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We bring you possibly the greatest thing that’s ever happened in publishing or law: a marked-up copy of disgraced blithe bigot Milo Yiannopoulos’s book, found and screenshotted by engineer Sarah Mei. It is important to note that we would have none of the following information if Milo hadn’t sued Simon and Schuster because he was upset they pulled his book just for saying it is cool to fuck kids.

For those who’ve not written books, the process is this: You write whatever you think is good, then you give it to your editor where they savage it and give it back to you to repair. This is what’s called “edits” and in literary circles, it is an excuse for anything. Like you could punch three strangers in a bar stone-cold sober and if you told your friends “I’m in edits” everyone would nod sagely.

With that said: I have never seen edits like this. I’ve read probably 20 books that were marked up; it’s not uncommon for advance readers to get an early draft. When I review a book it’s with the understanding that there will be errors and misspellings and that whole passages might still be rewritten. I have never seen edits like this.

So without further delay is the most beautiful editing that I have seen, possibly ever, and that’s including the time that I got into a seven-email exchange with copyediting in which I insisted that “poverty: that’s how you get ants” made perfect sense in context and demanded they leave it in even though at the time not many people watched Archer and it really didn’t make any sense in context otherwise.

This is a Not Good sign. Usually when they remind you that you’ve already been paid it’s when you’re complaining about writing too much and your brain melting. It’s usually not in the comments in the body.

*dies*

OK so I was told to delete two chapters by my editors. That was after my first draft, not the one I gave my publisher. If you get a book to a publisher and they’re telling you to delete whole chapters you are In Trouble. I’d have been in a bottle for a week from this one comment alone.

Like one of the reasons they pay you the advance is so you can hire an editor. They expect this shit to be taken care of.

SPEAKING OF SHIT

Like can you imagine being some regular conservative editor at a regular conservative imprint and you get picked to edit the biggest get of the year and you’re having to write notes like this

I have no idea what this note is referring to and honestly it’s much better that way.

OPEN SCENE: tight shot of an editor at his desk, on the phone, pinching the bridge of his nose

EDITOR: Milo, I’m telling you…no really…mate you have to make sense. It’s fine if you want to call women shrieking harpies and the whole lot of it but you have to make sense. Everything has to track… No, I know it makes sense to the boys in your van. But they don’t buy books…Milo? Milo? [EDITOR] slams down phone

Raises the question of what argument it wouldn’t derail but this poor dude has his hands full trying to ratchet down the crazy and we aren’t going to be too harsh here.

An important thing to know about publishing is that there’s lots of different kinds of editors. There’s acquisition editors, copyeditors, just regular editors. So here we see what happens when an acquisition editor picks up a book and some other poor sap has to make it work.

Sometimes you wind up with authors who are incapable of anything but self-aggrandizement and scattershot thinking.

I wrote a memoir. There is an argument to be made that the entire genre of memoir is inherently narcissistic to some extent. In all the time I was writing my book I never penned a sentence that anyone at any level thought was so narcissistic they needed to mention it to me, much less felt was so bad they might call it “more of your narcissism.” Milo had to have been outdoing himself to get a note like this.

Never let it be said that I am less than fair ’cause this note I recognize.

I’m picturing this note coming in the midst of a chapter on tax policy or something.

This editor, it’s worth noting, has worked on books by Glenn Beck and Donald Trump. This is not his first time at the Conservative Blowhard Rodeo. This just seems to be the thing that finally sucked out his soul.

If you want to read the whole thing, you can go on over to the state’s website and look up Simon and Schuster as a defendant. We here at Wonkette would like to thank Sarah Mei again, since she dug this filing up and brought it to the attention of the Internet, and the Internet IS PLEASED.

We needed something nice this week, I think.

Here, we will leave you with a passage from this truly remarkable book, in case you have ever wanted to look exactly like Milo. Did we say Milo? We meant Patrick Bateman of American Psycho.

No? NO? NOOOO?

Then Milo wrote this:

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.

Just kidding, that was American Psycho too. But don’t you think he should have?

Wonkette.com: Bringing you American (and British!) psychos today and every day. Hit the tip jar on your way out!

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  • BadKitty904

    I don’t imagine he cares. Republicans think laws are for the “little people”…

  • ManchuCandidate
    • TJ Barke

      That is terrifying.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Christ, CHRIST!

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    This editor, it’s worth noting, has worked on books by Glenn Beck and Donald Trump. This is not his first time at the Conservative Blowhard Rodeo.

    Watch Milo call him a liberal pantywaist cuck before sunset.

  • Ling Ling

    Archer is not supposed to make sense. You are welcome.

  • BadKitty904
    • weejee

      Yep, round, red, and stained about the edges.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      And he can’t even get the facts close to right. Dame Anna Wintour is EIC of Vogue. Graydon Carter was EIC of Vanity Fair until he announced his retirement. Radhika Jones took over the job 2 weeks ago.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Great minds, etc. Which of course leaves Donald in a sand trap.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Also, too, Greydon Carter is the genius wit who gave us “Short-Fingered Vulgarian.”

        • Oblios_Cap

          God Bless Spy.

    • nightmoth

      Glad you picked up on this. He’s mad at Vanity Fair for apologizing to Hillary because he thinks HE is so mistreated by the press and nobody has apoolgized to him—waaah!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The catch is the woman he’s talking about is at Vogue, not Vanity Fair.

      • LiberalANDProud

        The catch is that there was actually someone stupid enough to give this asshat a book advance.

    • Nounverb911

      No more Vogue photo shoots for Ivanka now…

      https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/celebrity/ivanka-trump

  • Oblios_Cap
    • BadKitty904

      And the obligatory Republican-blonde hair dye, apparently.

  • Timothy Watson

    “I have no idea what this note is referring to and honestly it’s much better that way.”

    Has to be the John Podesta “spirit cooking” bullshit.

  • TJ Barke

    In short: Milo’s just a contrarian, hack fame-whore.

    • LiberalANDProud

      I can see him now staring at himself in the mirror…”Well, aren’t you just the cutest little twink ever.”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “Not the time or place for another dick joke.”

    Possibly the first time those words have ever appeared at wonkette.

    • Timothy Watson

      I’m sure even the Editrix has to draw the occasional line in the sand.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ll bet it ended with a dangling participle, too.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        That was pluperfect!

        • Oblios_Cap

          It was calling out for something to make it a dick joke

    • mardam422

      And last, I pray.

  • Indiepalin

    No Blood. No Satanism. No Semen – Milo in 2020

    • BearGHAZI

      Although, like many politicians, he failed to live up to his own platform

  • Gigglesnort

    “Delete entire chapter” – LOL. Why not “delete entire book?” Actually, come to think of it, that is what the publisher decided to do.

    • mardam422

      Delete entire life.

  • Tj McGee Wright

    I’m glad all those College Republicans found such a gifted intellectual to invite. And they say Conservative intellectualism is dead!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      How can it be dead when it was never actually alive?

      • Tj McGee Wright

        I don’t know, somewhere along all the coke and hairspray in the 80s it had the vague impression of thought(s).

      • Oblios_Cap

        Just look at the walking dead stack of lard named Jonah Greenberg.

      • yyyaz

        That is a zombie conundrum.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    From the editor’s notes on Milo’s little tome:

    “You called this headline ‘hate speech.’ This ENTIRE BOOK is ‘hate speech.'”

  • Guest Liberal

    I am absolutely not encouraging or promoting the punching of NAZIS in the face or any other body part including, but not exclusive to, tiny gonads and glass chins.
    I repeat: I AM NOT ENCOURAGING OR PROMOTING THE PUNCHING OF NAZIS.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/54a5de6ef22b1e6a62ae2e1cb86e746ce44bbbe4a95b2263a9198665982e0529.gif

    • MynameisBlarney

      The more I watch this, the more it looks staged.
      Like pro-wrestling style.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Why not?

  • P’jama Pahnts

    He looks ridiculous in the red hat. Well, everyone does but him especially.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Baseball caps and suits don’t go together. Even ballplayers and managers who wear a cap over a suit at a press conference look like dorks.

      • arglebargle

        or a “president”

        • Villago Delenda Est

          He can’t even do that right, as he’s already made a sartorial fool of himself with that overcompensation tie of his.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The whole POINT is to look like a dork as a subversion of the formality of a suit.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m sure Milo takes criticism well.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    That ending left me confused. Did Milo kill all those people or not?

    • Oblios_Cap

      And then the murders started…

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      ME-OWTCH!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, THIS non-comment section is definitely not the right place for another black dick joke!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        We judge people by the content of their non-comments, not the color of their dick jokes.

    • YouInDangerGirl!

      Do all editors treat writers like children they’re about to disinherit? I feel like the person who wrote these notes wanted to have a serious talk about sending Milo away to military school because GODDAMMIT KATIE WE’VE TRIED EVERYTHING BUT HE JUST WON’T LISTEN!

  • Tj McGee Wright

    Just in case the smallest cause for doubt remained, this is what an intellectually and philosophically bankrupt ideological movement looks like.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    What a dope to use overpriced vanity beauty products. The raw materials are about 1/10 of the cost. You are paying for the pretty jar, the fancy store, and the advertising. After all, if it’s expensive it has to work, right? That body butter is about $7.00 lb wholesale.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      If you buy the expensive stuff you get to paste the labels in your hair and impress your friends.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Here’s a Recipe any Wonker can do at home
        Take 7 oz refined Shea butter ( 13.00 lb at Amazon but now you’re paying retail)
        2 oz coconut oil
        1 tblsp cornstarch or tapioca starch (better if you can get it)

        Mix it all in a stand mixer the way you would cream shortening and sugar for cookies
        Put in a few drops of your favorite essential oil if you want
        You now have 30.00 per ounce Milo body butter for very dry skin
        Happy New Year!

