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Brace yourselves! It’s beginning to look like we may have Michele Bachmann to kick around once again. For a little while anyway!

In an interview last week with the late Tammy Faye Bakker’s husband, Food Buckets McWirefraud, Bachmann said that she’d heard from lots of not-imaginary people who would love for her to run for Al Franken’s senate seat — which, after the Recent Unpleasantness, he resigned from today. However, rather than getting started on her campaign right away, she has decided to wait around for a signal from God. Like a modern-day Joan of Arc.

She’s taking this decision seriously, on account of the fact that she imagines this will lead to her being attacked “by the swamp” and leave her vulnerable to lawsuits of some kind. This would be easier if she was a billionaire, she says, but she and her husband are not “money people.” The Bachmann’s are but poor normal folk, you know. Like so many of us, Bachmann’s net worth is only 2.8 million dollars, and the majority of that is tied up in Precious Moments figurines.

As you may recall, God previously told Michele Bachmann to run for president. As it turns out, this wasn’t because the world-famous deity wanted her to actually win or anything — he just wanted her to bring attention to how Obamacare is bad.

“I trust in a big God,” Bachmann said, asserting that she “was supposed to run for president” in 2012 in order to make the the repeal of Obamacare the central issue of the Republican platform. “I feel like I was wildly successful … I didn’t win, but I moved the debate. So I didn’t shed a tear when I left the contest because I felt like, you know, I fulfilled the calling that God gave me.”

Makes sense. It’s not like any of the other Republicans wanted to take health care away from poor people, except for all of them, and God probably wanted to keep his plague options open. Coming up with a plague cannot be easy, even for God, and who would want to waste all of that time only to see people survive it? Letting poor people have health care could totally ruin plans for something like that. That would be no fun at all! If God gives you a disease you can die from and no money to pay for it to be cured, then it’s pretty darned obvious he would prefer you be dead. If God wanted you to be healthy, he wouldn’t have made you sick and poor in the first place. DUH.

Besides, Jesus did seem pretty annoyed with all those entitled lepers that one time.

If God is once again planning for Michele Bachmann to run and lose, I am 1000 percent on board with that. It’s all the fun of having her in our lives with none of the risk of having her be in charge of anything. Who could say no?

Now listen to God telling you it’s your OPEN THREAD!

[RightWingWatch]

You hear that voice? That is GOD telling you to give Wonkette some money! Click here to tip us!

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  • Beanz&Berryz

    He is such a jokester!

  • arglebargle

    God told me to switch my avatar the other day.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I remember that you mentioned you felt a derpsturbace in the farce.

      Good senses.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    OK, but more importantly, do we approve of her new highlights? They are highlightier than her previous highlights.

    • No they look all wrong on her.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        You think so? I normally am not a fan of that shade, but I actually think it works on her.

        • And i’m usually a fan of highlights (full disclosure – i am a highlighted blond). It wasn’t so much the look, it was when she opened her mouth.

  • BearGHAZI

    This is 100% obligatory for anyone unfamiliar with the program on which Michele Crazy-Eyes was just on

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezENqnD_yGg&t=3s

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Like so many of us, Bachmann’s net worth is only 2.8 million dollars, and the majority of that is tied up in Precious Moments figurines.

    True story, last Saturday a thrift store in Bloomington, MN had hundreds of precious moments figurines in their original nicotine stained packaging. $1.99 each. I would have obliged, but I have enough butt plugs.

    • BosGrl

      It’s sad when the thrift store has large amounts of something. You picture the obsessed person who just died.

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    Pretty sure God’s been telling you to go away, and take all the televangelist thieves with you, for a decade or so now.

    • Donna Mueller

      someone PUT jimmy away for a while-but you can’t keep a good grift down.

  • BearLeft

    Holy living fuck, Batman! Sorta like Adolph Eichmann going to work for the Simon Wiesenthal Center. Why doesn’t she just fucking ask Him for some lottery numbers and leave us the fuck alone?!

  • clubseal

    “‘I trust in a big God,’ Bachmann said.”
    Don Henley’s Little Tin God couldn’t be reached for comment.

    • data_ninja

      The Lesser God (with those children) also did not hear her pleas.

    • FlownΩver

      She sees anyone but Marcus, she says “God, that’s big!

  • La forza del resistino

    “I trust in a big God,” Said every size queen

  • Khavrinen

    “ON A MISSION FROM GOD”

    Worst. “Blues Brothers”. Remake. Ever.

    • Mahousu

      Especially with that “I like Illinois Nazis” line.

  • ariel_gee_398

    While she’s at it, she should ask God to make sure he tells her which camera to look at in the future. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fRxO_Yx99I

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    Unlike Senator Al, she won’t need to be pollin’ no constitcha-ents on what to eat at the state fair . . . her favorite nosh there is so well-chronicled . . . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6391b5396c3473eccd859db93902b03a9fd28e41ed1a99bd1f88b518a21be020.jpg

    • onedollarjuana

      I’m not sure that corn dog wanted it. She must pull out of the race!

  • Blackest Noobs

    So didn’t she quit the House cuz folks were investigating her.

    Also, she is still helluva stupid, right?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
  • Fartknocker

    Big God? I didn’t know Jesus came in different sizes. If that’s who she’s thinking of.

    • shivaskeeper

      Evangelical speak. It’s a thing.

      • Spurning Beer

        Un-self-aware speak, if you ask me. A God who advocates for conservative politics and specific sports teams and players is pretty fucking small. And dumb.

        • shivaskeeper

          It’s still coded Evangelical-speak to her supporters.

  • Crystalclear12

    Michele, honey, has it occurred to you that God is just messing with you?
    You know, for shits and giggles?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    That voice rattlin’ ‘round in your noggin ain’t God, Crazy Eyes.

  • The Librarian

    I just can’t trust God on this one.

  • goonemeritus

    I wish God would stop trolling dumb people for his amusement, it’s not very nice.

  • Bitter Scribe

    She’ll run for the Senate as tirelessly as the Founding Fathers worked to reduce slavery.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I’m sure the voters outside of the 6th District of Minnesota will ignore her.

  • shivaskeeper

    As I said before. Gritters gonna grift.

    10:1 odds on that she sets up an exploratory xommittee/PAC that will be funded by tax free donations to determine if she should run. She will then picket the money when she decides God is telling her to not run after all. Then much like Sister Sarah, she will promise to use the money to support other candidates while pocketing all but a few thousand dollars.

    Rinse and repeat in 2020 if it is successful this time around.

    • John Thorstensen

      Would it be legal for contributions to a campaign committee to be tax-deductible? Or would they be deductible through some kind of fraud?

      • shivaskeeper

        Set it up as a PAC. They are considered nonprofit so contributions should be tax deductible.

        Then the money can just disappear when the PAC serves its purpose of putting money in Michele with one L’s pockets.

        • John Thorstensen

          There oughta be a law, but there won’t be.

          • shivaskeeper

            Colbert showed us how it was all done a few years ago with his, “I can haz SuperPAC” reporting.

        • Bureaucrap

          Sorry, not correct. PAC contributions are NOT tax deductible, unless something changed in the American Aristocracy Advancement Act.

          • shivaskeeper

            Poorly worded on my part. The contributions aren’t deductible but the organizations are tax exempt on what they bring in.

      • onedollarjuana

        (redacted)

  • Needs more cow bell.

    • FlownΩver

      Because more cow?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I very much want her to spend considerable time and resources doing this.

    • proudgrampa

      Hopefully, a lot of her own resources…

    • shivaskeeper

      Won’t be her money.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    This is good news for Sarah Palin.

    • BosGrl

      Who?

      • FlownΩver

        Too busy baking files into pastries. Family favorites, y’know. Just ask Track about those Cakes We Like™.

  • Michael Smith

    She might be surprised to see accusations of being a RINO leveled her way from True Believing Trumpists, which she might rightly find inexplicable, based solely on the fact that she is a Republican politician who existed before Trump ran.

  • hudson

    the bureaucracy in the united heavens sucks. i hear that there is a backlog of applications in the department of political prayers. the current date is 2016. even roy moore’s prayers have not been answered.

    • Crystalclear12

      Well, you know, deep state.

      • FlownΩver

        Of denial.

  • maxneanderthal

    I thought she was milking the gubmint for foster care support? Or are there no poor people in Frumpistan now?

  • BosGrl

    I missed a whole day’s pay today because my car wouldn’t start this morning. I have been calling Toyota Roadside Assistance for the past 7 hours. I missed the first day of a new school assignment, which makes me look very, very bad, and I’ve been sitting here, unable to do anything. If it’s my battery, I’m now screwed because garages will be closed, and I’ll have to spend money I don’t have on an Uber.

    Sorry, I just needed to rant. As soon as I have the money, I’m going back to AAA. They’re not really faster, but they do stay in touch with you and the guys can bring batteries. Stupid Toyota.

    • shivaskeeper

      Got access to a charger? Even one of the little ones will do it given time. If you one of the folks in the cold snap it might be a good idea to hook up a charger/maintainer for the duration if the cold. Cold weather is brutal on batteries, especially if they are getting a bit weak anyway.

      • BosGrl

        A neighbor was nice enough to try this morning. It just nudged it a little because of the cold. He tried for a while but then had to go to work. I think I need a new battery – the neighbor said mine had too much corrosion on it. I’m hoping one of those powerful tow-truck chargers will work, but I might just need a new one.

        • clubseal

          If it has a bunch of buildup on the terminals, you can try one of those terminal brushes, or baking soda and water to clean it off. Try the free/cheap stuff first, just in case.

          • BosGrl

            Thank you! I will.

          • Paul

            It may be too cold but Holly and I both thought of a can of coke. It works in warmer weather but I think it needs to fizz to be effective.

            Don’t get that crusty corroded shit on your skin or clothes. It’ll eat holes if left there.

            When you say a “neighbor tried”… tried what, charging it or jumping it? This weather ain’t breakin’ for a while here in the commonwealth. Good luck BG.

          • BosGrl

            So… it turns out that the roadside assistance finally showed up – without a truck, and I almost freaked out. But the box thing he had worked IMMEDIATELY. He said there was nothing wrong with my battery. But, however, I am going to follow everyone’s advice and clean off the schmutz (?) – or, you know, have ex do it. Probably baking soda will work better since it’s like 10 degrees outside. And I appreciate all of you :).

        • Rasilom

          Costco for the battery. They sell Interstate, some of the best, plus their no hassle warranty. I bought one there for my truck, it lost a cell after 13 months. I carried it in to cust service ready to argue about it and they just gave me the cash back. I left 15 min later with a new battery and another 48 months worth of warranty.

          • hudson

            i was about to say that too.

          • BosGrl

            Cool! Thanks for the tip!

        • shivaskeeper

          Water and baking soda to remove the corrosion.

          Remove the cables from the terminals, usually it’s a 12mm for the positive and 8mm for the negative.

          Use an old toothbrush if you don’t have a wire brush to scrub it all down. Dry everything off with clean paper towels then reconnect the cables to the terminal lugs. If you have any, coat the terminals with some axle grease to keep the air and water off them. No air and water means no oxidation means no corrosion. Do not get the water on you clothes or in you eyes as it will eat holes in your clothes or irritate your eyes.

          Hook up a slow charger for a few hours and see if it works. If the battery was flat even jumping it off wouldn’t work without hooking it the other car for 15 minutes or so.

          • BosGrl

            Thank you for these instructions. I think I’m going to call my ex and see if he’ll do this when he gets out of work. I’m not a squeamish girl or anything, but I know next to nothing about cars and I’m afraid I’ll mess something up. He also has cables and won’t mind letting it charge for more than 15 minutes.

          • shivaskeeper

            Cool. I would look at investing in a small battery charger/maintainer as well. It does not have to one of the smart chargers. Just one of the small ones that looks like the power pack from any random electronic device but has the red/black alligator clips at the end.

          • clubseal

            Word. If nothing else, you can be someone else’s hero for the day if they need a jump.

          • shivaskeeper

            They usually take hours to charge a battery. They are trickle chargers.

          • clubseal

            Boo! Ants at a picnic!

          • FlownΩver

            Again, don’t get any on you. Nasty stuff.

    • hudson

      sorry to hear that.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Like staring into the void.

      • Crystalclear12

        So that’s the abyss that stares back.
        Damn.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
      • Rasilom

        That there has got to be the scariest version of “The Shining” ever!

    • John Thorstensen

      “Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
      Towering over your heeeead,”

  • Indiepalin

    As Jesus said of the woman in the parable of the blind harlot, “You really have to hand it to her.”

  • Michael Smith

    What’s next? Santorum comes bubbling back up to the surface?

    • Rick Hill

      Inevitably….

    • ariel_gee_398

      I don’t know, he’s got a steady stream of grift going.

    • John Thorstensen

      Bubbling?

    • Shan

      Phrasing, man.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Eww

  • Rick Hill

    Proverbs 28:1
    The wicked flee though no one pursues,
    but the righteous are as bold as a lion.

    http://thehill.com/sites/default/files/trumpmueller_getty.jpg
    Ok, so maybe some of this stuff is good.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Think of it this way: Every verse is like a broken clock.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    That wasn’t God. That was bad hot dish, Michele.

  • MANGO CRIMES
    • AnnieGetYerFun

      What crappy luck.

      • MANGO CRIMES

        Groundhog Day with guns

    • Michael Smith

      That dude is on his way to becoming the Buffalo Bills of getting murdered.

      • OutOfOrbit

        1st glance: “–the Buffalo ‘Balls'”

    • Shan

      It’s like Westworld, but in Florida.

      • Arolpin

        Wangworld.

    • The Wanderer

      A primer on how not to write a short headline.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      That dude has some bad fucking luck.

    • ContextIsKey

      Googling “Florida zombies” yields an impressive number of hits.

    • goonemeritus

      This makes me feel better about my weekend.

    • Querolous

      Undoubtedly a Marlins fan.

    • King Beauregard

      In the early 80s, SNL’s Weekend Update did a bit: “and now an alarming statistic: in New York City, a man is mugged every 30 seconds. Tonight we present an interview with that man.” You can guess how that interview went.

  • maxneanderthal

    I’m all for it- since Palin’s meds finally brought her under control, I was missing my daily dose of batshit insanity..

  • Tetman Callis

    Another batshit crazy Republican running for office? Bring it on, my little goppers, bring it on.

  • exinkwretch

    Bless one “L” for doing her part for gender equality by demonstrating that not all theocratic loons are male.

    • maxneanderthal

      Women supporting monotheistic religion is the ultimate Turkey voting for (insert midwinter celebration of your choice)….

      • Marion in Savannah

        Thanksgiving. Just Thanksgiving. Christmas is for either roast ribs of beef or goose or, for your smaller family, duck.

        • TJ Barke

          No, it’s still turkey at christmas in my family.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Well, Mr. MinS and I aren’t turkey fans, so we actually didn’t have any this Thanksgiving, opting for a roast chicken instead. We only have turkey when we have guests, which were thin on the ground this year.

        • Christmas is for ham.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    She makes me think of this Quint quote:

    “he’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes after ya, he doesn’t seem to be livin’ until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white, and then – aww, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screamin’”

    • Eileen Besse

      THIS

  • WaPo is throwing some more shade at NYT for their “Weird server in Trump Tower that ONLY communicates with a bank in Moscow and a shell company owned by Betsy Devos’ brother? Nothing to see here, folks, move along!” article from last summer: https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/erik-wemple/wp/2018/01/01/new-nyt-scoop-on-russia-raises-questions-about-old-nyt-story-on-russia/?utm_term=.c182275038ca

    • DrBigHead

      What perhaps annoyed me the most about that whole incident is that the NYT published the info but made no attempt to follow up. Seems they were just covering the collective asses by being able to say the covered it., but at the same time making absolutely no impact.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    When He told her He wants her to have lots and lots of votes, He was just following The Rules for Radical Deities.

    You don’t want to know what He really meant, Michele.

  • proudgrampa

    God definitely has a sense of humor…

    • gallbladder

      In that case, what god?

      • proudgrampa

        Flying Spaghetti Monster?

        • gallbladder

          Go in peace and parmesan, my friend.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Ramen.

          • proudgrampa

            And may you be touched by His Noodly Appendage!

      • Duke

        Odin

    • Rick Hill

      Yeah, warped and twisted

      • Msgr_MΩment

        He posts here frequently.

  • Bananas Foster
    • gallbladder

      And there you have it!

  • natoslug

    If she wants to be a modern-day Joan of Arc, I’m not going to stand in the way of her igniting a new campaign and firing things up. I wood not vote for her, but I’m sure plenty of others are burning to do so. There’s no way a Bachmannnnnnn campaign would flame out.

    • gallbladder

      What you’re doing there, we all see it.

      • natoslug

        Adding fuel to the mire?

        • gallbladder

          (tips server and orders the veal)

          • elviouslyqueer

            *gets you both a room*

          • natoslug

            What I’m not doing, because I don’t want to get banned, and it’s against the rules, and only a very bad person would suggest it, is saying she ought to set her hair on fire and run around in circles screaming about lesbians and god and whatever other words are rattling around like dust-bunnies in the vast wasteland that exists between her ears. Because I’m good like that.

          • gallbladder

            Perish the thought! But do go on…

    • elviouslyqueer

      You know which other Bachmann would flame out if given half a chance?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Randy, after he left the Guess Who?

  • Ninja0980

    I spoke to God this morning and he wants you to go the fuck away.

  • Jgb979

    Even though absolutely fucking disasters like 2016 can still happen…..

    Considering the Republican Party is a nonfunctional collection of anarchist nutjobs, might as well nominate people the craziest least electable nutjobs possible.

    • TJ Barke

      Actual anarchists are anti capitalist. Republicans are hyper capitalist.

  • Sashineb
    • Rasilom

      Nightmare fuel plain and simple. Do not let.children see this it could scar them!

      • katkelly57

        Hell, it scared me!

    • natoslug

      Marcus does it better. He can take that corn dog right to the hilt with nary a gagging.

    • Blackest Noobs

      she is making a face like she’s done this before…which is weird because her husband would never want that from her….ever.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • Doug Langley

      “God told me I need more treats.”

  • Notreelyhelping

    I dunno. Given the current focus on sexual harassment…. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e11e84eb0ae7986dc04ff353fcedd30e0598e483d57fef3e64be104b5f417218.jpg

    Note that I experienced a moment of trepidation in Googling: Bachman kisses Bush.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What did we ever do without her? I mean, besides Obamacare, fix the economy, save GM, make gay marriage the law of the land and give everyone a job?

  • The Wanderer

    I recall watching Jim Bakker on PTL Club back in the 80s as a sort of comedy act, an act that quickly died when he and his disgusting wife advocated child abuse as part of their opening dialogues. I consider everything that happened to them after that as simple karma.

    Seeing Jimmy the Grifter now, I’m waiting to see how the karmic backlash will smack him upside the head again.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    is she supporting God 2020? or is she still waiting on her husband to make her decisions for her?

    LORAX 2020: DANCE DANCE UNDERPANTS GNOMES!

