This is what Trump looks like when he’s pretty sure Kevin McCarthy is hiding Starbursts in his pants.

In the running contest to determine which Republican member of Congress is the BIGGEST, most embarrassing Daddy’s boy for Donald Trump, we have a new contender, and it is House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy. You know him! He’s the one who got caught on tape during the campaign LOLing about how he thought Russia was paying Trump. FLASHBACK TO JUNE 15, 2016:

“There’s two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump,” McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.

House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy’s assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.


And we guess McCarthy is OK with that now, because apparently he buys Trump Starburst candies and makes his staff separate out the red and pink ones because Trump is racist against the other Starburst colors, and he presumably signs them “Love, Kevin. See you tonight, big boy?” This information comes from the Washington Post, because it’s just a very normal story about a president and his best boy in Congress. Read the story of their budding candygram romance:

President Trump and House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) were alone in the presidential suite on Air Force One [sexy!!!!!! – Ed.], flying east toward Washington in early October, when the president reached for a handful of Starbursts, the square-shaped candy fruit chews.

But instead of unwrapping all the treats, the president was careful to pluck out and eat two flavors: cherry and strawberry, McCarthy noticed. [Kevin noticed!!!!!!!! – Ed.]

“We’re there, having a little dessert, and he offers me some,” McCarthy recalled in an interview. “Just the red and the pink. A bit later, a couple of his aides saw me with those colors and told me, ‘Those are the president’s favorites.’ ”

Days later, the No. 2 Republican in the House — known for his relentless cultivation of political alliances — bought a plentiful supply of Starbursts and asked a staffer to sort through the pile, placing only those two flavors in a jar. [SO THOUGHTFUL!!!!!!!!!! -Ed.] McCarthy made sure his name was on the side of the gift, which was delivered to a grinning Trump, according to a White House official. [You gotta sign the card, otherwise how is the Bachelor gonna ever gonna decide to give you the rose???????? – Ed.] […]

McCarthy said the gift was obvious, as Trump enjoys small gestures as well as grand ones. “He remembers everything,” McCarthy said. “Of course I put my name on the jar.”

This is so fucking embarrassing and if we were Kevin McCarthy we should not show our face on Capitol Hill today or ever again. On the other hand, if we were Nancy Pelosi, we would chase McCarthy around the Capitol every day for the foreseeable future, singing, “Kevin’s got a boyfriend! Kevin’s got a boyfriend!” and having giant bags of Starbursts delivered to his office, with notes attached that say “Go get him, stud!”

Also, Kevin McCarthy’s staffers, we need you to PLEASE TAKE NOTE that you can buy just the red and pink ones now. You don’t have to buy the big bag and deport all the colors the president doesn’t like. See?

WaPo reports that McCarthy really seems to enjoy his close relationship with Trump, getting to be the guy who LITERALLY sends Starbursts up the president’s leg (which sounds like a weird sex thing, not that there’s anything wrong with that). And we do see Trump and McCarthy together a lot! Indeed, when “Dicky Durbin” and Lindsey Graham went to the Oval last week to talk about immigration and “shitholes,” McCarthy was already there! (And so were Senators Tom Cotton and David Perdue, who probably wish they had the Starburst idea first.) No word on what McCarthy (and Cotton and Perdue) were wearing that day, but we are going to guess very sexy negligees.

Kevin McCarthy got to go to Camp David with Trump this month and he got to have dinner with Trump in West Palm Beach this weekend, and also, when he has to tell Trump bad news about the upcoming midterm elections, he is nice enough to use pretty pictures instead of big words, which are hard for the president:

According to two people familiar with the presentation, Trump appreciated McCarthy’s use of pictures and charts rather than a memo. […] A second White House official said Trump may not have listened to others as well as he listened to McCarthy, which is why the tough love needed to come from him.

Ooh, TOUGH LOVE! Didn’t know the president was into that, but whatever!

WaPo explains that Trump refers to McCarthy as “My Kevin,” and that they started bonding late in the 2016 campaign, when they would talk on the phone late at night all the time, no YOU hang up first, no YOU hang up first, OK WE’LL BOTH HANG UP AT THE SAME TIME, oh no, neither of us hung up!

Awwww, young love!

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[Washington Post]

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  • MynameisBlarney

    So, this is how he stays regular.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Not to be confused with “normal.”

  • Michael R
  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    I’d rather read Twilight.

