SHARE
AND NOW HE CAN GO THE MALL IN WASHINGTON.

Well well well. What have we here? I believe it is a Doug Jones in ALL Y’ALL’S STOCKINGS!!! Oh yeah, WE TOLD YOU SO!!!! The Democrat Doug Jones has gone and won himself a Senate seat and we could not be more delighted. DOUG JONES WON IT. I MEAN Y’ALL – HOLY SHIT, DOUG JONES BEAT ROY MOORE! In your FACE Steve Bannon! Fuck you GOP! SUCK it Donald Trump! GOODBYE KAYLA MOORE! We do not want, need, or have to hear from you or your (credibly accused) sexual predator husband anymore — not about how you have the black community for friends, or what kind of lawyers you like best, you understand me? And all of America, you’re very welcome — because do not forget, this also means that this “very red state” actually just made the whole Senate a little bit bluer, which means you must all be APPRECIATIVE OF ALABAMA.

Now, I’ll admit I admire the idea of “going high” like Michelle Obama and all, and I really would like to incorporate that sort of behavior into my repertoire. But I gotta be honest, even though it is systemically destroying democracy, and leading us closer to nuclear war — I’m kinda excited to see what Trump’s next tweet will be. Something about how he is glad he didn’t ever endorse Roy Moore? Or go to Pensacola to campaign? Or make Robocalls? Let’s speculate about that, shall we?

So far from what we can tell this is the fault of Mitch McConnell for saying that he was going to let the people of Alabama make their own decisions on Roy Moore — and lo and behold the people have decided that, in fact, more Alabamians do not like their Senators to also be (credibly accused) pedos who believe America was great when “united” families had slaves (slaves’ families curiously unaccounted for), that gays should have their children taken away, that neither Muslims nor women should ever be in politics because they are both scary and gross, and God did 9/11. Mitch McConnell is also being a dick about when he will certify Doug Jones — Mitch just doesn’t know when he will FEEL LIKE IT OKAY? — because that shit with Merrick Garland felt too good, and Mitch has some shitty tax bill to keep trying to pass first.

But for right now, just for tonight, and most importantly, for the first time in its entire history of always and only sucking, Alabama did not suck — by about 20,000 people — and that’s not nothing. Who in the hell could have ever seen that coming? OH RIGHT WE DID!

Also, as always and just in general, thank you to the University of Alabama head football coach Nick Saban to whom, based on many many many people from whom we have heard, most of the 22K write in votes were given, because even if they did not vote for Doug Jones, those people also did not vote for Roy Moore, and that is okay by me since DOUG JONES WON. ROLL TIDE.

We will also too be accepting your apologies for doubting me as I assured you that DOUG JONES WOULD WIN (I thought. Maybe), along with congratulations and expressions of fealty in the form of cash donations in our name to our wonkettes in honor of how AWESOME ALABAMA IS TODAY. And you can follow me on twitter, because that is fun for me. Cheers to all of you — this is a very good and historic day, I want you all to be happy, and never forget that I TOLD YOU SO.

RTR.

Love,
FakaktaSouth

$
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  • gullywompr

    Congrats, Faki, way to go!

  • In all seriousness Doug looks way more like a pedophile

    • jesterpunk
      • Shrieking Harpy

        Um, incisive political analysis? I dunno.

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          Embittered Russian hacker? Jones is a loose thread that may unravel all their hard work.

          • ltmcdies

            Well it is morning in Moscow

          • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

            It’s morning in Alabama too. Early but looking good.

    • lucidamente

      In all seriousness you sound way more like a jackass.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      If that was supposed to be a slam, you caught your oompa-loompas in the door.

    • memzilla Ω

      In all seriousness, you can fuck the fuck right off. #blockableyou

    • chimichanga

      An expert?

    • ltmcdies

      Take a hike, Ivan

    • leemoder
    • Delu

      You must have had quite a lot of experiences meeting many of them then!

      How old were you when you did?

      • willi0000000

        he was 35 . . . it was at his weekly nambla meeting.

      • Wait did you just use child rape victims as a punchline?
        You’re assuming I was raped as a child… and that’s the joke?
        Isn’t this a liberal website?

        • Delu

          No I’m using YOU as a punchline.

          I don’t know you, but you seem to have a lot of experience in profiling pedophiles or so your claim makes it seem.

          That’s why I asked what I did, after all, the only 2 groups of people who tend to have extensive contact with pedophiles, and many of them at that, enough to actually know what a pedophile “should look like” are either law enforcement, or the victims of pedophiles.

          You don’t seem like law enforcement to me, after all, they usually have better things to do then troll forums.

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          Well if it wasn’t you wouldn’t be trolling around would you?

    • TJ Barke
      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        (fur bristle) That just creeped me out.

        • TJ Barke

          I should hope so. That’s a creepy fucker.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Its how one acts that counts; not how one looks.

    • Charles Insandiego

      What, exactly are the observable characteristics that lead you to that conclusion?

      • willi0000000

        obvs . . . associates with known Democrats.

        • Charles Insandiego

          You aren’t very good at this, are you?

      • that weird grin

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Actually I think that Phil duck dynasty dude looks like a child molester big time.

    • I though trying to score with 14 yeal old girls makes you “look way more like a pedophile”. Silly me.

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Remember to support Dead Breitbart. They played a big role in getting Mr. Jones elected.
    “McConnell’s allied superPAC, the Senate Leadership Fund, had spent heavily to support appointed Sen. Luther Strange in the primary, fearful that a Moore win would put the seat in jeopardy even before the sexual assault allegations against him surfaced.

    Trump had backed Strange then, too, but Steve Bannon — his former chief strategist who has since returned to lead Breitbart News — supported Moore and rallied with him in the closing days. Bannon had long touted Moore as part of the “war” he had promised to wage on the GOP establishment, backing challengers to sitting incumbents who would take on McConnell and back Trump’s agenda. But other national strategists warned Bannon’s civil war would cost them winnable seats — something that came to fruition on Tuesday night.”
    https://www.npr.org/2017/12/12/570291123/will-it-be-moore-or-jones-polls-are-closed-in-divisive-alabama-senate-election?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Thank you, dead Breitbart.

      Stay dead, you ol’ sonofagun!

      [/winks]

      Also, Luther Strange would have won this by at least 20 points, as many are pointing out. But he wasn’t the GOP candidate, so, Oh Well!

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Any semi-normal Reb would have won. The fact Jones cracked the Red Wall is a miracle of Yuletide proportions. As others have pointed out, Hanukkah started tonight.

  • Shan

    Yaay! Alabama Wonkwriter person gets the final say!

    Congratulations!

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Trump will tweet about anything but the election results for the rest of the week. Even if he has to make stuff up.😙🎶

    • jesterpunk

      Someone stoled his twitting machine and congratulated Doug Jones.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        One of his aides typed it in while the orange orang was chewing carpet and foaming.

        • TJ Barke

          Orang libel!

          • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

            Eddi Fox comes from an alternate where an orangutan got elected. He says it’s just as bad there. Which spoiled my vacation plans.

          • theCryptofishist

            OOOOOK!

        • Lord Jim

          Teppichfresser LIBEL!

      • NellCote71

        It was too well written and grammatically correct to have been written by Trump.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    Forget the Crimson Tide – it’s the Cerulean Tide today.

    Alabama looks rather nice awash in blue.

  • RugzYaBurnt

    Awwwwwwwwww, thank you SantaFakata! I love it!!!

  • Cock Blockula

    (posted on open thread, but more appropriate here)

    Hurray Alabama! Welcome to the modern world!

    Roll Tide! And the Tide is Turning!

    I love you Alabama (I didn’t before, but I will make it up to you now…)

    Fakakta South FTW!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNprVI4gTpY

  • Alternative Dog
    • Now he can start begging little old ladies to send him money to pay for Sassy’s upkeep or he’ll shoot her.

    • i miss funny colbert
      he’s wasted talking to fucking actors

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        He’s right in from of you.

  • thixotropic jerk

    Today Alabammy, tomorrow the White House!!!

  • unionthuggery

    This Tennessean will only say it this one time, but Roll Tide!

    • Charles Insandiego

      We’ll take it.

  • night loves. great evening in the midst of best ACA enrollment evah! great to hear you fakakta.

    rock on.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      ACA. Another reminder the Rebs can’t do anything right. (/pun)

  • Yea! Now us Alabama natives have a lot more states we can make fun of!

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Congratulations! As a Californian, I will honestly try to not make fun of Alabama any moore… ok, how about not as much as I used to. :)

    • Lord Jim

      Hey, you can also pick on Kentucky. We gave you Rand Paul AND Mitch McConnell, because, like a Hallmark card from Hell, we care enough to send the very worst. :/

    • goonemeritus

      Well done! I will now delete all my Alabama jokes or repurpose them as Arizona jokes.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Save your USA money, the South actually is rising.

  • Ninja0980

    The Republican spin is that this is a good thing (since Moore would have been an anchor around their necks) and it doesn’t mean anything for next year.
    Like hell it doesn’t.
    Flawed candidate or not, you don’t win in a deep blue or red state unless a wave is coming.
    And make no mistake, with Trump at the top of the ticket, that blue wave will be wiping out Republicans from coast to coast.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      The tax bills have to be passed before he’s sworn in or they die.

    • Cock Blockula

      From your mouth to Cthulhu’s ear.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      They have so many anchors around their necks: Trump, Pence, Jared, Junior, Eric, Ivanka, Mnuch and his golden-haired popsie, Bannon, Paul Ryan, this list goes on and on.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        The Rebs are a drag on their party. Is it that the party is a drag on the Rebs?

    • Charles Insandiego

      Mo-men-tum. Say it with me.

  • memzilla Ω
    • jesterpunk

      The worlds stupidest man said today he never wanted Moore to win anyway then stomped away and slammed the bedroom door.

      https://twitter.com/Cernovich/status/940802766452199426

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Poor pitiful snowflake.

      • Delu

        Typical Trumpian.

        Never ever say you wanted a loser to win.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre
    • If you guys stop paying attention to this idiot he might go away

      • Lord Jim

        We are delighting in his brilliantly executed own-goal. What’s your deal?

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          He is getting mercilessly mocked further downstream. A poor little troll who wandered into the party.

          • Mercilessly mocked? Are you the one who said I was raped as a kid? You guys are fucking awful at this

          • Delu

            I believe you are referring to me.

            I never said you were raped as a kid, but now that you brought up the issue were you?

            I mean how else would you know what pedophiles should look like?

          • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

            I’m just here in support of the professional mockers and blasphemers.

      • Delu

        Kind of wish the Trumpians would have thought of this 8 years ago instead of deciding to attack Obama and invent all sorts of stories about him. Which of cause, means they paid a LOT of attention to him when actually they shouldn’t have.

        If only they thought the way you did now with regards to Obama they’d actually be halfway pleasant.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      There is a first time for everything. But not this time!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Congrats to you. Been telling everybody here all day to chill, that my secret source in ’Bama was optimistic about a Jones win based on boots on the ground intell.

  • Zombishroom

    For some reason I’m reading everything in a Southern accent. Roll on blue Allabammy!

  • Werewolf

    Y’all did it, darlin’! Way to go!

  • Ninja0980

    One more thing, this wouldn’t have been possible without the black vote.
    So can we PLEASE stop listening to the whiny bots who insist we have to ignore black,LGBT,female voters in favor of working class whites who left our party and are never coming back?

    • Vel Venturi

      AMEN TO THIS!

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      They are coming back because the people on the ground know what needs to be done.

    • Lord Jim

      So you’re saying Black Lives really do Matter? Huh…

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Tsk.

    • Phil Lesky

      Exactly. “It’s not the economy, stupid.”

      • Lord Jim

        Racial issues ARE economic issues. Crazy Uncle Bernie has been living in Whiteyville too long to grasp this.

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          Personally I rather live in Margaritaville than Whiteyville.

          • theCryptofishist

            Keep track of your salt shaker.

          • Lord Jim

            Otherwise you’ll find yourself stepping on a pop top and blowin’ out your flip-flop.

          • theCryptofishist

            And those pop tops? Hard to find these days.

    • ariel_gee_398

      And white women, let’s get our shit together and stop voting for sexually assaulting pervs.

      • Lord Jim

        Sadly, it seems that way too many white women still identify with the Master Race rather than their own gender interests.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          It’s that old testament religious poison.

    • Darkrose

      Y’all are welcome.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      The people that say that are not one of us.

  • Vel Venturi

    I’ve been feeling sick and avoiding the news all day. Fuck off forever, Moore, and take your racist masters with you.

    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      This should be a nice cure. Mixed with the tears of racist rapists everywhere.

    • Zombishroom

      It is lovely. Roy isn’t really qualified for any government job so maybe he’ll fade away. He’ll probably still try the Conservative GRIFT ticket for awhile with Palin and that other one whose name I forget. Perhaps there will be a place we can piss on his name soon.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Hmmm. Another Dem former prosecutor sitting on an impeachment committee. Oh yah.

    Vote Impeachment Congress 2018.

    • guppy06

      (The House prosecutes, the Senate is the jury.)

      • SigDeFlyinMonky

        Impeached, tried, convicted, sentenced, imprisoned, that’s what I want from Krampus!

  • Alternative Dog
  • Christopher Story
    • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

      Awww.

    • leemoder

      Where can I get one of those trees?

      • Christopher Story

        Schermerhorn Park, Galena, KS.

        • ginmar

          And somewhere, a Repub rage farted.

    • Zombishroom

      Love. Keep kissing in trees and don’t forget the whiskey.

      • Christopher Story

        Technically that’s tequila. I only drink bourbon when I’m angry and when it’s cold.

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          (blink) Double take. Jeez. I missed that was you up there. You and your SO rule.

    • Charles Insandiego

      Love. Do more of it.

    • Lord Jim

      Send our greetings to your ladylove. Y’all so sweet. :)

    • Rags
    • Darkrose

      Adorables!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Love wins!

  • Zombishroom

    Sorry if it’s posted below but FUCK MCTURTLE. fuck Penice. Fuck trump. Fuck the everloving fuck out of Butterbeans.

    • Charles Insandiego

      Go ahead and post it again. This is a party, y’all.

    • willi0000000

      it’s a start.

  • Alternative Dog
    • proudgrampa

      Thank you, Leigh Corfman, for bringing this to our attention. I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but I admire your bravery.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        The hero of the story.

      • Alternative Dog

        The women who had the courage to speak up deserve major props.

    • HAHAHHAHAHAA
      You’re not getting forgiveness for two years of “BUT HER EMAILS” ya stinkin losers
      And stop screwin up left and right!

      • Delu

        Roy Moore lost. So did the Trumpians.

        The journalists didn’t.

        • The journalists need to stop rushing to get on camera before getting their facts straight. They’re proving Trump’s horseshit fascist narrative every time they fuck up.

          • Delu

            You mean they should stop doing what Trump is doing? What Trumpians are doing?

            I can kind of get on board with that actually. No one should be doing what Trump and the Trumpians are doing.

  • TJ Barke

    WTF does roll tide mean?

    • Zombishroom

      Foosball thing.

    • Charles Insandiego

      Crimson Tide is an Alabama college football nickname. Mentioned in a Steely Dan song, look it up if you got cult’cha.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      They call Alabama the Crimson Tide.

      • Charles Insandiego

        Call me deacon blues.
        …Here come those Santa Ana winds again.
        (Steely Dan is and always will be The Shit.)

      • Werewolf

        Call me Deacon Blues.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        “This is the day of the expanding man.” Deacon Blue from Aja.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jamkS4qoXK8

    • The inventor of detergent comes from Tuscaloosa

      • PubOption

        But they put it in flat-sided containers, so it won’t roll.

  • Bob Bancroft

    Alabummer (what my friend called it when he was stationed there) does good! Right.EFFIN.On!!!!

  • Charles Insandiego

    This is a tide I can roll with.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Way to go Alabama!

  • CindyinEncinitas

    Well ain’t that just the damndest thing???

  • Me not sure

    Alabama did the right thing without Federal troops being deployed! It’s a Christmas miracle!

    • Karen Shocket

      You mean a chanuka miracle!!!

      • Me not sure

        Molotov!

    • TJ Barke

      The federal troops would not have been there for any noble purpose given the current federal government…

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Kwanzaa for the win!

    • Delu

      Moore conceded?

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        He is hoping the absentees will part the Blue Sea.

        • Lord Jim

          Neigh! :P

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      A Hanukkah miracle to be precise. Tonight if the first night.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        A light in the darkness. How much more appropriate could it be?

  • proudgrampa

    Woot!

  • TJ Barke

    Here’s a good semi celebratory song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmSggISvjKA

  • David Chaillou

    I want to thank Sally.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Sally Jessy Raphael? Sally Fields? Long Tall Sally? My uncle’s favorite horse Sally?

  • Granny Sprinkles

    That Steve Bannon fella is gross and all, but he’s turnin’ out to be a pretty effective Democratic campaigner.

    • DainBramage

      He’s got that fancy education and all.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Go Steve- to all 50 states. Just like you said you would. Every single Republican incumbent.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Gunna walk away from TV for awhile, I just can’t stand listening to Tweety for another hour. Jezuuz what an idiot.

  • Karen Shocket

    South not farkakta anymore! Called it here first!

  • Alternative Dog
    • alpacapunchbowl

      I like the way gym teacher Doug rolls.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    So this was the first Hanuka present. What do ya figure for tomorrow. Resignation by sundown? Impeachment? Can’t wait. Nite y’all….take care.

    • Lord Jim

      Good night. You take care too.

    • fuckin dreidel bro

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Maybe we won’t need the torches and pitchforks after all.

    • TJ Barke

      Keep ’em sharp and oiled up, just in case.

    • ariel_gee_398

      There’s still the tax bill.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        If the Dems can delay until after Christmas, the vote count changes by one. A couple of unhappy Rebs (and I think there are some) and Trump loses.

    • willi0000000

      i’m still greasing the bearings on the tumbrels.

    • guppy06

      Can we get, like, actual torches and not that “tiki torch” bullshit?

      • theCryptofishist

        Are we smarter than the Nazis? Because, I think that’s the determining factor.

      • willi0000000

        DIY . . . stout stick, wrap in rags, secure with chickenwire all around and soak in tallow or paraffin.

        [ note: you might want a drip-ring just below the head to catch molten fuel drops but it’s not traditional like 2nd degree burns ]

        • Zombishroom

          For some reason a little bit of mayonnaise.

