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BE AFRAID, liberals! Be very afraid! We have offended the great David Clarke, private citizen and public spectacle. The ice we skate is getting pretty thin, and soon we’ll be swimming in the warm waters of his wrath! Oh, noes!

What the hell is SMASH-MOUTH POLITICS #MAGA? Well, Commie, it’s threatening to do violence to journalists if they report that the FBI got a warrant for your emails after you abused your office to harass a guy who glared at you on an airplane.

Detroit News reporter Robert Snell breaks down the whole story in his Twitter feed. Passenger Dan Black was met by police and bomb-sniffing dogs after a brief exchange with Clarke on an airplane. Clarke’s texts make it clear he called in the cavalry to investigate Black for the crime of disrespecting a man with 30 fake medals pinned to his chest, but later the big, bad sheriff claimed he felt menaced by that scary dude standing over him. The FBI investigation was eventually dropped, and thus it is FAKE NEWS to report that it ever existed.

The former Milwaukee sheriff has now deleted this tweet where he instructed his followers to assault members of the press. “Punch them in the nose & MAKE THEM TASTE THEIR OWN BLOOD.” But don’t go thinking Twitter made him take it down in response to the thousands of reports that he was inciting violence! He just loves to play with those snowflake libs who are triggered by the sight of his swag hats.

Heaven forfend! Not a can of tweet rear-end whoopin’! Is the Sheriff of Crazytown going to open up on us again with a bunch of fabricated quotes from Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Thomas Jefferson? Or just shout some more about how OWNED we are?

Okay, endless screaming it is. In case you aren’t up on Clarke’s horrorshow bio, he presided over a Milwaukee prison where four people died, including a man who was deprived of water for seven days and a newborn who died while his mother gave birth in shackles. Clarke is named in several lawsuits for misconduct while in office, and this June a jury awarded $6.7 million to a woman who was repeatedly raped by a guard in Clarke’s prison when she was a pregnant teenager.

Clarke is a truly terrible person, so naturally Donald Trump loves him. Clarke resigned as sheriff in August of 2017, announcing he was headed to work at the Department of Homeland Security. To which we said in the Sekrit Chat Cave, “LOL! Like that guy could ever pass a security clearance!”

That job never came through, so now he spends his time shouting loony shit on Fox teevee and publishing occasional articles with titles like, “Systemic Racism is So Rare in America, the Media Just Can’t Stop Lying About It.” Plus, the tweeting. The guy tweets A LOT.

And who says the GOP is a bunch of dimwitted goons playing dress up and jerking off in a mirror while growling, “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to ME?”

Hey now, you’re a rockstar! Get the show on, get paid!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Only for you would we read that lunatic’s Twitter feed! Please money us, since all our braincells just died!

[Business Insider]

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  • Squeegee

    This is why I would never take a road trip in my own car down south.

    I’m afraid I’d get stopped on the side of the road by a local county sheriff looking for fresh meat to add to their prison work crews and spend the rest of my life in shackles working as part of a prison crew for no pay handing out sexual favors to guards in exchange for a mountain dew or Cheetos.

    While I’d gladly give some random guy a blow job for a mountain dew or Cheetos I’d like it to be as a free man!!!

  • Michael R
    • Villago Delenda Est

      The projection is like that of all the cinemas in the world showing The Last Jedi.

      • willi0000000

        i’d give him A Sabrina but she doesn’t need to be around the likes of him.

  • TJ Barke

    Authoritarian, fascist thug says what?

  • BigCSouthside

    I’d bet money that this dude would fold like a cheap suit in a real fight.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I would not take that bet, because I’d lose.

  • MynameisBlarney

    What a stupid asshole.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • The Wanderer

      The Russian Bus Driver Look.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s like a cheap North Korean general.

    • Red Richmond

      So do you think he used taxpayer or Russian monies to pay for all the Cracker Jack boxes it took to get all those medals?

    • willi0000000

      don’t laugh . . . he’ll probably have a presidential medal of freedom to add to his collection real soon.

    • Bright Bart

      hey a four star asshole! you dont see many of those these days.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Punch them in the nose & MAKE THEM TASTE THEIR OWN BLOOD

    http://i.imgur.com/Fyw5RLj.gif

    • SterWonk

      I don’t recognize the episode, but I’m about 50% sure he was talking to either Lord John Marbury, or Toby.

  • Crystalclear12

    Every alt- right’s black friend.

  • goonemeritus

    SMASH-MOUTH POLITICS is the worst accordion based Monkeys tribute band ever.

    • amrak63

      [pedant]Monkees.[/pedant]

      Is this a case of “Damn You Autocorrect”?

      • goonemeritus

        Nope, I was just lazy

        • Oblios_Cap

          Hey, hey!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Say, you know who else’s hat drove liberals bat-crap crazy?

    • Red Richmond

      Oddjob?

    • calliecallie
      • The Wanderer

        I’d hire an entire Roman legion of little kids to chase that fucker with the aim of knocking that hat off his head.

        • therblig

          i’ll buy the rocks

      • Uncle Mark

        Oh look. It’s bisexual Willy Wanker!! (I’ll refrain from commenting on how many people he lets into his “chocolate factory.”)

      • major_asshole

        I am a relative novice in the sartorial arts, but that whole suit just looks off for several reasons (the shirt collar, the tie, the waistcoat, the jacket sleeves…). Isn’t Roger Stone one of those self-aggrandized style afficinados?

        He should know better!

        • Roadstergal

          The twisted, hateful face and the attempt at a smile from someone who obviously never does that – not helping.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The cast of Beach Blanket Babylon?

      • Roadstergal

        I admit, this liberal does some bat-shit crazy cheering whenever she sees that show.

    • Gayer Than Thou
      • LiberalANDProud

        Wow, I guess it was in L. Frank Baum’s sequel that the Tin Man and Dorothy did the nasty.

  • Me not sure

    Breaking news! : Michele Bachman told Jim Bakker on his show that she is “consulting with God” over whether to run for Al Franken’s Senate seat. Comedy gold makes an unwelcome return in the new year.

    • mackafritz

      God says no. He told me this at breakfast.

      • Me not sure

        Say hi for me. It’s been a while.

    • TJ Barke

      Oh, One L…

    • Uncle Mark

      This would be the same god, who told that pedophile, Moore, to run for the Senate, too.

      • Me not sure
        • Oblios_Cap

          But the survivors got lots of free salt!

          • Me not sure

            Lot’s wife, being only a woman, is never named. I propose Salina.

          • therblig

            at least she served a higher purpose when used on sammiches!

          • Uncle Mark

            Lot’s wife was spicy. It’s a shame that Lot’s doctor tried to cut her out of his life.

          • Uncle Mark

            And she had a dry wit

          • Querolous

            And had a cure for everything.

          • SterWonk

            ISWYDT

          • Oblios_Cap

            She was Kosher salt; that’s a fact.

          • Jon Sussex

            What wasn’t Kosher was that people kept pinching her.

        • LiberalANDProud

          You did this in a day?

      • Oblios_Cap

        He’s got an odd sense of humor.

      • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

        Maybe this *god* has Kurt Vonnegut’s sense of humor.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      God, when asked about this, said “I’ve never heard of this woman, and wouldn’t speak with her under any circumstances, because I don’t care much for cray to the third power.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “God, if you want me to run, give me no sign.”

