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If you were not living in California in 2003, you probably did not laugh and laugh at the pain of another, as car robber firebug Darrell Issa CRIED AND CRIED because Arnold Schwarzenegger would not let him be governor :(

I mean, that video above gives you a taste, but dude went on forever, trying to get through his statement without blubbering — UNSUCCESSFULLY — while all the nice folks clapped for him like they clap for the little girl who FINALLY gets to the finish line in the swim meet because she did not have a regulation swim team bathing suit and her top fell down and she had to do the backstroke with one arm and hold her bathing suit over her little boobs with the other, and what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Anyway, Darrell Issa, he’s this (arsonist and car robber) dick, and he’s retiring from Congress to spend more time not getting elected to Congress!

Issa is incredibly unpopular despite or because of being a nine-term (? math!) congressman from San Diego — a reasonably conservative (for California) white place with money. Issa chose to spend his congressional career making up shit about Benghazi, the IRS, and Fast and Furious — and yet never actually got the goods on Mr. Presidenting While Black, regardless of the fact that Issa proclaimed him “one of the most corrupt presidents in history.” THEN Issa questioned whether Barack Obama was even American. And THEN THEN Issa sent out a mailer about how awesomely he and President Obama were working together, and Barack Obama read him for FUCKING FILTH.

“Some of them say, ‘I’m praying for you,’” Obama said. “And I don’t question the sincerity that they are praying for me: ‘Please change this man from the socialist Muslim that he is.’”

He paused.

“I’m sure it’s more sincere than that,” he said, laughing.

Laughing as he spoke, and at points locking eyes with his also laughing political director David Simas in the back of the room, Obama said he couldn’t believe that Issa, now locked in the hardest race of his career, had sent out the mailer, which brags, “I am very pleased that President Obama has signed into law the Survivors’ Bill of Rights — legislation I cosponsored to protect the victims of sexual assault.”

“That is the definition of chutzpah,” Obama said, adding later, “that is shameless.”

We don’t know which Democrat is going to replace Darrell Issa in California’s 49th. (It is not going to be Republican Diane Harkey.) Mike Levin, who is a longhaired hippie #resister who USED to be So Mr. Corporate You Couldn’t Fucking Believe It (we knew him, glancingly, in Orange County), had been making a right proper nuisance of himself at all Issa’s town halls until Issa stopped doing town halls. And Doug Applegate is a Marine colonel who almost beat Issa last time — Issa won by just 1600 votes, the narrowest race in Congress. And Sara Jacobs is pretty and young and worked at the UN and at State, which makes her a far left Hillary Lover Communist or something, according to the guy who will no longer have a job as Darrell Issa’s spokesman, quite soon!

That is all well and good, and Godspeed to the eventual winner, who will not be Darrell Issa, because he is a vicious cur who made even reasonably conservative San Diego hate him, by being a “cut-rate Javert.” Wait, that was not Darrell Issa, that was dickhole smegma-face Jason Chaffetz, who ALSO chaired the House Oversight Committee, and who ALSO investigated Benghazi so much, and who ALSO retired from Congress before his time, because it just wasn’t as much fun when you didn’t have Hillary Clinton to keep kicking around, although to our knowledge Jason Chaffetz neither committed grand theft auto nor burned down his own building for the insurance money and then went on to accuse OTHER people of being “corrupt.”

ANYHOO. We are done here, just like Darrell Issa. Never forget.

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Ducksworthy

    Of all the fake news sites I look at in the morning, Wonkette wins the Ducks Timeliness Award. Congratulations!

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Retiring to spend more time with his auto theft ring family.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      If an auto theft ring is like a Super Bowl ring, shouldn’t Issa have several?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I think Putin stole all of his.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Number of times Issa indicted: 1
    Number of times anyone from the Obama Admin Indicted: 0

  • WIDTAP

    “clap for the little girl…”
    Montana causes flashbacks.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      The upside of this story is Wonkette Babby will always have the very best fitting swimsuits for her aquatic outings.

  • TJ Barke
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Issa is incredibly unpopular despite or because of being a nine-term (? math!) congressman from San Diego — a reasonably conservative (for California) white place with money

    In fairness to America’s Finest City, his congressional district is in northern San Diego County (and a bit of OC), not the city itself. Pretty sure North County was fed up with him as well, however.

    • BadKitty904

      To be fair, Issa has worked very hard at being incredibly unpopular.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Only one man works harder for that honor. . .

        • calliecallie

          Except he just cut back his hours.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Exceptive Time.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      I can verify as a resident of North County SD, that we have indeed had more than enough of Issa. He wouldn’t even be there now if it weren’t for the good old OC:

      San Diego: 108,215 (Issa) 123,167 (Applegate)
      Orange: 47,673 (Issa) 31,100 (Applegate)
      Total: 155,888 (Issa) 154,267 (Applegate)

      Why do we have to be lumped together with those nimrods anyway?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Oh, cheer up. It’s not like your districting is as effed up as North Carolina’s.