        • Hemp Dogbane

          Harvest your own tallow, preferrably locally raised w/o hormones.

          • willi0000000

            i get all my fixins from my local liposuctionist . . . don’t know nuthin about horemoans.

        • SigDeFlyinMonky

          And one welder’s glove.

          • willi0000000

            what? . . . you don’t like the traditional second degree burns?

  • willi0000000

    somebody shot an elephant in Alabama!

    [ probably because the Tuscaloosa there ]

    • Zombishroom

      Beautiful Trophy you got hanging there Bam.

  • SeekingCovfefeBarbie
    • Duke

      It is time to stand

    • Lord Jim

      Hallelujah indeed. Amen.

    • willi0000000

      best part . . . you got a bunch of mormons to sing it for this event.

    • sam cooke’s last words: “bitch you shot me”

    • Zombishroom

      Such a beautiful song. Thank you.

  • Boojum

    I would like to follow on Twitter.

  • Infrogmation

    As I’ve said: DNC, please stop giving up on the middle 3/5ths of the country without a fight.

    Fight in EVERY election, red states as well as blue. You won’t win ’em all, but you’ll win some of them, including a number that will be a pleasant surprise.

    • Lord Jim

      The Fifty-State Strategy – Not Just for Presidential Elections.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        A 50 State strategy trains candidates and trains organizations. No race should be run in this country without a dem candidate. County Commisioner? We as Dems should pay their filing fee. Levee Board? Pay the filing fee.

      • SigDeFlyinMonky

        And a ground game in ever fuckin’ precincts.

  • boyblue122

    On twitter I saw that Jones got 93% of Hillary’s 2016 general election turnout while Moore got 47% of Trump’s.

    Damn

    • Moebym of the Returners

      Trump is poison.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        It’s the Trump Effect. Everything he touches dies. Right now he’s busy killing the Republican Party. He’s also trying to kill our Democracy. We need to vote him out before he finishes the job.

    • Zombishroom

      I hope this is a trend.

    • Duke

      Why isn’t Trump’s base energized? Or is 47% of it what’s left?

      • boyblue122

        His crap tax bill and health care bill probably motivated them to stay home

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Less than that if the polls are even close. 35%-40%. On a good day. Of course being Alabama the number may be higher. But I think most are still Rebs voting for a dead dog rather than a Democrat.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Reverse-polarity is a helluva drug.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        33%

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      For a freakin’ special election, which people just don’t show up for. Til this year…

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Kinda nice to see motivation among the voters. Hopefully that momentum will hold out until 2018.

        • SigDeFlyinMonky

          Build it! The sound of an approaching freight train in the cold, dark forest…

          • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

            That sound is actually a happy childhood memory. I lived near a switchyard for a few years. Train sounds (except the horn) put me to sleep.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Well. Fuckin’ A all right. Be scared, Republicans. Be very, very scared. You want to hold your seats? You might first think about ditching President Hairball.

    Oh yeah: thanks, Obama!

    • Zombishroom

      THANKS OBAMA!

  • nosuchuser

    We may have just found a bottom. Where the stench of the rotting republican corpse has finally become strong enough that (just enough) people can’t hold their nose and vote straight ticket.

    Now the question is: can enough of us agree to start digging up to make a real difference?

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Bottom? Or narrow tiny ledge…

      • nosuchuser

        Depends, but I choose the believe we’ve found bottom.

        • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

          Brace yourself for 2018. We will see what depths the GOP and their Russian masters will sink to.

    • Zombishroom

      Ugh, the stench! Where’s my shovel?

    • who’s gonna be the top

      • nosuchuser

        There is no top. Our simple job is to fight towards the ideals our Founding Fathers wrote down; Inch by inch and year by year. Someday we will finally achieve the goal of all men (and women) are born equal and justice is blind.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person
    • they’re ornery because of their medulla oblongata, mama!

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        My medulla has never been more oblongata after tonight, tyvm.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Still and all what happened to Florida’s nutsack?

      I’m not saying it was aliens in the Bermuda Triangle.

    • La forza del resistino

      and thus we have the Redneck Riveraria.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Archie Bunker used to love to vacation there…

      • SigDeFlyinMonky

        Where Buba came down from Montgomery with one t-shirt and a ten dollar bill, stayed a week and didn’t change either of them.

    • Delu

      So why are Alabamans so angry about gays and Muslims and the like?

      None of them were campaigning to take their coastline back from Florida.

  • ken_kukec

    Isn’t about time Susan Collins declared herself an independent and started caucusing with the Dems?

  • Lyly Sirivong

    What a good news to wake up to. Well done, you guys !

    https://youtu.be/jY77gy19S84

  • DainBramage
    • jesterpunk

      The infighting has even spread to Dead Breitbart, I saw so many people claiming Bannon works for George Soros when I looked over there earlier.

      • DainBramage

        A Nazi works for Soros? Hahaha. They are so unhinged.

        • jesterpunk

          They also claim that Soros is the real Nazi. Not in that post but its a common thing for them.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        That’s so special.

    • Lord Jim

      I’m ready to die now. No regrets. :D

    • Me The People

      Is Trump at the yelling “BANNON! YOU FUCKED ME!” stage yet?

      • Raan

        And Bannon’s shouting back, “There’s not gonna be a next time, you fucking dumb cocksucker! You blew it!”

        Have I mentioned that I finally watched Scarface recently?

      • Bright Bart

        Just to his wig. An even 20 on the diet cokes today.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Meee-ow!

    • Delu

      Party of Responsibility people.

      When you can blame anyone else but yourself.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Oh, this is gonna be the tits, man!

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Yay, tits!

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    And let’s not forget, not only did red Alabama go blue for Doug Jones, but red Russian bots for ole Roy Moore lost too also.

  • Lord Jim
  • ken_kukec

    The Bannonite wing will have the long-knives unsheathed by morning. Get ready for an orgy of enmity and recriminations.

    • Jeff Greer

      The Republican Civil War has begun in earnest.

      Wish I could sell both sides ammo…

      • alpacapunchbowl

        They’ll have to restock eventually.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Like those who sold goods to the gold miners, those are the ones who make fortunes.

    • Ling Ling

      I am counting on it.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Don’t even know what enmity is, but I’ll be goddamned if I’m not ready for it…

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I just posted this on Facebook. I’m wondering if anyone will get it. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45c486e19b78a473c5c35bce067deaa314114b1d4e532b09514de28476d903c8.jpg

  • r370dd

    Welcome to the Trump Effect.

    He’s really got the Mierdas Touch. 💩

  • Jeff Greer

    Do not overlook the Trumpenfuhrer’s accomplishment in this. He lost the same election twice, in Alabama.

  • Wojciech

    The Teabaggers’ bitter tears and infighting are most amusing, I agree. But so are Brocialist sour grapes: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1e22040a346a2b4521a48eaafaba64c75f53c01a96a676f83dba657408f74578.png

    • jesterpunk

      People still care what HAHA Goodone thinks?

      • Wojciech

        I certainly hope not!

        I also hope that they don’t care what Walker Bragman thinks, either.

        https://twitter.com/WalkerBragman/status/940791272377405441

        • jesterpunk

          I don’t even know who that is.

          • Wojciech

            That’s a very good thing, believe me.

          • jesterpunk

            I just looked at that twitter thread, he seems to be some “lefter then thou” Bernie bro. I think that is all I want to know about him, he seems like A Idiot.

          • Wojciech

            LOL I warned you!

          • Delu

            Funny how they sound just like the alt right.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            That’s because some of them are.Trolling for the alt right side one day and the alt left the next.

          • what’s a bernie bro
            someone with convictions

          • Delu

            Someone with a big chip on their shoulder.

            And no better than the alt right when it comes to it.

          • jesterpunk

            Is convictions some weird slang for “give me everything I want or I will sit home and cry about how I am not voting for an someone who isnt pure enough”?

          • Lord Jim
          • jesterpunk

            Did you forget Bernie math?

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHS-K7OuLAc

          • Lord Jim

            XD

          • “Walker Bragman” sounds like the fakest twitter pundit name
            by which I mean it sounds like every twitter pundit name

          • ryp

            Someone who has never been relevant.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Me either.

        • Delu

          That name is appropriate, Bragman.

          Why is it that all of these guys are not commenting on HOW THE FUCK a pedophile could ACTUALLY even run and get votes???

          This is as clear a case of biased blaming as you can get. It’s not the ones who put those sexual harassers up for election and voted for them that are pathetic no, it’s the party who ran AGAINST them!!!

          For winning narrowly. Never mind the fact that means a lot of people voted for the pedophile when they shouldn’t.

          • Jeff Greer

            Not just votes, the Republican Nomination.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Crom, I birthed a millennial but sometimes I can’t stand them.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            It’s not their fault, they are trying to figure things out just like we did. The smarter will learn and the less so, were always were going to become part of the herd.

    • Delu

      Democrats are the pathetic ones for beating a pedophile and not the ones who put that pedophile up for election and voted for him?

      Can someone ask this SOB that question?

    • Me The People

      Fuck off you gormless streak of piss.

    • Zombishroom

      A REPUBLICAN PARTY AND PRESIDENT ENDORSED A PEDOPHILE. YOU BELONG TO THE PARTY OF THE PEDOPHILES.

    • Wojciech

      Not to fact-check the great Ha-Ha Goodman — but not only did Jones beat Moore by more than 1%, his doing so means that Moore cannot demand an auto-recount under Alabama law.

      But Jones didn’t bend the knee, and a Bernie acolyte running in Alabama would’ve beaten the pedophile by 10%. Or something.

      • Delu

        You know that’s what they keep hanging on to.

        That a Bernie-esque would have done way better in any election that a Democrat either narrowly won or lost.

        I’d really like to get them to prove their claims but how would they be able to do so without being able to access alternate realities where those Bernie-esques actually ran instead of the Democrats?

      • Dazza

        Whoops. I misunderstood your comment. Sorry.

    • Moebym of the Returners

      “If Doug Jones were a REAL progressive he’d have gotten 100% of the vote! He’s just another corporatist sellout!”

      • Let’s be real
        if Doug Jones were black there would not have been a competition and the polls wouldn’t have been +10 one day and -5 the next

        The Democrats keep running losers in these races and they got really fucking lucky because the Republicans ran an even bigger, monstrously fucked up loser this time

        • Delu

          If you’re going to claim that Alabamans are racist?

          I’m not going to dispute that.

          • Are you dense or do you just not know shit about AL or the SE in general? EVERYONE’S racist. Black people vote for black people. Running old white guys is not gonna result in wins when your base is black working class living in the only cities in rural states

          • Delu

            HAHAHAHA.

            You know what, I’m going to let your post stand. It seems you don’t know the meaning of the word “racist”.

            Oh and for the record? One of the supposed “lefties” was a real downer about Virginia, especially over Danica Roem. That guy kept saying that it’s all a “mistake” to run her because the “old white guys” of Virginia would NEVER want a transgender for government and won’t vote for her, so Democrats were DESTINED to lose with her as a candidate. They should simply abandon their ideals and cater to the wishes of the old white homophobic crowd!

            Your post reminded me of that one. And guess what? Today Danica Roem is an elected official and Virginia went to the Democrats overwhelmingly.

            Now imagine if we were to ALL take your views on race and shit.

            The above would not have happened, and the world would be a much much bleaker place for it.

          • jesterpunk
          • jesterpunk

            I just like how the alt-left will claim anytime someone they didnt approve of wins its not that they won its the other person lost. You cant give anyone credit for anything can you?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Too bad Alabama Republicans couldn’t find someone who wasn’t a pedophile to run for the Senate. Maybe they should consider less strict immigration laws.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      So, losing is the new winning? Is that what DT was talking about when he said that we’re going to “win” so much, we’re gonna get tired of it?

    • ryp

      Pathetic loser Dems, can’t even win Alabama unless they run against a child molester. Bernie would have won more bigly.

      • Delu

        Nice summary, but very accurate one.

        This is what the “alt left” look like I suppose, if we can call them that.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      He’s not wrong.

      • Lord Jim

        Bama’s been deep red for ages. What he’s really doing is pissing all over the hard work of black folks an the NAACP.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          True.

      • Dazza
      • ltmcdies

        He’s not only wrong but the sourness of the grapes is showing bigly

        This lot was all primed with the “you couldn’t even beat the child molester so suck on up to the WWC by anointing ST Bernard” and then organized black voters and a good candidate stole their lunch money
        BWAAAAAHHH

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I only meant the part about electing a Dem against a pedo. It scares me how much Alabama is willing to put up with.

    • ltmcdies

      Oh look… Lord HA HA is posting drivel again

    • aureolaborealis

      Despite rampant voter suppression and general rat-fuckery, yes.

  • TJ Barke

    Well, I guess seppukku can wait…

    • Zombishroom

      Keep the blade sharp, though.

      • gallbladder

        …and the votes.

        • Zombishroom

          And the wolves.

    • Ling Ling

      Ling ling say better to die in battle

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        That’s what the Klingon said.

  • Typical Trump Supporter

    Thank you god!

  • La forza del resistino

    have the Moore’s gotten home yet or are they still looking for their lawyer to light the 1st funny candle.

    • Zombishroom

      Jooz r wierd.

  • capnkrunch

    I posted this in a different thread earlier today but here it is again as victory music…

    No human being is illegal. Fuck you Roy Moore. GG Alabama.
    https://youtu.be/aKpgb2WrGo0

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    The GOP/RNC could not prevent Moore or Trump from running for the highest elected offices in the nation. Dear DNC, it’s now time to hit those bastards in the nuts and keep on punching.

    • The DNC, on the other hand, excels at blocking anyone but their chosen candidate from winning a primary

      • Delu

        Because you said so!

        • Cmon she walked right into that

          • Delu

            Again, because you said so.

      • Zombishroom

        Aren’t you special? Come take a seat and we can talk about it. Let’s star with how special you are. You probably draw amazing pictures. Love you, hon.

      • Zombishroom

        Bless your heart.

        • Rags

          damn.

      • Rags

        Bless your heart.

        • Zombishroom

          Jinx!

      • Wojciech

        Brocialism can never fail, but it can always be failed.

      • So why was it that Blessed St Bernie didn’t win the Southern primaries? Some guy told me that it was because “minority communities are hegemonized by the Democratic machine” – i.e. the browns and the blacks were brainwashed zombies for the Clinton Butteremails Machine. But I’m sure you wouldn’t have been one of those racist, borderline left-Trumpist types.

      • Dazza

        Oh dear. Not enjoying the party tonight? Let it go, Phil – enjoy the moment.
        And lemme get you another drink.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thank you Ms. South, and thank your Mama, daughter and Mr South for your hard work. It took Men and Women, Blacks and White, and Dems, Independents, and GOP voters to win.
    Y’all have created the best day all year. A Hanukkah Miracle
    Thank you, and God bless you, yours, and Alabama

  • Dazza

    G’day America. Congratulations to Senator (Elect) Jones, his volunteers, the excellent reporting of the Washington Post, the brave women who stepped up and told the Post their stories – and most of all, Black voters.

    Wonkette will have to wait a few weeks for my Christmas present – because today I am sending Aussie dollars to the NAACP.

    Joy Reid: https://twitter.com/JoyAnnReid/status/940820480889630720

    • Do the links say “don’t call Charlie Crist ‘Ms. Crist’?”

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      G’day robber.

    • Lord Jim

      Saul Alinsky’s Rues for Radicals?

      /obligatory

      • Dazza

        I have read Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals” and found it very good. Am I going to be stopped by Homeland Security whilst transiting at US airports now?

        • Lord Jim

          Tell them you’re doing dirty-tricks oppo-research for Roger Stone. No problem. :D

    • Lord Jim

      Here’s the unrolled thread for easy reading.

    • CripesAmighty

      No mystery here. Who did the brilliant organizing and heavy lifting is apparent to all. Hats off to the black community of Alabama. You show how it’s done.

    • arundel

      Thanks too to AL.com, who did some outstanding journalism in the ground in Alabama.

      • Dazza

        Very true.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    It’s almost like preying on teenage girls is a bad thing?

    • not to 500,000 voters in alabama

      • Delu

        It’s still a bad thing regardless of those 500 000 voters.

        • Not bad enough, sadly

          • Delu

            So….it’s the Democrats fault. Is what you want to say right? Or am I mistaken?

            It’s SOMEONE’S fault that it’s not bad ENOUGH right?

            Whose exactly is it?

    • Zombishroom

      Finally.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      He said “praying”

      It’s different

      Wait, no it’s still preying. Bye, Roy!

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Special erection fireworks in ‘Bama!
    https://twitter.com/JamesMelville/status/940591965564997633

    • Delu

      If you see didlos wherever you go…

      …see a doctor…unless you also see a doctor as a dildo in which case you’re screwed.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Maybe the problem was that they DID take a long look at their hard selves.

      • Lord Jim

        *SNERK!* HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Sassy’s doing some Lipizzaner moves tonight
    https://youtu.be/zC1RM9kANTs

    • Zombishroom

      I can go home and not be exploited by the creepy guy! Jump! Jump! Jump!

  • FukuiSanYesOta
    • Zombishroom

      Good.

  • capnkrunch
    • Raan

      I think the first is my favorite.

  • bbayliss

    They lost twice tonight, the election, and republicans who voted for a self confessed sexual predator are on record supporting a pedophile.
    NEVER FORGET.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      THE FUCKING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES SUPPORTED A FUCKING PEDOPHILE

      It’s time for him to do the decent thing.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        He’s a loser. A three time loser. Virginia and two Alabama senators

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Donald Trump and Decent Thing rarely collide in the same concept….

        • BJW

          They aren’t even in the same universe together.

      • Delu

        He said that Nazis had fine people too.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          He also did that. In the US.

          How much is enough?

          Tax bill is hopefully fucked now. Maybe those craven shitweasels in congress will finally hoof the gobshite.

          • Lord Jim

            Oh please, dear $DEITY let this wreck that abortion of a tax bill.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            If a Republican (albeit an alleged kidfucker) can fail for Senate in Alabama, then the tax bill can die.

            Please let it be so.

          • Lord Jim

            It’s almost like Obama’s first Presidential election. Remember how it seemed like anything was possible then?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I remember being in England speaking to the office manager at the company I was contracted to at the time. She said “Good day, today”

            I asked why, because I figured nobody in the UK gave a monkey’s about the inauguration. She simply replied “Obama”

            Mixed-race lady. The world watches.

            edit: to be VERY clear, this was Obama’s inauguration, not shitgibbon’s

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        The worthless motherfucker is incapable of it.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Youth in Asia?

