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Does this look like A Idiot to you? (Yes)

As we type this at you, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein is testifying before the House Judiciary Committee, fielding normal questions from Democrats and watching with a confused look on his face as wingnuts like Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio and Rep. Louie Gohmert of Texas loudly toss poo into each other’s mouths, screaming about how the Robert Mueller investigation is BIASSSSSSSS. Basically, Republicans are desperately trying to get the Orange Pussgrabber in the White House to Saturday Night Massacre the Mueller investigation. Rosenstein, in response, has signaled that ACTUALLY Robert Mueller is doing a great job, and if Trump wants him removed, he’s going to have to fire Rosenstein first. Are you afraid of being fired by Trump? asked a congressman. LONG HAIR DO NOT PARTICULARLY CARE, answered Rosenstein.

The barking GOP congressmen are having a particular upset over text messages, uncovered in a DOJ inspector general’s investigation, between Peter Strzok, who was fired from Robert Mueller’s team this summer, and his lady FBI friend Lisa Page, who was also on the Mueller investigation for a short time. As we explained last week, Strzok committed the grievous sin of being a government employee who doesn’t wanna kiss Trump’s ring, which means he is BIASSSSSSSSS. While we have no evidence Strzok’s political leanings affected his work on the Mueller investigation (or on the Clinton email investigation, the subject of the inspector general’s probe, which he also worked on), the fact Mueller fired Strzok “immediately” when the texts came to light should be an indicator to any reasonable American that the system is working.

Not for the paste-eating rage monkey Republicans in the United States House of Representatives!

Since we have them, let’s look at some Trump-hatin’ sexts:

Responding to a Washington Post story about Trump saying it hadn’t been proven that Russian President Vladimir Putin had killed anyone, Page wrote: “What an utter idiot.”

In a March 2016 message, Page exclaimed: “God trump is a loathsome human….omg he’s an idiot.”

“He’s awful,” replied Strzok.

CAUGHT! Peter Strzok and Lisa Page agree with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster, and a super-majority of the American people that the president of America is a fucking idiot. LOCK EVERYONE UP or something, we guess.

In other sexts, Strzok dared to say he wanted Hillary Clinton to win, like some sort of American citizen who has the right to vote. He was horrified at the idea of Jeff Sessions becoming attorney general (who with a brain wasn’t?), said John Kasich is a secret gay, that Democratic primary candidate Martin O’Malley is a “douche,” and UH OH BIPARTISAN SHIT-TALKING, he apparently didn’t like Obama-era Attorney General Eric Holder. Not a Bernie fan either! This guy didn’t like anybody. (‘Cept Hillary.) (#RIGGED!)

As Politico notes, the texts between Strzok and Page stopped in December of 2016, so we’re not sure how they could have affected the Mueller investigation, which according to our back of the napkin math started in May 2017.

Natasha Bertrand at Business Insider reports that the DOJ invited reporters Tuesday night to look at 375 of the texts (out of 10,000 texts Fox News curiously claims to have) in advance of Rosenstein’s testimony, which is strange since they’re part of an ongoing investigation. This is not proper DOJ behavior, not at all:

“It’s appalling behavior by the department,” said Matthew Miller, a former DOJ spokesman. “This is an ongoing investigation in which these employees have due-process rights, and the political leadership at DOJ has thrown them to the wolves so Rosenstein can get credit from House Republicans at his hearing today.”

WHO’S THE LEAKER? WHO’S THE LEAKER? Oh, it is just the Trump DOJ. Apparently they wanted to make sure the texts were out so GOP assholes on the House Judiciary Committee could publicly jerk themselves off into oblivion during Rosenstein’s testimony. It’s almost like somebody at the DOJ is colluding with GOP idiot reps to help their stupid barely elected king obstruct justice.

What’s so utterly bizarre about all this — but not unexpected, due to the mental bankruptcy of the current GOP — is that nobody actually thinks FBI or DOJ employees wouldn’t have political opinions of their own. Remember Rudy Giuliani’s Trump-licking goons in the New York FBI field office? Remember how “sources” in the “NYPD” and the “FBI” were leaking fake news to Blackwater sadist Erik Prince a few days before the election that there were one million classified Hillary emails on Anthony Weiner’s laptop that showed her doing #Pizzagate to all the children of the world?

When’s a special counsel gonna investigate the New York FBI field office? Just curious.

Natasha Bertrand quotes a former FBI guy who says of course folks have their political opinions, it doesn’t affect how investigations work, and if anything, Peter Strzok and his Hillary-loving self was the outlier:

“It would be literally impossible for one human being to have the power to change or manipulate evidence or intelligence according to their own political preferences,” said Mark Rossini, a former FBI unit chief who spent 17 years at the bureau.

“FBI agents, like anyone else, are human beings,” he added. “We are allowed to have our political beliefs. If anything, the overwhelming majority of agents are conservative Republicans.”