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          True, but the OC is barf-worthy enough there’s a whole TV show about it.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        We have been organized for a year and protesting twice a week, every week, and we have been walking precincts and sending postcards and calling and writing letters to the editors and we had that big chicken here… The Indivisible 49 group has laid out a path to victory for ANY district.

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          Thank you for your work, Cindy. Today you have won. I have no valid excuse for not marching more often, but I can at least cheer and lavish praise on those who do.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Don’t say that. Everyone I know in the resistance always says they could do more, myself included. Fight that voice and just do what you can.

  • BadKitty904
    • Dudleydidwrong

      Now if all of those were set off up Issa’s ass, that would be really celebratory!

    • Gayer Than Thou
      • Bobathonic

        Also better stuffed up Issa’s ass.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Not with my Champagne bottle. (Full disclosure: back when he was crying and I didn’t know much about him, I did think he was handsome.)

          • Bobathonic

            TMI!

          • aureolaborealis

            I read this, several times, as “back when I was crying …” and I was confused but somehow impressed.

        • Arolpin

          You should probably make sure to drill a small hole in the bottom of the bottle first. Nobody wants to see a prolapse.

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Is that a euphemism?

  • therblig

    I can’t find “chutzpah” in either my Communist Manifesto nor my Koran. I’m beginning to think this Obama character wasn’t all they claimed he was.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      You didn’t know he was also a muslin joo?

    • A Groucho Marxist

      I’m pretty sure it’s one of (((those))) words.

    • I think it’s in Mao’s Little Red book, but I only have the pocket version with me and it (and the print) is really, really little. Too small to read.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Oy, gevult!

  • JaveyDay

    Quick correction: Issa’s challenger in the last election was Col. Doug Applegate.

  • TJ Barke

    A lot of rats jumping ship… they trying to take advantage of the mass theft tax bill by going private sector? Or do they know bad shit’s about to hit the fan?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Obligatory:

      Yes.

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      They know what’s coming. They’re looting the place and bolting before everyone gets hauled away/thrown out.

      • therblig

        so, when you quit the mafia, all the crimes you committed just go away? or is that just a congressional mindset?

    • aureolaborealis
  • JBenningfield

    Fuck it. At least Oprah fell off the news cycle.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    …the little girl who FINALLY gets to the finish line in the swim meet because she did not have a regulation swim team bathing suit and her top fell down and she had to do the backstroke with one arm and hold her bathing suit over her little boobs with the other…

    File under: #suspicouslyspecificanecdotes

  • JaveyDay

    I was looking forward to voting this Issahole out of office. Then I moved one district over. Now I look forward to voting another, different, yet still just as stinky, asshole out of office: Duncan Hunter.

  • calliecallie

    Did Darrell Issa ever win Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year award? Because if not, perhaps we should arrange some kind of going away award for him along those lines.

    Although there are so many of them retiring, it would be a challenge to arrange appropriate parting awards for all of them.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      First-ballot Hall of Shame.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      A Lifetime Achievement Award for Shitmuffinry.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Kind of like a Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement award, only Oprah makes their speech for them.

    • Ruhe

      After finding the right metrics for identifying the consistency of a shitty congressman’s contribution to shitty governance we might be able to calculate their relative value to that cause in relation to a generic replacement. SH.M.A.R. = Shit-muffinry Above Replacement.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And spring training starts in what, six weeks? I’m stoked.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Why? Aren’t there enough paper bags full of dogshit available?..

      • Mr. White

        My malamute is willing to contribute. He’s a big dog with big doodies.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Smell You Later, Darrell Issa! (Because We Will Follow The Odor Of Kerosene)

    BURN!
    /SWIDT?

  • dslindc
  • spangled

    GOP: it doesn’t count as a blue wave if we all just quit

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I’ll take that excuse. Bye Felicia.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Whatever works.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: BWAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA…

    Kansas Governor Counting on Growth to Cover Extra School Aid
    https://www.apnews.com/531afdaa5e434717a6cb373d35d1c2cf/Kansas-governor-counting-on-growth-to-cover-extra-school-aid

    Departing Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is counting on growth in state revenues to pay for his proposal to boost spending on public schools.

    The budget proposals the term-limited Republican governor released Wednesday stoked an open revolt among GOP lawmakers.

    They believe they’ll be forced to consider raising taxes or making deep cuts elsewhere after Brownback leaves office. Senate budget committee Chairwoman Carolyn McGinn called his proposals “irresponsible.”

    Brownback is proposing to phase in a $601 million increase in aid to public schools over five years to meet a Kansas Supreme Court mandate to boost education funding.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Something something definition of insanity something something.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      “Growth” as in “eventually the kids will grow up and be too old for school”?