        • willi0000000

          seppuku?

      • seppuku?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Live on pay per view.

    • Me The People

      How long before Trump tweets “I came very late to supporting Moore and that was based on advice from many people”

      • BJW

        It’s almost 2 am Eastern Time. So about…3 am when he takes his morning dump?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I just got home from work. I’ve showered, I’m already drunk, and I am very, very happy:
    https://youtu.be/4pmOK_OHDCo

    • Lord Jim

      Good times. Good times…

  • Gary Teves

    I wonder how many votes Bear Bryant got?

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    “Obama-era justice Roy Moore lost, just as I thought he would.” Trump, probs

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I was expecting a “good” Ben Garrison cartoon but his last one is about Dems and Republicans are the same. No fun.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      That McNaughton chap is strangely quiet.

    • ZangoCrudmonger
      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Why the fuck is Biden there?

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          Was wondering that one, myself…

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            It’s a right-wing trope that Biden is a grabber.

          • Lord Jim

            It’s a left-wing trope that the right-wingers are always projecting. :)

      • Master Contrail Program

        For once Garrison’s penchant for labelling everything worked out. I would’ve had no idea who most of those people were supposed to be otherwise.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Also, that seems like a really shit version of Terry Thomas, rather than alleged pedo Moore.

        https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d1/Terry-Thomas%2C_1961.jpg/220px-Terry-Thomas%2C_1961.jpg

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        So Ben the loon admits he is a pepe? I see the pepe next to his signature. Also he does not show the whirlpool that swallows Moore next. And I don’t see Hastert, Ken Starr and all the other republicans that are credibly accused.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          He doesn’t care. That’s part of the problem.

          Garrison is a hack. Most of these people are. There’s no subtlety or nuance to these things. No real comedy. No adjustment of ideas; juxtaposition of thought for comedic effect. It’s just propaganda-esque thought-sharting.

          Fuck that guy.

          • Nasty Girl Brianna

            Right wingers are never known for their nuance.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            THIS^^^.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I know they do not understand satire or humor that has any degree of critical thinking involved. It must be dull to live in a “black and white” world of reasoning, when there are infinite shades of gray.

      • george lastrapes

        Ben, Ben, Ben— Political Cartooning 101. You learn to show, not tell. Too many labels.
        And quit dotting the ‘i’ in your name with a big circle, like a girl in middle school.
        And you should have shown the alligator that would be about two steps in front of your favorite perv.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          I never get tired of that alligator with the pink (? I’m colorblind) hair and the nose ring.

        • george lastrapes

          GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY. Just googled up some of Garrison’s ‘toons. They include caricatures of Jews and blacks bad as any I’ve seen. And yes, Pepes here and there. The guy’s nothing but labels & libels.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Careful. Some of them have been adulterated by overt nazis.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Somebody please make that (the alligator gif a la Bugs Bunny) and send it to him!

        • Lord Jim

          Poofy i’s? Middle schoolers are eyerolling so hard.

          • george lastrapes

            Poofy i’s are like poofy shirts- gals can, guys can’t. Bullies will give them poofy eyes if they try.
            Shocker: Ben graduated summa cum laude in Fine Arts! But it was AngeloUniversity in San Angelo, TX. Kind of an overgrown community college.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        Biden? WTF?

      • george lastrapes

        Does Ben know that the people who are meant to be shamed or skewered by his scribbles are instead highly amused and not at all angry, as one would expect from condescending elitists?

  • Me The People

    What a relief delivered by the black voters of Alabama! I had prepared myself mentally for a comfortable Moore win – how great it is to be wrong.

    Trumps promises to his collaborators will be taken much less seriously from now on, now that everyone around him can see that he’s a loser. Beginning of the end! Sad!

    https://youtu.be/7kFcNj2H3z0?t=1m49s

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Any Soprano’s references deserves an up fist…

  • Mintie

    I really wish I could get gifs to work in the comments here, because we all deserve the Snoopy Dance.

  • Ryan Denniston

    ” What have we here? I believe it is a Doug Jones in ALL Y’ALL’S STOCKINGS!!!”

    I thought that was Moore’s MO.

    • Fakakta South

      Haaa no no no – these stockings are for the ADULTS in the room – CHiP will be for the kids. We know what we’re doing!!!!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Hey McConnell, the people have spoken. Preznit Turnip can no longer appoint judges or sign tax bills. Just like under Obama, we have to wait a yuuuuuge long year until 2018.

    • dont they still have 51
      and pence

      • Ryan Denniston

        But clearly they do not have the will of the people. This is what republicans argue when the sides are reversed.

        • Dazza

          And Texas and Arizona are definitely in play.

        • Ill-Advised

          Well, if by people you mean “donors,” and by will you mean “fresh checks,” why, yes!

      • guppy06

        Yes, but now they can only afford to lose 1 Republican Senator rather than 2. Their job becomes twice as hard.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      So true. LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE

    • Zombishroom

      Mandate and shit, you understand, brah, it wasn’t my decision but the people have spoken and shit. I think they hate you Mr. President.

  • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

    Now if Jeffrey Beauregard gets fired, it would all be for naught. FOR NAUGHT, I SAY!

    • jeff already fucked a good lot of the country over the past 10 months

  • Ryan Denniston

    Let’s all take a moment to thank President Bannon for his outstanding leadership in destroying the Republican party.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Can I get an A-Men?

      • Zombishroom

        Amen.

    • Me The People

      Swamp the drain!

      • guppy06

        I shed enough to do that to the shower drain enough as it is, thanks!

    • JerryRich

      Whatever Bannon’s next move is, it will be something you or I could not possibly imagine.

  • jaspersdad

    Collective sigh of relief by all of those who want to keep religion out of politics and politicians out of young girl’s knickers.

    • guppy06

      Or religion out of young girls’ knickers.

  • Ryan Denniston
    • guppy06

      IMO, Steve Bannon didn’t lose this. Roy Moore won statewide office more than once and this was his race to lose. Specifically, Roy Moore’s dick lost the election.

  • Ninja0980

    This will certainly make it harder for far right candidates to win primaries next year (and thus our chances at the Senate) but I still like our chances regardless.
    There is a blue wave coming and the Republicans are going to get swept up in it big time.

  • Not Flat – ROUND!

    MAGA
    Moore’s Ass is Grass Again

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    I wish I had the good health and energy to plan a march! It seems like this would be a good confluence of events – Moore losing, and Donnie melting down about the women accusing him showing up on Megyn Kelly, and the #MeToo movement going gangbusters – let’s make noise! ….We’ve got the Women’s March setting up for January, right?
    Let’s GO.LIKE.HELL!

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    I’m just guessing here but Donald’s next tweet will be epic.

    And clinical.

    https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      I expect an all-caps screed any day now.

      Annny day.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Someone got his cell phone while asleep?

        “Congratulations to Doug Jones on a hard fought victory. The write-in votes played a very big factor, but a win is a win. The people of Alabama are great, and the Republicans will have another shot at this seat in a very short period of time. It never ends!” the president tweeted, shortly after news outlets began calling the race for Jones.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Too coherent, obviously a staffer wrote it.

          • Stulexington

            And then hid his phone.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I don’t know if it is true but some Wonker reported the guy who smuggled back-up phones got fired.

        • guppy06

          Spelling, capitalization, grammar, and lack of “clever” nicknames all indicate this was written by a third party.

        • Nasty Girl Brianna

          No fucking way he wrote that.

        • From Russia with Love

          “…Republicans will have another shot at this seat in a very short period of time.”

          How short? Six years seems like quite a while to me. Unless the Republicans have something untoward in mind.

          • guppy06

            Four years. The seat Sessions vacated was last up for election in 2014, and those seats stay on schedule to make sure exactly 1/3 of the Senate is up for grabs every two years.

          • From Russia with Love

            Ah, thanks. Still, four years isn’t exactly a long weekend.

    • From Russia with Love

      Methinks the hoards of unwashed Republican candidates might start running away from Trump after this debacle. 0 for 2 on Alabama, Trumpy.

  • Susan Szews

    I’ve been googling, and I think it’s because I have a migraine and so don’t know exactly *what* to google, but why does McConnell control when Jones can join the Senate? I mean, I understand that McConnell is the Senate Majority Leader, I get that, but wouldn’t Jones be able to start work, say, tomorrow?

    How can McConnell prevent Jones from being a sitting senator now that he’s been elected, just so he can get this awful tax bill passed?

    I’m so confused.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      Well he successfully prevented a sitting (black) President from seating a Supreme Court Justice (while black), remember?

      • From Russia with Love

        Remind us again…

    • guppy06

      McConnell won’t be “doing” anything, just saying that Jones won’t be able to get in before the likely end of this year’s session. Alabama’s SoS says he can’t certify before Christmas (official returns versus AP’s educated guess), and the Senate is due to end for 2017 around the 22nd.

  • george lastrapes

    The Cringesome Tide— my name for Roy. And he won’t go out quietly.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      The Mingesome Tide.

      • george lastrapes

        On the horizon I see only three Clown Cars of the Apocalypse. Perhaps Roy has left in the one that’s gone?

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          He didn’t plug it in to the charger because he doesn’t believe in electricity yet. No scientific consensus.

    • From Russia with Love

      Has he conceded yet? The little fucking prick, an asshole until the bitter end.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • alpacapunchbowl
  • bubbuhh

    Roy Moore believes he lost cuz horse wuz not Sassy enuf for Alabama’s White Wing Religious Nut Jobs. Plans to sacrifice Sassy to Baby Jesus n ride Huckabee Sanders to recount or next election, whichever.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Maybe the prancing on stage with that liddle gun hurt him with the wingnut.

      • bubbuhh

        Itz true that Southerns uv both sexes have a sneer at those who play wif their little gunz in public even if they are okay wif voting for Biblical child molesting

  • Nounverb911
    • guppy06

      Fittingly that could very well be the Alabama state flag in the background.

      (Might also be Florida’s.)

  • Ryan Denniston

    I’m shocked that Trump Senator ended up like Trump Steaks, Trump Magazine, Trump Vodka, Trump Water, Trump University…

    • Rags

      …Trump Administration.

      • willi0000000

        give it* time.

        * Mueller

    • Lord Jim

      There seems to be a theme here. Gimme a second, it’ll come to me….

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Hope it doesn’t.

        • Lord Jim

          Heh.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            It’d just muss your fancy balayage.

  • james crubb

    So much winning¡!!!!!!

    • Lord Jim

      I’m not even tired of it!

  • Zombishroom

    FINALLY! We can force abortions down peoples throats! Like gay wieners!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      With relish.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Mustard. Heathen.

        • altleftjohn

          Onions or gtfo.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            You MONSTER.

          • Ill-Advised

            CANNED CLAM SHOOTERS.
            Like oyster shooters, but worse.

          • guppy06

            Do you drink them out of the can?

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            The correct protocol is to slurp.

          • Ill-Advised

            Of course! Ensures maximum audience reaction at the buffet table.

          • willi0000000

            no . . . that would be the canned clams.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Wasabi for that exotic touch.

    • Stulexington

      Now everyone get your pink fluffy feather pen and mark a curlicue on one of the two boxes for “Alabama Senator” in your gay agenda.

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    Never forget, y’all. Black folk just totally saved America’s ass. Again.

    https://www.theroot.com/youre-welcome-white-people-alabamas-black-voters-just-1821242801

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      For one, I thank Black folk forever for doing shit like this.

    • RugzYaBurnt

      Black women, in particular.

      • guppy06

        (Not the least because white women still be cray.)

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Take that back.

          *Some* white women.

          • guppy06

            #NotAllWhiteWomen

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            No indeed.

            Would that one conducted a survey, a poll, or vote, if you will. Most would vote against shitball sexual molesters, is my understanding.

            2016 was an odd year.

          • guppy06

            I’m sure many of Moore’s voters would also like to vote against molesters, but being a molester isn’t a deal-breaker for them, not enough to vote against a punch-drinking culture warrior.

            Somewhere Ta-Nehisi Coates said something similar about Trump’s voters recently-ish; many were truly uncomfortable with Trump’s racism, but not enough to vote against someone who would “drain the swamp,” “MAGA,” etc.

            Priorities.

          • At the crossroads, stay strong

            Priorities my ass. It’s about stupid shits who haven’t figured out how to use their neocortex and rely strictly on their lizard brains. Thinking is haaard and elitist to boot.

          • Edna

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            fb478:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GooglePartyFinanceReportsOnline/online/easytPartys ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fb478lhhh

          • At the crossroads, stay strong

            Edna’s so pleased with her post that she upvoted herself. I’d also recommend a good book on punctuation.

          • Bright Bart

            Edna should drive her Land Rover up her own ass.

          • TundraGrifter

            Edna: Please tell Lori I miss her emails! I sent her the money for her Mom’s cancer operation and haven’t heard anything since. Is she OK?

          • Nasty Girl Brianna

            Sixty-three percent, to be exact.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            So “Most” would seem apposite.

        • Dazza

          I still don’t understand that. Why vote for someone with Moore’s terrible record on women’s issues and a credibly-accused child molester to boot?

          • Nasty Girl Brianna

            You don’t understand the power of the Christian cult. This is why they are called “brainwashed”.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Get them young, before critical thinking develops.

          • guppy06

            Maybe they’re focusing on being “white” more than “women.” They at least get some privilege.

          • Dazza

            Er. Yuck. Can I pass on white privilege, please? My doctor says its bad for me (and everyone else).

          • Dazza

            My doctor is POC from South Africa – so I trust his diagnosis.

          • guppy06

            I am of a minority and by a small enough genetic proportion that I easily “pass” for white if I don’t speak up and correct people. I have feelings on that.

          • Dazza

            I bet.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            WAIT! YOU ARE IMPURE?

            Flagged and blocked.

            edit: Do I need the tag to explain that this is sarcasm?

          • guppy06

            My genetics are nowhere near as impure as my thoughts.

          • tex7

            That’s my father and his whole family. He once boasted that, as a boy, he got to ride in the white train cars. He had no clue what he was saying.

          • Dazza

            Jesus.

          • Edna

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            fb488:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GooglePartyFinanceReportsOnline/online/easytPartys ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fb488lh

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            That’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            As a reasonably louche chap with strong opinions on what birds can do, I don’t fucking get this at all. Why vote with shitheels who oppress? I honestly don’t get it. White women! Explain! (I don’t expect any women here to explain this because it’s nuts)

          • Dazza

            Extra points for the use of “louche” in sentence. And yes it’s nuts. White men seem to vote against their own self-interest by electing union-busting corporate shills – so perhaps it’s the “white” (as in fear of sharing power) that is the problem.
            On another note: you gonna watch the cricket tomorrow?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Bet your fucking ocker ass I’m watching the cricket.

            Anyway, what was I saying? Agree, it’s just some white bullshit, and it annoys me.

          • Dazza

            Re: the cricket – a second miracle – the weather in Perth will be beautiful (high 20s) and there are hardly any flies around this year. The match won’t be the same without 40 degree temperatures and a dozen flies per player, so it should be easy on the crowd and the players. Lots of sickies will be pulled in the next couple of days, I reckon.

            The pitch will be flat and fast, as per usual.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Flat and fast is going to be fun. Both of us have bowlers who can use that.

            Best of luck to you, and let the best team win. I want to see good cricket.

          • Hesavebread!

            Cook out for mid-teens and Root and Barstow trying to hold the innings together then?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Cookie has a lot to prove. At least Bell isn’t around.

            Root needs a century at some point. Hopefully this time.

          • Dazza

            Cook IS pretty stressed and not at all on form. Root and Barstow continue to impress, though.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            That spin bowly chap you have, “horsethief” or “lying” or something. He scares me.

          • Dazza

            He has matured beyond measure this year. Excellent control.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            He’s first rate. Absolutely first rate.

            Your batting may let you down a little, but having said that, England’s will let us down too. This is a bowling ashes, I think.

          • Dazza

            Oh yes. It may come down to who wins the toss – and makes the other side bat first.

            Useful info from the Guardian on that: https://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2017/dec/09/england-australia-ashes-history-blown-away-doctor

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I’m not scared of the Waca this year. Yeah, I know the history.

            So do we. Freddie didn’t but whatevs.

            Starc will own on this. However, the English can do some damage. This is going to be fun.

            edit: and I do remember what Ponting, Gilchrist and chums did

          • Dazza

            It will be good, won’t it?
            *grins in anticipation*

          • RugzYaBurnt

            It’s pretty simple: many, dare I say most, white women calculate that their net gains from white supremacy outweigh their relatively subordinate position within the patriarchy. A staggering amount of racist violence has been committed in the name of preserving the purity of white womanhood (see Emmett Till and others too numerous to name).

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Dylan Roof.

            Yes.

            Far far too much.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            But, now I ask a question. Why don’t women stop it? Is this too much?

            I think I’m being naive about society. Women can stop this though, I think?

          • RugzYaBurnt

            White privilege is a hell of a drug. I benefit from it; I should know.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            As a woman, I wonder the same, but as with other issues we would have to band together and agree on all fronts. That is something people as a whole are not good at doing.

          • Edna

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            fb478:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GooglePartyFinanceReportsOnline/online/easytPartys ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fb478lhh

          • divegrl

            Yes, we can and I am part of those women trying to move the gauge…..

          • HooverVilles

            Thank you!

          • HooverVilles

            It’s very hard to give up the indoctrinated stupidstition.

          • Dazza

            *I raise my glass to impure liberal white women*

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Seconded with vigor. Not for the ethnic background, merely for the impurity.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Purity is way overrated.

          • Mormos

            So I am going to say something that is more cold and calculated and devoid of humanity than even Mitch McConnell is capable of: I am as white as they come; my sir names are English, German, and French. Good western european stock. I definitely benefit from white privilege (thank god), and to the extent that sometimes i feel like the universe is taking care of me. That said…

            I can see which way the wind is blowing. My progeny could use some color in them. Do you understand what I am saying? So bring on the latinas and black girls and all them fine bitches with fine round asses. I hope to marry one some day. It will be an asset to my children.

            Thus ends my racist and misogynistic reasoning. Have at me.

          • From Russia with Love

            Every time I see a manila-colored kid, I think that there is still hope for the world.

          • RugzYaBurnt

            It’s virtually impossible that your heritage isn’t already to some degree mixed (at least/especially if you’re an American). White privilege is distributed based on appearances and the ill-gotten gains of white suprematist practices; nobody actually checks your family tree before extending it. That’s why POC who “pass” for white are sometimes provisional beneficiaries of it.

