SHARE


As we move toward House and Senate votes to reopen the government after its weekend disco nap, it’s good to know that the architect of the 2013 government shutdown to defund Obamacare, Texas Senator and then-de facto Speaker of the House Ted Cruz, has decided he had nothing to do with that earlier government shutdown, because duh, of course he couldn’t have. Democrats are always to blame for government shutdowns, didn’t you know that?

As Cruz explained to a press gaggle today, he had never even once voted against funding the government in 2013, depending on what the meaning of “voted against” is.

In 2013, I voted repeatedly to fund the government and in 2013 it was Harry Reid and the Democrats who voted “no,” who voted to shut the government down, just like this week: Republicans voted to fund the government and it was Chuck Schumer and the Democrats who voted to shut the government down […] We should not be shutting the government down. I have consistently opposed shutdowns. In 2013, I said we shouldn’t shut the government down. Indeed, I went to the floor, repeatedly asking unanimous consent to reopen the government.

Oh, so very close! Except totally not really! Ted Cruz was instrumental in convincing the House Freedom Caucus to include a poison pill in its version of a continuing resolution in 2013, which would have defunded the Affordable Care Act. True, he didn’t vote for that bill, because he was in the Senate, but it was his baby. (He did, however, hijack the Senate for 21 hours so he could read Green Eggs And Ham, that memorable Dr. Seuss fable about never trying something you don’t think you’ll like, and then proclaiming victory.) Once the CR got to the Senate, then still controlled by Democrats, they removed the language killing Obamacare, and Cruz was among the Republicans who voted against removing those amendments — in effect, voting for a shutdown, though on the losing side.

The Senate passed the CR that retained Obamacare funding and sent it back to the House, which kept passing successive versions with even more anti-ACA amendments. The Senate refused to vote on any of them (and even if they had approved it, Barack Obama would have vetoed them), and so the government shut down.

So, yes, Ted, you voted against the bill to keep the government open. You really did. And once the government was shut down, Cruz also voted against the Senate bill that ultimately reopened the government, too.

MSNBC’s Kasie Hunt called out Cruz for being a lying liar: “Sir, you stood in the way of that […] That’s simply not the case.”

Cruz wasn’t about to let some crazy media lady lie about the spin he wanted to give his repeated efforts to reopen the government with Obamacare defunded:

That’s factually incorrect. It’s a wonderful media narrative. But only one thing actually causes a shutdown. When you have senators who vote to deny cloture on a funding bill. And when that bill comes up, you have a vote. A yes means fund the government. A no means don’t fund the government. In 2013 virtually every single Republican voted to fund the government, including me multiple times, and virtually every — in fact, every single Democrat, I believe, in 2013, voted to shut the government down.

Still confused? (Your editrix is! She is just going to assume the preceding all made sense.) Fortunately, Fox News factchecker Shep Smith closed the historical debate about Cruz’s role in the 2013 shutdown with his most effective weapon: Withering sarcasm.

On Fox today, Smith played The One Honest Man On Fox again, mocking Cruz’s claim from earlier in the day:

He’s very much against shutdowns.I heard him say it today so I know it’s true. Green Eggs and Ham.

There you go with your non-alternative facts again, Shep. You’re walking a dangerous road, man.

And now it is your OPEN THREAD!

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to keep us funded until we figure out all the problems in the world. Maybe longer.

[Slate / Newsweek / RawStory]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • FlownΩver

    Can we please, please have just one day’s suspension of the commenting rules? This asshat needs to know what people actually wish for him!

    • Daniel

      But if you say it out loud he can seep through space-time and leak through your pores to get you. He’ll envelope you in unutterable, infinite cosmic smug, older than God’s own smugness, older even than Cthulu’s.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We wish he would GO THE FUCK AWAY. Exactly how this happens is left as a mental exercise for the reader. Your choice of blunt instruments and misuse of household tools is wide open.

      • Daniel

        I picture a very deep hole.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        Want him to go away? Then send his likely-opponent Beto O’Rourke some ameros!

        www dot betofortexas dot com

  • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius
  • Daniel

    Ted Cruz demonstrating why literally everyone hates Ted Cruz.

  • speaking of laughter and liars:
    “We used predictive keyboards trained on both “Fire & Fury” and McDonald’s menu item descriptions to leak these exclusive bombshell details about the Trump administration” https://twitter.com/botnikstudios/status/955501681604792322

    • Resistor Radio

      Genius

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Where do I buy?!

  • calliecallie

    One of the better signs I saw over the weekend (on social media) was set to the cadence of Green Eggs and Ham. “I do not like your little hands,” etc., etc. I’ve been googling but haven’t found it.

    • You should ice that burn

      I saw a similar one, “I do not like them up my shirt, it do not like them in my skirt, I do not like them on my rump, I do not like the one named Trump” or something like that..

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      It was posted in one of this morning’s posts non-commenting comments.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance
  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    A yes means fund the government. A no means don’t fund the government. In 2013 virtually every single Republican voted to fund the government, including me multiple times, and virtually every — in fact, every single Democrat, I believe, in 2013, voted to shut the government down.

    Okay, on what planet is this considered “logic”?

    • msanthropesmr

      Not Vulcan that’s for sure.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    If the phrase “lying sack of shit” did not already exist, it would be invented by the current member of the Senate to describe Turd Cruz (R-Dicklessland)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Lying sack of shithole product” is copyrighted by the Trump Organization.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Oh, I wish I was in the land of Tom Cotton,
      Old times there are not forgotten.
      Look away, look away, look away Dickless Land

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Only Rafael Cruz could read Green Eggs and Ham on the floor of the Senate and not get the moral of the story.

    • SisterArtemis

      Unfortunately, I suspect he’s not alone in that (in)ability…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Oh, no doubt another equally blockheaded Texan, Louie “Aspersions” Gohmert, would do the same thing.

        • SisterArtemis

          If I ever win the lottery, I’m going to send him a crate of asparagus. Maybe let it sit around a while, getting kind of mushy first…

    • elviouslyqueer

      We do not like you, Cruz, you ham.
      You make us cuss and say goddamn.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      If only Dr Seuss were still alive to cross out Marvin K Mooney and write in Donald J Trump. Maybe he would resign 10 days later then?

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_K._Mooney_Will_You_Please_Go_Now!

    • SterWonk

      Aside: What’s the origin of the nickname “Tailgunner Ted” for the dishonorable Senator from the Great State of Texas?

      • Werewolf

        After his doppelgänger, “Tailgunner Joe” McCarthy, the dishonorable Senator from the Great State of Wisconsin.

        • SterWonk

          Okay, what’s the origin of “Tailgunner Joe” then?

          • Werewolf

            McCarthy was the tailgunner of a Navy or Marine divebomber during WWII. Genuine war hero, but otherwise loathsome human being.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Guess they’re still on a break.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/955560129000243200

    • nightmoth

      He says that like it’s a BAD thing.

    • elviouslyqueer

      What the hell kind of a name is Hogan Gidley, and why does he look like Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties after a 40-year tequila bender?

      • cmd resistor

        Ha, I was trying to figure who he looked like. That is a good description.

    • cmd resistor

      Hey, this Gidley guy is quite the hack and quite detestable.

  • Raan

    So if this golf game I’ve been playing is any indication of what would happen in reality, my golf game would be accurately described as decent with occasional unmitigated disasters.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      That pretty much sounds like my computer golf game too. Though at least in the computer world no one can sue you when you skull them with the ball.

      • Raan

        And there’s no carts to hit when your ball slices wildly off the course.

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          I hit a couple balls into a volcano once.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      So you are saying you would be the best golfer ever?

      • Raan

        Probably better than Trump if he were held to the rules.

    • msanthropesmr

      Natural disasters? Like a zombie outbreak? I could like golf if that was the case.

      • Raan

        More like missing so many putts that it’s basically slapstick.

        • msanthropesmr

          I just finished Bloodborne and I liked it enough to start a NG+

    • armed_bears

      decent with occasional unmitigated disasters.

      Stormy Daniels quote, I believe.

  • Manhattan123

    Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to Ted Cruz?

    A: It saves time.

    • Raan

      He’s the congressional Frank Burns but without any of the humanity.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Old Ferret Face?

        • Morgan

          Gℴogle paying every one 99 green bucks/h to complete esay jobs on home computer .. Easily labor for few hours in a whole day & stay greater time with your own loved ones … Any person can also get this simple job…on Wednesday I bought a great new Chevroletafter just earnin $21683 this past four weeks .it seems the easiest-work but you may not forgive yourself if you don’t check out it.!ux601x:➞➞➞ http://GoogleOnlineCompanyPartTImeJobs/computer/jobs ♥♥d♥♥h♥♥♥u♥♥♥s♥u♥i♥♥b♥g♥♥n♥♥♥w♥♥d♥♥n♥♥♥x♥♥♥v♥f♥♥♥w♥j♥♥h♥♥♥y♥u♥c♥y♥♥w♥r♥f:::::!bx471c:lhuh

        • Frank Burns eats worms.

    • MANGO CRIMES

      that is a rare – almost unique – example of a conservative joke that is actually funny.

      • willi0000000

        that just means that it’s not a conservative joke.

        • MANGO CRIMES

          it’s a quote from an anonymous GOP congressman or senator, if I recall correctly.

          • willi0000000

            if that’s true . . . he stole it.

            [ and probably murdered the originator to cover his tracks ]

          • Manhattan123

            It’s actually a pretty old joke, and the name of any disdained figure can be substituted. I doubt it was written by a right-winger. Their sense of humor seems to lean to Victoria Jackson.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            For some reason, I think Miss Lindsey said it.

    • Marion in Savannah
    • rocktonsam

      Frank burns libels

  • susan_g

    “in 2013…” –Cruz

    “Green Eggs and Ham?” –reporter

    Love that.

  • msanthropesmr

    Why don’t they make music like X and Squeeze and Echo and the Bunnymen and the Jam anymore? Get off my lawn.

    • Resistor Radio

      Yes.

    • SisterArtemis

      Jefferson Airplane and the Byrds, or GTFOML*

      * Get the Fuck Off My Lawn!

      • msanthropesmr

        I’ll go for the Byrds but GTFO with that abomination Grace Slick.

        • SisterArtemis

          Them’s fightin’ words, Mister!

          • little miss high and mighty

            One of the few back then with actual training and -what do you want she named her first born (daughter) “God” – now known as China.
            Grace has pipes

          • msanthropesmr

            Maybe. But she must never be forgiven for we built this city.

          • little miss high and mighty

            man do we agree- bu that wasn’t
            The Jefferson AIRPLANE it was erp, Starship- an industry formulation because Kantner (Grace’s Hubby) was committed for new sessions- Cassidy, Kakounen(sp?), Spence, etc not involved. An “Elders’ mistake” , sure- but the origional 6 or more discs were visionary.
            Most definitey the last incarnatiin sucked- we agree.

    • Ωbjectifier
    • keinsignal

      Would you settle for Jesus and Mary Chain with maybe a dash of Neu!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxEJp0ziaEc

  • nightmoth

    OT, but I am gobsmacked by this. Rupert Murdoch has called on Google and Facebook to start subsidizing news publishers. I swear the man looks like Dr. Evil. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/23b3dccef531872e34b85971cd893d7e6803aa728e4b97eebd8610f35b0f835b.jpg

  • Spurning Beer

    Put your comments in the form of a porn Tweet, Raphael. Then maybe we’ll pay attention.

  • Buzz1313

    Were it not for the Republican Party, I’d consider moving down South.

    • nightmoth

      Because of the Republican Party, we keep looking for a different place, ANY place, to retire. I’ve earned a rest.

      • SisterArtemis

        COME TO OREGON!!! or at least, the part west of the Cascades, and north of Cottage Grove. And, actually, much of the whole stretch of the Oregon coast is pretty damn cool.

  • Scooby

    I stil say Trump is better than Tug Cruz would have been.

    • SisterArtemis

      That’s a hard call. Better in some ways, worse in others?

      • Scooby

        I think he would have brought less attention to just how ridiculous Republicans are

        • SisterArtemis

          So, that would be a downside, in my opinion.

    • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

      “Tug” Cruz is his video circle jerk club name.

      • Scooby

        I’ve called him that since the roommate story came out.

  • WilbyToad

    Pa. Supreme Court strikes down congressional map as unconstitutional, orders change before May primary

    Republicans want to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court, Dems say ruling is based on Pennsylvania’s Constitution and is final. This could result in a Democratic pick-up of five seats!

    http://www.philly.com/philly/news/pa-supreme-court-strikes-down-congressional-map-as-unconstitutional-orders-change-before-may-primary-20180122.html

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yup. Feds have no jurisdiction here.

      • yyyaz

        Don’t underestimate SCOTUS. The majority of fuckwads could very conceivably bootstrap jurisdiction on their own findings.

        • willi0000000

          they could do it via their own fundaments.

          [ aka – a linear rectal extraction ]

      • willi0000000

        and who has jurisdiction over the counting of Florida votes?

        [ i seem to remember a Florida Supreme Court decision somewhere in that little kerfuffle ]

    • little miss high and mighty

      North Carolina coming up, right?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        NC is going to SCOTUS, PA was settled by the state supreme court who said if the republicans dont redraw the map soon they will do it for them.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Would there be a referenced connection at the scotus level?
          Mini precedent?
          Will the big 9 be influenced? or will they pull another Renquist on us?

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            From the looks of it this will be one SCOTUS can just say “la la la la can’t hear you” since its the state constitution and it wont get to them.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Wisconsin (gerrymandering) case last fall?
            Something might catch their attention if enough such cases get docketted- statewise or not. no?

  • Ryan Denniston

    Obstructionist loser.

  • Nockular cavity

    It makes sense in Canadian.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Canada doesnt want him.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Media is already taking the Democrats caved narrative and run with it. It’s up to s to not believe that bullshit.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The Vermin of the Village will always take a pro-rethug stance, regardless of the actual facts.

      That’s just one of the reasons for my nym.

    • TJ Barke

      But, something something liberal media.

    • cmd resistor

      Media sucks.

    • Lambsendbeds

      I bailed on the Shep Smith video after he said that the Dems folded like a house of cards…

  • Juan de Fuca

    O/T Mrs. de Fuca decided to embrace the fact we’re getting older and to grow out her grey hair. Told her this morning it looks beautiful (because it really does) and she’s a “cougar.”

    “Um, I think a cougar is a woman who chases younger men, even though you do look young.”

    “That and I am a year younger than you.”

    *ducks*

    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      Oops. ETA – I’m 14 years younger than the Mr. I like telling him what grade I was in when he reminisces over the song on the radio. He grows wistful for Fire Island disco parties, I was in 2nd grade.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Congrats! Mrs Bz&Bz is 4 yrs older. That high school senior hawty that I would have fawned over as a freshman. Though we met years after those days. Olderness can be pretty darn good.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Agreed and Molotov! Can’t imagine life without this lady.

      • Shan

        I don’t wanna talk about what grade baconz was in when I was a senior.

  • MANGO CRIMES
  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Did Ted Cruz make machine gun bacon for everyone?

  • SweetDeeKat

    Just wondering if anyone else gets up in the morning, showers, looks in the mirror, quells the urge to start screaming insanely, gets ready, and goes on with their day.

    • msanthropesmr

      Pretty much. Except I don’t quell it.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yup, that’s pretty much it. Due to years of horrifying anxiety, it’s like riding a bicycle, you never forget the steps…

    • Lambsendbeds

      I don’t always manage to stifle the scream.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I don’t always manage to shower.

        • BearGHAZI

          It’s way overrated

    • Resistor Radio

      Are you watching me?
      *looks from side to side*

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
  • Ghoti theLinguist

    Ah, Ted Cruz. Tied with Rick Santorum & Stephen Miller for the title of Most Repulsive, Creepy Man Alive.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      American League.

    • 3FingerPete

      Tom Cotton and Louis Gohmert want to have a word with you.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      (cough) Blake Farenthold (cough)

  • Asterix

    Ted Cruz being a flaming asshole?

    It’s a day ending in Y.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      which rhymes with KY
      which stands for lube.

      /apologies to The Music Man.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Found on reddit and just made me LOL:

    Caption: “That’s Reese Witherspoon on the left. I found out her outfit cost almost $3,000. I got mine at Goodwill for $38. That’s right. I know how to shop. Call me Reese. My shopping tips like my love don’t cost a thing.”

    https://i.imgur.com/4gLj4Ce.jpg

    Love that dude.

  • mrFawkes

    Ted just stop. You will never get invited to the McConnell’s for a sleepover. He might have promised you a sleepover, but he’s a lying promise-breaking turdturtle and you are the least likeable prick in the Western Hemisphere.

    • willi0000000

      turdtle?

  • Crystalclear12

    Universally hated!
    Unwilling to compromise!
    No social skills!
    Willing to rewrite history!
    Goal post is on wheels for easy movement!
    Ding, ding, ding!
    We have a winner!
    Next Chief of Staff come on down!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Worst. Game of Tag. Ever.

  • WilbyToad

    Naomi Parker Fraley, the Real ‘Rosie the Riveter,’ Dead at 96

    Naomi Parker Fraley, a California woman who posed for the famous “Rosie the Riveter” poster died Saturday, her family confirmed Monday. Fraley, who was 96 at the time of her death, posed for the picture while working at an Alameda, California factory in 1942. The famous picture, which showed Fraley flexing her arm with the caption “We can do it”

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/naomi-parker-fraley-the-real-rosie-the-riveter-dead-at-96

    R.I.P. “Rosie”
    We will fight on.
    https://i.imgur.com/mXGjRka.jpg

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • Resistor Radio

      Oh! Is so sweet!

    • Marion in Savannah

      SQUEEEE!

    • SDGeoff3

      I can’t stand it…!!!!!

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • willi0000000

      Hatch Act violation . . . fines and up to 10 years.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Things I trust more than Ted Cruz:
    A souvenir from Chernobl
    Flynt Michigan tap water
    Sarah Huckabeast
    Ray Rice in an elevator
    A Chipotle salad bar
    (*Feel free to add)

    https://fthmb.tqn.com/XvOI18tkhnQqHTdPcCLWQUwbB5s=/768×0/filters:no_upscale()/cruz-punchable-face-56d143525f9b5879cc770c88.jpg

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Here’s a fun time. I was at the post office and some white woman was yelling into her cellphone the entire time, complained about the postal workers, and then said “Now I’m being harassed by a black woman. This is why I don’t like Springfield” into her phone when the woman asked her to keep it down.

    Thankfully, she left before the supervisor got up front to throw her out.

    • ‘Murica!

    • little miss high and mighty

      yup they’re still out there- en masse

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        I kinda miss being able to say anything. >.>

    • msanthropesmr

      Did she complain about the caviar spoons?

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Haha, she did bitch bout Obama.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Well, he’s still President and responsible for the gummint shutting down, right?

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Pretty sure, yes. I’m not sure what she was bitching about, but she was doing it loudly.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Odd. Down here our local post office is extremely efficient and helpful. Of course, I’ve also been to the post office in NYC many times. I’ll do my best to be polite about those occasions, but it won’t be easy.

      • msanthropesmr

        Our post offices in Richmond are considered by the CBO to be the worst in the country. I complain regularly.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Sorry. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but the DMV here isn’t bad either.

          • msanthropesmr

            The DMV in Richmond is awesome. Flagship service. Often served before you sit down.

          • DrBigHead

            In Arizona you can make nearly all the needed DMV transaction on line. And the system is intuitive. How the hell that happened in Arizona is beyond me.

    • Shan

      OOoh, I would have loved the chance to say “Would you rather be harassed by a white woman? Because I’d be happy to take over.”

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        I’m afraid of being called a fat tranny, sadly. But I did joke with the woman after she left. :-D

        • Shan

          Oh, I wasn’t criticizing you for not saying anything! I know it’s hard enough for some folks to just leave the house every day!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I have a theory about slow post office lines. It’s the same theory as bank tellers. As people do more on-line or with ATMs, only the more complicated transactions are done inside. That makes the lines go slower. I keep that in mind while I’m waiting.

      Also, not for nothing, the Postal Service will deliver a letter anywhere in the country for 50¢. Private sector charges about $10.

      • willi0000000

        $6.47 is the current USPS Certified Mail rate to send a 1-ounce Certified Mail letter with Return Receipt Requested service

        try to get that from upedex

    • puredog

      I’m sorry she left voluntarily before she could have been ejected.

  • msanthropesmr

    You can comment and be on the exercise bike at the same time

    • Shan

      But how long did it take you to type that?

      • msanthropesmr

        Oh about normal time. I got thumbs like Vienna sausages

        • Shan

          I never learned the thumb trick. I just peck.

          • Resistor Radio

            Pecker
            :P

    • Ωbjectifier

      If comments were, in fact, allowed.

    • Courser_Resistance

      ::::Looks around:::: No exercise bike here.

      Continues to sit on ass…

      • yyyaz

        I conveniently relocated mine to where I no longer have to watch it mocking me.

        • Marion in Savannah

          I did even better, and never got one.

          • Bad Tom

            Your option was cheaper, and saved space also too!
            My option was to rent one at the YMCA, and never use it, like yyyaz. I don’t have to look at mine either, although the rent bill is due again

        • Shan

          Your ass mocked you? Rude!

        • bupkus231

          Your ass or your exercise bike???

    • vivian

      No exercise bike and comments aren’t allowed, so I would have found this post confusing if I had read it.

    • Resistor Radio

      Are you shaming us?
      :)

  • Shep must have something on Murdoch to have avoided assassination for this long.

  • msanthropesmr

    Rudy can’t fail!

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Rudy.
      Rudy.
      Rudy.

      • Great. Now you’ve summoned him and he’s going to steal your face.

      • SDGeoff3

        Get the fuck away from that mirror. Now.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          I thought only Cruz grabbed through the mirror.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Is he wearing a pork pie hat?

      • msanthropesmr

        And a chicken skin suit.

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Why do I keep misreading the poor guy’s name as “Sheep”?

    • Blackest Noobs

      not sheep, Shep, as short for Shepard.

      • vivian

        …or shepherd in this case.

    • Freudian slip?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Whatta’ country the United States is. It’s a place where a Canadian / Latino immigrant can transform into an immigrant-hating, Southern white supremacist redneck.

  • Gosala

    Interesting meditation on LBJ at the Guarniad.

    Why Lyndon Johnson, a truly awful man, is my political hero

    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/22/lyndon-johnson-anniversary-death-awful-man-my-political-hero?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Copy_to_clipboard

    I was particularly struck by the observation that the much of the anti big government rhetoric began in reaction to the Great Society.

    • bupkus231

      Of course it did – before the Great Society legislation, it was okay to kick poor people, olds, and minorities.

      Personally, I blame assholes.

    • willi0000000

      LBJ wasn’t an awful man . . . he was rough as a cob, crude as hell, more than willing to use your own words to convict you, and knew where all the bodies were buried (because he helped you bury them . . . then he came back and dug them up and kept them in his desk drawer) and wasn’t above shaking said bodies in your face if you crossed him.

      he was a real wheeler-dealer and everybody knew it . . . if you went to deal with LBJ, you had better be clean and straight with him or he’s going to take your shorts.

      he got hoodwinked by his DOD (i guess he thought the generals might also be patriots and not just petty men who feared being wrong, or losing) when he figured out the real state of affairs over there he admitted his error and started the peace talks (ruined by nixon the noxious) that could have put the war to an end six years earlier.

      he knew . . . and said out loud “If you can convince the lowest white man that he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice that you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him someone to look down on, he’ll empty his pockets for you.”

      he had almost kicked the dixiecrats out of the party (until nixon the noxious, ruined their deserved fate) and got the Great Society working . . . and passed a few laws doing it (see: http://www.lbjlibrary.org/lyndon-baines-johnson/lbj-biography/landmark )

      yeah . . . a truly awful man.

    • grindstone

      I’m not convinced he was truly awful, as much as a product of his time and place.

      • Gosala

        wili000000’s comment makes that argument. I disagree, but its a credible position.

        • willi0000000

          thank you.

          [ damn, we’re civilized ]

          • grindstone

            I owe that to Ladybird.

  • Baconzgood

    OT:

    Baconz had to return some library books today at the downtown library. I had to use the bathroom. While going to dry my hands I saw a bacon delivery device in the bathroom. The bacon could either shoot in your hands, but my hands were unclean from using the urinal, or deliver bacon straight to the face. I chose the latter. There was hot windy air yet no bacon was shot into my mouth.

    This is my question (because I’ve seen these devices before), does anyone know when the dude comes to fill these bacon distribution machines? Because they are always empty by the time I get to them. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e604ee9d96a8a6fd79ed52778941720a8febc8bb686ba8d1f6288591c553dae8.jpg

    • msanthropesmr

      Push button. Rub hands on pants.

      • Thiazin Red

        For real. The Dyson ones are the only hand driers I’ve ever seen that remotely work. That Dyson guy is a smug twat mother fucker, but he makes good products.

        • msanthropesmr

          He did not invent that. That’s called an air knife. We used the to blow off parisons in the bottle factory years before he repurposed them.

          • Slamtundra

            Why did you keep letting French people in the factory?

        • Baconzgood

          Let’s put our hands into a chamber of bacteria laden warm air that is full of fecal matter.

          Those are terrible

        • Msgr_MΩment

          They rock. I bet he branches out into the Adult Entertainment lifelike doll business soon, IYKWIM.

          • Thiazin Red

            I bet that sex doll would be so damn condescending though.

          • Shan

            You know there’s a good market for that.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            “Is that a penis? It kinda looks like one, only smaller. Jesus, I’ve seen bigger parts on vacuum cleaners at the factory.”

        • SomeBigRedDog

          Is that why my vacuum falls over at least once every time I use it?

        • puredog

          I think there are disease transmittal problems with those Dyson hand dryers, but I could be making that up.

          • Oona

            All air dryers aerosolize the water and whatever cooties it contains and then blows that into the room. Dyson dryers shoot up to your nose, mouth and cootie catching mucus membranes. The other ones blow more toward your pants area. If you lack to patience to dry your hands all the way and finish by wiping them on your pants you recootie your hands.

        • Bad Tom

          But they hurt your ears!

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I don’t have the patience for the bacon machines. I shake my hands and they dry while I walk away.

      • Slamtundra

        They always forget that step in the instructions, but usually some nice person writes it in.

    • Covfefe

      Must be a Pittsburgh problem. They’re full everywhere else.

      • Baconzgood

        I need to move.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          DON’T FALL FOR IT! IT’S A TRAP, ‘N AT!

          • Shan

            When he was here and told people where he was from, they were “oh, so how do you like the Big City?” And he had to say “No, the Pittsburgh WITH AN H.”

    • Doug Langley

      Another violation of truth-in-advertising laws.

    • Bad Tom

      Of course they’re always empty! Bacon!

    • Raan

      You have to hold up your hands and give your spirit energy to the bacon faeries first.

      Unfortunately, you only get one shot.

      • Baconzgood

        Oh….I’ve bowed down to the God of pork products many times. Jesus died on the cross so I can eat bacon wrapped shell fish. I take that shit seriously.

        • Shan

          “bowed down to the god of pork”

          *snicker*

          • Baconzgood

            You would do good to get on your knees and pray.

          • Bad Tom

            I’ve prayed many times.
            Oh, GOOOOOD!

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Baconzgood

        Running water, a toilet, bacon…yeah I’d set up camp there. But the big question is do they give out the free paper cowboy hats by the commode?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      IK,R?

      • Baconzgood

        That’s a text thing. I don’t know what that means. But ILBCIGAY. (I Like Bacon Cause It’s Good And Yummy)

        • Shan

          You Old.

  • Thiazin Red

    I’m done with the manuscript I was working on. Reading back over it, some of the things I wrote at 3 AM made less than perfect sense and I had to look them up again. Its 12 single spaced pages, but not too long.

    Tonight I leave work at a human hour and eat dinner like a person.

    • BearGHAZI

      If it’s republican slash fiction you have to post. There are rules here.

  • Doug Langley

    Okay. Today was the big day. As instructed weeks ago, I got up bright and early and phone the assistance place at 8:00. This is it for rent assistance. Got busy signal. Hung up, redialed. Busy. Did this over and over and over until half an hour later, finally got the menu service. Hurrah! Then, just as someone was about to answer – they disconnected. More redialing. More. More. More. Another half an hour later, finally got the menu. Waited with baited breath. Finally, FINALLY got through . . . to Voicemail. Left message. Waiting for call. Waited. Nothing.

    On the bright side, made it to food bank and got some yummy victuals.

    • Shan

      Did they help?

      • Doug Langley

        The food pantry helped. As for rent assistance, heaven only knows what’s going on there.

        • Shan

          I hope they end up being useful!

          • Doug Langley

            At this point, I don’t think they can help giving me the time of day.

          • Shan

            I’m sorry.

          • Doug Langley

            Thanks.

    • Bananas Foster

      I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.

  • MANGO CRIMES
    • Msgr_MΩment

      If “my” woman were from Venus, she’d be very grumpy from the lack of direct sunshine.

  • OneYieldRegular

    …that memorable Dr. Seuss fable about never trying something you don’t think you’ll like, and then proclaiming victory

    Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws,
    But get thee to a nunnery- go!

  • Nounverb911

    Some difference!
    “Patriots have affection for America, republican have an affectation for America.”

    https://twitter.com/MerriamWebster/status/955557320460783620

  • AmusedAmused

    Newt Gingrich?
    Rudy Giuliani?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Did you know Rudy was the mayor of NYC on 9/11? Because Rudy was the mayor of NYC on 9/11. He will tell you about being the mayor of NYC on 9/11.

      • DrBigHead

        Yes. He will never forget that day. That is the day he had to change his underwear FIVE times.

        • bupkus231

          After shitting himself SIX times….

    • little miss high and mighty

      Nicolo Machiavelli
      (Mafia velli)

      • AmusedAmused

        No way would Machiavelli have anything to do with this administration.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Well there’s always Roy’s zombie to dig up and put on the job.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Rudy Giuliani … I heard he sneezed so I guess he’s dead now.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “In Mitch McConnell’s defense…”

    There IS no defense for Mitch.

  • little miss high and mighty

    Landlady just enforced the kiddie curfew on this office laptop so we gotta go
    Thanks for not spoiler alerting us on the NFL results- we can only watch it delayed tomorrow (storm outage on the neighbor’s machine)
    It is 20 min. till tomorrow anyway right now.
    So goodnight.

    Be careful skiing home (like us)
    Be well

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Michael Jordan scored many homeruns. Enjoy.

      • Marion in Savannah

        But he did get a penalty for icing.

        • JustDon’tSayCamel

          But the cake was good.

          • Phried Ω

            The urinals won by two cakes.

      • therblig

        babe ruth pointed to centerfield for that little kid in the hospital, but then he got drunk and fell asleep in the dugout.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          …on top of a couple of two-bit hooors.

      • little miss high and mighty

        So glad too hear he’s still got it in him.
        Next season Hockey? Synchronzed swimming?
        Athelete of the century if he does.

    • Fartknocker

      A brown Poodle named Festus fumbled a punt and was tackled by a St. Bernard named Bitcoin in the 2nd quarter of The Puppy Bowl.

      • little miss high and mighty

        Doktor Faust’s poodle, perhaps?
        Clever demon, that Faust poodle!

  • Blanche de Shambles

    This is pretty impressive. Usually, Metallica just has the one dildo on drums.

    https://youtu.be/Y1Io97JL2EA

    • Ωbjectifier
      • Blanche de Shambles

        Yeah, for their next version, they’re going to use a giant butt-plug for the vocals.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He’s got good rhythm, but sometimes he seems like he’s just a beat off.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    In other news I’m now snuffling at the Clone Wars cartoon when Satine died in Obi-Wan’s arms and told him she loved him.

    • Christopher Story

      When I’m the right kind of drunk, the episode, “Lela’s Home World” from Futurama leaves me a blubbering mess.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Jurassic Bark gets me. >.>

        • Christopher Story

          Yeah, that credits scene really gets me in the feels. It was surprisingly deep.

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          That and Luck of the Fryish

          “Here lies Phillip J. Fry. Named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit.”

        • DrBigHead

          Oh My God, yes.

        • Thiazin Red

          I can’t watch it or I wind up sobbing about a cartoon dog.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            It’s almost fucking evil.

      • janecita

        “Meanwhile,” Futurama’s series finale gets me every time.

        • Christopher Story

          Star Gate had a similar episode, if it wasn’t itself a finale. Futurama’s version was better.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      That was a real gut punch. Especially after watching her fall apart at Obi-Wan’s (fake) funeral earlier in the series.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Exactly. I’m glad I decided to watch this again.

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          I like how they added a lot more character to the clone troopers, instead of just keeping them as faceless mooks. You knew what was going to happen, but you still rooted for Rex and Fives and Hevy and all the other ones. (Well, except Slick. But he was an ass.)

          • Thiazin Red

            They kind of messed that up by showing the episodes focused on the clone squad in pretty much random order.

            Poor 5s though, the last few episodes with him were a really strong story.

    • Thiazin Red

      I really wish Rebels would address what the hell happened to Corkey.

      I also really want a tie in novel/comic/whatever where Satine and Padme team up to commit diplomacy.

  • janecita

    Shitty day at work, I’m PMSing so I hate everyone:-( Thank God for wine, which I’m drinking Italian style in a little glass. I’m also having a biscotti because I fucking deserve it, damn it! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8743e488b1d88a2692fec40dadfb341b38640974a3a2fa7e08b798a21a0d3a78.jpg

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • bupkus231

      Reading what “Grovellin’ Mike” had to say about the Stormy Daniels story makes me think that he doesn’t have to remind himself to “keep smiling”. He just has to keep himself from sucking Rump’s ass in public – and he’s doing a poor job of that in a rhetorical sense. I swear Pence is the toadiest Rump toady evah!

    • puredog

      I worry about Tom Tomorrow even more than the Onion. He’s not got much wiggle room left.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The death of irony is a challenge for Tom Tomorrow. Real life is more ridiculous and absurd than anything he can exaggerate and satirize.

    • Boy, they really nailed Hannity’s “I have no fucking clue what is happening, but I’m going to be smug about it anyway!” look…

  • Nounverb911

    Trump will use this to deny global warming too, also…
    https://twitter.com/NYMag/status/955571212964556802

  • Anna Rompage

    Asserting Ted Cruz is a dickface, is an affront & insult to dickfaces everywhere…

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Revenge of the Coffee Boy?

    [George Papadopoulos’ fiancee says he’s going to be the “John Dean” of the Russia probe and that there’s much, much more that hasn’t yet been told publicly about Papadopoulos’ time on the Trump campaign.

    Simona Mangiante says Papadopoulos will be the vital key to the end of the Trump Administration. ]

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/george-papadopoulos-is-the-john-dean-of-the-russia-investigation-his-fiancee-says/2018/01/22/8e47b016-ff4d-11e7-9d31-d72cf78dbeee_story.html?utm_term=.356d6ee7860c

    • OutOfOrbit

      such a tease

    • bupkus231

      It took me a minute. I kept wondering what ABC’s George Stephanopoulos had to do with anything ( besides being an insufferable suckup and “both-sider” on TV ).

      Then I realized, different George Greekyname….

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Fiancee says he’s an alpha male. Wake me when there’s more.

    • cheetojeebus

      ικανοποίηση από την κακοτυχία

      • Bill D. Burger

        Why…..why…that’s Greek to me!

        Satisfaction from being unlucky? I had Koine Greek in college, but that was LONG ago.

      • Rabbit_Rebozo

        That’s ready for YOU to say.

      • tomamitai

        I thought the Germans invented schadenfreude, does this mean they stole it from the Greeks?

    • puredog

      Per Google Image, she looks totally trustworthy.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      She also said he is too dumb to make coffee.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      It was a little before my time, but didn’t John Dean act voluntarily, without a guilty plea and/or threat of indictments?

      • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

        Nope, he pled guilty but he turned evidence when he realized that Nixon was setting him up as the fall guy.

        Cooperation with prosecutors
        On March 22, 1973, Nixon requested that Dean put together a report with everything he knew about the Watergate matter, and even invited him to take a retreat to Camp David to do so. Dean did go to Camp David and performed some work on this report, but since he was one of the cover-up’s chief participants, this report-writing task placed him in the difficult position of relating his own involvement, as well as that of others, and he correctly concluded he was being fitted for the role of scapegoat in the cover-up by those higher up. Dean did not complete the report.

        On March 23, the five Watergate burglars, along with G. Gordon Liddy and E. Howard Hunt, were sentenced with stiff fines and maximum prison time of up to 40 years.

        On April 6, Dean hired an attorney and began his cooperation with Senate Watergate investigators, while continuing to work as Nixon’s Chief White House Counsel and participate in Nixon’s cover-up efforts, not disclosing this obvious conflict to Nixon until some time later. Dean was also receiving advice from the attorney he hired, Charles Shaffer, on matters involving vulnerabilities of other White House staff with the cover-up.

        Dean continued to provide information to the prosecutors, who were able to make enormous progress on the cover-up case, which up until then they had virtually ignored, having concentrated on the actual burglary and events preceding it. Dean also appeared before the Watergate grand jury, where he took the Fifth Amendment numerous times to avoid incriminating himself, and in order to save his testimony for the Senate Watergate hearings.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Dean#From_“master_manipulator”_to_star_witness

  • OutOfOrbit

    1) “disco nap”?
    B) how is Shep not YOUR FIRED already?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Another dastardly immigrant has been captured:

    [A respected Michigan doctor who has been living in America for nearly 40 years (and has a green card) has been detained by ICE agents.

    Lukasz Niec’s co-workers describe him as the absolute model of what a physician should be. He doesn’t even speak Polish.]

    But he does has a misdemeanor charge more than 20 years ago. Thank the FSM that he was stopped before he could cause any more mayhem, huh?

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/01/22/ice-detains-a-polish-doctor-and-green-card-holder-who-has-lived-in-the-u-s-for-nearly-40-years/?undefined=&utm_term=.49935b5b96a3&wpisrc=nl_most&wpmm=1

    • OutOfOrbit

      this usa is SO fucked up a shithole

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Isnt his brother a lawyer too or is that another family?

    • shastakoala

      He must have small children and patients that depend on him. He’s gotta go!

    • bupkus231

      He’s not even Messican! What the everlastin’ fuck????

      • janecita

        In Trump’s eyes we are all Messican.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Lemme guess: he’s not just Polish; he’s (((Polish)))

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I have to pee. My bus has arrived. In the snowstorm it will take an hour to get home.

    Fuck it. I am grabbing a beer.

    • OutOfOrbit

      makes perfect sense

    • cheetojeebus

      The empty bottle may come in handy eh?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      When in doubt, the answer is always “beer”.

      • weejee

        But when you need to pee, not sure drinking beer is the best solution.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          But if you have to pee anyway, what could be the harm? Peeing more?

          • Erala Contratista

            Hmmmmmm, about the snowstorm part, though.
            Icee drawers!

    • shastakoala

      As one does in that situation.

