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And for God's sake don't eat the berries. Please report mutant wildlife to the Ranger Station.
Welcome to Blasted Post-Apocalyptic Hellscape National Park. Please keep windows closed at all times.

Nine of the 12 members of the federally chartered board that advises the National Park Service on policy just up and quit Monday, because Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke has not only completely ignored them, but didn’t even allow the board to meet in 2017. Zinke, you see, froze all the advisory boards for the Interior Department in May, for “review,” but never quite got around to approving most of them to do their jobs. Honestly, where’s the problem? He’s just making government more efficient by cutting out the main source of all the local input that he says he wants his department to respect. But once Interior is entirely dismantled and federal lands are sold to the highest bidder, then the public can talk to the new owners, or try.

The National Park System Advisory Board had, in the Before Times, advised the director of the Parks Service and the Interior secretary on parks policy, including the designation of national historical monuments and natural landmarks, as well as “the administration of the Historic Sites, Buildings, and Antiquities Act.” In other words, a bunch of frou-frou liberal crap that doesn’t create jobs like logging, oil drilling, or uranium and coal mining do.

One of the board members who quit, former Alaska governor Tony Knowles, sent a resignation letter to tell Zinke that advising the Parks System had been fun and all, especially up through 2016, the NPS’s centennial, but he and the eight others who walked out Monday weren’t crazy about serving on an advisory board that’s not allowed to give any advice:

Knowles’s letter also noted that the board had looked forward to briefing Zinke on some of the matters it had provided previous Parks Service directors and Interior secretaries, like

scientific research and mitigation of climate change; engaging young generations; evolving a more diverse culture of park visitors, advocates and employees; bringing our schools to our parks and our parks to our schools; stressing park urbanization; protecting the natural diversity of wildlife; and so much more.

Well there’s your problem right there, buddy. There’s no such thing as climate change, for one thing, and “science” can be taken care of by mining engineers. Schools are going to be privatized by Betsy DeVos, so if they want to go to a park, they can see if Disney World has coupons. And diversity, as everyone knows, is just another word for White Genocide.

Besides, Zinke hasn’t yet designated anyone to head the National Park Service, so why have a board to advise an empty room? OK, not quite an empty room, as the Washington Post points out:

The board members’ action comes as one of Zinke’s top deputies, Doug Domenech, assistant secretary for insular areas, plans to move into the Washington offices that the National Park Service has occupied for half a century. NPS will be relocated elsewhere in the building, according to individuals briefed on the plans.

They’re really busy over there anyway, so advisory boards would just get underfoot.

Of the 200 advisory boards frozen in May, it’s not clear how many have actually been reviewed and allowed to start working again. WaPo notes that earlier in January, an emailed question to Interior spokesperson Heather Swift about the status of all those reviews brought the rather nonspecific reply, “Boards have restarted.” Swift didn’t have anything to say Tuesday about the Parks board resignations.

At least Zinke has taken definitive action on two advisory boards. He abolished the “Wildlife and Hunting Heritage Conservation Council,” replacing it with a body that gets the emphasis on guns, like the NRA wants: Now it’s the “Hunting and Shooting Sports Conservation Council,” which will emphasize “sport shooting” and also maybe give occasional attention to making sure public lands remain open to hunting and fishing. In fact, they opened up a few more! In the press release announcing the new panel, Interior’s PR flacks touted Zinke’s efforts on behalf of hunting and fishing, including his reversal of an Obama Administration “order that would have banned lead ammo and tackle on National Wildlife Refuge lands.” MORE LEAD FOR EVERY MAN, WOMAN, CHILD, AND HERON, HOORAY.

Zinke also axed the “Advisory Committee on Climate Change and Natural Resource Science,” and no, it hasn’t been replaced, because are you joking?

In other news, Ryan Zinke is getting slagged by the oil industry for his recent decision to close the Florida coast to offshore drilling. Sure, he’s also getting flack from environmental groups and governors of states that don’t have both a Mar-a-Lago or a Rick Scott running for Senate, but those complaints were expected. You just know that making Big Oil unhappy is tearing him up inside.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to send us money. We recycle. Mostly jokes.

[WaPo / The Hill]

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  • lucidamente

    Time to drill Donald Trump offshore, with votes.

  • Gosala, a Girther

    Ima gonna grab me some “executive time.” See you crazy kids later.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Can you spare some executive paper? I’m on my last roll.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        81/2 x 11, bigly

  • RandomNameAllocated

    Offshore wind farms! We all know how much DT loves them… Actually I rather like seeing them out at sea which you can do from quite a lot of the east and south east cost of the UK (and maybe elsewhere, but I’ve not seen them).

  • jz3
  • Oblios_Cap

    Back to the 1850s!

    • Wuulf

      In more ways than this one.

    • Roadstergal

      Now with bonus global warming!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Odds of Zinke going to jail?
    2:1?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      If it turns out he changed his name from Zinsky, he will probably just escape to Mother Russia.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Some people worry about meeting Satan in the afterlife. I think Zinke will have more to fear from Smokey the Bear.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      No, Smokey is not known for starting fires. Definitely Satan.