            And while I wish you luck in your future courtships, you might want to, um, phrase your overtures somewhat differently.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Like Cat Cafe says up thread, indoctrination early on into the republican jesus hate cult.

          • Fakakta South

            read what I just said over your head. I KNOW you cannot understand, and I am glad for you – and hopeful that this will change. we need EDUCATION and EXPOSURE and EXPANSION.

          • HooverVilles

            I suspect that a large part of this is from being heavily indoctrinated with their parents particular version of stupidstition. So much so that the reason/belief switch in their brain is permanently set to stupidstition/belief (belief in what Greedy Obstructionist Tea Patriarchs tell them to believe).
            BIGLY SAD!

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I think you nailed it. The crazy religious ones, anyway.

          • Mormos

            and that is the way the elite have enslaved us for 500 years. Pitting blacks and whites against each other so we don’t pit ourselves against them.

          • Fakakta South

            Do you really wanna know? It’s mostly because they are uneducated, untravelled, and ignorant in the true sense of the word. Imagine living your whole life as a female in a place where there’s at best between 2.5 and 5k people in your town. And you’ve got jack shit for opportunity and no one ever tells you you’re anything but a dumb woman – and God likes it that way – because surprising as it may be…the guys are not terribly progressive in those areas, and they can whoop your ass. I know it is a lot easier to condemn someone for automatic racism – but sexism can make a gal do and think some crazy shit – like that someone of Roy Moore’s ilk should be in charge. Just, food for thought.

          • Earl Of Sammich

            Stepford wives gotta step.

          • Cat Cafe

            Brainwashed by the Hate Cult

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Stockholm Syndrome.

          • valgalky23

            Anti-abortion voters, that’s why. They care about nothing else.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      The heroes we need, thank you.

    • Dazza

      Yes indeed.

    • geoffalnutt

      Thank you….all of you.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      And that is no jive.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Thank you. I look forward to Alabama’s SoS and cops helping us bring back the Voting Rights Act.

    • Mormos

      African Americans: 500 years of making America great!

    • goonemeritus

      We should consider allowing black people to make comments on Wonkette which doesn’t allow comments.

    • reelreeler

      That’s great. Wish you could have said that in 2016 too.

  • Zonath

    Dear Mr. Trump:

    Can you please appoint more Senate Republicans to positions in your “administration”? I think it might just help you make America great again.

    • willi0000000

      well . . . he really seems to want to replace sessions.

      [ . . . and his last AG pick helped out in the Senate . . so… ]

      • From Russia with Love

        I heard jabber on CNN today that Sessions might run in Alabama again in six years. Of course, he’ll need to be out of prison by then.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Won’t he be needing a walker by then?

          • From Russia with Love

            And something to help hold those ears up.

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    OMG the White House press conference tomorrow is going to be EPIC.

    “So Sarah, does this win by Doug Jones send a message to the White House?”

    “Well, Jake, I can’t believe you would even ask me that question and I think your mind’s in the gutter for even asking it. Next.”

    “But–”

    “NEXT!”

    • guppy06

      Somewhere, Spicey sips another Mai Tai.

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        And fist-bumps with John Boehner.

        • Earl Of Sammich

          As they drive by Breitfart headquarters with their middle fingers in the air.

      • willi0000000

        only if he’s already settled with Mueller.

        • Mormos

          be realistic, spicer joined mueller’s investigation the day he quit the job.

          • From Russia with Love

            He’d better hope he did, or he’s gong to be the last guy in a long line of Republicans who are ready to testify against the Trump regime for a little leniency.

  • bubbuhh

    Beating State Sponsered Voter Suppression, By The Numberz
    Indications are that Alabama voter turnout may have topped 40%
    Sucks to be a braindead Xian child molester supporting GOPee uv either sex this morning, especially if your name iz Trump, Kayla or Alabama Secretary of State John Merril.
    http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2017/12/turnout_exceeds_expectations_i.html#incart_election

    • From Russia with Love

      Apparently none of the state’s Evangelical leaders came out in support of the pedophile.

  • Dazza

    Hey. Does Montgomery get an abortionplex now?

  • From Russia with Love

    FakaktaSouth for Wonkette Political Pundit of the Year!

    Congratulations to everyone who disdains Republicans and pedophiles (but I repeat myself)!

  • Pete Fortuna

    I knew Moore was screwed to the floor when the polls closed and there wasn’t an immediate call on the winner. I then read about the exit polling on The Post and was further convinced that Moore couldn’t possibly find a way to win. There were so many telltale signs of his base evaporating and the unexpected surge by the under 40’s and the black vote that he should’ve known the gig was up about an hour after the polls closed,

    • From Russia with Love

      He did. He hasn’t said a word since.

    • guppy06

      I’m not sure it’s even that his base evaporated. How was last night’s turnout versus the turnout Moore’s previous statewide elections saw? I can easily see this simply being a matter of his base just not being broad enough to avoid being swamped.

  • Kryptonian Canis

    Holy shit, when you summarize all the horrible aspects of Roy Moore, we really dodged a bullet by keeping that asshole out of the Senate.
    https://youtu.be/6SBP0SiR6_0

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I love Trey.

  • Lord Jim

    Hey Trump! Tired of winning yet?!

  • geoffalnutt

    Now repeat after me: “It was rigged!!!!!!”

    • Earl Of Sammich

      “Fake News. Roy Moore really won by a million votes but the fake liberal media isn’t reporting it.” How long before this is the tRump troll go to whining point?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Long lines of buses were seen returning to Massachusetts overnight. Believe me.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Illegal Messicuns from California too.

        • Earl Of Sammich

          There’s no wall yet. We can still get ’em fresh outta Meheeko.

      • From Russia with Love

        Muslims were seen dancing in the streets of NYC. Again.

      • Stulexington

        Massachusetts? You mean they weren’t shipped in from Mexico and then shipped back?

        • guppy06

          In Alabama, Mexicans only get shipped out if they “forget their place” (i.e. out in the fields).

      • Nasty Girl Brianna

        Yet no photographic evidence exists in the age of everyone carrying a camera on their person at all times.

    • guppy06

      I think you hit “r” instead of “n.”

      • From Russia with Love

        ISWYDT…

  • Earl Of Sammich

    Aw, poor Roy. Maybe if he carried a man’s gun instead of that little sissy pistol he woulda got a few more votes.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    lol. I can’t stop laughing about this https://twitter.com/DRUDGE/status/940788234451333125

    • RugzYaBurnt

      Hey Matt! How’s that Real Good Friend of yours who you bought a house right next to your house for doing? #justpals #justacoupleguysbeinggoodpals

    • guppy06

      Luther Strange doesn’t represent the Republican Party. This is why he lost the primary.

      • Mormos

        what, does he have ethics or something?

        • guppy06

          Doesn’t love White Jesus enough.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Finally, a reality they can’t ignore.

  • Earl Of Sammich

    Uh oh tRumpsters, looks like the Deep State just went balls deep!

  • Bad Scooter

    Dearest Fakakta, You were right. I apologize for doubting you as you assured us that DOUG JONES WOULD WIN (and then he did! yaaaaaaaaay!). Congratulations and thank you and please find my expression of fealty in the form of Paypal. I hereby dedicate my monthly donation to our wonkettes in honor of YOU and also too, how AWESOME ALABAMA IS TODAY.

    PS: you were right. you were right! happy dance! nice times!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Trump clouds on the horizon. Probably a big shit storm with heavy tweets and a downpour of sleaze starting around 6 a.m., continuing all morning.

    • FDRliberal

      Yep. The “real” Trump will be back on Twitter in a few hours, letting out his rage during his early morning bowel movement.

      According to Trump, the only being in the world that truly exists is of course, Trump. This Moore defeat is a personal one for him and those around him whom he can cast blame, will suffer the rage of the Orange Scumbag.

      • Dazza

        Nah. He’ll throw Moore under the bus and blame McConnell and the RNC for not being more supportive.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
    • Earl Of Sammich

      Oh, how the tweets will be as sweet as tears.

    • Stulexington

      His latest twit suggests a staffer has his phone. Probably locked in the bathroom while Trump tries to hammer the door down.

  • Lord Jim

    Peace out y’all. Thanks to the unbelievable work of the NAACP and the black folks of Alabama to GOTV. Congrats to the Not-Deplorable Party of Alabama. Nighty.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Yes, let’s give credit where it is due.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      This is what you can expect when black people vote. Moar black voters, please!

    • Mormos

      African Americans: 500 years of making America great.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Also, blacks seem to have a better bullshit meter when it comes to Putin’s bots.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Let’s give thanks to the good people of Alabama who rejected the Putinization of their election tonight. Sent Trump’s Ruskie overlord a big nyet.

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    Alobama?

    • Earl Of Sammich

      Not quite yet, but it does have a nice ring to it.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Somebody give me a heads up when the culture war re-starts. I’m gunna need a few weeks to get dried out and get sober before the fighting resumes.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Too late.

  • Earl Of Sammich

    If I’m being honest I have to admit that I was fully prepared to have a few drinks and sulk in depression and cynicism before going to bed. Now I get to have a celebratory spliff, have actual faith in Ala-fucking-bama, and go to bed with a big shit-eating grin.Seriously, my smile muscle are going to be sore tomorrow. Thank you Alabama!!!

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    I posted this in another thread, but I think it’s appropriate here as well.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05pU6l4PEJw

  • FDRliberal

    Make your hand into a fist, then go pound sand, child molester supporter.

    https://twitter.com/GOPChairwoman/status/940811535177469956

    • From Russia with Love

      How much do they pay you to put your name on this kind of bullshit, lady?

    • Stulexington

      So where’s a list of all the Republican Senators snubbing people at town halls?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Trumpism sorts out the vertebrates from the invertebrates.

      • From Russia with Love

        And the sentient from the oblivious.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Speaking of obstruction, apparently you were asleep during the Obama administration. Why do you think the GOPpers had to rush this pile of let’s make the rich richer shit? They were too busy trying to stymie anything Obama tried to do. Party over country, Ronna baby. Party over country.

      • Kryptonian Canis

        Why won’t any of those darn Democrats vote for our blatant fuck-the-poors legislation? Such obstructionists!

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      Good God they just can’t give it up, can they?

      Fuck the GOP.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Incidentally, Ronna, irony does not refer to things made of iron. Catch my drift?

    • Hello, Ronna Romney McDaniel

  • From Russia with Love

    Woke up at 0630, flipped on the news, this was the lead story.

    In Germany.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Yep. Here at 58 E. Longitude, flipped on radio 45 minutes back. BBC world service, in depth report.

      • From Russia with Love

        I guess Americans are not alone in worrying about the global effects of Trumpism.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Everyone should be concerned about Global Derping.

        • Sheepshagger

          Doesn’t worry us in NZ at all! Why, being at the end of an overextended global supply chain that neatly passes Korea and locked into an inescapable alliance with a superpower headed by thieves, gimps , swine and the bag of pus and id that is trump- what, us worry?

          • guppy06

            On the plus side, when Trump pushes the button you can be reasonably sure none of those missiles will come from near you.

          • Sheepshagger

            Yes, dying slowly appeals slightly more I suppose.

          • Dazza

            More time for drinking that way.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            This is the correct take.

          • From Russia with Love

            He who dies with a full liquor cabinet loses.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Words to live … wait. I like the words anyway.

          • From Russia with Love
          • guppy06
          • From Russia with Love

            “The Act prohibits “entry into the internal waters of New Zealand 12 nautical miles (22.2 km, 13  13⁄16 statute miles)…”

            As ballistic missiles go, 12.1 NM is pretty fucking close.

          • Sheepshagger

            It’s actually widely rumoured that American Boomers periodically hide in the fiordland waters. People claim to have seen them, and it’s apparently highly metallic rock which makes them impossible to spot with traditional methods. For what it’s worth.

          • FukuiSanYesOta
          • From Russia with Love

            Now that you put it that way…

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Question: do you need ex-Silly Valley engineers there?

          • Sheepshagger

            No!

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Thanks, cunt.

            Hope you win all your cases.

            Because I’m fucking nice.

          • Sheepshagger

            You’re likeable enough fukiyu.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Can’t even fucking spell it.

            Blow it out your ass you kea-adjacent Mooreist.

            No, seriously though, it looks like an ok place to be.

          • Sheepshagger

            Even autocorrect doesn’t like you. I was actually running a notional campaign slogan for local council past my daughter this weekend. “Hamilton- it’s alright”.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            “Hamilton – it’s not the musical, but it’s cool anyway”

  • Sheepshagger

    The forces of evil in a bozo nightmare. https://youtu.be/YgSPaXgAdzE

    Roy’s Song.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
    • From Russia with Love

      Headline: Democratic Victory in Alabama Stirs GOP Anxiety Over Midterm Elections

      First sentence: Democrat Doug Jones’s improbable victory in one of the nation’s reddest states is sure to fuel Republican anxieties about next year’s midterm elections…

      So does it stir, or is it sure to fuel, WSJ? Journalismus, how do it werk?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Gives me a fucking politiboner.

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        Stirred and shaken.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        they’re probably too busy sobbing to write a coherent piece.

        • From Russia with Love

          Perfect, particularly now that Rupert Murdoch owns them.

          • Sheepshagger

            Weep like Wendy.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            funny how that worked out, isn’t it?

          • From Russia with Love

            Hilarious.

      • guppy06

        Might be time for more Wonkett coverage of the scribblings of Nooningtonshire. Give that Haberdashery chick at NYT a break.

      • Dazza
  • Anne Of Green Bagels
    • From Russia with Love

      “Yeah, that’s gonna happen.” Hey dickhead, you were correct for once!

    • Earl Of Sammich

      Tonight’s special, Mr. Mitchell, is a size 10 wing-tip followed by a large slice of humble pie for dessert.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Humble shit pie, really.

        • Earl Of Sammich

          Not fully cooked, still a bit jiggly in the middle.

          • persistently_resistant_gayby

            Preferably with as much sulfuric content as possible.

          • From Russia with Love

            Get out of here with this shit! Scat!

    • Daniel

      Remember how smug Republicans were and are about how unlikely Trump’s victory was supposed to have been?

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        along the lines of Democrats will need a miracle and now it’s becoming more and more apparent that the senate will be in play and the house could be.

        as they say, you can fool some people some time but not all the people all the time.

  • Earl Of Sammich

    I hereby decree December 12, “Kick a molester in the nuts day.”

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I’d prefer that to be every day.

    • Keith Taylor

      Hooray. Oh. With votes. Of course.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    REPOSTING BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS OPEN THREAD AND ALSO HAPPY DRUNK –

    WHY IS IT THAT IN 2017 THAT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO SAY THE WORDS “THANK YOU ALABAMA” WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF SARCASM.

    WHY.

    (In all seriousness, grateful to all the black voters who came out in full force to kick the kiddie toucher IN THE NUTS – WITH VOTES!)

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Hello! I’m not even American! Definitely not Native American!

      It’s OK to say this because one of the states didn’t vote for an alleged pedophile just because he rode a horse, waved a bible, and did some shit with the ten commandments which got him kicked out of a supreme court for a state.

      That’s a win, in America.

      I’m learning. It’s weird, and it takes time.

      • Earl Of Sammich

        This is a win for decent people around the world. A country with an economy and military the size of the U.S. cannot, under any circumstance, follow Donald tRump down this dark path.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Well, yes, that.

          However, you’re talking geopolitical level.

          What the world sees is that you elected a puss-grabbing jizzvole to represent you on the world stage.

          Doesn’t look good, gnomesane?

          • Earl Of Sammich

            Yes, I know. I had to see inbred hillbilly looking types wearing MAGA hats last summer. The hats are now off but they (the hillbillies) are still easy to spot. The world gets to see it from a distance. I have front row seats.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Yeah America is a little too weird for my taste.

        It’s why I love it.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          I live in the bloody place. It’s infuriating.

          Yet, I love it.

        • Grumpy Twat

          Looking in from the outside I have found this whole Trump and Moore business absolutely fucking baffling.
          Especially as, AFAIK, the Republicans didn’t, initially, want either Trump or Moore as candidates in the first place.

  • netanil

    Vote.
    It really is that simple if more people do.

    • Hesavebread!

      Was the turnout really only 40%?

  • Phoenixdoglover
    • ExecutorElassus

      Weird Novelty Twitter is my favorite

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    oh dear! “A black day for Trump” http://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/donald-trump-alabama-waehlt-doug-jones-republikaner-roy-moore-verliert-a-1183025.html

    “Alabama is a warning signal for US President Trump – his influence over his own party is in peril”

  • ExecutorElassus

    Thank heavens this worked. But do not be fooled. White folks voted for Moore by a wide margin (including over 60% of white women, ffs). The only reason Jones won — in spite of widespread efforts at election-day fuckery, and in the face of the GOP already rolling out claims of bullshit vote fraud, etc. etc. — was because the African-American community turned out in large numbers and voted overwhelmingly for Jones.
    The DNC didn’t win it, and frankly, given his somewhat hamhanded campaign lit targeting AA voters, neither did Doug.
    This right here, once again, was black folks saving America from shitting its own bed.
    here: https://www.theroot.com/youre-welcome-white-people-alabamas-black-voters-just-1821242801

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      The DNC needs to be schooled.

      Like, how many times do you have to learn what works? How to really reach out to voters and potential voters? Does it really take a white pedophile?

      • ExecutorElassus

        There’s a reason the phrase “snatch defeat from the jaws of victory” has become their unofficial motto.

        • From Russia with Love

          Up until yesterday, it was the official motto.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            I won’t believe it until 2018. The DNC has to show me they have learned something. While I am a card carrying member, I understand why many otherwise progressives remain independent. So far, politics in America is just a Trump show – just branding and bread and circuses.

          • ExecutorElassus

            The fact that twice now in the last 15 years a fire-breathing Vermont populist has come within striking distance of capturing the nomination away from the Party favorite, despite all the Party machinery doing its damndest to stop them should tell you something about just how good the DNC is at supporting candidates and policies that people actually want.

          • From Russia with Love

            I sent a few bucks to the Jones campaign and am elated to see him win, but since 2010 I haven’t gotten much return on my political money (with the exception of President Obama). I think the DNC is better at losing House and Senate races than presidential races (I don’t think Hillary lost. Stolen is closer to the truth.) But they do piss me off to high heaven.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      No no no

      Are you fucking shitting me?

