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You get Santa’s Trap Door, that’s what ya get!

We know we just brought you a whole bunch of dumb submissions to our comments section Sunday, but darned if we could wait for the weekend to run these latest effusions of derp, from some wingnut named “Donald T.” in Washington DC. The comments were made in June, but just came to our attention this weekend, and they really give you some insight into the mind of a habitual troll.

Seems ol’ “Donald” was on his way to a meeting about immigration — running late, even though he was the one who called it — and he was pissed about all the various foreigns coming to the USA. He apparently had heard from some of his friends that he looked like a fool. You know how it is, some people just can’t take criticism. Then, just as the meeting was about to start, his buddy “Steve Miller” handed him a document listing how many immigrants had gotten visas to come to America, and that’s when he got all pissy. Here’s how the drama played out in the Oval Office comments section:

More than 2,500 were from Afghanistan, a terrorist haven, [“Donald T”] complained.

Haiti had sent 15,000 people. They “all have AIDS,” he grumbled, according to one person who attended the meeting and another person who was briefed about it by a different person who was there.

Forty thousand had come from Nigeria, [“Donald”] added. Once they had seen the United States, they would never “go back to their huts” in Africa, recalled the two officials, who asked for anonymity to discuss a sensitive conversation in the Oval Office.

A couple of the other longtime commenters, “Rex” and “John K,” tried to calm “Donald T” down, pointing out that a lot of the visa-holders were just short-time visitors making one-time trips, but then the whole thing turned into a flame war, with “John” and “Steve” joining in blaming “Rex” for the whole stupid mess, because wasn’t Rex supposed to be the expert on foreign policy and foreigners and stuff? (We did some checking, and we learned this “Rex” guy actually worked in the oil business anyway, so don’t believe every online claim of expertise you hear.) Eventually the moderators stepped in and the whole thing died down.

We’ve seen plenty of dipshits in the comments before, but this guy isn’t even original. Afghans are terrorists, Haitians have AIDS, and Nigerians live in huts? Not surprisingly, now “Donald T’s” online supporters are claiming he never said any of that ignorant Mean Girl crap, but we’ve checked this “Donald” guy’s comment history, and it all seems perfectly in character. The guy makes fun of people with disabilities, suggests that lady senators are hoors, dismisses Russian interference as a hoax, and seems to get all his news from Fox & Friends.

And yes, he’s ranted about foreigners bringing disease to America before, too. Back when the Wingnuttosphere was freaking out about Ebola, “Donald T” was singing along with the chorus:

Now, don’t go doxxing him or anything, but we did some looking, and would you believe this guy’s wife is actually “imported” herself — only from eastern Europe, so he’s fine with that. Pretty clear he’s only afraid of “deadly diseases” when it comes to immigrants who are too brown.

Honestly, you could probably go through the guy’s comment history and find something stupid he’s said on every topic, ever. No, he doesn’t notice when he contradicts himself, either. How’s this for some ALL_CAPS delusional thinking?

But what has he said himself during Sacred Baby Jesus seasons past?

In any case, the troll has been banhammered, and we doubt we’ll be hearing from him any more.

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  • Nounverb911

    Wait! What? When did we start allowing comments?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Comments? Better put some pants on…

      • Nounverb911

        I will in a few minutes after I make coffee.

    • FlownΩver

      Cripes! Next you’ll tell us there’s no wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom we disagree!

  • Nounverb911

    OH! And Merry Christmas DOK!

  • Left Coast Tom

    Are you sure it wasn’t that TLM dude overcompensating via his comments, again?

  • Rick Hill
    • TJ Barke

      As if he actually gives a fuck about gutting either…

      • Rick Hill

        Only in that he “promised” the mouth breathers at his rallies that he wasn’t going to do it.

        • Tiny kaiju

          But if they all call it something else, even a large chunk of the base will fall for it. At least for a while.

        • TJ Barke

          Like that matters.

      • Tiny kaiju

        He doesn’t care what anything is about. The only thing he’s interested is getting attention.

    • Tiny kaiju

      A simple plan, designed by the vile for the simply vile; it can’t fail.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I first read that as “SS and macrame reform”. Guess I should get that cuppa covevffe…

      • Rick Hill

        A macrame reform is long overdue…

  • Crystalclear12

    Flipping a coin on whether to laugh or cry.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Why not both?

  • doktorzoom

    Honestly, I don’t even see why anyone would want to go back to their Hutt:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ed486ec0a2bb5e69a634666691ec6546409b6121a253e747ae6fdee78183bd2.jpg

  • (((Sedagive)))

    When Russia sends their trolls, they’re not sending their best.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    When is Melania going to issue that “major statement” about her immigration history, btw? Sometime after Trump sues the New York Times for libel maybe?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    This Donald guy seems like a pathetic dumbass. But at least he spells his propeganda sources correctly, right?
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/945646491955290113?ref_src=twcamp%5Eshare%7Ctwsrc%5Em5%7Ctwgr%5Eemail%7Ctwcon%5E7046%7Ctwterm%5E3

    • ManchuCandidate

      Translation: The dossier’s true, the FBI is digging up a lot of shit on him and he’s fucked.