    • Baconzgood

      Only you can prevent me from mauling your ass.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I’m sure Trump is right and Putin hates the fact that we’re making the world more dependent on fossil fuels.

  • Michael R
    • Roadstergal

      Brings new meaning to ‘special ed.’

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s not religious, so it can’t be missionary.

      • Major^3 Andre

        She’s alive, so he wasn’t on top either.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        But…but…there were two Corinthians in the room!

    • Toomush Stability

      It was religious, a kind of “missionary” position…(Oops, Oblius – I was way too late and can’t be bothered to read below…shit…)

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Did she mean “cookbook generic” as in extra vanilla lots of kneading, and done in minutes?

    • elviouslyqueer
    • SayItWithWookies

      See Don. See Don fuck. That was fast, Don! See Don roll over and tweet.

    • hudson

      somethings are fact based and cannot be manipulated on a whim.
      for example, Julius Caesar lived for ~60 years from ~100BC to ~40BC. Asterix is located ~50BC. These are facts that get burnt into your mind and never go away irrespective of what you read.

  • tihond

    Did they have to fly a special Zinke flag to resign?

  • Oblios_Cap

    the decision to remove the eastern third of the Gulf of Mexico from drilling consideration is “premature” and ignores safety advances the industry has made.

    The industry that treats the world like its own personal rubbish bin says what?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “It turns out, you can protect clams from oil spills by proactively canning them!”
      — Ryan Zinke

    • OneYieldRegular

      If you want to see firsthand the “safety advances the industry has made,” try sorting shrimp at a Louisiana seafood wholesaler.

  • BosGrl

    “evolving a more diverse culture of park visitors” – well, we can’t have that!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The last thing this executive branch needs to do is turn down good advice FFS.

    • Toomush Stability

      …before they turn out the lights….

  • Toomush Stability

    Why do they call them National Parks, if you can’t leave your car there, huh?….

    • Oblios_Cap

      National Drives?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Zinke can’t meet with them, he’s too busy trying to figure out how to get more Norwegians to visit the parks.

    • tomamitai

      They’re too busy making handcrafted subtitles for movie credits.

  • Me not sure

    Welcome to The Big Hole In The Ground Resource Extraction National Monument. WATCH YOUR STEP!” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4ab3a330bdc3c7375f77df60d01deeb5467dca6a98e9f9b5c7489d4a5131f5bf.jpg

  • DainBramage

    The next president, assuming there is one, is going to have to completely rebuild the executive branch.

    • Let’s all be sure to petition President Putin for a competent administrator.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    People who enjoy clean air and water have a conflict of interest and can’t serve on the advisory council.

    • DainBramage

      Only disinterested fossil fuel company executives need apply.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Clean air is a hidden tax on industry!

  • Lead is a natural element, libtards, how could it possibly harm nature? Huh? Yer SCIENCE got an answer for that? Check. Mate.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Just like Arsenic!

      • elviouslyqueer

        Old Lace Libel!

        • Rags

          Bully!

      • weejee

        And chrome.

        • mardam422

          ium.

    • Me not sure

      Polonium is usually made by man because of its rarity in nature. The only commercial source for polonium is Russia. If we could only find a practical natural source it would probably make a fine soup.

    • Baconzgood

      Yeah if hydrogen and oxygen are so flammable how come when you put them together they put out fires? These libtard “scientific research” types are full of bull shit.

  • Baconzgood
  • Me not sure

    Bernie Sanders, bless him, just said as regards DACA “We’ve got to stop kicking this issue down the can.”
    Oddly, I agree.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The road to mental health is just around the corner.

  • Scooby

    Next he will want to fill in the Grand Canyon because it looks too much like a giant vagina.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      As a compromise, it will be covered with a “chastity dome” to which only he has the key.

    • Me not sure

      Shush! We don’t say that word! (Mumbling… “dickhead.”)

    • Baconzgood

      It’s just a big fucking dusty hole in the ground. If you’re trying to impress me Mother Nature, you’ve failed.

    • weejee

      Land fill site for Phoenix and LA.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      He’s trying to repeal everything Obama did…why stop there? Mother nature is clearly a liberal.

  • Kryptonian Canis
    • weejee

      Ah, some of my older kiddo’s grungy classmates in high school.

  • vivian

    If ever there was a question as to the destructive power of ignorance, this administration should put that to bed forever.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      Yep, no more Amateur Hour crap, I don’t care how charming the candidate is.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Even Cheney didn’t go that far for the oil companies.

    • SDGeoff3

      He was planning that for his third or fourth term.

  • RickyG
    • tomamitai

      Hopefully not two term-ites, or even full term-ites.

      • RickyG

        LOL and right on

  • Oblios_Cap
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    If this regime ever ends, we’ll need at least a small amount of greenspace where we can erect the punishment stocks.

