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Meet Dana Nessel, a Democratic candidate for Michigan Attorney General. She’s a Detroit attorney who became Michigan-famous for leading the legal fight for marriage equality in the Great Lakes State (and in the Wolverine State, too). And as her pretty-damn-good online ad suggests, she has a good idea for reducing the amount of sexual harassment by icky men in high office: Get more women in office.

If the last few weeks has taught us anything, it’s that we need more women in positions of power, not less. So when you’re choosing Michigan’s next attorney general, ask yourself this: Who can you trust most not to show you their penis in a professional setting? Is it the candidate who doesn’t have a penis? I’d say so.

Nessel’s look of mock superiority and self-satisfaction after delivering that line is probably worth electing her, all in itself:

Nessel also addresses the shouldn’t-be-an-issue of whether there might just be too many women on the Michigan ballot next year, since Debbie Stabenow will be up for re-election and there’s a strong chance Michigan Dems will field women candidates for senator, governor, attorney general and secretary of state. Pfft. What of it? asks Nessel: “I’m a woman. That’s not a liability, that’s an asset.”

And then there’s the mandatory tuff-on-crime message, only with a decidedly timely spin, and a pledge:

I want to tell you what you can expect me not to do. I will not sexually harass my staff, and I won’t tolerate it in your workplace either. I won’t walk around in a half-open bathrobe, and I’ll continue to take all sex crimes seriously, just like I did as a prosecutor.

A Detroit teevee station is calling the ad “controversial,” because state Republicans insist it must be:

“Sexual harassment is not a laughing matter,” said Sarah Anderson, communications director for the Michigan Republican Party. “In a crisis, a leader fights for what is right, they don’t exploit a crisis for personal gain.”

That’s pretty impressive talk for somebody from a party whose Alabama cousins, and whose President, think it’s their highest possible priority to get an accused child molester into the Senate.

If you’d like to throw some money Ms. Nessel’s way, her campaign site is right here. We’re looking forward to her kicking some asses, and not grabbing a single one.

It’s your Open Thread — no, no, not your open bathrobe, you.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click right here to send us money!

[AV Club / Detroit Free Press / WXYZ-TV / Dana Nessel for Michigan Attorney General]

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  • marxalot

    My goal in life is to wear a high-concept bathrobe to work, but, like, over my usual suit.

  • Asterix
  • Daniel

    Has anyone ever had to address whether there are too many men on a ballot?

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    We nned to know what Roy Moore thinks of this, pronto!

    • Old town Urbandale

      She’s too old for him.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Not to fuck … to be in elected office. Hooboy — I know she is too old for him!

  • Asterix

    No Penis! Platform works for me.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      For me, it only extends to the government. Elsewhere, I have a decidedly pro-penis platform. For all the good it does me.

      • Asterix

        Yup. I have to know the person attached to the penis :) But for government, No Penis!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I’ve tried platforms, scaffolding, none of it works.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Do you stand on this platform, or does the penis? Inquiring minds…

        • FlownΩver

          And if you stand on your penis (option 3), ouch, but Ti saluto.

    • FlownΩver

      We’ve made a commitment to Señora Flown to keep our penis out of (a) sight, (b) everyone else, and (c) government.

      [And I think I’ve pushed the editorial “we” farther than it should go.]

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Heh. She said ASSet.

      ‘Penis,’ too, now that you mention it. She also said that.

  • armed_bears

    Tangential, but not OT: Our ad hominem attracts on KAC and SHS work against acceptance of more women in the workforce and on the ballot. When we use appearance-based criticisms, we’re Trump retweeting lies: We’re making smoke where there should just be facts.

    So no more appearance-based snark on the womenz.

    • Serai 1

      Are you using Spellcheck?

      • clubseal

        Yeah, it changed his fire spell to a healing spell.

      • armed_bears

        No. the bottle appears to say Heineken.

        • Serai 1

          Oh. Because ———-> ad hominem attract <————

          • armed_bears

            Frapping Firefox plug-ins. Your contributions now noted in original..

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I feel it’s fair to criticize poor fashion choices, across genders.

      • armed_bears

        Nope, also too, to this. Sandals work for me, dammit.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Hey, sandals are great. I have no problem with them. I DO have a problem with extremely wealthy and powerful people who can’t be bothered to look like they DIDN’T just roll out of bed after a week-long bender.

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            ITS CLASS WARFAREZ

          • willi0000000

            if i was wealthy i would always look like i just rolled out after a bender.

            [ what the fuck . . . i do now ]

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Is Bannon starting a fashion line now? You start by wearing 2 or 3 shirts at once.

          • willi0000000

            fuck bannon with a hayrake . . . i’ve looked like this since before bannon was bannon.

          • FlownΩver

            I’d always look like I haven’t rolled out of bed, because stay in bed.

          • willi0000000

            hmmmm . . . sounds like a plan.

            [ i wonder if i can drag the bed over next to the fridge? ]

          • Just put it on wheels.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Cattiness is a guilty pleasure that can be enjoyed by both genders.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Meee-yow!

          • Eileen Besse

            Meeee-toooo!

      • janecita

        This is why we can’t have nice things, we have become the party of sanctimonious, goodie two shoes asses. I agree with you, poor fashion choices are fair game.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Oh well, sure – when you put it that way, it sounds bad.

    • clubseal

      Perhaps that should say “no more appearance-based snark on anyone, lest there be a double standard promoted.

    • elviouslyqueer

      But, but… it’s an indisputable fact that Sarah looks like an Amish housewife with a particular penchant for dresses that look like 80s couch cushions.

  • maman

    How awesome!

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    This is good news for Meghan McCain.

  • Suttree

    Ha! I would vote many times for her!

    • Skaarphy

      Don’t say that! Soros told us not to talk about that!!

  • Serai 1

    Well, why wouldn’t the state be able to afford her? It’s not like she’s going to get paid MORE THAN A MAN.

  • Aaron Wise

    Yikes

  • clubseal

    It’s been ages since the Wonket featured a song playlist, so I’m going to use this open thread to share some songs I think you should listen to on this, my Friday (I don’t know how to do the embed thing where you can listen to the songs right here, sad):
    1. Can’t C Me – Tupac Shakur
    2. Family Tree – Shakey Graves
    3. Casino (Bad Things) – Houndmouth
    4. Oh, Lonesome Me – Don Gibson
    5. That’s How I Got To Memphis – Solomon Burke
    And in honor of Kellyanne Conway’s new role: Kevin – Macklemore
    You can find these on YouTube, and it’s worth the trip.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Is she ethnically Lesbanian? Either way, I hope she wins.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      She’s been lying about it, shameless little Sapphohontas.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        BEST. PORT. MAN. TOE. WORD. TODAY!

  • Chyron HR

    “Prosecutor”? That’s just a fancy elitist word for “soft on crime”!

    • puredog

      See Jones, Doug.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    Nessel is German for stinging nettle. very apropos name.

    • Serai 1

      Nettles are delicious, actually.

      • Daniel

        Diuretic too.

        • Anne Of Green Bagels

          that was my grandma’s preferred use. she swore on nettle tea.

          • Daniel

            Well I guess if you don’t remove the stings you probably would swear on it too.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            grammar iz hard. lol. prepositions always win the fight.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        the young shoots are indeed before they get all stringy and hard.

        • Serai 1

          If you parboil them, the needles dissolve and the leaves become tender.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            I’m sure you can. we always used them as a spring vegetable only. wilted down in a pot, very similar to spinach.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            That’s how I use ’em too. I make a potato-nettle soup ever spring that looks pretty weird but my vegetarian daughter really digs. Plus I just like the idea of using the most noxious weed in my yard for food.

            Next year imma try to press them into my own nori-type wrapping material for making sushi and other roll-up type stuff.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            cow patty green? sounds nice. I’d add some pork belly, though…

  • Daniel

    So just to be clear, the “crime” in the phrase “soft on crime” means “minorities (particularly black ones)”?

  • ArgieBargie

    Great ad and all, but “At least I won’t be sexual predator!” is a pretty low bar.

    2017: what a time to be alive.

    • Serai 1

      Speaking as a woman, I don’t consider that a low bar.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        It’s a surprisingly high bar, as it happens.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Show-off!

      • ArgieBargie

        Yeah, I meant it’s pretty fucked up that somebody needs to list “not a sex offender” as a qualification.

    • jesterpunk

      I mean we are having a debate right now on if its ok to elect a pedophile and we elected a PeeOTUS who bragged about walking in on teenagers changing in a locker room to see them naked.

  • Serai 1
    • Lurkylu

      BRB— having an ugly cry at my desk……….kitties…helping raccoon **SOBB*

    • Beelzebubba

      Dangerous time sink website!!!

    • FlownΩver

      Goddamn onion ninjas!

    • (((Sedagive)))

      Seems like a modest enough proposal.

  • James Baskin

    Lol. I picked a bad day to have a penis.

  • mrFawkes

    Dick Johnson-Peterman approves this message.

    • grindstone

      So does John Thomas.

  • I want to move to New Zealand and stand for their national anthem.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9psILoYmCc

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Damn them for being so fucking cute.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        IDK, Australia’s Canada, or the original?

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          OMG, they are exactly that.

    • Serai 1

      Love the police cat.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        And drag queens!

      • Thiazin Red

        Guy in the car initially confused by and then happy about random crosswalk dancer is my favorite.

    • Serai 1
    • Gayer Than Thou
      • Aaaaaannnd bookmarked!

        H/T GTT! ;^).

        • Gayer Than Thou

          “In recent years the number of US citizens wanting to move to New Zealand has increased considerably.” Yeah, no shit.

          • Beelzebubba

            Do they have room for 60 million or so?

          • clubseal

            If nothing else, we can do a walking tour of places where Xena, Warrior Princess was filmed.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Also LOTR, too.

      • renegade500

        That whole being of good character thing might trip me up.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        It’s tough to get in, unless you can buy your way like Peter Thiel. The better neighborhoods of the world don’t love us just because we’re American.
        I thought about retirement in Canada, but it’s not simple. If you are an American, you can live there half the year as a reverse snowbird without a problem. Maybe it’s not that hard to overstay….

        • Beelzebubba

          Mexico, I think, is easier – for now, at least. They like our retirement dollars.

        • TundraGrifter

          Apparently in February 2017 Matt Lauer and his wife “bought in” and foreign investors must be “of good character” so…

      • (((Sedagive)))

        NZ recognizes same-sex common-law marriage. A friend of mine who went to school there for 6 years cohabited with her girlfriend and thus qualified for citizenship.

        When her schooling was over last year she told me she wanted to move back. I counseled her to stay. She’s now a legal citizen.

        She’d marry me (she broke up with her wife), but then I guess we’d have to adopt my husband, and things could get kind of kooky.

        Still…

        • Beelzebubba

          Clearly NZ needs to recognize 3-way same/mixed/whocares? marriages.

      • ImGoingBacon

        Yeah, I am not sure if I could afford ~$600K to sink into a business, just so I could retire there. But it seems to be a beautiful country.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I have been applying for jobs there left and right and all I hear is, “Uh, thanks, but we have editors already. Maybe try Australia.”

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I’ve spent a lot of time in Australia. Farther south you get, the more civilized it is.

    • renegade500

      YES! (And gosh doesn’t it have a bit of a Jemaine Clement feel to it?)

    • data_ninja

      I just watched Hot Fuzz over the weekend and this looks like it’s a spiritual sequel to it. Brilliant.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I hate to agree with the GOP on this, but unless her opponent DOES have a history of showing his penis to everyone who doesn’t want to see it*, this is kind of a weird way to campaign.

    *If her opponent is male and a “values voter”, then odds are probably 80/20, but still. Benefit of the doubt and all.

    • Resistor Radio

      Meh, even if it’s not relevant to her opponent, the free media she’s getting makes it a great ad, IMO. I can see how people will say it’s “sexist against men,” but the fact that there’s articles about why an all-female ticket is bad, so bad sort of opens the door for this ad. And anyway, I think her tongue-in-cheek tone while addressing a very serious matter sells it. I like it.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        It’s not that an all-female ticket wouldn’t be great, it’s the implication that her opponent is more likely to sexually harass/assault someone. I guess. I don’t know.

        • Resistor Radio

          No, I get what you’re saying. She’s almost daring him to go on the record stating that he’s not a gross sex monster. A “when did you stop beating your wife” kinda thing. Makes me wonder if there ARE rumors/whispers about his conduct.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Hmmm… wonder if she’s ever played chess with Barry O’Bamz?

        • puredog

          Get back to me after we’ve seen any all-male tickets. Jeez.

    • Beelzebubba

      Right now she’s in the primary race, running agianst another Dem, and there are a couple of women running in the GOP primary, so it’s a bit early to be making this an issue.
      It was good for the publicity value, and maybe it scores points with Dem voters, but she does need to let go of it before it becomes a liability. If the GOPpers are already whining about it, you know they’ll bitch mightily when it matters.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Then she can hit back with “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke,” drop a shot, chug a brewski and belch. Preferably during a televised debate. She’ll lock up the working class vote right there. It’s Michigan.

  • exinkwretch

    If Wonkette allowed comments, I’d whip one out. Appropriately.

    • clubseal

      As long as you don’t pith everywhere.

      • Resistor Radio

        Or just put down a towel.

      • Ricky Gay

        Just go with the flow.

  • Resistor Radio

    YAY!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • gallbladder

      BAM!

    • UnsaltedSinner
      • Msgr_MΩment

        The pen is mightier than the sword, but no match for the cane, apparently.