      • BadKitty904

        “And still be unable to read, write, hold jobs, pay taxes, etc.”

    • TJ Barke

      Because this policy works so well all the other times they’ve tried it.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I’m counting on a raise in the future to pay for the luxury cruise I want to take this year. I like the way this works!

        • Oblios_Cap

          Don’t think small. I’m counting on winning the $400M Powerball drawing when it rolls around again.

      • OrG Unstable Genius

        It’s worked PERFECTLY every time.
        Just not as advertised.

      • BadKitty904

        Honestly, you can’t buy stupid of this quality.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      NOW they’re calling his proposals irresponsible? Fuck right off, assholes.

      • ((( Augustus )))

        a lot of scared white people become pretty assertive AFTER the time when they could do shit about it

      • BadKitty904

        “You mean our actions have consequences? What the hell?!?!”

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          “I thought those were consensuals. Now you tell me….”

      • Oblios_Cap

        They don’t want to have to fix their own mess. They would rather the Democrats do it so that they can scream about how they raised taxes and such.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Straight out of the playbook. They pull the same shit every time and yet it still works. It’s like the electorate is whatever the name of that team is that always loses to the Harlem Globetrotters.

    • Notreelyhelping

      You dance with them that brought you, Kansas.

      • BadKitty904

        See ya, suckers!

        ~ S. Brokeback

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Dancing and Kansas. Do they really go together in the same sentence?…

        • Notreelyhelping

          Somehow, I don’t think this is dancing, Toto.

    • kareemachan

      brownback is a dipshit.

      This is all.

      • BadKitty904

        He certainly has no clue whatsoever in how to govern a state.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I wouldn’t trust him to handle a bowel movement unassisted without fucking it up.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • OrdinaryJoe

      Right now I’d say we have a good shot at taking 5 of those seats and maybe everything from Nunes on down if the tide rolls really left.

  • calliecallie

    Not such a reprobate as Issa, but Bill Shuster of Pennsylvania is leaving also too after this year.

    Makes you wonder which ones are leaving because they’re sick of the nonsense, and which ones are leaving because they know they can’t win, and which ones are leaving because they hope to escape indictment.

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      AOT, K.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        I’m An Old.

        What does this mean?

        And would you like a Werthers? I just bought this bag today at the Walgreens when I was getting my new pills….

        • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

          Acronym for “all of them, Katie”, which was (then-VP candidate) Sarah Palin’s response to Katie Couric when asked which newspapers and magazines she read.

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin_interviews_with_Katie_Couric

          • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

            Dear Dog, we’ve been here a long time!

          • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

            But of course!

            Thank you for letting me know. I was kind of embarrassed to ask, so it took me a while to figure out IOIYAR.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      I am pretty sure its a combination of the last 2. They helped create the nonsense and lit the fire and want to complain the buildings are burning.

      • OrG Unstable Genius

        Ooh, arson reference. Nice.

        • Bigly smart jesterpunk

          I wish that was intentional for Issa but I wasn’t even thinking about his arson and car stealing ass when I wrote that.

          • efoveks

            But you ARE bigly smart. Stuff like that just happens to people who (really) are.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            But, wait. That’s never happened to Trump.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      And which ones feel they’ve put in enough time on a congressional salary and are ready for some wingnut welfare please and thank you.

    • ImGoingBacon

      I think some are leaving because the Black Man President is no longer in office, so they can pat themselves on the back with a ‘Mission Accomplished’ bumper sticker.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I don’t steal cars, I steal hearts, or I would if it weren’t for the alarms that go often when I get near anyone…”
    — Jason Chaffetz

  • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

    It’s nice of the trash to take itself out, dontcha think?

    • ImGoingBacon

      Whirlpool should take notes.

  • arglebargle

    Darrell Issa Asshole

  • goonemeritus

    He missed the always leave with them wanting more by a few decades but I still welcome this news.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Bill Maher’s had him on his panel before. Bill was pretty good about calling him on his bullshit. The overwhelming thing that came through the screen about him was smarmy.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Awful lot of Republicans heading for the hills…almost like they know something’s coming.

    “When people are screaming and running one direction, I find it’s best to just not question that and assume that they have more current information than I do.”

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    OMG, that swimming story. That reminds me of a kid I knew that might have been me that was taking swimming lessons and doing pretty well, and then on the last day of the class, we were asked to swim the length of the pool, which we’d done plenty of times before in the course of the season. But that day, the instructor wasn’t in the pool because he’d broken his arm and so he was sitting with his plastered arm in the stands, encouraging us. And this kid, who I know well, freaked out as she got to the deep end and decided she was drowning, and then the poor instructor had to jump in the pool and save her. She was an awful child.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      The same thing happened to me! At least we only nearly drowned. If everybody at the pool had gotten a gander at my booblets besides I may have insisted on going into hiding.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        This obsession with booblets is one of the worst, most idiotic obsessions in history. No one should have to wear tops in the water. It’s ridiculous. I don’t know whether western men or western women or both dreamed up this taboo, but it is pretty….damned….stoopid….