  • SayItWithWookies

    In the press release announcing the new panel, Interior’s PR flacks touted Zinke’s efforts on behalf of hunting and fishing, including his reversal of an Obama Administration “order that would have banned lead ammo and tackle on National Wildlife Refuge lands.” MORE LEAD FOR EVERY MAN, WOMAN, CHILD, AND HERON, HOORAY.

    Oh joy — it must’ve broken Zinke’s heart to know a person could travel out into the open country so far away from humanity that they couldn’t hear the sound of gunfire. MAGA, motherfuckers!

  • Very Stable Bozi

    Thank you, true white brother, for giving us Stinking Desert National Historical Indian Monument and Cobalt Testing Range.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjNqlhPFc4Y

  • Anna Rompage

    And in other news….

    Stormy Daniels describes sex with Trump in cringe-worthy detail: ‘Ugh here we go… please don’t pay me’

    She reportedly became involved with Trump after he invited her to
    dinner in his hotel room after meeting her at the American Century
    celebrity golf tournament in July 2006. After Daniels went to the
    bathroom after dinner, she said she returned to see Trump lying in bed
    beckoning her toward him.

    “And I was like, ‘Ugh, here we go,’” she said. “And we started kissing.”

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I can state unconditionally that I have never uttered such a thing or heard such a thing pre-sex. I think that is doing it wrong.

      I have opened certain posts at Wonkette and said that, however.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I want UGH, HERE WE GO printed on a red hat.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Today we are all Stormy Daniels disgusted by the prospect of Donald Trump waiting for us in bed.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Blargh. Huuuurrgh……

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Beckon America Toward Him Again doesn’t fit on the hat or roll off the tongue as well.

    • Baconzgood

      C’mon woman. I’m eating a $15 lunch here and I’d like to enjoy it.

  • Rick Hill

    Amazing how this administration that can’t shoot straight is completely crumbling…now that the tax cuts are passed…

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      The thing that makes you rip out your hair and shriek in frustration is that the stupids will fall for this. They will parrot it as if it were true.

      • tomamitai

        Parrot LIBELZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!! Especially the Norwegian Blue.

    • James Baskin

      Their previous attempts to blame the dems have failed miserably.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Well, they will just have to whine harder.

        • SDGeoff3

          Lovely. I need new earplugs.

        • WIDTAP

          Wasn’t that Bruce Willis’ failed business in Napa County? It had to be some Republican.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      Well to be fair, it’s the only strategy they know after a decade of deliberately turning the government into a dysfunctional mess, then running for re-election by making loud noises about how dysfunctional the government is.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    At $80 a pop, not like too many folks gonna visit the parks anyway.

    • weejee

      Some of us cheat, and already have our lifetime geezer passes.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      At $80 a pop, not like too many folks black and brown citizens gonna visit the parks anyway. Which is their goal, of course.

    • Anna Rompage

      $80 a person, and there’s not even any rides? What, do they think the Grand Canyon is Disneyland or something? ;)

      • tomamitai

        The Thelma & Louise ride is a killer!

        • vukojebina_MΩment

          I’ll gladly pay Louise’s entrance fee!

        • Lance Thrustwell

          I hear there’s been a steep drop in turnout.

          • WIDTAP

            Funny, I hear no one has left disappointed.

          • Baconzgood

            Business has nose dived

      • SDGeoff3

        We got lucky on our last trip to Sequoia and bought our lifetime senior passes for $10 apiece, just before the prices went up.

    • SDGeoff3

      That’s the point for them. Fewer people means to them less interest in the parks, so let’s shut them down and drill, baby.

      • WIDTAP

        Well, they will keep a few. With the new pricing, only the right kind of people will go to the parks now.

        • SDGeoff3

          Compared to theme parks, it’s a bargain.

      • OneYieldRegular

        BINGO.

    • Baconzgood

      They should be free. Because ya know…TAXES.

  • weejee

    Secretary Zinke, one or two of these tRumphole suppositories will cure what ails you.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ae66d5c8c4448a092af4d18af92aecb15845082a4997ac5f28ae85694c6cea63.jpg

  • MynameisBlarney

    So…Jeff Flake apparently said some things…

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210110752

    • tomamitai

      Great that he found his conscience as he’s going out the door, but so long and good riddance!

    • One, it would be nice if he had said this shit a while ago.

      Two, it would be nice if he actually stopped voting with the Trump agenda.

      Until then, he can go fuck himself with one of those cacti pictured in the previous comment.

    • TJ Barke

      They got sowed and reaped backwards.

    • Bill D. Burger

      It was nice to hear, but he’s an island in the GOP and one that will soon be gone___and thus far he’s been all talk and no action. He’s voted with what Drumpf wants 100% of the time.

    • theblackdog

      Joy Ann Reid was all over this reminding us that he votes with Trump and voted against aid for Puerto Rico.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      “The world will little note, nor long remember what [you said] here,…” — A. Lincoln

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Oooh, you go. We are all very impressed, Mr. Fake.

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      I’ll give him a cookie when he calls out Mitch McConnell and his fellow senators for enabling the Trump shitshow and actually does something about it.

    • Elendira

      oh oh! Jeff Flake is giving Trump a stern talking to!