  • JD Mulvey

    This editor (1) is smarter than Milo, and (2) doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re.”

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    Milo Littleyappydog will be kicking puppies for a month after he gets wind of this.

  • weejee
  • Squeegee

    It frustrates me that this guy still gets any attention and colleges and universities should shut down any attempts to let him speak on campus.

    • Ling Ling

      Unless they can reanimate Paul Harvey, Milo will have to do.

      • Squeegee

        If this clown wrote or said anything worth challenging then he would merit attention in the media instead he is just a troll and flamethrower so he doesn’t merit recognition.
        That is the same reason university and college campuses should refuse to let him speak at the request of conservative groups on campus. He has never engaged in intellectual discourse so he doesn’t merit inclusion.

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      Huh. I just thought they hated shitty writing.

    • jesterpunk

      Its illegal to refuse to publish shitty writing? BRB going to get my dog to walk over the keyboard then sue when everyone refuses to publish it, that would make more sense then Milo’s “thoughts”.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fucking idiots. I’ll show you some 1st Amendment violations, asshole, with votes.

  • jesterpunk

    Has Milo responded on twitter yet? Oh wait

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Join me on an exciting voyage across the sea of self-aggrandizement!”
    — Milo Cousteau

    • yyyaz

      A three-hour tour.

  • LiberalANDProud

    Geez, after those editor notes I really don’t have much more to add.

    Well, except…maybe the editor should have just sent the transcript back with a big note that said…”Needs more meth”.

    • shivaskeeper

      Just a bid red X across every page. It would have been easier.

  • memzilla Ω

    If Milo put as much effort and energy into his writing as he does into his beauty routine… well, he’d still be a shitty writer, but the continuity of his shittiness would be tighter.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    If the person who edited Glenn Beck hates you this much, you are truly a crap writer…and a crap human being.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: Today in “Oh for the ever loving sake of god, how much of a thin skinned jackass can this guy be” (it needs work).

    “Harry Truman had more legislative approvals than any other president and — a record long held,” Trump said. “And we beat him on legislative approvals, for which I get no credit.”

    • BadKitty904

      Well, Turmp is right about that last part…

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i know what you mean – but credit implies noting something GOOD someone did.

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      neediness, thy name is Rump.

      • The Wanderer

        His level of attention-seeking is on par with the client I had to deal with back on Tuesday, who’ll deliberately swallow toothbrushes and spoons, and bite bits of flesh from his forearms.

        • Anne Of Green Bagels

          just give it a minute. Mango Mussolini will get there.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • WiscoJoe

    This whole dynamic is fascinating and so indicative of our current media clusterfuck. On the one hand you have a wingnut welfare dilettante indignant that doing his job might require a modicum of intellectual rigor or critical thinking. On the other hand you have Simon & Schuster entering into this arrangement with the good faith assumption that there is some hidden depth or insight to be gleamed from an obvious two-bit huckster.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Whatever sells down at Barnes & Nobel.

    • Asterix

      S&S went into this for money, and money alone.

      • Edith Prickly

        And they got what they paid for.

  • Asterix

    Milo is his own category of douche-bag asshole.

    • The Wanderer

      Milo
      Milo
      Milo is a DBA!
      Milo
      Milo
      Milo is a DB
      Milo is a DB
      DB, DBA!

      It’s not a man’s life as a douche-bag asshole!

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    LGBT twitter has been having a gas about this all day.

    What an utter failure. Plus, yeah, he’s one step away from being a serial killer.

  • BadKitty904
  • shivaskeeper

    Who could have known that expanding a though from a bumper sticker slogan into a coherent book would have been hard to do?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      On the other hand, compressing a book to a bumper sticker is surprisingly easy.

      Moby Dick -> Nuke the Whales!

      • shivaskeeper

        I had to read that one long ago. The fucking Cliff’s Notes were to long and boring.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Hey, at least we got a good Star Trek movie (or two?) out of it.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            And a so-so Futurama episode.

        • Thiazin Red

          But it does open with a really complicated fart joke. Sure it required three footnotes to explain it, but it was a fart joke.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            “Call me Flatus.”

        • WotsAllThisThen

          With a book like that you really have to dig in and stick with it so you can get to the pivotal scene of naked whale oil wrestling.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “My work is 20% plagiarism, 30% stream of screaming id, 30% bigotry, 10% desperate failed bids to be funny, and 20% profound ignorance. I gave it 110% percent.”
    — Milo adds it all up

  • Thiazin Red

    Damn, just holy shitballs.

    I’ve gotten a couple of bad grant reviews and some manuscript reviews where one of the people clearly didn’t even read it but damn.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Slightly OT, but given this is something like what Milo would want, I wrote this about Leelah Alcorn today on the Book of Faces:

    “So, sad, somewhat political post.

    3 years ago today Leelah Alcorn walked in front of a semi truck and ended her life. I’ll let her speak for herself in a moment — and you SHOULD read her suicide note — but this is what conversion therapy does. This is what happens when you isolate your child to force them to behave in a way that isn’t them. It’s what happens when you turn weaponized religion and “tradition” on them and try to force them to fit into the mold you have pictured for them.

    It’s profoundly damaging, and it’s extremely deadly. Try loving and supporting one another instead. It’s definitely what Leelah needed.”

    This is her suicide note: https://catholictrans.wordpress.com/2015/01/03/leelah-alcorns-suicide-note-full-text/

  • Edith Prickly

    Since Milo is incapable of feeling shame, he will simply bask in the negative attention as he always does. I hope Simon and Schuster learned a lesson though. All you have to do is listen to Milo for 30 seconds to realize that he’s a vapid outrage junkie with no belief in anything outside his own ego.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I’ve had run-ins with tetchy and downright nasty editors (hell, I’ve been a tetchy and downright nasty editor, as my poor sophomore Lit Survey students will attest). But I have never, EVER gotten or given a “Delete UGH.”

    God DAMN that’s awesome.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Once while teaching as a Grad Assistant I got a paper written in Crayon. The grade? “This is of no obvious value.”

  • Crystalclear12

    I know it was late but. . .
    Best Christmas present ever.
    Thank you.

    • Asterix

      There are 12 days of Christmas so – RIGHT ON TIME!

      • Crystalclear12

        And so much better than maids a milking or drummers drumming.

  • jesterpunk

    Kind of OT but since we are talking about garbage men. This trash was in my local paper under the opinion section. They will publish just about anything and more things are pretty conservative but this is especially shitty. Everything in this piece is just wrong.

    http://lancasteronline.com/opinion/letters_to_editor/how-marriage-protects-women/article_b3902d92-ea5a-11e7-b56c-c3aacd9123f3.html

    • ((( Augustus )))

      It’s really great to hear an old white dude’s perspective on women and feminism, for once

      • jesterpunk

        I hear the New York Times is looking for people to interview, maybe they can interview him?

    • Frenchie Renard

      I had to click through to make sure it was not my dad, who writes enough letters to them to warrant a kindly-worded cease and desist. *sigh*

    • Msgr_MΩment

      This is exactly the sort of guy who would welcome a thirty-something DA looking to “bond” with his teenage daughter.

      • jesterpunk

        I really hope he doesnt have kids.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Salacious sexual anarchy libelz!
      Also too, my married female friends would like a word. Psych! No they wouldn’t, because they are intelligent and awesome and don’t suffer fools.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Googling “Larry L Garber Easr Donegal” nets a few more of his published works… about the same caliber of bullshit…

  • Beowoof14

    Somebody really had to edit that shit. What a nightmare job.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: The Trump White House Set Record for First-Year Staff Departures
    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/12/the-trump-white-house-set-record-for-first-year-departures.html

    In its first year, the Trump administration posted a turnover rate fit for a season of The Apprentice. National security adviser Michael Flynn didn’t last a month. Communications director Anthony Scaramucci barely put in a week before publicly deriding the White House’s chief strategist’s (alleged) affinity for auto-fellatio. That strategist, Steve Bannon, followed chief of staff Reince Priebus and press secretary Sean Spicer back to the private sector by summer’s end.

    In total, 21 of the administration’s 61 senior officials were either allowed to resign, fired, or reassigned in 2017. That 34 percent first-year turnover rate is the highest in at least four decades — and double the previous record set by the Reagan administration — according to Kathryn Dunn-Tenpas of the Brookings Institution.

    “Not only is the percentage double, the seniority of people leaving is extraordinarily high,” Dunn-Tenpas told the Wall Street Journal.

  • janecita

    Sad that an editor doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “You are.”

    • jesterpunk

      I think Milo’s writing broke the editors brain. Or what little he had left.

  • Nounverb911
  • Zonath

    “Beauty regime moved to box at end of chapter, after Nietzsche section.”

    If someone hasn’t outgrown Nietzsche by the first year of college (or working at McD’s), there’s a 98% chance they’re a douchebag, and those odds just keep getting worse as they approach Milo’s age of (I don’t want to look him up, so I’ll guess) mid-40’s.

    • Ling Ling

      Even Nietzsche outgrew Nietzsche.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Debatable

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Nietzsche? Ain’t he that nice mensch who drives for Uber?