    • janecita

      Pee yourself, if it’s raining no one will notice:-)

  • Nounverb911
    • Thiazin Red

      Ford has provided me with enough entertainment that hes earned the right to sit around smoking weed all day.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Ditto for McKellen and his heterosexual boyfriend Patrick Stewart.

  • chronozoan

    Ted Cruz is just feeling jealous because Tom Cotton is getting all the attention lately.

  • Shep, why didn’t you mention CHIP? Now kids can go to their doctor. That’s pretty important. If you’re not a big fan of dead kids.

  • Impatient

    That start-of-FY14 shutdown (October 2013) created financial and accounting headaches and consumed hundreds of hours of staff time for months to follow, to straighten out books, after Teddy read his little girls’ favorite book. Horrid mess. You can bet, if you only care about Ameros, that it wasn’t cheap. And, if I recall correctly, we kept revisiting the specific financial screwups Teddy created, into the fall of 2014, as the problems rolled into the next fiscal year.

    Fucking Congressmen (Reps. & Senators) don’t seem to give a flying fuck about the messes they make. They’re just interested in “policy” (read as “PR”). And Rethugs are always interested in weird policy.

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Christopher Story

      I was just wondering to my Beautiful how Pence was going to handle this. I’m kind of sad to see a traditional Republican denial. I was hoping he’d pull a magic flying monkey out of his ass and call it a Democratic plot to discredit the right hand of God.

      • tomamitai

        I was hoping he’d pull a magic flying monkey out of his ass and call it a Democratic plot to discredit the right hand of God.

        He’s saving that for when Mueller presents the “smoking gun” evidence that irrefutably proves Trump is in cahoots with the Russians.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      If Trump lies to Pence about banging the porn star, does he get fired?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Yeah, unless Pence was hanging out with Trump in 2006 (he wasn’t), he’s talking out of his ass.

      And if there’s anyone’s opinion I’m going to solicit on sexual matters, it’s not gonna be the guy who calls the woman who he lays with as man does with woman “mother.”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      What in the entire, actual fuck?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      This is all a red herring. Trump is taking the fall for Pence banging the pornstar. Randy bastard.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        It’s his wife’s fault for not joining the group for dinner that night.

      • I think that if Pence were to be found out banging a porn star, it wouldn’t be the kind of porn star with ladybits…

    • JoeChristmas

      Again, there are layers in any Swindler story.
      – Pence of shit denial.
      – Who cares. It was “consensual.” Well, maybe Melena cared. Or Ken Starr?
      – She was paid off from campaign funds.
      – Hush money in some hush, hush scummy lawyer account.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Does Fox simply not realize that Shep is on their network? Does he, like, sneak in every day, put on his makeup, and film a show without any execs noticing?

    • OutOfOrbit

      The Amazing Fox Mole! (Mole Fox?)

    • tomamitai

      I assume he’s got dirt on everybody, even worse than what we already know.

  • Picabo

    “Cape Town, South Africa’s second-largest city, is facing its worst drought in a century, with its water supply expected to run dry April 21.

    They’re calling it “Day Zero.” In this city of 4 million, people will have to line up in the streets at just 200 water stations. The police and army will enforce a limit of 6.6 gallons per person and adopt measures to control crowds. Some experts believe evacuations will be necessary.
    http://beta.latimes.com/world/africa/la-fg-south-africa-water-crisis-20180119-story.html

    • TJ Barke

      The chinese hoaxers are committed.

      • Bub the very stable zombie

        They’re really going the extra mile!

    • weejee

      Looks up into the soggy Cascades. We’d share, but that would take a hella pipe.

      • Phried Ω

        or hookah.

    • DrBigHead

      This is what the early days of the revolution will look like. No water? No food? The complacency will come to a crashing halt.

      • Erala Contratista

        No revolution.
        Ma Nature is firing shots across the bow.

    • Red Bird

      And Leshoto sells its water to SA so they have water but can’t use it. :(

  • Nounverb911
    • DerrickWildcat

      Go Iggles!

    • MANGO CRIMES

      that’s a very confusing photo, visually.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      That horse is so done with these drunk idiots.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Philly fans booed Santa. They also booed Sarah Palin.

      • Phried Ω

        There is symmetry in that.

      • JoeChristmas

        Two phony characters supposedly bringing gifts they don’t have.

    • SqueakyRat

      Why is he trying to suck that horse’s cock, Mommy?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Even a horse can’t suck its own dick, Precious.

    • shastakoala

      A horse bit my sister once.

    • DrBigHead

      During the Vikings-Eagles game (before the score sent me into despair), The Boy pointed out that, win or lose, Philadelphia was going to burn. If the “festivities” were limited to a drunk punching a horse, I would say the city got off lucky.

  • gallbladder

    Extra sauce?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    It was my birthday yesterday (actually, almost 48 hours ago, since I was born at 12.35 a.m. CET) and I celebrated by eating an unreasonable amount of melted cheese. Is this what midlife crisis looks like ? Or maybe it’s the weather.

    • Phried Ω

      Happy belated burpday.

    • gallbladder

      Molotov! Though, I can think of less delicious mid-life crises to be had.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Happy birthday.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Happy Birthday.

    • Resistor Radio

      Happy birthday, and yay cheese!

    • Christopher Story

      Happy Birthday to you.

    • altleftjohn
      • gallbladder

        Wensleydale?

        • altleftjohn

          No, fresh out.

    • DrBigHead

      I have found the older I get, the less it takes to make me happy. For my 60th birthday, I took the day off work, spent a couple of hours at a used records store, a couple of hours at a used book store, then went home and took a nap on the couch. As The Boy would say, I’m an absolute Wildman.

      And Happy Birthday to you!

      • Erala Contratista

        On my 60th I realized I don’t do guilt trip requests any more.
        As my MIL said “I’m old, I don’t have time for this shit!”
        Enjoy your day!

        • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

          Your MIL and Murtaugh from Lethal Weapon – “Too old for this shit”.

    • Lord Jim

      Bon anniversaire!

    • grindstone

      A glorious happy belated to you.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Happy belated birthday Lyly :)

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Cheese? Chocolate? Ice Cream? It’s all good.

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Snickers Ice Cream bar.

  • Thiazin Red

    Last weekend I watched Happy Death Day, and it was surprisingly decent. The script was decent, and the lead actress was likeable and talented enough to make me root for her. The humor was well done, and not too much. The ending worked.

    The one girl playing the mean sorority sister was clearly way the hell too old for the part, but thats pretty minor.

    Overall I would give it a solid B. Its got a premise that sets it apart from the standard slasher movie, the lead is good, writing is fine. Its not amazing or anything, but I had like zero expectations and it was a nice surprise.

  • Resistor Radio
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      The dog and the cats confused reaction are the best parts of the gifs.

      • Resistor Radio

        Isn’t that little doggie rolling up on the scene just adorable?

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Yes especially the tongue sticking out.

          • Resistor Radio
          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            “Why wont this silly thing stay still?”

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
          • Resistor Radio

            Aww, who’s a good boy?

            These two look like they got up to some mischief.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6c7e2a67caa2b3b93e31b6e4797835ce87c96e75bb704683b7b5117858a77e8d.gif

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            The dog has the “I haz nothing to do with this” look.

          • Resistor Radio

            “I just got here, I swear”

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Washing the wombat again?

            /euphemism? or not?

          • Resistor Radio

            I’ll allow it

          • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

            My nephew has a similar expression (my sister doesn’t let him watch TV yet, so the laundry is his favorite “show”).

          • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

            My daughter enjoyed “the ceiling fan”.

          • shastakoala

            Whew! I first read that as “Animals into the laundry.”

          • Resistor Radio

            When I first got my kitties I was so afraid they’d jump in the washer when my back was turned while doing laundry, I’d check and recheck a bunch of times before starting the wash.

          • shastakoala

            I had a friend who lost her kitty in a dryer accident. It was devastating. I don’t blame you. Better safe.

          • Resistor Radio

            Oh that’s terrible! :(

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Is that the Ewok dog breed?

      • Resistor Radio

        Looks like!

    • shastakoala

      Doggie photo bomb.

    • msanthropesmr
      • Msgr_MΩment

        “But seriously, Brad” ftw.

    • Red Bird

      So much fur!!!

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Is the dog asking “dafuq”?

  • Nounverb911
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Is that from the radiation poisoning?

    • gallbladder

      I’ll be washing my hair.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Like my avatar, I’ll be skipping. Reading the play by play here, drinking beer, cuing up a good comedy on the teevee.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Republicans rally around a sexmonster. Democrats are already setting up the circular firing squad.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Jeeeeezus Christ! Fucking stop. YOu’re the one giving them the guns!

    • altleftjohn

      Ready, fire, aim!

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Pence defends Trump’s shithole comment by saying he knows Trump’s heart.

    http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory/pence-defends-trump-disparaging-comments-africa-52525412

    Pence, in an interview with the AP from Jerusalem, said the president was intent on implementing a merit-based system that encourages immigration by those who will “contribute to a growing American economy and thriving communities.”

    “I know the president’s heart and I know that what President Trump wants to do is reform immigration to make our system one that puts the interests of America first,” Pence said. He added that immigrants should be considered on their merits, “regardless of what country they come from or what their race and creed is.”

    • jowgajen

      That worked out real well with W and Putin.

    • msanthropesmr

      I know it too. Black as coal and cold as ICE

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Yes, because we really, really want the opinion of the bathroom-bill guy who calls his wife “Mother.”
      STFU, Dense.

      • bupkus231

        I know Rump is the worst ever – but Pence is really trying to be a stupider, more dishonest hypocrite than Rump.

    • gallbladder

      “Heart?!?”

    • tomamitai

      He added that immigrants should be considered on their merits,
      “regardless of what country they come from or what their race and creed
      is.”

      He then said “Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean?” followed by, in a whisper, “I mean white Christians!”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Same mistake as when Shrub looked into Pooty-Poot’s soul.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        The GOP listened to Shrub about Puty and they got Turnip.

    • Ask him what he thinks of Obama’s clings to bibles quote.

    • Lord Jim

      So, Mexicans who come up and do grueling work no citizen would do, live together en masse to save money so they can save it and send it to their families in Mexico…are clearly NOT the meritorious people we want in OUR great country.

      Hey, Penice:
      https://pics.me.me/you-there-fuck-off-and-when-you-get-there-fuck-7666424.png

    • Red Bird

      Except being white isn’t a merit …… to people who aren’t white supremacists.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      So Trump’s mom comes from Scotland and works as a maid. Who marries the employer’s son. Would she have merit in today’s world? Asking for a friend.

  • mrFawkes
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Going home early is no fun when 50 pounds of lamb is waiting there to be cut up.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’ll take 10 lbs. off your hands if that would make your life better.

      • janecita

        Did you sleep better last night?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
      • gallbladder

        Bruce Campbell!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      That’s a big ass lamb. (I kid, I kid)

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        No shit. I thought I was going to be butchering a lamb, not an entire flock.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        No, ewe diddunt!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I should quit wool I’m ahead.

    • janecita

      Send some my way, I love lamb! That’s what we had for dinner tonight.

    • weighmaster

      mmmmmmm…lamb…

    • BigCSouthside

      I…kinda find butchery to be relaxing. I am weird

    • Red Bird

      Would you rather 50 pounds of something else waiting to be cut???? Hmmmm????

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    So, one of my young co-workers was VERY excited yesterday to tell me that he might get to meet a famous person during his spring break, and he wanted me to guess who. Then he said, “It’s maybe your least-favorite person.” I said, “Lord Dampnut?”
    He and nearby co-worker were confused. So I added, “Dolt 45?”
    “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said nearby CW.
    “It’s an anagram, right?” said first CW.
    “I don’t say his name,” I explained.
    So, yes, it turns out that idiot CW thinks meeting Dumpy is somehow wonderful.
    “What did you do to deserve that?” I asked. “You seem like a decent person. I’m sorry that may happen to you.”
    Outing myself was not painful at all.

    • Nounverb911

      You work for the NE Patriots?

    • Lord Jim

      People care mostly about fame.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xxgRUyzgs0

    • Gosala

      apparently not such a decent person after all. Admiring Trumplethinskin reveals deep character flaws.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “Honey, you can only get one Hot Wheel.”
    “I want two!”
    “We only have money for one.”
    “If I can’t get two then I’m going to burn all my Hot Wheels!”

    • Gosala

      We can afford many more than two hot wheels.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Yeah sure because fuck it, right? Let’s let the shutdown continue until the public sours on both DACA and the Dems so more Republicans get elected in November and they take even more hot wheels from us. Good strategy, Chief. Don’t quit your day job.

        • Gosala

          you have moved from my skyline assertion of fact to an imputation of strategy and from there to a, frankly, bullying response.

          Classic strawman.

  • Nounverb911
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Poor thing. She deserves better.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m pretty sure that’s not the sort of thing Mikey has a personal interest in.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Since Mother cut him off decades ago, I’m sure he hasn’t seen one, including hers, in donkey’s years.

      I’d be obsessed, too.

      • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

        He doesn’t care about va-jay-jay. He like boys. His fascination with women comes from his insecurities as a man.

  • spangled

    Ok, who are your least favorite sitting senators? My ranking is:

    1. McConnell
    2. Cruz
    3. Cotton (*new to my ranking!)

    • mackafritz, v.s.g.

      It’s hard to rank them. They are all rank.

    • gallbladder

      Yes.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Jar Jar Binks didn’t even make the top ten this time.

      • gallbladder

        That says something.

      • Bad Tom

        Is Jar Jar in the Senate or the House?

    • shastakoala

      Cruz, Cruz and oh yeah, Cruz.

    • JaveyDay

      Shitting Senaturds?

    • Everrett Fanuelli
      • Caved, got chip a 6 year extension, tomayto, tomahto

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          If you could tell by my gif I’m being a bit sarcastic.

          • I CANNOT TELL ANYMORE /Sobs
            On the bright side, if I instantly apologize and at the same time assume otherwise I am bound to be right some of the time. Prospects improving!

    • OrG

      Can’t argue with that list.

    • Resistor Radio

      1. McConnell
      2. Cotton
      3. AOT,K

    • BigCSouthside

      McConnell x3. He’s one of the few people I’d happily go to jail for if I could punch them in the face.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      1. McConnell
      2. Manchin
      3. Hatch

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      1. Mitch McConnell
      2. David Perdue
      3. Tom Cotton

  • janecita

    What career? She is as dumb as the character that she played back in the stone ages.

    https://apple.news/AfaOlIdxnRfekU6UHOP1V2Q

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Who?

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        The lady who did the Thighmaster commercials. I think. Pinky and the Brain made a joke about her once.

        • janecita

          I loved Pinky and the Brain:-)

          • OutOfOrbit

            MEE TOO !!!

      • janecita

        Exactly.

    • Nounverb911

      Didn’t she make infomercials for something?

    • gallbladder

      I always thought she was a fucking idiot. Now I can die happy.

    • Lord Jim

      “Better to keep one’s mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.”

      • janecita

        On the bright side “gallbladder” can die happy because she confirmed his suspicions.

        • gallbladder

          I heard that!

    • msanthropesmr

      Sweetie, your career was over in 1976

    • rofl, washed up celebrities have found a new grift!

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Three more USA Gymnastics executives resign.

    Board of directors Chairman Paul Parilla, Vice Chairman Jay Binder and Treasurer Bitsy Kelley stepped down nearly 10 months after former president and chief executive Steve Penny was pushed out.

    Also “suspended pending a full investigation” is coach John Geddert, who ran the two gyms where Larry Nassar assaulted most of his victims.

    • Anna Rompage

      They should all be fired, investigated, and anyone who knew of the sexual assault allegations should face criminal charges…

      An organization isn’t going to make a huge financial settlement and require a non disclosure agreement, without a lot of the top management knowing exactly what was going on…

      • I should also like to see them get nailed for forcing hormones to keep them all petite lil chipmunk voiced girls instead of growing into women.

        • DrBigHead

          I think the parents have a bit of explaining to do as well

          • mmm. Blind eye if nothing else.
            But it is their choice see! At 10 or 11 years old. yes.

          • weejee

            Keeping with the Olympic spirit, they should be sent to do the Hahnenkamm in Kitzbühel. Do some Todd Brooker penance. When asked about his crash, Todd says he’s the only one who doesn’t remember it. Fitting for folks who have all the memory lapses.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Often they were actually in the room during the assault.

          • DrBigHead

            Then they fucking need to be jailed along with the perpetrators. Hell, if this is true, then the parents were the perpetrators as well

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            What one of the survivors described was that she was behind a barrier and he was assaulting her. Her parents on the other side of the barrier didn’t know, and the girl was thinking this must be okay because my parents are right here. And so she didn’t say anything.

            Nassar is really pretty much the personification of evil.

            EDIT: Also, as the parent of a survivor, I will tell you don’t start doing that because you cannot fucking imagine the guilt.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          It’s not hormones. The little girl voice is actually symptomatic of victims of child sexual abuse. It has always made me cringe when female athletes have that vocal characteristic, because you gotta wonder.

  • Nounverb911

    Oops Donnie.

    https://twitter.com/funder/status/955156619272376321
    Someone who tweets please send this to Mel and Ivanka…

    • janecita

      I hate Howard Stern with the passion of a thousand suns.

      • ya know, I felt that way, and then I saw the movie and was all…oh ok just play a part. Smarmy but I understand at least. But then he doubled down on being the dick instead of the narrative of the film which was “dick on radio only” and I was all…
        Nope, hate that guy.

      • msanthropesmr

        Me too.

      • BadKitty904

        I’ve never heard ‘im. I don’t ever intend to hear him, either.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I heard him once. Once was enough.

    • Resistor Radio

      Klassy

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        I remember reading the day after Air Florida Flight 90 crashed into the 14th Street Bridge in Washington, D.C. Stern made a “joke” by calling up the airline and asking if that was going to be a “regular stop”. Sure, 78 people died. But gotta goose the ratings. And this was back in 1982, so he certainly didn’t improve with age.

    • MizzMazz

      45 is one to talk. He looks like that all the time, and can’t blame it on anything but his Big Mac baby.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Does he have man boobs? I had a P.E. teacher in 4th grade who had man boobs, it made us 9-yr-olds giggle. Still does.

    • Rick Hill

      Melania knows her place.

  • Gosala

    Still relevant, especially the bit about a shallow agreement being more difficult to deal with than a profound disagreement

    Letter from Birmingham Jail

    https://tamino.wordpress.com/2018/01/15/letter-from-a-birmingham-jail/#comment-100104

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      MLK’s letter has fuck all to do with the agreement. MLK was never a congressperson who was subject to restrictions. Puhleeeeaaase! Make sure you bang the carpet when you’re throwing your fit. If it wasn’t for purity ponies and people of your ilk maybe we would have a President Clinton and a democratic congress.
      https://media.giphy.com/media/T2Ncfkj6nvRny/giphy.gif

      • …really do not think Gosala is a purity pony. Like really sure.

      • SisterArtemis

        back that truck up, Everrett.
        Gosala was not throwing a fit.

      • Gosala

        I never said it did. That’s a connection you made. You are free to make any connections you want to of course, but that’s you not me.

        For the record MLK was subjected to far more restrictions and took greater risks than any Congress critter.

        You’ve been ranting all day about this countering arguments that no one is making. It is possible, you know, to think the democrats blew this one and still be a pragmatist, right?

        I think they should never have tied DACA to this CR, but that is what they chose to do. Having chosen to do that they should have stick to their guns and made the argument. Instead they caved and took the deal they could have had on Friday without the pointless expenditure of political capital.