      • Me not sure

        Never fails.

    • exinkwretch

      God say you can’t run until you pray away your husband’s massive gayness.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      People who should be legally constrained from talking to or about God unless they are having an orgasm for $1000, please, Alex

      • Me not sure

        Ding, ding, ding, …DAILY DOUBLE!

  • Roadstergal
    • ArgieBargie
      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        That Celtic knot bears a striking resemblance to the Biohazard symbol.

    • armed_bears

      Or Creed. Or Nickleback.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Woah woah woah. Don’t say things you can’t take back!

    • NastyBossetti

      I have mixed feelings about this tweet. Because I love it, but “All Star” still exists.

      • Roadstergal

        If it’s the only good thing Smash Mouth ever does, I’ll take it.

  • mackafritz

    So he loves John Wayne. Am I supposed to be scared?

    • Roadstergal

      John Wayne is old, fat, stupid, and dead.

      • Uncle Mark

        John Wayne is DEAD?!! Did he die in Clarke’s jail too?

    • The Wanderer

      Marion Morrison was not a scary person. He shied away from confronting anyone not on a movie set.

    • therblig

      only that one of the cable networks wastes an entire holiday’s worth of programming on “Christmas with the PDuke”

  • goonemeritus

    My ass still feels pretty un-kicked.

  • The Wanderer

    “Hey now, you’re a porn star,
    Get your clothes off, get laid . . . “

  • Uncle Mark

    He’s already two members of the Village People. You LIBs better not mess with him; he’s always singing about working out at the Y..M..C..A.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    do I have you attention yet or do you want more?

    I’ll never turn down a good laugh, so you be you, David!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    He is the essence of fake news. He actually does nothing but he says lots of stupid things. He gives them contentless soundbites for their three minute news segments so the TV media gives him attention. He wouldn’t exist if the media wasn’t playing into the Kardashianization of the news.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    David Clarke has had a bit of a discussion with the Lords of Twitter about his tweets, I understand, to include an apparently doctored official tweet from Twitter.

  • Tetman Callis

    In the Four Corners area of these sometimes United States, what the good sheriff wears on his head is called a “potato chip hat.”

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      And you can get great fry bread there as well…

  • therblig
  • alpacapunchbowl

    Fucking lunatic. JFC.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Ok, Sgt. Waters.
    Calm the fuck down.

  • Major^3 Andre

    Flair, motherfuckers. Want some, GET SOME!!!
    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DAT3J6QUAAIKok9.jpg

    • mackafritz

      Tchotchke’s employee of the year.

    • exinkwretch
    • MynameisBlarney

      Needs big ass epaulets and those rope tassel thingies.

    • Shan

      Is that real?

    • Uncle Mark

      No wonder why he keeps falling on his face. Too much weight in front…coupled with an unbalanced personality

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Flair!

      • LiberalANDProud
        • Red Richmond

          Upfisted for the Nature Boy reference. Plus I’m pretty sure the corpse of Ric Flair could still demolish little tin pot nazi in a fight.

          Edit: oops, shit I thought he had died recently but he’s still kicking. On dialysis though, but that settles it, kidney failure Ric Flair could definitely whup sheriff shitheel’s ass.

    • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

      Jesus God. When I first saw that, I thought it was a Blingee.

    • Erala Contratista

      Haven’t seen stuff like that since a Shriner’s parade!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Welcome to Chotchkie’s!”

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Under no circumstances should you tell them or allow anyone in your party to tell them it’s your birthday.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I mean, for starters, let’s think about how we organize our buttons. This makes my eye twitch because it’s so haphazard.

  • exinkwretch

    Perhaps medical science should investigate if excessive use of hair dye by males causes psychosis, as evidenced by Sheriff Butt Plug and fellow pretend action hero and fake cop Stephen Seagal.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      RONALD REAGOON….caused his alzheimers

    • Major^3 Andre

      Times like these, you have to ask yourself, WWJCVDD?

  • willi0000000

    ten gallon hat . . . three ounce head

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Blivet brain- 5 pounds of shit in a 3 pound bag.

  • jesuswasablack

    so now he (Clarke) spends his time shouting loony shit on Fox teevee
    So he’s qualified to be POTUS!
    https://crooksandliars.com/files/imagecache/node_primary/primary_image/17/02/trump_watching_fox_0.jpg

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’ll bet he would have made a great overseer on the plantation. Sort like the old guy in Django Unchained.

    Without his protection detail, I’ll bet he’s a raging pussy.

    • BigCSouthside

      There was a name for those types back in the day

    • MynameisBlarney

      He reminds me of Sgt. Waters from A Soldier’s Story.

  • Duke

    Come get ME, bitch! I’ll FUCK YOU UP and SPIT down your LYING NECK!

    Now, if I had a tweeter I’d be even more ridiculous.

    (Edit for caps. I’ll get it. Bear with me.)

  • anon_the_great

    Ayup, someone’s breakin wind and it ain’t The Duke.

    My inner seven year old lit up when he saw the plate full of beans.

  • ArgieBargie

    This Camacho skit isn’t funny anymore.

  • I’m trying to see how shouting complete nonsense on Twitter makes you any different than the poor crazy guy shouting at his own imaginary demons on the subway.

    I haven’t come up with anything…

    • Bobathonic

      Is the poor crazy guy wearing the mandatory minimum of flair?

    • Sophia

      seems to work for trump

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Emperor Norton didn’t need no stinkin’ twitter.

    • Miles Monroe

      Crazy guy on subway gets no ad clicks.

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    So I’m guessing Twitter did fucking nothing when a bunch of people, myself included, reported him. SHOCKED, I am. Just shocked.

  • La forza del resistino

    You think he is touchy now? Just don’t tell him he is overdue for a Just For Men beard coloring.

    • Uncle Mark

      You know how Uncle Tom feels about them “colored,” especially when you’re talking beard dye

  • anon_the_great

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, like every other agro incel

  • jesterpunk
  • Uncle Mark

    Oh Davy, it’s not that the hat drives LIBs crazy; we just feel it’s not a good fit for you. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/28a8dc427d8511352ff4bd69aeae11601c26145f6486ed7a269199f9d0a42b52.jpg

    • MynameisBlarney

      He thinks that us ridiculing him and his stupid hats = drives libs crazy.

      • Frances

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        !gj305d:
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    • BigCSouthside

      That’s a hat frat boys wear to Kenny Chesney concerts

      • Spurning Beer

        When my wife sees a C&W singer wearing a cowboy hat, she always comments that that person is bald underneath that hat.

  • Baconzgood
    • willi0000000

      yeah . . . the keyboard is all wrong for the era . . . the pic is from before they made them with the function keys on the top row.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    John Wayne sat out WWII in Hollywood.

    • Holiday Bozi

      He was fighting the Battle of Pottersville against George Bailey.

    • willi0000000

      while this guy wussed his way through the war!

  • Shan

    Uh, doesn’t “systemic” by definition mean it’s NOT rare?

    Dumbass.

    • hudson

      well caught.

    • Oblios_Cap

      You and yer elitist book-lerning!

  • TundraGrifter

    An AMERICAN icon born in England, as I recall.

  • amrak63

    The Russian officer in the picture looks like Putin assigned him to keep an eye on the crazy foreigner.