    • Nounverb911

      Didn’t Nietzsche play for the Packers?

    • Ωbjectifier

      I bet Nietzsche had some great beauty tips.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        If you gaze too long at the mirror, the mirror gazes back at YOU.

      • Daniel

        Mustache maintenance- your ticket to success with Sicilian fishing boys.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Spoiler alert: the real motorcycle Milo is working on, is himself. If you would just let go of your preconceived notions you’d realize that beer cans make good handlebar shims.

      Oh, sorry, that’s Pirsig. Nevermind.

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Just not on BMW’s…

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya ’bout the rising of the wrist…

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      mmm. I’m not going to pretend to be a PhD candidate on Nietzche, but he’s absolutely the reason I gave up philosophy and I’m eternally grateful to him for that. He’s the only known treatment for Plato, and he pretty much defines my approach to irrational people and social institutions. He’s also extremely informative on militant atheists and techbros. He can be abused like anything else, but that doesn’t mean he’s useless.

  • Nounverb911
  • Edith Prickly

    Milo failed to mention which salon creates those abominable coiffures he styles so carefully .

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
    • anon_the_great

      $80k for fucking up and fucking off. Nice work if you can get it.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Wow.

      Just take our money and your awful manuscript AND GO!

      Nice racket, wish I could get advances, then write a book so awful the people paying me didn’t want it, but let me keep the money. And they call US lazy and greedy.

      • jesterpunk

        1) Get cash advance to write a book

        2) Open word

        3) Let your cat walk and sleep on your keyboard

        4) submit to publisher and get dropped

        5) Sue since your book wasn’t published and win

        6) Profit

        • WotsAllThisThen

          No way. My cat writes the most racist dick jokes. I can’t even.

          • jesterpunk

            That is why you can sue and win eleventy billion dollars.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Just take the money and GTFO!

    • Nounverb911

      Hello Papa Johns, please send 200 of your worst pies to Milo Yappymouth at Vigliano Literary 150 E58th Street 20th floor…. Milo will give you his credit card on delivery

  • janecita

    Is Milo going back in the closet? Is he going to marry Ann Coulter? She is desperate enough to consider it.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Ew, imagine their kids.

      • Ling Ling

        They would have hooves. And enormous addams apples.

      • janecita

        Thank the Lord that she is way past her child bearing years.

    • jesterpunk

      Wouldn’t that make Milo a cuck since she is Bill Mahar’s FWB?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Was Milo ever actually gay? Because so far as I can tell he’s just a real life version of the internet troll claiming they’re black before declaiming against “the blacks.”

    • RickyG

      Worst episode of Love Boat ever!
      (would watch!)

      • janecita

        Me too! Just to repeatedly criticize it later;-)

        • RickyG

          And laugh at Gopher’s short white shorts!

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Here’s an idea: cast Milo and Steve Bannon in a reboot of Fantasy Island, they’ll kill each other over which one gets to play Roarke and which has to be Tattoo.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Whoever actually wrote the manuscript must be dying of embarrassment.

    • yyyaz

      I get the impression he or she is choking with belly laughs and looking admiringly at their bank balance.

    • He uses a ghost writer anyway – Allum Bokhari.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    yes, I could have sworn that last paragraph was really Milo.

    I’ve been paid to write, nothing lofty like a book – just everyday stuff and yet I still wince at every edit, especially so the “stern,” “direct,” “truthful,” and “I gotta be honest here” ones.

    Can’t wait to get my first writing assignment back at the internship.

    Anyway, yeah, these edits would make me wanna hang it up forever.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Ohhh. No internship ’cause no school. I wondered why you were here during normal office hours recently. I thought maybe there was some disaster during the week I was away. I’m glad there wasn’t. I guess the fact that all the interns here are gone should have clued me in.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        Lol…thanks. And to be fair, some disaster was a good guess.

        Actually, I’m working over the break, but they just gave me this week off as its slow and a short week.

        Also, I got Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas, so I’ll see you guys in like May or so.

        Lol.

  • Timothy Watson

    Part of an actual e-mail from Milo in another exhibit:
    “My approach has been to let the black dick jokes speak for themselves.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Sounds like something Sarah Huckabee Sanders would say in a daily press briefing.

  • mardam422

    My day begins with me reaching down under the drawstring of my sweatpants, to make sure my penis is still there. Once I’m certain it is, I roll off of my adjustable king-sized mattress. It’s usually set at 75. I stumble to the bathroom and turn on the light, staring at my fat ass and protruding gut in the mirror, and shaking my head in shame. I pick up the toilet seat…I haven’t left the seat up since 1998…and try not to piss on the floor. I flush with my left hand, only touching the handle with my index and middle fingers. I immediately wipe them and the handle with a Lysol anti-bacterial cloth. I move to the mirror, trying to see if any more of my hair has fallen out overnight. I exhale into my palm and sniff. Then I place a small amount of Colgate Super-whitening toothpaste onto my Oral-B vibrating toothbrush. Most people use far too much toothpaste. I don’t shower right away, preferring to wait until after the caffeine from my first cup of coffee…Belgian Roast with a dollop of hazlenut creamer…activates my colon.

  • OutOfOrbit

    to me looks like the stuff that would’a sold that book to the target demo (Nazis) was what the editors didn’t like. compare trying to feed vultures a live squirrel with no maggots on/it it–they would shop elsewhere

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    You know your writing is bad when it causes your own editor’s grammar and spelling to start to break down.

  • Ωbjectifier

    No blood, semen, or satanism? Need to hang around wonkette more.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      But try to keep the dick jokes non-racist.

  • ariel_gee_398

    You know that Twilight Zone episode where the guy is trapped in a library then his glasses break? In the modern version, his glasses would be fine, but every book in the place would be Milo’s memoir.

    • Thiazin Red

      Truly the living would envy the dead.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      The best scene is when, running from the stacks in a blind rage, he finds the AV department, only to discover that all the CDs are the audiobook and the DVDs are Milo on Bill Maher.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      Awesome! 👏

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Does he even have a valid visa?

    • jesterpunk

      Doesnt he have a work visa? I know he was sponsored by Breitbart before he was fired then the Mercer’s sponsored him and dropped him for being too shitty for even them.

  • SayItWithWookies

    His personal trainer brings him breakfast? That’s not what a personal trainer does, Milo — he should be standing out in the front yard with breakfast yelling “Get the fuck off your ass and walk down the stairs if you want food, princess.” Then I hit the sentence about him not drinking tap water since 2005. Could. Not. Continue.

    Of course, it’s warming my heart a little to know that the water he does drink comes from the finest taps in France and Italy.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The target audience would be confused by “rentboy.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Now drop and give me 10,000, pansy.”

    • The Wanderer

      British boxer Ken Clean-Air System’s personal trainer used to have to swim the 9,000 miles from his lean-to near Cape Town just to wake him up.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Sounds like Ken Verybigliar.

  • Crystalclear12

    I think there is a market for publishing just the editor’s notes.
    Notes from right wing edge: the batshit crazy chronicles.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      My agent put together a secret list of them. Hilarious!

  • Daniel
  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Milo and I are on similar routines:

    I wake up at 11:30 every morning. My epidermal assistant, Fablious, administers enemas of herbal hangover cures. I have not dranked paint thinner since 1992.

    Who’s too sexxxy? I am. I had a six pound cyst removed, and can now reach my knees. I still have my buns of Steele. Often at night when I can’t sleep, I will remove my placental body mask and examine myself in front of my Pottery Barn mirror, slowly popping every zit, scab, and boil on this, my hunkalicious body.

    Ego stroking has beefed up my arms. Five times a week do the P9000x military insanity special forces workout. I have guns embedded in my biceps. I call them my gun’s guns. I can imagine myself being attractive at Costco or an urban White Castle.

    In the shower I use sulfuric acid like Draino. This helps me to exfoliate and keeps the plumbing clear. I have never had a clog.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I look forward to reading more from your upcoming memoir, The Buns of Steele Dossier.

    • CynicalOptimist

      Hyyyystericall!

  • The Wanderer

    I published three science fiction novels through a vanity publishing house. One of the horrifying things about it was that I had to do my own edits. Line by line, paragraph by god-damned paragraph.

    The last one was published in 2006. I still hate myself.

  • Anna Rompage

    So let me get this straight, Milo believes that trannies, ugly people, gay men, liberals, women, and pretty much anyone who isn’t an alt right toady is worth much less respect and dignity than someone that thinks gays should go back into the closet, that all women are harpies, that blacks are only good for their dicks, and that ugly people have no reason to live…

    Fuck this guy with a rusty chainsaw on a 30′ pole…

    • Thiazin Red

      He said he was only gay because women are too terrible.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, women took one look at him and thought “this is the guy who rolls over to sleep before his own orgasm.”

    • Edith Prickly

      I don’t think Milo believes these things in the sense most people mean when they use the verb “believe.” He knows he can provoke a reaction by saying them and yells “free speech” when people react. He’s a troll’s troll.

    • Susan

      … and don’t forget, anybody with a lazier daily beauty regime is beneath contempt.

  • Jgb979

    The summary above doesn’t even begin to capture the full extent of the mental breakdown and psychoses this book drove the editor to. Towards the end the comments are in all caps “NO!” “STOP IT!” “THIS IS WRONG!”

    I just hope the new necrinomicon is bound with holy water and buried in a sacred location preventing anyone else from having to read it’s contents.

