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Hello Wonkette fans! I am here to regale you with tales of the breakdown of democracy, because I am going to tell you about all the instances of lines and improperly distributed provisional ballots and illegally strict ID requirements and general polling fuckery in the great state of Alabama today!

If you, while you are wandering around this here series of tubes, happen to run into any reports of election fuckery, we ask you let us know below so we can add it! We also warn you that reports are not the same as verified incidents and also that this post will basically just be me looking at Twitter and if I’m feeling daring Facebook (but probably not because I hate Facebook, you guys get on that kthx) so it’s unlikely to be comprehensive. I’m a damn fine person to have in a boiler room but nobody’s that good. (Somebody’s that good. It’s just not me.)

So, without delay, here is the first of a constantly* updated entry!

*constantly means when I find things and get back here. You’re welcome.

In good news for Democracy, it really doesn’t seem like there are a ton of systemic failures or suppression! It seems like a lot of mistakes and one police department saying to themselves “oh man you know where there will be many cars? ON THE WAY TO THE POLLS WHERE THE VOTE ABOUT THE MOLESTER GUY IS!” and realizing that volume means revenue. (We have absolutely no basis upon which to assert that excepting that police departments around the country are known for doing that kind of thing, particularly where there’s a lot of black people, and so we assume! It is as reasonable as anything else!)

More provisionals

Voter confusion isn’t always necessarily suppression, but ain’t social media an unmitigated good where you only ever find true things!

Looking like Homewood, Alabama isn’t the least weird place in the state today!


OK, so if you’d heard about the deleting ballots thing, here’s the ACLU on it:

I needed to see this and maybe you did too!

Here is an interesting fact! So once it’s determined that provisionals might swing the outcome, you go into counting. That usually means that representatives of both campaign hover over some hapless elections board worker who’s got a magnifying glass and is trying to match signatures. This is a fucked system, because most people don’t know handwriting analysis and signatures change over time. Anyway, here’s the other bit of truth behind the “provisionals aren’t counted” belief: they are ruled as invalid at astronomical rates. Voters often are required to come into the board of elections to provide whatever proof they lacked at the polls, and if they don’t BAM their vote isn’t counted. Things like that.

Worth noting as well that there are rumors that provisional ballots won’t be counted. We here at Wonkette’s fact-checking department rank this claim as “of course that’s how it’s being explained!” TO WIT: Provisional ballots usually must be counted after an election unless the total amount of provisional ballots is smaller than the margin of victory. Say there’s 100 total ballots, and 20 are provisional. If a candidate wins on election night 60-20, there’s no point counting the provisional ballots because even if the losing candidate won every one of them it wouldn’t change the outcome of the election. If a candidate wins on election night 45-35, provisional ballots would be put through the challenge process and counted. It’s called “first past the post.” Anyway it’s where the idea that provisionals aren’t counted or don’t matter came from. More provisional discussion later, I’m going to go check for more fuckery!

So anyway I was supposed to be writing a chapter in this book but it’s election night and fuck it, I’m going full nerd instead. This means that I am operating far too many screens for a single human at once and also have just informed my children that they can watch twice their usual amount of Spongebob. Here’s a Vox fact-checky thingy on voter suppression in Alabama!

 

I was wondering how long it would be before we found some trans voter suppression! Looks like the voter figured it out in the end, but.

 

Some good old-fashioned provisional racism

 

This is one of those “grain of salt” things because rumors spread quickly, but it is important to note rumors as well, as they can impact elections! Here is one that warrants are being checked at polls. Contrasted with the police at polling locations, and we perhaps have a problem!

 

 

Not really voter suppression but hell’s bells this is gross:

 

Do you suppose this is a very bad earnest attempt or a very good troll?

 

This is not what you like to see, though:

 

 

More “inactive voter” fuckery

 

This is worth clicking through to read the whole thing, but the upshot is this voter was marked inactive despite having voted recently, and if she hadn’t thought to herself in advance “wow this place is really racist I should take ALL THE THINGS so they can’t fuck with my vote” she might not have been able to vote:

 

 

 

We suspect that this person doesn’t quite understand what “suppression” is but it’s too funny to not bring you this to ponder:

 

But these are legit problems:

 

 

 

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  • Nounverb911
    • KillerMartinis

      yeah I’m wondering why dude had two completed ballots to show, this seems…not right.

      • Bananas Foster

        Is it absentee? May the dude and his spouse?

        • KillerMartinis

          There’s that Occam I was looking for

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Close shave.

