basements for……things.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I liked Eclipse Pizza.

    • Biff52

      Still got the Little Waldorf? Used to be a fun place to get hammered.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Yup, the Little Wal is still there.

    • Cock Blockula

      Which Wonker has the wine bar in Reno? I chatted with him for a bit a few months back, but cannot find the posts now.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • renegade500

    It will be sunny and 70s in a few days in Austin.

    I say this for informational purposes only!

  • weighmaster

    Where in Bend?

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Sad. Weak. No Southwest (again…:sniff:) The lake at Klamath Falls is beautiful. I also have fond memories of emergency surgery for a huge kidney stone in Bend……..
    Someday we will get to meet the Commie Girl….

    • rebecca

      was it you who has a huge ranch in the mountains in southern NM?

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        Uh, not huge but yes, 20 acres in the middle of nowhere in South Central New Mexico. You are welcome anytime. We got rooms, and a yurt, and I make pizza and we have a wine cellar……

        • rebecca

          20 acres, HOW TINY.

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            Believe it or not, it is in a “development”, Used to be a ranch of over 8000 acres…..

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Probably can’t hardly raise a decent crop of dental floss.

          • msanthropesmr

            Ain’t no pygmy ponies.

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            Goat heads however…..

          • Jeffocaster in the West
          • Biff52

            They are The. Worst.

          • renegade500

            The bane of my childhood, where I insisted in running around barefoot all summer long in San Antonio, through fields of these! And somehow, I never learned it was good to wear shoes. And to this day, I go barefoot as often as possible, only now I have to navigate the fields of cat toys in my living room.

          • mohave rocky

            I only have 7.2 but they are in RIDGECREST, so there and adjacent to BLM Rademacher Hills .. Lots of trails, small mountains, neat views of the big mountains (Sierras)

        • msanthropesmr

          My Pizza is better.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          I like yurts…

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        View off the balcony….. (just imagine fine wine and delicious pizza)
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d99618c6fa639082710deaf0284f2bd6b4cf1aefe39a7c1e8a7fae49fcc459f6.jpg

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          can you see me waving at you waaaaaaaay in the background…there I am!

          • Jeffocaster in the West

            Well, except that is shot to the Northwest…..

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            …i knew that.
            ; D

        • armed_bears

          I think we are neighbors…

        • Biff52

          What a shithole.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The lake is beautiful and there’s the most charming Chinese restaurant facade I’ve ever seen, but the best thing I found in Klamath Falls is this salsa they make there called Sonoran Sun. I DRANK A BOTTLE.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Is this the secret memo that just leaked?

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Shh!

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    So happy! I missed you in the fall because travelling. Don’t know Long Beach because I don’t get out much but I’m sure someone has a recommendation for a brewpub/pizza joint.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Michael’s on the Long Beach Promenade has great pizza, and a buy an pizza, get a free pizza margherita on Mondays. It’s not very big, though. But it is next door to a great brewery. Also, Long Beach Beer Lab has great pizza.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      A pizza margerita may sound exotic, but it’s next to impossible to suck a pepperoni slice through a straw.

      • Biff52

        We’re gonna need a bigger boat straw.

      • Historicat

        You’re supposed to roll up the pepperoni and sip through it.

    • puredog

      That reminds me, back in the day, there was a dive bar up the hill from Reed College called Lutz Tavern (it’s still there, though less dive-y), which had no food to speak of but was next door to a soda bar/cafe called Davidson’s, which did some very fine burger baskets. They set up a deal whereby you could go into Davidson’s and order a basket, then go next door to Lutz and get your pitcher, and when your order was ready Davidson’s would just pound on the wall, and you’d nip back and get it. Win-win-win.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    And also too, the way the weather has been in SoCal, Mammoth will probably be 85 degrees and snow free.

    • Biff52

      One can only hope!

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Also…….I have been known to make the best pizza in the World. Ask a couple of residents of Prineville and Bend…..

  • Arolpin

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1d9c84fdf458530631ac5cd92e619b91eb1c48f79fa175f64266ab9df5146f11.png
    “Two in the pink and none in the stink” -Goldman Sachs
    This was posted on my former co-workers bitching about current jobs slack feed:

  • OrG

    Yay! Coming to Portland again!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Dammit, I can’t make this one. You kids have fun on my behalf!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    PANDA BEAR!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • OrG

      I can relate.