    • natoslug

      Too lazy to look it up right now, but I think I read earlier that @foxandfriends is a fake Fox account, just there to pass along Russian bullshit. Which, granted, doesn’t make it much different from an official Fox account.

      • William

        How will we be able to tell the difference?

        • natoslug

          Statements by, and replies to, the fake account will be slightly more coherent, and have better spelling.

          • William

            Thanks. Three chimps on a couch fakers are often devious and cunning.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Three Dolts on a Divan.

          • Paul

            I’m a big fan of alliteration. Could we change that to “Drei Dolts on a Divan”? Works better with the German “three” not only for alliteration but reminding us of the Nazi overtones.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            You’ll have to ask Charles Pierce, it’s his line, I just stole it.

            How are you and Holly doing this holiday season?

          • Paul

            You can’t use stolen stuff here can you?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Ssshh…Dok hasn’t caught on to my criminal hijinx…yet.

          • Paul

            Nobody else ever steals anything here. You are treading on very thin ice.

      • Jack Tenhet

        It’s fake. If it were real, there’d be more than the 764 followers.

        • natoslug

          And the “friends” portion wouldn’t be spelled with an “l”. Although, this is Fox, so maybe goodly wording is optional.

          • Paul

            I say omit the “r”.

          • natoslug

            That’s flendishly clever.

    • Jack Tenhet

      You’d think at least one thing that’s in the dossier had been proven factually inaccurate or something, if you listened to the old man screaming on Twitter.

      And someone should be there to counter his “DNC funded” claim. It was originally funded by a republican.

    • William

      For a guy who claims he is innocent of colluding with the Russian scumbags, he sure gets his diapers in a twist whenever it’s mentioned.

      • TJ Barke

        It’s almost like he knows that the truth won’t set him free…

        • Paul

          WE are the ones it’ll set free.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I was arguing with some Trump supporter the other day who said “he’s totally innocent.” I said “right, that’s why he fired Comey, is trying to discredit the FBI, and wants to fire Robert Mueller.” He’s acting like a COMPLETELY innocent man, who just doesn’t want to release his tax returns…for reasons.

        • William

          …and the response was?
          1. E-mails
          2. Bill Clinton
          3. Benghazi
          4. Sex slave pizzeria
          5. All of the above.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            All of the above. Also, Bill Clinton’s a rapist, but Trump is totally innocent.

    • Jack Tenhet

      Yeah, it’s fake. 112 tweets since 2016 8 likes, 764 followers.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      If anybody knows from taint…

    • (((Aron)))

      Fox and Frlends is my faborite tewebision shom!

    • VirginiaCannedYuleLog

      He’s back on his special covfefe meds again.

    • Christopher Story

      The louder he tweets, the closer Mueller gets to him

    • Daniel

      No, they don’t.

  • Jack Tenhet

    “Donald T” also banned Christmas trees in the lobby of one of his properties in 1981 and ’82. WAPO reported that.

  • amrak63

    Merry “Second Day of Christmas”!

    https://i.imgur.com/0mAbW4d.jpg

    • therblig

      thank you. the turtle doves were delicious!

    • (((Aron)))

      Since I’m taking off the rest of the year, every day is like Christmas!

  • FZsdaughter

    Wonkette usually attracts a better class of troll.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Well, at least he didn’t say that Mexicans have calves like cantaloupes. Which is too bad, because it’s actually true.

  • beingreleased

    This one’s good too. Yesterday, “Donald T.” said he was looking forward to getting back to work today. Today he’s going golfing. (After he livetweeted Fox & Friends.)
    https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/945661931150553088

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Now, don’t go doxxing him or anything

    I may risk the ban hammer but I am pretty sure this is a fake address since all his ISPs list to Russia:
    1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington, DC 20500 (Bad side of town, weak)
    (202) 456-1111 (Loser telephone)

    And his website is a disaster!
    http://www.whitehouse.org

    He’s such a turd he even has security paid for by the government!

  • beingreleased

    https://twitter.com/KatyTurNBC/status/945672117961613312
    But thinking like a racist makes me feel dirty.

    • William

      “To beat President Trump, you have to learn to think like his supporters” PASS.https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6890f6c4caedf01fb33b0f8bcc71fedbd8ba9c2d0b331107735a7c9cf1f26498.gif

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Needs a bigger hammer.

        • SpideySenser

          An entire bag of them.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            A bag of hammers is too smart for a Trumppansy.

    • TJ Barke

      STOP CALLING HIM A POPULIST! HE’S A FUCKING DEMAGOGUE!

    • Daniel Hooper

      But therein lies the conundrum. If you’re trying to think like his supporters, then you’ve already failed; they don’t think at all.

    • Christopher Story

      They don’t think; it’s all mouth breathing reactionary resentment at their own mediocrity.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Okay, but I really don’t think the lobotomy is necessary…

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Thinking about Katy Tur makes me feel dirty.

  • Spurning Beer

    The hell with it. I’m doxxing the asshole.