      • TundraGrifter

        I might be mistaken, but I believe in California it is against the law to take photos inside the polling place.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          probably in Alabama too

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        He’s a “rock solid GOP voter”. They always get two…

        • Msgr_MΩment

          One for him, one for his rock solid peen?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            the other one is from the blah person they just turned away at the polls- they don’t want it to go to waste

        • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

          “It’s totally legal! I’mma votin’ one FOR Doug Jones, and one AGAINST Roy Moore!”

    • jowgajen

      Not into this straight party punch option.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        I’m impressed there is a Democratic option at all.

  • ariel_gee_398
    • Bill D. Burger

      There are a couple of other reports of this very same thing happening and in, surprise, heavily minority areas.

      Republicans: “If we can’t cheat em’, we can’t beat em.”

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • TundraGrifter

      “Smearing,” in this case, consists of simply stating the facts. His position is similar to Mr. Trump’s. The truth is deemed to be an attack because it’s damned ugly.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’d say multiple credible accusers, most with corroborating evidence, counts as more than a “shred”, Jethro…

      • TundraGrifter

        The other way to look at that is a “carload” isn’t a “shred.”

  • little miss high and mighty

    Dang we must now sign off Cannot wait up the returns. Big day tomorrow guess we find out in the morning light.
    Bless ol Jones hope he can prevail as we all must.
    Goodnight all!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Sometimes I wonder if all them PhDs in Huntsville feel like they are surrounded by a bunch of hostile idiots.

    • TundraGrifter

      You know what they say about Atlanta? The only thing wrong with it is that it’s surrounded by Georgia.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        see also: Austin

        • renegade500

          Yep (says someone with a PhD who lives in Austin and works at UT).

  • BadKitty904
    • MynameisBlarney

      *again

    • Bill D. Burger

      Gonna’ be hard to stop them. The Alabammy supreme court this morning lifted the injunction by a lower court to stop the destruction of electronic voting records after the election is completed. As of this moment, they are free to erase the voting tallies.

      • cmd resistor

        Why would they even do that? Granted, I am not familiar with any details of that case but how can it be a good thing?

        • GoutMachine

          Ha, have you met Republicans?

          • An Outhouse for the résistance

            You’re suggesting they’ll need to remove their shoes if there were more than 10 votes?

        • MynameisBlarney

          A good thing if you want to cover up actual votes and any evidence of fuckery.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Simple. They certify the winner, then when the other party demands a recount rather than a hand recount they just run the computer data again (which will probably produce the same result).

          • H0mer0

            that’s what they did in Florida in 2000 IIRC

        • BadKitty904

          Because if you’re stealing an election – which is illegal – you want to get rid of the evidence of the crime you committed.

      • BadKitty904

        Appeal to the UN election monitors?

      • Bobathonic

        As I read it, they still keep the original paper ballots. And by dawdling, they made it so they cannot guarantee they retain the digital images (it requires essentially setting preferences, they didn’t do it, and it would have to be done by their contractor, everywhere, before this morning). At least, that’s how it read to me.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      too late.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: Right about now, I’m wondering why a certain federal department doesn’t accept digital/PDF submissions, cause I would have been done with this project…a week ago.

    Let’s get Trump & Co. on that – oh wait, it’s not the RIGHT kind of regulation that ACTUALLY costs billions in hours for the public each year.

    Fuckers.

    What’s this about Alabama now?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      (reads post)
      Goddamit, way to make me look like a 1st world whiner Alabama…but seriously – this shit is fucked.

      I’m guessing AL is one of those places where black ALWAYS = Democrat?

      • Bobathonic

        Best not to take the chance, so assume “yes”.

  • Nounverb911
    • Bill D. Burger

      An ASS riding a horse. Irony!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        speaking of ass, give him about a half hour riding that poorly and his will fall off…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      He rides like Palin shoots.*

      *which is to say, rarely and always for a camera

    • BreakingDeadMen

      “Hey, hey, fuck him all you want, but I’m the horse he rode in on and I don’t like him any better than you.”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’d say something about the horse that he exploited by riding in on it, but no horse deserves that.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      That day he rode into the voting booth location I was sure he was about to fall off the damn horse. He rides like the first timers at the horse rental barn.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Yup, dude ranch rookie with brand new LL Bean outfit

      • jowgajen

        Worse because they won’t let rental people hold the reigns.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ole Roy must have needed an extra heaping of horseshit for the news media, so both he and his wife rode their horsies.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        the ironic part is that the poor horse likely ended up in a can of Ol’ Roy and is now sitting on a shelf in the Walmart pet food section…

    • shivaskeeper

      I’ll give him a point for not losing his cool. But I take away 5 points for letting the horse decide when and where to go. Bad training and bad riding. His net score from me is -4.