  • Michael R

    The East Coast meet will take place on this
    fallen tree of undisclosed location

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7090e770d5cb9700d61b3b2f62b0810f8cd6eec05ff566a465e8f3fc648b31f8.gif

    • Carpe Vagenda

      All the good boys will be there.

      • Parakeetist

        With all the tennis equipment.

    • Parakeetist

      Arf

    • BadKitty904

      Say, isn’t that where the last Feline/Canine Peace Talks were held?

      • puredog

        I thought the feline/canine prisoner exchange took place there.

        • BadKitty904

          Yes. But some of us are working to make a better world for our children…

  • Villago Delenda Est

    You’re spending my birthday (and Sarah Palin’s, ugh) in Reno!

  • Ill_Used_Floppy_Disk

    Once again, I will be out of town when you guys come to Portland.

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    Patriots country isn’t all bad, y’know… Please come to Boston; the water isn’t even dirty anymore, and everybody knows your name.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDRLZFgEoGw

  • Jaärleina Nelson

    Someday, summer def, Toronto, Canada. You have many fans … Orange McPussgrab not here, tantalizing, no?

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Even better is that not only is there no Orange McPussgrab, but Dreamboat McDreamface is there instead. Oh, and of course, he loves pandas.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ae15442d0fbdc3b26cf8b70e66e37d55038232af582e8bc19fdc83728066a857.jpg

      • CindyinEncinitas

        And they love him! The Orange One would prolly get his nose removed by these adorable creatures. They can sense evil…

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          So blissful, smokin’ that bamboo in the panda whisperer’s tender loving arms. Why look, he even taught them the fine art of how to do a “party trick”…

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLQiAqc1MI8

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Is cuteness always inversely proportional to coordination?

      • NellCote71

        That is so, so cute. The pandas, too.

    • Nounverb911

      If you promise the PM and his socks, you’ll get the biggest Wonkette crowd ever…

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2f702d85b44b8468c7ce925454707c877dbad6ce36ea9d649a59ffc5acdc1f40.jpg

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      plus poutine and legal weed…

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Only after July 1. Until then it’s just kinda legal.

      • Parakeetist

        Poutine shops gonna make a lot more money now.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      We leaned on ’em pretty hard at the Detroit thingy last June. I even offered free hydro hook-up if they wanted to park in my yard.

      • motocat

        I had to miss that last summer. I was truly bummed, but hope for another future visit from Wonkette et al.

  • Boscoe

    I think today we’re supposed to get up over 80f. :P

  • Mintie

    It appears you will be creeping north. When do you plan on hitting Seattle?

    • puredog

      They won’t. Afraid of getting some Amazon ’em.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    once again, middle of goddamn nowhere texas gets the snub.

    ; p

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Isn’t that all Texas but for a couple Big Towns?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        (eyes you Samuel L. Jacksonly)
        Yes.

    • Parakeetist

      I’m north of Tampa. Let one death metal guy kill some mice on stage (I see you, Glenn Benton), and everybody hates you. Frankly, they should.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Isn’t he the singer for Deicide?

        • Parakeetist

          Yup. Everyone hates him, just like everybody hates Ted Cruz. I bet Ted Cruz kills mice onstage, too.

          • SisterArtemis

            lesser known footage from the shutdown, just after green eggs and ham…

        • OrG

          Again,has anyone ever seen Deicide and Stryper in the same place at the same time? No,no you haven’t.

          • Parakeetist

            Dingdingding

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        in all fairness, it might be the north of tampa part.

        (kidding! but I’ve been to orlando – well Apopka)

    • SisterArtemis

      You need to get out more. Maybe when that lawyer school gig is over (you’re in lawyer school, right?) you need to make a Wonketteer tour of the nation, and come visit us all! I’ll be your Oregon Coast contact :)

      • SisterArtemis

        Ok, total fantasy BUT I just had a little day dream of wonkers, a small band at first, but picking up folks along the way, joining up with what becomes a huge caravan as we go from town to town, zig zagging across the nation, till we land in @RSchoenkopf:disqus and shy’s yard – you can host a few hundred of us and our favorite car-trip vehicles, right? We’ll bring booze and pizza and stuff, I promise!