    • hudson

      ps: i asked god and god said and i quote “support lorax 2021 or i will end you”. but said i could go my own way regarding turtles if i wanted to.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Didn’t Moore fill our creeper Jesus quota for a while?

    • gallbladder

      That was last year.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      It’s a never-ending supply.

    • Mary Theresa

      Nah, he’s still grifting for funds on voter fraud. It’s the Christian way.

  • elviouslyqueer

    That new hair color and ‘do makes her look not unlike a certain FLOTUS. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      can I get her in a shower curtain? I need the shower curtain to make a full comparison.

    • Juan McCain

      But how did she decorate for Christmas? That’s the true test of her commitment.

    • dshwa

      Does The Shrub know she’s cheating on him?

  • amrak63
  • UnsaltedSinner

    My prediction is that God will agree 100% with Michele Bachmann’s own wishes. It seems he always agrees with people when they ask his advice.

    • harryr

      “We had “Gott mit uns” on our belt buckles. It didn’t help us”- German WW1 soldier quoted in ” First Day on the Somme, Martin Middlebrook.

  • ariel_gee_398

    If Michele is dressing for the job she wants, not the job she has, I expect to see her hawking shit on QVC sooner than I see her in the Senate.

  • tehbaddr

    Because we need more crazy in congress, and I like her batshit crazy look!

    http://media.salon.com/2011/04/why_we_need_to_take_michele_bachmann_seriously.jpg

    • gallbladder

      A little warning…

      • tehbaddr

        …that I never heed.

    • proudgrampa

      I dated a woman with eyes like that once. Scariest night of my life!

      • tehbaddr

        Must have been wild right?

        • proudgrampa

          And not in a good way…

          • tehbaddr

            Sorry to hear that, the crazies can be lots of fun!

      • gallbladder

        And yet you lived to tell the tale!

        • proudgrampa

          Indeed!

    • OutOfOrbit

      *whispering*

      I looked into the sun and it was bright

    • natoslug

      It’s okay, One-El, you can spit.

    • William
    • Doug Langley

      The look that says “My heat vision will burn you for your sins!”

      • tehbaddr

        I’d like to have her try!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I thought that was Blue Steel.

      • Jimh

        Shocked and odd.

      • tehbaddr

        Cold, cold grey eyes!

        • Miles Monroe

          “Y’know the thing about a shark, he’s got … lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes.”

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    okay. Kosper is really starting to annoy me. just got an email with the subject line “I’m proud to share this with you” and I’m like, “don’t need a dick pic today! I think I will not open that!”

  • Oblios_Cap

    We might have a snow day tomorrow here in N. FL.

    • Doug Langley

      There’s no business like snow business.

      • katkelly57

        …❄⛄

    • katkelly57

      I saw that on the tube earlier.

      One of the coldest, well 2 coldest winters I ever experienced were in Tallahassee, snow and ice included.
      The second one was 11 degrees on Christmas Eve 1989 if I remember correctly….first one was Raygun’s 2nd inauguration.

      Where are you located?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Near Lake Munson.

        • katkelly57

          I lived kinda close in Mabry Manor….many moons ago.

          First place we lived was on El Rancho, right off of Basin St. and that old Krispy Kreme on W. Tenn., used to walk to work at FSU from there…..then the east side behind the Democrat, then way the hell out where Jesus lost his shoes on Bannerman Rd. , when it was mostly woods.
          Probably all built up now.

          I miss going to the flea market and getting those crawfish, seems like there’s never enough of those mudbugs no matter how on fire your mouth is.
          There was a fish market on Lake Bradford Rd. called Spears, we used to get them there for a buck a pound.

          So, what did you end up with snow or ice?

          • Oblios_Cap

            Both. I had friends that lived in the Basin/el Rancho area back in the 80s when I went to FSU the first time. Some of those places were kinda “run-down”. I haven’t been over that way in some years.

          • katkelly57

            Our landlord kept the triplex in good condition….many were slumlords leeching off the students.

            I googled it a ways back….all gone.
            That’s when I was there 84- 86….then crack hit town and things got scary.

  • dshwa

    The Bachmann’s are but poor normal folk, you know. Like so many of us, Bachmann’s net worth is only 2.8 million dollars, and the majority of that is tied up in Precious Moments figurines.

    I’ve always seen her as more the Beanie Baby type.

    • Blackest Noobs

      they could barely afford Paris Hilton’s ring

  • Ninja0980

    https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/one-towns-war-on-gay-teens-20120202
    On a serious note, as a member of the LGBT community, It can’t be stressed enough how much of a monster this woman would be to us if she got into the Senate.
    Here’s hoping that Minnesota voters send her packing if she DOES get the nomination.

    • Ducksworthy

      Kirsten et al should be happy though. Unlike Franken, Michele is a Woman. And we’re supposed to “Believe Women”. Right? Or did I miss something.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Yeah, you missed something.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Okay, I’ll start with “Marcus is not ghey,” but that’s as far as I’ll “believe” her.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    It’s like watching a train hurtling towards a collapsed bridge. We all know what’s coming, but we can’t stop it.

    https://twitter.com/imillhiser/status/948199433505779712

    • Crystalclear12

      He read from teleprompter!!!!!
      *ohhhs and ahhs*
      So presidential!

      • Naytch

        Remember when reading from a teleprompter was awful? Hm, what changed?

    • elviouslyqueer

      “Restrained and presidential” only means he gives a courtesy flush after taking his morning constitutional on the White House shitter.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      If he manages to not literally step on his own dick on the way in or fling any feces during the speech, Chuck Toad and Chris Cillizza will fall all over themselves praising him.

      • katkelly57

        The former would be hard for him to do.

      • Naytch

        The “Liberal Media” has been doing that since the first Bush-Gore Debate.
        To this day my wife and I recall the amazing double-standard the pundits employed in their post-debate analysis.

        http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=122800&page=1

  • Remember when she sucked face with W?

  • William
    • gallbladder

      Fine. Fine. Fine.

    • Doug Langley

      M*A*S*H:

      “Oh, I see. You are undercover!”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    See those arrows? The one on the left is pointing to Michele Bachman. She and her chief of staff are hiding in the bushes while observing a very suspicious LGBT pride rally at the Minnesota State Capitol. This is when she was a mere state legislator. The guy on the left, I guess he’s a legislative aide, reconsidering his career choices. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/495c5bb7976b6ec4e078607580997fc59b198fea299d9c7d1cb781c9dfea59e7.jpg

    • dshwa

      When Bachman met Spicer, a rom-com for 2018.

    • dshwa

      Also: Marcus will never spot us looking for him here! He never checks the Bush.

      • Bobathonic

        but he does check the beard.

  • BMW

    If God is once again planning for Michele Bachmann to run and lose, I am 1000 percent on board with that. It’s all the fun of having her in our lives with none of the risk of having her be in charge of anything.

    Except the last time people wanted someone nobody thought could win to run for office for the LULZ, we ended up with a racist dementia patient in charge. I am honestly worried we are on a slippery slope here that could lead to a certain possible senator filibustering an important healthcare or disaster relief bill in order to get funding for fetal 2nd Amendment rights or some shit.

    • amrak63

      Ascended Madoka grant that THIS time, unenthusiastic non-wingnuts will realize that they MUST go out and vote, whether or not they feel inspired by the Democratic candidates, because the wingnuts will prevail if they don’t.

    • Bananas Foster

      Fetal gun rights.

      In case they need to shoot their way out.

    • Ninja0980

      Even if they don’t win, the fact they win the party nominations only ensures the Republican Party keeps moving further and further to the right.
      Christine (I’m not a witch) O’Donnell was great for laughs but as Steve Kornacki on MSNBC pointed out, she beat a respected Republican politician who had been governor and then the rep for Delaware’s sole congressional district for close to 20 years.
      Even though it was clear she was going to lose the general, the Republican primary voters didn’t give a damn.
      Thus, other moderate Republicans either retired or moved further to the right to ensure what happened to Castle wouldn’t happen to them.
      That

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Exactly. I’m not convinced republicans have hit rock bottom yet.

    • CripesAmighty

      We’ll, ya gotta point there…

  • Michelle, God tells me that while he appreciates a good laugh, he really wants you to shut the fuck up and go away.

    • tehbaddr

      Oh, C’mon! She’s like Palin the chuckles never stop!

  • William
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Would that be the same God who told Roy Moore to run?

    ROFL

    • Rick Hill

      The very same….

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      Roy was very clear that god would decide the outcome of the election. Apparently Yahweh preferred Doug.

  • William
    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      Conversion therapy might be a vote winner with Milo, but I’m not sure running under a rainbow flag would be a winning move for Michelle.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I suspect that conversion therapy is not a one-off. You DO NOT want to watch Marcus’ Saturday night pre -sexxytimes ritual.

    • Michael R

      girl !

    • Rick Hill

      “Of course I am not homophobic, I married a gay.”

    • katkelly57

      Who’s that bearded lady?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    How’d The Almighty’s advice on the 2012 Presidential Election work out for ya, Two-L?

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Michele Bachmann Stupid Overdrive

  • Michael R
    • Notreelyhelping

      Michele Bachman’s and Sarah Sanders’ hidden Love Child?

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    Joan of Arc Libelz!!!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Why the fuck is Chuck Toad giving Mark Meadows (R-Satan’sTaint) any platform to flap his lying meatflaps?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      because both sides and Chuck will alway be upchuck

    • anon_the_great

      Because why the fuck not.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      It’s an easy job when you just bob your head and mutter “uh-huh”, which works best with Republicans.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    That JCS song still scares the crap out of me.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    I’m strongly heterosexual; I’m cool with the idea of homosexuality, I’m all for people whose pleasure tends that way, but I don’t feel same-sex attraction. That said, I think I would rather fuck Marcus than Michelle if I had to pick one, at least he seems like he might actually enjoy it.

  • jesterpunk

    She left congress the last time to get out of an ethics investigation for campaign finance violations.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michele_Bachmann#113th_Congress

    In 2013, Bachmann was under investigation by the House Ethics Committee, the Federal Election Commission, the Iowa Senate Ethics Committee, the Urbandale Police Department and the Federal Bureau of Investigation because of alleged campaign finance violations in her 2012 campaign for President.[161][162]

    It is alleged that members of her staff made under-the-table payments, that funds were illegally transferred from her leadership PAC to pay consultants for her presidential campaign and that hidden payments were made to Iowa State Senator Kent Sorenson.[163][164]

    Additionally, a lawsuit was filed alleging that Bachmann and several former staffers stole and misused an Iowa homeschool group’s e-mail distribution list. The trial, Heki v. Bachmann, had been set for May 14, 2014,[165] but the case was settled out of court on June 28, 2013.[166][167][168]

    On July 26, 2013, the House Ethics Committee announced they were conducting a full investigation of Bachmann, saying that they had received a referral from the Office of Congressional Ethics.[169][170]

    I guess she misses that grifting money and touching Trump doesnt pay enough.

  • anon_the_great

    Oh Sweet Jebus please whisper ‘Run Michelle, run’ in her ear.

    You kinda owe me.

    Amen

  • “Don’t you think she looks crazy?”

  • Wuulf

    Three months ago my wife and I picked up a 8 year old rescue dog. Sunday night we found out that she’s afraid of fireworks. She’s such a puppy… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b03337b6467d46f598cd1fff35f0b872a6b7dd74277e020148828439e4a9f5ef.jpg

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Yeah, our neighborhood has that issue on the holidays.

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      She’s gorgeous. Good on you for doing the rescue dog thing.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      “she’s very preettee!” ~ Calliope Jane

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Several friends who live in various firework-happy neighborhoods swear by those thunder-shirt vest thingies for their puppers.

      • Wuulf

        Thanx. My wife was thinking about getting one.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          try using an Ace bandage first because they are expensive. if the Ace bandage works, get one. if it doesn’t, bacon can be a good replacement.

    • katkelly57

      She’s beautiful!

    • puredog

      Cutie pie. Many dogs are afraid of fireworks. My elder dog is an old wuss. My puppy, so far, is like: meh.

    • tehbaddr

      Looks a lot like the dog we had when I was a kid, mostly toy Manchester terrier.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
  • SomeBigRedDog

    It doesn’t generally end well for women who claim to hear the voice of God. Just sayin.

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      Sometimes it ends in bonfires. Sometimes you give birth to the messiah. It’s a bit of a lottery.

  • Bemused Tralfamadorian

    Doubtless the sekrit Muslim Brotherhood agents in congress are quaking in their boots.

  • Crystalclear12

    Hearing voices means your meds need up, not that you should run for office.
    Common Republican mistake.

  • Bitter Scribe

    2018 is barely under way but we’ve already got a contender for butthurt lede of the year, from the Washington Examiner via Fox News:

    The Jewish attorney that Roy Moore’s wife touted employing in an attempt to fight off claims of anti-semitism is actually a longtime friend and supporter of Senator-elect Doug Jones, who defeated Moore last month.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      to be fair, she needed to write down what he was or she might have said their attorney was a “blue”.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Maybe she just sneezed

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          no, there’s video. she was so surprised when she saw “JEW” on her speech paper.

          • puredog

            She spells it “joo.”

        • Roadstergal

          Aaaahh… jew!!

      • theCryptofishist
        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          I believe that’s one of the illegal voters they bused in from Pirate Kansas.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            There are meanies in that state, but I think it’s all red

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            that’s not what Roy Moore heard. he heard that Bill Clinton is from there.

      • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

        ♫ I’m Jew, I’m a Hebrewy guy, du-la-da-DEEE-da-da-da… ♫

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        That, or a “Jack Russel Terrier”.

  • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

    So God’s got a thing for horror films, it seems.

    • William

      Or an amazing sense of humor.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      We are all pikers compared to Him
      –Hannibal Lecter

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
  • Daniel

    The mark of good Christians is their humility. This is how they so graciously handle being tools for the Lord’s work when he sees fit to let them lose elections.

  • Hatch’s epitaph will surely be “Friend of Donald Trump”.

    Hopefully, Romney’s will be “Lost to a Democrat — IN UTAH!”

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/948318907848413184

    • Roadstergal

      Hatch is a mendacious shitgibbon who was and is fully on board with every bit of fuckery Drumpf and the rest of the Republican party foists on America.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        There’s a word for that: complicit.

    • jesterpunk

      If that seat goes to a democrat Trump will blame him for retiring.

      • dshwa

        I’d be overjoyed but it’s hard for me to see a win behind the Zion curtain.

        • jesterpunk

          Didnt people say the same thing about Alabama?

          • puredog

            Yeah, but Roy was extra-special.

          • dshwa

            Fair point, but (and I can’t believe I’m typing this) Romney is a more likeable candidate than Roy Moore.

    • Especially since ole mittens – who seems to already have won the office – hates you donald.

      Like the rest of us.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Is he dead?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Oh, if only… Just announced he won’t run again.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Rats. Another hopeful moment dashed.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            I’m gonna start calling Orrin this: Strom Thurmond II

          • Marion in Savannah

            IK,R? 2018 is not getting off to a good start so far.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        yes

        To me, he is.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Only politically.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          And morally.

      • dshwa

        Just in his heart.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Meh. Down the Hatch!

      NOW!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Pool on when Rmoney, Mr. Moderate GOP, first starts slurping orange dick?

      • gallbladder

        Next week?

    • Rick Hill

      “All those years of service…no one will forget how you said nice things about me. ”
      Of course, this really is about the best that can be said about that guy….

  • CripesAmighty

    There is a god.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I have three of them. Oops! It’s feeding time!

      • theCryptofishist

        It’s not one of those holding the still beating hearts kind of deals, is it?

        • Marion in Savannah

          Prolly cats.

          • theCryptofishist

            So, yes.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          They don’t need to do that anymore. Theyz trained me gud!

          Or, I don’t need to do that anymore. I’m not sure anymore.

      • CripesAmighty

        Jeebus wanna skritchy-skritchy?

    • Roadstergal

      It would take a hell of an evil one to come up with 2016.

      • Timothy Watson

        There’s a god, it’s just his name is Loki.

        • CripesAmighty

          Joan Rivers.

    • And she has a wonderful sense of humor.

  • William

    Why does it seem only stupid republicans claim to be the God whisperer? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8f230e6d5a0f9411c6e14eafba651f9e8266cf94f480e59e84422bfe57a8115d.png

    • ariel_gee_398

      Because there are no smart Republicans?

      • Daniel

        Because there are no Republicans who believe they’re anything less than divinely ordained.*

        *In fairness to Cruz, he didn’t say which God. The Great Old Ones are also gods.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      SUCKKKKAAAAAHHHHSSSSS!!!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Lucky fools. I searched the world over and still have not found a god that agrees with me about everything.

      • Daniel

        It’s important (some might say “crucial”) to remember God created you in his image, meaning logically he is in your image, meaning logically anything you think he must also think.

      • Doug Langley

        “Oh great Lord and Savior, show me the way!”
        “Eat your vegetables. Pay your bills. Don’t drink too much.”
        “Shit. Okay, what’s the next religion?”

        • Bitter Scribe

          “Let go of the cliff and I will save you.”
          “Uh…is there anyone else up there?”

    • BadKitty904

      Schizophrenia is a helluva drug…

  • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

    Dems in the 6th should set up a corn dog fundraiser…

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      we usually go with tacos or, if we’re at a labor function, fried catfish.

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      The footage could make a formidable and terrifying campaign ad.

  • Nasty Woman Persisted

    I think Franken should run again, now that it is all out there.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Daniel

      Megyn Kelly was offered a glimpse into her sins, and ran screaming that she’d committed none.

      She chose poorly.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        the only difference between her and the white supremacist she interviewed?

        He’s honest about his racism…

      • TJ Barke

        And she’s currently in the process of shriveling away into a husk. It’s just taking a while.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Ah, Megyn, go suck on a corndog.

    • BadKitty904

      Who?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Some chick who’s bleeding from her wherever

    • hudson

      dog whistle for: she want’s her old gig back. the new one is not working out.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        They actually expect her to have ethics and shit…

    • Red Bird

      I’m not clicking on that. Can you add a summary?

    • bupkus231

      Megyn’s turned into Sally Jesse Raphael – without the funky glasses…

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      “We merely used the same exact words as the racists! Also, sure, to capitalize on racial resentment, but we did it for ratings, not because we hate non-white people!

      … We just feel better when they’re not around.”

  • ariel_gee_398

    Donnie should warn Michele about the dangers of running for office when all you really want to do is grift some donations from the rubes. Sometimes you end up winning the damn election and you have to pretend to do a fuckload of boring work you don’t even care about.

    • Marion in Savannah

      But the grifting increases by leaps and bounds, so WINNING!

      • CripesAmighty

        Particularly now that you don’t even have to fig-leaf or cut-out it. You can just vote yourselves wheelbarrows of cash.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    The Broncos stadium still has corporate sponsorship signs up from a bankrupt company and after more than a year are getting around to looking for a new sponsor. Now, some old timers like me prefer just Mile High Stadium and no corporate but the organization needs to pay for stadium upkeep (sure, sure). Anyway, if anyone has suggestions send them in. My preference is for a homegrown company like PotCo. If the SD Padres can have PetCo Park, we can sure as all hell have PotCo Field at Mile High.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4a6ec0f73b9e212072c158be9bbda67c7c3cf83f5eaef73b7cf34a8ce572f8cb.jpg

    https://www.denverpost.com/2018/01/02/broncos-stadium-sports-authority-signage/

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The you could call it Too High Stadium

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’ve always thought it would be a lovely idea to see if the local sewerage and water treatment facilities could chip in to have a stadium named for them.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Too bad all those “Elway is a Genius” hot takes from 2016 don’t have any residual value.