      “over 60% of white women”

      I may have to go see whether I can insufflate red wine.

      • georgiaburning

        Ahead of you on that

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          It kinda hurts. Necking it is better.

          • georgiaburning

            Being an oldz I’m drinking it from a tumbler, bistro style. A nice Spanish Tempranillo, actually.

          • Hesavebread!

            Yes to both.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    mango Mussolini’s loss is all over the front pages in Germany.

    “Alabama says no to Roy Moore – and to Trump” http://www.faz.net/aktuell/politik/trumps-praesidentschaft/niederlage-fuer-donald-trump-bei-senats-nachwahl-in-alabama-15338400.html

    “Trump loses, Moore prays” http://www.sueddeutsche.de/politik/wahl-in-alabama-trump-verliert-moore-betet-1.3789774

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      UK too

      fuck you shitgibbon

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        Der Spiegel could hardly contain their Schadenfreude and they’re usually emotionless.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Oh come on, Der Spiegel loves articles about failing US. When it’s failing. Because of shitgibbon.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Also, I know you’re German. I’m not wrong though.

            How will Merkel stop this shit?

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            She now has her own problems. I’ve tried to understand what has happened but still eludes me.

          • From Russia with Love

            Everybody’s got a spoiler these days. Germany’s is SPD’s Martin Schulz IMHO. It’s not like they ate tremendous piles of shit under the Grand Coalition.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            lol. they do. as do pretty much all news outlets there. at least they did 15 years ago when I was there the last time.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            You’re a baby!

            East German kid or GTFO Wessie!

          • From Russia with Love

            Little known fact. Merkel was born a Wessie.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Really?

            I’m going to the google machine.

            Well shit. I never knew that.

          • From Russia with Love

            As a kid, her preacher Daddy decided there were more souls to save on the other side of the wall, IIRC.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Was in Prenzlauer Berg just off Danziger and yelled “Fuck you, fuck your bell, and fuck Martin Luther” whilst urinating on a church whose bell had annoyed me.

            Half proud of that. Not the religious bit. But fuck that bell annoying me after a doner.

          • From Russia with Love

            Martin Luther: “Fuck you Papists, there is enough grift to go around!”

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Yeah, that’s why it was bad. The catholics were shitheels too.

            But that bell man. Every 15 minutes. I’d had a döner and some drinks, and fuck that thing. I needed to yell.

            Ex-East Berlin, 2013.

          • From Russia with Love

            The fucking thing in our village is so loud it scares the shit out of you if you are standing near it. Thank Baal they have a way to turn it off at night.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            You need to grab yourself a döner and urinate whilst cursing either Peter or Martin, depending on the affiliation.

            It’s fucking cathartic, man.

          • pstokk

            Me too, I hate when I get a boner and they start ringing that bell.
            What?
            Oh, never mind.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I know German and this is Teh Awesome.

      SENATS-NACHWAHL : Alabama sagt Nein zu Roy Moore – und zu Trump

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        German late night comics are gonna have a field day with this.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          And I know it’s probably really nerdy but their capitalization of Nein just kills.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            German is, ahem, peculiar that way.

        • pstokk

          Germany has comics?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Another reason DotardUS will have nightmares tonight about why in the fuck he ever hired Jeff Sesions.

    • From Russia with Love

      Well, that Senate seat WAS safe. And it only went unsafe by about 20,000 votes statewide.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        It was unsafe by about FUCK YOU PEDO AND PRESIDENT SHITWAFFLE votes

        Hopefully

      • akryan

        He must be furious at Bannon. I love it.

  • akryan

    It’s great that Alabama elected Jones, but FFS, think about what it took. You had to have a pretty darn good Dem candidate and an absolutely despicable monster of a Rep candidate to get a 50-48 win. If all Moore had been was a racist, homophobic, misogynist, bigot, then he would have been fine. It wasn’t until there were stories that he had molested WHITE girls, that he was finally barely too toxic. AL gets some cred tonight, but they still have a long, long, way to go.

  • bubbuhh
    • From Russia with Love

      Teen-lusting Moore loses Alabama race in big blow to Trump. Nice double entendre.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Black women.

    98% Jones
    02% Moore

    In a race won by less than 2%, one must conclude the black women of Alabama punched his ticket to the Senate. Please pay attention Dems: numbers are your friends.

    • akryan

      I’m pretty convinced that as long as I vote the same as black women, I’ll make the right vote.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        This is a strategy I’m onboard with.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          My christo fascist brother once said of me with an air of total disdain: “You earn like an investment banker and vote like a migrant farm worker.” Always been proud of that description.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I’d be proud as fuck of that statement!

            I live for that!

            Keep on it, fellow traveller.

          • From Russia with Love

            Yeah, I should be a Republican by demographics too. Fortunately, I didn’t get the lobotomy.

    • freakishlypersistent

      Where the white women at? Voting for a molester, Trump, and a pedophile, Moore.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Initially I read that as “Voting *as* a …”

        Was going to write sommat else here.

    • So this means we* are DONE with overhyping “working class white men” caricatures as the prominent voice of political importance now, yes?

      *and by “we”, I mean a media that perpetually 5 years behind demographic trends

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • SisterArtemis

      I love this :)

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Girl on the right in the leather?

        Smitten.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Voting with smarts and style.

    • LucindathePook

      Well now keep on truckin’ mama, truckin’ my blues away
      Keep on truckin’ mama, truckin’ my blues away
      Here you come mama big as sin, tell what you been doin’ by the shape you’re in
      So keep on truckin’ mama, truckin’ my blues away

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Should she keep her eyes on the road and her hands upon the wheel?

  • Sekhmet1

    In your FACE, Paedo McFascist! This is most excellent and pleasing news indeed.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Since he’s a money whore himself, he sees everyone else as one too, and also.

    • From Russia with Love

      On the contrary, I think he’d be a great shiner of George W. Bush’s shoes. While he’s at it, they could compare notes about being the worst two presidents ever.

  • Alternative Dog

    This has probably been shared already but it’s too funny not to share again:

    https://twitter.com/FrankConniff/status/940815688293343232

    • Tiffany de Houston

      I had not seen that one before so thank you! LOL!

    • Suttree

      He may break down and start drinking rotgut gin.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    Virginia was good, but let’s just savor this rare Alabama victory (for sanity and decency) for a few minutes. …Congrats to Doug Jones!……Afterward, we can collapse back into our heaps of stress and horror about what is happening to our country.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Skol.

    • Suttree

      So skrell(i) means asshole in every language?

      • Grumpy Twat

        Makes more sense than “Violent peel”, which is what google translate offered me.

  • ExecutorElassus

    oh for FUCK’s SAKE
    http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/364636-possible-recount-in-alabama-what-happens-now

    (also, the recount will only apply to write-in ballots, because the digital records of the electronic ones, per court order, are not being preserved. Or will that change?)

    • freakishlypersistent

      The ratfuckery continues apace. The tax cut for billionaires must get passed, therefore, we’ll hold up certifying Doug Jones until we pass it. This is malfeasance and governance by hostage taking. Mealy mouthed Mitch could only say that he’ll let the people of AL decide. They did. I realize it was the wrong people, but, until you codify taking away their right to vote, they’ve spoken, bitch.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    In other news, John Kelly has taken control over Trump’s phone. But for how long?

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/940795587733151744

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      HOURS AGO.

      Shitgibbon will get it back soon. Then we’ll see the weak darkness.

    • Liquid Tomato

      That’s pure Trump. One sentence accepting the loss, three sentences minimizing the loss.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Nah, it’s someone who can write who is imitating his style but removing the whiny butthurt and yelling about FAKE NEWS that Donald would have included.

      • Suttree

        Still really odd though. Someone must have slipped his meds into his TV dinner.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Does he really want to draw attention to all the Republican diehards who refused to hold their noses and vote for the child molester he doubled down on?

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Yes. That’s just how clueless he is.

    • freakishlypersistent

      No ALL CAPS. No childish nicknames or insults. Not Dotus.

    • Stulexington

      Until Jr. sneaks him a new one.

  • jaspersdad
  • DesertedPictures

    To bad this happened after the tax-vote though… but promising for the future!

  • Congratulations Alabama Democrats! Here’s how you’ll probably be rewarded:

    https://twitter.com/2plus2equals7/status/940866867228536832

    • From Russia with Love

      The Dems are still in disarray. Moore lost this race, Jones didn’t win it. Here is how Moore managed to lose (in addition to the obvious):

      Taught a class discouraging women from running for office.
      Referred to people as “reds and yellows”.
      Thinks the accusations of pedophilia are pushed by homosexuals and socialists.
      Accepted money from a Neo-nazi group.
      Said gay marriage was worse than slavery.
      Wouldn’t rule out death penalty for gays.
      Wants to rescind free trade agreements.
      He’s anti-immigrant.
      Believes Barack Obama wasn’t born in America.
      Believes 9/11 is God’s punishment for legalizing sodomy and abortion.

      • georgiaburning

        Sounds like a mainstream (for 2017) Republican, what’s your point? /snark

      • UnsaltedSinner

        But that’s what it takes for the GOP to lose in Alabama. There’s only one Alabama.

      • akryan

        All of those things were fine in Alabama. It wasn’t until people heard that he hurt WHITE girls, that he managed to lose enough support to lose. The idea that Jones didn’t win as much as Moore had lost is just a truism for a Dem to win in a deep red state. I think it speaks well of the Dems that they chose a candidate strong enough to take advantage of the situation. As far as disarray, the Republicans are in way more disarray. The split between the Bannonites and establishment faction is tearing them apart. Bannonites damn near won with a child molester tonight. I wouldn’t sound their death knell just yet because of this loss.

        • From Russia with Love

          Republicans will still NEARLY always vote in lockstep, among the electorate as well as in the government — at all levels from city councils to Congress and the White House. Case in point: Jones won about 21,000 more votes than Moore. Write-ins totaled ~22,000. If Moore was not so completely fucking weird, he could have easily won this.

          Republican plans and policies are in complete dispensary, yet their party is most definitely not. The goobers nationwide still eat their shit up, and vote quite nearly as a block.

          Meanwhile, Democratic plans and policies are in reasonable shape, but the party is not. See our 2016 results, and the amount of fuckery two candidates (and their adherents) who are not even Democrats caused us.

          • From Russia with Love

            And BTW, try to get registered Democrats to vote. It takes fucking dynamite to get them out of the house, particularly in off years.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I think you’re extrapolating kind of a lot from an off-year election in the reddest state we got. Moore is a local wingnut hero and he underperformed Trump by 22 percent, with Trump pushing for him and without any of the ‘supporters’ trying to hold Democrats hostage showing up. I think it’s a good sign.

          • From Russia with Love

            So who is extrapolating? I am just saying that registered Republicans outvote us, as they nearly did in this election.

      • Suttree

        Those are all pluses when it comes to republicans though. With the exception of molesting girls kind of maybe. The rest is what they run on now.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Don’t forget Steve Bannon is single-handedly responsible for this, unless McConnell is.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I hope Dems learn from this and make sure no Republican runs unopposed anywhere in the future. Republicans will probably nominate a veritable insane asylum, and who knows how many child molesters they manage to pick?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      It’s really my hope that neither party would even consider child molestation in the past a viable “oopsie” that can be just moved past.

      Just my opinion.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Let’s not be too quick to judge.

      He’s a solid vote on the “Forehead As Scare-Them-Straight” tanning campaign.

      No, fuck that guy, don’t let him near kids ever again.

    • From Russia with Love

      Denny’s seen better days…

    • Suttree

      Something something burn in the fiery pits of hell.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Millstones too.

  • akryan

    I wonder just what kind of Dem Jones will be. I doubt he’ll vote with Dems on things like gun control. I don’t know if he’ll be as far right as a Joe Manchin, but I don’t expect him to be any kind of liberal lion either.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      In this case, the lesser evil is bound to be a hell of a lot less evil.

    • JonesKittyCat

      Can’t say for certain, but he has a very solid civil rights background. The way things are now, most of his time will be spent in opposition to GOP fuckery.

      • akryan

        Yeah, from that’s what I think he’ll be pretty strong on. For instance, it’s definitely in his best interest to fight voter suppression.

    • freakishlypersistent

      He wouldn’t vote for that abomination that is “tax reform”, which is why Mitch won’t certify until after the new year.

  • SCK
    • little miss high and mighty

      Been playing this cd all night at work.
      The late fruits of the first couple of America.
      (Satch messes up the Pajamas line in “Let’s all the whole thing off” so he takes a longer ride on his solo W/ Ella laughing and flirting with the guys in the boothe.
      Jewell of the Verve vaults!

  • DesertedPictures

    The big question now is: does Jones think he has a chance of retaining his seat in 2020. If he does, he will have to pander a bit to the moderate conservatives. If he doesn’t, that would entail some solid three year long liberal support.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Gosh, what a jolly fellow you are.

      ROY MOORE DIDN’T GET THE SENATE SEAT

      FUCK YOU REPUBLICANS

      Aside from that, let’s chat about moderating abortion dates or something

      NO FUCK YOU ROY MOORE LOST

      • DesertedPictures

        I used to be a jolly fellow… then I watched the outcome of the november 2016 general election. I’ve been glum ever since… my apologies.

        • From Russia with Love

          That November rather fucked up a lot of us.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            None of us liked that

    • Treg Brown

      Take the win…

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        And cram it down Roy’s throat.

      • DesertedPictures

        Sure… but leaning back and thinking everything will be alright after a win got us into trouble after the Obama election 9 years ago. Always look at the potholes in front of you: that way we might avoid them this time.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          What was wrong with B Barry Bamz?

          • DesertedPictures

            There was nothing wrong with Obama: there was however a lot of taking his victory for granted and talk about the everlasting Democratic majority in presidential elections. Two years after he won the Democrats lost their majority in Congress and Obama was forced to play defense for the next six years.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          What killed us after the Obama election was the almost universal pressure to handle Obama with kid gloves even after he said that he needed pressure from voters to move left, and a ridiculous amount of false equivalence between Republicans breaking the world and Democrats being pissed off about it in an unseemly way (thank you, Stewart and Colbert).

          Funny thing is, I was traveling in those circles in 2008, and I can tell you for a fact that a big chunk of the monkeywrenching journo Bernie cult were acting as enforcers for not questioning Obama back in the day.

    • MC Planck

      Doesn’t he have to run again in 2018?

  • Suttree

    Yay! SO far as Alabama goes, i have met a few really cool liberal people from Huntsville. Which is apparently a place that is actually in that state. Also too Orange Beach is awesome! That’s where I went the last time I took an honest to gawd vacation. Naked drunken swimming at 2 am in the gulf is amazing! You have earned my respect Alabama. Please do something about your sister Mississippi now. She is embarrassing.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    https://twitter.com/hillaryclinton/status/796425920378765313

    You did good, Alabama. <3

    Onward together :)

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • From Russia with Love

      Didn’t count, unlike her legs, her fingers were crossed.

  • Jo Mathie

    I’m not even American but I woke up this morning and turned on the computer muttering “Please don’t let Moore have won”. And he didn’t. Which is very good. Also it must have pissed off Trump, which is also good. Not so good is by such a slim margin that Moore lost. I don’t care if you are a Republican to the bone – a sexual predator is still a monster. Don’t vote for monsters (unless they are the cookie monster in which case it’s OK).

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Then you remembered you were fucking Australian and nearly punched a Koala.

      • Suttree
        • little miss high and mighty

          do not punch

          • Jo Mathie

            By the look in that Koala’s eyes I’m pretty sure he’s up for a fight.

          • little miss high and mighty

            wht we say
            do not punch
            They do scratch when punched, too, also.

        • Dg Hacket

          He looks like hes ready to leap. So deadly in the wild

      • Jo Mathie

        Nah I’m a Brit, but I did have to remove Bilbo the cat from the bath which isn’t as exciting. Still got the rubbish Brexit news to look forward to …

      • MC Planck

        Here in Australia, one of my co-workers actually did a happy dance when Moore lost. I mean, beside himself with glee.

    • akryan

      Alabama had a really good Dem candidate, and an absolute monster Rep candidate. They barely chose the Dem. So good on them for getting it right, but they have a long way to go. The one big positive I can see is that maybe more potential candidates will start to feel they actually have a chance to win in heavily partisan districts.

      • Jo Mathie

        Yeah I don’t get it. on the one hand you have a decent bloke who prosecuted racists for killing children. On the other hand you have a man who preyed on children to the extent that he was banned from shopping malls and lied constantly about being inappropriate with teenagers. Moore shouldn’t have been up for office let alone endorsed. (also he can’t ride for shit – OK that’s petty, but as a horse owner that was the cherry on the cake of awful).

    • Parakeetist

      Cooookieee

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Another laugh before I quit for the evening/morning.

    “Tonight’s results are clear—the people of Alabama deemed Roy Moore unfit to serve in the U.S. Senate,” said NRSC chairman Cory Gardner in a statement. “I hope Senator-elect Doug Jones will do the right thing and truly represent Alabama by choosing to vote with the Senate Republican Majority.” – Daily Beast article

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/i-think-bannon-made-an-ass-of-himself-republicans-rejoice-in-breitbart-chiefs-alabama-humiliation

  • Suttree

    Ugh. One day of work and I’m already feeling a bunch of ouchies. Also too waking up at 4 am is really weird. My thighs are on fire and I am feeling pinchy on my sciatic nerve. Oh well, being back at work is fricking awesome! Stupid weather app says it feels like 5 degrees. I guess I should break out my thermals. I am not sure how well this shop is heated. It sure as hell wasn’t on yesterday when it was slightly above freezing.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I’m sure those Indian sulphur mine kids are FUCKING PUMPED for you!

      • Suttree

        A fair point, but I have been out of full time work for over a year now. This is big for me.

        • little miss high and mighty

          one day at a time.
          Eyes on the prize. Bees in the hive.
          Bootstraps, whatevs
          Work brings the internal juices into jive.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Bwahahaha.

    I can finally hear the MSNBC Election Night music without any goosebumps.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cc5005516e6d612c235143a1f23107186bc0624404daf7f3ab66c4822708a804.jpg

    • From Russia with Love

      Perfect!

  • Mojopo

    Love you, babe. Roll some fuckin tide! You were RIGHT!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Hate to tell you, but he’s fucking a pinniped.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Specifically, a seal. He calls her “Lousie” but her real name is Donna.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Suttree

      Shit. Louisiana has a Democrat for governor. It’s possible!