        • coozledad

          Brooks was a real piece of work. Died poor as owl shit, though. Had to hurt his vicious Presbyterian sensibilities.

          • Margaret

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            fd343d:
            ➽➽
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        • scrutatrix

          You wrote “pen is”… #snort

    • Ricky Gay

      Ya burnt

    • Thiazin Red

      Is Moore really so delusional that he thinks he would beat Kimmel in a fight?

      • coozledad

        He’s keepin’ that little pistol oiled.

      • Bad Scooter

        a duel with purse-sized pistols?

      • Charles Wolf

        Who knows.
        But I bet Sam Bee could clean his clock

    • Holly
    • BadKitty904

      What does the criminal pedophile know about “Christian values”?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • This needs to be kept front and center until trump has to face his accusers.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        At this point I’m despairing that he will ever face any kind of consequence for his actions, so I’d settle for him dropping dead. That’s pretty much the best case scenario.

  • jesterpunk

    Now where did I leave my shocked face?

    http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory/bette-midler-gerald-rivera-apologize-alleged-assault-51493605

    Bette Midler renewed an allegation of sexual misconduct against Geraldo Rivera on Thursday, a day after Rivera called the news business “flirty” amid Matt Lauer’s dismissal by NBC.

    In the tweet posted by the actress-singer and confirmed by her publicist, she included a video from the 1991 interview with Barbara Walters in which Midler made the allegation against Rivera.

    “Tomorrow is my birthday. I feel like this video was a gift from the universe to me. Geraldo may have apologized for his tweets supporting Matt Lauer, but he has yet to apologize for this,” Midler posted, adding the harassment-solidarity hashtag “#MeToo.”

    A representative for Rivera didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment. Fox News Channel, which currently employs Rivera but didn’t in the ’70s, didn’t immediately comment on Midler’s post.

    In the clip, Midler hesitates in recounting what she alleges happened with Rivera during his visit to interview her in the early 1970s, saying it will get her in trouble. “Get in a little trouble,” Walters encourages her.

    After Rivera and a producer left their TV crew in another room, they “pushed me into my bathroom. They broke two poppers and pushed them under my nose and proceeded to grope me,” she said. “Poppers” is slang for the alkyl nitrites class of drugs.

    “I did not offer myself up on the altar of Geraldo Rivera,” said Midler, calling his behavior “unseemly.”

  • Joe Beese
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • reelreeler

    Sarah Anderson, Michigan Republican Party: “In a crisis, a leader fights for what is right, they don’t exploit a crisis for personal gain.” Yeah sure, because in a crisis republicans typically offer their “thoughts and prayers” and then refuse to discuss the matter at all.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      In a crisis, republicans usually are the crisis.

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Middle-aged loudmouth serial sexual abuser makes dumb statement online, gets owned
    https://twitter.com/BillOReilly/status/936266777939578880?s=17
    https://twitter.com/JuddLegum/status/936342992750645248?s=17

    • James Baskin

      Oh really, O’Reilly?
      Powerful men are making constant allegations of bad behavior? Yes they are, so someone tell Mr Twidiot and his apologists to STFU.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Bill-O is NOT middle-aged. He’s not going to live to be 140. I’m not even middle-aged anymore.
      This is the nicest thing I can think of to say about Bill-O.

      • coozledad

        What the fuck are you telling me? I NEED 56 more years to clean my damn house!

    • TundraGrifter

      What’s the name of that program? “Killing My Career?”

  • Nounverb911
  • Sheepshagger
    • Lascauxcaveman

      Wanna see my Boswell?

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      As a follow up, does this mean everybody non-commenting here on Wonkette is flirting with everybody else?

      • UnsaltedSinner

        No, because our pants are off.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Oh wait, I thought pants off meant flirting. This new math is confusing as hell.

      • clubseal

        How you doin’

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          How you two doin’

    • James Baskin

      Which ones?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      No pants! OPEN THREAD!

      • Bobathonic

        Hey, it works this way, too:

        No thread! OPEN PANTS!

    • renegade500

      I never wear pants. I don’t even own pants, except some yoga pants.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Geez, we’re all going to be called down to HR.

    • tomamitai
  • Villago Delenda Est

    The scum of the GOP can go eff themselves.

    Just like Steve Bannon.

  • “From Sky Penis To Ice Penis To No Penis”

    But with any luck the dick jokes will continue to propagate.

    • Resistor Radio

      I DO like the happy peen open threads! :)

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Life finds a way.

    • hendenburg2

      Well, we’re still waiting on Earth Penis. Sure there’s also Fire Penis, all you need for that one is to go to a house of ill repute

    • yyyaz

      And expand.

    • puredog

      They write themselves.

    • Bobathonic

      Have we already forgotten The Great Space Penis?

    • bupkus231

      Parthenogenesis?

  • mrFawkes
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Well, if you live in Alaska you have to get that oosik somehow.

      • mrFawkes

        Don’t they pay for an expensive tool then quit halfway into the job?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I want to gay marry you for this.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I don’t know- $14.99 is a really good price for a sold brass dreidel, especially this close to Hanukkah.

      • mrFawkes

        Also too, Jesus used a carpenter’s dreidel.

        • Bad Scooter

          I’ll never look at a plumb bob the same way again.

      • coozledad

        That hammer will hold a charge longer than most people can swing it. Five stars.

    • tomamitai

      Looks like someone harbors a grudge against a certain chain store! Also too, they left out the terms and conditions printed in unreadably tiny print on the bottom of each coupon.

      • Resistor Radio

        “Harbors a grudge”
        Heheheheh

    • TundraGrifter

      Very funny! Years ago I guy I worked with would take catalogues like Harriett Carter and switch the photos and the descriptions.

    • Resistor Radio

      Pneumatic slide whistle! :D

      • Bobathonic

        I want one now, fer gawds sake my compressor is justing sitting there!

        • Beelzebubba

          It probably needs some kind of gauge.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Garden-hose/extension cord combo!!

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        If I can plug one end of this into an electric outlet and water comes out the other end…SOLD IMMEDIATELY

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Honestly, a manual chainsaw might be the only sort somebody as accident-prone as I should ever own.

      • coozledad

        Get a battery powered chainsaw. The blade stops immediately when you release the trigger. The blade stays sharper longer because of the lack of lateral vibration. You don’t have to bust your ass starting it and they have a hell of a lot more torque than most homeowner gas chainsaws.

        Gas chainsaws have their uses, but they’re fucking accidents waiting to happen, and the weight contributes to fatigue which increases the likelihood of dismemberment. Their day is almost over.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I’m sold. I bought a Lynxx 40w battery powered chainsaw (From a certain hardware store whose initials are HF) and I haven’t touched one my gas ones since. If I ever have a really big tree to cut up, I’ll need to drag out one of the dinosaurs, but up to about 14″ diameter, the Lynxx works a treat.

          Best feature: my wife likes using it!
          Second best feature: no hearing protection needed!
          Third: You can only cut for 20-30min before you have to take a rest to recharge the thing. (IMO, a feature, not a bug)

          • coozledad

            I’ve got a couple of Dewalts (because the replacement battery costs about as much as the whole kit). I used to be a Stihl partisan, mostly because of customer service. But even a good gas chain saw will beat your ass.

            The lynxx sounds interesting. We heat primarily with wood, and I do rough carpentry and carving with chainsaws. You can’t have too many.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I didn’t know 6″ whales existed.

      • mrFawkes

        Capt Ahab over-compensating.

        • coozledad

          Get yer dander up Tashtego! Stamp ‘im afore he bites! The first man gets that whale in a jar gets a bag of potato chips!

      • Prollynottoday

        World’s Smallest Whale.

      • coozledad

        Moby is totally overrated.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Typical male, exaggerating his size.

    • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

      I want that fancy ACDCLGBTQ meter.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It does gaydar, too?

      • Beelzebubba

        If it’s also a Taser, I’m in for two. I like the deep subcutaneous feature.

        • coozledad

          I just wish the TENS unit setting was a little farther up the dial.

    • Prollynottoday

      I don’t think I have 8 functions total, much less any that need measuring.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      This makes me want to figure out a way to rig my compressor up to a slide whistle.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I love that especially because I went to harbor freight just today. Came out with a cordless hedge trimmer. And I have an actual hedge.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    It’s not a crisis, it’s a fucking reality, and it has been a fucking reality for, let’s say, 10,000 years. The crisis is that we might actually be talking about dealing with it, which a lot of people don’t want to do, and maybe not putting up with this shit anymore.

    • Prollynottoday

      I would not be surprised if it goes back much further than that.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Not according to human anthropologists. They hypothesize, and have fairly good evidence for believing, that patriarchal cultures emerged at about the same time that humans stopped being hunter-gatherers, developed agriculture, and settled in villages, towns and cities. It was at this point that a form of cash economy developed, and the items that men produced could be sold for money, while the things that women produced were less likely to be so. As a result, men’s productive activities acquired more status because they were “marketable.” At about the same time that humans developed a settled lifestyle, women began to have babies every year or two, instead of every 3-4 years, as modern hunter-gatherer societies still do, which automatically increased her household duties and prevented her from engaging in activities that could generate income. Slowly, slowly, women’s status declined. The next step, of course, was to encode her new, low status in religion and law, which is exactly what happened. This is just a theory, of course, but I think it has great validity.

  • MOG253

    FTW!!!!

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    She’s my new hero – move over Elizabeth Warren.

    That’s one amazing campaign ad!

  • Anna Rompage
    • Bobathonic

      Always appropriate.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Donnie Dumbass Distraction™ or How I Stay Sane After Reading the Morning Tweet Dump

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/05164199a6f3c1047d3a97bb75c62b4a8d740a12388eca676f69c8a0a7abe8b9.gif

    • Resistor Radio

      That’s a beautiful, festive, and calming peen you’ve got there.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I thought it was a sperm.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Programming different light patterns and colors is very calming ….

    • Doug Langley

      Good lord, now lampposts are into trickle-down.

  • Joe Beese
  • tomamitai

    Shouldn’t it be “fewer”, not “less”? ;)

    • yyyaz

      Yes. More or less.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Yes… But fewer would sound elitist…

  • UnsaltedSinner

    The best part is his choice of the exact same words in both clips.

    https://twitter.com/joshtpm/status/936341623184744448

  • Charles Insandiego
    • Msgr_MΩment

      They should have stuck with their cola.

  • William

    Penis has done much damage to my gender. I don’t understand why we insist on using it to do even more. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cb37e1b2e613fc9503aaef3354d5ec66c6a15de5de43d0d198c42df9d593a6a0.gif

    • Resistor Radio

      Well, they can bring a lot of enjoyment, too.

  • Nounverb911
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I’ve always disliked Jimmy Kimmel, but I have to admit he is growing on me.

      • jesterpunk

        I still don’t like his show but he isnt that bad now.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Well yeah, I’m not gonna watch his show, but I no longer consider him to be Adam Carolla’s somehow dumber and less funny sidekick.

    • bubbuhh

      Issued to a bunch of teenaged girls in a mall no doubt

    • jesterpunk

      Roy might need this,

      https://imgur.com/bMPEOE5

    • RobKanC

      how do you mock Christian values man to man? And the reply doesn’t make any sense either.

      • bupkus231

        It’s a phony bully threat and the reply is just keeping with it.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      23. And Jesus said unto him, if thou wouldst salve that burn, go thou into the hills above Galilee. Gather up the snow and ice which lieth there in winter, and place them upon the area so afflicted.

    • ltmcdies

      and the follow up
      https://twitter.com/jimmykimmel/status/936349997112557568

      question? why do doofusses like Moore think they can battle wits with a guy who deals with hecklers for a living.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Jimmy is definitely kickin’ some ass these days.

    • bupkus231

      Why the fuck would someone like Roy Moore even respond to anything a late night host” would say? Apparently Roy is not only a pedophile, but a malignant narcissist who cannot leave any slur unresponded to, no matter how irrelevant it is. ( even if it was some lower-level campaign aide doing the responding, it’s all Roy )

      Yet another way Moore is like Rump.

    • Edith Prickly
    • Jay Hansen

      Kimmel doesn’t need to mock your “Christian values”. You’ve already done that, Moore-on.

    • DensityDestiny
  • bubbuhh
  • Msgr_MΩment

    I wanna get invulvaed with her campaign.

  • CripesAmighty

    Love how idiot Republicans respond when confronted with hard numbers: “Well, we don’t believe that…”

    • Suttree

      And every single one starts mumbling incoherently about revenue.

  • ‘That’s not a liability’ cheered me up. Also erm.. its all good =^^^=

  • Daniel

    “Sexual harassment is not a laughing matter, except for the times the President boasts about it and laughs then we say he was just engaging in locker room talk and that every man does it, and laugh it off. Then it is.”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Meanwhile, Republicans like Sen. Orrin Hatch (UT) are lavishing Trump with praise, calling him “one of the best presidents I’ve ever served under”. . .

    You are not the president’s subordinate, you servile fuck.

    • Daniel

      No, but it’s hard to lave his grundle from above.

    • RobKanC

      If that didn’t end with, “and they laughed and laughed until their pants fell off”. we are seriously fucked as a country.

      • Prollynottoday

        See, this is why you always wanna have clean underwear. Yo mama was wise.

    • georgiaburning

      The check must have cleared.

      • Prollynottoday

        Yeah, but he’ll lose on the exchange rate from Rubles to $.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    I have gone a whole day without calling Trump a fuckface.

    • Beelzebubba

      Slept in today, eh?

      • Prollynottoday

        I tried to but I had to brush my teeth, put out the trash, so I said fukit and got up.