But, but, but! That’s NORMAL! Because real Americans are conservative Republicans, right? That’s what freakshows Louie Gohmert and Jim Jordan say!

Patriotic Americans, your countdown clock to shutting this fucking shit down is at 328 days, because that’s how many days it is to the 2018 midterm elections. Let’s vote these fuckers OUT.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you’re not, because Amazon done fucked our payment system. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye. (All you others can too.)

[Politico / Business Insider]

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  • Lascauxcaveman

    Rod: “Fire Comey? Sure, man, whatevs.

    Fire Mueller? Ain’t. Gonna. Happen.”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      They have this saying in Alabama, apparently. Fool me once….

      • Resistor Radio

        I prefer “grab your purse”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Mr. Strzok, if you’re listening…
    You sound like an excellent fit for this mommy recipeblog. Join. Us.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Does Strzok have a newsletter? How do I go about subscribing?

  • Victoria Ricola

    Calling Trump an idiot is so folksy and quaint. I like this guy.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Are we gonna have hearings every single time someone speaks the obvious truth?

      • WIDTAP

        “Quick! We need an investigation of Ms.MLG! We have investigators in Maui and you won’t believe what they are finding!”

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I keep hearing more and more about this Ms.MLG person. You know, if she had come along sooner, there wouldn’t have been a civil war. A lot of people don’t know that.

        • PubOption

          Are Trump’s investigators still running up a bill at the Trump Waikiki while investigating Barry’s birth certificate? If so we could send them over to help.

      • Victoria Ricola

        Really. If I had a dollar…

      • BadKitty904

        As long as the Republicans hold Congress or until the Republican Congress bankrupts the U.S. Treasury – whichever comes first.

  • goonemeritus

    I’m told many cops and prosecuting attorneys take a less than favorable view of people they investigate. Does this fact disqualify them from doing their job in non-Trump related cases?

    • MynameisBlarney

      If they do so on twitter, maybe?

  • goonemeritus

    I don’t wish to turn Trump hatred into some sort of Rorschach test for rational thinking. But honestly it kind of is.

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      Q: What does this ink blot tell you?
      A: Trump is an existential threat to the planet.

      Dr: Pass, friend, and enjoy your sanity.

  • BigCSouthside

    I say mueller is fired in 10 days. Right at Christmas when no one is paying attention

    • BadKitty904

      I could see it before years’ end, at least. Then the GOP DoJ/Congress will instantly move to destroy all the evidence Mueller’s Justice League has gathered…

      • Ms.Moon

        They can’t much of the information was shared with NY AG Schneiderman who will still be investigating and cannot be fired. This will add obstruction charges to the many, many, many unpardonable state charges that will be levied against Trump and associates.

        • BadKitty904

          Here’s hoping.

    • Covfefe

      Remember Jonbenet Ramsey? Who lost her life December 26, 1996? Feeding frenzy ensued? Media had nothing else to talk about the week between Christmas and New Year’s? Because everything else was shut down?

      I’m not saying Donald won’t do it but I am saying that Christmas is the worst time in the world to do something you don’t want anyone to notice

  • Crystalclear12

    Dear GOP,
    You just got your asses handed to you in ALABAMA but sure most Americans agree with you.
    You be you.
    We’ll go back to kicking your ass.

    The majority of Americans.

  • Agent: “I have opinions.”

    Mueller: “Yeah, we all do. But you voiced them and these days Congress is full of screeching howler monkeys, so we need to appear above and beyond the usual standard of impartiality, so you’re off the case.”

    Congress: BIAS! LIBERAL BIAS! FLING YOUR SHIT AT THEM!

  • BadKitty904

    Deputy AG Rosenstein is asked by Congress if he’s afraid of President Trump.

    He smiles and laughs, “Fuck that noise, Congressman.”

  • miss_grundy

    I’m a little foggy in my memories of Watergate but didn’t the Saturday Night Massacre actually launch even more of an investigation into Nixon and the Watergate burglary? And didn’t this actually make the American public notice what was going on and didn’t people get angry?

    Because if Dotard thinks that firing Mueller is going to help him I think it will just bring the hammer down on him even faster because then more people will begin to wonder what exactly he is trying to hide other than his tax returns and denying his p*ssy-grabbing/harassment charges/sexual assaults.

    • kilgoretrout

      If he fires Mueller the tidal wave of next year’s election will be twice as big and wash away more GOPers than otherwise.

    • shivaskeeper

      Different time. different people, different Congress. As partisan as shit was then, that has nothing on what it is now.

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Correction, Ms. Page: He’s a fucking LYING loathsome idiot. “Loathsome” is a nice choice of adjective, though, almost better than “vile.”

  • arglebargle

    Strzok sounds kinda foreign. INPEACH!!1!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Out of 10,000 texts Fox News curiously claims to have

    So now Fox is colluding with the Russians, too?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Now?
      I think they’ve been on the Kremlin payroll for a while.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Comrades Hannity and Coulter have, Da.