  • puredog

    Robyn, you’re cool ‘n’ all, but YOU telling us its our Open Thread is not tantamount to God telling us its our Open Thread. JSIA.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      god don’t work here.

      • Catstro

        God’s not here, man

        • amrak63

          Is Dave?

          • weighmaster

            No, man. I’M DAVE!

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Only because he was late for three shifts in a row. For an omnipotent being he had no sense of when to show up on time.

      • tehbaddr

        God doesn’t live in Israel or Rome
        God belong to the yankee dollar
        God doesn’t plant the bombs for Hezbollah
        God doesn’t even go to church

        • thepilgrim1923

          Tee hee. I always thought that line was “God doesn’t plant the bombs for his father” and that it made no sense. Oh wondrous internet.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      That… will not fit up your nose Mr Bachman!!?!

      • Doug Langley

        He’s re-enacting the scene from Total Recall?

        • Bemused Tralfamadorian

          Does that mean he’s planning to run for Governor of California?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      ‘Teasing the tip’

      • Bemused Tralfamadorian

        More like bullying it.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        that’s how he wound up with One-L. some people never learn.

    • Daniel

      What’s she looking at in the first photo?

      • OutOfOrbit

        directly into the sun & thinks it’s God

      • William

        That’s just her standby mode look.

        • Anne Of Green Bagels

          BIOS update bricked the system.

      • OutOfOrbit

        she’s buffering (a message from doG)

      • BadKitty904

        The abyss.

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        OMG the photographer has a halo!

        (Probably just kleig lights to you and me)

    • hudson

      you know who does not feel the urge to advertise that they are normal people? normal people.

  • BadKitty904
  • Crystalclear12

    Cthulhu says I need to run for office to prepare the way.
    Cool.

    • BadKitty904

      Ftagn!

      • TJ Barke

        r’lyeh!

      • Bemused Tralfamadorian

        Iah iah!

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      It seems like everyone’s already gone insane, so your job’s mostly done.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      CTHULHU 2028: CRYSTAL WILL CLEAR THE WAY 12 TIMES!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        LORAX SWYDT.

    • Vel Venturi

      Sanity roll, everyone!

  • Bitter Scribe

    So Mitt Romney is the favorite to replace Orrin Hatch.

    I wonder if he wins, will he go on to primary Trump? That ought to be good for a laugh.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • gallbladder

      Fuck ’em.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Some weird stuff I had never noticed before (or that I had forgotten) about the french version of Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope :
    – Chewbacca is called Chico. It’s weird because I’m pretty sure he’s called Chewie in later installments. I’ll have to check it out when Empire Strikes back is on telly next week.
    – The Clone Wars was translated into “La Guerre Noire” = The Black War
    – The actor who dubbed Harrison Ford in the added scene with Jabba The Hutt is not the same as the one dubbed him in the rest of the movie.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OKAY. So. If this is the open thread I have an issue/question to raise. I’ve from time to time nagged Mr. MinS to sign on to Wonkette, and he finally proved to me that in order to sign on as a commenter you have to pay moneez. I’d been telling him that was rong for a while. And the smallest moneez that you can sign up with is $5 a month.

    If we want to entice new youngs to vote and get involved, and this is PRECISELY the sort of site that will do that, charging that many moneez up front to comment may be a complete deal breaker. I can remember being a young without much money who was still writing letters (we did that back in the Dark Ages Before Teh Intarwebz) and daily trying to decide whether to buy a copy of the NYT or a yogurt at lunchtime.

    If there is an insistence on moneez at least make the lowest rank affordable to the youngs. Or am I completely off the rails here? It’s been known to happen, and I are such A Old that I may be overreacting. Any thoughts out there about this?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      When did they start allowing comments?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Ummm, do you think the trolls actually pay to troll here?

    • Hiss

      You don’t have to pay. It is merely suggested, nay entreated, because they need money, not having any advertising revenue.

      • Marion in Savannah

        This is what he found when he tried to sign up:

        https://wonkette.com/ad-fewer-subscriptions

        If there’s a way of commenting and getting ads let me know and I’ll stuff that up his nose. But I’ll need a link to do the stuffing. (And I’ve been telling him for ages that you don’t have to give, but what the fuck do I know, I’m only A Old Broad who’s been with him for 40 FUCKING YEARS.) And yes — he does have a bit of a passive aggressive streak and may just be fucking with me. It wouldn’t be the first time.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          they got rid of the ads. all he needs to do is sign up for a Disqus account so he can be discussing pugs with us.

    • Bobathonic

      Fake news!

    • mackafritz

      I think you give what you can give.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Wrong site. Try elsewhere.

      • Red Bird

        Well this tickled the cockles of my soul.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Cockle tickling?! Hey, get a room, you two!

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      you only have to pay if you insist on wearing pants in here.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I thought it was the Pole Tax.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          I thought it was polar-tech…?

    • Maclare’s Fireworks Stand 🎇🎆

      I didn’t pay monies a year or so ago, when I had nothing to give and nothing to not comment on. So there’s that.

      Also, I don’t think all the Idiots who are featured in Dear Shit for Brains would pay for the privilege of Dok’s Loving Banhammer.

      Hmmm..check Mr.MinS’ wallet… and bank statements….

    • shivaskeeper

      Why are you signing in to Wonkette directly? I donate, but like before I started, I sign in through Disqus to comment.

      I think the Wonkette sign in is a relic of the Ad Fewer subscription days.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      Is “free” too little to sign up with?

      A Disqus account is all that is required to post (which is free) and most importantly, nothing is required to read any of the content.

      But other than that, how has Mr. MinS enjoyed his Nigerian Lottery Winnings?

  • BadKitty904

    I’m still not sure that God is even registered to vote in Minnesota…

    • tehbaddr

      I’m pretty sure god doesn’t exist!

      • BadKitty904

        Next you’ll be telling me that “Michele Bachmann” actually exists.

      • hudson

        don’t be such a joykill man, that’s a different battle.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        That’s what the Easter Bunny wants you to believe.

    • wait! what?

      Maybe as the Holy Spirit, but not as God or the Son.

    • hudson

      god is not not registering any political prayers at the moment. see roy moore.
      and see this post by william below:
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8f230e6d5a0f9411c6e14eafba651f9e8266cf94f480e59e84422bfe57a8115d.png

  • hendenburg2

    Did anyone else read the NYT story on “Raw Water”?

    I mean, dear god… the whole thing is stupid, but there really are two takeaways –

    1) Doug Evans, of Juicero Infamy, is a supporter, which tells you all you need to know

    2) One of the people highlighted was a man born with the name Christopher Sanborn. He changed his name to Mukhande Singh.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/29/dining/raw-water-unfiltered.html

    • TJ Barke

      ‘Cause toxic pollutants and communicable diseases are so hawt right now!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Amoebic dysentery is a great way to lose weight.

    • BadKitty904

      Only because “Yesukan Singh” was already taken.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Yay, beaver fever!

      • CripesAmighty

        Woocoin.

    • hudson

      oh wow.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      “Marketing materials show Mr. Singh (né Christopher Sanborn) sitting naked and cross-legged on a hot spring, his long brown hair flowing over his chest.“

      Like fuck am I going to drink water that has his pretentious smelly-ass hippie pubes in it. GTF right outta here with that nonsense. FFS.

  • wait! what?

    Maybe God is doing this just so it can throw Michelle under the bus.

    https://youtu.be/7ADTtS8vd38

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Manhattan123
  • Who wants to come and clean my apartment?

    • Bobathonic

      I can do the first, someone else will have to clean your apartment.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      *swats at dust bunnies* Sorry, what? *gets whacked by dust bunny* OI, KNOCK IT OFF!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      God wants you to do it. He’s a prick that way.

    • wait! what?

      I have access to a wood chipper if you’d like to get rid of some people furniture.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Now listen to God telling you it’s your OPEN THREAD!

    God is not the boss of me!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Bobathonic

      What, is he supposed to represent the flying public?

  • BeachLoafer

    Man, I’m going to have to add a line-item for popcorn to this year’s budget … but will it be more, or less than, the alcohol line?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Much less, if you do it right.

    • Crystalclear12

      More alcohol this year but if we take house and Senate next year. . . all popcorn!

    • SDGeoff3

      It should be more, of course, but no kettle corn this year, please.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        what’s wrong with kettle corn other than it is not made it tea kettles?

        • SDGeoff3

          It tastes odd.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            so do you.

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      Just buy a corn farm and a still. It’ll be cheaper in the long run, and the subsidies are very juicy.

      • kareemachan

        You are a GENIUS.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Ed over at Gin and Tacos has conferred his worst person of the year award, which he calls a Lieberman, to all the reporters who did Cletus safaris. Good choice.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Cletus Safari. Scooping the bottom of the barrel.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not Clenis?!

    • tehbaddr

      Cletus Safaris, that’s great! Now be careful as you approach them in their native habitat of the failing diner in the middle of Tuesday afternoon. You’ll note a number of them have gathered here as they usually do….

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Is the worst person in the world Lieberman, or his Reagan dixiecrat BFF Buddy Roemer who funds The Young Turks?

    • Vel Venturi

      Laughing my fucking ass off over Cletus Safaris. Divine. Someone please name a band this.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I particularly love this because it captures the weird blend of condescension towards, and reverence for, the White Working Class.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    for all the people that have been hired on Team Lorax, I’m not seeing a whole lot of spreading the good news.

    LORAX 2020: THE ONLY CANDIED DATE IN THE RACE!

    • gallbladder

      Some of us were not hired and DO pay attention.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        you are the data director!

        • hudson

          gallbladder, before you go call mom, this may be fake news. if it’s not in all caps from MCD it’s not official.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            it is plenty official, it’s just not a platform. duh!

            LORAX 2020: PLATFORM CAPS!

          • gallbladder

            Who-hooo!

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            now go get me a list of Who voters because someone is threatening to join Horton’s campaign.

          • gallbladder

            Trump et. al supporters, for starters.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            none of those people live in Whoville. you are terrible at this. where is @data_ninja?

          • hudson

            i thought all caps was the entire platform!! that and trees.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            but that does not apply to my campaign management directives.

    • TJ Barke

      Unless we jest!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Oh shit. When’s the wonket primary, cause I really am not ready for the Invasion of the Once-ler Truthers.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        those are just the Tulsi Gabbard fanboys.

        LORAX 2020: I SPEAK FOR THE TREES! TULSI SPEAKS FOR THE THNEED!

    • jesterpunk

      I am still trying to learn how to do this. I thought I had 2 years to practice?

      https://imgur.com/ypoujzp

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        can you not practice next to a road where voters drive?

  • BadKitty904

    So. 2017 is over.

    You know my soul,
    Looks back and wonder,
    How did I make it over?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KYT0FwTjGs

  • Ray in VT

    Ugh. I thought that we were rid of her for good. Maybe we can at least get some more out of Erin Gibson https://vimeo.com/30106894.

  • Doug Langley
  • ContextIsKey
  • Parakeetist

    “Food Buckets McWirefraud”

    Early candidate for Phrase of the Year

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • TJ Barke

      I hope they tell that shriveled ballsack to go fuck himself.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I hope they don’t even bother.

        • TJ Barke

          No, I want them to say no, and explain exactly why. In detail.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Aw, let him grovel first. That was the best part of his being frozen out of Chelsea’s wedding.

            The July 31 wedding had become a source of friction not only due to the enormous bills but the problem of the guest list, which couldn’t possibly encompass the vast number of people in America and around the world who regarded themselves as close friends of the Clintons…

            And then there was Donald Trump, who had hosted a somewhat reluctant Bill and Hillary at his third wedding in 2005. The real estate mogul was the sort of person who, though not an actual friend, still as­pired to attend Chelsea’s wedding, which he clearly considered a pres­tigious event. An avid reader of gossip columns, he had probably seen mentions of a guest list that was expected to include the likes of Oprah Winfrey, Barbra Streisand, Steven Spielberg, and Ted Turner (none of whom ultimately turned up). And having given Bill Clinton free ac­cess to his northern Westchester golf club, Trump National, where he proudly hung photos of the former president—and had even cleared the links once for the Clintons to play on Bill’s birthday—Trump may well have felt that there was simply no way he was not on the guest list.

            So when the wedding invitation didn’t arrive, he called Doug Band with his characteristic self-assurance.

            “I’m supposed to be at the wedding, Doug,” said Trump briskly, “but I didn’t receive the invitation, and I need to know where to go.” Band knew Trump wasn’t on the list, of course, and politely urged him to get in touch with Chelsea for directions. After a fruitless call to another Clinton staffer, Trump apparently gave up.

          • TJ Barke

            No wonder he hates Hillary so much.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            That’s the bizarre part. Hillary actually showed up for his wedding. His ‘friend’ Bill blew off the wedding and did a toe touch at the reception. But he’s got to go after the women…

      • SDGeoff3

        They will, and the language will be stunning.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I know being royalty comes with a lot of privileges, but fuck me, “You have to invite Donald Trump to your wedding” makes it hardly seem worth it.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Except that it’s a private family event, not an affair of state, so they’re not required to do shit. The PM can ‘encourage’ them. They can tell her to suck a dick. And this is the grandson of the queen who drove ambulances while Uncle David’s buddies threw bombs at her and the son of the Princess who told that Queen that her royal family were arrivistes. I’d put money on suck a dick.

        • Technically, according to royal protocol his grandmother isn’t supposed to attend the wedding. So why would you want to invite the orange idiot? However, I foresee said Queen telling protocol to take a hike and attend, but I don’t see the orange one getting an invite.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Makes an heir to throne want to abdicate or some shit, don’t it?

        • Bobathonic

          Or at least elope!

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      he’ll wake up one morning, nuke London and then blame Obama’s tan suit.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It’s one of his foundational myths that his love of excess and vulgarity came from his mother watching the royal wedding back in the fifties. He’s going to burst a blood vessel.

    • Holiday Bozi

      Donnie, they’re just not into you.

    • kareemachan

      Is she trying to look like an Aztec princess or what?

  • Red Bird

    My 2018 has started out great! If the first two days are any indicator of the year to come, I’ll be swimming in chocolate and cozy pj’s. But it would be much better if there were a way to send Donnie and his friends (the entire GOP) back home. I can only hope for the best.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      you guys are taking Blake “deep sea fishing” in November or December still, yes?

      • Red Bird

        I’m not in his district any more. But I hear things coming out of the Sparkling City.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          but…he’s not running for re-election so once you know who his successor is the whole area can get together to take him “deep sea fishing”…?

          • Red Bird

            I hope that’s not a reference to what happened to his father.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I don’t know what happened to his father. I just know that when he got his 5th primary opponent he decided to pack up the frat party and go home.

          • Red Bird

            His father was murdered and thrown into the Gulf off a boat in Aransas Pass. He was a deep sea fishermen. No joke.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I was suggesting you have him jump in the Gulf. but now I feel bad about it.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • BMW

    I guess everyone has decided the big takeaway from Orrin Hatch (finally) retiring is that Mitt Romney should run to replace him.

    • shivaskeeper

      This was a foregone conclusion. It was the main reason Two Scoops tried to get Hatch to run again. Mittens and he have some bad blood.

      • SDGeoff3

        Mitty didn’t grovel low enough.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          He would have been a better Sec of State than Oilman.

          • Bobathonic

            Low bar.

        • shivaskeeper

          Among other things. Trump is an affront to Mittens. His faux rich guy image is grating to him. His fake Christianity is an affront to Mittens Mormonism. The lack of groveling is Trump towards Mittens. The rest is Mittens hating Trump.

          • h4rr4r

            Willard, the man is so rich his name is Willard.

          • Holiday Bozi

            Is he a rat-tamer?

      • BadKitty904

        Good.

    • clubseal

      First order of business should be removing that disgusting old ocean smell from Utah.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Rancid fry sauce?

      • kareemachan

        We visited GSL once, and I wish I could find the photo I took of my kid’s Barbie covered with those weird-ass flies that are ALL OVER around there.

  • WilbyToad

    Former Sheriff David Clarke banned by Twitter
    NEWSWEEK
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/former-sheriff-david-clarke-banned-by-twitter/

    Complete meltdown.
    Popcorn?

    • clubseal

      Guess he’ll have to find a right wing Twitter substitute where he can make threats.

      • jesterpunk

        Dont they have a right wing twitter that no one likes because they cant be persecuted?

        • Jennifer R

          It’s called Gab.

          • clubseal

            Barf.

          • Raan

            John Candy libelz!

          • jesterpunk

            I thought that was Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina eggs?

          • h4rr4r

            Goop

        • Anne Of Green Bagels

          it’s like ConservaPedia.

          • jesterpunk

            I admit I thought that was a joke site until this year.

        • clubseal

          “B-b-but all the people we hate and want to troll are on the grown-up internets!11!!”

    • jesterpunk
    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      there’s always 4Chan.

      • CripesAmighty

        He’s gonna be the next incel thread star.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Now how will I know whose asses he is twitterkicking?!?!?!!?

    • Rick Hill
    • jowgajen

      Twitter made a grave error by allowing behavioral norms to be so loose on their platform in the first place. I don’t feel bullish on their survival, they are ripe for replacement by a better competitor.

    • h4rr4r

      Clayton Bigsby sure wears a lot of flair these days.

  • Rick Hill

    GAwd tole me to post this song!!
    (JK, it was the all knowing, miraculous random play)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQUlA8Hcv4s

  • Thorn Spike

    I thought most of the Bachmanns’ money was tied up in family farm subsidies and foot-long corndog futures.

    • TundraGrifter

      Now that the baby farming business has run its course.

      • Thorn Spike

        And I forgot the pray-the-gay-away scam, as well. Also partly federally-funded, IIRC.

        • Lefty Wright

          Well, it has been known to work. Temporarily. Sort of like waterboarding. After an hour of that praying, you will say anything to get out. Less than that if they try the old “laying on of hands” trick.

  • Poly_Ester

    God to Michele, “Don’t you remember my message last time? It was HA HA HA, hasn’t changed.

  • kareemachan

    I will rejoin this program in progress, but first want to EXULT that we now have propane and therefore HEAT again!!!! Woot-woot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The cats were *really* getting tired of being heat sources.

    • Vel Venturi

      Hee, we replaced our thermostat finally, and so have heat again, pleasing our very disgruntled cats who could not figure out why the house was so cold.

    • Sophia

      What, your cats appreciate being worn as slippers?

      • efoveks

        *gigglesnort* “Slippers” is what my husband calls small dogs.

      • kareemachan

        They don’t, but they get their revenge by licking my eyeball at 3am.