  • Bub the very stable zombie

    I wonder if Donnie likes Tootsie Rolls? I could send him some – I’d just have to dig ’em out of my catbox first.

    • willi0000000

      it’s worth a try.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    You just know some poor intern only got left the lemon ones that get rock hard faster and then a Democrat was born.

    • Stulexington

      He leaves them in the candy bowl for visitors who just assume previous visitors ate all the good ones.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        There are good ones?

        Starbursts blur the line between “candy” and “scented candle”.

  • Scooby

    How does he even eat those with his fake teeth?

  • ManchuCandidate

    “I thought I was the only one who gave GOPer leaders starbursts!!!”
    -Moron Spice Palin

  • cheetojeebus

    I still think using the red wooden beads when he braids his hair is a bit over the top. And Christ, the clove cigarettes….geeze.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Tell me more about you use your Whip.”
    — Donald Trump, excerpted from Kevin McCarthy dream journal

  • Oblios_Cap

    We really have a 12 year-old in the White House being catered to by a gang of fawning toadies manipulating him to pass whatever laws they want.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      12-year-old libelz. Actual junior-high students are more mature than this overgrown brat.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      My twelve year old nephew takes great exception to drumpf being compared to him and demands an immediate retraction and an apology.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He’s in the “terrible twos”.

    • The fact that they backed an incompetent scumbag for chief executive SOLELY BECAUSE they wanted someone who could win on a racist platform and then be worked like a glove puppet, and then to whine and howl at the suggestion that Russia is working him like a glove puppet… it defies the mind.

  • Michael Smith

    Does he cut the crust off of his PB&J too?

  • Major^3 Andre

    K-Mac also noticed Trump’s preference for multi-ply toilet paper with lotion…One of his staffers is gonna be hatin’ life for the foreseeable future.

    • OutOfOrbit

      scrolling thru the TP is tRumpster’s way of “reading documents”

      • Major^3 Andre

        It’s bonus executive time.

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    If this were the story of someone doing that for their significant other for Valentine’s or something, I’d think it was cute.

    • Major^3 Andre

      Are you suggesting that Kev-o is moving on Donny like a bitch but couldn’t get there?

      • Sounds like he’s gettin’ there though.

  • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

    Someone on CNN said this is like an outtake from Spinal Tap. Well, that’s for sure. Trump turned the stupid dial up to 11.

    • vivian

      … then broke it off and ate it.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Why all the pictures of shitholes, Kevin?”
    “Sir, that was, in order, areas of West Virginia, Iowa, Alabama, and Texas that support you the most.”

  • Blender_415

    I was hoping to get through the morning without choking on my own vomit. Maybe tomorrow; thanks, Evan.

    • LesBontemps

      Today we are all choking on our own vomit.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Or, failing that, someone else’s.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          You can’t be sure who’s vomit it is. I mean, you can’t fingerprint vomit.

  • msanthropesmr

    Dude you know he didn’t not get the favereds bag cause that has watermelon in it and also those people from shithole nations eat the watermelon ones

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      The country of Zambia (aka Nambia with a sideways N) actually started a tourism campaign using Trump’s “shithole” comment. I guess that’s one way Trump is stimulating developing-nations’ economies. Winning!

  • Bureaucrap

    “He remembers everything.” ?????
    If true, that will serve Trump well when he meets Mueller for their long-delayed tete-a-tete.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Paul Ryan pinkie-swearing a bunch of grown men to secrecy is pretty hilarious…and it obviously worked great.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    I meant this in this thread, but here’s what I was thinking about when I read this. :-D

  • MynameisBlarney

    Pretty sure this meme was made by turmp supporter.

  • LesBontemps


    That is all.

  • Joshua Norton

    “He remembers everything,”

    Except maybe racist comments he made five minutes ago!

  • therblig

    Mr. President, we can’t continue the presentation if you keep eating the data.

    • Timothy Watson

      “I’m unskewing the polls!”

  • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

    No word on what McCarthy (and Cotton and Perdue) were wearing that day, but we are going to guess very sexy negligees.

    A gift from someone special?

  • Jennaratrix

    I first read about this yesterday and thought “This has to be a joke. This is a joke, right?”

    It’s not a joke. This presidency is a travesty in every possible meaning of the word. I’m starting to think that all the famous people (Americans especially) who died in the last year did it on purpose to get off this planet.