    • brucej

      The last comment is most telling:

      “ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY”

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Like one of the reasons they pay you the advance is so you can hire an editor. They expect this shit to be taken care of.”

    Milo couldn’t afford a room full of chimps with typewriters. Those are really expensive.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “The Best of Times, the Blurst of Times.”

      • Dudleydidwrong

        “The Best of Times, the Wuirst of Times:” a cook book for today.

  • WiscoJoe

    My favorite part is that Milo thinks that Bumble and Bumble is some sort of secret discovery that is only available in boutique salons in Europe. I buy that shit at Walgreens.

    Has there ever been a more out-of-touch “populist” movement than the Trumpsters?

    (Also, pro-tip to guys like Milo: learning to love yourself is easier, more fulfilling, and sustainable than a convoluted beauty regime. Also… cocaine is terrible for the skin/hair. Clean living and self-worth go a long way to radiating beauty inside and out.)

    • “If you can’t love yourself, how is anyone else gonna love you?” -RuPaul

      • WiscoJoe

        “I can imagine finding myself attractive in a nightclub or bar.”

        This is just soul-crushingly sad. I pity this guy. He doesn’t even see himself as attractive, he can only imagine doing so, and then only in the context of a nightclub or bar and with a purely physical and shallow definition of attractiveness.

        http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/53/53ebfa98cea7ef9d6e3efe87cff9df8cc7a518a37bc1b74944ebafcd272a9f8f.jpg

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I hear that. I spend most of my teenage years loving myself. Of course it was tough love…

    • Thiazin Red

      I was reading recaps of 50 Shades, and EL James wrote about Twinings like it was some fancy European shit instead of something slightly better than normal you can find at any supermarket. This is just like that.

      • It’s above Lipton for sure but it’s no Oolong imported from Nepal or anything.

    • Daniel

      A boutique salon in East London means “an overpriced salon that’s a product of gentrification pricing actual East Londoners out of their homes and killing the culture that drew the gentrifiers there in the first place”.

    • Katamount

      Aw, but introspection is scary and its easier (and more lucrative) to project my Catholic self-loathing onto everyone else!

    • Susan

      Bumble & Bumble might be upscale … except Wegmans has it too, and that’s a freaking grocery store.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    “you’re best points”. His editor needs and editor.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Hi. Would you like to join our ugly club?

    • Tj McGee Wright

      That one was a head scratcher. I know his every instinct is to throw some poop wordage all like “HA-HA!”
      But everyone in America thinks of Hollywood and actors as some sort of liberal Mecca. He gets so over-excited in the act that he forgets to provide any meaning! Easy mistake I guess.

    • The Wanderer

      Sure! I’m catastrophically ugly.

    • Katamount

      On that topic… does Milo think of himself as one of the beautiful people? Because he looks like a church lady.

    • brucej

      Heh! I just got my drivers license renewed, for which they had to take a new picture.

      They make you take off your glasses, then tell you to look at something you can’t see any more (I joke “my next prescription is a dog”). I also meant to trim my beard before I went in and forgot, so now my drivers license photo looks all like “The police are searching for this man, believed to be homeless, as a witness…”

      So where do I sign up for your club? I am interested in your newsletter!

  • Nounverb911

    “I often take calls with my European staff early in the morning.”

    So a domestic staff isn’t good enough for you?

    • natoslug

      Milo loves all the staffs.

  • Lisa M. Ellis

    Seriously miss being able to slam down the phone.

  • BruceMcGlory

    So. The world’s most worthless human being is even more worthless than we thought.
    I am Bruce’s complete lack of surprise.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    There are publishing standards, even for the effusions of Right-Wing Pedo Narcissist Loonies?

    This is bad news for Milady M’Noonan o’ Nuttyborough.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I’d like to see this editor do a once-over on one of Trump’s speeches.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “The Collected Speeches of President Donald Trump:” a title no editor ever hopes to see when she opens a manuscript package.

      • Ellie

        They wouldn’t look like the same ones he gave. I’ve seen WH transcripts of a couple of his speeches. They are more what he was supposed to say, than what he actually said.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I have a theory that any sane person on the right. Is getting very sick of being on the wrong side of history and life. This should make it easy for us to win in 2020. However, I’m expecting Democrats to totally blow 2020 because we’ll nominate someone so far to the left we won’t be able to pick up the disgusted moderate Republicans.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “So far to the left” for moderate Rethuglicans would be Dwight Eisenhower or Teddy Roosevelt.

      • Thiazin Red

        Would they nominate Regan today?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I want someone like Bill Clinton or Obama to run so that we can pick up the 10 percent of Republicans who aren’t bat shit insane.

    • Ling Ling

      Newt crawled out from his Vatican rock today to opine that “big wins” are right around the corner in the midterms. I hope he wrong.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        This is the guy who thought that the Impeachment push in ’98 would pay off for the Rethugs in the midterms, and wound up nearly losing the House for the GOP…and DID lose his job as a result.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’m pretty sure he’s wrong.

    • There are no sane people on the right anymore.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Not many, but if we could pick them up we could win in 2020.

    • brucej

      “so far to the left” == “considerably to the right of Ronald Reagan”. This is the modern Democraptic Party, after all. Sigh.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’d settle for a Barack Obama or a Bill Clinton

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    So, is this the time and place for a black-dick joke?

    • Daniel

      No. There is nothing funny about this at all.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I dunno… Milo getting shot down by his editor is pretty funny.

        • Daniel

          I understand that some people find dick jokes funny, but if that’s your response to this tragedy I’m afraid you’re just a sociopath.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            I’m sorry, which tragedy was that again?

          • Hesavebread!

            Would it make a difference if it was a big throbby veiny dick? Am I doing this right?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            I’m probably the wrong person to ask.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Did I genuinely piss you off? I don’t get called a sociopath very often, so I’m unsure of how seriously I should take it.

          • Daniel

            It was a joke about a guy who got pissed off in the earlier thread. You’re fine.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Oh, okay. Thanks.

      • NastyBossetti

        Anyone who would joke about this is a sociopath with a severe lack of empathy.

    • brucej

      Only if it’s being told by Richard Pryor…

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Hey, I could use some dough.

    Will S&S pay me $80,000 to not write a book?

    I could totally do that.

    I could even fake them out and write a book, a publishable book, even!

    Waiting for their call.

  • Thiazin Red

    Comment A32 about the blood and semen must be a spirit cooking/pizza gate thing.

    • natoslug

      I thought it was the beauty regimen.

    • Daniel

      Or his theories on what real golems are like and how they’re being used to control (((global finance))).

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I assumed human sacrifice, but I could be wrong.

    • I was just about to write that it’s a Spirit Cooking reference. Yanno is Alex Jones’ dumber little brother.

  • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

    I really like American Psycho, but I don’t want it to be real life.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Whose idea was it that the Age of Reason had to end?

    • Daniel

      Jean Paul Sartre’s editor?

    • little miss high and mighty

      Yet another overlooked Sartre title. (humourless but insightful book)

  • Yanno has no argument, just punch-down invective aimed at women and minorities.

    • Daniel

      Same as it ever was.

      • Funny how even some MSM outlets bought the line that he’s ‘edgy’, there’s nothing edgy about repeating centuries-old calumnies.

        I think his fifteen minutes of fame is over.

        • Daniel

          I bloody hope so.

          • I think that, from now on, it’s nothing but post-mortems. His big comeback tour at Berkeley was a bust, and the 4chan crowd doesn’t need him anymore.

  • NastyBossetti

    My trainer is also named Will, but he doesn’t bring me breakfast and fancy water. I feel cheated.

  • CatDog

    Milo’s text is clearly without any discernible value, but these editor’s comments should be published as a stand alone volume of poetry. Comment A32 seems to this reader to attain a very special kind of tactile intensity with its searing evocations of semen, blood, and Satan. Bravo!

    • Daniel

      If you’re going to publish poetry it’s best to plagiarise Tori Amos and then claim it was a joke.

      • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

        ♫ You bet your life it is… ♫

    • Courser_Resistance

      Inquiring minds want to know what THAT was all about!

  • capnkrunch

    Ready for some stupid reactions from stupid people (to be fair, most replies in this thread are “how fucking stupid can you be?”). FREEZE PEACH!!!
    https://twitter.com/TheConsulyetti/status/946391324915306496
    This one looks OK so far…
    https://twitter.com/TheConsulyetti/status/946401138085187585
    Fuck. Should’ve known from the name.
    https://twitter.com/GrasshopperEC/status/946432703574011904
    Guns are speech too!
    https://twitter.com/CaliDeplorable2/status/946418727175647233
    No Nazi. No Nazi. You’re the Nazi!

    There’s more but…bleh. Here’s a better thread:
    https://twitter.com/adamsteinbaugh/status/946397123460980739

    • Daniel

      So they became liberal by not agreeing with Milo?

      Words really don’t mean anything to these people.

      • capnkrunch

        They just use alternate definitions.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      All these twats have problems understanding words. Even one-syllable ones.

      • capnkrunch

        Right? The First Amendment is somewhat above supermarket tabloid level but it’s one sentence and the relevant part is pretty fucking clear.

        Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

        • Lord Jim

          tl;dr

          • capnkrunch

            Heh. I see what you did there.

        • brucej

          Well to be fair, THEIR version of the US Constitution is, how shal I say this? Oh yeah, crazy:

          YOO-ESS CONSTITOOSHUN:

          FIRST AMENMENDMENT: JEEBUS!!! NO GAYS OR MOOSLIMBS ALLOWED!

