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Kiww da buu-uuzz, kiww da buu-uuzz…

Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (vomit!) is on track to make himself even more hated by good decent American folks by doing away with Barack Obama’s policy that allowed states to regulate the sale and use of marijuana with minimal federal interference. Sessions’s new policy will leave decisions on marijuana enforcement up to US attorneys’ offices, which of course will all be staffed with Trump appointees. We guess Sessions drew the short straw for Distract Everybody From Bannon News today.

The move — which Sessions has been telegraphing for months — comes just days after the sale of recreational weed became legal in California, where legal pot shops started opening Monday. And in states that have legalized pot sales, cannabis taxes have been a huge source of new revenue. Purely coincidental, we’re sure.

During the campaign, Donald Trump had said that the question of legal weed should be up to states to decide, as he said in this clip from an interview with a Colorado Teevee station:


In reality, the addle-pated dotard left Sessions to pursue whatever policy he wanted, so the nation’s top law enforcement officer has discarded scientific and medical evidence in favor of Reefer Madness propaganda. He’s proclaimed marijuana is just as bad as heroin, and that legal weed has led to spikes in violent crime — which makes little sense if growing and selling marijuana is done in the open and regulated, instead of by gangs. During a November congressional hearing, Sessions did at least concede that marijuana was not actually as dangerous as heroin. He also said at the time that he believed Justice was bound by a federal budget rider that prohibits the DOJ from prosecuting patients and providers who act in compliance with state laws allowing medical marijuana; it’s unclear whether Sessions intends to fight against that rule in addition to going after recreational users. He has asked Congress not to renew that rider — which, again, would allow him to bust jazz-wielding cancer patients — for the next fiscal year.

Colorado Senator Cory Gardner, a Republican mind you, is PISSED, y’all, and says this tyranny will not stand, man:

Buzzfeed’s DOJ correspondent, Dominic Holden, who wrote an invaluable article in August outlining all the problems the Trump administration would have if it seriously tried to end legalized weed, points out that while going after states that have legalized pot is possible, it wouldn’t be easy:

Holden also sees the possibility for chaos if enforcement decisions are left entirely up to the US attorneys:

Still, if Sessions actually does manage to get some really zealous prosecutors appointed, we may be able to look forward to crackdowns on people who have — for several years now — been using pot for medical purposes, as well as those nasty recreational users. Remember how great America was when we charged people with felonies for helping cancer patients deal with pain and nausea from chemotherapy?

Also, we just bet Republicans are all kinds of excited about defending the Sessions Doctrine in this fall’s elections. Jeff Sessions and his war on legal pot just might turn out to be more toxic for the Republican brand than Roy Moore.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to support us, and pass the mouse to the left.

[AP / Buzzfeed / Forbes / Dominic Holden on Twitter]

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  • BearGHAZI

    What about my precious State’s Rights? You feculent gnome

    • kilgoretrout

      Feculent Gnome is my new Reggae/Klezmer/Grunge Revival band name!

      • (((Aron)))

        Regrunzmer!

    • (((Aron)))

      Better than a fecund gnome.

      EEEEEW, gnome babbies!

    • MynameisBlarney

      That only applies when it’s advantageous for the GOP.

    • ArgieBargie

      They actually mean “Red States’ Rights.”

      All those “moocher” blue and purple states not only should pay even more taxes than Red states as they already are (see: new tax bill), but also they shouldn’t have any legal rights.

    • JMP

      Silly, that’s only applicable when the states want to take away rights from black, gay and women people.

  • kilgoretrout

    What’s he smoking?

  • ManchuCandidate

    JEFFY Kkkeebler Elf Sessions the nth is the one man in US Amercia who can unite the left and the right… Against him.

  • canes_pugnaces
    • BearGHAZI

      Thoughts and prayers, brah

      • (((Aron)))

        Warmest condolences!

      • kareemachan

        I thought it was tots and pears….

    • (((Aron)))

      I tried to take a photo, but Disqus wouldn’t let me upload.

    • kilgoretrout

      New York in a snowstorm has to be one of the most beautiful sights in the world.

    • armed_bears

      But is it snowing out?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Looks like fun.

    • JMP

      I miss snow.

      • (((Aron)))

        You can have some of mine. All of it, even!

        • JMP

          Send it here! I’d love to see these Californians who drive 10 miles below the speed limit when it’s drizzling deal with actual winter.

          • To be fair, the only place I’ve been were people don’t do that is the south where it downpours all the time. That includes places that snow like Alaska. I’ve never been to the Midwest though so I don’t know how they deal with that.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      We got so much snow here that school was cancelled! We must have . . . hang on, I’m counting . . . at least fifteen hundred snowflakes on the ground. As expected the grocery stores have sold out of staples like bread, milk, and Vienna sausages, and all traffic has halted as people ponder whether to risk their lives for the sake of seeing the new Star Wars movie.