  • Michael R
    • GreenGoldSharpie

      No way that’s Jared’s.

      I bet he hates any kind of popular music since he clearly has no soul.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Hey now, not loving popular music isn’t an indicator of soullessness.
        Most of the music I like doesn’t get airplay on mainstream radio.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          I’m including that in the concept of pop music. :-)

          Expansive definition.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            It’s funny how that word gets redefined, but I often use it the same way, i.e. ‘Pop’ means basically all roughly current music that isn’t in the European Classical/Symphonic tradition or in the avante-garde.

          • MynameisBlarney
      • Rags

        You think that’s Jared’s? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        But their emails!!!!

        From: jared @ javanka . com
        To: ivanka @ javanka . com
        CC: pm @ gc . ca

        Subject: Sexytimes mixtape

        > Who the fuck is The Tragically Hip???


        From: pm @ gc. ca
        To: ivanka @ javanka . com
        CC: jared @ javanka . com

        Subject: Re: Sexytimes mixtape

        > RCMP says GTFO. (Politely.)

        Attachments: Trudeau_Restraining_Order.pdf

  • Mr. Blobfish

    In 1968 California Senator George Murphy moved to a desk in the back row on the Republican side of the Senate Chamber. Senator Murphy had a sweet tooth and always kept candy in his desk. One day, he invited his colleagues to help themselves to the candy supply, and before long other senators began stocking the drawer with their favorite confections. Thanks to Senator Murphy, a new tradition—the “candy desk”—was born

    Republicans love song-and-dance men and candy.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    it’s worth mentioning that FavReds also has fruit punch and the weirdest, most awful watermelon flavors in it. the weird, awful watermelon is almost the same color as the strawberry one. that would be such a lovely surprise to give President Diaper Shits as it will be a while before I ever eat Starburst again. fuck you, WaPo for ruining those for me in the middle of primary season. thank goodness there are still PopRocks.

  • Jennaratrix

    And also too, I’m mortified for that Congressional staffer. Imagine that being your big task for the day, separating out Starburst so your boss can go kiss the president’s ass. JEEZUS.

  • Joshua Norton

    Didn’t Palin give Rich Lowry “starbursts” at one time? Must be a wingnut thang.

  • McCarthy must love sucking on the orange ones.

    • Mentally Stable Ron


  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’m sure they donate the unwanted Starbursts to poor kids and homeless shelters.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      They could donate them to Habitat for Humanity to use as insulation.

  • TJ Barke

    This is why the world is laughing at us, Donnie.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    According to two people familiar with the presentation, Trump appreciated McCarthy’s use of pictures and charts finger puppets and Junior Jumbles rather than a memo.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The daily briefing is now a “pick the one that doesn’t fit” puzzle out of the old Highlights kid’s magazine. A picture of a dog, an elephant, an ostrich, and a nuclear mushroom cloud. Oh wait…that one’s probably too hard for Trump.

    • therblig

      Highlights hidden pictures with all the pictures circled.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Oh, like Donnie could solve the Junior Jumble.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I may never get another erection, and it’s all Evan’s fault.

    • Major^3 Andre

      Here let me help: Picture Dinesh D’souza rubbing baby oil all over Christy’s jiggling man-boobs.. .

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        NOT HELPING.

        • Major^3 Andre

          Sonny Perdue, Blake Farenthold and Ted Cruz in a sweaty, european swimsuit cuddle pile?

          • Kiri the Unicorn
          • Dg Hacket

            Thats what i used to get the grape juice stains out of my carpet

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            It’s a very thoughtful gift for new homeowners.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Is this part of the Wonkette weight-loss program?

          • Major^3 Andre

            Just trying to keep New Year Resolutions on track. It’s a value added bonus I provide gratis.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            The Nation thanks you for your service.

          • BearGHAZI

            ‘Who the hell is Sonny Perdue?’ I says to myself. I googled it. BIG MISTAKE.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Sean Connery in Zardoz. You’re welcome.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I was gonna suggest that for Dumpty’s next movie night.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          He’d love the first part and be baffled by the rest of it.

  • Lance Thrustwell


  • having giant bags of Starbursts delivered to his office

    Yellow ones, befitting someone so spineless.

    • Timothy Watson

      Tell him he can melt them down and pour them on his bed.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    I was going to mail him a 100 pound bag of horseshit . . . but now I’m thinking chewing only lemon and lime Starbursts and spitting them into a special jar . . . no. I will stick with the horseshit.