          SECOND AMMOMENDMUNT: GUNZ GUNZ GUNZ!

          BUNCHA BULLSHIT HIPPIESTUFF!

          TENTH AINTMENDMENT: FEDERAL GUMMINT AIN’T THE BOSS OF ME!!!

          BUNCHMORE HIPPIE STUFF AND LETTIN THE N****S and WIMMIN VOTE HAHHAHA! NO THEY CANT!

          ‘MERICA FUCK YEAH!!!

    • Raan
    • natoslug

      Wait, did Milo Yappinouthisass actually win $10M? Or is Turnip making shit up again? I refuse to believe a sane jury or judge would award him anything short of a trip home and a ban on re-entry into the U.S..

      • capnkrunch

        Would you be surprised if I told you the Trumpbot was straight up lying? Because it was. The publisher filed a motion to dismiss and the judge denied it. That’s all that’s happened.

        Personally, I don’t think Milo ever intended to win this. The damages he’s asking for seem outrageous to me and the complaint seems to be 90% conspiracy theory. IANAL, but the contract looks pretty airtight. It says the publisher can terminate the contract if they find the completed work to be editorially unsatisfactory and that is exactly what the termination letter says.

        I think Milo just wants to create controversy to get himself back in the news and promote the book (which he ended up self-publishing). The complaint is 100% about breach of contract and 0% about free speech but they know that they can sell it as a free speech issue and the rubes will buy (and indeed have bought) it hook, line, and sinker.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    I’d hate to find out what would happen if a prose person was subjected to revisions.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

    Milo Hanrahan’s editor deserves a Pulitzer for his editing. “Unclear, unfunny, delete” … it’s just oozing with ooze for the bleached fop. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7c4573a8b0bcb38ebc9fa3782cbceb1f1575510ad6ac9793e5b9b7f1a78e3943.gif

    • BrianW

      In fairness, “unclear, unfunny, delete” could be applied to any, or even all, aspects of Milo’s life.

  • Daniel

    “Will stands on my feet”

    while everyone else should be obliged to stand on their own.

  • Professor Fate

    Having worked in publishing many years ago and even then marveled at the junk that managed to get put into print (for example Ivana White’s memoirs) I have to say this article warms me to the cockles of my coal black heart. Bless you Mr. Editor. Your savagery has brought many of us joy.

    • Hesavebread!

      I recently reviewed a book on the British Army in 1920 where both the author and an editor (if there was one) thought that Jan Smuts, Prime Minister of South Africa in the 1920s was a woman. That is the worst I’ve seen for a while.

      All I have to worry about is that my editors take out jokes they don’t understand.

      • Ellie

        Gobsmacked.

      • mclepus

        My grandfather was his personal tailor.

        • Hesavebread!

          Her dressmaker? : ). Wow, that is cool.

          • mclepus

            ha ha ha.

      • B. Barr

        Years ago I read an article in Vanity Fair on the designers Charles & Ray Eames.
        The author said they were BROTHERS (they’re man and wife)

        How did something like that get past an editor?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Not forgetting the “George Gershwin and his lovely wife, Ira” gaffe.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I thought that Jan Smuts was Oma Paul Kruger’s step-sister. Live and learn!

  • Marion in Savannah

    Oh, Holy Shit… (I may rework that as a new Trumpian Christmas Carol next week). That’s some effing wicked editing. I assume the poor editor bathed in brain bleach after the job was over.

    • Raan

      Oh holy shit
      Oh holy shit
      This is just so damn fucked up

    • Me not sure

      The Simon & Schuster editing staff performed the largest mass wrist slitting in publishing history.

  • Red Bird

    Thanks Wonkette. I can now finish my day with a permanent smile.

  • Wuulf
  • shivaskeeper

    I used to edit a lot of military correspondence. Awards bullets and narratives, evaluations, and various memos and requests.

    Roughly 1/3 of the writers were functionally illiterate. Even then, I would have to request this many corrections.

  • Daniel Hooper

    May God have mercy on that poor editor’s soul for being subjected to that nonsense. Seriously, I think reading the Necronomicon or The King In Yellow would have less of a damaging effect on your psyche. Gotta appreciate those savage takes, though. I’m sure Robyn’s an absolutely wonderful editor to work with, right?

    Also, Linda? Linda? Linda? LLLLLIIINNNNDDDAAA! Props on the Archer line(also: Danger Zone)

  • Bren

    I had nothing to do with him coming to America, but I beg your forgiveness, as an Englishman, for inflicting this English psycho on you.

    Two words that may allow us to look better in your eyes, and so you don’t think we are all the same ….. John…… Oliver.

    • Daniel

      I feel some consolation knowing he had to go to America to get attention because everyone in Britain was too British to give him any.

      • Uncle Mark

        I loved an UK opinion piece about Milo that started off by saying that ‘Milo sad secret was that he was too tedious and dull to get any attention here, so he left for America’

  • OrdinaryJoe

    You’re flavor of the month one day and then suddenly it’s like you’ve become moldy left overs.

  • Katamount

    Oooh, I hope his book contains a lengthy analysis of Huey Lewis and Phil Collins!

  • Gorillionaire

    “You’re like a young Christopher Hitchens!” – noted shithead Bill Maher

    • brucej

      “Destined to die an embittered alcoholic, who has betrayed pretty much every principle you’ve ever held”…

    • alpacapunchbowl

      JFC, I hate Bill Maher. Not as much as I hate Paul Ryan, JeffieBo Sessions or McYertl, but what a piece of shit. I’ve never understood his appeal.

  • Bitter Scribe

    The difference between Milo and “American Psycho” is that the psycho just [SPOILER ALERT] fantasized about his crimes without actually committing them.

    (In the movie, at least. I’ll never know what happened in the book. I got about 20 pages into “Less Than Zero,” and that was enough to put me off Bret Easton Ellis for the rest of my life.)

    • Katamount

      So… does this mean we don’t get to see blood-drenched nude Milo drop a chainsaw on somebody?

  • Joshua Norton

    For the amount of money they shelled out, you’d think that Simon & Scrhuster could at least have found a literate bigot. I mean, they must have heard him talk before. Did they think he’d suddenly become a Rhodes Scholar in print?

    And they’re probably revving up to make the same mistake with Omarosa.

    • Of course, they could have given that money to Anita Sarkeesian or Leslie Jones and they’d have gotten a best-seller decrying cyber-bullying.

    • therblig

      depending on which market she intends to go after, does she put “Camelot” or “Plantation” in the title?

      • Hesavebread!

        Why not both?

  • Peter Walford

    This dickhead ventured Down Under recently, looking for other dickheads. In all honesty, I must admit that he found one or two. Sad!

    • Courser_Resistance

      King of the Dickheads!

    • Sekhmet1

      To think I actually wanted one of those dickheads to be our Prime Minister in 2004. I would never have thought I’d be grateful for Howard being re-elected – we may have dodged a bullet. (Though maybe losing sent Latham on his downward spiral into misogyny, trolling and cosying up to Nazis and if he’d made it to the Lodge he might have stayed on the side of decent human being? … Yeah nah, we still dodged a bullet I think.)

      • CatDog

        I was thinking the exact same thing over my farax this morning. There are now two good things one has to admit Howard achieved: gun laws and beating that utter bastard, Latham. Next he’ll morph into an actually admirable human being like Fraser (haha. no he won’t).

  • Manders

    That beauty routine should make any person with actual problems want to beat him to death with a rasher of bacon, or stand on his feet until they crumble into dust.

    • clubseal

      And who the hell even says “rasher of bacon”?

      • Hesavebread!

        My butler.

      • C4TWOMAN

        It’s legit if you’re Brit or talking about certain cuts.

        • clubseal

          Or a pretentious asshole.

        • Sekhmet1

          Yep, definitely a Brit thing. I haven’t eaten bacon in decades, but I think we Aussies call them rashers too.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    “This is not the time or place for another black dick joke” is my new automatic response to hearing or reading the names of Ben Carson or Paris Dennard

  • Sekhmet1

    Wow. Somebody tell me who that editor is, I want to buy him or her a drink.

    I felt a scintilla of pity for Hanrahan when I read some of those notes, then got over that within a nanosecond (especially since he didn’t write it himself anyway, and the ghostwriter clearly would be better off in another occupation). Trying to edit that mess must have been migraine inducing.

    • brucej

      “A drink”??? I expect he or she needs a new liver by now…

      • Sekhmet1

        Agreed – I certainly would if I had to try and edit that book shaped thing.

  • I’m surprised that Yannopolous didn’t include a chapter made up entirely out of Pepe memes.

  • Tetman Callis

    Maybe this has been posted already and maybe not, and if it has, here it is again:

    https://iappscontent.courts.state.ny.us/NYSCEF/live/EXHIBIT_B.pdf

    This hyperlink, when copied to your browser’s go-there window and entered upon, should open up the marked-up manuscript for your drinking, dining, dissing, and downloading pleasure. It will take a few moments or seconds or minutes to download (it is a 267-page PDF).

    It worked for me. If it doesn’t work for you, there’s the long way in, which I can tell you about absolutely free of charge, upon your explicit request (which I am sincerely hoping you will not make).

    • Daniel

      This is the first thing Milo’s written that I’ve ever read. He’s a terrible, terrible writer.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He isn’t even a writer. He’s a writer-shaped object. A terrible, terrible writer-shaped object.