  • Vel Venturi

    Bachmann “God told me to run.”
    Loki: *laughs delightedly*

  • Thiazin Red

    Its more than a little sad that shes given herself a Melania makeover.

  • Parakeetist

    Good gravy, Bachmann’s eyes will never not look weird.

  • Wuulf
    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      LORAX 2020: ONLY RECOGNIZES CTHULHU AS A SEA GOD!

      • tehbaddr

        HORTON HEARS AND KNOWS! AZATHOTH IS THE SOURCE!

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          come on. Horton doesn’t even have foreign backers.

    • CripesAmighty

      *slams hatch door*

    • clubseal

      I don’t know about you, but I’d be more likely to invite the dolphin in for tea.

      • janecita

        They are kind of rapey and douchey though.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Good news, people! The mercury’s up to POSITIVE 19F!

    • hudson

      seriously the magic of relative temps. i read that and suddenly feel warm.

    • NorthernSaber

      We still have -1F here in Maine. We’re warming up tomorrow to 20F so we can have a blizzard on Thursday, then It’s back into the icebox. Oh well- keeps the blackflies down…

      • 16F here and Friday looks like 2F. Extended forecast for next Monday is 41 so I may venture out of this apt. It’s like solitary confinement.

  • hudson

    OT: Shy Sir, feature request.

    Is it possible to enable urls to individual non-comments? this would allow non-commenters to cross-reference each other without having to duplicate content.

  • CripesAmighty

    Aaaand slinking off to a well-deserved retirement at Toady Acres: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/02/us/politics/orrin-hatch-retiring-romney-trump.html

    • tehbaddr

      Good, may his anal lice be large and persistent!

  • Sophia

    I’m going to have to price out Precious Moments figurines. 2.8 million. My mom has a houseful of those things. The inheritance may be more than I thought.

  • Transgender Fetus McGoo

    OT: Do we have any Delmarva wonkers? Want to tell me about living there?

    • TootsStansbury

      I’m a NOVA. It’s expensive and populous but I love it. I grew up here; there’s a neighborhood to suit every taste and income but some of them have pretty rough commutes.

      • Transgender Fetus McGoo

        See, to me, Delmarva looks like tourist traps and abandoned farms. Not populous or expensive, but depressing. IDK

  • Lefty Wright

    I doubt she will even run, and if so, I doubt she will win. But if she does, Gillibrand may as well hang up running for president in 2020 since she more than anyone else is responsible for getting Franken to resign. While Franken may have acted like a frat boy, the ethics investigation should have played out and whatever punishment he deserved should have occurred then. Which most likely would have been a censure. I sure don’t see any Republicans resigning. Or even being investigated.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Geezus! I like Gillibrand immensely, but I hope she doesn’t run in 2020 since the purity police hold her entirely responsible for making Al Franken grope those ladies.

      • I don’t consider myself the ‘purity police’ but this is war and one should not cede any ground to the enemy.

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          If the playing field was fair then I could see that, but you know the deck is stacked against Dems in the media. Gillibrand has a been a big supporter of those who have suffered through sexual harassment. If Franken didn’t resign then the Dems wouldn’t be able to paint stark contrast between then and the Dems. Sexual harassment is a big deal and will be one of the big driving forces behind women going out to vote in November. If the Dems just sat on their hands then they would be seen as no better than Reps on this issue. But please, by all means, attack Gillibrand in order to make it easier for Trump to win a second term.

          • kareemachan

            Easy solution: have Al run again.

    • I agree. Gillibrand is one of my senators and I was disgusted when she went after Franken. He should never have resigned, R’s circle the wagons when accused of something. She can go shit in her hat.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Yeah the only difference is that the media tends to let Republicans slide. Imagine the field day the media would have with Franken not resigning.

        • Who cares what the media says. He wasn’t allowed an Ethics Committee hearing which he welcomed. Corporate media has failed the public and will do so again, look how they are trying to normalize *t.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            Who cares? How do you think Dems will get elected? The media wrote the narrative for 2016 that lead to Trump’s win. People watch the CNNs and MSNBCs. I think you need to realize that your average voter isn’t a member of wonkette or other political sites. They get their news from Twitter and Facebook.

          • Well knock me over with a feather. Thanks for the info. I think you need to realize that I am a old born, raised and still live in the inner city. You got to get up pretty early in the morning etc.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            I have no idea what you’re talking about. But sure, let’s lose elections in the name of ideological purity. Whatever you say..

          • Ideology? You realize that it’s a popularity reality show now, dontcha?

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            You’re the one saying we should take it down the way of the Republicans by refusing to relent on this. Since when has that ever worked in Dems’ favor?

          • Dems today are spineless. Every last one of them should be raising hell with the shit show going on now. They need to be out in front rallying their constituents every fucking day instead crickets. Besides, regarding Gillibrand a true purity pony, it’s my opinion that counts.

          • FreddieFree

            Do you understand the English language, “old soul”, because you have yet to master it.

          • Go shit in your hat Freddie.

          • FreddieFree

            I don’t wear hats. I have hair.

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      Satan is good at plausible deniability.

  • efoveks

    Oh Michele, what you fail to realize is that God, you know. that big God guy, has a really great sense of humor. As you probably don’t realize, he invented it. This, my dear “one L Michele”, is why he is telling you to run. So he can laugh at you. And many others can, too. Because we all (“we” being all decent people) could really use a good laugh right now.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Can you believe that with all of the problems and difficulties facing the U.S., especially the parlaying cold in the East and Northeast, Trump spent the last week playing golf in Florida at his private resort. Says screw you to his fellow NYr’s. Elitist.

    • h4rr4r

      He is not a NY elitist. He is a bum’s idea of an NY elitist.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Did not mean to demean NYr’s. Or even NY elitists. Most of them that I have met are not total sociopaths like OrangeFoolius.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    LORAX 2020: GRAVY SHOULD BE WAVY!

  • Nounverb911
  • Holiday Bozi
  • Boscoe

    God also told ted cruz to run. I’m convinced God is kind of a troll.

    • BadKitty904

      He’s obviously got quite a sense of humor.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        In a sort of an in-joke kind of way that I don’t always get.

        • Boscoe

          I think He’s still bent out of shape about that one time when Sarah Palin® said she had faith The Lord™ would choose the best leader for this country, and when it wasn’t HER, she immediately set out to harry and undermine the guy He DID choose.

        • BadKitty904

          Maybe if we were omniscient, too…

      • Bobathonic

        Maybe, in a “Your god is a dick” kind of way.

      • janecita

        Why are you starting blasphemous rumors?

        https://youtu.be/Jus3BE9mdfI

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Speaking of the goddesses’ plans for me, 2017 ended up being a pretty good year financially, and so I have doubled my charitable giving. Granted, I wasn’t giving all that much, but it includes doubling my monthly donation to our beloved Wonkette. Now that I am a Premium Premiere Business Elite Select First Class Platinum Gold Star member, I have suggested to management that it would be nice if we could post comments.

    • Boscoe

      Whoa there, don’t try to change the world in a DAY! ;P

    • janecita

      Don’t go spending all your money on koalas!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    The Leopards Eating Corndogs Party is really scraping the bottom of the ocean floor with One-L.

  • Nounverb911
    • mackafritz

      Or deflect the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      Calliope Jane for Dog Mayor of Austin 2018!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a799f2ad7fc4109468b7fbfdd8114512b0831fedf546cf667257ce432b2fd39e.jpg

      “I bringin’ hoodies back!”

      • janecita

        I would vote at least 10 times for her.

      • La forza del resistino

        another Austin pinko?

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          “pink is the bestest color that I cain’t see!” ~ CJ

      • kareemachan

        Our town has only an animal mayor. Honest. Works out pretty damned well for us.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          where? because Talkeetna’s died.

  • BadKitty904

    If any Republicans are watching – a practical example of “karma”:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/85645fcc4b4b52016c0be64a0a5653b8f394cdc2195ad4c7da50bf228e19a45e.gif

    • mackafritz

      It would really be karma if the cat slammed the door shut.

      • Boscoe

        …and then pooped in his headphones.

    • Bananas Foster

      Thank you for the laugh!

      • BadKitty904

        *purrs*

    • RMKH

      Is that karma or just the cat being smarter than the human? Business as usual in other words

    • Kryptonian Canis

      Judo cat throws hooman into snowbank, slams door in his face.

    • HooverVilles

      Cool!

  • weejee

    Oh SBJ, make it so. Recognize an agnostic from a different state has perhaps a lesser role here, but please, please, oh pretty please FSM, do make it so. Her running that is, not her winning, ffs.

  • Bananas Foster
    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      I see nothing to disagree with here.

    • Sophia

      Love it!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      He gets reborn, you get war, famine, pestilence, and death. Good times.

    • wait! what?

      He goes to weddings and you get wine from water unless your wedding is in Flint Michigan, then you get Starbucks coupons.

  • Resistor Radio

    My heater is working, yay!
    It’s a balmy 68 degrees in my house and I’m loving it! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d175d95a5430509ee24fd2b56969196699ec7c2357fe892b55cab52b7e6a9d44.gif

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Okay, so we won’t need to mount an arctic rescue? But I just got my cold weather suit and everything!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4d32293e2a8419d7f8addc77ff3fb90674a1f25fd160a4b1623c0cce38f26899.jpg

      • Resistor Radio

        You are prepared. Damn! I admire that in a porg wrangler!

    • Sophia

      Woo Hoo. I was thinking about you today. Walked into work and the furnace had shut down over the weekend. It took forever to warm up. I can’t imagine spending hours in that kind of cold. It gets into your bones and takes forever to get the chill out.

      • Resistor Radio

        Aw, that’s so sweet of you to think of me. It never got too too bad in the house, but low fifties does seem bad when your pipes are also frozen.

    • janecita

      Hallelujah!!

    • Our furnace at the shop was frozen dead this a.m. It took till noon to get it fired up and by then it was a balmy 15f outside.

      • Resistor Radio

        I think my heater works as long as the outside temp stays above around 15F

    • tehbaddr

      Well then, time to take of those pants!

    • OutOfOrbit

      running wawa?

      • Resistor Radio

        No, mucho sadface on that one

  • Rick Hill

    So, just a bit of nuculer thoughtsing. The guy who released was going to also release the US’s nuculer attack plans. Basically, any type of major nuculer war was to be met with a complete attack on all USSR targets, which would have also launched against us…basically it was doctrine and known that it would likely have included attacks on many other countries. With what’s now known about nuculer winter, the resulting firestorms from those attacks would have led to a winter in which approxamitly 98%-99% of all life on earth would have perished……*

    Just something to think about, considering the likelihood of trump starting a nuculer shoosting match with NK…and the possibility of drawing China or Russia into the conflict.

    *Approximation of facts, own self was driving home and heard all this on NPR so, aside from the 98-99% part, the rest , I’m not certain the scenario in which they arrived at the massive strikes would happen but it was REALLY easy…

    As Bill Diaz would say
    “Have a nice day”

  • WilbyToad
    • RMKH

      The horror…the horror

  • janecita

    I look happier holding this sloth than at my wedding day;-) Sorry about the glare. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2c88e645ee611cb0230374a299f3d0fee28077c4e2f350a00c59db42288ab96b.jpg

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Aw. I can hold deadly sin?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Lust, plz! Kthnxbai.

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      It is a very nice sloth. If you have not seen it, the first episode of Planet Earth 2 has a slightly epic sloth odyssey with the dulcet tones of David Attenborough narrating its progress.

      • h4rr4r

        Is on Netflix!

      • janecita

        I have to watch that! I looove sloths.

        • Bemused Tralfamadorian

          The sloth goes on a bit of a walk and also a rather long swim in his quest for love. It is very beautiful.

          • Parakeetist

            I’m going to cry. Even sloths have a better love life than I do.

    • msanthropesmr

      I love the Spanish word for sloth
      perezoso

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO LMFAO!

  • Nounverb911
    • janecita

      Smart puppy:-)

    • Resistor Radio

      I wanna hang out with that doggie

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I see that His Royal Orangeness has told us he thinks he is an absolute ruler that can do whatever he wants. Only one cure for that hubris. Vote Impeachment Congress 2018.

  • Rick Hill

    Do deee doo dol dee do doo…
    (Takin’…a dive…
    that’s your cue, Jared)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvBOZCrJsAI

    • Resistor Radio

      This is such a kickass song. FACT

    • Holiday Bozi
      • Rick Hill
        • Rick Hill

          Runniin whod ina holling town tonight!

      • Resistor Radio

        Oh wow, never heard that one before and it’s a keeper!

        (Side question: back then did men wear tight white pants specifically so you’d look at their crotches?)

        • Holiday Bozi

          Tight black pants make it more difficult to see the crotch area.

  • h4rr4r

    So the kid’s daycare sent me a smarmy note about how the price was going up $1 a day on account of minimum wage increase and how the founder had tried to contact politicians about what minimum wage increases were doing to the cost of childcare.

    $30 a month is a rounding error on my daycare bill. If it means everyone who takes care of my kid makes a living wage, GOOD!

    I wanted to make back saying make mine $2 a day but only if they give the extra $30 to the employees.

    What the hell is wrong with people?

    • msanthropesmr

      Gee – I would think that childcare was one of those things where you want good people working for you.

      • OrG

        Why do you hate capitalism?

      • h4rr4r

        This is a fancy place with all kinds of educational programs and really pushes how much training their staff has. I get it the various assistants make less than a fully trained staff member, but come on. I want someone who is at least paid enough that they might give a shit.

    • hudson

      that’s like +13 cents per hour. if you want to snark back you should first inquire with them if all of the first dollar is going for the wages.

      • h4rr4r

        We had 6 feet of snow once, we were stuck in our house. The roads were impassable, the daycare center wass in the middle of that.

        They charged the same as if they had been open. Fine, tuition is tuition. What I objected too was the email saying they had to do that to pay their employees. I really wanted to know how much was profit so I could reduce my payment by that.

        • hudson

          funny story about that. my dad is an aged old time hard bargainer, right?

          so one time we were at the airport in a neighboring town to pick up my missus. after waiting for 4 hrs, the flight got canceled and rescheduled for next day.

          so we go back to our parked car, the parking guy at the gate says 400 rs (~7$) sir. my dad rolls his window down and says but the flight didn’t arrive.

    • hudson

      from what i read the smallest increment in wages was a quarter. what the hell is this person ranting about?

      • h4rr4r

        They were ranting that labor is their biggest operating expense. No Shit, you provide a service! Labor is basically the only cost other than rent.

        • hudson

          ya but how much did the minimum wage increase by, that they have to whine about passing on an extra buck/day to the customer.

          • h4rr4r

            From $9.70 to $10.40.
            For what daycare costs and how many new ones are opening constantly, I am shocked they pay minimum wage.

          • Catstro

            New ones are constantly opening, but it still seems like it’s impossible to get an open spot, and it’s insanely expensive (at least around here), yet the care workers make bupkis.

          • h4rr4r

            They wouldn’t be opening new ones if it was not profitable.

            I would love to open a daycare one day. I bet the insurance would kill my plan. I would want lots of play time and even fun!

          • hudson

            but that’s 70c per hour. shouldn’t they be upping to $5.6 per day?

          • h4rr4r

            You believe this daycare has one child per carer?

          • hudson

            crap! didn’t account for that.

          • hudson

            i feel really stupid not having accounted for that.

          • h4rr4r

            Easy mistake to make.
            To make you feel better, babies can only be cared for with a 4 to 1 ratio. So they won’t fully replace that increase, they will more than make up for it on older kids.

            Honestly, if they had just said it was going up one dollar per day in the new year with no explanation or simply cited increasing costs that would have been fine. What enraged me was that they were using the workers plight this way.

          • hudson

            “What enraged me was that they were using the workers plight this way.”
            precisely.

    • Gigglesnort

      Something about owning or running a business turns you into a calculator where all costs are bad and all profits are good. Replacing your staff with robots all of a sudden looks like a great idea. Fortunately I don’t think robot daycare is a thing happening soon.

      • h4rr4r

        One of my job roles is some management. If your employees are not worth more than minimum wage, you are doing something wrong.

    • Bananas Foster

      People who supervise children SHOULDN’T BE EARNING MINIMUM WAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

      That guy is an asshole.

    • OutOfOrbit

      I would find new daycare

      • h4rr4r

        I would, but it would be torture for the little guy. He would lose his best friend, that he has known since they before they could crawl.

    • Ellie

      I don’t know. The people who care for our babies and our grandparents are the worst paid workers. I guess as a country, we don’t count either of those groups as important?

      • h4rr4r

        I offered to buy my parents a house in exchange for care. I told them pick a place nearby, within 20% of the value of my home and I would pay the mortgage, they cover the taxes. My Mom was all for it until she realized I was serious. It would have been much cheaper

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Roy Moore’s family jew was the defense attorney they hired to defend that highly-paid executive of their morality PAC their son on drug charges.

    He was a huge Jones supporter.

    The Jewish attorney who Roy Moore’s wife touted employing in an attempt to fight off claims of anti-Semitism is actually a longtime friend and supporter of Senator-elect Doug Jones, who defeated Moore last month.

    Richard Jaffe is an Alabama defense attorney hired by the Moores to defend their son, Caleb Moore, against drug charges in 2016.

    Jaffe told the Washington Examiner he has been close personal friends with Doug Jones for more than 30 years and he both contributed to, and raised money for, his campaign.

    “There could not be a more passionate supporter of Doug than me!” Jaffe said.

    The Birmingham-based lawyer walked alongside Jones as he took center stage to deliver his acceptance speech and plans to be in the Senate gallery on Wednesday as Jones is sworn in.

    • msanthropesmr

      WE Jews are notorious tricksters.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        And yet it was not one of you who paid a tax-free six figure income to your junkie kid from your virtue non-profit.

      • goonemeritus

        But pastrami makes up for any inconvenience your tricky may cause.

    • weejee

      Maybe Roy could move the Zion and run for Ornery Orrin’s seat now that he’s decided 40 (million) years was enough.

    • OrG

      Now THAT’S funny.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Joos are like that.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I’m just saying. It explains so much about haute bourgeois value voter life if you realize that paying a defense attorney to get your kid out of the consequences of their illegal activity counts as “fellowshipping”

  • Raan

    Human Revolution ending chosen:

    https://youtu.be/5FjWe31S_0g

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Anyone wanna help me out on LeftyWright’s post below hating Gillibrand? I don’t think I can get through.

    • jesterpunk

      Oh great more purity pony police with the added “Since republicans won’t do it we shouldn’t either”. I am staying away from that for now.

      • CripesAmighty

        Nuh-uh. Nuff ‘o that shit. Give no quarter. Show no mercy. Scorched earth.

    • janecita

      Not me, I’m not a fan either.

  • Baconzgood

    Oh god. Not her again.

  • Rick Hill

    Duu duh duu duh dooo
    (The only band that beats out Bowie’s Whop whop whop musical genius.(Which, you can actually find it by googglesing Bowie whop whop whop))
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDhJU_cNCZE

    • bluicebank

      Every time I hear ELO I’m reminded that I was a tad confused in the ’70s, and thought they were the main float feature at Disneyland’s Main Street Electrical Parade, which I thought was called the Electric Light Parade.