  • Asterix

    This may be controversial, but Starbursts are just gross, no matter the color.

    • Oblios_Cap

      That must be why he likes them.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      If yer after my heart, you’ll need a Skor bar and a bag of potato chips.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        What flavour?

        • Arolpin

          Skor flavor, obviously. ;)

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Plain old potato chip flavor.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            They don’t have those in the store here. You might have to settle for ketchup flavour.

    • MynameisBlarney

      For little squares of artificially colored and flavored wax, they’re not bad.
      I’m more of a Reese’s guy though.

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        Reese’s ruined the recipe. They taste like chocolate-covered salt.

        I miss P.B. Max.

        • MynameisBlarney

          ALL LIES!

          But, yeah…I hear ya on the PB Max.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      They’re probably why he sits on the toilet tweeting all day. He’s all bound up by those little pieces of plastic.

    • efoveks

      Those fillings aren’t going to pull THEMSELVES out, you know!

      • Asterix

        That’s what caramel’s are for – and they taste better!

  • Jenny

    Ot: The hives lady is on MSNBC testifying before the senate. She has the most serious case of Arizona tits I’ve ever seen. I hope she sees a doctor regularly. Yeesh

    (what’s Arizona tits Jenny?? Extreme sun damage of the cleavage from low cut tops or frequent bikini wearing in the desert sun.)

    • Nockular cavity

      I learned something today!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Arizona Tits sounds like a good album name for a Southwestern blues-rock act.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Generally associated with tramp stamp tattoo of biker boyfriend’s name in same area.

  • Oblios_Cap

    This seems like knowledge that a poisoner would want to know. Better stick to McDonalds, Donnie.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I can’t decide between Donald Lee Roth or David Lee Trump.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I hate both of them…

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Donald Hagar “the Horrible” and Kevin Cherone?

    • PubOption

      I’m not appreciating the thought of Donnie strutting around a stage, wearing only spandex pants.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Spandex is amazing stuff, but even the good stuff has limits to how much it can stretch.

  • ken_kukec

    Melon’s just happy to have a surrogate.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    Is it just me or do other Wonketteers think of pod people when they here this guys name?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Starbursts count as dessert only after a meal of two Big Macs and two Filet O’Fish – and they’re especially helpful because they’re sticky enough to get whatever that shit’s made of out of your teeth.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    So reminiscent of the good old days with Reagan and his beloved jelly beans. *barfs into paper bag*

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      I had some of those nasty little things once… once. They are the most horrible little beads of shit I had ever tasted.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I don’t feel better knowing that our president takes in information with pictures, charts, and Starburst.

  • vukojebina_MΩment

    What’s the big deal? Obama gave Tweety starbursts.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      And then Tweety made a stupid crack about slipping Cosby candies to Hillz.

  • Nockular cavity

    Great, now Starbursts is going to come out with a new Shithole flavor.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Maybe we can slip Trumpie some Beanboozle flavors?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    So if Donnie only likes the pink ones and the red ones, why were there any others on AF1? You mean he hasn’t castigated the Air Force peeps who stock the plane to only keep pink and red Starbursts?

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      I suspect Trump enjoys throwing out the wrong coloured ones.

      • willi0000000

        probably thinks “YOUR FIRED” AS HE DOES.

      • ScottGoode

        Over Democratic states

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • Nockular cavity

    I take it Bannon was picking out the gin-flavored ones for himself when he was still there.

  • Bub the very stable zombie
    • cmd resistor

      So I have been avoiding these stories because it is too depressing that this could really be a thing.

      • Travalanche

        It’s actually a case of the media not being in on a joke – the people responsible for this are basically in complete shock that the tide pod thing is getting taken seriously

    • willi0000000

      Darwin is just mailing it in.

    • ScottGoode

      Well, actually, if someone goes into a store to buy a pod for his/her (oh who am I kidding? HIS) consumption I would prefer they walked out with a loaded gun.

  • cmd resistor

    Wasn’t McCarthy the one who “reminded” Trump of his real position on immigration after he screwed up and said the opposite (to a Senator?) the other day?
    Also, too, he had some kind of personal scandal (?) that prevented him from getting the Speaker job before they got Ryan.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      There were rumors that he and then-Congresswoman Renee Ellmers (R-NC) were bumping uglies in the Cloak Room. But nothing was ever substantiated.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Also, Donnie and Kevin are going to the Special Hell.