  • Baconzgood

    It’s because I’m liberal that that hat drives me crazy. No what drives me crazy is thinking “a black guy from Milwaukee wearing a cowboy hat”.

    Baconz just can’t wrap his mind around that.

  • BigCSouthside

    Never trust someone wearing a clean cowboy hat

    • LiberalANDProud

      Never trust a clown wearing a cowboy hat.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        You can trust a rodeo clown. None of them have clean hats.

        • LiberalANDProud

          Debatable. The entire Congress is a bunch of rodeo clowns IMO.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            Rodeo clowns protect you from the bulls. Congress is handing the bulls the keys to the bank.

          • willi0000000

            and they’re going to find out that they have unleashed the bears . . . again!

  • TundraGrifter

    “Bitch slap?” Wrong on just so many levels.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oooh, a John Wayne picture. As for “want more?” — How about a .gif or a collage or something. Make it your own instead of just finding it and posting it. Also, do you even drink whiskey, ex-sheriff Clark? You rant like one of those never-had-a-drink-in-my-life nutcases.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I really don’t want to see one of his unhinged rants after he’s been on a whiskey bender.

  • Beowoof14

    Okay Cowboy you’re a real tough guy. When you’re backed up by a dozen deputies. However, when it’s just you, I bet you’re a giant pussy.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Wrasslin’ Wisconsin cows can’t be all that tuff. The tuff guys are the cheeseboys, PBUT.

      • willi0000000

        well . . . it is the season to celebrate the birth of cheeses.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      He strikes me as the kind of guy who can be goaded into hitting someone with the tiniest of provocations. Like peering over his shoulder and helping him with the Word Jumble or forgetting to bring a slice of lemon for his ice water.

  • TundraGrifter

    As I recall reading about that airport incident, a Green Bay Packers fan asked him why he was wearing Dallas Cowboys gear in Wisconsin. Which is a perfectly reasonable question.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Clark wears enough flair to get a job at Bennigan’s, but he’s not a people person, so not really a fit.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Still, I’d love to watch HR bitch-slap that muthafucka till he’s fired.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Sorry, you ain’t no big tough king of the yard. You’re more like this.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3732c522366a24e37a09ee32e93bbbe19ce90c050335dc7e68840920da74db52.gif

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • willi0000000

      ludicrovely!

  • Ray in VT

    How dare the lying media dare to report on how Clarke is being investigated/sued for allegedly abusing his power as a law enforcement official to harass a citizen who dared to look at him wrong?

  • Bigby

    I installed two way mirrors in David Clarke’s pad in Brentwood and he came to the door in a dress…

    • MynameisBlarney

      He hasn’t denied it, soooo….

    • Crank Tango

      This^^^

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Did he have all his medals pinned to the front of the dress? Must have been an awesome sight.

  • Dg Hacket

    Pretty sure John Wayne never said that in any movie

    • Holiday Bozi

      It is an Albert Einstein quote.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I was wondering if John Wayne was doing an homage to Rowdy Roddy Piper.

      Or maybe he was thinking of John Carpenter.

      • clubseal

        It’s right before he puts on his special sunglasses and sees that there’s an army of aliens passing themselves off as human.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Speaking of delusional fucktards…

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DSi66dNW0AAcMFE.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      So, just what color is the sky in his world?

      • MynameisBlarney

        AOT,K

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Pee-green.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Gold with big gold letters and gold accents draped with gold.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      That’s…frightening, actually. That man controls the world’s most destructive arsenal of nuclear weapons…

      • therblig

        trump tower taco bowls?

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Those are a different type of weapon of mass destruction. You don’t want to be riding an elevator with Donnie a few hours after he eats one.

          • Lord Jim

            I thought nerve gas was outlawed under the Geneva Conventions.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Trump flatus isn’t a nerve agent. It’s a lachrimator, an asphyxiator and probably a vesicant in sufficiently high concentration.

          • Lord Jim

            Still cruel and unusual punishment, right? XD

      • amrak63

        Yeah, I hope the military brass and the Deep State have quietly decided to disobey any nuclear orders from the crazy orange man.

        • Lord Jim

          The way folks like Mattis and McMaster have been talking leaves me with grave misgivings.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Democrats are doing nothing for DACA – just interested in politics. So let me talk politics about DACA…”

      FTFY, stoopid tub of lard.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      They will really love him as they are being jailed and deported.

    • NastyBossetti

      What? Where did this idea even come from?

      • ariel_gee_398

        Donnie had a Trump taco bowl for lunch?

      • Thiazin Red

        Some dipshit berners have been protesting democrats’ offices because apparently people who support them are the real problem.

        • NastyBossetti

          Ah. That’s… awesome? I don’t know anymore. I thought I’d start this year out fresh, but I’m still tired.

        • ariel_gee_398

          And Russia will amplify those voices so that half-conscious Dem voters will think Dems are the real problem?

          • Crank Tango

            If it isn’t paying them in the first place.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            Nyet. Protests being organized by real American cowboy. Brave men fighting Concord antifa in glorious people’s battle for America greatness. Am not bot, am MAGA person.

        • cmd resistor

          Now that is stupid and it sucks.

    • therblig

      where trumpy is concerned, i think mueller is causing “his panic” to go hard.

    • ariel_gee_398
      • MynameisBlarney

        That shit has to fuckin stop.

      • NastyBossetti

        “Immigration and Customs Enforcement says the agency separated the children for their safety, because the men didn’t have enough proof they were the fathers.”
        Sure, that sounds true! Ugh.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Everyone knows that brown men don’t actually parent their children, they were probably just sex trafficking these kids for Hillary.

          • NastyBossetti

            What a terrible choice these parents had. Stay, and face possible murder of themselves and/or their families, or come here and face forcible separation and probable deportation back to the dangers they ran from.

          • ariel_gee_398

            We’re going to need an underground railroad again, to help these people get to Canada and just bypass the US government entirely.

    • jesterpunk

      His DACA “fix” involves money for his tortilla curtain. Also he is the one that broke DACA in the first place.

    • Oblios_Cap

      They’ll go hard against Democrats? Sort of a crazed Matt Lauers?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      No, you are about INSULTS.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Not even good insults either.

    • TJ Barke

      Fucking gibberish.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      ‘Falling in love again
      Never wanted to
      What am I to do?
      Can’t help it’
      Sorry Donnie, those are actually the lyrics of a Marlene Deitrich song, not a policy statement.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      In his little pocket universe, he is going to get credit for whatever gets passed.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Anyone who consistently uses the word “libs” is either too stupid or too lazy to spell out the word “liberal”. Either way, not interested in what they have to say.

  • RickyG

    He might as well be walking on the sun!

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    So, this is what our country’s come to.

    Yeah, totally, it was us immoral liberals who ruined it, though.

    • willi0000000

      now now . . . don’t go blaming yourself . . . the republicans will do that for you.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        And they’ll get spittle on my shirt doing it.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      I dunno. If “being moral” in conservative land means being a hypocritical, stick-up-their-ass uptight prude, I’ll go hang out with the immoral folks.

  • msanthropesmr

    Could be worse. Instead of smashmouth, it could have been Nickleback.

    • Crank Tango

      Hey now…

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Pro-tip: don’t model your wardrobe from the sucky restaurant job in the movie “Office Space”:

    https://www.brightestyoungthings.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/flair.jpg

    • dslindc

      So, you want me to wear more pieces of flair?