        So, stop the purity pony argument and pay attention to what people are really saying.

        • Red Bird

          I think he has low blood sugar from missing his mid afternoon snack.

      • CripesAmighty

        Sorry. We don’t have President Clinron because a) Russian ratfuckery and b) a sclerotic, sopoforic, inept, phlegmatic DNC who keep trying to run a 1992 campaign in 2016.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
    • gallbladder

      Life imitating cartoons. Par for the course nowadays.

  • Nounverb911
    • Resistor Radio

      Dude. Let’s not with twitter as official govt communication, ok?

      • BadKitty904

        Honestly. Just STOP it!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I bet his P.A. knew it.

    • TundraGrifter

      Why is that lady in the red top in the left background staring at the ceiling?

  • Erala Contratista

    OK, open treads.
    I recall Flim, Flam and Flo the Louisiana Perches,
    BUT I thought there was another gal group, Bewitched, Bothered and Bemildred. Any Okeefenokeeans recall?
    I’ll take my answer off air.

  • msanthropesmr

    Is there any more perfect food than beans and rice?

    • Nounverb911

      Caviar served with plastic spoons?

      • msanthropesmr

        Milk stored at improper temperatures?

      • Resistor Radio

        Eating pate with your fingers?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          All employees at Mar-a-Lago are required not to clean their hands.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Rat-poop infested caviar decorated with cockroach trails à la Mar-a-Lago served with plastic spoons?

        But I repeat yourself.

    • Not when your prepping for your colonoscopy. Don’t ask.

    • OrG

      Lentils and rice?

      • msanthropesmr

        Mujaddara. Good choice.

    • Resistor Radio

      Bacon?

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Bacon, beans and rice?

    • shastakoala

      With a little chili powder, onions, peppers and beef.

    • Rick Hill

      Eggs over medium with grape jelly smashed in it.

      • SisterArtemis

        that is just WRONG!

        • Rick Hill

          Uh-unh! Also, makes your own green eggs, you just need some ham.

          • SisterArtemis

            Pesto. Pesto makes delicious green eggs.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Rice and beans

    • TundraGrifter

      That’s what I had for lunch today! Leftovers from an El Salvadoran restaurant. “Casamiento.” In Cuba it’s “Moors and Christians.” And I’m very partial to New Orleans Red Beans & Rice.

      • msanthropesmr

        Gallo pinto in Costa Rica

      • Bub the very stable zombie

        I made a batch of red beans and rice before Christmas. With terrific andouille sausage from a German butcher I favour. Still have some in the freezer, come to think of it.

        • TundraGrifter

          I tried some andouille sausage in this batch and it was just too spicy for me.

    • Picabo

      Add Spam if you live in Hawaii.

    • BadKitty904

      I’d be hard pressed to think of what it’d be. It’s one of our very faves. As Louis Armstrong put it – “Red beans’n’rice is mighty nice!

      • TundraGrifter

        Pops often signed his letters “Red beans and ricely yours…”

        • BadKitty904

          I’ve read that. Very apt, I think, especially as there’s no finer dish, particularly with some hot chow-chow.

          • TundraGrifter

            There’s a New Orleans street food that is little known outside the Crescent City – Yakamein (there are several ways to spell it, of course).

          • BadKitty904

            As a long-time member of the Southern Foodways Alliance (aka, The Cornbread Nationhttps://www.southernfoodways.org/ ), I’m familiar with yakamein, though I’ve not tried it. Thanks to the SFA’s publications, I’ve revived my Granny’s country captain recipe (much to my husband’s delight) and have recently been looking into chicken bog.

          • TundraGrifter

            It’s not hard to make and my family enjoyed it. Don’t get me started on Savannah’s “Frogmore Stew.” Wow!

            http://www.esquire.com/food-drink/food/recipes/a14847/frogmore-stew-recipe-0812/

          • BadKitty904

            Marion and I were joking about that during the last blizzard when Savannah got some snow. She said she would’ve made some, but the squirrels were all hunkered down in their nests, due to the cold.

            My Mom’s family is from Savannah and I was pondering earlier this AM about making Brunswick stew for the cold snap that’s s’posed to hit us later this week.

            Another I’m interested in is pinebark stew, a SC thang – http://gardenandgun.com/recipe/pinebark-stew/ . Sounds interesting, tho I’ll be damned if I’m putting pine needles in my food.

          • TundraGrifter

            One of the great things about Frogmore Stew is that it doesn’t have frogs in it. Although people have been known to ask for more.

          • BadKitty904

            Ha! Good line!

    • puredog

      Beans and rice and sour cream and hot sauce.

    • Tacos

    • DrBigHead

      especially with a poached egg on top.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      You’ve never tucked into a nice patch of clover, have you?

    • janecita

      Cuban beans and rice.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I prefer ham and beans, with cornbread. Navy beans. Big fat ham hock with a juicy bone in it. Homemade corn bread muffins. Preferably made by my mother, after which I do the dishes.

      • TundraGrifter

        Does your mother bake the corn bread muffins in a cast iron pan? I use a skillet and it makes it just perfect!

        • Angela Ruzzo

          A cast iron skillet is always best, but my grandma had a cast iron muffin pan which she gave to my mother (who gave it to me), and it made superior muffins. My mom preferred the muffin pan as you can use those little pleated paper cups in a muffin pan, which makes it easier to clean.

  • Rick Hill

    Dadblamed web tracking page. Get back today, almost 7k page views…essept I know it isn’t right. Refresh and only 22. Which, is a new record but still…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/05cc41327ff00511549a3c7b74ebed7faef260d0ef04228ba7cfd86d90caedcb.png

    • Ling Ling

      Is this blogspot? My blogspot counters completely unreliable.

      • Rick Hill

        Aabaco. It comes up correctly if I refresh. First time I saw it at over 600 I was like “Woho!”

  • BadKitty904
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Funny how the very same folks who made a Republican led government possible are coming out of the woodwork to blame Dems to make sure a Republican led government stays in power in 2018.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Wandered on over to The Splinter – it’s pretty much poo-flinging all the way around. Half of them want Schumer and Pelosi drawn and quartered, and the other half are calling the half who want that either bots or conservative plants.

    • puredog

      They like it! They really, really like it!

  • It’s amazing at how having a truly horrific current President can make you feel a little fonder of a former one who was just bad: George W. Bush’s favorable rating pulls a 180.

    Six in 10 Americans, 61%, say they now have a favorable view of the 43rd President of the United States in the latest CNN poll conducted by SSRS, nearly double the 33% who gave him a favorable mark when he left the White House in January 2009

    .

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Well I despised George Bush (both of them) and I haven’t changed my mind.

    • yyyaz

      The exemplar of why we will never have nice things.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Nah, he still sucks also too.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Polishing up the ol’ legacy is what the post-Presidency is all about for Republicans. For some reason, people demand that Democrats actually do something constructive, or it’s “such a waste.”

  • shivaskeeper

    Question for the “Dems caved” people. What were the other realistic options knowing that right now the Dems have no power to bargain in either chamber? No one, least of all Schumer, believes McTurtle is going to keep his words about a DACA vote. They don;t bargain in good faith with their own side, there is no way they are going to bargain in good faith with the minority party.

    We’ll be right back here in 3 weeks. Except next time instead of DACA vice CHIP, it’s going to be DACA vice Medicare, or DACA vice Social Security. or DACA vice what’s left of the ACA, or DACA vice whatever other thing the GOPers need to take away to fill the hole they blew in the budget.

    Realistically the DREAMers were fucked the second Clinton conceded the race and the Dems were the minority in both chambers. The ACA was going to get gutted, the tax bill was going to get passed the way it got passed, and the push was going to be made to set civil rights in this country back 30 years or more.

    Elections have consequences. These are foreseeable consequences from 2016. None of this should be a shock to anyone. None of it.

    So what are the viable options that can be used until we possibly take back on chamber in 2018 and maybe the other and the Presidency in 2020? It’s impossible to bargain hard from a position of no strength.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Standing to our principles until DACA and the Dems become unpopular so that Republicans can maintain control in November and get rid of more things that help disadvantaged folks.

      • shivaskeeper

        So no plan then?

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          No plan is better than the plan the ponies are putting up

    • harryeagar

      What Everett Fanuelli sez. The Dems are like the guys on upper Broadway who keep the pea-under-the-shell guys in business

      • shivaskeeper

        So no plan from you either? Keep the government shut down until next Jan when a new possibly Dem majority Congress is sworn in?

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          Keeping the government shut down even past today would have been ridiculous. We had to take what we could get and get out.

          • shivaskeeper

            That’s both sides of the argument. They caved for not standing on principle, but hey had to cave. Which one is it?

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            I wasn’t serious about the principle argument. That was /snark

          • shivaskeeper

            Ah, sorry. The question wasn’t really for you then.

        • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

          What can you do? I am going to concentrate on GOTV efforts in April ahead of the GA judicial elections in May and the midterms in November. Right now, the GA lege is in session and the RWNJs are running amok here at home.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I would find it hard to believe that the Rs would put up Medicare or anything else. They could have gone to the well with the hostage only once and they used that with CHIP. Plus McConnell said he would offer an up/down vote. He looks like the asshole and so do the Rs if the reneg.

      • tomamitai

        “Looking like an asshole” is a point of pride with republicans.

      • shivaskeeper

        Because looking like an asshole worries him? Sure. When he renegs on it, it needs to be part of the attacks ads against him. Not if, when. He did not suddenly decide this one time he was going to bargain in good faith.

        I would have found it hard to believe the GOPers would support Nazis, but here we are. I would have found it hard to believe that they would use CHIP as a hostage, but they did. They are on record, for decades in some cases, about the need to cut what’s left of the social safety net. Is it hard to believe that that will be the next hostage?

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          No, but looking like an asshole would further erode public confidence in a Republican led congress.

          • shivaskeeper

            They don’t care their base is going to vote for the (R). Every time. Their base also comes out to vote. Every time. Their base is not going to sit it out, or changes sides in 2018 or 2020. They will have to be buried in numbers that even gerrymandering can’t fuck over.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            Yeah, but we’re not going to get their base. We gotta peel off the wafflers and will still have plenty of time to reignite the energy of our base. Remember it’s Trump that is mainly shoring up Dem enthusiasm and he will fuck up and anger our base at least 400 times from now until November.

          • shivaskeeper

            I get that. I do. That’s why I’m asking about caving to the GOPers when there is no other viable choice.

      • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

        Who knows what will be the issue d’jour next month. But there will be one. So much for the party that flogged the “balanced budget” back in the Reagan years.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      The only way the Republicans can escape the trap is to finally come up with a budget bill (since budget bills that are purely tied to the budget resolution cannot be subject to filibuster). If all they can offer is CR after CR, we have to fight the long, stupid, trench warfare style fight. There are no “wins” here – only ways to lose less painfully.

      • shivaskeeper

        That’s what I’m saying. Right now, the best we can do is possibly soften the blow to the hardest hit. That’s it. Even that will not be possible in some cases.

    • SisterArtemis

      I feel like a lot of our work this past year has been to hold the line as much as possible, to resist changes that reverse the progressive trends and actual progress of the previous administration. It’s a bad bargaining position, but an absolute must in terms of keeping what ground we can. This vote seems in line with a strategic angle of holding on to what we can.

      • shivaskeeper

        Right now that is the absolute best that can done. Trying to hold the line. As shitty as it is, sometimes the line is not going to held. There is just no power there to hold it with.

  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

    Hello Open Thread

    When people say they will never live in a Red state, it makes my ass tired.

    Move here, don’t move here, who cares? Living anyplace is based on your individual needs, But making a statement that only crazeee people live/stay/move in/to Georgia/Alabama/Texas/YourStateHere, and you have made a Good and Wise Decision never to makes me want to gently whap them upside the head, with votes.

    Bless their hearts.

    If I run from a Red state, I’ve just made it Redder. So I don’t, I stay and argue.

    Sometimes simply existing is just as good… nothing beats the awkward silence after telling a Repug who has been ranting in the Autozone waiting area that you didn’t vote for Trump. It freaks them out when an average middle-aged white woman tells them she doesn’t think like they do!

    (This is not directed toward anyone here on Wonkette, BTW. Although I’ve seen non-comments like this here, This is based on things I’ve read today on FB and some other forums. But you lucky fuckers get my rant! Enjoy!)

    End of mini rant, Please enjoy this humorous meme. he kind of looks like the guy from the Autozone, but with more hair.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cb650057de1ccd03309c190ac6145fdfd56bb345317e5f1e4eee61d2af9a81dc.jpg

    • spangled

      Every state, every district, every neighborhood is purple to a certain degree.

      We desperately need red state liberals to defend the rights of their neighbors that the ruling party won’t.

    • DrBigHead

      “makes my ass tired”. I haven’t heard that phrase in over 50 years. It was what my grandma said to me when I was particularly obnoxious. She said it in German, though.

      • puredog

        Did it sound better in the original German?

        • DrBigHead

          I recall it was a bit more threatening :)

    • bbayliss

      I tried it, lasted less than a year, too much stupid, too much thoughtless cruelty, too much selfish hypocrisy.
      There are places in this country that I would like to live, the populace keeps me away.
      Sure, there are rude, nasty, ignorant, people everywhere, it’s the places where they’re proud of their ignorance that are intolerable.

    • Lord Jim

      It’s not easy living in a red state. Moving to a blue state isn’t always easy either. It IS easy to stereotype a whole state population.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I live in a Red state with three Blue islands. I live in one of the Blue islands. It works for me.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cd80da7c261bf7361db05d72cbf4b7c2e1988f9986bdab115426a0f4624a63ef.jpg

    • ChumpsForTrump

      Also too.. for those that are free to live wherever (investors, retired, etc) or who just want a vacation house – you can get a shit ton of land in a red state, for the cost of a quarter acre in a decent blue neighborhood. ☺️

  • Nounverb911
    • alpacapunchbowl

      Lol. I was playing with that this weekend. The highest match I got was like 71%, and most of my matches were dudes, specifically Spanish paintings. I mean, I wasn’t wearing makeup or anything, but c’mon.

      • SisterArtemis

        I, a middle aged female, compared closely with Ben Franklin. Which, you know, isn’t terrible, but jeez louise…

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Yeah, I didn’t get a single match that was particularly flattering. But I came to terms with not being photogenic long ago anyway, so meh.

  • Rick Hill

    And yet another FB like for a “before” picture of one of the kitchens I’ve worked on. Maybe I should just find a cabinet line and order factory cabinets and install them…

    • Lord Jim

      🎶That’s the way you do it.
      Get yo’ moeny for nothin’ get yo’ chicks fo’ free.🎶

      • alpacapunchbowl

        One of my Irish friends thought for years that it was “money for nothin’ and yer chips for free”, as in fish and chips. She thought it was the dumbest line because, after all, the chip shop isn’t exactly going to break the bank.

    • HooverVilles

      Hmmm, shades of Jay Pritchett.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Dear, Ponies. Congrats! You’re now in the same category as Chris Cilizza

    https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/22/politics/mcconnell-shutdown-analysis/index.html

    • SisterArtemis

      what ponies are you referring to? and why does that make them/us in the same category as Cilizza?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Because, like Cilizza, purity ponies are castigating the Dems and Schumer. If anything we should be rallying around Dems to prepare for the next fight.

        • SisterArtemis

          ok, PURITY ponies, I get it now. Because some wonkers around here refer to our collective mob as “ponies,” so I wasn’t quite sure where you were aiming that comment.

  • BadKitty904
  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      Just imagine Roy Moore-on in these circs…

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • HooverVilles

      Trump is just itching for a trade/tariff war, as well as probably other kinds of wars.
      Sigh!

      • ChumpsForTrump

        President 30% doesn’t seem to be too popular when the economy is strong, so maybe if he weakens it some, the polls will improve?

      • HogeyeGrex

        Any news that keeps the focus off of grift, corruption, and treason is good news as far as he’s concerned.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    A sad, infuriating and necessary thread on the DACA issue and why Dems weren’t likely to do better (we did get a public statement saying DACA will get a vote, which is something at least):

    https://twitter.com/leahmcelrath/status/955535969767346179

    • SisterArtemis

      Yes, that is definitely good news. Now, hopefully that will pave the way for other states to get their shit in order.

      • DrBigHead

        Until the US Supreme Court issues a stay like they did in the N. Carolina case.

        • Red Bird

          That’s what I’m worried about. How long does the stay last? Until the SCOTUS hears the case?

          • DrBigHead

            Not sure, but I suspect it will last just long enough to preclude re-drawing the districts until after the midterm elections.

          • Phried Ω

            Yup.

  • MANGO CRIMES
  • bbayliss

    Headline I didn’t see;
    Republicans fractured, in disarray, unable to keep their own government open.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      You’re right. We should all just sit at home in November and just hope the Republicans change their mind on things like DACA, Medicare, ACA, Social Security and Medicaid.

      • bbayliss

        I did not say that.
        I think that was tried, and failed.
        I do wonder how much the narrative that Clinton had it in the bag affected lazy voters.

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          No but your post implied that and the perception that the Dems failed

          • Gosala

            No it doesn’t. You inferred it because you’ve fit a bug you your ass tonight.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            That’s every night to you!

          • bbayliss

            Read it again, I apologize if I was inartful, but the narrative has been that Democrats folded, that’s what I was taking issue with.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            Gotcha! My bad!

          • bbayliss

            Go away.

          • SisterArtemis

            I sure didn’t get that from bbayliss’ post.

          • bbayliss

            Thank you, I guess it’s not clear if you have no sense of humor or irony.

    • shivaskeeper

      That does not fit the horse race narrative.

  • BadKitty904

    I was standin’ on the corner,
    When I heard my bulldog bark…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCPutYaGFlE

    • tomamitai

      For any republicans who may have wandered in…. https://youtu.be/VvwVR3-A_n4

      • BadKitty904

        Ew.

      • Resistor Radio

        Hahahahaha!!

      • Thiazin Red

        I only know the Nick Cave version, and now I want a Pat Boone cover of the Nick Cave Stagger Lee more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’ve always lerved that song

      • BadKitty904

        Hard not to dance to…

  • HooverVilles

    How is it that Shepard Smith is not YOU’RE FIRED!?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I’d love to see the video that man must have on the powers that be at FOX.

      • Nefercat

        Think that through. Do you really want to see the video or just be told what is on it and then spritz a little brain bleach?

    • BMW

      I suspect his ratings are good enough and/or they are afraid of the backlash from firing one of their few actual journalists.

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      The fox audience needs someone to vilify and be pissed of at without changing the channel. Also, too unfair and imbalanced.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Maybe he has a copy of the pee tape.

  • Nounverb911
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      We already got a Roy Moore

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He thought complimenting the judge’s daughter would be a good opener.

  • alpacapunchbowl
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      We’ll see. Looks like the Supremes will take the gerrymandering up which may be shit.

    • HazooToo

      Thank fucking god

    • Lord Jim

      I’m nervous about the prospect of a Supreme Court challenge.

      Edit: missed this ““It’s well established that the United States Supreme Court does not review decisions of state court that exclusively construe state law, which is the exact situation you have here,” Jones said. “When people talk about federalism, the concept of federalism, this is an important part of it. The United States Supreme Court doesn’t get to tell a state’s highest court what is state law, in this case Pennsylvania law.””

  • BadKitty904

    Aight, time to finish fixing supper. Play me on out, Chuck!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFo8-JqzSCM

    • Bub the very stable zombie

      Nice. My favourite version – Jimi kicks out the jams!

      https://youtu.be/ss_rk-RITts

      • puredog

        I’m kind of looking forward to Mannish Boy.