  • hudson

    hurraaaaaaay!!!!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Welcome! To the great ape and advanced oceanic mammal fuck jamboree !

  • persistently_resistant_gayby
    • From Russia with Love

      “…and making Election Day a national holiday.”

      If we have to ax one, Columbus day would be my pick. And it’s nearly in November anyway.

    • Suttree

      Or just make it a Saturday ffs.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Anything – its time to make it a national holiday nevertheless..

        • Hiss

          Then the stores would have massive sales and all the employees would have to work overtime. Remember Thanksgiving?

      • Invisible Bunyip

        All Australian elections are on Saturdays, with easy access to postal ballots and mobile booths circulating through places like hospital wards.

        • Suttree

          Elections on Saturdays, a severe lack of mass murders, good accent, wallabies. I want more Australia in my life.

    • hudson

      I’m for
      #1. non-partisan redistricting commissions
      #2. making Election Day a national holiday
      #3. automatic voter registration for citizens
      #4. restoring voting rights for ex-felons,

      in addition:
      improved access to IDs rather than banning ids. (although according to stats, it’s a non-issue in US elections)

      and also some fucking auditing the voting machines.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        There needs to be some provisions for people who work holidays, especially for people who work 12 or 24 hour shifts.

      • little miss high and mighty

        mail in ballots!
        mail ins!

      • Liquid Tomato

        #4 it is impossible for a citizen to lose voting rights

        • Timothy Watson

          ?

          In Virginia, a convicted felon has to petition the Governor and the Governor has to sign an individual restoration order to restore their voting rights.

          • 42nd Parllel

            I didn’t mean to say that is the law. I meant that should be the law. Every citizen should be allowed to vote, because no citizen should ever lose the right to vote.

  • Grumpy Twat

    Well done, Alabama! Common fucking decency wins for once!

    • From Russia with Love

      Do not get used to it.

      • Grumpy Twat

        IKR. I’m glad decency won, but when you look at the margin of victory…

        Still, even the tiniest sliver of hope is better than none.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby
  • Not to be as pissy as a pee-hooker pissing on the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and on all of our good American values about this Doug Jones “victory” in Alabama but me, but don’t you think the Repube rat fuckers in Alabama and the rat fuckers in the Senate are going to try real hard to rat fuck Doug Jones out of his victory, install the Moorelester, toss his flabby hairy white ass out of the Senate as soon as he skids in there, and get Gov. Ivey to appoint a new temp? Is it just me who is too scared to be joyous in victory just yet?

    And speaking of rat fucking isn’t that the new Repube rat fucking trick to just leave offices vacant until they think they can slide a semi-warm drooling Repube into one.

    • From Russia with Love

      No.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      I understand your feelings but I need a few hours of joy before jumping back into the fight.

    • Liquid Tomato

      Republicans in Congress could opt to be classy as fuck with this. “Welcome, Doug Jones, to this august body.” They could earnestly try and work with the new Democratic senator from Alabama, even if he won’t vote for their fucking tax plan.

      If Trump is any indicator, expect them to piss and moan. And then they’ll promise the moon.

      • I can guarantee — not that it is worth much — that my opinion is that they are looking for ways RIGHT now to not allow Jones to be sworn in and let Gov. Ivey appoint someone to stay in the seat until 2020.

        Had the Moorelester been elected, they wouldn’t’ve seated him and let Ivey appoint someone to the seat. They’re doing the same with Jones. As far as they can plan these things, this was the plan.

        It is the newest trick in the rat fucker’s bag of tricks leaving offices vacant until you can get one of your own into them.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Mary Theresa

    Good morning Wonkers.
    Is Moore going to crawl under a rock where he belongs?

    Moore refuses to concede Alabama Senate race
    http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/364617-moore-refuses-to-concede-alabama-senate-race

    • From Russia with Love

      Who would have expected better out of that festering saddle sore?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Free Sassy!!!

    • Liquid Tomato

      Did you watch this on C-Span? It was weird when he asked for a recount. He got kinda dramatic. He mounted his wife’s backup horse, Sugarcookie, and rode off into the hills, looking to gather a posse. In the morning, he plans on riding into town, guns-a-blazing, with an army a hundred strong, and he’s going to demand that the vote be counted right.

      • Mary Theresa

        I fell asleep after they called it for Jones (CNN). I’ll probably find the clip today in my internet travels.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Resistor Radio

      Omg that almost makes me wanna get on twitter

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Awesome. Guess who was shopping the fake scandal Chuck Schumer and his putative victim have referred to law enforcement as a crime?

    https://twitter.com/nathanTbernard/status/940782974152380416
    https://twitter.com/itmustbedunn/status/940794375499669505

    • Major^3 Andre

      I hope the police taze those two shitcannons in their nut sacks. Apologies, Dok, but I don’t mean with votes.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Guess Cernovich is gonna have to have those alimony checks forwarded to his commisary account.

    • Parakeetist

      YES

      Le jail!

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      ¡Vete a la chingada, pendejo!

      • little miss high and mighty

        !mui bien!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      And this may have repercussions on another situation:

      https://twitter.com/Sloth_Exits/status/940805286163566592

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Good morning!!! Wonderful news to wake up to. Excuse the grammar, it’s 5AM.

    • Resistor Radio

      Good morning, and might I add, YAY!

  • little miss high and mighty

    It’s past 10- long work/read/sleep night.
    Jones wins!
    No morning grogginess today!

  • Mary Theresa

    I hope Bannon does his magic and turns the house blue in 2018.

    https://twitter.com/HolmesJosh/status/940754883451514880

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Now hang on there, gosh darn it: Are you sayin’ Christianity ain’t mandatory?

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/940777216572567558

    • Mary Theresa

      LOL, I love the dumbfounded look on Moore’s spox face.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      And if you really want to blow his mind, explain that they consider Jesus to be a prophet.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      They made me swear on a bible to register to vote in NC, but even then you didn’t need a holy book. You could just affirm.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      If it were me, I’d ask to swear on the Constitution. That seems a little more to the point of the whole thing.

    • Liquid Tomato

      Blinkered and gobsmacked.

    • The Wanderer

      The dumbfounded ‘Mental Chinese Fire Drill’ expression on that asshole’s face was fucking priceless – priceless I tell you.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    “Attention NY Times: Now would be a good time to profile a black woman in Alabama, rather than a racist white man.” – Warren Leight

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Maybe Maggie Haberman can ask her about her enthusiasm.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • hudson

    one thing to note. the drama in these elections is on an escalating trend.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      It’s funny, tho – Bannon’s blitzkrieg was supposed to shock and awe everyone into letting them take over unopposed, and instead it’s killing them.

      • hudson

        also too, the choice of candidates has been deteriorating at a rapid pace.

      • Mary Theresa

        That’s the best part of this election for me. Bannon lost street cred.

        “Some Senate candidates and donors were flirting with Bannon,” said Alex Conant, a longtime Republican strategist who worked for Sen. Marco Rubio’s (R-Fla.) presidential campaign in 2016. “That stops tonight, for obvious reasons.”

        • Carpe Vagenda

          You know, it gives me joy how many really noisome republican apparatchiks are going to get bloodied fighting the honey badger.

          • hudson

            republican apparatchiks. funny.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I always liked that word. It wasn’t always as on point.

          • Point for “noisome”. Love that word.

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        Not so much a blitzkrieg as a shitzkrieg. The Bannon/Drumpf team was left with a great steaming pile of shit instead of a hideous glorious victory.

  • goonemeritus

    White evangelicals now must accept that God didn’t want Roy in the senate.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      I guess those so-called white evangelicals think their babbie Jeebus is cool with pedophilia. Do you think they might have actual dictionaries and would be capable of looking up the word hypocrisy?

      • The Wanderer

        To most evangelicals, Babby Jeebus is totally cool with a candidate being a loathsome, unshaven, pedophilic occasional meth user and white slaver who wears tinfoil underwear to prevent the Deep State from trying to sterilize him, so long as he’s Republican and says the usual RW talking points.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Let me check an interweb dictionary. Hmm.
          evangelical: n. or adj. – hypocritical morans who generally know less about their religion than the average atheist. Well known for holding views entirely contrary to the religion they profess.

          • The Wanderer

            Sounds like an accurate definition to me.

          • James

            Atheist libelz. The average atheist knows more about Christianity (not just the Evangelical flavour) than those sects. Most atheists in the USA came from Christianity, and the rest of us have to live with it.

          • The Wanderer

            Very true. I’ve had Christianists marvel at my knowledge of the Bible and religious history.

            I tell them, “Know your enemy.”

          • At the crossroads, stay strong

            Um, I thought that’s what I said. You just flipped my ‘evangelicals know less’ to ‘atheists know more’. I should know. I was raised Catholic and am now as liberal an atheist as you could hope to find.

    • hudson

      religious people in general no? god has no time or interest in local elections. god’s busy orchestrating the collision of a couple of neutron stars. that was true at least a few seconds ago.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      To the evangelicals Jones is evil embodied due to being pro-choice. Single item voters, many of them.

    • hudson
  • tehbaddr

    Well Damn!

  • A Bashful Nobody

    Nice win. This seat will be very difficult to hold onto however.

    • The Wanderer

      Unless the Dems can use this win to further mobilize and consolidate their gains. Having Trump in the WH makes him a convenient utensil with which to mercilessly flog the GOP, plus there are a bunch of policy issues where the Democratic Party stands in stark contrast with the Republicans.

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        You mean little things like caring about their country and its citizens?

        • The Wanderer

          I believe the term may be “Prezackly!”

  • The Wanderer

    Oh dee doo dah day! Woke up this morning to the smell of blood and brains from exploded Republican and conservative heads. Kind of musty.

    Time for coffee.

    • Covfefe

      Did the whole thing with votes, like good Wonketeers.

    • little miss high and mighty

      java, not arabica.
      worth looking up
      shade grown, organic, free trade, soul-encouraging beautifu bean.

      • Resistor Radio

        What is peet’s? I’m drinking peet’s.

        • little miss high and mighty

          looks like Peet’s goes both ways.
          Lights are probaby arabica- espressos usually are.
          Home roast if you have the time and your roommates don’t mind the rain forest fire atnosphere at the stove.
          Java is 4% to 14% higher in caffeine

          • Resistor Radio

            I’m drinking French roast, when I get up to make my second cup (with my handy melita) I’ll look at the bag.

            I didn’t know you could roast your own, I assumed it required some kinda special kiln or something. New kitchen cooking project for the list!

          • little miss high and mighty

            just try to keep it covered while stirring over the heat (there is a special covered stirr pot for this- iron)
            Save all the fallen husks. Whe all is black and the whole kitchen stinks to high heaven but we likes it) dump the whole warm ean family- crumbs and all into a hand grinder (porcelain stone- not steele) then, there’s yout Drip “Melita” problem.
            What are you a German neatness Hausfrau?
            No drip- do it cowboy coffee style and strain it through a fine seive after it sits in the super hot water about 4 minutes- with a stir).
            Even espresso does not have such a kick.
            So, Java, home roast (covered), hot water, (again , covered), stir, strain, awaken.

    • SisterArtemis

      It’s really hard cleaning the cobwebs off of everything. Sticky fuckers…

  • tehbaddr

    Jones’ win is good news, but the fact that Moore was a viable candidate is still deeply troubling.

    • Major^3 Andre

      True, but it was Ala-damn-bama, soooo

    • Resistor Radio

      Alabama, yo. Think of everything in place that keeps republicans in power down there. This is amazing.

    • hudson

      ^this. and that the margin was so close.

      also too how can the voting margins be 40%?

    • jez

      whats odd is alabama has levels of poverty that shocks the UN yet they still reliably vote to get fucked into more poverty. No idea blah blah liberty or something

      • Werewolf

        “I’ll tell you what’s at the bottom of it. If you can convince the lowest white man that he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice that you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him someone to look down, he’ll empty his pockets for you.”

        -LBJ

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • little miss high and mighty

      prolly what tipped the scales. Ol Steve, his royal toadidity

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Especially his remarks about Georgetown and Harvard when Joe Scarborough went to ‘Bama. Not the great strategist he wants to pretend to be.

        • little miss high and mighty

          we were truly disappointed when he retreated back to the Ed desk at Breitbart . Wished he’d have stuck around the WH long enough to work this new gropergate angle for Donnybrook and co. From the distance now, he’s pictured beneath the fold instead of the Banner headline (Bannon headline we had hoped for).

    • The Wanderer

      Sick burn. No liniment, though (be fair, Bannon’s face looks like it’s been set on fire and put out with a coal shovel at least once).

  • The Wanderer

    The Republican backbiting and squabbling has escalated, with the Republican Leadership Fund laying the blame for this squarely on Bannon, and his faction blaming McConnell and the “GOP Establishment.”

    Good times.

    • Resistor Radio

      Who’s got the popcorn gif?

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      What a hypocritical fucker that Bannon is. He’s every much a part of the “GOP Establishment” as the rest of them. Stumping for Moore proved that.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • The Wanderer

      That’s just yummy. Makes me almost want to read USA Today.

      Almost.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Careful now. Get that first cuppa coffee before you do anything rash.

  • Ghoti theLinguist

    Memo to Steve Bannon: GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF PIG SHIT.
    Go fall off of a bridge in a drunken stupor. Anything. Please just disappear. Forever.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Pig shit libelz!

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Hey now, careful. What do you think he uses as a skin moisturizer?

      • The Wanderer

        He uses a body rub called Halitosis. It makes his breath smell sweet.

        • Ghoti theLinguist

          He looks like a dog turd with a 3-day beard.

  • Resistor Radio

    What is this strange feeling, I’m excited to see the news this morning. Thank you, Alabama!

    • Major^3 Andre

      IKR, who would ever thought Bama of all places would be the source for good news. Looking like the early special elections were just a finch too soon for Trump’s fuck-uppery to tip the scales blue in red-as-a-mandrill’s-ass districts.

      • Resistor Radio

        I mean, despite all the voter suppression bullshit…it’s amazing.

        • Major^3 Andre

          Now just imagine what can happen of we can flip some state legs by 2020 and undo some of the long term suppression and gerrymandering these fuckbags have put in place.

          • Resistor Radio

            I’m here for this.
            Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and energized!

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • The Wanderer

      The Bannonites can only explain this in terms of Dark Forces and tinfoil-level conspiracies. Anything further and they’d have to admit their own fault.

      • tehbaddr

        They would never wake up to the fact that they are caustic chemical plant waste!

        • IdRatherBeDancing

          Paste eaters!

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Man, talk about ‘consider the source’.

  • Meccalopolis

    Dont forget, Bannon is a Soros plant

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Bannon is overacting a bit, particularly when it comes to his appearance. Even Inspector Clouseau’s disguises were never that over the top.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Resistor Radio

    I kinda expect the short-fingered vulgarian to be quiet on twitter.

    (But they’re trolling the hell out of him already, if he’s watching Morning Joe)

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Well, his genius transformational guru who was supposed to disrupt the enlightenment for him went to Alabama and told them Scarborough was trash because he was only good enough to go to college in Alabama.

      I loathe Scarborough and I think he gets to gloat on this one.

  • Mary Theresa

    Lol……Libs are trolling Breitbart comments.

    • Resistor Radio

      Suck it, deploratrash!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Screenshot?

      • Mary Theresa

        I don’t even know how to do that.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          It’s ok.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Morning godless comrades. Apparently God was too busy to hear Franklin Graham’s prayers cause Doug Jones won.

    • Major^3 Andre

      The one true god came through again. May Cthulu reign forever.

      • The Wanderer

        Cthulhu stirred briefly, then rolled over and went back to sleep.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Watch it, Ol’ H.P L. was a child molesting perv himself.
          Sad to report this. True- and the cause of his own downfall.
          Yup, Lovecraft was a perv first order.

      • Parakeetist

        Cthulhu fhthagn

    • Carpe Vagenda

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c67ef1a06c961e5692a38a86fdac1ca71f4f28d2e52e63ab0df82c322f4f38bc.jpg

      and in a surprising upset, the election results did actually make a case for that very thing.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Suck on it cracker!

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Now on to flip PA-18 blue. The wave is coming.

  • Lambsendbeds

    Wow – what great news ! I couldn’t stand the suspense – I switched the teevee machine from the news to Chopped around 7 PT last night. I’m sure I’ll be able to catch up on the argle bargle that I missed later today. I was really afraid Moore would win.

    • akryan

      It was pretty damn close. It still says something about AL that this election was close at all, even before the pedo allegations, tells you that the state still has a long way to go.

  • Daniel

    Moore will not concede, arguing that his supporters should “wait on God” to decide who gets to be their senator.

    This is for the same party that whines constantly about how entitled Democrat voters are.

    • The Wanderer

      He’s refused to follow the law in the past, so it comes as no surprise that he won’t face reality until he’s had his nose rubbed in it.

    • Alan

      So when do we decide that god has finished deciding?

    • Liquid Tomato

      Is God registered to vote in Alabama? I think that’s a violation of the First Amendment.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Is “Wait on God” fanatic-speak for “Won’t someone rid me of this turbulent Democrat”?

  • bopeep

    I am very happy about this but at the same time isn’t it pretty disgusting and scary that 49% of Alabamans wanted a sexual predator, and that politics has devolved to the point where we have to celebrate that a child molester just barely loses?

    • akryan

      yes. I’ll take the win, but the circumstances that it took for it to happen, and how close it was, says that AL still has a long way to go before they enter the 20th century, let alone the 21st.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Resistor Radio

      Those onion ninjas hassling her, “I’m not emotional, my eyes are just burning”

  • Resistor Radio

    What’s happening with horse twitter right now? Cause Mika and Elyse are dragging him so hard about poor Sassy! :D

  • Resistor Radio

    Oh jeez, Morning Joe discussing how this is great for the GOP.

    C’mon y’all, go back to reading Trump/Moore for filth!

    • Daniel

      They’re so needy.

  • Mary Theresa

    Hubby said he was watching Fox noise last night. He said there was much gnashing and gnawing over Jones winning. Their coming to take your guns away again and murder fetuses again was the gist.

    • Daniel

      According to a story on Crooks and Liars this morning, Fox called Jones a lame duck.

      • Resistor Radio

        Well, according to my cats, I called Trump a lame dick.

        • Invisible Bunyip

          According to my mirror, I called Trump a limp dick.

    • Resistor Radio

      They couldn’t be more wrong. We don’t harvest the babbies for parts until the 9th month.