      • grindstone

        Don’t you want to express yourself?

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        You see, that’s what I mean. No, it’s voluntary. If you were more committed, I wouldn’t have to ask.

    • Rags

      That thing had quite the cast, , including Sam bee, as I recall….

  • dslindc

    Yes, as a “LIB” I definitely feel owned by all that shouting and wing nut welfare. Fuck off, David Clarke!

  • ariel_gee_398

    At what point does an involuntary psych evaluation become a reasonable thing to discuss?

    • therblig

      maybe before he puts on a badge and gun? so, 20 years too late.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Lucky for Dave, when you’re elected, you usually get to skip all the required pre-employment screening. For some reason, states thought the voters would do a good enough job of assessing fitness for duty.

        • Oblios_Cap

          That was proven wrong in the last Presidential race, wasn’t it?

          • ariel_gee_398

            Long before that. We haven’t had reality-based legislating in quite some time.

  • elviouslyqueer
  • memzilla Ω
  • dslindc
  • thixotropic jerk

    He seems very very nice.

  • Holiday Bozi

    Clarke looks like he is the star of a North Korean remake of ‘Justified’.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ce534dfcfe366c21976dfb960a471273683816ec52748f3be0c8cfcb9330355b.jpg

  • Crank Tango

    Jeeze, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s compensating for something.

  • ziggywiggy

    How impotent he must feel. He use to be able to torture and kill people in his jail and now all he can do is TWEET. A little tweety bird in a big hat.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He and Sheriff Arpaio should open a theme restaurant somewhere.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        I doubt Sheriff Joe would ever work with “one of those.”

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Be careful how you ask for water for your table.

      • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

        Eat 50 eggs and get your meal for free!!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Small Hand Donnie’s?

      • clubseal

        Somewhere being lower orbit on Mars, hopefully.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Prison ‘n’ Brutality ‘n’ Cheese.

    • Edith Prickly

      First brolly bunny appearance of 2018!

  • thixotropic jerk

    Hey Sheriff Cluck it ain’t the hat it’s the Fucktard underneath it #JustSayin’

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Yeah. Decent hat. Shame it’s filled with shit.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    All hat, no cattle. That is all.

    • thixotropic jerk

      I’m gonna steer clear of that one

      • Oblios_Cap

        Bull-y for you.

        • hudson

          nick offerman aka ron swanson used to say that.

        • Rags

          Manure funny!!

    • exinkwretch

      Then where’s all the bullshit coming from?

  • SeeTrainWrecked
    • Lord Jim

      LOLed!

  • Sophia

    OT: You know it’s cold when you have to bring the penguins in.

    Canada zoo has to bring penguins inside due to cold

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/canada-zoo-has-to-bring-penguins-inside-due-to-cold/

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Wow, somebody reallllllly needs us to think he’s manly.

    • NastyBossetti

      I think it’s manly to shut the fuck up and go away. VERY manly. Like, the manliest. Once he does that, forever, I will concede his manliness.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Ya, me too.

      • Edith Prickly

        Yeah, whatever happened to being the strong, silent type?

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Twitter?

        • NastyBossetti

          What if no one notices that you’re being strong because you’re also being silent? What kind of life would that be?!

        • MynameisBlarney

          The weak and loud types took over tv and radio?

          • Lord Jim

            By George, I think you’ve got it! :D

      • Roadstergal

        Oooh, there’s nothing that triggers my Snowflake Liberal Fear Of Manly Men than a true Manly Man shutting the fuck up.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I get SUPER EXTRA vegan and lesbian and weepy when they stop talking and I don’t hear from them anymore.

    • Crank Tango

      The goatee makes him look cool tho, right?

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    a thin skinned, bloviating wingnut? no way!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Sebastian Gorka wants to go medal-shopping with Sheriff Dave. I’d recommend the Russian-run flea market in Tallinn. http://adamsgrandtour.com/media/photo-34.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      So the question here is, were these baubles looted, or abandoned?

  • Ωbjectifier
    • Bobathonic

      Now there’s a Repo Man.

    • Nockular cavity

      It’s true you boys.

  • Blackest Noobs

    John Wayne was gay.

    • OutOfOrbit

      so was Rock Hudson

      • Roadstergal

        Ah, yes, the Reagan prequel to Trump. No AIDS! You’re the AIDS!

      • Blackest Noobs

        who was definitely gay…i really dunno if Wayne was gay, asshole, yes, gay, who knows, i only wrote that cuz it would piss off someone like Clarke.
        though Wayne probably wasn’t fond of negros, just saying…opps did i do it again?

    • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

      Please don’t fob him off on us!

    • eggs ackly-wright
      • Daniel

        He looks uncomfortable.

        • clubseal

          It’s not a camel toe so much as the whole foot.

          • Daniel

            He’s got Peter O’Toole on his back.

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        That picture could use a little more unseamly-ness.

  • Thiazin Red

    I can’t watch a lot of classic westerns because John Wayne’s voice is just too fucking annoying to me.

    • Spurning Beer

      “Truly, this was the sunna Gahd.”

    • BigCSouthside

      I like westerns. I do not like John Wayne

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Ugh. I loathe John Wayne (except in Stagecoach, because he was young and pretty and had junk in his trunk). I particularly loathe his movies with Maureen O’Hara because they inevitably entail his humiliating her in public and bringing her to heel.

      • Shan

        This stroppy redhead feels the same about the O’Hara movies. Ugh.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          People are always tell me “Well actually, she plays really strong women in those movies.” And I’m all like “Uh, no – she plays ‘feisty’ women whom the narrative depicts as being in need of taming, and she gets tamed. Publicly and violently. It’s not really what I have in mind when I say I want to see strong female characters.”

          • Shan

            Exactly.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            I’m more into Charlize Theron kicking ass all over the Outback.

          • clubseal

            Western Taming of the Shrew. Taming of the Prairie Dog.

          • Daniel

            I have a thing that I call “the John Wayne problem” which I think has a proper name but I don’t know what it is. It’s a thing I use to a major point that gets ignored in films and that allows people to envision themselves as people like John Wayne to the degree that that actor’s name can even become synonymous with a style of behaviour that people aspire to in the real world.

            It’s this:

            Watching John Wayne in a typical John Wayne role lets you see how a stoic, tough, “manly” man deals with problems, and he always wins.
            People are ready to accept that people like him aren’t realistic, although they might try to be, but what they forget is that the whole world in which he operates was created for him to be able to act like that and have it be successful. The plot of the film is not something that just occurs because of how he behaves, like, you know, real life, it’s an entire universe created so that a man can be stoic, tough, aggressive when necessary and laconic always, and that can be the model of masculinity.
            In the O’Hara films this is also true. This is not how you should behave to women, and this is not how women should behave if you do treat them like this. This isn’t how this works in real life- the entire world of the film and all the action within it were created so that the central character- Wayne- can behave like that.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            This is brilliant. I think I want to gay marry you.

          • Daniel

            [blushes]
            Oh you!

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Watching the coming attractions, I’m always struck by how many movies seem to entail white men (presumably heterosexual and cisgender) who must either rescue someone or who are under attack or somehow misunderstood or falsely accused – and often both. This basic plot feature probably predates John Wayne, but his movies certainly build on that idea. No wonder we white men think we constantly have to fight back – movies are always telling us it’s so!

