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Full of shit.

So many batshit Congressional testimonies lately! So many Trumps and Trump associates fuckin’ themselves right in the gourds, by opening their mouths! Now it is time to read the transcript of Betsy DeVos’s little brother Erik Prince, the sexxxy sadistic Jesus-boner who founded Blackwater, telling the House Intelligence Committee a whole buncha horseshit.

The other day, we learned more about Prince’s mysterious January 2017 trip to Seychelles, as an unofficial representative of the Trump campaign, to meet with the crown prince of Abu Dhabi and a Russian guy who just HAPPENS to control a massive Kremlin-linked investment fund. (Prince denies he went there to meet with the Russian, says he only talked to the Russian for “one beer,” and moreover says he’s never met any lady named “Seychelles.”)

Meanwhile, we’ve also just learned that literal actual foreign agent Michael Flynn, who lied about discussing sanctions with the Russian ambassador, spent Trump’s inauguration speech jizz-texting gleefully about all the $$$$AMEROS$$$$ he and his grifter buddies (some Americans, some Russians, the Russian government) were about to make by stealing the Middle East’s resources, because Trump was going to make sure the Russian sanctions were “ripped up.”

In our piece on Prince the other day, we wildly speculated that maybe Erik Prince talked to his new Russian buddy Kirill Dmitriev about sanctions. Everybody else was!

Let’s go to the transcript:

MOTHERFUCKER ADMITTED IT IN THE FIRST EIGHT MINUTES OF HIS TESTIMONY. In case you don’t see it, “normal trade relations” would require getting rid of … SANCTIONS! And Prince was like, “if Roosevelt could work with Stalin, certainly Trump can make love with Vladimir Putin like he does all the time anyway!”

Jesus Christ.

Prince says he met with the guy because his Emirati pals said he should, since the Russian was there to visit with them too. What a lucky duck that the sheik’s people invited them both to Seychelles at the same time! Erik Prince’s God works in mysterious ways.

And how did Prince’s rendezvous with the Russian come about? It was totally chill, bro! One of the sheik’s brothers told him to go meet the guy, but didn’t personally introduce them. Said he’d be in the bar. So Erik Prince had dinner (he thinks he was by himself), then he went to the bar and asked Jeeves to find a picture of the guy, because the last thing you want to do in Seychelles is start hitting on the wrong Russian dude. (Literally he says he Googled the guy’s picture.) He thinks they were alone, but maybe the Russian’s wife was there. He can’t remember. “I think she was there for the first few minutes, and then she left.” Who the fuck knows? Not Erik Prince.

After his ONE BEER WITH THE RUSSIAN, he said “Seacrest out!” and went to the gym, to tone his sexxx body. He remembers that part!

Erik Prince has a logical zinger to throw at us about why, if there was collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russian government to steal the election, it doesn’t make sense that his meeting two months later would matter:

Dunno, sweetcheeks, maybe the Russian campaign to elect Trump was part of a larger conspiracy, and not just a one-off favor for President Pussgrab. Is Erik Prince currently participating in any sort of conspiracy like that? Erik Prince does not remember.

Regardless, Prince is very mad the Washington Post broke the story about him going to Seychelles to sexxx up a Russian in a hotel bar for no reason. That means he was UNMASKED and there was a BAD LEAKER who BAD LEAKED HIM:

Well, if Erik Prince has an issue with that, he should file a complaint with Rep. Devin Nunes, the Trump-licking twit who traveled in the night from the White House across a whole desert to the other side of the White House to tell the White House top secret intelligence about unmasking he learned from the White House.

Oh wait, Erik Prince did go to Devin Nunes to bitch about that, in advance of his testimony to the House Intelligence Committee in the Russia investigation Chairman Nunes is supposedly recused from? Holy shit, dude:

Prince says actually he did that meeting with Devin Nunes to talk about Afghanistan (where Prince wants to set up his own private murder colony of mercenaries), but fortunately they also found time to bellyache together about UNMASKING and LEAKERS. Indeed, Prince says he has pals who have ROCK HARD EVIDENCE that SUSAN RICE and SAMANTHA POWER did bad unmasking at him, but he can’t say who, because that’s a secret. BENGHAZI!!111!!! PIZZAGATE!!!!!1!!

Prince testified that he doesn’t remember whether anybody told him Trump campaign people met in December 2016 with the very same Emirati sheik he met with, just one month before his Seychelles trip, saying he simply read about it in the newspaper. Eight seconds later (give or take), Prince added that LOL Steve Bannon told him about it, but he doesn’t remember when or where or why or what they were wearing at the time. “It could’ve been in an office. It could have been in a restaurant.” IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED INSIDE THEIR HEARTS.