    Donny John Butttrumpet
    2120 Mar-A-Lago Court
    Trailer #11
    Palm Beach Holler, Florida

    • rg9rts

      I thought it was Possum Droppins

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Possum Onanizing over The United States

  • Msgr_MΩment

    What A Idiot.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    That’s a spicy meat-a-ball!

  • TJ Barke

    What an embarrassment.

  • Gosala

    Completely off topic, but an interesting bit of history I did not know. (The comments are worth reading also too)

    https://libcom.org/history/christmas-day-freedom-fighters-hidden-history-seminole-anticolonial-struggle-william-kat

  • Paganish

    Stole this from Ivory Bill Woodpecker over at We Hunted The Mammoth. Couldn’t resist. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2efc0e810304413a825671aafd0d85ebe86ccd6199163a900681f528f0cc42d2.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Heatmeister libel?

      • Paganish

        Still full of hot air.

        • TJ Barke

          Trump’s less full of hot air, more full of hot garbage.

    • Uncle Mark

      Wouldn’t the flaming shitgibbon ignite the overwhelming flatulence coming from himself, his regime, and the entire GOP? If only…Trump would be the problem that solves himself

  • rg9rts

    Maybe the Afghans came to get away from the bombing

  • Msgr_MΩment

    NO NON-COMMENTER! NO NON-COMMENTER! YOU’RE THE NON-COMMENTER!

  • President in Exile Firefly

    It’s too bad Dok can’t use the Banhammer of Loving Correction on “Donald T.”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Does it have to be loving?

      • Rick Hill

        “This hurts me more than it hurts you…”

      • weejee

        For sure, as any rhet prof did on the sad paper you wrote after too many beers.

  • (((Aron)))

    Teehee! That was a silly article.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    In 1993, when he testified before a congressional committee looking into Indian gambling, Trump questioned whether tribe members who operated a casino competing with his Atlantic City operations were really native Americans. “They don’t look like Indians to me,” he said.

    • William

      Trump hates native Americans because unlike him, they are able to operate a casino without bankrupting it……twice.

  • William
  • weejee

    Dear Donald T, it’s Boxing Day, a good day for you to get off your overly plump orange bum and to make a trip to Goodwill or Salvation Army. Also too, and of you dear Wonkers who have some extra after the Holidays.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    You’re not going to support me because I don’t want your money. Is there anyone in this room who doesn’t negotiate deals? Probably more than any room I’ve ever spoken.
    -Donnie Trumpawitz talks to the Jooz.

    • Impatient

      English only, please, donnie.

  • arglebargle

    Are you sure TLM didn’t just change his user name?

    • TJ Barke

      He does that all the time.

  • natoslug

    If this dotard’s kids cared for him, they’d move him out of his government housing and into a group home where he could get the care he obviously needs.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They’re hoping he’ll die off soon so they can get their mitts on the leavings of granddad’s estate.

      • natoslug

        They’re going to be disappointed when they discover the old Welfare Queen is only rich in debt and spite.

      • John Thorstensen

        I’d bet there’s not going to be an estate once the creditors are done with it.

      • james crubb

        They are going to find out it’s other people’s money!

  • Fartknocker

    Fun fact about POSOTUS new tax law: If you purchase stuff for work (training for certain hazmats in my line of work, or a really reliable flashlight since I get scared in the dark), you can no longer deduct these items in 2018. What a shit heel.

    • anon_the_great

      Make America Great Again

    • William

      But….but…it’s the biggliest, yuugest, bestest tax cut. So many people are saying it’s the biggest. This I can tell you. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1142966b7cb5c2fc3766a679d568c7b65618590b9402baab5760e340a95e9e46.jpg

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        If you read that quickly, it says Obama’s Johnson was bigger.

        • The Wanderer

          That too.

    • Baconzgood

      Why should cops be able to write off guns or construction workers hard hats?

      • efoveks

        The NRA will clear up that gun thing with an amendment or a loophole. In fact, they may make it mandatory to pack to go to any worksite. Republican safety!

        • willi0000000

          if the nra had it’s way . . . beginning at age two years, and forever thereafter, all Murrikans will be required to have on their persons, at all times, at least one firearm, fully loaded (30 round minimum) and at least two spare magazines.

          [ this means 24/7 . . . so don’t shower without it ]

          • efoveks

            If I take it in the shower, does it become a water gun? Asking for a friend of course.

      • Zippy49

        That’s actually improvised eye protection…

    • ariel_gee_398

      You’ll have to buy yourself a jet to work in to get that deduction.

    • efoveks

      To be fair, that OSHA has way too many regulations. Safety interferes with greatly with business’s bottom line. I mean, do you REALLY need more than the light of a fire to fight it? (Yah, that’s sarcasm.)

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Your problem is you want a reliable flashlight. You need to buy a Trump flashlight.

    • thenotsogreatpanjandrumhimself

      I think you can deduct those things if you incorporate. Pass thrus are the the new privileged class. Correct me if I am mistaken. Too lazy to research.

  • anon_the_great

    Bravo Dok. Maybe a touch too meta for a newbie but for this Wonkateer it was sweet.