    • Beautiful Soup

      Me too. I have called him a racist piece of shit a few dozen times.

    • Raan

      Get your shit together.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Passed out?

    • Prollynottoday

      Babby Steps.

    • Thiazin Red

      Day ain’t over yet.

    • Charles Wolf

      Izzat the whole last 24 hours or just since the sun came up?

    • yyyaz

      I hear he is having a Republican Party in his mouth, but only the men are allowed to come.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Ha! I cringed.

    • Edith Prickly

      Why?

  • Charles Wolf

    Yea, Yea…
    Scoot over to C-SPAN2 for a peek at the R dustup over taxes on the floor.
    Corker, Flake & another R are holding out.

    • Charles Wolf

      …the fuckers folded.
      It was fun while it lasted. they held the vote open at least an extra half an hour.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Right on schedule . . .

      • Resistor Radio

        Yup. Who was the white-haired guy in the huddle doing all the hand waving and finger pointing right before the three caved?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    What’s the over/under on impeachment v. 25th amendment? Anybody? Mueller? Mueller?

    • Resistor Radio

      Is nuclear winter an option?

    • Charles Wolf

      Which section?

    • jesterpunk

      It depends how the 2018 election turns out. The GOP wont do either.

    • spangled

      25th amendment is cabinet right? Trump could behead Betsy Devos in the Oval Office and those sycophants wouldn’t vote him out.

      • Charles Wolf

        That’s Section 4.
        Section 3 allows the mango masher to remove himself temporarily…
        ,,, like till he gets out of rehab, anger management or whatever.
        When he gets out of Arkham, Bedlam, Creedmore (Donnie was born near this one) or wherever, he can go back to 1600.

        • Raan

          But that would require admitting that he was wrong.

      • efoveks

        Regardless, the country would be better off if this happened (ducks, in case of ban hammer).

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      As long as Congress stays “under” the Dolt, impeachment odds will be over-rated.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Donut hold your breath on Mueller

  • yyyaz

    Happy 350th, Jonathan Swift!
    “I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child, well nursed, is, at a year old, a
    most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food.”

  • Oblios_Cap

    O/T but I just got a hand-signed Christmas card from Rosalind and Jimmy Carter. True, it was accompanied by a request for bucks for the Carter Center, but I think that’s pretty cool.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      They are the best.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      We got one too. A bright spot in an atrocious week

  • Lyly Sirivong

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c0be7ea16b45958b6adb81f21ca70b8847b2e5661c83fa8c1b84d50da38c1410.jpg

    You guys ever heard of Bertrand Cantat ? He was the singer of Noir Désir, one the most successful rock bands in France. He spent 4 (!) years in prison in Lithuania for beating his girlfriend, actress Marie Trintignant, to death.
    Now he’s releasing an album and a former bandmate has revealed how he’s always been violent with women, and how everyone hid it.
    He tried to strangle a girlfriend in 1989. And he regularly beat his ex wife, Katrina. She asked the band members not to tell anyone and when Cantat went to trial for killing Marie Trintignant, she lied and told the judge he never laid a hand on her.
    Kristina committed suicide in 2010 because even though they were supposed to be in an open relationship, he kept threatening her when he found out she was seeing another man.

    I’m so mad. I want to burn the one Noir Désir album I have. But then I would probably set my flat on fire in the process.

    • Raan

      Go outside with a heated hairdryer and melt it that way.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Just put it in a warm oven for a few minutes

      • SDGeoff3

        There are crafty things you can do with those. In Cub Scouts, we make potato chip bowls.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Mee too!

          • SDGeoff3

            I never saw mine after I brought it home. It may have been one of my mom’s favorite Robert Goulet albums. And no, I can’t explain the Robert Goulet thing.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I remember a few years ago when some rock star from Europe went to jail for trying to get his groupies to let him fuck their babies. That’s when I said “OK, I’m opposed to the death penalty, but every now and again, it seems OK.”

      • Lyly Sirivong

        Oh yeah, that was Ian Watkins, singer of the Lostprophets. God, that was fucked up.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        OMG. I read that wrong at first, which is to say, I read a sentence that should not even exist and my brain refused to process it correctly. Once my brain caught up, I agree with you entirely.

  • Charles Insandiego

    Finally got around to adding an avatar . . .

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Good cho… wait a tic… YOU MONSTER!

    • clubseal
    • mailman27

      How? Please, Dear God, HOW?? (Tell me, I’m not kidding.)

      • mackafritz

        Edit your profile in Disqus from the drop down menu next to your name.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        If I can do it, you can. I’m about as handy with the computer as I am with a manual chainsaw, and I’ve changed mine a few times. Good luck!

      • Charles Insandiego

        How to add avatar? Directly on the disqus site, if the pic is too big, it won’t work, and it won’t tell you what’s wrong. It took a couple of tries.

    • SDGeoff3

      Did they come from Boney’s?

      • Charles Insandiego

        Smart and Final, smallish SoCal discount chain.

        • SDGeoff3

          I know it well.

  • Nounverb911
    • (((Sedagive)))

      Hmmm. I am one of those dots, and I felt nothing.

      Which is good, because there are men with very tall ladders currently on my roof.

      • Bobathonic

        Soil/earth density matters a lot. If it’s sandy, the forces won’t travel far.

    • I’m in Yonkers, didn’t feel a thing.

      That part of the Mid-Atlantic is weird, the Earth’s crust is thin in the Delmarva area. Will find link…

      Shameless self-promotion plus SCIENCE!

    • Nounverb911
    • AnnieGetYerFun

      That’s just Delaware, hoping people will remember that it exists.

      • It was Joe Biden’s hairdo, achieving self-awareness and attacking Wilmington.

      • Doug Langley

        Lex Luthor’s scheme to acquire beach front property was foiled again.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Phht. I’ve slept through bigger earthquakes.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I am. I had no idea we had one, but there was a period right about then when the microwave plate was rattled for no good reason. I figured it was Big Brother checking the signal.

    • Thiazin Red

      Nothing really here. I did feel the one a couple years ago.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      NO. There’s a raging loonie in the White House!

      Other than that, fine, I guess.

  • Sexual harassment is not a laughing matter

    I don’t see Nessel laughing.

    • efoveks

      Why let truth stand in the way? This is a combination of wishful thinking and hateful imagination against one’s enemies and is the new Rethug tactic. It’s a way of attaching some outrageously feckless character to someone without actually accusing them.

  • Doug Langley

    In today’s episode:

    Landlady had told me about a church that would help me pay rent. I got in touch, and they only give assistance to members.

    Went to bank to check on when stolen money would get return. Blah blah got to find out where it was cashed blah. I told them I really, really need that money, and was told I could phone up their customer service dept.

    Heard nothing yet from temp agency on job that better start like tomorrow.

    Went to community college to pick up textbooks for classes. New boss is very nice. But if I can’t get another class, pretty much screwed.

    Want to thank everone who’s dropped a bit into my gofundme:

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I sent you a little something the other day. I hope you got it.

      • Doug Langley

        Yes, thank you very much. Didn’t want to call out names because gofundme tells me your real names.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          What’s your gofundme under?

          • Doug Langley
          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Done! How long before you get the $?

          • Doug Langley

            Just a couple days. gofundme says up to 5 business days, but I’ve never known it to take that long. And thanks so much.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            How far are you from having the rent money?

          • Doug Langley

            Currently have $240 in the bank. Rent is $592. If I pay after the 5th, they tack on a late fee. Landlady just gave me a box of food a friend got from a food bank, so won’t be spending much on groceries for a while.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Oh, I didn’t know it gave out our real names. Oh, well, I guess you won’t turn in to a weird stalker who hangs outside of my house.
          //fingers crossed

          I would have liked to have given you more, but I have been out of work the past two weeks due to being sick, so my pay is skimpy this month.

          • Doug Langley

            And what’s it worth to you that I don’t, bwahahahahahahaha!!!! Seriously, I understand.

          • Doug Langley

            Sorry to hear you were sick. What was it? Feeling better now?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Kind of a really crappy cold that morphed into a head cold. I’ve heard a couple of other people on the Wonkette bitching about the same thing. It just went on about 10 days longer than it should have, and I’m still not quite over it. Blergh.

        • LucindathePook

          Just sent something with an 18 in it but forgot to say it was from ‘Cinda.
          Just so you don’t get confused.
          “Eighteen is the numerical value of the Hebrew word ‘chai’ which means ‘life.’ It is a Jewish custom to give monetary gifts in increments of 18, thus symbolically blessing the recipient of the gift with a good long li.”

          • Doug Langley

            Thanks! Every bit helps. Gofundme just sent me an email saying they got it.
            Did not know that about chai.

          • LucindathePook

            Wanted to explain weird amount. Good luck!

    • Doug Langley

      Forgot to mention bank says it usually takes about 120 days to return money in these cases. Gaggg.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        How forgiving is your landlady?

        • Doug Langley

          She’s very nice and encouraging, but will not budge the deadlines by one minute.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So CNN had Miss Lindsey on earlier today, where she was blabbing about how two networks (CNN and MSNBC, duh) do nothing but trash the president* all day long, and one network is totally up his ass (Hannity climb OUT of Trump’s ass!).

    So tonight, CNN replays the clip of the fabulous Miss L bitching about how CNN is saying Trump is unfit for office, and then they play a clip of Miss Lindsey saying “he’s a con man, a liar, and unfit for office.” ZING! POW! OUCH, Miss L, your ass just got OWNED. That should be one of the Democrats commercials going forward.

    • BosGrl

      Someone should give HIM an MRI. I think he’s got two competing brain lobes in his noggin.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Occasionally, he doesn’t act line he’s totally insane.

    • yyyaz

      If only CNN would make a habit of doing things like this more consistently. *le sigh*

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’ve noticed a change the past two days in CNN. Dana Bash was literally rolling her eyes at Trump yesterday. She’s usually very professional, and tries not to show any bias, but after the terrorist tweets from Trump, she was just like WTF??????

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Resistor Radio

      I recently learned that some people spell it “grotty,” but it’s always been “grody” to me. Which is proper?

      • Daniel

        Grotty.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “Hef, have you cleaned out the grotty lately? It’s quite grody.”

      • shastakoala

        I believe that’s the Olde English spelling.

      • Thiazin Red

        They’re different words that mean the similar things, both are fine.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Pronounced differently though, right?

      • hendenburg2

        grody

        • Resistor Radio

          Yay, team grody!

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        I AM GROTT!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Groton?

        • Resistor Radio

          Groton Grottington, Esq.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I really wish the official diplomatic response was “SOD OFF, YOU HORSE’S ARSE!”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    It’s been cold and drizzly here at Chez GGY today. I have had about as much determination and vim as a dead banana slug. I’m not sick nor particularly depressed. I just think I’m fucking tired. This has been the longest goddamn 12 months of my life, and it’s also gone by so fast I can hardly keep up. Is anyone else suffering the same symptoms? I think it’s Drumpfatigue.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      With with y’all, Y’All

    • BosGrl

      Yes. Definitely. Drumpfatigue is real.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Yea, try that on top of surgery recovery – and I still gotta get to school _and_ work :(

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Would cause me to drink to excess too, probably.
    https://twitter.com/TIME/status/936361785178968064?s=17

    • clubseal

      The headline to end all headlines. Are nuggets worth jail time? Probably.

    • Look, nuggests are vegan. They feed the chickens corn, they’re fried in vegetable oil, so it’s all good, right?

      • SDGeoff3

        I’d say.

    • Bobathonic

      So his plan was to release them in the wild?

  • Picabo
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    So, when Kim launched his latest ICBM, and Trump was all “And we are going to HANDLE THIS SITUATION” and the press just blandly reported, the next thing I heard was that Tillerson had made it clear that the latest launch didn’t mean that we were going to bomb the fuck out of North Korea or anything.

    And it was at that moment that I thought, “Oh, dude, Tillerson is fired.” You could hear it in Trump’s pathetic little statement.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Dogs are brainier than cats, new study finds https://t.co/13tjL2mnWz

    Suck it cats!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Someone somewhere doubted this?

    • Thiazin Red

      My cats are dumb as hell, so I can’t argue with the general statement.

      • jesterpunk

        My dogs are dumb as hell.

        • clubseal

          If my dream of having a pet crow ever comes true, it will be smarter than all these other animals.

          • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

            OOO-ooo, Magic. OOO-ooo

          • Bobathonic

            You and my son.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            And then the murder began.

          • clubseal

            What you did there, I see.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Ba dum tish!

          • SomeBigRedDog

            I eat crow for dinner!

            No, wait . . .

          • Miles Monroe

            Just fyi, smart + wild ≠ good pet. (Speaking from experience)

          • clubseal

            You adopt a badger one time …

        • Thiazin Red

          My old dog was pretty smart about some things. She knew that the other dog was afraid of the stairs so she would take all the toys up there. She knew that the other dog had been really well trained not to get on the furniture, so she would taunt her. she tried to frame the other dog for bad things. My old dog was also a huge asshole.

          Mom’s current dogs are super dumb though.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          What breed? I found an Australian Sheepdog once that I was going to get to do my taxes, until I found his owner. He was super smart.

          • jesterpunk

            Pomeranian / Yorkie mix and a pure breed chihuahua.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Small head usually equals small brain!

          • marxalot

            My roommates and I decided that since everyone had to pull their own weight in our group home for functional adults, my dog needed a trade. Since she’s mostly blue heeler, we set her to becoming an accountant.
            She gets really excited when you yell “TAX TIME” or ask her if she has all the W-2 forms (because that is how we got her riled up for dinner).