      So once I went to Disneyland and waited patiently for the parade.

      “Hey man, where’s the band?”

      • Rick Hill

        They were…ahead of their time….

  • OrdinaryJoe
    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      more like “too late”.

  • ManchuCandidate
    • janecita

      That guy sitting behind her cracks me up.

    • jesterpunk

      Is that a campaign event or the beginning of the worst porn ever?

      • ManchuCandidate

        Both

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      He doesn’t want to reveal his real talent.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      “Try this, Marcus! It tastes like ASS!”

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • Nounverb911

    This just in, well sorta, a little while ago.

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/948259338556203008

    • Ellie

      The trouble with Borowitz is he hits too close to the truth!

    • altleftjohn

      Mission accomplished.

  • Gosala

    William Carlos Williams wrote

    The Red Wheelbarrow

    so much depends
    upon

    a red wheel
    barrow

    glazed with rain
    water

    beside the white
    chickens.

    I’d have that everything depends, and I’d have left out “water” since all rain is water.

    Also, I find the lineation distracting. I’d have written:

    Everything depends upon
    a red wheelbarrow
    Glazed with rain
    Beside the white chickens

    Except I never would have because WCW was a genius.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      In honor of our political leaders:

      We are the hollow men

      We are the stuffed men

      Leaning together

      Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!

      Our dried voices, when

      We whisper together

      Are quiet and meaningless

      As wind in dry grass

      Or rats’ feet over broken glass

      In our dry cellar

      Shape without form, shade without colour,

      Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

      Those who have crossed

      With direct eyes, to death’s other Kingdom

      Remember us-if at all-not as lost

      Violent souls, but only

      As the hollow men

      The stuffed men.

      TS Eliot

    • Thiazin Red

      I have to confess I don’t get him at all. His stuff is no different to me than the douche on instagram who just puts random line breaks in ordinary sentences.

    • puredog

      you may be on drugs

  • Covfefe

    This must just be me. Still, it does look to me that Michele has tweaked her hairdo and makeup to look a little like — it takes courage to say it — like Mellon?

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      it’s not just you. but I said I needed to see her in a shower curtain before I could decide.

      • Covfefe

        I keep looking for the windup key in Mellon’s back, like the windup girlfriend doll in Contes d’Hoffman, but I suppose it’s done these days with an inconspicuous lightening cable.

        • CripesAmighty

          Roomba.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    I am not allowed to start Netflix until 7 pm. so you guys have 1:10 hours to entertain me. who can make the best Lorax slogan?

    • Doug Langley

      You want entertainment? How about an Oscar winning suspense flick?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc6ZDo9ViNA

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        don’t make me drink this whole quart of egg nog.

    • Covfefe

      Who sez you can’t do Netflix til 7pm, local time? Cary Cary? Crawl into bed with Caliope Jane and you can watch it now.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        who sez Horton listens to Whos? I mean, he hears them, but does he care what they have to say?

        • Covfefe

          Horton is your treehugger, worried about environmental impact and NIMBY Whos. He does listen.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            LORAX IS THE ONLY TREE HUGGER WHO MATTERS!

            I mean, Horton picked a whole field of flowers clear once and wasn’t even sorry. he didn’t even mulch them or lay down new seeds!

    • Sophia

      It’s 7:03 here. Does that count?

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        not according to my clock. it’s 6:04.

    • Bobathonic

      LORAX 2020: WITH BUTTERED BISCUITS!

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        but is it butter side up or butter side down?

        • Bobathonic

          yes

    • Jenny

      LORAX 2020: NETFLIX ALL DAY EVERY DAY!

  • wait! what?

    I’m just gonna lighten the mood with this:

    Have a happy two thousand and https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7ae56c375ca9a27053ff3bee77610202f4ee1dadd3a1b9c913b7b83c2a5c6deb.jpg

    • CripesAmighty

      When you see an ancient show that you thought was an immature and silly kiddy show it first aired–So. Fucking. Old.

      • Doug Langley

        Today it would be considered docu-drama.

      • wait! what?

        Cagney and Lacey, Cheers, and Family Ties all debuted 1 year before Hannibal’s Playhouse…

  • Rick Hill

    A tribute to michelle!
    (JK, she’s not effective enough to be really evil)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVd4XhtpRBc

    • Nounverb911

      I saw ELO play that in Atlanta in 1977….

      • Rick Hill

        Dayton Ohi in, I believe, ’77 or 78. Of course, a year or two later it came out it was mostly prerecorded.

      • CripesAmighty

        Greensboro, 78.

      • Resistor Radio

        You’re so much cooler than I am

  • Nounverb911
    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      well, to be fair, if Fox&Friends says it, it’s okay.

    • Rick Hill
    • CripesAmighty

      Okay, this has become pathological. New medical diagnosis: “Bell and Howell Syndrome”.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Irony is dead.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Hello kettle, this is pot…

    • Kryptonian Canis

      What next, she accuses the Iranian leadership of wanting to bang their own daughters?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Maybe HRC can primary Gillibrand and we can all watch purity ponies’ heads explode

    • CripesAmighty

      Sorry. It’s that Romney loathes Trump with the intensity of a thousand suns, and there is no, repeat, no D who can win in Utah. Romney would like nothing more than to fix Dump’s wagon, but good. A unique opportunity to fuck him with a Republican.

      • puredog

        Fuck Drumpf with a republican Mitt butt plug. This is an image I can get behind (heh heh).

      • grindstone

        I find him only slightly more effective than Marco Rubio, which is to say he’ll toe the party line and then express concerns. I hold no hope for Very Rich Romney as a savior.

  • Nounverb911
  • bumfug

    Sure, I guess it’s 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 the same state that put a sarcastic Jewish comedian in the Senate will elect a loony bible-thumping joke to the seat.

    • amrak63

      Dammit, I wish Al had possessed the foresight to think, “Hey, wait a minute, I might run for office some day.”

  • rocktonsam

    MB should strike while the iron is still crazy.

  • Rick Hill

    There’s just something about her…something enchanting…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEINzEh_qYg

  • Resistor Radio

    Funny movie alert!

    TCM is doing a WC Fields marathon tonight starting at 8 pm EST … one of you non-commenters played a clip awhile back and I’m now hooked on him

    8:00 Million Dollar Legs
    9:15 It’s a Gift
    10:45 The Bank Dick
    12:15 Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
    1:45 The Dentist
    2:15 The Fatal Glass of Beer

    • Nounverb911

      DVR all set.

    • CripesAmighty

      Go ‘way kid, you booooother me!

      • Resistor Radio

        I love that one

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Who does’nt like Bank Dick.?

      • Resistor Radio

        Is there a dick bank?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Bank Dick is a good one.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Does she have a GoFundMe? I’d donate.

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald expresses concern for the oppressed Iranian people. Just can’t think of a country that would take them in as refugees.

    • TootsStansbury

      Or opress their own citizens for expressing dislike for his Excellency.

    • CripesAmighty

      I’m just wondering which one’s gonna take us?

  • Shan

    Chicken soup with rice (but without the wild rice added yet). Green pepper, celery, onion, garlic, chicken broth (that I already cooked chicken and other stuff in), Cajun seasoning, diced tomatoes, green chilis, black eyed peas and great northern beans (because not enough black eyed peas). Will probably serve with buttered biscuits.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6eda95289feef32de2c8e8618caaa1b95bf745a939955c4293a6e4f473a37d50.jpg

    • Rick Hill

      I’m not racist but….aren’t you too midwest to eat spicey stufss?

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        that is not Team Taco behavior.

      • Shan

        I haven’t ALWAYS lived in the Midwest!

        • Rick Hill

          Yeah but hasn’t living there sucked enough life from your soul that all you can eat is the blandness they serve daily?

          • Shan

            Dude. We have a LOT of different kinds of food here! It’s not all corn casserole and mac ‘n’ cheese!

          • Resistor Radio

            Yes, there’s also green bean casserole and tuna noodle casserole. ;)

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            and Miracle Whip!

          • Rick Hill

            You’re still talking about food?

          • Shan

            Well, yeah. I like food.

        • Resistor Radio

          So you’re a transplant, then?

          • Shan

            No, but I’ve lived lots of far away places.

          • Resistor Radio

            I’ve also lived lots of far away places, but I can say with authority that no one makes a better chicken salad sandwich than The Old Mill Tasty Shop :)

          • Shan

            Oh, yum! But mine are pretty damn good as well!

    • gallbladder

      Let’s eat!

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        she has to put the rice in first.

        • hudson

          thats like 15 mins tops.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      That looks yummy.

      • hudson

        looks extremely delicious and healthy also too.

    • hudson

      nice.

      so recently i was in a smallish italian place in our town. the old couple next to us, ate their soup with cheese pizza. i thought that was just brilliant.

    • Doug Langley

      Oh, yum!

    • tehbaddr

      Personally, I’m going with low budget comfort food tonight. “Cheese Club” brand Mac ‘n cheese, oh no what am I doing?

    • CripesAmighty

      Yummmeee. (Great Northerns are better for soups, anyway).

    • Resistor Radio

      That looks very colorful and yumsy!

      • Shan

        I had to add some extra oomph to it. I have some baked chicken bouillon paste in the refrigerator so I made up a batch of about a tablespoon of that with another cup or two of veggie broth. It needed the saltiness and NOW it smells amazing! I hope the kids all like it!

    • epazote

      top it with a handful of chopped cilantro

      • Shan

        I’d rather spray it with WD-40.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Mouth is watering, to the point of drool!!!

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    LORAX 2020: EGG NOG EVERY DAY!

    • hudson

      nice try. i don’t want to be scolded by grassley yet again.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        LORAX 2020: SCOLDS GRASSLEY BEFORE HE CAN SCOLD YOU!

    • gallbladder

      We’ve now an 80 percent approval rating amongst the egg and cinnamon crowd.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        what gets us the Lollipop Guild?

        • gallbladder

          Let me get back you you…

          LORAX 2020!!!

        • Doug Langley

          Drop a house on a witch.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            LORAX 2020: WILL DROP HOUSE ON MICHELE BACHMANN 4 VOTES!

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Egg nog ice cream? Because I still have some.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        whatever form you want your egg nog in!

      • CripesAmighty

        I didn’t know there was such a thing. Mmmmmm

      • SpideySenser

        Put some Capt. Morgan on it. Delish.

  • Rick Hill

    Otay, not my favorite song but the tribute to flash mob’s is cool
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wh3i3vWgPyk

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • mrFawkes

    Hey Crazy Eyes, I’ve heard that God answers all prayers. Sometimes the answer is no.

  • keinsignal

    I don’t know why it’s apparently ELO day alla sudden but I’m down.

    I would like to take this opportunity to encourage everyone to check out Jeff Lynne’s pre-ELO (prELO?) stuff though because turns out he has always been amazing:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NN8U5GdvrPo

    • Resistor Radio

      I liked this one a LOT

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      ELO = Ending Legitimate Oligarchies.

      Fan of ELO, but this song not so much.

  • Poly_Ester

    with Michele it would be a mission from god not God.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      With Michele it would be a ‘mission in self-advancing bullshit’.

  • jesterpunk
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Please tell me this is really a Borowitz Report.

      • jesterpunk

        Nope its real sadly.

    • JohnBull

      Togo will bring the cocktail weenies. And Trump will eat the whole damn thing.

    • gallbladder

      I guess we Canucks will not be eating beautiful chocolate cake then?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      This is the equivalent of having Ice Cream Friday at your job because everyone met their sales goal.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Note: Invite Michele to make Nikki look sane by comparison.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      A Pizza Party! I’m sure Trump will go to Little Caesar’s for the 5 dollar pizzas.

      • jesterpunk

        Wait I thought pizza meant pedophiles? Are Roy Moore, Milo and Hastert going to be there?

      • puredog

        Papa John’s.

    • shivaskeeper

      All 8 of them. Unless he’s going to invite the “Abstains” as well. Other wise it’s going to be a pretty lame party.

    • Snowbound Ron

      They’ll be able to fit the whole ‘party’ in one corner booth.

  • Rick Hill

    Little known fact: They were originally going to make the lyrics :”Don’t bring me down, Michelle.”
    Ooo woo hoo
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9nkzaOPP6g

    • data_ninja

      Thoughts on the movie “Xanadu”?

      • Lord Jim

        Olivia Newton-John is way hot?

        • Rick Hill

          Yeah, that’s about all that I remember about it, too

        • data_ninja

          Well, ELO did the soundtrack for it. Some songs were better than others, but it was still pretty solid I felt.

          • Rick Hill

            That is one I’ve forgotten, I’ll have to look it up again

          • Resistor Radio

            I love this song and when the mural comes to life is probably the coolest scene in the flick.
            https://youtu.be/EYWA2c5w5bw

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        you are taking over for gallbladder as Data Director.

        • data_ninja

          I guess I’ll do what I need to do.

          *looks up “PC for Dummies” book online*

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            he’ll be your assistant. he should be able to bring you up to speed. he claimed I didn’t even hire him.

      • Bobathonic
      • Resistor Radio

        okay, in the roller skate movie genre, despite great music and Gene motherfucking Kelly, Roller Boogie is more fun to watch.

        • data_ninja

          I will check that out.

          • Resistor Radio

            I just posted a clip up top…enjoy!

      • CripesAmighty

        It was really great um, ‘adult’ club in Myrtle Beach?

  • jesterpunk

    Also the GOP is going to try and repeal the ACA again and gut medicare, medicaid, and social security in 2018.

    http://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/367035-house-gop-whip-entitlement-reform-obamacare-repeal-on-agenda-for-2018

    ObamaCare repeal and entitlement reform are at the top of the agenda for House Republicans in 2018, Majority Whip Steve Scalise (R-La.) said Tuesday.

    “The next big thing you’re going to see is a need for workers, and I think the next thing we can do is to go and reform those welfare programs that are trapping people in a failed welfare state,” Scalise said on “Fox & Friends” on Tuesday morning.

    “Let’s actually put some work requirements in place so that we can get people back to work, rebuild the middle class.”

    House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) has said recently that Republicans will focus on giving states “more flexibility in Medicaid,” which could involve allowing them to impose work requirements on recipients.

    Scalise also indicated House Republicans would turn back to ObamaCare repeal in 2018.

    “We’re going to have to work on health care again. I’m for repealing and replacing ObamaCare,” Scalise said.

    • gallbladder

      MAGA! Says the guy who benefits by more coverage than his constituents ever will.

      Motherfucker.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Arbeit macht frei is the American motto.

    • Everrett Fanuelli
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “allowing them to impose work requirements on recipients”

      Yeah, that works out just great when 1) there’s no jobs and 2) a lot of disabled people can’t work.

      This is like what they do in England, FFS. There are people with serious cases of schizophrenia who get thrown off benefits because they didn’t make it their full-time job to look for a full-time job (show up to the “job center”). They end up committing suicide because they can’t take it anymore. The Tories shrug, and the Daily Fail goes right back to railing against scroungers.

      Are there no workhouses? Are there no prisons?

      • CripesAmighty

        Plenty of prisons–with a 12% dividend yield and aggressive buyback program…

      • Jenny

        My mother has to do that now. She said she’s going to show up and sit around because she’s fucking disabled. The lady can barely walk or fucking breathe but Texas says want this little bit of help? Work!

    • CripesAmighty

      As Charlie Pierce observed, they’re running a smash-and-grab before they’re all indicted/run from office.

      • tehbaddr

        “Burn the place down on your way out!”

        • shivaskeeper

          Nah. Just grab all the money they can. If it’s all burned down they won;t be able to come to power again in a few years.

    • h4rr4r

      That evil commie Bill Clinton already imposed work requirements.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Fucking NPR. Jr. borrowed my truck last night and the radio was on and tuned to NPR this morning long enough for me to hear them mention Trump’s “serious allegations” against Huma Abedin, then read his tweet verbatim without any commentary or pushback. In other words, they essentially just retweeted the lying motherfucker…you know, to help get the word out. Thanks for the great journalism-ing dickheads. Where would democracy be without NPR so bravely standing up to speak truth to power?

    • msanthropesmr

      I used to religiously listen. They fucking lost me this election – they showed their true colors.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Likewise. NMR…National Milquetoast Radio

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Didn’t Randolph and Mortimer Koch take over public broadcasting?

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      was it on “On Point”?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        No idea. I couldn’t hit the “off” button fast enough.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          I’m guessing it was. they were terrible. thankfully, KUT finally got rid of them.

    • JohnBull

      I gave $40 last year and made sure it went to that Ira Flatow science show. I won’t hear anything else.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That’s the only weekday programming I enjoy anymore.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I think it’s time to have a chat with Jr. about personal responsibility and returning things in the condition in which they were borrowed.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I know, goddamnit! There was an extra 5 gallons of gas in it this morning as well. Next thing you know, he’ll be taking it to a fucking car wash or something.

    • Rick Hill

      Ever since the Kochs started giving them funding…

    • h4rr4r

      Nice Polite Republicans

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    OT: this is why we need labor protections and why I am pissed at ‘Murica and this jerk in particular:

    My younger brother works at a credit union, which is kinda-sorta affiliated with the military but is more or less private, yet still situated on a base. Two days before Christmas he went home early, sick with what the doctor later said was a bronchial infection. Doctor writes a work slip, he takes the holidays to recuperate, but still isn’t 100% afterwards.

    He sends a text message to his manager saying he cannot so much as get up from bed. Manager says stay home and recuperate, best that you come back feeling better than make anyone else sick. So he stays home for New Year’s and went back today. Still not 100% but felt OK enough to at least make a go of it — or felt he had to force himself to feel OK.

    So, we had some bad snow over the holidays. My brother is the only dude in the office other than the bigger boss (manager’s manager), who was “in and out” of the office all day and wasn’t around for my brother to give the doctor’s note to. (The other manager wasn’t on schedule for today.) Bigger boss tells my brother to go out and shovel the grounds around the building.

    He’s a bank teller. In a suit. And an asthmatic, still recovering from a bronchial infection. In 10-degree weather, on a military base near the ocean. And he’s told to go do maintenance’s job.

    Like I said, he’s the only guy, so the bigger boss must have figured that my brother is the only one with enough brawn to go and shovel. Even though this is not his job. It’s maintenance’s task. They actually have snowblowers and other heavy-duty equipment. And on the grounds of a military base, this has got to be Uncle Sam’s responsibility, not some 25-year-old kid behind a teller window to take time out of his day. If it was summertime, you going to make him mow the lawn? No, because the office staff isn’t the groundskeeper crew!

    So we all feel that he got retaliated against for what the boss must have figured was my brother taking time off to nurse a New Year’s hangover. And is, in a way, being discriminated against being the only male on staff. He ended up going home early today because he was exhausted from shoveling while sick. And this prick boss is undoubtedly going to expect him to show up bright and early the next morning. We’re supposed to have more snow too. Is he going to be expected to shovel again?