  • Baconzgood

    Thank god this guy isn’t in politics.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    He’s not Hitler.
    – Melania

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Well, aren’t we glad that that guy isn’t in a position of power. I mean…
    *frantic whispering from offstage*
    Wait…he is? President, you say?
    Okay, well.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b4d2ef3d2155b7a97e549b2c5ccb3c5f8041a6492cd3df08eedc3f9da126a8ab.gif

  • amrak63

    Since the subject of snu-snu came up earlier in the thread:

    Apparently, Kara is hipper to the pop culture of Patriarch’s World than Diana.

    https://i.imgur.com/jvrnatE.jpg

    • amrak63

      Speaking of the pic, Diana really looks like an Amazon here, while it’s obvious that Kara’s super-strength comes from solar energy absorption, not big muscles.

    • (((Aron)))

      Tee-hee!

    • The Wanderer

      (giggles)

  • The Wanderer

    Of course, the official WH line is to hotly deny that the Fascist’s God-Emperor (title acquired off one of their own websites, don’t ask) ever said those mean and hateful things.
    (Of course, he did.)

    • Resistor Radio

      It’s weird when they call her “Empress Melania.”

      And I originally typoed that as Emptress, which also works for her.

      • The Wanderer

        (gigglesnort)

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Would that make Donnie ‘Emptier’?

        • Resistor Radio

          Emptier? I hardly know her!

          (Groan, I’ll see myself out)

      • TJ Barke

        It’s not just weird, it’s fucking grotesque.

      • Rabbit_Rebozo

        They call her WHAT??!!

  • OrG

    I think this “donald t” guy is a idiot.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    nicely done dok – for further reading on donald t and “the holidays” may I suggest:
    https://digbysblog.blogspot.com/2017/12/a-little-trip-down-santa-claus-lane.html

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Let’s hope this idiot never tries to run for political office. The Republicans standards have gotten so low, but even they probably wouldn’t elect this clown.

    • amrak63

      I’m guessing one of your ancestors was one of the Naval officers who said air-dropped torpedoes would never work in Pearl Harbor, because it was too shallow and they would just bury themselves in the mud at the bottom?

      (Actually, some of them did–and, IIRC, ARE STILL THERE YIKES!–but the Japanese found a way to keep enough of them from grounding themselves on the bottom.)

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Some people might say that the Republicans never managed that, and they all sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Not that I would, of course.

        • Nockular cavity

          More like unexploded Nazi bombs.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Nah, my ancestors were a little more boring than that. They were the ones who said “we can totally whip the North’s ass in three weeks. Yee haw!”

        • amrak63

          Same here.

        • Paul

          How’d that work out and did they learn anything?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I suspect they probably all went home early, and hid out. We’ve always been known for our cowardice. :-)

          • Paul

            Sounds like they did indeed learn that sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.

            Happy New Year to ya’ V&P from bofus. Holly woke to her first truly white Christmas yesterday and was over the moon as it came down hard and coated everything. It was a slow drive down off the hill to go to my Mom’s. I made a leg of lamb and my sister did a roast chicken and dear Holly did everything else and a good time was had by all. We took her 4 wheel drive vehicle and she took today off from work so I didn’t have to fire up the snowblower till noon. Only about 8″ of fluffy shit so it was relatively easy.Then I came in, filled the tub and the stove, rolled a fat joint and soaked my weary old ass. The driveway is double wide and about 200 feet long and the fucking wind was coming in at 20 mph. But I have a really good commercial grade snowblower and weirdly enough I enjoy doing it. Just gotta bundle up. And duck when the wind shifts and blows the snow back into my face.

            Holly says it’s beautiful here now and you should come visit. I wouldn’t listen to her, I suspect she’s coming down with cabin fever. The 7 day forecast of highs in the single digits and lows well below zero have her talking smack I fear. The sherry doesn’t help.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’ve been shivering just hearing the weather reports from up north.

            My dad had a great driveway clearing system. He’d say to me and my brother “you two need to go shovel the driveway.” The driveway felt a mile long on those days. I did love the ice skating on the pond near my house, and the fireplace, though. Snow and ice are fun when you’re a kid and don’t have a job.

            It was 70 degrees and sunny at Folly on Friday. The rest of the weekend was in the frigid 50s though. Brrrrr….

            I’ll be longing for cooler weather when June rolls around and it’s 90 degrees with 90% humidity. Tell Holly that’s the best time to invite me. 😁

            I hope you two have a lovely New Year.

            How’s the non smoking Going? I hope you are kicking butts.

          • Paul

            No butts. No butts. You’re the butts… I am happy to report. Not a one.

            Tough sleddin’ at times but I (we) hung in there. Poor Holly though. I’m sure I was Mr. Fucking Congeniality but she was really cool and supportive. Plus, she and my 90 yr. old Mom adore each other and when Holly told Ma I was quitting Ma reached across the table, grabbed her hand, said “You poor thing. Come stay with me if he gets off the wall.” (Yeah gee thanks for the support Ma) Ma’s got a nice house on a small lake so Holly knew she wasn’t stuck in a small cabin in the hills. She could go down to town for an escape.