  • Oblios_Cap
  • jowgajen

    This is so idiotic. It’s clear Americans want marijuana descheduled, and voting for that change would be a hugely popular choice for any lawmaker to take regardless of party affiliation.

    • TJ Barke

      I bet they’re going to try and pave the way for big pharma to control weed.

  • Crank Tango

    Ironically, I smoked some of the devil’s weed and crushed a package of Keebler fake Samoas the other day.

    • (((Aron)))

      Shame on you!

      Shame on you for not sharing with the rest of Yr Wonkette!

      • Crank Tango

        Always welcome! I really should have had some help with the cookies anyway.

        • (((Aron)))

          Hooray!

    • NastyBossetti

      You are living MY best life.

    • Naytch

      Crushed and put on top of ice cream?? (stupid diet!)

  • schmannity

    Seems like the focus should be on opium but for causing the economic collapse of our “strategic partner,” Afghanistan

    • jowgajen

      Yes. But saving lives has clearly never been the point of the war on drug users.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Especially foreign ones.

    • BosGrl

      The DOJ needs to go after the pharmaceutical companies that caused more opioid-related deaths than breast cancer and leave the weed industry alone, since they are properly and completely regulated, don’t rub their hands together with glee when someone tries their product for the first time, and don’t cause deadly addiction. But whatever.

      • schmannity

        You mean the pharma companies that the federal government is not allowed to negotiate prices with?

        • BosGrl

          Apparently also too not able to prosecute for murder.

  • Greg Comlish

    Just FYI, the cannabis industry is shifting from the term “recreational use” to “adult use”. Recreation has a connotation of youth. Adult use emphasizes that adults can make their own responsible decisions regarding cannabis.

    • Crank Tango

      I like that cuz it also makes it pornish.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      They’ll find a way to twist that around, too. They already don’t believe adult women can make responsible decisions regarding their own reproduction.

    • SayItWithWookies

      They should go back to “experimentation.” Because science!

    • Ill-Advised

      Says something about the strength of Puritan hypocrisy: adults don’t recreate. They just work till they drop.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Oblios_Cap

      Oh, baby!

    • (((Aron)))

      Please and thank you.

    • kilgoretrout

      I’d get high on her supply.

      • (((Aron)))

        (And by ‘supply’ you mean ‘decolletage,’ right? Just want to make sure.)

        • kilgoretrout

          I don’t care where she goes to college.

          • (((Aron)))

            I think she pledged Eta Beta Pi.

          • kilgoretrout

            Hubba Hubba Hubba

    • tehbaddr

      My kinda gal!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      She had sex to get sex?

      • MynameisBlarney

        That’s how BAD drugs are!

    • NastyBossetti

      There are much easier ways to get weed.

    • TakingAmes

      I’m confused. The text says she traded her body for kicks. Since I’m done procreating, that’s pretty much what I always use my body for in the implied milieu. I think this book is implying that women don’t like sex. Which is… just not true.

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      Mom!!!!

    • FlemmishSpy

      Today we are all N. R. DeMexico.

    • willi0000000

      shenanigans! . . . nobody leaves one sit unattended and unloved in an ashtray.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m glad all of the serious criming, like Russian collusion, has been nipped in the bud.

    • Crystalclear12

      SQUIRREL!!!!

      • (((Aron)))

        WHERE???

    • Crank Tango

      What you did there, I like see it and stuff, man.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Sessions does have the serious matter of Hillary’s emails to re-investigate.

      • willi0000000

        idiots . . . but their base will lap it up.

        [ so . . . when does the investigation of Obama’s birth certificate recommence? . . . i’m sure they could impeach him as a sideshow ]

        ETA – isn’t there something about double jeopardy in some law somewhere or doesn’t it count after the twenty-third try?

        • SayItWithWookies

          If there hasn’t been a trial, there’s no double jeopardy.

          • willi0000000

            i know.

  • tehbaddr
    • (((Aron)))

      That rather looks like what I would imagine meth to be…

      • tehbaddr

        That’s what folks will be relegated to if Sessions get’s his way! Smoking them Jazz Cigarettes in the closet!

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Kind of like the “Pink Elephants” sequence from “Dumbo” (from drinking champagne!), it’s always weird to see what people think particular drugs are like when they’ve never actually tried them.

        • (((Aron)))

          I’m ok with never having recreationally used methamphetamine ;)

    • wide_stance_hubby

      The way he smokes, he is NOT getting invited back to any pot parties any time soon.

      • tehbaddr

        That’s OK, he’s so strung out on the stuff he smokes alone in the closet!

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Hot box libelzes!

          • tehbaddr

            Everybody get in the AMC Pacer!

          • (((Aron)))

            Only if I can have a Pacer in the alternate universe where they perfected the intended fuel-efficent rotary engine.

          • (((Aron)))

            (How’s that for a terrible sentence?)