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I like that your dog gets excited over taxes!

            I lived in a group home for functional adults a few years ago, and I really enjoyed it. They almost didn’t take me because I was an old, and they were in their late twenties, but we ended up getting along really well.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
      • William

        A Jack Russell can do your taxes.

        • marxalot

          Won’t, but can.

          • puredog

            A Border Collie can run the Manhattan Project. Have there been Border Collie sightings in Nork lately, one wonders?

      • Thiazin Red

        Equivalent human age for cats could also be 15. No one is more world weary, knows everything, and sick of it all than a 15 year old.

    • jesterpunk

      I dont know, cats have figured out how to get people to worship them as gods and not have to do anything at all to get what they want.

    • DainBramage

      My cat is smart enough to get me to do anything for her, without being a brown-noser.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      When have any of you critics ever seen a cat do anything USEFUL. That mouse your cat caught that one time doesn’t count because cats get off on murder.
      I have a cat roommate who gets a shocked look on her face several times a day when the furnace kicks on. Idiot.

    • Doug Langley
    • marxalot

      The dog I had as a kid, the Best Mutt Ever, was a feist type dog. She could count to 5, knew a lot of tricks, had a better vocabulary than most 4th graders, and was so obedient that one time, she was out in the yard when Comrade Mom startled a rabbit; it shot across the yard right in front of her, and she was halfway out of her crouch and after it when Mom told her to lie down– and she DID.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I tell ya, it’s all the Viagra that men are eating like jelly beans these days. All these guys running around with chemical boners who are out of control and just want to rub it out. They are obscene AND aggressive. I’ve done some research on this and I’ve concluded the Pharmas know about the side effects but refuse to have it studied or researched because they know what the results will be and the last thing they want is for there to be an academic study that concludes in some cases one side effect of the their big profit drug is that it can turns a man into a raging hormonal sexual predator. Look for the Viagra defense coming to a court room or press conference near you soon.

    • Daniel

      Chemical Boners is a band name.

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        “Cock Blockin’ Beats”

    • Wonky McUbtrye

      What about all the shit that went on before Viagra was invented? I wish we invented this shit, and I wish we could make it go away by banning a pill.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        I just get the sense there is more of it and it is different in kind. Yes, sexual harassment is not new but I can say for sure based on my line of work that you never used to hear about guys at the level of these guys walking around pleasuring themselves in front of women like that was perfectly acceptable thing to do.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          The phrase Dirty old man wasn’t invented yesterday though.

        • William

          Here’s what I don’t get. Has whipping your crank out in front of a woman ever…I mean in the history of the world EVER worked? I’m thinking no, and I’m not particularly brainy.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            For fucks sake if it were that easy there would be no Incel issue.

    • William

      The steroid defense for violence has already been used with some success.

      • clubseal

        And it’s probably accurate. Have you ever seen someone on steroids flip out? It’s pretty terrifying.

        • William

          As a life time gym rat, more than once. There usually has to be something albeit nominal in the way of annoyance to set them off. I’ve know users who get routine kidney and liver monitoring, cycle their usage, use estrogen depressants when they cycle off, and moderation of dosages. They can go for decades. I also know someone who really wasn’t sure what exactly was giving him the most gains, as he took anything and everything he could (he died at 28).

          • clubseal

            I had a friend who was taking them to increase his gym gains and he would fluctuate all over the place, from depression to rage with little to no reason while he was on them.

          • William

            Watching your bench go from 355 to 210 when you cycle off is depressing. Androgens and anabolic are two different things. Sadly some good drugs (like dianobol used to help burn victims retain water) have been banned because of abuse. Also sad is the belief that you’re ok as long as you’re not injecting. Orals are usually way more toxic.

          • clubseal

            I just go the natural route. Protein shakes would always fart up my stomach, creatine just seemed to make my pee neon, and I would never use steroids just on principle. I may never bench 300 pounds (although I can curl 60 pound dumbbells, go figure), but I’m OK with that.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I never understood the appeal of having big muscles and testes the size of peanuts.

          • clubseal

            For me, it’s the vein thing that I find the most gross. But that’s probably because I’m somewhat of a hemophobe.

        • marxalot

          Running Dad was on steroids for years to contain his chronic illness. I grew up with ‘roid rage in the house, It is a very real thing, and really scary (especially when you’re 5!). It causes over-reaction for the most part, rather than manufacturing anger. Doesn’t help, though, that I inherited my sensitivity to adrenaline and my temper from Running Dad. That plus the anemia made it very important not to get under his skin, not that my brother ever learned.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Three weeks into an oral over-the-counter testosterone production enhancer, I went into a shouting rage over the fact that my trunk lid wouldn’t close. And this was just stuff right off the shelf at GNC.

          • marxalot

            I had a couple hiccups getting first the GNC boosters and now the injectable Ttestosterone sorted out, but to be honest, compared to PMS this is nothing. From what my guy friends told me I was expecting way worse monkey-rage.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Steroids definitely make people more violent.

    • William

      Why are good God fearing conservatives defying God with boner pills? They should be made to carry their impotence to full term. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/55d64c528711465f761a56beb7e4b297a9d16d32ad1525e7554dda149e974f4f.jpg

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Impotence may be a buzz kill but it does not kill you. So take the ED meds out of the Congressional health plan now !!!

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        “If pregnancy is God’s will, then so is impotence.”

        – the textbook example of an oxymoron

  • William

    You know. If you’re on the Wonk right now you are completely missing the Donald and the first *snicker* lady light the royal Christmas tree. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a1c333fc3a293c8c7b69b1d385684ab8feb53ab110022da5e3723544fb6dc8b9.jpg

    • yyyaz

      Thank you for the warning.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      If it’s actually happening it’s just another opportunity for some offensive idiocy to come out of his mouth. Pass.

      • William

        But the tree. Everyone says this is the biggest tree. Many people have told me that I have the best trees. This I can tell you.

  • BadKitty904

    K-12 Funding in Some States Still Far Below Pre-Recession Levels
    https://www.cbpp.org/blog/k-12-funding-in-some-states-still-far-below-pre-recession-levels

    Public investment in K-12 schools crucial for communities to thrive and the economy to offer broad opportunity has fallen dramatically in a number of states over the last decade, according to a newly updated survey of state budgets. Worse, some of the deepest-cutting states have also cut income tax rates, weakening their main revenue source for supporting schools. At a time when producing skilled workers is increasingly important to our nation’s prosperity, major cuts in basic education funding will cause lasting economic harm.

    • BadKitty904

      Thanks, Republicans!!1!

    • jesterpunk

      We have people screaming here because the Democrat who won a school board election was going to build a new school to replace one falling apart. They where complaining they have to pay property taxes to pay for education and how unfair it is since they dont have kids.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Oh, God…that argument will never die. They were using that codswallop 25 years ago when my old hometown was doing a bond question to build schools because we were to the point that all the elementary schools were on year-round multi-track scheduling and half of the classes at the 1 high school were being held in portable buildings.

        • jesterpunk

          This school is literally falling apart and the cost to repair it is more then the cost to build 2 new schools due to years of neglect.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            We’re just now addressing problems at schools that are more than 30-40 years old. We have two campuses that are over 60 years old, and both in need of major refurbishment or conversion (1 will be converted to another use once a replacement school comes on-line in 2019).

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Year round school was a big thing in California for a while. I actually liked it because we could vacation off times. Tough if you had kids in multiple schools though.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Yeah, it was hard. I was in middle school on a traditional calendar, and my sister was in elementary school on the one track that did not have a summer month off.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Good schools equal higher property values. Makes a difference when you finally sell your house.

        • jesterpunk

          Do you think they care about the future? They just dont want to pay taxes because all taxes are bad somehow

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            I’m familiar with that mindset because I used to work for local gubt. If it doesn’t benefit me directly right now it’s communistic

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            You would think that after standing in line at the grocery store for 10 minutes because the cashier can’t do the simple math to make change they’d appreciate that a basic education is essential.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Oh, gawd, and they really can’t. A co-worker of mine (I am a cashier at a grocery store) called me out of my line the other day because instead of typing $45.00 when the customer paid him, he only typed $4.50, and he didn’t know how to fix it. Of course he could not do the math to figure out how much to add or what the customer’s change should be.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            I’ve seen cash registers at fast food restaurants that don’t have numbers. Just a picture of the food item. Push the button and it adds whatever it is up.

          • Doug Langley

            You just reminded me of my horrible boss in the file vault. I was boxing and storing files in the next and running out of space. We were trying to figure out how much of it problem it was.
            Boss: “So how many boxes do we need to shelve?”
            Me: “I did 72.”
            Boss: “And how many are left?”
            Me: “I shelved 59 already.”
            Boss flies into rage, arms flying and exasperated look. “That doesn’t tell me anything!! How many do you have left??”
            Me: “uh, 13.”

            I kid you not.

          • BadKitty904
      • Bobathonic

        E pluribus I got mine, bitchez

      • Thiazin Red

        This is why letting people vote on school funding is the stupidest fucking thing ever.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Dogs are brainier than cats, new study finds https://t.co/13tjL2mnWz

      In case you don’t see below.

      • Suttree

        I’m not convinced.

      • tomamitai
      • BadKitty904

        You’re correct – fake news IS a serious and growing problem.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Lulz, you can’t HANDLE the truth.

          I do think cats are more cunning than dogs, so you guys get a prize, too.

          • BadKitty904

            Saying cat is smarter than a dog, or vice-versa, is like saying a fish is smarter than a bird or an apple is smarter than an orange. It’s two different orders of intelligence.

          • SomeBigRedDog

            You are smarter at murder. I will give you that.

          • BadKitty904
          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Also, dog breeds vary widely in intelligence. Standard Poodles and Australian Sheepdogs are smart as hell. Cocker Spaniels are very pretty and sweet, but nobody is going to want a Cocker Spaniel to help with their taxes.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Cats are good at being cats. Dogs are good at being dogs. Different skill sets.

        • SomeBigRedDog

          Cat skill set mainly consists of being psychotic, which I find problematic.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Psycho kitty must be dosed twice daily with prednisone. She has gone from very ill to feeling much better. But now we have 2x daily Cat Rodeo.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I know education funding often gets short shrift. People don’t actually understand (or are unwilling to learn) how schools are funded, and assume that school districts just waste money on salary and benefits (which some do, but certainly not to the extent that the general public tends to believe). Hence the absolute insane amount of resistance to any sort of sane and reasonable funding source.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      We are still over a billion dollars down in Colorado. Pot money isn’t worth shit. Rich people suck.

  • Picabo
  • WilbyToad

    ‘Shep is a D*CKBAG’: Trump fans go nuts after Fox hosts call out president’s ‘anti-Muslim hate videos’
    by NOOR AL-SIBAI, RAWSTORY
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/shep-is-a-dckbag-trump-fans-go-nuts-after-fox-hosts-call-out-presidents-anti-muslim-hate-videos/?comments=disqus

    Just a string of obnoxious tweets inching us closer to becoming Hutus and Tutsis… and that’s putting it politely.

    • jesterpunk

      They called for him to be fired the last time he disagreed with the president.

  • armed_bears

    Well… we have jumped the shark. Now I’m standing shoulder to shoulder with these guys?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/495b11ec73cc5328368ce9268d11409cf404de8d11b1fcc038d6191c2bfc356c.jpg

    • Miles Monroe

      The enemy of our enemy …

      • armed_bears

        is icky.

        • Miles Monroe

          Completely agree; but Twitler and the GOP are considerably icky-er; WBC isn’t going to raise your taxes and take away your health care.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Still no.

          • Miles Monroe

            Don’t have to like or support them, but if they manage to turn a few bible-humpers away from the orange abomination, let ’em.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Will have to behave or he’s still my enemy.

    • jesterpunk
    • clubseal

      Fags Are Beasts is the name of my all-harmonica polka band.

      • armed_bears

        Mine is “Will Polka for Beer.”

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Not affiliated with my gym of the same name, full o’ bears and otters. Unless you’d like it to be!

      • puredog

        “Fags Are Besties” is the name of my cigarette boat (“Mar-A-Fago, FL”).

    • BosGrl

      Yeah, WBC, don’t help us with this, ok?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’ve been sickened by my recent agreements with Bill Kristol, but I’m willing to cozy up with him to get rid of Trump. These folks? They can still go get fucked.

        • BosGrl

          Exactly.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      God hates Jews? Huh, I’m not biblical scholar, but that’s news to me. Wasn’t Jesus a Jew? Is that why God let him get killed? I’m very confused now.

      • yyyaz

        They’ve had 2,000 years to sort this shit out, and look where it’s gotten them.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Don’t worry, Jared’s on it!

    • Edith Prickly

      Bandwagon-jumpers.

      • armed_bears

        I mean, exactly, right? We were pansexual progressive atheists before it was cool.

    • WilbyToad

      Well not exactly for the same reason. Partially so.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      OH FUCK NO 2017, YOU MAY NOT MAKE ME BE ON THE SAME SIDE AS WBC. NO. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/49742f62d94fbac4e5a9ea0ae41b145e4d7f451023387a2f96cf2ec7747697b9.png

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Ah, the usual sin: “Being a non-Phelps in a high-profile, media-saturated position that we can glom onto by proxy.”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I hadn’t considered whether the battery in a Prius could go dead until my wife couldn’t start her car this morning. I also hadn’t considered the contortions necessary to get to the battery — which is in the trunk — if there is no manual means of opening it. The only remaining question I have is whether I can find an engineer (any kind will do) that is smaller and weaker than me, because I want revenge.

    • armed_bears

      Yeah… replaced mine about 9 months ago… It turns they have to pull the old battery out through your wallet.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I was just going to jump it using the terminal in the hood, but holy shit . . . people were warning me you could fry the entire electrical system, including the big battery.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Jumped my wife’s a couple to times with Auto Club help, no problems.

          • puredog

            “Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.” (all-purpose evergreen response)

        • CripesAmighty

          There should be jump starting instructions in the owners manual. In any event, remote terminals are provided expressly for jump starting.

        • hendenburg2

          Yeah, not only can you not jumpstart a Prius, you can’t even jumpstart FROM a Prius

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Flatten the rear seats and climb into the back. I think you can open the hatch from inside. Brilliant, no?

      /someone whose Prius battery drained to zero

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        You can, and I did. I’m not as slithery as I used to be.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          IK,R?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The old Prius had two batteries, I think. A regular one under the hood, and the big drive batteries in back. In those days, a start problem could be resolved jumping the regular battery under the hood.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Electricity is still produced mostly from coal depending on where you live. Renewables and fusion are the future. But DC will not do it. We have to go with California and do it ourselves.

      • hendenburg2

        No, many coal-fired plants have switched over to natural gas, since they work on the same principles.

    • hendenburg2

      You should check, I believe Prii come with battery warranties.

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      Yipe!
      *hides under sliderule*

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I wish I could read the captions, since I’m sure they’re insane.

      • Amy!

        The balloons? Man: “I’m still working on my PhD” and woman: “I’m not ready to have kids yet.” (I’m sure the implicit sexism is entirely coincidental, right?). Thus the screaming bearded brown dude with four hassocks ends up with many-many more screaming bearded brown dudes and many more hassocks (I’m thinking Monday Night Football, or something? but it’s nice of him to share his hassocks, in a masculine, manly way, with other screaming bearded sportsball fans, dontcha think?) and the puppy and kitten that the young couple have apparently rescued from a kill shelter and given a home.

        There’s a moral there, I know. Kittens and puppies are better than sportsball? Sportsball is better than education? Somebody oughta help me out, here, I guess I’m too liberal to understand.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          I’m going to assume it’s a call for heteros to breed more? If they just have kittehs and puppiez, and they aren’t breeding, then the brown people win, and we get chaos, and too much football. That’s all I got! I’m getting tired of trying to figure these loons out.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Sexual frustration will do that to you. If these people had a lot of really good sex maybe they wouldn’t be so mean. I vote for more recreation, not procreation.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            We hedonists need to form our own party. We can be the opposite of family values. We can be the play hard party.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I knew I liked you. Play hard and no apologizing for our sexuality. This is who we are, sexual beings and proud of it.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Crom. Is he on Trump’s short list fir Supreme Court?

      • UnsaltedSinner

        He is now.

      • bupkus231

        If not, the SCOTUS, the WH Science Advisory Board…

    • SDGeoff3

      Charming.

  • DainBramage

    All female ticket for statewide offices? I’ve never heard anyone question the undoubtedly countless number of times that an all male ticket for statewide offices was fielded.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Why do you hate men?

      • DainBramage

        The guy I see in the mirror every morning is not as smart as he thinks he is.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          That’s so meta my brain hurts, man!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Sexual harassment is not a laughing matter,” said Sarah Anderson, communications director for the Michigan Republican Party. “In a crisis, a leader fights for what is right, they don’t exploit a crisis for personal gain.”

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Thanks, Sarah Anderson, I needed a good fucking laugh.

    • Bad Scooter

      who’s laughing, Sarah? tell us where you heard a joke about sexual harassment (note: we sane people laughing at you doesn’t count)

      • puredog

        “Leaders?” [looks around blankly] “Leaders?”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Picabo
    • WilbyToad

      THIS!

    • anon_the_great

      MOTHERFUCKING YEAH!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      🎶Sky penis in flight,
      Afternoon delight

      • puredog

        Wood in the morning,
        Sailor take warning.
        something something

    • BosGrl

      Gotta be etsy. LOL.

  • BosGrl

    Oh, please, mainsplain us some more about how sexual harassment isn’t funny. Go, Dana!

  • anon_the_great

    On my morning walk I was rolling around the image of Twitler doing the Crazy Don thing wandering the Rose Garden in a shabby bathrobe an one slipper.

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      Was the “bathrobe” orange, and did it have a 7-digit number on it?

  • spangled

    Political lesbianism 2018, 2020, & forever!

    • WilbyToad

      Not exactly sure what this means but it has a nice ring to it.

      • spangled

        Ladies voting for ladies. Lady solidarity and love!

  • mrFawkes
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      What? Jesus raped an underage female?

      • weejee

        But they say that was kosher. Or whatever the Evilgelical equivalent is.

        • bupkus231

          White?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        His Dad covered it up.

        • clubseal

          So that’s what the Flood was about.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      And they didn’t falsely accuse Jesus. They accused him of doing things like curing the lame on the Sabbath. Which he totally did. He just didn’t care.

    • Resistor Radio

      Oh so glad churches are tax exempt, huh?

    • bupkus231

      Wow. These guys are fucked up. I knew I never wanted to get involved with a church that called itself any variation of the phrase “Living Way” – and these guys just confirmed that prejudice…

      It’s just such a generic name, but, no shit – these guys, no matter where they are, are certifiable loons ( and grifters, of course ).

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      11 Now Jesus stood before the governor. And the governor asked Him, saying, “Are You the King of the Jews?”

      Jesus said to him, “What about Barabbas? Did he not do some pretty bad stuff? This is a witch hunt. Who told you this? The Pharisees? I’ll bet you anything that whoever told you this is being paid off by the Jews.”

    • h4rr4r

      So now they are claiming he was not the Messiah?

      Otherwise he was correctly accused.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      And the Pharisees scolded him and said, verily, it is wicked to lie with children. But Jesus said unto them: “Behold, my mother. I fucked her when she was underage, and I turned out just fine!”

      • Amy!

        Possibly today’s most hilarious blasphemy.

        • marxalot

          I have had a blasphemous folk song on the theme of “Jesus Christ was a motherfucker” trapped in my skull for 15 years. I have been keeping it there on the theory that singing it would bring about the end times bc Jesus would come down here personally to kick my ass, but that’s less of a disincentive than it used to be.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Doesn’t this violate their tax-exempt status? And furthermore, it’s disgusting!

    • marxalot

      “You serpents, you generation of vipers! How can you escape the damnation of hell?”
      Matthew 23:33, bitch.
      See also Matthew 3:7, “You generation of vipers, who warned you to flee the wrath to come?”

    • CeeQ

      Dear Idiot Church – your billboard is endorsing a pedophile. Even if you don’t believe the media reporting – it was a known fact that he was fucking banned from the mall. Hope you like the heat, you’ll be burning in hell.

  • Royal Ugly Dude
    • marxalot

      There’s a sci-fi story close to my heart, in which aliens observe a bear kill something, then see a wolverine chase it off its meal. They then follow the wolvie back to a human habitation and observe it being played with by human children, whose parent later brings them and the wolverine inside. The aliens decide to fuck right off from this planet where the babby children keep tiny murder machines as pets.

  • DainBramage
  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    “Other side”? Other side of what, praytell?

    https://twitter.com/cnni/status/936298944958787585

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Assholes, you can’t call something sexist that is applied to all genders FFS:

    https://twitter.com/commiegirl1/status/936339487352700928

    https://twitter.com/TwitchyTeam/status/936312350575120384

    • Resistor Radio

      Wow. So, the comments (if they were allowed) should be interesting tonight.

      • jesterpunk

        They are starting now and are pretty boring.

        • Resistor Radio

          I liked the “Trump and Sanders supporters have class,” one. Oh, okay, Boris, sure. We know how much the cousin-fuckers just looooooove them some Bernie. You betcha.

          • janecita

            I liked the “you’re mommy must be so proud.” God, they are so fucking stupid!

    • jesterpunk
      • h4rr4r

        I have a step bit, and it is not like there is anything in that moran’s head to damage.

    • Resistor Radio

      Aaaand, ayup, they’re already in the comments. I think one even points out that Rebecca is “a Jew.” Sigh.

    • clubseal

      Most “hateful, sexist EVER”? Hmmm, something tells me that’s not even remotely true.

    • janecita

      Calling her a fat, ugly, ignorant cow, would be sexist, telling her to fuck herself isn’t sexist at all.

    • BadKitty904

      Sounds like Our Wonkettes is doing its job pretty well, I’d say…

    • Serai 1

      Reading comprehension: how does it work?

  • Spurning Beer

    I’m pretty torn up about the passing of Jim Nabors.

    Thank you for your service, Gomer.

  • jesterpunk
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      From that thread: Jesus:

      NAZIS WANT NET NEUTRALITY REPEALED TO ‘UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF FROGS ON TWITTER.

      PS: mind the auto-play link.

    • Covfefe

      It’s not like ISP’s are public utilities that are subject to Gubmint regulation.

      • Serai 1

        Unfortunately, Obama never had the chance to finish the job of making ISP’s a public utility.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • clubseal

      That probably wouldn’t have been legal, I would presume.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        I’m sure it would have been challenged by corporate lawyers but I’d give it a shot of surviving. We’ll never know now, however.

      • yyyaz

        Unless it is declared unconstitutional, it’s Congress’ call.

        • clubseal

          While I don’t disagree with the principle, I’m saying that it seems pretty unlikely that such a law would be upheld in court; the government explicitly telling a company how to spend its money I think is without precedent here.

          • yyyaz

            In Dodge Bros. vs. Ford, SCOTUS told old Henry he had to spend the money he was hoarding by distributing it to shareholders. I’m too lazy and underpaid to further research it, but I did practice law once upon a time ago.

          • Covfefe

            Yes yes/but. Gubmint can place restrictions on receipt of a Gubmint benefit and/or determine the conditions that qualify someone for a Gubmint benefit.

          • clubseal

            You can imagine the cries about soshalism!11!!!1 from a mile away, I reckon.

          • Amy!

            Isn’t minimum wage in the same category? I think it could be justified, just as a ratio of greatest salary to least salary regulation could be justified, as necessary for the health of citizens.

          • clubseal

            I guess? Unfortunately, my area of expertise is in bird law.

          • tomamitai
    • jaspersdad

      Something something bootstraps

    • TJ Barke

      I’m just shocked…

    • BadKitty904

      The Party of Fiscal Responsibility Fuck You, I Got Mine, fellow taxpayers and voters…

      • Sophia

        Not only have theirs, they want yours too

        • BadKitty904

          And they bought the Republican Party to make sure that happens.

    • wait! what?

      Just tack it on to a bill that lowers the age of sexual consent to 14. Problem solved.

    • Serai 1

      Of course they did. They’re monsters. It’s what monsters do.

  • Raan

    So.

    We went to the store today and accidentally got the wine that the woman in front of us left behind.

    It was shift change, and the new cashier thought they were ours, and we didn’t realize until we got out to the car.

    • hendenburg2

      I take it she paid for it?

      • Raan

        Yeah, just never put it in her cart.

        • hendenburg2

          Well then, the only fair thing to do is drink a toast to this truly great humanitarian.

    • h4rr4r

      Is it any good?

      • Raan

        I don’t know, I haven’t tried it yet. What I can tell you is that it’s a Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand.

        • h4rr4r

          Remember to open it over a bowl.

          • weejee

            No you have to hold the bowl above the bottle because if’s from the other side of the Equator.

          • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

            My first time south of the E, I looked at the Moon from a New Zealand beach at night. It was, literally, upside down.

            I nearly fell up off the sand.

            True story and 20 years later, I can still feel the sensation.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          New Zealand whites are wonderful. Reds, not so much.

        • Then toast the Kiwi cops while your at it.

        • weejee

          They have some good ones.

        • wait! what?

          Hopefully from Hawkes Bay.

          • weejee

            Love Napier.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Likely good then.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Free wine is the best wine.

        • h4rr4r

          Just like pizza.

    • William

      Speaking of wine. I had a Merlot yesterday. The label stated that it smacked of blueberry’s, chocolate and warm toasted oak. Who in the actual f*ck (except maybe a beaver in Sonoma) knows what warm toasted oak tastes like?

      • yyyaz

        Boy Scouts and serious bbq artistes.

      • manndan

        Whiskey drinkers.

  • William

    The wit and wisdom of Mr. Rhythm still rings true. https://youtu.be/SQxW927LlJY

  • JustDon’tSayProbably
    • WilbyToad

      Looks like a legal document to me.

      • hendenburg2

        I just want to know if he did the signature himself.

        • WilbyToad

          The signature is himself.

          • hendenburg2

            No, literally there was a tattoo of his signature as well.

    • hendenburg2

      luckily the hospital was able to a legitimate (and legally binding) DNR for the patient

    • Thiazin Red

      If you’re serious a proper medic alert bracelet would be a better, more legal, way to go. They cite a case where a man got a similar tattoo as a joke, the doctors were right to err on the side of not honoring it initially.

    • Serai 1

      I’ve actually considered getting a DNR, signing it, and then having the whole thing tattooed on my chest. That’s how much I DO NOT WANT to die while being beaten and electrocuted, thanks.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      Oh no! What if your cool Chinese symbol turns out not to say “LUCK,” but “DO NOT RESUSCITATE” instead

      • yyyaz

        Hope that your doctor can’t read Chinese?

      • jesterpunk

        You sure it doesnt say pork fried rice?

      • Raan

        I just assume that Asian characters on white people almost always translate to “white moron”.

    • (((Sedagive)))

      Friend of mine has a “DNR” tattoo on his chest.

      He means it.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      Can I get a “Resuscitate By Snu-Snu Only” one? Kinda the same idea as this guy, only with a potentially positive side effect.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    OH NOES!!!! An all female ticket. That’s totally crazy!!!! We’ve never ever had an all male ticket in the history of our great nation, so we shouldn’t have an all female ticket!

    • Serai 1

      INORITE OMG THE WORLD WILL END!!!!!11!!111!!!!!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      We have a gender balance norm in our state. Both parties adhere to it.

      • weejee

        A few years back we had the Gov and both US Senators who were of the female persuasion.

  • Joe Beese

    In 2001, John McCain stood on the Senate floor and denounced the very concept of supply-side tax cuts.

    “I cannot in good conscience support a tax cut in which so many of the benefits go to the most fortunate among us, at the expense of middle-class Americans who most need tax relief,” the Arizona senator said, explaining his decision to vote against George W. Bush’s signature tax package. Two years later, McCain voted against renewing those tax cuts because they were still “too tilted to the wealthy” — and, also, because it he felt it fiscally irresponsible to cut taxes when no one knew how long or costly the war on terror would prove to be.

    Sixteen years later, economic inequality in America is dramatically more severe than it was when McCain said those words; the United States military is still fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq; and the Republican Party is pushing legislation that raises taxes on many middle-class families — and increases the deficit by at least $1.5 trillion — in order to finance a gigantic tax cut for corporate shareholders, millionaire business owners, and the heirs of multimillion-dollar estates.

    And McCain will vote for the Trump tax cuts, anyway.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/11/john-mccain-caps-career-by-declaring-himself-a-fraud.html

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Well, when you’re married to a beer heiress, you have to take these things into perspective.

      • yyyaz

        I wonder how many houses they have now that Walnutz can’t remember.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Part of the reason I am/ was a Republican is I like the idea of federalism and states as laboratories of democracy.

      Kansas did this tax plan. It added no growth and nuked the state’s budget on social services. If we’re going to try different things at the state level, it would be nice to learn from the results

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Learning from past experience is not a notable trait of the modern GOP.

      • (((Sedagive)))

        I think “nuking social services” is part of the point, no?

        • tomamitai

          Of course it is, they cut taxes and then use the budget shortfall as an excuse to cut services.

          • (((Sedagive)))

            Of course us liberal lefties find this to be self-evident, but Mr. DiCiaula is a Republican, and he seems like a nice enough fella, so I just thought I’d get his perspective on the issue.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            There used to be an honest debate that the social safety network was too generous and discouraged work. There was at least room for honest conversation (thinking Clintonian 3rd way, etc). I used to believe that.

            Now, we just have magical thinking on tax plans that will give money to the rich to somehow benefit the poor. I don’t know how to balance the Rs desire to cynically cut social programs vs that magical belief on tax cuts. But, it’s not an honest debate and leaves us in the same place.

          • (((Sedagive)))

            Thank you for the answer.

            As I’ve mentioned here before: my FIL was a big-time Republican economist (worked in DC, wrote books with Milton Friedman – total Free Marketeer), and he left the party in 2000 because W was a bridge too far.

            There is no “conservative” economic argument. Alan Greenspan publicly destroyed any lingering credibility that the GOP had on the subject years ago.

            I have a hard time understanding how someone whose party causes so much real, lasting, demonstrable damage can continue to support and defend these practices.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            I’ve said it before too, but I’m white, male, midwestern, big 10 school, frat president, army infantry and a former prosecutor and lawyer. I’m almost a caricature of a republican.

            I’m probably dead to the party after voting for Sec Clinton. But, old habits die hard. The current administration…yea

          • (((Sedagive)))

            We’ve never spoken before (and I’m often unable to deep dive here), so I was unaware that you voted outside the tribe.

            Nice to meet you.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            Nice to meet you too!

            In my defense, I have a minor in feminist studies and TA’d a class trying to teach/ prevent sexual violence issues with fraternity men.

            My party left me. Now I’m in the wilderness

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      John McCain isn’t the kind of guy who bails out.

      • weejee

        He had to on multiple occasions, but that speaks to his skills as a pilot.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          That’s only because his plane out-mavericked him.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • weejee

      So many GOP pants on fire.

    • yyyaz

      Days end in “y”, Repugnants lie.

    • TJ Barke

      Again; shocked.

    • mackafritz

      “The JCT is wrong. I pulled the correct numbers out of my ass.” – Some dumbass republican.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Which of course will ignore the fact that the JCT is stacked with a Republican majority.

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        I believed in the Bush II tax cuts as guaranteed economic success forever

        Then, I came out of school in the throes of the great recession. Felt very lucky to get a job. Kinda killed me for ‘just cutting taxes makes more jobs’

    • BadKitty904

      One of many, MANY Republican lies…

  • Paperless Tiger

    Ban the Man.

  • hendenburg2

    Hey all, especially an CA49’ers out there…

    A few weeks back I had posted about my HS classmate who entered the Democratic primary for the 49th District and how I had some misgivings about the whole thing.

    Anyway…. a quick update: I got to talk to her last week at our HS Reunion, and I’m definitely having a change of heart. She’s worked for UNICEF and the State Department (back when that meant something) getting sent to crisis zones around the world. She was also a foreign policy adviser to the Clinton campaign. And she’s not even 30.

    Also, Applegate is apparently a walking, breathing BernieBro stereotype.

  • Anna Rompage

    “Meet Cindy, a single mom making $30k/yr who hopes one day to get beyond living paycheck to paycheck someday. With a $700 year increase in her tax refund every year, Cindy can start saving for the future.” Paul Ryan

    Cool, Cindy gets an extra $700 a year.

    Except, Cindy will have to pay $350 per month toward student loans, and will no longer be able to deduct interest.

    Oh, she’ll also have to pay $830 per month for healthcare for her and her two kids – that is, until her premium goes up because you’re trying to do away with the individual mandate. And then when she can’t afford health insurance anymore, she’ll no longer be able to deduct any out-of-pocket medical expenses.

    Oh, and if Cindy gets a better job and needs to relocate, she’ll no longer be able to deduct moving expenses.

    Oh, and if that new, better job wants to pay Cindy’s tuition to go back to school to earn a higher degree, that tuition will now be taxed as income.

    Oh, and if Cindy is working at a college or university so that when her kids are old enough, they’d be able to attend tuition-free, their tuition will also now be taxed as income.

    Oh, and if god forbid there’s a fire or flood and Cindy and her family experience any damage to their home, they can no longer deduct those losses.

    So really, Paul, Cindy’s going to need that $700 just to begin to cover all the new bullshit you’re putting her family through, while you’re off giving actual substantial tax breaks to private jet
    owners.

    Paul, from Cindy, and from so many of us, take that $700 and shove it up your spineless, intellectually dishonest libertarian ass.

    • hendenburg2

      Of course they’re making sure Cindy isn’t really keeping $700, because they know exactly where it would go if she had it.

      (Up their spineless, intellectually dishonest libertarian asses)

    • mardam422

      Why does Cindy hate America?

      • Anna Rompage

        Because she’s a feminist, and isn’t home tending the children, and serving her husband?

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      I really don’t get this tax bill. I ran some numbers, and I think our family slots into that upper middle class spot where taxes will go up.

      It’s not that I’m thrilled to pay more, but we’re fine. Home, cars, health insurance. We can take a weekend trip if we like. Spouse bought me a nice sweater, I bring home flowers.

      If I made 3 times as much money, I don’t know how our lives would change. I can’t imagine spending a second on thinking about taxes either way. We’re fine. Anyone making more then us certainly is.

    • Bad Scooter

      yay, you’re back!

    • puredog

      Or, Cindy could just buy a gun and a bunch of votes and come looking for you, Paul.

    • Lefty Wright

      You are assuming she will actually get back $700. Very doubtful since they still don’t have a final bill, and within an hour of getting the final bill, they will vote to pass it. In the mean time, they will point out all the possible benefits while ignoring anything negative since “it’s not a final bill yet. We might change it.” The only thing likely to change will be the $700 the fictional single mom gets back. It will end up zero.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    So, my grandbaby, who is 15 months old, came to visit me this week, and his daddy had to get the big ladder out to help me because I was down to one bulb each in the two fixtures on my 20-foot ceilings. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b73487067a4efe0bc4a4e5c025411ac9a48cef5b680de944c8e7ae00d05de54d.jpg

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Adorbs!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Thanks! We put my three dachshunds outside when they first came, so they wouldn’t knock him over jumping on him; when I let the first one in babby took one look at the dog and yelled, “COW!”

        • marxalot

          …Okay, got some vocabulary issues to work out. Though to be fair, “Dog or Not Dog” is pretty challenging when you first start playing.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Especially when all the adults around you think it’s adorable and immediately start making jokes about “house cows” and showing each other dog calendars in the bookstore the next day and saying “COWS!”

          • marxalot

            Ha! Be careful with that stuff, I was 7 before I discovered that no one else called camels “xerdlus.”
            Friggin’ parents.

          • Persistent Demme

            So true!
            We let my oldest say “prentzel” instead of pretzel for years.
            We also let her say: “appliance” for applause, and “suitcase” when she meant bathing suit.
            Parents are the WORST!!

          • puredog
          • Persistent Demme

            Love this!

    • Doug Langley

      Awwwwwwwww!!!

    • BadKitty904

      What a cutie!

    • Sophia

      Learning to be helpful.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      While in the store yesterday, I saw a little boy throw a temper tantrum because his dad wouldn’t let him help by carrying the bag of apples (which was almost as big as the boy).
      Grown man throwing a tantrum because he can’t get his way = bad
      Child throwing a tantrum because he wants to help = good

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    While LIddle’ Babby Donnie brags about the stock market going at an all-time high, unemployment lowest in twenty years and the tremendous GDP, he and the Republicans say we need a tax cut to get the economy going again. How does that work in actual reality?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Okay, so who ordered the Holy War for Christmas? Anyone?

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/936374315225964546

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      ISIS?

    • Roadstergal

      Mighty fine peacin’ you’re doing there, Jared.

      • BadKitty904

        All I want for Christmas is more war in the Middle East…

    • Doug Langley

      What a great way to apologize for spilling secrets to the Russians.

    • Anna Rompage

      Great, in that case, maybe the UN should start recognizing Washington DC as the capital of Dumbfukistan…

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Which makes us all Dumbfuckistanis?

        If the dumbfuck fits, Americans will wear it.

        • Bad Scooter

          Let’s just send Donald to Gitmo and tell him it’s Fuckfascistan, the yoogest fucking new country, and we elected him to be Supreme Dumbfuck of it forever and ever … or until he names a Fuckfaced Heir to the Clownthrone.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      And Jesus and Moses both weep.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Because it’s not enough to have the annual fight between the monks who clean the Church of the Nativity.

    • Resistor Radio

      Is hastening the rapture Trump’s preferred get-out-of-Mueller card?

    • Bad Scooter

      holy schneikies.

      • Resistor Radio

        Aw, I haven’t heard that word in awhile, it’s a good one!

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      What a schmuck!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I feel like this bit of GOP fuckery wasn’t highlighted enough
    https://twitter.com/SenMarkey/status/936286887999918081?s=17

  • Resistor Radio

    Okay, of all the sad trolling over there, I’m pretty sure this is my favorite sentence:
    “What a Tard you are Even.”
    (I sing it to “what a friend we have in Jesus” and it makes me smile)

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I’m Odd, thank you very much.

  • BadKitty904
    • Suse

      I went to HS with a guy named Jim Tandy. He did not enjoy it when we sang this song using his name. Nevertheless, it’s a good one.

      • BadKitty904

        Ha!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        How did he like being an el-cheapo Radio Shack computer?

        • h4rr4r

          Trash 80 Represent!

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I dated a guy with the last name DeLuca who had been about 12 when “My Name is Luka” was in heavy radio rotation.
        He was not a fan.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/aramroston/trump-administration-mulls-private-rendition?bftwnews&utm_term=.tsjJG8L5b#.sfx3kRnvx if this is accurate, this isnt good. This means PMCs like Blackwater or whatever the fuck its called now could detain supposed terrorists in secret prisons unaccountable to anyone. I read in a book that accused Blackwater of helping transporting terror suspects to CIA blacksites. Very scary stuff

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Wait until there are South African mercenaries and former KGB operatives running around Florida rounding up all the unsavory Central American characters we let hang out there.

      • CripesAmighty

        Hell, wait ’til they’re subcontracted to Bumfuck police departments and begin pulling cars with the wrong bumper stickers.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      “now”? I think they’ve been doing it for some time.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Yeah, but theres supposed to be oversight, imagine what will happne if we just let PMC do what they want. Trump and his minions want to privatization and lease out the War on Terror to the private sector. God help us if they succeed.

  • janecita

    Hey Dok, you might want to visit the Sarah Huckabee stories, they are getting infested with trolls.

    • Resistor Radio

      Oh he’s there, dropping rhetoric smarts n shit.

      • janecita

        Good, I just dropped by for two seconds to post my “you are a cunt” gif. I don’t have patience for dumb people.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      On my way!

      • janecita

        Go get them tiger!

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          I’m having great fun, actually. These trolls are true shit fer brains!

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I thought it might be fun to check out the trolls, but no. They’re just so vile, hate-filled, and just so goddamned wrong without even being clever. Don’t want that nastiness in my reality.

      • janecita

        I thought so too.

      • h4rr4r

        But they are paid much kopeks per post.

  • Suse

    So SH Slanders says everything is copacetic between Dotard and Rexxon. Meanwhile, plans are in the works to dump Rexxon, put in Pompeo, and give derp Tom Cotton the CIA gig!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    So, maybe the majority of Americans aren’t asleep after all

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/936280441094639616?s=17

    • Resistor Radio

      Awake, but powerless.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Are we woke yet?

      • h4rr4r

        Not on the first Tuesday following the first Monday in November.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson
        • Resistor Radio

          I was expecting the link to lead to a pitchfork vendor, but this book looks good too.

    • Suse

      I so want to make a non-comment about this fuckwit, but Dok will banish me forever.

      • Resistor Radio

        You might get away with it. He may be distracted by the folks in a butt-hurt over Evan doing misogyny to Sarah Huckabee.

        • OutOfOrbit

          WUT?! Do tell

      • janecita

        Do you want me to do it for you? Maybe is Spanish? I could also do it in French, but curse words sound better in Spanish.

        • puredog

          Gotta find out what langwidges Dok speaks, and make sure he’s never heard of Google Translate. Don’t tell him I said so.

        • marxalot

          I can help out with German, which is an excellent cursing language.

          • janecita

            German is such a fun language!

      • weejee
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Good fucking God, of course this happened:

    https://twitter.com/MrDane1982/status/936257454052167680

  • Gosala

    “There are too many men on the ballot this year. ”

    Said no one ever.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Ahem.

      There are too many men on the ballot this year.

      In Sweden, it’s about 50/50.

  • weejee

    BLUE LIGHT OT: Delaware just had an earthquake!

    / it was 4.1, so ya gotta up yer game there if you want to get into the playoffs

    • Dg Hacket

      Do they allow fracking in Delaware?

  • jesterpunk

    Eww the Sarah Huckabee thread is getting infested with Daily Caller people now. Do you know how hard it is to get that smell out of the carpets?

    • gallbladder

      When it gets that bad, it’s better to just incinerate the place.

      • puredog

        Gotta nuke it from orbit. I mean, if you want to be sure.

        • gallbladder

          I agree.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          No nukes!! Just drop rocks instead….

          • Indeniable Ron

            Yup. That works just as well.
            – dinosaurs

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah really. You will never get the smell out.

    • BadKitty904

      Perhaps a call to Orkin…?

      • jesterpunk

        I dont even think Mike Holmes could fix that.

  • Suse

    The Brits are hating on Drumpf for his crap and do not want him to visit. Even the Tories think Twitter should shut him down. Good!

    • Parakeetist

      Yaaay

    • Reximus

      he MUST continue on tweeting, if he stops his approvals go up

      • Indeniable Ron

        Yes. I want the world to be reminded that he is a madman every day until he is locked up.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “Happy 350th Birthday,” Tom said, swiftly.

    • OutOfOrbit

      That…
      Is…
      Pathetic

    • Arolpin

      “350’s nifty,” Tom told Jonathan, swiftly.

      SIFY
      Swiftified It For You

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I really hate this game of chicken.

      • Paperless Tiger

        More like chicken plucking.

        • Lord Jim

          More like chicken fplucking.

          FIFY

  • WilbyToad

    Recent polls have Moore leading… I know, just breathe into the bag… but I swear if Alabama elects him, I say keep the flag at 50 stars, make Puerto Rico a State, and let Alabama become the kinda protectorate territory it should be.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Free the people of color and diversity and make the rest of it a penal colony.

      • WilbyToad

        Diversity including white libs… it’s appealing, but of course the courts will have a say. I think we’ll need new courts.

    • Anna Rompage

      “Roy Moore-backing Alabama pastor lied to cover son’s alleged molestation of orphans”

      Rev. Bill Atkinson, a pastor who sang for Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore at a recent campaign event, was convicted of obstructing an investigation into whether his son molested children at an orphanage his family owned in Honduras.

      Alabama.com reports that Atkinson in 2012 “was found guilty of obstruction and conspiracy for ordering two of his children to destroy a hard drive of a digital video recorder, which held evidence that incriminated” his son, William James
      “Will” Atkinson IV, of child molestation.

      • Indeniable Ron

        I’m not hearing any expressions of surprise.

    • BadKitty904

      How many of the poll-ees are Russian bots?

      • WilbyToad

        The same as will vote in the election. There’s the problem.

  • Bananas Foster

    She sounds awesome.

    BUT,

    “If the last few weeks has taught us anything, it’s that we need more women in positions of power, not less.”

    It’s FEWER, not LESS. Grrrr. It doesn’t annoy me when people make this mistake in emails, comments or whatever, but someone must have proofed this.

    If you can count it, and you can count women — apparently binders of them — it’s fewer, not less.

    On planet Earth, there’s less water in lakes than in oceans, but fewer water bottles have already been manufactured than will be manufactured in the future.

    You can’t count “water.” You can count “bottles.”

    • wait! what?

      “You can’t count “water.””

      Avogadro libelz!

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Myself can’t agree more….

    • h4rr4r

      This!

      I about have a fit at the grocery store. 15 items or less. Less than what? I have 16 items but they are kinda small. Not fewer than 15 but could be less.

      • SDGeoff3

        Some people went on a rampage a few years ago, and in just about every store in the San Diego area, you’ll see “15 items or fewer”.

      • armed_bears

        Are you the ghost of Kate Turabian?

    • Michael R
    • LadyLaz

      Mmm arguably women as a gender category is like wheat or corn.

      • h4rr4r

        Wheat and Corn refer to a grain, a small seed. Not countable. You buy a pound of grain, your recipe calls for a cup, no one ever counts the kernels.

        • LadyLaz

          Yes that would be my point.

          Feel free to count every woman in the United States. I’ll wait.

          Note I said arguable.

          • h4rr4r

            Cool wait for 2020. We count humans during the census.

            More importantly we would say a hundred women or a thousand or a million, no one would say a gallon of women or a short ton of women.

          • LadyLaz

            We can count grains also.

            Edited to add: just recognize that language is not terribly logical all the time, that is all.

          • h4rr4r

            No, we don’t. No recipe calls for 1000 grains of rice.

            Seriously, just give it up. The more you say it the dumber it sounds.

          • h4rr4r

            This is one very logical instance.

            We could in theory try to count grain. We do not in practice ever do this.

            This is a simple and logical grammatical rule.

          • LadyLaz

            I recommend you listen to Drout on grammar for the linguistic background to English grammar.

            And then add a nice side dish of lexicon valley.

            Once complete, stop being a grammar nazi. It’s an ugly look.

          • h4rr4r

            English is a hodgepodge mess, let me have what little rules there are.

      • Bananas Foster

        You can count women. That is the actual grammatical standard.

    • Lord Jim

      Might as well give up. The mass noun/count noun distinction is disappearing from the English language.

    • SkinlessGenderlessMan
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Great–this might happen before tonight’s phone bank:

    https://twitter.com/SenFeinstein/status/936294091863855105

    • Michael R

      Why don’t they try to slip Obamacare Repeal through again while they’re at it .

      • BadKitty904

        Just wait…

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Repealing the individual mandate is in there. Collins will vote for it because she got a “promise” that the GOP will pass other bills to stabilize the market.
        Now, raise your hand if you think that promise will be upheld.

        • ariel_gee_398

          How catastrophically gullible is she? Let’s tune in to find out.

          • Lord Jim

            I don’t think my stomach can handle it.

    • BadKitty904

      So, DO something, Dianne. Pull the fire alarm, fake an epileptic seizure, release feral dogs in the Senate Chamber, something!!!

      • Raan

        Spike the water supply with heavy-duty sunshine acid.

        • marxalot

          Toilet paper acid in all the Capitol bathrooms.

    • Anna Rompage

      Like republicans care about facts or analysis…

      • gallbladder

        Those are the work of the devil.

    • cmd resistor

      Those pigs.

    • BadKitty904

      Your Tax Dollars Not at Work.

      • Lord Jim

        Perhaps you had some naive notions about who the tax dollars are actually supposed to work for.

        • BadKitty904

          Yes. Yes, I do. And I’ll continue to have them.

  • LadyLaz

    I am in Georgia. What my fourth grader is learning:

    Global warrrrming

    Edited to add: gives me faith.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/38ce355b9ff4ed06cacb3977f86ff05666ac9d32956bbb6dda4167b7495abb0a.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      Huh! I usually tip over the other way

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda
      • Sophia

        I really have to learn to scroll further. I read that whole damn thing above with my head all skewed sideways. Sigh

        • I did the same damn thing. My two dogs and my three cats are all laughing and pointing at me now.

          • Sophia

            Luckily my cat was in the other room

        • proudgrampa

          Six months of chiropractic down the drain!

      • LadyLaz

        Thanks!!!

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      And it’s quite telling that anyone would point this out because telling the goddamn truth is an unusual thing.

      • Lord Jim

        “In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” – George Orwell

        • Indeniable Ron

          Oh, George, if only we had you with us now.

    • proudgrampa

      Reminds me of that great Sci-fi flick “The Day the Earth Turned Sideways!”

      But seriously: Science! Yay!

  • Granny Sprinkles

    If I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say “golly, I don’t know if it’s safe to run an all male ticket”, I’d be hoping someone was willing to buy me lunch.

  • Resistor Radio

    Well, that was fun for a couple minutes. Gonna stay outta the SHS comments unless they get more clever.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I think they are done for now. I have no idea why they are under the impression that they are going to convince us, or do anything other than amuse us FFS.

      • Resistor Radio

        Maybe just practicing their English?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          This.^^^

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Michael R

      They would just use it for food . Sad .

      • Doug Langley

        Yes, once they get addicted to calories, there’s just no stopping them.

      • proudgrampa

        Yeah, and medicine. Whatever that is.

      • georgiaburning

        Nutrition is the gateway to obesity. Don’t people realize how easily we can solve the diabetes and high blood pressure problems in the population with some simple changes?

    • Rick Hill

      Forgot? Who do you think will be paying for it?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • gallbladder

      I loves Auntie Maxine.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        She is a goddess.

    • To be honest Cally, I’m equally worried about the GOP congress deteriorating condition.

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah, just listened to NPR talking to some republican asshat, who helped write the new tax “law”. People with their heads so far up the ass of the rich shouldn’t be allowed to write legislation

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Or allow the rich persons “think tanks” to write it for them.

    • Rick Hill

      We are entering the “Who you gonna believe? Me or your lyin’ ears?” portion of the child’s defense

  • Joe Beese
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Unclear to me if this would hold up a vote on this bill, though
    https://twitter.com/SenWarren/status/936380251885768704?s=17

  • Rick Hill

    Well, I don’t think that having women run the show will inoculate us from awfulness. Mostly we just need to get people out of the way and let the pangalactic, hyper intelligent space aliens run things. It’s time to declare the essperiment a failure and let them have our planet back.

    • WilbyToad

      I’ll have what you’re having. Hiya Rick.

      • Rick Hill

        Hi back. Just, you know, to you. Not me. That kind of hi. Which is,also, not an ill eagle high.

        • WilbyToad

          Like it’s never sored before

          • Arolpin

            I’m going to have to make a citiens arets.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda
          • Rick Hill

            Don’t you go dis’n that eases…

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            Will nobody think about the citiens?

          • proudgrampa

            It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

            And the citiens were having the worst (or best) time of all.

          • Blackest Noobs

            could she kindly shoot herself in the head? with a vocabulary, perhaps.

          • Sophia

            She’d be hell to play Scrabble with, you’d get in an argument over every word she put down on the board. Then again you could probably convince her that QQZZ on a triple score spot was a word

          • proudgrampa

            It’s not?

          • Blackest Noobs

            wasn’t there a report out there that some Scrabble champion got caught stealing….he was double dipping ( putting back pieces he didn’t like)

          • BadKitty904

            I thought these people were pushing English as America’s first language.

          • Sophia

            What’s a CITIEnS and why should they get a free pass?

          • proudgrampa

            Have you ever cleaned up after an ill eagle?

            It’s bad, I tells ya.

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            Wow. Victoria Jackson really needs to start getting some sleep.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Misspelled Disqus?

          • Ms.Moon

            Why can’t these people spell? I would be so embarrassed.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            They don’t know they’ve misspelled it. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9fe35e13a2d8b7a3929cc74e8afa1d097dc82ec7d7edf3b98bfe517fd1591518.jpg It’s Dunning-Kruger: they’re too stupid to know they’re stupid. Look at this one. Someone pointed out their mistake and when they went to correct they STILL misspelled it!

    • Reximus

      if the world was perfect we wouldn’t need politicians telling us what problems they can fix

      • Rick Hill

        That, is what space ark B is for

    • Bananas Foster

      What if women are the pan-galactic hyper intelligent space aliens?

      Hrmmmm?

      • gallbladder

        Would they be 7 feet tall?

        • Bananas Foster

          And thin, with huge eyes…

          Shit, supermodels should rule us?!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Some of them are pretty damn smart. Much biglier brainses than anyone in the current administration.

      • Rick Hill

        Ok, I’m going to have to present evidence to refute that theory. Be thankful this is the ONLY example I will give.*
        http://www.joemygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Fiorecalendar.png

        *Let it be noted that Rick Hill, personally thinks that the women folks are the bestest part of being a human who is not a woman.

        • gallbladder

          Airbrushed face and and airbrushed brain.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Yee gadz

        • BadKitty904

          Why is she dressed as the caricature of a gangster’s moll?

          • SkinlessGenderlessMan

            “And she has those. I like those on a woman!”
            — J. Dangerously

          • BadKitty904

            All three of them should be ashamed of themselves.