Hey, Erik Prince, did the campaign tell you they were barebacking with the Russians? Prince has no fucking clue whether they told him that, and adds that definitely they did not:

The committee had many other questions about many other Russian meetings and Russian contacts, none of which Erik Prince remembers. We would go down the rabbit hole to learn more about them, but fuck that, it’s almost Friday.

Toward the end of the testimony, Prince decided he had had ENOUGH of this quote unquote “testifying to Congress”:

MEOW HISS SCRATCH! Oh man, Congressional committees just love being treated like that. Plus too:

IN SUMMARY AND IN CONCLUSION: Erik Prince, an all around asshole, is full of shit. We don’t know for sure whether he perjured himself to Congress, but when/if/when we find out he did, we SWEAR to look surprised.

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[Prince transcript]

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  • Joe Beese
    • Joe Beese

      Short version: He thinks Prince is, like, totally lying.

      • OrG

        Yeah, I think that too.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I’m actually reading the hearing testimony alongside Abramson’s commentary. And holy hell, even I can tell this dude is lying his ass off without getting Abramson’s analysis.

        And he’s a raging asshole.

  • Joe Beese

    Josh Marshall:

    I don’t know how big a role Prince plays in the larger Russia story. But he and his various companies, whatever name they’re now operating under, are a dangerous and malevolent force in our current moment, even more than they were a dozen years ago when Blackwater was playing such a big role in America’s wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. As RM noted, because of Blackwater’s scandals and also because of the Obama administration (but not only the Obama administration, later Bush too), Prince’s ability to sell his mercenary services to the US government and military were severely reduced. So he’s looked abroad. He’s trying to put together a major effort in China. He has deep business relationships in the Gulf and even lived there for a time in part to keep a distance from US authorities. He is clearly on the lookout for business with Russia. Whatever he denied in his recent congressional testimony, they’re a potential client.

    Then you had this amazing report from The Intercept a couple days ago about Prince pitching the Trump White House on setting up a parallel spy network reporting directly to the President and the CIA Director to go around the President’s “deep state” enemies.

    This may sound weird and scary. I’d argue it’s weirder and scarier than it sounds. This is precisely the kind of stuff Prince has always been trying to do – use ex-military and intelligence operatives to build parallel national security forces that operate for profit and outside the rule of law. In this case, he has a President who is particularly, perhaps uniquely, open to that idea. He’s also clearly pitching his plans to his potential client’s mix of paranoia and mendacious blame-shifting. The world of military contracting long predates Trump and Prince, as have its inherent challenges to accountability and democratic governance. There are many different factors pushing in money in the direction of privatizing military and national security services. But few Presidents would find the attractions, both for evading the law and for acting with quasi-dictatorial power, more inviting than Donald Trump.

    With his mix of post-national allegiance, hyper-authoritarian views and need for new clients, we need to keep a very close eye on Prince, both in terms of the Russia probe and also more generally.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/we-need-to-keep-a-close-eye-on-eric-prince

    • Seek

      I’m curious out of what budget this secret army is going to be funded. I don’t doubt that they want it to happen but how do they get the money allocated. I’m guessing that isn’t coming out of the CIA’s budget. That’s all spent as is everyone else’s. Curious, curiouser and most curiousest

  • Gayer Than Thou

    O/T, but: Eric Prince would be hotter without that alt-right Dennis the Menace haircut he has.

    • Joe Beese

      Mark Harmon can play him in the movie.

    • theblackdog

      You know he still gets plenty of hits on Grindr anyway.

  • Xenu Ate My Baby!

    That he was an intern for Dana Rohrabacher explains ever so much.

    Also, he is straight up evil and plans to never forgive us for the black guy.

    • Daniel

      He and his sister are soulless, venal, scavenging horrors.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    THREE WHOLE HOURS! Not eleven, like a common Hillary.

    • amrak63

      “BearDeLaOursistance”

      I just now got that pun. You go, girl (or dude, as the case may be)!

    • Swampay

      I forget, did they question Hillary eleven hours on the fifth time they tried to catch her with her fingers in the Benghazi or was it the seventh? Or maybe it was five hours the eleventh time? Who can keep track?

      (Hillary can keep track. I bet she has a file on her EMAIL! somewhere that shows exactly how much of her time they wasted and when)

  • Shibusa
    • proudgrampa

      You really don’t want to know.

    • Marion in Savannah

      What a husky is doing in a coconut tree I’m NOT about to ask…

      • Yellerduck

        Sometimes you feel like a nut!

        • Cock Blockula

          Sometimes you don’t!

    • Michael Smith

      The usual.

  • OrG

    I bet Robert Mueller can jog his memory.