          • tehbaddr

            Pretty clunky, keep smoking that debils weed!

          • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

            Too bad Bogart didn’t get that role because if he had we’d all be enjoying a gif of Bogart Bogarting, which would have been cool. Man.

  • lowenufc

    Sessions wouldn’t know Coltrane if he punched the little Nazi elf in the face.
    And I would love to see what Miles Davis would do to that little cracker.

    • Crank Tango

      I dunno, I saw Miles working with some obvious Vice cops the other day. http://cdn8.openculture.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/miles-on-miami-vice.jpg

      • (((Aron)))

        HO-LEE SHIT

      • schmannity

        Is that the cover of Miles’ Kinda Pastel album?

        • Daniel

          Bitches Two.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Miles looks thrilled to be there.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Literally, in every photo I have ever seen of Miles Davis not on stage; he has appeared to be extremely upset to be wherever he is.

          • Ωbjectifier

            Yeah, he was not the most cheerful guy.

        • Daniel

          “I was told there’d be heroin.”

    • lowenufc

      (full disclosure: enjoying the snow storm in Vermont with whiskey, Sweet and T Rex)

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I cannot wait to hear the verdicts from juries in these states with legal pot.

    • BosGrl

      We have a good AG in MA. I expect a tweet soon saying she’s on it.

    • Snowbound Ron

      ‘Foreman of the jury, what is your verdict?’
      ‘Like, uncool, man.’

    • willi0000000

      didn’t you hear? . . . they love nullification.

  • Crystalclear12

    And the cartoon villainy continues!

    • tehbaddr

      Then the murders began!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And in states that have legalized pot sales, cannabis taxes have been a huge source of new revenue

    Potentially making up for the tax bill’s screwing of blue states with the limits on deductions of state and local taxes. Now I see the real problem those assholes have with it FFS.

    • kilgoretrout

      It’s all about screwing the libtards.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I think that’s more of an unintended consequence. those things are tricksy like hobbitses.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Revenue is a slippery slope toward making government work and that violates The GOP Prime Directive.

      • TJ Barke

        If government works it could be used to rein in the negligence, exploitation and malfeasance of private capital, and we can’t have that.

    • Werewolf

      Also too, Jeffbo the KKKeebler elf is heavily invested in private prisons.

  • Victoria Ricola

    And to think that me and my beloved weed head friends have been calling our weekly meetups the “group session” for decades. NOT COOL MAN! NOT COOL!

    • (((Aron)))

      (I like your pupper)

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      safety meetings

  • Crystalclear12

    SQUIRREL!!!!!!

  • canes_pugnaces

    I guess we’re going to find out soon how America 2018 likes America 1958.

  • Scooby

    This we can fund but not children’s health insurance?

    • Crank Tango

      Health insurance is a gateway safety net.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Damn kids might grow up to smoke pot.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      think of how much revenue a national tax on pot would bring in…

      • Snowbound Ron

        FY 2010 – Federal tax revenue from tobacco was $15.5B, with the number of smokers declining fast.
        FY 2010 – Federal tax revenue from alcohol was $9.2B, slowly increasing.
        That’s a LOT of F-35s.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          we could probably fund most of CHIP off that revenue!

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    a) dear Sen. Gardner,

    I like your spunk, but your party’s whip is already holding up those nominations to get another disaster supplemental through with infrastructure funding to mitigate future disasters.

    but get on with yo jazz self!

    b) they would also find prosecution difficult because the threshold for marijuana growing operations falling into federal territory is 100 plants so they often grow just 99 plants with a blown up and laminated copy of their state license stapled to a railroad tie in their field because they are just trying to help the feds do their jobs. how thoughtful!

    c) it is even possible that in-congruent application of the law by AUSA Stoner McPothead of Colorado and AUSA Beauregard Jefferson of Maine would wind up with in-congruent rulings and then SCOTUS would have to decide whether federal regulation of pot is, like, even legal, man!

    d) LORAX 2020: WILL MAKE 4:20 A NATIONAL HOLI-MINUTE!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      LORAX 2020: It’s not just the trees, it’s ALL the plants we must protect!

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        LORAX 2020: I SPEAK FOR THE WEED!

        • Snowbound Ron

          Now THIS is a bumper sticker I would put on my car.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I will consult with our team.

  • Indiepalin

    Banning music by pop groups like The Beatles would also go a long way toward wherever we’re going.

    • kilgoretrout

      Maybe we should burn their records.

      • Snowbound Ron

        Can you get high off of breathing burning CDs?
        Wait, it’s 2018… burning thumb drives?

    • TimResistit

      Start with Elvis, tho. Those hips are more dangerous than any drug.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        And don’t even get me started on Shakira

        • Daniel

          But note the difference: Elvis carried on before hips were legalised, and what did it produce? Suspicious minds, with which no one could go on together. The hips were furtive, forbidden and dangerous.