    • Liquid Tomato

      Doug Jones is going to personally take the guns. And then he’s gonna use the taken guns to murder all of the fetuses.

  • The Wanderer

    Settling back with a steaming cup of coffee and a toasted half a bagel mit schmear, and Morning Joe put up a graphic on 4 AL counties. Dark red Tuscaloosa County, home of the University of Alabama, swung 34 points from Trump in favor of Jones.

    • Resistor Radio

      All those people not smart enough to get into Georgetown, eh?
      PS: Fuck off Bannon
      PPS: Grab your purse
      also too: this is not a threat

      • The Wanderer

        I’d add:

        PPPS: Go crawl back into the bottle you slithered out of, Bannon, you loathsome creep.

    • Daniel

      Cobalt tide.

  • Resistor Radio

    2016 was “Grab em by the Pussy”
    2017 became “Alabama grabbed her purse”

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      “Grab your purse. We are leaving.”

    • CripesAmighty

      That’s a keeper.

      • Resistor Radio

        *bows*

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    BTW, the fucking nut cracker, Roy Moore, has not conceded.

    • Resistor Radio

      There’s a tweet down below- “just like Roy Moore to not take no for an answer”

    • Daniel

      Because God wants him to be a senator.

      This is his argument.

      • Resistor Radio

        Please let Roy Moore give an interview where he starts speaking in tongues.

    • The Wanderer

      True, he’s braying “Wait on God.”

    • Donna Mueller

      his sense of entitlement is ASTOUNDING! hey roy, you redneck ASSHOLE- it was the damn wimmens and those uppity blacks that did this to you. KARMA IS A BITCH!!!!

  • James

    Wow, liberals swarming Breitbart; their own folks are insisting it’s some sort of organised Soros-funded or liberal-controlled trolling operation.

    They’re calling everyone out for Moore’s loss from “illegal voters” to the GOP purposely throwing the election to Senator-elect (!) Jones, to “baby-killing” liberals, to you name it.

    Everything except, you know, running a uniquely bad candidate their own guy Steve Bannon campaigned for in an election where the president has horrendous polling numbers.

    • Resistor Radio

      There’s an article about how the military votes haven’t been counted yet?

      Sure, Jan.

      • James

        Some haven’t. They are not nearly enough to make up the difference in the election.

        Moore’s grasping at straws. The Alabama Secretary of State already weighed in on Moore’s claim he wants a recount saying the people of Alabama have spoken.

        The election is too far outside the legal requirement for a recount. If the GOP or Moore wants one, they’ll have to pay for it.

        • Resistor Radio

          I can’t imagine the GOP kicking down ameros to fight for Teen Grabass

    • Daniel

      They must be shitting their keks.

      For non-Mancs: “kecks” is a Mancunian term for your underwear.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        I read Trainspotting, ya cunt!

    • Will of the people mother fuckers. Also God.
      SOAK IN EEEET

  • Daniel

    Can I just say- fair play to the guy. I never really rated Steve Bannon’s political genius before, I always ascribed his successes to dumb luck and the intervention of hostile foreign powers, but backing Roy Moore?

    My hat’s off, Steve. You really are Machiavelli, Palmerston and Metternich all rolled into one.

    • The Wanderer

      I think that Niccolo, Henry and Klemens would object to being associated with him.

    • Donna Mueller

      would love to be a fly on the wall when he lies-er, i mean ‘splains to the idiot mercers WHERE ALL THAT MONEY FOR NOTHING WENT!!!!!!! hahahahaha

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • The Wanderer

      I knew it.

    • Mary Theresa

      LOL, someone predicted that down thread.

      • The Wanderer

        Trump always wants to associate himself with winners, so you’d figure he’d bail on Moore as soon as the flabby-faced kid-diddler lost.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      That’s why you deleted those Strange tweets and did Moore robo calls!

      • Mary Theresa

        Moore? Dotard hardly knew him.

        • IdRatherBeDancing

          covfefe boy

          • Red Bird

            That never gets old.

    • akryan

      And another one thrown under the bus.

    • CripesAmighty

      Clockwork.

    • James

      That’s why he deleted all his endorsement tweets for Sen. Strange after he lost the primary. Because he knew Moore would lose. That’s why he campaigned for Moore and even recorded a robo call for him.

    • akryan

      How the hell was the deck stacked against him? He was running as a Republican in one of the most Republican states in the nation. The fact that that nutbag isn’t screeching about the end times on the corner somewhere shows how much the deck was stacked in his favor.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Rationalization, the life blood of GOP *snort* thought.

    • Alan

      Damn. I lost the pool by a half hour.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      So really, the takeaway from this election is that Trump was right.

    • gene108

      A normal human being would say, “I congratulate Doug Jones on his win, and look forward to working with him in the Senate”.

      He wouldn’t make this election about him.

    • Daniel

      “The deck was stacked against him”

      Because he was completely unsuited to the job he was seeking.

    • little miss high and mighty

      wins when he wins and wins even when he loses.
      such the loser!

    • ROFL ok who called he fell back on Strange?

    • CripesAmighty

      Who had 6:20?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They let a Democrat run against him, instead of letting him run unopposed as would be right and proper. #deckstacking

  • VirginiaCannedYuleLog

    WTH, first Virginia now Alabama. Is the south actually trying to rise again for the first time ever?

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      In fairness, Virginia has trended solid blue for some time cause of the DC burbs.

      • tehbaddr

        Them Commie Libtards in North VA!

      • Hey now, Louisa, Culpepper and the other cities helped also, too! That’s right, we’re turnin counties. 50 state 50 state

  • Resistor Radio

    Check it, commenter at Breitbart complaining about the court ruling to not keep paper ballots, “now there’s no way to prove ballot stuffing.”

    Dude, yesterday morning y’all were cheering that ruling. Fuck off.

    • The Wanderer

      “Be careful what you wish for.”

    • CripesAmighty

      As low tide follows high, it’s always somebody else’s fault/cheaters/a conspiracy.

      • Resistor Radio

        Also, projection, because they are gleeful ratfuxkers

  • Relativicus

    Now, you all know me. Nobody in the entire world hates hyperbole more than me, but this right here is blistering and has got to hurt.

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2017/12/12/trump-lows-ever-hit-rock-bottom-editorials-debates/945947001/

    I have noticed a mellowing of USA Today’s editorial board the last couple years, and have no idea if they have the same influence over Real Murkins as it once did. It’s possible it won’t move the needle like it would have a decade ago. But the board does not mince a single word here, and if they are still the paper of record for tens of millions of people, the editorial could indicate the yoogest sea change in public opinion against a sitting president in the history of the universe. And that’s no hyperbole.

  • Donna Mueller

    bannon, jumping into his suv/limo and slamming the door to avoid reporters questions like a petulant child when before no-one could shut his ignorant yap-PRICELESS!!!!! gotta hurry home to that half-gallon of cheap vodka.

  • The Wanderer

    Morning Joe was replaying Moore’s riding the horse, and I wish that horse would’ve thrown his sorry ass in front of all those cameras.

    • Resistor Radio

      Oh they aren’t having it, and it’s delightful. Not that southern people are better or whatever, but I love hearing deplorable trash get called out in a thick southern accent.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Did you see where Roy the Cowboy had to reach down and put the right stirrup on his foot manually? Dumbfuck couldn’t even mount cleanly, but then teen-age girls aren’t that big.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        My husband was cringing about how holding his legs straight out from his hips meant the horse repeatedly bounced him on his junk.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Well, there’s poetic and equine justice for you.

    • It tried

  • Elvis Causticfellow
  • Resistor Radio

    Breitbart Commenter-“Demographics simply don’t add up in Alabama to elect a SF Democrat”

    Does he mean San Francisco? Seriously, the comments over there are amazing this morning. Like the second time I’ve peeped Breitbart all year but it’s comedy gold!

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Buzzword buzzword liberal buzzword San Francisco buzzword Pelosi

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Yeah. This is being peddled from the left by Krystle Ball, yet another of Bernie’s failed Democratic women for hire. We need to huff the paint fumes of white men because Nancy Pelosi is radioactive.

      • Resistor Radio

        They’re hotboxing that shit

  • CripesAmighty

    Important takeaway: African American voters and organizers are in the drivers seat. If the candidate is not a member of the community, s/he better have a real record of addressing their concerns. When the African American community leads the coalition, they bring everybody else along.

    • Daniel

      “African American voters and organizers are in the drivers seat.”

      Hence the reason Moore wants them pulled over and harassed until he gets what he wants from them.

      • CripesAmighty

        Bingo.

    • expect a ton more economic anxiety laws to start cropping up.
      But we’ll beat those, too

  • little miss high and mighty

    Well, playtime is over now we must run off now.
    Good about Senator Jones and sad about the Net neutral fail (congress needs an
    edge-djucashun here). Thank yu, Alabamaians!
    Fight on silence sisters! Wonkettes should also vocalize, if you all can.
    Be nice to all the middle people and the church goers- we need them in November etc
    Go easy on the gods- shaming we kow how they love to gloat us heatheners
    As ALa. last night proves polituical help must be nutured over there.
    . We hard lefty or liberal freedom lover types need help from the middle and beyond, sometimes.
    Heavy work and org week ahead for us, so breaktimes (worktimes)
    Thanks for the fun
    Be well,
    LMH&M and guests.

  • Resistor Radio

    They (deplorables) are now chanting that Dems and Reps are “uniparty” – those of you that watch these folks, is that a new line from the Bannon trash or have they been beating that drum?

    Either way, I’m here for that. Same argument that for many Dems (myself included) to vote Nader back in the day, don’t mind if it starts hurting the GOP.

    • Been setting it up on the left. For…reasons…the far left and the far right should align you see.
      For REASONS.

      • Resistor Radio

        Horseshoe, because they are horse’s asses.

        • I actually think there is some predictable ratfucking going on. No surprise the folks trying this are all very white men. You know.

          • Red Bird

            You might be very right.

      • TootsStansbury

        If it’s the far left who are sexist, racist trolls I’m ok with that.

        • From Russia with Love

          They are totalitarians, just like the right, so of course they are sexist, racist trolls.

          • Werewolf

            Anti-Semites too, also.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Well, it worked so well for their left socks. Why not?

    • Stulexington

      I like this line of thinking, they should totally go their own way and make their own party. With hookers, and blackjack. And totally split the right vote for many elections to come.

  • A well deserved I told you so! And as promised, I shall henceforth resist typing Alafuckingbama, unless it is to say Ala-Fuckin-Bama wooooo!
    Congrats, Fakata :)

    • Resistor Radio

      169% true?
      Is that a threat?

      • Fukui said so and I wanted a happy non shit for brains name for a spell XD

        • Resistor Radio

          A little bit saucy, like Fukui and yourself. I like it! :)

        • From Russia with Love

          I’m dreading the day all of the Trump administration are finally in prison and I have to change my name.

  • Bemused Tralfamadorian

    I feel a bit sorry for Doug Jones. The poor bastard can’t have been expecting to actually end up with the senate seat. Good luck to him.

    • Parakeetist

      Mazel tov to him and his lovely wife on their 25th anniversary. Must have been some hot snuggle time last night!

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • The Wanderer

      LMAO
      Love the General Jack D. Ripper quote.

    • Resistor Radio

      Beautiful, well done!

    • Bobathonic

      Purity of Election?

  • Mary Theresa
    • Resistor Radio

      There IS a Trump tweet for everything!

      • Shan

        Has he started yet total?

        • Shan

          Er today.

          • lol yeah he is saying Alabama should have picked Strange who he backed.

  • La forza del resistino
    • Every horse you back loses, Trump. ALL of them!

      • CripesAmighty

        Don’t get cocky. This is our first on the board in specials.

    • Resistor Radio
      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Garbo laughs! Apropos of nothing, but that’s one of my favorite movies.

        • Resistor Radio

          Which one is that from? I’m blanking

          • Elvis Causticfellow

            Ninotchka. Directed by Ernest Lubitsch from a Billy Wilder/Charles Brackett script.

          • Jeffery Campbell

            Ninotchka. It’s a gem.

    • Shan

      Ah, there it is.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        ready to throw anybody under the bus in a New York minute rather than admit to his own stank

      • Daniel

        I was really worried for a moment that he might have been wrong about something. But no! Turns out he was right all along!

    • Major^3 Andre

      Suck a dick, Donny. Not mine, mind you, maybe Bannon’s if you can get it out of his own mouth.

      • H0mer0

        do you think Scaramouche was on to something there?

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Stupid fucking git.

    • From Russia with Love

      Roy Moore stacked the deck against himself. Some of us still think that diddling 14 year old kids is bad form.

    • Nounverb911
    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      Brilliant strategy! If you’re always saying two opposing things, one will end up being true!

  • Grief counsellors are standing by at Big Dead Breitbart.

    • the five stages of wingnut grief
      Illegal Alien Votes
      Soros Funded
      The ballots we did not want to keep yesterday we want to keep now
      It’s all the establishment’s fault!
      Hillary Clinton!!!!!

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        The last should probably be ‘Hillary BENGHAZIEMAILS Clinton!!!!! The caps are important to a certain mindset.

      • rocktonsam

        Thanks Obama, also , too!

    • Daniel

      I wish you CUCKS would ralise that this Is Part of the PLAN!!!!! You stupid CUCKS AND ALSO BETAS don’t even know how smart this is becaue you cant even thingk 7 moves ahead and Our GOD EMPREOR TRUMP and his Servant Steve Bannon aare laughign there asses off at you and you don’t even know! STOP CALLING US “LOOSERS!”

      • The Wanderer

        (applauds) Great Breitbartian Mad Libs there.

      • TootsStansbury

        Good lord, be careful! You don’t want your brain to stick like that.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Bannon must be feeling like a dick.

  • goonemeritus

    It’s almost like voters don’t like pedophiles.

  • The Wanderer

    The only actual blot on this perfect peach of an electoral victory was that a bunch of voters (about 20K) wrote in Nick Fucking Saban.

    • Resistor Radio

      At least it wasn’t Jill Fucking Stein or Bernie Fucking Sanders

      • rocktonsam

        DID FOREST F. GUMP RECIEVE VOTES?

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          I wonder how many went to Ben D. Over

    • Honestly? I woulda taken a nick fucking Saban over a Roy Moore, but dig this….
      Local news actually had on a “republican voter who voted for Jones”
      Almost close to liberal!

      • The Wanderer

        Someone who finally decided to choose country over party.

        • Woman too. Surprise. I would MUCH rather them have found one of the many black women who handed us this but…baby steps for the MSM

    • From Russia with Love

      Republican refusal to ever do the right thing, in action.

    • La forza del resistino

      Bear Bryant deserved a little more luv.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      All of which were not votes for Roy Fucking Moore. That has to be an upside.

      • From Russia with Love

        20K is about the number Jones won by.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Isn’t Saban a Dem?

      • The Wanderer

        Not a clue.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I’m sure he’s showered with quite a few African-Americans.

        /jack kemp shout-out

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Time for me to hit the sack.

    That good feeling you’re having right now is hope!

    Here’s to you, Alabama!

    https://youtu.be/kB67HO8tkQs

    Bonne nuit, mes cheris

  • CripesAmighty

    Annoying as Mika, Joe and co. can be, watching them laaaaaaaaaaugh at Steve Bannon is a tasty accompaniment to hazelnut coffee.

    • Resistor Radio

      And they’re trolling the fuck out of Trump. Before Trump hailed his tweeting ass onto his golden shitter this morning, Joe was all “please, Mr President, please tune in to Fox & Friends”

      • From Russia with Love

        I’l bet the Kleenex dispensers at Fox are all empty this morning.

        • Daniel

          Well, yes. They had to do that to try and discourage BillO.

        • Resistor Radio

          I thought they had to get rid of all the Kleenex and lotion because of all the sexual harassment suits?

          • From Russia with Love

            An unusual case of Republicans using Kleenex for their intended purpose.

  • Rick Prose

    My home state stands on the right side of history FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER! Roll motherfuckin’ tide!

  • Mary Theresa
    • Carpe Vagenda

      It’s Ben Shapiro. He probably thinks he won that exchange.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Ben Shapiro is so easy to own!

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Hey, I’m sure whoever wrote that act of spiritual fellatio in the Times about him agrees.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          I hope there is a return policy.

  • Resistor Radio

    I hate to wish it on her, but I hope Robyn’s getting the good stuff to tell us the manosphere take on this vote.

    • CripesAmighty

      No need. It’s rolling over the transom at Breitblort.

  • rocktonsam

    hey Alabama!
    my buddies are planning a golfing trip to YOUR state in February.
    do you have a golf club that will accept, a catholic , a jew , a black guy and me?
    TOO SOON?

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Need a big-girls-blouse gay!? My game is meager but I can keep the beer ice cold and drive the cart.

      • Courser_Resistance

        That’s kind of my favorite part anyway (I’ve only golfed once. Badly)

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Hey, if you can’t use your office for your own personal gain, what use is it? It’s the Trumpian way. Makes me think of the Tom Lehrer song ‘Who’s Next?’, but in a different context.

      • Stulexington

        Ethics? Those are things we hold the Democrats to.

    • H0mer0

      [obligatory Tommy Lee Jones shocked face]

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Hey when Trump said we’d get tired of all this winning, I had no idea he was talking to us! Lol

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      You could have knocked me over with a feather this morning, that’s how surprised I was. My alarm went off this morning (it’s set to news radio) and that’s how found out that dbag had lost. I got out of bed and did the Rocky Shuffle:

      https://media.giphy.com/media/yoJC2JaiEMoxIhQhY4/giphy.gif

    • Stulexington

      To be honest though, that seemed to be the strategy with the ACLU early on: drown it in cases it could win to try to starve it of money. They were literally trying to make the ACLU sick of winning.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I’m not tired of winning yet.

  • TootsStansbury

    Yay! Thank you, Alabama!

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Steve Schmidt is doing a victory lap on MJ and it’s glorious. He’s well on his way on his Palin redemption tour.

  • guest1331now

    Yay, but with reservations. Moore lost because he’s a pedo, not b/c he’s a wingnut, and we can’t count on the ‘basest among us’ to nominate such slime every time. Contest every race, organize, and get some better fuckin slogans, ok?

    • Bobathonic

      Get. Out. The. Vote.

    • Stulexington

      Jones and his team also worked their asses off apparently getting out the vote. Special mention goes to all the folks who didn’t let themselves get intimidated out of voting.