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    We’ve seen this before.
    Oh, Kevin. We know, the heart wants what it wants. But the man is fickle and changeable, and one day he’ll look at you coldly with those little piggy eyes, and he’ll say, ‘I’m not into you any more, Congressman (he’ll have forgotten your name)’ and shut the door of the Oval Office in your face. And you’ll be standing there with tears on your cheeks, absently eating the pink Starbursts, until the Secret Service escorts you out of the building.
    And one day in May you’ll wake up and find he’s endorsed a primary challenger against you.

    • ScottGoode

      I wonder what his nickname will be? Kooky Kevin?

  • The Wanderer

    Watching the blossoming bromance, I am reminded that I need to give the Pantomime Horse a worming.

  • NotReallyHere

    WaPo explains that Trump refers to McCarthy as “My Kevin,”

    He keeps refering to people as “My whatever.”

    My Kevin
    My Roy Cohn
    My African American

    It’s not the most creepy thing about him, but it’s still really creepy.

  • Blackest Noobs

    pop singers are dropping like flies but fat over-weight not health conscience white asshole keep on ticking….when oh when is the fucking clock gonna run out on them?

    • Sharon Cooper

      Only the good die young.

  • Paperless Tiger

    They say liquor is quicker, but Trump don’t drink.

  • RickyG

    Does he braid the POTUS hair??

  • marxalot


  • Justin Thyme
  • Manhattan123

    What a groveling toady. Like most Republicans, McCarthy has apparently decided to put his dignity in a blind trust for the duration of Trump’s presidency.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    This is good news for dentists. The rest of us, not so much FFS.

  • Santorum + Glitter = Red & Pink Starburst?

  • Thorn Spike

    Going to throw up now, brb.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Those EDL bugfucks in London trying to arrest Hizzoner Lord Mayor?
    “The audience began to slow-clap”
    Londoners show us how it’s done…

    • ScottGoode

      I would pay to see a fight between the EDL crowd and the EDM crowd

      • Teecha

        Eat, sleep, punch a Nazi, repeat

        • ScottGoode

          Capture sound of Nazi punch and play it over and over again for 5 minutes.

    • Grumpy Twat

      Sadiq Khan’s response: “It is a pleasure to be here even though we were distracted by the actions of what some would call very stable geniuses.”

  • ScottGoode

    I suspect that this was planted as an allusion to St Reagan’s love of jelly beans…

    Ah, who am I kidding, he’s just a moron. Great use of taxpayer funded staffers, too I might add.

  • amrak63

    “No word on what McCarthy (and Cotton and Perdue) were wearing that day, but we are going to guess very sexy negligees.”


  • Ghenghis McCann

    Was Donnie never warned about accepting sweets from strange men?

  • TundraGrifter

    Wasn’t there a quote about Duh Gov’ and Starbursts? I almost asked what ever happened to her – but then I realized I really don’t care.

  • x111e7thst

    I will be over there throwing up

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    BRB, throwing up.

  • Travalanche

    For Ronnie it was Jellybeans, for Donnie its Starburst.

    And yet starburst jellybeans remain my favorite

  • Teecha

    I’ve never got over the name change. #opalfruits4lyfe

  • puredog

    I will be over here throwing up.
    Making America Gooey Again.

    • Bebecca

      I hear the word “gross” in my head

  • rocktonsam

    Is it mccarthy’s turns babysitting ? I give my one year old Graham crackers.

  • Me not sure

    “Candy is bad for you. You know that. But if you had to name the worst candy of all in terms of nutrition, what would you say? For our money, Starbursts are a good bet. Starbursts are about as far removed from a recognizable natural food as you can get. The first three ingredients are corn syrup, sugar and hydrogenated palm kernel oil. One pack of Starbursts delivers 240 calories, 34 grams of sugar and 4.5 grams of saturated fat. Combine that with the fact it also has zero grams of dietary fiber and no protein, and Starbursts rank as one of the worst things an athlete can put in his or her body.”

    7 Horrible Snacks for Athletes

  • Bigly smart jesterpunk

    At least bands like Van Halen had a good reason for adding candy to their tour riders. It wasn’t to be dicks or anything it was because their stage setup was so big and heavy and needed to be setup correctly or someone would get hurt or possibly killed. The candy was an easy way to see if the promoters read the rider. With Donny its just because he is a spoiled man baby.