    I hate the managerial class, and the fact that the way you get to the managerial class is to step on good and decent people like this guy did. And that there are no labor protections in this country that hold the managerial class accountable. My brother wants to quit. My mother said, no, no matter where you go this sort of thing is likely to happen, because this is how bosses behave — that’s how they get to become bosses in the first place. So you don’t want to go out like that.

    He’s exhausted and sicker than sick right now, and doesn’t even want to talk or think about it. But this goes beyond just getting the boss coffee. This is heavy labor that’s not in his job description and actually could have gotten him seriously injured if not dead. If my brother had collapsed on the grounds, the bank would have the top lawyer team in their pocket and respond to my family with nothing but thoughts and prayers.

    Sorry for the rant, but this is where I get my inner labor agitator up in arms. Not just big sister, but weebly Wobbly who doesn’t take this sort of thing lying down.

    • JohnBull

      I’ve worked at small businesses and not-for-profits in three different countries and I’ve discovered one thing they all have in common: The bigger the managerial class, the less the company accomplishes.

      • h4rr4r

        This is even worse at big companies.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        It’s not even a big managerial class. It’s basically just this one guy, the branch manager at this one branch, at this credit union that only operates on a few bases. One is in North Carolina and another is way the hell out in the Middle East. I’m not sure where the couple of others are but I think this guy feels threatened by my brother potentially taking his job.

        He has a performance review tomorrow too. This has got to be outright sabotage.

        I hope the other employees feel sorry for him. They like him, and not just because he’s cute. Actually he’s the youngest employee of all, and they’re all older, 40s and up. So while it might sound a little sexist of me too I kinda hope that for his sake they feel a bit motherly. None of them like the boss either, and in an ideal world this would be a mutiny, a different kind of Me-Too.

      • Snowbound Ron

        Case in point: any government. My ex used to work for Agriculture Canada, in an office with three level one techs/data clerks. There were SIX levels of management between them and the Minister of Agriculture. Only one of them did any of the testing or data entry, a level two who’d been promoted. And yes, they were always running days and weeks behind, in an industry that is VERY time-sensitive.

    • CripesAmighty

      Murka.

    • h4rr4r

      This member in some ways of the managerial class can tell you that this shit only happens in toxic environments.

      While we sometimes have to do things outside our positions due to working for a small company, we all pitch in. Last time this happened, the CEO was with me and my team unloading a truck. SOB had hernia surgery coming up in a few weeks and he was slinging boxes with the rest of us. 90lb boxes of steel parts.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Good for you standing alongside the other workers in what could be called solidarity.

        We need more of that.

        • h4rr4r

          I only manage a couple folks. Mostly I do my real job.

          To me the impressive part was having our director and the CEO there. When the call center is busy I have seen the CEO take calls.

    • data_ninja

      Yeah, this was my job over a year ago. Doing all sorts of maintenance crap that was definitely not in my job description (including boiler maintenance, which I am totally not trained for!). Sadly, the maintenance guy had a heart attack from shoveling and wasn’t physically supposed to do anything after that. But the company was so shitty and poorly ran, they couldn’t hire and keep any maintenance people after that. So glad to be gone from there, so glad.

      • TundraGrifter

        Something tells me people who work on a boiler not only need proper training but also a license.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Nah, just pull yourself up by the bootstraps and put some duct tape on it! Regulations? Licensing? Training? That’s communism, son! In ‘Murica we learn through trial and error! Exploding boilers are just the price you have to pay for freedom, that’s all there is to it.

          • TundraGrifter

            There was a time in America when you boarded a steamboat or got on a train you were taking your life in your hands. I haven’t read much about urban heating boilers blowing up – but I’m sure the stories are out there.

          • Snowbound Ron

            You don’t hear much about it because those old boilers have slowly been scrapped over the years. But it used to be that anyone living in a city would hear of at least one boiler explosion every winter, when some undertrained sacrifice did something dumb.

          • TundraGrifter

            I’d like to think regulations such as required regular inspections also had something to do with the decrease in accidents. But then I’m a confirmed optimist.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        And if the boiler exploded or otherwise malfunctioned, it would have been your fault, not the company’s. But because reining in the excesses of business is OMG SOSHULIZMS TEH GOOLAGS OH NOES, anyone who dares utter the word “labor laws” gets reacted to like they have 20 heads.

        This whole sorry situation makes me think of this song.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Abz0wrV0Yc

    • Bananas Foster

      I have a friend who is a mental health case manager.

      She has been asked to clean the bathrooms in one of their secure housing units before.

      Fucking insane.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The mental health “industry” in this country is barbaric, both for the patients and the employees. Once again, #ThanksReagan

        • Bananas Foster

          Kennedy started it. Reagan finished it.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Kennedy, IIRC, was so haunted by what had happened to his kid sister that he wanted to start a deinstitutionalization program to replace the Cuckoo’s Nest concentration camps with publicly-supported, community-based care. Sort of like a Soteria model that would reintegrate people into society with accommodations provided, or at least allow them to live home with caregivers if they were really sick, like a hospice program or visiting nurses or something to that effect. It never materialized, of course because 1963 happened and Reagan ultimately decided to save money by throwing the crazies out on the street. Kennedy’s heart was in the right place. As for Reagan — objection, assumes heart previously in evidence.

    • TundraGrifter

      There’s a lease for the building on the base. It spells out which party is responsible for removing snow – and, probably, how much time they have to do it. The manager’s “manager” was just being a prick – as you surmised. He didn’t know how to take care of it so this was his “solution.”

      Credit Unions, by the way, are owned by the members. Your brother should run for the Board of Directors.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Ha, thanks for letting me know! I’ll have to pass that on to him. When he’s feeling better.

    • Catstro

      I hope your brother gets well soon. I am also an asthmatic, and cold weather and exercise are my perfect storm of triggers. Just reading that made me feel panicky, because I know that physical sensation exactly and it’s scary. I’m mad on his (and your) behalf.

      I don’t know his course of treatment, but if he doesn’t get better soon, make sure he goes back to the doctor; he might need a round of steroids to clear it up. I gave in and took them to clear up the chest cold I’d had since Thanksgiving. They make me feel so awful, but I didn’t want to end up in the hospital on nebulizer treatments.

      Also, I wish my mom had told me what your mom told him, because in my experience it’s the sad fucking truth, and it took me a long time and a lot of disappointment to figure it out on my own.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Thanks Catstro. He has his own place that he rents with a bunch of other friends, so he’s not home right now, but far as I know he’s resting. When I do see him, probably this weekend, I’ll definitely pass it along and see to it that he gets back to the MD.

        Right now his health is what’s most important. But this labor dispute has to be settled in some way. You can’t just do that to people. Not to mention, by using my brother as free labor, this asshole undercut someone else’s job that they would have been paid to do. No wonder he kept going “in and out” of the office. He knew he screwed up in more ways than one.

  • Rick Hill

    And, being a band that was ahead of their time, they knew we would need this song….right now.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkekqVPIc2M

  • Lord Jim

    Hey One-L. You’d know that Jesus had quite a rep for HEALING THE SICK if you ever actually read that Bible you thump. So being proud of your opposition to legislation that would help people receive lifesaving treatment puts you afoul of Acts 5:39: “But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it; lest haply ye be found even to fight against God”. Fuck you, you sick poser.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      The Talibangelicals just think that you’re being raptured if you can’t afford cancer treatment.

      We’re talking about millions of people with what could be called a suicidal death wish holding the country hostage.

      Thanks, Reagan.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m always amused that a lifelong atheist like me knows way more about what’s in the Bible than all these alleged Christians.

    • jesterpunk

      But they said Jebus said only bad people get sick.

  • (((Sedagive)))

    I spoke to my accountant earlier today about some serious life changes that may present themselves in a year or so. My accountant is not usually one for small talk, or politics, or cursing, or tangents, but I mentioned (somewhat snarkily) that the GOP tax fuckery could actually work in my favor if NJ real estate prices take a hit in the next year or two. The rest of the conversion went something like this:

    Him: “You know what they did don’t you?”

    Me: “Yeah, they fucked things up.”

    Him: “They fucked us. They fucked the Blue States.”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Him: “They really fucked us. They fucked up the Blue States. They totally fucked us.”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Him: “They really, really fucked us. They fucked the Blue States. They really, really fucked us.”

    Me: “Hopefully the Democrats will fight against this obviously discriminatory taxation. Maybe we can fix this.”

    Him: “They totally fucked us.”

    So, that’s one professional’s assessment of recent events.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      My accountant is the kind of guy who “admires” Donald Trump for welshing on his taxes.

      • (((Sedagive)))

        Fuck him.

      • jesterpunk

        Sounds like you need a new accountant and have the new one review your current accountants work before the IRS does.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          He’s been doing my arcane and somewhat complicated taxes for so long, I don’t want to go through the hassle changing. I can endure him once a year.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Republicans are too stupid to realize a lot of Republicans who live in blue states, and are not Koch brothers type rich, but still fairly well off, may not be making donations to the GOP because of this. Luckily for the GOP they still have the Koch brothers and their limitless pockets.

      • (((Sedagive)))

        I hope that the GOP gets reamed out by their upper-middle-income Republican Blue State constituents with pointy, rusted, sharpened, tetanus-laden votes.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’m convinced the GOP is trying to piss off every last person in the country, with the exception of billionaires and rednecks.

          • (((Sedagive)))

            They have succeeded.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Thirty percent of Americans, and 100% of morons, still support their idiot king.

    • Manhattan123

      Needs moar fucked us.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bemused Tralfamadorian

    Fox News has discovered even more evidence that Hillary is the actual president. Apparently she and Bill have turned the Secret Service into their own private political tool! Also the FBI are somehow involved in this! Deep state confirmed!

    • Sophia

      As sly, sneaky and dangerous as they make Hillary out to be how did she manage to not win the presidency? She should have had it in the bag no matter who or what.

      • CripesAmighty

        She lost on purpose because something, false flag, something, Soros, circles in circles, whatnot.

        • Bemused Tralfamadorian

          There’s no need to actually occupy the oval office when you already control the deep state….

      • h4rr4r

        Obama and Hillary planned this out from the start. The joke that got Trump to run was part of the plan to ruin the GOP for decades.

        No really this is a thing some people believe.

        • Snowbound Ron

          These people need to be gently led away by nice nurses and locked away for their own protection.

    • mackafritz

      The FBI has always been a bastion of lefty pinko commies.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        INORITE? That J. Edgar Hoover was a real Eugene Debs.

  • David
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Pence = oleaginous house ferret … priceless.

  • Rick Hill

    This was, really now, a bitchin’ album
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lK9MFxWpHgQ

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD
    • gallbladder

      This just in: We’ve a 75 percent approval rating amongst saturated fats, giving us a clear margarine going into 2020.

      • Rasilom

        I just heard from the Trans Fat coalition and they are standing with us! Lorax 2020!

  • Nounverb911
    • Snowbound Ron

      Seems fair.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Megyn Kelly: those totally weren’t nazi dogwhistles. We used them all the time at Fox.

    https://youtu.be/YjVc94ExDf0

  • Nounverb911
    • Shan

      Ugh, tne replies. Trumpanzees and their constant LOL-ing and “Hillary paid for the information” bullshit.

  • David

    And since it’s ELO day, see the GofG2 Mr. Blue Sky sequence…
    https://youtu.be/ybYim00wqmE

  • gallbladder

    Love the vocoder work in this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFU9HYyMVxQ

  • hudson

    related to discussion here.

    http://www.bostonmagazine.com/2010/01/19/a-very-civil-war/

    so the greater boston is one those places where there are two competing public radios.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Trump doesn’t have to make sense. He just needs to work in a few keywords. If he says ‘Huma’, his guys start frothing at the bit. People want to compare him to Putin. He’s more like Pavlov.

  • Nounverb911
  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    I’m going to state for the record that I am NOT sorry for not be ashamed at how much I laughed at “Food Buckets McWirefraud”. HAHAHAHAHA!

    Jail!!!

  • La forza del resistino

    Shakeup at Miss America Inc. CEO out. Donald offers his hands on experience in running pageants, but can only work w/e’s.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’m sure the contestants will miss Donald’s “hands on” experience.

      • La forza del resistino

        past experiences say he would settle for just a quick lookover.

  • alpacapunchbowl
    • Bitter Scribe

      Me either. I mean, who the hell goes backpacking in Afghanistan?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I did think it was kind of funny that when he got back to Canada, he was glad to find that Harper was gone but crushed to learn that Donald Trump became president. I think he got kidnapped in 2009, 2010 or so. So he missed the whole Obama years too, sad.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        His wife’s body language around him raised a red flag for me, too. I can imagine that she experienced something horrific, but it’s HIM that she seems afraid of.

      • Sheepshagger

        Gunga Din?

  • Nounverb911
    • La forza del resistino

      a Bamz win in Utah would change the complexion of politics out there for years to come.

      • Snowbound Ron

        ISWYDT

    • Obama likes a good drink every now and then. I don’t think he could handle Utah.

  • Bemused Tralfamadorian

    Further revelations from Fox News! Ari Fleishcer says that Donald Trump would have no reason for claiming he didn’t play footsie with the Russians if he did in fact play footsie with the Russians. Therefore the Mueller investigation is pointless because it is impossible for Donald to lie about these things. It didn’t make a lot of sense.

    • Count Awesome

      Needz moar cherry trees.

      • Rick Hill

        A lotta intricate picking, going on

    • Nounverb911

      When was the last time Fox news made any sense?

      • Bemused Tralfamadorian

        Dunno. I’ve been a viewer for 20 years and can’t remember anything sensible being said.

        • Snowbound Ron

          ‘This is FOX.’

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Ari Fleischer was threatening reporters’ lives when his boss was George W Bush, who had all the reporters on his side. Ari Fleischer is a kapo searching for a camp that’s hiring.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Why do Republican press secretaries only come in two types: vapid dimwits who couldn’t spell “cat” if you spotted them the C and the A, or violent hardcases who are better suited for the leg-breaking business?

  • Rick Hill

    Bnalssnep bnallssnep…bssnorpnecht, vizinneemuth!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22Ndi2HUheg

    • Rick Hill

      *If you only listen to one ELO song, this is the one to choose….

      just kidding. Listen to them ALL!

    • Rick Hill

      (If you’ve ever wanted to hear the theme to Wide World of Sports, just rocked out…this is yer chance)

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • gallbladder

      He’s all 10.

      • One for each finger.

        • gallbladder

          Short as they are.

        • Paperless Tiger

          And that mouth takes it to 11.

  • gallbladder
  • Nounverb911

    Incestuous nepotism, how does that work?

    https://twitter.com/mrspanstreppon/status/948223953348317184

    (So much for trumps perfect record).

    • Rick Hill

      Oh, well they also want to deconstruct the FAA? Just put it on that pile over there….

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    “God is on the side with the best artillery.” —Napoleon

  • Count Awesome

    If Bachmann does run her opponent should say that Bachmann really needs to be sent to a re-education program to learn what the Constitution really is.

  • Rick Hill

    I….IIIIIII…never seen nothing like this shit in teh gop!!!!!!

    No….that’s not catchy….wait, seen policemen playing with their guns!?!?1
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1Y-rfbzmgY

  • amrak63

    In case I don’t return tonight:

    Good night, Wonketarians.

    Remember the animated version of TOS Star Trek from the 1970s?

    What if Paramount decided to do that with another Trek, and retained the services of an anime studio? ^_^

    https://i.imgur.com/jcTUZSu.jpg

    • Animated Trek never gets the respect it deserves.

      • amrak63

        I own the DVD set of the whole animated series. For all its holes–and some of them were big enough to sail the Enterprise through–it was better than it had any right to be.

        Come to think of it, that could be said of TOS, as well.

      • Snowbound Ron

        M’ress. Rowr.

  • Rick Hill

    Ya know…I said “I’ll stop this ELO a thon as soon as they play a crappy song on the youtube picks….”
    Maybe I should have a different metric
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8vrho4oliU

  • jesterpunk

    Ok here is the deal, these are the goals for the next few years.

    2018 : Take back congress

    2020: keep congress and take back the white house

    “But they are not pure enough”

    Does that fit into number 1 or number 2? No then STFU

    “They stuck with their principles and the GOP doesnt have principles so they are bad”

    Does that fit into number 1 or number 2? No then STFU

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      The purity ponies will throw tantrums if it ain’t Bernie.

      • jesterpunk

        They can STFU too.

      • Bananas Foster

        It ain’t going to be Bernie.

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          They should be more concerned about Bernie living to 2020. Dude’s not exactly on the youngish side…

          • Bananas Foster

            Isn’t he also under investigation at this point? Or is that just his wife?

          • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

            His wife. So far he’s just under investigation for impersonating a Democratic politician.

          • Bananas Foster

            Badly.

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      Good. Please sort that shit out, ‘cos it’s gotten really scary.

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah it is and its really annoying seeing the purity ponies attacking everyone who might have a chance for some stupid reason. If they keep that up they will hand the GOP congress and the white house until at least 2024.

        • Bemused Tralfamadorian

          At least Bannon is trying to do your work for you. I wish Steve’s candidates much success in the primary season.

          • Everrett Fanuelli

            With an assist for PPs Bannon will probably be successful.

          • Bemused Tralfamadorian

            May he back many epic losers!

    • TJ Barke

      When do we seize the means of production?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Over what? We don’t make shit no more. I imagine we could invade a Taco Bell.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I’m calling for Biden/Gillibrand 2020! And if you don’t likes it then

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSlEjidRzlo&has_verified=1

      • jesterpunk

        Sounds good to me.

  • NorthernSaber

    So there we were- as per usual three sheets to the wind that wonderfully wasted summer of 1992, when for one reason or another one of our number (who had been a South African paratrooper) decided to teach us the proper way of hooking up our rig and then “jumping” off a battered table in a UMAINE dorm- complete with shouts in Afrikaans, of course. At the end of our summer session we all went our separate ways- I moved to Minnesota, to do grad school at the “U.” Our parachute instructor moved there as well, where he got into politics- and became the wonderfully sane and decent Independent Republican that Bachmann beat in the IR primary in 2012…

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Are you saying I should approach his psychological profiles of people he hasn’t met with skepticism? Because if you are . . .

      http://www.immelman.us/

      • NorthernSaber

        The guy I knew back then was pretty squared away- conservative but not doctrinaire, and cautious in his conclusions. And funny as Hell to boot! Minnesota IRs made the wrong call, I think.

    • Bananas Foster

      I was really really confuzzeled until that last sentence.

      It read like Hemingway’s zombie.

      • NorthernSaber

        Sorry- like most drunken foolishness from a quarter century ago it made more sense in person. Thanks for reading it, though.

    • Rick Hill

      “…wonderfully sane and decent Independent Republican”

      Which is sadder, the last sane independent republican or the last black rhino dying last year?

      • h4rr4r

        That would be news to the other 5000 black rhino.

        • Spurning Beer

          I think it’s spelled black RINO.

      • NorthernSaber

        See, that’s the thing- when I was there the IRs by and large WERE centrist, decent, and sane. That this guy got beat by such a wingnut shocked me!

  • Oh, man, Marcus is going to be in the public eye again, wolfing down those corn dogs like a champ!

    • gallbladder

      I hear he’ll be campaign manager.

