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We bring you possibly the greatest thing that’s ever happened in publishing or law: a marked-up copy of disgraced blithe bigot Milo Yiannopoulos’s book, found and screenshotted by engineer Sarah Mei. It is important to note that we would have none of the following information if Milo hadn’t sued Simon and Schuster because he was upset they pulled his book just for saying it is cool to fuck kids.

For those who’ve not written books, the process is this: You write whatever you think is good, then you give it to your editor where they savage it and give it back to you to repair. This is what’s called “edits” and in literary circles, it is an excuse for anything. Like you could punch three strangers in a bar stone-cold sober and if you told your friends “I’m in edits” everyone would nod sagely.

With that said: I have never seen edits like this. I’ve read probably 20 books that were marked up; it’s not uncommon for advance readers to get an early draft. When I review a book it’s with the understanding that there will be errors and misspellings and that whole passages might still be rewritten. I have never seen edits like this.

So without further delay is the most beautiful editing that I have seen, possibly ever, and that’s including the time that I got into a seven-email exchange with copyediting in which I insisted that “poverty: that’s how you get ants” made perfect sense in context and demanded they leave it in even though at the time not many people watched Archer and it really didn’t make any sense in context otherwise.

This is a Not Good sign. Usually when they remind you that you’ve already been paid it’s when you’re complaining about writing too much and your brain melting. It’s usually not in the comments in the body.

*dies*

OK so I was told to delete two chapters by my editors. That was after my first draft, not the one I gave my publisher. If you get a book to a publisher and they’re telling you to delete whole chapters you are In Trouble. I’d have been in a bottle for a week from this one comment alone.

Like one of the reasons they pay you the advance is so you can hire an editor. They expect this shit to be taken care of.

SPEAKING OF SHIT

Like can you imagine being some regular conservative editor at a regular conservative imprint and you get picked to edit the biggest get of the year and you’re having to write notes like this

I have no idea what this note is referring to and honestly it’s much better that way.

OPEN SCENE: tight shot of an editor at his desk, on the phone, pinching the bridge of his nose

EDITOR: Milo, I’m telling you…no really…mate you have to make sense. It’s fine if you want to call women shrieking harpies and the whole lot of it but you have to make sense. Everything has to track… No, I know it makes sense to the boys in your van. But they don’t buy books…Milo? Milo? [EDITOR] slams down phone

Raises the question of what argument it wouldn’t derail but this poor dude has his hands full trying to ratchet down the crazy and we aren’t going to be too harsh here.

An important thing to know about publishing is that there’s lots of different kinds of editors. There’s acquisition editors, copyeditors, just regular editors. So here we see what happens when an acquisition editor picks up a book and some other poor sap has to make it work.

Sometimes you wind up with authors who are incapable of anything but self-aggrandizement and scattershot thinking.

I wrote a memoir. There is an argument to be made that the entire genre of memoir is inherently narcissistic to some extent. In all the time I was writing my book I never penned a sentence that anyone at any level thought was so narcissistic they needed to mention it to me, much less felt was so bad they might call it “more of your narcissism.” Milo had to have been outdoing himself to get a note like this.

Never let it be said that I am less than fair ’cause this note I recognize.

I’m picturing this note coming in the midst of a chapter on tax policy or something.

This editor, it’s worth noting, has worked on books by Glenn Beck and Donald Trump. This is not his first time at the Conservative Blowhard Rodeo. This just seems to be the thing that finally sucked out his soul.

If you want to read the whole thing, you can go on over to the state’s website and look up Simon and Schuster as a defendant. We here at Wonkette would like to thank Sarah Mei again, since she dug this filing up and brought it to the attention of the Internet, and the Internet IS PLEASED.

We needed something nice this week, I think.

Here, we will leave you with a passage from this truly remarkable book, in case you have ever wanted to look exactly like Milo. Did we say Milo? We meant Patrick Bateman of American Psycho.

No? NO? NOOOO?

Then Milo wrote this:

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.

Just kidding, that was American Psycho too. But don’t you think he should have?

Wonkette.com: Bringing you American (and British!) psychos today and every day. Hit the tip jar on your way out!

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