      Does this mean that he is going to start voting against Trump?

      No? He is going to quietly support and vote for Trump.

      Well then Fuck Off, Jeff Flake.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Yup, he’s so “concerned” that he introduced a bill to protect the special counsel investigation, so that Donnie couldn’t Saturday Night Massacre” it

      Oh wait, he didn’t do that

      He’s so concerned that he’s introduced legislation protecting the fourth estate from attacks by members of the government

      No wait, he didn’t do that either.

      Well, he’s so concerned that he used his leverage as a Senator by threatening to withhold his crucial vote on must-pass bills in order to force the president to act more presidential and abide by the traditional dictates of the office.

      Nope, my bad, he didn’t do that either

      Fuck you Flake and fuck your sternly worded letter too. Talk is cheap- DO SOMETHING, you’re still a Senator…

  • TJ Barke

    Zinke only serves the right kind of people. Namely corporations.

  • vukojebina_MΩment

    OT.
    What if The Iliad was actually written by a bunch of D&D guys?
    http://jeb124.tumblr.com/post/159321765697/earlhamclassics-thoodleoo-thoodleoo-theres

    there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D

    homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do
    achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon
    achilles’ player: *rolls a 1*
    homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend

    Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?
    Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.
    Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–
    Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.
    Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.
    Achilles’ player: How many?
    Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.
    Achilles’ player: I fight the river.
    Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.
    Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*

  • Squeegee

    I’m waiting for the Trump Administration to approve fracking in and around Yellowstone National Park, setting off the massive underground volcano that wasn’t scheduled to go off for another 500 years (but which is already showing signs of waking up) sending off a toxic volcanic plume wiping out all life in North America.

    Then I’ll finally get a day off from work before starving to death or getting eaten alive by a random hoard of cannibals out of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.

    • JaveyDay
    • OutOfOrbit

      actually, only us east of Yellowstone will get wiped out … of course, if one goes east far enough, one ends up where one started, i guess, purdy sure, yeah

    • DrBigHead

      Well, we all have to go sometime. Going out in the Yellowstone mega volcano eruption is up there with being struck by an asteroid or driving a Ford GT40 into a bridge abutment at 175 MPH.

      • Squeegee

        We had a minor earthquake that shook the entire east coast of the US a few years ago that was attributed to fracking in Virginia I really think this is a legitimate concern so do a lot of scientists

        • DrBigHead

          I absolutely believe this is a legitimate concern. I have driven across the Yellowstone caldera, as has probably everyone who has visited the park. It is enormous, and if/when it goes, we are seriously fucked.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      They already have plans for fracking in Yellowstone.

      https://www.ecowatch.com/fracking-wyoming-2475758304.html

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      #MAGA (Make America Geologic Again)

    • WotsAllThisThen

      On the bright side, all that sulfur dioxide will counteract global warming.

      • Yes. First it will get nuclear winter cold, worse than “eighteen hundred and froze to death” cold. And dark. But only for a couple of years. Then it will start to get hotter again, and if the infrastructure has broken down, it will get hot faster as the volcano’s and industrial sulphates precipitate out of the atmosphere. The ocean will acidify quickly.

        However, the long term effects of global warming may be reduced considerably from what we are expecting now, from decades more of fossil fuel burning.

        Of course, everybody east of Yellowstone in North America will be toast. (The prevailing wind pattern is eastward.)

  • cmd resistor

    So speaking of oil, how come gas prices are going up, up and up? Soon it will be enough to cancel out what is sure to be my huge tax saving.

    • OutOfOrbit

      all part of the plan, my dear

    • Bill D. Burger
      • yyyaz

        Somehow “simple survival” isn’t looking so simple anymore.

    • Arolpin

      Drumpf is probably stupid enough to think that raising gas taxes gives increases the (already insane) profits of the oil companies.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Oh sure, national park admission fees are being raised to as much as $70 per car and national parks and monuments are being scaled back or eliminated. But does no one appreciate the administration’s efforts to expand and preserve National Superfund Sites for future generations?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Our part to help other people – the corporations who impose their externalities on us!

    • doktorzoom

      Now, now. They’re only rolling back the size of national monuments!

      So far.

      • OneYieldRegular

        True, but they’re rolling back the both value of and access to national parks by threatening to raise fees to “unaffordable” – effectively eliminating them for people unable to pay $70 to visit.

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    Geeze, what a bunch of snowflakes. Don’t those National Park guys know that Zinke has a very busy schedule, what with meeting all of those oil drilling lobbyists and all?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      They just need to watch for his flag.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      And BOTH of the guys in Montana who handle all government contracts.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Plus his time is constantly taken up in meetings with Deputy Secretaries Copper, Magnesium, Fluorspar, Tungsten, Bauxite and Cobalt.

  • cmd resistor
    • wide_stance_hubby

      Winning.

    • OutOfOrbit

      so much for “closed doors”

    • Very Stable Bozi

      Will they do this with Mueller? Please, make this obstruction so.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Bob’s not stupid. Surrender all your electronics at the door.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Kelly was tapping out the answers in code as Psycho Miller relayed them to Bannon’s lawyers.

      http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/hmmrhed.gif

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        Psycho Miller? Qu’est-ce que c’est?