      • Lord Jim

        I also love Jimi’s take on “All Along the Watchtower”. Even Dylan liked it better than his original.

        • Bub the very stable zombie

          Best cover in rock history.

  • Nounverb911

    Guess who’s getting voted off the island.

    https://twitter.com/NYMag/status/955576863371481089

    • well, not feces…yet.

      • bbayliss

        What’s brown and sticky?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        The Texas delegation will introduce the “talking cowchip” in the next session.

    • I laughed a lot at this

    • HogeyeGrex

      Good thing we aren’t governed by id-monster five year olds.

      Oh.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Susan said today, Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas told reporters on Monday he has “consistently opposed shutdowns,” which later led to a response from his Republican colleague Sen. Susan Collins: “I am rendered speechless.”

      Let me be Susan’s anger translator: “That fucking little piece of Poutine shit on a Texas shingle.”

      https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/22/politics/ted-cruz-shutdown-2013-susan-collins/index.html

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Maybe she should put her money where her mouth is and leave the First Order and join the Resistance

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Democrats in disarray!

    • DrBigHead

      If this surprised her, then she has not been paying attention to her own caucus.

    • Phried Ω

      How about a big pile of “talking rocks”?

    • SisterArtemis

      oh, the symbolism…

    • BadKitty904

      Has this woman never met an actual Republican before joining Congress?

    • OutOfOrbit

      burned

      • gallbladder

        Sickly.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading off for now on this note-thanks Paul!

    https://twitter.com/paulkrugman/status/955591607109259265

    • Lord Jim

      I agree. If in 3 weeks time, D’s take a dive, I’ll admit I was wrong. I’m looking at it as a strategic decision ’til then.

      • weejee

        Hope you’re right mi amigo.

  • TootsStansbury

    I’m having cognitive dissonance or something similar to it. Ted Cruz is no longer the most disgusting republican?

    • Phried Ω

      Yes, yes he is. It’s just a very crowded field is all.

  • Nounverb911

    I hope everyone throws snowballs at him… Does he have a hotel room? Will he use a snowmobile instead of a golf cart? Does he realize there are no KFCs or MacDonald’s in Davos?

    https://twitter.com/VanityFair/status/955585934761824256

    • OutOfOrbit

      that will leave a mark

    • TootsStansbury

      I thought he chickened out. Oh…fuck.

  • Picabo

    Born on this date in 1931, Sam Cooke. Also, his daughter is Linda Womack. Please take three minutes of you life to watch this video. What a voice!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEBlaMOmKV4

    • Gosala

      Sam and his daughter were both born on this date in 1931?

      It’s a miracle!

    • Bub the very stable zombie

      And Linda’s stepfather and brother-in-law, Bobby Womack, recorded this:

      https://youtu.be/UOg_8hCC4u4

  • yyyaz

    If I read “purity ponies” one more motherfucking time, someone is getting blocked.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Gosala

      You have no arguments and only one insult.

      Troll rating: 0/10

      • Lord Jim

        I guess that’s the reason it appears on my screen as “This user is blocked.”

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          That’s too bad.

        • Gosala

          Unblock him. Turns out three whole thing was a reaction to something completely unrelated.

          He’s being reasonable again.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        I ain’t trolling, Bruh. I’m going at the folks who are up in arms throwing a hissy fit because they didn’t get what they want so now they’re going to take their ball and go home. The we gotta save the Dreamers stuff starts to sound pretty shallow when you’re going to stay home so those who are against the dreamers can get even more power.

        • bbayliss

          Too much stupid.
          I think I heard your rock calling.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            I’m here pretty much everyday so…. BTW I admitted I was wrong on your post downthread so.

          • bbayliss

            So kiss my ass. You’re wrong about nearly everything and I’m done explaining things to you.
            I have found a solution to the problem I have with you.
            It’s the one Lord Jim uses.

        • SisterArtemis

          “Bruh?”
          yikes…

        • Gosala

          Ain’t no throwing a hissy fit.
          Ain’t no one taking their ball and going home.
          Ain’t no one staying home.

          It ain’t like that. It’s a family fight, a disagreement about tactics. In the end we all want the same thing.

          Really.

        • CripesAmighty

          Particularly when we get clobbered running yet another vapid campaign meeping moldy bromides about ‘kitchen table issues’ and ‘faaaaaamiliies’ and ‘for the chiiiiildren’.
          Bruh.

  • BadKitty904

    Kden, supper’s ready and the Big Cat’s on his way home from the gym. In the meantime…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e18GblHLcr4

    • BadKitty904

      <– Rocks. Then he rolls.

    • Resistor Radio

      BK bringing the swing tonight!

      • BadKitty904

        I’d ask you to join me in cutting this rug, but it’s time for supper, sooo…

  • SDGeoff3

    Getting a wee bit too contentious for me. Nightaly night neighborinos.

    • tehbaddr

      Hey! Where ya going? The discussion is not finished !!!

      • SDGeoff3

        I need booze and quiet time!

        • tehbaddr

          OK, be sure to come back once you’re good and boozy, all riled up!

          • SDGeoff3

            I think I will quietly rejoice that my taxes are done and filed.

          • SisterArtemis

            I feel you! I haven’t done my (very simple, would actually probably fit on a postcard) personal taxes, but I wrapped up all the payroll tax forms and filings today. What a relief! Unfortunately, 4 hours to go in my workday, so no booze and weed for me till later.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      But I was winning!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      y’all still arguing whether the Dems totes caved or they’re playing eleventy dimensional chess?

      • tehbaddr

        Caved? What happened?

        • SDGeoff3

          Spelunking happened. Rest well, one and all.

          • Lord Jim

            You too.

      • SisterArtemis

        oh more like mild batting at each other, but yeah
        https://media.giphy.com/media/a2hgA7zM35fiw/giphy.gif

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        A quick suggestion for all of you still arguing? The vast majority of you are all regulars- each of you are entitled to your opinions, even if they don’t match someone else’s- nobody is a moron or an idiot or an asshole just because their opinion differs from yours- none of you are trolling and none of you need to be insulted and none of you need to be blocked just because you disagree. If you’re doing any of these things because of this issue, you should probably close your browser and go for a walk before you cause any damage you may regret.

        • Lord Jim

          I’ve staked out a position, so I’m gonna leave it there. We’ll all have to wait and see what happens in three weeks.

  • Nounverb911

    Donnies infrastructure plan leaked!

    Red States: Most of it.
    Blue States: Not so much aside from paying for it.

    https://twitter.com/NBCNews/status/955593689870594048

  • Poly_Ester

    Ted Cruz, Douche of Oil?

    • puredog

      Douche, douche, douche,
      Douche of oil (douche douche)
      Douche of oil (douche douche)
      Douche of oil!
      As I, slime through this world
      Nothing can stop
      The Douche of oil. . . .

      • yyyaz

        Woild, woild! Sheesh….

  • This Warrior can kick Donny Trump’s fat ass any day of the week…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/76c655493f718a1a4304f1b8223279f563259aa091f5c3b60b94168a3532f8bf.jpg

    • Impatient

      tRump and his supporters will NEVER belong in a photo like that.

      Can’t help it. Gotta type it. TRAITORS!

  • tehbaddr

    Fuck these Heffalumps and Woozles, let the guberment stagnate and rot!
    LORAX: 2020 !!!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axPPL1FO5mU

    • SisterArtemis

      Heffalumps! Woozles! LORAX 2020!!!

      • tehbaddr

        Ramen !!! Wait wut? No no no no more Heffalumps and Woozles !!!

    • Christopher Story

      My childhood!!! Yay!

      • tehbaddr

        And now you get to re-live it as the greedy animosities take all your honey, and or net worth, to give to their buddies!

  • Juan de Fuca
    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      To be honest, if it were a copy of Scientific American, even without me on the cover, I might be into it.

      And four pints of bitters.

      With a Vogon constructor fleet on the way.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Gregor Samsa awoke from uneasy dreams to find himself being swatted repeatedly with a rolled up copy of Annals of the Bohemian Entomological Society.

        • Lordpnut

          Sweet.

        • Lord Jim

          Nice to see you back in your old username. :)

    • puredog

      Preach!

    • Begin Anew Day

      Yeah. That.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Not far from where I live is the MidwayUSA store. In case you haven’t heard of MidwayUSA, it advertises itself as “a privately held American retailer of various hunting and outdoor-related products”, but what it really is, is an absolutely huge bunch of metal office buildings and warehouses about 5 miles outside of town, where they sell guns and gun accessories – any kind of gun you might want, you name it, they got it. I needed to buy a zippered, padded nylon bag to store some stuff in (not guns), and they sell zippered, nylon, padded assault rifle cases that would be perfect for my non-gun needs for only about $30, so I went there today for the first time ever.

    Well holy shit, they run that place like some kind of Black Site. There isn’t even a sign outside to tell you what the place is, you just have to KNOW by getting directions from the website, and the place is locked down like Fort Knox.

    And while I was looking at the designated case on their website, I read some of the comments from satisfied customers, and they were all like “I love this case, because I can carry my AK-47 to the car without my nosy liberal neighbors knowing what I’m carrying.”

    Jesus fuck, what are these people afraid of? Carry your god damned AK-47 in public, why don’t you, so we know you have one! It’s legal, isn’t it? You’re proud of it, aren’t you? (Apparently not) If I were the kind of person who wanted to own, and did own, an AK-47, I’d want everyone to know about it. But N-O-O-O-O these guys are all pussies, hiding their true natures from their nosy liberal neighbors.

    On the other hand, all the men in the store were extremely polite to me, called me “Ma’am” about 30 times, which made me feel really old. Well I don’t need their fucking “Ma’am’s”, I want them to support Roe vs. Wade the same way they support the 2nd Amendment.

    When I got home I felt like I needed a shower. So I had one.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      My uncle put his guns in the walls of his house. Not in a wall safe, mind you. He sealed them up behind the drywall so nobody could steal them.

      • puredog

        Tough access when the black helicopters come down.

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        My 340 lb uncle in the 70s thought there would be a race war so, he stored his pistols in a glass ceiling above his ranch’s liquor bar. He also had Playboy’s in the bathrooms. And married into a Mormon family like the Brady Bunch only wtf after he divorced my aunt.

        He lived in Indiana.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I know four people from Indiana. They all left there the first chance they got. I personally have no experience of Indiana, so I don’t know why this was so. I’m sure there must be some nice places in Indiana.

          • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

            My whole family is from Indiana. Some are nice, some are Mennonites, some are both and some are crazy. Like most families, I guess.

            As for the state itself, there are some decent fishing rivers in the north and fossil hunting sites in the south. Other than that,

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That sounds something like Missouri, where I live. Missouri has fantastic state parks, many scenic rivers full of fish, great hiking/biking trail (The Katy), superb places to go canoeing or boating or rafting, two great cities to shop in and THREE Renaissance Festivals … but other than that …

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            Mr. 798’s friend lives in Missouri. We went to see the eclipse there. It’s really pretty…but I wouldn’t want to live there. Too many huge spiders.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Ah, yes, the spiders. I LOATHE spiders. There are these huge furry black ones that live in my crawl space, which is why I never go down there. They are actually totally harmless, but I don’t care, because if one got on me I would have a heart attack and die.

            And then there are the Brown Recluses. In 60 years I only got bit by one once, but once was enough.

            I was astonished after I moved to Louisiana in 2005 to find that I only saw one spider in the 4 years I lived there. Someone told me that the geckos and other predators eat them all. I wish we had geckos in Missouri, that’s all I can say.

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            I’m such a nut about spiders, that if Mr. 798 and I are sitting around, talking about taking a trip, when he mentions a place like Borneo or Java my first thought is “How big are the spiders.”
            At Mr. 798’s friends house on a different visit, we went out in the canoe and this big old Wolf spider (about the size of the palm of your hand)comes galloping up the canoe and I was up and out of that canoe and in the water moccasin infested water in a flash! I didn’t give a fuck!
            After all this happened, I went to take a shower because I was loaded with muck, and there was another huge spider on the INSIDE of the shower curtain. Luckily, Mr. 798’s friend captured it and put it outside before I got in.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I am with you on that. The only good spider is a dead spider. I am quite fond of Mud Dauber Wasps because they eat spiders. I will NEVER visit Australia because of all the spiders there. Once a month I use a bug bomb in my garage to make absolutely sure there are no spiders in there that might get into my car, god forbid! I dumped half a dozen boyfriends in the first 20 years I was dating because they refused to kill a spider that got into my house/apartment. A man who won’t kill a spider for me in return for great sex is not a man worth keeping.

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            I totally get it. My problem is, my life’s work, restoring prairies and stuff, gets me out into prairies and guess what loves tall grass prairies? Ever seen that picture of two different cars sitting side by side, and they are both loaded with big spider webs and spiders…..If one of those cars were mine I would burn it where it sat. And I’m not kidding! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/89268dd10d0b8999501baf9d40b5092d4b5dbf38b0e9f40bf053bdb2f62e8761.png

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            Brown County is really very nice, and Tippicanoe is too.

          • Arolpin

            My grandfather was a Mennonite (or Church of the Brethren, grandmother was the other) from Indiana. They both went to Manchester College, which had a very active and wealthy alumni, at least it appeared that way from the trips they sponsor. He went to med school at IU, then the Army and bought a medical practice in Idaho while still overseas. Never regretted leaving Indiana.

          • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

            My father attended Goshen College, become a doctor and went on to take care of an NFL team. I have a lot of respect for Mennonites although I am not of the flock.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I spent some time in Evansville. It was nice.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      I thought Midway was an old, overcrowded airport in Chicago.

      Wait.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I’ve been to Midway Airport. It might be old, but it is a LOT nicer than flying out of O’Hare.

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          You’re right. It’s human-sized. I used to love O’Hare as a kid in the 70s. It represented what I thought the future was going to be like.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I have made connections in O’Hare three times, and each time was a nightmare. I never met such rude people in any airport anywhere in the world, including JFK, which is saying something.

            I once lived in Chicago, briefly, and friends called me to say they had a 4-hour layover at O’Hare, and would I like to meet them there. I said “Sure.” I had no idea I would have to drive down a toll road, stopping every few miles to pay a toll. It took me two fucking hours to get there from my apartment near Midway Airport. Sheeze!

        • stablegeniusahughes798

          If possible, I fly out of Milwaukee or Joliet. Much smaller, much nicer airports. And when I land in Sacramento…there are only 2 baggage carousels. O’Hare is a nightmare.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The last time I flew international I took Air Canada to Toronto. Now, Toronto is a big airport, but they treated me (disabled) like a god damn queen. Flying home I had to take American and go through O’Hare. They treated me (disabled) like I had leprosy. So fuck O’Hare, I’m never flying through that airport again.

          • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

            That’s probably an America/Canada cultural thing. If Canada is the heart of the world, America is the infected anus. This is why:

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/18cefa2601b4b19dfddbc157d98fdb06c40d60e5e0b04bb237bf16850f2a9608.jpg

          • Angela Ruzzo

            When I went to England 4 years ago with my cane. I was also treated like a queen. Not one single person ignored me or bumped into me or cut in front of me, as happens daily in the US, and everywhere I went I was asked to go to the front of the queue so I didn’t have to stand and wait, and everyone in the queue smiled and approved. It was amazing.

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            Yeah, I hate flying with a passion, but O’Hare just makes me feel more nervous and agitated.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I don’t mind the flying part at all … it’s the AIRPORTS I hate. Honestly, the worst was Minneapolis, where I had to change terminals, and there was this moving sidewalk that took about 40 minutes to get me to the new gate, where they told me the plane was delayed, and so I had to go 40 minutes back on the damn moving sidewalks to get on another flight that left earlier. There is a train, but it is so badly signed that I didn’t see it. Don’t even try to find a way outside so you can have a cigarette, it’s not worth the time and trouble.

  • HazooToo

    Is there some kind of argument over the shutdown ending going on? Not that I want to get into it, but if it’s an actual angry argument, could it be taken to the related thread instead of here?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Dis the open thread. Thunderdome rules here!

      • HazooToo

        That is true, but people tend to leave the open thread when things get fighty.

      • TJ Barke

        Two non comments enter!

        • Juan de Fuca

          “Who runs Bartertown?!?”

          “Actually, Dok does but have at it and see if any common sense prevails…”

        • stablegeniusahughes798

          Only one shall leave alive….

      • BadKitty904

        And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the Dragon; and the Dragon fought and his angels,
        And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Ooh. Literature-y.

          • BadKitty904

            Well, King-James-Bible-y…(Book of Revelations)

    • TJ Barke

      There’s some disagreement as to whether it represents the dems caving like common dems, or it’s some brilliant 11 dimensional chess thing.

      • HazooToo

        It could be both. We have spineless Dems and smart Dems. We won’t actually know until McConnel tries to fuck over the Dreamers again, so I don’t really see much point in fighting among ourselves over it.

  • Christopher Story
    • HazooToo

      That’s beautiful!

      • Christopher Story

        I know, right? Turns out, surfing Woman’s March signs is a great way to cheer yourself up on a bleak and dreary day.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I’m too dumb to get this

      • HazooToo

        (Psst… It’s about including transgender women)

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          Okay. Oh yeah. Cisgender. I get it. All good

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      Wonderful. Says it all.

  • Picabo
  • Nounverb911

    Really, you’re just figuring this out?

    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/955589864552091649

    • Phried Ω

      What tipped him off? He’ll regret that citizenship thing if he heads to Quito.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Glenn will complain its the deep state or something responsible for it.

    • HazooToo

      Uhhhhh…. Why did it take him years to figure this out?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Ecuador could always let the British police extradite him to Sweden.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Sweden said fuck it. His only legal beef now is for running from the British cops.

    • Everrett Fanuelli
      • OrdinaryJoe

        He smells like Russian asset.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I’m sure the UK has a nice, cozy room all ready.

  • Nounverb911
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Oh yeah, well Hillary hasn’t had a press conference in weeks!

      • DrBigHead

        BOTH SIDES! ! !

    • HazooToo

      Wouldn’t he have avoided them anyway?

    • BadKitty904

      He wishes.

    • kareemachan

      cowardly shitgibbon

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Rule #1 of Wonkette Fight Club: You don’t talk about Wonkette Fight Club

  • Lord Jim

    Excellent article at The Week

    But what kind of freedom is saying “no”? In the already much-dissected account of the date between the anonymous “Grace” and Aziz Ansari, “Grace” does indeed say no, both verbally and not. But her options are either to leave or take her lumps — that she might have wanted to have sex with Ansari, but in a way that incorporated her own desires or indeed even left room for her to speak, isn’t on the table. Female sexual agency exists only in deciding what any given woman is willing to submit to, not what she wants.

    Why don’t these women know they are prey? This is the irritated question that runs through the reactions of Weiss, Merkin, Flanagan. The simple answer is that these women aren’t prey, that they refuse this designation. A rabbit isn’t exercising any kind of freedom in merely saying, “Not today, Mr. Wolf,” or selecting between a wolf and a rather tame dog. And if the relationship between men and women really were that of a rabbit and carnivore, women could really be excused in using just about any method to level the playing field.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Hence the affirmative consent position. Yes means yes. The absence of a no, or a “weak” no, doesn’t mean yes. The absence of a yes means no.

      Why people claim this is more difficult to comprehend than the iTunes terms of service agreement never ceases to amaze me.

      It’s also reason #46,735 why I completely forego 99% of human contact altogether. Assholes.

    • HazooToo

      “Yes” is the first word in a much longer conversation. “No” is the final word.

      • Lord Jim

        There should be more choices than “No, I don’t wanna fuck you” and “Yes, whatever, tie me to the ceiling and diddle me with a rusty harpoon”.