            That she didn’t do so makes think I was a veritable angel of mellowness for 2-3 weeks. But you’ll have to ask her. I’m pretty sure I was.

            Forecasts keep changing. Yesterday (Tues) the forecast for tomorrow (Thurs) was a high of NEGATIVE FUCKING ONE and a low of -11. Thankfully that’s been revised to a high of +1 and a low of only -8. Balmy.

            The ice gods don’t really fuck with us till later. Get this, Sunday’s high is supposed to be NEGATIVE 3 with an overnight low of NEGATIVE 13. Monday improves to -1/-11. Our lovely New Year celebration will be on the couch near the woodstove. I ain’t going out in that shit, stalwart mountain man or not. That’s lethal when you toss in winds of 20 mph. That’s like 842 below zero once you figure the wind chill. Science FACT!!1!!1! Come visit soon. This weather builds character Holly says. Ask her about peeing in a blizzard.
            Bring firewood. :)

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’d like to have that whole comment on a T-shirt!!!!!

            My best bud wants me to come to LA TO hold his hand while he quits smoking. I KNOW he’s going to be a bear. I’d do it if I could afford to take 10 days off of work. I want him to outlive me since he’s 7 years my junior.

            Also, those temperatures? That is CRAZY. I’ll be more than happy to keep my weak, spineless character, but thanks for the offer to come up and literally freeze my ass off. If I ever decide that I want to be insanely cold, i cant think of 2 people i’d rather freeze to death with. 😁

          • Paul

            Holly thinks you have that thin southern blood and says “I totally get it.”

            Which I think means “Bless her heart, that sissy.” She thinks a year in the mountains qualifies her to pass judgment on all you “flatlanders”.

            You’ll have to take it up with her.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I will have you know, sir, that I come from a proud Southern lineage full of sissies, cowards, scoundrels, and Lily livered, yellow bellied, ne’er do wells, and none of us ever liked cold, or even mild discomfort. We are NOT ashamed.

          • Paul

            Well!! I guess I’ve certainly been told. Was there a flounce involved? :)

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Naaah, i’m a sissy and a coward, but not a flouncer.

          • Paul

            At least tell me you considered the fainting couch for sheer Yankee impertinence.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Well, I DID have a mint Julep!

          • Paul

            That strikes me as more in the range of “smelling salts”…aromatic and all that.

            It’s ten below and Holly and I are snug and warm near the woodstove, wondering if my slightly drifty Mom is going to show up out in the driveway after she goes to Mass. I called her last night and asked her to skip both church and breakfast due to the cold. She goes to church then drives up here and drives us all down to the quaint little town of Adams where we go to breakfast at a GREAT little restaurant.

            You’ll like what they very tongue in cheekly named their latest breakfast special. It’s a quaint but very blue collar town with a sizeable share of rednecks.

            “White Trash Hash” that comprises Tater tots, hamburger, cheese, bacon. onions and whatever the hell else you want thrown in. I sometimes ask for leftover pot roast gravy on it if there’s any in the cooler.

            Low country cooking, Massachusetts style.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Ummm…did someone say “Tater Tots?” Go on…I’m listening.

            I’m near Lexington, KY. At the moment, and it is 19 degrees. I find this very disagreeable. At least I did get to hear a young man trying on a pair of Gucci loafers say “I dont know, I’d only wear them for Derby.” His mother replied “well, then you’ll just save them for Derby.” Yes, darling, I’ll buy you these $500 shoes that you shall only wear once. I hope the revolution IS televised. Sheesh!

            I hope you two have a nice bottle of bubbly for your NYE festivities, and I hope your mom makes it…or stays home where it’s warm.

          • Paul

            Hopefully he’ll step in horse shit with those shoes.

            Ma stayed home, thankfully.

            Yes our festivities are proceeding apace for a couple of old geezers. Holly’s making flank steak after I pound it out. Rolls it up and ties it. Stuffed with gorgonzola, spinach and some finely diced garlic and some other good stuff I’m forgetting. All sides get seared in olive oil then it gets tossed in the oven till done. I think we should wrap it in some bacon, after the searing, before it goes in to roast. But I’m stoned as hell on my own homegrown.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            ANYTHING is better wrapped in bacon. I’m pretty sure bacon would be better if it was wrapped in bacon.

            I heard the temps for NY today…brutal. I left NY in 1994 after that ridiculously cold winter.

          • Paul

            Oh hahahahahaha. Is that a correct forecast I see calling for 3″ of snow???!!!11!!! Hahahahahahahaha. This is going to be precious. Please keep us posted. You have experience with frigid temps and snow but the majority down there do not. OMFG what I wouldn’t give to be a fly on a wall observing southerners trying to negotiate transportation and heating, etc. Stay safe and warm and off the streets if possible. Will your Mom be OK?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            You truly do NOT want to see southerners trying to navigate in the snow and ice. I was in Atlanta a few weeks ago when they had their 3 inches. They lowered the speed limit to 35, and traffic was backed up to Timbuktu. MAJOR clusterfuck. Of course, i dread going through Atlanta on a good day.

            My mom will be fine. She said she was staying home the next 3 days. I think it’s going to be 60 by Monday. Apparently the cops are having a tough time convincing people to stay home, so people are sliding off the roads. Have they never heard of a snow day?

          • Paul

            We’ve been watching the satellite/radar images of the storm smacking you folks down there. Holly just told me you got 8″ of snow and are in a State of Emergency. Holy shit!!!

            That’s serious shit for down there. I know you’re like PFFFFFFFFFFFTT, being used to it. But those poor crackers must be freaking the fuck out.
            This is Biblical scale for them. Shows God hates Trump. Of course Pat Robertson will blame Alabama for not electing that man o’ god Roy Moore to the Senate.

            Stay warm, eat well, drink even better, and laugh. What the hell else can you do? Besides check in and regale us with stories of “Charleston Man” and how Southerners deal with snow. Is it still all supposed to melt by Monday?

            Let us know how you’re getting along. Need to borrow my snow blower?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Thanks for the offer of the snow blower, but I’m in Pittsburgh, headed for Ohio…freezing my ass off, but at least the roads are clear.

            Keep in mind Charleston gets snow about once every 30 years, so they are COMPLETELY unprepared. I doubt they’ve even got a snow plow.

            The smart thing to do is just stay home, but South Carolina man loves to get people to hold his frozen beer, while he takes his jacked up Ford for a spin. I’m sure it’s a complete clusterfuck down there. People around here keep saying “I bet you wish you were back home.” Ha! No thank you.

          • Paul

            Pittsburgh? Holly’s old stomping grounds. Sorry I took her away from there o/w you two could go to Premanti’s annat dahn ta strip. (Hopefully you speak the dialect and comprehend that gibberish.)

            Same rules apply. Stay warm, eat well, and drink even better.

            And listen up: Pittsburgh is only a hop skip and a jump from western Mass. Next time you’re in the area head up 79, hang a right at Erie onto 90 and you’ll be here in no time. Holly has all the fixins for mint juleps and you two can sip those and snap peas on the back porch or whatever the hell it is you southern belles do.

            Yeah I’m up a bit early. Wind is screaming up the ridge making a racket and I needed to toss a few logs in the stove.

            Drive carefully and behave yourself.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Did Holly bring her fainting couch eith her? I’ll need one of those to take my afternoon sabbatical with, and/or whenever I get the vapors.

            I spoke to my mom last night and asked her what the snow plow situation was. She said she thought they may have found one. I guess that guy who bought it 10 years ago looks like a real genius now.

            You two try to stay warm, and I’ll do the same. See ya when it thaws!!!

      • John Thorstensen

        The attack on Pearl Harbor was meticulously prepared – apparently there was a port in Japan which had similar terrain around it, and the naval pilots practiced there for months, sweeping in low over the houses and faking torpedo runs. It raised quite a ruckus, and if American intelligence had been better someone might’ve noticed.

        My father’s cousin Norman Sterrie was a carrier torpedo pilot in WWII. He wasn’t at Midway, so he lived. He was at Coral Sea, where he won the first of his three navy crosses. He attacked a Japanese carrier and then went in a second time to draw fire away from the real attacker — and since the American torpedoes were so crappy early in the war, it was all for naught. It was near-suicidal bravery. He lived to be something like 96.

        • Nockular cavity

          You’re not kidding about Midway. That was an appalling slaughter on both sides.

          • amrak63

            Yes, but our intelligence was very good at Midway. We even tricked the Japanese into revealing that Midway was the target.

          • John Thorstensen

            There was one torpedo squadron that was entirely destroyed. John Ford had just taken a bunch of footage of the guys and made a movie of it for private distribution to their survivors. Those poor guys brought the Japanese fighter cover down to sea level — by happenstance, the dive bombers arrived a few minutes later and hit the Japanese carriers while their decks were full of airplanes, munitions, and gasoline hoses. The tide of the war turned right then and there.

        • theCryptofishist

          But ever since then, American Intelligence is gold. Like the time that we were alerted that people were taking airplane driving classes, but weren’t interested in how to land. We swooped in before they could do any plane crashing damage. Go US!

          • John Thorstensen

            Yeah, that was a bit of a screwup, now, wasn’t it?

  • Resistor Radio

    Dok werds gud

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    the troll has been banhammered, and we doubt we’ll be hearing from him any more

    Wouldn’t that be nice…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/25514a09c597f3540a9169ff7e57082e0a399c5f5d591eaf9e161c4ee983795c.jpg

  • ShriekinViolet

    Sometimes I’m sad there’s no upfist button for the article.

    (Hey, I’ll bet that’s what the donate button is for!)

    • Master Contrail Program

      Well, there is the Recommend button. It even has a heart next to it.

      • ShriekinViolet

        How am I too internet stupid not to have noticed that before?

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          In too much of a rush to get to the comments that are not allowed?

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      if you click on the little heart by the word, “recommended,” that’s an upfist for the article and also too sending monies, yes.

  • wavicles

    The Righteous Hammer

  • Villago Delenda Est

    If only Dok’s banhammer could be used in meatspace.

  • Ωbjectifier

    In any case, the troll has been banhammered, and we doubt we’ll be hearing from him any more.

    Can’t get rid of TLM. I suspect we’ll have to deal with Donald T for a while yet.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Such a lovely evening that must have been! The high-brow conversation, cultured people, a congenial atmosphere…then Trump showed up:

    https://youtu.be/kbtbiyXLjLE

    • Bigby

      Trump was, is, and always shall be Spaulding Smails. Al Czervik was Lord Byron compared to Trump.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Not only did the Trump administration cut the open-enrollment sign-up period in half, from 90 to 45 days, it slashed outreach programs by 90 percent, and all but stopped advertising the law on television. The Trump appointees filling offices that normally push for signups were silent. And in October, President Trump cut off key cost-sharing payments to insurers, a decision that has helped contribute to sharply higher premiums for many customers in the coming year.

    After evincing little enthusiasm for returning to health care this year, Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell quickly changed his tune, and some lawmakers are eager for another crack at killing Obamacare altogether.

    Still, at this point, it may be foolish to bet against the law’s survival. The Affordable Care Act has faced two Supreme Court near-death experiences, eight years of Republican misinformation, multiple repeal efforts, and now a year of the Trump administration’s sustained sabotage. After all that, Obamacare has taken more than its share of blows. But it is very much still standing.”

    It seems like really good political strategy to dole out a huge tax cut for the rich, and then get back to try to killing health insurance for the middle class. What could go wrong with that plan?

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/12/robust-health-care-signups-illustrate-obamacares-durability.html

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Oooops, he didn’t read the editorial:

    Grateful for this great Christmas honor from the Salt Lake Tribune. For the record, I voted for @SpencerJCox and @rudygobert27. #utpol pic.twitter.com/7iFOBK6TWf— Orrin Hatch (@OrrinHatch) December 25, 2017

    • ((( Augustus )))

      what a fucking toolbox

      • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

        Hopefully, he doesn’t Makita nother month in office…

        • Beelzebubba

          Not exactly a legislative craftsman, is he?

    • HazooToo

      He’s getting so burnt <3

    • Beelzebubba

      Didn’t read it … just like the tax bill he voted for.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      He just saw words like “corrupt”, “power-hungry” and “liar” and felt so flattered he had to express his feelings of pride and gratitude.

    • Nockular cavity

      Hatch <3 cox!

    • mailman27

      Am I supposed to believe there are 26 other @rudy goberts?

  • TundraGrifter

    Dok Zoom: Well played, Sir! Well played!

  • Zyxomma

    I don’t usually link to NY Times because of the paywall, but this is well worth reading. Yes, it’s about our hero AG, Eric Schneiderman and as the kids say, it’s awesome: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/26/nyregion/eric-schneiderman-attorney-general-new-york.html?source=em171226-nyt

    • Beelzebubba

      “The biggest threat to New Yorkers right now is the federal government, so we’re responding to it.”

      Oh good — now all the prepper militia loons will be on our side, right? . . . Right?

      *crickets*

  • OrdinaryJoe

    What makes anyone think his view of the world is unique? As near as I have ever been able to tell, every Republican I have ever encountered thinks this way.

  • ken_kukec

    Let’s just hope a troll bastard like that never gets his mitts on the levers of governmental power!

    • theCryptofishist

      Or any other power. What if he were a landlord and tried to keep these groups he hates from living in his building?

    • Grokenstein

      Bosh! Never happen! That would require horrifying levels of self-destructive stupidity on the part of the American voting public!

    • chezmoi

      I just heard that in the voice of the peasants from MP’s Holy Grail.

    • phoenix00

      Or, god forbid, actually vote.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    some people.

  • Beelzebubba

    Fortunately, nobody would ever take him seriously.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Nobody SHOULD ever take him seriously. FIFY

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Donald T. is shit.

    Make no mistake: I said Donald T. is shit. I did not say that Donald T. is the shit.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      You know that there is levels to shit, like the terror alert levels?
      Chicken Shit – it’s shit but trivial and petty
      Dog Shit – it’s shit that you can’t avoid, get on your shoe and are extra annoyed.
      Bull Shit – it’s shit that is intentionally targeted and incites righteous anger.
      Elephant Shit – it’s high quality fertilizer and the kind of shit that actually can be admired for its total shittiness.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Bat shit. — Unremittingly stoopid derp shit that takes on the worst qualities of all of the above shits.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          That is also a good entry.

          • What about “Holy Shit!”

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Needs a definition.

          • Smibo

            And “Deep Shit”.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Donald’s inconsistency and hypocrisy is at a level where it would look unconvincing in a fictional character.
    https://twitter.com/ChrisLu44/status/945410652859977728

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Forbade. The OCD grammarian in me is screaming right now.

      • theCryptofishist

        There, their, they’re…

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I read it. You are best to let it go because it was in another one of his buildings where he was terrorizing the mainly elderly tenants, trying to get them to vacate so he could tear the building down.
        The Christmas tree part was just one of his tactics in a longer campaign of illegal fuckery.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Aha see you’re just proving his point. Before this year, Trump was not able to say Merry Christmas. He had to say Happy Holidays instead, but now he’s changed that.

    • Mark Dobrowolski

      Prove that He tweeted that (Merry Christmas) ! It was obviously his lawyer!!!

    • TundraGrifter

      Didn’t the Faux News’ cards say “Happy Holidays?”

  • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

    Wait a sec. We have to non-comment, but those derpwads can make actual comments?! There’s no justice, man…

    • theCryptofishist

      Truth and the American Way seem in short supply, also, too.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    INSIDE TRUMP’S CRUEL CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE U.S.D.A.’S SCIENTISTS https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2017/11/usda-food-stamps-school-lunch-trump-administration

  • La forza del resistino

    ‘Donald is not racist, he is just racial’.
    – Dr. Omarosa

  • TundraGrifter

    Looking at that photo above – in the classic Christmas movie “Elf,” Artie Lange plays the Gimbel’s Santa Clause. I just noticed that.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Have you ever read Artie Lange’s memoir, Too Fat to Fish? I got it from the library when it first came out in 2009/2010. So funny but so sad that I finished it in one night.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD
  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    This rant deserves a posting of Rucka Rucka Ali’s take on Ebola. Rucka is a dirtier version of Weird Al.
    WARNING Rucka’s parodies are addictive and may cause you to fall into a rabbit hole, a deep rabbit hole, of hilarity. Also note that Rucka’s goal is to offend every single person on the planet. That said, on to the show…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiSsrEg3tks
    ETA He’s done Version 2.0, with new images in the video.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S4RqARiiV8

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wow — I thought Assmouth didn’t know anything about other cultures, but look — he’s got a prejudice for every country.

    • phoenix00

      That’s true of all racists. They know /of/ other cultures, but they don’t know other cultures.

  • Squeegee

    The HIV epidemic spread from Africa to Haiti through Hatian guest workers sent to live and work in the Congo in the 1960s….there was no knowledge of HIV or AIDS at the time of course and it took much longer for treatment and prevention to take hold in Haiti than in the US…..when I heard Trump make this insult I made a donation to a 501(c)(3) that offers free medical services to impoverished Haitians in response.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    In any case, the troll has been banhammered, and we doubt we’ll be hearing from him any more.

    It’s a Boxing Day miracle!

  • gratuitous

    I’m surprised that Wayne Tracker didn’t leap to Rex T’s defense!

  • Cat Cafe

    This is actually the way everyone should cover the Illegal Squatter in the White House. It’s all he is, and all he ever has been. I also vote for calling him “L’Infante” from now on.

    • chezmoi

      That would be el infante. En Français, it would be l’enfant – or better yet, l’enfant terrible.

      • Cat Cafe

        Thank you. I was literally too lazy to go over to Wikipedia and check it, but it was bothering me. El Infante from now on. (although l’enfant terrible is also very good!)

      • Mike

        I’ll stick with asshole…all that crazy ass jaberwocky just confuses me

        • “El Presidente” is what I use.

  • Mike

    $5 says Trump couldn’t point to one of those places on a map…

    50 years from now historians are gonna be wondering what took us so long to kick this asshole out of the White House.

  • phoenix00

    The Shit For Brains nee plus ultra.

    At least he’s not TLM…. OR IS HE?

  • tehbaddr

    Oh Dok !!! I come back from toiling away at work and find it’s still Sunday! Wait, wut?

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    As I watched another one of these twatwaffles defend his bullshit in terms of “a wake-up call on immigration”, and talk about how offended she was when her family and friends were considered racists and nazis, I finally realized why they all looked so familiar.

    They’re exactly like those poor polar bears on the ice floe, the ones that are losing their habitat due to that pesky non-existent global warming.

    The difference is, those polar bears can swim.

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2a672f14131e6c17dd555cf482463f11c1388cbe9dc0d4cc18d4b02fc0a2ff97.jpg The white supremacist shit bag pile of Russian cock sucking traitor married one of his sex workers.

  • Sharon Cooper

    Eh. I bet he has tertiary syphilis anyway.

  • SisterArtemis

    Catching up on my wonkette reading this busy HOLI-MERRY XMAS Season, and must say, Dok, you outdid yourself on this one. Thank you! This is a keeper.

  • andyshelt

    Well all of the above does support the assertion in this Guardian article that 2017 will be remembered as the “year of the asshole”.

    On a minor note I’m not sure that I agree with its conclusion that we have reached “peak asshole” yet as I’m sure Gropenfhurer Drumfp has plenty more ways to continue to maintain his position of asshole of the year during the coming year.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/987d6ecd123125f4289ba1c51b573681596587035f385ca20d25aebc2f40b584.jpg
    https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/dec/27/donald-trump-harvey-weinstein-sexual-predators-peak-asshole

    • Jay Hansen

      El Ano de ano.

  • HooverVilles

    ‘Donald T.’ Has Thoughts

    Wait. What?

    Doesn’t having some thoughts require more than two functioning neurons?

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