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          You start a conversation you can’t even finish it
          You’re talking a lot, but you’re not saying anything
          When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed
          Say something once, why say it again?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Can you say obstruction of justice?

      • OutOfOrbit

        IOKIYR

        • Baconzgood

          You gotta admire the guts. Usually the legislative branch would throw the constitution in the WH’s face and explain the separation of powers and checks & ballances.

          But because they are ascared of offending a POTUS with soaring popularity numbers in the low-mid 30s.

          This is what happened when you embrace the Tea-Party. The wiser heads in the GOP are having buyers remorse.

          • DrBigHead

            Apparently that 30 % is powerful enough to keep/get someone a primary victory

          • Arolpin

            What wiser heads? I see like 3 (being generous) elected Republicans doing ANYTHING to push back at all. And Flake is retiring and McCain is dying. I’m going to pull a Rick Perry on the 3rd.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Collins?
            Graham about 1/5 of the time he’s not cuppin’ trumps shriveled scrote sack.

          • Baconzgood

            The wiser heads are in their fox holes right now. Their are wiser heads. I know some pretty well educated Republicans that are waiting this generation of GOP candidates to burn out.

          • Arolpin

            Unless they stop hiding and start screaming loudly, I’m going to think that they agree with all of this shit. Hiding is cowardly.

          • Baconzgood

            The conservative media is crumbling…Fox Viewers are dying. Being told what to think by the TV is going out of vogue.

            He’ll even Google is saying blatant racists no longer have a platform on our site.

            The tea party’s costumes will last longer than their racism. The moral majority is as dead as print.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Gonna be a LONG wait.

    • Me not sure

      No more closed door hearings for The Cannon. Make him squirm on live teevee.

    • Baconzgood

      I heard this on NPR. Wouldn’t this be the definition of the Executive Obstructing Justice?

      You know because they are…like…2 separate branches of government.

      I mentioned this to a co-worker and she said “oh..I wouldnt know. Which one is the executive branch I forget”

      Way to go Steel Valley educational system.

    • Ryan Denniston

      The best people…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      It’s not like they were on a tarmac.

    • DrBigHead

      Told by who, I wonder?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        McGhan?

        • vukojebina_MΩment

          Lawyerly conflict of interest. DISBAR NOW!

    • Beelzebubba

      “…was told when not to remember.”

      fify

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • yyyaz

      Bonus payments to Team Traitor™ employees.

  • BigCSouthside

    OT but calling it now: the next 3 days of trump tweets are going to be fuckin bonkers

    Flake dragged him in the senate
    Durbin put his shithole comments on record
    Bannon cut some kind of deal with Mueller
    Lewandowski and Hicks are talking
    Stormy Daniels has 5000 words to say about banging trump a few months after Barron was born

    Oh and a republican controlled government might shut down because Stephen Miller tickled the old mans racist G spot

    • wide_stance_hubby

      To be fair, most of the 5,000 words were, ‘ugh’.

      • Ryan Denniston

        Tighty whities also too.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Eww also

          • Eileen Besse

            Too….

          • wide_stance_hubby

            As well.

    • Me not sure

      I used to think a G spot was a thousand dollars. I now know that that can run as high as one hundred and thirty thousand dollars.

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        And I doubt that he came anywhere near it.

        • Me not sure

          It would be a reach.

          • Jeffery Campbell

            …around.

        • WIDTAP

          You assume it was him penetrating her. Facts not in evidence. After all, he hasn’t been getting much attention from Putin.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        We’ve got trouble

        With a capital G

        And that rhymes with P

        And that stands for Porn Star

    • tomamitai

      I can’t decide if the upcoming Fox “documentary” about the Clinton impeachment will cheer him up by reminding people about how “sleazy” President Bill was or scare him by reminding him that there’s one in his future if the Dems retake Congress?

    • Doug Langley

      He won’t remember any of it. After all, his doc said that Donnie “resets” every morning.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Zinke, you see, froze all the advisory
    boards for the Interior Department in May, for “review,” but never quite
    got around to approving most of them to do their jobs.”

    Sounds a lot like that travel ban. You know, the one they’re still fighting for in the courts? The one that was supposed to be temporary while they worked on their vetting procedures? Why, it’s almost as if the “temporary” actions are encased in air quotes!

  • calliecallie

    “assistant secretary for insular areas” WTF? I had to google it.

    The Office of Insular Affairs carries out the administrative responsibilities of the Secretary of the Interior and the Assistant Secretary for Insular Areas in coordinating federal policy for the territories of American Samoa, Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands and the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands. The Office is also responsible for administering and overseeing U.S. federal assistance to the Federated States of Micronesia, the Republic of the Marshall Islands, and the Republic of Palau.