        • puredog

          I hear they’re going to move into an abandoned Sam’s Club, and then there’ll be room for all our psychedelically-painted schoolbuses.

          • Canned Covfefe

            I was thinking buses also too like those hippy green ones. The Turtle or just the Green bus?

          • SisterArtemis

            * goes rummaging for paint *

        • rebecca

          I’ve been thinking about having a Woodstock-style tent gathering in our yard for a while …

    • BadKitty904

      “Tell me about it,” says backwoods Florida…

    • Erala Contratista

      Planning on another middle of goddamn nowhere Tejas, maybe 2 !!!!1!!11! this year :-D

  • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

    Donna Rose is a PANDA.

    • Parakeetist

      SQUEEEEE

    • “I’m NOT a horse!” – sayeth our beloved Donna Rose.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    You’ll be in Portland on my birthday! But there’s a family party gig, so I’ll miss the Wonk gig. Sadz.

    Oh. And sadz with a capital S autocorrects to Sade.

  • OrG

    As for pizza we have an embarrassment of riches in Portland. Might I suggest Sizzle Pie?

    • SisterArtemis

      I didn’t know that was a chain, or at least a mini one. We have them here in Eugene, too.

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    Meanwhile, in Lower Upper Canuckistan, it is snowing horizontally. There’s a snowfall warning. And yesterday I was outside in a T-shirt and sandals.

    • OrG

      No global warming! No global warming! You’re the global warming!

    • OutOfOrbit

      What Is Wrong With You?

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Pfft. Climate change is a Chinese panda hoax to massively redistribute the wealth of Soros-branded Ameros to Trudeau’s underground sock factory on Mars. If you play Hillary’s satanic book video backwards you’ll see what I mean.

  • OTB

    Come to NYC please!

  • Jennaratrix

    Um, there isn’t much to recommend the Kansas City, MO area, but I have a big driveway!

    • Canned Covfefe

      What about BAR B QUE?!?!?!!

      • Jennaratrix

        It’s fine, and I do prefer KC barbecue to Texas or Virginia or whatever, but you know, I can make KC style barbecue on Cape Cod if’n I wanna.

  • Adam Field

    Huh. Nobody ever comes to Long Beach, everyone always goes to hipper parts of LA County. Out of curiosity, what made you decide to come to Long Beach? (I mean, LB is super cool, just nobody thinks of it unless they were already going there for some other reason.)

    That said, I can’t actually think of any super awesome pizza places in LB that are also good to chill with a large group. Plenty of great places to drink, but not for pizza specifically.

    edit: I am proven incorrect! I saw a comment below about Long Beach Beer Lab, and I approve. Their beer is great, and it’s a great place to chill – didn’t know they had pizza, though it makes sense, since I did know their bread is seriously legit, so if you make great bread, why not also make great pizza dough? :))

    • rebecca

      Because I used to live there! I might just make everybody go to Alex’s.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        LBZ!

      • puredog

        Did you know any of the following group of cohabitating artists (last names redacted to protect their anonymity, but they are of similar age and politics to you, maybe a bit older, and all lived in LB back in the day, when the pool was relatively small): Bill (neon), his wife Kathy (now of NYC, ceramics), Geoff (stained glass) and his consort Lorna (anything, really, from pottery to cloisonne to calligraphy).

        • rebecca

          PROBABLY!

          • puredog

            None are wallflowers. I think you’d know if you knew. (And I could be wildly off on the age thing, probably am.)

    • Biff52

      The Pike used to be a destination by itself. That and the tattoo parlors frequented by the drunken sailors.

      • SisterArtemis

        LOL, I know some of the guys who used to tattoo those drunken sailors. I’ll tell ya, they brook no shit, and one of the oldsters told me, “Get ’em in, take the money, sit ’em down, git ’em OUT!” – that was Lyle Tuttle, quite famous in our little world. He had a shop down there that was inside what had been a tiny shed tacked on to the back of a bowling alley, about 6×8 feeet or thereabouts. Quite different from what we have now (better quality tattooing, and a slower pace atmosphere, too).

        • Erala Contratista

          Oooohhhhhhh!
          Got my tasteful little Tuttle tat a long time ago. Shop was upstairs next to the Greyhound station in suburban Tenderloin.
          *Sigh*

          • SisterArtemis

            oh, that’s a piece of history you’re wearing. I’ve never been tattooed by him (he’s a great guy, but not that great of a tattooer, to be honest) and these days all he does is the novelty tattoo of his signature on people. Then again, the guy is in his 80s. He did reopen his shop on Columbus again, as both a studio and a tattoo museum. I haven’t been there since he was first working on the reopening, but will as soon as I’m back in the bay area sometime.

          • Erala Contratista

            Yeah, it’s not Art, but I wanted a tattoo since I was about 10 (!). Not any more, tho.
            Wish I had bought the long sleeve tee with his own tats printed all over it at Kaplan’s (of blessed memory).
            Impressed he’s still working.
            Was an interesting guy, too. Also.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    So Rebecca “King” Schoenkopf, you upfisted my despair over giving up hope you will return to our area.

    Was that a ‘give it up, pal’ upfist or a ‘pity’ upfist or a ‘hang in there, baby’s coming’ upfist?

    (Somehow, I just know she will cryptically upfist this one, too. Also.)

    • rebecca

      CANT IT BE ALL?

    • SisterArtemis

      I just gave you a ‘hang in there baby’ upfist, just soes you knows…

  • HazooToo

    Ok, I don’t care what’s in my way, next time you guys come to my part of the area I’m going to try and see you. I’m not a very big people person, but I’ll make an exception for Wonkers. Also I do know a really good pizza place, but I doubt you’ll come to my specific tiny-ass town, when Philly is right nearby… Fucking stupid Philly. And the damn one way streets…

    • Canned Covfefe

      Where are you? I might could join the lobbying. (Do we have to register as nonforeign agents?) I’m in the middle of the State but family is west of city.

      • HazooToo

        I’m out about an hour from Philly, I think, in Montgomery County. Not too far from Jesterpunk, actually!

  • Ωbjectifier
    • proudgrampa

      Nice!

  • msanthropesmr
    • HazooToo

      Fucking idiot. He’s probably just afraid of needles.

    • Me_And_My_Arrow

      So he’s the stupid one that isn’t the Douchy?

    • ManchuCandidate

      I am fine with this. He’s probably well protected by Randall Flagg from Captain Tripps.

      • Me_And_My_Arrow

        I stand with you.

        • Zyxomma

          ISWYDT

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      America never had “herd immunity” to stupid. Hence why Fox News exists.

      Speaking of which, anyone see this? Tide Pods are the new chelation therapy!

      Parents make autistic kids drink BLEACH as “cure” for autism

      Another $cientologist quack peddling garbage to “cleanse the system” of suppressive midichlorians. I’m sure his next miracle remedy on the market will be selling anti-freeze as a cure for refrigerator mother syndrome.

      Never fails, though: there’s always an equally ignorant moran in the comments who gets triggered by actual experts calling it a disorder rather than a “difference.” Where’s my cat meme for the proper response to all these idiots?

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/65ee7038c68a409e69651a982a890324fd34f4d363f77b5ecb420cd39c74e624.jpg

    • Ellie

      I’ve been getting flu shots every year for the past 8 years. I didn’t get them before because eons ago, I got very sick after one. 8 years ago, I had flu 4 times in 3 months. If I owned a gas stove, I probably wouldn’t be here today, but sticking one’s head in an electric oven doesn’t do anything but cause back ache. It persuaded me to change my mind about flu shots. I’ve still gotten the flu, but not as bad as in 2010, and not 4 times in 3 months. Maybe he will be lucky. I was for decades, but then? WHAM! I just hope he stays out of hospitals, nurseries, and nursing homes out of consideration for those within.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I just spent Friday in bed with my first bout of flu in 15 or 20 years, despite a flu shot this year. I’ll still keep getting them.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    also OT:
    Why is microsoft word updates every other day, but never gets any better?

    • Me_And_My_Arrow

      It’s Microsoft, so, duh…

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        on that score, it’s not the constant updates necessarily, but the way in which constant updates manage to interrupt whatever i”m doing.

        • Ill-Advised

          It’s a money-saving technique to inform you of what Microsoft did to continuously improve its products for your user experience, obviously!

    • HazooToo

      What is this “better”? Is it where you make everything worse? They can do that!

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      I honestly don’t know why they needed to update it at all. It’s a fucking typing program. Word 5.1 works just as well as any edition from the Clippy era or the fancy “Ribbon” and afterwards.

      • Naytch

        Well, they “improved” Windows Media Player for win10 by taking the DVD player out.

    • Crystalclear12

      Your dissatisfaction has been noted and Microsoft drones have been sent. . . to take of yo. . . it.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Cuz Microsoft…

    • SomeBigRedDog

      There is some esoteric font that literally dozens of people have been clamoring for! You should thank them.

    • Naytch

      I like to ask Bing:” why is Google so much better? “

  • BadKitty904

    Just saw a remarkable bumpersticker in our little town:

    LESS MARCHING, MORE VOTING

  • OneYieldRegular

    You should hold that Mammoth gathering in a hot spring! Just south of the airstrip, head east off of 395 where you see an old green church. Go about a mile and a half and look on the left for a small parking area and a wooden boardwalk out there in the nowhereness of the chaparral, assuming it’s not completely covered in snow. Climb on down and sit yourself in the hot spring and look across the high desert to all the snow-covered mountains all around you. No snark.

    • Biff52

      I lived there for 24 years, now an hour south because fuck snow is why. The hot springs used to be so fun, until they all got published in books and now everyone goes to there. Sad.

      • kareemachan

        That seems to happen way too often with hot springs. Case in point: Mt. Baker hotsprings. Wonderful place at the end of a nice hike, and then it got popular. And got trashed. Sigh.

  • babsMD

    When are you coming to visit us in Northwest Arkansas?? Our weather is schizophrenic, but that’s okay, right?? It was 60 yesterday, only getting to 34 today, and back to 60 by Wednesday! I’m not sure what the weekend is bringing… Anyway, come visit NWA! We love our Wonkette!! (most of us, anyway, the rest vote for Tom Cotton. Sorry I haven’t figured out how to voter fraud him out of office…)

    • Historicat

      I was just trying to talk my wife into making a Spring Break road trip to NWA.

      • babsMD

        It’s a fun place!

  • walter_the_farting_dog

    Y’know, winter is only 6 months in Chicago. And with climate change we’re inland enough to stay dry a little longer than the coasts yet still close enough to a big body of water to have proper beaches.

  • Crystalclear12

    I trying find a good reason for you to come to southwest Missouri. . .

    Still thinking. . .

    Anyone?

    • SisterArtemis

      Well, YOU’RE there :)

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Courtland Sykes’ one and only campaign event?

    • mfp, not sotu

      got nothin, sorry

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I was in Missouri a little while ago. I kind of like Missouri.

  • Biff52

    If you wanted to delay your re-entry into the frozen wasteland another day or so, you could plug in at my place conveniently located half a mile (measured vertically) below the dreaded snow line.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Which day’s snow line?

      • Biff52

        Most of them. I moved down out of the mountains in 94, and I’ve only had to shovel snow once. That “once” was pretty much all of last January, but still.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Even we in the flats of Portland were shoveling last January.

          • Biff52

            It truly was teh suck.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Portland, most winters, has some sort of fun exercise event. There were 5 last year.

  • SisterArtemis

    YAY! Portland! And on my day off, too! (I’m 2 hours away, and work till 9 or 10 at night, so that makes a huge difference). I may not be able to make it, but I will try.

  • Nockular cavity

    Clearly, you are trying to panda to your readership with that picture.

    • kareemachan

      But we can all bear it….

  • Historicat

    You’re never coming back to Texas, are you?

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Sloe gin fizz libelzzzzz
    I just don’t drink many of them (anymore) because the place where I like to drink them and get my dance on makes them stroooooong.
    Uh huhhhh
    http://m.latebarchicago.com/app/drinks/6857363/33/

  • Anarchy Unicorn

    Where will you be in Reno? I shall be there!

    • rebecca

      oh, like we know!

  • Jonny On Maui

    Still having problems attaching pontoons on the Wonkabago?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      That would be the best Wonk gathering ever – Maui for your wedding.

      • Jonny On Maui

        That would be something!

      • rebecca

        wait, when’s the wedding? ARE WE OFFICIATING? dok does a real nice job …

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I haven’t received my official invite yet. I do think you and Shy and Dok and DR should officiate since they met here!

          • rebecca

            UM HELLO.

        • Jonny On Maui

          We got the license today. It’s good for 30 days…

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Hey, Jonny, I think you’ve got an official offer for Dok to officiate at your wedding, and Donna Rose to be your flower girl. See thread below.

      • Jonny On Maui

        How far down?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          This thread! Rebecca is talking to me about how Dok could officiate at your wedding. I think if you invited Shy, Rebecca, Donna Rose, and Dok, they would come. That would be cool since you guys met on this website. If that happens, you MUST post pictures.

          • Jonny On Maui

            If that happens we will!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            YAY!!!! I look forward to seeing them.

            Slightly OT – when your wife passed away i felt so bad for you. I was really glad when you and MsMLG ended up getting together. i still think that took a tremendous amount of cojones on her part to move half way across the world to be with you. I’m glad you had a happy ending, and from the bottom of my heart – MOLOTOV!!!! to you both.

          • Jonny On Maui

            Thank you Vagenda! Ms.MLG is a brave fantastic woman.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            She seems pretty great, and I’m glad you found each other in this crazy mixed up world.

  • puredog

    Yeah, come to Portland! We have ALL the sunshines!
    While there are many excellent pie-erias hereabouts, the following rather commodious one instantly leapt to mind as one that — especially on a Monday — would serve a not-embarrassing pie, some not-embarrassing brew, and handle the thousands of Wonketteers who might descend. Granted, I am a bit out of the loop, but — say — Apizza Scholls (town’s best pie by acclamation) might be swamped, even in its currently enlarged manifestation, as would Dove Vivi (town’s second-best pie, maybe, though deep-dish cornmeal crust, taken from the old Vicolo’s [PBUI] in SF).
    http://hopworksbeer.com/eat/powell/

  • Marsupial99

    Wait… Long Beach? LONG BEACH??? You’re being duped — the beach really isn’t that long! It’s not like they stretched it or anything. Head a little further south, you know, where the fun is, and the booze…

    • kareemachan

      Or go to Long Beach WA where the beach is really, really, REALLY long!

    • roberteye

      Yeah – or north to, like, Santa Monica!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I love Santa Monica. My BFF AND I have spent many sunsets there, just holding hands.

  • idiotboy

    You are welcome to stay in Tahoe City Ca.. 1 hr from the ugliest little city in the world.
    Sorry Reno but your planners do not even try.
    I am ready for my whooping.

  • Reno has great pizza! I recommend Noble Pie Parlor (the midtown location has easier parking and fewer downtown weirdos — personally I enjoy downtown weirdness but people care about parking). There’s also a fantastic beer place (Pinon Bottle Company) next door to the midtown location. Here’s the link for pizza: http://noblepieparlor.com Because the universe is cruel, I won’t be around on Feb 11 WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME. However, if you roll into town sometime on Feb 10, hit me up and I’ll take you to other delicious places to eat. Or at least hug you and then stand around awkwardly (my specialty).

    • kareemachan

      Hey, I’m good at the standing around awkwardly too!

      • puredog

        It’s the equivalent of the Wonkettariat secret handshake.

        • kareemachan

          Jeez, I’m so proud of being one of the elite few!

          Also, I gave a friend a Wonkette mug and pound of coffee for Xmas, as I introduced her to Wonkette. She squee’ed.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Noble Pie is great. I haven’t been there in forever.

      • We’re supposed to get a Sizzle Pie sometime soon, too! I’m just going to jog back and forth between them.

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          Oh yeah, over there on Center Street by the Patagonia place. I heard about that. I bet it’ll benefit from a lot of nearby traffic for Aces and Reno 1868FC games (like Taste of Chicago does over off of First).

  • kareemachan

    My parents lived in Sisters, OR (near Bend) which made for dream off-work times. Stay with Mom and Dad, get a season pass and ski at Mt. Bachelor whenever I felt like it. Sad to say, last time I drove through Bend, it had turned into a strip mall. Gack. Lovely area, tho. I wonder if the restaurant that had a tree growing through the middle of it is still around….