          • clubseal

            Three Ninjas Kick Back just got totally serious.

          • Daniel

            I called it that because I was reading a take down of the Christianist Underground Zealots novels, which includes films that the audience can take part in themselves and because the writer is a hack he can only think of the favourite films of the mid-twenty first centuries being his favourite films from childhood. So he has one of his characters be John Wayne, and the readers are supposed to understand that as a sort of manly ideal, forgetting that the world in which that works is designed to let that behaviour have the results they want.

          • clubseal

            Makes you wonder where the Reddit incels and MRAs get their fantastical vision that being disgusting pieces of shit should entitle them to end up winners.

          • Lord Jim

            My mother is at time a compulsive watcher of westerns, and I must say that, somewhat against the grain, I have noticed a number of them containing a theme that maybe Injuns were savage because white people kept displacing them and breaking treaties with them. A rough cultural thoughtfulness one doesn’t often see in older films.

          • Lord Jim

            Excellent point.

          • Lord Jim

            As human beings, we are still obsessed with power. Reactionary old fart G.K. Chesterton spoke of “our sentimental, servile tendency to worship the Strong Man”.

        • Daniel

          Upvote for using “stroppy”.

      • dlemex

        I loved the old spaghetti westerns although I really cannot stomach Clint Eastwood anymore.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          At least in Eastwood movies, you don’t have as many fights played for comedy. John Wayne movies always seem to involve a big fight that is supposed to be “funny.”

          • Elvis Causticfellow

            There’s one of those in The Searchers, not involving Wayne–that was evidently John Ford’s sense of humor–but not in any of the others I listed above.

      • Roadstergal

        I liked the Coen brothers’ remake of True Grit way better.

        • BigCSouthside

          Was very well done

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I have only seen The Quiet Man, but honestly, if he had simply shot O’Hara in the face within the first few minutes of the movie, I would have been much happier.

    • clubseal

      I can’t watch a lot of classic westerns because they’re boring as fuck. Once Upon a Time in the West, however, is awesome.

      • kareemachan

        [yawn]

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I love many John Wayne movies, including The Searchers, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Red River, Rio Bravo. It’s too bad he was such a weenus, but– “I cannot explain how I can hate John Wayne so much when he is defending Nixon’s war in Vietnam and love him so much when he lifts up Natalie Wood at the end of The Searchers.“–Jean-Luc Godard, quoted from memory.

      • Gigglesnort

        I know someone who took a film class from Jean-Luc, and he spent the whole semester swearing in French. So the real quote would probably have had a few forms of the verb “foutre” in it.

      • Rags

        She Wore a Yellow Ribbon libelz!

    • Lord Jim

      John Wayne (born Marion “”Pussyboy” Morris) touted that he was a conservative because profit drove innovation and anybody could pull themselves up by his bootstraps. And made a fortune playacting.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Thank you.

      His flat line readings started badly and never got better.

      Among the real and not-so-real cowboy stars who surpassed him? Well, all of them, really.

      When I was really, really young, I gobbled up those old movies and TV shows. Gene Autry, Roy Rogers (whose lunch box I proudly bore to class), William Boyd, Clayton Moore, Duncan Renaldo.

      The lot of them. They could read lines and a natural fashion. Even William H. Hart was better.

      Wayne never sounded like anything but a big, dumb guy and he is a positive embarrassment in The Quiet Man.

      How he became a movie icon, I’ll never understand.

  • BMW

    Absolutely fed up watching these guys accuse everyone else of lying while they spread their toxic bullshit and having some people them.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      It’s honestly getting out of hand.

      We need to bring back social sanctions somehow.

      • Lord Jim

        Shunning. I know that Amish abuse it sometimes, but it can be effective.

  • Spurning Beer

    Poor former sheriff Clarke. Someone must really have hurt him when he was little.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He probably hurt many animals when he was little.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Mom kept dropping him on his haid.

  • TJ Barke
  • sincarne

    What the hell is SMASH-MOUTH POLITICS #MAGA?

    It’s what you engage in when you ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

    • Raan

      I thought it was when your quarterback can’t aim for shit.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Keyword overload.

    • clubseal

      I believe Smashmouth Politics is the effort to gain Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recognition for shitty bands with lead singers who look like Guy Fieri.

    • Mr. White

      Your usual right-wing “tough talk.”

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Can you imagine if someone looked kind of dumb with a finger and a thumb in the shape of an L on their forehead at him?

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Yer uniform needz moar flair, David!

  • Raan

    You know, he is right about one thing. Nothing gets a bully’s attention like a bloodied nose. I mean, look at those fuckin’ tweets.

  • TundraGrifter

    David Clarke and himself – worse love story than Twilight.

    • Raan

      Close, but yeah.

    • Bobathonic

      With sex scenes reminiscent of the famous Bannon Selfellatio?

  • DesertedPictures

    After last year, I’m pretty much used to this kind of political discource. Has he lived in a cave and not noticed what is happening? Does he really think his ‘smash mouth’ is anything special?

    • Shan

      Trump’s toxic white masculinity is a helluva drug.

      • Lord Jim

        I’m probably being naive, but I hope that the election of a cartoon character of American vulgarity and baseness will at least have an effect

        like lancing a boil: letting all the festering ugliness out to drain. I’m not saying I believe this will happen, merely hoping.

        • Snowbound Ron

          If nothing else, we can attach names and faces to it now.

          • Erala Contratista

            Yes! To you and Lord Jim.

            I read that daft monologue by mrnpf in the NY times, and letting him fill up dead air was fascinating and revealing. If you challenge these dorks they climb up on the High Horse of Outrage, but letting them fill up the silence after a question is asked is a perverse treat….they await the challenge, but can’t shut up when it doesn’t happen.

    • Daniel

      He has a medal for it. Lying media says his mum made it for him.

  • BMW

    “I’m here to free slave and cross the Delaware and free the slaves, and I am all out of slaves.”
    -Bejamin Franklin

  • TundraGrifter

    “Retired Cop?” As I recall, he quit – like a common Duh Guv’.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Would it be politically incorrect to say ‘Retard Cop’? Asking for a friend.

      • TundraGrifter

        I don’t think much of “retard” as an insult. In my experience those are folks generally doing the best they can with what they got – just like the rest of us. I certainly wouldn’t object to “Retread.”

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Retread. ‘Thin skinned and likely to explode at any time.’ That works.

          • TundraGrifter

            And cheap.

  • Rickyphoo

    The only difference I see between David Clarke and a drug-dealing street thug is the drug-dealing street thug would not be caught dead in that fucking cowboy hat.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance
    • thixotropic jerk

      Michele “Crazy Eyes” B also; too.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    I hope some of those lawsuits are against him personally and that there isn’t any insurance coverage to pay for judgments that may be rendered. I hope legal fees and jury verdicts bankrupt this asshole and that the Plaintiffs’ lawyers attach everything he owns in the interim.

    • Mr. White

      He’ll do what Moore did, start up a GoFundMe page.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but good job Donny. So we have Israel, North Korea, China, Iran and the rest of the middle east so far.

    http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/02/middleeast/israel-jerusalem-law-intl/index.html

    Energized by American recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, the country’s right-wing government has accelerated plans that imperil a two-state solution, solidifying Israel’s power and control over Jerusalem.