        • HazooToo

          Exactly. That’s what I mean. Anyway, the question of “yes or no” makes it sound like it’s frequently a “want to fuck?” question, and I admittedly have fucked only three people, but it seems like there are usually more words, both before and after those.

  • Begin Anew Day

    S’matter Ted?

    Starved for attention?

    Go away you insignificant rodent. donnie and his goatfucked administration have center stage and you simply do not rate a second glance.

    Shep Smith DID YOU A FAVOR by even mentioning you on teevee.

    • TootsStansbury

      Can you imagine being eclipsed by the likes of Stephen Miller, Tom Cotton, Devon Nunes and the rest of the cast? You’re not horrible enough, you awful, oily, monster.

  • bluicebank

    The old jitney (’74 Super Beetle) just won’t let me forget that it’s getting old.
    Parts I’ve never heard of are going. Today a thing called the clutch pedal shaft pin snapped, which means no clutch. The original part snapped several months ago, so I got clever and used a bolt and nut, and that MacGyver crap didn’t hold. Does no one make good steel anymore?

    Anyway, I could order the damn $2 part, but I’ll lay odds that it’s lousy steel out of China. So I’m going to take a cutoff wheel and cut off the shaft of my cobalt steel drill bits. I mean, that’s the main feature of drill bits, right, to withstand shear? Someone hold my hand and tell me it’s gonna work.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      One of my car crazy BFs had a yellow SB back in the day. Sweet.

      Have you tried a wooden dowel from IKEA?

      • bluicebank

        lol.
        No, I but I’ve thought of writing Germany to criticize some of their engineering decisions.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Say, you know who commissioned the original Beetle?

    • Opalescent Riddles

      You might consider that if the pin is harder than the shaft it is stuck into, the pin will wear a larger hole in the shaft.

      • bluicebank

        True, but the shaft hole isn’t experiencing the same shear. It’s always the bolts/pins that go, not the hole their going into.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Yes, the bolt/pin could be somewhat sacrificial in that regard. The bolt especially so, because it is not solid like the original pin.

          Given that the tangential force on the shaft is the same as the shear force on the pin (something something Newton), when you say the shaft isn’t experiencing the same shear, I think it possible that you are actually reporting the observation that the pin is experiencing more wear than the shaft. That may be a good thing, because it’s harder to replace the shaft than the pin. This is how it works on certain motorboats, where the propeller drive pin is significantly softer than the shaft it sticks through.

          • bluicebank

            Awesome reply!

            The shaft part is actually a sleeve with two holes, and the pedal with its two holes align, and the pin holds them together. Thus the pin experiences the worst of the lateral force, structurally. While a hole in a metal plate also wears/deforms, it is unlikely to break before the pin does.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            I had a Super Beetle made from 1972 and ’73 pieces. Still miss it.

            The pictures I’m looking at (which matched my memory) have the clutch pedal shaft as solid except for the hole drilled through, perpendicular to the axis. The clutch pedal sleeve slips over the shaft. Depending on year, the pedal sleeve appears forged (older) or stamped (newer); it seems possible that all Super Beetles were the later design, as mine was. Where the pin passes through the shaft will indeed be the greatest stress. Which parts wear faster depends on the hardness of the materials involved.

            The pin retails for $1.95 or so. Personally, I would probably press it in rather than hammer it home. I’ve never broken that specific pin, but broke plenty like it in other applications. In some of those cases, the pin was deliberately softer than the shaft so that the shaft would not be damaged by higher-than-design load, as the pin would break instead. In this case, if I didn’t have the exact pin and I were substituting something like a sawed-off drill bit shank, I’d want to ensure there’s no play between the shaft and the pin; play is the enemy and leads to egg-chaped holes. Some threadlocker might do the trick.

    • Gosala

      Um… I’m no expert, but the main thing about drill bits is that they’re sharp and drill holes. Cobalt makes good drill bits because it’s hard and withstands the dulling effect of friction.

      For shear, you probably want a carriage bolt or machine screw (depending on size, etc). Not sure what the best material is, probably stainless steel.

      But if anyone knows better than me, listen to them

      • bluicebank

        Yeah, but the machine screw failed. The force of repeatedly depressing a competition clutch pedal takes it toll on a quarter-inch piece of metal.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          In this application, the threads are like a pre-built fracture and zone for concentrating stress.

        • Beelzebubba

          The mechanics of where the pedal hub cranks against the pin is not much different from how a bolt cutter operates. You’re going to need a very tough steel, like vanadium tool steel. See my comment above re getting an OEM replacement from a junkyard.

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        They have numbers on them. Bigger is better, right?

        • Gosala

          Bigger is bigger. Whether that’s better depends on what you’re trying to do.

          “Never go to the elves for counsel for they will say both no and yes.”

      • Beelzebubba

        Won’t shear, but might fracture. Worth a try, I think.
        Rather than some crap piece of mild steel out of China, I’d try for a replacement out of a junkyard. It ought to be good for the rest of it’s own 40-year lifespan.

        Handy guide to tensile strengths here, if you want to shop for bolts:
        http://www.portlandbolt.com/technical/fastener-identification-markings/
        (Shear strength is 60% of tensile.)

    • DrBigHead

      Look into Air Head Parts. Lots of OEM parts for vintage VWs. The Boy and I have found they had quite a few parts still in stock for the 1970 Westphalia we are working on.

    • Phried Ω

      Not shear but torque but it might do the trick if you don’t need a groove in it for a circlip.

      • bluicebank

        Naw, the German engineers just pounded it into the whole. (I can think of a better way to secure a pedal, but nobody asked me at the time ;-) )

        • Phried Ω

          The important thing to remember about air-cooled VWs is that they are engineered with the goal of reducing parts count and making them easy if not infrequently to work on. Three bolts to hold the engine in and using spring clips instead of bolts to hold the valve covers on illustrate that.

          • bluicebank

            I know, and I’m being bitchy about parts that give out after 40-plus years. One tends to expect the old Bugs to keep on going as if by magic.

          • Lordpnut

            The fact that it did last so long illustrates the relative sophistication of German engineering. The original pin is likely a tough carbon steel hardened on the mating surfaces. A drill bit will work, but may snap even easier because they are very hard, but also fairly brittle. You might try an older motorcycle clutch rod.

          • bluicebank

            I’m going with using the drill bit upper part, then waiting for the replacement part. Like I said, I’m being bitchy about things wearing out after nearly 45 years. It’s a bummer, though, because the aftermarket parts are never as good as the original.

          • Lordpnut

            True that.

        • An Outhouse for the résistance

          Pounding into holes works for making babies so why not?

          • bluicebank

            oh thanks. Now I have the visual of a German engineer in the early 1970s having a creepy smirk on his face as he pounds the shaft pin into the shaft. Damn you.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Have you ever tried to make a baby in a Super Beetle? Even with reclining seats it’s… complicated.

          • Arolpin

            I’ve tried in a Porsche 914 (actually my gf’s, I didn’t get one for another decade). It helps if you remove the sunroof, but we always ended up in the hood eventually.

    • Shawn Charniga

      Allthread, washers and locknuts? I once replaced the rear struts on a ‘94 Taurus with allthread. It rode like shit, but nobody died.

      • Lord Jim

        I LOLed at that.

    • shivaskeeper

      Use a better grade of bolt. If shear is the problem, you want grade 8. Those pretty much won’t shear. Ever. I’m assuming this is a small diameter bolt so it may be hard to find grade 8 steel that small.

    • SisterArtemis

      As someone who knows zip, I recommend duct tape and bungee cords. Possibly an old piece of gum and a paperclip.

      • bluicebank

        Alas, this problem calls for the passenger to shove a screwdriver into the hole when I can’t synchro-shift my way out of trouble.

        • SisterArtemis

          you simply need to pour olive oil in the hole, then add vinegar. Be sure to have plenty of paper towels handy.

    • tehbaddr

      By all means proceed. Let us know when you’ve come around to ordering the $2 part.

      • bluicebank

        I’m going to anyway. But tomorrow I’m going with the MacGyver trick. How the hell else am I going to get to the store to buy beer so I can get through another day of Trump? Didn’t think about that, did you? ;-)

    • Arolpin

      Then you’ll end up snapping the clutch cable itself, which needs to be routed under the car, exactly where 5 years of mud has hardened into concrete, and you’ll buy the generic replacement for $10 rather than the genuine part for $59, and it will snap again at a highway toll plaza, if it’s anything like the old 914 I used drive

      • bluicebank

        Not really. The clutch cable is new, and plus it is twisted steel experiencing stress along its length, not laterally. I know this thing. The clutch assembly experiences stresses at certain points, the cable low on the list. At the pedal assembly inside the tunnel is a hook to catch the cable, and that also eventually failed. The clutch pedal itself can also fail, especially at the aforementioned pin. The shaft sleeve can also fail.

        But the cable itself? No. It routes through a tube inside the tunnel and connects by hook at the pedal assembly and by screw at the transmission. You could roll the car off a cliff and one of the few things intact would be that cable. Not only because it is protected by lots of metal, but because it is twisted steel. I could tow a truck with it.

        • Arolpin

          I’ve had them break in several cars. It’s always the little bent ferrule that connects to the pedal itself. At least if it’s the accelerator cable you can have your buddy ride the bumper and adjust the throttle manually. (It works better on pavement than in bumpy dirt roads in my experience.)

  • Resistor Radio
    • gallbladder

      What about lambs watching the spin cycle?

    • Parakeetist

      Squee

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Awww so cute and springy.

    • janecita

      I just ate one of those, yum!

      • Lord Jim

        MURDERER!

        • kareemachan

          True story: a friend watched another friend’s farm while they were on vacation. Several ewes lambed, and of course, one wouldn’t take care of one of its babies. They brought it in the house, bottle fed it, cared for it, and honest to gawd, my friend ended the story by saying, “And the lambs smelled just like lamb chops.”

          Yeah, they are cute. They are also damned good eating.

          ETA: When they are old enough to “graduate”, they aren’t the cute lil’ fluffy things you think of.

          Just sayin’….

          • Arolpin

            We raised bummer lamb (lambs that have been rejected by their mothers) when I was a teen. I didn’t like eating lamb, but I learned to hate those little fuckers enough that I forced myself to like the taste, just for spite. Good thing too, because 10 lambs a year is a LOT of meat (plus a pig, a steer, a dozen turkeys, about 30 chickens, a deer, and an elk or moose some years, plus lots of trout and steelhead). PETA would not have approved.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Vindaloo!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Heh. Me too.

    • tehbaddr

      They also have “wiggly listeners”!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Lam? I’m on it!

  • janecita

    Fucking CNN is going on and on and on about Hillary Clinton. God, I’m soooo fucking done, with this fucking shit?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Did they find more Benghazemails?

      • janecita

        Same ones, different source. Now they are messing with the FBI.

    • DrBigHead

      Of for Christ’s sake, what now?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        She is hiding in the wood and needs to come back so they can tell her to go away again?

      • TootsStansbury

        She built a house out of candy and cookies in a poor neighborhood. Enticed the desparate children with it and shoved them into the basement for a lifetime of human trafficking. Gods! Babbies borne in the ninth month! The horrors!

      • Sakonyachen

        She’s still Hillary Clinton. She insists on being Hillary Clinton. Until she stops with the appalling behavior of being Hillary Clinton, there will always be a new story.

    • miss_grundy

      Que, que??? Que carajo tiene que ver Hillary Clinton con esto?????

      • janecita

        Todo es culpa de ella! Trump se tira un peo, y es culpa de ella! Pobre vieja, no la dejan tranquila.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      They followed Jeanine Pirro into the woods?

  • HogeyeGrex

    And another kind, too.

    Hmmm. What might that be…

    ☀☀☀☀☀☀

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    “DACA, chain immigration, diversity lottery, border security…everything is on the table…”

    Republican negotiation strategy:
    http://i.imgur.com/ForPOJQ.gif

    • Christopher Story

      Needs more flag waving

    • TundraGrifter

      And that’s what he does when he wins.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The Art of the Deal.

    • DrBigHead

      I tried that at a staff meeting once. Did not have the desired results.

      • TundraGrifter

        In the baseball clubhouse that’s known as “flipping the spread.”

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Dude. Calm down. It’s only Candyland.

      • TundraGrifter

        I looked at it several times and I couldn’t figure out what they were playing.

        • H0mer0

          some sort of National Geographic game. I’m a sore loser also but I don’t break stuff.

          • TundraGrifter

            There was a yacht club down in the Caribbean with the motto “Overbearing in victory; surly in defeat.”

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      If they were playing chess, that would be the Bronx Defense.

      • TundraGrifter

        Slightly OT – did you see the YouTube video of the African American chess grand master playing a “pro” in Central Park? The pro was more mouth than game and at one point tried to cheat. It’s hilarious!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Ted Cruz is a weasel-faced fucknugget.

    • SisterArtemis

      weasel and fucknugget libelz

    • kareemachan

      I personally think of him as a hoofwanking bunglecunt.

    • DrBigHead

      why yes, yes he is…

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • gallbladder

      “Flippy wiggler.”

      • tehbaddr

        Hey now!

    • Baby goats are adorable. Large angry males not so. I once had to fight for my life armed with only a 2×4 and barely got out alive. Several stitches with the scars to show for it.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        I used to have a pet goat as a kid, I guess I am lucky it was a female goat and really fluffy.

      • tehbaddr

        DID you exact some form of revenge? As in a tasty curry?

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        My death defying experience was with a raccoon. Good thing I was wearing sweat pants. Long story.

        • grindstone

          I….think we have to hear this now…

    • Thiazin Red

      Every time, in my head I read these in Rhys Darby’s voice.

      • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

        Especially “little ground tappers” and “flippy wiggler”

    • tehbaddr

      That was posted the other day, and I still approve of the nomenclature !!!

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      My listeners are wiggly too. If I could figure out video I’d show you.

    • Msgr_MΩment
  • Nounverb911

    If Lindsey goes, you go too, also, Annie.
    https://twitter.com/AnnCoulter/status/955579510770028545

    • TundraGrifter

      Tweets the woman who swore she was a resident of Florida and then voted in Connecticut.

    • Lord Jim

      Same Old Shit. Anyone who disagrees with me must be eliminated, which is only reasonable. LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEE!!

    • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Ann who?

    • Ryan Denniston

      Well! If he’s such a danger to the country, why stop there? Why not shoot him? Why not imprison him? This speech comes with dangerous costs that you are not taking responsibility for.

      • Phried Ω

        In that order.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Did Ann have to sit next to someone on a flight again?

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Kick Ann out of the cunt tree.

      • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

        She fell out and hit every branch on the way down

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      That’s actually funny. But Coulter is still a cunt.

    • Christopher Story
      • Phried Ω

        Is that the kind of fisting I’m thinking it is?

    • altleftjohn

      And Coulter on a rock in the Aleutians.

  • Nounverb911
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Sadly that was Sarah Palin’s test.

    • Delu

      That’s the answer to everything.

    • kareemachan

      Only in malwart….

    • Matt Groening is a witch! Burn him!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Get out! The call is coming from inside the house!

    • Delu

      The irony is that she’s practically President Trump’s successor in the Simpsons.

  • Raan
  • Delu

    And here is Cruz, “Green Eggs and Ham”, trying his hand at gaslighting.

    These guys really don’t give a damned anymore.

    • shivaskeeper

      To him, he is technically not lying. He voted for the poison pill versions. The was no way anyone else other than the Tea Party crazies were going to vote for it, but that does not matter. He voted for the shitty funding bills, that’s all that matters.

      He never really gave a damn in the first place. He’s a shitty human being in what is considered a safe seat. Why should he care what anyone thinks of him? He’s got the (R) behind his name so they will still vote for him.

      • Delu

        That’s practically the sort of circumstances that gave us the party of dicks that the Trump party is.

        Their base would vote for them regardless, so why should they care? What’s a few shutdowns? What’s a few hostages taken? Nothing at all!

        It’s the people that are the problem. Trump and even many of the senators like Cruz, won’t be in government forever.

        The Trump support base however, will still be there in 2222 or further into the future assuming there’s an America then.

        • shivaskeeper

          It’s not their base that’s the problem, At least in the Senate. Senators are elected by the popular vote. 50% of the vote +1 is what it take. Gerrymandering has no effect. So it’s our base that’s the problem for not showing up.

          Roy Moore was in a safe red seat in a safe red state. If that seat wasn’t 100% safe there is no way Sessions would have been asked to move out of it to go to the DOJ. His base still voted for him in the same numbers they would have voted for any other GOPer. He still lost though.

          He lost because the blue voters finally showed up to actually vote. All it took was nominating a kiddy diddler and the resulting outrage. We have to be more consistent at the polls than only coming out because of extreme outrage.

          • Delu

            than only coming out because of extreme outrage.

            That last line describes the Trumpian base real well.

            And yes, what I said about them being a problem stands because of this.

            And they will be around long after Trump.

          • shivaskeeper

            But they don;t just turn up to vote because of extreme outrage. They show up to vote every single time there is an election. Local, county, state, federal, it does not matter. They show up.

            That is why we need to improve actually getting out to vote and not rely on extreme outrage. They are permanently outraged. They have been for decades. But no one can sustain the level of outrage that someone like Moore produced. It’s not humanly possible to hold it for that long and we were probably lucky there in that it was only 4-5 weeks of campaigning where it really counted. Any longer and burnout would have set in on our side, I think.

    • rocktonsam

      No shame, none.

      • Delu

        Well yeah, no one ever claimed he ever had any not even him.

        • Sakonyachen

          Or the rest of the Republican Party. There’s 100 people in the Senate, and 99 of them hate Cruz.

          • Delu

            No evidence that Cruz hates himself, but there’s a possibility he does.

            So that might be a theoretical 100/100 who hate him.

          • Sakonyachen

            There’s a definite possibility that he does. But when you’re at 99% without guessing, the 1 more doesn’t really tap that hunger for perfection. Plus it would require me to know what Ted Cruz thinks. He never stops lying, ever. Nobody will ever actually know what he thinks. Possibly not even whatever god it is he pretends to pray to above himself

  • tehbaddr

    Fuckers should have held out till the Rethuglicans promised a way to balance the budget without robbing the social safety net. Yeah like maybe a few less bomber,s nuclear subs and such. Or they could repeal the tax break for the rich. Hahahahahahahahahahahahhhahhahahhahhhhah !!!!11111!!!!!!111Z!!1!!1!!!!1!!!!!!1111!!!

    • Delu

      Thing is they could hold out forever.

      Remember, they have a base that would support them fiddling while America burns.

      • tehbaddr

        I’m starting to think that might not be such a bad thing. I’m stressed, and up against the wall myself. I say we start by harvesting the rich, you know to feed the poor.

        • Delu

          Once that sort of mindset really becomes a thing…..

          …well it may mean bad days ahead for America for reals.

          • tehbaddr

            Oh, and they aren’t already?

          • Delu

            There’s always worse.

            Always.

  • Thiazin Red

    Idiosyncratic movie pet peeves:

    Allies aren’t really a thing in NYC, land is way too fucking valuable. There are some, but not many. But in any movie/show set in Manhattan there will be many dark allies.

    When a character gets sprayed with something (blood/slime/whatever) and in the next shot its obvious the actor was wearing goggles. The entire face will be covered, but there will be big clean areas around the eyes. Now, an actor should wear goggles for safety, but after that would it kill makeup to fill it in?

    • msanthropesmr

      Uh – you know, far be it from me – but I think you mean alleys – not allies. I was wondering if NYC was really truly every man for himself territory….

