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Poot Lips.

Wonkers, we have learned our lesson. It is sexist to get mad at Sarah Huckabee Sanders for being an asshole or constantly lying to the American people, and we don’t want to offend the woke feminists who populate right-wing comments sections anymore. So “POOT LIPS” it is! And, just to clarify, that insult means “Sanders is being an asshole or (and) lying to the American people, which makes her mouth words sound like a poot squeaker!”

In case you didn’t know, Donald Trump, racial uniter, is going to Jackson, Mississippi, this weekend for the opening of the Mississippi Civil Rights Museum, because SOMEBODY with their head up their ass (Mississippi wingnut Governor Phil Bryant) thought that was a good idea. People are pissed, because it’s an insult to the entire struggle for civil rights for Donald Trump, a white supremacist who thinks some of the Charlottesville Nazis fighting to save Confederate traitor statues were lovely people, to be anywhere NEAR such an event. The NAACP is pissed. Local organizers are pissed. (We, a Southern white man who lives not far away, are pissed.) And Civil Rights hero Congressman John Lewis is pissed too! He and Rep. Bennie Thompson are in fact so pissed that they’ve decided to skip the event entirely.

So Sanders opened her mouth about it, and POOT LIPS came out:

“We think it’s unfortunate that these members of Congress wouldn’t join the President in honoring the incredible sacrifice civil rights leaders made to right the injustices in our history,” White House press secretary Sarah Sanders said Thursday. “The President hopes others will join him in recognizing that the movement was about removing barriers and unifying Americans of all backgrounds.”

Dave Weigel already had the only proper reaction to that statement, so we’ll just paste that:

WHAT A POOT LIPS.

Wonkette apologizes for our previous slander of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, whose name is POOT LIPS from now on. We’ll try to be nicer about CAPTAIN POOT LIPS.

Open thread. Go!

PS: POOT LIPS!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you’re not, since Amazon COINCIDENTALLY stopped accepting our payments shortly after Evan’s VERY SEXIST Sanders post came out. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye.

[CNN]

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  • SDGeoff3

    Could “poot” be Canadian for “pout”?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Vladimir “Poutine”?

      • puredog

        That’s the accepted spelling in French news publications, because “Putin,” if pronounced as though it were a French word, would be a homonym for the French word “putain,” which means “whore.”

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I take Sarah whatzerface to be breathtakingly effective piece of evidence against a loving god.

  • Michael Smith

    No one cares when conservative women get harassed, so everyone else is lying sluts who were asking for it!!!!!!1

  • memzilla Ω
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      What some people do for entertainment amazes me sometimes.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        This is what happens when people don’t have sex.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          {{{Nodding my head contemplatively.}}}

        • MsEdgyNation

          I haven’t had sex in ages, but I am quite unable to envision any circumstance in which I would cement a kitchen appliance to my head.
          Wearing a colander for a hat doesn’t count, right?

    • Michael Smith

      “Why did I do it? I don’t know.. I.. I just.. Look Donald Trump is President. He’s President don’t you understand me??!! Give me the microwave back!! Give it back!!”

    • ArgieBargie

      Dude, that’s not how you play Minecraft.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        I’d hate to see how he plays Katamari Damacy…

    • Gayer Than Thou

      This is going to give me nightmares.

    • Blackest Noobs

      dumbfucks should be billed for the rescue.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Shows how inefficient those inert substances are. At least with the radioactive metals, the Russians only have to put a tiny bit into your tea.

  • Impatient

    In honor of this date in history:

    While remembering the extreme sacrifices and bravery of our WW II U.S. Navy (I was jes a lil ole peacetime sailor), the History Channel has now jumped the shark.

    Near the end of their documentary “Tora, Tora, Tora: The Real Story of Pearl Harbor,” our intrepid historians note that there arose a sudden fervor for joining in military service, but also a fervor to assign blame for our lack of preparedness. Our narrator intoned, very seriously, something along the lines of:

    ‘There were EIGHT separate investigations into who was responsible for allowing the surprise attack.’

    Welp, looks like we had a bunch of snowflakes in Congress even back then. An actual Hillary could withstand MUCH tougher scrutiny! Lucky Pearl Harbor wasn’t nearly as bad as Bengazi.

    (P.S. Good thing all those men and women died, so that we could give our country away to Russians. Thanks, GOP!)

    • Resistor Radio

      But have they asked her why she didn’t stop Pearl Harbor?

      • Impatient

        Hmmm. Yeah, I guess Gowdy is going soft.

  • thewalkindude
  • BreakingDeadMen

    I would have a gospel group on hand to sing an arrangement of this tune, “Hail to the Chief” style:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_i5bIN63L8

  • theblackdog

    Amazon really is being a bunch of dicks.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
      • SisterArtemis

        That is awesome. Yours?

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          I made it our of old jpgs and released it to (on) the world.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      What now? I’m wanting to cut the cable. Hulu? Apple TV?

      • Rasilom

        Roku box, Netflix and Hulu. Add in the free Pluto TV and you should be all set.

        • SisterArtemis

          I have a second large monitor hooked up to the laptop, so I get to skip the Roku and just go from the websites. But yes, Netflix and Hulu. And I split the cost (I’m a cheapskate) with my kid; I pick up Netflix, she does Hulu, we have multiple accounts between the two households for us, grandkid, guests. Works out good, costs us about 20 bucks a month between the two of us, plus of course the internet to run it all.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          My internet’s not fast enough to do streaming. So I either get DVDs from the discount bin or opt for the flea market in Sweden ;)

      • theblackdog

        They cancelled Wonkette’s donation linky.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        library DVD section. Also books.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “We think it’s unfortunate that these members of Congress wouldn’t join the President in honoring the incredible sacrifice civil rights leaders made to right the injustices in our history”

    How dare those uppity people not want to be around someone who wants to bring those injustices back!!!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5e53b630620719f26f48eb40e9db9af23526b98edf1ee8c1029b16b468a4303c.png

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    i wouldn’t let those lips near my poot nor vice versa…

  • Crystalclear12

    Huh.
    I thought it was Putin’s lips.
    Well, my face is red!

  • ltmcdies

    Reading that 2 news orgs are preparing stories naming 30 or so Congress types who have some sort of harassment thing lurking and then seeing this
    https://www.rollcall.com/news/politics/arizonas-trent-franks-expected-resign

    My question to all these congressional types is what exactly are Americans paying you for

    Because it sure as hell doesn’t sound like work

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      It’s mixing business with “pleasure”.

  • Joe Beese

    I’ll believe this after I’ve walked out of the theater at the end of the movie.

    After Deadline this week revealed that Quentin Tarantino pitched a Star Trek film to JJ Abrams and Paramount, the whole thing is moving at warp speed. Tarantino met for hours in a writers room with Mark L. Smith, Lindsey Beer, and Drew Pearce. They kicked around ideas and one of them will get the job. I’m hearing the frontrunner is Smith, who wrote The Revenant. The film will most certainly go where no Star Trek has gone before: Tarantino has required it to be R rated, and Paramount and Abrams agreed to that condition.

    http://deadline.com/2017/12/quentin-tarantino-star-trek-r-rating-mark-l-smith-the-revenant-drew-pearce-lindsay-beer-jj-abrams-1202222161/

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Trump hears that MLK is doing some great work, and getting more and more recognition for it.

    • Bill D. Burger

      …and that James Armistead! ManO’Man. Trump can’t wait to meet him. Great military guy. Special.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      he thinks it is “Got MILK?”

    • Jackie Jones

      Not many people know that about MLK. Not many know – did you know? He built roads all over the country!

  • memzilla Ω

    Amazon COINCIDENTALLY stopped accepting our payments shortly after Evan’s VERY SEXIST Sanders post came out.

    Fuck you right up the Bezos, Amazon.

    • ArgieBargie

      Wait, I thought Bezos was supposed to be some sort of neo-Soros, according to wingnuts everywhere.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        As I understand it, “neo-” anything means “kisses up to the powers-that-be.”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Bozos. I know, clown libelz, but I still call him Jeff Bozos.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you’re not, since Amazon COINCIDENTALLY stopped accepting our payments shortly after Evan’s VERY SEXIST Sanders post came out.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/53dd13f1492d15e0b00ef75fe80c8720c974da31cc989c7d71bec717cc5a1b5f.gif

    • jesterpunk

      But they are fine with Nazis.

      • Resistor Radio

        That’s some class-A bullshit right there.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I deliver pizza to one of their fulfillment centers almost every night. Should I run in there screaming “VOTES!!!!” and see if they get the message? Or do I need to write a script that would repeatedly search their site for Those Cakes We Like?

      • HarryButtle

        You mean they let the peons eat?

    • HarryButtle

      No, I am proud to say I do not spend money on Amazon. I will shop for things on Amazon and then go to the manufacturer’s site to purchase, even if it costs more. Because Fuck Jeff Bezos.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    In a show of good faith and balance the Governor of Mississippi will build a statue to the confederate (treasonous) war “heros” next to the civil rights museum. Trump, “There were nice people on both sides.”

  • Michael Smith
  • proudgrampa

    Poot Lips!

  • Joe Beese

    In what would be one of the most cataclysmic shakeups to ever happen to a traditional media company, 21st Century Fox is on the brink of selling the bulk of its assets — worth some $68 billion — to Disney. The Murdochs would take the remaining assets — Fox Broadcasting Co., Fox News and sports cable networks FS1 and FS2 — and form a smaller TV company. Negotiations have progressed, with a deal expected to be announced as early as next Wednesday. It would then take about a year from when the deal closes and regulatory approval is granted, and an acquiring company is legally prohibited in managing the pending acquisition, even though speculation is already rampant about which executives will stay and go. Even if it takes a full year to consummate, a Disney acquisition of Fox would redraw the business and make Disney far and away the most dominant studio Hollywood has ever seen.

    http://deadline.com/2017/12/what-happens-to-fox-if-disney-deal-happens-broadcast-news-sports-1202220975/

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Kinda wish Disney would buy the news division instead. Not that I think the propaganda would necessarily abate, but it would be cuter if it came from talking birds and meerkats.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Fuck the Mausreich and their copywrong monopoly. They won’t stop until they own everyone’s DNA in their IP vault.

      • timmulherin

        Will Mickey ever have enough?

  • aureolaborealis

    Shopping for sciency Xmas presents for my daughters and I came across this. Before I got a decent look at it, my first thought was, “Worst. Fleshlight. Evar.”

    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71tPoYU8MmL._SL1500_.jpg

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Agreed, but it does sort of raise the question of why you were buying a Flashlight for your daughters in the first place…

    • SayItWithWookies

      A sex toy for the recluse in your life.

      • HarryButtle

        Arachnophilia?

    • puredog

      Unless I miss my guess, that’s a wine bottle stopper.

      • Amy!

        And it’s prolly a great way to keep people from stealing out of the bottle once you’ve opened it.

    • BigHorn

      Definitely not a cartel buttplug, that’d be a scorpion.

  • hudson

    i’m 100% with evan on this. i rarely use these words. but fuck this bastard bitch.

  • ArgieBargie

    She’s too young to be such putrid, wicked hag.

    • hudson

      one is never too young to be putrid or wicked though. see tomi lahren for instance.

      • ArgieBargie

        How Trump didn’t pick Lahren over Sanders is beyond me.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Makes you wonder what Papa Chucklefuck has on the Trump.

        • puredog

          He has her gobbling his knob while he watches SHS on teebee. Can’t be two places at once.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Let me see if I have this right. Pensacola tomorrow and Mississippi on Saturday and an election in Alabama on Tuesday. What, I missed the lynching on Sunday?

    • cmd resistor

      And visit to Mar-a-lago. He goes from Pensacola rally Friday 7pm (What the hell for?), flies to Mar-a-lago, spends the night, flies to Mississippi Saturday morning, back to Mar-a-Lago for the rest of the weekend. Maybe the lynching is there.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot….but….The beat goes on: Just reported on MSNBC that Arizona Republican Rep. Trent Franks is preparing to resign and there are potentially allegations of inappropriate behavior.

    • HarryButtle

      Well, I’m shocked that Franks is a creeper!

      Said no Arizonan ever.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    I give money so I can get nice notes from Becca……

  • thewalkindude

    AZ GOP Rep. Trent Franks expected to resign over allegations of inappropriate behavior

    • armed_bears

      Supporting the GOP agenda?

    • Spurning Beer

      I allege he is a massive dickface.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Well at least a horrible person is going down the drain as balance for today.

  • Rick Hill
  • mrFawkes

    Facts are like assholes, some are more palatable than others.

  • William
  • Bobathonic

    Jackson MS always makes me think if this:

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wVJ-FnnlpFQ

  • Joe Beese
    • hudson

      with him this needs to be a gif. his palms up moving down, as if to say, why the fuck do you not get the obvious, i have copied shamelessly IRL.

      cool stuff old guy. well done. you dug up real issues and discovered real patterns. and for bonus put a frame on it.

    • rebecca

      in college, my snotty, better-than-me roommate brought home a Chomsky doc, then fell asleep in the middle. I of course watched the whole thing and loved it. After she woke up she acted LIKE I WAS THE ONE WHO FELL ASLEEP.

      • hudson

        i love his frames of analyses. makes it all so understandable in context.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Manufacturing Consent is free to view in full on YouTube, from Canada’s “Encore Plus” channel that shows films and TV episodes from their archives. Publicly funded archives at that, and so free to share, because they’re polite that way. I didn’t know they funded the signature Chomsky documentary, but whoa if Tru, and all the more reason Canada never stops winning.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuwmWnphqII

      • puredog

        And so the concept of Fake News was born, and you were there at the inception! It’s like you’re a Zelig or a Forrest Gump or sumpin’!

  • arglebargle
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Plaque to be affixed to the side of the Washingdick Monument.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Washington Mocument?

    • Suse

      This should be posted everywhere, all day, every day, and sent to all GOP reps at every level, cabinet members, and all media outlets. Where the fuck is the outrage???

  • Michael Smith
  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump will offer up an official portrait of himself and the First Laaaa…~snicker~

    “American Visagothic”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQeY0-lV4AACcdJ.jpg

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      If the hoodie fits.

      You must be a dick.

  • SisterArtemis

    re: the Amazon thing, sorta
    Does this mean the link to Amazon at the left – “Purchases made through this link support the collective. Do your part!” with snappy social realism cycle/book/strong hand – because goddammit if so, as I just used the link to make a purchase for the first time! Or maybe it still works, who knows. Sadz.

    • rebecca

      that still works for now! it is the payments THROUGH Amazon, for donations etc., that suddenly got banned.

      • Rick Hill

        Good to see their morals are still intact….

    • Rick Hill

      They’ll put it back up as soon as they realize their mistake. I mean, how much easier is it to get a lot of information about people who support the resistance of emperor trump than teaming up with Amazon?

    • SisterArtemis

      Dok posted down below that buying through the link to Amazon still works.

  • Suttree

    If he’s that close, why doesn’t he just go Philadelphia and have one of his Nazi Rallies campaign fund raisers.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    A Delta flight with broken toilets diverts hundreds of miles to offer passengers a bathroom break

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/dr-gridlock/wp/2017/12/06/a-delta-flight-with-broken-toilets-diverts-hundreds-of-miles-to-offer-passengers-a-bathroom-break/?utm_term=.f6a7676b5e7b

    On Dec. 2, a Delta Air Lines flight from New York to Seattle was forced to divert hundreds of miles for an emergency bathroom break in Billings, Mont., because of problems with the plane’s toilets, according to the Aviation Herald, which reports flight and aviation incidents worldwide.

  • Resistor Radio

    Dude. Seriously? Amazon is mad at you for doing sexisms to SHS? Can you still send Richard Spencer or Cernovich or whoever your nazi bucks through smile or whatever? I’m shaking my head angrily and making a Sarah Sanders grimace face right now. The fuck?

  • Mary Theresa
    • Shibusa

      The Daily Show said: We need a Molar Investigation, ASAP!

    • Shan

      Poor Putin. I wonder what he got stuck to with the Poli-Grip?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Dear Donald: that wasn’t shampoo we got you for Christmas, it was Nair.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Hopefully packaged in a tube of Preparation H.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Now that Democrat Phil Bredesen (former very popular governor of TN) has made it official that he will seek Bob Corker’s Senate seat, Cook updates the Tennessee Senate race from “Lean Republican” to “Toss-up” !

    (*He’s got a LOT of hillbilly homegrown batshitcrazeee’ to contend with in Marsha Blackburn.)

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/lFCajt-RL10/maxresdefault.jpg

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Is it sexist of me to want to hurl when I see Marsha Blackburn open her backwoods-assed mouth, cause I assume she is running for Senate too?

      • Bill D. Burger

        She has exactly that effect on just about anybody she ever comes into contact with who has a modicum of taste and sanity.

  • doktorzoom

    Re: the Amazon thing: They’ve only cancelled the donation linky thing.We still get a cut when you buy stuff with our Amazon sidebar and when we link to books and other items. Like this “Multi Speed Electric Vibrator Wand Massager by ROSERAIN, Warming-Function 100% Waterproof Cordless Vibration Mini Massager for Therapeutic Muscle Aches and Sports for Women”

    For aching muscles, you bet.

    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61K97yyUWVL._SX522_.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      Great for unwinding with a Steely Dan record.

    • Rick Hill

      Well…as long as that thing doesn’t come with the G.I. Joe kung fu grip

    • Bill D. Burger

      “One in the pink__two in the stink”

      https://pics.me.me/testing-out-the-highest-setting-on-your-vibrator-13607310.png

      “If you build it, they will come.”

    • Shan

      That looks like a torture device

      And now I have to go clear out my Amazon browsing history before my kids get home so they’re not subjected to any further trauma.

    • jesterpunk

      I think Jim Croce wrote a song about that thing.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Warming function?” Okay, women might be spoiled.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I guess the pincers part massages your aching frenulum muscles?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Is it supposed to look like something from Alpha Octantis IV?

    • puredog

      My muscles don’t ache, yet they are turgid. Would this instrument provide succor?

  • Beelzebubba

    Everything they’ve lied about, and it’s a long, long list, is about Russia.
    Everything they “can’t remember” or “forgot”, is about Russia.
    Everything they’ve refused to testify about, is about Russia.

    If you fail to see a pattern, you should be worried about your brain function. The deplorable 25% will refuse to see it, because that’s just how they roll, but 75% can’t fail to. The next few elections could be pretty dramatic.

  • Joe Beese

    Do we know for a fact that Amazon did this to defend the honor of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, FFS?

    • ManchuCandidate

      It’s not like she has any.

    • doktorzoom

      They informed us that they don’t serve companies that take donations instead of payments, or some such. Likely because someone tipped them to us being beggars, but not 501(c)(3) beggars.

      • Joe Beese

        Ah.

        ‘Trix shouldn’t have dared that troll “Good luck making us suffer”.

      • yyyaz

        Are they still listing O’Queef’s grift machine for Amazon Smile donations?

        • doktorzoom

          Yeah, but it does have 501(c)(3) beggar status.

      • clubseal

        What about Patreon or something like that?