    • jesterpunk

      How many can he fit in his mouth at one time?

      • Bobathonic

        Michele knows.

    • Rick Hill

      Srsly, all I can think of when I see this is a woman whose working on her fiftieth mile of eating…corn dogs and is just doing it from rote buy this time.
      http://static4.businessinsider.com/image/4e49467fecad04747a000009/michele-bachmann-corndog.jpg

    • NorthernSaber

      It’s a short drive from Stillwater over to the Minnesota State Fair. More corn dogs there than Marcus could ever open his throat for…

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Oh so that’s Logan Paul. I hear the kids talk about him. Fuck that guy.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      which is ironical, in the internet sense, since YouTube culture is where New York Magazine has been heading for years. The only even vaguely progressive area they have is their fashion blog, and then only because that’s where they relegated the valuable woman reporters.

    • gallbladder

      Canada will NOT be destroyed!

      • Snowbound Ron

        I hope he means he IS a Canadian Destroyer, like the HMCS Haida, quietly corroding away in Hamilton Harbour.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

    “I told her to run for the Senate? I hardly even know the woman.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d6acd6a31f4811f501bf60c278732b1bcfeaaa04ea4b0a053da68b07736c44ed.jpg

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      God stole Brian Blessed’s beard!

      • shivaskeeper

        That is BRIAN BLESSED. Any mention of his name must be in ALL CAPS to represent the ham-tasicness of his performances.

        • Bemused Tralfamadorian

          So BRIAN gets all caps, but God just gets the standard proper noun treatment?

          • shivaskeeper

            Have you seen BRIAN BLESSED act? Do you think God can compare to that sort of scenery chewing? BRIAN BLESSED surpasses Gary Oldman in the hamminess department.

  • Paperless Tiger
    • Holiday Bozi

      “I think it’s the press that has an issue with his time on the course,” she said. “The president is extremely proud of the accomplishments we had during 2017. I don’t think anyone can argue it is probably one of the most successful first years in office.

      Yeah, I don’t think anyone could argue that point either.

  • Rick Hill

    Michelle…she’s….So…Fine….
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6eJsNdMphg

    • Rick Hill

      Wooot Woo!

  • AJ Milne

    ‘… and the majority of that is tied up in Precious Moments figurines…’

    (Slaps forehead…)

    (Dials broker…)

    Sid!!! Ditch all the Beanie Babies! I gots me a new can’t miss investment strategy!

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      I was in a thrift store last week. Someone had given them a few Beanie Babies in acrylic collector boxes. Labeled “museum quality” (not by the thrift store) – my daughter and I had a little snort-giggle.

  • Mike Minden

    And the other shoe for Franken drops.

    I hope all the folks who thought Franken was the epitome of evil are ready to embrace Senator (psycho) Bachmann.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      One L Two Ns All KKK

    • jesterpunk

      Oh the election is already over? Also no one said Franken was the epitome of evil. We said what he did was wrong and he should face the consequences for it. He chose to resign so he did face the consequences for his actions.

      • Resistor Radio

        As for me, I said it was probably all ratfucking but it was still right for him to resign for the greater good. And I didn’t come around to that until I saw the Luntz Alabama focus group and realized that it was a really gross and uncomfortable mirror and yes, it sucked, but we had to be better than them.

        • shivaskeeper

          Pretty much this. I would have preferred he stayed for the ethics investigation. He chose to step aside. There were political and personal calculations there, I’m sure.

        • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

          I agree with everything you say, except for the kind of simplification of “the greater good.” To be clear I am not blaming you for that view, it seems to be the collective wisdom / general narrative going around.

          I think we need to be mindful of a few things:

          We need to make sure the ratfuckers aren’t weaponizing our belief of women, as you hint at.

          There has to be more substance than just “We Do The Opposite Of Them” and expect that to be enough.

          We also can’t fall into the trap that “Any Democrat Can Be Replaced With Another” because our party doesn’t work that way.

          • Resistor Radio

            No I agree with everything you’re saying, and I was definitely oversimplifying with that statement for the sake of brevity.

            Specifically, I meant where we were in the #metoo moment, with women finally, FINALLY, being heard and listened to. And the child molester referendum just around the corner. I felt (just my feelings) that Al was painted into a corner, and to fight back against the ratfucking would just be used as a cudgel to delegitimize other more credible claims, the media wouldn’t be able to keep themselves fromBOTH SIDESing the whole thing, and the he said/she said would divide the left (as usual, we’re barely held together, even when we’re together), and would be used to excuse RoyMoore’s pedophilic tendencies.

            I think it was the right decision to be made, at that moment, but now that the Alabama election has passed, I wouldn’t necessarily make the same call if it happened now. I said before and still believe that Franken was rather heroic to step aside, take one for the team, pick his battles. I still don’t think of him as a molester/harasser, even though we’re always supposed to believe women who come forward. I think it was entirely ratfucked, and sometimes you just can’t beat it. Sometimes you get outmaneuvered, and him stepping aside lessened the toll the ratfucking could have had (like Senator Moore). It’s complicated, I have a lot of feels, and none of it is easy or black and white.

            Going forward, we must and need to prepare for every disgusting and underhanded trick the GOP will pull, because it’s clear that nothing is beneath them.

    • shivaskeeper

      She’s not going to run. She’s going to grift a bunch of money off of this, maybe. But she’s not running. The district did not flip recently so she has no chance to win. Especially after being tossed form the House once already.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’m calling it right now. Witness will come forward to talk about Marcus being handsy during his ghey conversion “ministry”.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Looks like a shady website. I’ll believe it when I see it on the Graun.

  • Not Flat – ROUND!

    The Xmas season is officially over. I know ’cause…

    1) wallet is lighter
    2) everything else is heavier
    3) the hangover started in earnest this morning (no dog hairs)

  • jesterpunk
    • hudson

      well, it takes a psycho dotard to know a psycho dotard?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        …..Quesque c’est….Uh huhuhuh hahahahahaha.

        • hudson

          what is it?

          you didn’t precede the lafter with a bawl. i got confused.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I’ll try to stop making sense.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Complete sentences? Has to be Miller.

      • Bemused Tralfamadorian

        Yep. The grammar’s too solid for it to be pure Donald.

      • CripesAmighty

        Zactly. Reeks of the Junior High Heydrich.

  • Bananas Foster

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/948355557022420992

    JFC, Trump just bragged about the size of his red button.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      That can’t be real …

      • Bananas Foster

        It’s real.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          FFS. Every day new embarrassment.

        • Resistor Radio

          We’re all gonna die.

      • jesterpunk

        You are still surprised by his tweets?

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Sometimes, yes.

        • hudson

          sometimes, you just wonder how much lower it can go.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            “The United States President continues to plumb the depths of stupidity, arrogance, and ignorance. Every day brings more stupid.”

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            Nope, gave that up months ago.

      • Resistor Radio
        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          OK, now I’m completely creeped the fuck out.

          • Resistor Radio

            Sorry! I grabbed that weeks ago during a “creepy internet shit” challenge in an OT but never got around to using it.

      • Rick Hill

        I posted before,and, just saying, the end of all life on earth is a possibility
        So, just a bit of nuculer thoughtsing. The guy who released the Pentagon Papers was going to also release the US’s nuculer attack plans. Basically, any type of major nuculer war was to be met with a complete attack on all USSR targets, which would have also launched against us…basically it was doctrine and known that it would likely have included attacks on many other countries. With what’s now known about nuculer winter, the resulting firestorms from those attacks would have led to a winter in which approxamitly 98%-99% of all life on earth would have perished……*

        Just something to think about, considering the likelihood of trump starting a nuculer shoosting match with NK…and the possibility of drawing China or Russia into the conflict.

        *Approximation of facts, own self was driving home and heard all this on NPR so, aside from the 98-99% part, the rest , I’m not certain the scenario in which they arrived at the massive strikes would happen but it was REALLY easy…

        As Bill Diaz would say
        “Have a nice day”

        • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

          Well, not the end of all life on earth, just us primates, most mammals, some other critters, a few plants. Hard on us humans of course.

          • Rick Hill

            No. Nukuler winter. Almost all life as there would be no heat for years.

          • Snowbound Ron

            Likely most of what survived would be extremophiles on the ocean floor, near thermal vents. Setting the whole planet back to square one.

    • wait! what?

      *
      Button is smaller than pictured and doesnt work on golf courses and won’t operate correctly if used as a Diet Coke coaster.

    • Bemused Tralfamadorian

      He forgot to mention how much more beautiful his nuclear button is. And how they had to make a bigger one to fit his hands.

    • alpacapunchbowl
    • Msgr_MΩment

      There is no such button on his desk (except the diet soda button). Bald-faced liar.

    • shivaskeeper

      FFS. This is going out at the same time Haley is telling the UN that we will not recognize any negotiations between North and South Korea as they will be illegitimate because Kim cannot be trusted to bargain in good faith.

      This fucking guy.

      • Bananas Foster

        National sovereignty is for the US only, apparently.

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          HA!

      • janecita

        And who in the holy fuck made the US the master of South Korea? Fuck that fucking bitch!

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          God did, according to Republicans.

        • shivaskeeper

          Trump did? The UN owes us money or something. I’m sure he’s filed a tax lien so now owns it all. S Korea is an ally and there are American troops stationed there. Who the fuck knows what the rabid ferrets in his head are telling him today?

          South Korea is trying to make overtures because of he upcoming Winter Olympics.

          We will not recognize a nuclear North Korea. Someone forgot to mention that DPRK already has nukes. Pretending that if we don;t recognize that fact will make it go away is stupid.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Maybe they want to cut out the muddle man.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      That’s the button for someone to bring you a Diet Coke, Dickbag!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s plenty big, though, and IT WORKS!

    • Earl Of Sammich

      Oh, for fuck sake. Would someone just give that asshole a sock to stuff down his pants already.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      ‘Pathetically lame’ does not quite do justice to the current POTUS. Huh, POT US what a misnomer.

    • spangled
  • Jennifer R

    So ittle Dew 2 is actually a really awesome and charming little zelda-like.

  • Rick Hill

    Back when I first heard this I was only about 12…it still made me feel like I was never going to get over my true love, though…..(Soo much saddd….)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRZnw6GPe8o

    • AJ Milne

      But did you, ever, really?

      • Rick Hill

        I was twelve…back then I liked to raise hamsters.

        • AJ Milne

          I… Don’t think I’ve ever felt that way about hamsters.

          • Rick Hill

            That’s a little twisted. I’m speaking in the sense that even a naive young lad felt a loss for the longing.

          • AJ Milne

            Okay, that made me guffaw.

            (And I know. I think. But, my point, and I do have one: I don’t think I’ve ever entirely fallen out of love with anyone. Just… Lots of other stuff piled up next to it. Sometimes also fell as far as into hate. And/or regret. And/or mourning. And/or the winds blew unfavourably.)

  • Tiffany de Houston

    Liddle’ Donnie just tweeted to inform Kim Jong Un that his nuclear button is bigger – per Erin Burnett on tv in the background. What a brat!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Someday at Christmas,
      Men won’t be boys,
      Swinging their dicks
      Like kids play with toys

      …or something like that.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Jeezus. Leave the dick jokes TO US, asshole!

  • Gosala
    • wait! what?

      It’s Earth’s own Stairway to Heaven.

    • jesterpunk

      How long until Trump takes credit for that?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        It’s in Spanish, so he’ll blame Mexico and say we need funding for the wall.

    • hudson

      i got nothing. i will just say “fake news” to be safe with the admin.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Ohhhhh hot stuff!!!1!!!1!

    • Begin Anew Day

      I thought at first it was a chart that Michelle’s doctor uses to prescribe her meds with.

      Pretty soon she is going to need to use a dump truck to pick up her order at the local pharmacy.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    OK, I’m kind of over seeing Michele throat a corn dog. Been there, seen that, like way too many times. Doesn’t she eat anything else?

    Oh, sorry Marcus.

    • Begin Anew Day

      AS IF!

  • Resistor Radio

    By the time I got through listening to all the ELO, 130 new comments. Y’all are chatty tonight, yay!

    • wait! what?

      Some-bod-e
      Told her that there was a place like heaven
      Across the water on a 747…

  • Rick Hill

    They say some days you gonna win. They say some days you gonna lose. Well I got news for you, wtih trump in office you never win, Baby!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rpLTRiJyRA

  • Mike Minden

    BTW, when Bachmann talks to gawd, does Trump just assume she is talking to him?

    • Begin Anew Day

      His literature does mention that he is a very jealous sort who has no tolerance for other deities.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Kylo Ren > Jared Kushner https://t.co/v3k2KUqjH7— Aki Peritz (@AkiPeritz) January 2, 2018

  • Maclare’s Fireworks Stand 🎇🎆

    Meanwhile, here in Decatur GA…

    Yarn bombers celebrated the new year by “altering” the local courthouse Confederate monument, also known as “White Dick”…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c1833d076bef9c528dca36cf11376ed91b6562736d66f3ab4afe66bc01d80b2e.jpg

    • Dick looks pretty tiny. Must be cold

      • gallbladder

        Been in the pool all day.

      • tehbaddr

        “There was shrinkage!”

        • Smoke O’Hontas

          Wool is a tricky mistress.

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        If you think that’s tiny, I’d be scared to see what you consider ‘impressive’.

    • Resistor Radio

      I love yarn bombers, it’s just so incredibly clever and also adorable.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Who ever thunk knitting would be a sign of rebellion?

      I guess during Trump’s reign of stupidity and intolerance anything is possible.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        The French. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tricoteuse They had a women’s March too.

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          “Fascinating”

          ~ Spock (practically every episode)

      • Begin Anew Day

        It depends. I’m a 63 year old man working in an office where reactionary ideologues don’t mind ventilating their views on everything. I don’t engage, why invite a verbal gang-bang? But I do sew things on my breaks and at lunch. Just sit and sew in my cube, humming some tune to myself. They have wondered why a man would do such a thing. It don’t fit their world view you see. So I just tell them that it’s great for people to learn new things and go on as usual.

        Sewing and knitting as subversion? Revolutions start with a thought.

    • Begin Anew Day

      ;>)))

    • Covfefe
    • Snowbound Ron

      Yarn bombing is the one kind of bombing I wholeheartedly support.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    And a WTF?: ElaineChao appointed Betsy DeVos’s father-in-law, Richard DeVos, to the FAA Management Advisory Council. DeVos is the only member with ZERO aviation experience.

    • wait! what?
      • puredog

        God hates flags.

    • Transgender Fetus McGoo

      I hate that I have to even know that. God, I want government to be boring again.

    • CripesAmighty

      He prolly hires a Gulfstream from time to time, so…

    • shivaskeeper

      But there were no fatalities on an American carrier in 2017. So Trump knows what he’s doing. He gets all the credit for it.

      Of course there have been no fatalities on an American carrier since 2009. Trump was responsible for all those years also, too. Not by using Obama’s time machine, of course, but because the carriers and the FAA knew he would one day be in charge and were acting proactively.

      this BTW was my favorite soundbite from the Huckafuck press conference today. When she dropped the 2017 statistic someone asked if Obama should get credit for 2009-2016.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Isn’t Chao Baby married to Mitch McTurtle also too? And Erik Prince who is involved in some kind of shady Blackwater stuff trying to privatize the forces in Afghanistan, that’s Betsy Wetsy’s brother.

      No nepotism. No nepotism. You’re the nepotism. Bob’s your uncle, and I’m my own grandpa.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VxLQZPqI2M

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Yep.

      • shivaskeeper

        Yes, Chao is married to McTurttle. Yes DeVos and Prince are siblings.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I would argue that an Amish person would have less experience.

    • SpideySenser

      JFC!!!! Why did our imperfect but mostly good government become their little playground of bullshit nepotism?

  • Juan de Fuca

    My head hurts when I listen to people like Bachmann bring God into their political ambitions and then argue against affordable or even *gasp* free healthcare for the poor, especially considering that Jesus said:

    ‘You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’

    – Mark 10:21-22

    Now, I’m not a Christian myself but if I were, I’d probably pay more attention to that instead of arguing against the ACA.

    • shivaskeeper

      Prosperity Gospel FTW. There is always a loophole if you look for it.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      “God told me to run, but it’s the Godless Left’s fault that I lost.”

      • Beanz&Berryz

        An omni-impotent God

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      The hypocrisy is so obvious. I’m a life long atheist and I actually dig a lot of what Christianity professes to be about, but when the rubber meets the road the bibble humpers spin off into the ditch of self righteous superiority. Triple A is not an excuse to drive recklessly, and magical rewards are not an excuse for being hypocritical in your acts, IMHO.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Yup. I was raised in an evangelical home and one of the things that drove me away from the whole church thing was the blatant hypocrisy that I grew up with. Then again, our church was of the snake-handling type, the same ones that almost worshipped Jim Bakker as much as Jesus.

        I grew up to loathe Jim Bakker. The Jesus guy was pretty cool.

        • Smoke O’Hontas

          I’m from a lapsed Catholic family, which meant they weren’t down with the “church,” but were still judgmental as fuck.ypocritical, as in:” I won’t go to my daughter’s funeral, because lesbian, but I want to be buried next to her because she was awesome.”
          I’m of the Gandhi school of Jesus.

    • SpideySenser

      As soon as anyone starts gawd-bothering me I am immediately out of the discussion, as in EXCUSE ME gotta run, unless it’s a general theology thing and how religion has totally screwed up our world.

  • Is Joy hosting all the shows tonight? If so, that could be the greatest thing ever

    • janecita

      Her bright ass sweater hurts my eyes:-( I still love her though.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Okay. So I guess we can all agree that God is just fucking with Michelle Bachman at this point.

    I imagine St Peter standing behind him saying, “Now tell her that her husband is a real man and they are ordained to be together. I love that one, it never gets old!”.

    • gallbladder

      I’m betting that St. Peter is manning the camera.

      • wait! what?

        Pope Frank will even sell you copies of the pictures.

        • gallbladder

          How much?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “Do you have dirty pictures of the Virgin Mary?
          “Do you want some?”

        • puredog

          4Chan has the unexpurgated pix.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Is it God the father, son or holy ghost?

      What? It’s a four-way?

      • Ilgattomorte

        It’s always at least a three way with God, and that’s just if he masturbates.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          This has been another episode of Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy.

          • Ilgattomorte

            Okay, you win.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Don’t invite Cthulhu! It’s way more trouble than it’s worth.

      • puredog

        AOT,K

    • Paperless Tiger

      The sin of Satan is that he pretends to be God. It’s really a cautionary tale.

    • Covfefe

      I imagine Joe standing behind Barry saying “Now tell her that her husband is a real man and they are ordained to be together. I love that one, it never gets old!”.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So after taking credit for NK and SK talking Trump then eats his own dick by threatening NK. Good times.

  • Bananas Foster

    My cat snores like a common Trump.

    I wonder if they make kitty CPAPs.

    • janecita

      As long as he doesn’t lie like a common Trump he is alright.

      • Bananas Foster

        She only lies to get out of baths.

  • Rick Hill

    Ok.. I just gotta listen to the animals…as they sing….