    • ez

      “now”?

  • Daniel

    This is something that is most obvious in the right’s attacks on the media for being “biased” against them- the right thinks that “bias” is “not agreeing with them”. It’s fucking worrying, honestly, because it means that they will only accept any sort of validity to the rule of law when it’s administered by anyone not on their own side.

    They argue for bias while claiming to decry it.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Rs don’t use words well. Definitions confuse them…

      • Resistor Radio

        Like the difference between weather and climate.

        • Daniel

          Or “democracy” and “dictatorship”.

          • Resistor Radio

            Or Republican and Russian

  • Lefty Wright

    So the Republicans in congress are doubling down on the tax cuts for the rich, possibly cutting the top tax rate to 35%. I think they see the hand writing on the wall and want to abscond with as much cash for their benefactors before they lose the US House of Representatives in 2018. By doing that, however, they may lose the US Senate too. The GOP needs to wake up and face reality. A lot of people are finally catching on to their tricks and want no part of them now. They can either moderate their stance and hope to win a few people back or keep down this path to the real swamp and end up eaten by alligators. This time truly with votes.

  • Joe Beese

    Lumpy is very worked up about this, if you want to know.

    • BadKitty904

      Good.

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        Dubble Bubble-Plus good.

    • Daniel

      Of course he is.

  • Belasaurius

    Of course Louie would be involved

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Louie, Louie
      Whoa, whoa, whoa,
      Now you gotta go, mang.

    • Resistor Radio

      He’s been so terrible, for so long, but will he even make it to the finals for legislative shitmuffin of the year? Are we talking about that?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    As Politico notes, the texts between Strzok and Page stopped in December of 2016, so we’re not sure how they could have affected the Mueller investigation, which according to our back of the napkin math started in May 2017.

    “Something something they have opinions something something they don’t like Donald something something BIAS!!!!!”

    – Republicans, apparently

  • SayItWithWookies

    That was it? Shit, Rosenstein should present an exhaustive list of all the administration officials who’ve called Trump worse, just for starters. Also for our amusement.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      “All of them, Katie.”

      – Rob Rosenstein

  • Arolpin

    All they need to do is find a single text among agents showing support for Drumpf, blow that up on the screen, and say, “Do you REALLY want an investigation of agent’s personal texts? Then follow it up with a text of a sitting member saying something negative about Drumpf, and then when they say, “But I was supporting Ben Carson at the time” bring up a text denigrating Hillary and ask them how they can investigate her, especially when it’s obviously conspiracy bullshit. Hit them back 10 times harder, make them own both railing against Drumpf and kissing his ass, and follow every statement with “And I think results in Virginia and Alabama show that backing this maladministration appears to be incompatible with continued electoral success.”

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ll bet Rinse Prius probably has texted far worse about Trump.

  • Crystalclear12

    Oh God, they really believe that Fox bullshit, don’t they?
    They aren’t pretending for votes, they really, really believe.

    Crap.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Chyron HR

      But I thought Franken resigning meant that every Democrat was going to be destroyed by fake sex allegations…

    • WIDTAP

      “A draft legal document accusing Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer of sexual harassment is a forgery, the woman purported to be his accuser told NBC News on Tuesday night.”

      At what point did the geniuses behind this little scam say to themselves, “This will be great! No one in the press will think of calling this woman whose signature we forged for a comment before they publish!”

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        who’s guessing Project Not-Veritas was behidn it?

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          It has that certain O’Queef stupidity about it.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          word is the punchable Nazi Cernovich is…

  • Oblios_Cap

    Those agents seem to have excellent cognitive skills. I don’t see the problem.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Great article Evan.

  • rosenbomb

    I saw the words “fired” and “Mueller” in the same sentence and almost had a heart attack.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      same here…

    • hudson

      if we are going to fire anyone who has ever said trump is an idiot we will have a constitutional crisis.

      • Daniel

        And a spiraling unemployment rate.

  • TJ Barke

    Pro tip dotards; hating Trump is the default position for reasonable Americans.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    So according to Republicans, I can get out of jury duty if I hate Trump?

    • Resistor Radio

      Oh good lord, every jury would look the like the ones the Bundy’s got. NO

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      worth a shot….(that’s a terrible thing for me to say, but seeing an 8-10 hour cattle call for jurors recently….)

      • Courser_Resistance

        Every time I’ve been assigned jury duty here in CO, you get a number or website to go to the night before. If your juror number isn’t in the range they need for the next day, you don’t have to show up.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Same here in FL

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          well, this as i understand it was jury selection – big case, so they needed lots of potentials to choose from.

    • jesterpunk

      Can you get out of paying taxes because you hate Trump?

  • Crystalclear12

    What is it with right wing media and 10,000?
    Everything is 10,000.
    Is that OMG big number go to?