  • Angela Ruzzo

    What is this shit I’m getting from Disqus when I try to post a Reply to a Non-Comment? Why did Disqus suddenly log me out? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45f3a40df673726845114eed718f224482ac327723e562b57ee9b8a124925ce4.jpg

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It went completely haywire on me this morning- logged me out, refused to log me back in. Eventually I clicked on “sign up” and it suddenly remembered who I was

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I’ve noticed in the past week that YouTube is screwing up on my Smart TV. I open the built-in YouTube app, and I get the favorites and search results for someone else, instead of my own. This never happened until last week.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Thanks Obama!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            A-ha! I was going to blame Hillary, because Who Knew?

          • Sakonyachen

            I believe it probably was Hillary, because you log in with your #EMAILZZZZ!!!11!!!!eleventeen!!

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      Disqus has a random “Fuck You” function that does that. I get booted fairly often.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Well, it’s new to me. I was logged in 15 seconds earlier and posting. It’s too weird, I fucking hate computers, and I often hate the Internet. I worked with computers for 25 years and it is absolutely true that computers are Instruments of Satan and Bill Gates is the AntiChrist.

    • Ryan Denniston

      you’ve been unpersoned?

    • Ryan Denniston

      Has anyone seen the weird Disqus banners that are cartoons like Superman flying and stuff? Apparently, that particular browser will never again be allowed to log in until you flush your cache.

    • shivaskeeper

      Because it’s disqus. There doesn’t need to be any other reason than that.

      • Sakonyachen

        Certainly. Apparently I was banned from about noon to 3pm when I got home from work. I was never contacted and never contacted anyone. I waited til I got on WiFi and sure enough, it was just disqus being the sketchy bastard that it is.

    • VirGinYa

      Ask disqus a question and some snarky 18-year-old will bitch at you from his highchair.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Whagtorwemoe probffomeomspw?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Excusez-moi, monsieur ou madame, mais je ne parle pas Disqus.

  • Shawn Charniga

    Remember back when a few things still made sense and no less than Bobby Jindal said it was time for the GOP to stop being the Stupid Party?

    Aaaaaaaaany minute now.

    • Delu

      They became the Trump party.

      It’s not an improvement but they did change.

      • Shawn Charniga

        Nah. They showed their ass. This is who they’ve always been.

        The real question is, when their moment ends and they realize they’re doomed and exposed like roaches in a suddenly illuminated kitchen, what then?

    • Ryan Denniston

      Jindal sure seems like a Rhodes scholar to them now!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So I’m a bit more salty tonight not just because of the “Dems Cave” bs but because my students have been fucking up lately.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      I was wondering what had happened. You are usually so calm.

  • kareemachan

    senator blobfish…

    • Gosala

      Blobfish! Blobfish! Blobfish!

  • Juan de Fuca
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      They do Kashmir too

      • Everrett Fanuelli
        • Everrett Fanuelli

          Wait for it…..Immigrant Song

          • Juan de Fuca

            I am a huge fan of Zeppelin, though. Very nice :)

      • Juan de Fuca

        Those kids have a talent and a very good music teacher. I’d never heard of them until my wife shared the video with me today. And we’re not huge fans of Ozzy Osbourne or Black Sabbath. But that was very cool.

        • weighmaster

          Check out their Led Zepplin covers, these kids are awesome.
          Edit: didn’t scroll, Mia culpa.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I’d never heard of them until my wife shared it with me from her Facebook page. One of the things that Facebook is good for. Those kids are awesome.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      A nice reminder of how awesome Randy Rhoads was.

  • rocktonsam

    Lies,lies,lies,lies!1!!
    They lied today and they’ll lie again tomorrow.

    • Gosala

      🎶Lie, lie, lie
      All I do is lie🎶

  • RickyG
  • Jgb979

    No idea whatever kind of Faustian bargain keeps Shep at Fox (maybe no one watches tv midday?)

    If they ever figure it out and fire him, one job he could do WAY better than his former coworker is anchor the Today show

    • Ryan Denniston

      He knows where all the bodies are (I hope figuratively)?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “If you don’t want coal we’ll make you want it! MAGA!”

    http://time.com/5113472/donald-trump-solar-panel-tariff/

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      So much winning failing…

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      What a fuckface. Fuck the planet. Fuck the people. Fuck the fasting growing industry for good service jobs….

    • RobKanC

      Totally makes sense. Steadily moving towards the 50s. That’s what ppl who voted for him wanted.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        The 1850’s?

      • rocktonsam

        That’s right! He’ll put the coloreds in their place,Asians will clean your shirts, no starch, Messicans will be in the field and Roy Cohn will be alive.

        • Covfefe

          And they can pool theIr tips to reach minimum wage.

        • RobKanC

          He already put that black guy who called himself “president” for the past years in his place by repealing all his achievements.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
      • OneYieldRegular

        Help continue our promise? Isn’t that like the John Waters line from Desperate Living, that “the road” is “just around the corner”?

      • Delu

        Except of course, the American Dream is about winners and losers. You can’t have an American Dream if everyone wins, no seriously. It’s a story about personal success. If you’re a winner and successful, how would you be prominent without a comparison to the losers?

        Trump doesn’t even understand the American Dream. It is actually capitalism.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      This is going to hurt a lot of local companies that install solar panels.

    • h4rr4r

      Valid, but had this been done earlier we could have saved more of the US solar panel makers.

      Do we just let China use dumping to takeover every industry?

      • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

        The money is in installation and maintenance. This will cost 23,000 jobs and many, much dollars immediately. There is no way that the US manufacturers can make up the production loss either.

        • h4rr4r

          There would have been a lot of money in making panels.
          There would have been the opportunity to gain a technical edge.

          This will actually help US manufacturers, their stock prices already prove this.

          You are suggesting we give up our ability to produce technology goods in exchange for some service jobs now. In the future we won’t have those either.

          • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

            No, I’m not saying that at all. But why cripple both manufacturing and installation? Why not subsidize the manufacturers to help them compete? Because the GOP is doubling down on “fossil fuels or nothing”.

          • h4rr4r

            So your solution to dumping is more dumping?
            So then the EU would put tarriffs on our exports, Brilliant!

          • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

            No. My solution is to invest federal resources into helping our manufacturers, also too. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

          • h4rr4r

            No, you don’t understand what you are saying.
            Federal investment in manufacturers without recovering those costs via market rate loans is the very definition of dumping.

          • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

            Who said anything about not recovering the costs? I’m not saying bailout.

          • h4rr4r

            Then they still could not compete.
            The problem is the solar cells are being dumped on the market below cost.
            So the US manufacturers can’t compete. You can’t sell less than the guy taking a loss on every unit.

          • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

            Just read that the US manufacturers are also foreign owned. So yeah. Nevermind.

          • h4rr4r

            So?
            The question is not who owns them but where they are made. Pretty much every major company has some foreign ownership.
            Solyndra could have survived had Obama done this.

          • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

            I am just pointing it out because Trump resurrected “America First!”. What a jackass.

  • Bub the very stable zombie

    You stink, Donnie.

    https://youtu.be/J4j7ggZqbiU

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • Anything to avoid the vacuum

    • Resistor Radio

      “Covering my tracks! They’ll never know!”

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Cat’s name is Roomba?

      • stablegeniusahughes798

        I’d rather have that Roomba up there than the regular kind.

    • Delu

      Well at least SOMEONE is helping out around the house!

  • Nounverb911
  • Sakonyachen

    Once upon a time they would say it was a media narrative to avoid admitting the truth. Then they would say it was absolutely not true. Now they say factually incorrect when you don’t buy their spin on the facts. I don’t think these people are smart enough to understand the amount of credibility they lose by talking.

  • Resistor Radio
  • Nounverb911
    • Delu

      We’ve had bird flu and swine flu already.

      Why would dog flu be a surprise?

      However if it can result in a pandemic then….

    • bobbert

      Yup. Got it in the Bay Area too.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Apparently, the police academy doesn’t teach you how to differentiate between weed and pistachios: http://www.nwherald.com/2018/01/19/spring-grove-police-mistake-pistachio-shells-for-marijuana-find-pills-in-womans-pocket/avubchs/

    • Ryan Denniston

      Iran and the US are the main producers of pistachios, so it’s clearly understandable that mistakes were made.

    • OneYieldRegular

      If you’ve ever driven to Ojai on California’s Route 33, you know how easy it is for this confusion to occur.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So, wait a minute, Dems caved AGAIN????

    • Delu

      Somewhat and maybe not but yeah.

      The alternative would have been to continue with the shutdown and get blamed for it.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Most people were blaming Republicans.

        • Bub the very stable zombie

          Not according to some polls I’ve seen.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            People were blaming Republicans by a pretty wide margin as of last night. Shutdown is THEIR brand, plus they are in the majority, so they should be able to govern.

          • Delu

            The problem is that Republicans don’t care about getting blamed, hell they’ve already passed a shit-ugly unpopular tax bill. If that doesn’t show how little fucks they give about being blamed, nothing would.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            The risk was that the longer the shutdown went the more the “Illegals over Military” meme would have gained traction. The media was already letting Rs go on the shows and claim that unchallenged. Plus, by an average of 20 points, Americans polled preferred to not shutdown the government over DACA

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          That blame was waning pretty quickly. An assist should go to the media on that.

        • Parakeetist

          Not what I heard.

        • Delu

          I mean ALSO. Of course people will blame Republicans too, but the difference is that Republicans don’t care, they don’t have to because their base won’t blame them.

        • Phried Ω

          The pushed message was that the Dems were screwing the military without mentioning Duckworth’s legislation to keep pay and benefits flowing that McConnell killed. They got out messaged by a lie again.

          • Delu

            Trumpians are great at playing the blame game. Trump himself is great at that since it’s something he’s been good at since long before he was elected.

            The things is that Democrats will get genuinely blamed by their base, Trumpians won’t really bear any consequences of blame from anyone.

      • Marion in Savannah

        So what are the odds of Trump getting a wild hair and refusing to sign?

        • Delu

          If DACA even comes up for him to sign.

          That’s on the turtle to put forward and the odds he does are not exactly good either.

        • Christopher Story

          As long as Steven Miller is our real president, all of the odds.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          I’d say 50:50

    • Parakeetist

      We saved the CHIP funding.

      • ariel_gee_398

        And we made Trump miss his stupid fucking party.

        • OneYieldRegular

          And his weekend of golfing.

          • sarafina

            I think we made a profit this weekend.

        • Ryan Denniston

          There you have it. We won all of the things. Missed a party, $100m in money saved. We should charge for this service.

        • Stinky_Hole

          I still say there wasn’t enough money in it and he was happy to back out ahead of a failure.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That should have been saved months ago, but Republicans wanted to use it as a bargaining chip, and we stupidly let them. Damn, we are dumb.

        • Ryan Denniston

          hostage

        • Parakeetist

          9 million kids have insurance. That is not dumb.

          We didn’t let them do a dang thing and you know it.

        • h4rr4r

          And in 3 weeks we can extract even more.

        • sarafina

          It’s not so much “we stupidly let them” as Dems are the minority party. Shut up and vote.

        • bobbert

          How, exactly, could “we” have NOT let them?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            We could have been mentioning it for months, for one thing. We also could have let them keep the government shut down. Their own base would have been hurt if CHIP wasn’t funded. Eventually they would have grown tired of getting blamed for it, and done something about immigration.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Dems can hold McConnell’s feet to the fire in 3 weeks. We got 6 years of CHIP. No hostages were shot. Oh and Republicans were blamed 2 to 1.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Friday the GOP offered 3 years of CHIP funding, today they agreed to 6 years of CHIP funding.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m assuming Dreamers are still screwed?

        • h4rr4r

          For 3 weeks.
          So far the American public blame the GOP and we got 6 years of CHIP.

          • Sakonyachen

            Republicans aren’t exactly against CHIP en masse, they just aren’t going to pass on a chance to blame something on Democrats while refusing to do anything besides funnel cash to their masters. I mean yes, they would let all the kids die as long as they could blame the Dems, but even our corporate owned media couldn’t let that stand for more tax breaks and subsidies.

          • h4rr4r

            Go ask Paul Ryan about how much he loves CHIP.

    • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Ryan Denniston

      Another case of Master Negotiator Trump p0wning all over the libtards.

    • Nephilim

      The DNC and Democrat leaders are directionless now. This shutdown was totally organized by Trump and GOP and blaming Dems came immediately. A well organized DNC would have anticipated the false attacks and been ready to go on offensive.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Sounds good, but we don’t have the media on our side. We were damned if we did and damned if we didn’t. If the shutdown went on longer the narrative would have flipped to Democrat Shutdown, which outlets like the NY Times were too happy to publish. Now Dems are being accused of caving by the media. The policy fight was a win for us, but the perception now is that we’re losers.

        • Stinky_Hole

          And tomorrow the president will do something stupid and all will be forgotten…

  • Raan
    • Resistor Radio

      Hey, where did Saddam Hussein come from?

      • Raan

        That is a thirty-two year old Hispanic man called Gordito who has had that mustache since he was twelve.

        Kind of a weird comic, this.

  • MANGO CRIMES
  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    We went past cats and dogs living together now we have cats and squirrels as friends.

    https://imgur.com/3CcqEWi

    • tehbaddr

      Madness! They’re putting something in the water supply !!!

  • Resistor Radio
    • Bub the very stable zombie

      What could be better than a litter of red tabby kittens?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Two litters of red tabby kittens.

        • Bub the very stable zombie

          Good point.

      • SisterArtemis

        Ow Ow Ow!!! needle claws!!!

      • Resistor Radio

        Tabbies are so cute!!!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      But they want to be petted.

      • Resistor Radio

        I’m gonna need to call for cuddle back-up.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      The team commences its assault on K2.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      GET TO DA CHOPPA!

    • Bub the very stable zombie
    • Stinky_Hole

      Put. The food bowl. Down.

      • Resistor Radio

        …and nobody gets hurt

  • Left Coast Tom
    • OneYieldRegular

      As the driver of an aging Fiesta, I get SchadenFord from hearing about an irresponsible Tesla driver losing his license for a year.

  • amrak63

    There’s a troll calling himself “Trofim Lysenko” defending Mommie Dearest Russia on the Greenwald thread, if anyone wants to teach him why we are called the “Nasty Vile Little Snark Mob“.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Forget it amrak63, it’s Glenn Greenwald.

    • altleftjohn

      Tell him we will Beria.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Meh, I just washed my hair and painted my nails.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    In three weeks we gonna be like “Wu-Tang!”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA49DaVmJWQ

  • Shan

    Baconz and I were having a conversation tonight and he texted me this (among other things):

    “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

    I told him it just made me argumentative and reminded me of KAC and SHS. Then I went and had more fun changing a lightbulb.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That sounds like an opinion. But then again, that’s just my perspective.

      • vivian

        Truth

        • Lance Thrustwell

          I stand in my truth! Or maybe ‘wallow’ is a better word.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Baconz wrong. There are facts. There is truth.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        That’s just, like, your opinion, man.

      • Parakeetist

        Fact: there is a tree outside my window.

        Opinion: I like this tree. Sometimes there are boids in it.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Reminds me of that old metaphysical saw – If a tree falls on your window but no one sees it, does homeowner’s cover it?

          • Parakeetist

            Chirp

    • OneYieldRegular

      I’ll wager that if you attach a binder clip to his dangly bits, he’ll very quickly view that as a fact and not an opinion. BUT DON’T DO THAT.

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        That’s a fact, Jack!

    • h4rr4r

      true, from a certain point of view

    • bobbert

      You know, when I was his age I liked to argue, too.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        No you didn’t!

        • Phried Ω

          That’s not arguing. It’s just contradiction.

          • Smoke O’Hontas

            uhg. Go to your room!

    • Delu

      Ask him if he’s been talking with Descartes too much.

      If there is no objectivity, there is nothing.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

        • altleftjohn

          Who’s asking?

        • eggs ackly-wright

          I did not!

      • Covfefe

        I troll. Therefore I am.

        • Delu

          “They see me trollin’ they hatin'”

        • Left Coast Tom

          Glenn Greenwald? Is that you?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Another Bacon, Sir Francis, is credited with establishing the philosophical basis of “science”, which relies upon testing hypotheses against “fact”.

    • DrBigHead

      OK, I Kant take any more of this!

      • Marion in Savannah

        Don’t put Descartes in front of the horse.

        • TJ Barke

          You just gotta find your Nietzsche.

          • Smoke O’Hontas

            You’re just Heideggin’ a hole for yourself.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          ♫ I know, Derrida
          Gonna miss me
          When I’m gone…♫

    • altleftjohn

      There was a young man who said “God
      Must find it exceedingly odd
      To think that the tree
      Should continue to be
      When there’s no one about in the quad.”

      Reply:
      “Dear Sir: Your astonishment’s odd;
      I am always about in the quad.
      And that’s why the tree
      Will continue to be
      Since observed by, Yours faithfully, God.”

      • Delu

        No burning bushes?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Would that be the quad at Berkeley?

        • altleftjohn

          If a nightingale sings in Berkeley Square and there’s no one there to hear it . . . .?

    • tehbaddr

      Incandescent, fluorescent, or led? Inquiring minds want to know!

      • What about halogen or xenon?

        • tehbaddr

          Good point!

    • Delu

      Despite that, without any sort of agreed upon “objective truths” there can’t actually be an argument of any sort.

      Arguments are only possible when both sides agree upon certain things as objective truths. If they agree on NOTHING there’s no basis for arguing whatsoever.

      • Shan

        We’re talking about two Irish-ish redheads here.

    • Phried Ω

      See what you started?

      • Shan

        Seriously. What was I thinking?

  • Nounverb911
    • Ryan Denniston

      And there’s not damn thing Jeff Sessions can do about it (yet).

      • Parakeetist

        Jeff Sessions is a jerk.

    • Parakeetist

      Yay.

    • Left Coast Tom

      It doesn’t legalize recreational pot sales, as has been done in the
      eight states (excluding Washington, DC) to legalize marijuana so far.

      Ah, so Vermont won’t have any pot and food pairing dinners or pot-friendly B&Bs/yoga establishments like the planned one I posted about yesterday in CA’s Redwood Valley.

      • h4rr4r

        Why not? Gifts are legal.
        As is BYOW.

        • Left Coast Tom

          How is “corkage” calculated for weed?

          • h4rr4r

            I can’t wait to find out.

    • sarafina

      Wow. At this rate, by 2019 more states will have legalized marijuana than have expanded Medicaid.

      • Left Coast Tom

        So far not a single state has 1) legalized “recreational” marijuana and 2) refused to expand Medicaid. Even Alaska, the wingnuttiest of the marijuana states, expanded Medicaid.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Replying to myself because Disqus doesn’t always update properly…apparently I’m wrong, Maine’s voters expanded Medicaid but their fathead governor is still squabbling, while Maine did legalize marijuana.

    • Dinz6315

      Ahem.
      We were also the first to legalize gay marriage through the legislature.
      Go VT.

    • bbayliss

      Gee Whiz this only took 50 years longer than it should have.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    “Dammit Brad, didnt you pay attention during rehearsal?”

    https://imgur.com/2vtY6ah

    • Lord Jim

      So cute…

    • OneYieldRegular

      Submitted as partial documentation in support of Ph.D. candidacy for your dissertation: “Neuromuscular Similarities between Kittens and Adult Tennis Spectators”?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Winner of the IgNobel award for 2018, I’ll bet.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      “Guys if we don’t get in sync we’re never gonna get to Tokyo!”