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I don’t disagree with you, but try telling that to an 8yo girl who’s grown up constantly hearing the message that nice girls are modest and modest girls keep their boobies under wraps.
          And I think it’s a puritanical thing, not a western thing. I’ve been to my share of European beaches. Letting the bosoms out is fantastic.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Two words: tank suit.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Eh, my days of giving a rat’s ass who sees my tits are loooong behind me.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            From a book I just finished, The Water Knife, Angel, the title character, walks into a safehouse to find his partner, Jose, had gone rogue, and, with some local muscle, is “interrogating” a reporter named Lucy by cutting off her shirt and whipping her with an electrical cord. Angel shoots and kills his former partner and the hired muscle and cuts Lucy free from the chair she’s tied to.

            Lucy’s shirt is in shreds, so she pulls Jose’s shirt off his corpse. Angel averts his eyes.

            “There just tits,” Lucy says as she pulls on the shirt.

  • Bigly smart jesterpunk
    • TJ Barke

      Beat you to it.

      • efoveks

        It never gets old. Which is good, because i have a feeling you will be posting it often in the near future. :)

        • TJ Barke

          All of us, Katie.

    • theCryptofishist

      Needs more water moving up.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Needs more rat poison votes!

  • Joshua Norton

    This frees up his schedule to steal more car radios and set buildings on fire.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Issa moves the total number of retiring congresscritters to 31, which is a new, one-cycle record for retirements. A record that has stood for 24 years, btw.

    https://shareblue.com/panicked-republicans-break-24-year-record-for-fleeing-house-ahead-of-midterms/#.WlY8YgFdges.twitter

  • ArgieBargie

    He’s retiring to spend more time with his insurance adjusters.

  • elviouslyqueer
  • arglebargle

    At least you didn’t say “Please clap”, Rebecca.

  • La forza del resistino

    He could always lean on his background as Elijah Cummings’ sound man.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Roughly 30 Republicans are retiring getting the hell outta Trumptown this year. Run motherfuckers!

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/09/us/politics/republicans-retirements-house-democrats-wave-2018.html

    “Democrats need to gain 24 seats to control the House, and the president’s party has lost an average of about 30 seats in midterm elections, with notable exceptions caused by extraordinary events.”

  • cheetojeebus

    The next occupant of his office is going to have a hella time removing the smell of stale Brute and scented pomade.

    • JaveyDay
      • alpacapunchbowl

        No way is Issa a Dapper Dan man. He DOES want Fop, goddammit!

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        The last great Coen film!

        • Celtic_Gnome

          So disappointed with Hail, Caesar. Loved the dance number with the sailors, but, after that…

    • ImGoingBacon

      and trying to kill off a tire fire.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Kerosene will do the trick, according to somebody I know.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Issa London
    Issa France
    I’m so happy
    I just can’t

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Issa London
      Issa France
      Chickenshit Issa
      Peeing his underpants

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    True…but at the same time, this might allow my groups to refocus their energies on the few remaining solidly red districts here. I’m glaring at you, Nunes & McCarthy!

    https://twitter.com/matthewamiller/status/951125702056833025

    • Courser_Resistance

      Buuuurrrnn! I like this guy more and more every day. Dude may look like an android but I’m developing an affection for him anyway. He’s not a bad looking android….

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Knight and Cook aren’t as well known, but they might have a fight on their hands, too.
      I would like to see Ken Calvert have a fight on his hands, as he’s never had to do so much as put up a campaign sign. Here’s one of his opponents, who has been working very hard ever since the election
      http://peacockforcongress.com

    • CindyinEncinitas

      There are going to be about 300 people with nothing to do in Tuesdays at 10:00 am from now on.

    • Ninja0980

      I agree.
      Always easier to take an open seat then one from an incumbent.

  • theCryptofishist

    Please, Rebecca, you’ve lived in California, and you know we have plenty of conservatives, in Orange County, and in the rural areas were we even have some of the killing the gheys for being the gheys variety… Sure, we’re moving left as a state, but there’ still some violet here.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I wonder, though, exactly how excited the conservative farmers whose crops are rotting in the fields and the Orange County plutocrats whose beach houses are going to have derricks in their view and all the people whose houses are burning down are about Republican governance right now.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Also people who’d invested big time in pot legalization. I don’t think they were all hippies.

      • theCryptofishist

        I wont argue with you on any of that. It’s just that there are scary rightist streaks here. The state isn’t alll “sunny” either.