  • in re: the Wonkagenda implication that this is a “green M&Ms” situation… The green M&Ms thing wasn’t just rock star hubris, it served a very important purpose. Bands get their rider for every show, and when you put something very specific like “a bowl of green M&Ms” on the rider, you just have to show up, see the bowl and know that they’ve taken care of that, so everything else is probably correct. If they got that wrong, it’s time to make sure that you got the proper amount of Jack Daniels and boxer shorts (boxer shorts show up on a weird number of riders for some reason…)

    • h4rr4r

      Sure, but M&Ms ruined that. You can now just order single colors.

      The idea was if you read that far, you probably setup the pyro and stage correctly.

    • That actually makes sense.

  • Grokenstein

    You don’t have to buy the big bag and deport all the colors the president doesn’t like. See?

    You must be joking. Knowing that the “wrong” colors were thrown in the garbage is the real pleasure Unprecedented Shithole takes from this!

  • Beanz&Berryz

    NTTAWWT – not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  • James Baskin

    ““Kevin’s got a boyfriend! Kevin’s got a boyfriend!””
    Oh yes he does.

  • mardam422

    Nixon:I am not a crook!!
    O’Donnell: I am not a witch!!
    Trump:I am not a racist!!

    Which one doesn’t belong?
    The second one. Because she really is not a witch.

  • the fascist reality show junk food “presidency”

  • JeanieBeanie

    Kevin and Donald sitting in a tree
    K I S S I N G
    First come love, then comes marriage… well you know the rest.

    • Lefty Wright

      I think the word ass comes in somewhere.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        & shithole. Literally 😨😨😨

    • sweeper

      Then an anchor babby in a shithole carriage!

  • Buzz1313

    Anyone else need a shower after reading this?

    • Pisto75666

      A Silkwood shower. And that’s among other things.

  • Daniel Hooper

    Evan, come on. Do you really think a Republican would insert himself as a needless middleman while passing off any actual work involved to others just to get credit instead of doing the much simpler thing?

  • Shieldmaidenwannabe

    Kevin M is behaving like the child with an abusive father who offers himself up to that father in hopes Daddy Trump will bestow affection onto him. I do need a shower.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Nah. He’s hoping Trump will give him a recommendation when Daddy Putin takes over everything.

  • Pisto75666

    “McCarthy said the gift was obvious, as Trump enjoys small gestures as well as grand ones. “He remembers everything,” McCarthy said. “Of course I put my name on the jar.”

    “Of course I put my name on the jar. I wanted to make sure he saw it just so he knows how oh so very much I love him.”


    • Sharon Cooper

      Well, thanks for that visual.

      • Pisto75666

        I do what I can.

  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪
  • fawkedifiknow

    If memory serves me correctly, wasn’t McCarthy the dimwit who let the cat out of the bag about Gowdy’s BENGHAZIIIIII! hearings being nothing but a blatant anti-Hillary political spectacle? It raises the inevitable question: Who’s dumber? Nunes or Starbucks pimp, McCarthy?

  • Ms. MLG on Maui

    Oh, man. Now Donnie and I have 2 things in common. We like red Starbursts and neither of us should be President.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I don’t know, Ms. MLG. I’d vote for you. :)

      • James

        Two votes. I would too.

        • pstokk

          Ms. MLG for Prez! The eyes have it!

  • OneYieldRegular

    and asked a staffer to sort through the pile, placing only those two flavors in a jar

    I think we can just leave this detail outside to ferment and fester in the sun for a long, long while.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Sorting through Starbursts for certain flavors so that a Senator can suck up to a fake President does not seem to be a priority use of federal resources, all I’m saying.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    We truly are living in the stupidest timeline. Kee-rist.
    And okay, the red ones are good, but am I the only one who likes the orange and yellow starburst?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Yes. They are bad, and you should feel bad.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        More for me then!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    OK, yes, McCarthy is the worst and all, but seriously, orange and yellow Starbursts suck.

  • Bebecca

    Just a little pre-Valentine’s day treat. And they’re red, republicans’ favorite color.

  • Can you imagine how he eats? I mean everything about him is foul.


  • Kryptonian Canis

    We should all start showering McCarthy’s office with gifts of Starbursts & Dicks.

    • pstokk

      Malheur probably still has inventory in storage, they’d love to get rid of it.