          Then legalisation and Shakira’s felt no need to hide, they literally could not lie. There is a lesson in this.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            The case for more women leaders, made very succinctly.

        • Nockular cavity

          Hey, they don’t lie.

        • Treehopper1104

          Her hips are more honest than any person in the Trump administration though.

    • JohnBull

      We should, before that Charlie Manson gets crazy ideas.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Grateful Dead libel.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Jefferson Sessions is my least favorite Paul Kantner project

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Shorters Sessions (if that’s even possible) “No time for Russian hackers! We’ve got pot smokers to bust!”

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    heh, dok – do you do your own ‘shop…cause that shit at the top is funny.

  • TimResistit

    I’ll bet the Stein voters are absolutely giddy the evil weed is once again being attacked, right?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Thanks Bros™! See if those hacky sack circles are nearly as fun sober…

  • GlazedHaim

    Personally I’m worried that this will divert important resources that were supposed to go towards deporting children.

    • Ωbjectifier

      And forcing teen rape victims to give birth.

      • GlazedHaim

        This went from snark to dark real quick

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      not the same department.

      • BosGrl

        Yeah, but Zinke has shown that we can mix and match budgets.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          within his own department. DOJ can’t just take DHS’ budget.

          • BosGrl

            Sez who? (just kidding)

    • Crystalclear12

      Or keeping brown people from voting.

  • elviouslyqueer
    • Snowbound Ron

      I’m glad Brolly Bunny had the holidays off.

    • I feel like the cover of this should start to look distressed. This book is read A LOT.

  • JohnBull

    This is the guy who always called the cops on house parties because he wasn’t invited. (Hint: five dollars for a solo cup WAS your invitation.)

  • kilgoretrout

    Cory Gardner is worried about his election in 2020

    • Notreelyhelping

      Every Republican in a legal/medical state is now cursing Sessions.

    • he should be, capitalist martyr GOP people in weed states have seen the light/dollar signs on this issue, even that Maine wannatrump doughboy LePage knows what’s up by now.

  • jesterpunk

    But states rights *

    *Some conditions apply, not valid in California or any other state that passes a law the GOP doesnt like.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    This morning they announced that some Assistant US Attorney from Texas is parachuting in to be the Interim US Attorney here in Nevada (since we’ve just had an acting one and Donnie has not nominated someone for the post). I have a feeling they made this move to try and quash legal weed here. And of course, our super-duper “states rights are paramount” AG will go along with it because he thinks he can ride Donnie’s coattails to the governor’s mansion.

  • Crystalclear12

    Do they think there is a prize for winning the Most Hated contest?

    • OutOfOrbit

      the drug cartels (i.e. donor dollars) LOVE it!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Gonna make border patrol a lot more interesting, what with Canada moving to full legalization this year.

    • Snowbound Ron

      Drug-sniffing dogs at every border crossing. At the very least. Yeah, THAT won’t affect wait times at all.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        There is a recent show called “Tales from the Tour Bus,” covering classic (50s-70s) Country stars. One borrowed Willie Nelson’s tour bus for a tour into Canada. They had the bus stripped to bare metal and professionally cleaned. When they got to the border crossing, the dog walked into the bus, sat down, and just looked around. They never found a seed, but the folks on the tour said that they basically broke that dog.

  • msanthropesmr

    Holden also sees the possibility for chaos

    Was there any doubt that this was the goal – nay the very purpose of this administration in totality?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Sessions is a serious little shit, he is.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yup, seriously working for the private prison industry/Klan.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        gotta put those uppity blahs in prison…

  • kilgoretrout

    Maybe we should prohibit alcohol. It’s bad for the working classes.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      That is NOT good news for John McCain!

      • Hold on, if anything McCain is going to need a shit-ton of weed to get him through what he’s got coming to him as opposed to booze

  • Notreelyhelping

    Wait for the shitty reviews to come in and Trump to announce, oh yeah, that’s Jeff talking—we’re never gonna do that.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Daniel

      Is that his gay son?

      Pence is not going to like that at all. Also too there’s a woman there.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yup.
        Poor Pencey.
        His sphincter and penis twitched at the same time and he doesn’t know what that means.

      • elviouslyqueer

        “Help me Mother, I am SO turned on sporting wood totally not gay totally not gay totally not gay totally NOT gay CONFUSED right now.”

        –Mike Pence’s thoughts, just then.

        • MynameisBlarney

          LOL
          Pretty much!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Yeah, son is giving Dense the gay stink eye.

    • GlazedHaim

      You can almost hear the lasers shooting out of his eyes “biiiiiiiiizzzzitchpleazzzze”

    • BreakingDeadMen

      He looks like Rick Grimes talking to Neegan.

      • Relativicus

        Nah, too dry and no snot bubble.

    • this is fantastic, look at that dude’s death stare onto beady-eyed soulless possible future president/enlarged prostate patient Pence…LOOK AT IT

  • Fartknocker

    Thank goodness they are not worry about abortions.