    • Skaarphy

      JFC.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Roy shoulda used coconuts.

      • Hesavebread!

        And now people are staring and I probably need a new keyboard . . .

    • Bananas Foster

      Wow.

      He cannot ride. Like, at all.

      • Bobathonic

        I can’t ride and I fear horses, and I can tell he has no idea.

        • onedollarjuana

          You are sensible. I’ve been on two horses, and the second one broke my collarbone.

          • aloharob

            shoulda stayed with the first one

    • ariel_gee_398

      Maybe it’s a young female horse who’s just sick of his shit.

    • Christopher Story

      I’ve ridden once in my life, and I’m pretty sure I did better.

    • Arolpin

      The stirrups are too long, he’s leaning too far back, he isn’t working with the horse, and he looks like he would get bucked off a merry-go-round. It’s like watching a monkey fuck a football, but neither of them is enjoying it.
      Dukakis got grief for the tank pix, but at least he wasn’t upside down in the turret. This guy knows as much about horses as my cat knows about thermodynamics.

      • H0mer0

        somehow despite their lack of proficiency in thermodynamics, they still manage to master teleportation.
        just sayin’

    • NastyBossetti

      This is what I looked like my very first time on a horse.

    • Hardly Ideal

      And he looks almost as big as the poor horse, on top of that.

  • TundraGrifter

    I think I’m in love.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Normally this many people don’t show up for an election

    Well, at least there’s some good news there.

    Vote a cap up their ass, Alabama.

  • TJ Barke

    Republicans are traitors.

    • MynameisBlarney

      And that’s just for starters.

  • cmd resistor

    My friend in Tuscaloosa says lots of Jones signs and she got a robocall from their mayor supporting Jones. It is a college town so she doesn’t know how it will all wash out.

  • cmd resistor

    Even Sessions didn’t say how he voted, except that it was absentee.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      he couldn’t remember

    • TundraGrifter

      I’m guessing he wrote in the name of a Republican. What a little shit weasel.

      • TJ Barke

        Oh no, he voted for Moore. I’d bet the farm on it.

        • TundraGrifter

          Then why wouldn’t he suck up to his boss and say so?

          • Bobathonic

            Too filled with chicken shit.

      • cmd resistor

        That’s what Richard Shelby did, although at least he said so. Sessions said he valued the sanctity of the ballot.

      • weejee

        That great Replican Jefferson Davis, for whom Sessions is named?

  • gallbladder

    “Media-led voter suppression?!?”

    Where to fucking begin…

    • eastcoastlib

      “So I didn’t vote for Moore but yeah, I voted for Moore.”

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      It’s “No puppet, no puppet, you’re the puppet!” Or as Pee-Wee Herman said, “I know you are but what am I?”
      “We’re not doing voter suppression, you’re doing voter suppression!”
      “We’re not racists, you’re racists!”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Normally this many people don’t show up for an election.

    This is not a good sign if you’re into voter suppression like a certain party of Pedobears.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Yet__Trump’s odious and depraved ‘base’ sees it as their sacred duty to show up for The Dear Dotard and the Fundies have the TEAlibangelicals fired up for Pedo Moore.
      I’d be surprised if Moore doesn’t win by double digits, and he’ll proclaim it “God’s will against the forces of Satan.” and the Trumpanzees will shout with glee.
      Cause’ Alabammy’!

      • Fartrell Cluggins

        Yep, the religitards are out in force, voting for their beloved pedophile.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Just curious about how many Women vote for the guy that wants to get rid of the Constitutional amendment that allows Women to vote.

    • Caepan

      If he done got a “R” in front of his name, an’ he’s a Gawd fearin’ KKKrist-yun, he’ll have their votes!

      Bless their hearts.

    • Fartrell Cluggins

      All of them, because the other is a “filthy Dem”, which to them, is literally worse than Satan himself. The collective IQ of Moore supporters barely hits double digits.

    • weejee

      Same thing with the women that embrace ISIS and the Taliban.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      All the women who think they would be Wives in the Handmaids Tale, and not Handmaids, Martha’s, or sent to the colonies.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    i wanted to share a good song from a great band and then this post came up and then this song came on – kick some ass ‘Bama:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49PKoAU07qY

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Have Trump and Putin voted yet?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Probably many, many times over___although The Fucking Moron won’t be aware of it.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    While I have no doubt that election chicanery is going on, there’s also probably a bunch of sheer, bureaucractic inefficiency in an underfunded state.
    I volunteered as a poll worker for California in the 2016 election- we were hammered from the minute the polls opened. The high school volunteers didn’t show up. If people regerestered late, they didn’t show up on the voter rolls and had to do a provisional ballot. If they sent for a mail in ballot and decided to vote in person, they had to turn in their mail in or do a provisional. Some people weren’t on the voter rolls because Crom knows why. And California is a voter friendly state.
    Those poor poll workers are probably totally overwhelmed. And I got a pittance. They’re probably getting squat.

    • jowgajen

      Pretty much. In CA they take months if needed to count all the ballots.

    • KillerMartinis

      While all of that is true (and thank you for being a poll worker, holy shit!) it’s still kind of the state’s job to ensure that everyone who’s eligible gets to vote. Whether the fuckery is intentional or mere shitty preparation isn’t really relevant.

      But poll workers are usually awesome people who got shitty training, when they’re wrong. And a solid longtime poll worker is worth gold.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I’m not sure I’d ever do it again. Maybe. Thanks to my back it was torture. And at the end of a 16 hour day, we found that Trump had won. I’ll always associate being a poll worker with that feeling.

        • bupkus231

          I did it in Maryland from the 2006 general election ( this was the year MD rolled out their “electronic voting machines” during the primaries, and it was an unmitigated disaster – hearing about it, I signed up – mostly to learn about the machines ) through the 2012 elections – and manpower was so short, I went from “floor judge” ( basically escorting voters to the machines and giving them last second instruction ) to “chief judge” ( responsible for signing off on all operations at a precinct ) in 3 elections. It was really trial by fire.

          I was “lucky” – especially lucky the first year I agreed to be a “chief judge” – the county election board director assured me that, even tho’ it was to be my first election as a “chief judge”, she would pair me with an experienced chief judge ( in MD, each precinct has two chiefs – one Dem, one Rep ) – but, when Election Day rolled around and I met my counterpart, she was just as much a “rookie” as I was. We made it – the worst part was the hourly audit reports, where we had to make sure that we had recorded ( on 13 machines, in our precinct ) the same number of votes as went through voter registration verification ) – but that went without a hitch, despite a lot of angst about it.

          I get to admit I worked both Obama elections – but that “triumph” is tempered by the fact that, altho’ our county, and the state of Maryland, went for Obama both times – the precinct I worked went Republican both times ( McCain, Romney ).

  • Jonny On Maui
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Because they fucked up net neutrality and now everybody wonders what ever became of Portugal?

      • PortageeJoe

        Good thing I still remember

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Pepperidge Farm remembers

          • H0mer0

            I had a neuroanatomy professor who said the best part of getting old was the senior discount at Pepperidge Farms

          • bupkus231

            Wait, what? There’s an actual place named “Pepperidge Farms”?!?? It’s not just an agrobusiness advertising gimmick?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Pepperidge Farm?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Drugs are bad, m’kay?

    • weejee

      Jeff Sessions is why. Jefe Sessions and the Jebus freaks who love him.

    • yyyaz

      Because it is based on logic, human needs and verifiable results, it will never even be tried in this Puritan hellscape. Besides, babby jeebus would cry.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/live-updates-alabama-senate-race-election-results-exit-polls-live-coverage-voting-today-live-stream/
    9:15 a.m.: Jones casts his vote
    Doug Jones cast his vote after 9 a.m. ET at Brookwood Baptist Church in Mountain Brook, Ala., a Birmingham suburb, and he also plans to greet voters outside various polling locations around Alabama. After the polls close, he’ll join supporters for an Election Night watch party in Birmingham. He told reporters afterward that he didn’t think Moore would win. In Alabama, there’s a saying, he said: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Alabama’s not going to let that shame happen again.”

    Comment withheld, cause I think you know where I’d go with it.

    • H0mer0

      [Wonkette doesn’t allow comments anyway. ]

      • bupkus231

        The apotheosis of futility here….

  • Michael R
    • wide_stance_hubby

      Needs moar shit on him.

      • Caepan

        I volunteer!

    • Bobathonic

      He won’t say? He voted for Moore.

    • proudgrampa

      Gimme a break — who ELSE would he vote for?

      • bupkus231

        That was kinda my question when Richard Shelby said he did not vote for Moore but wrote in a “distinguished Republican name”…

        IS there such a thing? Don’t tell me Jefferson Beauregard Sessions!

        Maybe Sessions voted for himself?

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      I’m sure he did. Several times!

    • kaydenpat

      Because even he knows that voting for a pedophile is a bad thing.

  • Caepan

    Guess we’ll know just how many Alabama Republicans wrote in their vote instead of ol’ PedoRoy when we find out just how many voted for “X”.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Signs of election fuckery going on in Mobile County according to my email source.

  • Michael Smith

    I bet there’s some funny chemistry between the native Alabaman ratfucker and the Russian consultant they brought in to help with the internettin’.

    Sure, they come from different parts of the world and the cultural differences make for some hilarious hi-jinks! But at the end of the day, they realize they have a lot of values in common and become friends.

    In the sequel, Bubba Goes to Belarus, the Russian hires Bubba to help in an eastern European election rigging, and its basically an unimaginative retread of all the gags from the first film.

    • bupkus231

      What high concept! Maybe Harvey Weinstein will go into TV production now….

  • William
    • MynameisBlarney

      It also means that they support pedophilia.

      • Edna

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        fb481d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleInternetPartyCommunityWorkFromHome/make/more ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fb481lhhh

    • kaydenpat

      Most of all, it means that you’re a horrible person.

  • Michael R

    Why did they put in Kasperky voting machines ?

    • Crystalclear12

      Makes the hacking easier, silly.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Black Folks need to show their long form unphotoshopped birth certificate to vote.

    • kaydenpat

      And prove that they’re all not undercover Kenyan Muslims also too.

    • bupkus231

      And leave it with the poll worker for later verification – say, in two, three years ( if it doesn’t get lost ).

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Voter suppression in al-abammy? I am SHOCKED.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    I am not shocked.

  • ATTENTION Alambama voters:

    Doug Jones does not perform abortions.
    Roy Moore does assault young girls.

    JFC.

    Thx,

    America

  • DuchessD’Orleans

    Real question: Why did Roy Moore demonstrate to everyone that he cannot ride a horse? Is this an Alabama thing? Like there’s a saying that goes “Never send a man to the Senate if he knows how to ride a horse.” IDGI.

    • KillerMartinis

      The horse was named Sassy.

    • DuchessD’Orleans

      There exist specially trained horses for people who don’t know how to ride. Like for tourist activities and shit. Why didn’t they get one of those?

      • Bobathonic

        None of them were adolescent?

    • bupkus231

      Maybe it’s just me, but your acronym IDGI looks all too much like IDJIT ( not an acronym ) for my comfort….

  • Mr. Blobfish

    With all the media on hand, let’s hope all the fuckery is brought to light. Which a Republican state gov’t, there’s little chance of any action. But hopefully lots of lawsuits can come out of this.

    • kaydenpat

      Not trying to sound like a downer but such lawsuits wouldn’t go very far in Alabama and this SCOTUS would be a-ok with any voter suppression.

  • MynameisBlarney

    I was looking for a meme that would express my current state of mind regarding this election day ratfucking.

    Haven’t found anything yet, so here’s this to hold y’all over until I find a dank meme.

    https://img.memecdn.com/Sweet-baby-Jesus-and-orphans_o_130708.jpg

  • cmd resistor

    I did see on the “live updates” on al.com that Jones has a hotline for voter fuckery, so that’s something.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      He’s prepared, and he knows his state. GOOD.

  • Crystalclear12

    I did not bring my shocked face to this post.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Sometime heritage and hate are the same fucking thing: https://twitter.com/AriBerman/status/940619234991923200

    • kaydenpat

      Berman has done an excellent job of voting on Republican threats to the Voting Rights Act including their voter suppression tactics. I’ve never heard of Jim Clark before. Interesting read.

      • bupkus231

        Nananananana – BERMAN!

        [ Sorry – couldn’t resist, once my first scan of your post read his name as Batman ]

        Jim Clark was Jim Crow’s third cousin, once removed….

  • cmd resistor

    So the press briefing is starting. Some white guy is standing up there talking. I don’t know who he is and I have the sound off.
    Oh, Sarah is on now.
    ETA: oops now another guy. I really should turn on the sound but am at work.

  • jaspersdad

    Is cowboy drag a new thing for the Al-abama GOP?

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’m goin with no.
      No it isn’t.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The cop and construction worker slots were already taken and he refused to be the indian or the leather clad biker

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Also Moore keeps getting the lyrics wrong and sings “Its fun to stay with the Kay-Kay-Kay.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          That’s because he was banned from the YWCA

      • bupkus231

        Should’ve been the gimp ( always off-stage )

    • spangled

      like…alabama isn’t a ranching state, the only people there who have horses are insanely wealthy show-pony types.

      the horse and gun stuff he’s done is the fakest shit ever.

      • Donna Mueller

        yeah-i had a plastic vest and a howdy-doody real western gun too. when i was 6 years old!!!!!!!

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          Clearly you and ol’ Roy were soulma..

          Nope. Can’t even make a joke about it. Ugh.

        • bupkus231

          Presuming your moniker is gender-accurate, just be glad you didn’t run into Roy Moore….

    • Caepan

      Well, maybe in Alabama, but…

      http://www.wiwfarm.com/jpg2/e131.jpg

      But he’s a real cowpoke ’cause he hosted Death Valley Days on the teevee!

      • Arolpin

        Reagan at least looked comfortable on a horse. He was a senile old fuck, but he knew how to ride.

  • jaspersdad

    Roy Moore……The Marlboro Molester.

  • BaconzHRTbrokezn

    Voter suppression in Alabama? Whooda thunk.

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • bupkus231

      Hey – I’ve never run into a Congressman on the street. Who says they’re not segregated from the gen pop by being in Congress?

    • kaydenpat

      Seems like Democrats who go out to vote get the run around but was need to persist.

  • William

    I believe the horse thing was to remind us that Pedo-Moore wants us to go back to a simpler time before all those pesky amendments. http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/364203-moore-in-2011-interview-getting-rid-of-every-amendment-after-the-10th-would

    • Shan

      That stunt was because he knows all little girls like horses.

      • theblackdog

        *shudder*

        • guest1331now

          [Images of Big Brother bro-hugging Uncle Roy]

  • William
    • kaydenpat

      And he said that the best time in America was during slavery.

  • Jgb979

    AND the state Supreme Court just ruled all election records can be wiped the day after (so expect a repeat of the Karen Hanel fiasco)

    If this state hates democracy so much they can always leave again! No one will stop you this time!!

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I remain of the opinion that had I Obama’s time machine and a handful of H-bombs, I would go back and give the H-bombs to Gen. Sherman with a suitable list of places where they could be detonated.

    All we have now to remedy this shit is votes. Unfortunately, votes are under aggressive attack. Fuck this shit!

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    Nope! Nuh, uh. Never saw this coming.

  • weejee
  • Mavenmaven

    In their konstitooshun, blacks only get 3/5 of a vote and women none at all so they believe they are being accurate.

  • MamaBrown

    Well, we had a good run, didn’t we, democracy? As for the rest of you, maybe we’ll run into each other at re-education camp.

    • yyyaz

      Ramen.

    • mancityRed6

      I’ll be the one in the orange jumpsuit

      • Lord Jim

        So they’re taking your footie pj’s from you? ANIMALS!

    • PK

      Maybe if I convert to a rabid enough Trumper now I can get a job as a Gauleiter

    • RMKH

      I love Big Brother

      • guest1331now

        Brrr, spinal chills.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      I, for one, welcome our new reptilian overlords,

  • Voting should not be this fucking difficult. Same day registration is fucking simple.

    • bupkus231

      Same day registration is a minor issue. These fuckers are actually preventing registered voters from voting!

  • TakingAmes

    Even with all the fuckery, I pray that turnout blasts them all outta the water, and that folks are persistent in demanding their rights.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    I’m sure Mitch McConnell and Steve Bannon will remember to send a bottle of extremely expensive champagne to that bland thug John Roberts, Republican Chief Justice of what was once the United States Supreme Court.

    It’s the least they can do to thank him for midwifing “Shelby v Holder” back in 2013. That was the Koch-funded assault on voting rights that Roberts used to shred the enforcement provisions of the Voting Rights Act.

    Alabama was one of nine states where Republicans were directly empowered by this ghastly decision, free to engage in a spiraling set of dirty tricks and voter suppression without having to worry about oversight.

    • bupkus231

      “…without having to worry about PRIOR oversight.”

      Yeah – then they go elect a fucker who won’t pursue civil rights cases, so even after-the-fact suits go nowhere.

      Someone needs to sue John Roberts and the rest of the Supreme Coirt who voted for “Shelby”. The idea that these fuckers are immune from impeachment/prosecution is all fine and dandy if they’re actually the wise objective solons they were envisioned to be – but when they’re political, ideological assholes ( and even liberal ideologues can be assholes ), there needs to be a way to rein them in ( and not, as Moore clearly was willing to do, ignoring decisions )…

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    that cops running warrants thing is some grade A fucking bullshit…ACLU, FBI, somebody get ON IT!

    • Resistor Radio

      Who do I have to throw money at to help with this??

      • sarafina

        ACLU might be good.

    • bupkus231

      The thing with that is, they don’t even really have to do that – just getting the rumor out is enough to discourage some people.

      Now, I know righties would argue that if someone’s afraid of an outstanding warrant, they’re probably a criminal anyway, so they shouldn’t have the vote – but, even not being a lawyer, I suspect that this specious arguing. I would bet that the large majority of voters “discouraged” by police presence at polling places are no less law-abiding than your typical rightwing asshole.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Not to mention the massive number of warrants for misdemeanor offenses, and even for petty cites that go unpaid and pile up. It’s systemic, this garbage…

  • If only a fraction of these reports are accurate ( and I have no doubt that they are) , then this is unprecedented GOP fuckery. And I was expecting fuckery.

    • guest1331now

      Um, fuckery, check, GOP, check, unprecedented, hahahardly. SOP for the GOP and for racists/elitists/facists everywhere all the time.

  • Bananas Foster

    *RAGE*

  • Edith Prickly

    Wow. Do we need to send in the UN?

    • bupkus231

      YES!!!! There needs to be election monitors from other democracies everywhere in the US, not just Alablamma.

      BTW – Where’s Jimmy Carter? Has he said anything about this election?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Jade Helm! Agenda 1776!!

    • phoenix00

      Yeah, but how many fucks do you think Haley selectively has to give?

  • bupkus231

    I appreciate KM’s disclaimer – so I certainly hope some credible media sources are monitoring, verifying, AND reporting on these problems. The only way these fuckers get away with it is if they can deny reports as uncredible ( or uncredibly reported ).

    • KillerMartinis

      yeah election day reports are always going to be scattered and like they say in intel, it’s raw data. It’s good to establish general trends and spots we should focus on, but it’s terrible as far as “OH THIS HAPPENED 100%!!!!1!!1!!”

      • bupkus231

        Like you say, you’re only one person. What about media sources who employ hundreds of people? Are they too busy trying to get quotes from officials?

        • KillerMartinis

          To verify a claim, you have to track down the voter from their social media, contact them, get their story. Campaigns can do that much more effectively because they have a voter file. So basically, you wait a day or two and everyone will have legit fact-checked stories. This is a compendium of social media posts, not an assertion of fact.

          • bupkus231

            I know that – I was deliberately trying to avoid criticizing YOUR post – I applaud it.

            But, while you say only the parties have the info to “effectively” monitor this shit, I’m saying that national media have the resources to do a better job at it – but they don’t bother. Anything beyond the “horse race” is something they don’t want to waste their time on ( unless, of course, it’s their “analysts” chewing over the horse race later )….

            I’m only one guy, too – and I have only “anecdotal data”, too – but, goddamit, I see no organized investigation of electoral fraud – not the right-wing “voter fraud” crap, but the institutionalized bullshit ( like rumors of cops checking for warrants, like “poll watchers” pledging to prevent voter fraud, like all that bullshit… ) that comes down – why doesn’t that get more coverage, and hopefully more attention…

            I think that’s it – most American voters don’t pay attention – unless, of course, it’s them being disenfranchised. It’s always “the other guy…” ( whether or not the other guy is a minority, or just another dumfuck ), so who cares.

            Anyway – there ARE a lotta people who make “compendiums of social media posts” over elections – but why are our national media so ineffective in doing so and turning it into credible reportage?

          • KillerMartinis

            oh, for sure! I didn’t mistake your meaning, I was more just putting it out there ’cause it makes my journalist brain twitchy to put up a lot of rumor even if it’s useful or important and I’m maybe clarifying a lot.

            Which might itself be an answer. When it’s timely you can’t verify it, and once it’s verified it’s not timely anymore.

          • bupkus231

            I get that “make my journalist brain twitchy” thing, too – which is why I think stuff needs to be run down. You and I don’t have the resources – and even major media prolly doesn’t anymore ( what with all the “cost-cutting” leading to decimation of those “hundreds of employees” I spoke about – and, yes, “decimation” is an understatement )

            But they have more than a user-supported mommy blog – and yet, they figure that documenting the loss of integrity of our electoral system doesn’t grab enough eyeballs to justify profit-supporting advertising rates ( and most of “timeliness” concerns is just the idea that “scoops” get eyeballs ) …

            I’m sorry, KM. The longer I go on with you, and the further out into the fantasy universe I get, the more cynical I get, so I can’t even support the fantasy anymo’…

            Ima gonna go get drunk….

          • KillerMartinis

            I WILL JOIN YOU SIR!

  • kaydenpat

    We’re not living in a democracy, folks. This is Third World chicanery right here.

    • Scrofula

      I’ve always thought fuckery like this should be treated like a serious felony. I mean, deliberate disenfranchisement seems akin to treason. Post fliers in black neighborhoods with the wrong dates and locations–go to fucking prison.

      • kaydenpat

        If Republicans weren’t fascist, your point of view would prevail.