  • rosenbomb

    Now, what to do about that Rohrabacher fella…

  • fawkedifiknow

    Shitty things come in threes, so, mention must also be made of walking felony haircut Trey Gowdy. Just sayin’.

  • goonemeritus

    It’s almost like these Republicans don’t relish an expensive hopeless fight.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Arson 101: once you’ve set your office (or economy) on fire, you don’t stand around and wait for the cops to show up.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      But what happens if you tell the cops they can’t look at the burning office because it would be a witch hunt?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I’m wondering if this could also be in reference to a client story?

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        Oooooooooooh.

  • gnomemansanisland

    Wait, isn’t Issa what the Koran calls Jesus?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Isa, but close.

  • Victoria Ricola

    2018 is wildly exceeding my expectations so far.

    • Eileen Besse

      Ten days in, yet!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      No post holiday slump here.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I hate Issa more every time I hear a car alarm going off.

    • kareemachan

      “STAND BACK!!!!1!! THIS CAR IS PROTECTED BY (pause for effect) VIPER!!!!!11!!!

  • Natalie Frenshen

    Don’t let the stolen car hit your arsonist ass on the way out.
    Loser!
    Sad!

  • SweetDeeKat

    Damn, Rebecca, you make me want to stand and cheer. Snark at its truthiest finest.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Who will clean the grease from his chair, or will they need to throw it out and buy another one?..

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Stick a wick in the chair and use it for an insect-repelling* candle.

      *or insect-attracting…

      • Oblios_Cap

        Let some of the skinheads use it as a tiki torch?

  • Longstreet63

    Oh, I’m sure all these republicans are only retiring because they’ve finish Tax Reform which will last forever No Backsies and they can go home now and bask in the delight of their grateful constituents…

    • Christopher Story

      I’m thinking they can smell the blood in the water and are hightailing it out of town before the feeding frenzy commences.

      • dshwa

        Some of A, some of B is my guess.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        He’s the wealthiest member of Congress and he’s probably come to the conclusion that he can kick back in a pile of money somewhere and be a lot happier than facing protesters every Tuesday.

    • aureolaborealis

      I wonder if some of them think this will somehow protect them against criminal charges. Or maybe they feel that they need more time to focus on their defense?

  • Indiepalin

    Issa made his professional debut in 1983, appearing in the Talking Heads video, “Burning Down the House”

  • Cornelius Fussbudget

    The Colonel’s name is Applegate, for the record. Maybe this is one of those intentional Wonkete™ misspellings, but I thought those were for people we were making fun of? Are we making fun of him already? Did I miss the memo?

    • rebecca

      thanks, I doublechecked it and it STILL went past my eyeballs to my typing fingers. fixed!

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        And now I realize I misspelled Wonkette in my comment. Karma’s a bitch. Very restrained of you to avoid pointing out my dumbassery.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          It’s all done out of love.

        • natoslug

          If you’re going to misspell Wonkette, the official misspelling is wonket, no e at the end. And I think the style manual requires prefacing it with “Everything is funny to you,”

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          While there are plenty of spellcheckers and grammar nazis here, none seem to have a cob up their butts…

          • natoslug

            Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .

          • Blanche de Shambles

            I’m not a grammar Nazi. I’m more of a syntax Falangist.

        • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!

          You didn’t I Meant To Do That™?!

          Well! We ought to forgo our cedar cheese and cut up hot dog’s, because we usually misspell “Wonket,” like a idiot, we guess.

          • Cornelius Fussbudget

            So many Wonkisms per character! I bow before thee.

      • efoveks

        OMG, this is what “being a grown up” looks like. One more reason to love coming here!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “and then went on to accuse OTHER people of being “corrupt.”

    chutzpah indeed.

    • efoveks

      Projection! 🎶

      • Red Richmond

        As it ever is, ever was, and ever shall be with these fuckers, world without end. Ramen.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Ramen.

  • Proud Liberal

    He had to quit because he voted for his constituents’ taxes to go up. Chicken shit.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      What a RINO!

  • Jenny
  • pgjack

    Issa is a asshole and has been an embarrassment to my state for far to long. Darryl, I fart in your general direction.

    • Major^3 Andre

      I wouldn’t waste the methane on that unctuous Trumpenfluffer.

  • Notreelyhelping

    I’d have enjoyed the hell out of voters making creamed Issa, but I’ll take a win however it comes. Goodnight, Devil’s Bunghole. No need to write or call or violate the restraining orders.

  • Me not sure

    The car thief made his fortune selling Viper aftermarket car alarms. Don’t buy one.
    https://youtu.be/rdjqm2RK99Y

    • SDGeoff3

      Those goddam obnoxious things.

      • Me not sure

        The Camaro or the alarm?

        • SDGeoff3

          The alarm. I’m not well acquainted with Camari.

          • Me not sure

            You are better off.