    • Grokenstein

      Thank you very much! …However, having read the “beauty regime” posted in the article, maybe I’ve read enough “I, I, I, I, I” for one day.

  • clubseal

    *desperately searches the internet for the best “WTF” meme*
    Aw, fuck it. I’ll just say this guy’s a goddamn psychopath.

  • gratuitous

    I pity the schlub and Simon & Schuster who had to actually read this dreck with his or her own personal eyeballs. I’d guess that this kind of shit-bound-in-hardcover ordinarily just gets printed, waiting for the bulk sales. The “book” next appears as a giveaway to the suckers who sign up for the Konservative Karibbean Kruise where they’ll get a chance to meet Milo in person. At least, when Milo’s not locked in his stateroom gulping down booze.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Beauty regime moved to box at end of chapter, after Nietzsche section

    This editor comment is a particularly brilliant piece of absurdity.

    • Sekhmet1

      I’m struggling to pick a favourite but that’s definitely up there.

      • Courser_Resistance

        The blood and semen thing is another gem.

        • Sekhmet1

          And I’m with Sarah Mei on the phrase “if you’re going to make a case for [batshit bonkers argument] you’re going to have to employ a lot more intellectual rigour than you use here” is magnificent.

          This reminds me of a case where our Court of Appeal absolutely savaged the way defence counsel at trial (who’s notorious for prolonging trials with silly arguments and using a pet neuropsychologist to pathologise witnesses whom the neuropsychologist has never met let alone examined) had run it. Phrases like “fishing expedition”, “no discernible case theory emerges from that cross-examination”, “scattergun approach” and “the overriding impression from the transcript is that the defence were clutching at straws” are basically judgespeak for, “Jesus Horatio Christ, mate, you have spectacularly fucked this up, that transcript is EXCRUCIATINGLY bad”. Every barrister reading it would have been cringing (as well as relieved it wasn’t them). These edits surpass those for sick burns in a professional context.

          • Hesavebread!

            FSM that is cold.

  • bbayliss

    Bunk and hokem

  • Notreelyhelping

    I’m a pro editor by profession, and, until skimming this text, I had no idea that I had it so good.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    I don’t like casting aspersions but that Milo fellow appears to be a bit of an ass…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I’ll thank you to leave Milo’s asparagus out this!

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I dont know, I want to hear Milo’s thoughts on Huey Lewis and The News myself

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Unlike ole Patrick, I doubt Milo admires anyone’s work ethic. Work is for suckers.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Okay, this might not be the most ridiculous thing in the article, but he’s bragging that he discovered Bumble and Bumble in a “boutique salon in East London”? I was buying that stuff at Ulta nearly 20 years ago. Fucking dipshit. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e56bd624ff8116ba590139bd120d1f6c254cc10d0452f7239d0c094cec2d1c16.gif

    • Jennaratrix

      Right? Glad I’m not the only one who noticed or got annoyed at that.

    • redblack

      aveda spas have carried B&B forever.

  • Pookabun
    • alpacapunchbowl

      Now we’re (spirit) cooking!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      So this is like Worcester Sauce but with less Wor and more Jizz?

      The TLM Cookbook, coming soon over the copy editor’s dead body from Simon & Schuster.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Feel for the poor editor having to read and comment on that sorry piece of shite.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/242dc7c65448d446635cfbc20641a0fe36c40be5158fe00fadad29469bb0089a.gif

  • President in Exile Firefly

    If there’s hazard pay for copy editors, this one deserves it.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That copy editor should get to use the “Pour les mutilés de la guerre” seats in the Paris Métro.

  • Bitter Scribe

    For all his carrying on about whining snowflakes etc., it seems Milo is pretty much a whiner himself:

    Progressive identity politics ignores basic human realities. Being yourself out there in public on social media and in culture, is an act of violence towards somebody. If you live authentically as yourself as an adult, there will be repercussions. Not everyone will like you. People will be cruel to you on Twitter. Some people may even want you dead. This is a fact of life and it is not changed by all the “abuse and harassment” policies in all of Silicon Valley.

    Basically the book–as much of it as I could stand–is one long paean to his own greatness, leavened with puerile insults against everyone who annoys him, which is pretty much everyone.

    • Daniel

      It has the petty, hurt, whining quality of an adolescent’s diary. The “irony” is a defence against criticism rather that a challenging indictment of social norms- it’s a preemptive response to anyone accusing him of meaning what he says, or revealing anything about himself. It sadly reveals too much. He is very fragile, very brittle, and utterly desperate for approval.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Hmm, does that sound like a President we know? No, no, not Obama. That other guy. The kompro one.

      • Sekhmet1

        That was my reaction too. He seems pathetically insecure and filled with self-loathing.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Living authentically as himself apparently does not include mentioning that his real name is Hanrahan.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Jesus, it’s dire when your prose is a bad imitation of Brett Easton Ellis. I mean, that shit is already a destitute version of Oscar Wilde.

  • Mavenmaven

    Sad times when Milo and Ben Shapiro are considered “writers” and “intellectuals”.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      By “the people”

  • Grokenstein

    I have never seen edits like this

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYcweKLnOzc

  • YouInDangerGirl!

    H.P. Lovecraft has nothing on this aging twink. “Milo’s Beauty Regime” is a master class in creeping terror. By the time I finished reading, I was ready to crawl out of my own butthole. S&S could have saved themselves a lot of grief if they had just repackaged the book as horror.

  • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

    Comment A32 reads like a negative Yelp review I’d leave for a particularly boring leather bar.

  • FlownΩver

    Evidently with all the turds in this punchbowl of a book there’s no room left for punch. Help yourself to a hearty quaff, Milo.

  • Jennaratrix

    I use an aftershave balm with tea tree oil, even though I have never had a pimple.

    Yeah, right. You’re one giant pimple, Milo, and I don’t believe for a second you’ve NEVER had one.

    (I know, of all the things to jump out at me…)

    • javadavis

      It caught my eye, too (then my eye got away, but still you are not alone)

  • mancityRed6

    he’s done right? this is it? no more? please, Lord, say no more of him

  • ibwilliamsi

    Once upon a time he dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in his prime…

    I can’t wait until Milo’s without a home, a complete unknown, like a rolling stone.

    • Daniel

      Like Brian Jones?
      With a sheaf of votes.

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        But you know something is happening here,
        But you don’t know what it is,
        Do you, Mr. Jones?

  • Wes

    Look up the letters written back and forth from the editor to Milo. He tries REALLY hard to sound cultured, sophisticated, and important. It’s really very sad.

    https://iapps.courts.state.ny.us/webcivil/FCASSearch
    Index number: 0654668/2017

    • Wes

      Some highlights (lowlights?):
      – I consider critical to making the case for me as a cultural icon in my own right as well as America’s most relevant cultural and political critic.”

      -Also — important — I don’t want the book to come across as whiny or self-justifying and that will be the case if we have Leslie Jones material followed by alt-right/white supremacist material”

      – We need more personal anecdotes / more insight into my life — shopping, hotels, entourage, secret celebrity rendezvous, spending habits, haircare regime — proper 90s girl glam and the whole Ken doll from the underworld
      thing as I relate that to a tortured adolescence.

      -Each chapter could start with a little tableau (see the Ugly chapter for an example) each designed to give a flavour of The MILO Experience and tips on how to be more like me, ending on something redeeming or amusing

      – Do I need an expanded section explicitly laying out why allegations of white supremacy etc are so totally absurd? My approach has been to let the black dick jokes speak for themselves.

      – I still need to add more contemporary pop culture references and disses to really wind up social justice warriors aged 22 and not just SJWs 32 as currently

      • Daniel

        He’s so needy.

      • Grokenstein

        His “i” key has to be replaced twice daily.

        • Daniel

          He wouldn’t have had that problem if he’d remained Hanrahan.

      • Edith Prickly

        What a pathetic WANKER. Your moment’s over, Milo. Go knit.

      • Sekhmet1

        “I don’t want the book to come across as whiny or self-justifying”… You mean that 267 page epic whinge wasn’t intentional??? I hate to think what it would be like if he was *trying* for that.

        • phoenix00

          He can’t help not coming across as whiny and self-justifying.

  • John Lo

    $225,000 up front.
    As an advance.
    You nailed it up front, that some of the advance money is used to hire an editor.

  • Sonja

    I feel bad for Aveda.

    • leslie

      i actually read american psycho abt 2 yes ago……all of the above…..but…best of all…..ellis name drops donald t . 1 8 x…yes…1 8 x….plus the 2d wife once….just sayin…..and yes …that is v close to plagiarism….that segment on his “grooming routine”…..say you love satan!

  • YouInDangerGirl!

    BTW, if anyone wants to read the docs, stick this address in your browser: http://iapps.courts.state.ny.us/iscroll/ and enter this index number: 654668/2017.

    • anomie

      Good work.

      • YouInDangerGirl!

        Thank you!

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    I’m gonna go back and read the article, but I just thought I’d mention I literally just got nauseous looking at that picture of the little bitch. This probably makes me a “triggered snowflake”, so I guess he wins, if you consider that making people want to vomit is a “win”. This would make you a piece of shit, technically, but hey, you do you, you fucking troll losers.

  • WIDTAP

    “Trannies….Raises the question of what argument it wouldn’t derail”

    “My ’86 Chevy has gone through 3 trannies.”
    You’re welcome.