    Notice Puerto Rico is not on that list. Did they get left off by accident, is that why no one in the administration is helping them? And now the assistant secretary for insular affairs has moved to Parks? Can we designate PR as a national park? I think they’d get a better response that way. Or maybe just some off shore drilling.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Fake news, Trump met with the president of the Virgin Islands last year. (/s if I need it)

    • Ryan Denniston

      Shhhh, lord Dampnut doesn’t know Guan is full of Browns!

  • proudgrampa

    Zinke is a fuckwit.

    • Ωbjectifier

      A trained seal.

      • yyyaz

        IC etc.

    • Beelzebubba

      That’s why he was appointed.

  • grindstone

    On topic: just this morning my climate change denier brother says I’m entitled to my own opinion but not my own facts. I relied “back at you”, and said there’s a reason we no longer talk.

    • yyyaz

      Mine believes scientists ignore everything important because they apparently have a secret agenda to make conserva-snits unhappy.

      • chicken thief

        That’s the bulk of my RW friends and family. Scientists are just in it for the money and if you don’t blame climate change then you get no funding.

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          Yup. Whereas Big Oil and the like are completely, one-hunnert-eleventy-seven percent altruistic, and only in it cause gosh, *someone*’s gotta keep the country running..

    • cmd resistor

      My climate change denier brother posted one of those funny RW jokes about cold weather and global warming on FB this morning.

      • Beelzebubba

        Obviously he doesn’t know anybody in Australia, where 110ºF and above is becoming routine.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I don’t get this kind of denial. Is it fear? Is it laziness? Is it a combination?

      I mean, it’s like coming home to find your house on fire, and instead of calling the fire department, you just stand there watching the thing burn down while arguing about whether the fire was caused by lightening or an electrical short.

      • NotReallyHere

        It seems to me like Republicanism has become like a religion to a lot of people. In order to be a member you must be anti-climate change, pro-gun, anti-choice, etc. It’s dogma now. If you deviate you get excommunicated. In the case of politicians they get primaried from the right. Or with talking heads like Tomi Lahren, get fired.

        • it’s nothing but an excuse for absolute nihilism because Jeebus is gonna rapture them Thursday in a week or something.

          • grindstone

            My rw family aren’t even jesusy. They are Conservative to the Core.

          • Yeah. There are plenty of secular RWNJs that are pretty much the same as biblical literalists, but without Jesus. Like diet cokes.

        • Yes. You are a member in good standing only if you express the right beliefs. Not the right values, but the right beliefs.

          And if someone comes up with good evidence that you’re wrong on one of them. then doubling down anyway gives you extra points. For them, reality is social construct, like a political boundary. If the US and Canada argue about their common boundary, then it’s not real until one side backs down and agrees. For them, history and science are the same. So they see accepting somebody else’s claims to be a loss, and they can’t say “Well, maybe you’re right about global warming” because it would get them tossed out of their tribe.

          They accept no expertise anymore; claims about reality must come from approved tribal authorities (Trump, Hannity. Beck, etc.) They will not acknowledge FBI statistics, nor OBM analyses, nor science, nor history, nor explanation on court cases by lawyers. The only experts widely accepted by them are sports ball coaches.

          • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

            You’d be surprised how dumb some of them are–and not just Harbaugh (pick one). Watch “Hard Knocks” sometime. You’ll see.

          • NotReallyHere

            Yes, I think this is exactly right.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So, I guess there’s at least one somewhat coherent advisor in the turmp Shithole.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/fake-news-awards-absent-trump-white-house-schedule-article-1.3761098

    • MynameisBlarney

      Related…

      I fuckin LERVE Mark Hamill!

      https://twitter.com/HamillHimself/status/953684905266880512

      • Eileen Besse

        THIS!!!1

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        The Farce is strong with this one.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      I think I speak for the entire wonketariat when I say, WE BEEN ROBBED!!!

      • tomamitai

        Given the Wonkettariat’s loathing of pants, I hope we’re all robed.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      THE FAKE NEWS AWARDS ARE FAKE!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Fake News Awards win the Fake News Award! Film at 11. Maybe.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • vukojebina_MΩment
    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      There are so many things wrong with that, just argh! Irradiating liberals isn’t the only fallout (sorry) If Manhattan is nuked, what happens to finance, etc.? If Honolulu is nuked, what happens to all the people in the surrounding islands needing tertiary medical care? Etc. etc. Cities are more than a collection of liberals, they provide lots of services too. Jesus, these motherfuckers are dumb. Also, too, can you imagine during the Cold War a magazine saying “Nuke the cities, we’re fine”?

      • ScottGoode

        I wonder if there is some secret plan in this administration to get all of that gold in NYC out to the midwest somewhere, in case they ever were attacked?

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          More last kelt to get it into their secret bank accounts in the Caymans, etc.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Here’s an interesting thought: I wonder how many missiles might be pointed at offshore tax havens?