          • SDGeoff3

            I’ve heard tell.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            It still causes me pause to contemplate that a Camaro could weigh two tons – and that’s without an iron big block up front.

          • Me not sure

            Still runs a small block pushrod engine that traces it’s ancestry back decades.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    You want a wall DotardUS? Well the Californios are going to put up a big Blue Wall to fight off your march to American fascism.

  • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

    Oh, is the ship sinking, already?
    Who knew that making an actual iceberg captain would be a bad idea?!

  • SDGeoff3

    It’s a happy day here in the Fightin’ 49th. Overcast, gloomy, wet and chilly (for San Diego) but the rainbows are plenteous and the unicorns are dancing.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      (((HUGS)))

      • SDGeoff3

        Squeee!!! And you did so much to help!! Lots of proud all over you!! We must drink soon!

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Let’s have a celebratory DRINKY THING!!! I’ve been thinking we should anyway, but now we have a excuse! How about the 27th? In Old Town? Or? Thoughts? Roni? Juan?

          • SDGeoff3

            Oooo!! Old Town!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Yassssss. Which place? I just wander into them. I don’t know their names.

          • SDGeoff3

            There’s a little cottage type place that lays claim to be the oldest restaurant there. The food was wonderful, it’s very cozy, but I do remember the drinks, and they were most acceptable. Let me check here…La Piñata, 2836 Juan Street. Everyone I know who’s been there loves going back.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Ok. As long as it can hold 10 or 20 of us… I may be overly optimistic but I’m happy today.

          • SDGeoff3

            I don’t think that many will fit. It’s pretty cottage-y. There’s always a couple of larger places like Casa Guadalajara and of course the Old Town Café.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Well, pick the one with the best margaritas!!

          • SDGeoff3

            I’ll try to find one that takes reservations, also as well.

  • dshwa

    “And Sara Jacobs is pretty and young and worked at the UN and at State”

    I love you Trix, but can we not mention a woman’s looks when talking about everyone’s qualifications for the job?

  • goonemeritus

    I always prefer Republicans to lose at the ballot box but I’m still happy.

  • OneYieldRegular

    It was obvious that even Issa’s GOP colleagues couldn’t stand him. They stuck him over in Oversight and told him to do Benghazi 24/7, so that way that they wouldn’t have him mucking up the House all the time. It was the equivalent of asking the most obnoxious employee to dig a hole then shovel the resulting dirt pile from one place to another in perpetuity.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Like the vile Chaffetz, Issa saw it as an opportunity for political gain. Instead, it became a real nothing burger.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Issa too late to make a Jar-Jar Binks joke?

    • anon_the_great

      It has always been too late to make Jar Jar Binks joke.

    • Rags

      Meesa issa happy happy heesa be gone.

      You’re welcome.

  • anon_the_great
    • (((Aron)))

      Well Mr Burns had done it: the Power Plant had won it!

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    And Rebecca, my dear, tell us how you really feel about this. Clearly you have some issues with this “man”. Another district where the Rethuglican fuckfaces may crash and burn.

  • Nephilim

    Issa quits but Arpaio wants to be a senator. One step forward, two steps back.

    • Marsupial99

      But there is a difference between “wants to be” and “is.” This is one step forward, no steps back (unless Arpaio wins).

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    Has anyone heard from Duncan Hunter’s lily-white country club ass lately?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I remember when you didn’t have to be crazy to be a Republican.

    • MOG253

      Yeah,I’m that old, too.

    • (((Aron)))

      But it helps!

  • Impatient

    Darrell: Fuck off and (be voted). Oh, but thanks for training Chaffetz up so well, also too.

  • Scooby

    Ass, I.

  • Red Richmond
  • calliecallie

    Per Ballotpedia: As of January 10, 2018, a total of 42 representatives will not seek re-election to their U.S. House districts. 28 Republicans and 14 Dems.

    That does not yet include Issa. So now it’s up to 10%.

    Is their precedent for this large turnover prior to the election? 1972 perhaps?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Issa is retiring in order to steal more cars and hang out on the roofs of buildings.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      …and Smoke crystal meth with his friends.

  • MOG253

    Yay, see ya Darrell!!!

  • Mack N. Nietzsche

    Draining the swamp, one reptile at a time…

    • phoenix00

      Amphibians libelz!!

  • (((Aron)))

    I like watching Congressman Arsonist, R-CA cry.

  • Lurkylu

    oh man, it is a good day

    • SDGeoff3

      Quite a week so far.

  • TundraGrifter

    From this afternoon’s POLITICO Playbook Power Briefing:

    THE REALITY — A WAVE IS COMING. Thirty-one open House Republican seats. A president in his 30s. A president and House Republican majority moving toward Democrats on immigration and spending — base-deflating issues.