        • doktorzoom

          It’s really just a matter of getting folks who had been using Amazon for their recurring donations to switch over to PayPal. I don’t know that Patreon would offer any advantage.

          • clubseal

            A few months ago I got a notice from PayPal that I had ordered a bunch of gift cards and when I went in to report it as fraudulent, I found out that my account had been switched to Spanish months before. I suppose you can tell how often I’ve used PayPal.
            Relevant? No. Did I tell the story anyway? Yes; the curse of the open thread.

  • Shan

    I have a tablecloth just like the shirt she’s wearing. But it’s not sexist of me to say that because I don’t have a penis, probably.

    • SisterArtemis

      Logic, how does it work? I’m sure our lady brains aren’t up to the task.

      • Resistor Radio

        Omg, I’m so busy thinking about shopping and net carbs to…wait, what were we talking about again?

        • Shan

          Hi, what’s your name? Do you like my shoes?

          • Resistor Radio

            Yes and your hair looks great, let’s go get manny/pedis and talk about how math is hard!

        • SisterArtemis

          SHOES!!!!

          (In RL, I have little interest in shoes once I find the ones I like. I have a pair of boots I wear every day, every Fall and Winter, for the last 6 years, and still haven’t ever had to reshoe them. I have a pair of slip-ons for work and around the town, and I have my felt slippers for around the house. I have some dress up shoes, but only wear them once or twice a year. That’s it. I am a disgrace to the stereotype of the shoe-lovin’ woman.)

          • Resistor Radio

            I have a lot of sneakers. And some fuck-me heels I’ve never worn. Mostly I’m with you, and tend to wear about two pairs on the regular.I need to start a box for goodwill.

          • SisterArtemis

            I am moving after 17 years in the same place to a MUCH smaller place, and have to be out by mid-February. One of the many things that’s going: the box of shoes in the back of my closet holding all the ones that DIDN’T work out – I bet there’s 20 pair in there. Also purses, which took me forever to find the right one, but here is my dream purse, with nary a pocket so large that I can lose things forever in there:
            https://marsdensshoes.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/criss-cross.jpg

          • Resistor Radio

            That is my kinda purse! I think I have one by the same label and I love it, haven’t worn it in forever.

    • yyyaz

      Interestingly enough, I have both.

    • Resistor Radio

      Why do you hate men?

      • Shan

        Because I don’t have a penis. Probably.

        • Resistor Radio

          Allegedly.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          They aren’t all that great anyways.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

          • aureolaborealis

            Is this a reference to college wrestling?

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Do you think you’re too good to wear your tablecloth? That’s so sexist.

      • janecita

        She has taste, unlike Sarah la Fea.

        • Shan

          Actually, tne tablecloth is dirty and nobody will do the laundry.

          • arglebargle

            Aha, you do have a penis.

          • Shan

            Well, sometimes.

    • puredog

      “Probably”? Hey, Shan, either you have a penis or you don’t. Rully.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        She might have one on loan.

    • Daniel

      Have you looked down the back of the sofa? Or in the medicine cabinet? I don’t know why but you might leave it in there sometimes.

      • Shan

        I know exactly where it is.

    • shivaskeeper

      That is sexist as fuck. Also, too not feminist.

      As I understand it, things work like this. You being a lady, and a libtard one at that can say nothing. If you defend her, you are complicit. If you attack her, for any reason at all not related to her lying, you are a shrill feminazi who hates all me and want any and all male children castrated at birth.All current males who cannot be castrated at birth should probably be killed. If you attack her lying you are anti-feminist because as an alleged lady person, SHS, can say anything she wants with no repercussions, you dirty libtard not really a feminist you.

      See, if you would just be a right winger, all you would need to do it point to any criticisms of her as being wrong, because no woman on the right can actually be criticized without it being pure hypocrisy, and not only is she cleared of all wrongdoing, but you are cleared as well for being a SJW. Not one of those left wing cuck SJW, but a real one.

      I hope this clears things up moving forward.

      • Shan

        My head hurts

        • shivaskeeper

          Lady brain. It’s all pretty clear.

          • Shan

            Im sure both of us are glad we know each other well enough to laugh over this hahaha!

            *cracks knuckles and heads off to other thread*

          • shivaskeeper

            Yes ma’am.

          • shivaskeeper

            Yes ma’am.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • ManchuCandidate

      The Prince Who Would Be King

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The Dark Prince is more like it. That, and Sith Lord extraordinare.

        • Resistor Radio

          Fundigelical Sith Lord?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I’m not yet drunk enough to read that.

      • Dg Hacket

        There ain’t enough booze on the entire planet to calm you down after that

  • Joe Beese

    I smell an Oscar!

    I won’t stand in the way of the raves Robbie earned at last night’s premiere — she’s immensely talented, and I, Tonya lets her show what she’s capable of — though as someone who was obsessed with the Tonya-Nancy drama when it all went down, I do have one significant quibble: As good as Robbie is … she’s not Tonya. The whole thing with Harding was that she was a squat, 5’1” sparkplug without the poise, willowy frame, or conventional beauty that figure-skating judges wanted from their champions. Robbie is a statuesque stunner who’s even taller than Nancy Kerrigan, a blonde bombshell whose beauty is barely dimmed by her frizzy hair and bad ’90s clothes. You can give Margot Robbie a bad haircut but it doesn’t make her look like Tonya Harding, just Jaime Pressly.

    That’s significant because much is made of how unattractive Harding is supposed to be in this movie. She marries Gillooly because he’s the first person to ever tell her she’s beautiful, and when Harding protests to a trainer that she’s out of shape, the trainer sizes her up and says, “Pear is a shape.” But … it’s Margot Robbie! She’s tall and lithe! They don’t even pad Robbie up until flash-forwards set decades later, so it all just seems off. This is a character who’s not supposed to resemble a figure skater at all — she has a chip on her shoulder for exactly that reason — but she’s been cast with a woman who could not look more like the platonic ideal of an ice princess.

    http://www.vulture.com/2017/09/can-margot-robbie-win-an-oscar-for-playing-tonya-harding.html

  • SayItWithWookies

    I’m thinking John Lewis or somebody prominent in the Civil Rights movement ought to be there, just to stand up and say “No, you racist dumbshit, Rosa Parks would not agree that gun ownership is the civil rights issue of our time.”

  • janecita

    Is it me, or “Sarah la Fea” looks like a stroke victim?

  • Bill D. Burger

    A ‘good for you’ card for John Lewis!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQeLkUXVAAArUtm.jpg

  • amrak63

    I miss Poot Lips. They owned the room when they opened for Primus in Robinson Auditorium back in the day. Alas, their lead celesta player was bitten by a werewolf and left the band to join PETA, and the other members just decided to call it a day.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Racist Trump: ” Wonder why John Lewish’ isthsn’t here? Sumsthething I mushmouthed?”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQeI6k4VwAAP9cL.jpg

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQeI6k4VoAArxf3.jpg

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQeI8_UVwAA5_3b.jpg

  • Royal Ugly Dude
  • Lefty Wright

    Can we call her a dick? In a non-gender specific manner.

  • Ellie

    Truth is always a defense against a charge of slander. Daughter of Huckster just told a Civil Rights hero that he was bad for not honoring himself. I would call her some names, but evil/vile is really the only thing that feels right.

    • clubseal

      And even that’s just one word, mixed around. I can think of some more not fit for print.

      • amrak63

        May I suggest petaQ?

    • Meccalopolis

      I hope there is a big picture of John Lewis circa freedom ride Mississippi in that exhibit

  • puredog

    You misspelled POO LIPS (although POOP LIPS is listed as a secondarily approved form).

  • Shibusa

    Okay so not exactly on topic but enjoyable. https://twitter.com/LawyerRogelio/status/938807345290928128

    • Shan

      SHARED

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Um … “BESHST WARDS”

    • Bill D. Burger

      (M)ake (A)dhesive (G)rip (A)gain

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Surrah is just upset that John Lewis died without addressing her properly as OH LADY!!!!!!! Also too, he was very popular in France, which is NOT AMERICA.

  • amrak63

    *sigh* Kawaii Break!

    Happy (belated) Birthday (12-4) to Kafuu Chino, of Is The Order A Rabbit?.

    https://i.imgur.com/IecyOrD.jpg

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I wonder what a young lad who everybody calls “Dill-Infused Eggplant” thinks about it.

    Must must be hella cute.

    “I hope the gover’ment clozes down because I have a subtraction test.”

  • BMW
    • puredog

      I was going to call the writer out for the needless respect embodied in “whatever credibility you still have left” until I got to the P.S. Carry on.

    • BMW

      The problem with adding text to an image is sometimes you spot a typo after it’s too late to edit.

      • hudson

        you are sexy for typos?

  • puredog

    But truly, Weigel’s tweet wins the internet, on a day — like so many — when the competition is fierce.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Have we got to the bottom of Denturegate yet? Was it plate slipping, dementia, or stroke?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      AOT,K?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Russian pronunciation?

      • hudson

        hash tag den.chure do.nald.

    • Johnatx

      Yes

  • Joe Beese
    • Michael Smith

      That’s just. Wow. That’s perfect.

  • ltmcdies
    • Gayer Than Thou

      All of her family, or just one member? Because maybe in the spirit of War on Christmas I’d be willing to chip in.

      • ltmcdies

        I believe all. None would be missed

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        The essence of a great grift is to engage the marks greed. This one got its hooks in a bunch of us. Of course, as soon as she gets the money, she will announce that the family is going to an island….Manhattan.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      An island with no extradition treaty with the U.S.- she did not add.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Haha, even in just reporting the news Canada is so trolling us. Soory Melz, there’s no actual “Prince Edward” in P.E.I. (“Prince Eric” of Ottawa is off-limits.)

    • Covfefe

      Mellon would take staff as well as her family. But you knew that.

  • jesterpunk

    So Pouty lips says its wrong to question Trump’s health over his slurred speech.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/12/07/huckabee-sanders-says-questioning-trumps-health-based-upon-his-slurring-is-ridiculous-has-she-totally-forgotten-2016/?utm_term=.f83af96b0534

    But before she answered (she said Trump’s mouth was dry, again), Sanders had a bone to pick. “I know that there were a lot of questions on that,” she began, “frankly, ridiculous questions.”

    https://meredithheller.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/151023112135-hillary-clinton-benghazi-hand-large-169.jpg?w=426&h=240

    • hudson

      fuck you sanders.

  • Picabo
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Um, are we thinking along the lines of meth and rent boys?

      • Resistor Radio

        It’s been too long since our last meth and rent boy scandal. Would that even be a scandal anymore? I mean besides if it were a democrat?

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Didn’t we just have one in Oklahoma like a few days ago? They run together after a while.

          • SDGeoff3

            Like their fracking earthquakes.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I swear, these schmendricks seem to deliberately walk into mindfields of mockery.

    • Daniel

      H.P. Lovecraft’s one attempt at a farce.

      • Resistor Radio

        And then the murders began.

  • JerryRich

    When I saw the story yesterday about He, Trump attending the ceremony and the response to same, I actually thought it was a hoax.

  • bluicebank

    Elsewhere, the WaPo attempts to speculate about the mystery of Rand Paul being attacked by neighbor and fellow doctor. Grass clippings and proper lawn care.

    Suspiciously, not mentioned as a possible cause is a GOLEM, summoned by the gated community’s chief of rules & regulations to keep all the lawns properly trimmed UPON PAIN OF DEATH. This was covered in the X-Files episode “Kaddish,” and I find it the most reasonable explanation.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSLm-IqB0oE

    • Resistor Radio

      I liked that episode!

      • bluicebank

        Yeah, especially the part where Mulder picks as his and Scully’s undercover names “Rob and Laura Petrie.”

        • Resistor Radio

          I forgot about that!

    • CripesAmighty

      The HOA Battle of Hastings.

    • TJ Barke

      To be fair, HOAs are awful.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    In her defense, for her to not lie she would have to be able to recognize truth. Given who raised her, I don’t believe Poot Lips has ever been exposed to the truth. And being in the Dolt Maladministration is not doing her any favors in the “recognizing truth” department either. I’m not excusing her lying lies or tablecloth clothing sensiblility, just trying to explain…on the other hand, she could also just be a psychopath.

  • CripesAmighty

    But she has upgraded her fashion choice–from Barcolounger floral to Motel 6 Curtain pastel.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Mrs Sanders. Motel 6 is on line two. They sound angry.

      • amrak63

        I don’t think they’re gonna leave a light on for ya.

    • Johnatx

      Motel 6 libelzz!!

    • James Lamere

      Why cant she do the press-bullshitting in a modest Christian bra and panty ensemble ? (with the pearls , of course ) .

    • SDGeoff3

      Maybe for christmas, she will go full Las Vegas Casino Carpet.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Today is the last day of Medicare open enrollment. About a week ago, Mrs Pixelz was prescribed a medicine that is so expensive it must be made of unicorn tears. This set off a mad dash to find a good/better/best Medicare prescription plan. Phone calls to insurance agents, pharmacies, doctors, insurance companies; web searches and quality time with my calculator.

    I couldn’t help but envy people in the rest of civilization who don’t have to decipher the Insurance Code to get medication and treatment. People who spend time with their spouse/partner instead of their calculator.

    • Joe Beese
      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Breaking Bad: This Story Has 22 Seconds. Coming this January to CBC.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Yeah, but Viagra finally went generic, yesterday. They gotta make up the money somewhere.

      • puredog

        This is good news for John McCain!

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          Bad news for his wife.

  • amrak63

    One good thing happened today: I went for my routine dental checkup, and no problems.

    • Johnatx

      Bet Trump wishes he could say that

      • puredog

        Or even just enunciate it.

  • Ross Vachon

    I once sat next to John Lewis at a talk by Kathleen Kennedy at UCLA, I pretended I didn’t know who he was, and he was a nice guy. But, John Lewis for all his well-earned hero status is also a partisan DNC hack and an Israel apologist to boot. And, as far as civil rights heroes go, he ain’t the only one. He’s a Hillary bot grandstanding for a candidate a bigger racist than Trump. Sarah Huckabee Sanders was right to differentiate John Lewis from the entire legacy of the Civil Rights Movement. His symbolic totemic significance only stretches so far.

    • Resistor Radio

      Cool cool cool, shit on John Lewis.

      • msanthropesmr

        I think that text was randomly generated. Only explanation.

        • Joe Beese

          Check the comment history.

          • msanthropesmr

            No thanks.

          • Joe Beese

            Just this one, I promise.

            [I wonder what all these men have in common. Hmm….]

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/118519c6e30a4edba6218157c80afff1e3808a43ead8d2cdb715168cae4bb9f1.png

          • jowgajen

            His upvotes are oddly symmetrical with his post count.

          • Resistor Radio

            What is the deal with “ratio,” I’ve heard it when talking about tweets also too.

          • jowgajen

            Tweet ratio is about likes vs replies. The easiest and most common response is a like or a retweet, but those imply endorsement. If you see a Tweet with far fewer likes than replies, then you are seeing a Tweet that engendered vocal ire by the Twitterverse.

            As for this comment, I’m implying that idiot up there likes his own comments and no one else does.

          • Resistor Radio

            Got it, thanks for splainering.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          I told him not to install the new Kaspersky antivirus software!

        • Resistor Radio

          How many of those do we get in here? /end message

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Looks like a russian bot to me.

        • Resistor Radio

          “I am American liberal and also we, fellow American leftists, should shit leaders of our American leftist agenda.”

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Hah! Sorry, I meant Voss looked like a russian bot. Probably not a highly paid one though. He got the Wonkette beat.

          • Resistor Radio

            Ha! Oh I know, I was quoting “him.”

        • Resistor Radio

          Should we ask him if he knows Lori?

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Yes! And maybe he can find Brad too.

          • BradtheBot

            I’m here lurking, no need to search!

    • Daniel

      You think Clinton was more racist than Trump?

      • gingerland62

        Thinking was involved?

    • Joe Beese

      How are things over at the Breitbart News Network?

    • jesterpunk
      • arglebargle

        I was just gonna say “fuck right off”. I like yours better.

        • jesterpunk

          I stoled it from someone here in an earlier troll thread.

          • arglebargle

            I steal all my best work.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      How is the weather in Vladivostok today?

    • arglebargle

      I guess we’ll be hearing more from you in “Dear Shit-fer-brains”.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I was totally with you up to the first period. Then it goes kinda sideways for me.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Vache off, Vachon.

    • Andre

      Yer goddamm RIghT!!! PreACH IT to The5E libtartS what don’t no bout tHE scrIFICES mad BY PRezNint TRUMP fer them COlOREDS! MAGA!!11!!!!121ELEVEN!

    • Moebym of the Returners

      “Partisan DNC hack”

      That again? *yawn*

      • Lord Jim

        Try to stay awake. His next post could fill your lefter-than-thou-purity-pony Bingo card, and you wouldn’t want to miss that, would you? :P

        • Not a purity bro. Blightfartian.

          • Lord Jim

            Are you sure he’s not Andy Kaufman? :D

          • Granny Sprinkles

            I think it’s a Breitfarter masquerading as a leftier-than-thou purity pony maybe? It’s difficult to tell, because of how I’m sane and stuff.

    • ltmcdies

      sez white guy

    • Chyron HR

      As we now know, John Lewis, MLK, and the other civil rights “leaders” were just Bernie’s glorified sidekicks.

    • And, as far as civil rights heroes go, he ain’t the only one.

      BURN HIM ANYWAY!!!!!! Wait. What?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      You forgot to bitch about neoliberals.

    • I pretended I didn’t know who he was
      (was that because he is ….?)

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Let’s see. Total number of partisan RNC (Rethuglican Nutcase Collective) hacks = total number of Rethuglicans. I think think that’s about right.

    • TJ Barke

      “grandstanding for a candidate a bigger racist than Trump”
      Lolwut?

      • Hillary is the biggest racist, which is why all the black people voted for her.
        By like a big assed margin.
        White boy has to tell us how they was wrong to do that.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Parts of what you say are defensible and make sense; other parts are not.

      • Which parts? I would MUCH rather debate with you, then a white dude telling black folks they are doing blackism wrong.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Well, I said they’re “defensible”, not necessarily correct. If he wants to demonstrate partisan hackery on Lewis’ part, for example, he could theoretically do so – provided he has some examples. I have no idea if he does or not.

          • Oh. Well blast, I like debating with you. You’re fun and know your stuff, like Shiva.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Well thank you! Let me see if I can say something debatable. Um… chili is just really bad spaghetti sauce! {ducks}.

          • No I agree with that.
            Erm……hm.
            Well fuck. We will try again later.

        • Resistor Radio

          I thought white liberals were supposed to tell black folks how to do fashion?

          • Not a libtard. Read his comment history. Regular blightfartian and thinks watching Al Franken resign or the “cult” of Dems dying is entertainment.

          • Resistor Radio

            I love it when they leave their comment history open.

    • Pepper Jack

      Tell me more, Ivan.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      How’s the pizza in Leningrad?