      • Lefty Wright

        It’s not like a radioactive cloud spewed tens of thousands of feet into the air may fall on the suburbs or even those rural enclaves they think are secure. So instead of dying within a few days, you may die off slowly, a few percent a year, from the effects of radiation. Which will be on everything you touch, grow, breath, and eat after you emerge from your shelter. Because if a bomb hits NYC, you can count on the US retaliating, in which case Russia will retaliate too. A thousand or so bombs going off in the US will put us back to the civilization we had in the 1700s, with the added problem of a toxic environment.

        • Yellerduck

          Fallout, schmallout…maybe you’d get something cool, like a third arm coming off your back you could scratch your butt with.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          We’d be amazingly lucky to only be pushed back that far.

    • Raan

      Well then.

      Guess we’ll be a-ransacking the ‘burbs after the Great War.

    • Wackyland Radio Resistor

      Christ. Now they’re gonna be begging Trump to nuke someone, anyone, so the retaliation will get rid of all the gays and blacks in the cities.

    • Bitter Scribe

      That drooling sound you hear is Roy Edroso over at alicublog licking his chops. The NR article is by David French, one of Roy’s favorite punching bags.

    • what’s worse is that there are plenty of people who really, truly, honestly believe that kind of propaganda lunacy. satire is, as per usual, dead.

    • Lord Jim

      So they’re breathing a sigh of relief that nukes will most likely obliterate Liberalville and leave the reich wing burbs intact? This needs to be thrown in the face of every wingnut troll who excoriates the “hate” of liberals. Holy Mary, mother of God.

    • Zyxomma

      OMFNG (oh my fucking nonexistent god).

    • Does this mean that the 1%ers in the National Review think they’ll be safe in their gated communities?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Probably lol.
        Have you seen those gates though?

  • Very Stable Royal Ugly Dude

    The National Parks, 1916-2016: Overall, they had a pretty good run.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      John Muir and Ansel Adams are counter rotating in their graves…

  • rocktonsam

    “We looked forward to briefing Zinke…”

    Oh, yeah, we don’t do briefings

  • Bitter Scribe

    An oil industry flack on the decision to close Florida’s coasts to offshore drilling:

    “Securing reliable sources of energy helps fuel other industries like tourism, especially in states like Florida that relies on more than 200 million barrels of gasoline and diesel each year to fuel its economy.”

    And when the tourists get there, they can loll on the beach admiring the drilling platforms! Plus it’ll give them great opportunities to volunteer for cleanup duties after oil spills.

    • ScottGoode

      And think of all the terrorist sharks they could be killing!

    • MynameisBlarney

      I fuckin hate industry doublespeak.

      • Bitter Scribe

        If you think you hate it, try living on a steady diet of it for 25 years as a trade press writer.

        • MynameisBlarney

          And now your handle makes sense, lol.

          • Bitter Scribe

            You have no idea.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Don’t worry–the state parks will pick up the slack.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Speaking of the environment: He Leaked a Photo of Rick Perry Hugging a Coal Executive. Then He Lost His Job. https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/01/17/business/rick-perry-energy-photographer.html?_r=0&referer=https://t.co/tEI6EdAvWC?amp=1

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Stinky Zinke is at the top of my list for appointees in this administration who will be indicted before the next election. He is up to no good, and I mean in a grafty illegal way, and it’s only a matter of time before he gets caught. He is too stupid to pull it off and get away scot free.

    • Beelzebubba

      Yeah, Jeff Sessions will be right on that. lol

  • CaliCheeseSucks

    Fuck every last person who voted for this piece of shit administration.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      If I get my wish and this all comes crashing down in most embarrassing manner, I look forward to meeting every Trump supporter and saying “See? You were fucking duped, dipshit.”

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Malice AND stupidity! with a side of incompetence! what could go wrong?

    • Lord Jim

      It’s a perfect shitstorm!

  • Mavenmaven

    Think of how many jobs in oil spill cleanup this will create!

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Maybe they could retrain the coal miners.

  • Daniel

    “Department for Insular Areas”

    Trump country.

  • Mike Steele

    Contacted (R) Gov. Hogan at first mention of drilling; he is opposed, and directed secty. of State DNR to reply. The answer also included name and contact info for party in charge of Chesapeake and Coastal issues. Don’t expect Delmarva to go down w/o a fight, although our congresscritter will likely be on the wrong side, as usual.

    • mailman27

      Andy Harris will be too busy stuffing money from lobbyists into his pockets. Piece o’crap voted against Hurricane Sandy relief (his/our district was devastated) because Obama.

  • JustDon’tSayShithole

    Question: who gets to appoint their replacements? Is leaving 9 vacancies going to open the board to still more fuckery?

    • dshwa

      Trump can barely get around to appointing mandatory positions, I doubt some advisory board will get his attention.

      Besides, I don’t think Zinke wants advice.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        He didn’t bother to ask anyone’s advice as to whether he would look like a fucking moran riding a horse (poorly) to his first day of work. I’m sure this will go just as well.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Maybe not fuckery, but definitely jiggery pokery…

      • stablegeniusahughes798

        Malarkey AND Shenanigans!

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          Monkeyshines!

      • JustDon’tSayShithole

        Oh, applesauce!

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Tony Knowles? Holy creeping Army of Beyoncés!