    • Papa wheelie

      Still there. The Pine Tavern. Local icon.

      • Papa wheelie

        But, good lord, why Klamath Falls? If I had more space, I’d give you every reason not to go. Just over the hill is the Rogue River Valley. Ashland. And the best pizza ever at the Bella Union (Uniom?) in Jacksonville. Way more your style methinks. Have fun!

        • Hesavebread!

          Upfist for Uniom!

  • Nodrama4mama

    I still vote Hawaii! Its a great time to whale watch and enjoy real sunshine and warm weather!

    • kareemachan

      We’re gonna visit friends on Kauai in mid-February. Hawaii isn’t *that* far away from Portland, right?….

      • Nodrama4mama

        Exactly! And Kauai is fabulous!

  • Jukesgrrl

    Donna Rose knows her dress is the bomb.

  • SammyDEEEE

    Dawwwww man, I’m coming to Portland for work but not til the next week.

    I’m all of the sad.

  • roberteye

    Long Beach. Cool! Just a jam packed freeway away!

  • King Yafe

    I would suggest Pacific Pizza and Brew for the Bend stop. Good pizza, 20+ taps, and lots of room for the Wonkettariat. Unfortunately my chalet is not the chalet that you are looking for.

    • kareemachan

      I wish my parents still lived near Sisters. Okay, I *really* wish they were both still living. :-( They would have been equal parts bemused and enthusiastic about having Wonketteers descending on their house if I invited them. Hey, they put up with me and my friends for a long time – remind me to tell you about the house I rented at college with “interesting” roommates and the house had no insulation, foundation, or heating other than an old woodstove – they could have handled this. ;-)

      Miss you both, Mom and Dad.

  • Squeegee

    I’m from Montana and one of the great things about Montana is you have much higher chance of getting mauled and eaten alive by a grizzly bear than mugged.

    I’d much rather contribute to the food chain than get mugged!!!

    • Why not both?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        What would really be cool is if you got mugged by a bear. He wouldn’t even need a weapon, he’d just show you his claws.

        • Hesavebread!

          I could cope with that if both chances were low, if they were both high then I’m outta there.

  • kareemachan

    My only Reno story is when I was there with my parents a few decades back. I had a friend working for UNReno on their chimpanzee sign language research. I mailed him ( I told you this was a few decades back) but didn’t hear back, so I drove out to the research facility and got him in shitloads of trouble. Reason? It was a sign language research program, and they didn’t talk around the chimps. I didn’t know that. I talked. I’m just glad that he’s still a good friend.

  • SeeTrainWrecked

    “Winter in Wisconsin Montana is the best seven months of the year!” – Dave Foley Rebecca Schoenkopf

  • Leftflank

    50 in SW Colorado today but like 5 or 10 in the morning. Indian winter?

    Pizza is so so here but we have a killer Cajun place and I have hook ups.

    • little miss high and mighty

      You in Derange Oh ?
      Crusty Butt?
      Grand Conjunction?
      Ofir?

      • Leftflank

        Just outside of Dgo headed south to Farmintown NM.

        AKA, methane central on the mesa.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Beauiful area
          remember it well-over Red Mtn pass on the way to Santa Fe –

          • Leftflank

            Yeah, I always like coming home, getting back to itty bitty Dgo town.

            Been to all the other places you mentioned but Dgo is my place.

            Or Maui, I’m torn.

            ETA; Ophir has a cool hot springs and so does Ouray. I recommend a hot springs tour and just work your way through them all the way to Santa Fe.

  • VrtlChris

    BEND – Bend Pizza Kitchen offers tasty food made with Organic ingredients and by lovely nice people – small venue in a neighborhood with lots of pretty pretty people :-)

    http://www.bendpizzakitchen.com/

  • JCfromNC

    When I win the lottery, remind me to fly all y’all out here to NC and rent you an east-coast Wonkabago to do a tour on this side of the country for a change. I might even show up for one of them if I’m paying for it.

    • It’sWhitneyBitch

      I DO have a ton of Southwest miles to get them to Durham. But they are for me, TBH. Especially now that Southwest flies to Hawaii.

      HOWEVER, didn’t the Wonkabago make a trip to CLT a few years ago?