  • chicken thief

    Nunes is going to be soooo jealous, ya’ll! He’ll be like argh jealous and will rush right over to the White House SCIF to lick him some Donnie nads.

    BTW, does Trump have an “evin” fetish? I suspect he does what with Kevin and Devin elbowing the fuck out of each other to be the first to give the King his daily tongue bath.

  • chicken thief

    Watching The Donald struggle to unwrap the Starbursts with his miniature fingers must be a hoot.

  • chicken thief

    “No word on what McCarthy (and Cotton and Perdue) were wearing that day, but we are going to guess very sexy negligees.”

    I thought little duckie pajamies were mandatory for House members.

  • JoeChristmas

    C’mon CA-23, throw this scum bum out.

  • Poly_Ester

    Trump’s not a racist, he’s a white supremacist. There’s a big difference, at least in his tiny mindlet.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Just to review:

    McCarthy thinks that Rohrabacher is Russian agent and thinks that is funny.

    Ryan thinks so too but urges McCarthy to shut his yap because reasons.

    McCarthy kisses up to Russian kompro agent Trump.

    Make America Russia Again!

  • Moldy Weißwurst

    That’s how it starts, you know. Today Starbursts, tomorrow Anvil cases stuffed full of Ameros.

  • covfefesumgame0005

    LOL OK now we know why his dentures come loose so often! nobody with dentures and half a brain chews crap like that! it sticks and pulls and dislodges your dentures. what a dope he is to chew then just before speaking in public

    • Give him all the Starbursts he wants, then!

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Trumpo and Kevin sittin’ in a tree


  • sillyclucker

    I have a confession to make. This is difficult for me to admit, but…I only like the red and pink Starbursts too. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me. I’ll change. I swear !

  • PlutoAnimus

    There is an aggressive, complete lack of dignity in Trump and all who serve him.

    This appears to bother virtually no Republicans, whose lack of shame, maturity and reasonableness are just as aggressive and complete.

  • psychobroad


  • Celtic_Gnome

    Mr. McCarthy shouldn’t be pleased at being referred to by the Dotard as, “My Kevin.” Remember “My African American?”

    You know what he thinks of those people, right?

  • Deborah Ujevich

    I had a friend who, when her son was very little, had to separate all the Wilmas from the Flintstones vitamins because he was afraid that if he ate a Wilma, he’d turn into a girl. And no, this didn’t extend to the Pebbles, we are talking about a toddler. But that was seriously the first thing about which I thought when I saw this ridiculous story.

    • What there was no Betty? What kind of Flintstones merchandise was that if there was Betty? Sad.

      • Deborah Ujevich

        Are the Rubbles even represented? This is like 40 years ago. I goddamn KNEW this comment would motivate inspired dialogue!

        • You can’t have a truly adequate representation of the Flintstones without the Rubbles! Just another example of viscous exploitation by uncaring capitalists! I’m so glad I never wasted any of my hard earned moola on these inadequate disappointing pretenders!

          • Deborah Ujevich

            How do you think Mr Slate feels? EVEN DINO GOT REPRESENTATION.

          • And Mr. Slate employed both Fred and Barney! That’s communism for you! Communists did that to Mr. Slate.

  • I think I’ve figured out the whole Russia stealing an election thing. It ain’t Russia what stoled no election no way no how. It were the Repubes what PAID them dern Ruskies to steal the election fer them. It is part of their whole entire permanent majority thingee, you know like president-for-life.

  • Moar Wordz

    “Not show his face on Capitol Hill or ever again….”
    Y’ KNOW, I sometimes get that impulse, thinking, IDK, I’ve been so exposed and shamed that I should stay home.
    ” Here, have a skittle, Eli Lilly made this particular brand.
    All better ?! ”
    GOOD, now stop all that silly talk, don’t you know it makes us feel better if you keep quiet and docile ?!
    No, you won’t stay docile ?
    We have methods to break you.
    (Putin/Pussy riot/ Soviet prison.)

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    “Days later, the No. 2 Republican in the House — known for his relentless cultivation of political alliances …”

    Uh, yeah, I think the “cultivation” of at least one alliance with a female is why Kevin isn’t sitting in Paul Ryan’s chair right now.
    Kev, baby, go back to making them cheap sandwiches in Bakersfield. It’s your calling. Oh, and your wife’s calling, too. Line 3.

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