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    So beautiful, for smoggy skies
    Insecticided grain
    For strip-mined mountains’ majesty
    Above the asphalt plain.
    America, America,
    Man sheds his waste on thee
    And hides the pines with billboard signs
    From sea to oily sea.

    I wonder how Mr Carlin would have felt, to find that his parody had become government policy.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      George would have went back to his angry, lecturing schtick he had developed between the late 80’s and the last gig he did before he died…

  • Poly_Ester

    New NRA slogans “We Be Hunters” and “The only good wild animal is a shot wild animal.”

  • bozz

    Nothing wrong with reducing the amount of government employees.

    • Delu

      Yup, like how Putin helped America do that by ousting the American diplomats in Russia according to Trump.

      • bozz

        Long as those diplomats are no longer on the payroll, nothing wrong with that.

        • David Chop

          Da!

        • javadavis

          Stop hanging noodles from our ears, babushka.
          Those diplomats were on the payroll. Hey, your strawman is up here!

          • bozz

            Are you a government employee?… is that why you are so upset about my comment. Government employees waste time.
            We do not need 10 people to do the job of one in the public sector.
            Government is inefficient in every program they created. Low level Government employees can not get a job in the private world.
            IRS has enough employees they don’t need more.

          • javadavis

            ‘is that why you are so upset’ – Assuming facts not in evidence, you delicate flower.

          • bozz

            nice try to deflect. You appear to be the delicate one, Scared that your job might be in jeopardy?
            I own and operate my own business. How about you?
            The only people who would argue that Government needs more employee’s are Government employee’s.

          • javadavis

            You have no argument. You just keep saying that you are right. As proof, you claim that I am wrong and must work for the people you do not like.
            No argument.
            Done.

          • bozz

            Argument?…you are weak.
            Nice spin. When did I “claim” you are wrong. You progressives can not have a debate because opposition short circuits your thinking.
            Interesting that you think Government needs more employee’s.
            I expected this out of someone like you to run away covering your ears.

          • javadavis

            1 – I didn’t say government needs more employee’s (misplaced apostrophe, BTW)
            2 – You still have no argument. (i.e.: no support for your statement) You just reiterate your talking point.
            So – still done. If you have nothing else don’t bother replying.

          • bozz

            Here are your words:

            “Is this snark? Because, if not, that sort of blanket statement is BS. For example, the IRS could really use more funding and more employees (government employees) in order to do their job, which includes collecting delinquent taxes. ”

            You directly said the IRS could use more money and more employees. That was an example of you implying the government needs more people. Now you’re acting like you never said that and are telling me I’m being unreasonable.

            Government does not need more employees.

          • javadavis

            The feds have authorized hiring collection agencies to go after delinquent accounts. This has been done a couple of times before according to Slate and it has lost money for the feds. The IRS is short handed and the feds are so hostile to the idea of hiring enough people to actually do the work that they will approve of losing money in order to outsource IRS duties. Fully staffing the IRS would actually pay for itself, and the IRS would be more likely to pursue larger debts (owed by people or corporations with deep pockets who can afford to resist the collection agencies), more likely to accept reduced payments or simply write off debts from those who cannot afford to pay the full debt.
            If you don’t want to pay taxes, why don’t you take your imaginary business and move to Galt’s Gulch?
            http://www.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2017/04/the_irs_is_using_private_debt_collectors_again_that_s_a_problem.html

          • bozz

            First you lied by saying you never said government should hire more employees, now you freely admit IRS needs more people. Make up your mind.

            The IRS does not need more employees. If you like paying taxes why don’t you increase the amount you send.
            What this country needs is to tax structures one for liberals and one for conservatives. Their bills can be at a flat 50% and conservatives can be at a flat 15%. Then you can feel good knowing that you contribute to all the BS social safety net programs that you have created.

    • javadavis

      Is this snark? Because, if not, that sort of blanket statement is BS. For example, the IRS could really use more funding and more employees (government employees) in order to do their job, which includes collecting delinquent taxes. Eric seems to think that Trump is all about the green, so he should really be behind that, right? But I guess that doesn’t count if he cannot guarantee that it will all go into his pocket. Right?

      • bozz

        Trump is about reducing the size of government. The IRS is the most efficient collection agency in the world. They do not need any more power or money or employees to screw Americans.

        • javadavis

          So not snark, just wrong.

          • bozz

            Look, if you want more people working for Government. Do you also support raising taxes to pay for it?
            You say I’m wrong…how so?

  • azeyote

    it’s like with all these other agencies and their regressive agendas – it won’t last after trump is dealt with – the last gasp of the gipper – unless it all goes to hell and our grand kids, left with nothin, will be fuckin pissed

  • Zyxomma

    Well said, Dok. I’ve nothing to add but tears.

  • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

    “Now it’s the ‘Hunting and Shooting Sports Conservation Council,’”

    Pardon me, Dok. But I believe that’s spelled “Huntin’ and Shootin’ Sports Conservation Council.:

  • rg9rts

    Part of the MAGA is selling off the park system to developers

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