  • pixeloid

    Sorry, but I won’t be able to meet up with the tour. However, if your tour ever goes international and you need a guide for Tokyo, let me know.

    • little miss high and mighty

      same gos for us here in the alpine foothills
      we know all the safe routes around the Bavarian unpleasantries and yuppie-free public houses (calld Kneipen, hereabouts)
      Plus, too open spaces

      • Hesavebread!

        And Edinburgh, Edinburgh is always lovely. If it isn’t dark and raining. We have spare rooms and indoor plumbing and everything.

        • little miss high and mighty

          sessions on Kings’ Row and
          Black Pudding!

  • Mousewood

    Born in Long Beach (moved too long ago to know the great pizzas of the LBC) but Flippin’ Pizza at 6269 E Spring St, Long Beach, CA 90808 sounds like a good NY style crust. If I could lure you to my hood in Echo Park in Los Angeles, I’d say go to Two Boots Pizza on Sunset Boulevard. If you aren’t stuck on pizza Joe Jost’s is a classic bar and sandwich joint from 1924 at 2803 E. Anaheim St., Long Beach CA 90804, and you can get a pickled egg from a jar too. Hope to see you, it will be my birthday.

  • Nola Barrett

    So on your way from Portland to Montana–Spokane!

    • rebecca

      it IS! YOU ARE RIGHT! we are adding the hell out of that.

      • Nola Barrett

        WOOT!!! Let me know when! :)

  • phoenix00
  • John Lo

    “Bend, Oregon! We will pre-game Valentine’s with you Tues., Feb. 13!”
    Alright Wonkette!
    Except, my wife and I are the only liberals in town.
    Okay, maybe there’s a couple more.
    Where to go.
    https://www.pacificpizzabrew.com,
    or
    http://www.bendpizzakitchen.com

    • VrtlChris

      duuuude did you not do the Women’s March at Drake and see all our librul brethren take to the streets! you are not alone ;-)

  • John Lo

    And by the way, watch yur step in Montana, The Bundy crazies were sprung.
    http://inthesetimes.com/rural-america/entry/20855/public-lands-ranching-cattle-grazing-fees-cliven-bundy-montana

  • Notreelyhelping

    We do have a bit of beer in Portland. Looking forward to seeing you folks again!

    P.S.: Old Town Pizza is infamously haunted, so there’s that.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Where in Portland? Any decision about that?

  • Suse

    Please try to stop by Oakland on your way North from Long Beach. I’ll bring those cakes we like!

  • Clive Butler

    For Long Beach: Rebel Bite downtown on Broadway Happy Hour from 5 to 7PM Craft Beers are $4. On 2nd Street: Rance’s Chicago Style Pizza… craft beers. Marri’s Pizza on Stearns great pizza and typical pizza beers. Make it to one of these beauties… really.

  • Ill-Advised

    I’m a fan of Sizzle Pie in Portland…. or of wings at Fire on the Mountain. I’m looking downward for what other people said…

  • pd1648

    Here on the Gulf Coast of Texas, it is 78 degrees today. Come to Houston, and we’ll show you all kinds of sexy things you can do with a tortilla!

  • IdiotsforPalin

    Hey, how about Seattle?

    • Peter Regan

      Best burger I ever had was at the Seattle airport. Kobi beef hamburger…rare.

  • Nola Barrett

    In Spokane, Bennidito’s Brew Pub, Republic Pi, Blaze Pizza, Pete’s Pizza, South Perry Pizza. :)

  • Tina in Spokane WA

    In Spokane, don’t forget Europa Restaurant. https://www.facebook.com/europa.pizzaria/
    Has lots of italian, pizza, and good vegetarian choices.

  • dj shimon

    Omalley’s pizza on Foster road in Portland is a great hole in the wall with excellent pizza, good beer, your gin fizz thing, foosball, golf arcade game, 3 pinballs and close to my house! Ask for Glen or Mikey. Also Gladstone pizza is great too.

  • Fredo Trump

    Spokane has good pizza at the Flying Goat, Bennedito’s, South Perry Pizza, or Verace Pizza. Europa is good, too.

  • Ghoti theLinguist

    If you ever make it to Atlanta, I recommend Fellini’s for pizza, & we have some lovely local craft beers. The Mellow Mushroom is good too.

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