      • guest1331now

        Yeah, nothing but respect for Jones and ALA Dems and decents who made this happen; and given reports of poll fuckery ( people in Dem-leaning precincts who voted in the most recent election whose registrations were ‘inactive’ !!) the ‘real’ count would be higher for Jones.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        He was all over the state last weekend while Moore was at Army-Navy.

    • Who says so? The demographics are changing. 50 fuckin state and our slogans are doing pretty fuckin good this year

  • From Russia with Love

    “It’s all about the dems!”
    “Democrats?”
    “Demographics.”

  • Parakeetist

    Thank you, Alabama.
    Thank you, women of color.
    Thank you, Senator and Mrs. Jones.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    OMG I’m sooooo happy!! I’m going to have to learn to have a little more faith because I thought for sure Moore would win. Thank you those in Alabama who proved me wrong and did the right thing.

    Meanwhile, Trump is pretending he knew Moore would lose. Fucking moron.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Big victory for democracy. Way to vote, Alabama!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Isn’t he about to go to jail for the Schumer sex scandal scam.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I hope so.

    • Ghoti theLinguist

      Eat shit and die, Cernovich.

  • Elvis Causticfellow
  • Chanukah is a most appropriate day for an insurgency against a foreign occupier- the voters of Alabama went all Maccabee on Agent Orange’s ass.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      And there will be plenty of oil for Moore’s butthurt.

  • Blanche de Shambles

    Wow.

    A Great Miracle Happened There.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Steve Schmidt is still not done! He needs to be on every show today. Lol

    • CripesAmighty

      You might even see a tiny smile break through that dry, dry wit.

  • Resistor Radio

    Breitbart commenter:
    “Matt Drudge was one of the first to trash Moore.
    True patriots will stop going to his website”

    • Daniel

      Do a lot of Canadians hang out there now?

      • Stulexington

        God I hope not.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Typical Breitfarter, using a word like ‘patriot’ which he obviously doesn’t understand.

      • From Russia with Love

        “Everything I do is patriotic, and everything you do sucks.”

        Have to admit, it’s difficult to argue against.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          The mistake is to argue with it at all. The correct response is to point and laugh.

          • Bobathonic

            I like to sit back and watch the leopards eat their faces.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Also “true”.

    • Lol yes. Start eating eachother. Thanks!

    • Werewolf

      Begun, the Nazi civil wars have.

  • The Wanderer

    Here’s a laugher, the head of the NRSC asking Doug Jones to switch parties (or at least vote GOP):

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/74abb17cc982d505454396619362cfc6fc869f67d8291c2477fb0f17c3eb14f4.jpg

    • At the crossroads, stay strong
    • Blanche de Shambles
    • TootsStansbury

      Wait, I’m confused. Didn’t bobblheads like Nooningtonshire easy Senato Jones is too…Liberal?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Dream on Cory, we’re coming for you next!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Alabamians voted Dem. That means that Senator Shelby needs to start caucusing with Chuck Schumer.

    • Hey cory. You know how you guys say you only represent the people who vote for you? Yeah…about that..

  • Resistor Radio

    The sunrise is painting pink chemtrails across the sky. It’s pretty, even if I did have to put on pants to come check it out.

    • Rachel Book Harlot
    • Daniel

      A screaming comes across the sky, the colour of a television switched to Fox News, it has happened before but there is nothing to compare to it now. The chemtrails are coloured like the angry capillaries in the cheeks of their conservative God, urgently counting and recounting deleted votes, a vampire distracted, deathly white and losing power in the light.

      • Resistor Radio

        APPLAUSE

    • Courser_Resistance

      Sometimes it’s worth it to put on pants :-)

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      If you were in Michigan today, your penii (or equivalent parts) would thank you….

      • Resistor Radio

        My headlights would cut like diamonds, pants or no

  • Nounverb911
    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      The man who consistently overestimates himself.

      • From Russia with Love

        Except when he steps on the bathroom scale.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I will gladly hold Steve Bannon’s beer. Let me grab my hazmat gloves first, tho.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Now Schmidt is trolling Moore on his horse riding skills!

  • Tetman Callis

    Good morning, Amurka! How all yall doin’? Drinks are on the house. Don’t forget to tip your server! And keep yer hands to yerself, yer eyes upon the road.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      No dancing while the freeway is in progress!…

  • Jezzam

    Thanks ‘bama!

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Msgr_MΩment

    I think it’s time for the wonket to launch an in depth, under-cover investigative series on the biggest threat facing the America. I’d call it: How is George Soros Ass-Raping America Today? We can start by analyzing this election.

  • Longstreet63

    Well, that should do it for Moore until the next election.

  • Nounverb911
    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Ooo, Billy did a funny!

  • Mahousu

    In other legislative pedo news:

    Accused of molesting a teenage girl, Kentucky lawmaker refuses to resign
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2017/12/12/accused-of-molesting-a-teenage-girl-kentucky-lawmaker-refuses-to-resign/?utm_term=.b84a9bef2136

    This guy sounds worse than Roy Moore, believe it or not.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      He seems nice!

  • Blanche de Shambles

    Doug Jones won and Chris Froome got busted (last September) for doping?

    Today is a good day!

    https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2017/dec/13/chris-froome-team-sky-reputation-abnormal-drug-test

  • William

    Overheard when Moore showed up to vote. Reporter “That’s a fine looking pig you have there”. Judge Moore: “That’s not a pig son, that’s a horse”. Reporter: I was talking to the horse”. I’ll be here all week try the veal.

  • Nounverb911

    Laura, Laura, Laura, you never learn do you?
    https://twitter.com/IngrahamAngle/status/940916900439166976

    • Lol to another republican. Doug is a d

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      You know who else overread election results?

      Liddle’ Babby Donnie who thought losing by millions of votes meant the people wanted him to be Predisent.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Oh, Laaaaura. Are you acquainted with the term non sequitur?

    • From Russia with Love

      51/49 soon biotch!

  • memzilla Ω
  • Nounverb911
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Good Morning, Wonketthaqh (Azerbaijani)! I don’t think those women accusing donald are going to go away now, though…

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Are there any other GOP senators that Trumpnuts can nominate to the Cabinet?

    Please, Santa, please!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Hilarious. The three biggest losers in GA today are Roy Moore, Steve Bannon, and the man who put his name on both of them in big gold letters, Donald J Trump.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/940904649728708609

    • Bill D. Burger

      The wisdom of Orange Nostrodumbass’!

    • Bobathonic

      GA? As in Georgia? True Southerners will take some umbrage if you mean Bammy – they really are different places.

      • From Russia with Love

        Yet similar in so many ways.

      • Blackest Noobs

        are they?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        sorry, I was just reading about the GA SoS / Republican candidate for Governor promising better voter suppression and it slopped over.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      donald translation: “Yeah, about that, see……”

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Yeppers. Being a Redumlican in a deeply red state you really have the deck stacked against you. Christ, what a maroon.

    • Mary Theresa

      Strange’s numbers went up so mightily that Roy Moore won the primary. Math is hard.

      • From Russia with Love

        Logic, even harder it would seem.

    • Relativicus
    • LesBontemps

      “The deck was stacked against him”??????? So why isn’t Trump blaming “massive voter fraud” as the obvious culprit? The Political Genius of Donald Trump is a book no one will ever write.

    • Rags

      What a tactician. Backs the wrong horse but of course can’t bring himself to admit that (narcissism alert!) and get to work with the party nominee. Instead waffles and grunts for months before providing the most lukewarm endorsement possible for Moore. Your pustulent ego at work.

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’ve never heard of Patricia Gaines before, but this PK is in love.

      • Kateaux

        This PK ditto.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Now she’s a patriot. Eat horse pucky, Breitfarters.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • calliecallie

    22,000 write-in votes for Nick Saban. LOL.

  • Henceforth I shall think of you more as a Fakaktadomus.

    Super job FakaktaSouth, super job Alabama!

    Forward we march.

  • calliecallie

    I have lost my voice. I think this means I’m calling in sick to work. Right?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Yes. And don’t inhale…

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yes! You win a day off!

      It’s going around the Metro, so take care of yourself.

    • proudgrampa

      Uh. If you’ve lost your voice how are you gonna tell them? Hmmmm?

      • calliecallie

        I am young enough to know about the email.

        • proudgrampa

          Well, all right, then. Get well soon!

  • Nounverb911
    • Chyron HR

      That’s nice, but why are the rest of us there as well?

  • renegade500

    Congratulations Alabama (and us all!). I can only imagine without all the shenanigans that I was reading about Jones’ victory could have been even larger.

    This actually gives me some ittt bitty glimmer of hope that Cruz’ days could be numbered. Because Texas isn’t so much a red state as it is a nonvoting state, and seeing the good guys squeak out a victory like this may change that a little next year.

  • Blackest Noobs

    evil empires don’t seem to last as long as they used to in the modern era.
    but then again maybe they weren’t as incompetent as Trump.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      Ain’t no maybe about it, friend

      That fucker’s dumber than half a sack of doorknobs

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh, I feel like this one is stretching out. We’ll still have to put up with a lifetime of unqualified judges and environmental setbacks….

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        That’s if Drumpf ever gets around to doing it. There are about 700 offices he hasn’t had filled yet. Golfing takes up so time, don’t you know.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          He’s been proactive on the judges, though…

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Donnie is doing his best at filling the judge vacancies with ABA rejects, it seems. Fucking scumbag shitgolum.

  • memzilla Ω

    Dear Democratic Party Leadership:

    FIFTY STATE STRATEGY, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

    Sincerely, Howard YEEE-HAAAA Dean

  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb478:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GooglePartyFinanceReportsOnline/online/easytPartys ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fb478lh

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Diane we’ve been waiting for you

      • Edna

        great

        • Christopher Story

          Agh!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Eat my farts.

      Flagged and blocked, of course.

      • MsEdgyNation

        Ditto.

    • Nounverb911

      I thought Heather killed all of her competitors yesterday…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      No Land Rover. You’re the Land Rover…

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I betcha Moore is cursing that 17th amendment.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      He’s cursing AOT, K.

    • Christopher Story

      The 19th

    • Werewolf

      The 13th.

    • Ghoti theLinguist

      All of them, Katie, after the 10th.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Not even 6:00 AM here in Phoenix, but I am enjoying one fine cigar.

    Fuckin’ aye!

  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb482d:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsPartyWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fb482lhh

  • From Russia with Love

    Hey, what happens to Franken’s seat when he goes?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Gov appoints a senator to fill out the term.

      • William

        I understand it might be a woman. Possibly Lt. Gov. Tina Smith.

        • From Russia with Love

          Thanks. So no drama?

      • Carole

        At least in Minnesota, it won’t be “fucking golden.”

    • Relativicus

      It’s been said that MN’s Deputy/Vice/ Whatever Governor will be appointed with a special election to be held next fall.

  • William

    I can’t wait for Quasimodo Huckabee to explain this to the anxious media.

    • Edna

      Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
      On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
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    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Quasimodo LIBELZ!!!!! At least he was a sympathetic character.

    • Daniel

      The bull! The bull!

  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb484d:
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  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb484d:
    ➽➽
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  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb484d:
    ➽➽
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  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb484d:
    ➽➽
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  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb484d:
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  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    we might need some clean up

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh, I’m so going to see The Last Jedi now….

    • Jo Mathie

      That horse is pretty much an ad campaign for the ILPH.

  • Parakeetist

    Is anybody else crazy with joy right now? I mean literally crazy?

    There should be no Democrat wearing clothes right now.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    FIrst spammer I’ve ever had to block, but boy, “she” was obnoxious.

    • Bobathonic

      It’s like the spam version of The Song That Never Ends!

  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb487:
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    • Msgr_MΩment

      Piss off, fuck face.

      • From Russia with Love

        Her parents were quite prolific, it would seem. Or are they all identical twins?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Check under the hood. Sequential serial numbers.

  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb487:
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  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb488:
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  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb488:
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  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb488:
    ➽➽
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  • Edna

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fb488:
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  • Nounverb911
    • renegade500

      I didn’t realize Bannon was still in the administration. Silly me.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Schrodinger’s Cabinet Secretary.

        • renegade500

          I’ve always felt sorry for the cat. Maybe.

      • Werewolf

        Reichsführer (ex officio).

    • Shibusa

      🐵 🙈 🙉 🙊 Bannon’s feces-throwing howler-monkey brigade will begin attacks on King in 5,4,3….

    • TootsStansbury

      Haha haha! Too late for that, mofos! Sucks to be you!

    • Bobathonic

      Objection: “thoughts” not in evidence!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Bannon is already declaring that his ‘forces’ must step up the attacks on the Republican establishment.

      Oh what a lovely unholy war. Pass the popcorn.

      • Meccalopolis

        I endorse this strategy

    • Mary Theresa

      Nooooooooooooo, Bannon can turn the House blue too.

      • Pilotshark

        think that is what King is saying :-)

      • Meccalopolis

        yeah, I don’t think they should give up on the guy yet. give him another chance, he hasn’t endorsed a serial killer yet

  • Daniel

    Sarah Huckabee-Sanders will later explain how it was always Trump’s intention to let the Democrats “win” in Alabama because that particular Senate seat is cursed.

    The Democrats are going to have to deal with that. SAD!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Oh, Diane….

  • Mary Theresa

    We’re being spammed by a bot?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      This is the story
      Of Jack and Diane
      Two Russian bots growing up
      In the Glorious Motherland.

  • Shibusa

    From USA Today’s Editorial Board: “A president who’d all but call a senator a whore is unfit to clean toilets in Obama’s presidential library or to shine George W. Bush’s shoes.

  • Kurt Weil

    I wonder if you were telling everyone that Hillary would win.

    Just saying because I would bet that you thought Hillary was going to win, and this kind of gloating isn’t really helpful.

    • Daniel

      It’s been literally a matter of hours.

      If now is not the time to celebrate, when is?

      • William

        It’s too soon to talk about preventing Democratic victories in Alabama.
        Wayne Lapierre.

        • Resistor Radio

          I guess we’re supposed to be sending thoughts and prayers to the Moore campaign?

          • William

            Did you miss Moore and his incoherent babble about waiting, Jesus and something, something? Then he suggested everyone go home and sleep.

      • Werewolf

        No, no, we’re supposed to be sympathetic to the plight of the economically anxious EvangeliKKKAl white people who voted for the prevert.

    • William
    • Bobathonic

      Oh, so what would help alleviate your concern?

      • From Russia with Love

        One million dollars!

        • Bobathonic

          Dr Evil, is that you?

    • Resistor Radio

      Dude.

    • From Russia with Love

      Minus the shenanigans, Hillary did win.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Concern troll alert

      • From Russia with Love

        Indeed, please reach up above you and to the left a tiny bit and give Kurt Weil this: GO FUCK YOURSELF.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Moore lost. Get over it.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The Democratic Party just took a seat that had been held by Republicans for over 2 decades. They repudiated the nihilistic and immoral dive the Republicans have been on since 2015. And it was done in one of the deepest conservative strongholds in the country.

      If that isn’t worth gloating over just a little, then nothing is.

  • Nounverb911

    All middle schools in Alabama are on high alert today….

    https://twitter.com/GovMikeHuckabee/status/940918705105534976

  • Nounverb911
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Sassy is a remarkable horse. Many, if not most horses would dump their rider in the most ignominious fashion were said rider be yanking on the reins like that. I’m not even a horse person but I can see that. Roy Moore is an asshole pervert horse-abusing shitgolum.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        And she’s only fourteen!….

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          I,KR?

  • Nounverb911
  • Timothy Watson

    I really enjoy the fact that Trump ended up endorsing Moore. Unfortunately, I was hoping Moore’s lost would result in a completely unhinged rant from Trump, so far I’ve been disappointed in that regard.

  • Bill D. Burger

    I love the Krassenstein brothers:

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/940904649728708609

    Ed Krassenstein‏
    @EdKrassen

    More excuses from a President who no longer has any influence. You’ve lost the American people.

    Ed Krassenstein‏
    @EdKrassen

    Face it. Your endorsement didn’t have any effect. It may have even cost Moore the election.

    Ed Krassenstein‏
    @EdKrassen

    You just need to realize that America doesn’t want bigots and sexual criminals in office.

    Ed Krassenstein‏
    @EdKrassen

    The next step is for you to resign. Yesterday proved that if you sexually assault someone, you don’t belong in office.

    • William

      I heard that Moores poll numbers dropped after Cheeto Mcshitferbrains endorsed him.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Typhoid Donny…strikes again!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, of course Donnie is going to tweet that. Typical Trumpian autonomaton behavior. Nothing to see here.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Is “mightily” more than “bigly”?

  • Nounverb911
  • Christopher Story

    Whoo-hoo! Beautiful and I are still cheering!

  • Nounverb911
    • Relativicus

      Jones is Roll Tide. That must’ve been done up by the opposition to portray him as a pervert.

  • Brian Fowler

    I am genuinely surprised by this.
    I WANTED to believe Mr. Jones would win, but I couldn’t.
    This is so far a pleasant morning.

  • dslindc

    Well here’s something I didn’t expect to be saying this morning (or most mornings, to be honest): GOOD JOB, ALABAMA!

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Everything he touches dies.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      That’s right, Donnie. If there’s any place where a Republican could have the deck stacked against him it would be in Ala-goddamn-bama. Right.

  • Resistor Radio

    I’m so glad Dominic doesn’t have to give us like 9 fluffy animal videos to talk us off the ledge this morning! Thanks, Alabama!

    (Net neutrality is still a fight, and a bummer, and President Bing Bong Shits is still defiling the White House, so we need a *little nicetimes)

    • dslindc

      And there’s that tax bill.

      • Resistor Radio

        Yeah, there’s that.

        BUT STILL

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I am really surprised that more media aren’t pointing out, at some length, that the GOP Tax bill and the GOP health care bill are two of the worst-written pieces of legislative garbage ever written, EVEN THOUGH the GOP had been talking about them for eight years, which one would think would have given them time to prepare and write coherent bills. They are like the kids I knew in Algebra class who didn’t do any homework until the night before the final exam, which they then failed.

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          Well, when you spend eight years simply trying to torpedo any and everything Obama wanted to do, you don’t have time to do things like think up rational legislation, not that rationality has been a Redumlican trait for some time now.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I was starting to look at those videos like unwanted vaccinations….

  • Bill D. Burger

    Typhoid Don: “Well, our work in Alabama is done! All aboard and on to our next victory….”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1d5b49afc9a346ea2419415f8e0a74de4b58da1e605534c808c942433098c14f.gif