    In an all-night session, the Knesset, Israel’s parliament, enacted a law early Tuesday making it much more difficult to negotiate Jerusalem as part of a peace process. The holy city is the most sensitive — and perhaps most important — issue in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, with parts of the city claimed by both sides as their capital.

    The law was passed as an amendment to Israel’s Basic Law — the closest thing Israel has to a constitution — which gives it more political weight. The amendment stipulates that any attempt to transfer sovereign control of Jerusalem to a foreign entity needs to be approved by a super-majority of 80 Knesset members out of 120.

    Previously, the requirement was a majority of 61 members.

    And, in a move that is surely to be met with Palestinian outrage, the amendment also authorizes the Knesset to change the municipal borders of Jerusalem with a simple majority, provided any neighborhoods removed from the city remain under Israeli sovereignty. That allows Israel to remove Palestinian neighborhoods from the city, per the Greater Jerusalem Plan being advanced by members of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s governing coalition.

    In response to the new law, a spokesman for Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas said it was a “declaration of war” against the Palestinian people and their identity.

    • kareemachan

      And the shitgibbon will proudly take responsibility for the upcoming conflagration.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        No, he’ll blame Obama for it, and wash his tiny hands of any responsibility.

        • Snowbound Ron

          While ramping up arms sales to Israel.

    • clubseal

      He already tweeted about how he supports the protests in Iran, which have turned violent. Whether or not that’s the right side is irrelevant, given how much he bitched about black Americans protesting cops killing unarmed black men. Not that he ever actually tries to have any sort of intellectual consistency, or even maintain an indication that there’s an intellect to make consistent.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The same lack of intellectual and moral consistency is the signature move of his vile cultists as well.

    • Snowbound Ron

      Another hot war in the Middle East. Thanks, Santa!

  • jesuswasablack

    Me thinks Clarke knows he’s going to be convicted in his civil rights suit, he’s just making noises Trump likes in hopes of a pardon, he must have forgotten that tRump doesn’t really care for the blacks?

    • John Thorstensen

      Is it a civil suit or criminal proceeding? I don’t think you get convicted or pardoned in the former, but then again the last time I tried to act as a lawyer I ended up addressing the jury without any pants on, and had to ask the judge to declare a bad court thingie.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Seriously, rear end whuppin’? He can clearly say asshole, but not ass.

    • Lord Jim

      And can say “bitch slap” but not shitpoop.

  • Daniel

    He’s basically quoting the long form of Ann Coulter:

    PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My cat isn’t as needy as Ann Coulter.

      • Daniel

        There are NICU patients less needy than Ann Coulter.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Mission accomplished. He’s all over the news feed this morning.

      • Daniel

        Why does this shit keep working?

        • Snowbound Ron

          Well, it’s like this…
          – Ivan Pavlov

        • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

          Let’s look at it this way: suppose anything is easier for a news org than “paying an intern” to look at a twitter feed and write an article about it?

  • pgjack

    So some folks want no news. That means if super cop Clarke decides to shoot up every car driving north on highway 5 you won’t know about it unless you happen to run into someone driving south on highway 5 or until the bullets hit your vehicle. Also if a baby food company makes a mistake in their ingredients and babies start dying you won’t know about it until your baby dies. Sorry Clarke but you and those who agree with you are fools. We need the media and if we have to put up with BrightBarf and Fox Lies in order to get other sources that offer honest news so be it.

    • amrak63

      Before the Fairness Doctrine was repealed, we didn’t have to put up with BlightFart and Faux News–they probably would have had to spend too much time and money on “equal time” to make their business model work.

      • Bigby

        Funny how that worked out after Reagan murdered the Fairness Doctrine. It’s almost as if they knew they were lying, shameless sacks of shit all along and couldn’t ‘win’ without cheating.

        • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

          Almost? This WAS the guy who negotiated with Iranian terrorists to release the hostages immediately after he got elected, after all.

  • Daniel

    I am not a manly man of action myself, so I am used to humiliation by actual men of action like David Clarke to ask without worrying too much about embarrassing myself: what is it that he’s actually, you know, doing?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      when he was chief? using his LEOs to harass people who offended him in some way – these days: Twitter.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Don’t forget that he also ran a system that was responsible for the death of at least one infant!

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Umm, ranting and making empty threats on Twitter like a common basement dwelling troll?

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      He must get Wignut Welfare from somewhere. I wonder if that LYING LIB MEDIA might actually be able to follow the money going to this guy.

      Suppose it might rankle some Alt-Righters to know their donations go entirely to support a black dude sitting around tweeting all day?

  • Bitter Scribe

    Nothing says tough guy like someone who abuses helpless prisoners and sends armed goons to harass a man who “disrespected” him.

    • Grokenstein

      FOXHenhouse: “The real question is, why DID this guy feel the need to shoot his mouth off? Why DIDN’T he just keep his mouth shut? We’ve done some investigating…”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It probably had something to do with taking one look at that stupid hat.

  • Wookie Monster

    At least he can’t be directly responsible for killing people any more.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      We hope.

    • DesertedPictures

      The second amendment allows him to keep weapons. I would call your statement a bit optimistic.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He seems to be suggesting otherwise.

  • rosenbomb

    DRIVE-BY HIT SMEARS

    Hmmm, is he combining a drive-by, hit and run, and smear campaign all into one? All the “libs” on Twitter must be excellent multitaskers.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      This raises an interesting point. Isn’t “drive-by hit and run” an oxymoron?

      • rosenbomb

        It appears this Mr. Clarke fellow isn’t thinking clearly…

      • TundraGrifter

        Rush Limbaugh remains the oxymoron.

    • TundraGrifter

      “Drive-by” is a term of art for Boss “I wasn’t wrong; I was misinformed” BlunderRush.

  • kareemachan

    Wow, he’s showing his dementia even earlier than the shitgibbon….

    • Poly_Ester

      Its not dementia, its a complete lack of self-awareness.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Why not both?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Rowdy Roddy Piper libel. John Wayne played tough guys and white washed Mongol Emperors but never did much ass kicking or cussing of his own outside of his movies.

    • Erala Contratista

      Other than wimmen…

  • Fartknocker

    Former Sherriff Flair is a perfect example of my non-scientific analysis which has found about 3% of law enforcement officers are nothing but former high school gym teachers who passed a written exam authorizing them to use deadly force.

    • John Thorstensen

      High school gym teacher libelzz!

      I did have some kind and humane gym teachers. Others, not so much. Kinda like cops I guess.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Mine was worthless. He had absolutely no idea how to relate to anyone not naturally athletically inclined and did nothing to improve the skills of anyone in the class who wasn’t a member of a school sports team.

    • Grokenstein

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CsCazVyUAAYXQqB.jpg
      “You wanna see a man, boy? I’ll show you a man! Kick me in the jimmy!! Do it hard!!”

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Plagiarism! The original tweets were written 80 years ago and said “Jews” instead of “media”.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    .@SheriffClarke's account has been locked, according to this email that was just forwarded to me by someone who reported his "give them a taste of their own blood" tweets. pic.twitter.com/KQRT6IFcE7— Natasha Bertrand (@NatashaBertrand) January 2, 2018

  • The amount of unmitigated suffering inside this man is tragic for everyone he comes into contact with.

    • Lord Jim

      I sense much self-hatred in him.