    • (((Aron)))

      Get a Muncie Rock Crusher. Trust me on that ;)

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7d3164eeb117b94eb4c0f6d243f5980dfc617d985518695498dde7bfb9c068f9.png

    This should be wonkette’s tagline forever and ever and ever and ever and ever

    • (((Aron)))

      Except that the opposite ALWAYS holds true!

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Or more generally, dick jokes of all kinds, shapes and sizes.

        • CatDog

          let’s all stand for dick joke diversity!

        • phoenix00

          And colors.

      • Maybe a whole book of black dick jokes would be preferable to the alternative drivel.

        • (((Aron)))

          I believe just about anything would be preferable to said drivel!

  • Jay Hansen

    Wasn’t he boohooing recently about have his snivel-rights violated?

  • Thanks for this. First time I’ve laughed out loud at someone’s narcissism. It’s called Bumble and Bumble… and no one’s heard of it but me…

    • Edith Prickly

      That may be true for the Breitbart commentariat.

  • Zyxomma

    I watched American Psycho on Christmas day. I like Mary Harron’s film much more than the book, which I didn’t really like at all. Bret Easton Ellis wrote about women as if they were men, leading me to believe he had no personal experience with women, other than the most superficial, e.g. giving his drink order to a cocktail waitress.

    Milo apparently has had no interaction whatsoever with the human race. I pity the poor editors.

  • BMW

    I was going to make a wisecrack about one of Hannity or Limbaugh’s books, but that’d be more of a dig at their professional ghost-writers.

  • Jezzam

    Milo is so weird. And, not the cool intriguing kind of weird. He’s the “ate his boogers and gave other kids dirty looks for it” kind of weird. What a fuckface

    • phoenix00

      Weird is fine. Self-contradicting flagellation for money? Noooooo.

  • S&S should publish the book – AS IS, *with* all the comments!

    • Left Coast Tom

      Technically they already did…the purchase price is $0, just download it from the New York Courts site.

      The purchase price won’t help generate royalty money for The MILO Experience.

      • phoenix00

        Nor the counselling necessary after that trauma.

  • covfefesumgame0005

    heh heh “fecal matter” +anal-ologies! yes i am just an over-grown kid :)

  • chronozoan

    and The Spencer Family were paying him for what now?

  • mailman27

    So this is what the young intellectuals are up to these days? Primping and product name-dropping? Can’t wait to read more of this fascinating leading-edge thinking. Perhaps Milo’s asshole and ball washing regimen will be published very soon!

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    ….that “personal beauty regime”:……. I can’t even………..

    • anomie

      Yeah, really. I’m a woman and I don’t spend half as much time or effort. And I’m pretty sure I look just fine.

      • NoniMausa

        Yes, and I’m a retired woman and look rather like Walter Cronkite and I don’t care a fig what Milo and his kin think.

    • ladycat713

      Looks like a beauty regime by Narcissus because he obviously loves himself.

    • Sekhmet1

      Not for the first time, I think old mate really hates himself – from what I gleaned skimming the book for the rest of the editor’s notes, it’s all talking himself up to the point that he sounds pathogically insecure. I may be wrong since I’ve never met the guy and he could well be really as self-enamoured as he comes across, but the overriding impression I get every time I see something about his histrionics is one of a Class A, 24 carat Sad Bastard.

  • The funniest thing about this whole sordid kerfuffle is Yianno’s assertion that he’s a cultural icon.

    I refuse to call him ‘Milo’. If there’s anybody who can claim the title of a one-name Milo, it’s Milo Aukerman

    • Sekhmet1

      Milo is the brand name of a chocolate milk powder here. I am sometimes tempted to call him “Ovaltine” for that reason, except he’s far less palatable and it’s a pretty weak joke that probably would get lost in translation.

      • Andrea

        I’m glad I’m not the only one struggling with attributing the name of a great drink and ice-cream topping to this desperate boy. The lesser Ovaltine works for me.

      • Iestyn

        Akta-Vite?

        • Sekhmet1

          Bloody hell, I had completely forgotten that stuff! We had it when I was a kid, I used to put it on cereal like Weetbix (pre-coeliac diagnosis) to make it more palatable.

    • Katamount

      I just call him Milo Minderbinder. Except Minderbinder was a successful scam artist.

  • Ducksworthy

    That thumb to forefinger O and the three raised fingers is the world wide symbol announcing “I’m an asshole!” Trump uses it all the time. In fact, Trump came up with the asshole.

    • NoniMausa

      What creeps me out is that that hand position is also a mudra, used by the Buddhas to transmit teachings. It makes me wonder if that’s part of how Trump gets anyone to ever listen to him, sort of like being in the beam of a malfunctioning microwave oven. Ewww.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I can only assume the chapter that was deemed unnecessary concerned the greatness of Huey Lewis and the News.

  • ladycat713

    My favorite comment is the one about people at trump rallies

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • Tania

      It is Bob Downe’s love child!

  • topless exclamation

    Yikes that excerpt is beyond boring. Glaring narcissism. You can see why Trump had to have someone else write his books, otherwise it’d be all “me” and “I” sentences for three hundred pages. And boring a.f. Not worth the paper it’s written on.

  • Sekhmet1

    Splinter (one of the Jezebel sites – my phone won’t let me post the link, damn it) has the whole sorry opus embedded in its post. I skimmed a bit of it here and there in order to make sense of some of the editorial notes; it really seems to be all about how hot he claims he is, mixed in with a load of tired, juvenile and tedious tropes about feminists, slurs about lesbians and fetishism of black men. It’s cheap, vulgar and boring.

    Entertaining as the editor’s comments are, the more I think about it the more annoyed I am on behalf of the many talented writers who often have to struggle for years to get a publisher to even look at their stuff, and this particular S&S imprint insists on throwing good money at a poisonous, intellectually stunted individual just because he’s supposedly “controversial”.

  • frrolfe

    Just read that he raked in AU$1million in appearance fees during his recent trip to OZ.

    • I suspect that’s a fair amount of hyperbole on his part. I can’t imagine any institutions would pay him more than a few K. His brand is terrible, and he’s fast approaching his ‘sell by’ date.

      • Sekhmet1

        Yeah, it’s a claim by the promoters. Penthouse allegedly paid him $250K. Which, even if true, is not $1mil, either in AUD or USD.

    • whackamole

      fake news alert! megalomania!

    • Must be true being on the internet. Except…it aint

    • RoniOh

      Nope, not even anywhere near true. Our Immigration Minister wouldn’t give him a visa last year owing to the fact that he was “not a fit and proper person” (*cough-politiciansarentallowedtosayheisanasshole-cough*). So Milo came back with his tail between his legs and offered to do most venues for free (he did three in total).

      Here’s the crowd pic from his premier Australian speaking event. It’s even sadder than Trump’s inauguration. There’s probably 60-70 people in that room, tops, half of whom are media. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/36eddab55a620b2bac3b91222eb5601810a785d75dd8b8f1a293ba21052223d7.png

      • frrolfe
        • Sekhmet1

          Where in that article does it say anything about the speaking fees? I can’t see any reference to that at all.

          • frrolfe

            Whatever. I was quoting a report from Fairfax. I was passing on a report from the Age/SMH. Milo is a scumbag but, and this is important, he will not appear anywhere without a payout. He is a performance artist on the same level as Alex Jones and the Sydney shock jocks. Do they do what they do for exposure bucks?

          • Sekhmet1

            No, not “whatever.” You posted a link to the same article multiple times seeking to refute others’ comments, but the article itself doesn’t contain a reference supporting the point you were making. That’s why I was initially confused. I’m not questioning that he gets an appearance fee, and $250K is an obscene amount of money as it is if true, but the $1mil is best described as a claim, nothing more, and is said to reflect merchandise sales, not solely appearance fees.

          • frrolfe

            Talk about splitting hairs. A million is a million, no matter whether it’s from fees or merchandise. What is your point? My point, already stated, is that he’s in it for the money and is doing well out of it. Take up your concerns with Fairfax. I was passing on a report from them.

      • Tosca

        And one of whom is Pauline Hanson, who is Australia’s Tea Party all by herself.

        • Tania

          Would have been so much better had Pauline Pantsdown attended. I think the country was a bit ‘whatever’ about his visit so he had to pay some trouble makers to stir up trouble that hardly even made the media. He should have visited Derryn Hinch to learn how to create a stir – referred to as the human headline.

          • Tosca

            I would have paid money to watch him interact with Pauline Pantsdown. I wonder what she’s up to these days?

  • Bangkok Taxi

    Milo who?
    Meh

  • phoenix00

    HEY us here at our Wonkette have the exclusive rights to (black) dick jokes. EXCLUSIVE.

  • lol lol lol as if that little bint eats 4 eggs and two rashers of bacon per day

  • ContextIsKey

    I skimmed the book and the editor’s comments. The book is a combination of Milo’s typical insults against women, transgenders, Muslims etc., and ghostwriter Allum Bokhari’s writing on how the far right should fight the culture wars. Bokhari doesn’t break any new ground but does give a useful summary of the far right’s goals and tactics, and that part would be new to a lot of normies who only get their news about the far right from mainstream sources.

    The editor tries valiantly to help Milo turn the book into something that is useful to the cause because the editor is completely on board with the far right’s goals. Milo’s team will use the commented version and the updates they made to the manuscript to say “look we took out all the black dick jokes like they asked and S&S still didn’t publish! Unfair! We want all our money.”