    • Jonny On Maui

      They know 2 numbers. 10,000 and 6,000. One is bad and the other is the age of the earth…

      • Oblios_Cap

        So..Methuselah lived over 900 year, after a bunch of stuff had already happened. Did he just die in the 1700s?

      • Resistor Radio

        And 14, which is the age when it’s okay as long as it’s over the clothes

        • aureolaborealis

          FAKE NEWS! It’s OK even without clothes if you have her mom’s permission.

  • BigCSouthside

    I could never be a fed. If they got my trump texts they might try to put me in p

    • Resistor Radio

      Samesies. Or any of the comments here, which don’t exist.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    You want an investigation, wingnuts? Here you go:

    Democrats seek alleged evidence of anti-Clinton ‘bias’ at the FBI

    Amid GOP attacks on the bureau, House Democrats say the FBI’s real prejudice was against their party’s 2016 presidential nominee.

    https://boutdatliferadio.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/images8.jpeg

    • BadKitty904

      PUBLISH. IT.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I like reading about Bob Mueller. Because every time I do, I think of pasta. And I love pasta.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Why you think pasta?

      • MynameisBlarney
      • Oblios_Cap

        Dickus won’t let me post an image…

        • Querolous

          I’m all in favor of twisting elbows. Comes with the perp walk frog march.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    It’s weird how it’s okay for people to have political opinions as long as their opinions are pro-GOP. It’s almost as if there were a certain level of hypocrisy going on, or something.

    • TJ Barke

      Pssshhhhawwwwww…

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      where’s the free speechez! people now?

      • Resistor Radio

        Still crying from last night, probably

      • Victoria Ricola

        Still arguing on reddit that Roy Moore dating 14 year olds is perfectly fine under the USA constitution?

        • Bad Tom

          If not under actual Alabama law.
          But he was never caught, til the law ran out. So, he’s good.

    • Victoria Ricola

      Can we investigate that NY office that’s crawling with Ghouliani bias? Let’s see those fucker’s text messages about Trump and Hillary.

      • BadKitty904

        It’s been noticed that Gooey has suuuuuuuuuuuuuure been quiet lately.

        • Victoria Ricola

          I’m not saying that he’s complicit and needs to be locked up, even if others on the internet who are very smart are saying that he is complicit and needs to be locked up, but it sure looks like there’s something there.

          • BadKitty904

            That’s prolly ’cause he’s complicit and needs to be locked up.

    • BadKitty904

      Except for the “almost”.

    • ArgieBargie

      It’s not like law enforcement is overwhelmingly Conservative or anything like that.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I wonder how you pronounce that name. Stir Zock? Strock? Stroke? Shtoke?

    • Daniel

      My guess would be Str Zjhok.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Well thanks for clearing that up.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s pronounced Throat Warbler Mangrove.

    • kilgoretrout

      It means perceptive in Polish.

      • Daniel

        I guessed Czech, so I wasn’t a million miles away.

        • kilgoretrout

          Czech, Pole, Slovak, any old slav will do.

          • Covfefe

            Russian to judgement, you are.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Zed instead of diacritical marks, so I call Polish.

          • PubOption

            Is Donnie looking for Melon’s replacement?

    • BadKitty904

      “Chumley”.

    • Hospergar

      Czechs use r’s like vowels, and the z has a little hat that make it sound weird. It’ll sound like Stir-Jacques.

      • Daniel

        There is an R with a hacek (the hat) as well. It’s really difficult to pronounce.

        • Hospergar

          Oh yeah, the ‘ř’. I think a full third of the population can’t pronounce it correctly? I wonder if Strzok’s name was originally spelled with it, or if it’s not usable as a noun and so they went with the ž instead.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    I never thought that Louie Gomer would have a perfect match, but then Jim Jordan came along. They are bookends to each other and a match made in hell.

    With apologies to both Jim Neighbors (R.I.P) and Gomer Pyle.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Gomer Pyle, RIR. (Rest In Reruns)

    • John Thorstensen

      Nabors, it was. In real life he was apparently a smart and decent man.

      • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

        Yup, your right. My brain knew that but my fingers didn’t.

  • Michael Smith

    Well, in their defense, Trump is A Idiot and A Loathsome Human Being.

    • hudson

      exactly. it’s not like they have unfounded biases.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I noticed that, also too.

  • Joe Beese

    “Omarosa Manigault Newman resigned yesterday to pursue other opportunities. Her departure will not be effective until January 20, 2018. We wish her the best in future endeavors and are grateful for her service.”

    • Joe Beese
      • hudson

        sure. all of us leave our jobs because of anniversaries.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          i was just thinking – maybe she’s there trying to get that 1 year of experience for future job qualifications…it’s what I’m doing.

          • hudson

            1 year in WH is better than >1 years? She’s done with all the connections in the first year?

          • shivaskeeper

            In most government jobs you get a yearly rating/performance review. The full year is always better than less. Especially if the less than a year is your own fault.

          • Daniel

            Apparently there’s predictions of a mass exodus of staff in January because there are a lot of people waiting for their first anniversary mark before leaving.

          • Oblios_Cap

            And nobody who is in a particular hurry to replace any of them.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Yeah. I left my last job 15 times because of that rule.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Did she get to take a box of stuff with her?

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          Once they removed all the staplers, pens and paper clips.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        (phone plays annoying death-metal ringtone)
        Friend, wincing: Oh Christ, it’s Omarosa.
        Second friend: Don’t answer it!
        Friend: She’ll just keep calling if I don’t. (picks up phone) Hey girl. Heard you got fired.
        Omarosa, as if talking through two cans and a string: I DID NOT GET FIRED I LEFT ON MY OWN SHUT UP IS WHY IT’S MY ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY BECAUSE REASONS!!!!111!!
        Second friend: Jesus, I can hear her from the kitchen.
        Friend (covers phone): They can hear her in New York. (uncovers phone) Girl, it’s cool, whatev-
        Omarosa: SPENDING MORE TIME WITH MY FAMILY!!!!!111!!!
        Second friend pours straight bourbon into glass, hands it to friend
        Friend: Girl, we cool, chillax –
        Omarosa: I AM CHILL. I WASN’T FIRED. I LEFT BECAUSE I WANTED TO.
        Second friend pours straight bourbon into glass, hands glass to friend, drains bottle
        Friend: Girl –
        Omarosa: HANGING UP NOW GOTTA CALL THE NEW YORK TIMES

        • therblig

          saw a comment from “someone who knows someone who knows Assaroma well” that “she was using trump and if she left, it was on her own terms”

          sound legit to me.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Spending more time with her family.

      • kilgoretrout

        more time annoying her family

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I feel for them, then.

      • BadKitty904

        Spending more time with her lawyers.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      When a door closes, and hits you where the God Lord split you, a window opens. For you to self-defenstrate from.

    • theblackdog

      “Fox News Announces new show with Stacey Dash and Omarosa Manigault “Quartz and Rayon””

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        You misspelled ‘Dumb and Dumber’

  • nightmoth

    Don’t know how many of you read BBC, but the Moore defeat is The Big News over there today. Other countries are paying serious attention to whether or not we’re going to hobble the dictator wannabe in the White House. So yes, Evan, patriotic Americans: your countdown clock is ticking.

  • GlazedHaim

    As a taxplayah, I’d be worried if an FBI agent wasn’t able to detect that Trump is a fucking idiot.

  • Joe Beese
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Collins is entirely too sensible to survive a primary challenge next election…

    • kilgoretrout

      What’s her deal? She’s such political tease. Maine is a beautiful state but their GOP pols are really weird.

      • GlazedHaim

        It’s like the line from Braveheart that the only thing wrong with Scotland is all the Scots. It’s like that. But with lobster.

        • Thiazin Red

          One of the best things about Gibbon’s Decline and Fall is his insistence on talking smack about the Scots every time it comes up.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Cc: Merrick Garland. We thought the same thing back then.

  • schmannity

    As his massive girth, orangutan hair, disgusting present, and loathsome past suggest, Trump may be an idiot, but probably not a fucking idiot.

    • Resistor Radio

      I seriously doubt Trump has massive girth.

      • kilgoretrout

        tiny hands = small gloves

      • hudson

        around the waist surely?

        • Resistor Radio

          That’s not the type of girth we generally talk about around here.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Ah, a subtle dick joke.

          • Resistor Radio

            You could say it was a soft one.

          • hudson

            nobody has ever written massive, girth, and trump in the same sentence and ever meant the “girth we generally talk about around here”.

            so implied in context.

          • Resistor Radio

            Hey, when I see a dick joke opportunity, I’m gonna be all over it.

          • hudson

            https://giphy.com/gifs/film-vintage-ingrid-bergman-13xVtcTAzFvRqE

            ps: you have no idea how much i love this gif you posted.

          • Resistor Radio

            Yay, I’m glad! I spend way too much time looking for those oldies, but finding stuff like that one and Barbra Stanwyck dropping that chick with a punch makes it worth it.

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            Searching for salient and amusing images and videos is part of the fun of non-commenting here.

    • BadKitty904

      I dunno. Syphilis can be a dicey thing.

      • hudson

        don’t blame syphilis.

    • hudson

      no, he is a fucking idiot and a moron to boot.

    • Hey, he paid good money for Melon to do that once a year on his birthday.

  • MynameisBlarney

    OT, but HAW!

    It wasn’t just Ivanka and Melania’s ballots that were shit-canned.

    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/12/12/1723588/-All-Trump-Ballots-Disqualified-Because-Incredibly-None-Of-Them-Could

    • hudson

      SMRT.

    • Thiazin Red

      I remember seeing that they couldn’t vote in the primary because none of them bothered to register.

      • shivaskeeper

        They were registered. As Democrats. They didn’t change their registration i time to vote.

    • BadKitty904

      Jebus H…

    • Resistor Radio

      Oh, that is rich

    • Mary Theresa

      LOL…
      NostroDanus
      Dec 12 · 11:45:27 AM

      Was Trump’s done in crayon?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Nope, finger paints.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          Err, that’s not brown finger paint.

      • Daniel

        No, fake tan.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Jesus Christ.

    • It’s not their fault, Barron only had enough crayons for a few of them…

  • Thiazin Red

    I applaud Mueller for trying to avoid any appearance of bias, but again with the double standard. Can you imagine anyone suggesting that maybe we should throw every FBI or congress idiot who had a rabid hate boner for Clinton off the case?

    • eka

      i thought it was proven fact that clinton is unlikeable, therefore it doesn’t count as bias, right?

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        Seriously, as well known as it is that Clinton is a shrill harpy, you’d have to question the intelligence of anyone that still supports her. We should kick them out of their jobs because they must have brain damage.

  • Bureaucrap

    It won’t be an unbiased investigation until DoJ is full of Trump loyalists who will shut the whole thing down (in a totally unbiased, objective fashion).

  • ArgieBargie

    Shame on Robert Mueller for personally allowing these agents to send these text messages…back in 2016.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    When’s a special counsel gonna investigate the New York FBI field office? Just curious.

    Funny, that’s exactly what Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) was asking, also too

  • ManchuCandidate

    It was certainly easier to Benghazi things when playing offense and not defense, eh Louie Louie?

  • kilgoretrout

    from our pals at Daily News:

    Officials at the city’s Board of Elections said the President signed and dated an absentee ballot along with an application on Oct. 19, checking a box that said he would be absent from the city on Election Day.

    First Lady Melania Trump did the same, submitting a handwritten form that had everything in capital letters.

    But the First Lady did not sign the envelope she put the ballot in as required by BOE, so her vote wasn’t counted. […]

    Trump’s daughter Ivanka also botched her ballot. It was filled out correctly, but she didn’t mail it until Election Day—which was too late to be counted, officials said.

    Her husband, Jared Kushner, didn’t mail his back at all, according to the board. […]

    Officials said the President’s ballot was fine. But that was before the Daily News pointed out to an official that the date of birth on his application was a full month off.

    Trump, 71, was born on June 14, 1946, but his ballot application lists his birthday as July.

    • ManchuCandidate

      The family that frauds together Derps together.

      Eta they are the Bluths. Can’t vote and can’t do a proper chicken.
      https://i.imgur.com/q08Ds.gif

      • kilgoretrout

        He had some flunky fill out his ballot – and they got his birth date wrong. Or maybe he thinks his birthday is in July.

        • Kooolest G

          more likely he thinks that june is the 7th month, his flunky probably wrote 7/14/46 instead of 6/14/46

        • PubOption

          He wants to be a real life nephew of Uncle Sam, born on the four(teen)th of July.

      • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

        Has anybody in this family even seen a Russian?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      And once again, the Dampnut Family illustrates why John Oliver calls this thing “Stupid Watergate”.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      So in other words, someone else committed voter fraud by filling out Dampnut’s ballot and submitting it in his name. Cool. Republicans are always looking for voter fraud: nice of the “president” to provide some for them.

      • kilgoretrout

        Imagine if the Obamas did this????

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          You can apply that to virtually everything Dampnut does. Imagine if Obama: made fun of reporters, called a senator a whore, said Mexicans are rapists . . . every. thing.

          • Cat Cafe

            Imagine if Obama lay around in his pajamas watching junk TV all day!!!

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          I can’t imagine a) Barry being that forgetful, b) Michelle being semi-literate, or c) Sasha and Malia being that stupid.

      • It’s super likely that he doesn’t remember his own birthday, I mean… Dementia, right?

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      RIGGGED!!!!

      • kilgoretrout

        Is vote fraud an impeachable offense?

  • calliecallie

    Civil servants should know better than to share their political opinions in a text from the office, honestly. As a civil servant myself, I would only share my political opinions in the comment section of wonkette, if they allowed comments.

    • shivaskeeper

      Should know better but often don’t. Text from personal phone of something should be OK in most cases, but not from government phones/computers. Especially if you are working a serious, sensitive thing and the text could be seen as controversial.

      • Ninja0980

        Yup.
        I do think they are being selective in what they are releasing but still, not good.

        • shivaskeeper

          Of course they are. They have a narrative to try to sell to the public. That the narrative has nothing to do with reality is the reason they need to get the “disgruntled. partisan FBI guy letting Hillz go and being anti-Trump” into the minds of the base. It casts doubt on this guy as a rouge agent. It cast doubt on Mueller and his supposed acumen since he brought this guy into the team.

          The question is will they get it to stick? So far it’s not really going anywhere.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        Especially if you are working a serious, sensitive thing and the text could be seen as controversial.

        Right, but he wasn’t working that case at the time, no? It was general bitchinga bout politics (which as you note, is still bad on government devices)

        • shivaskeeper

          He was not. But texts can be forever. Past texts/emails can be controversial. She buttery mails for an example. He should have said something to Mueller before he started. If he ever remembered any of it of course. Just so Mueller could have been prepared for this eventuality.

          Is it right? Maybe. Does it make sense? Not really. But it’s the way it is.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      “Never talk when you can nod and never nod when you can wink and never write an e-mail, because it’s death. You’re giving prosecutors all the evidence we need.” Elliott Spitzer.

      • therblig

        i once heard good advice that went something like, before you send an email, think about how you’ll feel when it’s on the front page of the newspaper and how your mother will feel when it’s read at your trial.

        • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

          Never commit to writing anything you don’t want read aloud at your deposition.

          • Ms.Moon

            This is why I love email it’s very good evidence. I am not worried about what I send I like keeping record. This has saved me so many times.

    • therblig

      same here.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Call your Senators:
    Hello, my name is Janet Q. Wonkette. I live in zip code 99999. I am calling to urge the senator to stop all work on the tax plan until Doug Jones is seated. This bill is too important to rush and Alabama voters deserve to have their voices heard.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Yeah, you don’t have to be an A-team prosecutor to know Trump sucks and is a dumbass. But I guess it helps.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I’m so glad they fired this threat to our oligarchy.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      yeh…who’da thunk it would have gone this way with that one, unh? 🙄

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        I’m shocked! SHOCKED!!1!1!!

    • WIDTAP

      “A little later on, she tried to go see the President. She tried to go into the residence,” she said. “And mind you, Gen. Kelly has cut off her walk-in access to go into the Oval Office and things of that nature. Security alerted Gen. Kelly, he came back down, told the Secret Service to take her out of there. She was escorted off the property.”

      When Kelly tells you you’re done, you’re done. Don’t bother trying to run to Daddy to cover your ass.

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      “I was being harassed and felt I had to leave. President Pussygrabber is a bad, bad prevert!” – Omarosa (maybe, probably)

    • TundraGrifter

      And who is the least bit surprised that Mr. Trump didn’t have the balls to tell her himself? He had a minion handle it.

    • Relativicus

      The first report on this that I saw was by Darlene Superville at AP. The title: Prominent Black Supporter of Trump to Leave White House. Now, Omirosa is a despicable person, apparently driven solely by a need for attention and celebrity, and confusing notoriety for both (a typical CV for a Trumpy). But she does have a name. Every other report I’ve seen uses that name, and hers is actually known by a great many people, but the AP went with “Prominent Black Supporter.” And I feel that’s wrong.

      And that’s why it was the best summer vacation ever.

      • Gigglesnort

        They have already gone to “Omarosa, who?”

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I love it that in one of her tweets April Ryan reminded readers that Omarosa refers to herself as a Minister in the same sentence that she reports on the vulgarity-laden temper tantrum.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        Omarosa is and has always been glorified trailer trash.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I think that’s always been obvious to most of us, but we’re dealing with an extra special level of derpitude in this WH. She has a talent for finding extreme suckers.
          I feel bad for Howard grads. Her alumna status is an insult to an otherwise prestigious institution.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            shitgibbon and Omarosa are birds of a feather. natural born petty grifters.

            and the supply of suckers is pretty much infinite.

    • Gigglesnort

      In the Marines, you have to be pretty high up the rank ladder before you get to throw tantrums.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Vote Impeachment Congress 2018. It’s the only way out.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Trumplicans: members of the “Lawless and Disordered Party”.

  • Kooolest G

    gosh I wonder who ken starr (registered republican appointed to jobs by reagan and bush sr.) voted for in 1992?

    • SisterArtemis

      how about in 2016?

    • H0mer0

      his favorite prez was Kennedy, IIRC

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    … but Two Scoops IS an idiot. AND loathsome. I don’t see what the problem is here.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      absolute truth should be a defense for this kind of thing, like wiht defamation.

  • John McLaughlin

    GOP is running scared…if they thought Trump was innocent they wouldn’t bother but look at excited they get at the prospect of Mueller actually doing his job…

  • Kooolest G

    trump should only be allowed to be investigated by members of his family, (except tiffany of course)

    • Daniel

      “Who are you? I said only family, that I will tell you!”
      “My name is Eric, father.”
      “…Who?”

      • Stulexington

        Related: anyone else notice that Eric has been keeping his mouth shut lately and letting Jr do most of the idiot babble?

        • Daniel

          My guess is he’s forgotten how to open his mouth.
          Again.

          • TootsStansbury

            Someone told him it was going to rain so he’s playing it safe.

        • eyelashviper

          And Eric was considered the real dumb one, but seems he has a clue about keeping his mouth shut.

        • Kooolest G

          maybe he and tiffany are the real masterminds behind the whole thing. I can see the 2 of them walking out of the airplane hanger saying “tiffany, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship”

        • Kneeling Bozilingus

          On Jordan Klepper’s The Opposition (Comedy Central), this ‘reporter’ was compared to Eric. (4:03 into video)
          http://www.cc.com/video-clips/5rc33k/the-opposition-with-jordan-klepper-how-roy-moore-supporters-defeated-fake-news

      • Kooolest G

        and only blood relations, not that shylock jared!!!!

        oh and not my deceased brother’s family, they’re biased against me because that one time I cut my nephew who was born with birth defects off from getting health insurance.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        “Eric, father.”
        “I said only family! Go back to the Father family where you belong!”

  • TootsStansbury

    They want civil unrest don’t They? They’re trying their hardest but Americans won’t be goaded.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Mueller is actually providing them with a lot of cover, but they have to convince the rwnj half bright voters in their gerrymandered districts that they are protecting the President

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    He should only be investigated by people who like him.
    http://gph.is/1jEQHT3

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Or who don’t plan to do any actual investigating

      • Petunia Cat

        So they should be investigated by “Banbury” from The Importance of Being Earnest. Yes, clearly. 🎩👜

  • TundraGrifter

    I think saying those people were “fired” is unintentionally misleading. Mr. Mueller bent over backwards at the first sign of bias and those individuals were re-assigned to other duties. Now, the Regressives try to spin a clear sign of integrity and independence as precisely the opposite. So let’s not encourage that narrative.

  • Timothy Watson

    BLUE LIVES MATTER!1!!

    Unless you disagree with their political beliefs.

  • natoslug

    Once again, it is projection. They can’t imagine that anyone who doesn’t think exactly like them can do their jobs fairly.

    • Cat Cafe

      You mean–they know THEY aren’t doing their jobs fairly, so of course they assume everyone else is equally BIASSSSSSSS.

      • natoslug

        So much ass. All of the ass.

      • H0mer0

        it’s always projection with these assholes.

  • JustPretendImNotHere

    Ok, which one of your Wonketteers is Strzok and which one is Page?

  • Zyxomma

    I have great representation at the local (NY City Council voted in September for community activist Carlina Rivera), regional (State Senator Brad Hoylman), Congress (Rep. Carolyn Maloney), and Senate (Schumer, Gillibrand) levels. I vote in every Democratic primary and every general, every year since 1972, when I turned 18 in time to be one of the first 18-year-olds to vote.

    I’ll do everything in my power to elect Democrats at every level, everywhere. GOTV!!

    • Petunia Cat

      That is so cool! #TheSeventies 😊

  • Brian Fowler

    I’m sorry, but why was this Strzok fellow fired again?

    • phoenix00

      For First Amendmenting, or so I figured.

    • Petunia Cat

      I don’t think he was canned from the FBI. Just taken off that investigation. Not that that’s OK either.
      I hope the wing nuts crabbing about Strzok understand that this is the kind of stuff people say outloud usually. He and Page can only be smeared for it because they put it in texts. Doesn’t mean a whole bunch of people weren’t saying stuff like this. Not least, at home to the dog. Dogs probably have to hear a lot about shitty work stuff. 🐶

      • Steely_Fan

        You hope the wingnuts…understand? Wow. Good luck with that.

        • Petunia Cat

          Well that comment was snippy and not even funny. Fine I should’ve said “the assholes crabbing…”

          • Steely_Fan

            Much better ;-)

  • Red Bird

    The FBI is mostly white men so yes I would agree that they’re mostly conservative republucans.

    • guest1331now

      White men in law enforcement — that much more conservative-leaning.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Loose lips sink ships. There are dozens of private means of communication. Certainly an FBI counter-intelligence guy could figure that out?

  • Jenny

    Oh lordy! I hope my texts with my coworkers get investigated. I’ve made so many memes about the annoying ones!

    • Petunia Cat

      Exactly. This is barely even burn book level stuff. Griping with your pal on the phone. JFC.

  • Petunia Cat

    It’s not a special prosecutor for the New York FBI office. That’s what the Office of the Inspector General is for. Working on that investigation is my fantasy dream job… 😌
    Not because I super-politically biasly hate Giuliani loving cretins, but because I hate conspiracy believing loons in high places. #Impartial

  • Blackest Noobs

    those texts and emails are absolutely nothing compared to what intentions were on the part of Republicans investigating Democrats.

    Hillary Clinton alone proves that shit with all their Benghazi/Uranium nonsense.

  • azeyote

    makes ya wonder how any blue got on the flag with all that red and white patriotism goin on –

  • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

    There’s more partisan shit chunks in Trump’s daily tweetarrhea than in these texts.

    He should be fired for it.

  • Tina Mouse

    “When’s a special counsel gonna investigate the New York FBI field office?”
    A very good question.

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