    • anon_the_great

      Tell us again how you respect the Negro race cept for the uppity ones

    • Paperless Tiger

      Why in the hell would you pretend not to know who John Lewis is? Shake a hand, Man.

    • mancityRed6

      aww Russ…can I call you Rump? that’s just so sad for you.

    • Oh and hey, wingnut, just so you know- your Trump is the biggest Israel Apologist there is in the US of all the A right now. Have fun with that!

    • mancityRed6

      also, you said “ain’t” but you also used “differentiate” somewhat properly.
      and “totemic”
      your ESL skills are somewhat mixed.

      • I call BS. He never sat next to Lewis.

        • vivian

          Sheri Lewis, maybe.

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            her corpse more likely

        • mancityRed6

          well no. it’s as plain as the borscht on it’s face.

      • Johnatx

        I wonder if it is the same Ross Vachon that had the role of “teacher” in the blockbuster late 80s hit “Night Life”?

    • SDGeoff3
    • vivian

      I’m sure Mr. Lewis’ contributions to American history pale in comparison to your own. Eat a big bag of badger dicks, halfwit.

    • rebecca

      in that word salad, was it Hillary who was supposed to be a bigger racist than Trump? Cool story. Also hi. http://sadredearth.com/anatomy-of-an-anti-semite/#.WinJxLQ-dE4

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I ponder your creative choice of “totemic” I have never seen it used in such a fashion.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Huh. Funny that you have 1,486 posts and 1,486 upvotes. How curious! And what a coincidence!

  • Michael R
    • amrak63

      Well, he is a fundamentalist Mammonolator Christian, so he is an expert in hypocrisy.

    • jesterpunk

      So Roy would that change let you molest kids?

      • Michael R

        Move to the back of the school bus .

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      He tweeted that from the shadow of a Jefferson Davis statue.

    • anon_the_great

      Oh Hell NO

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Unless you’re gay. Or a Muslim. Or have to change things at the mall

  • bupkus231

    Don’t give her the rank – she is no “captain”. Is there a rank below “private”?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Yes: Bone Spur.

    • Raan

      Trainee?

    • jesterpunk

      Maggot?

    • Jamoche

      REMF?

    • OutOfOrbit

      Piss ant

    • Operation Female Shield!

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      A private first class has been promoted twice. Yet, you can’t spell lost without LT. :)

      Still much love to you officer folks :)

      • Villago Delenda Est

        One of my NCOs, with a VERY concerned look on his face, asked me “You can read a map, can’t you, LT?”

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          I was just a joe, never really thought about it. Then, we are doing calls for fire in OCS on plotting boards. A few of my fellow candidates weren’t even calling the right grid square, let alone a target. That was a bit scary

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Extra private. Hidden.

      • Resistor Radio

        I don’t wanna think about her extra privates.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          They should be sequestered.

        • Parakeetist

          Oh eeew

    • amrak63
    • Covfefe

      Airman

    • SayItWithWookies

      Assistant manager.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “I have words. I have the best words.”

    Lewandowshkey
    Sheshhhions
    Tillershon
    Peloshi
    Shhoomer
    Russhhia
    Jerushalem
    United Shtayshh
    Cashino
    Shenate
    Congresh
    Preshidentshure

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQd0gdOUIAA9u0y.jpg

    • Michael R
      • Jacob DiCiaula

        I listened to that speech. I’d feel better if you told me he’s a heavy day drinker

        • IdiotsforPalin

          Sounded okay to me…however I was 2/3 of the way thru a bottle of Fireball.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            That may be the next recommendation from the Surgeon General for consuming political news

    • Johnatx

      Impeashhment

    • Johnatx

      Collusshhhhion

    • Andre

      Eyes closed and pretending it’s Vlad about to quench his thirst.

      • You are EVIL. Come sit by me

      • Resistor Radio

        Vlad prefers eye contact.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        He’s got lousy technique.

        • Andre

          But when he pops the dentures out, it’s a whole new ballgame.

          • puredog

            Gum job yum.

    • Bobathonic

      Vissshhy

    • puredog

      “Hello? Is anybody in there?”

    • canes_pugnaces

      He doesn’t know how to drink water?

      • Resistor Radio

        Have you seen him with a water bottle? AWKWARD

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Jushtin fwom Canaduh
      Pewshun who ish wunning Shermany
      Bawwack Hushain Obama

      and of course

      Vwad Pootin fwom Wusha

  • Debased rednecked mother fucking poot lipped garbage scowl of soulless drudgery.

    • puredog

      “garbage scowl”?

      • yes. I will leave it because it works even BETTER

        • puredog

          Perfect. I thought it was a typo, but liked it anyway.

  • Raan

    “Poot Lips” is the name of my new indie J-Pop band.

    We haven’t written any songs, we don’t play any instruments, and there aren’t any other members yet, but other than that, it’s going swimmingly.

  • Joe Beese
  • Lance Thrustwell

    I don’t want to think about that woman’s lips. Gack.

  • Michael R

    Don’t act like you didn’t know how shitty this year
    was going to be last year at this time .

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/36c1f58c3cbff375bbe66ab582d6b8bb03ce8eb557c7dd5836358eec7358624d.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger

    “I love my meetinths’ wisht’ Putin___and I sthink’ he doth’ too”:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQdP3oyUIAELQlG.jpg

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I bet Pootin’ knocked his teeth out and won’t let him get implants ’cause…well, you know.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Trump always leave Putin satisfied….no doubt! ;)

  • Johnatx

    So,…. do we have a troll below, or just a poophead?

  • OneYieldRegular

    The people of Jackson should stay the hell out of that photo op and refuse to let themselves be used in this way. Being serious about honoring and embracing civil rights means distancing oneself as far as possible from this President.

  • Ron Spangler

    POOT LIPS!

  • IdiotsforPalin
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      MOAR COWBELL

    • bupkus231

      Cud eventually has some nutritional value for the cow. Poot Lips is incapable of issuing anything of value, no matter how long she chews it,,,.

  • Zach Williams

    Fun little distraction from Sarah HuckCuck up there-This guy in Britain built a life-size TIE Fighter in a barn.
    https://youtu.be/kkq3lAW875o

  • Alternative Dog
  • Bill D. Burger

    Andy Borowitz: “Separate from the Mueller investigation, we need a Molar investigation of Trump: ”

    https://twitter.com/StuffUrSorrys/status/938620962949382145

  • canes_pugnaces

    Maybe if John Lewis would admit there are many fine KKK members, Trump, et al. wouldn’t be getting all loose in the dentures.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    If even Dave Weigel gets it…. I mean, Jeez.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Just got a notice that the Venice – Santa Monica Christmas Race has been postponed to next Saturday thanks to the air quality issues that the fires are causing. That works better for my schedule, but fuck, fire season sucks.

  • Nephilim
  • yyyaz

    PSA: Smooching Big Orange Butt causes Poot Lips. DO NOT smooch Big Orange Butt.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It looks like an Evangelical Christian couple who promised to divorce if Australia legalized gay marriage were only speaking metaphorically, the poor dears:

    “My previous public comments regarding civil divorce never envisaged me separating from my wife, but rather our marriage from the state,” he said. “The legislation currently makes it untenable for us to do this under the law. The point we were highlighting and that still stands however is the fact that a redefinition of marriage changes the agreement under which we were originally married. We will be making no further comment.”

    So even when they try their darndest to produce evidence of it, it appears no marriage has been destroyed by legalization.

  • Zach Williams

    So, The Grand Tour is starting back up tonight and I am so fucking hyped.
    FINALLY A DISTRACTION FROM REPUBLICAN DUMBASSES.
    I CAN JUST WATCH A COUPLE OF DUMB OLD MEN FOOL ABOUT WITH CARS INSTEAD OF WATCHING TRUMP RUIN THE COUNTRY.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Assuming we live that long and the Republicans don’t begin using voter rolls to slaughter Democrats.

      • jesterpunk

        The RNC already “accidentally” released the voter databases.

        http://money.cnn.com/2017/06/19/technology/voter-data-leaked-online-gop/index.html

        Personal information of almost 200 million registered U.S. voters was accidentally exposed online due to an improperly configured security setting, security firm UpGuard revealed on Monday.

        The leaked information, compiled by Republican data firm Deep Root Analytics and two other Republican contractors, included names, birth dates, addresses, voter registration details and social media posts.

        UpGuard cyber risk analyst Chris Vickery discovered the open database of 198 million voters on June 12, and it was secured on June 14. Putting that number into context, Politico reported last October that the United States had a little more than 200 million voters.

        About 1.1 terabytes of data was available to download and not password protected.

        “This the DNA of voter analysis,” Vickery told CNNTech. “This is exactly what they use to determine how someone is likely to vote on a specific issue.”

        Deep Root said in a statement the data was exposed on June 1 when the firm updated security settings. The firm said it “builds voter models to help enhance advertiser understanding of TV viewership.”

        • Paperless Tiger

          Who thought Deep Root was a good name?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          They’re literally doxing us. See, this is why I remain an independent. Here in MA, it’s called “unregistered” — not that you’re unregistered to vote, but you’re unregistered with any party. At least it’ll be a delay of execution until the murders begin.

          • jesterpunk

            That wont stop them, these voter rolls where not just Republican voters they where all voters. Republican, Democrat and Independent.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Fuck. Oh well, I guess when Trump builds the wall we’ll all be the first up against it…

        • bupkus231

          Hmm – Chris Vickery. I was looking into the group that sponsors the “Impact” award that Ginni Thomas gave to James O’Keeffe yesterday – “United in Purpose”. Turns out that their real “raison d’etre” is to gather Internet information on as many Americans as they can ( I guess this is the modern equivalent of the old “mailing lists” that assholes like Regnary sold to conservatives ).

          Chris Vickery uncovered a whole bunch of data bases that these guys have collected. One has to wonder how this fits into privacy rights, etc….

          Link: https://www.forbes.com/sites/thomasbrewster/2016/01/04/191-million-leak-bill-dallas-christian-anti-abortion/#105f62c478f7

          [ sorry about the “Forbes” link – but this has the clearest explanation of what Vickery found of any I found yesterday. Note that this is over a year old… ]

          These rightwing ratfckers are “skilled” at gathering this info – not so good at protecting it….

          • jesterpunk

            That seems to be by design, if they protected it how could they use the information to target liberals?

      • OutOfOrbit

        Already doing it. We must verify just before voting.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      right side of history morally perhaps, but “I was right!” is a pretty pathetic epitaph…

      • shivaskeeper

        What are the other options?

        • ((( Augustus )))

          do more than just be right

          organize and take action

        • Meccalopolis

          Crush your enemies, see them driven before you

          • shivaskeeper

            Hear the lamentations of the women.

    • puredog

      Even though it may be cold comfort.

  • Michael R

    Ever wonder where Sarah Sanders found ” Pickle ” ?

    Vice President Mike Pence’s family has lost yet another pet––a cat named Pickle

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8d2862e6e68bdfa482f2a480cdb3227d24c4c63aa0df4a56b5359c466dd25202.gif

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I love the fact that he tweets this every single day:

    https://twitter.com/DavidCornDC/status/938844495260549120

  • Joe Beese

    The iPhone is so popular as a camera that its share on Flickr now exceeds all Canon and Nikon cameras combined.

    https://daringfireball.net/linked/2017/12/07/flickr-iphone-camera

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      That’s actually depressing in a way, if only because the new facial-recognition Soviet Kodachrome iPhone take photo of you. Sooner or later you won’t be able to buy real cameras at all. Just like you can’t get iPods that are just iPods and don’t hook up to Spotify streaming Skynet.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I read in an industry publication that Apple’s longterm goal with the facial recognition software us to get it to the point where it can gauge real-time reactions while people are viewing content and ads and shit on their phones. The endgame is enhanced data mining, essentially.
        Nothin’ creepy about that, no sirree.

        • Joe Beese

          Historically, Apple has not been in the “selling our users to advertisers” business. However, that could change down the road.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            This came from an Apple spox. Can’t remember the name of the publication or I’d find it.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I’m guessing it’s what used to be called Macworld, but is now the official press release from the Ministry of Truth.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          In Soviet Applemerica, 2018 will be like 1984…

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zfqw8nhUwA

          My, how far they’ve gone.

  • Johnatx

    Holy shit! It’s snowing. In Austin

    • TJ Barke

      Meanwhile, here on the west coast, it’s not supposed to rain for 2 weeks…

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        I’ll take snow over firestorms.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I’ve heard it never rains in Southern California.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gmq4WIjQxp0

        • Amy!

          It never rains in California,
          But girl, don’t they warn you:
          It burns, yeah it burns.

    • Zach Williams

      SEND THAT SHIT TO MCLENNAN COUNTY BOI.

      …oh wait, I forgot. Our district voted Trump and therefore we are never allowed to have happiness again. Or in this case, snow.

      • bupkus231

        At least you understand your sin….

        • Zach Williams

          I supported Hillary, ya’ll need to be blaming my senile ass great-grandparents.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      The Spam Museum will be fine!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      SEE! GLOBAL WARMING IS A CHINESE HOAX, STRAIGHT FROM THE PITS OF HELL!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E0a_60PMR8

      • Johnatx

        I thought it was the bowels of Hell

        • bupkus231

          I think Paul Broun specialized in bowels. Inhofe is just stoopid

          • Johnatx

            Ahhhhh

          • puredog

            And Paul Bowles specialized in browns.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          AOT,K…

      • ltmcdies

        you know what I want for christmas….this asshat’s name in that list of 20 – 30 sexual harassers @CNN and @WP is reported to be working on.

    • hendenburg2

      And San Diego is on fire. In December

  • Gzuss

    Off topic…do they have shampoo in Arkansas? If they do, someone needs to teach Sarah how to use it.

    Or maybe her hair is just always dull and lifeless from being so close to her brain.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’ve said repeatedly she’s got good hair. It’s her only redeeming quality, IMO.

    • jesterpunk
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Ell oh ell.

    • At the crossroads, stay strong

      Anatomical bits next to a non-functioning organ tend to die as well.

    • guest1331now

      We have over 300 Dollar Generals and who knows how many Walmarts, Targets, Walgreens, etc., all with shelves of shampoo. It’s a Sarah thing.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Jesus Christ, I’ve been to Jackson Mississippi! My car broke down 10 miles north of there in Canton, MS and I was forced against my will to spend the night there. I pray to the goddess every night that I never have to drive through there again! They will love Trump in Jackson, MS. If any of you Wonkers live in Jackson, MS (or Canton, MS) I earnestly entreat you to move somewhere else.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      The Deep South. It ain’t for everybody.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I shudder to think what it would be like to be an African American woman whose car broke down in Canton, MS. I have no words…

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        If I hear that I have to like grits one more time…

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Regular, creamy, or al dente?

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T24lHnB7N8

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Grits I can tolerate if I absolutely have to. It is the deep fried corn on the cob I couldn’t tolerate. Fresh corn on the cob, with a little salt, and a little butter, that is one of life’s blessings. Whoever decided to fuck with this perfect food will burn in hell forever.

      • bupkus231

        It ain’t for anybody!

      • guest1331now

        I love the South, but it’s like loving one’s family, half of whose members are deeply disturbed and assertively dysfunctional.

    • bupkus231

      One of my co-workers many years ago in DC was an African American woman who had grown up in Mississippi ( still had fam in the state ), and had attended and graduated from Jackson State.

      She had no desire to ever return for any “alumni functions”. Can’t imagine why….

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I can grok that. A very white friend of mine (Dutch ancestry, very pale, red hair, freckles) once had an interview at Jackson State, and she returned from it determined to refuse the job if it was offered to her. It was, and she did.

        • MississippiLefty

          It is a well respected HBCU in the heart of the blue part of MS ten minutes from Whole Foods but by all means, sh*t on it.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It could be Oxford for all I care, you would still have to live in Jackson or the surrounding areas if you worked there, which would negate the advantages of working at a well-respected HBCU. But your point is taken, and I shouldn’t appear to criticize the school just because the community is mostly racist white people.

          • MississippiLefty

            The community is largely black and Hinds County voted for Hillz 70% to Trump’s 30%.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That’s good to know. All I know about the people is that I met about 15 white people there in a 48-hour period, every single one of which used the N word in my presence and assumed this would not bother me. I don’t like white people who make assumptions about me because I am white, any more than black people like having assumptions made about them by white people because they are black. The Pakistani family who owned the little motel I stayed at in Canton were very nice, as were all the black people I met. There must be some nice white people in Jackson and Canton, but I didn’t meet any.

    • MississippiLefty

      Hinds County MS went for Hillary 70 to 30.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Conservative Arizona Republican Rep. Trent Franks resigning as reports of inappropriate behavior surface.
    Associated Press
    ALAN FRAM
    Associated Press•December 7, 2017

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f894fe0a43caaadc188a56fb9c339639cd96d3cbca2a24bec9160964bc161e7c.jpg

    And EWWWWWW….

    https://i.imgur.com/Iwkg2aX.gif

    • Zach Williams

      Karma for Franken.

    • h4rr4r

      Live boy?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Franks drew national ire in 2013 when he said, “Incidents of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low” — a remark he later said was taken out of context.

      http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/07/politics/trent-franks-resigns/index.html

    • yyyaz

      Not to worry, our douchenozzle gubnah will name someone equally bad or worse to replace him. I think the Goldwater Institute imports these twits from all over the country for RWNJ finishing school and a slot at the public trough.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        There’s always Barry’s rotting corpse.

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        I’ll take Barry over any of today’s republicans.

        • Dg Hacket

          Hell even Marion Barry

      • bupkus231

        I’m sure Kelli Chemtrails has out her name in. SHe might have wanted to be Senator, but anything to avoid an election, eh?

    • OrdinaryJoe

      He probably should have tried first to meet with Roy Moore and some Xtianista friends in his DC office and pray away the problem.

  • ltmcdies

    it never fucking fails….that Dinesh D’Souza will tweet something dumb

    https://twitter.com/revrrlewis/status/938907410890190848

    • jesterpunk

      Convicted felon says what?

    • Thiazin Red

      Uh what? When the fuck was Peter Martins considered some kind of progressive leader?

      • ltmcdies

        personally I’ve never heard of the guy but I guess I have now

        • Thiazin Red

          I know of him because I have season tickets to City Ballet, but I’ve never been aware of any political stances he has.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Nice try but I have photos

        • Joe Beese

          Peter Martins is as big in the world of ballet as James Levine (also an abuser, we’ve learned) is in the world of classical music.

          • ltmcdies

            creeps to the left of us, creeps to the right of us….

            I need a shower.

          • SpideySenser

            You put your left foot in
            You take your left foot out
            You put your left foot in
            And you shake it all about

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        D’ouche D’Nozzle is referring to public funding of the arts as a “progressive paragon”. See, all we need to do is kill PBS (more than the Koch brothers already have) and like magic, rape will disappear!

        While you’re at it, D’umb-and D’umber, can you tell Trumpy’s pal Vlad to defund the Bolshoi Ballet? Wouldn’t want any lefty progressivism sort of stuff spoiling the paragon of free-market prosperity that is Mother Roosha.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          But they fund Nova

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            That’s SCIENCE! Science is WITCHCRAFT!

            NEEDZ MOAR FOX NOOZ JESUS MIRACLES!

        • Thiazin Red

          The Kochs are some of the biggest donors to City and the Met.

          • Meccalopolis

            Fact

    • Bill D. Burger

      Neurotics build castles in the air___and laughable fucking psychotics
      like Duh-nesh D’Criminal move into them.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      no talent ass-clown

      • Thiazin Red

        Which is funnily enough what the NYT ballet critic calls Peter Martins. The reviews are insanely bitchy.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Oh my!? Bitchy dance reviews!?

          • Thiazin Red

            So over the top, like Martins went to his apartment and punched his dog levels of hate.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      What the everloving FUCK is wrong with that guy?

      D’Souza I mean. The other guy, it’s a little more obvious.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        AOT,K

      • Johnatx

        He fucked his brains out cheating on his wife?

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Which didn’t take very long. Fucking his brains out that is.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Now where will antifa find its strength.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        And train its super soldiers?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      So not en pointe.

    • Johnatx

      Has D’vorce D’spousa ever said anything not dumb?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Not since he talked Ann Coulter into sexing with him.

    • SDGeoff3

      We talk about him all the time in our home.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      You can always count on Derpish D’stupid to come up with something moronic.

      • H0mer0

        [was puzzled at him calling Obama a “grown up Trayvon Martin.” He wasn’t given a chance to grow up, he did nothing wrong except lose his cool when some asshole vigilante was badgering him, what the hell does any of this have to do with Obama, and how is the appellation supposed to be a pejorative?]

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Oh for fuck sake. The dance world is cesspool of abuse and bullying. No big secret.

      • Thiazin Red

        Look at who he took over from. Balanchine was a massive piece of shit to women.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      We leftists have an uncanny ability to pirouette from a devastating setback like this.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Martins was simply astounding in his ability to convey central principles and strategies of Marxist praxis through elaborate sets of dance steps that only fellow travelers could decipher. Were it not for this clever and subtle means of disseminating dangerously radical progressive ideas, New York City – nay, the nation’s entire urban elite – might have been as conservative as a typical Roy Moore supporter.

  • msanthropesmr

    Can I get good vibes? I had a bad day.

  • Zach Williams

    Collectivized this from r/FULLCOMMUNISM on Reddit
    “Anti-communists” are so dumb sometimes.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/df117867efa9fcaad56dde6022737ee78f0396b107a950018f6b87a49b8d7df5.jpg

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Now you see, TeleSUR, you’re not helping. That headline is just going to feed the wingnuts who equate “socialism” (really a mixed market economy with strong safety nets like Australia, Canada and most of Europe), with full-blown Rooskie totalitarianism. Hopefully nobody knows that they’re a Latin American outlet because then progressives will just get bombarded with more “Obamacare leads to toilet paper shortages like Venezuela” stupidity.

    • TJ Barke

      “Anti-communists” are usually stupid tools.

      • yyyaz

        And sometimes even unusually stupid tools.

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    Sarah and Kelly are collaborating on a book: How to Have a Cunt and Be a Cunt at the Same Time – Ethics and a Conscience and Why You Don’t Need Them

  • Angela Ruzzo

    There is an absolutely ENORMOUS Nissan factory just north of Jackson, MS. I passed by it half a dozen times, and one time I watched my speedometer to see how long it was. It was ONE MILE LONG, I kid you not. I wonder what their racial hiring statistics are…

  • Lord Jim
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Pretty sure I don’t want to know the fucking details:

    https://twitter.com/joanwalsh/status/938819381596971008

    • msanthropesmr

      Chris Cilliza?

      • Bill D. Burger

        If Clitlizzard’ can find some way to tie them to Hillary’s emails____ ya, ya…you betcha’!

    • jowgajen

      Sounds about right.

    • shivaskeeper

      Does it sell ads and get clicks? That’s what they’ll go with then.

    • TJ Barke

      Darn liberal media…

  • Bill D. Burger

    Quite the response from Melania at a Children’s National event today:

    Q: “My name is Andy … I am 10 … If you could spend the holidays anywhere in the world, where would you go?”

    Mel: “I would spend my holidays on a deserted island, a tropical island, with my family.”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Trapped on an island with Donald Trump. The woman is insane.

      • Bill D. Burger

        I’m betting, in whatever there is up there that passes for a mind, she was picturing Raoul the Pool Boy and Barron____and sans The Dotard.

        • Raan

          Would the list of activities include eating Raoul?

    • BadKitty904

      I think she should, too. Let’s make it happen, people!

    • Paperless Tiger

      Rikers?

      • Raan

        Not tropical enough.

        La Culebra.

        • Spurning Beer

          Maybe Guantanamo

    • Dg Hacket

      Is Devils Island available?

    • mrFawkes

      Well, Devils Island is tropical.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Michael R
  • BadKitty904

    It’s very hard for me to comment on Sarah Huckader without violating Wonkette’s rules or using language that could be in interpreted as misogynistic.

    So, fuck her.

  • guest1331now

    Every interview, every press conference, every conversation with a Republican from NOW ON:

    ‘[Senator/Congressperson/GOP shill/etc.], before we get to questions about [the tax bill, Jerusalem, etc. etc.], why aren’t you calling for the confessed and multiply accused serial sexual assaulter in the White House to RESIGN?!’

  • coozledad

    Sad Otter simulacrum Trent Franks has A.) been caught humping a corpse he set alight with gasoline. B.) Filmed blowing a mule escort. C.) failed to pony up his House protection dollars.

    • ltmcdies

      or live boys and pot….that seems to a popular hard right wing pastime these days

      • coozledad

        I hope Al Franken suggested they send Franks’ NOBAMA T-shirt to an independent lab for (undisclosed primate) semen testing.

        • ltmcdies

          hahahahahaha….I think you win the ‘net today.

    • mrFawkes

      D) Franks and beans…caught with a can of Van DeCamps at a Yuma rest area gloryhole.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Well, there’s a shocking development:

    https://twitter.com/DenverChannel/status/938900851522920448

    • Bill D. Burger

      Bet somewhere along the line, he uttered the words, “I agree with the president. There is voter fraud. I just know it.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      EVERY SINGLE TIME they find some voter fraud, a Rethug was perpetrating it.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        One down three million to go.

        • bupkus231

          Was he an illegal immigrant?

      • shivaskeeper

        In their defense it’s only to prove how easy voter fraud is to commit and get away with.

        • Paperless Tiger

          The hard way.

    • renegade500

      I’m so shocked.

      (I’m not shocked.)

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      This makes me happy. And as a Coloradan, deserves another toke.

    • jesterpunk

      Another republican guilty of voter fraud? Every case from last year was a republican doing something like that too.

    • yyyaz

      GOP chairman no less. I hope he gets the max.

    • coozledad

      Republicans should be required to have a valid photo ID tramp stamp.

      • bupkus231

        Facial tattoo would be better, especially a disfiguring one…

    • Suttree

      These guys are great. Are they using their ex’s absentee ballots to say fuck you them?

  • mrFawkes

    So, Amazon is selling a red MAGA hat Christmas tree ornament.
    Here’s some of the reviews…

    It’s the best ornament, with the best words, believe me. Of course, it is red… an homage to its Russian roots. Other ornaments are “liddle” and “low energy” in comparison. Sad! Notoriously camera shy or it would have been Time’s “hat of the year”. Be sure to look for companion pieces with sayings like “I am not a crook” and “Putinmademe do it”.

    My husband like this ornament so much. It small so he can hold in his leetle hands. He look at it all night and no come to my bedroom so I like too! Wish could give all stars but it smell like pee and cheap Russia perfume. Also, can only use with white lights and ornaments and one very ugly elf ornaments that come with it.

    I put this ornament on my tree. The next night, more people attended my Christmas party than any Christmas party in American history. The photos don’t show that because they were taken before all the guests got there.

    My conservative neighbors gave this to us to hang on our tree. Every time my pussycat walks by the danged thing jumps on her tail. The whole family has voted that it has to go but it’s still hanging around. Help us!

    • BadKitty904

      Mueller Ain’t Goin’ Away?

    • ltmcdies

      didn’t Amazon try to flog that stupid thing last year.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      When did Wonkette buy out Amazon?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Shuckles opines through her pooty lips, John Lewis is a party pooper.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Fuck. I’m on standby for a murder case. Just what I wanted for Christmas. I want to throttle some motherfuckers. The county where the killing took place has had the same Public Defenders under contract since at least 2010. Since 2010, there have been 6 killings there, and the three of them have had conflicts of interest in all 6 cases. I swear those guys are researching the victim’s family tree before the body hits the floor.

    • Joe Beese

      Murder was the case that they gave you!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md03UheyNnk

    • Resistor Radio

      I had jury duty in a very small town and a fuckton of potential jurors were dismissed for being family of the accused or the arresting officers.

    • BadKitty904

      …the sky is blue, the sun is shining, and yet you forget that everywhere there is evil under the sun…

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      I blame you. On you to edumicate folks not to kill, or at least not suck at doing so!

      That sucks. I can’t imagine doing random appointment bullshit. Good luck:)

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I wish it was random. There are only 4-5 of us in the area who are willing to take conflict appointments and who have experience in murder cases. That’s why I’m only on “standby:” His Honor (and all the judges) tries to rotate through us so nobody gets too burned out (or broke.) I just had my turn.

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          I’ve only done 6 murders. I won’t do any more. Even the serious sex cases are a weight. Give me wealthy kids from the suburbs committing first offender DUIs.

          You gave a fuck when it wasn’t your turn to give a fuck :).

          Seriously, you’re doing the Lord’s work. Wish you the best

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Oh, yeah. That’s why I’m not currently a PD. Every once in a while, I go back into private practice and represent college kids with drug charges and teachers with DUIs. It’s the good life, until I get bored 9 months in. Bikers and coked-up loggers and bangers complete me.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            Haha fair enough. I was basically in house counsel for a set of p-stones and a set of gangster disciples. I was headed that way on Latin dragons before I left and became a prosecutor.

            I always thought mob attorneys were so cool growing up. Now, give me the suburban kid with some dope

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Well this is why I thought of the Barney Millers where the Inspector announced, “I got you homicide! ”

      Now stop the telepathy. It’s already crowded in my head.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I got out of jury duty when I made it clear that I didn’t trust the LAPD to be honest and truthful. Maybe you can use that as well?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        There is no judge in Northern Idaho or Eastern Washington who is going to be too surprised to learn that I don’t trust cops.

  • BadKitty904
    • Duke

      It’s uncomfortable for some but essential for the hockey rinks.

      The cold, I mean.

      • BadKitty904

        The homosexuality, too. Also.

  • renegade500

    I just got snowed on in the ATX and I’m so excited! Of course that means rush hour is even more fucked up than usual but I don’t care, I’m not driving.

    • Johnatx

      I thought Austin traffic was already at the theoretical maximum of fucked up

      • renegade500

        I’ve always thought so but it continues to surprise me.

        • Johnatx

          Going down FM 2222 west bound in an ice storm. Good times

          • renegade500

            Be safe out there!

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    She’s right up there with Gary “Aleppo” Johnson and Sarah “AOTK” Palin. You know; the National Poot Lips Party.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Sociopaths going to sociopath.

      See also: John Edwards. (Yeah, I know he was one of ours, but fuck that jerk.)

      • Raan

        He cheated on his wife while she had cancer. He can fuck off to the cold vacuum of space for all I care.

        • Mary Theresa

          McCain also too. Dumped his first wife when she was struggling with cancer.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            McCain couldn’t handle the competition. /s

    • Timothy Watson

      Does Newt Gingrich work for him by any chance? They seem like they would get along great.

    • jesterpunk

      The party of family values and defending the sanctity of marriage.

    • Duke

      A “Gingrich Man!”

      • H0mer0

        John Edwards kinda did the same thing.

    • Miles Monroe

      “Found comfort in the arms …”; not enough he’s a self-centered dickhead, he just has to be a cliché one, too.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Oh this fucking slime pit just… fucking, fucker, fuckshit. ARGH!

  • Resistor Radio

    Hey, can anyone recommend a chainsaw for someone who’s not very talented with power tools and also doesn’t want to cut off any of her limbs? A tree fell across my driveway. This might be one of those “call a guy” situations, but I’m open to suggestions.

    • bbayliss

      call a guy

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Call a guy. Maybe two.

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        This

    • Zach Williams

      I recommend lopping shears to start. Safer/more precise.
      If you really need a chainsaw, get an electric one.
      Or, better yet, get someone else to cut it.

    • renegade500

      I lost a 30(ish) foot tree branch during Hurricane Harvey storms a few weeks after foot surgery. I went onto the Book of Face and discovered a friend not only owns a chain saw, he was dying to have excuses to use it.

      His wife thanked me.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        My last tree was a 250+ year old oak they had to take a crane and lift it over the house to disassemble in the street. Cost me 2k cash. 3k on the books

        • renegade500

          I offered up some breakfast tacos and even those were politely declined.

    • jesterpunk

      Whatever you do dont use it to cut off a pimple.

      https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/12/life-pro-tip-to-avoid-festering-fungal-sores-dont-hack-zits-with-wood-blades/

      A 23-year-old man in Chicago developed a rare, festering fungal lesion on his lower lip after he reportedly “snipped a pimple” with a woodworking blade.

      Doctors at the John H. Stroger Jr. Hospital of Cook County treated the man, who was an otherwise healthy construction worker. In a case report, recently published in The Journal of Emergency Medicine, the doctors described the lesion as a blood-crusted, warty plaque with a hardened border. It spanned the width of his mouth and had erupted just below his lips. You can see it here, but warning: it’s really gross.

      The man reported that it had developed over the course of seven months, after he took the woodworking tools to what he called a pimple (although it’s possible it was any type of skin lesion, including a canker or cold sore).

      • Resistor Radio

        I’m so confused that this guy wasn’t from Florida…this was one of the most “Florida man…” stories I’ve read in awhile.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I use a hand tree saw. I am old school that way.

      • Suttree

        I round up beavers and drink whiskey in a lawn chair.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Good job. I’d hire them but they are always busy. I hear their union keeps track of people who don’t pay on time.

      • At the crossroads, stay strong

        I used one to get rid of an irredeemably bug infested 20′ bay tree. Hated to lose the tree, but the saw worked like a charm. Good exercise also, too.

      • Resistor Radio

        Skwerl the Lumberjack!

        • At the crossroads, stay strong

          And he’s OK!

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          I’ve done my time in the forest.

    • Raan

      Joke answer: The Binford Power Ripper 3000.

      Serious answer: I would say start with an electric chainsaw. They’re more likely to have better safety features.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
      • Resistor Radio

        Ooooooo – I like that idea! It is a WHOLE tree though, snapped at the base, 2 ft diameter.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          OK, so you might have to do some trimming but it’s good ecology for all organisms concerned including fungi. Strategic rock placement helps as does planting of local vegetation like conifers or palms or wherever you live. But the ecological value is a real thing.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Call a guy!

    • hudson

      call a guy. it’s not that hard, but when in doubt. call a guy. especially if it is n emergency. but next time get a basic version and practice.

    • weighmaster

      I doubt I’m close enough to be of assistance, but I do have a guy who is very good with a chainsaw and has a couple.

      • Resistor Radio

        What I wouldn’t give for some Wonker neighbors!

        • Courser_Resistance

          Oh, if I lived nearby, I’d come by with my bow saw and a couple of hatchets (to lop off the smaller branches)

    • Ling Ling

      I own the least expensive electric chainsaw I could find at a big box hardware store. Use it perhaps twice a year. Practice on small branches first. Be careful, you be fine.

    • Johnatx

      Check out a neighborhood paper or a hardware store bulletin board. They’ll have folks listed that can do it.

      • Resistor Radio

        I live in klan country and am terrified of the local tradesmen. The tree guy is nice, though, I might give him a call tomorrow.

        • therblig

          put a sign on it that says “Free: DIY cross burning kit”. it’ll be gone by midnight.

    • weighmaster

      If you’re going to try it yourself, definitely get a pair of cutter’s chaps.

    • wait! what?

      I’m sorry, but the first answer to any sort of problem like this should be lasers.

      • Resistor Radio

        I like your thinking.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I would recommend any chainsaw so long as it has a sufficiently skilled person attached to it.

    • Michael R
      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        1: “Heh heh heh mheh heh!”
        2: “Shut up, Beavis!”

      • Resistor Radio

        Nature’s adorable engineers!

    • Meccalopolis

      If it’s bigger around the trunk than your thighs call a guy. Otherwise tractor supply has a good deal on an 18 inch jonsered

    • mrFawkes

      If one of your neighbors burns firewood, ask them to buck it up for you, they’ll likely do it for free and the wood. And if you’ve never used a chainsaw, get a seasoned tutor, they can be killers.

      • Resistor Radio

        This is a good idea. I forgot that a neighbor had offered to cut down a tree for me before.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Oh, I really love talking about power tools!

      I would recommend a smaller one, either electric or gas. They really are handy to have around. My dad had one, so I never had to buy one myself, but I’ve used one. I’ve never used the chaps, but definitely a good pair of leather gloves and full eye protection. Also too, a closed-neck shirt or you’ll get wood chips in there. Not fun.

      If it’s not too huge in diameter, you may be able to get by with a manual bow saw. It’s kind of a tube bent into a shallow U shape with the arms stretch out a bit. The blade is fairly narrow and goes between the ends. Nice, light, easy to store, I take one camping. A good bow saw and a little elbow grease can decimate a limb in no time (IF it’s not too big a diameter)

      • Resistor Radio

        Only the smaller branches are actually blocking the driveway, so that may be the way to go.

        • Courser_Resistance

          It’s an excellent starting point. As an added bonus they are MUCH cheaper than a chainsaw. I think Harbor Freight has them for ~ $10 or so. It’s handing thing to have around.

    • keinsignal

      FWIW, I use a SawZall for breaking up fallen branches or felling small trees – it has a reciprocating single-sided replaceable blade instead of a chain. It’s only marginally safer, but immensely more useful since you can swap out the blade for one that will cut steel, or even bust up concrete.

      You should be able to find them for rent somewhere local (they’re pretty affordable though, and kind of addictive. When I first got mine I spent about three months just looking for things that needed SawZalling).

      • Resistor Radio

        Oh I do like my sawzall. It’s what I used to gut my bathroom and remove all my old kitchen cabinets. How I learned that I’m terrible at home improvement and 8th grade shop class and HGTV reruns left me woefully unprepared.

        • keinsignal

          Oh, well, there you go then. Just pop a fresh blade on there and go to town (don’t forget to wear eye protection!)

      • Amy!

        Holy shit. What a brilliant idea! I cut myself any time I use any tool with an edge, so although I have a chainsaw, I have promised never to use it unless there’s someone else around (no one ever is). Bow saws and pruning saws will get me pretty far (and I heal up reasonably quickly). But I have a battery powered sawzall! I’m gonna murder goddam privet this winter!

  • Joe Beese

    How slow is it at work?

    I’m getting bored of web surfing between calls.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Welcome to my world.

      • Joe Beese

        I’m in the state I describe as “dangerously bored”.

        Like, “tempted to sneak over behind someone sitting at their desk and violently rattle the back of their chair” bored.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Bubble wrap?

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Can you play a game like forge of empires or watch old movies?

          • Joe Beese

            Videos and games are frowned on in a way that web surfing isn’t, for some reason.

    • Raan
      • Joe Beese

        The AlphaZero story has made the game seem almost sinister now.

        • Raan

          I, for one, welcome our new machine overlords.

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      well, at least you’re entertaining the rest of us.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    A colleague, a history teacher, told me today that she didn’t hate Muslims but was afraid of Sharia Law taking over the country. I think this country is beyond repair.

    • Joe Beese

      That makes me wonder what pig-ignorant shit my teachers might have thought.

      • bbayliss

        Mine wore a button that said “BOMB HANOI”

      • DrBigHead

        When my daughter was 10, she got in an argument with her teacher, a University of Michigan graduate (so it isn’t limited to the south) who insisted chimpanzees were monkeys. This is an important distinction for my daughter for some reason. She still gets incensed at the beginning of Curious George cartoons, which always start with “George is a monkey…”

        • SpideySenser

          When my daughter was 10 her school did a “living museum” activity and she was Jane Goodall. It’s interesting how many people do not understand “Hominidae” vs. monkeys. Also, too she was dressed in cargo shorts, hiking boots and a tee with a vest that held notepad, binoculars and other field study type stuff but nobody noticed her cause kids typically dressed that way (minus the binocs and note pad).

          • DrBigHead

            My daughter does have a slight advantage having an anthropologist for a father :)

    • Paperless Tiger

      How in the fuck do they think that’s gonna happen? The bastards have been invading Europe for a thousand years and haven’t made a dent.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      The sheer number of compounding layers of ignorance that comment requires kinda says you need to check that teacher’s credentials.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      there’s no way America ever gets another shot at Reconstruction

      we tried twice, but the bigots, xenophobes and terrorists whose descendants still live in the South, and whose culture has proliferated and grown since the days of Christian day schools and talk radio, killed Reconstructions I and II, and they aren’t going to let us get another chance at it

      it’s time to start planning for how to dissolve the Union peacefully

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I seriously believe this at this point. The United Alliance, comprising Cascadia (most of California, PNW), the Great Lakes Union (IL, Wis, MN bc Wisconsin is actually blue but conflicted, plus we’d have to have Michigan and Northern IN to protect the watershed) and Yankeedom (New England, Mid Atlantic, except Pennsyltucky). Give SoCal, AZ, NM, and Texas back to Mexico and the rest of them can eat their God and their guns, because they sure as hell don’t have an economy.

        EDIT: As you may have guessed I am seriously pissed over Franken.

        • Hillpiper

          sign me up! you had me at ‘watershed’

        • Everrett Fanuelli

          I live in NM. We’re blue.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            ‘s’okay. You’ll love being Messican.

        • BradtheBot

          If you ignore Orange County and folks in the Central Valley parts, SoCal really belongs in Cascadia!

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            Yeah, the picture in my head has this thready little spur going down Hwy 1.

      • SpideySenser

        My Dad, WWII vet (MP, 4 years in Euro and assisted in the liberation of Paris) used to say that the Civil War was still going on. As a kid I thought he was nuts. Guess what? He was correct.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      This is the time to laugh and ridicule her.

    • Snarfyguy

      The real-life Handmaids’ Tale that certain Republican people seem to be trying to bring about is a hell of a lot closer to Sharia law than anything the left is secretly plotting.

      I mean, duh!

      • Meccalopolis

        True dis

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      I got out of doing family law cases because of the constant application of sharia law. Judges were waving the Koran and I always brought my prayer rug to court.

      Oh wait, that’s insane? Yea

      • Covfefe

        Anything. Anything to get out of family law.

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          Haha, truer words never spoken. Thank God

        • puredog

          Fucking word. I did it for years, and the advice I most wanted to give clients in messy unamicable divorces was to shake them by the shoulders and scream in their faces, “GROW UP!” I stifled myself, however, and think I did well by them.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      And we are doing fine as a country. This is the death throws of conservatism…they need to grab power because they are losing it

      • Courser_Resistance

        I pray to all the gods you are right. I’m pretty fucking pessimistic right now.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      And then, to top off all the fuckery another colleague said Muslims treat their women badly and that the bible doesn’t say anything about treating women with inequality or badly.

    • BadKitty904

      See also: “Educated Fool”

    • Rebelle Onion

      I especially loved a comment I reciendes about the upcoming Supremes hearing a case about the dude who did t want want to make an icky cake for an icky cake wedding. “How can you can about this when Muslims are being stoned for their sexuality in, um, other countries?” Right because one thing leads to another. Now I have that song in my head, fuck.

      • JustDon’tSayProbably

        It’ll stay in your head until you Reach the Beach.

    • TJ Barke

      As David Lynch is fond of saying: get real, kids!

  • Zach Williams

    GRAND TOUR S2E1 NOW AVAILABLE
    HOLY FUCK YAY
    I KNOW WHAT I’M WATCHING TONIGHT.

  • mrFawkes
    • Duke

      Cake fork!

      I had no idea!

      • hudson

        there is a red and a white wine. i had no idea. most days we are eating ramen as make believe pasta. food stamps don’t allow for this spread do they?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Don’t tell SCOTUS but it’s a gay fork.

      • Mona

        Note to Self: Invent AmbidextApp, for when one cares to dine formally.

    • Joe Beese

      Mrs. B and I went out to dinner with another couple a few weeks ago. The restaurant didn’t accept reservations, so there was a sort of holding pen for the people waiting for tables. Mostly people in their 20s. And every single one of them was bent over their phones.

      And though I generally assume The Kids Are Alright (except those piercings… take that metal out of your face, son). it was truly kind of disturbing. The tech gives every sign of redefining the substance of human interaction and I don’t think we can safely assume that it’s for the better.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Studies have shown that 7 out of 10 Millenials and 8 out of 10 Generation Z can’t find their own asses without the GPS on their phones.

    • Raan

      Or, there’s the arrangement used in my family for generations.

      “Silverware’s in the drawer, food’s on the table, help yourself.”

    • Courser_Resistance

      They’re missing the Finger Bowl! How dare they??

      • BadKitty904

        What are we, farmers?

    • Meccalopolis

      What’s the fucking phone doing there?

    • Ling Ling

      Chopsticks for me, thanks.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      “Wrong glass, sir.”
      “How much for the women?”

    • hudson

      there is no sporks in all this arrangement!! our entire lives have been a lie, at least mine.

    • Iron Monkey

      Cake fork and dessert spoon–sound like a winner. New get rid of that salad fork…

    • ZangoCrudmonger
  • Ling Ling

    Are there plans to let Trumpolini speak? Or will he simply be tweeting and playing w/his dentures?

    • hudson

      normally i would let old men and their dentures be, but this guy is special. dentures don’t stop him from bragging and lying, why should they stop me from cursing?

      fuck this guy and the horse he rode on.

      • Covfefe

        Hudson, my man. I’ll take the horse. You get Donald.

        • hudson

          fair deal. if you take the on the horse, i will continue to curse the rider. but be warned you might end end up with a lot of horses with bone spurs.

  • atlantaloves

    Poot lips it is…thank you.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Well duh. That’s no secret.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Just one?

      • jesterpunk

        They do have Ben “Slaves where just immigrants who came to the US for a better life for their kids or grandkids” Carson.

    • TJ Barke

      The families that they split up by selling like livestock?

    • BadKitty904

      When have they not?

  • Picabo
  • DrBigHead

    I think Congressman Lewis has earned the right to go wherever he wants whenever the fuck he wants.

    • proudgrampa

      this^^^

    • SpideySenser

      Even the local mall.

  • Parakeetist

    This is my dog. He Murphy. He good.

    https://imgur.com/gallery/1VBwb

    • Meccalopolis

      Looks kinda suspicious to me

      • Joe Beese

        All I see is a shag rug. Where’s the dog?

        • mardam422

          Seriously? A shag rug on those nice hardwood floors????

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    How are you going to piss me off now, NYT op-ed?

    Franken Is Leaving and Trump Is Still Here

    This irony reveals the limits of the #MeToo movement. This week, Time magazine named those who’ve spoken out against sexual harassment — collectively called “The Silence Breakers” — as its Person of the Year. “When multiple harassment claims bring down a charmer like former ‘Today’ show host Matt Lauer, women who thought they had no recourse see a new, wide-open door,” the cover article says. In truth, however, this new door is open for only some people — those whose harassers are either personally or professionally susceptible to shame.

    If anyone needs me, I’ll be bashing my head against the wall. Fuck.

  • ltmcdies

    just yuk ….. I mean seriously….yuk
    https://twitter.com/kyledcheney/status/938914585352069120

    • Joe Beese

      Was that wrong? I’m gonna have to plead ignorance on this…

      • ltmcdies

        brief look at his bio…apparently the Franks did use surrogacy to have a couple kids already, but it hardly seems like something you’d ask a staffer to do

        • BigHorn

          He was probably more into discussing his special way of getting the wee future child into the surrogate.

        • BigHorn

          He was probably more into discussing his special way of getting the wee future child into the surrogate.

    • Joe Beese

      After reading that statement… [dries eyes] … his sacrifice for those he holds dear…

      I’m sorry, I can’t go on.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Staffers? He fucking asked staffers? Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.

  • SDGeoff3

    And here in San Diego county, we’ve just received emergency phone notices (sent to 12 million people) regarding evacuations due to fires.

    • yyyaz

      Yikes. Do you have a place to go? Safe place for pets, too?

      • SDGeoff3

        We’re not in any immediate danger in the southern part of the county, but that may change this season. There was a large fire just across the border in Mexico yesterday, and it appeared to present some problems. They got it out.

        • yyyaz

          Just have a plan to stay safe. I’ve spent enough time in SoCal to know how quickly conditions change. I hope you remain out of the danger zone, ’cause it is real bad this year.

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        Mexico?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Fuck, I better check my phone.

      (looks)

      Fine for now. Good luck to you and San Diego!

    • And the hills turn brown in the summer time.
      https://youtu.be/naL9j279bcU

  • Michael R

    Rep. Trent Franks to resign after asking female staffers to be a surrogate for his child

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/198c45fd61dc783064d5967b7537ed3a65e84c17a0a6ef6ffadef8d96a76bd9f.jpg

    • ltmcdies

      didn’t Margaret Atwood explicit tell these asshats The Handmaid’s Tale was not a fucking blueprint.

      • DrBigHead

        She probably kicks herself every morning.

    • Bobathonic

      Really, it’s ‘discussing surrogacy’ now?

  • Portia McGonagal

    OK but I’m calling her Sister Poot Lips because of her sanctimonious “Jesus is the reason for the season” at the podium today.

    • SDGeoff3

      No she di’unt.

      • Portia McGonagal

        “There will be so many acts of generosity and kindness that go unnoticed this Christmas season,” Sanders opined at the conclusion of her yuletide tale. “These stories are important because they remind us what the season is all about and that’s the greatest gift of all, that a savior was born.”

        “And hopefully we can all focus and take time out of our busy schedules to enjoy the Christmas season,” she added. “Or however you may celebrate.”

    • Marion in Savannah

      Does anyone remember the “California raisins” ads? When we still lived in NYC and were coming down here to visit friends we would ALWAYS stop off at a certain “religious” store to see what goodies they had for sale. Our priest at the time collected tacky religious shit, so where better to shop?

      On year we hit the fucking jackpot. Imagine, if you will, a sweatshirt with 3 California raisins all decked out in strings of lights and Santa hats, with the caption “Jesus Is The Raisin For The Saison.”

      Even I couldn’t invent that, and I have a febrile imagination.

  • Marion in Savannah

    I’ll just drop this here. It’s worth reading. “The whole thing,” as the kidz used to say…

    http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/welch-mccarthy.html

    • Resistor Radio

      That was worth reading, thank you. I had caught a pretty good documentary on TCM recently about the hearings, really a fascinating time in history and McCarthy? Christ, what an asshole.

  • schmannity

    The Associated Press‏Verified account
    @AP
    Follow Follow @AP
    More
    BREAKING: House Ethics Committee says it is investigating whether Arizona GOP Rep. Trent Franks engaged in sexual harassment.

    The Associated Press‏Verified account
    @AP
    31m31 minutes ago
    More
    Conservative GOP Rep. Trent Franks of Arizona is fourth congressman to announce his resignation this week; reasons unclear

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Schadenfreude.

    • Iron Monkey

      BREAKING: GOP Rep. Trent Franks is resigning after ethics inquiry into his discussion of surrogacy with female staffers.

      Sample conversation in office of GOP Rep. Trent Franks: I need 100 copies of this, a cup of coffee and someone to carry my next child.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Those must’ve been some “conversations” if he’s resigning over this.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Those must’ve been some “conversations” if he’s resigning over this.

  • Mary Theresa
    • Resistor Radio

      Why are black cats so cute, even when plotting your murder? And loooove the wookie dog!

    • Iron Monkey

      The cat is planning homicide. The dog is wondering how many protein filled meals he will get out of the deal.

      • BadKitty904

        Team work!

    • BadKitty904

      Until they develop opposable thumbs, you’re safe.

      • SpideySenser

        Which is the only reason our fury little feline friends find us functional.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, that, plus body heat.

          • SpideySenser

            Also, too!

  • hudson

    there is a pig cartoon with pearls, what is it? how do i search for it?

    • DT

      Pearls Before Swine.
      You just need to give enough context clues to the right people.

    • DT
    • BadKitty904

      Try Google Images…

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Pearls Before Swine?

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Pearls Before Swine?

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Pearls Before Swine?

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Pearls Before Swine?

    • Here’s all I could find when I searched for POOT LIPS PEARLS SOW
      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLemLiVVwAAKYHE.jpg

      • hudson

        mother of all illustrations.

  • Blanche Beecham

    She has really gotten full of herself. When asked a question she acts like someone offered her a turd. I cannot wait until she receives her comeuppance.

    • BadKitty904

      You’d think she’d be used to that latter option, what with who she works for and all…

      • Blanche Beecham

        I think it’s genetic. I lived in southeast MO, the part that should be Arkansas. Father Huck would show up and followers would put out all these handouts. Some “friends” or co-conspirators (whatevah) sharpied the photos of Huck to have a Hitler Stach and side part. Lots of fun.

    • Joe Beese
      • CripesAmighty

        Oh, Jesus, I haven’t seen seen that since film school.

    • proudgrampa

      She kinda reminds me of Baghdad Bob…

      • BadKitty904

        Except he didn’t have a mustache.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I’d hate it too if someone offered me a skwerl!

    • therblig

      wouldn’t that be cannibalism?

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Where did the logging thread go?

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      Downstream.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        So the wood still floats downstream?

        Seriously we were talking about wood and beavers.

        • JustDon’tSayProbably

          Also too we’re 12. *snicker*

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So I hear because of Franken’s resignation that the left has decided to ratfuck itself between purity ponies and non-purity ponies even saying that Dem senators who supported Franken’s resignation should be primaried. I hear Gillibrand, who I like and would support in 2020, has a big target on her back from the purists. Who needs Republicans when you can ratfuck yourself?

    • ltmcdies

      it’s got ugly for Gillibrand on the tweeter…..seeing a lot stupid and a lot bots

      and a few threats….which isn’t helping anyone.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Yup. The common argument is that Gillibrand is getting rid of the competition for 2020. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you the new Hillary Clinton, brought to you by the left.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Franken made his decision. I am going to ask him out for a beer like the old days when he had just announced.

  • DrLearnALot

    Her dad is Mike Huckabee. Isn’t that punishment enough?

  • proudgrampa

    POOT LIPS! POOT LIPS!! POOT LIPS!!!

    • gallbladder

      It is kind’a fun to say.

      • proudgrampa

        Remember the opening to Rocky Horror Picture Show?

        WE WANT LIPS!!!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So if you read down thread I had a nice time with a fellow teacher that is afraid of Sharia Law. I also had a nice time with another teacher that said Muslims treat their women horribly, but there is nothing about treating women horribly in the bible.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Lol

    • Zach Williams

      The problem with all my teachers is not outright shit like that, but the fact that they downplay the importance of everything.
      2015 and 2016 – “Eh, the primaries aren’t that big of a deal. And I don’t care who’s president.”
      2016 and 2017 – “CHIP is being cut? Oh, well, I don’t care! I’ve got rich white person insurance!”/”The election is over, suck it up! Trump’s our president!”
      2017 and Present – N/A because Nazi Bitch from last year fucked off and I’m in a technical school with a welding teacher that is un mexicano.

    • CripesAmighty
  • beatbort

    Poot Lips is perfect. In every photograph or still of Sanders that I’ve seen, she always looks “poot” upon. When my son was a little boy, he was fond of Thomas the Tank Engine trains. One of the other trains was Percy. Percy was known as “Put Upon Percy.” Poot Poot.

    • Blanche Beecham

      that is cute. Kids are so fun

  • ‘Poot Lips and Short Skirts’ is the title of Ted Nugent’s next CD

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6d103a167949c5da6ff6bd25d6fcdd2737ef2ca0f00b435203b2837e4745a727.jpg

  • Rebelle Onion

    Wait, have the schreechers stopped schreeching here about the the unfair take down of Sen. Franken because Trump is a pussy grabber for the other side? Please says it’s so. Franken defenders can finally go away now, and also too my last 3 weeks of trauma hearing them compare “gradients” of sexual misconduct? Please say it is so???

  • WilbyToad

    Whizzing & pasting & pooting through the day . . .

    Frank Zappa · The Mothers Of Invention ~ Let’s Make The Water Turn Black
    https://youtu.be/OlLG1avAWSE

  • Mary Theresa
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    For me, everything vomit-inducing about the Republican party was captured by the video of Jeff Flake sitting next to Trump-with his high-minded principles and his thumb up his ass-while Trump endorsed Roy Moore. I almost applauded Trump for so glaringly exposing Flake for the spineless, hypocritical shitsucker that he is. Then Flake made a big deal of and got adoring headlines for donating 100 bucks to Doug Jones. Wow…if $100 can buy back your soul….

    • Resistor Radio

      Hint: it can’t.

      • Timothy Watson

        Flake: So, $250 then?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Right? Wants to buy expiation, but acts like a fucking cheapskate about it.

          • Resistor Radio

            Such a republican. Well, if he figures out how to get poor people to pay for it.

          • Timothy Watson

            His campaign committee has $3,407,120 on hand according to the FEC.

          • Timothy Watson

            His campaign committee has $3,407,120 on hand according to the FEC.

          • Timothy Watson

            His campaign committee has $3,407,120 on hand according to the FEC.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            And he’s not running for reelection. Ka-ching!

          • Timothy Watson

            His campaign committee has $3,407,120 on hand according to the FEC.

        • guest1331now

          $150 or so should do it. Price/value matching.

  • Beautiful Soup

    Why do I get the feeling that Trent Franks’ resignation is about “surrogacy” the same way Don Jr’s meeting was about “adoption.”

    • Joe Beese

      Let me guess: Franks wanted to inseminate them the old-fashioned way.

      • ltmcdies

        I doubt Trent knows what to do with a turkey baster

    • beatbort

      I do hope it involves Congressional pages. I’m nostalgic for that weasel dick from Florida, whatever his name was. Franks was affiliated with the Family Council for Purity of Poots, or whatever the fuck it’s called. The one what doesn’t believe in sex except in a pure marriage and then only to procreate, so that you can then severely discipline your children.

    • Resistor Radio

      Telling a lady “I’d like to put a babby in there” is not the same as looking for a surrogate.

    • gallbladder

      We’re not paying you enough.

      • beatbort

        Well done, Rocky. Makes me want to watch C-SPAN, something I’d previously never wanted to do.

        • gallbladder

          Plenty of material, it seems.

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      Oh, man! Thanks for the belly laugh.

    • hudson

      he can’t get an erection period. and now, resents anyone else who can period.

      • SpideySenser

        Well it’s a known fact that the GOP is not fond of women, so yah, if you can period he resents you.

    • Ellie

      That might persuade me to get cable service.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Can’t wait to see what you do with Cong. Putmyfrankinyourhotpocket (R-Surrogacyoverparty)

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    I can’t recommend John Salter’s book Jackson, Mississippi enough. He’s the white guy at the counter in the picture. (He’s actually native american).

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d73090666bd56bd9afa621e072ea4614c907c0acbeaad185c10a525e50e1262a.jpg

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Maybe if we didn’t say mean things about the South, they’d . . .

      • Resistor Radio

        Yes, if we’d just leave them alone to use our tax dollars for arks and ten commandment monuments, they’d surely come back to the table.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I cannot digest solid food right now, because my Immune System is trying to kill me, so I am making another pot of my grandmother’s Beef Soup tonight. It’s delicious, those of you who are not vegetarians and who have a pressure cooker might want to try it.

    Grandma’s Beef Soup
    Ingredients:
    1 46-oz can of tomato juice (concentrate)
    An amount of water equal to the tomato juice
    1 to 1-1/2 lbs of inexpensive beef, cut into bite-size cubes
    4 stalks of celery, diced
    4 large carrots, sliced thin and then cut in half
    ½ – ¾ cup apple cider vinegar (to taste)
    2 beef marrow bones
    1 small piece of beef suet – about half the size of a woman’s fist
    3 tsp salt
    2 tsp black pepper
    3 tsp garlic powder (or equivalent minced fresh sauteed garlic)
    1 tsp oregano
    1/2 head cabbage (optional)
    3 cups rice (instant or regular) AND/OR wide egg noodles

    Add liquids, beef, celery, carrots, bones, suet and spices to large pressure cooker. Bring to a boil, then cover and cook under 10 lb of pressure for 30 minutes. Simultaneously cook rice and/or pasta and set aside. Adding 1 tbsp of vegetable or olive oil to boiling water for noodles will prevent them from sticking together after they are cooked.

    Optional: While soup is cooking, slice cabbage into ½ ” strips and then chop into bite-size pieces, boil in large pot until tender, then drain and set aside.

    When soup is ready, remove pressure cooker from stove and place in sink, run cold water over the lid for 1 minute, then remove the pressure gauge and uncover. Remove marrow bones and all of the suet that should be floating on top and throw them away, then return pressure cooker to stove. Add optional cooked cabbage, bring to a boil briefly. Ladle soup into individual bowls, add rice and/or noodles as desired.

    Alternative serving suggestion for people who can’t digest solid food:
    Remove cubed beef from cooked soup, place in food processor and run on low speed for 5-10 seconds to shred into small bits, then return shredded beef to soup pot.

    • gallbladder

      On a Thursday?

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Pro tip for vegetarians. Beef may be substituted with canned clams.

      • gallbladder

        You MONSTER!!!!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        A vegetarian friend of mine tried it with fresh tofu and said it was quite good, but I have my doubts as I don’t think tofu would survive 30 minutes in a pressure cooker. Perhaps she added it afterwards? In which case the soup would not absorb the taste and nutrients from the tofu, but I did not question her as she is an old friend.

        I actually take the beef out and throw it away (yes I know, it’s wasteful, but I can’t digest it right now) and the flavor the beef gives to the soup is part of the experience.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Beef broth can be good

        • OutOfOrbit

          Beef broth can be good

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Actually, I think a mix of shitake and porccini mushrooms would work. Might not even miss the beef. But you need the protein right now.
          Feel better.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Actually, I think a mix of shitake and porccini mushrooms would work. Might not even miss the beef. But you need the protein right now.
          Feel better.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Actually, I think a mix of shitake and porccini mushrooms would work. Might not even miss the beef. But you need the protein right now.
          Feel better.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Actually, I think a mix of shitake and porccini mushrooms would work. Might not even miss the beef. But you need the protein right now.
          Feel better.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Actually, I think a mix of shitake and porccini mushrooms would work. Might not even miss the beef. But you need the protein right now.
          Feel better.

    • DrBigHead

      Looks really, really good. I’ll bet it is way better the next day, and the day after that. That’s the beauty of soup; You can make a huge amount and the leftovers just keep getting better and better.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It does remain delicious day after day. However I must say that it is best on the first day, but only because you can smell it cooking for 30 minutes, which is guaranteed to increase the anticipatory pleasure.

    • Carla Vandermeer

      Sounds great. Thanks.

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    Evan. You misspelled poon.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • hudson

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp40Uztk3bg
    lays out all aspects of the issue.

    • gallbladder

      So fucked-up.

    • Claire

      The President of the United States does not have a makeup artist who can make his undereyes look less like a landing strip at O’Hare at two in the morning, or a stylist who can make his press secretary look less like someone pushing a cart with a screaming toddler through the carbs aisle at Walmart. Murrica.

      • hudson

        our tax dollars are better utilized paying for somebody’s health or food dollars. the presnits and their staff can pay for themselves from the salaries and perks we already provide for.

        • Claire

          How you present yourself to the world matters. It matters even more how the President of the United States and his representatives present themselves, because they represent the country. They don’t need Vidal Sassoon standing by with a blow dryer, but it’s in no one’s interests for them to walk out in front of the rest of the planet looking like rejected contestants for the 19th season of Jersey Shore.

  • nightmoth

    This makes me mad enough to cry. And then slap the crap out of this—fill in the blank. There is no insulting noun foul enough.

  • TJ Barke

    So… what are poot lips?

    • Resistor Radio

      Farting is sometimes called pooting, which passes the anal sphincter, so I’m going with anus-mouth. And that’s not sexist because everyone has an asshole.

    • BadKitty904

      Lips that poot, I’m guessing…

    • Shan

      Sounds queefy

    • shivaskeeper

      Hemorrhoids?

  • Joe Beese

    I guess he just doesn’t understand today’s strange new ways…

    “I deeply regret that my discussion of this option and process in the workplace caused distress,” Franks said. “Rather than allow a sensationalized trial by media damage those things I love most, this morning I notified House leadership that I will be leaving Congress as of January 31st, 2018.”

    Franks said he has “absolutely never physically intimidated, coerced, or had, or attempted to have, any sexual contact with any member of my congressional staff.”

    “However, I do want to take full and personal responsibility for the ways I have broached a topic that, unbeknownst to me until very recently, made certain individuals uncomfortable,” he said.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trent-franks-says-he-will-resign-in-january-over-surrogacy-discussion-staff

    • Joe Beese

      Translation: Some of my female employees are about to accuse me of having tried to fuck them.

      • beatbort

        Totally. This is such bullshit. His proclivities for chasing the strange is an open secret on Capitol Hill. The great part about this is that he thinks this will keep the public from actually finding out how repulsive he is/was. No chance. We want the details!
        And when is Blimp Farthold going to resign? Fuck paying back the $84,000. He has to walk. Now.

        • Joe Beese

          Allahpundit:

          What the hell could be coming out on Franks that’s so terrible that he’s impelled to resign before it even breaks? Is the idea that if he hands over his scalp before anything is published, the story might be scrapped on grounds that there’s no point hounding someone who’s already fallen on his sword? I don’t think the #MeToo moment in journalism will allow that.

          https://hotair.com/archives/2017/12/07/uh-oh-gop-rep-trent-franks-expected-resign/

        • Amy!

          Oh, it might have worked, if he said “I’m resigning today.” Or even “tomorrow” or “next week”. “After I’ve fucked the budget and everything else I can touch until the end of January” means that other people have lots of time to step forward to say “let’s stop at this motel” didn’t actually sound much like “surrogacy.”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Yeah, how pathetic and weak of them to get uncomfortable over something as perfectly normal as asking them to bear your goober children.

  • Michael R

    Rep. Trent Franks to resign after asking female
    staffers to be a surrogate for his child

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/68086442d0beae4d35f81cee69c4429e06d5aee3dd3b13165f1a0450dc59a2cc.gif

    • gallbladder

      So far down the rabbit hole…so far down…

    • Shan

      Wot?

    • Blanche Beecham

      Yes, because women are just incubators.

      • Michael R
      • Shan

        And have to do it for free. At least in my state. Surrogates can’t be paid to produce a baby.

        • shivaskeeper

          They still volunteer right?

          • Shan

            Yes. Ostensibly medical expenses are paid for but there’s no fee for actually producing and surrendering an baby. Only the adoption agencies get that.

          • shivaskeeper

            Just making sure it’s not mandatory yet.

          • Shan

            Almost. *sigh*

      • h4rr4r

        Axolotl tanks. How else are we supposed to clone the dead?

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          Quite ghola-ish of you…

      • h4rr4r

        Axolotl tanks. How else are we supposed to clone the dead?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Why do you think they call them womb- mans

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Triple play!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Why do you think they call them womb-mans?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Why do you think they call them womb-mans?

    • Ling Ling

      Did they need to wear the handmaids uniform?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “Several fellow conservatives sat with Franks, bent their heads and prayed.”

      http://thehill.com/homenews/house/363851-trent-franks-to-resign-from-congres

      “Heavenly father, we know you’re pretty useless when it comes to preventing mass shootings, but can you see that the Congressman lands at a lobbying firm?”

    • weejee
  • You know, Sarah Shucklebee should be a little more subtle with those “A-OK” dog whistle signals to the KKK, American Nazi Party (“The GOP”) and Vladimir in the future…
    https://media0.giphy.com/media/3ohs7Xd2bmRbnoHd9m/200w.gif

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Until the Supreme Court says he can.

      • hudson

        yeah but that’s a technicality. for practical purposes may he be so exposed that he is a limp dick (nixon).

    • Joe Beese
    • IdRatherBeDancing

      saw that segment too — and he has some stupid and arrogant criminals he’s probing…wonder who will win?

    • Michael R

      Oooh I asked if that was possible and people laughed at me .

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      saw that segment too — and he has some stupid and arrogant criminals he’s probing…wonder who will win?

    • Michael R

      Oooh I asked if that was possible and people laughed at me .

    • Claire

      Holy shit, Mueller must have that guy dead to rights on a death penalty offense.

      • weejee

        Treason can carry that. Yes it can.

        / still oppose the death penalty in all cases

        • Arolpin

          We would have to be in a declared war, and Flynn would have to work with our declared enemy. Can’t be convicted of treason (which is what potentially carries the death penalty) unless we are at war. We technically haven’t been at war since the conclusion of WWII.

          • JLWC

            Tell that to the Rosenbergs, who were executed in 1953 (okay, okay, so they actually started spying for Russia in 1940, but Russia was, like, our ally and bestest friend in WWII — sorta kinda like they are now).

          • Arolpin

            Executed for Espionage rather than Treason, I think, which was a capital crime at the time.

          • BradtheBot

            Armistice with North Korea technically means war didn’t end?

          • Arolpin

            We were never at war with Korea. It was a ‘police action’ IIRC. I do know that Congress never declared war, and we haven’t been ‘at war’ since the end of WWII, which is cold comfort to the ~100,000 US military who died in ‘not-war’ since then.

          • BradtheBot

            Thanks for the clarification. For some reason, I presumed we were at war with NK prior to the armistice, based on all those Americans who participated. Silly me😁!

          • Arolpin

            Nope, not a war, a ‘police action’. Police action in military/security studies and international relations is a euphemism for a military action undertaken without a formal declaration of war.

    • ContextIsKey

      He nailed Flynn AND he has a new tool? Bad Bob is really winning at life.

  • Joe Beese
    • Paperless Tiger

      Godfrey Daniel!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      20-30 X 241 years as a country = patriarchy

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      20-30 X 241 years as a country = patriarchy

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      20-30 X 241 years as a country = patriarchy

    • ltmcdies

      so …. are we taking bets

    • Paperless Tiger

      It’s like they’re playing whack-a-mole, only with dicks.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        The best way to play imho

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          Moles are all velvety and warm….

    • Claire

      I would like to place a bet that 60-75% of the resulting article will be Democrats, because “both sides” and “nuh-UH, we do not have a liberal bias, please love us, authoritarian daddy”.

      • Chyron HR

        But the WaPo is a real newspaper.

        • Claire

          I thought that about the NYT too, before the election.

  • jesterpunk

    In case you didn’t know, Donald Trump, racial uniter, is going to Jackson, Mississippi,

    Worst Johnny Cash cover ever.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/701334d2fe7866e91337e4dd1941acc6cf0a477e7c24355e1e198b2e55cd4fa2.gif

  • jesterpunk

    In case you didn’t know, Donald Trump, racial uniter, is going to Jackson, Mississippi,

    Worst Johnny Cash cover ever.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/701334d2fe7866e91337e4dd1941acc6cf0a477e7c24355e1e198b2e55cd4fa2.gif

  • Zach Williams

    Was playing Sword Art Online HR again last night. I’ve realized now that I made my character too short in this game.
    Literally everyone is taller than me.
    Agil, Klein, Strea-they’re ALL taller than my shrimpy ass.
    Here’s a photo for comparison-
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4fbbe0d348c703def98f8a9fb15d41443b9d5446aa2fcf4ba4ddff70139ffb47.png
    Also, I reached Relationship Rank 5 with Lisbeth (Intimate) so that means my character is now a lesbian dwarf.

  • nightmoth

    The only thing this bitch has ever sacrificed is her common sense and integrity. Oh, wait! She never had any. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6cc6c7a2fea3047f9854288c3ac5776ee7884b578464089184e2103853896078.jpg

  • proudgrampa

    “The Disqus comment system is temporarily in maintenance mode. You can still read comments during this time, however posting comments and other actions are temporarily delayed.”

    A likely story…

    RESIST!!!

    • little miss high and mighty

      It’s happning.

      • proudgrampa

        Can you say “Net neutrality’ ?

  • proudgrampa

    “The Disqus comment system is temporarily in maintenance mode. You can still read comments during this time, however posting comments and other actions are temporarily delayed.”

    A likely story…

    RESIST!!!

  • proudgrampa

    “The Disqus comment system is temporarily in maintenance mode. You can still read comments during this time, however posting comments and other actions are temporarily delayed.”

    A likely story…

    RESIST!!!

  • ltmcdies

    new entry for the Darwin awards….Firefighters free YouTube prankster who cemented head into microwave

    Firefighters free YouTube prankster who cemented head into microwave

  • ltmcdies

    new entry for the Darwin awards….Firefighters free YouTube prankster who cemented head into microwave

    Firefighters free YouTube prankster who cemented head into microwave

    • SDGeoff3

      And he’s not even from Florida! Or even the Americas!

      • ltmcdies

        the stupid is everywhere , my friend

  • therblig

    Shitlips Anusmouth

  • therblig

    Shitlips Anusmouth

  • OrG

    Psycho sarah is a lying sack of shit.
    Apologies to shit.

  • hudson

    “The API is currently undergoing maintenance, and your changes were saved, but will not be visible yet.”

    screw your api. it’s simple push pull.

    • Zach Williams

      Disqus doesn’t know how to computer.

      • Joe Beese

        The tubes are clogged.

        • SDGeoff3

          They’ve been that way for a few days.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Vacuum tubes.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          My peen to the rescue!
          ..ow..ow. …
          * grind*
          *zap*
          * is it safe?*
          WORST PAIN EVER. .

          NO NO NO NO NO!!!!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      And there goes our most brilliant quips!

  • Apple Scruff

    Captain Poot Lips also said today that (paraphrasing cause too lazy to look up the transcript) she has never experienced sexual misconduct from Chairman Cheeto.

    Oh, honey… you are not his type. Bless your heart.

    • Carla Vandermeer

      So she’s too vile even for that human dumpster fire? Yikes.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      She’s a fucking liar, what else would she say? If his piggishness hasn’t been directed at her personally, she’s seen it happen. How do we know this? Because the entire fucking world has seen him do it.

    • Alan

      Eww. I wouldn’t sexually misconduct her either.

    • Miles Monroe

      Not young, blond, and related enough.

  • meanlawyermom

    So who wants to bet that MLK Jr’s horrible niece will be Trump’s special guest at this event?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      She can be Trump’s own personal African-American as he talks about how much he loves The Blacks.

    • Omarosa, and Ben Carson better be there.

      And Nikki Haley.

  • Zach Williams

    Alright, time to for me to go bundle up and watch The Grand Tour!

    Ya’ll have fun with Huck up there.

    • Arolpin

      Oh SNAP! I totally forgot that it’s available as of about 55 minutes ago. I know what I’m doing as soon as I get the Arol-twins from wrestling practice, make sure that they finish their homework, make sure they have showered, and get them in bed. I might have time to knock out 2 episodes tonight.
      Christmas has come early for this car geek!

  • SpideySenser

    So I come in from my evening constitutional (I try to walk 20 miles a week) and my husband had asked Alexa to shuffle some Neil Young tunes. “Alabama” was on as I walked in the house. Naturally next Tue’s election pops to mind …
    https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjTi8OhkfnXAhVyQN8KHZ-3BYIQ3ywIKTAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DuD3bGEFxGC0&usg=AOvVaw3TdY6EXhWaCahFtnSm5O3b

    • h4rr4r

      Why do you poop outside?

      • SpideySenser

        That would be my morning constitutional.

        • h4rr4r

          Why do you poop outside in the morning?

          • SpideySenser

            The pooping part, yes. The outside part? Nope.

  • Joe Beese

    Not sick. Not sick. You’re sick.

    President Donald Trump will undergo a physical examination early next year and allow doctors to release details of his medical evaluation, keeping with past precedent.

    Trump will be examined by a doctor at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in “the first part of next year,” White House press secretary Sarah Sanders said Thursday.

    “Those records will be released following that taking place,” she added.
    Sanders’ announcement came a day after some questions were raised about the President’s health after he appeared to get a dry mouth and slurred his words toward the end of remarks he delivered on Wednesday. It was the second time in a month that Trump appeared to get a dry mouth in public, after he reached for a water bottle in the middle of remarks in November.

    “The President’s throat was dry, nothing more than that,” Sanders said, criticizing questions about the incident a day earlier as “ridiculous.”