    Fartknocker
    Sole Proprietor – Abortionplex
    Truth or Consequences, NM

  • Ωbjectifier
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Ahhh, high school! Good times! The only thing missing is the last guy out turning around and blasting the Ozium back into the van…

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Jeff’s not here, man…

  • fawkedifiknow

    Cheech/Chong 2020!! Willie Nelson for Surgeon General!! Dude Lebowski for AG!!

    • Ωbjectifier

      Snoop for ambassador to Jamaica.

      • MynameisBlarney

        He already is pretty much ain’t he?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Hey, Kumar has WH experience

  • Saxo the Grammarian
  • Daniel

    To be fair, Sessions is acting on Doctor’s advice.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dddc7d56c00b4471996e555dad8bfcaf0c4a3b3e4663bfac407adace333fece2.jpg

    This guy loathes drugs.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      He dislikes the competition from organics

    • AND it looks like his computer is possibly still running Windows XP (?), which to that I say XD

  • Jonny On Maui

    The only reason for law enforcement to keep cannabis illegal is that they profit from this position. How is Sessions getting paid?

    • RickyG

      Twenty dollars, same as downtown

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        a Beau job

        • RickyG

          Ha!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      private prison industry, plus all those weed felonies keep blah people locked up and unable to vote once they’re let out

      • don’t forget, as someone put it earlier, “the tobacky and hooch lobbies” too (as a senator he took a lot of $$$ from those)

        • Snowbound Ron

          They do so hate competition.
          And one notes that a) the gummint frowns upon making your own booze, and b) tobacco is the very devil to grow.

  • RickyG

    ALTERED STATES RIGHTS!!1!

    • Snowbound Ron

      <golf clap>

    • Notreelyhelping

      You have the right to remain silent. (Long pause.) Whoa!

  • GlazedHaim

    On the plus side, this should really help cryptocurrency speculation

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Here’s a song for you, Jeffy. It’s short, and low quality. Just like you!
    https://youtu.be/2sLhidAwqeQ

  • Iam Reading

    Republicans just lost most libertarians and almost all of the young ‘uns

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, no.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Libertarians” aren’t about liberty for all. They’re about liberty for the propertied. They’re vile little shits who deserve no quarter.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          complete hypocrites also too

        • Bitter Scribe

          Personally, I find them more tiresome, glib and annoying than vile. But if you want to go with vile, I won’t object. As they never tire of telling us, it’s a free country.

          • TJ Barke

            They are all of those things.

          • CripesAmighty

            It’s the relentless, maniacal greed that makes them so repellent, as they flimsily try to justify it with lame bromides about ‘freedumb’.

        • TJ Barke

          Yup. Their freedom looks a lot like corporate feudalism.

        • pstokk

          Wouldn’t even give em a nickel. Of anything. The stingy fuckers.

        • Jennaratrix
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      White libertarians (tho I repeat myself) find weed’s illegality an annoyance. But it’s one they’ll tolerate in favor of the protection of their money and privilege in society, which are way more important to them than weed or anything/anyone else.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        they’ll never be shot “reaching for their waistband” or even arrested most of the time, so they DGAF

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Indeed. Particular professional classes (traders, businessmen, CEO’s, lawyers, etc) run on illegal drugs. Who was the last person you heard of going to jail for drug possession who 1. Made more than $100k 2. Wasn’t black and 3. Didn’t play sports professionally?

          • Snowbound Ron

            Trick question, right?

  • Spurning Beer

    If I’m not mistaken, Alabama has the potential to produce world-class weed and lift millions out of poverty.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Hence Sessions’ vehement opposition.

    • Smoking kudzu is legal.

      • elviouslyqueer

        That explains… a lot, actually.

        • It’s the jimsonweed you gotta watch out for, DANGER WILL ROBINSON. Oddly enough, kudzu is edible. If I lived in the South, I’d be wolfing it down. Southern staple pokeweed grows up here in New York, but I only know one other person besides myself who eats it. Poke is poisonous so you have to boil it thrice, but it does taste delicious when you when you cook up a mess of it.

          • Snowbound Ron

            This may be true, but TBH, I think that if you’re forced to triple-cook what you’re eating to keep it from murdering you, you MIGHT want to look into eating foods that are palatable as-is.

          • Werewolf

            If you were eating poke sallit, it’s because you had nothing else to eat.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    You know there something happening, but you don’t know what it is. Do you, Mr. Sessions?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Pence has to be the sword swallower…

      • BreakingDeadMen

        The New York Times sees somebody naked and says “Boy, Emperor Disagree On Clothes Issue.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    I hope anyone who does get prosecuted by the feds for pot asks for a jury trial. It takes only 1 in 12 to hang a jury.

    • Crank Tango

      Fucking love that tune.