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I want them! But darn it, they grow up and turn into lap blankets.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        There is a problem with that? It will really help in the winter when its cold out.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          They are nice as lap blankets, but not when you have six or seven of them. My lap is only so big, and I can fit at most two at a time. I once took in a stray pregnant cat who had 6 kittens, and it was a joy to have them all on my lap at once when they were tiny, but inevitably it would have turned into Musical Laps.

    • shivaskeeper

      I’ll take to out of sync one. I like the cut of his jib.

      • Delu

        It was being blocked from seeing whatever it was I think.

        • shivaskeeper

          Doesn’t matter.

  • Apple Scruff

    So wankhead Stephen Miller is the main reason President Dotard keeps backing out of DACA negotiations. Which means the asshole needs to get out of the WH. And there is only one way to do this — give him a Time magazine cover and make sure #PresidentMiller starts trending on Twitter.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Preznit Miller is going to get a way better doctor to do his scalp reduction.

      • msanthropesmr

        No head left.

        • Smoke O’Hontas

          Head not in evidence. Pin OTOH.

    • Phried Ω

      Book him for every TV spot that anyone can think of. Exposure is the kiss of death if it momentarily outshines Trump.

    • TJ Barke

      The Jewish guy that wants to be a nazi, go figure…

  • Nounverb911

    Maybe they shouldn’t break the law then….

    https://twitter.com/businessinsider/status/955469539428519938

    • Ryan Denniston

      Wat? They get literal get out of jail free cards? That’s called fucking corruption, of Trumpean proportions.

    • Delu

      The only appropriate response.

      “This is not Monopoly”.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      …or that he was the Zodiac Killer.

    • Delu

      Let’s not forget the time Trump called his father the close friend of Lee Harvey Oswald.

      Will get denied too I guess.

  • Beelzebubba

    The phrase “Lyin’ Ted” comes to mind, for some reason.

    • Tom Mirkovich

      Ted has all of the cunning and creepy of Dick Nixon and none of the brilliance.

  • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

    OT: Still want to claim that opposition to your fucknut racist government is itself “racist,” Bibi? I guess all these pilots must be self-loathing Jews, right?

    In massive show of protest, Israeli pilots refuse to fly planes deporting African refugee asylum seekers back to war-torn countries

    This is the country that once surreptitiously sterilized African asylum seekers in their own version of the Tuskegee experiment. They were given “inoculations” during the initial medical exam that were really birth control shots for women.

    Apartheid? No apartheid. You’re the apartheid!

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      BBBBBut Israel is a shining beacon of freedom and democracy surrounded by scary Mooselimbs!

      My RWNJ ex-drinking bro

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Florida Man tries to order a burrito from the drive-up teller at a bank, gets arrested for DUI. https://t.co/8vUFdtxWOR— Josh Barro (@jbarro) January 23, 2018

    • Delu

      What’s this country coming to when you can’t order a burrito from a bank teller drive in without getting arrested?

    • CripesAmighty

      It’s ‘Burrito Banker Bro’.

    • h4rr4r

      The Bank is only open until 4pm!

    • Master Contrail Program

      My bank is next to a Taco Bell and in Florida. Thus far there have been no cross-promotions that I’m aware of.

    • La forza del resistino

      And put all your refried beans in the bag and no one gets hurt.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Ahh, but the refried beans already come in a bag. Just add water.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          I don’t think they’re refried at that point.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      This is what happens when we don’t get taco trucks on every corner. People have to order shitty fake Mexican food from banks.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Guy goes to the library. Says, “Gimme a beer.”
      The librarian says, “This is a library.”
      Man thinks about it, whispers, “gimme a beer.”

      h/t to the Msgra.

    • SayItWithWookies

      What’s so weird is that he just withdrew $400 from Taco Bell without a hitch.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      He got off lucky with a DUI bust. If it had been a Wells Fargo, he would have drove off with 3 useless loan packages

  • rocktonsam

    Fun watching Pence over there with Bibi acting all presidential and what not .

  • TJ Barke

    New episode of Plinketto! I can stay my suicide!

    • Bub the very stable zombie

      Don’t say that man. I just had my bi-yearly suicide prevention training day.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      New BotW?

  • idiotboy

    I just came from a meeting with customers who as always repeat many times that they were not a bottomless pit of money and really wanted to save on their remodel.
    They then ordered a $2200 toilet. An Electrictoilet. Mind you this is before installation and my markup.
    Toilet has a remote, now would that be fun or what!!! Especially if I ordered an extra. We live across the meadow from them.

    • Nounverb911
      • HazooToo

        Why is that thing so close to the curved wall?

        • Nounverb911

          Because Frank LLoyd Wright designed the bathroom!

      • tehbaddr

        A toilet is a place where you are supposed to shit, not broadcast your decree!

    • h4rr4r

      If you got shit on your hand, would you just wipe it off and go on about your day?

      $2200 is a bit much though.

      • idiotboy

        Or one can purchase a $25 toilet paper holder, please.
        I ain’t complaining because you see 15% of $25 v $2200 pays for dinner down in Berkley next week.

        • h4rr4r

          How would that help? You would still be wiping with dry paper.

    • Phried Ω

      A bidet feature with an extra remote could be fun.

    • willi0000000

      could be fun with the extra remote . . . IR will work if they have a bathroom window and you have enough power . . . if no window it’ll probably have to be wifi.

  • Nounverb911
    • tehbaddr

      The Donald likes him some Sausage!

    • HazooToo

      Fucking ghouls, all of them.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Right, that’s why he paid $130,000 to keep her mouth shut. I love that she reneged on the POS who reneges on everyone else.

  • Michael R
    • Phried Ω

      I never get tired of that one.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I could watch this all day. Hmm…is there any way you could make a .gif your screen background?

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Pops held wifey still while Ted unloaded.

      Teamwork from Team Creep!

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Just FYI for all you cat people … My Older Cat has lived with me for 8 years and throws up just a few minutes after eating her dry food about twice a week, which is probably why her original owner abandoned her at the Humane Center 8 years ago. She also spits up hairballs once a week, even tho I brush her daily. I thought I resolved this by switching her 7 years ago to Purina One Sensitive Systems and also Purina One Hairball Formula, but all it did was cut down on the vomiting to once or twice a month.

    About a month ago she suddenly began vomiting daily right after eating, so I went to the expensive Organic Pet Store and they gave me free samples of 8 of their very expensive all-natural dry cat foods, and I tried them one by one. Half were chicken/duck/turkey formulas, and half were salmon/other kinds of fish formulas.

    Lo-and-behold, it turns out that Older Cat has an insensitivity to fish, and according to my internet research, this is not uncommon in cats. The Purina One Hairball Formula contains small amounts of fish meal. I have been mildly poisoning Older Cat for 8 years unknowingly.

    I have now switched her to “Go!” Duck formula because that is the free sample that she liked the best, and she hasn’t thrown up once in the past three weeks. But it costs $25 for a 4-lb bag, as opposed to $9 for the Purina Sensitive Systems. Holy shit, $25 for a 4-lb bag of cat food!!! Aiyeee!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Yikes, glad you found something she likes but that is a lot.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You said it, and I can’t do this forever. Older Cat is 12 years old, she’s got quite a few good years left. I think I will have to try the Purina One Sensitive Systems again, as it has no fish ingredients.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Can you mix them half of each in the bowl? That might stretch the food a lot longer and still be good for her.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I was thinking of that myself. I could do two-thirds/one-third and make it last quite a while. I’ve got a wonderful PAWS air-tight pet food canister that holds exactly 2 bags of dry food, and it is useful for mixing brands.

        • jowgajen

          You could buy a big kibble keeper and get the 16# bag from Chewy for $65.00, a 33% savings on the Go! Duck.

          Also you can talk to your vet about Hill’s Prescription Diet Sensitive which has a fish-free chicken flavor. Still pricey, but not as bad as $24 for 4#.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The vet at the Humane Society did recommend Hills, and they actually give a free bag of Hills with every cat adopted, but Hills dry food has a strong odor, which I found that I absolutely couldn’t stand, it made me nauseous. Alas! I had the same problem with IAMS.

          • CripesAmighty

            Sounds like it’s the fish which is making kitty pukey. If so, just eliminating that should solve, and one doesn’t need to deal with that expensive stuff for sensitive tummies.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I think I will have to do that, because of course there is also Younger Cat, who will eat anything that is not nailed down or locked up, and never gets sick, so she is gobbling up the expensive organic food as well. There is no way to have separate food bowls.

          • jowgajen
          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, it does, thanks! And affordable!

          • jowgajen

            My furbaby is on a special bladder diet that’s pricey (but not as pricey as the vet bills that result from not using it), so I definitely sympathize with needing to find a cost effective way to meet the kitty’s needs.

          • CripesAmighty

            Yeah. Is she fussy otherwise? Cuz if you can find something she likes without fish, sounds like you’ve got it licked.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            No, she is the least fussy cat you ever met as long as you don’t try to get affectionate with her. She lives in her own private world on top of the linen cupboard in the bathroom all day long, comes out for a few hours at night to sit in the living room with me, then she demands to be brushed, after which she goes back to the top of the linen cupboard. She is like a little ghost in the house, and I am strangely fond of her.

          • SeekingIndictmentBarbie

            Bless you for hanging in with your older kitty. I have told Miss Pepper’s story before, how she was an older kitty who was turned in by 2 families for biting and by golly, she bit me, too! But I persevered and now she is happy, healthy, and keeps her teeth to herself. Mostly. Anyway, I have found that some of the more expensive foods are also more concentrated so kitty can eat smaller portions. I don’t have any advice for you on this matter, but wish you and old kitty well and a long and happy life together.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Thank you! I wish the same to you and Miss Pepper!

        • h4rr4r

          12 is not that old for an indoor cat. Just agreeing there are many good years left.

    • h4rr4r

      Damn, I thought Blue Buffalo was expensive.

      I have 4 of the little bastards, I would be in the poor house.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I feel a strong commitment to Older Cat, because nobody would adopt her at the Humane Society for an entire year, and she was already 4 years old and antisocial and they said they would have to euthanize her, so I said “Let me try her.” Five years later she decided she liked me, and now she is quite affectionate. I think she is what in human terms would be called Autistic. I wish I could afford this organic food for her, but there is no way in the long term.

        • CripesAmighty

          Maybe just look for a standard brand that doesn’t have fish ingredients (assuming such a thing exists)?

        • h4rr4r

          I am sure you will find something.

    • Bananas Foster

      You might want to see a vet about a prescription brand.

      My 11-lb bag of rabbit and peas kibble for my very sensitive kitty is $60 with the prescription. Without the prescription it varies, but it’s always over $110 at least.

      I know there is a duck formula.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        What a pity there isn’t an ACA plan for cats.

    • ariel_gee_398

      If you feel like experimenting, Chewy.com has lots of limited ingredient options. Their prices are good and the customer service is great. I’ve ordered things that didn’t work for my cat with dietary restrictions, and they just credit my account for it and tell me to donate it to a local shelter.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That’s a good idea. Chewy.com does sell “Go!” cat food for a few dollars less than the local organic pet store.

      • Resistor Radio

        I’m also a big fan of chewy. Their prices are better than any brick and mortar I’ve been to, and delivery is usually 2 days

      • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

        Just FYI they sold out to PetCo (or Petsmart, can’t remember which) a couple of months ago. They sent out this email about how all of a sudden Orijin would no longer let them sell their food for no reason at all, and to be outraged and contact Orijin/call them out on social media, whatever. Orijin was like, “um, the reason we won’t let you be a retailer is because you sold out to a conglomerate, and we only allow independent shops to sell our food”. I was highly disappointed by the attempted deception, and I’m no longer doing business with them. It sucks, they had the absolute best customer service.

        • ariel_gee_398

          I know the company was sold, and I don’t like that fact, though I’m not sure how much daylight there is between being the Amazon of pet food and the Barnes and Noble. In any event, I haven’t noticed any difference in their customer service since then. From what I saw, some brands pulled their product because they didn’t think Chewy could continue to provide the service they expected, and that’s their call, but I haven’t seen any changes so far.

    • shivaskeeper

      Do you have a feed store near you? They can usually get the expensive brands a bit cheaper than at a boutique shop. They are also usually very good at finding less expensive alternatives.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yes, there are two, I never thought of that, thanks for the suggestion.

    • TJ Barke

      Hills z/d.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Thanks for the suggestion, but I tried Hills, and it has a strong odor that I can’t stand the smell of it. I had the same problem with IAMS. The cat food bowl is in my kitchen, only a few feet from where I sit to watch TV or use the computer, and the smell of both makes me sick. I’m weird … too sensitive to smells, I’m afraid.

        • TJ Barke

          Hills z/d is prescription hypoallergenic food.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, I know, the local Humane Society gave me a free bag of it when I adopted her because they knew she was “special” and because I volunteered there. They offered to keep giving it to me for a year because I offered to try and “socialize” this cat, but I just couldn’t stand the smell of it.

  • Nounverb911
    • weejee

      Ouch!

      • Nounverb911

        Our’s trust Mitch?

    • Parakeetist

      Nine million kids aren’t going to die because their parents couldn’t take them to the doctor.

      • weejee

        It is fucking amazing what that our fearless electeds are horse trading kids lives and the press really doesn’t say much about that save the abbreviations, but not much about what either DACA or CHIP mean other than they are bargaining chips.

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          Not like the Dems had much choice.

          • weejee

            But CHIP was in the bucket before the filibuster. All they got was Turdle McConnell’s promise to vote on something about DACA in the next few weeks. I’m not seeing this as a huge win. A kerfuffle and a promise. I’m not sure the kerfuffle will gain a lot of votes in November. With shutdown the media stopped reporting that the Rs were using 9 million kids lives as a poison pill for the D’Rats and that was just hardball politics.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            On Friday the GOP offered 3 years for CHIP. Today Dems got 6 years which means if we retake the white house in 2020 and take congress this year CHIP isnt going to be a bargaining chip again.

          • weejee

            I’ll give that is a positive gain. That said, I’m not doing cartwheels – and likely, given my age, my doctor will be pleased about that.

    • tehbaddr

      Reprehensible! Spineless fuckers!

    • Left Coast Tom

      Neither of my Senators believed him.

    • Christopher Story

      Should’ve been lambs being led to a shed with Mitch holding the DACA vote as an axe.

    • gallbladder

      His cold, lifeless eyes say it all.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      We should be standing behind the Dems no matter what to ensure they win in November. We can bitch and moan after that. Too much at stake right now to be tearing them down. The media and Rs are doing that already. No need to pile on.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
      • Christopher Story

        Hey, I’m talented! I can, bitch, moan, and check a box on a ballot. I understand. Get some people in there who will do the job right the first time and we don’t have to resort to these acts of desperation. I just feel really shitty about the whole thing right now.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          The main thing is getting people to actually go out and vote. If we vote we win even with gerrymandering.

      • Left Coast Tom

        1) I don’t, actually, have any Democrats I can complain about here – even Feinstein (Bipartisan-CA) voted no.
        2) I donated to Jones (D-AL) and, despite his vote Friday and today, have no regrets.
        3) I do think Pelosi is doing a much better job of cat-herding than Shumer.
        4) More specific on point 3…Collins (R-ME) made specific claims about promises she received from McTurtle which we know to be false. Either McTurtle is a liar, or Collins is a liar. More directly, trusting McTurtle necessarily means calling Collins a liar. There’s some value, I think, in making this conflict more public than was done in this case – even if the final outcome would have been the same.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      When all you got is a pair of fives, you can only bluff so hard before you get called by the guy with a full house.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      They’ll negotiate for the next 17 days, the House Republicans will say “Nope”, then McConnell will say “Well, I tried.”

    • SayItWithWookies

      The best thing about this compromise is that because it’s a short-term continuation, verification is built into the bill. If Mitch doesn’t come through with his side of the bargain, he’s fucked. He gives the Democrats permission to hate-vote him into oblivion. Nobody gives a shit whether he promised bullshit, because we’ll hold him to getting a DACA fix passed, and that goes for the House as well as the Senate (see the first clause of this sentence as to why). Otherwise Mitch is a liar and not a clever one at that, and the next shutdown is entirely on him.

    • shivaskeeper

      No one believes McTurtle. No one.

  • Most Stable Land Shark
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    there was an opinion piece by some lackey for Cruz’s 2016 campaign at CNN.com – lies and more lies.

    Also, HOLA WONKERINOS! How was everyone’s day?

    • Resistor Radio

      Hi Tacos! *waves*

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Hey space tacos. Pretty good, how are you?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        good JP!

        pretty damn good day at work. It looks like they’re definitely thinking of hiring me. I mentioned a problem with HR and TWO people offered to fix it for me and a 3rd said, by the way, you should have me on there as a reference.

        Also, I did some pretty good work at stuff.

        : D

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          That is awesome, it really sounds like you have the job. Keep up the great work. It is great that they are all willing to help you.

          Oh I have to tell you, you where right a while ago. I finally called a lawyer today for something I have been putting off and made the receptionist laugh. Before I got off the phone scheduling the first appointment I asked “I have a dumb question since I have never been to a lawyers office before. But is there a dress code or anything I should know before coming in?” She laughed and said it was a good question because I guess people go in in PJ’s or other inappropriate clothing but said just nothing offensive.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            as long as you don’t spook the other clients (cause $$$), I would guess you’re fine.

            : D

        • Doug Langley

          Sounds great, but remember, it ain’t anything till it’s in black and white.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            you’re right of course; I guess it was just the attitude. My rabbi reminded me again today to apply cause she hadn’t seen my app (cause of HR). The other person picked up her pen and was going to add the issue to her “to do” list – so, yeah.

    • gallbladder

      TCB as best we can.

    • Gosala

      * hack *
      Fine
      * sneeze *
      Why do you ask?
      * runs to the loo *

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        awww, that always sucks.

        Feel better.

    • weejee

      Other than were slitting each other’s posting throat, just fine Taco.

    • Ryan Denniston

      waiting to hear from the Stable Geinus. fingers crossed we gotta a deal.

    • Doug Langley

      Rent assistance! Finally the day came when I was supposed to call. So I phoned at 8:00 sharp . . . and busy signal. Kept redialing. Busy for half a fuckin’ hour. Finally got through, and just as about to talk to someone, they hung up. Another half hour of dialing. Finally got through . .. to a voicemail. Left message. Guess what never came? Aw, you guessed.

      On the upside, went to a food pantry and got some eats.

    • shivaskeeper

      Worked horses today. Got to show some new people how to do groundwork with no violence or fear. That’s always a good day.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        aye, glad you’re there. (Horses scare the living fuck out of me – i’ve heard all my life how they kick and they can be spooked real easily…and i’ve been near them twice when they were agitated…bad start to what seems like a really peaceful relationship usually.

        • shivaskeeper

          I could have you leading one around with no halter or rope in a few hours. Even a spooky/skittish one.

  • Bub the very stable zombie
  • gallbladder

    Could one of you please pass the salsa? Thanks.

  • pod food for pod people

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ef24cbf39e7fe6bd79cbc7536499b92bfa692fbfbbc791ca934ff4d087f93ba6.jpg

    (focus on Trump, not other Democrats for how they feel about this DACA cave vote. Trump wants us divided. Focus on Mitch McTurtle for, well, for aaaaallll the shit this man has done. Mitch wants us divided. Vote. Drive others to Vote…. /off soapbox)

    • HazooToo

      I really really don’t understand how this is happening. It’s not little kids eating them, it’s teenagers. What the fuck?

      • willi0000000

        “it’s teenagers.”

        and you have to say

        “What the fuck?”

        • HazooToo

          Please forgive me, I never really participated in the “social lemming” portion of teenage idiocy.

          • willi0000000

            neither did i . . . but look around!

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk