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Where is Zod when we need him?

Hi there Science Nerds! Are you, like us, interested in sciencey stuff, like robots, and space rockets, and super sexy blue space alien women with skimpy outfits? Of course you are, you are nerds. You know who else is interested in sciencey stuff today? No, not Space Hitler, but close, very close. It is Grand Poobah of All Space Donald Trump. Space News reports the White House will be holding a signing ceremony today where Trump will sign a big prop piece of paper, then hold it up for all to see, thus proving that Donald J. Trump can write his name and is the very smartest of all people, ever, even Jesus. Unlike the many similar ceremonies that Trump has held so that he can publicly pretend that he is getting anything done, this one is NOT aimed at taking away rights from women, people of color, or any of our LGBTQ friends. This one is aimed squarely at the moon.

The administration’s first space policy directive bears the awe-inspiring name of “Space Policy Directive 1,” and broadly directs NASA to prepare a plan to send Americans back to the moon, ostensibly as a stepping stone to the long term goal of putting Americans on Mars. Vice Pussy Grabber Mike Pence took time away from frantically avoiding being alone with a woman to say, “We will return American astronauts to the moon, not only to leave behind footprints and flags, but to build the foundation we need to send Americans to Mars and beyond.” Foundation? FOUNDATION?!?! What exactly are we talking about, here?

No, not that kind of foundation. Asimov uses big words, his books are hundreds of pages long, and there are no pictures, so it can be safely assumed that Trump has never read the Foundation series. The obvious answer is that Trump is planning to build a giant SPACE WALL ON THE MOON! TO KEEP OUT SPACE MEXICANS! You think we’re joking? OK, we’re joking, but only a little. So why does the fucknut currently squatting in the Obamas’ house want to go to the moon? Join us in speculation:

  • He wants to add “First President to send men to the moon” to his unrivaled list of many, many, great accomplishments, really, so much more than any other president. Winning bigly!
  • Someone told him he can find clean Space Coal on the moon.
  • Because that sweet sweet Space Pussy ain’t gonna grab itself.
  • The moon is outside of Mueller’s jurisdiction.
  • Ivanka is about to launch a line of cheap moon rocket parts made in China.
  • Putin told him to.

The Shypixel loves you all, and wants you to be happy. Also, the Shypixel lives almost entirely off of donations from readers like you. Please feed the Shypixel.

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • msanthropesmr

    He also provided NASA with a budget sufficient to use rubber band and string to send the man there.

    • Andre

      All the bootstraps you can eat!!1!!!ELEVEN!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Is it just coincidence that this comes out right after the announcement that they’ve got pizza on the International Space Station?

    • TJ Barke

      I hope they’re comfortable with calculator watches, cuz that’s all the computing power they’ll be issued.

      • natoslug

        A calculator watch is probably more advanced than all of the computers used for the first moon mission, so we’ve got that going for us!

      • Bobathonic

        NASA actually used to use slide rules. Back when they were faking moon landings the first time..

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        I am constantly amazed that my cell phone is 1000 times more powerful than the computers NASA used to land those guys on the moon, allegedly.

        • Seek

          I remember an article that said Word used more lines of code than the Space Shuttle. I believe it as some times more is less.

    • OrG

      No duct tape?

    • JAKvirginia

      This now gives Rs the reason to complain that NASA isn’t following the Prez’s mandate. Government not working! Time to privatize!

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      But we all get TAX CUTS!!!

      /s

  • Tetman Callis

    Space Policy Directive 1 includes provisions for a comprehensive, years-long, multi-billion dollar program to send probes into the cold, dark vacuum inside the president’s skull, searching for any signs of intelligent life.

    • Crystalclear12

      We know that.
      One neuron rocking back forth muttering:
      So cold. . . so alone. . .

  • kilgoretrout

    To the moon, dumb ass!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Moon Emperor Harkonen-Trump wants to establish the first golf course (Golf Course Alpha) on the moon complete with hookers and blackjack.

    He can claim to be the first golfer on the moon but Alan Shepard beat him to that.

  • Trying to think of what sending people back to the moon accomplishes.

    “Hey, there sure are a lot of moon rocks here. Guess we should collect some… like the other guys who were here did.”

    Unless they’re planning on constructing a moon base, but that would be insanely expensive to build, maintain, and swap out the astronauts before the light gravity damaged their bodies too much.

    • beingreleased

      There are scientific reasons to go to the moon (including collecting more rocks). It would be much more cost effective to send remote sample return missions.

      Actually, I’ve thought about writing a book about the scientific return of the manned Apollo mission to the moon and the implications for a manned Mars mission. Maybe I’ll look into that again. Probably not, though.

    • Nockular cavity

      To investigate questions of moon formation, and those of Earth history which have been obscured by Earth tectonics, to supply water and fuel for trans-lunar missions, to isolate possible life-bearing samples from around the solar system away from Earth, for starters. Oh, and to test long exposure to low gravity. The ESA and China have been proposing building a moon base, so countries that are interested in the future might want to consider it. That leaves us out, though.

  • Alan

    Haha. Do they know that costs money?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not his own, so he’s cool with it.

    • OrG

      Yeah, but not the kock bros money.

    • natoslug

      That’s fine. A few more tax cuts should pay for it.

    • Caught Ya

      debt? who cares about debt? We will just print money until there is enough to wallpaper the white house with it all. (unless of course you mean debt owed to the people via social security and medicare, they paid in their whole working lives that debt of course is bad especially when we can use that revenue to check out the moon)/snark

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      well yeah, how else is he going to make contractors, lobbyists, and donors rich(er)?

  • Crystalclear12

    I see no evidence he knows what the moon is.
    Did he think leaving off the word pie was a typo?
    Does he think there is a cheese shortage?

    • SDGeoff3

      I mean, that moon thing looks kind of roundy. How is a spaceship supposed to land and not slide off?

  • SDGeoff3

    The Shypixel is fun to read. Always.

    • Aw, shucks…

      I make a poor replacement for the good Doktor though.

      • SDGeoff3

        Only different, not poor.

  • BadKitty904

    Ground Control to Major Con…

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Mule says what now?

    • Michael Smith

      Right, he’s going to escape Mueller and wind up with The Mule.

  • Blackest Noobs

    i wonder because it has been done that these assholes think this would easy.
    note to everyone, it is not EASY doing this.

    • natoslug

      I, for one, would NOT be willing to travel on a Trump-brand rocket.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i know, right. at least back in the day, they actually had people good with math on it. do we even have any people good at math anymore?

        • TJ Barke

          They’re all busy designing news machines to kill people.

          • Oblios_Cap

            There are other kinds?

          • TJ Barke

            I mean the kind that kill on purpose. As opposed to accident.

        • natoslug

          As long as I don’t have to calculate a dot product in a hurry, I’m okay with math. With a few helpers I could probably successfully calculate a trajectory to Cleveland. Or somewhere in the mid-Pacific — not sure which until after launch.

          • Bad Tom

            The rocket goes up; it comes back down. You can’t explain that.
            ——-
            Mr. Sir Issac Newton is holding for you on line two.

        • Shan

          No, they’re not allowed to enter the country any more.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          All they can do now is Republican math.

    • Christopher Story

      He’ll have Bill Nye’s meth addicted high school drop out brother running the whole thing.

  • Clean space coal! THAT’S the answer!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      In Space,
      no one can hear the coal burn.

      • SDGeoff3

        And it smells like angel farts.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Blackest Noobs

      come for the space oil, leave with the millions of space deaths to do so.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Hey, stay away from the shoulder of Orion!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Have you looked in Uranus for moar oil?

      • Teto85

        From what I understand, Uranus is all gassy.

    • beingreleased

      I don’t think that picture of an eagle is telling truth. There is probably 100x as much methane (natural gas) though.

      • Bad Tom

        Yeah, it’s methane.

        Oil is the remains of plant and animal material compressed and heated for geologic time. To get plants to grow, you need sunlight. Not much sunlight around Saturn’s orbit.

        I mean, if scientists had found forests growing on another planet, that would be so tremendously fucking awesome, that notions we should go drill oil there would be pushed aside.

        Also, too, if you want expensive methane, import it from Saturn.

    • therblig

      saturn’s burning oil?
      must need a ring job

    • coozledad

      Venus is populated by hot, naked, barely legal teens.

      • james crubb

        Quick send Moore on a ‘diplomatic’ mission.

  • Michael Smith

    Great Space!

  • elviouslyqueer

    That’s no moon. That’s Trump’s ass in the mirror a space station.

    To coin a phrase.

    • LiberalANDProud

      “That’s no moon, it’s a derp station.”

  • NASA scientists have held a press conference in response to trump’s desire to see the moon:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9e0531290d085772cf3eab792707417f20faba61f01fc4c617a1870a2e88a0d9.jpg

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    He wants to make the Moon the 45th state? (After CA, NY, MA, CT, VT & RI secede.)

    • SDGeoff3

      My favorite states!

  • OrG

    How does this relate to lower taxes for billionaires?

  • Parakeetist
  • Bright Bart

    yay! make the moon great again.

  • SDGeoff3

    Remember when Dubya came up with the Mars crap when his campaign to extinguish the middle east went south?

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I think they’re preparing a moon celebration for him in England, too….

  • LiberalANDProud

    The Foundation Trilogy. The best triad of science fiction books EVER written.

    So intellectually deep. So conceptually deep. That the movie industry has been unable to bring it to the big screen for a mass audience.

    • Blackest Noobs

      Yes!!! and the MULE!!!!!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Except our version of the Foundation gave us the jack ass

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I’m still hoping for Heinlein’s Have Spacesuit, Will Travel to be discovered by the movie industry……….and McDonald’s The Princess and Curdie (sequel to his The Princess and the Goblin)….

      • LucindathePook

        Door into Summer, too.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Some producer back in the 80’s optioned Stranger In a Strange Land because his girlfriend liked it so much. Nothing ever came of that.

  • Michael Smith

    He’s worried that the Moon Aliens haven’t heard about his landslide victory yet.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    If he wants to play to his base, he should say we will finally go to the moon . . . FOR REAL.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      No Harvey Weinstain production?

      • Suttree

        Kubrick libelz!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Asimov’s Foundation was also manned by pointy-headed intellectuals and such.

  • Bright Bart
  • MynameisBlarney

    Toon Roundup #1.
    “The opposite of Peace President”

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029963427

  • I am on the Justin Trudeau episode of West Wing Weekly!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      My favorite space nerd ;)

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Liddle’ Rocket Man wants to go to the Moon.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Donald J. Trump – SPACE CADET!!!

  • Covfefe’s Evil Twin

    I sense a new ambassadorship for one Honorable Doctor Newton Leroy Gingrich, Ph.D., M.A., B.A. A(ss) H(ole).

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Duh!: Trump Moon Tower!….

  • Oblios_Cap

    M-O-O-N. That spells “Moon”.

    The Moon will be great place to put some workhouses and debtors’ prisons.

    • Christopher Story

      Earth is for the earners!

    • miss_grundy

      I’m thinking of Sean Connery in “Outland” except he isn’t on Jupiter’s moon Io, he is on a lunar space station. What do you guys think?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Tom Cullen Libelz!

  • Iron Monkey

    Rocket J. Squirrel has a better chance of getting to the moon than NASA under Trump.

    • Alan

      Haha. So does the moose.

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Dampnut would make a great Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV clone. Which would make Vanky our version of Princess Irulan, I guess…

  • Nockular cavity

    Hey Donald! I got yer moon here!

  • Daniel

    Wait- Mike Pence believes in the moon?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Mother Moon…

    • Christopher Story

      Where did you think he came from? Indiana? This is his whole mission. Get humans to build a space fortress indestructible by our current military capacities, then his people spring out, seize control of the base and use it to establish their new extraterrestrial dominionist agenda.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      As long as Mother is with him when he looks out the window….

  • Suttree

    Blue or green, whatever. Turnip is definitely going for the space women though. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/df3a0a8c5f15e838b698f4e6757024599f794b450d7a5adf466be4a4e8e1494a.jpg Yvonne Craig, oh my!

  • Master Contrail Program
    • OneYieldRegular

      The Trumpenny Opera.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Nazi memes gonna Nazi.

  • “TIm. Timmy. Tim Boy. We’re way behind in the space race, Tim. We need to catch up.”
    “There really isn’t a space race right now, Sir. But I’m sure NASA would appreciate more funding to actually afford a better ship than a Lego Millenium Falcon.”
    “We are behind. I was watching this documentary. And did you know, many people tell me, that the Klingons have cloaking devices now. It’s a little known fact. They could be right out there now and we wouldn’t know it.”
    “Sir, that’s from Star Trek, it’s a TV show. Millions of people know that. And Klingons aren’t real.”
    “Okay, what about Starkiller base? I want one of those as a deterrent.”
    “That is also make believe, Sir. And even if it wasn’t, I can’t believe that the American people would be happy about you draining the sun of all of its energy and plunging us into a brief period of eternal darkness before we all froze to death.”
    “You’d be surprised that many of my constituents are wanting the apocalypse to happen.”
    “No… no, I would not.”

    • Daniel

      “We need to get us a piece of that spice market.”
      “Spice?”
      “Melinj.”
      “Melange?”
      “Yeah, that. Who you know believe me, who controls the spice. They. There’s some control, that I will tell you.”

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        “Sarah, make me some reservations for 2 at that Milliways restaurant, wouldja?”

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Wait? Wasn’t Charmin invented to fight the Klingons of Uranus?

  • BMW

    He knows there’s no cheese up there, right?

    • Assumes facts not in evidence

  • BadKitty904

    This is Major TomCat to Ground Control,
    I’m scratching at the door…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/39f8852be19e36d5ffc0181d2c2dbd9de65169af562d8ea0e810bb9b495fcbca.jpg

    • Alan

      Mine just travel through the wormhole in the back of the closet.

    • Bobathonic

      Toonces can’t drive a car, much less pilot a spaceship.

      • Bad Tom

        But he was always willing to try.

    • coozledad

      And I think I know exactly where’ll you’ll go
      So I’ll trip your ass and put you on the flo.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    Howzabout we send him to the moon on a one way trip.

    • Courser_Resistance

      In Space No One Can Hear You Tweet

    • Alan

      If you’ve got a kickstarter page please post.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • natoslug

    Trumps in Space! No, seriously, please just launch the entire family.

    https://youtu.be/EmI77ZBeJrQ

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Also too: Mel Brooks’ long awaited “History of the World Part 2” with the segment on “Jews in Space”…..

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “Spaceballs: The Sequel”

  • mrFawkes

    Reminder people:Trump’s first venture with air travel (Trump Airlines) was a yoooge success.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    This has not been NASA’s, or anyone else’s plan to get to Mars recently. While it might have made sense 20 years ago, we have the ability for a direct flight. Someone is advising Trump on this and they are either old or may consider the Moon as more a strategic fortress (because the Chinese will get there eventually).

    https://www.nasa.gov/content/journey-to-mars-overview

    • beingreleased

      “Someone is advising Trump on this and they are” named Buzz Aldrin.

      • Arolpin

        Buzz does not appear to like Drumpf very much. I think if he were advising Drumpf it would be along the lines of, ‘Eat a big bowl of salted rat dicks”.

        • beingreleased

          I was under the impression that he was advising Trump at one point, and regardless of his feelings for Trump, Buzz is the most prominent “Return to the Moon” proponent.

          • Bobathonic

            Because he decked some jackass who called it all fake?

          • Suttree

            Dropped him like a bad habit!

          • beingreleased

            No – Buzz is still very active in space policy circles.

    • Bobathonic

      Wasn’t it Newt who had dreams of lunar glory?

    • Bad Tom

      The Chinese have been marching down the classic technical plan required to go to the Moon for quite some time now. They are committed to getting there. We really don’t give a damn, as a nation.

      We have ceded the task to corporate interests. We have a number of those working to get into space. SpaceX is on the verge of being able to resupply the ISS domestically. Blue Origin is also making progress, too, although they have had no commercial payloads to date. Blue Origin did pull off the first retrorocket upright landing, which SpaceX has since duplicated.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Space Pussy is the name of my new fem domme techno band.

    • Daniel

      In the late nineteen seventies with ideas thin on the ground and virtually every permutation of “Scooby Doo with a different non-Scooby character” already done, Hanna-Barbera decided to just go with a series of cross overs. Josie and the Pussycats and Space Ghost was the one version that really took off, though generally only for one episode as newcomers reported that the show never quite lived up to the expectations the title gave them.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    I’m just trying to imagine the furor attempting to read Asimov.

    • little miss high and mighty

      specially Asimov’s limmericks!
      Amazing- check them out.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        he was naughty at times. I heard of his Limericks before but never got around to reading them.

        • little miss high and mighty

          “Cleopatra’s a cute little minx
          with a sex life that’s loaded with kinks,
          Marcus A. she woud steer amid
          The palms and great pyramid
          And they’d screw on the head of the sphinx.”

          Issac Asimov

  • bubbuhh

    So, Trump’s gonna send teh illegal merikan lunatics back if they can’t show a green cheese card, eh?

  • Kryptonian Canis

    Actually we might need to set up a Foundation somewhere the way this Empire is rapidly barreling toward collapse. But not Mars. It ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    “We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.” – John F. Kennedy

    It took a colossal undertaking of scientific power, technical skill, resource development, and funding to get someone on the moon. And we had an active and robust space program already sending men into orbit.

    Now, we have a system that has no operational spacecraft, limited funding, and our science and technology resources are being squandered. I don’t even think we could achieve this in 20 years’ time on the current track.

    • Spurning Beer

      Sufficient funding would require curtailment of the Presidential golf budget. Enough said.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “He didn’t get banned from the mall because she was ‘easy,’ but because he was hard.” -Gadsden, AL police report about Space Cowboy Roy Moore

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “So why does the fucknut currently squatting in the Obamas’ house want to go to the moon?”

    I’m convinced he’s living the dream of every 8 year old – “I wanna be president, and a fireman, and a police man, and a general AND AN ASTRONAUT!”

    • Blackest Noobs

      maybe he ought to concentrate on Earth things since we are Earthlings.

      he could implement a Fireman program…i hear the Prez like to pretend he is a strong Fireman driving the BIG TRUCK.

    • OrG

      I wanted to be a football player.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “…AND a DINOSAUR!”…

  • Blackest Noobs

    i can read the fake news headlines already:

    Trump’s Mission to Moon Failure; All Astronauts die of Asphyxiation

  • ariel_gee_398

    Calista asked him to please get rid of Newt for her and promised to steal him some gold shit from the Vatican if he did. Moon Ambassador Gingrich, preparing for take off.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Gold? He sent her after the alleged world’s largest porn stash.

  • Master Contrail Program

    We must insist that all Republican Moon reps’ future chyrons looks like this:

    Mo(R)on

  • Timothy Watson
    • Ghenghis McCann

      I thought that was in the Mirror Universe. Does this mean we’re actually the ones there? It would explain a lot.

      • Bobathonic

        It would explain why Trump has no goatee.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Well, it would explain Republican spinelessness – they don’t want to be thrown in the Agony Booth again.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
  • bubbuhh
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Those lasses are much too old for Cowboy Roy.

      • Christopher Story

        Besides, they fight evil for a living.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Don’t get him started on Haruka/Uranus and Michiru/Neptune. Just let him think “Yuri” was just the name of a cosmonaut.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Trump is a lunatic.

    I’ll be here all week folks.

  • Notreelyhelping
    • Bobathonic

      He’s trying to make Iron Sky true.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So, the military budget is going to increase and they super promise we’re going to get a space program at some indefinite point in the future, but until then, fauxtus is a hero of STEM(/will hire the indifferently-qualified children of campaign donors and local party officials).

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      also, “the wall” and tax breaks for millionaires and more border patrol agents and (presumably) more cops…I’m starting to think he doesn’t know how money works.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Make Luna Great Again!!!!111!!!!

  • Daniel
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The Future. Wide belts, ray guns and living in space. Though the clipboard and the porn-stache refuse to die. Sleeve tailoring goes off the rails.

    • little miss high and mighty

      but standing next to John Cassavettes?,Omar far left? what is this schlock?

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Barbara Bain! I’ll be in my bunk.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “Space Policy Directive 1.” Why do I picture that written in crayon?

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: THIS THIS is what I call a spolier headline…some of us are a year behind while we wait for it to come to Netflix assholes!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/edd4138586f7e387adb09dd84904063a4e57d1b02cbe65e1bd24019d5c78f3f3.png

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      #MeToo I don’t wanna know what happens until Netflix tells me.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        thank you…I thought i was over reacting (and subjecting you all to the thing i was complaining about….okay, i’ve had enough coffee apparently.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Clickbait.

    • DainBramage

      The picture is a fake out. Or is it?

    • Andrew Rheinheimer

      Why? What’d that key ever do to them?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Michael R
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Hands are too big.
      Ass is too small.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance
  • Blackest Noobs
  • MynameisBlarney

    So….I guess they haven’t told him Iron Sky ain’t a documentary yet.

  • proudgrampa
  • BadKitty904
    • Ωbjectifier
    • kareemachan

      Can we all say, “DIpshit”?

    • Doug Langley

      For the love of humanity, please nobody show him The Button.

    • coozledad

      I hope they don’t seat him by the emergency exit on airplanes.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      What they should have done to prevent him from touching it was to print the warning on a picture of Mother.

      • BadKitty904

        Well, understandably…

    • everstar

      “Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.” — Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    since we’re talking about it – and I have to go soon (no need for applaus!) this documentary is in full on youtube and I liked it (where is Anna E? We always space nerded out)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f51Jzm7M4w

    • Thiazin Red

      I bought a copy of that book at the Air and Space museum, but I haven’t had a chance to read it yet.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        let me know what you think – I LOVED the doc, didn’t know it was a book.

        • Bad Tom

          EXCELLENT book.

  • little miss high and mighty

    If the whole effort were to have repelled space Mexicans that effort is way late.
    Like closing the barn door after all the space mexicans barnstormed in.
    We need even more now.
    Hope their little exclusion moon plans fail. We want more immigration.

  • DainBramage

    Speaking of Foundation, I keep thinking that Trump is some form of The Mule. He corrodes the brains of everyone around him.

    • Bobathonic

      His effects on my emotions are undeniable.

      ETA: So, maybe instead of Mule, Jackass?

  • lucidamente

    Has he been talking to that other brainiac, Newt Gingrich?

  • Iron Monkey

    Trump will have all the space document read before he watches TV.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hey! How’d we all turn into Jews?….

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Obama converted us.
        Shaloom!

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Molotov!….

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Kalashnikov!

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            I’m changing my name to Schlemiel….

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        It started with turning us into Scotsmen.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVbb6pZLfzU

    • Master Contrail Program

      Those looser libtards need to tighten up.

    • Daniel

      Are you sure this is his actual work? The artwork is, but the annotations look like it’s another of his that has been altered by neo-Nazis. Garrison is generally a different flavour of nuts to the parentheses conspiracy crowd.

    • Mystery_Poster

      Don’t forget to ignore all amendments after #10.

      • kareemachan

        And women shouldn’t be able to vote.

    • Daniel

      The Constitution is what led to him being twice removed from office before, because he has such love for the ten commandments that he willfully ignored the prohibition on established religion in the first amendment to erect a statue to it.
      Also, too, he later declared Muslims should not be allowed to hold office.

      Then he declared that every amendment after 10 should be scrapped.

      He doesn’t stand for the constitution or the rule of law- this has been proved by his actions.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      And here is Ben Garrison’s description:
      The corrupt Deep State media painted Donald Trump as a sexual predator, a friend of the KKK, or even a ‘Nazi.’ Some on the left were whipped into a frenzy and claimed the world as we knew it would come to an end if the ‘orange monster’ somehow got elected.

      To prevent that disastrous occurrence, a parade of women were trotted out of the woodwork to accuse Trump of sexual assault. They were all liars. Their lies may have had some efficacy in the past, but fortunately in the age of the Internet, the truth can be found and Trump became president.

      Bold Skwerl

      • NastyBossetti

        “A parade of women were trotted out of the woodwork to accuse Trump of sexual assault.”
        That’s quite a mixed metaphor there.

    • Mystery_Poster

      I’m still hoping that the write-ins will take just enough from Moore to get Jones elected. I heard an interview with one on NPR, Lee Busby, and he seemed normal enough (although I probably wouldn’t agree with his policies). I hear no mention of him anywhere else, though. I can only hope he’s getting some press in AL.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      “Libtard Looser(sic)! Beta cuck!”

      To be sure, though, I like your enhancements, bigly!

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        I like loose libtarts.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Well hello, sailor *winks wildly*

    • Relativicus

      Nvm, I get it now.

    • frrolfe

      MUCH better than original. He really is a talentless Moran.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      O Brave New World…

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        …that has very little intelligent life in it.

    • therblig

      even down under?

    • TakingAmes

      Now THAT’S progress!

    • The Wanderer

      HOORAY!

    • coozledad

      Like we need something else for Russian trolls to fuck with.

  • weejee

    If Hair dRumpf want’s to really shine, he should personally lead the first landing on the surface of the Sun.

    • mancityRed6

      tell him to do it at night

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Say goodnight, Donnie.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “Of course you can go to the sun. Global warming is a hoax!!”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      But Obama, that’s where the fun is….

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
    • Doug Langley

      But with the tax cuts, it’s all they could afford.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      ’10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Back to the drawing board, boys.’

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Hmmm… You know, what with the GOP about to tax grad students out of all those STEM grad programs, can’t see how we’re ever going to develop the collective brain power to do that.

    Oh, yeah, right, he’ll ask to borrow Putin’s scientist to do all the work. MAGA!!!!

  • kareemachan
  • Mystery_Poster

    Didn’t Newt Gingrich want to build a space colony on the moon?

    • mancityRed6

      he did. and was roundly mocked for it

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        It’s Newt, though, so he probably meant he wanted to build a child-labor factory on the moon. You know, to teach those damn space children a lesson about entitlements and TANSTAAFL freedumz.

        • mancityRed6

          oxygen costs money, if you need to breathe then you need to work

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I guess Newt is now the ambassador to Australia, he sucked up all the oxygen in the room and stole their Air Supply.

          • mancityRed6

            I did not know they were Aussie. learn something new every day.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Pretty sure like all super-villains he just wants to write his name up there with a giant laser. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1b346670d1b06f2bf4bc247c88c9f7abcc26f5c1af417ebb09816eb617087ab1.jpg

    Destro: You spent untold millions on this……this cosmic graffiti?!?

    Cobra Commander: Yesssssss. Ssssssso?

    Destro: Very presidential.

    *Couldn’t find a picture, sadly*

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Oh canada, I wish the US could be more like you.
    https://twitter.com/th3j35t3r/status/939549079142461440

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Has nobody explained to them how Social Media is actually supposed to work?

    • little miss high and mighty

      sound like a coupple of protestant moms rinkside chatting at their daughters’ hockey match- agreeing to disagree, as usual, sharing nips off a flask of warm maple syrup as usual.
      Canucks! thanks for the warning ‘though. Tough race up there!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Jester’s never seen the savage orcs from Rebel Media, I take it. Perhaps for the better. Late Nite Snack is issuing a very polite understatement of what goes on over at Trudeau’s own Twitter and YouTube channel. If only more commenters could be like these two, Late Nite Snack and Ms. Bilodeau.

      • Katamount

        Oh yeah, the bizarre hate-on for JT eerily mirrors the one for Obama. The only difference is the racial component, which is supplanted with the bog-standard anti-French component.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Actually, it’s worse than that. It’s homophobia. Unless “anti-French” is a wink-nudge dog-whistle meaning the same thing.

          They attack literally everyone in his family, including even the dead brother. They even went so low this past Halloween as to sharpen their knives for his three-year-old son.

          http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/11/01/01/45E3096300000578-5037595-image-a-40_1509500883249.jpg

          Hadrien dressed up as a character from TV-Ontario cartoon series Paw Patrol, a pink poodle named Skye who is also a helicopter pilot. Right away the pitchfork mob went after this kid, “Oh, look! He’s just like dad! A cross-dressing f*gg*t.” Some of them even posted the phone number for the child welfare agency, and egged people on to call the number and report Justin and Sophie for “child abuse.” I don’t know if anyone actually did (they seem to just be comfortable airing their hate in the “safe space” of the online peanut gallery), but I wouldn’t put anything past them at this point.

          Yeah, most of Canadian social media doesn’t fit the “polite” stereotype, unfortunately. A lot of that is the fault of the USA. Sorry.

          • Katamount

            Homophobia is clearly the biggest thing directed at JT. Hell, Harper was leaning on that one back during the campaign. I was just pointing out that as a white guy, he doesn’t get the racial slurs, but I have seen some anti-Quebecois animus on Twitter directed at him too.

            But directing it at his kid…? Sheesh, no low too low for these clowns….

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Their sick rationale is that they’re preventing a dynasty. That if only someone could have bullied Justin enough when he was a little boy, he’d have been depressed enough to stay off the radar and hide away from the world, or maybe even die of a drug overdose like celebrities’ and politicians’ messed-up kids often do. “The wrong Trudeau died” is all too commonplace.

            There’s even a conspiracy that JT killed Misha on some kind of “Illuminati sacrifice” targeted-hit directive from Pierre, and made Sacha keep quiet or face the same fate. That Margaret got packed off to some MKULTRA leftover program at a mental institution in Montréal, and rode the lightning so she’d forget about the whole thing.

            If Canada becomes the first country to go to Mars, they should build hockey-rink FEMA-camp insane asylums for all these deranged, psychotic trolls. Or go back to the moon and stick them all in craters.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Eh!

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      THE KNIVES ARE OUT!

      “Would you mind sharpening these for me?”
      “Why, of course, friend!”
      “Thank you!”
      “Pleasure.”

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Sometimes I really like my country.

  • Iron Monkey

    After the moon, Trump will try to colonize Uranus.

    • Mystery_Poster

      You know he hates those people.

  • stankbait

    Trump to build Bouncy Tower on moon to be best bouncy tower ever in all time unbelievable unmatched anywhere in this Solar System. He builds the best. Will have Obamas stay at the Bouncy Tower first. Only then will he hook up with the Pee Hookers From Outer Space. God Bless the United Sloslashs of a Murica and RoyMoore.

  • Daniel

    James O’Keefe’s Project Veritas has just lost a major donor in the wake of revelations that the right-wing dirty trickster failed to disclose his past criminal record.

    The Daily Beast reports that the Chisholm Foundation, which has donated at least $136,000 to Project Veritas since 2011, will stop supporting the group because it
    “recently learned that Project Veritas was de-registered as a charity in Mississippi” over O’Keefe’s failure to disclose his criminal record.

    Schadenfreude.

    • mailman27

      The Jism Foundation is still totally on board.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    In space, no one can here you pop a Tic-Tac.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Ponder the low gravity of that statement.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Guaranteed weight loss program.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Lightweight, it’s true. Next time, I’ll endeavor to make a meteor quip.

    • TJ Barke

      Or collude with Russians.

  • Blender_415

    Mmmmmmm… moon pussy to grab? I don’t even know what these fuckwits are talking about anymore. Going back to bed to watch zombie shit and ignore everything else (yes, my coworker gave us all the plague that she picked up from her kid – half the office is down and we’re all quarantined from the office while this plays out). Gah!

    • ahughes798

      I hate people that bring their kid’s illnesses to work. They need to be beaten with votes.

  • Hither and Yawn

    I’m hoping someone in the DC Deep State has opened a long-sealed message detailing how to handle the current Seldon Crisis.

    • LucindathePook

      I have been hoping that for a year now. Little more, actually.

  • Thiazin Red

    If Trump read maybe he would want the Ringworld future where no matter how old a gross a man is he can bang any hot 20 year old, the females of other species are non sentient livestock, and the only profession for women in space is whore.

  • proudgrampa

    With a Trillion Dollar Deficit, the rocket will look like this, and there will be no space suits.

    https://youtu.be/EKpJ-B0c6z8

  • Master Contrail Program

    Maybe Sessions want to nip the scourge of moonajuana *puts on space helmet* in the bud. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/024377767bdc3ae041f338cc50964f86a7b18dbc0e36c97ccf7999a847a89e41.jpg

  • msgypsy

    I bet he thinks he’s protecting us from a repeat of the events shown in that famous documentary, Mars Attacks!

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    So, destroying the Earth isn’t good enough for him anymore, eh?

  • therblig
    • yeah, but he claims to have invented the Space Internet too…

    • Katamount

      Shai-Huluuuud….

      Oh wait, wrong planet….

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    #fakepresident sez what?!?

  • OneYieldRegular

    “We will return American astronauts to the moon, not only to leave behind footprints and flags, but to build the foundation we need to send Americans to Mars and beyond.”

    Let me guess: Pence has been talking to the private prison industry again.

    (Also: “not only”??)

    • kareemachan

      As I alluded to below, people should read ‘The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress’.

      Didn’t work too well for the people in charge there……

    • mailman27

      IKR? I knew JFK, and you,sir,are no JFK.

  • jesterpunk

    But NASA still doesnt have an administrator so who is going to handle this?

    • therblig

      sounds like (yet another poorly done) job for jared

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        If it involves strapping Jared to a rocket, count me in.
        5, 4, 3, 2….

        • jesterpunk

          Can they send Uday and Qusay also too?

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            You mean Stages One and Two? Of course, they are necessary components.

          • Grumpy Twat

            Great name, btw :-)

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            Likewise, I’m sure!

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            ‘Climb in! Yes, it’s really cold, but it’s pure oxygen so you’ll be fine!’

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            ‘You’ll love the view, kiddos!’

  • little miss high and mighty

    No moon destroying for you bad kids til you’re finished with your earth destroying

  • motmelere

    Well, a large portion of Trump humpers think that all the moon landings are fake news. So he would be the first?

  • Spurning Beer

    Perhaps President Trump will also free the slaves and defeat the Nazis.

    Just kidding.

    • jesterpunk

      He will give the slaves back and defend the Nazis.

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      He will free all the salves, and all the balms.

  • JohnBull

    Obama said it was dangerous to try to breathe on the moon.

  • The Wanderer

    Is this so we can go back to saying, “We can put a man on the Moon, but we can’t __(Insert easy domestic policy thing here)__?”

  • jesterpunk

    If Trump sends people to the moon will Alex Jones claim the moon landing was fake?

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Great to see you Shypixal.
    None of this makes sense. We all know that Hillary was running a child sex ring on Mars. The Transporter is hidden in the basement of Comet Ping Pong, but it is invisible because it vibrates as a slightly different tonal frequency from Earth.
    This can all be proven by anyone who has read about Obama’s trip to Mars when he was a student at Occidental. The CIA sent him

    Either that or a few more Spirochetes in Mr. Trump’s brain became unscrewed today.

    • jesterpunk

      Everyone know Obama used his Tardis to travel to Mars and poison the water so no one could drink it without turning into water monsters.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Trump is going to play in the spinoff series Doctor Poo, where he steps inside the TURDIS to take us all back to 1933.

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          His ego is bigger on the inside.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            The deplorables are basically the Daleks, though.

            Drawing inspirations from the real-life example of the Nazis, the Daleks are merciless and pitiless cyborg aliens, demanding total conformity, bent on conquest of the universe and the extermination of what they see as inferior races.

            EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE!

            MAGA MAGA MAGA!

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            They just need to relax a bit.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f8kahmsJ-s

        • Invisible Bunyip

          1929.

  • therblig
  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    A rare Shypixel article appeared! Yay! But it’s not about intelligent lifeforms, or adorable Resistance babbies, darn…

    Also too, NB: As a shy person myself who is also a girl geek, blue alien Avatars aren’t my personal preference… But I do like local earth people on a mission to turn their countries into the Federation of Planets, even despite the threat of the assimilationist government of Terrible Prime.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eak_ogYMprk

    Our quantum metric Timbits are going to be winning all the time.

    Fun fact: Space nerds from Not America actually tend to honor their astronauts (like Marc Garneau and Julie Payette) as treasured contributors to society, instead of making them wish they could fly off in a rocket and stay away for a long, long time.

    https://i.imgur.com/2jvrlLv.gifv

    Where would we be without space? (You mean like the empty void in your head, Major Don? Take your trucker speed pills and put your straitjacket on.)

    • BadKitty904

      LONG LIVE THE MARS REBELLION!!1!

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      No love for the coolest astronaut EVER? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaOC9danxNo

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        CHRIS HADFIELD!!! ‘Course! I was just pointing out that Garneau is a cabinet member and Payette is Governor-General. Unfortunately, there was no office called Minister of Gravity-Defying Rock Stars. But Hadfield is a fucking boss and makes Canada so damn proud!

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          Keep in mind, in Canada being a politician is something you do if you can’t hold down a REAL job.

      • blaid droog

        I was expecting The Man Who Fell to Earth.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    Martin: “Our event will feature the ABC’s of science fiction. Isaac Asimov, Octavia Butler, and Arthur C. Clark.”

    Milhouse: “What about Ray Bradbury?”

    Martin: “I’M AWARE OF HIS WORK.”

  • topless exclamation

    I just read the Great Daily Email from HIS HIGHNESS, which proclaimed, “the Moon in particular offers humans the best hope for long-term exploration and utilization.” Thus, I expect to see a glittering TRUMP sign on the edge of the moon by 2024.

    I also suspect “Space Policy Directive 1” is his way of telling his cult that it’s finally time for mankind to reach beyond this place where we live (flat or spherical), and only Donald JAY Trump can do it. We all know the moon landing was faked. In fact, all previous space endeavors have been Fake News. Now is the time for truth.

  • Katamount

    Is Donald Trump dumber than Lloyd Christmas? Inquiring minds want to know!

    http://www.sharegif.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/1-03Dumb-and-Dumber-quotes.gif

  • fawkedifiknow

    The correlation of the word “lunar” and the word “lunacy” rings a primitive chord in D.J. Trumps cerebellum.

  • Well, he’s lost the Flat Earth vote

    • starfanglednut

      Oh oh. That’s his base right there.

  • SayItWithWookies

    And when the NASA engineers showed Trump the rocket, and told him it’s fueled with liquid oxygen, he said, “Steam! You’re going back to steam!”

  • Fartknocker

    Well played Dampnut. Newt’s wife is the US Ambassador to the Vatican and Newt can be the US Ambassador to the Moon. He can keep the former Space Rover gassed up and scout for a new Trump property. I suggest he establish the Trump Resort at Crater Longmontanus. With 1/6th gravity you can out-golf Tiger Wood, Arnold Palmer and anyone else.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • Non-Threatening Ron

    Once again, I believe this to be the real reason he wants this to be done: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6ab75634d4ba0c8b0e1a3aede08f3d81a82c8478ed51773b23a4416ddacb1bce.png

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Well, they do say the moon is made of cheese.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        It if they tell him it’s made of cheeseburgers…

        • Jamoche

          Fox will focus on the emoji.

    • HooverVilles

      That would be consistent with a narcissistic megalomaniac.

  • gallbladder

    Will Drumpf be going and will it be a one-way trip? If so, I’ll sell my home to help fund the project.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      “Trump/Pence To The Moon 2018 or Before.”
      Round trip tickets not available.

  • 52camellias

    Is there a plan to ship vacuum tubes up there to somehow bring back the 1950s?

    • gallbladder

      That’s “Space Policy Directive 2.”

    • blaid droog

      The vacuum is already there. All that’s necessary are the tubes.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    So, it takes 300 days to get to Mars, and, by building a Moon base, we’ll shave three days off the trip. Republican math.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Speaking for myself, but I’ve always thought the moon would be a more modest start to human space exploration. If something goes wrong, help is only about a week away.

      And if you could actually start manufacturing stuff on the moon, it’d be much easier to launch from there than Earth.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        So… he’s going to deport Mexicans to the moon?

        • Teto85

          Someone has to do all the mining and building. And cleaning the space toilets. And making the space tacos and burritos.

          • Jeffery Campbell

            And baking those cakes we like.

          • Teto85

            ZOMFG!!! I forgot about the cakes. Chocolate. With two scoop!!

          • ZangoCrudmonger

            Harumph. Lemme know when we get moon clams.

      • dshwa

        You can make rocket fuel on the moon, and as I said above, you need much less of it to launch from there.

      • puredog

        Well, as long as he’s not taking medical care away from children or anything to get the money, I suppose.

      • JustDon’tSayProbably

        And more realistic tests of how well humans can stand really long periods outside Earth’s various spheres: atmo-, magento-, etc. I feel like the first trip to Mars is going to kill all aboard before they get there, unless more work is done on the physiology of space flight.

    • dshwa

      It’s about the launch. With 1/6 The gravity and no atmosphere, it takes much less fuel per kg to launch a ship from the moon’s surface. If we’re going to go anywhere else, a permanent lunar base is a must.

      • sarafina

        That sounds reasonable. The international space station did really well with no gravity.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Uhhh. What? It takes way more fuel to escape two gravity wells than one. Especially when you have to burn said fuel to stop someplace with no atmosphere.

        • dshwa

          The plan where it’s cheaper relies on making the fuel, and other needed supplies, and at least assembling the final ships/probes at the lunar base. Launching everything from earth to the moon, then off the moon to mars wouldn’t be cheaper. But a permanent base with mining and some manufacturing capability, and the ability to make the fuel would eventually cut costs significantly.

          • Sy Colepath

            Remember what happened to the Klingon moon, Praxis, when they over mined it. Destroying the moon is not a good idea.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            So, another 50 years of infrastructure and investment… Might as well just get your ass to Mars.

          • dshwa

            If the goal is a permanent human outpost on mars, and extensive exploration of the rest of the solar system, then yes you have to do the moon first. If you’re talking just one mission to mars to say you did it, then the moon isn’t necessary.

          • blaid droog

            Before the Soviet union fell apart Mars was a major goal. Now it’s a goal for the Chinese and with all of our money they’ll do it.

        • Odd Jørgensen

          Blasting stuff into orbit with a giant railgun or some other cool spaceage stuff would make it cheaper to assemble and launch from space/moonbase or sumthin.

    • blaid droog

      If Heinlein were in charge we’d have Torchships leaving weekly

  • anon_the_great

    VP Pence sez “We will return American astronauts to the moon.” Humans who tread the Lunar surface are Luna-somethings, not Star Travelers.

    Nerd mic drop

    • 3FingerPete

      Men astronauts only, though. You can’t have ladies distracting men doing important stuff.

      • Tony Prost

        Astronettes?

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Humans who tread the Lunar surface are Luna-somethings

      Lunatics.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    He only wants to go there because he heard the astronauts played golf there.

    He’s just looking to buy another course on the government’s dime.

  • Me not sure

    I hear the sound of Newt Gingrich (1st ambassador to moonbase alpha?) pleasuring himself with his puffy liddle’ hands.
    Meanwhile, Kim Jong Un tweets of Trump’s moonbase “We’ve already got one.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dc6e2ba6ecd11e1d60fa10109db6d0f150d94a651a51251caea671df4f551e58.jpg

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      True Story ~ When I was a student at Georgia Tech in the early 1980’s, Newt was a congressman. I was an editor on the student newspaper, The Technique and Newt would make a nuisance of himself. Calling for interviews and cajoling us with stories about colonizing Mars. And we would mock him unmercifully.

    • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

      Now go away, or I shall bomb you a second time!

  • Maybe

    Trump will do anything to get attention. Doesn’t mean he’ll do what he says.

    Besides, it would take money away from tax cuts for the rich.

    • blaid droog

      Naw. He’d just steal more from SS and Medicare

      • Maybe

        No reason they can’t do both. Ryan already announced they will be going after entitlements in 2018 and the recent Repub budget includes huge cuts to SS, Medicare and Medicaid.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Space has apps! Military apps!

  • William
    • ryp

      Do you have any evidence for this? Or did you make it up?

      I have checked, and there are no other sources reporting that he intends
      on rebuilding the death star, nor is there any
      direct quotation of him making any such claim.

      As a person who uses lies and deceit for your personal gain, I am having trouble seeing you as any different from Grumpy Cat.

  • William

    Buzz Aldrin is not very good at hiding his emotions. https://youtu.be/fKMd7KmljeA

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Retweeted!

  • Erick the Kracker

    I loved the Foundation trilogy. Hari Seldon probably predicted Donald Trump.

    • blaid droog

      Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

  • Canadian_Bacon
  • Odd Jørgensen

    had to be done.
    https://youtu.be/JKPwtDjzJMI
    (the T-Rex doing the sieg heil is priceless)

    • Canadian_Bacon

      Yes.

      Yes it did.

  • Elizabeth Hillcrest

    Shypixel this is AAAAART I laughed out loud so hard at this.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    I watched the press conference and it was so much pandering. Given the state of funding for NASA, this is BS. Hell, we have to pay Russia and China for rides to the ISS.

    • kLo

      I am not going to even watch the clips so thanks for doing that. But my first thought was the same as yours. This administration can’t even get a half-assed solution to the opioid crisis.

    • blaid droog

      Russia got the best nazi rocket scientists after the war. That’s why they beat us into space. Then we hid our Nazis in alabama, like we were ashamed of them or something.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Those scientists transformed Huntsville.

  • David

    Maybe Trump is The Mule….

    • Eileen Besse

      YES!

  • Eileen Besse

    My father worked on the heat shield for the moon shot. I am STILL so wicked proud!

    • HooverVilles

      Nice!!!!!!

    • HooverVilles

      I spent some time at the NASA Ames Research Center on the Voyager-Saturn encounter. Good times indeed.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Must be aiming to mine all that clean coal.

    • HooverVilles

      Funny.

  • kLo

    Slightly (very) OT: Has anyone been watching season 2 of Lady Dynamite? The show within the show is called “Space Nuts.”

    • mondojohnson

      Lady Dynamite S2 was phenomenal, it has really hit its stride — never have I seen mania portrayed with such resonant, poetic accuracy. 5 thumbs up

  • Point

    Congratulations, “Shypixel” of “Wonkette,” for doing your part to keep people stupid.

    Your headline is, “Donald Trump Signing Order To Be First President To Send Men To The Moon.” The only support for this headline is a statement in the article:

    “He wants to add “First President to send men to the moon” to his
    unrivaled list of many, many, great accomplishments, really, so much
    more than any other president. Winning bigly! [sic]”

    Do you have any evidence for this? Or did you make it up?

    I have checked, and there are no other sources reporting that he intends on being the “first president to send men to the moon,” nor is there any direct quotation of him making any such claim.

    As a person who uses lies and deceit for your personal gain, I am having trouble seeing you as any different from Trump.

    • HooverVilles

      I see the snark went way over your head.
      Pffft.

      • Point

        That’s fine, except this isn’t being presented or marketed as “snark.” This is being presented and marketed as actual journalism.

        You’ll note that there are people who have read the headline, and believe the snark to be actual reality.

        • Wookie Monster

          This must be your first visit to Wonkette.

          • HooverVilles

            That’s seems obvious.

          • Point

            That is so. Likely my last, also. If this is a social satire site, it’s not very humorous or insightful. At least, per my tastes.

          • Tony Prost

            It made me laugh!

          • Point

            I wouldn’t begrudge anyone their enjoyment and good times.

          • SprinklemagicResistancebuns
          • SprinklemagicResistancebuns
          • Wookie Monster

            Well, here’s a clue: This is a site that got labeled an “evil vile snark mob” by one of Brietbart’s minions and they gleefully embraced it.

            Everything here is assumed to be snark.

          • Point

            Well, then I suppose I must bring this up with Facebook and Google News, since they are presenting this story along side non-satirical stories, with no flags to indicate that it is a humor site.

          • redblack

            google and facebook alerted you to this story because it’s generating clicks.

            internet capitalism, yo.

            you should also note the lack of ads. this joint is completely reader-funded.

            that, alone, makes wonkette worth reading, no matter your taste. but it’s also fun to read, and also there aren’t a bunch of disqus non-comments by witty liberals that rib conservative, uptight people. mercilessly.

            capisce?

          • Point

            A very fair review, I’m sure.

            I wouldn’t know if there are ads or not – I’ve been using robust adblocking for quite some time. Marvelous.

            I’m sure there is enough satire in the world that we can each choose our preference. Nothing in this posting seemed especially clever – I find it – at best – droll.

          • Boojum

            Oh God. You actually used droll seriously.

          • Grumpy Old Man

            So why are you here? You disagree with the theme, with the people, with stories you really should just stick you head up your ass and go somewhere else. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5a566150f39b0c41fdd6e97e5193c4eacd9a0d8ca4b7c3b880c2cc9a2e402d33.gif

          • Point

            Well, if you look at my original posting, all your questions will be answered. You will also note that I have not once disagreed with the theme. Or the people. Or the stories.

            Maybe you should pull your head out of you ass, and wipe the feces encrusting your eyes away, because this is your second posting in which you have failed to understand what we’re discussing.

          • Grumpy Old Man
          • Seriously? Not even the big “Satire site” disclaimer?
            Huh. Paying attention: Must be a liberal conspiracy

          • Left Coast Tom

            …however, your disqus history does say you were here seven months ago.

          • redblack

            doh!

            good research, dr. watson!

            tl;dr: too lazy. didn’t read its history.

            all righty, then. i’m done beating on the absent troll. kthxbye.

          • Left Coast Tom

            In…fairness…?…the non-commenter seemed as confused then as he/she appears now.

          • Point

            Is that so? You’ll forgive me if I don’t remember.

          • Boojum

            I’m fairly sure you have only the dimmest awareness, so there’s that.

          • Point

            Huh… Look at you go… Maybe you’re the one who ought be breathing in to a bag- you seem somewhat hyperactive.

          • Boojum

            It’s the lead in the paint.

          • redblack

            must correct: “Nastly Vile Little Snark Mob.”

            but point well-made.

          • blaid droog

            It’s a given that xtian fundies and republicans lack certain brain functions that are necessary to comprehend complex humor. That’s why there are no republican comedians. Ever listen to dennis miller or vicky jackson? I rest my case.

          • Point

            I wouldn’t know. I’m neither a christian or a republican.

          • Boojum

            You like dick jokes? We have them.

            Oh, you knew that. You are the dick, joke.

        • HooverVilles

          Nope. It all went over your head.

          • Point

            Nope. I think this went at the same height as my head.

          • HooverVilles

            You soooo funny and smaaaart!

          • Point

            Thank you.

          • HooverVilles

            Why of course. You are very welcome.

          • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

            If you were bent over and looking backwards through your legs, I agree.

          • Boojum

            Right at the point on top?

        • mondojohnson

          It is in a bullet list alongside “that sweet sweet space pussy.” Snark.

          • Point

            It is also the headline.

          • Point

            I have no idea what you’re attempting to say I am wrong about, or what relevance a random, context-less screenshot has to supporting your contention.

        • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

          It absolutely is presented as snark, as one who has the readin’ comprension can tell from the headline you took so seriously.Only a complete newbie to this site or an idiot would not know that.

        • Left Coast Tom

          You’re commenting on a snark blog by…complaining it’s not “marketed as ‘snark'”? Shouldn’t you be trying to catch up with the turnip truck you apparently fell from?

          • Point

            I accept this is satire. However, it is not being marketed by third-parties as satire. It is being marketed by third-parties as actual factual journalism.

            I’m sorry if you find that concept impenetrable.

          • redblack

            you really need to learn how internet advertising works – and why.

            thanks for reminding me to recommend this article.

            and thanks for continuing to comment via disqus.

            “every post you maaaaake…”

            gives wonkette more attention.

            :)

          • JCfromNC

            OK. So why are complaining here instead of to the third-parties who are making the mistake?

          • Point

            I fully intend to. You’ll note that I only posted one original post. All remaining posts have been an angry swarm of people who haven’t quite understood why it’s a problem to mix the two up.

            However, in thinking about what has happened, I am more inclined than before to believe that it was specific action on the part of Shypixel, or staff at Wonkette, that resulted in this satirical piece being listed among straight news results.

        • Read the literal HTML title of the site: “Wonkette | Nasty Vile Little Snark Mob”

        • Boojum

          You should breathe into a bag for awhile. Get a mint, first.

          • Point

            I see.

            You should put your head in a bucket.

          • Boojum

            Oh! Good one!

            Look, Conehead, this here Mommy Blog is for people that’s what has a sense of humor, see? Who do the funny, see? So, run along, Junior.

        • JCfromNC

          Presented or marketed by whom? You might note that the website bills itself as a “Nasty Vile Little Snark Mob,” which should clue anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together that it should be taken with at least a grain of salt.

          • Point

            Specifically: I found this article because it was picked up Google News and Facebook, both of which were presenting this story’s headline along-side actual news sources (non-satirical).

            Since I have not found satirical pieces to be presented along side actual news sources in the past, I believe something has changed.

            Since two independent companies each picked up on this as a real news story, then I must assume there was deliberate action on the part of author Shypixel, or staff at Wonkette to have this article bear flags that indicate that it is an actual article, instead of a satirical piece.

          • (((Aron)))

            Does your head hurt from running into brick walls all day?

          • Point

            I wouldn’t know. Does your head hurt from being unable to engage in critical analysis?

        • (((Aron)))

          If they believe the snark is truth, then they are fools.

          Much like you, Off-Point.

          • Point

            When people believe that something untrue is true, I do talk to them.

            In this case, however, I am engaged with the agency that has promulgated a satirical commentary as factual news.

          • (((Aron)))

            So then bloody taken it up with them instead of the source of the satire, fool!

          • Point

            If you carefully review the comments, you will see that I have addressed in with the agencies who are distributing this satirical piece along side factual news.

            I am also addressing it here, since this is the source, and since there is likely some deliberate action that was taken on the part of “Shypixel” or the staff of Wonkette that has resulted in this satirical article being tagged as genuine news by third-party news distribution.

          • (((Aron)))

            Oh Crom, I see you are also from MA.

            Thank you for embarrassing our fair Commonwealth. Ugh.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Hello, welcome to here. Shy is a nice person, a fine daddy and probably uses his turn signals when driving.

      So there’s that. Your point, the headline is wrong about stuff, is, yes wrong about stuff. Absurdly so wrong no one of thought would go, “hey, maybe we will finally put a man on the moon.”

      Next time you see a headline which says “Water, found to be wet” you’ll know it was meant to be satire.

      Further, to the last sentence, Shy is different from Trump in that Shy is an immortal with a funky accent and sword and knows there CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!1 (INSERT LIGHTNING ORGASM HERE)

      • Lucy Day

        Well Shy sold me on why I shouldn’t read anything this site puts out. Why it is trending on Facebook claiming to be a real news story when in fact Wonkette is nothing more then a Star ripuff rag. A Fake News site like CNN and friends. Shy is a Liberal, a Democrat and SJW that has no respect for its President because he is the wrong color and nationality. If it was Hillary Shy would be creaming itself. It it was a Black Shy would be hyperventilating. So in short this site hired a “Diversity” hire with no writing skills and no Patriotism in its body. Bye Wonkette and Shy moving onto real news with real journalists. I don’t do rags!

      • Point

        Ok then.

        The next time that I see a headline claiming that there is a pedophile ring in a basement in a pizza shop in Washington D.C., I won’t worry that there are people who would actually believe that to be true – since, as you say, no one mistakes satire for fact.

        • redblack

          nope. not gonna fly, chief.

          pizzagate wasn’t satire. it was a poorly-done fucking hit job. only a mental deficient would believe that shit.

          kindly, fuck you and your false equivalence. trump is a moron, and so are his sycophants and apologists.

          • Point

            And, thus, the ignorance that got us to where we are now is displayed – proudly. Well done, Redblack.

            tbh, you remind me – a little bit – of Trump.

          • redblack

            lolz. whatever you say, chief.

            have a great week. don’t take any wooden nickels.

          • Point

            I hope you have a good week as well, Chief.

        • The deal is that Wonkette has been doing Satire long before most people were on the social media. We were doing blog Wars with PUMAs (they started it but we won) after Obama won in ought eight, whipper-snapper. We know what we are doing here.
          If anyone doesn’t know what Wonkette is by now they don’t belong on the Internet.

          • Point

            I’m sure that Wonkette has been doing satire for a long time.

            So, what has changed that is has resulted in a satirical piece being listed along side genuine news articles? That hasn’t happened before.

    • Delu

      The weird part that everyone is missing is…this directive isn’t telling NASA to do anything it wasn’t already doing. NASA has been working on how to send men to Mars for years now.

      Maybe that’s why this isn’t much of a “story” anywhere else and wonkette decided to have a little fun with it just sayin’?

      • Hesavebread!

        I hate to be that guy but 5/12 of the latest NASA intake are wimmins.
        *love being that guy*

    • You found the joke. Good for you. Maybe next time you’ll get it, too.

    • As a person who uses lies and deceit for your personal gain, I am having trouble seeing you as any different from Trump.
      Oh honey, are you ever blind as a mole riding a bat in the deepest recesses of the earth

      • Point

        Ok then. Thank you for your comment.

    • Boojum

      Are you new?

      • Point

        This story is being marketed by third-parties as actual journalism. Familiarize yourself in the comments below.

        • Boojum

          And I read it on the Interwebs, so it must be true.

    • Who let this one in?

    • ryp

      Bold of you to admit you a person who uses lies and deceit for personal gain.

      • Point

        If reading comprehension isn’t your strong suit, I’m probably not going to bother engaging you in conversation.

        • ryp

          As someone with a complete lack of ability to comprehend satire, you no doubt would be a scintillating conversationalist. My loss.

          • Point

            Oh, I appreciate satire.

            What I don’t appreciate is a satirical story that is mixed in with real news.

          • ryp

            Give it up, you came on here calling Shypixel a liar because you couldn’t grasp obvious satire, and now you are backpedaling and trying to blame Wonkette somehow for a 3rd party aggregator lumping one of it’s articles with “real news”. What you don’t appreciate is looking the fool, yet you continue to keep digging.

          • Point

            “Backpedaling?”

            I hardly call modification of a theory based on new evidence to be “backpedaling.”

            Or are you the sort of person who – once you believe something – believe it regardless of the amount of evidence to the contrary?

            Frankly, since I do not see Google News of Facebook’s “trending” sections promoting satirical news sources, I think it is perfectly reasonable to examine both author “shypixel” and the staff of Wonkette to determine why two unrelated news aggregators – who until now, have never promoted a satirical commentary site – have suddenly done so.

    • Grumpy Old Man
  • Jimh

    Because distractions are becoming more and more difficult?
    LOOK THE MOON

  • Paperless Tiger

    This oughta be good.

  • Can we send him? I bet he’d love to be the First President on the Moon…..

    ….and can we leave him there?

  • SterWonk

    Arguably, we are already starting to turn into one of the Four Kingdoms, what with forgetting science and increased religiosity.

  • BANG! ZOOM!

    TO THE MOON, DONNIE…
    https://youtu.be/3XriXDtfqCg

  • AJ Milne

    ‘That’s no moon. That’s yo momma!’

    — Papa Palpatine

    (No, there will be no .gif of Momma Orange’s unsurprisingly terrifying hair on a crescent Luna in this non comment. Because I bet your imagination will generate something vastly more terrifying than I could Photoshop, just from my mentioning it, anyway. Also because lazy.)

  • Carla Vandermeer

    Funny, I had him pegged for a flat earther.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I read a new edition of the Foundation Series with a forward by Asimov describing when he got the idea for Foundation. He said he was on the subway in NYC, 21 years old, just finished with his doctoral thesis in biochemistry.

    At which point, my mind stuttered. He had his biochem doctorate at 21? I think my greatest accomplishment of 21 was to successfully order something better than low beer in a bar.

    • Grumpy Old Man

      When he was defending his thesis, one of his professors made a subtle reference to one of his short stories about a chemical process that could reach back from the future to change the process depending on variables that changed over time. (I forget the story and am to lazy to look it up).

    • (((Aron)))

      Guy was no dummy.

      One of the greatest losses to the AIDS epidemic. (Blood transfusion)

      • Donna Schoenkopf

        awwww. sad. (not the trump kinda sad. the real kinda sad.) i am 74 and read all the asimov books in high school. well . . . the ones published til then.

        • (((Aron)))

          Yup. Truly a national tragedy.

        • (((Aron)))

          Also, it is an honor to have your respond to me, CommieMommie!

  • blaid droog

    Let’s all hope trump gets to Terminus sooner than later.

  • blaid droog

    Let’s all hope he takes a one way trip to Terminus, soon.

  • Gup

    “Make the Moon Great Again”

  • On your return trip from the moon does the current administration consider you an illegal alien?

  • JCfromNC

    […]super sexy blue space alien women[…]

    This is the second time someone’s reminded me of this song:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1zIToPr59M

  • Heather

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fv386:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleDailyConsumerMartJornalsJobsReport1/easy/jobs ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fv386lhhhhh

    • HooverVilles

      What did you do to Lori?
      Pfffft.

  • Donna Schoenkopf

    Hahahahahhahhhahh hee heh. Good one, Shypixel.

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