      • Holt was an amazing performer, from his debut with the Paragons right up to the moment he collapsed onstage in 2014.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    I guess the ability to shit on your fellow citizens makes up for having a boss that despises you.

    • Mike Minden

      I’m sure he has some deep psychological excuse for being being a bully.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        the operative word being, excuse

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        yes, he’s a dick

      • Raan

        Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes an asshole is just an asshole.

  • ChumpsForTrump

    You’d think we could go after more serious crimes.. like treason.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And money laundering for mobsters.

      • Jennaratrix

        But see, Sessions & Co. don’t smoke weed, and they do do all those other things. So obviously they can’t be illegal and/or aren’t really happening. Or something. Hey, I’m new at GOP logic, I’m still working out the kinks.

  • La forza del resistino

    If we promise to change ‘Pass the dutchie on the left side’ to ‘Pass the dutchie on the right side’ and destroy all our Cab Calloway recordings, will JeffBeau go away?

  • OrG

    Good luck fuckface. Weed smokers are way more organized than this dysfunctional shitshow.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And that’s when they’ve just finished off their 10th bong hit, too!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        if you reached #10, you need better stash…

  • Crank Tango

    If this doesn’t motivate the yoots to come out and vote in November, nothing will.

  • clubseal

    States’ rights! States’ rights! States’ rights!*
    *Except when it comes to drugs, silly

    • msanthropesmr

      Or minimum wages

      • GOPers pretty much believe in the level of government which is advantageous to themselves.

      • clubseal

        Or anything Republicans don’t like and don’t mind being hypocritical about.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or ghey marriage

    • Crank Tango

      Or concealed carry laws.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Or anything to do with vaginas.

  • Oh, he’s not going to lock me up for smokin’ the reefer. I’m not black or Hispanic.

    • satanscheerleadersloveamerica

      leftist hippies are next

    • Remember, black people are the canaries in the coalmine. They are the first to suffer and suffer the worst, but just look at that video of the white guy getting shot while lying on the floor on a hotel hallway.

      • True, it is a possibility. But the primary purpose of strict drug laws is to silence and disenfranchise minorities and keep them in economic submission.

        • Rags

          This was precisely articulated by the Nixon administration

  • Gorillionaire

    Ya know, it is an open secret around here (NC) that most weed sellers are middle aged vaguely wingnutty white dudes. Wonder how this is gonna size up.

    • exinkwretch

      Remember, JBS is sticking with the the 1930s propoganda that the demon weed is the specific province of the Negroes and Messicans. No white person (except Robert Mitchum) ever smoked reefer prior to 1967.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        Obama made all white people smoke that devil weed right after he invented racism.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          THAT’S when he took all my guns!

        • BrianW

          Really? I never got my Obamaphone, Obama devilweed, OR my Sorosbucks check for commenting here. GODDAMMIT!

  • La forza del resistino

    Scoreboard:
    Pot =0 (jury still out on Maureen Dowd.)
    Booze = 88008
    88,008 people die from alcohol-related causes annually, making alcohol the third leading preventable cause of death.
    In 2014, alcohol-impaired driving fatalities accounted for 9,967 deaths

    • Villago Delenda Est

      To be fair, Maureen Dowd was brain-dead before she ate the special brownies.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        lol. just read yours after I hit send on mine…

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      Maureen was dead before she ate a space cake.

  • chascates
  • susan_g

    “This reported action directly contradicts what Attorney General Sessions told me prior to his confirmation.” –Gardner

    I do not recall what I said to you, Cory. –Sessions

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    jazz cigarettes are a well organized, multi billion dollar business with a boatload of damn good lawyers.

    also, why do Jeff Sessions and the GOP hate free enterprise and states rights?

    • Raan

      Because the 1950s.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        and here I am thinking that the 50s were a shining example for free enterprise and states rights.

      • Because people of color, and dirty fucking hippies.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Sergeant Stedenko, exactly what are you looking for?

      Dope, drugs, weed, grass, toot, smack, quackers, uppers, downers all-arounders. You name it, we want it.

      And how important is it to you to apprehend the suspects?

      Critical–the buying and selling of dope in this country may be the last vestige of free enterprise left.

  • John Norris

    Republican Colorado Senator Cory Gardner just found out that Republican politicians lie. Sad.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      But he remembered where some of his campain contributions come from.

      .@SenCoryGardner is on the Senate floor attacking the DOJ/marijuana shift now. About as worked up as I’ve ever seen him.— Phil Mattingly (@Phil_Mattingly) January 4, 2018

  • dslindc
    • Courser_Resistance

      God Bless Colorado!

    • mardam422

      And for some reason, tasty looking.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Jeff Sessions doesn’t want anything legal that makes people talk slowly and grow forgetful. That’s his schtick.

  • Mike Minden

    Actually, it is probably nothing more complicated than Sessions having his pockets lined by big pharma.