  • SeeTrainWrecked

    “I could not possibly have plagiarized American Psycho because I’m British! QED, LIBTARDS!” – Milo

    • Hesavebread!

      Ah yes, he’s an immigrant. Yet another reason for his self-loathing.

      • Last Hussar

        But he’s so much more suited to America than here.

        • Jesse4

          We weren’t really serious about that wretched refuse business.

  • RoniOh

    When your aunt from Miami with the drinking problem comes to visit.

    .
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3c627ffced10288ee5bf0bc90cbf66bc00f4a53fe0ba527ab312045c6ed0b903.png

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Jesus Fucking Christ, not even a real Louis Vuitton. I can spot that cheap, I-bought-it-on-canal-street, fake a mile away.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    And, oh, btw –

    leftists are curious why they lost in 2016

    We’re not even close to being that stupid. He’s trying to pretend that Trump (and, by extension, the alt-right) has a mandate, based on a fucking tweet, no less. They wore the electoral college victory as a badge of honor for all of two seconds until even the dumbest among them realized that doing so would lead the rest of us to question the utility of the electoral college. Then they went back to trying to pretend his election victory was a mandate.

    Clowns, all of them.

  • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

    I want a book of the editors comments..

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Embedded in the editors story about the experience!

    • NoniMausa

      You may enjoy this, then, till your copy of “Milo’s Editor” arrives. slushpilehell.tumblr.com/

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        These are quite fine…

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    He also calls it regime, instead of regimen, to add the extra soupcon of despot bootlicking

  • There is nothing better than this.

  • ken_kukec

    “Beauty regime moved to box at end of chapter, after Nietzsche section.”

    As did the master himself. I recall the box about exfoliation at the end of chapter one of Ecce Homo.

    • and you KNOW the editor was giggling when he wrote that sentence

  • Shawn Ullerup

    The stupidest thing Bill Maher ever said–in a career replete with gaffes–was to compare Milo to his face to a “young, gay Christopher Hitchens”.

    Before his death in 2011, Hitch was a regular panelist on “Real Time”. Had he been there that night, he’d have chucked his rock glass full of Johnny Walker Black right into Maher’s temple for such an insult.

    • Katamount

      For all Hitchens’ flaws, the man was a polemicist like I’ve never seen. He was gifted with the written and spoken word and clearly knew his subject matter. Milo is so lazy that he farms out his own work to unpaid interns. He has all of three beats he just hits over and over again.

      I was ambivalent about Hitchens, but I’ll defend him from even being whispered in the same breath as Milo.

      • Shawn Ullerup

        Precisely. I’ll hand Milo this: both he and Hitchens have panache, and that is where all positive comparisons stop. What Christopher Hitchens sometimes lacked in depth of knowlege he more than made up for in breadth and rhetorical ability (being a journalist he was therefore expected to be a generalist). Milo has neither depth, nor breadth, just an uncanny ability to sell himself perversely to hillbillies with tired and false talking points. Hitch was also a fearless pugilist beyond compare who could slay the likes of Milo with one well-placed bon mot six times before he hit the ground.

        • Katamount

          He made his bones with the GamerGate crowd; tells you all you really need to know about him right there.

      • “He has all of three beats he just hits over and over again.” – that’s really the ultimate recipe for success as an internet columnist. David Brooks has been doing it for 15 years.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    And, wait – now I fucking remember why he looks so fucking familiar

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivan_Okhlobystin

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      My first reaction was, evil has many faces.
      On reading the article, it seems like in comparison to Milo, Ivan is just colorful.
      He may also be Terrible for all I know.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        He wants gays to be burned in ovens. Given his fashion sense (Google Image Search is your frieeeend) he should go first.

        • Husband Of Mrs God

          Ah, did not pick that up in the article. Ivan is a vicious madman.

  • Katamount

    I’m still somewhat baffled by what it was S&S thought a Milo book would be. Did they actually read his Breitbart articles? Were they expecting something more coherent than those?

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      They were expecting sales based on the cult following, and underestimated the Niagara flow of sick, conceited bullshit.
      Had the commentary about sex with boys not surfaced, publication of this book might have been a scandal in its own right. Maybe S&S was already having second thoughts, and the boy sex thing gave them an out.

    • The acquisitions editor probably only had visions of dollar signs dancing in his head. Actual editing & fallout from publication? “not my department”

  • The Librarian

    Milolololololol

  • David Barnes

    Love how he had to point out that there was nothing sexual between him and his personal trainer.

  • Azazael

    God I love that book. The Ellis book, not the Milo one.

    • me too. Like a Stephen King horror take on ’80s consumerism & Wall St narcissism. Very disturbing, & I could never decide if the last couple chapters really happened or not.

  • GRH
    • Husband Of Mrs God

      It is clear that no one should have edited this. The raw, unfiltered BS MS should have been published to help M.Y. self destruct. It would have sold.
      What do facts matter in a deranged, perverted fever dream?

    • M.E. Lawrence

      “NO. IT. HAS. NOT.” really is beautiful.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Also sprach Milo. (Cue stolen dramatic fanfare.)

  • YourMom

    Nearly crying with laughter. This made my day.

  • Katey Brannum

    Made me feel soooo much better about the last comments I got from a reviewer.

  • InDogsWeTrust

    Killermartinis’ Slate article is one of the most shared on the site, even though it’s 3 years old. It’s still relevant. Also, KM rites gud. http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2014/12/linda_tirado_on_the_realities_of_living_in_bootstrap_america_daily_annoyances.html

    • LadyLaz

      Ah that was killer? So insightful

    • M.E. Lawrence

      But she demonstrates correct, economical use of language; eye for detail; and compassion. What a loser!

      Good piece, KM.

  • Talis

    Closeted Mullah Mike Pence and Milo make a cute couple.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      I do so like this idea, but isn’t the Stepford Veep a little old for our Milo? On the other hand, at this rate, the latter is going to need a sugar daddy.

      • Talis

        When it’s true love age doesn’t matter.

  • Dolmance

    I started reading that book, when my girlfriend told me there was a part coming up where a guy puts a live rat in a woman’s vagina, which made me drop it in the garbage. I’ve only done that with a few books. The reason was, the visuals created by the absolute hatred the author obviously felt toward women was literally making me sick to my stomach.

    There’s no way this Milo fuck hasn’t read that book cover to cover a dozen times, I’m sure. It’s a book Milo would have loved, for the salacious aspects, and which means, he knew what he was doing. I’d stake my life on it.

    That loathsome little shit.

    • whackamole

      Milo was engaged to a woman in 2011, when the engagement was broken Milo declared he chose to live as a gay because he didn’t want to deal with “crazy broads”. His world crusade against women had started. He blackmailed a woman Margot Huysman with dirty pictures, called her a “common slut, permanently unemployably in London” and refused to pay (£3, 000) for her work at the “Kernel”. Poor Margot was evicted from her flat, didn’t have money for the food! I didn’t find his marriage record in Hawaii, probably publicity stunt and hoax for money.

  • Moar Wordz

    ” I do not hope for a better world for anyone/I want no one to escape/ I want my pain inflicted on others… ” – M.Y

    Great story, KM.

    Thanks for doing the heavy lifting.
    Description of said editor “pinching the bridge of his nose ” gave me much lolz.

    I attempted to get a first -time novel published with by sending it to a real live literary Agent in N.Y.C.

    ” This needs a lot of work, ” she said politely.
    I think that was superhuman effort on her part.

    Then I self-published on the web and attempted mightily to clean up the novel upon review and ended up with five or six versions on the web, with a final and last – gasp version.

    Then I said F$CK THIS SH$T and wrote a better, more personalized one.

    My Pops gently called the first one ” Vanity. ”
    He likes things to be cut and dried. All or nothing. Best-seller or it’s shite.
    If ain’t true to Fiction….

    • Moar Wordz

      Also 2, link to County Clerk’s online copy of lawsuit plus edited novel no longer works.
      Just like link to WSJ with Dame Peggington’s recent screed was inoperable.

      It’s like the GOP blow hards are embarassed or something and scramble for the phone in order to threaten, berate, and shriek that they’ve been libeled by the press.

  • Sakonyachen

    “Comment [A406]: This neither the time nor place for another Black Dick Joke.

    I’m picturing this note coming in the midst of a chapter on tax policy or something.”

    OBAMA’S HUGE STIMULUS PACKAGE LIBULZZZ!!!eleventeen!!11!!

  • The worst aspect of this is some “conservative” editor thought that this shit was worthy of salvaging just so they could attack the left.

  • The Rick

    Awesome to discredit him more in national media that can be cited.

  • Josh

    Comment [A3] …you’re best points…

    As vile as Milo is, I can’t take that editor seriously.

    • RandomNameAllocated

      I can only imagine they were so disheartened, they lost all sense of grammar, or indeed sense of sense….

      Anyway, Bumble and Bumble – you can buy that in Boots* and get Advantage points – you don’t need to go to a hipersterish East End salon!
      * ubiquitous UK high street chemist

  • M.E. Lawrence

    I just sent this to a friend who is the most stringent line-by-line, word-by-word editor I know. She will scream with mocking laughter.

  • Principled

    I’ve gone to the court website, I’ve found the relevant case, but, daaammmnn, there are a lot of exhibits, most of which aren’t labeled. Can you tell us which one is the relevant edits?

    • whackamole

      ex B

      • Principled

        TY

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