    — NPR’s Jessica Taylor: “There are now 31 Republicans who will not seek re-election in November: 19 who are retiring outright and another 12 who are running for higher office. … The last time a party had nearly that many members retire during a midterm year was in 1994 when 28 Democrats left, and the GOP subsequently took back control of Congress in the Republican Revolution.” http://n.pr/2Fli0Pn

  • CindyinEncinitas

    I just woke up, being sick and everything, to this news. Hoo boy, is there going to be a party at the Issa office in Vista at noon and I gotta get in the shower. This is worth for getting the pneumonium! I’ll be the one out there looking like the Malt-o-Meal kid!

    • SDGeoff3

      Did you catch the Thing That Is Going Around? So sorry to hear it.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I’m not well but it’s not the near-death experience some are having.

        • SDGeoff3

          My mom’s assisted living place has been shut down under flu quarantine for over two weeks. They may lift it in the next couple of days. I’m going to be a nervous wreck going over there.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            My office was decimated.

  • Rick Prose

    So, would Issa be Lt. JG Grifterfucker? Ensign Grifterfucker? Just want to put it in terms that San Diegans can understand.

    • SDGeoff3

      Our term for him is generally “asshole”.

    • Ling Ling

      Issa not a squid, his wikipedia page is quite amusing regarding military service:

      Issa received a hardship discharge from the Army in 1972 after his father suffered a heart attack, and earned a General Educational Development (GED) certificate.[15]

  • Marsupial99

    Hey Issa, on your way out, could you drag Duncan Hunter with you?? kthxbai!

    • SDGeoff3

      That’s up to us. We have to come up with very creative votes.

  • Jackie Jones
    • SDGeoff3

      Nice. Thank you!

  • Major^3 Andre

    Issa on his last day:
    https://i.imgur.com/U2cbxvP.gif

    Also this as a bonus as I was looking for the previous gif and it’s funny
    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/ca/20/b4/ca20b49f0e76ddfd7ef906462fd63262.gif

  • Poly_Ester

    DJT’s next judicial appointment, Judge Issa.

  • Douglas White

    I’ve compiled an extensive list of people who will truly miss Darrell Issa when he leaves congress next year:

    Would you like to see it again?

    Done.

    • phoenix00

      Possibly somebody in Russia?

  • CindyinEncinitas

    I’d like to mentally gather my virtual lefties here together with my blood and sinew lefties and take a moment to let this sink in. There are a lot of dedicated progressives in the 49th – hundreds of angry gray-haired hippies and right-thinking young people, along with Tom Steyer, Jane Fonda (I know!), and folks who came in from other districts to give support and learn so they can spread the message, who were the boots on the ground and they worked their asses off to make Issa’s life miserable and ultimately we drove his skanky ass away. The leader of the Indivisible 49 group is Ellen Montanari https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2ad3f505f30a187cf0f7ff47f7a9ac88d9316ba2bc98ee12ec87b5746e8725b7.jpg
    and, with Dave Lagstein of the SEIU and the national Indivisible organization, she pulled off a huge win for principled, reasonable progressives everywhere. This district, under Ellen’s leadership, took the Indivisible guide and made it a reality and it actually worked. It worked. It’s not easy but every district in the country can do it. We did it. Get pissed! Get out there. You can do it. Let’s do it! Onward!!!

    • SDGeoff3

      Btw, Happy Anniversary to you North County folks and friends. I hear it was a year ago today you conducted your first visit to his roof-office. Hooraaaayy!!!

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Yes and they had a retirement party for Issa yesterday, in the rain, complete with cake. Talk about tenacity and persistence!!!

        • Zyxomma

          Someone left the cake out in the rain? I don’t think that I can take it.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Because it took so long to make it? I have the recipe around here somewhere…

    • Just saying

      Please pleas please Jane Fonda run for Congress. Watching the heads explode would be *wonderful*.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Congratulations, CindyinEncinitas, you kept us informed as boots on the ground in the protests. I know you and many other wonderful people have resisted and won!

  • Roadstergal

    Keep fucking off until you’ve fucked right out of our state, Darrel.

    • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

      Yup. Swim out past the breakers and watch your career die.

  • Duke Woolworth

    Issa did not benefit from the whse fire, but customer Frank Porath did. He got his insurance to cover several thousand defective transformers stored on Darrell’s floor. I was a supplier to both and knew them well enough to make this statement. I’m also opposed to Darrell’s politics.

    • SDGeoff3

      Wow.

    • Just saying

      Please tell us more.

  • Manhattan123

    He’s retiring to spend more time with arson and insurance fraud.

  • Boojum

    We won’t have Darrell Issa around to ask to burn stuff down for the insurance money anymore.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    Ok California, now’s your chance. Get rid of Nunes and Rohrabacher as well.

  • bluicebank

    I guess it’s turning that the Calif. part of 2018’s wave election is so bad, the other team won’t even show up.