      • phoenix00

        also: UN-CONSTITUTION-AL

  • KillerMartinis

    It is worth pointing out that this shit happens in every state in every election! That it is happening is standard. The fact that it seems to largely be happening to black people is a thing we are noting here.

    • anon_the_great

      No it doesn’t. I Washington State we have state wide Vote By Mail. There is literally no way to keep people from the polling place. There is no way to challenge a vote w/out a legal affidavit.

      • KillerMartinis

        Most states have no way to challenge a vote without a legal affidavit. That’s why campaigns send lawyers down to challenge ballots.

      • suziq

        Yup, it works great! One time one of our (adult) kids had their signature verified after an election because his signature was a lot sloppier than years before. Just had to sign something saying yup, that was him that voted and it was fine. No big deal.

      • weighmaster

        Oregon too, YAY!!

    • bupkus231

      Really, KM? Does this shit happen in Maryland? or Massachusetts? Does anyone really KNOW? Where the hell is the large-scale, longitudinal ( i.e., long-term ) investigations and studies of this behavior – and why the hell isn’t it trumpeted from the airwaves everyday during the runup to elections of any sort ( i.e. special or general ).

      These fuckers get away with it, because we say “Shit happens!”. Show me a Congressman – or even a Congressional candidate – who has paid more than lip service to the idea that this country disenfranchises, not only minorities, but whomever the “ruling party” deems to be “undesirable”, for whatever reason.

      Fuck this shit about “states rights” and that they get to decide election procedures ( let alone actual enforcement ). Federalize it all – let the fucking bigits and Republicunts try to game THAT system.

      • KillerMartinis

        well, we know it because every election we see it. There aren’t studies because it doesn’t serve the interests of anyone with either the money to fund them or the power to direct the money to fund them to have the studies done.

        They get away with it because nobody’s entirely sure how the system works, much less what’s wrong with it. That’s how most everyone in the whole media told everyone Hillary had a lock. Now we have Trump. There’s not just one problem.

        But it’s not on air because it doesn’t get clicks. out of the stories I try to sell, I have five times as much success if it’s tied to today’s news. Which means election stories are popular for a couple weeks, near the election. Chicken/egg and consumption/interest.

        • Scrofula

          It’s disenfranchisement by a million cuts. Small-time local fuckery that can’t be traced to any major organization, spread haphazardly all over the country.

          There’s also no way to say definitively just how many voters were turned away from things like heavy police presence or shady registration problems, rumors of location changes or warrant checks. Ten percent? Fifty percent? Not to mention the attitude of pointlessness it creates in these areas, directly contributing to low turnout.

          And then when clear quantifiable evidence of suppression, enough to sway an election in, like, Ohio, does emerge, it gets shouted down as just a conspiracy or poor sportsmanship by the loser. A local reporter must realize that all the roads lead to national scandal and then the wrath of the GOP machine.

          And so slowly the country returns to Jim Crow. At least the police haven’t shot anyone yet.

  • anon_the_great

    So here we are. Post-Colonial African electoral politics

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • anon_the_great

      Or is this fake newz by reactionaries to warn off AM’s from voting? Effect is the same.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The ACLU seems to be taking it seriously

        • bupkus231

          Again – GREAT! But all this fuckery should have been addressed BEFORE the election ( okay – expecting the Homewood, AL police dept to be the subject of a civil rights suit BEFORE the election is a long shot – but maybe the whole idea of “pre-approval” may have had some kinda damper on this type of behavior ).

          The Homewood, AL police chief deserves to serve a jail sentence.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    it’s only election fraud when mister super brain Chris Kobach says it is.

  • pgjack

    If Alabama is still in America it shouldn’t be.

    • Smibo

      Seems “The United States of America” is an oxymoron.

  • Delu
  • Smibo

    Coming up on one hour since AL polls closed, first reporting has Jones at 59.1%, Moore at 39.9%. I’d be giddy with optimism, if I wasn’t so damn cynical.

  • Marceline

    THIS is what the Democratic Party should be focusing its resources on instead of wasting time with that idiotic “unity” reform commission.

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Live Updates
    8 mins ago
    With more than 85 per cent of the votes counted, Doug Jones has just taken the lead – but the vote is far too close.

    oh jeezus

    • Pisto75666

      CNN just declared Jones wins

  • Zyxomma

    Jones WON!!!!

  • phoenix00
  • Incidentally, one thing that burn me up is that all the pissy little things whining endlessly about “rigged elections” ALWAYS ignored stuff like this! Bring voter suppression up in any other context than not validating their stupid opinion and you’re greeted with “you’re just making excuses” dismissals with no inclination to fight for other people muffled political voices. 😠

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