  • Belasaurius

    makes sense that his hero is fake tough guy John Wayne

    • TundraGrifter

      Hey! Look at John Wayne’s military record during WW II! Sorry – I see what you mean. He was no Jimmy Stewart or Jerry Coleman. Or even Ted Williams.

      • Charles Insandiego

        I learned about baseball listening to Jerry Coleman. I miss him.

        • TundraGrifter

          I grew up listening to Waite Hoyt. It is my understanding Mr. Coleman didn’t talk too much about his stellar military service.

          • Charles Insandiego

            He didn’t speak of his service much unless prompted by his colorman. Our local aerospace museum has a vintage fighter paintedwith his markings.

          • TundraGrifter

            In my experience people who have been in the military – particularly combat – either talk about it all the time or never.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Funny how these fake tough guys always dress like fake cowboys, huh? I guess they really are overcompensating for something.

  • Mr. White

    The personification of all that is wrong with what’s considered “conservative” nowadays. I loathe him so.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      And yet ironically he kept getting elected because he ran as a DEMOCRAT.

      • Mr. White

        Mind. Blown.

  • dshwa

    Tthis tweetstorm is going to be Box 1 in the chapter on Toxic masculinity.

  • mardam422

    Needs moar CAPS?

  • susan_g

    All those pix but no fake medals?

    • Snowbound Ron

      Sometimes he wears them on the inside of his shirt, so he can feel their cold metallic caress against his quivering skin…

  • Mavenmaven

    Appropriate that he accidentally name drops one of the worst bands ever.

  • Notreelyhelping

    It’s hard to express how fun it was to block this motherfucker’s account.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Bitch, please. Your hat is probably the thing I like the MOST about you.

    • TundraGrifter

      Remember when the Regressives mocked the Black Congresswoman down in Florida for wearing cowboy hats? But they support David Clarke.

  • Lord Jim
  • Ellie

    Why on earth would he think I cared about his hat? Admittedly, cowboy hats look a little silly on people who aren’t cowpokes, but chacun à son goût. It’s the rapes and the killing of a newborn baby I object to. If I could, though, I’d resurrect John Wayne so that this “sheriff” would be faced with his overt and rampant racism.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      People made fun of his hat. Therefore in his mind it means people care about it? I guess?

      Moral of the story: never try to make sense of a moron.

    • Mr. White

      I love their crazy logic. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve seen some troglodyte post a gleeful comment about “Making those libs mad!” No, we’re not “triggered” by your ridiculous hat. We’re amused because it’s ridiculous.

  • TundraGrifter

    As we roll into 2018, keep in mind:

    “Taxpayers are footing the legal bill for at least 10 Justice Department lawyers and paralegals to work on lawsuits related to President Trump’s private businesses. Neither the White House nor the Justice Department will say how much it is costing taxpayers, but federal payroll records show the salaries of the government lawyers assigned to the cases range from about $133,000 to $185,000. The government legal team is defending President Trump in four lawsuits stemming from his unusual decision not to divest himself from hundreds of his companies that are entangled with customers that include foreign governments and officials.”

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/11/15/taxpayers-pay-legal-bill-protect-trump-business-profits/848354001/

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Not to question your comment, which is entirely valid, but whenever I read any report of how much it is costing government employees to do some questionable thing, I always wonder if those employees are on salary, in which case they are being paid no matter what they do, and salaried employees don’t get paid overtime (at least, not anywhere I’ve worked).

      • Snowbound Ron

        It’s one way to spin the narrative so the RWNJs can scream about ‘government waste!’

      • Lord Jim

        That’s a valid point. I think it’s about opportunity cost. They could be spending their time, hence taxpayer-funded salaries, doing important things. “185k/yr Justice lawyers defending Trump from suits generated by violations of Emoluments clause.”

      • TundraGrifter

        Agreed – but the essential point is they are getting paid. And since they are getting paid from taxpayer money, they should be performing a useful service that actually benefits the taxpayers.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          So you made me curious to know what, exactly, is the defined mission of the Justice Department, and I looked it up. It is:

          To enforce the law and defend the interests of the United States according to the law; to ensure public safety against threats foreign and domestic; to provide federal leadership in preventing and controlling crime; to seek just punishment for those guilty of unlawful behavior; and to ensure fair and impartial administration of justice for all Americans.

          That’s a big job. I’d like to see their report card for the past 50 years.

    • thixotropic jerk

      “unusual decision” LOL you mean “biz as usu”…

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I wanna cos-play as a cowboy and wear only a pair a chaps so my ass will show!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Those metal folding seats they have at most auditoriums are pretty cold on bare skin, so I recommend you take a towel with you.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Do chaps violate the Wonkette No Pants policy?

  • Notreelyhelping

    Hey! Isn’t that Trump’s black guy?

    • Daniel

      One of the two. He also has that one whose luggage got stolen.

  • Blender_415

    That is definitely some Grade-A, non-pastuerized lunacy. Hopefully some legit law-enforcement types are paying attention to him. Like with tranquilizers and a nice padded van ready in reserve.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    The size of “Sheriff” Clarke’s brain is inversely proportional to the size of his hat.

    • Lord Jim

      Ten-gallon hat on a half-pint head.

    • Snowbound Ron

      All hat etc.

  • Scurrilous

    Sheriff of Nothingham tweets what?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Sheriff of Quittington.

      • amrak63

        Sheriff Ruckus.

        *drops mike*

    • Vel Venturi

      You nearly made me snort hot soup through my nose, well done! Hee.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Christmas is CANCELLED!

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    UGH! John Wayne was NOT a patriot. The man stayed home to serve Hollywood during WWII while all the REAL patriots went overseas.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Seems to me a certain President whose name rhymes with “Reagan” did that as well.

  • Granny Sprinkles

    I can tell he’s a genuine badass because of the way he threatens strangers and calls them names on the internet the way real tough guys do.

  • Snowbound Ron

    Any other blah tweeting shit like this would already be in the cops’ crosshairs surveyor’s marks.

  • Douglas White

    The good news is the way this idiot lives, the money is probably running out…. and it seems HIGHLY likely to me that he’ll do something stupid and obviously illegal to be able to continue living like he’s a member of the oligarch set…. if there’s a pool on when an indictment of this clown is unsealed, sign me up for May 1st 2018…..

    • Lord Jim

      I’m in! :D

    • gingerwentworth

      But his wife is a realtor!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        So, the question is: Will she risk her license to help hubby launder some ruples so they can continue to live the high life?

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    20 gallons of toxic masculinity in a 10 gallon hat.

    • amrak63

      And 5 microliters of brain–or am I being too generous?

  • Milwaukee’s Mugabe…

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Man! Dave Clark really went down hill after “Glad All Over.”

    • Grumpy Twat

      Bits and pieces.

    • SeeTrainWrecked

      BTW: In an interesting turn of events, the new Milwaukee County Sheriff’s name is Gerry Ann Thepacemakers.

  • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

    How To Look Ridiculous, by Sheriff David A. Clownshoes
    Your Dick Won’t Step On Itself! Here’s How An Expert Does It!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Step 1: Get yourself a big ass cowboy hat.

  • Khavrinen

    “Nothing to see here! Just a retired cop encouraging his followers to punch the media and make them taste their own blood.”

    That’s why they call them “peace officers”, right?

  • Erik Asphaug

    The five year old inside of me isn’t scared, so I don’t think it’s working. And ‘a can of tweet rear-end whoopin’ sounds downright perverted.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      It’s called makin’ whoopin’ in Republican circles.