  • Machnethylsteinerbincolabird

    Off-topic, or possible imminent distraction from topic: https://www.vox.com/world/2017/12/7/16743550/north-korea-tammy-duckworth-interview

    • proudgrampa

      Well, you’ve certainly made my day

    • Courser_Resistance

      That was… cheerful

    • yyyaz

      I’m curious what it means to “permanently anchor” a Trident-equipped submarine. Especially for the crew and how many vessels it takes to guard the sub.

    • Bobo the Dork Boy

      Well, fuck.

  • notanncoulter

    he seems ni… nevermind…

    • Arolpin

      He seems like he should be in prison.

  • memzilla Ω

    Pwehshuss widdle babby is whining about testifying for three hours in front of a congressional committee?

    ELEVEN HOUR HILLARY CLINTON ON LINE ONE FOR YOU, ASSTOKEN.
    (to laugh at you)

  • Michael Smith

    “I just flew in from Africa [where I made a bunch of money probably from a situation in which lots of people died], and I would like to see my family [mistress].”

    • amrak63

      I just flew in from Africa, and boy, are my arms tired!

  • ManchuCandidate

    Eric Prince and the Christo Cleptocratic Revolution.

    Let’s go crazy.
    Blackwater Beret
    When Mercs Cry
    Nothing compares to Pu.. Tin.
    1899
    Yellow Rain

  • Marion in Savannah

    That sonofabitch needed to be in the fucking dock at the Hague a decade ago. That is all.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Erik honey?

    I know Franklin Roosevelt–I did grad school work on Franklin Roosevelt. Donald Trump is no Franklin Roosevelt.

    You’re welcome.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/baae234eef8439761688067bd36e75ed28ece958e8e26ddf96bea5dc207c3543.jpg

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    BREAKING on CNN: There was a second meeting at Trump Tower to discuss “adoption”.

  • Spurning Beer

    says he only talked to the Russian for “one beer,”

    A friend of mine was talking about a redneck neighbor of hers who would estimate driving distances in terms of how many beers away they were. “I’m fixin’ to go to Walmart. It ain’t but two beers away.”

    • Marion in Savannah

      protip — for those quotes you need to type the whole thing: As in . I tell you this because folks here fixed my mess with strikeouts.

    • Yellerduck

      That’s how my East Texas neighbor taught me to do ribs on the grill. “Now every couple of beers or so, you’re gonna want to slap on some more sauce.”

    • Meccalopolis

      In Guam the jalopies that some sailors keep as a hobby then sell to another when they transfer out are called six packs because that is how long it takes to drive around the island.

  • “I came back from Africa, arrived this morning to come indulge you here, and I think I have indulged you enough.”

    You self righteous little prick. Our local traffic court judge would put you in for 30 days just to wipe the smug grin off of your face..

  • Relativicus

    After Prince says “So I don’t get that, timeline-wise,” I thought your next line would say that Conaway then apologized for wasting Prince’s time and closed the hearing.

  • cmd resistor

    OT: More pesky emails show possible follow up of Trump Tower meeting that didn’t happen, or did happen but was nothing, but for sure that meeting was the end of everything. http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/07/politics/previously-undisclosed-emails-after-trump-tower-meeting/index.html

  • SayItWithWookies

    All Eric Prince wants is his own private army and complete immunity from any laws so he can conduct wargames and massacres of innocent civilians in peace. Is that so wrong?

    • Michael Smith

      If people really want international peace, then the free market will take care of it.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        First they need to shop around to make sure it doesn’t cost too much.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      He just wants to play a game… like Angry Birds, Pokemon Go, or global thermonuclear war.

  • Michael Smith

    If there were anyone out there who really does have a subversive private army waiting under Wal Marts to take over the country…

  • jesterpunk

    Ok let whoever hasn’t committed some light treason cast the first stone.

  • Swampay

    So he says something like, “if the problem is the russians colluding over the election, how can it be bad to meet them 2 months after the election is over?”

    Quid, meet quo.

    I mean, I dunno, maybe the rooskies want to collect on the promises y’all made in exchange for them helping you elect the Idiot?

  • Scooby
    • Marion in Savannah

      Yep. She rocked. And rocks. Also too.

    • Michael Smith

      The comments are predictably enlightened. Someone suggested “she could use a concussion.”

      • Marion in Savannah

        NEVER READ THE COMMENTS.

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          Fortunately, we don’t have comments around here…

      • Scooby

        Don’t read the comments on the Breitbart article about it.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        That proves it, the Fox world really is a hall of mirrors. With votes, if I absolutely must.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Saw that. I’m sure all,the Jesus blowers and sisterfuckers are in a tizzy….which warms me…

  • Michael Smith

    This dude really wants to make it the 19th Century Again (But With Nukes)

    • Marion in Savannah

      17th Century.

