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Not pictured: ALL THE BONERS.

The Washington Post has published one of those “long-read” thingies that takes “more than five minutes to read,” but it’s an important one, because it’s a thorough look at how fucked American national security is vis a vis Russian attempts to steal our democracy. Surprise! Because Donald Trump has an eternal micro-stiffy for Vladimir Putin, and because Trump is too thin-skinned to wrap his filthy orange head around how he might not have won if AN ENEMY NATION HADN’T HELPED HIM, America The Beautiful is more vulnerable than ever!

As it is a “long-read,” we are going to encourage you to “read the whole thing,” as they say on the internet. But we will pick out the most horrifying/fucked up details, to give you a taste of what you’re in for when you click that WaPo clicky.

Jared Kushner and Reince Priebus BEGGED the Baby to listen to the intelligence community about Russia during the transition.

But apparently this begging made the Baby CRY:

… [A]s aides persisted, Trump became agitated. He railed that the intelligence couldn’t be trusted and scoffed at the suggestion that his candidacy had been propelled by forces other than his own strategy, message and charisma.

Told that members of his incoming Cabinet had already publicly backed the intelligence report on Russia, Trump shot back, “So what?” Admitting that the Kremlin had hacked Democratic Party emails, he said, was a “trap.”

Trump ultimately agreed with Trump that Trump’s ego was too weak to accept that anything other than Trump’s own excellency could have propelled Trump to HISTORIC VICTORY by negative three million votes. And he STILL doesn’t believe it, because he’s an idiot who’s probably compromised by Russia SOMEHOW DRIP DRIP DRIP.

And because of this, America is fucked.

Nearly a year into his presidency, Trump continues to reject the evidence that Russia waged an assault on a pillar of American democracy and supported his run for the White House.

The result is without obvious parallel in U.S. history, a situation in which the personal insecurities of the president — and his refusal to accept what even many in his administration regard as objective reality — have impaired the government’s response to a national security threat. The repercussions radiate across the government.

The Baby’s intelligence briefers are VERY DELICATE when telling him intelligence about Russia stealing American democracy, because they don’t want to hurt the Baby’s feelings.

You think we are kidding, but it’s true. On top of how Trump cannot be trusted with our most secret intelligence (because he’ll just go jizz it all over his Russian friends), they have to structure his briefings so as NOT TO SAY MEAN STUFF ABOUT RUSSIA, because THAT UPSETS THE BABY:

U.S. officials declined to discuss whether the stream of recent intelligence on Russia has been shared with Trump. Current and former officials said that his daily intelligence update — known as the president’s daily brief, or PDB — is often structured to avoid upsetting him.

Russia-related intelligence that might draw Trump’s ire is in some cases included only in the written assessment and not raised orally, said a former senior intelligence official familiar with the matter. In other cases, Trump’s main briefer — a veteran CIA analyst — adjusts the order of his presentation and text, aiming to soften the impact.

“If you talk about Russia, meddling, interference — that takes the PDB off the rails,” said a second former senior U.S. intelligence official.

Not only that, but Trump has never talked to his Cabinet about Russian meddling, and the bigwigs on the National Security Council know better than to talk about it, because that would MAKE THE BABY FILL HIS DIAPER WITH SAD POOPS.

And Russia is like “LOL YAY IT WORKED! These Americans are stupid! But nobody is stupider than the dumbass sex offender we put in the White House! DRIP DRIP DRIP, TRUMP! We are to say DRIP DRIP DRIP just to be reminding you!”

WaPo describes intelligence intercepts over the past year that basically consist of Russian spies high-fiving each other, doing conga lines, and just generally being so excited about the success of their American operation that after LI’L TOO MUCH celebration vodka, they are having hairy bear Russian gay sex with each other, NO HOMO.

And all because Donald Trump REALLY IS that stupid:

U.S. officials said that a stream of intelligence from sources inside the Russian government indicates that Putin and his lieutenants regard the 2016 “active measures” campaign — as the Russians describe such covert propaganda operations — as a resounding, if incomplete, success. […]

But overall, U.S. officials said, the Kremlin believes it got a staggering return on an operation that by some estimates cost less than $500,000 to execute and was organized around two main objectives — destabilizing U.S. democracy and preventing Hillary Clinton, who is despised by Putin, from reaching the White House.

The bottom line for Putin, said one U.S. official briefed on the stream of post-election intelligence, is that the operation was “more than worth the effort.”

As WaPo notes, if Russia was trying to “aggravate political polarization and racial tensions and to diminish U.S. influence abroad,” then DONE and DONE and DONE. And they say Donald Trump hasn’t accomplished anything during his presidency! PSHAW.

Does The Baby know about this?

See above about how it’s best not to make the Baby cry.

Is the Trump administration doing anything about Russian interference NOW, considering we have midterms coming up next year?

THE FUCK YOU SAY.

How mad did it make Baby Trump when Congress passed new sanctions on his beloved Mother Russia?

SO MAD BRO:

Trump’s frustration had been building as the measure approached a final vote. He saw the bill as validation of the case that Russia had interfered, as an encroachment on his executive authority and as a potentially fatal blow to his aspirations for friendship with Putin, according to his advisers.

In the final days before passage, Trump watched MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” program and stewed as hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski declared that the bill would be a slap in the face to the president.

“He was raging,” one adviser said. “He was raging mad.”

He was also “apoplectic” after the bill was passed, and it took four days for aides to convince the Baby that he had to sign them, because if he didn’t, Congress would just override him and he’d end up looking like an even sadder and weaker Russian intelligence asset than he did before.

Any “senior administration officials” accidentally admit Russia stole the election for Trump to WaPo?

WELL, KIND OF:

“This makes me pissed because we’re letting these guys win,” a senior administration official said of the Russians. Referring to the disputed Florida tallies in the 2000 presidential election, the official said: “What if the Russians had created the hanging chads? How would that have been for George Bush?”

Wait what? WHAT IF the Russians had done the hanging chads? Well then, a really fucked up popular vote loser election would have been even more fucked up than it was, due to how AN ENEMY NATION HAD THROWN THE ELECTION FOR ITS CHOSEN CANDIDATE.

Is “senior administration official” saying that, even though Russia CLEARLY threw the election for EVEN MORE BIGLY POPULAR VOTE LOSER Donald Trump, it’s somehow unfair to his presidency to harp on that, because it prevents Trump from making finger-fucky with the object of his affection, Vladimir Putin? Fuck you if so, “senior administration official”!

Any other interesting factoids from the article?

Sure, but YOU HAVE TO READ THEM YOURSELF.

Did you even finish reading it yet, Wonkette?

3/4, give or take.

Is this post over now?

WHOA IF TRUE.

Goodbye!

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[Washington Post]

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