  • Blackest Noobs

    you know if ex-Sheriff Clarke shown pics of himself ACTUALLY kicking ass…maybe i might be ooooooh he be a bad-ass…but photoshop’ing yourself in pics of others being bad-ass really means one thing…you’re a fucking coward and a wuss….and my dead 96 year old grandmother could take you with both arms tied behind her back.

    • Blackest Noobs

      the dead corpsey grandma could kick the shit outha ex-Sheriff Clarke.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      “in pics of others playing bad-ass” FIFY

    • Beaufighter

      Said it before and I’ll say it again, he no longer has the Sheriff’s Department to cover his ass. He had better be careful who he actually picks fights with in public now.

  • JMP

    “What the hell is SMASH-MOUTH POLITICS”

    Isn’t it when, hey now, you’re an all-star, get your game on, get played?

    • Keith Taylor

      I sort of think it’s the kind of politics Mayor Daley of Chicago played. Clarke probably thinks lugubriously, “Those were the days.”

    • gingerwentworth

      She’s quite a bit like Roy Moore’s wife. He also wears an irrelevant large, large, cowboy hat.

  • renegade500

    Damn, he’s hawt. I wonder if he’s single. Love that hat.

  • gratuitous

    Sounds like David is pining away for the days when he could torture people to death with impunity. Kinda hard to come down off that mountain, I would guess. Sad!

  • JohnBull

    Dude, first off, a Wisconsin guy wearing a cowboy hat is already kinda messed up, so no, nobody’s envious of that.

    • xbutter

      Wouldn’t a foam cheeze hat be more appropriate headgear for this asshat? And the request for an escort out of the terminal reveals him be all scairt of getting an ass whoppin.

  • Marr

    To quote Smashmouth:
    “Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.”
    Yeah, that fits.

  • 3FingerPete

    Oh, no! Not John Wayne! Have mercy on us, Sheriff Clarke.

    • Transgender Fetus McGoo

      John Wayne? Oh, you mean Marion Morrisson, the rich actor who collected dolls and hated horses.

      • Keith Taylor

        And created the world’s biggest image of a right wing tough guy.
        And perpetrated … gag, choke, Good Lord! … THE GREEN BERETS.
        In which the sun went down in the east at the end.
        Listen, my military career was totally undistinguished, and volunteering was an eighteen-year-old mistake, but unlike Marion Morrison, I actually really was there … and the sun did not go down in the east at any time that I noticed, not even while intoxicated.

        • gingerwentworth

          So why did everybody buy it? I don’t understand. He didn’t even make his voice go up and down.

      • gingerwentworth

        And never served in any war, as my father used to point out to me.

  • Iron Monkey

    Dear David A. Clarke:

    I am not interested in your hat or in you. Fuck you and the horse you didn’t ride in on.

    Signed,

    Your biggest fan

  • Bitter Scribe

    He’s right, his hat drives libs crazy. Whenever I see him in it, I start giggling like an insane person.

  • azeyote

    playing tough online ? take it up with freddy or jason you pathetic wanna be –

  • Swampgas_Man

    And fuck fake cowboy Marion Morrison while we’re at it.

  • The Librarian

    America’s “finest”, y’all. :P

  • chronozoan

    I wonder how well he’ll do behind bars?

  • Lefty Wright

    This reminds me of all the right wingers saying liberals were afraid of Sarah Palin. Just like Clarke thinks we are afraid of his threats. Every time they act like that, it opens them up to even more ridicule. So Davey, keep it up. Lots of people are laughing at you and you are providing tons of material for snarky websites. And since it’s doubtful you will ever get a job with Trump or get any elected office again, you are basically nothing more than an irritating pustule on the butt of America.

  • Zyxomma

    thanks, $5F.

  • gingerwentworth

    Such an insult to Smashmouth! Maybe the sheriff just likes the name thinking it’s a big frightening verb he personally invented.

  • Henry B.

    Straight up fascism, plain and simple.

  • Delu

    Such a tough guy he is.

    Hurry up and put your fists where your tweets are.

    What’s the matter? Afraid to follow up?

  • Ghoti theLinguist

    What a pathetic loser. No one cares, David. That is all.

  • Passerby

    Forgive me if this is slightly off topic but… why do people who have the least reason to wear Stetsons or other broad brimmed hats always wear them indoors. I’m a large animal vet, I’ve worked with cowboys and ranchers and horse people, and yet no one wears their hat indoors. It stands against everything our mothers and families taught us, would be highly unsanitary and those things take up a heap of space. What purpose does it serve?

    • HazooToo

      It helps to identify the kinds of people who wish they were ranchers, cowboys, or horse people. Personally, I wear my Hell No hat indoors, but only because I have bigass windows that want to throw glare on all my computer screens.

    • george lastrapes

      OT as well. Occurred to me that the real crime of the DeepState is trying to get PeeResident Strumpet to not eat soup with his fingers. To some people, ‘simply not done’ means nothing.
      New trumponym— ‘Trumpmalchio’!

    • handyhippie65

      does the phrase, “but mom, i wanna be cowboy!”, explain things a little better? wannabes stand out like a sore thumb.

  • Sunhead

    Sooo,
    His solution to things he does not like is violence.
    He is ok with inciting violence, a crime, but unwilling to make the commitment to leaving the tweets out and proud, so a coward.
    I think he is probably just a fascist who seems to forget that he will be second against the wall in the white power revolution, right after he finishes beating the last of the liberal untermensch.
    He is not an idjit, he is angling for wingnut welfare, and doing pretty well at it so it seems.

  • SeeTrainWrecked

    What you have to do to get suspended on Twitter:

    Sheriff TGI Friday’s Flair: You can’t be suspended.

    Everyone else: Call yourself by a ridiculous nickname you made up for yourself, something like … oh, I don’t know … @SeeTrain65 or something.

  • phoenix00

    Isn’t John Wayne rather dead?

    • handyhippie65

      he’s not simply dead, he’s abso-posi-lutly dead. francis ain’t coming to his rescue any time soon.

  • HooverVilles

    Clark doth protest way way way too much!

    • george lastrapes

      Legend in his own mind.

  • Frances

    Go-o-gle is paying 97$ per hour,with week-l-y payouts.You can a-l-so avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from hav-i-ng earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have e-v-er done .. It s-o-unds un-b-elievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !gj305d:
    >>>>> http://GoogleNewWayNetJobsOpportunity/simple/work AGHGYAYAYALLAYAYAYZAAAYAYAYAYAGTTAEWDDGBAYASSYAYAYAYA:::::!gj305lhuh

    • HooverVilles

      Where’s Lori?

  • javadavis

    This seems like an appropriate, um, plant for this, um, person.
    As flowers go, it is quite pretty. Looks pettable, doesn’t it?
    My source called it Cephalocereus senilis.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1d2474fc026230df5be7ea7fda6a1102781bbd64df0802c28ecbef284e7e792a.jpg

    • handyhippie65

      it looks fluffy enuff to hug. i wish he would. i have a feeling it’s only fluffy on the outside.

      • javadavis

        Mock fluffy, as it were.

  • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

    I love how the right uses John Wayne as their hero. While the war was raging on, he was holed up in Hollywood, making movies. The real war hero? Jimmy goddamn Stewart.

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