    Jooka jooka kewll lalei
    (Translated:Wondrous is our great blue ship that sails around the sun and joy to everyone that rides along!)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H75ivqdjgCg

  • Suse

    My Congress critter on Drumpf’s nukular threat. Guy on Joy Reid says this is what sexually insecure men do. https://twitter.com/RepSwalwell/status/948358670001344512

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Also remove Nikki Haley from the UN.

      • gallbladder

        Right. Fucking. Now.

      • Suse

        Yeah – no kidding!

      • La forza del resistino

        Some 180+ other UN ambassadors, tired of having their names taken, agree.

      • La forza del resistino

        she really needs to drop the ‘the American ppl want the embassy in Jerusalem’ line. Most American people could care less or tell you where the embassy is located today.

        • Left Coast Tom

          …and those of us who know where the embassy is located today don’t want it moved.

  • hudson

    ed sheeran’s “shape of you” carnaticized, complete with tillanas and all, and set in NYC.

    dhoom dhoom tana nana dhoom dhoom maga pa
    dhoom dhoom tana nana dheera tana nana maga sa

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUXPL4rZL_E

    • hudson

      there’s even a funny denstist version of ed sheeran’s shape of you.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z92oExxQ2kk

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Holy fuck, is that electric sitar?

      • hudson

        sitar is north indian. south indian’s don’t play sitar. that’s digital veena. SI classical has adopted saxophone and violin (modified) wholly btw.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I’m going into this openly ignorant, so: is that an instrument? A style of playing? Was that a distinction before India was compartmentalized?

          • hudson

            in general, veena is a super class of instruments of which sitar is one type. in terms of history veena is older. but age is not a consideration in these things.

            in practical terms, the sitar and the veena are different instruments. although they look similar on the surface (carved out of pumpkins). but the number of strings, the number of frets, their location and their nature are completely different. and hence the sounds produced by them.

            there are multiple other instruments in the family of veena like gottu vadhyam, rudra veena, tambura, etc..

          • hudson

            i know nothing about a lot of things. i come here to learn. you have taught me so many things.

          • hudson

            i just occurred to me. one way to think of tillana is acapella. whatever i did or not during school here, i would attend any and every acapella rendition.

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      That was sick.

  • La forza del resistino

    Maybe Fred Turner will call Bachman to tell her the Overdrive is doing a reunion tour this fall.

  • wait! what?

    The source of Michelle’s auditory hallucinations. They whisper in her ear, they’re calling everywhere…

    https://youtu.be/eDAcbxz0fuQ

  • memzilla Ω
  • Beanz&Berryz

    Michele Bachmann Is the female Cristian equivalent of a gropey garbage man. Nasty, mean, evil, self-absorbed, self-righteous. In short, a Bad Person.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    15 minutes to Cary Cary’s Starving O’Clock. what did I miss in the last half hour?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      All the fun!

    • shivaskeeper

      Cthulhu tried to eat LORAX. I put a stop to that shit. Cthulhu needs to wait for the stars to be right.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        In a sort of milky way…

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        how did Cthulhu get that close to Lorax if he isn’t even awake — let alone surface side — yet? who put Lorax in the ground?!

        • shivaskeeper

          Long story. The details of which would bored you. It happened, but it’s done now.

          • hudson

            ya ya i saw it with my own bare eyes. lorax was gonna get his uns handed to him by cthulhu until shivakeeper intervened. he should really be loraxskeeper.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            he should be.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Aren’t Lorax and Shiva the same?

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            Lorax really isn’t much of a destroyer.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Ahh… I know my Seuss characters better than my Hindu deities. But, at one Halloween gig with little kids coming trough, I did a good Lorax…

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            would you like to be our Junior Campaign Surrogate?

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Yes, please!

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            sweet. you will go to any events that neither Lorax nor BadKitty can make it to. BadKitty is Senior Campaign Surrogate. she’ll give you your marching orders.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            I can follow directions, or do without… AC-DC…

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            okay.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            you should change your name to “loraxskeeper”.

          • shivaskeeper

            Nope. How would I know who I was if I changed my name?

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I just changed my name and I did not suffer any identity loss problems.

          • shivaskeeper

            You are not me. No name change.

    • hudson

      ED SHEERAN 2022!!

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        4 what?

        • hudson

          whatever.

        • janecita

          King of Scotland!

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            not Westeros?

          • janecita

            Fuck no, that’s Jon Snow’s territory.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            Jon Snow is supposed to be covering the place that I don’t put pants.

          • janecita

            Hands off Jamie!

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            he’s doing all the handsying!

          • janecita

            With just the one hand!

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            well, obviously because his other hand is wherever you are.

          • janecita

            So, you have his prosthetic hand? He has been looking for that thing all over my house! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d756fe6b8aa7246ffca25f022dc3f0bc35340311e5e4267b4f84f0a1e17d7b60.jpg

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        we were going to put him in the NEA. why are you taking Lorax’s cabinet?

      • Hemp Dogbane

        He would be a Perfect candidate.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    Double L couldn’t even win her old House seat back now if she wanted it, and that’s the MN district gerrymandered for a wingnut.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Pretty sure she could kick Gillibrand’s ass in NYS right now, and probably Schumer’s.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Happy New Year!

    This is starting out Great!
    Hatch resigns, Bachmann Runs.
    This will be a great yeat.

    • shivaskeeper

      Hatch isn;t resigning. He’s retiring at the end of his term and not running for reelection.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      “Have you never had a yeat in your hand?”

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Thanks, edited.

    • wait! what?

      Good ‘ole Bill could sing to your soul…

      Nor dread nor hope attend
      A dying animal;
      A man awaits his end
      Dreading and hoping all;
      Many times he died,
      Many times rose again,
      A great man in his pride
      Confronting murderous men
      Casts derision upon
      Supersession of breath;
      He knows death to the bone –
      Man has created death.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Mitt Romney: conscience doth not have the chance to make cowards of some of us.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2f07a72ae629051823fdb6e7a004bd622f1b37fddfc6e27946d4312159b8971a.jpg

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      As a Utahn, I’m pleased that Mittens might replace Hatch. I’m not a fan, but he’s a damn sight better than the political dinosaurs that might otherwise vie for the seat. Mittens may also be a dinosaur, but dammit he’s a Cretaceous dinosaur, unlike the Silurian amphibians sniffing about.

    • SayItWithWookies

      “I spent two of my formative years trying to convert French people to Mormonism — so humiliation and failure are in my blood. Really, this is fine.”

      • Peripatetic Poltroon

        Ouch. “you can’t drink” is going to be a deal breaker in surrender land. :)

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Good Lord, it looks like Congressional Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee have decided Benghazi #9 is the way to go to attack the FBI DOJ or not prosecuting hillary for using emailz.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      If it looks like the crowd is turning on you, play the classics.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Finally someone’s going to get to the bottom of that scandal. Really, it’s just lain dormant for so long, it’s almost like someone was covering it up. Like eight investigations was even enough to start cracking it open.

  • Bananas Foster

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/948359545767841792

    Will someone please give him his fucking night meds!

    • efoveks

      Drumpf wins all the awards! Surprise!

    • tehbaddr

      But will there be trials!

      • efoveks

        And emails!

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I’m sure there’s nothing better an American president could be doing with their time.

      • hudson

        like studying nuances of economic, military and social policies? get out.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Or, Gawd forbid,, even the Basics

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          nope. nothing. this guy knows more about taxes than the best CPA, knows more about war than the generals and is friends with the Blacks!

          • Covfefe

            Trump can’t help but winn!!!!,!!!,! Majority of the Mueller Grand Jury is Black. Fix is in!

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            LORAX 2020: THE MUELLER TIME IS IN!

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      That’s even more idiotic that the House Judiciary bunch trying to gin up Benghazi #9.

    • Paperless Tiger

      This is surreal.

      • tehbaddr

        Seriously! Are we all living in his warped reality show now?

    • JohnBull

      It’s like a comedy central roast, except the jokes won’t be funny because they’re not based in facts.

    • Earl Of Sammich

      What I really hope this is actually the result of; is that tRump’s lawyers have officially told him, “You’re FUCKED.”

      • Bananas Foster

        I likey.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Let’s check with Louise Mensch.

    • tehbaddr

      Much Magnanimous. Very Honor. So Covfefe!
      http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/013/564/doge.jpg

      • Jimh

        wow

        • tehbaddr

          Oh yeah, forgot that! Thanx!

    • CripesAmighty

      Somebody’s Di-Di’s full.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Is that the actual name of the awards, or is that just because he’s giving them out?

    • Snowbound Ron

      Will there be enough awards for Sarah, Spicey AND the Mooch? Or will they have to share?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The city didn’t pick up trash on our block last week because my new neighbors blocked the alley. The city Does Not Have Time For This Bullshit. I don’t blame them. I now have some very angry neighbors, including one who put a note on a vehicle (of a non-resident who was attending a church on the block) that was blocking the alley. Another neighbor found it on the ground and showed it to me. It ended with, “if — as your bumper sticker claims — you want to Make America Great Again, perhaps you should start by waddling your ample ass the extra fifty feet to the fucking parking lot.”

    Also too, the neighbor who showed me the note wrote his own letter to the pastor decrying the alley blocking AND littering by his congregants.

    • Holiday Bozi

      Terminate them with extreme prejudice. (With votes)
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjB8z0Bvi14

      • gallbladder

        Classic.

    • h4rr4r

      Blocking an alley? Tow it.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Cops hate that shit. They’ll do anything to avoid having a car towed.

      • Jamoche

        And if you’re in the dump truck – go through it. I’ve done a few track days and if you’re still on the track when the “move your ass” flag goes up, you will get an important physics lesson when the firetruck meets your tiny car.

    • shivaskeeper

      You or a neighbor have a truck and some chains? Say you though it was abandoned or something.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    LORAX 2020: NO SWOMEE SWAN FATALITIES ON AMERICAN SOIL!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    President Donald Trump simply suggests we “bundle up.”
    The East Coast Is About To Get Hit by a “Bomb Cyclone”
    And you thought last week was cold?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Seems like meteorologists are running out of menacing names for things.

      • Snowbound Ron

        I dunno, bombs and cyclones sound pretty damned menacing to ME.

    • h4rr4r

      Honestly, the first smart thing he ever said.

      It’s cold, but here it won’t get below -5F and this is a cold part of the east coast.

    • Has Bad Kitty checked in tonight? I know he’s not cut out for that shit

  • Last Hussar

    This will make you feel old… To be fair $2.8m isn’t rich, if you have no other source of income. No really. From what I understand 2% return is about what a lot of investments are paying at the most. I could retire on it, (I’m 49), and that’s about £2m over here, but my live style would definitely be a rich average, not jet setter.

  • Suse
    • No. I did not have a lobotomy in the last 48 hrs

      • Msgr_MΩment

        …that you KNOW of….

    • Suse
      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        STFU rapey!

      • SayItWithWookies

        It is their party, and they get to pick their nominees however they want. What’s Russia’s justification?

      • shivaskeeper

        Is there anyone on the left, outside the Bros, who still take the albino rapist seriously? Has he finally been demoted to a tool of the right/Russia as it should be?

    • Tiffany de Houston

      I thought he didn’t watch much tv, too busy reading documents or sometthing like that.

    • Rick Hill

      Jeebus Herbert Christ, does this guy ever stop? It’s as though he’s half a step from being indicted and he’s pulling out all stops….no, scratch that. Never had stops. He’s firing the afterburners on teh plane that’s hurtling towards the ground….

      • shivaskeeper

        Taking refuge in audacity? Throw too much shit out there for Mueller et al. to sort through? The political equivalent of a Gish Gallop? Maybe even a cry for help to the House to Impeach him already so he can get out of thee job because it’s no fun anymore. Who the fuck can tell anymore?

        • Snowbound Ron

          You assume there’s some purpose to it. I think he’s lost the capability for linear thought completely.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      That’s ok, I have to give my honey badger a bath.

      • shivaskeeper

        Stanley?

    • hudson

      all the freedom rousers at faneuil hall could not make me do it.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      This is one of those twitter porn accounts, isn’t it?

    • Snowbound Ron

      Not on a bet.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      Haha. Just watch him tonight, Dotard? Why don’t you suggest we watch him every night? Same results.

  • Not Flat – ROUND!

    Buddy has been asking my advice about cannabis stocks, and I’ve been saying “I’m waiting for now”. He just told me he bought some 2 months ago and has doubled his money (+20k)…. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!

    • Me not sure

      Buy low, sell high?

      • Jennifer R

        buy low, let your fiduciary make the selling decisions for you while you get high.

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        Hopefully, lol.

    • Jennifer R

      I am aware of people that have done that as well too.

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        It still seems risky at this point – but damn I hate missing out!

    • Steely_Fan

      Did he pass along any tips?

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        Just one “don’t listen to Not Flat – ROUND!.

  • Resistor Radio

    Painting my nails while listening to all this ELO, what should I do, gang?
    Sparkly blue
    Sparkly purple
    Sparkly gray

    • Mix ’em together!

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      I vote purple, but I just painted my toes apple green.

      • Holiday Bozi

        Avoid the gangrene.

    • janecita

      Blue, definitely.

      • Resistor Radio

        Ah yes, in honor of the congressional district I will turn blue by moving there in 10 days and voting in come November!

        • janecita

          Exactly!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I’m partial to the sparkly purple.

    • Jennifer R

      Purple!

    • wait! what?
      • Resistor Radio

        I do have sparkly gold! It’s on my toes right now!
        (After many many years in food manufacturing, I’m all about painting my nails these days, the sparklier the better!)

    • that’s a fucking tough question.

      i think i am going against the grain here and picking sparkly gray (because of the season). blue for me (chicago) is summer pedi.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Today’s tweetings from Il Douche taken together seem like the craziest ramblings yet. Or was I lulled into a false sense of security with a relatively calm weekend?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      AOT,K

    • gallbladder

      Well, to be fair, the advent/promise of a new year might have added to the illusion.

    • Suse

      He’s decaying ever more rapidly. Just wait until next week.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        That’s what I’m afraid of. I hope they substituted porno magazines or something equally distracting for the launch codes in the football.

        • Suse

          I hope the joint chiefs are paying close attention and meeting frequently.

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          A keychain with golden keys?

      • Begin Anew Day

        Mueller better get some get-up-and-go and nail donnie soon. Otherwise terminal dementia will thwart justice!

      • Snowbound Ron

        I take some hope from knowing you believe there’ll BE a ‘next week.’

  • Bemused Tralfamadorian

    Tucker Carlson is currently blaming undocumented immigrants for homelessness in California. This is because they have stolen jobs that would otherwise be done by machines. It is mindblowingly derptastic.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      DaFuq?

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I would like photos of the calluses that Tucker got as a young man working in an avocado orchard.

      • Bemused Tralfamadorian

        Only immigrants and machines work in orchards.

      • La forza del resistino

        Tuck’s major contribution to the world is that his dad married into the Swanson family fortunes.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Ah, the TV dinner tycoons!

      • Begin Anew Day

        The only calluses on those hands are on the tips of the thumb and index fingers. Those two digits and a framed nude photo of Bill O’reilly molesting a falafel are all Tukkker needs for his bliss.

    • gallbladder

      What the…

    • Left Coast Tom

      The entire west coast is experiencing a housing crisis, I spent New Years in Portland exploring breweries and the homelessness is terrible there as well.

      • Suse

        The homeless are largely mentally ill, so…

        • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

          Not always. The housing crisis in California is so bad that almost any little misfortune to an ordinary person can result in homelessness.

          • Suse

            I know. I’m thinking of the regulars I’ve been seeing for the last 20 years or so downtown.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Denver, also too. I think pretty much all the blue states either have or will have worsening homeless issues. Companies are growing and locating in our western, mostly blue states because of things like transportation, technology, high education levels and quality of life (access to clean water, air and outdoor recreation opportunities). All things blue states excel at. This causes escalating housing prices as people flock to the region, crowding out low-income and working class families. Voila! Increased homelessness. Add chronically un- and under-employed folks coming here just for a better way of life. Schools are better as is the pay, but the slight increase isn’t enough to buy adequate housing. More homeless and families sleeping in their cars. And yes, there are a lot of young folks coming to cannabis-legal states looking to strike it rich in ‘The Green Rush’. Most don’t make it.

        I don’t think the Metro has it as bad as CA but it’s not a good situation at all.

    • shivaskeeper

      You know you could have shortened that to, “Tucker Carlson is mindlblowingly derptastic”. It would have saved you some pixels.

      • Bemused Tralfamadorian

        That is a statement which is everywhere and always true, but supporting evidence is always good.

        • shivaskeeper

          Fair point.

  • beatbort

    Well, she’s off to a good start, already speaking in tongues.
    Now, if she’d only do a whistlestop Corndog Campaign!

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Whistlestop Corndogs is a good name for a bluegrass band. If I could only play the mandolin …

  • Begin Anew Day

    Hey! Don’t blame us for this mess.

    She’s one of the “chosen people”. Definitely not one of ours.

    Yrs,

    Zeus, Odin, Dormammu and Anubis

    • gallbladder

      +1000 or so others.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      “NOT IT!” ~ Cthulhu

      • Begin Anew Day

        Come back here you slimy SOB! I’ll tag you with this hammer! ~Thor

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          “THE STARS ARE NOT ALIGNED!” ~ Cthulhu

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    LORAX 2020: NO ONE PUTS LORAX IN THE GROUND!

    I hear about Lorax getting anywhere near Cthulhu before the stars are aligned and you will be sacrificed first in 2028.

    • gallbladder

      New results from groundskeepers: We’re at 60 percent. Need a little work here, but we’re in good shape.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        how do we have any problems with the groundskeepers? our candidate literally speaks for the trees.

        • gallbladder

          Let’s not go about insulting the trees: I’m working on them.

          LORAX 2020!

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            you lost some tree support? data_ninja, get the fuck over here and fix this!

          • gallbladder

            Where the fuck is our campaign manager?!? Don’t kill the messenger! Doing my best keepin’ it real.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I AM THE CAMPAIGN MANAGER!

          • gallbladder

            (giggles, but asks that you realize I’m the only one to report in faithfully to this point)

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            TJ is a very faithful treasurer. he signs all the reports Jen makes up to cover our foreign donors. and BloviateMe has been on it with the drinks.

          • Bemused Tralfamadorian

            This Lorax campaign is super scary.

          • gallbladder

            It really is.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            you’re just jealous because you’re not on it yet.

          • Bemused Tralfamadorian

            Foreigners participating in your campaign may be something to avoid…

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            Raan is already providing us with Canadian whiskey and Kraft frozen dinners. Jenny is cooking the books through some liquor store. so you can participate!

  • bbayliss

    Laurence Tribe‏Verified account
    @tribelaw
    Follow Follow @tribelaw
    More Laurence Tribe Retweeted Donald J. Trump
    Having a president like Trump who brags “Mine is bigger than yours” to overcome an apparent fear of impotence and emasculation would be merely pathetic if it didn’t risk nuclear war. Hate to say it, but @realDonaldTrump is a danger to civilization.

    • Suse <