The Daily Beast ran a story Monday night raising a terrifying prospect: Anthony Scaramucci, the former 10-day White House Communcations Boy Wonder has been chatting up friends about his belief that Donald Trump and the Trump family miss him so much that they want him to come back to a White House job. According to “three sources who are close to Scaramucci,” the Trumps just can’t get enough of his frenetic yapping and would love to have him widdling on the briefing room carpet again, or at least somewhere in the West Wing. The sources said the Pooch
continues to brag that he and President Donald Trump talk on the phone, and that the Mooch believes his resurrection in Trump-world could be imminent. One of these sources said that the Mooch claimed he was flying out to either Washington, D.C. or Mar-a-Lago early this month to meet Trump to talk about it.
Reporters Lachlan Markay and Asawin Suebsaeng note a few problems with the Mighty Boosh’s purported ambitions, like the tiny detail that Donald Trump himself still thinks Scaramucci was an embarrassing self-aggrandizing attention whore, a position that is already filled. According to White House insiders, rumors of Mookie’s imminent rehabilitation are exaggerated:
“It would amaze and shock me if the president still talks to [Scaramucci] or is considering re-hiring him after what happened,” one senior White House official said. “And that is coming from someone who works in a place where nothing surprises me anymore.”
You have to love whoever that was, throwing shade on their bosses even as they try to squelch a rumor. Please contact Wonkette and let us know who you are. We won’t tell!
Those denying the story include the Scooch himself; Scaramucci texted the reporters to insist it’s all just wind in sails, and that he is Devo:
“[T]his is absolute nonsense,” he said in text messages to The Daily Beast. “Happy new year [and] be well. I have said nothing like that at all…Don’t believe BS.”
Scaramucci took to the Twitters Monday night to repeat his denial, albeit in less specific terms:
insane New Yorker profile in which the Dooch said he’d fire the entire WH comms team, called Reince Priebus a “fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” and insisted that unlike Steve Bannon, “I’m not trying to suck my own cock.”
Trump was apparently so upset by the young man’s apparent instability that he wondered if that’s what other people see when they look at Donald Trump on TV. Ha! We are joking there, the man is incapable of such self-awareness. But he did ask around the White House about the Noodge’s weird rant in the interview:
“Is he on drugs?” Trump earnestly asked those around him, according to two White House officials and another Trump confidant.
Hmmm! Maybe that’s what Scaramucci thinks was the fake news, hmm? What was he sniffing off his fingertips, HENNGHHHH?
Anyway, the story closes with the observation that whether or not Team Trump wants him back, the Mulch is doing all he can to pretend he’s still an “unofficial surrogate for Trump” when he goes on cable TV, talking up what a great bunch of people fired him for being too crazy for them, and even saying nice things about Steve Bannon:
“As it relates to Steve [Bannon], I always got on with Steve,” Scaramucci told CNN host Dana Bash in a State of the Union interview that aired Sunday. “I guess there was a situation where he thought it was important for him to diverge with me [and] that’s fine, it is nothing personal for me. Steve and I, actually on a lot of the ideological areas, are quite similar. I think he’s a great writer and has been by and large a force for good, but there are certain things that he does that I don’t like.”
Isn’t that sweet? And if Steve Bannon autofellates, it’s only because he can, if you know what Mouche means and we think you do. Also, we think it’s simply pathetic that Scaramucci has set this as his ringtone, just in case the White House calls: