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Recounts happened Tuesday in the elections for the Virginia House of Delegates! Remember how nobody ever thought the Democrats could retake control of that body, everything was (and is) so gerrymandered to fuck, but then all of a sudden WHOA HOLY SHIT DEMOCRATIC WAVE, TRANSGENDER LADY STOLE SEAT OF BIGGEST TRANSPHOBIC ASSHOLE IN THE WHOLE STATE AND A MILLION OTHER DEMOCRATS WON ALSO TOO? Because of said gerrymandering, control of the body hung in the balance, even though Democrats beat Republicans by 10 points overall among votes cast in those elections. This is fucked up, and it’s also how things are in the United States House of Representatives and in a bunch of other states.

That alone is a good enough reason for Democrats to NEVER MISS AN ELECTION AGAIN, so we can be the ones holding the pen next time it’s time to draw lines. (And we will draw them FAIRLY and the GOP will bitch and moan because FAIRLY has a WELL-KNOWN LIBERAL BIAS.)

Another real good reason to never miss an election again is that it appears Republicans have lost their majority in the Virginia House of Delegates by ONE VOTE after today’s recounts:

A Republican seat flipped Democratic in a wild recount Tuesday – with the Democrat winning by a single vote – creating a rare 50-50 tie between the parties in the House of Delegates and refashioning the political landscape in Richmond.

Democrat Shelly Simonds emerged from the recount as the apparent winner in the 94th District of the House of Delegates, seizing the seat from Republican incumbent David Yancey. A three-judge panel still must certify the results, an event scheduled for Wednesday.

Of the 23,866 votes cast in the Newport News district on Election Day, Yancey held a tenuous lead of just 10 votes going into Tuesday’s recount. […]

The final tally: 11,608 for Simonds to 11,607 for Yancey.

ONE VOTE, ASSHOLES.

Oh, is your armpit planning to itch on election day?

ONE VOTE, ASSHOLES.

Oh, are you gonna get stuck in the drive-thru getting a Big Mac to put directly inside your bottom and forget to make it to the polls?

ONE VOTE, ASSHOLES.

Oh, but were you thinking the Democrat running for “Thing” isn’t perfect according to your standards, so it doesn’t really matter if some GOP sexual predator wins “Thing,” because they are all the same anyway?

ONE VOTE, JILL STEIN.

Oh, but were you busy reading the Wonkette open thread and drinking booze and putting cat .gifs in the comments section?

That’s fine, it’s not election day. BUT WHEN IT IS, WE SWEAR TO GOD.

Anyway, that means open thread, goodbye.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you’re not, because Amazon done fucked our payment system. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye.

[Washington Post]

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  • efoveks

    If ever there were a case for why you should vote, this is it.

  • Bananas Foster

    Check your voter registration status TODAY.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      White male.

      • ryp

        No identification necessary.

    • Mary Theresa

      Old white lady, I’m good to go.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    YES!

  • jesterpunk

    “But none of the politicians running are pure and perfect enough and complaining online how they didnt earn my vote is so much easier. Also both parties are exactly the same.”

    Susan Sarandon and purity ponies everywhere.

  • jesterpunk
  • Skeptical_thinker

    One vote and it has happened before in VA.

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    Had more heard this advice, we’d not be so Gorsuched up right now . . . .

  • Nockular cavity

    As Molly Ivins said on a similar occasion, “That vote needs to go on permanent display in the Your Vote Counts Museum.”

  • ryp

    But why would I want to waste my deciding vote on someone less than perfect and perpetuate the state of imperfection that our governance has become. Especially when I can make a statement by giving that vote to another less than perfect candidate, but who can’t win, thus counting my vote as one for an ideal of perfection rather than the actuality of imperfection. By accepting anything less than perfection, we guarantee that we shall never achieve it, and even worse, risk accepting that which falls short of perfect as somehow acceptable, allowing for the triumph of imperfection.

    • Spotts1701, Not Poisonous
      • Carpe Vagenda

        Maybe 9.0 on execution from the russian judge, but you nailed the electorate.

    • efoveks

      How to vote like a philosopher…

    • BadKitty904

      Meanwhile, back on planet Earth…

    • Panika MCD

      LORAX 2020! YES WE UNLESS!
      CTHULHU 2024! WHY CHOOSE THE LESSER EVIL WHEN YOU CAN HAVE PERFECT EVIL?

    • The “Triumph of Imperfection” is what I call my motorbike. Well, that and “Rolling Entropy”.

      • You should ice that burn

        So a BSA?

        • Arolpin

          Norton! Does ANYONE here remember the 60s era comic Odd Bodkins? I grew up reading that, which probably says something about my parents, but I really wish it was still around.

          • You should ice that burn

            I have had both, I just figured “The Prince of Darkness/Lucas Electric” was involved..

          • Arolpin

            You know why the Brits drink warm beer, right?

            Lucas makes refrigerators too.

          • You should ice that burn
          • Arolpin

            That’s one of my favorite strips too. That and the one about some girl who has the freshest mouth in town, then they remark on Roger, who has the most disgusting mouth in town. Roger says: I like brushing my teeth with chocolate creme pie.
            For some reason that was the funniest thing I had ever read at 10 years old.

          • Cock Blockula

            Dan O’Neill is still around, still cartooning, and has a FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Dan-ONeill-Comics-295791777108901/

          • Arolpin

            Thanks. I’ll have to ask my uncle if he knows him, because he lived in Nevada City for about 20 years after a long time in the (weirder parts of the) Bay Area counter-culture scene.

          • Cock Blockula

            I used to live in NC too. Ran into Dan once in a local watering hole about 20 years ago. He was astounded that I knew who he was.

          • Arolpin

            You weren’t with the Daists, I hope? They seem nice enough for a cult, but they have taken a LOT of money from a lot of people over a lot of years. (I think my uncle gave them 2 different houses and a very profitable business, which they immediately ran into the ground.)

          • Cock Blockula

            No, not at all. Stayed away from cults completely, being atheist and all…

            Are you talking about the Ananda folks on the ridge, or the Fellowship of Friends down the hill in the Oregon House/Marysville area?

          • Arolpin

            Not sure if it’s either of those. Here’s info on their leader (whackjob grifter):
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adi_Da
            I guess they don’t have a center in Nevada City, but there were a bunch of them moving there.

          • Cock Blockula

            Interesting! I had heard of him under his name “Bubba Free John,” but not much else. I did not know that his adherents moved to the foothills, but it doesn’t surprise me. The area is a magnet for grifty-culty groups and the people they love to exploit.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Entropy isn’t what it used to be.

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Brought to you by Lucas: Prince of Darkness

    • OrdinaryJoe

      The impossible search for Perfection is wasted energy that distracts from the more achievable goal of finding Good that will make even a small difference. To vote for the lesser of two evils is by definition to vote for less evil.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I’m a big fan of “I’m not voting at all/I’m voting for Stein because that’ll show ’em!” It’s one of the easiest ways for me to identify people I want to defriend immediately.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        And not get laid

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      Take it away, Voltaire:

      Dans ses écrits, un sage Italien
      Dit que le mieux est l’ennemi du bien.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfect_is_the_enemy_of_good

    • C4TWOMAN

      And free range half wits everywhere applauded.

  • BadKitty904

    Thank you, Evan.

    EVERY. GOTDAMN. VOTE.

  • Proud Liberal

    Democrats just took over the Virginia House of Delegates. ALL votes count!!!

    • Christian O’Bummer

      Sounds like they didn’t take over per se as it’s now a 50/50 split. Ds and Rs will have to hash out some kind of power sharing arrangement. I’m sure that will go down fine and not become an utter shitshow.

      • Seek

        Tie goes to the Lt Gov who is a Dem

  • Panika MCD

    I always spend election day doing the GOTVs which is why I always vote early. because early voting is my birthright! (what is wrong with you NY?!)

    also too: the closest race I have voted in was when my state house candidate won by 4 votes in 2010.

    • efoveks

      OT, I just got a thank you from Austin Pets Alive. Thank YOU for having recommended them after Hurricane Harvey. :)

      • Panika MCD

        really? where’s my thank you from them for housing JJP for 3 months?

        • efoveks

          Seriously? OMG. I don’t know what to say.

          • Panika MCD

            meh. I only gave them lady-power.

    • hudson

      #1. too many people take too many things for granted
      #2. too many people think they are too pretty to be politically involved.

      • Panika MCD

        I am too pretty not to be politically involved! all those #2s are ugly.

        • hudson

          groan. ok missy. you are. you are a rare exception knows what’s what. some of us are neither and we will fight nevertheless. we get the fundamentals and will fight.

          • Panika MCD

            and I’m goddamn adorable! (unless you are someone who likes shapely butts. I donut have one of those.)

          • hudson

            you have shapely brains that suss out nuance, infer hidden patterns, and make deep projections.

          • Panika MCD

            I make shallow projections also too! I am not a depthist!

          • hudson

            i donut know how you look.

          • Panika MCD

            ask one of the wonks who have seen me in person.

          • hudson

            i know you write poems.

          • Panika MCD

            I make poems. there’s a difference.

          • hudson

            i know. i know. i say “you took a fotograph” and people are like “i made a fotograph”.

            in anycase, you are a poet, i have a thing for poets. poets see what the sun cannot see.

          • hudson

            i bet your kannada is not as good my english.

    • hudson

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFRAFHtU-PE

      imma take a a chance and try a rough translation.

      the immediate moment is gonna go.
      lets see if we can capture a moment of it,
      or spend a life in it.
      in eiher case, ifull of she was
      how do i put aside my rerserations?

    • hudson

      a whole lot of us understand where your coming from. we can can only articulate in ways. resgster all our grievances please.

      • Panika MCD

        do I look like a stenographer?

        • hudson

          no ya. not for sure.

        • hudson

          sorry.

        • hudson

          never miss took you for a stenographer.

        • hudson

          no ya. slightly upset that you think i think of you a steno. actually really upset. you’ve taught us alll so much,. how the fuck are you a steno? in which world? you are guru. no idea where this comes from.

          • Panika MCD

            you told me to keep a running log of everyone’s deficits…?

  • Crystalclear12
    • BadKitty904

      Nice mobster suit…

    • John Thorstensen

      He’s horrible, but he’s absolutely right.

      • BadKitty904

        …I’m delighted to say.

    • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

      ♫ Indictments… and confessions… are coming down the stairs
      Indictments… and confessions… are coming down in pairs… ♫

  • Carpe Vagenda

    haha, McConnell and Jr’s friend Cruz killed the bill.

    https://twitter.com/ryangrim/status/943231737282297856

    • efoveks

      Fuck YAH!

    • BadKitty904

      Every little bit helps…

    • nightmoth

      The Cruz 529 plan amendment was why I yelled at my senators today. Thanks, Wonkette, for alerting me to it.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Being as I live 20 minutes from Berea College, KY, I am not as disturbed by the second one as I should be. It’s a fantastic college that attracts top-notch students from all over the world; the entire town supports arts of every kind, and the students go on to be amazing members of society. Having said all that . . . no, it’s not fair. Sigh. Some days I hate living up to the rules for radicals.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        They may well. I’m not judging them. I’m just wildly amused that two of my favorites stomped on their own dicks by being unable to resist shoving a little more pork in.

        Also, if Democrats found this in a scant few hours after getting their hands on the bill, imagine how many they’ll have banked after tomorrow’s vote.

  • Crystalclear12

    My mother always said ” if you didn’t vote, you can’t complain.”

    And I really like complaining.

    • BadKitty904

      My Granddad’s was: “If you’re going to be a citizen, you’re going to vote.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: I no have the tvs at work, but CNN.com tells me the senate is debating the tax bill. If that bill wasn’t going to shatter lives and crush the hopes and dreams of americans everywhere, it might be funny.

    • BadKitty904

      “Debate”.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        hmmm, good point.

        “mutual ball licking?”
        “gibbering like tweaking chimpanzees?”

        • BadKitty904

          “Enraged poo-flinging”

  • Gayer Than Thou

    You’re welcome. I voted three times.

    • Panika MCD

      why would you not? you have a primary, probably a primary run-off and the general election. you should always vote at least 3 times in even numbered years.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Good point – make that nine times.

        • Panika MCD

          do you have a separate municipal election in May?

        • La forza del resistino

          some of us with multiple personalities deserve to have all our voices heard …

    • BadKitty904
    • Crystalclear12

      Hey, was one of those times Benjamin Bunny?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Nothing is sexier than a man who votes allllll night looooong.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Something something something stuffing ballot box something hanging chad.

        https://m.popkey.co/581c2e/azobY.gif

        • BadKitty904

          Those are some Olympic-class DSLs. Just sayin’…

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Now, is that a summer sport, or a winter sport?

          • BadKitty904

            Yes.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      I went to Alabammy to vote three times … so there

  • canes_pugnaces

    Think Gore v. Bush.
    Think Clinton v. Trump
    Think about getting off our asses and voting.

    • proudgrampa

      Think Bogie vs. Bacall!

  • FDRliberal

    While Corker, Collins, Flake, Trump and their fellow thieves loot America via their criminal TaxScam bill, their repellent party keeps losing elections.

    To Republicans looting the treasury: “You see a tall shadow? Look behind you, its 2018 and it’s coming to get you”.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Yes, I am going to be posting cat gifs on Wonkette because a) you’re not my real dad and b) no election is being held today.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/v6aOjy0Qo1fIA/giphy.gif

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      But I am your father.

      • BadKitty904

        Anakin?

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Gaydolf.

          Mr. Gitler if you’re nasty.

          • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

            Not Ron Vibbentrop?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Drinking, I should hope, goes without saying.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i’m cleaning my shotgun, probably shouldn’t have done all that fentanyl.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Lambsendbeds

      That is one round kitteh!

      • BadKitty904

        A kitty of “full habit,” as the Victorians would say…

    • BadKitty904

      Isn’t that Maru?

    • Panika MCD

      shouldn’t you be making sure people in Liberia have their voting plans for the 26th?

    • Blackest Noobs

      also acceptable:

      c) you’re not the boss of me.

  • Bananas Foster

    The possible silver lining to all of this is that if (when) we take back our country, the majority of people won’t dispute the idea that we need to fix our tax laws.

    And then maybe, maybe, maybe… we can make some changes that really matter.

    • BadKitty904

      THAT has crossed my mind. This GOP bullshittery will be amended or repealed sooner or later. And then, ideally, the issue will be properly addressed.

    • Marceline

      First we’re going to have to have the American version of the Nuremberg trials because some of these folks don’t get to walk away.

  • Panika MCD

    and the prize for the dumbest and most expected metaphor of the year goes to the BBC for using “Hurricane Harvey Weinstein” because that doesn’t minimize the suffering of Hurricane Harvey victims AT ALL or conflate the suffering of victims of sexual assault with people who have lost their homes in the worst way ever, does it?

    • Bananas Foster

      Wow. That’s fucking ridiculous.

      • Panika MCD

        you knew someone was going to go there, though.

        • hudson

          you also know that the BBC would be the first to get there.

    • hudson

      don’t get me started on the BBC. i have an entire lifetime worth of stories to tell about them. this type of thing they do all the time.

      • SDGeoff3

        I listened to the BBC for a couple of years, and sometimes while wandering around, listening, I’d stop in my tracks and think, “wait…What the hell was that…?”

    • Hurricane Hazel Libelz!!!11!

      C’mon, lookit this sweet ol’ lady:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hazel_McCallion

  • canneddirt

    I wonder if rank choice voting (aka runoff elections) would make Gerrymandering moot?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Not really.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Proportional representation would.

  • Hanaka

    A Democrat and a lady Democrat at that. That’s votetacular!

    • hudson

      wait. cats eat tomatoes? i eat tomatoes. we could be friends.
      i really didn’t know cats eat tomatoes.

      • Blackest Noobs

        no one did…UNTIL NOW!!!!

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Cat wants whatever the fuck is on that plate.
        In evidence: cat snags tomato.
        Not in evidence: cat eats tomato.
        Circumstantial evidence pertaining to motive: who among us hasn’t seen a cat refuse to eat something you outright give to it, but then on another occasion eating same something that it stole?

        • Paperless Tiger

          You step in it later.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I would bet $5 good American dollars that the cat stole the tomato, then dropped it on a white carpet, batted it around for awhile, and left the room pretending he meant to do all of that. Which he did.

        • hudson

          hmm. gee thanks. i got carried away and already pleaded for 15 mins to SHQ* to consider a petition to adopt cats, without considering the possibility that the said suspect was a lying liar.

          no wonder my motion was denied.

          *SHQ Supreme Head Quarters.

      • Seek

        Mine eats olives. Why? There’s nothing about olives that should be cat food but he LOVES them and will murder you in the kitchen to get one.

    • SDGeoff3

      Awww…

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Blackest Noobs

      they don’t hang because conspiracy theories are BUNK

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        But it’s on the Internet! ON THE INTERNET, PEOPLE, ADMIRE THE TRUTH OF IT1!!,,,!!QCCQQ11

        • Blackest Noobs

          i know…we live in a world where fucking morons have a say because it feels true.

          god, when shall this pass, when truthiness passes for fact.

    • BadKitty904

      Name one.

    • therblig

      is this the shitsite that whatserface, the heil trump nazi blond forgot to send a check to?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Um? I dunno, maybe.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      If aliens influencing the outcome of US elections is such a big deal to these assholes, why the fuck do they not give one red fat shit about what Putin did in November?

      • Bobathonic

        Because he votes correctly?

    • I’m sure you can point to a single case of in person voter fraud in this well sourced piece of “journalism”.

      Also, too. FELONS WHO HAVE FINISHED THEIR PUNISHMENTS SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO VOTE OH MY FUCKING GOD!

  • Blackest Noobs
    • That is measured, responsible journalism right there. Good job, you fuckwits.

      • Blackest Noobs

        fox is all over the place…they had some nice blonde lady saying the tax bill was bunk and i was like but she’s all like hot and blonde…they usually don’t say that stuff on fox news i.e. the Repubs are fucking peeps over….crazy world….CRA CRA WORLD

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Fox News: Whatever they pull out of their ass.

  • ForePlinger

    Preach it, brother!

  • Panika MCD
    • Crystalclear12

      Is it a mouse?
      It is fuzzy. . .
      I think I’ll bite it and find out.

    • SDGeoff3

      I want one.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Agreeable little feller.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I heard today was the last day of Chaka Khan. So Happy Chaka Kahn to all the Gews except those Gews who are Roy Moore’s barristers. Oh ok, happy Chaka Kahn ending to them too.

    • Panika MCD

      but it is only the 3rd day of Saturnalia!

      • tehbaddr

        Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
      • Blackest Noobs

        i never thought there was one, Moore was doing everything he could, even throwing in the kitchen sink to win.

        he didn’t and sore loser still will not concede…even though he totally lost.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Oh now, is anyone, anyone surprised about this?

    • Dutchman

      And a MerryHappyXmaKwanzaa to you.

    • Red Bird

      She’s doing good things for us.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Eh hum, a point of clarification. Virginia is a commonwealth, not a state.

    • Perkniticky

      Isn’t that like saying America is a republic, not a democracy?

      • Crank Tango

        Technically, tomatoes are fruits, not vegetables.

      • BadKitty904

        I thought we were autonomous collective.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        I just think commonwealth sounds more fancy!

  • Crystalclear12

    2018 battle cry:
    Grow up and show up!

    • Panika MCD

      but growing up takes so long. I DON’T WANNA!

  • proudgrampa

    Vote early and vote often!

    Wait, what?

    • hudson

      words to live by.

  • Raan

    For the past…five years now, I’ve been voting mail-in ballots. I like it because I have the time to research the issues and candidates and make an informed decision, and also rake in 140 bones working the polls on election day.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I’m with you…the way they write some of the propositions we get to vote on, you can read the text three times and still not know if voting “Yes” means “Yes” or might mean “No” – and they write them that way on purpose. Now I get absentee ballots and I can spend all day researching the issues very carefully.

      Sometimes the propositions are worded so badly they make no sense, like a proposition last year that said “Shall XYZ County, Missouri continue applying and collecting the local sales tax on the titling of motor vehicles, trailers, boats, and outboard motors that were purchased from a source other than a licensed Missouri dealer?” Here’s the thing…we don’t collect sales tax on the “titling” of things, we collect it on the “sale” of things. Titling is a separate process and a separate fee altogether. I called the County Commission to ask about this, and they said “Yes, we know, the wording is inaccurate, but that’s the wording the state legislature insisted we had to use.” I said “But those guys are lawyers, don’t they know how sales tax on vehicles work?” There was a long silence, and the Commissioner said “Apparently not.”

      People who don’t get absentee ballots do get “previous ballots” now a week or so before elections, which is a nice change.

  • Dutchman
  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I was sexing literally minutes before voting on that fateful Tuesday. So NOTHING should impede your vote.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      One can sext while waiting in line at one’s polling place. Multitasking, folks!

      • Raan

        Just put it away when the polling place deputy asks.

        Or at the very least, wait until you’re at the privacy booth.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Not sexting… sexxing, as in bed with another, boning. You absolutely cannot do that at the polling place (unless I’m missing something)

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Absentee ballot. Then you can do both at the same time.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          I dunno, so many concerned conservatives have been warning about that slippery slope with the gay marriage thing, we libtards might just have paved the way for such shenanigans. Huzzah!

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            I’d be all for a big old voting orgy at my polling place !

        • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

          You just have to spell “polling” differently.

        • shastakoala

          Now there’s liberal, and there’s more liberal.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          In the Soviet United States you get boned at the polling booth!

  • Suttree

    So apparently this fuck face piece of shit either cannot call me back nor answer his phone while relegating me to his secretary. This guy must use Jesus to excuse everything. I am fucking pissed now. Whatever, I’ll go down and pick up my check on Friday. It better be fucking itemized! Asshole!

    • Erala Contratista

      POS is a coward.
      Run away! Run away!
      Stay righteous in your craft and the hell with the idiots. Be honest and carry on. Doesn’t pay bills but self respect can greatly help you get through.

      Plus the wailing I hear about how hard it is to get good work done right makes me remind people they get what they pay for.

      Developed a rep. for spicy honesty.

  • tehbaddr

    Before I go to vote, I always take Intellifuck! Because I need that stamina to wait in line, and chat up the ladies!

    http://intellifuck.com/

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • bupkus231

      Personally, I kinda think “neo-liberalism” is nowadays most likely a fantasy – like “conservatism”. Loomis is a pretty knowledgeable guy, and an interesting blogger, but ideologies today are so corrupted by the ignorance of those claiming one or another, that it’s ALL fantasy.

    • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

      I think saying “neoliberal” now, is like saying “cryptofacist” in the old days.
      The writer thinks it makes them sound SMRT, but once you see that word, you are given a free pass to dismiss the rest of the post, and think “what does this even mean” or, “who cares?”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        MEANINGLESS WORDS. In certain kinds of writing, particularly in art criticism and literary criticism, it is normal to come across long passages which are almost completely lacking in meaning(2). Words like romantic, plastic, values, human, dead, sentimental, natural, vitality, as used in art criticism, are strictly meaningless, in the sense that they not only do not point to any discoverable object, but are hardly ever expected to do so by the reader. When one critic writes, ‘The outstanding feature of Mr. X’s work is its living quality’, while another writes, ‘The immediately striking thing about Mr. X’s work is its peculiar deadness’, the reader accepts this as a simple difference opinion. If words like black and white were involved, instead of the jargon words dead and living, he would see at once that language was being used in an improper way. Many political words are similarly abused. The word Fascism has now no meaning except in so far as it signifies ‘something not desirable’. The words democracy, socialism, freedom, patriotic, realistic, justice have each of them several different meanings which cannot be reconciled with one another. In the case of a word like democracy, not only is there no agreed definition, but the attempt to make one is resisted from all sides. It is almost universally felt that when we call a country democratic we are praising it: consequently the defenders of every kind of regime claim that it is a democracy, and fear that they might have to stop using that word if it were tied down to any one meaning. Words of this kind are often used in a consciously dishonest way. That is, the person who uses them has his own private definition, but allows his hearer to think he means something quite different…

        • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

          Thanks for your thoughtful reply.
          (Wonkers are the best!)

  • JMP

    Don’t mention Jill Stein too loudly! We might attract her followers who completely swear that they saw an alien space ship traveling outside the solar system in a manner that violates the laws of physics in at least three different ways again!

    • SDGeoff3

      At the very least, say it only once.
      Just to be sure. Once. That’s it.

    • BadKitty904

      You mean Jill “Criminal Conspiracy” Stein?

      • JMP

        But she was just meeting with Putin to praise him for his stellar human rights record!

        • BadKitty904

          Not about adopting babies?

        • jesterpunk

          I thought she said no one said a word the entire time.

    • Suttree

      I would like to somehow fleece them them. Not because they are stupid, but because they are evil.

      • JMP

        Although they are also stupid and therefore easily fleeced. Sometimes I wish I lacked a conscience and could easy money from grifting these morons – but then a lot of the grifters seem to end up eventually believing their own bullshit and become legitimately crazy true believers while still acting as con artists, as with Alex Jones.

        • Arolpin

          The trick is to not use your ‘supplements’. Don’t get high on your own supply, it’s like drug-dealing (and grifting) 101. You really have to be doing insane quantities of trucker speed to become Alex Jones.

        • Suttree

          I saw it in my old best friend. He lied so much that he believed! That’s why his 135lbs ass thought he could beat me up. I always hated fighting him because it was just sad. He really just wanted me to punch him and break a rib, I guess? IDK Napoleon complex.

    • Panika MCD

      nah. we only attracted one today. we’re losing our edge. though, it’s not beer thirty yet, so we may well get more.

      • JMP

        But it was a special one. Along with the Clinton hate, defenses of Stein and Putin, denial of the Trump-Putin connection, weird Tulsi Gabard fanboyism, plus of course the UFO crap, looking over the troll’s history I see they’re also an antisemitic 9/11 truther, a JFK truther, believes Obama secretly armed Al-Qaeda and ISIS, and of course insists Seth Rich was really the source of the emails Russia stole and was murdered by Hillary. This one is seriously disembrained.

        • Panika MCD

          it’s seen the edge of the solar system!

    • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

      ♫ Calling occupants / Of Russian military craft… ♫

      • Meccalopolis

        Klaatu! FTW

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      All one of them

  • Red Bird

    All good points. I agree compootly.

  • Suttree

    Ugh. Alright take a deep breath. There is an obvious reason that my boss isn’t calling me back. I don’t know why though. Deep breath. Just go get your check on Friday. Deep breath.

    This is the weirdest way that I have ever been fired.

    At least give me a hateful phone call to tell me that my mother was a hamster and my father smelled of elderberries!

    • efoveks

      WTF happened??????

      • Suttree

        I have no fucking idea!I was given a job with hundreds of scrolls that needed to be made into larger scroll assemblies. On the first day (last Tuesday) I stated that this shit was fucked up! (actually statement: these scrolls are not only twisted but won’t dare to come near a flat plane motherfucker.) So the boss says do the best that you can. A week goes by and today i get chewed out for all of the shiity looking shit that was there from the fucking beginning! I asked him on the first day how much do you want me to polish this turd! (not those exact words) and today the “foreman” got into my fabrication, bitching about this and that. I kindly informed him that horse shit like this does not ever leave the fucking forge to be fabricated you simple fuck! (not those words)

        All right, I said that the problems that we were having is because I was given garbage. Thing that should have gone to scrap. They should have let me do the forgings because whomever this guy was sucked donkey balls. (I omitted donkey balls, but the rest I said)

        So I was sent home before lunch and now the boss don’t take calls.

        • efoveks

          This sucks. And your boss is a spineless ass for not having your back. Bad forgings are bad forgings, and if this foreman is performing any sort of QC, this should be clear. (Btw, are these supposed to lay flat and are not? If so, that sounds pretty cut & dried.)

          Being “the new kid” means you may not get the benefit of the doubt, and while that isn’t fair, that is often the reality. It doesn’t sound though, like anyone has told you that you are fired. This isn’t good, but it may not be a death knell. In the end, you know you are good people, right? If not then I am telling you that yes you are. (Shut up and quit arguing already– you KNOW I am right on this one!)

          BIG hug, and for what it’s worth, I am sending good thoughts your way (and voodoo curses to that idiot who made the bad forgings, because I am just that way, bwahahaha!).

          • Suttree

            Thank you kindly. But one of the big things on my resume is hand forgings and scrolls. I didn’t forge these and they somehow expected me to fix this other guys fuckup. Fuck no! It’s garbage! I cannot believe that they put me on that for 52 hours before deciding what I told them at 2 hours.

          • efoveks

            Yep, this other guy’s bad forgings should be on him.

            I used to work at a place that manufactured and distributed farm implements. The shop took raw forgings and made them into usable parts: welding, hard facing, assembling, cutting– you get the idea. I was in the office, but the whole operation was fewer than 20 employees. My official job was customer service, but I dealt quite a bit with the shop, mostly pulling parts or tracking down lost inventory. (I must admit, though, putting together clamps was kinda fun!) I could tell you who cut the wholes in your disc blades or welded that ripper you ordered, not to mention who forged the insert (and who welded it) onto your left handed plow. So while I cannot come from the same place as you in what you do, I just want you to know I have a good appreciation and I think this is hugely unfair to you. Also too, that said, if your boss (or the powers that be) cannot tell at a glance where there real problem is, they are idiots and do not deserve you.

          • Suttree

            Thank you sooo much! I might be crazy but I know my work and I take pride in my work! Hence me calling a POS a POS. I cammot get over that. I told him at the start it was garbage, and I get sent home?! Hahaha! FFS Whatever dude. Just fucking pay mefor my 7 day at whatever your word is. He said that he was paying me higher than what we agreed upon.

    • tehbaddr

      So you’re finally coming around to the conclusion. Chin up and get that next job, don’t be disheartened by some shitstorm you walked into.

      • Suttree

        Yup! I just really need to check myself in the future. Not because of this job, they didn’t hear enough!

        • tehbaddr

          They don’t need to hear any more, and you shouldn’t keep reliving it. Though I know that’s a hard thing. Just gather yourself, do some stretching, try some meditation, and start looking for a new gig.

          • Suttree

            Yes sir, you are correct. i just stoned myself, and now I am running a bath. I am ready to change my focus!

      • Suttree

        Thank you for the obvious that gets lost in my feelings! You are a great person!

  • CindyinEncinitas

    You have made a perfectly cromulent point and I, for one, applaud your efforts.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Get off of your butts and vote, people. If you don’t vote, then STFU and go away!

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      With a bag of pickled rat dicks

      • Bobathonic

        And a can of clams.

        • SDGeoff3

          eeeekk!!!!

        • Crystalclear12

          You monster!

          I like it.

      • SDGeoff3

        Are you a friend of Evan’s?

  • HazooToo

    Everybody better recommend the fuck out of this article and share it everywhere you can reach.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Done and done.

    • BadKitty904

      EVERY. WHERE.

      • Aggle Wok

        But y’all are the only people I talk to

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    My baby sister passed the State Registry exam to become an EMT today. She finished her class with a 96 average. She is attending community college using the Tennessee Promise program. Her tuition is covered through that program, and next semester, she will begin working toward becoming a paramedic. She also has a job as a cashier at a grocery store, so she is one busy working student. I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF HER, but not at all surprised. She’s the most determined person I have ever met. We have to vote so that our young people, like my sister, have every chance we can give them to build quality lives.

    • HazooToo

      Congratulations to your sister! That’s fantastic!

    • Ωbjectifier

      The Paramedical Theory of Weight:
      The weight of the patient that you are about to transport increases by the square of the sum of the number of floors which must be ascended to reach the patient plus the number of floors which must be descended while carrying the patient.
      Corollary 1:
      Very heavy patients tend to gravitate toward locations which are furthest from mean sea level.
      Corollary 2:
      If the patient is heavy, the elevator is broken, and the lights in the stairwell are out.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        You must be a paramedic! This is the stuff they don’t teach you in school.

        • Ωbjectifier

          Used to be. It’s a tough job.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I don’t doubt that at all, but she’s a tough young woman, and I know she can do it, and do it well.

          • Paul

            Yay Sis. And yay you for having her back.

      • weejee

        Similar for folks in cars who had an MI and went off the road. They have tummies so large it is amazing they could have turned the steering wheel.

    • BadKitty904

      Please thank her for us.

      • HooverVilles

        Second!

    • SDGeoff3

      That’s a rough career. She has my admiration.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        It isn’t for me, but she likes blood and guts! She even volunteered and rode along with a rescue squad before deciding to make it her career. She hopes to move here to Maui for work when she graduates.

        • SDGeoff3

          Well, if we ever get back to our old careers in super spydom, we can gin up a lot of business for her!

        • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

          I hope she does.
          The balmy, delicious air of Maui is the least she should reap for such a tough job!

    • efoveks

      YES! :D

      Tell Baby Sister this is wonderful news!

    • OutOfOrbit

      She haz 2 eyes on her face?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        She does. In addition to being determined, bright, and hard-working, she is also movie star beautiful.

        • Tishalicious

          Of course! She shares your DNA after all ^_^

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            How nice!! Thank you!

        • OutOfOrbit

          you beautiful too

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Thank you!

    • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

      I am forever grateful to the tiny, little woman EMT that rescued me from a bad fall after a fainting spell.
      This tiny woman moved around a 5’8″ 200 pounder like it was nothing.
      Tell your sister congrats, and to take care of her back!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I will! And luckily, she is a tall, fit, strong young thing. That helps!

      • Naytch

        That is definitely our skill set! ;)

        Alot of ambulances have battery powered stretchers and stairchairs with treads these days, too.

    • hudson

      congrats. in a related story. one of my friends had an ecuadorian baby sitter, when we were all in NY. she got divorced with kids of kindergarten age etc. so about 3 of us took it upon ourselves to tutor her so that she got her GED. She cleared it. And speaks at least as good an english as we do now. She still babysits, but knows a lot more.

    • HooverVilles

      Nice! Congrats and compliments to her!

    • King Beauregard

      “My baby sister passed the State Registry exam to become an EMT today.”

      Congratulations! I once passed a kidney stone the size of a grain of sand and it was excruciating, so I can only imagine what your sister went through. Tough as nails!

  • Kryptonian Canis

    One vote? That reminds me of something.
    https://theinfosphere.org/John_Quincy_Adding_Machine

    • Aggle Wok

      LOL!

  • BadKitty904

    Across the US, Citizens Speak – and Lawmakers Don’t Listen
    https://www.apnews.com/6683eaf594a04c16a016c5c96ffeb63b/Across-the-US,-citizens-speak-_-and-lawmakers-don't-listen

    Legislatures from the Dakotas to Maine this year brushed aside voter measures, some working to hamper citizens’ ability to pass ballot questions. In 2018 and beyond, states including Ohio, Maine, Missouri and the Dakotas could tussle over the states’ ballot question systems.

    Josh Altic, ballot measures project director at Ballotpedia, an organization that aggregates electoral data, called 2017 a “standout year” for lawmakers changing or repealing citizens’ initiatives.

    “In recent history, we haven’t seen any year in which legislators have been so brash as they have been this year,” Altic said.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      so it’s time to get rid of this parasite class and elect anyone else

      • Bobathonic

        Nope, we’re done with elections on account of the war.

        • SDGeoff3

          Which war are you…oh never mind. I see it.

          • efoveks

            War on Christmas of course! Bah humbug and all that… ;)

          • JMP

            We have always been at war with Eurasia Eastasia.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Wouldn’t this be a case of taxation without representation?

      If everybody claimed fifty exemptions on their income taxes as an act of resistance, what could the feral gummint do about it? Round us all up and put us in FEMA camps?

      • BadKitty904

        Say, that’s a pretty catchy slogan!

      • bupkus231

        Considering what they’ve done already – probably cut IRS funding even more!

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Point!

  • Paul Woodford

    THREE MILLION VOTES! THREE MILLION VOTES! Oh, wait …

  • La forza del resistino

    The House has to stick around and re-vote the Tax bill but Blake Fahrenthold already went home thinking it was jammy time.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Atlanta mayoral recount upheld Democrat Bottoms over Independent Norwood. Kind of a coin toss, but what a great headline, if I do say so.

    • Aggle Wok

      Democrat bottoms, heh heh

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I am of the opinion that Democrats are the new bottoms in this country.

    • BadKitty904

      DEMOCRAT BOTTOMS UNITE!!1!

      • Bobathonic

        BOTTOMS UP!

  • Blanche de Shambles

    So, apparently Lenin Christmas cards were once a thing:
    https://rosswolfe.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/7a70e49ce385.jpg
    http://www.studiolum.com/wang/lenin/lenin-and-children-on-christmas-wood-feast-550.jpg

    http://hafifmuzik.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/lenin-Christmas-10.jpg

    “Remember, children- be good on Christmas, or Felix Dzerzhinsky will come in the night to get you…and Mummy and Daddy…and all your little friends…”

    • Aggle Wok

      The rabbit looks like he’s gonna snitch and get you sent to a re-education camp.

      • Timothy Watson

        He’s obviously a Chekist!

    • Panika MCD
    • Villago Delenda Est

      They are supposed to be good on NEW YEARS!

    • BadKitty904

      Commie boys wore some weird-ass hats.

    • Maclare’s Tree Lot 🌲🎄🌲

      You really can’t make that man cuddly.

  • Aggle Wok

    I was told there would be cat gifs?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Don’t yell at me. i vote early and often.

  • Pilotshark

    one vote, some how i see a recount of the recount, or is this it, no other recounts needed?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Don’t yell at me! I’ve voted in every Presidential election since 1976, when I was first eligible to vote! Every midterm, too!

    • SDGeoff3

      Same here. 1976, registered in Boston during the Bicentennial.

    • Panika MCD

      what about constitutionals and municipals?

      • Aggle Wok

        I even went and voted at my Town Meeting!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        OK, so I blew off a couple of Rainbow Water District elections.

        I made an extra effort to vote in a school board election this past May!

    • Crystalclear12

      Right.
      Keep up the good work, soldier.

    • bupkus231

      #MeToo ( yeah, I know that’s not the intent of that hashtag ). Hell, I even voted in off-year local elections, when I was living in places that had them.

      First Presidential votes – Jimmy Carter, in 1976 AND 1980.

    • JMP

      Same here, except that being old but not elderly it was every one since 1996; 1976 was when I was born.

    • Arolpin

      I’ve voted in every election since the mid-term election on my 18th birthday. (OK, not quite EVERY election, I missed a municipal primary with 3 people running for 3 slots, and nothing else on the ballot.) I’m the guy who the poll workers all say ‘hello’ to, because I’m there for every election, bright and early. When I was in the Navy not only did I vote absentee, but I also requested absentee ballots for my entire DET, and hassled them to fill them out, even though I knew that most of them were voting for Republicans (small-town southern whites largely).

    • Meccalopolis

      Every one since dukakis

  • Thiazin Red

    I’ve been watching the past Doctor Who christmas episodes, and although I like Christmas Invasion a lot, man could 10 be a major dickhole. Jones and Hartman weren’t wrong, and thanks for Saxon and whoever the PM was in Children of Earth d-bag. Still one of my favorites, but 10 you are kind of an arrogant shithead a lot.

    Last Christmas and Christmas Carol are tied as my personal favorites. I rate Voyage of the Damned a lot higher than most people, but then again I like terrible disaster movies.

    • Roadstergal

      I couldn’t stick with 10. Loved 4, loved 9, fell off with 10.

      Father’s Day makes me cry.

      • Thiazin Red

        I really like 9, 11 and 12. I like 10 most of the time, but he rubs me the wrong way a lot too.

  • OutOfOrbit

    Betcha 2 of the 3 judges are Republican and will flip the vote

  • bupkus231

    So, how many screams of “Voter Fraud” have come out since this recount result was publicized? I expect that 97% of them will originate from outside the Commonwealth…

    • BadKitty904

      And half of those from outside the U.S.

      • Raan

        And 90% of those from the Russian “federation”.

    • Aggle Wok

      As soon as the Breitbart article is published…

  • shastakoala

    I vote all the time . Even when I’m not supposed to vote.

    • TundraGrifter

      Hell, just about anybody can vote when there’s a damn election. What’s so fucking great about that?

    • Panika MCD

      once I got to vote twice in one day because they were using my library elections as a test for new voting machines. the new voting machines did not pass.

    • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

      Sometimes I “with votes” when I really don’t want to “with votes”.

    • janecita

      I vote at least 5 times on every election, that’s how enthusiastic I’m about the whole process.

      • Aggle Wok

        I vote five times, then drive undocumented people to the polls the rest of the day.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          If you aren’t picking up shifts at the local USPS mail processing center and intercepting Republican absentee ballots, you aren’t doing enough.

          • Aggle Wok

            I steal them right out of the eldery’s mailboxes in affluent neighborhoods.

          • janecita

            I’m taking notes, 2018 is just around the corner.

        • janecita

          You are my new role model!

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      I vote in the comfort of my own bed, repeatedly and in a rhythm until I reach exhaustion.

      Yes, voting – why do you look confused…?

      • starfanglednut

        Dude, go back to the bunk room.

        • persistently_resistant_gayby

          NO.

    • Count Awesome

      “I vote. Play of the week!”

    • Victoria Ricola

      I bus people in to vote!

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’ve missed voting twice in my life, and I’m pushing 72. Both times were when I was flat on my back with the flu and a fever of 104°. I have NO PATIENCE AT ALL with people who don’t vote. ONE VOTE, ASSHOLES!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I missed voting in the primary here last year because I had moved in late April and we hold our primary in mid-May (so everything is long since decided and we can relax, secure in the knowledge that Iowa and South Carolina’s fine residents have chosen our future president for us) and we don’t have same-day registration.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I voted for myself for People’s Sexiest Man Alive, but they said I was a woman and my vote don’t count. UNFAIR!!!!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Vote early, vote often!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        God bless Mayor Daley

  • TundraGrifter

    “Apparent winner.” I remember when that was Al Gore. For a minute.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Al Gore WAS the winner, until Scalia decided he wasn’t.

      • TundraGrifter

        Agreed. I posted that before – Al Gore won. He just didn’t become President.

  • Victoria Ricola

    Is anyone out there watching CNN right now? I missed something somewhere, but Wolf Blitzer is highly-animated about something that just happened with a Bob Corker interview? It’s pretty hilarious and I need clips.

  • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

    Yes, master!
    (May I have another?)

  • That’s why I get up and stand in line before the polls open — don’t fuck with my vote. Plus, it leaves more time for getting nervous and self-medicating with copious amounts of Bourbon.

    • Panika MCD

      and getting out the vote, right?

      • Uhhh, yeah, I was about to say that. (looks at feet)

        • Panika MCD

          you can drink and get out the vote at the same time. multi-task!

          • Timothy Watson

            *slurred speech*Would you like a sample ballot?

          • Panika MCD

            that’s not GOTV. GOTV is:

            hi, I’m Timothy calling with the X County Democratic Party! how are you?
            *sip*
            are you planning on supporting our fantastic Dem candidates?
            *sip*
            have you voted yet?
            *sip*
            here is your closest polling location.
            *sip*
            if you show up at X with an “I voted” sticker you will get a free drink.
            *sip*
            thank you for your vote!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            just don’t drive the bus from Mississippi

          • Panika MCD

            no. you send out the 18 year olds to pick up the voters. just keep drinking and dialing and don’t try to give your phone a shot.

          • Arolpin

            Unless it’s full of Republican voters, then drive it right out of the state.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Pfft. Voting regularly is just a way for old people who aren’t on Twitter to act like they are more politically active than Bernie-or-busters.

    • Aggle Wok

      Gahahahahahaha!

  • Joe Beese
    • Aggle Wok

      Dude, seriously?

    • janecita

      Not today, please.

    • JMP

      Remember when Ted Rall was respectable? Or maybe it just seemed that way because Bush was in charge and he hadn’t given over to this kind of idiotic slander of the good guys yet.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
        • bupkus231

          Zat you, Jared?

        • JMP

          Wait, what the hell?

          “In an editor’s note, the paper said that Ted’s May 11 story had been untruthful about an incident in which he was given a ticket for jaywalking on Melrose Avenue in 2001.”

          A jaywalking ticket?! They don’t even make those; police do not enforce anti-jaywalking laws, and everybody does it, with no one ever getting punished for it. What the fuck?!

        • puredog

          Doesn’t the name of this paper’s owner rhyme with Schmared Bushner?

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        No, I don’t. He’s always been guilty of malicious assault on the eyeballs.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      What?!

    • Jay B.

      Uhh…They are LITERALLY saying Corker was bribed. That’s kind of the opposite of that nasty little piece of bothsiderism. And this obscure Democrat seemed like she was speaking out about it.

      Republican Senator Corker hailed the #GOPTaxScam as a “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity. But he failed to clarify that this moment was about enriching himself, and the wealthy, at the expense of working families. This is who they are. #CorkerKickback https://t.co/aD89Hl0d8l— Nancy Pelosi (@TeamPelosi) December 18, 2017

    • h4rr4r
    • jesterpunk

      We are not going to play this both sides are the same bullshit. One party wants to make sure people have healthcare, women have rights, education is affordable, minorities have right and the other one wants to take all of that away to give tax cuts for the super rich.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        But you know, they’re all alike and they’re all just as bad. A pox on both their houses, I’ll just stay home since it doesn’t matter who I vote for, they’re all owned by the same people, it’s all an illusion blah fucking blah.

        I’d love for these cynical idjits to choke on their BS. Nothing like handing them the knife to slit your throat with, because you’re too fucking stupid, lazy and apathetic to even notice the difference between the guy trying to kill you and the guy trying to save you- no matter how imperfect he may be.

      • JMP

        But women’s rights are identity politics and therefore don’t matter, no more than minority rights of LGBT rights, only the rights of straight white men are important to True Progressives! And since the mainstream centrist neoliberal Democrat Party has not promised to immediately abolish capitalism, arrest every single Wall Street executive and stock broker, and give me a pony, they’re exactly the same as the Republicans!

        I am not a crackpot!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          what, areyouafraidofthetruth?

          • JMP

            Whatmeworry?

        • jesterpunk

          Oh right I forgot about identity politics, how silly of me.

        • h4rr4r

          PS this is not a threat.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I seem to recall a few voices raised in protest. Btw, how many Democratic “yes” votes did the bill get?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Zip. Zero. Bupkus. None. Nada.

        • onedollarjuana

          Did they tie up Manchin and throw inna closet?

        • bupkus231

          “Butkus”??? ROFLMFAO!!!

          No, no, no, no, no. It’s “bupkes” or even “bupkis”. “Butkus” was a middle linebacker ( that is part of the origin of my moniker, which I made up to participate in a football pool, years ago – combining bupkes and Butkus ).

          Thanks for the moment of laughitude!!!!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and don’t piss him off, you’ll be sorry

            https://sineilleifer.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/1160.jpg?w=960

          • Marion in Savannah

            I fixed that typo, although I misspelled bupkus yet again. So much for remembering my NYC Yiddishisms properly! (What do you expect from a little shiksa?!)

          • bupkus231

            Oy vey! My spelling of “bupkus” is a deliberate misspelling ( and you nailed where I got it from – via my Polish Catholic grandmother on the Lower East Side way back when… )

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        in fact- it wasn’t the parliamentarian that snafu’d the vote- it was House Dems doing their job.

        STFU purity ponies- I’m sick and tired of the “both sides” bullshit

        Just In: the House has to vote on the tax bill AGAIN.
        Why? Dems challenged 3 parts of bill on the Byrd Rule and they won.
        The 3 issues are:
        1. Using 529 plans for homeschooling expenses
        2. The title of the bill
        3. Part of criteria used for uni endowment tax pic.twitter.com/g3CzQ1A38s

        — Heather Long (@byHeatherLong) December 19, 2017

    • Maclare’s Tree Lot 🌲🎄🌲

      Oh, Joe. No.
      Listen, they can’t all be gems.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Ya, that’s why they are saying out loud that the bill is a scam, theft … so this is demonstrably not true

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Oh, fuck off, and for crysakes spend some money on drawing lessons. You suck.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Meh.

      Drink!

      #BothSidesDoIt

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Enough of this moron Ted Rall “there is no difference” between them. Wasn’t true when the egomanical Ralph the Jerk said it in 2000, wasn’t true in 2016.

    • mailman27

      And the Democrats actually are yelling, loud and long. So do you get away with the cartoon because it’s such clever “art,” even though the premise is demonstrable nonsense? I guess the paper that ran it thinks so. Fuck ’em. Fuck ’em all.

      ETA: I shoulda scrolled down. Nonetheless, I’ll persist.

  • janecita

    I had a dream last night that I was bathing a Labrador. I woke up in a very good mood:-)

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Raoul?

      • janecita

        Ewww, no!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Eating Raoul

        • mailman27

          One of my faves of all time. (Haven’t watched it for a while. Is it still good?)

    • Aggle Wok

      I had a dream I was training a new employee how to clean a bathroom. It was weird.

      • Erala Contratista

        I used to clean public bathrooms and even now have the occasional potty cleaning dream.
        You are right, it is wierd.

    • Erala Contratista

      Having bathed my share of Labs, I can guarantee the whole process, from getting them in the tub to the tropical rain shower when they shake off made us very cheery.
      Two of them would even jump in the tub!

      Giggling ensued.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Be happy that you were not dreaming of bathing a cat.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Well, unless you were already at the Emergency Room…

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I dreamt that the great blues singer Howlin’ Wolf was camped out in our guest room. He’d really taken it over, whiskey bottles and takeout containers all over the floor, a naked floozy in the bed. I was kind of honored to have him at our house, but was unsure how I was going to explain it to my wife.

      • janecita

        Was he singing “Backdoor man?”
        Ps. My grandma adored that man:-)

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          Cool granny!

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I was on Robert Johnson highway in Mississippi today. I was hoping the devil would offer to let me trade my soul for being a great guitar ayer, but it didnt happen.

    • shastakoala

      I always dream I work. Probably busy voting.

  • CripesAmighty

    Posted on Grinning Granny-Starver thread, but particularly germaine here: they’re already salivating at the Medicare kill-shot: “We’ll start by raising the age since we’re living longer”–Tom Cole
    Who’s living longer? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/133df7dd26e640a83b8479543db10e188b462eb23336edf85732e6341f0e14ba.jpg
    Uh-huh. That’s what we thought.

    • Count Awesome

      “If we raise the age to the point where everyone dies before they can collect, we can eliminate taxes.”

      • * offer applies only to rich people, poor people will still have to pay taxes, because duh.

      • CripesAmighty

        More importantly, “If we raise the age to the point where all the poors die, we get ours, and can can pocket their money, too.”

    • mailman27

      40% of yer average 35-year-olds: “Yeah, the Republicans cooked this up and rammed it through, but both sides do it.”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Why should I vote if a party I don’t belong to refuses to accept my demands?

    • Panika MCD

      because the Lorax told you to.

      LORAX 2020! YES WE UNLESS!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Lorax is a Goldman-Sachs shill!

        • Panika MCD

          TULSI GABBARD WILL CUT DOWN ALL THE TRUFFULA TREES! TULSI SPEAKS FOR THE THNEED!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Because they are all neoliberal trees- they are NOT the right height

          • Panika MCD

            the humming fish believe all trees are the right height. the swomee swans believe that there is only one position: pro-tree. the brown bar-ba-loots think Tulsi smells like a Onceler factory.

            LORAX 2020! YES WE UNLESS!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Why should I vote when all the candidates are exactly the same, except for being totally different?

      • Panika MCD

        so you’re going for Magic Mirror? a likely story.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          Don’t blame me! I was all in for Deez Nutz.

  • Panika MCD

    I’ve been invited to participate in this year long writing challenge called “The Gauntlet”, but it has already become clear that there are a bunch of morons who think that there are no rules for poems and they like poetry because they think there are no rules because they are some kind of linguistic Libertarian fuckheads. do I stay?

    • Marion in Savannah

      From what you’re describing I’d bail.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Or, just to fuck with them, try to get the rules changed so everything has to be classic sonnets or rondelles.

        • proudgrampa

          Or limericks! I like limericks…

        • Panika MCD

          I’m already on it by trying to make sure that an erasure is a high point challenge.

    • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

      I just KNEW the Vogons were Libertarians all along!!

      • proudgrampa

        The Vogons don’t write poetry like they used to…

        • Panika MCD

          poetry is not written. it’s made.

          • SquirrelTime2

            But do leave your iambic junk outside.

          • Panika MCD

            only if you don’t muck up the carpet with your trochaic tetrameter.

      • SquirrelTime2

        They even speak like a US libertarian, and it’s way weird that I get them.

        • DiveUrsityBearDeLaOursistance

          O freddled Galtbuggly, thy micturations are to me / Like plurdled howardroarks on a lurgid bee.

    • Aggle Wok

      Is that your poem? Needs work.
      :)

      • Panika MCD

        no. that’s not how poems work.

      • SquirrelTime2

        Just say NO to iambic pentameter!

        • Panika MCD

          at dawn in snow she killed with stones the owl.

          • SquirrelTime2

            Yeah, that’ll happen.

          • Meccalopolis

            Bad luck! Anti jinx !

          • Panika MCD

            I will iambic pentameter wherever I am told not to!

    • mailman27

      One word, five lines: Limericks!!

      • Panika MCD

        A
        A
        B
        B
        A

        easy. but can you triolet?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          AABBA. They may not have been as good a Swedish pop group, but they got a few extra gigs just by being first in the yellow pages.

        • mailman27

          A struggling poet called Nate
          Was approaching his publishing date
          Got as far as “Nantucket”
          At which point he said “Fuck it!”
          I’ll just switch the line count to eight

          *you just had to make me look up “triolet,” didn’t you?*

  • Holiday Bozi
  • ariel_gee_398

    Also, Dear DNC/DLCC/DCCC/DSCC:
    Please challenge every one of the motherfuckers who voted for the tax bill, said nice things about the tax bill, looked longingly at the tax bill, or will personally benefit from this shit while their constituents suffer.
    Thx.

    • Aggle Wok

      Pick a loophole that benefits your Republican rep/senator, name it for said rep, advertise the fuck outta the “Name” Loophole, never shut up about it, each unique to a district or whatever. The “Ryan Loophole,” the “Gowdy Loophole,” the “Gohmert Loophole” etc etc. Crucify those motherfuckers.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Can you send that to Tom Perez, please.

        • Aggle Wok

          As I’m a woman over forty, not sure he’s taking my calls?

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Lol. The GOP thieves have to rename their robbery bill, cause of Byrd Amendment. I suggest The Soylent Green Opportunity Act as the new name.

  • Count Awesome

    Why be a “Robber Baron” as a business man when you can be a “Robber Baron” member of Congress.

  • SquirrelTime2

    Let’s be like France, with a two tier popular vote structure.

    Shit can this pro slavery fucked up ‘electoral college’ blather.

  • Suttree

    I have just decided to get wicked stoned and run a bath. Fuck that dude. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/330ac72f42fac236853f47f9797a944bb6c00f2623b23ff3b44191f7f6f4c5aa.gif

  • jesterpunk

    Good job pissing off all of our international allies Nikki.

    http://thehill.com/policy/international/365686-haley-the-us-will-be-taking-names-after-un-vote-on-jerusalem-decision

    U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley warned the international body on Tuesday that the U.S. “will be taking names” when the U.N. General Assembly votes this week on a resolution urging the Trump administration to withdraw its recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

    “At the UN we’re always asked to do more & give more,” Haley wrote on Twitter. “So, when we make a decision, at the will of the American ppl, abt where to locate OUR embassy, we don’t expect those we’ve helped to target us. On Thurs there’ll be a vote criticizing our choice. The US will be taking names.”

    • Panika MCD

      yeah, that’s the thing that made me wonder what was in it for them in starting WWIII last night.

      • jesterpunk

        Evangelical voters will vote for them.

        • Aggle Wok

          Evangelicals would vote for a saucer of cat piss if it talked about fetuses.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and hating gheys

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            You can’t say fetus anymore. You have to call them Entirely Formed Humans Who Just Happen To Be Trapped Inside a Useless Incubator Right Now.

          • Aggle Wok

            “Entirely Formed Humans Who Just Happen To Be Trapped Inside a Useless SLUTTY Incubator Right Now.”

          • SquirrelTime2

            And it’s so dusty.

        • Panika MCD

          that’s because they think they’re ushering in the Apocalypse. still doesn’t explain what’s in it for most of the Trump administration.

          • jesterpunk

            Money

          • Panika MCD

            but isn’t money worthless during Ragnarok?

          • jesterpunk

            Do they plan that far ahead? They think the person who dies with the most money wins.

          • Panika MCD

            will the money be transferred into their accounts before or after the rapture?

          • jesterpunk

            After when everyone else is gone and they are left with their piles of cash.

          • Panika MCD

            but will they really be “left”?

      • JMP

        Some are lunatic religious fundamentalists who believe they’ll get raptured to heaven and get to watch all us heathens suffer horribly; others are complete and total morons who are easily manipulated by said lunatics and were convinced this would be a winning move to make them more popular.

    • h4rr4r

      At the will of which Americans?

      • jesterpunk

        The evangelicals that support Trump?

    • She can start with my name.

    • Count Awesome

      As if we have allies any more

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’m sure they are all very concerned.

    • WIDTAP

      “that the U.S. ‘will be taking names'”

      I think you might be doing diplomacy wrong, Nikki.

    • Walter Wellstone

      These idiot thinks other countries give a shit. They don’t anymore because they know we’re a bunch of incompetent fuck-ups who can’t even take of our own people during a hurricane. Fuck you, Nikki.

      • WIDTAP

        Plus, the Chinese have money now, so….

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “Well then, for the record, it’s spelled . . .”

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      at the will of the American people?!?!?

    • “The will of the American people”? Come on, like 75% of Americans don’t even realize that Jerusalem and Tel Aviv are different cities in the first place.

      • WIDTAP

        Aren’t they both in the same Godforsaken desert?

        • DrBigHead

          Neither are in a desert. One is on a coastal plain and the other is on a mountain plateau

          Yes, I am a pedantic asshole…..

          • Notreelyhelping

            Which one has better coffee?

          • DrBigHead

            Jerusalem, most definitely. As long as you are in the eastern part of the city. :)

      • Walter Wellstone

        Well, I’m sure Aviv will Tel you that if you ask him.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Telly Aviv? Loved him on Kojack.

      • notaten

        Guarantee you, of the 12 people who live on my road, I am the only one who could find Jerusalem on a map. But the other 11 all have very strong opinions about why this is good news for MAGA, somehow. Idiots, the lot of them.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        They are different cities? 😳

        • Arolpin

          According to the Israelis I know, Tel Aviv is where you go to party, Jerusalem is where you go to see your whack-job religious relatives. And Friday night is for drinking with friends, while Saturday night is for drinking with dates.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Damn. I thought I was taking Tel Aviv for my chronic back pain.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well I’m sure that statement will get at least a few fence-sitters down into the group that will vote in favor of the resolution. Great job Nikki Baby!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Wonderful. Our trip down the road to global pariah is well underway!

      • DrBigHead

        Oh, we’ve driven the road, crashed through the final barricade, and sunk the national car fully in Lake Pariah.

    • JMP

      What’s really sad is having an ambassador to the UN who is too lazy to type out full five- and six-letter words. Pathetic.

      • Covfefe

        You may not be happy with her, but think of the support and love she gets in India, after they explain she gave up her original name to make good in America.

    • janecita

      I fucking HATE that woman! I swear, it’s something visceral. I hate her as much as I hate Jared Kushner! She is a fucking asshole!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      WHY YOU NO KICKING ASS, ONLY TAKE NAMES?

      • Meccalopolis

        Where’s the chicken?

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      FUCK YOU Nikki! You don’t even understand how wrong we are in this and to attempt to defend the indefensible is reprehensible.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT, but with the House poised to hand the tax bill to the Senate, pretty much guaranteeing that everyone’s health care will be fucked over, what on earth could POSSIBLY go wrong with the idea to re-start the research on making viruses more deadly?

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/19/health/lethal-viruses-nih.html

    • anon_the_great

      Fear not this bullshit will be repealed in a year.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Your lips, God’s ear, etc., etc., etc.

        • Aggle Wok

          Beat me to it…

    • SquirrelTime2

      But, but OBAMACARE is evil, dontcha know?!

      Better no healthcare at all, seez the moron right wing.

    • Crystalclear12

      Well, that die quicker plan isn’t going to implement itself.

      • Covfefe

        If we’d just eliminate them vaccines we wouldn’t need no Obama Care at all.

        • Crystalclear12

          Darwin/Machiavelli 2020!

          • Notreelyhelping

            Plague/Famine 2020!

        • Roadstergal

          What’s scary is that this whole thing around Words You’re Not Allowed To Say (If You Want Funding) at the CDC seems tailored to making vaccines no longer a public health priority. “Wishes of the community” rather than “science-based” and “evidence-based,” indeed. Trump is anti-vax and has met with Kennedy and Wakefield since his ‘election.’

          This is a crazy that crosses party lines. Crazy lefties and crazy righties agree on it.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Maybe the Trump presidency is just a weird, prolonged, movie promo?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Don’t look at the blinking red light…

      • Count Awesome

        “In a world of injustice, one man….”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Can we make it so the viri only vote Republicans?

      • Roadstergal

        Viruses. :p :p

    • Roadstergal

      Meh, there’s more and less to that than meets the eye. A lot of legitimate work around figuring out what could happen in the wild and to be prepared for it – and even to make viruses more amenable to use in model organisms – falls under that umbrella.

      The NIH needs to be better-funded, for sure, with better containment and better IT, but the basic idea isn’t crazy Professor Farnsworth shit.

  • mailman27

    I’ma be camped out overnight, motherfucker. (Nothing personal. Like I’m not calling anyone a motherfucker, personally. Nonetheless.)

    • Aggle Wok

      Like, camping outside your congresscritter’s office? In a national park? A fort in your living room?

      • A living room fort sounds so much cooler than it is… At least in your late 30s. One of the guys that rents a room from me made one in my living room to “surprise” me, and all I could think was “who is going to clean this up, and my poor back having to sit in it!”

      • mailman27

        Blankie over the card table? I’ll be there until election day. Then, look out congresscritter.

        • Aggle Wok

          Needs more back support!

      • SquirrelTime2

        Go with the fort.

        When you leave it, you are already home.

    • hudson

      not even mike pence? why so iffy?

      • Aggle Wok

        Doing it though a hole in a sheet for procreation purposes only is hardly what I would call fucking!

        • hudson

          this falls under the under workout is my warmup category.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Frisky or squirrelly? One of those outside kind of nature things, eh?…

    • tehbaddr

      Did you set up a bivouac in the woods? Is your S.O. waiting by the door of the domicile with a cast iron skillet?

    • Meccalopolis

      Word bitch!

  • Anna Rompage

    If selling a gay couple a wedding cake means that a christian baker participated in a gay wedding, does that mean a christian gun store owner that sells a firearm to a murderer participated in murder?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Stop that. You’ll make the guns sad.

      • Aggle Wok

        Really, guns are people too.

        • HooverVilles

          Shhbh!
          Don’t give the Citizens United people any thoughts. ;-)

    • hudson

      people just pick and chose morality. i don’t think they have thought it through.

      • willi0000000

        usually they just pick their noses and listen to fux gnus while voting the party line.

        [ trump tv according to Chris Hayes ]

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Thinking is for librul eliteses.

    • ariel_gee_398

      If a Christian store owner sold me the dress I wore to the Abortionplex, aren’t they complicit?

      • Anna Rompage

        Oh, and what if you wore that dress on the date that you got knocked up on?

        • Aggle Wok

          Also, pharmacist who sold you the aspirin you were holding between your knees but still got pregnant.

          • Anna Rompage

            Malpractice!

        • tehbaddr

          Well that’s an act of dog, or jebus, or whatevers!

    • Walter Wellstone

      Yup.

    • tehbaddr

      I think you’re on to something there, by their “logic”!

    • Covfefe

      I like your reasoning Anna. A cake is to a wedding like a gun is to a murder.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Only cakes marry gays…

        • hudson

          hahahaha.

      • Raan

        If we outlaw cakes, only outlaws will have cakes.

      • hudson

        lol. well said, the attendees are there only for the cake, but i hope people are marrying for more than the cake.

    • Nan

      Technically, he would have only participated in the reception. How is a nice party a problem for anyone?

      • Walter Wellstone

        Especially a gay wedding, I mean, the whole shindig is bound to be fabulous.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, if you voted for the pedophile in the recently concluded Alabama special election for a US Senator, does that mean you’re pro-pedophile, too?

      • Aggle Wok

        Yes

        • Billie

          Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
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    • aktlib101

      Fair point.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That’s it. I’m going to start incorporating cakes into Satanic rituals.

      • Beelzebubba

        Then get an Xtard baker to refuse to bake it. Whose religious rights are being stepped on then?

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Noooo… because not gay! Duh!

    • Rasilom

      Yes. Yes it does.

    • SpideySenser

      Works for me.

    • HooverVilles

      EGGGGGG-SACTLY!

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      i am stealing this and posting billboards on every Social Media and Hiway and Bus Stop and Tv and Radio all over this doGdam country…need royalties or credits?

    • HooverVilles

      THIS THIS THIS

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    In Michigan, we’re pretty sure one of those statewide referendums will be on the ballot next year, TO HAVE AN INDEPENDENT BODY SET DISTRICT LINES! Fuck this Gerry and his mandering ways!…

  • jaspersdad

    Remember the Trumpsters insisting that Trump was anti-establishment. How he would stand up for the ‘little’ people against the establishment. How he was rich himself and therefore would not be bullied by big business and the wealthy.
    ‘Fuck em those people are idiots.’

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    http://www.joemygod.com/2017/12/19/oopsie-house-must-vote-gop-tax-bill/ oh my fucking god!!! They can’t even be competently evil. We truly are living in an idiocracy.

  • Panika MCD

    just a historical note:

    the guy that gerrymander comes from was a Dem. sure, it was back when it was the total opposite of what it is now, but we are supposed to do this together so that we can call each other on each other’s bullshit. otherwise we have to hand the map pencils over to Watson and he always gerrymanders the districts to favor Hal9000.

    • Rasilom

      I’m sorry Dave. I can’t do that right now. I have an election to throw…

      • Panika MCD

        hi, Sorry Dave. you can always throw shade while you do it.

    • bupkus231

      What do you have against robo-Americans? You know demographics will eventually favor them, right?

    • jesterpunk

      But I wanted to vote for Bender Bending Rodriguez Sr in the next election.

      https://s.blogcdn.com/blog.moviefone.com/media/2009/06/futurama_return_bender_2.jpg

      • Panika MCD

        you can. it just won’t be in a district drawn by Watson.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Nah, I’m gonna maintain my sterling ideological purity and continue voting Green.

  • Picabo
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Woot!….

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    CNN typically sucks, we know that, but they are REALLY pushing it on this tax bill:

    Sen. Lisa Murkowski wears Hulk earrings for big tax vote tonight

    From CNN’s Ashley Killough

    Sen. Lisa Murkowski is wearing Hulk earrings today in honor of the late Sen. Ted Stevens, who was known for wearing superhero ties and would wear a Hulk tie whenever he tried to get Arctic National Wildlife Refuge passed.

    “And when he wore his Hulk tie he meant business,” the Alaska Republican told CNN.

    With the tax reform vote tonight, which includes a provision that opens up ANWR to drilling for oil and gas, Murkowksi will essentially be at the helm of accomplishing a goal of Alaskan politicians for decades, including a goal of her father, former Sen. Frank Murkowski.

    Murkowski, who’s very superstitious, said she’s had the earrings for a while but didn’t wear them until today because she said she “never had just the right moment.”

    “So I figured today was the day to be channeling my inner Ted Stevens and wearing the Hulk,” she said, before she knocked on the wooden table next to her.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Fuck her and Ted Stevens useless corpse.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Fuck her with Ted Stevens useless corpse. FIFY

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          right in the tubes…

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            The whole series of them…

      • Panika MCD

        the only reason Ted Stevens corpse is useless is because THE MAN got to him before he could release a tell-all memoir.

        • Raan

          Would he have tried to explain the bridge to nowhere in it?

          • Panika MCD

            he would have explained that he couldn’t get Don Young to carry the volcanic research station in the House if he didn’t sponsor the bridge to nowhere in the Senate, but that it was a stupid project he was rooting to fail.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      It’s a hulking big piece of shit.

    • Raan

      Oh, tubes guy did other thing?

    • bupkus231

      I dunno – “Lisa smash!” just doesn’t have the same ring….

    • Walter Wellstone

      Is she a no?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Sorry. They need all wimmen on board to help cook this shitburger.

    • Panika MCD

      honestly, even though I disagree with them and they know that the AK DGGS has said, “drilling ANWR would be dumb.” and BP has said, “drilling ANWR would be dumb!” and Exxon and Cheveron have whispered, “drilling ANWR would be dumb, but we want to keep blaming environmentalists for making us go to war in the Middle East over oil! and Shell and Citgo are dumb–do not listen to them!” that’s kind of sweet.

      • DrBigHead

        The high estimate for the amount of extractible petroleum in ANWR is a hair over 10 billion barrels. The US burns approximately 20 million barrel per day. So, if all of the extractible oil in ANWR was suddenly transferred to the refineries in Houston, we would go through it in a little over a year.

        • Panika MCD

          it would be transferred to refineries in Japan.

          • DrBigHead

            good point

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      I really should have stressed this part:

      “With the tax reform vote tonight, which includes a provision that opens up ANWR to drilling for oil and gas, Murkowksi will essentially be at the helm of accomplishing a goal of Alaskan politicians for decades

      • Panika MCD

        they did this under Shrub and then closed it again under Bamz. ANWR will never be worth drilling.

        • Rasilom

          Truth is truth.

        • starfanglednut

          I hope you’re right. It’ll take some time to grant the leases, and grown ups may be in charge by then.

          • Panika MCD

            and most of the oil companies know it’s not worth it already and have for a very long time. this is actually a bad thing for them because they lose their token argument.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        This is really proving to be 50 years of Republican wet dreams rolled into one bill. Gift the country to the wealthy, fuck the poor, destroy the social safety net, and wreck the environment, all in one stroke. Am I leaving out anything?

        • Just one thing, the gops total destruction come November 2018. With votes.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I have some white oak around the shop. We need to drive stakes through their hearts this time.

        • Funding for homeschooling and fundy colleges and fucking public/secular education?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          stick it to the libs, but that’s minor given the list. ooooh! You forgot enrich themselves with not even a half-assed attempt at hiding it.

      • data_ninja

        So maybe Alaska will remove their billboard ban, so that all of the giant signs can hide the drilling equipment behind it?

      • Meccalopolis

        Lets sell it back

      • starfanglednut

        She deserves double hell in eternity for letting this seat her vote.

    • 52camellias

      Dear Sen. Murkowski: kindly go screw yourself

      That said, I think the Hulk earrings thing is kinda cool. But hey, I’m a jewelry collector, so that’s just me. Unless this is actually an article from The Onion, which will make me feel kinda stupid.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    OT: You know what peeves the shit out of me? Okay, besides republicans. What really peeves the shit out of me is when my cigar goes out and there is enough cigar left for maybe fifteen minutes of puffage, but it’s so short that I can’t relight it without burning my eyebrows off. I just hate that!

    #FirstWorldProblems

  • Suttree

    Tub is ready, song is in head. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1pCOR9Rv9M Pew pew pew

  • willi0000000

    hell, i live in Massachusetts and i vote in every election.

    [ because if we forget, we lose the majority ]

    • Eileen Besse

      Massachusetts people are conditioned to vote. I sure as hell wish the rest of the country was the same way….

      • Panika MCD

        when do they get shampooed?

        • Eileen Besse

          Hahahahahah–every Friday, if I rightly remember
          .

          • Panika MCD

            only two shampoos in 397 years?

          • willi0000000

            we’re still on “rinse” . . . we won’t get to “repeat” for a while.

  • Jgb979

    Never been prouder of my home state.

    Tick tock DC assholes. You’ve got less than a year left https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/75458e6582cf88020cb05532494aaffc260fb60c95ac9323639f35a75c8a88f4.png

  • memzilla Ω
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Chris Christie says Kushner deserves scrutiny.

    Sorry, no linky. Just saw the video on Ari.

    • Arolpin

      Well, Chrispy Chreme is probably still pissed that Jared kept him out of the Drumpf administration. Relieved that he dodged a bullet, but still going to do everything he can to fuck Jared (and his dad too if he could).

  • RobKanC

    I swear next time someone says they are all the same I am voting for Jill fucking Stein, I am gonna go full hulk on them. With votes of course.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I’ve just watched a documentary about places on earth that are supposed to be gates to hell. This guy was interviewed :
    http://www.waltersgrovebaptistchurch.com/Pastor.html

    And according to him, none of us can ever be good enough to be saved, we all deserve to go to hell, because we haven’t let Jesus into our heart, etc… And the people who were listening to him seemed to believe every word he said.

    Seriously, I dont know if every pastor in America is like that, but it’s no wonder so many americans are messed up, if they hear that kind of thing on a regular basis. They get told there’s a standard they can’t reach and no matter what they do, they will end up suffering in hell. That’s just scary.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      You must have missed the entire Catholic repertoire on Original Sin. It’s been a going thing for the last seventeen centuries!…

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        They had you literally from the second you were born to the second you died. You didn’t want to die after birth unbaptized or die un confessed.

      • Timothy Watson

        PAPIST! Get him!

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Yeah well, I know it exists, and that’s pretty much all I know about it.
        No, but seriously… I don’t go to church often except for baptisms, communions or confirmations… But I’ve never heard a Catholic priest deliver such a demoralizing sermon.

    • Thiazin Red

      In junior year English we started our assigned reading with Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, that kind of thing has been with America since the beginning.

    • tehbaddr

      Yup! The only way to avoid the hell is to take Jebus into your heart. It doesn’t matter all the fucked up shit you did before, or will continue to do again, so long as you have Jebus!

    • janecita

      All fundies are fucking crazy.

    • Treg Brown
    • So, you think he’ll get caught with a dead girl or a live boy?

    • CripesAmighty

      People who are so willfully stupid as to swallow this codswallop deserve to wallow in their own misery. Fuck ’em. Idiots.

  • aktlib101

    “Shocking” evaluation, pots and kettles aside:
    Putin calls Trump an Imperialist
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/putin-calls-trump-an-imperialist/

  • Panika MCD

    okay, so one of these dolts at the Gauntlet did not get that “MFA” stands for “mother fucking asshole”.

  • janecita

    “Spider-Man is always hungry.” Who am I listening to?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      J. Jonah Jameson?

      • janecita

        Lol!

    • Treg Brown

      The Cure? Aunt May?

      • janecita

        Yes!!! I have Lullaby stuck in my head!

        • Treg Brown

          I can see why!

        • Meccalopolis

          Standing on a beach with a gun in my hand

          • janecita

            Staring at the sea, staring at the sand.
            Staring down the barrel
            at the Arab on the ground.
            I can see his open mouth but I hear no sound.

            I LOVE that song!

    • SDGeoff3

      Well it sure ain’t Fauré.

  • Parakeetist

    It’s 6:24 p.m. where I live, and I’m already in bed. God help me.

    • Marceline

      Same here. It’s been that kind of day.

      • Parakeetist

        I think I’m practicing to be A Old Lady.

      • Me too. We need our rest to carry on.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Me too but technically not in sleep mode… what are you wearing ? Lol

      • puredog

        I’ve got my settings dialed to “Hibernate.”

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • Me The People

    https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/dec/19/bird-spikes-in-bristol-trees-to-protect-cars-cause-dismay

    Spikes have been fixed to trees in a leafy neighbourhood of Bristol in an attempt to prevent birds perching there and creating a mess on residents’ cars.

    The spikes, of the sort normally seen on the ledges of buildings to
    ward off pigeons, have been spotted on trees in Clifton, near the
    wildlife-rich Downs and the Avon gorge.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/db22459399dc3dbd910b4396858b5044e44e33dccb027ef65c3b32c3cee8c53c.jpg

    • Parakeetist

      Yipes

      • Me The People

        Seems like the next logical step in Theresa May’s post-Brexit “Hostile Environment” strategy.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      They need more swifts over there in Bristol; swifts can do anything on the wing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swift

      Plus, they are cute as hell, and twitter far more sweetly than some humanoids I could mention: http://www.xeno-canto.org/explore?query=apodidae

    • DrBigHead

      That looks like something you would see growing wild in Australia. Everything will kill you there.

    • They do know that WE are the invasive species, right?

      • willi0000000

        everywhere we go.

        [ except part of Africa around Olduvai ]

    • Evidence-based Ugly Dude

      The people of Bristol should bristle at those bristles.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      It is clear these people have never lived in Louisiana or Florida and seen what the semi-annual Love Bug swarms do to cars. They swarm in the millions twice a year, and if they die on your car they leave pits in the paint. The solution is simple – wash your car every day.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bc16c66ce7bb78561b5384b6577a0b0e948c269e1c219daa9492e47227d59d25.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      That’s attractive.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    My legs are sore from doing squats and other leg stuff, exercises that are alien to Paul Ryan

    • hudson

      paul ryan is often mistaken for his mental prowess. HE IS A CHARLATAN. Nobody will laff when all this comes crashing down. And i doubt he has the balls to stick around long enough prove his theories.

      • John Thorstensen

        Charlie Pierce has him dead to rights: “Biggest. Fake. Ever.”

      • SDGeoff3

        No one but the RWNJ cult would ever be taken in by his lack of mental prowess.

        • hudson

          but they are all awed so much by his ability to use big words, without realizing what it means for them.

          • SDGeoff3

            The biggest words. Fraud. Charlatan. Sub-literate ignoramus.

  • Notreelyhelping

    So a technical question (given it’s an open thread): when I open a posted link while using my iphone, why does it take me two tries to get back to Wonkette? The first try, I usually bounce back to the linked site.

    Not a major issue, but a little frustrating sometimes.

    • tehbaddr

      iPhone is the problem.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      iPad also. Must be safari or the os.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      what browser?

      • Notreelyhelping

        Safari.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          have you tried using the app? Then links will open in Safari, while you stay where you were in the app. I use mobile chrome on my IOS devices and my Android phone.

    • hudson

      general advice from a typical apu nahasapeemapetilon. lower your expectations circa 2017.

      google search, in contrast, is where AI manifest in all it’s present glory.

      • hudson

        you may not detect it. but they have have basic question answering down. the question parsing at least. it’s awesome in it’s magnificence.

        • h4rr4r

          Yet the results are worse than five years ago. At least for anything technical.

          I liked when you had to use operators.

    • jesterpunk

      Click the box at the bottom right to open a new tab, find link you want, copy then switch back to the other tab and paste it. Then you dont have to try and get back to wonkette.

    • Meccalopolis

      Click over in a new tab otherwise I have to scroll through the whole thread to get back

    • Arolpin

      It seems to be an iOS thing, and it only happens when disqus is more fucked than usual. I have it happen on the iphone & the ipad, but not on my Mac or my work Winblows box. I’ve taken to opening it in a new tab.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Oh dear Cory Lewandoski is gonna be on Ari Melber … can’t decide if I should mute…

    • Paperless Tiger

      How come when Trump fires someone they never stay fired.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I blame Obama.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          prolly Hillary, also too

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Bacteria?

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          I was going to say Fungus (among us).

    • SDGeoff3

      It should be pretty good, though. Ari can be a bit of a tart from time to time.

  • Marceline

    Just to piggyback on what Evan wrote this is also why the Democrats and real allies on the left should be fighting voter suppression tooth and nail instead of chasing after Trump voters and the idiot white working class that voted away their own unions and health insurance.

    • FlownΩver

      Instead of? (a) Walk. (b) Chew gum.

      • Marceline

        Yes instead of. White people stopped supporting Democrats after the passage of the Civil Rights Act. They won’t come back unless they get to be at the front of the line. Better to expand our base and work on making sure they can vote. Democrats would be better served focusing on minorities of all kinds (ethnic, religious, LGBT) and educated white people instead of the coal miner who refuses retraining.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Not all white people stopped supporting Democrats after the Civil Rights Act was passed. But you are right about fighting voter suppression and gerrymandering. That whole subject really disgusts me because I learned about all the tricky ways that people have used to control voting when I was in 8th grade Civics Class in 1969, and it’s hard for me to BELIEVE we still have to deal with this bullshit.
          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e7f5a4ecd4ca712fe3011cc4fd14df44f329458b9d705f558dc6217dc6d317dd.jpg

          • Marceline

            Of course not all white people but my original comment specifically called out the white working class that we are being told we simply *must* get back. They aren’t coming back and the effort being spent on courting them is wasted energy. By now we’ve seen enough elections to know that a lot of the hot takes we’ve been fed are bullshit and the value of the white working class is one of those. The working class is overwhelmingly black, brown and female. Let’s focus on them.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The neighborhood I live in is primarily white working class, and you are right that courting them is wasted energy as long as they keep watching Fox News every day. I want to see more black, brown and female people elected to office at all levels.

            There was a woman in my town who was in the forefront of the Civil Rights movement in the 60’s, a well-respected teacher and administrator at the local “Colored” school, and a leader in the fight to integrate our local schools, which did not happen until 1965 when I was in 4th grade. I went to high school with her 2 youngest children, all of whom were National Merit Scholars and went on to obtain professional degrees at Ivy League colleges. So this lady died 10 years ago, and they named the new high school after her 4 years ago. Well, my god, you should hear what some local white people say about that. In a way, this was good because now I know exactly which of my seemingly-educated white friends have been secret racists for years. Meanwhile, they want to rename my elementary school (Robert E. Lee) and this is just fine with me, but I noticed that all the names recommended so far are of MEN. I want them to name it after Sally Ride, the first woman astronaut.

          • Paperless Tiger

            True, demographics is the future. On the other hand, the WWC voters who I know voted for Trump don’t ever mention him now. Before the election, they said they just wanted to see what would happen. As the oligarchy continues to show them its ass, the WWCs may want to look in another direction. What will they see? If they see workers united in common cause, they may want to lace up their work boots and march along, just to see what would happen.

          • Marceline

            They won’t care if those workers aren’t also white. That’s the real issue. They care more about white supremacy than economics. They aren’t going to lace up their work boots if it means they will have to march alongside black or brown people.

          • Meccalopolis

            We can appeal to them without pandering to their baser instincts. I refuse to cede heartland, values and other cliché ‘s to the pugs

          • Marceline
        • Greg Comlish

          The civil rights act was passed in 1964.

          The democrats maintained a majority in congress until 1994.

          I guess those racists took 30 years before they understood what had happened in 1964.

          • Meccalopolis

            It’s been steadily eroding since and accelerated during the Reagan years when the southern strategy went into full effect

          • King Beauregard

            About 92% of Southern Democrats voted against the Civil Rights Act. The South was willing to re-elect them, though as time went on, they were all replaced by Republicans.

        • Meccalopolis

          Amen. And if we did we might pick up some poor rural whites

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A lesson from Alabama.

    • tehbaddr

      Onions? Well back in the day they were all the fashion. I used to tie them to my belt!

      • SDGeoff3

        Next to the teeth and nails, I’m sure.

        • tehbaddr

          Heavens no! They go on a wrist-let or necklace!

          • SDGeoff3

            Silly me. Of course!

    • CB

      “Democrats and real allies on the left should be fighting voter suppression tooth and nail instead of chasing after Trump voters and the idiot white working class that voted away their own unions and health insurance.”

      I would certainly agree that’s where the focus should be, though I would also suggest the door should not be shut on poor White Republicans.

      If they ever decide to take an interest in reality or their own self-preservation, of course they should be welcomed back into the party!

      Those things are required as the price of entry, though, and it needs to be stated in those terms!

      We’re not going to pretend up is down because reality gives them the sadz. That isn’t being nice to them… quite the opposite.

      • PlutoAnimus

        What, exactly, would ‘shutting the door’ on white Republicans look like?

        “You say you want to volunteer, but you used to be a Republican? Buzz off, loser!”

        Seriously, your argument sounds like so much nothing to me.

        • CB

          “What, exactly, would ‘shutting the door’ on white Republicans look like?”

          Mixing up cultural attributes like drawls and cowboy hats with their treasonous behaviour, for one thing…

          To them, it feels like they are being shunned by society because they’re White.

          There’s nothing wrong with pointing out that’s not the case.

    • PlutoAnimus

      That will have to wait until Democrats take over the state houses and governor’s mansions that hold the keys to changing the laws and procedures designed to suppress the vote.

      So I guess you’re saying, elect Democrats in 2018. That’s a good start.

  • Michael R
  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Hahahaha

    Protester chasing the @foxnews mouthpiece"The Tax Bill Is A Scam!" pic.twitter.com/dA7fv5Icbd— ALT- Immigration 🛂 (@ALT_uscis) December 19, 2017

    • Victoria Ricola

      +1000 for Peter Doocy!

  • aktlib101

    “What is Malignant Narcissism [MN]? The best overview I’ve come across is found in a seven year old article in a not especially well known journal from Croatia, Psychiatria Danubina :”
    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/12/19/1725812/-The-best-description-of-Trump-is-from-a-seven-year-old-Croatian-psychiatric-journal

    Malignant Narcissism: From Fairy Tales to Harsh Reality
    Mila Goldner-Vukov & Laurie Jo Moore
    University of Auckland Faculty of Medical and Health Sciences, Manaaki House Community Mental Health Service
    Psychiatria Danubina (2010) Vol. 22, No. 3, pp 392–405

    In MN destructive aspects of the self and the expression of aggression become idealized (Rosenfield,1971). People with MN give the appearance of being self-sufficient and successful. Covertly, however, theyare fragile, vulnerable to shame and sensitive to criticism. Failure to succeed in grandiose efforts results in prominent mood swings with irritability, rage and feelings of emptiness. People with MN are driven by an intense need for recognition. Inwardly, they are deeply envious of people who have meaningful lives. They are adaptive, capable of consistent hard work and of achieving success. However, their work is done primarily to gain admiration and their intellect is strikingly shallow. They are often materialistic and ready to shift their values to gain favour. They are prone to pathological lying. In the realm of love and sexuality they are charming, seductive and promiscuous, but unable to develop deep relationships. When not involved in narcissistic pursuits, they are cold, unempathetic, exploitative and indifferent towards others. Disturbing feelings of inferiority, self-doubt,boredom, alienation, emptiness and aimlessness underlie their persona (Kernberg 1984). (pg. 393, emphasis added)

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      are you thinking of anyone in particular?….

      • yyyaz

        In bold-face, all-caps, underlined, 125-point Arial. Too subtle, prolly. Make it 175-point.

      • aktlib101

        Nah, not really. Such people are very rare, hard to find, takes lots of research, questionnaires…This is just an attempt to spread general knowledge to my good fellow Wonketeers. Why you ask?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          It just seems familiar, somehow….

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Hitler?

      • Covfefe

        Watching television for eight hours a day is hard work in anyone’s book.

    • tehbaddr

      Nope.TLDR no breaks.

    • chascates

      In short: “Fucking nuts”!

    • Michael R

      There’s an entire book on this

      People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil

      This may come in handy soon :

      ” I have learned nothing in twenty years that would suggest that evil people can be rapidly influenced by any means other than raw power. They do not respond, at least in the short run, to either gentle kindness or any form of spiritual persuasion with which I am familiar. “

  • Courser_Resistance

    Thank you Evan for the pause from the insanity. I really need it because everything is just shit today. And yes, I vote in every fucking election for ALL THE THINGS. Yes, even to pay more taxes so our city will be awesome, which was the only Thing on the ballot in Nov. here.

  • IdRatherBeDancing
  • cheetojeebus
    • mailman27

      Oh man. Their Black Magic album used to be on my parents’ turntable all the time. G’Night, Keely.

  • chascates

    NBC News just repeated Trump’s tweet about infrastructure and today’s train wreck and then mentioned his budget cuts money for railroads by 43%.

    • chimpevil

      Did they mention that is was a brand-new track and train and that this was the inaugural trip? Yeah infrastructure is crumbling but this was not an example of that, you ignorant narcissist dumbfuck.

      • chascates

        Perhaps this tax cut will allow new Carnegies, Vanderbilts, and Morgans to arise and buy the railroads at a pittance.

        • chimpevil

          I have a lot of hope that the wealthy will rise to the occasion and do the right thing for the country with their increased wealth. Ha just kidding!

    • Bobathonic

      This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • Treg Brown

    A palate cleanser:
    Irish People Try Donald Trump’s Favorite Foods

    https://youtu.be/jMGF1KckbFU

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh, you’re just hoping for a heart attack…

    • That steak is incredibly underdone from the way he eats it, c’mon.

  • Panika MCD

    when I ask for a triolet, you mother fuckers better give me a TRIOLET! it is an 8 line poem where you only write 5 lines because two of the lines repeat several times. let’s try this again.

    A
    B
    a
    A
    a
    b
    A
    B

    https://www.poemhunter.com/i/poem_images/439/a-triolet.jpg

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Well, shit. Another former client dead. 21 year-old kid was booked into a local county jail for failure to appear on a hunting violation. He told them he was under the influence of an intoxicant, he was “having difficulty with his balance and speech [so] he was placed in the maximum security cell and jail staff began fifteen minute safety checks.” 45 minutes later, he was dead.

    The jail staff there are top-notch, with one or two exceptions. They knew he was a junkie, so they would have been looking for respiratory distress or other symptoms of CNS depression. I wonder what happened.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      That sucks man. I’m sorry that happened.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        It’s been happening a lot more often lately. Jail staff are pretty well trained for dealing with alcohol, or meth, or even heroin — if they know what the person is on. They seem to be getting a little overwhelmed recently.

        Incidentally, this is the first fatality that I can recall in that jail in at least 10 years.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          we had one recently…

    • Panika MCD

      even the best jail staff aren’t a match for dealing with withdrawal. kid should have been transferred to a hospital, but it’s likely the department couldn’t afford to have people maintaining watch at the hospital.

      • tehbaddr

        That’s not withdrawal, that’s OD. Surprisingly you can’t die from opiate withdrawal, unless there are other rare complications. Like barb, diazapine, or ethanol dependence.

        • Panika MCD

          you didn’t specify that it was opiates, but that still meant he should have been transferred to a hospital.

          • tehbaddr

            “They knew he was a junkie, so they would have been looking for respiratory distress or other symptoms of CNS depression. I wonder what happened.” That usually means dope, heroin, opiates etc…

          • Panika MCD

            sorry, missed that. doesn’t mean that we should expect jailers to be doctors.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Yup. With his history, the first thing they would have looked for was fresh tracks. He stopped breathing, so the smart money is on some combination of methadone and something.

  • jesterpunk

    Trump is doing something else no president has done ever. SO MUCH WINNING

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/19/politics/trump-approval-new-low-history/index.html

    President Donald Trump’s approval rating sank to a new low in CNN polling on Tuesday, earning the approval of just 35% of Americans less than a year into his first term.

    That’s a significant drop from the 45% approval rating that Trump had in March, shortly after taking office.

    It marks the worst approval rating in a December of any elected president’s first year in the White House by a wide margin — and only the second time since the dawn of modern polling that a president’s approval rating sank under 50% at this point. A broad 59% of Americans said they disapprove of how Trump is handling his job as president.

    • Panika MCD

      how low can he go?
      lower, lower still
      like dying embers glow.
      how low can he go
      to the bottom of the bowl,
      a barrel’s dregs and swill.
      how low can he go?
      lower, lower still.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i maintain my original prediction – 27%

        • bupkus231

          The “Alan Keyes Constant”.

  • ziggywiggy
  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

    You just can’t expect Republicans to act in the best interests of anyone but their rich sponsors. https://twitter.com/rudepundit/status/943264046324879361

    • bupkus231

      If their “previous statemnets” have lotsa sharp edges and corners, all the better….

  • Anna Rompage

    What are you gonna do with the extra $28 a pay period from these massive tax cuts?

    Take the family to McDonalds and splurge on super sized meals every couple of weeks?

    Use it on your massively rising insurance premiums?

    Or set it aside for later in life to make up for what they’re gonna cut from Medicare & Social Security?

    • Count Awesome

      Play Powerball and hope to strike paydirt.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        It’s almost 3 twelve packs of bad beer – just sayin’

        • Count Awesome

          I already have budgeted for alcohol, weed, and cigarettes.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            you can afford all three? ELITIST!!!

          • Count Awesome

            It’s not about affording all 3, it’s about needing them.

          • Courser_Resistance

            I forego the booze, but yes to the weed and cigarettes.

        • bupkus231

          So, what are we supposed to do the other 27 days of each month?

        • Oh man… I do hate our beer prices up here in the Great White North…

          It’s not taxes, BTW, though that’s how it usually gets portrayed, it’s that the beer lobby has managed to convince the government to set “minimum legal prices” for booze in Canada to “combat abuse”. It’s easily disprovable bullshit, but hey… It’s the law!

          • AJ Milne

            I figure, if anything, it _encourages_ abuse… When you get to a jurisdiction where prices are sufficiently less gougey.

            For serious, sometimes I’ll be in a liquor shop type place Stateside, looking at the prices…

            And if the clerk asks ‘what’ll ya have’, it’s on the tip of your tongue to say ‘Oh, everything on these shelves over here, I guess…

            (‘And… oh… _That_ one, too.’)

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            We have a similar issue here in Kentuckistan. Our cigarette tax is lower than every other states’ and it’s RIDICULOUSLY low – $.60 a pack. In case you read that and thought, decimal in wrong place, it is SIXTY CENTS on a pack. So peeps who travel through buy a lot of cigarettes.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Based on what I see every damn time I get gas, you’ll have lots of competition.

        • Count Awesome

          I need to borrow Obama’s time machine. “I am from the future and have a very important announcement! But first, can someone point me to where I can buy a lottery ticket!”

      • Duke

        That’s retirement Plan A.

    • Old town Urbandale

      I’m from Iowa, so I’m taking my Senator’s advice and spending it on booze, women, and movies.

      • bupkus231

        “… and a movies.

        FIFY

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’ll get my hands on another 2 bucks and get a 12-piece bucket of KFC with sides.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I’m getting a whopping $30 increase in my monthly SSDI check. I was going to give some of it to Wonkette, but then my real estate taxes went up, so that didn’t work out.

      • tehbaddr

        Real estate taxes? Jeez wish I could afford to have those!

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Be careful what you wish for…banks were promoting 105% mortgages 15 years ago, and a lot of people who never thought they could afford a house were able to buy one without any down payment or closing costs, which is the main thing that led to the collapse of the economy in 2008, and a lot of those people lost their homes.

          Where I live, if your income is at the Medicaid cut-off level, you can get a waiver of real estate taxes. Mine is about $200/mo too high.

      • tomamitai

        My “check” goes up by exactly the same amount that my Medicare premium does. What a coincidence!

    • Iron Monkey

      I am going to buy some extra large cans of Whoop-Ass with Votes® and store them until November 6, 2018 for use on Republicans.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        $28, about 3 six packs of cheap American beer, plus sales tax. That is my tax cut.

        • h4rr4r

          Where is cheap American beer that expensive? I can get a case of yuengling for $20.

    • Paperless Tiger

      You won’t see it, because they are going to cut your wages and benefits. The hidden hand in a Republican administration is the labor board, which is already attacking the public sector unions. Reagan did that and it cascaded into the private sector unions with devastating effect. They are targeting the prevailing wage for a cut.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    My FB (where my political groups hang out) is all over this. Glad we have some good news to balance out…um, you know…

    • Aggle Wok

      Um, you know = everything else?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    So, I found a dead javelina in front of my shop this morning. You know….just in case I got to thinking I’d seen it all.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I had to look that up … never heard of a javelina. It’s a pretty name for a not pretty animal.

      • mackafritz

        Alternate name: skunk pig

        • Ling Ling

          That is a fact. You cannot miss that smell.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah…you should smell one after it’s been dead for about 10 hours.

          • Ling Ling

            You are very generous, but Ling Ling already have problem w/Possum piss in garage. Not kidding.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Worse than skunk?

          • yyyaz

            No, not even close, except in July when it’s 110, then it rains on the carcasses, and your dogs roll in them, and make it into the house before you catch them.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        They are not the most lovable of beasts. And their normal habitat is the Sonoran desert, not the heart of the Tucson meth ghetto.

        • DrBigHead

          The washes are javalina superhighways. Frequently see a family of 5-6 near Speedway and Wilmot.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Meth-related death?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It was very likely run over by a tweaker. Forensic tests of the javelina haven’t shown any trace of intoxicants.

      • DrBigHead

        Yes, and mean and foul-tempered, too. Kind of animal that when found dead, even an avowed Buddhist would say ” yeah, the bastard probably deserved it”.

        • yyyaz

          Oh, that’s mean! The males are the ones that stink — natch — but the females herd with each other and the little ones. Plus they’re not nearly as noisy as the coyotes. They really like leftover Halloween pumpkins, too.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Do you have to report it to Fish & Game, or just toss it in a dumpster, or . . . what?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Way too heavy and gory to toss into the dumpster (it was hit by a car). I called the city. It was still there when I left this evening.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          I always wonder, now. I made the mistake of disposing of a dead mountain lion cub without calling Fish & Wildlife, and the whole State of Washington started threatening me.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Had it been a bobcat or one of the rarer desert critters, I would’ve contacted them. Javelina and coyotes become comfortably habituated in urban areas, so no one really bats an eye.

    • Bill D. Burger

      “Peccarie chops are back on the menu, boys!”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        /peckery joke

    • NorthernSaber

      Makes dodging moose falling off snowbanks (yep, happens, and scary as fuck when it does) sound downright appealing! Here’s hoping that’s the sketchiest thing you ever have show up in front of your shop!

      • Bobathonic

        A Møøse once bit my sister

        • NorthernSaber

          …and then the sacking began.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          She got better?

      • SisterArtemis

        I think the sketchiest things have been the dead-drunk bums passed out in front of my door. *sigh*

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Pffft. That’s like every morning at my shop.

    • John Thorstensen

      They are nasty, ornery little critters indeed.

    • tehbaddr

      To bad it wasn’t fresh enough to BBQ!

  • Iron Monkey

    so we can be the ones holding the pen next time it’s time to draw lines. (And we will draw them FAIRLY and the GOP will bitch and moan because FAIRLY has a WELL-KNOWN LIBERAL BIAS.)

    Evan, I love you like a brother but the best anyone should hope for when the state legislature and U.S. House of Reps districts are redrawn is MORE OR LESS FAIRLY with the more on the side of the party holding the pen. However the GOP will continue to draw districts that are neither contiguous or compact in order to defend their power and the Democrats should at least make sure that we are the ones who get the benefit of who votes where if possible without being grossly unfair.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      We will multiculture them with lines.

  • Picabo
  • AJ Milne

    Article needs a Shaft damn right.

    Damn right.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Well, this was a surprisingly upbeat piece.

  • BadKitty904
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I don’t think it’s that kind of snow…

      • BadKitty904

        Hey, it snows in Peru, too, ya know…

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Corker ain’t given up – then again, I wouldn’t either if I was a congress critter who was going to personally profit from a provision stuck in a bill specifically to get my vote.

    “Republican Sen. Bob Corker voted against the tax reform plan when it first went through the Senate.

    This time around, Corker will support the bill, which he said is not perfect.

    “There are things in it that I wouldn’t have in there, but that’s the way legislative process works,” he told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “I did everything I could Wolf to try to make this create smaller deficits — at least the possibility of that.”

    Corker said revenue estimates in the tax bill are uncertain.

    “I would have liked that to be really tidy and known that there was no way for any kind of deficit to be created,” he said. “Look I lost that and at the end of that day you have to decide, do you think this is better for our country or worse for our country, worse off having this. I think it’s better and I am glad to be supporting it.”

    Corker also defended himself against accusations that he was backing the measure because of a provision that could help his bottom line.

    “I know that I am being maligned over totally malicious stuff that’s been totally misproven,” Corker told Blitzer.

    He refuted an International Business Times story that alleged Corker received a specific carve-out in the final bill that would greatly help the Tennessee Republican’s own personal wealth in exchange for his flip to “yes” on the bill.”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You know what else wasn’t perfect? Hitler wasn’t perfect.

      • Timothy Watson

        The media nowadays would totally say he deceived a win or two.

    • Panika MCD

      he literally has nothing to lose since he’s not running for re-election.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      They are robbing us blind.

  • Wuulf

    Here’s your tax cut middle class. Don’t spend it all in one place… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c32f42d45ae9d72df6df301bba8163acc7960dd0af0a77c351028bd2346b9ac8.png

    • Count Awesome

      “What, me worry?”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Oh, right–this is why I don’t watch CNN:

    https://twitter.com/HawaiiDelilah/status/943212290479865858

    • CripesAmighty

      It is a win for those whose two motivators are greed and the immiseration of others.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Cat gif for President!

    • Aggle Wok

      I vote the “fuck this, fuck that” cat gif!

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Yes! That’s my favorite. :)

      • Edith Prickly

        Fuck Mitch McConnell, fuck Paul Ryan, fuck Bob Corker in particular…

        • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

          And fuck Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski.
          (They’re all covered in Trumpstink, as far as I’m concerned.)

      • Count Awesome

        “Fuck this and fuck that
        Fuck it all and fuck the fucking brat
        She don’t want to baby that looks like that
        I don’t want to baby that looks like that.”
        –The Sex Pistols

    • Panika MCD

      LORAX OR GTFO!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Gonna have to earn your windfall, shithead. Deal with it.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Fuck me. The real victim.

    • jesterpunk
      • yyyaz

        I’ll pitch in a couple more, just for good measure.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I got two over here I’m not currently using for much.

      • hendenburg2

        You know, that gif says “Jill” in the bottom left during the first part. Mayhaps repurpose it?

        • jesterpunk

          Oh I didnt even notice that.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      What did he expect warm fuzzies for selling out? He can get those from the Koch’s.

    • Count Awesome

      So when he receives social security, will he be even more entitled?

    • gallbladder

      If he thinks it’s bad now…

    • OrG

      Suck it up, buttercup.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      He thought his legacy was going to be standing up to Trump. But now, if the bill passes, all our grandkids will know him from is the Corker Kickback. Sad.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Yeah Bob, about that report you had to hastily amend on Friday to cover your conveniently forgetting to disclose millions of dollars in income from real estate, hedge funds and other investments since entering the Senate in 2007…

  • Count Awesome

    Republicans won’t be happy until granny doesn’t receive a social security check and is the “personal responsibility” of her kids and grandkids.

    • OrG

      They STILL won’t be happy.

      • starfanglednut

        They are deeply unhappy people, laboring under the painful and fruitless delusion that money and power will make their unhappiness go away.

      • Count Awesome

        Probably because she still has medi-care.

  • Ellie

    This has made me think, and I’ve made a decision. Tomorrow (or whenever I’m able to put new ink in my printer), I’m sending an application to the Board of Elections requesting a permanent absentee ballot instead of doing it every election because I have this pipe dream of being able to physically go to the polls. If I do it as a permanent thing, it comes earlier, and I won’t have to worry about it not being counted. So, thanks Virginia.

    • SisterArtemis

      Vote by mail (or dropbox) is the way of life in Oregon, and though I miss going to the small town precincts with their old folks, store-bought cookies, and weak coffee, it sure makes it easy to vote.

      • Bananas Foster

        We’re a motor voter state too!

      • yyyaz

        I’ve been voting by mail since 2012 in AZ, no less.

      • hendenburg2

        Back when I lived in New York, I remember walking with my parents down to the town Firehouse a few blocks away, then turning the switches and pulling the level on that rickety-ass machine to cast a vote.

        Nowadays, since California votes by Scantron, it just reminds me of taking the stupid SAT.

        • SisterArtemis

          The most technologically advanced voting I ever did was punch-card, and haven’t ever done the electronic version. It freaks me out, and I’m glad I haven’t had to vote that way.

          Oregon uses “fill in the oval” style paper ballots, which does in fact remind me a bit of school testing in the 70s, but I’m truly ok with that.

  • glynnis bugati

    Florida. 2000. We need to stop having to relearn this lesson.

    • CripesAmighty

      What? That we live in a nation of morons? No amount of recognition will cure that.

  • Bill D. Burger

    She showed an ounce of courage on the health care repeal and now she’s OH-SO shocked people thought she had more. And don’t try to play the woman card on this one, Susan! Won’t work.

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/943250784325718016

    • Aggle Wok

      What is it with conservative women? Any criticism of their policies is considered anti-feminism. That’s not how it works, sweetheart.

      • Shan

        Conservatives ARE anti-feminism. It doesn’t matter whether they’re male or female.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Just to make it sound a little less condescending, since we don’t want to stoop to their shittiness, how about we edit that last sentence to “That’s not how it works, asshole.”

        • Aggle Wok

          Well, I did it on purpose, to illustrate what sexism actually sounds like. :)

        • Aggle Wok

          But my name and avi don’t make it clear I’m a lady so I get what you’re saying.

      • TJ Barke

        They just say that shit as a dishonest/idiotic attempt at trying to catch libruls in contradiction.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Great. Now she’s pulling out the fucking Me Too card?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Collins also singled out a report that she said included a line about how she “didn’t cry” during a recent meeting with protesters, many of whom suffer from grave medical conditions. That line was later removed after Collins complained, but not before the story posted online.

      “I can’t imagine a reporter writing that about a male senator meeting with the same group, and, in fact, I have proof because they met with [Arizona Sen.] Jeff Flake,” she said. “So it’s been extremely discouraging to see the press coverage on this given the significant impact that I’ve had on this bill.”

      She does have a point there.

      That said, her complaining about being called a dupe because her amendments were accepted ignores that fact that what she was supposedly fighting for was a bipartisan overhaul of Obamacare…which Paul Ryan made clear he isn’t bound by. Sounds to me like she was in fact duped FFS.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Guess what, Senator? Flake didn’t give a fuck about the dying protesters either. Congratulations. You’re as big of a heartless dick as he is. How’s that for equality?

    • Ellie

      Sexist, my ass, Susan. They’re only saying you are duped because we all thought perhaps you had grown a spine. We were all wrong. It’s just SOP for the GOP and I’m sorry I wrote you that nice letter a few weeks ago. I take it all back.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Do not EVER trust these lying motherfuckers. Anything good they do is accidental, or for secretly malign reasons.

    • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

      As a vagina-haver, I’d like to vote her out of the club, but I can’t.
      As a human being I’d vote against this tax cut for billionaires, but I can’t.
      It’s almost like she has more power than me.

    • tehbaddr

      Yeah fuck her! Just ’cause she has a va jay-jay, doesn’t give her a walking pass!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It’s sexist to call you out on your hypocrisy?

      That’s news to me… BTW way to cheapen and denigrate an important issue just to give yourself political cover

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • aktlib101

      Personal gift.

    • Timothy Watson

      Cushy corporate board appointments that will set her up for life when she leaves the Senate.

      • SisterArtemis

        She would get them anyway, imho

        • OutOfOrbit

          But now moar & bigger

        • Rick Hill

          Executive Cushy corporate board appointment

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      She’s probably rich, like all the congresscritters, and realized she could be richer, and her kids would be richer when she dies. It’s all about them, all the time, forever and ever, ramen.

    • OutOfOrbit

      $$$,$$$,$$$

    • Nounverb911

      She still as big a moran as LePage?

    • Crank Tango

      Money?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      $$$$$

  • SisterArtemis

    So, the way I read this, we know have the thumbs up from the senior editor for cat gifs! Yay!
    https://media.giphy.com/media/10sMFmeZ0LUM7u/giphy.gif

    • Timothy Watson

      This is good news for John McCain.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        He could use it right about now

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Well, that’s depressing AF.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Gee, it’s almost like the entire RW propaganda complex has been shit talking her 24/7 the whole time, while purity pony Bros™ have been scapegoating her to avoid taking responsibility for their voting fuckups and the MSM has been trashing her to avoid their own culpability in the 2016 election debacle…

      • jesterpunk

        They still wont take responsibility for not voting last year or for voting for a 3rd party candidate. They wont ever admit they fucked up.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Nor will the MSM take an iota of responsibility for their farce of election coverage- there’s a reason they all fell all over themselves to trash her book. Hillary wouldn’t take 100% of the blame like a good little woman and her book proved inconvenient to the talking heads.

          • Buzz1313

            To this day, my friend, I get hot under the collar and animated as fuck talking about how the MSM,second only to Putin and the Russians, gave this thing to Donald Trump…
            A part of me wonders if they were directed to do so. I felt after two terms of Bill Clinton, Al Gore made sense and that W was a poor choice. I didn’t follow the MSM ‘s political coverage back then. What I read afterward made my blood boil. The Bullshit about Al Gore that had NOTHING to do with his qualifications. Not to sound like a conspiracy freak, but I find it odd that after two highly popular, successful Democratic Presidents, the New York Times bent over backwards to make the Democratic challenger in the following election look like a snob (Gore) or a crook(Hillary)-and succeeded in playing a major role in giving the win to the lesser qualified Republican.

    • jesterpunk

      But she resigned from the Faux Noise Presidency.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Jesus Christ on a frosted sugar cookie.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The whole damn Paul Krugman op-ed in the NYT is good, but I am heartened by this part:

    Republicans believe that legislative victories put “points on the board,” helping their electoral prospects, even if the bills are unpopular. Obama officials thought the same thing back in 2009 — but they were wrong: Major legislative victories on economic stimulus, health care and financial reform did nothing to stop disastrous losses in the 2010 midterm elections.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f6877b492453847aa9ff678589ac4ae6762792a6fe075d741736815c128aad53.jpg

    • Count Awesome

      Buyers’ remorse us a hell of a thing.

    • Spotts1701, Not Poisonous

      “The world wasn’t nice, and it wasn’t fair. People who didn’t deserve it suffered and died every single day.
      So what?”

      So somebody ought to do something about it.

      • ManchuCandidate

        One guy tried and they nailed him to a tree.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Damn! One vote DOES matter. Fer’ example.

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/943220737850175489

    • Crank Tango

      It seems there was a post on here about that earlier today…

      • Bill D. Burger

        rotflmao

        Posted the wrong post at the wrong site….again. Can’t blame disqus this time. And I better close a few windows….on the puter’ of course.

        • Crank Tango

          LOL I figured something was up.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The guy who wanted to eliminate the Export-Import Bank doesn’t get to run it- go figure

      • Rags

        But the guy who wants to eliminate the EPA does. Shit.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          and the DoE and the USDE and…

    • Bill D. Burger

      Another one of “Only The Best People” ___ gone.

  • spangled

    “my vote doesn’t matter”
    “both parties are the same”
    = my most hated “i think i’m very smart” kind of person

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’ve spent today running around like a blue-arsed flea trying to get last-minute xmas gifts purchased. I heard the repukes had to have a do-over in the house on their Tax Blowjob for the 1%. Anyone know what the senate is doing? are they voting tonight still?

    • Count Awesome

      Republican senators have been seen cuddling and spooning said bill.

      • Aggle Wok

        Holding the bill in their laps to cover their boners

    • jowgajen

      Honey we ain’t even at last minute yet.

    • Spotts1701, Not Poisonous

      They’re going to vote tonight on the version that strips out the homeschool stuff that made the bill violate the Byrd Rule. Then Paul Ryan will probably call a 1am vote or some shit so that Donnie can roll out of bed tomorrow and proclaim glorious victory.

    • Panika MCD

      should have been orgying. you are bad at Saturnalia.

  • Sunhead

    it’s not election day. BUT WHEN IT IS, WE SWEAR TO GOD.

    “This website is unavailable until polls close in your timezone so go and vote.”

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Alternatively:

      “Get off your ass and get to the polls. You can read Wonkette on your phone while you wait!”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Fortunately, that’s preaching to the choir- it’s all the idjits reading the other websites that need to hear it

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Anybody else ever watched “The Magicians”? It’s a ScyFy series showing on Netflix. I’m finding it strangely bingeable. And it’s way outside of my wheelhouse.

    • OutOfOrbit

      I shall check it out

      • WomanInThePersistence

        The episode I’m on just referenced the Bechtel test. I’m really liking this.

    • Panika MCD

      the first season was. the second was a bit slow, but I’m hoping it picks back up next season.

    • SisterArtemis

      I watched it for a while with the GF – it wasn’t .. great… but it was very watchable, and not so complex I couldn’t watch it and, for example, cruise Wonkette at the same time. It was kind of fun, and I intend to binge watch it from the beginning in the future.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Definitely not to my taste, but enjoyable in a mindless way.

        • SisterArtemis

          did you get my email?

  • Bananas Foster

    Just scrolled through my Netflix Top Picks.

    I’m fairly certain Netflix thinks I’m a serial killer.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Netflix is strangely confused about me as well.

      • Transgender Fetus McGoo

        Things have gotten weird since they scrapped the star ratings. I miss being able to tell Netflix how I feel about things.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I keep getting creepy WWll documentaries about the holocaust, loving films about the British monarchy, Archer, nature shows, and really unusual “comedies”.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            And if you click on something even for a minute it stays on your “Continue Watching?” list forever!

    • Panika MCD

      silly, Netflix. Bananas is a serial voter.

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
    • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

      I love the previews at the movies.
      “They think I’d watch THIS, because I’m here for THIS?”

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Republican’s Tax Plan: A Visual

    https://media.giphy.com/media/1088pXIjWQhlqE/giphy.gif

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • mancityRed6

      wash, rinse, repeat

    • Panika MCD

      same story, different century.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    We hungry but them belly full
    The structure is set ya never change it with a ballot pull

    Until Citizens United is overturned, this is our country.

    • Panika MCD

      “Come now, Wilma.
      Yuh wanna see de insides
      of yuh wrists today, really & truly?
      Yuh know knife all teeth & no belly,
      so blade always hungry.”

      ~ Samantha Raheem Thornhill, “To a West Indian Woman With a Blade”, Musk 2004

  • mancityRed6

    I wish this would happen in Kansas, or Missouri where I might be a year from now.
    honestly, one of the first thoughts I had upon leaving the Joplin woman’s house for the first time that weekend was “I’m gonna have to have a front license plate”
    shirt

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      If you’re in Missouri next year please help Claire McCaskill. I know she’s centrist, but given her electorate she does what she can!

      • mancityRed6

        oh, she’s good. guaranteed.

      • mancityRed6

        I always vote (D). not matter what

  • gustave courbet

    A vitally important story for those concerned with the integrity of US elections: missed in the torrent of stories concerning possible Russian interference in the 2016 election is the very real and documented program of GOP voter disenfranchisement known as “Interstate crosscheck.”

    Journalist Greg Palast, who has been covering GOP election fraud for years, demonstrated that the crosscheck program, ostensibly designed to “keep illegals from voting in more than one state,” actually targets minority voters and forces them off the voter rolls (as people of color tend to vote blue). Check out Palast’s work on the subject (gregpalast.com) and tell your Democratic friends that Russians aside, the GOP is out to steal as many votes as they can.

    • Count Awesome

      A stolen vote is better than a legit one.

      • gustave courbet

        It is when your demographic of rural white voters is shrinking, and your regressive policies are increasingly unpopular. One can only hope that the democratic party will rally behind its voter base rather than its donor base and address this serious issue in upcoming elections.

    • EthanAllen1

      Greg Palast and his team have been exposing the corruptive influence of private wealthy interests on public political institutions and governance for several decades.
      As Usual,
      EA

  • gallbladder

    I wonder if there’ll be a taxpayer-subsidised kegger after tonight’s vote?

    • jesterpunk

      They will hold it in the nearest non military cemetery.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      You jest. Fuckery of this magnitude demands the finest champagne and scotch a 527(e) organization can afford.

      • gallbladder

        Good thing I didn’t ask about the possibility of pizza.

      • It was Bud Light the last time they celebrated, they clearly have no taste in anything.

    • Panika MCD

      it’s the third day of Saturnalia. there should be a tax payer funded orgy.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • WomanInThePersistence

      Like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        unless you’re pumpkin chunkin, then they fly like a missile with the right artillery

  • Bill D. Burger

    Thanks Obama! Really___THANKS!

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/943219454510542850

    And after an initial bump by feeding USA Inc. and the 1%, the Republicans will be responsible for murdering the recovery.

    • mancityRed6

      the first year of a new president is the last fiscal year of the old president.
      how can people be so stupid?
      *looks at fox, brainfart, infowhatevers, whirled nut daily*…nevermind

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Seriously, seven straight years of growth, but all of a sudden it only counts now- cultist much, republicans?

        • mancityRed6

          tRump talked about a bubble in the stocks, but now it’s a good thing. and his idiotic followers are too concerned with making liberal’s heads explode to know they’re getting screwed.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          This is the end stage of a now out of control market…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            we probably have another year of it if the tax bill gets signed

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    DOJ now says early release of FBI agents’ private texts to reporters was ‘not authorized’ by the department http://www.businessinsider.com/doj-says-early-release-of-fbi-agents-texts-was-not-authorized-2017-12

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      Republicans: “Nous sommes le marais!”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hildebeast Huckabee got away with such a fucking lie. Forbes found that Trump could save $11,000,000 a year just from a single rule change in the tax abomination.

    Gawwd’ I hate these fucking lying scumsacs.

    https://www.forbes.com/forbes/welcome/?toURL=https://www.forbes.com/sites/danalexander/2017/12/18/president-trump-could-save-11-million-a-year-from-new-tax-bill/&refURL=https://t.co/GquUqkJ8RY&referrer=https://t.co/GquUqkJ8RY

    https://twitter.com/ABCPolitics/status/943206634632785920

    • DrBigHead

      And I hope I get a unicorn that shits ice cream for Christmas. Probably as likely as the tax plan benefitting anyone other than the wealthy.

      • SisterArtemis

        yeah, but in the end, would you really want to EAT that ice cream?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          wait until you see how the sausage gets made

    • mancityRed6

      can he still make those profits from Leavenworth?

    • Holiday Bozi

      Republican Tax Plan: Hopes and Prayers
      Hope you are part of the 1%
      Prayers you survive until Election Day 2018

    • tehbaddr

      “Hildebeast”? I know a Hambeast when I see one!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      The fact that the entire press corp does not erupt in “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!” when she does this, makes me lose the little respect I have for them….

    • Spotts1701, Not Poisonous

      She said it “could”. Monkeys “could” fly out of Donnie’s ass, but I doubt it.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • rocktonsam

    Can we vote on baby Jesus’s birthday?

    • mancityRed6

      in September, when it should have been? no

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        don’t worry, the way things are going, we’ll be celebrating Christmas in September soon enough

        • mancityRed6

          just no. no.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Nah, he was a capricorn.

        • mancityRed6

          au contraire, he was born nearer to our modern September than anything else. and his mom wasn’t a “virgin” by our modern standards.

          • Paperless Tiger

            Apocrypha quotes a nurse who says Mary was a virgin AFTER the Nativity. It may have been a reference to Caesarean section.

          • mancityRed6

            the Nazarenes were a weird sect.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            You mean those were fairy tales? And the Christian Bible is not historically or factually accurate? I am stunned. Stunned I say.

            FWIW, my moral compass is still shaped by Sunday School and church. Just not a mean-spirited church. Jesus was a good guy. He didn’t deserve his followers.

          • mancityRed6

            be as good to others as you want them to be to you. isn’t that the golden rule?
            yeah, I’m nice to others.

        • mancityRed6

          but I get where you’re going and I do like it. who am I to go against WITP?

        • Holiday Bozi
    • tehbaddr

      You mean to abolish it? Yea!

    • Nounverb911
      • OrdinaryJoe

        He was standing on the roof of his RAV4 for his sermon on the dash mounted.

    • Panika MCD

      no, but if you live in Liberia you can vote the day after.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      If black people can’t find a more inoffensive way to protest, they just shouldn’t protest at all.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Mostly, it’s about trashing the NFL prior to Trump and Vince McMahon launching their new rival football league- the USL

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        TRMP is going to try football again? UNPOSSIBLE

        • Arolpin

          They are going to have to call it the WPFL (White People Football League) because I don’t think any of Drumpf’s African Americans can run a 4.4 40, and no other black players are going to be associated with Drumpf.

      • mancityRed6

        ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

      • amrak63

        Didn’t Trump destroy the old USFL once he entered it? What is McMahon thinking?

        Or is Zippy just speculating?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          He did indeed destroy the USFL (his plan was to fold his Jersey team into the NFL- they said no). He also had a chance to buy the Patriots for a tenth of what it’s worth now, but fucked up and underbid. When he tried to buy an NFL team last time around Pete Rozelle told him to go fuck himself and he’s hated the NFL ever since. McMahon bought up a slew of patents recently for the as yet nonexistent USL and there’s talk of money being raised and other plans being laid. Given that both Vince and Linda were huge contributors to his campaign (which is why she’s now head of the SBA) and that the latest rumors are that Vince is selling the WWE (to raise cash?) and that he formed a brand new company called Alpha Entertainment, it’s quite possible that they’re cooking up a deal to take on the NFL again. And no, there’s NOTHING wrong with a sitting president using the power of the bully pulpit to trash an entire industry prior to launching a rival in order to enrich himself, why do you ask?

          • Arolpin

            And I’m sure it will be exactly as much of a rousing success as the XFL was. I think the Lingerie Football League draws more fans per game than the XFL did in the 1 season that they existed.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Crooked Bob Corker did this.

    • Bill D. Burger

      ‘Kickback Corker’

    • gallbladder

      “Baksheesh Bob.”

      • Me not sure

        “I haven’t read the bill, but I did get a whiff of it and it sure smells good to me.

  • Nounverb911
    • gallbladder

      Funny as the red states are bound to be fucked over the most.

      • Bananas Foster

        Not on the income tax thing.

        • Aggle Wok

          But lots of conservative people live in blue states, will the liberal tears make up for how this hits their wallets?

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            No. No it will not.

        • Sakonyachen

          There will be a short term boost, followed by spending cuts. The red states will soon find out that taxing those job creators was paying benefits to their undereducated and over armed constituents. Nothing makes for a lovely scene like ignorant people with guns that can’t afford to eat.

    • We in Oregon get back $0.70 for every $1.00 we send to DC.
      Alabama gets $2.40 for every buck they piss into the pot.

      You’re welcome The South

  • Nounverb911
  • Me not sure

    It appears that the compromise version of the tax bill passed by the House was nixed by the Senate Parliamentarian because it violated Senate rules. The Senate will have to remove the offending passages pass it and send it back to House for another vote tomorrow. These guys could fuck up a one car funeral.

    • DrBigHead

      That incompetence is perhaps the only thing that has saved us

    • NorthernSaber

      As my father would say “they couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel.”

      • Ωbjectifier

        They couldn’t hit water if they fell out of a boat.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          They couldn’t govern a country even if they held every branch of government.

        • vivian

          Boats go in water? Ohhhhhh. Hunh. Who knew?

      • Me not sure

        It’s been like watching an an amateur ping pong match. Back and forth.

  • Blackest Noobs

    so let me get this straight, Wonkette, when it’s time to vote, i should vote?

    you sure? i was thinking maybe some KFC. wait i can get KFC after i vote.
    promise?

    ok.

    • Panika MCD

      you can have your KFC as your personal treat for voting if you want. I’m eating tacos and drinking beer at the phone bank.

    • Arolpin

      Hell, show up to my place in NJ wearing an ‘I Voted’ sticker and I’ll take you to *EITHER* KFC or Popeye’s and buy your dinner. (Hell, I would even take you to Popeye’s for the chicken and biscuits and then stop by KFC for the cole slaw.)

      • Holiday Bozi

        No love for Red Lobster? ;-)

        • Arolpin

          Depends on if he fuck me right.

      • Blackest Noobs

        actually where i live it’s Lee’s Chicken..if it’s fried chicken you want.

        KFC/Popeye/Bojangles etc…oooh Church’s….yeah sorry they’re all ok…but they’re no Lee’s.

        it’s a chain but there’s only like one in Virginia. well maybe there’s another one but like 4 hours away. so yeah.

        • Arolpin

          I’m a Popeye’s man. Unfortunately the one about a 3 minute drive away doesn’t do onion rings, but I’m willing to substitute rice & beans as long as I get my spicy chicken. (I eat fast food fried chicken about once a year. Mrs. Arolpin made fried chicken last week, and I put the oil in a pan to cool and hopefully solidify, the dog found and ate it while we were at work, and we were cleaning up greasy puke and shit for 2 days. One ruined silk rug later she was back to normal.)

          • Blackest Noobs

            i did once spoil my roomie’s pup by grilling him a steak once…no salt or pepper or any marinades…bloody as hell…he always liked me but i think that was more cuz we would go for long walks…heck discovered streets i didnt even know existed, we had adventures, and he got to smell new smells…yeah i miss that guy.

  • MANGO CRIMES
  • Nounverb911
    • Flatulus

      I want one with Steve Mnuchin’s signature – someday it may be worth something cause that sucker’s going down.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Something something rigged deep State something…

    • DrBigHead

      I prefer to think the Dems pulled it of in spite of the republican fuckery. Imagine if it was an even playing field.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    All the fuckfaced people,
    Where do they all come from?
    All the fuckfaced people,
    They really are such scum.

    Donnie the Rigger
    Picks up the dice at a casino where his jerk off has been
    Lives in a dream
    Waits in the lobby, wearing a face he spray tans like whore
    Who is it for?

    All the fuckfaced people,
    Where do they all come from?
    All the fuckfaced people,
    They really are such scum.

    • Panika MCD

      I specifically requested triolets for this, the third day of Saturnalia. is nothing sacred?

  • Ωbjectifier

    Don’t yell at me. I vote early and often.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Oh, hey! You from Chicago!?

  • Panika MCD

    “We will NOT wear pants for this war on Saturnalia!” ~ Lorax

    https://media.giphy.com/media/eWK9XChWlknsI/giphy.gif

    LORAX 2020! YES WE UNLESS!
    TEAM TACO FOR LORAX!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I feel, almost, like I’m being taught a lesson: “Remember who owns this motherfucker, peasant.”

  • Bitter Scribe

    Apparently (and amazingly), there’s still a chance Republicans could fuck up the tax bill.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      They fucked up the tax bill when they wrote it.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Congressional Republicans are cheering a major win as tax reform makes its way through Congress to President Donald Trump’s desk but they could be barreling toward a government shutdown at the end of the week because of a major fight between House and Senate GOP lawmakers over Obamacare payments.

      Unless they pass a stopgap funding bill before a midnight Friday deadline, federal agencies’ coffers run dry.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/045f8a948ac8f6125abb7a592262056c3599d4ae56df1c044d7dae3c45050282.jpg

    • Begin Anew Day

      Trump rules apply.

      They’ve had their warm-up swing in the house and now they are going to GET SERIOUS!

      LOL! Serious Republicans! Yeah! I went there!

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    A weapon of mass destruction, driven by a maniac. Great for playing in the dirt…..

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a1a31a540aff70f45134491ade281906b4e09f9f039c604c3fbd184d5072bd95.jpg

    • Arolpin

      OK, what is that and where I can buy one? I actually don’t have enough land to justify it, but my brother has 30 acres at his farmhouse, and if nothing else, it would be great for clearing the pond for ice skating.

      • Arolpin

        Found it, it’s a Dingo, and at $20k used, I’ll stick with a pickup and a shovel. That’s cheap race car money.

        • Ωbjectifier

          You can rent one at home depot.

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        Naw this is too small for that. Ya need a 33HP Kubota 4WD…..They are great.

        • Arolpin

          Did they fix the problem with the shift fork on the early imports? I drove one on my landscaping jobs in high school, and if you weren’t really, REALLY careful shifting it into 3rd, the shift fork would disengage, and you would have to remove the shift boot, loosen the bolts holding the shifter, re-align it, and then put it all back together. The yard tractors were automatics, so didn’t have to worry about that (my uncle imported a dozen gray-market ones but the local dealer refused to service them, so he ended up giving them to his buddies).

          • Jeffocaster in the East

            Hydrostatic drive No shifting

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The Sheriff of Nottingham plan. Take from the poor to give to the RICH.

    • Paperless Tiger

      They can’t even do Reverse Robin Hood right. You’re supposed to rob the poor FIRST and then give to the rich, not make them write an IOU for $1.4 trillion.

    • TootsStansbury

      He steals from the poor and gives to the rich
      Stupid bitch
      – Mel Brooks

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    As I watch the congressional Republicans stumble toward “victory” on tax
    “reform”, I keep thinking of the old saying: “When your adversaries are
    making a mistake, don’t interrupt them”.

    • Aggle Wok

      “Please proceed, governor”

    • Panika MCD

      I prefer calling it “tax deconstruction”.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I prefer to call it “looting everything that isn’t nailed down”.

    • Panika MCD

      also too: can I get that in the form of a triolet?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    “Saturn is leaving Sagittarius and moving into Capricorn today. Things that may have been otherwise will now become reality. The time for talking and thinking is over. Now is the time to do.”

    https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/posts/2069947306412692

    • Panika MCD

      define “do”?

      Saturn is going to fuck the entire zodiac. Saturn is the zodiac fucker.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        She was a bit light on the details …

        • Panika MCD

          like, each other? because I like most of you, but I kinda had my Saturnalia orgies already set.

          • NorthernSaber

            Seriously, can you imagine how much more fun this time of year was before all those uptight monotheists took over? And just IMAGINE midsummer rituals back in the day!

          • Panika MCD
      • Msgr_MΩment

        I thought that Ted Cruz was the Zodiac Fucker. Maybe I misheard.

        • Panika MCD

          no, he was the Zodiac Buzzkill.

    • NorthernSaber

      “There will be a wolf age. There will be an axe age.”
      -Ragnarök, The Twilight of the Gods

      • Bad Scooter

        when do the murders begin?

        • NorthernSaber

          As soon as Fenrir eats the sun…

    • TootsStansbury

      I done did that last weekend. I’ve freed myself from the last of the Trumplings in my life.

      • Sakonyachen

        All my Trumpanzees concerted themselves back to humans after they saw what a miserable disaster he is as a president. All except one. He is just refusing to be wrong though.

        • TootsStansbury

          I truly wish mine would.

    • Aggle Wok

      “Now is the time to do…” the other side of her face tattoo?

  • mancityRed6

    so, my new boss. the one that’s in way over his head. way over. literally, he’s not waving he’s drowning in over his head kind of thing. but he tells us at the morning meeting that he’s going to see about getting it approved that if we work an extra hour the next two days that we get off two hours early on thursday. well, some of us.
    when did he decide to tell us?
    oh, when I’m halfway down the 50 foot sidewalk to the parking lot, one person has already left and he’s trying to tell me to stop another person.
    yeah, no.
    jeebus.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      And this is why there is no amount of money that could convince me to get a “real” job ever again.

  • Reximus
    • JustDon’tSayMoore

      C’mon! “Fact-based” would fit on there just fine!

    • Bad Scooter

      nice! i hope tomorrow’s word is “science-based” and they continue all week:
      “diversity,” “transgender,” “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” and “evidence-based.”

  • Nounverb911
    • TootsStansbury

      They gave him cheekbones. That fuckface has a head like a goddamn pudding.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        They also skipped the little anus mouth and the orange skin.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      What did they want Garrison to design it?

    • gallbladder

      I hate that fucking cock maggot with every fibre of my being.

    • Rick Hill

      Pivoting!

    • Me The People

      The animatronic version has too much humanity to be convincing.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Poor animatronic Lincoln, worst experience he’s had in a theater since Ford’s

  • Sakonyachen

    “Oh, are you gonna get stuck in the drive-thru getting a Big Mac to put directly inside your bottom and forget to make it to the polls?”

    No!

    I’m gonna get 4 Jack in the Box Tacos and shove them in my urethra. Not that it’s any of your business. It’s what I like to do before I go vote.

    Don’t forget the hot sauce!

    • Aggle Wok

      You do paint a picture…

  • mancityRed6

    I get to go to Joplin this weekend to fix a dishwasher!
    Yay!
    yeah, I’m as surprised by this as anyone.

    • tehbaddr

      Careful when your put the wrench down and have your back turned!

      • mancityRed6

        I know, right? she’ll jump me again.

        • tehbaddr

          Horrible!

          • mancityRed6

            at least one of us will have protection this time. somewhat. shirt.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The things Rebecca puts herself through on our behalf…

    https://twitter.com/commiegirl1/status/943283896539648005

    • Panika MCD

      will there be a line that says “EXTRA AMEROS!” on my paycheck?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Yes.

        Unless you make over $75K it’ll have a negative number.

        • Panika MCD

          but they promised me we could say MERRY CHRISTMAS whenever we wanted!

          • Left Coast Tom

            ¡Feliz Navidad!

          • Panika MCD

            *side eye*
            so you’re part of the War on Saturnalia crowd.
            *makes note in Team Taco roster*

        • JustDon’tSayMoore

          Make over 75K AND live in a red state.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I kinda tuned out upon hearing Chris Matthews. Dude’s clearly past his sell by date.

    • Aggle Wok

      When she said “both sides are being dishonest about the tax bill” I changed the channel.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      There’s only one insurer left in my market due to all the fuckery with Obamacare so my premium nearly doubled this year, so bite me motherfucker!!!!1!!1!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The school counselors gave me a coffee cup fro Christmas that reads: “Good morning. I see the assassins failed.” They know me well.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    BTW, if you want to get active this is a good group to look into:

    https://twitter.com/swingleft/status/943279407946375168

    • Panika MCD

      I’ll wait until they name which TX districts they’re looking into.

      • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

        Sorry, all I could find.
        https://swingleft.org/district/TX-23

        • Panika MCD

          that’s already a swing district. I want to see if theirs line up with the ones we’ve already targeted.

          • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

            You have to give them a zip code.
            That’s the only way I know of.
            (They only target 10% districts.)

          • Panika MCD

            we’re looking to swing 2-3 here, but that means we have challengers in all 25 held by Republicans…most of them have more than one person in the primary. we will choose based on data and who appear to be the strongest candidates…you know, after we put them through the candidate gladiator contest.

    • Me The People
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Of course this is happening. My heart goes out to my neighbors and everyone else who is impacted:

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/943282835422670848

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      But Flake will still vote yes, just like Collins will even though they won’t address the ACA fix

    • DrBigHead

      Why didn’t they select a photo where he has that usual shit-eating grin on his face? I’m sure he is thrilled by it.

    • Panika MCD

      I want to down vote this so hard.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Wat? I’m shocked.

    • Ryan Denniston

      He’ll pass them on the 12th of never.

    • Begin Anew Day

      That picture reminds me that I need to buy a new baseball bat this next year. The bat that is made of votes!

  • Ryan Denniston

    One vote! Get your asses in the voting booths.

    DAMN! Evan beat me to it by a couple of hours.

    https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/12/19/16797572/virginia-house-delegates-recount-democrats

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Just got back from Star Wars Chapter Eleventy, and while there were many things about it that were truly terrible, I came out of it feeling like there really is hope. (Tiny spoiler): The moment when Finn proudly tells the bad guy that he (Finn) is not just scum, he’s rebel scum just set the whole movie theater alight.

    So, please don’t make any more of these movies, but yeah, it made me feel pretty good.

    • jowgajen

      Too bad! There is movie 6.2 and movie 9 already in the pipeline! And there are so many spin offs and merchandising plans! By the time they are done we will have animatronic space puffins on ice in Dubai!

      • amrak63

        Madoka damn it, I miss the Animatronic Space Puffins! I remember that tour where they opened for Shonen Knife.

        Too bad the ASPs’ lead carillon player, on a dare, watched that Hello Larry marathon on that off-brand cable network and has been catatonic ever sense. The band just couldn’t replace him, and so they broke up.

        • JustDon’tSayMoore

          Hello Larry…I think you is A Old.

          • amrak63

            54 and a half. Does that count?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I actually really liked the self-contained approach of Rogue One. This Ren-Rey thing takes the two most boring people in any universe and tries to turn them into Luke and Leia, and it’s just not going to happen.

    • Begin Anew Day

      I adhere to the one true Star Wars Cult that only recognizes the final half hour of “A New Hope” as the one, true Star Wars and all the rest is HERESY!

      May Cthulhu Smite All Their Houses!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Why you! This move was most excellent!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION SPOILERS AHEAD BC I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO A HOVER-OVER BLACK OUT.
        .
        .
        .
        .
        .
        .
        .
        .
        .
        .
        .
        Let’s see, there was the 45 minute agonizingly boring set up to start out, the hotdogging hero WHO GETS LITERALLY EVERYBODY KILLED BECAUSE HE WON’T FOLLOW ORDERS, followed by the cringe-inducing misogyny of this guy, a hero so uninspiring I can never remember his name, doing everything but call Holdo and Organa incompetent cunts to their faces, and the most boring bad guy-good guy Ren-Rey dynamic ever conceived. Then all the deus-ex-machina saves, and the magical bad guy who is nevertheless too stupid to figure out that he’s fighting a projection.

  • Nounverb911
    • Ryan Denniston

      Tweet early, tweet often.

    • HazooToo

      Do press secretaries often publicly piss on members of Congress?

      • Nounverb911

        Only until their bosses are impeached.

        • HazooToo

          This feels a hell of a lot like bitching out your assistant manager, because you think your general manager is happy enough with his hand down your pants, and that will never ever change.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Not usually, because a Press Secretary’s job is to represent the President, who would typically like to get stuff done.

        In this case the “President” has all the maturity of a toddler throwing a bowl of oatmeal at the floor.

        • HazooToo

          It’s astounding. They really do think this is the end of democracy in America, and they’re gonna be there forever.

      • Panika MCD

        usually it is a private affair.

        • HazooToo

          Private bitching is guaranteed. Public bitching should put a boot in her ass.

          • Panika MCD

            *should* is not a term this administration likes to hear. you are like the UN with all your votes of disapproval. DON’T TELL THEM WHAT TO DO!

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        No, but underlings typically ape their bosses behavior. Since Trump the Pimp thinks it’s okay then his underlings think it’s okay.

  • Bananas Foster

    Why do my upper arms look 20 years older than the rest of my body?

    • jowgajen

      Collagen.

    • Ellie

      I dunno…I’m still trying to figure out who that old woman is that stares back at me from the mirror.

    • Michael R

      I was driving this week and in the sun the back of my hand looked like Iggy

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cefa83f77d7bb8eca51613c3afb4ff1be0f01ce23df4f8d1c18564058bab538b.jpg

      • Bananas Foster

        Good god that’s disturbing.

        • (((Aron)))

          Heroin’s a hell of a drug.

        • Begin Anew Day

          Clive Barker actually beat Iggy in the race to fall apart fastest.

      • Panika MCD

        I am shocked SHOCKED to see nipples on this mommy blog!

        • (((Aron)))

          VEGAN BABBY NIPPELZ LIBELZ!

          • Panika MCD

            I don’t see Iggy Pop as a vegan.

          • (((Aron)))

            IGGY POP VEGAN LIBELZ!

      • janecita

        It looks like Michelle Duggar’s stomach.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Yes- terrifying that a man who is 70 should have a bit of loose skin.

  • TootsStansbury

    Can’t we just separate into two countries? Putin and his evil plutocrat henchmen can have the loser one.

  • aktlib101

    Haha,
    Theresa May is made aware of The Emperor’s New Clothes at the Brexshit meeting:
    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/picture/2017/dec/19/steve-bell-theresa-may-cabinet-meeting.
    Any similarity with You Know Who is purely coincidental.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/badbf7974d88a5757a6217a12c433aa1c4b1dc6e36816c1e9839cc15da908b13.jpg

  • The way the gop is dealing with the tax cuts for the rich bill resembles the way Harvey Weinstein deals with actresses.

    • proudgrampa

      Compare and contrast.

  • Me The People

    Some species of clownfish have absolutely no personality, a study by Australian researchers has found.

    Research by the University of Wollongong and Southern Cross University analysed the behavioural patterns of two species of subtropical clownfish, or anemonefish: Amphiprion mccullochi, which is endemic to a shallow lagoon on Lord Howe island, off the coast of New South Wales; and Amphiprion latezonatus, which has a much wider distribution along Australia’s east coast.

    The resulting paper, Some anemonefish lack personality, was published in the December issue of Coral Reefs journal.

    https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/dec/20/some-clownfish-have-no-personality-australian-study-finds

    • Panika MCD

      so you’re saying that Nemo was kind of a dud?

      • Me The People

        Also, never invite a moray eel to a party. Terrible bores from what I hear.

      • Juan de Fuca

        He a had personality like Sergey Kislyak – nobody could ever recall meeting him.

    • aktlib101

      Did they also look at Clownsticks?

  • Begin Anew Day

    I registered to vote when I was 19. (Freshman year in college 1974)

    I talked with serious philosophers and glib poli-sci majors. I was assured that I, a hick from New Mexico, was delusional; that my vote meant nothing and my time was better spent trying to score a bag of weed while Viet Nam wound down and Nixon was going to turn America into a new fascist state. They were so sure! I still voted.

    Why? Because Frank Zappa said it was a good idea to do so. Yeah I am so fucking shallow that I valued the words of a rock star over those of a bunch of college kids.

    Nowadays FZ is no longer hip, politically correct.or considered relevant. He had plenty to say that was messed up.

    But he was right about voting!

    • mancityRed6

      Frank Zappa is an awesome musician who surrounded himself with other awesome musicians.
      he is awesome.
      also, ’74? my birth year. sorry.

      • Begin Anew Day

        1974: The Mothers Band with George Duke, Ruth Underwood and the Fowler brothers.

        Excuse me but this old man needs to stretch out on the sofa, close his eyes and remember a concert where his stomach did flips during a 10 minute was-wah pedal guitar solo that made my eyes just roll back into my skull.

        See Ya on the flip side!

        :>)

        • little miss high and mighty

          This is P…. (LMH&M’s gudance counsellor/email host and apologist).
          I actually knew that band (partly from westminster llege, SLC Utah- where the Fowlers attended.
          The old man Dave?) was librarian for Maurice Abravanel at Utah Symphony (and great violist) Dave jr. played for “It’s A Beautifu Day” and the mothers, in general were warm, informative foks when I met them- Proofessor Lad McIntosh was my contact for them- great horn and string family and why did those Underwoods ot go on to beome giants?
          Why did Zappa waste so much of his career shucking and joking and doi’ the nasty when he culd have raised the level of the pop music discussion?
          myserious geniuses, I guess.
          Thank you LMH&M for recaiming some time
          Yours in muffins and dental floss,
          P.—–
          (also from Colorado)

    • Left Coast Tom

      He was also right about not eating yellow snow.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        And about TeeVee being full of slime and politicians sucking. And he took on Tipper Gore and her BS censorship

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Where in New Mexico? Doesn’t that make you an illegal alien? Do you need a passport to come from there?

    • NorthernSaber

      At Berklee in the early 80’s he sort of hovered at the fringe- always there, but not if you looked directly. I knew some cats really dug him, some didn’t get it, and then there were the rest of us. I have no idea what (if?) kids there are listening to now- probably some auto-tuned shit. At least we had “Toto IV”!

      • Begin Anew Day

        ToTo IV?

        BLASPHEMY!

        • NorthernSaber

          Hey, the harmonies on “Africa” are killer, the guitar solo on “Roseanna” is a hum-dinger even if most DJ s cut it off when they played it- and …. oops. Nevermind…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I consider him still relevant (despite his caveman views on women). Hell, I’ve got a bootleg FZ show from 73 loaded in the car stereo right now…

      • Begin Anew Day

        ;>))

      • Meccalopolis

        Genius is always relevant

  • Nounverb911

    And the lawsuits from their designers will sweep you off yours….
    https://twitter.com/IvankaTrumpHQ/status/943262184548773888

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      So they are telling us that her shoes aren’t a good idea if we want to stand or walk? Thanks for the update!

    • janecita

      Isn’t extravagant another word for practically useless?

      • Left Coast Tom

        I thought “Ivanka Trump” was another word (or two) for practically useless.

        • janecita

          You thought right, she is as “extravagant” as those shoes.

    • VirGinYa

      Is it wrong of me to wish she trips, breaks a hip and develops bunions?

      • janecita

        No, it is the American thing to do.

    • HazooToo

      I saw a piece of her trash in Ross the other day. Hidden. On the clearance rack.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Also too, most of the replies to this tweet are funny AF.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • janecita

    When we have the majority in Congress, I say that we don’t work with Republicans on anything. Let’s take a page out of the Republican playbook and be partisan as FUCK!

    • Panika MCD

      we’ll work with them, but they should have to beg for it.

    • YetAnotherRebecca

      I agree. Let’s force through a 90% top tax bracket and mandatory atheist gay marriages for everyone!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      They key is to not work with them, but then complain loudly how they’re not acting in the spirit of bipartisanship.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Begin Anew Day

      Does Jill Stein have a new hobby?

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        Indict she do.

      • guppy06

        Is the milk organic soy?

    • HazooToo

      There is an entire gallery of those pictures! They are all equally horrifying!

      • Aggle Wok

        The one with her lookin in the window is creepy af. And what’s with the rope?

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          And the peeling wallpaper and the grungy bathroom, it’s squigging me out.

          • Aggle Wok

            Plus stained nightgown

        • HazooToo

          I don’t even want to try to imagine, and you can’t make me!

      • Me The People

        Probably one of the less shocking aspects of this…whatever it is…but on top of everything else her dress looks filthy.

        • SpideySenser

          IK,R? For someone apparently doing “baths”, that room and EVERYTHING in it is quite averse to cleanliness.

    • Panika MCD

      tradition!

    • amrak63
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Alright! Where do I sign up? I’m sure she won’t takes pics of me as she slits my throat, humps and then dismembers my body.

    • Me The People

      This is definitely some weird viral advertising for the next season of Twin Peaks, right? It must be.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Honestly, the thing I’m most horrified about is how dirty that bathroom is.

      Everything else, I’m like: “Eh…they’re all adults, and the heart wants what the heart wants.”

      • SpideySenser

        OMG I was just about to not comment the same thing. That bathroom is gross as fuck. Someone call the board of health, or burn it down – with votes.

        • Me The People

          I can smell cat pee just from looking at it.

          • SpideySenser

            And the toilet has prob been backed up for weeks.

          • Me The People

            Not to mention the stains on the towel.

    • TJ Barke
    • guppy06

      All of the men have looks on their faces of “I’ve made a terrible mistake.” Bonus points for the last pic where she’s peeping/creeping through the window.

      But the real question: Who’s taking the pictures?

  • Paperless Tiger

    Mercury goes retrograde for the final time in 2017, from December 3-22.

    • Panika MCD

      quit bringing your astrology into my Saturnalia!

      #EndTheWarOnOrgies

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Does that mean it is getting hotter rather than colder this Winter? FAKE NEWS!!!!! It snowed in Texas…..damn libtards.

      • Aggle Wok

        I don’t know, but can someone please draw my aura?

        • Panika MCD

          your aura is deficient.

          • Aggle Wok

            Oh no! Do we…do a ceremony? Clank some finger cymbals? What do I do!???!!1!1!

          • Panika MCD

            you will not interrupt the Saturnalia festivities with your need for aura enhancement. talk to a crystal surgeon.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            You could try kissing a unicorn…

          • Aggle Wok

            Pucker up, cutie

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Slurp!

          • Aggle Wok

            Hey, that’s my line! :D

          • Panika MCD

            that’s the spirit! thanks for being a team player!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            which end?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Choose well! *winks*

          • Left Coast Tom

            I was promised that my visit to Sedona, AZ, just before Thanksgiving would replenish my aura. Or realign my chakras. Or something. Most probably lighten my wallet.

            The scenery was nice.

      • ibwilliamsi

        Sat with the doors open and the warm Autumn breeze blowing through the house today. Indian Summer!

        But how do I explain the “cold” I can’t shake. It sounds like a commie plot to me!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      NO RETROGRADE! NO RETROGRADE! YOURE THE RETROGRADE!
      https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4055/4656207053_6473444d4b_b.jpg

  • hudson

    happy holidays everyone. i figured at stating true intentions. imma close shop for the year. no apologies for what w said in the interim.

    happy holidays y’all.

    • Aggle Wok

      Hm. I’m confused?

      • hudson

        happy holidays. we continue to resist next year

        • Aggle Wok

          Happy holidays to you as well

    • Ryan Denniston

      I see the war on christmas is going well.

    • hudson

      as most have figured. too drunk to be articulate, but the concern is real.

  • (((Aron)))

    Another vote in the House tomorrow?

    I can live with that.

    So long as that happens every day from now on.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Poor babies have to take their Xmas break.

      • (((Aron)))

        They’ve worked so hard!

  • For potluck tomorrow, stuffing muffins! (Rye and white bread with sage, scallions, chives, sausage, onion, apples, celery bound with a mix of eggs, chicken stock, and milk) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/98552b7e409d71dfed97720160f07f112e0a0d19294dd062b92535c384aee5bb.jpg

    • Bananas Foster

      It puts the muffins in my mouth…

    • ibwilliamsi

      We have a friend who makes those for Thanksgiving – YUM!

    • (((Aron)))

      STUFFINS!!!

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Holy god you are a genius!

    • NorthernSaber

      Mojo Nixon libelz!

    • Fartknocker

      Where’s the gravy? Is that in a Tupperware accessory and your not sharing?

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Nounverb911
    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, this is because they were telling the truth about it.

    • Panika MCD

      when you believe that the rest of the country is full of rubes, it’s always the media’s fault.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Manchin would have slobbered all over your knob if he’s just even been included. Sell your bullshit someplace else.

    • (((Aron)))

      Oy.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Wasn’t me! Christ, they’re trying to distance themselves from this stinker even as they pass it.

  • Nounverb911
  • UncleTravelingMatt

    A postscript to my comment below about the kid who likely OD’d in the county jail:

    I just got off the phone with a buddy who was over at the jail this afternoon. He was told the kid was hooked up on a warrant by his PO. Ordinarily, the PO would make him piss for a 7-panel on arrival at the jail, but the kid had only been on probation for two weeks, and rather than violate him, he wanted to give him a chance to get straight. If he’d given him the drug test, he would have had to report the result.

    The assumption is that he mixed methadone, alcohol, and possibly klonopin. The ME will let them know, I guess.

  • For today’s forgotten holiday classic, we go live to Mayberry – here’s Andy Griffith and Elinor Donohue!
    “Away in a Manger”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl1Kq8bGLfI

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Like Jimmy Carter a deeply spiritual and decent man. PBUH Here’s a PSA he made for Obamacare two years before his death.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAAwXhBhU4Q

    • reelreeler

      Mayberry fun fact…..every character on the Andy Griffith show was single, with the exception of one character who was married, Otis Campbell the town drunk.

  • WilbyToad

    WASHINGTON, Dec. 19 – The Senate parliamentarian advised Tuesday that three provisions in the Republican tax bill violate the Byrd rule, including a provision allowing for the use of 529 savings accounts for home-schooling expenses, the short title: “The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act,” and part of the criteria used to determine whether the endowments of private universities are subject to the legislation’s new excise tax. These provisions may be struck from the conference report absent 60 votes.

    Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), ranking member of the Budget Committee, and Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.), ranking member of the Finance Committee, issued a joint statement in response to the decision:

    “In the mad dash to provide tax breaks for their billionaire campaign contributors, our Republican colleagues forgot to comply with the rules of the Senate. We applaud the parliamentarian for determining that three provisions in this disastrous bill are in violation of the Byrd rule. It is our intention to raise a point of order to remove these provisions from the conference report and require the House to vote on this bill again. Instead of providing tax breaks to the wealthiest people and most profitable corporations, we need to rebuild the disappearing middle class.”

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210003510

    • Ryan Denniston

      WooHoo! Cruz lost!

    • Fartknocker

      What the fuck? No tax break for Jesus? Release the K-street lobbyists!

      Pat Roberson

  • Nounverb911
  • CripesAmighty

    In honor of the nearly completed holiday heist:
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DtZR3lJobjw

    • Panika MCD

      quit getting your Christmas in my Saturnalia! do you know how long it takes to get the egg nog out of the satin sheets? do you know what a buzzkill holly is at an orgy?

      • CripesAmighty

        “Don’t stand underneath when they fly by.”

    • (((Aron)))

      That man is very silly!

      And he DESPERATELY needs to come out of retirement.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I love him so!

      • He’s still alive? (Yes, i know, agesit)

        • (((Aron)))

          Yup! Sadly he retired after Nixon, because ‘satire is dead.’

          Splits his time between Cambridge and Berkeley, I think.

  • Nounverb911

    I haz a sad!
    Look how young they were….

    https://twitter.com/nowthisnews/status/942973532786458624