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      the word you’re looking for is racism.

      • It’s a twofer.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        The pharma accounts for the stance he takes, the racism accounts for the zeal with which he pursues it.

      • greyXstar

        These things are not mutually exclusive.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      And for profit prisons.

  • John Robinson

    Sure, it would be hard to do this stuff “legally”, but as we drift increasingly quickly into outright fascism, how long before all this “legal” stuff gets tossed as being “crippling regulations”?

  • The Democrats should run this year on gaining a veto-proof majority to vote on marijuana legalization.

  • Mavenmaven

    How will we sell our population as cheap drone labor if they are using marijuana?

  • BreakingDeadMen

    If I were in the edibles business, I would be making kind Keebler knock offs with this dude’s face

    • Courser_Resistance

      We can’t do that in CO – edibles cannot be in any shape or form of critters or cartoons. Think gummy bears. They can’t have the bear shape, just a generic rectangle. They’re supposed to be less ‘attractive’ to kids. Whatever.

      • mardam422

        Tell that to the parent whose son just swallowed that button.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        I guess that makes sense. I’m old school, I remember when it was fun to see what was going to be on the blotter.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        What? No candy cigarettes edibles?

    • mardam422

      Genius!!!

    • Wait for it..

  • greyXstar

    That reminds me, I got edibles for Christmas. Happy Snowpocalypse, kids!

  • BearLeft

    Don’tcha just love it when these GOP scumbags, who have no trouble trampling on the will of constituents who can’t afford to give them campaign contributions, suddenly sprout a pair? “I am prepared to take all steps necessary” to pretend I have principles.

    • yyyaz

      It is still all about their only principle — money. In this case it is taxes voluntarily paid by the poors, mostly, on weed that allows the GOOPs to fund their state budgets without having to tax the Owner Class.

  • puredog

    “Jeff Sessions and his war on legal pot just might turn out to be more toxic for the Republican brand than Roy Moore. ”

    “Oh, man, like. . . .where’s my polling place anyway?”

  • BMW

    This brings back some memories.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_2-J9fZlQI

  • Me not sure

    I have a problem with the term ” recreational weed”. It ain’t exactly a volleyball game or a trip to the gym. Who wants to get high and do Peliton? …Where’s my Cheezits?

    • Earl Of Sammich

      I smoke and exercise all the time. Nothing better than hiking in the mountains while a little stoney.

      • Me not sure

        Nature’s different, man. Communing is the bomb!

        • Courser_Resistance

          True. But a lot of bros like to get a good stone on and then spend a couple hours running on a treadmill or elliptical. Those guys are freakin’ focused. Not sure I could concentrate that hard on exercise but it helps me focus on other stuff.

      • Kip TW

        Val-de-ree,
        Val-de-rah,
        Val-de-rah,
        Val-de-RA HA HA HA HA HA…

    • Courser_Resistance

      Are you kidding? Nothing better than a walk at the park or Botanical Gardens with a buzz on. I really take my time looking at stuff. Er…. very interesting stuff (a la Co Senate Dems)

  • JD Mulvey

    No Oregon jury would convict.

  • mardam422

    Hmmm. Chaos and incongruity. Just more of the same from this dumpster fire of an administration.

  • dshwa

    Obama was smart enough to leave well enough alone, because he suspected the feds would lose in court. Sessions, being an idiot, is going to force the issue, and the lawsuits probably don’t go his way.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Assuming anyone who wants a real career cooperates….

  • This explains why my right wing brother the cop was spouting a bunch of nonsense fake news lies about how CO has seen an uptick in violent felonies.
    They were laying groundwork

  • Jgb979

    Pot is a 1 billion dollar business in Colorado. ONE BILLION DOLLARS.

    Literally the only reason anyone with a soul under 40 is a Republican is because they trend libertarian and “just want the government to free freedom maaaannn”

    I just imagine him all bug eyes possum tailed invading the jazz cigarette clubs in Colorado with ride of the valkyries blaring behind him

    • Kip TW

      He does have a strong resemblance to Henry Gibson, now that you’ve said that.

      • Dinz6315

        HENRY GIBSON LIBELZ!!

        • Kip TW

          Yeah, yeah: you compare a Gop to X, and we have to complain that it’s unfair to X. Zoom, schwartz.

          Just tell yourself I’m comparing him to Henry Gibson
          —today.

          • Dinz6315

            Oh, all right; fair enough.

            Just watched Nashville recently, is all.

  • JackLinks
  • Earl Of Sammich

    So, what? The dumpster fire wasn’t big enough and little Jeffy wanted to show he’s a big boy by throwing a cord of wood and a five gallon bucket full of gasoline on it?

  • Ninja0980

    Republicans like states rights they are trying to keep black and brown people from voting or keeping those queers in place.
    For everything else though, it’s perfectly fine to allow the Federal government to interfere.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Also too, regulating ladybits.