    Cowards! Stop hiding so we can hit you.
    Anyway, the OC and now SD. Yeah, minor part of the 49th is Orange County, but the rest is a marine base and some San Diego-ish type places. Except for Dana Point, named after Henry Dana and it you haven’t read “Two Year’s Before The Mast,” you can’t appreciate just how harrowing it used to be to get to Dana Point.

  • chascates

    I’m assuming Issa and the other retiring Republicans will stay in the Beltway, either as lobbyists or with a sinecure at one of the wingnut institutes?

    • Duke Woolworth

      Assume makes an ASS of U and ME. Darrell’s wife’s from Monterey area of CA, and as he needs no money, I’m “assuming” that he’ll stay there.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        When did “needing more money” ever come into it?

        Past a certain point, it’s just about getting MOAR… he could be paid in Doritos, but if he got more Doritos than anyone else, he’d sell his granny to get the job.

  • Blackest Noobs

    when lifetime does a movie about issa, steve carell should play him.

    • H0mer0

      Given his success at playing a rich sociopath in another movie?

      • SDGeoff3

        Despicable Me?

        • H0mer0

          I was thinking “Foxcatcher.”

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Six of one

    • susan_g

      James Franco should be available now and he’s certainly greasy enough for the role.

      • Blackest Noobs

        is the jury out on him? i dunno. but you have your right to take a side there, i just, right now, don’t know enough about it.

  • Kooolest G

    the reason issa is crying in that clip is because he basically paid gazillions of dollars to get a recall of the sitting democratic governor thinking he would get the job. then after he spent all that money to get the recall on the ballot, aaaahnold snuck in at the last minute and said he wanted the job. tough to run against a movie star with 100% name recognition in CA. couldn’t have happened to a bigger asshole

    • SDGeoff3

      And that recall did not turn out well for the state’s economy. Aaah-noldt drove us pretty damn close to the edge.

    • Stulexington

      So Arnold totaled his recall.

      • And he did it just by running, man.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      It was delicious.

  • Zyxomma

    I never imagined I could enjoy video of Darrell Issa. I was mistaken. Anyhoo, wasn’t Issa the name of the kid who got killed by a drone strike in Homeland? The terrorist mastermind’s kid?

  • The Very Stable Librarian

    Issa not gonna miss Issa.

  • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

    Always thought he looked like Ace Rothstein…

  • Ninja0980

    Bottom line, he could either retire or have the voters do it for him.
    He chose to do the former.

  • phoenix00

    Bye bitch.

    • Parakeetist

      Yaaaaas

  • svejk

    welp, looks like we won’t have the issahole to kick around anymore. but let’s keep doing it anyway until the democrat is sworn in.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    And another one bites the dust.

  • LadyLaz

    Hoho ho

  • Walter Wellstone

    It’s puzzling.

    First I thought there were doing this because President Bannon was going to primary their asses from the right and they feared they were going to lose. That’s not it, though, as even Alabama decided they were not afraid of President Bannon’s liver-spotted face and his unregistered-sex-offender candidate. I doubt any Republican would give a shit about what President Bannon has to say anymore.

    Then I thought they got their tax cuts and they were calling it mission accomplished. They would cash out and get the fuck out of D.C. to enjoy their loot. When you look at it, though, I don’t think that’s enough. There’s more money to be had and it would be totally out of character for a Republican to leave money on the table. I’m thinking now they would want to stick around and leverage their symbiotic relationship with Donald to stuff even more cash into their bank accounts in Liechtenstein or wherever. Why would they quit while they’re on top? I trust Republicans to be greedy as fuck, if nothing else.

    Then, for a moment, I thought they’re quitting because there’s someone out there about to come out and accuse them of sexual assault. That is entirely plausible but Republicans don’t usually give a fuck about that. It has to be something really bad, like what we still don’t know about Blake Farenthold (there’s definitely more to what’s been published), or what’s making Ms. Lindsey do a full 180 vis-à-vis Donald and even she’s not going anywhere.

    It has to be that Mueller has something on them and they need to protect the Party. If they run for re-election that’s the first thing their opponents should look into and, if they do, that will only expand the investigation, which is the last thing the RNC wants. If it’s confirmed that the Republican Party is contaminated to the core (which it is) they’re going to be slaughtered in 2020 and the number of people going to jail may end up being ridiculously high, which would finish the Party as an institution; better remove the infected limbs now, by asking them to retire, than risk opening up the pustules of their body politic for everyone to see.

    I fucking hope I’m right.

    • Andrew Rheinheimer

      I earnestly believe they are doing it to cash in on the private sector while removing themselves from view so other grifty Republican bastards who aren’t well known or hated can run for their seats and continue the time honoured tradition of fucking the poors.

      That’s what I believe, at least.

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