      • Rags

        BC

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Nuclear steampunk?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    After his ONE BEER WITH THE RUSSIAN, he said “Seacrest out!” and went to the gym, to tone his sexxx body. He remembers that part!

    Which, unsurprisingly, is generally not a good fucking idea.

  • therblig

    whoa. tough guy.

  • Tetman Callis

    “Mr. Prince, I have not met Franklin Roosevelt, and I can tell you, President Trump is no Franklin Roosevelt.” — Ghost of Senator Lloyd Bentsen, moaning and rattling his chains

    (Furthermore, the Senator wishes me to report that Vlad is no Stalin, either, but he understands that a boy has to have a dream.)

  • Raan

    […]and moreover says he’s never met any lady named “Seychelles.”

    ObPun: Does she sell seashells down by the sea shore?

  • Joe Beese

    Obama did that too, right?

    An email from Goldstone to senior Trump aide Dan Scavino, now the White House director of social media, reveals a previously undisclosed topic that was discussed at the meeting. It encourages Scavino to get candidate Trump to create a page on the Russian social networking site VK, telling him that “Don and Paul” were on board with the idea — a reference to then-Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort and Trump Jr.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/07/politics/previously-undisclosed-emails-after-trump-tower-meeting/index.html

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • theblackdog

      I was just thinking about her 11 hour marathon

  • Michael Smith

    “I just flew in from Africa, and boy are my servant’s arms tired!”

  • Joe Beese

    Looks like Trent Franks is the next casualty of Gropergate.

    https://www.rollcall.com/news/arizonas-trent-franks-expected-resign

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Since when does that work with these fools?

    • sarafina

      I did like that. And when he’s dragged back, Mueller will have provided info to REALLY chap Erik’s ass.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    O/T

    Nuttiness: MAGA tree ornament – Stop what you’re doing and go read these reviews.

    1.0 out of 5 stars Deported colored ornaments…
    Received as a gift. Put it on the tree and immediately became racist, sexist, and stupid. Can’t find the colored ornaments. 1 star. Trust me.

    1.0 out of 5 stars I put this on my tree and the next morning …
    I put this on my tree and the next morning I found all the ornaments of color on the floor. Now for some strange reason the colored lights will not work. Will be returning it.

    1.0 out of 5 stars Not happy. We hung it on the tree
    Not happy. We hung it on the tree, and within minutes it worked its way up the branches and assaulted the 14-year-old angel on the top.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/aede0addf4b8395e4c92a7d1fe990211e0b5d89b59bbcd6438fb5efffef1bda9.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      I went to contribute but Amazon says only verified purchasers can review this.

      Want to bet they made that decision after the fact?

      • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

        I never take sucker bets.

      • Sakonyachen

        Not sure. I would buy one just to make a comment. If I had money. But since America isn’t great because of lazy poors like me, I don’t.

    • jowgajen

      ByJames Ceragiolion December 6, 2017
      Need to let people know that this ornament will only stay on your tree if you have white lights, that DO NOT twinkle.

    • Edith Prickly

      GOLD. And not the cheap-ass Trump kind.

      • OddMan

        Damn thing cost near $100.
        Crap is expensive.

  • jesterpunk

    Sucks to be you if your shot, the second amendment is more important and you must be a commie since you cant take a hot injection of freedom.

    https://www.politico.com/story/2017/12/07/jeff-sessions-video-interns-justice-department-286076

    Another student, a woman attending Washington University School of Law in St. Louis, told the attorney general that “statistically, guns kill more people than marijuana does.” “You support pretty harsh policies for marijuana and pretty lax gun control laws — I’m not even sure where you stand on the assault weapons ban,” she continued. “So I’d like to know, since guns kill more people than marijuana, why lax laws on one and harsh laws on the other?”

    Sessions laughed and called her question one of “apples and oranges,” before remarking: “The Second Amendment — you’re aware of that — guarantees the right of the American people to keep arms, and I intend to defend that Second Amendment. It’s as valid as the First Amendment.”

    The attorney general knocked the notion that marijuana is “harmless” and “does no damage.” “Marijuana is not a healthy substance, in my opinion,” he said. “American Medical Association is crystal clear on that. Do you believe that?”

    • Moebym of the Returners

      This man…he can’t be removed soon enough.

    • TJ Barke

      Bad faith, all day, every fucking day…

    • Shibusa

      Sessions blows smoke, all day, every day.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        out of both ends

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Like a burning cross!

    • SayItWithWookies

      Sessions has his opinions, and he’s not going to let facts get in their way.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      No, this wasn’t me on that blog the other day. But I salute this young lady and I would like to subscribe to her newsletter.

      • H0mer0

        well spoken and courageous. Huzzah!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “Marijuana is not a healthy substance, in my opinion,” he said. “American Medical Association is crystal clear on that. Do you believe that?”

      So, guns are one of the healthiest substances ever invented, yes?

    • Notreelyhelping

      Blue Dream or cordite, which would be healthier to smoke? Hmm. The cordite seems a little…harsh.

    • sarafina

      No. The AMA revises its opinion as fresh evidence is brought forth. IT’S SCIENCE, YOU CREEPY ELF!!

  • mrFawkes

    “The fact is I’ve been here for 3 1/2 to 2 1/2 hours.”

    Hey tough guy, mercenary man, you know who sat in front of a Congressional hearing for 12 straight hours?

    • SDGeoff3

      Running out of fables?

  • Suttree

    I always trust a man who at the beginning of his endeavors sends 4 of his mercs to Fallujah in an unarmored vehicle into a death trap. Then has the U.S. military waste the lives of honest men in reaction to that. And then a few years later has his batshit crazy mercs kill 17 people in Nisour Square, because they are paranoid as fuck of having the same thing happen to them. All while Blackwater was getting paid the equivalent of a whole bunch of regular soldiers. Eat shit and die you human less piece of shit. I hope you die in jail. After having lived there a very long time.

    • Blackest Noobs

      i wouldn’t mind hunting down those blackwater fucks myself. gut em and stuff em on my wall as trophies.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLXEj4UowF8

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        #Wiesenthaling needs to become a thing.

        • Blackest Noobs

          oooooh i would hunt Nazis too…no fucking mercy too.

          • Edie

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            fl305d:
            ➽➽
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    • Paperless Tiger

      The Fallujans killed those mercs with their bare hands.

      • Suttree

        Something something we will be seen as liberators.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “So I said, look, if Joachim von Ribbentrop and Vyacheslav Molotov could make a secret deal, why not us? Just don’t tell that far left liberal Roosevelt.”

  • William
    • WotsAllThisThen

      No, sorry, two and a half hours. Which is almost three!

    • Sakonyachen

      What is wrong with Erik Prince? Is he ill? They all swore Hilary was dying of some imaginary ailment when she testified for eleven hours to the same branch of government. The fact that a former Navy Seal can’t hang for three total hours has me concerned for his health.

      • sarafina

        I am not at all concerned about Erik’s health.

        • Sakonyachen

          You got me. I was concern trolling Erik Prince’s health.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    DAMMIT GOD, you took the wrong Prince!

  • Manders

    WOW, what an entitled douche. I wish there were imprisonment for contempt of Congress.

    • arglebargle

      If there were, Martin McPunchyface Skrelli would be doing life without parole.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Only if you laugh from the gallery, I guess.

    • stubbornirishlass

      Right? I’d so love to see him try this with an actual judge and see where it gets him.

    • … there was in the McCarthy period, wasn’t there?

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Schiff is no one to trifle with

    • sarafina

      I like Schiff, but how much power does he have? It seems to me the best he can do is publicize this garbage, but he can’t make people understand how dangerous it is.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        2018

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Erik Prince is not a sexxxy anything except in his own deranged mind.

    Prince Eric, on the other hand… (no, not Busay Qusay, the IRL Prince Eric)

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/860206cc164c629ad011da6bba56cd18073dd1360f12adc246ccdd6af03a9111.jpg

    • Latverian Diplomat

      His own last name is sarcastic. “He’s a real Prince.”

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        He’s not even worthy of being the Prince spaghetti boy. Who was a real person who ended up turning out OK despite facing anti-Italian prejudice.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I really really hope this guy goes to jail along with all the rest of the scum. Evil fucker.

  • Spurning Beer

    Sure, he’s an asshole, but “Purple Rain” was a pretty good song.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      He strikes me as more of a Controversy.

      • Spurning Beer

        Or Pussy Control.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Please accept my humble apologies for the delayed delivery of your Internet.

  • Crystalclear12

    I’m not required to look surprised, am I?
    I’m not that good at acting.

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    Holy sheepshit, did he end his testimony with a hearty “Hail Hydra?”

  • Covfefe

    If the Deep State can get away with intercepting a US person in the Seychelles, the Deep State can intercept the US American Private Intelligence Op Prince is trying to sell to Trump. Who wants that?

    • Robyn Ryan

      US intelligence likes to follow Russians around, Eric.
      Your goons can’t save you now.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        His so-called mercenaries will head for the hills if they think the guy they’re ‘protecting’ is going to jail.

  • Shrieking Harpy

    I know this is shallow but anyone with a lego-jugend haircut has to be a smug, entitled asshole.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Fuck. The water in the toilet bowl that is D.C. stopped swirling after Cult 45’s inag…inauga….swearing in ceremony and all the turds are floating to the surface.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I kinda get it. The first thing I do when I get off a plane is go home and have a giant poop. If they had just let him poop I’m sure he would have been willing to answer all their questions.

    • SDGeoff3

      Yes, but you’re a big red dawg. These people can’t talk unless they are full of poop.

  • John

    Wow, what a hilariously stupid jackass. If I were an investor in his “business”, i’d cash in quick. He’s going down fast.

    • sarafina

      I fear not.

  • Gorillionaire

    Erik Prince is a dangerous asshole. He is the kind of sociopathic asshole that Bond movie villains and comic book creeps are modeled after. He wants to have a taxpayer funded American Gestapo for Jesus.

    • Sakonyachen

      He’s also all but admitted to a crusade to eliminate Islam. He’s a sick man.

      • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

        He’s a sociopath from a filthy rich, Calvinist family who never told him NO.

        He is incredibly dangerous.

        • H0mer0

          I thought Calvinists were all about saying no.
          Hmm, maybe that’s why they have to shoot things up because they won’t allow themselves to enjoy masturbation.

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            Can’t think why they wouldn’t. Either they’re already saved, in which case God won’t punish them for spanking the monkey, or they’re already damned so they might as well enjoy themselves.

        • Inherited $5 Billion from Pyramid Scheme at Age 26.

  • Wilson P. Dizard

    GOP condottiero [mercenary commander] insults lawmakers, channels Francesco I Sforza of Milan, as one does when one is an ambitious contract killer. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa3bfbf55b74c1b85bf7082bd5f593900ad90c83b5bb700c460d6fccff3de8e3.jpg

  • andyk304

    Oh, noes, I haven’t been home in a zillion years, and it’s all your fault, you meanie, because three hours! I WANT MY BINKY!

    • Roadstergal

      He doesn’t have the stamina of a common Hillary.

  • mancityRed6

    almost two months or over two months? which one is it? either way it was before the canned yam was in power.
    also:
    this was the beer:
    http://crazyhyena.com/imagebank/g/really-big-beer-pic.jpg
    just the one, mind you. just the one

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      The beer to have, when you are only having one.

  • Poly_Ester

    Flew in special from Africa and is pissed the Congressmen are asking questions like a common ordinary citizen instead of seeking his advice. Does that sum it up?

    • Sakonyachen

      You forgot that it’s a mercenary bitching about being away from home for a week. What the fuck? These people spend months on assignment.

    • sarafina

      Was he getting paid for his time? If not, he’s gone.

      • Poly_Ester

        Per Diem, maybe? Fifty bucks would seem overly generous.

  • NerdWithNoName

    ‘says he’s never met any lady named “Seychelles.”’
    I thought she said her NAME was Chlamydia.

    • H0mer0

      “Chlamydia the queen of tattoos?”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Protip: showing your utter contempt for Congresscritters is kinda inviting to be put in contempt of Congress.

    • sarafina

      Not this Congress. Erik is Republican-friendly, they won’t recognize his contempt.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I dunno. They don’t like their egos pricked (heh) by these types.

  • gratuitous

    Schiff certainly seems to know all about this, backwards and forwards. Yet the commentary on the news shows is that this is all so hopelessly jumbled, nobody could ever make heads or tails of it. I wonder why they don’t invite Rep. Schiff to explain it to them in small words?

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Do words come small enough for them to understand?

    • sarafina

      They don’t want the truth. Saying it’s too complicated allows for more ad time.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Zomg snowflake is bitching about his long, long hearing. I thought Navy Seals are supposed to be tough?

  • BadKitty904

    There was ever any doubt?

  • Moar Wordz

    ” I met her in the hotel bar, ” what song is that from ?! Is there not a song with that lyric ?!
    ” I just flew in from Africa Mofos, and I ain’t gots the time to INDULGE your silly, silly, girly need for transparency in the election of the President of the U.S. of A. ”
    What, what , collusion ?
    Say, about Putin supporting the Assad backed regime, and the U.S supporting the rebels ? And then Russia interfering with the U.S election ?!
    There were no games without frontiers or war without tears. Those are 2 separate issues.
    So we might be fighting a war by proxy and also 2 investing with Kremlin backed companies, and we’re too silly to see the Russians were playing us all along. But it’s all chill, bruh.

    • weejee

      Can’t be a song the Rs know. 14-yearolds can’t get in bars in most states.

    • stubbornirishlass

      I’ll take a shot and say you might be thinking of Human League “Don’t You Want Me”: “You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met you.” Dreadful song, causes many worms in ears.

      • Moar Wordz

        I must’ve been.

  • weejee
    • ((( Augustus )))

      he scares me

      I think he likes to kill

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Fuck this nannyfucker.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      And helping further arm China.

  • Begin Anew Day

    “…his own private murder colony of mercenaries…”

    Whoa! People can do that? Who knew? Sign us up! We each want one of our own!

    Yrs,

    donnie T.
    rush L.
    S. Hannity
    Papa John
    my own brother, Jim

  • Jenny

    Snow is Austin! It’s sticking to the grass and the street is wet. Come on ice day!!!

  • Viktor

    Erik Prince, the self proclaimed God’s Warrior, will totally understand when he winds up in Hell, as an accessory to murder of innocent Iraqi’s who were just going to market.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Chatted? Tough guy real dudes don’t get together to ‘chat’. WTF Ewic?

  • TootsStansbury

    I know my Wonkettes is the premier internet home of dick jokes but this guy. This guy is such a dick…the aristocrats!

    • Vacuous Virgina

      Splooge alert 😲😲😲

  • Bad Scooter

    NO BACKCHANNEL! NO BACKCHANNEL! I’M THE BACKCHANNEL! -Erik Prince

  • Werewolf

    Anybody else out there, especially military vets, who think mercenaries are scum? I got my ass shot at for pennies, serving my country, and you fight (murder civilians) for pay? Fuck off and die.

    True story: A few years ago I saw a guy in the supermarket-looked really rough. Missing an eye, either an arm or a leg-I started to feel bad for him, and then I saw he was wearing a Blackwater t-shirt, and thought, “Serves you right, asshole.”

    • H0mer0

      [I’m a vet though a noncombatant and while I don’t like the mercenaries, I feel guilty about that upvote since I really don’t wish harm upon anybody, even if they make naive and uninformed choices that hurt other people.]

      • Alan

        I don’t think they’re vaguely naive or uninformed.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Agree. I know a vet who fancies himself a “mercenary” (yes, his words) and, oh, how he misses his “uncivilized” days in Afghanistan. Not sure why, he’s still just a “vet “and hasn’t re-upped and gone back if he misses it so much. Oh, yeah, right: Couch Commando.

        • Just greedy+blood thirsty?

          • Alan

            Pretty much.

    • Ducksworthy

      To be fair, murdering civilians in Iraq was relatively low risk compared to actual, like, combat. And also thank you for your service, as they say, which makes me have to bite my tongue when people say it so as to keep from saying “No need to thank me. It was involuntary.”

    • Me not sure

      I’m guessing the bad taste that having to fight hated Hessian mercenaries during the revolution left in the founders mouths is no longer remembered by some in this country. Mercs and those who hire them are almost always universally despised wherever they fight.

  • Lefty Wright

    So in other words, he doesn’t remember what he talked about with these people, but he does know what he DIDN’T talk about.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      You’d think that would be much harder.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaaay, you know who else didn’t get it, timeline-wise?

  • Shibusa
    • Alan

      Huh. Who knew getting banged by the employer was an administrative responsibility?

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Handmaids tale type theology.

    • 3FingerPete

      Yeah, but Jesus forgave him.

  • Alan

    Lock him up. Just for felony being an asshole if that’s all there is today.

  • aureolaborealis

    These people are so convinced they are above normal rule of law that they consider it an insult that anyone even expects them to play along. I hope they’re wrong.

  • Ducksworthy

    Isn’t this the evil Prince who is the evil nemesis of mankind on Lexx?

  • JD Mulvey

    He sells sea shells down in the Seychelles.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Or, as Trump would say, “He shells she shells down in the Sheychelles.”

  • Sy Colepath

    Do all Republicans, in general, have issues acute memory loss?

    Or perhaps it’s just simply that their lies tend to catch up with them.

    • Do all Republicans, in general, have issues acute memory loss?

      They remember any DISPROVEN propaganda their whole lives.

      But they can’t remember which crime they did Yesterday.
      https://youtu.be/gIgbJSrIvWc

      • ImGoingBacon

        I almost made it through this decade with out thinking of this douche nozzle. FU JBW. Also too, douche nozzle libels!

  • Wookie Monster

    Eric Prince looks like someone who is shopping for a volcano lair.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      To me, he looks like someone who is seeking a second mortgage on his existing volcano lair.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Is there a more punchable face than this war criminal?

    • azeyote

      Stephen Miller ?

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        There’s also Martin “Pharma Bro” Shkreli and Ethan “affluenza” Couch.

  • Grumpy Old Man
  • trembler

    My oh my that little princely pos has some chutzpah. Just wait until that scumbag has his own Trump Gestapo fighting the delusional deep state. Gosh, Murica is so screwed with these suckers. If I were King these pigs would be first against the wall, treasonous conman all of them.

  • Treason.

    Front side, back side, no side
    https://i.imgflip.com/20py9z.jpg

  • ImGoingBacon

    I have yet to meet a SEAL who hasn’t been an asshole in some shape or form. He has to take the cake for being Numero Uno Culoholo when he was an operator.

  • MAZS

    Fuck Erik for making me consider the possibility that his sister might not be the worst Prince/DeVos.

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    worst unmade austin powers movie script eh-varrrrr

  • Jackie Jones

    Big tough guy still afraid of gays.

    • SDGeoff3

      heh heh heh.

  • Anan Nana

    I can just see Bush gloating ‘Why don’t we send Betsy’s brother into Iraq, what’s his name – he’s got that mercenary group of killers down in North Carolina, Erik I think it is, yeah – he’ll be sure to stir up a terror response if we set him loose just killing people in Iraq’.

    Bottom line he kills for profit.

    Blackwater was a dangerous path for Defense Intelligence to take hiring them.

    Thomas Jefferson wasn’t too supportive of corporations, but England was very cautious in early 17th century – fearing a corporation could hire a group LIKE Blackwater, mercenaries and over take the government.

    Clearly, entities like Erik’s outfit ARE used to do this, just thousands of miles away.

    My bet is that Trump gives Erik’s new outfit a new contract for Afghanistan. I’ve already seek Erik ramble on about how he could fix Afghanistan.

    If ONLY the White House would release it’s guest list?

    If Prince is ever seen at the White House, they’re probably fixing to kill a whole lot of people in Afghanistan.

    US invasion of Afghanistan was ABOUT 13 years ago such that children who are now 13 ? who grew up with no parents ? will probably be quite angry with whoever killed them, same with Iraqi children who are emerging into adulthood.

    I predict a surge of hostility towards the US as these kids turn into young adults at 18+ and have harbored such anger for groups LIKE Blackwater coming in and killing their parents and families.

    It’s possible Erik was seeking to align with Russian forces to go after Syria as well.

    Russia had great interests in Syria, it’s the major hub of pipelines in the Middle East for oil.

  • Anan Nana

    Something tells me Erik wasn’t in Africa for meetings at tables.

    I wonder how many human beings this man has killed.

    Maybe I don’t want to know.

    Even worse – his thoughts and emotions, or lack thereof.

    But yikes, gotta wonder what he was up to in Africa. Can’t be good.

    I’m sure it wasn’t to play Pokemon Go.

  • Anan Nana

    The scariest thing I heard from Erik Prince was one day he said of Blackwater’s mission in Iraq “It was a crusade for Christ”

    REAL spooky there.

  • Sonny Huss

    I think “I have indulged [this article] enough.” I must be getting back to Africa.

    • Vacuous Virgina

      I bless the rains down in Africa 😗😗😗

      • Pippi’s Bongstocking

        Oh great! An ear worm to go with my Bloody Mary. Thanks, VV. 😚

        • Vacuous Virgina

          ¡De nada!

      • Odd Jørgensen

        Why just in Africa? After all, We are the world.

  • CT14

    Locking this asshole up would be fantastic.

    I do love how he decided he could boss around a US Senator. How’s that working out for you, Erik? Next time you can sit in jail if you don’t want to talk.

  • ibwilliamsi

    These guys remind me of why I hated having teenagers in the house. They couldn’t just say, “Yeah, I was smoking”, it always had to be some sort of drama and a big question of grown ups’ values. These people never made it emotionally past the 9th grade.

  • Pippi’s Bongstocking

    I want to marry not a prince but Super Sassy Schiff!! I love when he says ‘imma going subpoena you, shitbird Prince!’

  • Bangkok Taxi

    Sexxxy sadistic Jesus boner,,,,,
    Had to be Evan.
    Your wit and literary creatvity is a thing.

  • Subliberal

    I so wish that our friend Sen. Franken had been there to question Mr Prince (if that is his real name) about his lying about lying about his lying

    Truly, I has a sad.

  • pd1648

    I can’t get over the childish petulance of men like Prince. It is undignified and disingenuous, and makes them appear even more guilty. They exhibit hubris the likes of which the world has never seen. Sad.

  • (((Aron)))

    Crom, but I miss her.

  • Odd Jørgensen

    So he just ate dinner, had a beer then hit the gym, as one does. Nothing better than to work out on a full stomach.

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