  • Kip TW

    It’s a serious problem, guys! Watch the documentary REEFER MADNESS, and consider how many people are injured in tragic piano accidents brought on by reefer-induced “playing faster”!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      My gawd… WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CARPAL TUNNEL???

  • Bad Scooter

    Picture it: Massachusetts, November 9 2016. Mr. Scooter woke me with the news that Donald Trump was our president-elect. Moments later he added, “and the state ballot measure passed; we legalized recreational pot.”

    “And we’re gonna need it,” I replied, rolling over to snooze for a few more minutes and delay facing the reality that our country just elected an orange man with a hateful policy agenda and questionable sense of morality as our next leader.

    As soon as this blizzard/thundersnow bombdiggety cyclone not-a-result-of-global-warming-cause-it’s-cold-out nor’easter storm ends – and the floodwaters recede from the streets of Boston – I will take to those streets in protest of Mr. Sessions!

    PS: “party of states rights” MY ASS. fucking fuckers.

  • renegade500

    Convicting people (read non old, white people) with felonies for toking is a great way to clear some of the riff raff from the voters polls. If you think like a Republican.

  • James

    Does Mr. Sessions want to arrest Roger Stone and take his Nixon bong away?

  • Granny Sprinkles

    Granny will just have to stick to Delta Blues and bathtub gin. https://youtu.be/gxn4P1TjSDM

  • C4TWOMAN

    What ever happened to State’s Rights?

  • susan_g

    The DOJ is opening an investigation into Hillary’s goddamn emails, yet again. –Jezebel

    • C4TWOMAN

      Hey, maybe they’re just looking for another rissoto recipe…

      • JohnC44

        Can’t blame ’em. That shit is bangin’.

  • Truthiness2U

    Those weed loving Libertarians types who voted for Johnson, or stayed home, because they didn’t like Hillary…well better smoke it while you can, idiots.

    Especially the virulent reddit, 4chan assholes who were so anti-Hillary, but all about weed and the internet. Their unhappiness might be the only slight silver lining I find in all of this.

  • shivaskeeper

    Colorado already said, “Meh, no changes coming down. We’re doing the way we have been doing it”. I’m not sure if that’s the answer Sessions wanted, but I think that’s basically going ot be the answer he’s going to get from all the rest as well.

  • Kooolest G

    I did get to watch the news in rural central CA right around xmas time and they were definitely very concerned about the streets being overrun with stoned drivers after the 1st. I actually did tell my 80 year old father “I think people might have been smoking pot here in CA even before they just legalized recreational weed” the only thing recreational weed will do in CA is help the tourism industry, all of us stoners who live here have had a prescription since 1997. it’s like I always say “if you make this stuff legal it might really catch on”

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Every Trumpista Congresscriter should be forced to have to defend this position in the coming election. I thought turning the House blue was a pipe dream but now, I can see the path to that outcome.

  • Wookie Monster

    Remember when republicans were for states’ rights?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      No.

      • covfefesumgame0005

        yeah, they keep saying that, but not living up to their words, as per normal

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Nah… that was just for ‘bortions and slut pills.

  • this country says it’s about

    Meanwhile, the DOJ gives a wink and a light slap on the wrist to arguably one of the biggest driving forces (and profiteers) of the opioid crisis, McKessen Pharmaceutical. The $150 million fine they paid is just $30 million more than the top guy at the company is paid PER YEAR!

    https://www.cbsnews.com/videos/too-big-to-prosecute

  • this country says it’s about

    The new mayor of Seattle is instructing her police officers to not pursue any violations of marijuana laws beyond what Washington State prohibits.

  • Maybe

    Yet another good reason to turn out and vote Dem in 2018 and 2020.

  • I know where that Sessions dude is coming from, maaaan. Like cannabis totally leads to violence. Every day I’m, like, stoned, you know, maaan, and every day, I’m like I’m totally going to beat the holy crap outa some mo’fo’ but I can’t seem to ever get off the couch to go do it. It is freakin’ funny, maaan. Totally violent, maaan. Totally.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Would a licensed pot business forced to deal with an overzealous U. S. Attorney while a similar business in a different jurisdiction didn’t be a violation of the 14th Amendment?

  • Ghoti theLinguist

    “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.”–10th Amendment to the Constitution.

    Eventually cannabis will be legal all over the USA, no matter what the Alabama Garden Gnome says.

  • Deborah Ujevich

    Probably I shouldn’t say this, but: here in WV, the parole officers DO NOT CARE if you test positive for weed. I have to believe that this is because they see no trouble coming from the pot smokers. Everyone talks about the opioid crisis – the problem here is the ECONOMY & THE QUALITY OF LIFE, really – but there’s a hella cottage industry in meth. However, can you imagine, as happened to a friend, doing FELONY TIME IN PRISON FOR WEED only to have your P.O. say, yeah, weed, who cares.

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