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/07/politics/president-donald-trump-physical/index.html

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      President Donald Trump will undergo a physical examination early next year and allow doctors to release details of his medical evaluation, keeping with past precedent.

      I’ll believe it when I see it.

      • Joe Beese

        No, really, it’s coming out right after the release of his tax returns.

      • shivaskeeper

        He can release a blank medical form with all the blocks redacted and it should be good enough for his base.

      • jesterpunk
      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        They’re hoping everyone will forget about it. And with the fire hose of shit coming out of this administration, they’re probably right.

    • shivaskeeper

      Will there be a psychological exam also, too?

    • jesterpunk

      They will release his medical results right after they release his tax returns right?

    • proudgrampa

      “the first part of next year,”

      That could be 11 months and 30 days…

    • Cosmic Owl

      A dry mouth – it wasn’t the moron’s throat, BTW – is a side effect of opiates and benzos, not to mention Adderall.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        In addition to constipation and shits like tree bark. No wonder he spends so much time on the can.

    • BMW

      And like that, “the first part of next year” joins “in the next two weeks” and “after I’m elected” as Trump-code for “never fucking ever.”

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Perhaps he’s laying the groundwork to ‘resigning’ due to health issues to avoid being impeached. Then, after he is indicted for all of his crimes he will try to use ‘poor health’ as a means to avoid prison.

  • wait! what?

    I’d like to send out to the cattle prod and sedative team that prevent Donald from tweeting:

    “Happy Pearl Harbor Day!”

  • Viktor

    Canines roasting on an open fire
    Smell of charred fur nipping at your nose
    Yuletide carols being sung by dads paroled rapist choir
    And folks dressed up like Palin Eskimos

    • OutOfOrbit

      I wonder where the term”nippy outside” comes from?

  • proudgrampa

    “The Disqus comment system is temporarily in maintenance mode. You can still read comments during this time, however posting comments and other actions are temporarily delayed.”

    A likely story…

    RESIST!!!

    • wait! what?

      Just use smaller words so whomever is pre-reading your posts can get through them quicker.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Michael R

      Locker room talk ?

    • He just wanted to go through the motions.

      No surrogates.

      And no babies either.

    • Joe Beese

      Yep.

      He’s hoping that he can pre-empt whatever really nasty shit was about to come out.

      I think he’s going to be disappointed.

    • Timothy Watson

      Asking a woman to be a surrogate? That’s a new pickup line for me.

      /sarc

      • Miles Monroe

        So that’s what the kids are calling it these days!

    • Thiazin Red

      It depends on how he asked.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I remember a time when the President pissing off every Muslim country in the world by shitting on 50 years of foreign policy precedent would still be news the next day.

    • hudson

      70 years. 70 years.

      • SpideySenser

        The overthrow of the democratically elected Prime Minister Mohammad Mosaddegh in favour of strengthening the monarchical rule of Mohammad Reza Pahlavi on 19 August 1953.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hey, he’s new at this. Give him some time to catch up.

    • OrG

      Not just Muslim countries. Any country that’s not fond of a huge shitstorm in the Middle East.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Right you are, Ken.

    • Viktor

      He’s only doing it to divert and distract from the daily Russian stories and his totally unwanted tax reforms. Trump throws the Middle East under a bus to save Jared and Don Jr. from the lame stream media.

  • jesterpunk

    Who borked disqus?

    • SDGeoff3

      Swedish Chef strikes again.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Joe Beese
    • jowgajen

      He’ll lie low for five minutes then decide he got away with it and continue as usual.

    • shivaskeeper

      Only if someone confiscated his phone or blocked his actual mac address from posting to the account. He really is incapable or thinking he is in the wrong.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Prolly takes a whole team of lawyers to tweet now. This brave new world is a hoot.

  • bluicebank

    Balloon Juice notes Brian Klass tweet noting that Donald Trump is more unpopular than Jar Jar Binks.

    Shit just got real.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a403b25753224512aafe886102998ba75082652cd61fc611a7105bc4438cc210.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      Jar Jar libelz

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      How the hell are Vader and Mace Windu lower than Anakin? That poll is bullshit.

      • wait! what?

        Either you’re a friend of the poll or your its enemy.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Only a Sith speaks in absolutes.

          • JustDon’tSayProbably

            No one likes a Purity Jedi.

      • Thiazin Red

        Clone Wars? Clone Wars Anakin is pretty good.

      • Meccalopolis

        Both anikins were worse than jar jar

    • Miles Monroe

      Worse speech impediment, also too.

      • bluicebank

        No need to talk about Trump like that!

    • BigCSouthside

      That’s impeachment material right there

  • Lazyjay
    • wait! what?

      Now I’m gonna have to watch “Ghost Rider,” again.

  • Baconzhurtzin’
    • jesterpunk

      I was told there would be no math here.

      • Baconzhurtzin’

        A+B=KICKASS

    • BMW

      “Math rock” is also Trump saying “Matlock” when he’s dehydrated.

    • Everrett Fanuelli
      • Baconzhurtzin’

        Baconz is from the Mon valley. Baconz knows Damon. A lot of people said he was an ass hole….but I never had a problem with him. He was just from Clairton. I mean if he was from Brentwood he’d have been a dick.
        “Bear’s See Things Pretty Much The Way They Are” is still one of the best song titles.

      • BaconzHRTbrokezn

        Why you rock? I went to Vo-Tech with 2 of the three members of this band.

        Don call them “math rock” Don cab is “noise rock” trust me on this.

  • Jenny

    There is snow on the ground in Austin! The streets are wet and it is supposed to freeze. Come on ice day!!

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Sweet Babby Jeebus, the end is nigh! I’m in Wisconsin and we don’t even have snow on the ground!

    • NorthernSaber

      And 10 miles east of Caribou, Maine we’ve got bare ground on our potato fields. Yep- nothing fucked-up about this climate at all. Nothing to see here, folks…

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        we got a nice dusting…donwn here in the desert wastelands of texas!

        • NorthernSaber

          I’m watching “No Country for Old Men” right now. Incredible landscapes! You out there?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, it was shot in the region, yeah. Me, I’m sick of it! I want trees and that green stuff that grows out of the ground, wass it called, gra-asss?

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      One of those ice storms nearly prevented us from selling our house there. Bent all of our trees to the ground, and the inspector was coming mid-day. But it all melted off.

  • Viktor

    Time for a happy smiley aww shucks darnit aint that sweet adorable letter from a kid to Sarah. Pickles? White House Lawn Mowing Kid? Help?

  • BMW

    The other day I realized that Roy Moore’s M.O. was the subplot in a Kevin Smith movie. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a2daaecac10492be573b0589f8d76a1dc7d8e0c9feab50747d579b6afda26ed5.jpg

  • Paperless Tiger

    Quit lying Sarah, yer gonna go to hell.

  • nightmoth

    Please tell me that there will be anti-KKK and anti-Nazi protestors there to greet the Cheeto and whatever idiot invited him.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Inured?” Did his king, George Will, teach him that word?

      • SDGeoff3

        In a baseball essay.

        • Timothy Watson

          Also known as the least reprehensible thing Will writes.

          • SDGeoff3

            But just as boring.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    It’s a matter of time before they start releasing photos of renowned Freedom Rider Donald Trump marching across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’m sure Sessions was there. No, not with the Freedom Riders, but he was there, man.

    • Bobathonic

      Not marching, riding a golf cart.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And the Edward Penis Bridge, in his case

  • Covfefe

    Tweety tonight raises a good point. Now that Trump has decided to relocate the Isreali US Embassy to Jerusalem, a move certain to set fire to the Arab Street, what has Hillary done to improve security at US embassies throughout the Middle East?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      What would Robert Kennedy do?

      • SDGeoff3

        He deserves to be heard, up-and-coming whippersnapper that he is.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      We need a congressional investigation into this!

    • Viktor

      If it wasn’t for Obama’s historical mess none of this would have happened.
      Signed, Ben Ghazi

    • jesterpunk

      Didn’t they cut embassy staff and funding again?

      • Iron Monkey

        Tillerson has already taken care of that.

    • jowgajen
    • Courser_Resistance

      Where’s that fucking lazy cat when you need him?

  • Michael R

    MSNBC on Thursday reversed its decision to fire contributor Sam Seder after critics said the network overreacted to right-wing media recirculating an old tweet in which he made a crude joke.

    https://www.politico.com/story/2017/12/07/msnbc-rehires-sam-seder-285332

    • proudgrampa

      But will I like him?

      • SDGeoff3

        He is very nice.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    So I got the proof of my trading card. (Komrad Iron) My likes include “coullusion in New York. ” sweet.

    • proudgrampa

      I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’m glad you’re happy!!!!!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Google Komrad Iron. It’s my alter ego. And the photo is one of my best!

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          The Rocky IV montage soundtrack rocks!

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            It does. It was burned in my brain as a patriotic yoot

        • OutOfOrbit

          I keep my alter ego locked in the basement

          • vivian

            Mine’s always at church.

  • proudgrampa

    AAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!

  • Joe Beese
    • anon_the_great

      Welcome to a new kind of tension…

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Just on ABC News, World News Tonight.

    • jesterpunk

      Sessions said guns are in the constitution so deal with it.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Why would it? No guns were harmed.

    • OutOfOrbit

      The new normal. Get used to it.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Time for a paradigm shift.

        • OutOfOrbit

          . this is it.

    • altleftjohn

      Well, a lousy two victims, big deal. Wayne LaPierre probably won’t even bother to put out the traditional good guys with guns statement.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Got it early on here in the Metro, partly because it was only 40 miles from Durango, CO

      • notaten

        Aztec, NM. Pfffffft, probly not even merican.

  • Joe Beese

    Ryan claiming he asked Franks to resign.

    BOOOL-shit.

    • Timothy Watson

      Will he ask Moore to resign?

      • Joe Beese

        Not until the GOP has a big a margin in the Senate as they do in the House.

    • Claire

      Paul Ryan, you lying sack of shit. I’m starting to think HE did the Zodiac killings and just framed Ted Cruz for them.

      • anon_the_great

        How could I have not seen that. Mind blown

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Many people are saying this.

        • Johnatx

          The best people

      • Johnatx

        Oh God. It all makes sense now.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Ask Donald!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    IDGAF if the RWNJs won’t listen–I plan to keep asking them:

    https://twitter.com/RogueSNRadvisor/status/938815372643352577

  • Joe Beese

    Three more minutes and I finally get to go home and tell Mr. Williams about my day.

    https://doyd56yuf2s41.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/evan-williams-white-label-bottle.jpg

    • Left Coast Tom

      You’re in Utah, right? So this was taken in a communist state owned store?

      • Joe Beese

        That’s just a stock photo.

        But yes, the bottle waiting for me at home was purchased in a State store last night. Standing on a line with 9 people in it because there were only two registers open. Because it’s a State store so why they fuck should they have to care how bad the service is.

        • Left Coast Tom

          You should ask your state representative if he’s ever heard of capitalism, and how that might be applied to liquid consumables.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Yup, been in a State Store in Provo. Weird experience, that. Also too got the stink eye from the checker lady cuz A) I was from CO and B) I was buying a big pile of booze for a week’s business trip for me and my co-worker.

          • Left Coast Tom

            My UT state store experience was in SLC. I enjoyed Park City Ale while skiing, and wanted to buy some to take back to CA. So I found the state owned store…in the middle of a residential area where nobody would ever look for a retail establishment.

            Only…Park City was “3.2”, so the state owned store didn’t carry it, I had to go to a grocery store. Which didn’t carry it.

            I tried to help Utah’s economy, they just wouldn’t let me.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            You know what they say, never go fishing with only one of your Mormon friends, always go with two because if you only take the one guy he will drink all your beer before the day is over.

    • hudson

      always. i love ky/tn bourbon.

    • altleftjohn

      One of the best bourbon values around.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Can’t wait to see how Mitchy tries to weasel out of doing this:

    https://twitter.com/sarahkendzior/status/938930105245732864

    • shivaskeeper

      Why weasel out? He can just ignore it.

      • Amy!

        That’s his usual technique, isn’t it? See, for example, Merrick Garland.

    • Viktor

      House Ethics Committee announced they are investigating the complaint against Congress guy Ducky Pajama’s. The purge has begun.

    • Johnatx

      If you ever get the chance to hear Sarah Kendzior speak, do so. She gave a talk a couple of months ago here on Austin

  • It’s easy to create alternate / parody versions of “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. Here’s one by singer/songwriter (the “Father of Chicano Music”) and activist Lalo Guerrero:

    Pancho Claus
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1U-FnAeW7A

  • mrFawkes

    Is there a curse for politicians with Frank in their names? Barney Frank, Al Franken, now Trent Franks. Not a good day for the Franks. I wonder if Frank Luntz is hiding under his bed right now clutching his thesaurus.

    • SDGeoff3

      I hope so.

    • CripesAmighty

      Wonder if ‘ratfuck’ is one of the ‘words that work’?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Frankflirters?

    • amrak63

      “Clutching his thesaurus”

      Oh, is that what the young people are calling it these days?

    • Mr. Blobfish
    • hudson

      frankly, it does not seem so.

    • wait! what?

      I guess since none of them have it, “Frankensense” really is a gift.

    • bluicebank

      It’s because they misinterpret “franking privileges.”

    • altleftjohn

      Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    That Mississippi even has a Civil Rights Museum is comedy gold.

  • hudson

    i don’t care if my age or ignorance shows. i love this and that’s that…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta42xU2UXLA

    • Lazyjay

      I was one year old when this came out. I do like the group

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      Boney M were Milli Vanilli before Milli Vanilli was Milli Vanilli

  • ltmcdies

    Oh Trent, Trent… the tweeter is mocking… bigly

    https://twitter.com/MaggieRey6/status/938933034799325184?s=17

    • Suse

      I knew that guy was dirty. He’s just too, too sanctimonious.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      “I am deeply convinced I would be unable to
      complete a fair House Ethics investigation before distorted and
      sensationalized versions of this story would put me, my family, my
      staff, and my noble colleagues in the House of Representatives through
      hyperbolized public excoriation.”

      WTF? The real story must be a doozy.

    • Christopher Story

      What happened to his face?

      • ltmcdies

        apparently he has had cleft palate repair so I will say nothing his face…his brain on the other hand…

  • wait! what?

    I’m glad it’s that time of year, again

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Klingon_Christmas_Carol

  • 3FingerPete

    Does Trump know there will be bla.. people there?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Muslims also too.

    • Alan

      Ewww. Wait till he finds out.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He’s bringing a couple of his own personal ones.

        • Alan

          Just so everyone knows he has black friends?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yeah… not his usual crowd. This could get ugly

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And I cannot fucking wait to see the Democratic &/or progressive political groups’ ads on this shit:

    https://twitter.com/DLeonhardt/status/938801102627180544

    • TJ Barke

      That would require spines, though.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        If the Dems don’t have one, the progressive groups will. And I can assure you my groups will do our part to remind the Californians who live in GOP districts that almost all of them voted in favor of this POS giveaway!

        • Ling Ling

          Whats the plan for Nunes and Rohrbacher? Any candidates? Seems like it is their turn to go.

          • Resistance Fighter Callyson

            Nunes’ district is pretty red so that will be a challenge, though perhaps less so next year when people wake the fuck up.

            Rohrabacher has a *Republican* challenger, though, so that could get interesting. I’m definitely staying tuned!

      • Suse

        Which are thin on the ground lately.

  • Alternative Dog

    “Discussion of surrogacy”

    So that’s what the kids are calling it these days.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Spouse and I discussed this. It didn’t hit until she asked how I’d react to a co-worker asking about inseminating her (yes, I’m an idiot).

      I said we’d have a ‘conversation’ in the parking lot. And id bring bond money

      • Courser_Resistance

        I’m honestly not sure what’s creepier: A) Him wanting to do the ‘insemination’ up close & personal OR B) Him wanting a bunch of mini-me’s running around.

        You choose.

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          Am adopted. Have step-kids. Just don’t get this

          • Courser_Resistance

            There are men who are obsessed with ‘passing on their genes’. It’s not about sex at all. There have been cases of OBGYNs who artificially inseminated multiple patients with their semen instead of what the woman ‘ordered’ (or however that works).

            I don’t get it either, but it’s a thing. Can’t say it’s HIS thing but his comments were fucking weird.

  • Jim

    Jon Lewis is a mush mouf affirmation action gerrymandered hack. F him. I hope gets cancer

    • TJ Barke

      Classy.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      You’re so cool, Brewster!

    • Suse

      Instant karma’s gonna get you
      Gonna knock you right on your head

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I don’t know who Jon Lewis is so I can’t say one way or another. Pretty sure John Lewis is good with God, however.

    • jesterpunk
      • SDGeoff3

        Nice.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Hi Cletus. John Lewis could still kick your ass up and down the street, and people would applaud.

      • Left Coast Tom

        “Jon”…”mouf”…my then-70 year old five-foot-nothing high school English teacher would have kicked “Jim”‘s ass up and down the street.

    • Treg Brown

      I was waiting for the folks in Leningrad to pipe in.
      Cool story bro.

    • CripesAmighty

      We do complete sentences around here. Bye.

    • Alternative Dog

      Aw, it looks like we’ve upset some of the denizens of Dead Breitbart’s home for festering anal cysts. Maybe you should retreat back to your safe space snowflake.

      • Resistor Radio

        They must have a google alert for stories about Sarah.

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Eat a ton of runny shit, get fucked in the ass with a fencepost wrapped in barbwire and go die, you worthless rape supporter. We’ll be coming for you soon…with drones and Hellfire missiles. Hide, assplug…HIDE!!!

      • doktorzoom

        Please review the rules. This is over the top.

        — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

    • Paperless Tiger
    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Drumpf is a pedophile who fucks his daughter and repeatedly raped a child. You support that. Go die.

      • therblig

        so, probably, is jim. who is probably jim-bob.

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          Jim fucks goats. I saw him.

          • Lefty Wright

            Goats fuck Jim. I saw them.

          • Granny Sprinkles

            But Jim likes it, so it’s okay.

          • Lefty Wright

            Good point.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            I hope the goat gets tested.

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          Jim is, magically, gone.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I am going straight to hell for laughing at this:

    https://twitter.com/delania_mclean/status/938929638985818113

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “No one is investigating the Clinton administration.”

    –MENSA chairman Blake Farenthold, just now

    • jesterpunk
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Ken Starr hears that crap.

    • amrak63

      Compared to the people who vote for them, they are MENSA members.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Standards have slipped of late.

    • Christopher Story

      The more I hear about “MENSA” members, the happier I am that I never took the damn test.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Well…I confess to having made that part up.

      • jesterpunk

        My dad is in Mensa, all they do is talk about normal things at the diner. Its not really that exciting but its good for some people.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          They do say it skips a generation.

          • Christopher Story

            Jinx

          • jesterpunk

            I never took the test and have no desire to. Its good for him though because he gets to socialize with people.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I took the MENSA test.

        I’m not a member though, because fuck them.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “They refused to recognize my genius!”

    • Ellie

      No? Then what the hell did they do with that $70 million??

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        What the hell did they do with her “administration”?

        • Ellie

          I thought he meant Bill’s.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Noooooo. Did I mention he’s a Republican?

      • CripesAmighty

        Linda Tripp’s food allowance?

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          Monica’s dry cleaning bill?

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Well, since it ended at noon EST on Jan 20, 2001, he is correct.

  • Sorry if this has been linked a ton already, just got here, but HERO SAVES BUNNY FROM WILDFIRE.

    https://jalopnik.com/hero-on-the-side-of-the-road-saves-wild-rabbit-from-rag-1821082802

    • wait! what?

      I like the naysers and wish more would speak up so I could avoid them.

  • amrak63

    Good night, Wonketarians.

    I wonder if this pointy-eared lady is supposed to be Mrs. Claus. If yes, then no wonder Santa only leaves the North Pole once a year.

    https://i.imgur.com/vb64lgK.png

    • Resistor Radio

      That’s her “hurry up and drop off those presents, Santa, I’m waiting for you” outfit.

    • Lazyjay

      They do say he only comes once a year

      • Msgr_MΩment

        That happens with age, believe me.

    • therblig

      check out the shelf on the elf

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’m mesmerized by her kitty eyes.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Kaili can cut a bitch with a tweet:

    https://twitter.com/KailiJoy/status/938936152932929536

    • CripesAmighty

      And if this is the spin to make it look good, think of how many layers of skeevy remain uncovered.

      • Joe Beese

        This is the airbrushed version.

  • NorthernSaber

    Ok, film Wonkers- tonight’s feature is “No Country for Old Men”. While I find the treeless West Texas scenery alluring, I must say that the dramatus personae are a tad outputting so far…

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      The motel shit that goes down was filmed right down the street from a gun store my dad worked at.

      • NorthernSaber

        Watching that scene right now!

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      I lived just south of where the opening is filmed, outside of Marfa. As they move west, they pass through Dryden, and there’s a ridiculous line about cattle in Dryden, which is not cattle country AT ALL. I lived 8 miles south of Dryden, here: http://www.birdsongdesert.blogspot.com Note the lack of bovines!

      • NorthernSaber

        Isn’t Marfa where they have the weird lights?

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          Just east of Marfa…spoiler alert: the lights are from a road that runs south out of Marfa, towards the town of Shafter.

          • NorthernSaber

            Damn- had my hopes up that if I visited I might see something otherworldly!

          • MasRioBravoHombre

            Google: “Marfa Lights Veiwing Station”…it’s right east of town.

          • NorthernSaber

            Will do! Thanks!

      • Charles Insandiego

        Oooh: did you ever go look at the Marfa Lights?

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          See below…they’re really just auto headlights. But, you know about them, so the Marfa Chamber of Commerce is happy.

          • Charles Insandiego

            Oh, I know that they are car lights, I still would like to see them. If I ever go there, I’ll buy some BBQ and help the local economy.

        • 3FingerPete

          I have! Car lights or no, what else are you supposed to do while in Marfa?

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Anton Chigger is…entertaining.

    • little miss high and mighty

      Bruce Corbin steals the whole show in soliliquoy with all those cats.

    • Andre

      The sound track is phenomenal.

  • Juan de Fuca

    CNN just had some guy on talking about Roy Moore and he said “Let’s stop excusing his actions by saying he’s from Alabama because I’m from Mississippi and if some 30 year old man would’ve tried dating my 16 year old sister, he would’ve had a date with a baseball bat.”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      As long as the baseball bat is young and pure.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      I have a step-son that age. If some 30 year old woman showed up to take him on a date, we’d chat

    • Tetman Callis

      “I’m from Mississippi and if some 30 year old man would’ve tried dating
      my 16 year old sister, he would’ve had a date with a baseball bat.”

      You’ve restored my faith in Southern manhood. (I’m from Texas and my father was from Tennessee, so I had some residual faith, despite my long residence in New Mexico and my current abode of Chicago, which is full of Yankees (though I don’t know that they know it)).

    • Snork Maiden

      plenty of southerner s are saying this. The WellRed crew ( Liberal Redneck , Corey Ryan Forster and Drew Morgan) did a great bit on their weekly podcast about it.

      • Juan de Fuca

        And good on ’em. I spent a few year growing up in the south, in the Blue Ridge mountains to be specific, and no, that type of stuff was not acceptable and not part of the culture there. He’s simply a pedo.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Woo hoo! I’ve passed another exam. I’m now fully licensed to sell you life insurance in NJ. Just have to pass the health insurance exam and I got a job.

    • Resistor Radio

      Congrats!

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Awesome and good luck!

    • altleftjohn

      Molotov!

    • Left Coast Tom

      Congratulations!

      I don’t live in New Jersey, though.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        I’m trying very hard not to be the stereotypical insurance guy, but if you’d like to purchase insurance, I’ll get a license for your state. What Woody Allen movie has him being locked up with an insurance agent for punishment?

        • vivian

          What did the insurance agent do to get punished?

          • Amy!

            I want to say, “Well, insurance agent,” but that would be impolite to Mr. Blobfish.

    • shivaskeeper

      Very good.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Midnight the Cat says, “Niiiiice”

    • Christopher Story

      If I ever need life insurance in Jersey, I’ll make sure to call you first!

    • 3FingerPete

      Was “fully licensed to sell you life insurance in NJ” listed beneath your high school senior yearbook picture?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Why would I go to New Jersey to buy insurance?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • altleftjohn

      That’s my boy!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah, he probably likes “craft beer” and “fair-trade coffee” too.

        • Left Coast Tom

          I like those things…though, living in CA, I’m far more likely to drink my local wines.

          • JustDon’tSayProbably

            Lotsa local beers here too, ya know.

    • shivaskeeper

      Democrat. He can be safely ignored.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        It’s a start. Remember, Watergate took over two years.

        • shivaskeeper

          What I’m saying is that if every single Democrat in the House and Senate stood up and said the same thing they would be ignored. It would be called partisan politics. Unless the makeup of the Congress changes that will not change at all.

          I don’t think it would even have to be completely flipped to the Dems. Some sane GOPers in place of some of the Tea Party hacks and crazies would probably go along with it, as they should.

          • Left Coast Tom

            But I think that’s the goal, right? The Republicans are the party of pedophiles, let them defend L’il Donnie expressing a desire to have sex with his daughter.

            I wonder if this is part of the whole “culture-based partisan realignment” thing that popular vote loser L’il Donnie is accelerating, and that seems to have been the basis of Britain’s “Brexit” vote.

          • shivaskeeper

            I have no idea.

          • Left Coast Tom

            I’m wondering that, in part, because the “Republicans can get away with it” thing that I’ve seen on DKos has been rubbing me the wrong way, and I’m trying to put that into some context. Yes, the GOP is fine with Moore, and we’re very conflicted about Franken (in part I think from disappointment – I always liked him, and still see the value he brought, but…no…). But the “its unilateral disarmament” cry isn’t working with me at all – and I’m deeply opposed to unilateral disarmament.

    • Ling Ling

      Wonder how this is playing out on O-live?

      • OrG

        DON’T READ THE COMMENTS!

        • Ling Ling

          O-live not even have a story up. Fresh Bundy nonsense though.

    • OrG

      Proud that he’s my senator.

  • little miss high and mighty

    This is the new all time low, no?
    The new nadir?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Until tomorrow.

    • OutOfOrbit

      And still drilling.

    • Courser_Resistance

      New low, probably, but there’s sooooo much further to go.

      Today, I wanted to die for a while. Not commit suicide or anything, just… not be here anymore. But alas, I came to my senses and here I be.

      • little miss high and mighty

        strong egg nogg+thc helps alot.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I found a bunch of booze during my week-long purge, but I’m just really not a drinker. Anymore, anyway.

          THC however, is an entirely different kettle of fish. I bought an ounce a couple of weeks ago for my birthday (at a YOOGE discount – otherwise WAY out of budget)

          • little miss high and mighty

            Legal in Colo, so you’re good.

    • Thiazin Red

      There is no bottom.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The Trumps run a family business. Very poorly. They are not successful. Fuck everything. I’m gonna go to YouTube and watch hockey fights.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Maybe a game will break out.

      • SpideySenser

        HA!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Late 80s, early 90s, especially ones with Bob Probert, Dave Brown, Rob Ray and Sandy McCarthy. Don’t forget the old Stan Jonathan and John Wensink ones too!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Fun fact: that’s how Canadians train for the impending War of Northern Progression, when the polite murders begin. Because it’s 1812.

  • BigCSouthside

    Cooper is reading Moore for filth

  • Shan

    I don’t normally do this but this one just told me to go lay down by my dish because I told him to fuck off with his victim-blaming bullshit for saying (among other things) that victims of harassment who don’t immediately report their abusers are responsible for anyone else who gets abused

    https://disqus.com/by/rokeraccoon/

    • Christopher Story

      Victim blaming at its finest.

      • Shan

        There’s more.

        • Moar Wordz

          Wait, There’s MOAR !
          Always More with misogynists, they have a life time supply.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Are you in danger of flying out of orbit?

      • Shan

        Nah. My broom has altitude control.

        Attitude control, not so much.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Your broom has attitude problems? Does it fly upside down?

          • Shan

            Among other things.

        • Royal Ugly Dude

          Remember the difference between pitch and yaw, and you will be fine.

          • Shan

            I’m from Kansas. All I know is YEE-HAW!

            Maybe that’s the problem.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      They seem, oh what’s the word? A bit full of themselves?

    • shivaskeeper

      Do you need an assist? OR do you have it under control?

      • Shan

        I’m good thanks. I think he’s pretty much curb-stomped his own dick at this point.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      He is vile.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Oh and he claims to be a “life long Democrat”, too. I don’t know if he’s being honest about that or not but he sure comes across like a dipshit.

      • Shan

        I’m sure there are plenty of victim-blaming Democrats. I guess?

        • Juan de Fuca

          I’m sure there are. I dunno. One thing I’m fairly sure of is that anyone who tells another commenter to “go lay down besides their bowl” sounds s/he might be a dipshit in the real world, also. But then again, it could just be that I’m just not tough enough for the Internet.

          • Shan

            I think someone who says “go lay down beside your bowl” pretty much rolled over and gave up.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Oh, yes…Why don’t victims of harassment and sexual assault speak up sooner?, why do “those people” need affirmative action?, why do blacks get their own history month?, why do gays need legal protection?… Why? Because of you, RoK E Racoon. If you have to ask those questions just go look in the fucking mirror, asshole.

      • Shan

        Thank you! Jesus, I wish I knew the easy answers to everything the way assholes like that always seem to do. Life would be so much simpler because they’d all be [redacted].

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

    “When you’re a star,” he used to say, “they let you do anything…” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e1aa809eab44cbbc785f902da3af1ffde995b1edf909dc4e3c96371668183449.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • BigCSouthside

    Serious question: did they tranquilize the president? He hasn’t written a tweet in 4 days

    • Michael R

      He did this one where he implicated himself in a crime , and …

      • BigCSouthside

        That’s the last one. Something is up

        • Michael R

          What every they’re doing to him it’s causing
          him to slur his speech .

          • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

            Polonium 210

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            Dentures – $19.99

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Maybe some Russian thug broke his fingers. We can hope, right?

          • Resistor Radio

            They broke off in some pussy he tried to grab?

          • OutOfOrbit

            Could a been a snapper

          • Amy!

            Dentata.

          • Resistor Radio

            I think I’ve seen some anime along those lines.

          • Changeling

            One of those South African rape guards strategically placed could do a lot of good (in absence of vagina dentata).

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Give her a job on K Street, and set her loose.

          • Moar Wordz

            His aim is too poor for actual penetration, he palms and squeezes sweatily while whispering intently that she’s fired.

        • 3FingerPete

          Tertiary Syphilis presents as loss of motor skills like finger dexterity.

          Oh…and dementia.

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        No no no! That was his lawyer posting that, not him!

        No implicate, no implicate, you’re the implicate!

        Besides, he couldn’t have made that tweet, because he was busy at the time erasing all the snuff porn links that his lawyer put into his browser history, it wasn’t him, no way!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Part of me wants to Bwahahaha at this and a much bigger part is going ‘OH SHIT!” Someone is running Trump’s agenda and it may not be him. But still evil.

    • TootsStansbury

      Weekend at Donnie’s?

    • Thiazin Red

      Maybe his lawyers took it away.

      • Amy!

        Always a good guess, when someone shady suddenly gets quiet, and you can see how sleek and sharp their lawyers—

        *cough*

        Err, sorry. Can’t finish.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      They shot him with an elephant tranquilizer in his pajamas.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        How the elephant tranquilizer got in his pajamas… you know, this doesn’t seem to be working the way I thought it would.

    • Ling Ling

      Healthiest president ever, believe me.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Royal Ugly Dude

      He also said he saw some Shintos celebrating the attack in New Jersey.

      • therblig

        it’s tough dancing on the roof of a rice paper house.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “Now let’s bow our heads in honor of Michael Bay who I heard did amazing things at Pearl Harbor.”

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        Many people are saying

        • Edith Prickly

          It’s getting more and more attention, I notice.

    • Thiazin Red

      Its gotten to the point where if someone wanted to make a fake quote it would be impossible to make it deranged enough to be obvious.

      • nosuchuser

        At this point all of the fake quotes will end up in the library because who could ever know which is which?

    • Changeling

      It was like his Vietnam.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “It was wild, Man! The colors and bodies, Man! Wild!”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        The couples making love on the beach as the waves roll in…

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      He thinks Pearl Harbor was a frat party gotten out of hand?

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        ‘It was fine until those darned Japs crashed it. We can still call them Japs, right?’

  • norcalOG

    You have to remember: it was concerned white conservatives who led the fight for civil rights in Mississippi. After black-led rioting at Ole Miss when radical black activists attempted to stop integration of the school, whites were able successfully allow thousands of African Americans to enroll.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      We must never forget that white people were the real heroes of the civil rights movement.

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        It’s true. I know because I saw “Mississippi Burning.”

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      Mighty white of them.

      • weighmaster

        I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t realize that was a racist statement until I was in my 30’s and discovered that it wasn’t “mighty wide.” Which I took to mean open minded.

    • jesterpunk
    • Red Bird

      Is it opposite day at the Russian Agency for Misinformation?

      • Changeling

        Silly, that’s when they tell the truth.

        • NorthernSaber

          Moi! A belated Happy Birthday to Finland (and all Finns I guess, also too)! I’ll go out on a limb and guess that a good time was had by all!

          • Changeling

            Independence day is traditionally an occasion to not have a good time, but thanks! I’m appreciating my country more every day.

          • NorthernSaber

            A friend from work married someone from Tampere last year and is REALLY looking forward to spending lots of time there when he retires after this year. I envy him!

      • norcalOG

        None were more heroic than Lester “Buddy” Trump, cousin of our future leader, who shut down a group of radical black activists who were burning crosses on the beautifully manicured lawns of white conservatives.

        • vivian

          The problem with Poe’s Law in 2017 is that we know there are governments actively working to spread disinformation and a surprisingly large number of uncritical people who believe every word and then repeat it ad nauseum. So how’s a man gonna Poe with all that going on?

          • norcalOG

            Most disheartening, especially on this site, is the respondents who seem to be historically clueless. Seriously, who—other than a would be satirist—would write about blacks protesting integration at Ole Miss?
            Those who take such nonsense as one person’s truth must have real flaws in their educational backgrounds.
            And Lester “Buddy” Trump? Come on!

          • OrG

            Nope, not historically clueless. Just used to trolls saying really stupid shit. Like “blacks protesting integration at Ole Miss”.

          • norcalOG

            Yes. How absurd is that statement? The whole post was meant to be ridiculous.

          • vivian

            Truth be told I’ve read far stranger things, beliefs held in earnest mind you, on these pages – Hillary Clinton running a child slavery ring out of a pizza parlor for example. I mean, how can ya compete with that?

          • norcalOG

            Point taken, but we’re talking events that took place over a half century ago, we’ll documented in all media.

          • vivian

            This is precisely the problem. Facts don’t matter to the RWNJs. To them, reality is an obstacle to be overcome by belief. Which is why it has become nearly impossible to Poe, because even the most ludicrous, outlandish or even patently false narrative you can concoct pales in comparison to what some of these people actually believe. They hold Truth to be a matter of consensus. Get enough idjuts yelling Benghazi, and no number of investigations that exonerate HRC will be sufficient. In their minds she is guilty, they just can’t prove it. And they will work fervently to discount anything that contradicts their belief. *sigh* Time to drink.

          • norcalOG

            If humor—even silly humor—is humbled by nitwittery, what’s next?

          • vivian

            Right? The only refuge left us is the bitter irony of the sceptic. When words no longer carry meaning we can only point and laugh dryly at our own absurdity.

        • memzilla Ω

          Don’t you at least have access to Google with your GRU clearance, Mr. “No Results Found?” You’re gonna have to repeat Trolling 101, comrade.

          • norcalOG

            Buddy Trump was the first in his neighborhood to have a white lawn jockey.

        • Red Bird

          It seems my sarcasm sensor need new batteries. Carry on.

    • vivian

      Yeah, I seem to recall that it was white conservatives who really made integration happen. Sure thing. Also spacemen ate my Captain Crunch this morning and my dog is giving me answers to the world’s problems in calculus.

      • Lambsendbeds

        All my dog is doing is bringing me his ball to throw. Piker…

      • nosuchuser

        What time are you going to be on infowars? Your segment will be a hoot!

      • norcalOG

        Watch for “Buddy Trump, Racial Pioneer” next year on Netflix. It will detail the story of courageous white Mississippians who fought blacks efforts to remain in segregated schools.
        In one episode, Buddy literally has to beg young black college students to integrate his family’s lunch counter. The series has Emmy written all over it.

    • OutOfOrbit

      And whites Who caused half a million dead civil war

      • norcalOG

        Had the US Navy not fired on Fort Sumter, the war could have been averted.

        • nosuchuser

          Not our fault, the mud bugs were being stingy with the grog. It seemed like a perfectly reasonable course of action at the time. /snark

    • Changeling

      Better use /s these days.

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      Poe’s law?

      • vivian

        Poe slaw.

      • Sophia

        Devos education

        • OrG

          Whip It.

    • OrG

      If sarcasm try better.
      If not NOPE.

      • Stinky_Hole

        So, “radical black activist attempted to stop integration” of Ole Miss just flew right over your head?

      • norcalOG

        You’re probably too young to remember black athletes preferring to play at obscure all black colleges instead of the SEC where coaches had been wooing black athletes since the mid 1800’s. It took Adolph Rupp 50 years to convince a black player to enroll at Kentucky.
        Rupp coined the phrase “White men can’t jump”.

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      at least throw in a “/s”, OG.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    For Mr Robot fans: The real world, lab-tested hacking that you can only catch glimpses of in the series explained by Ryan Kazanciyan

    Chief Security Architect @Tanium, Mandiant & PwC alumnus. Coauthor of Incident Response & Computer Forensics, 3rd Ed (2014). Tech consultant for @whoismrrobot.

    https://medium.com/@ryankazanciyan