      • proudgrampa

        Space is big. It is mind-bogglingly big. It is SO big that there must be room for pan-galactic hyper intelligent space aliens.

  • La forza del resistino

    … Republicans like Sen. Orrin Hatch (UT) are lavishing Trump with praise, calling him “one of the best presidents I’ve ever served under” or standing by and “letting Trump be Trump.”.
    Did Donald hand you a kleenex when you were done Orrin or did you have to swallow?

    • gallbladder

      I think that question answers itself.

    • proudgrampa

      Hatch is getting more senile by the day. He is an amoral, elitist jackass.

    • LadyLaz

      Jesus F.

    • Cat Cafe

      Don’t be silly. Donald isn’t the one in charge. It’s Vlado.

      • Bobathonic

        3rd law of civil engineering: Shit flows downhill.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      On the whole, I much prefer Watergate’s version of “Deep Throat”…

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    BTW the trolls are still at it on the Sarah Huckabee Sanders story if you want to fuck with them.

    (Sorry Dok, I just can’t resist sometimes!)

  • Nounverb911
    • gallbladder

      “Purposeful.” I need a fucking drink.

      • Sophia

        Her purpose is to be a stupid bitch

    • hudson

      this is a lose-lose battle. about the only thing for sure is that the POTUS should not have highlighted it.

      the visuals of the video are not false – those events did and do occur, and have a long history of occuring. it is the who that is exploiting these events and for what reasons that is problematic.

      • Lord Jim

        In a sense, one of them DID NOT OCCUR. The Dutch boy WAS NOT assaulted by a Muslim immigrant – he was assaulted by another Dutch boy.

  • Bananas Foster

    In a serious moment here…

    I work in the mental health field.

    The numbers in terms of opioid deaths right now and what’s predicted is fucking staggering.

    FUCKING STAGGERING.

    LIKE WAR NUMBERS.

    The appointment of Kelly Fucking Anne as Czar is a slap in the face to fucking MILLIONS of Americans who have been touched one way or another by the crisis.

    • h4rr4r

      On the plus side many of the ones you get clean will die in 20-40 years from liver failure caused by HepC. Oh wait no, that is not an upside at all. Sorry easy mistake to make.

    • Michael R
    • BadKitty904

      Thanks, GOP!

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      I sat through a sentencing hearing hearing this week on a Vicodin poss case. Guy is on probation, strict judge. Guy explains how he got addicted after back injury, now on a supplemental drug and in treatment.

      I prosecuted cases with this Judge. A decade ago, this guy gets launched to prison. Now, judge tells him to stay in treatment and report for weekly reports and drug tests.

      If it feels like you’re screaming into the void on opioid addiction, it at least made a difference here

      • Guy explains how he got addicted after back injury…

        Emergency rooms are typically where patients are first exposed to opioids.

      • Bananas Foster

        That’s actually really nice to know.

    • Once again, there’s only three reasons for this “crisis”:

      Profit. More profit. And even more profit.

      Tylenol, Motrin just as effective in treating pain in ER patients as opioids
      http://www.denverpost.com/2017/11/07/tylenol-motrin-effective-treating-pain-er-patients-as-opioids/

      • Bananas Foster

        ER patients don’t create addicts.

        It’s post surgical patients.

        • From the link…

          Emergency rooms are typically where patients are first exposed to opioids.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • gallbladder

      That is, without question, THE most accurate caricature of Drumpf I have ever seen.

  • ariel_gee_398
  • La forza del resistino

    I’ll believe Tillerson is out as Sec State when I see him at the corner holding a sign ‘Will Work for Oil’

    • Rick Hill

      You just know there has to be some smart ass, conservative millennials working their way up the corporate ladder who are just saying “What the hell is wrong with all you old fcking idiots? Oil and coal are not the future. New techs are constantly being developed and you moorons are keeping us from investing in them and leading the way.

      Or not

      • jowgajen

        The word conservative has been hopelessly conflated with dickhead and now has no additional meaning.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Techbros are “socially conservative.” They’re just misogynist, racist gay-bashers who like to smoke weed and want renewable energies. But they still want to be at the top of the race and gender hierarchy.

      • TootsStansbury

        They’re all just trolls.

  • Michael R

    US Drops Trump’s January Visit To Britain
    Has anyone notified the royal greeter ?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f65e0e06f0e16e7992c86ddc795a26a0f43c134a9ef95726a2f2b805161a46ca.jpg

    • So that greeter can celebrate loudly?

    • Rick Hill

      He’ll get back to you in two weeks to let you know when it’s rescheduled for.

    • proudgrampa

      Damn. I was hoping they’d arrest him at Heathrow.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      The Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod has been sent to inform her.

    • Bad Scooter

      Theresa May called to say I was PROBABLY uninvited from visiting Britain to accept their “Most Terrific US President (man) of the year award”, unless I agreed to apologize for insisting Muslim Radical Islamists are going to terrorkill us ALL, and stop sending everyone fake Russian propaganda videos. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      JANEY GODLEY FOR TIME’S PERSON OF THE YEAR!

    • Begin Anew Day

      That woman needs a job! At Wonkette!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Doug Langley

      Yep, Trump is the idol of dozens.

    • gallbladder

      You have to imagine that the event planners must’ve been laughing their fucking asses off. I know I am.

      • h4rr4r

        But the cleaning crew never had a better event!

      • SomeBigRedDog

        I hope they put out extra chairs just to piss him off.

    • BadKitty904

      Say what you will, the man sure knows how to repel a crowd.

      • gallbladder

        Less is more?

        • BadKitty904

          In this case, less is less.

          • Sophia

            Less or fewer?

          • BadKitty904

            Yes.

        • Nounverb911

          Roy?

          • Amy!

            Less Roy. No Moore.

    • TootsStansbury

      Oh fuck, that is just so goddamn sad; this is an institution here in DC. Get those fuckers out of here.

  • Joe Beese
  • Anne Of Green Bagels
    • alpacapunchbowl

      Every time I get het up over what my birthstate Wisconsin has become, I remind myself “At least it’s not Indiana. Yet.”

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        ikr? Indiana is, for all intents and purposes, a Southern state.

  • Nounverb911

    Coulter was even more gross and disgusting than usual today, tweeting things that would get you the official Wonkette banhammer if we were allowed to comment. Look at your own risk…

    • BadKitty904

      I.e., “LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE…”

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I only go there to report her spewage as hate speech to Twitter. They have done nothing about it, though.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Expired Conservative sex kitten turned harpy says what?

    • Begin Anew Day

      She really embodies that Christmas Spirit.

      The one that haunted E. Scrooge, the one with the chains and the moaning/groaning/screaming schtick.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    What? What was that strange ad for “I Think Trump” just now on MSNBC?

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Was it a fill in the blank game?

      As in:

      I think Trump is psychotic?
      I think Trump is a danger to the universe?
      I think Trump will be impeached soon?

      • Lord Jim

        I think Trump doesn’t.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Reading the Vanity Fair article about Matt Lauer, one thing stood out. Poor schnook was lonely because his wife moved to the Hamptons with the kids. Because tabloids like the Enquirer knew he was a perv and followed him around, he couldn’t just hit the town and pick up women in public…which in their telling, left him only one choice: lure interns into his office, hit the rape lock on his desk, and pull out his pecker. No other options. The idea that he might, I dunno, like, be faithful to his wife never seems to have occurred to him or anyone else. At the risk of sounding like a prude, WTF kind of world do these people inhabit? Lonely, need companionship? Dude, get a fucking dog like the rest of us.

    • Duke

      Ummm… About the dog…

    • SomeBigRedDog

      DOGS ARE NOT FOR FUCKING!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m editing that out.

        • SomeBigRedDog

          Poor choice of words. POOR CHOICE OF WORDS!

      • Begin Anew Day

        Metaphorically speaking the crew at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave have been screwing the pooch 24/7 for close to a year now.

        Just saying.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Cat snickers behind her paw.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Or a counselor. I wouldn’t even subject the dog to the kind of environment that Lauer created. Can you say Sarah McLachlan commercial? I knew you could…

    • Arolpin

      He made $20million a year or something, I’m sure he could have taken the helicopter to the Hamptons a couple days a week to see the family. (Seriously, they have helicopter charters to the Hamptons.)

  • Nounverb911

    Only if you give it to your victims….
    https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/936380669516709890

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      Ahh – he’s trying to pay off that Estate in the hamptons he bought for more than that – so he can try to sell it off before his credit runs out.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Jesus, the nerve

    • Joe Beese

      In fairness, his future earnings potential is limited.

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        Good. Fuck him.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        How so? Fox Nooz is still in business.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What, he thinks he’s Bill O’Reilly or something and should get a reward for being a perv?

    • hudson

      have at least some shame/remorse man. at least after being outed.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      “That was top quality harassment I delivered! Did you think you would get that for free?”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I don’t even want to know what else he might have given to his victims.

    • Lord Jim

      You made me click a Fox News link. I’M the one entitled to compensation here.

    • Bitter Scribe

      You know, I try not to be envious of other people’s success. It’s a free country, you’re worth as much as you can persuade someone to pay you, etc.

      But it pisses me off that this jerkoff is demanding an eight-figure settlement after getting fired for flashing his fellow employees, giving them sex toys as “presents,” etc. I never watched him (except for that ridiculous performance as a debate moderator) and don’t know how good he is, but nobody is worth that.

  • Shan

    I follow Jim Beaver on the FaceBorg because I think he’s interesting and thoughtful as a person and a parent and I like his work as an actor. He posted this about Garrison Keillor and it got a lot of discussion going but I didn’t want to post my responses in the FB comments because they’re usually full of garbage people (except his aren’t normally). So I wondered what folks here think.

    https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10159914343285495&id=254377915494

    Me, I dislike the idea he floated that #metoo constitutes the front of some sort of gender war (if I didn’t misunderstand) and that innocent men who are falsely accused are just “collateral damage” in tne favor of women winning it.

    Because what we’re talking about in this instance is one old privileged white man (Keillor) who has had a long and successful career and won’t really lose anything. I loved the show back in the day but I don’t really feel sorry for him now. Even if MPR acted precipitously “before all the facts are in”, Keillor is going to retire with more money and lifetime admirers than I ever imagined I would, before I was sexually harassed and stalked at work by someone who was supposed to be my mentor and who got to continue their career long after I curtailed mine in order to escape his grossness

    Who I DO feel sorry for are the thousands upon thousands of people, mostly women like me. People whose stories of having their careers and lives and families and reputations ruined or stunted before they even had the chance to flourish because they were raped or harassed or simply accused of being a whore (without any evidence) or otherwise coerced out of pursuing their chosen career or field of study.

    We will NEVER hear all those stories and yet this ONE MAN is being held up as an example of WHAT? Why the whole #meetoo movement is or might or should be vulnerable. Because one potentially false allegation charge from an “important and beloved” man is more important than thousands upon thousands of women over DECADES.

    no

    • h4rr4r

      So he thinks no men have been sexually assaulted? If it’s a gender war and all.

      • Shan

        Wot?

        • h4rr4r

          If he is pushing the gender war idiocy how would he explain the men who have come forward with being assaulted?

          • Shan

            No, he’s not pushing that. He has spoken up about his own abuse and assaults by other men. I broke it down too simplistically.

    • Amy!

      Beautifully expressed.

    • clubseal

      Gender war? For myself, the issue has more to do with due process, and the fact that it probably will take down innocent people because we’re talking mostly about the court of public opinion instead of a court of law. I don’t really have the answer though; giving alleged victims the benefit of the doubt is my default position.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I do have one concern. And I say this as a survivor of childhood abuse. I know that I’m talking about apples and oranges here also.
        I’m just thinking about the recovered memories, ritual abuse, day care panics where innocent people went to jail for very long times because educated, intelligent people who should have known better believed fantastical stories.
        Women aren’t children. Their experiences are valid. But I get concerned when I hear people leaning towards “It’s better that an innocent man get his career, and reputation destroyed in the court of public opinion because women should be given the benefit of the doubt”
        There’s bound to be a backlash. Maybe it will be, a la Mike Pence, another excuse to exclude women because “they might cry harassment”.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Everything I’ve seen indicates that these firings are well vetted. I haven’t yet seen one where the guy was innocent.

      I still think Franken, with the evidence to date, is in a different category — that of having been a jerk and not a serial, horrible abuser and should hang in there.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I’d also like to take a moment to acknowledge all of the women, which are a majority of the gender, who have at one time or another, or multiple times, been harassed or assaulted or raped by a not famous person, so you won’t be hearing from us. We’re just quietly getting on with our business.

      • Shan

        We, who?

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Sorry, Shan, what am I missing? If I said something stupid, sorry.

          • Shan

            No, it’s ok. I’m…a bit stressed.

    • Lord Jim

      Yeah. After countless years of victims being disbelieved, maligned, and punished, now someone’s worried about “justice”? I.e. a MAN being falsely accused? Scowlyface.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Thank you for your story, Shan. We’re totally in your corner. #MeToo is a battle cry for a “gender war” like #BlackLivesMatter is a battle cry for a “race war.” (None of them are, Katie.)

      • Shan

        Yeah, not a war, just…awareness for the purpose of progress.

    • Bitter Scribe

      “I meant to pat her back after she told me about her unhappiness and her shirt was open and my hand went up it about six inches.”

      Gee, Garrison, sounds like quite the motor-control problem you have there. Might want to think about seeing a doctor. Or else hitting yourself in the nuts with a crowbar until your hands get a little less slidey.

      • Shan

        That’s not what I meant.

  • Joe Beese

    Hit ’em where it hurts, ‘Trix!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DP64uQaUQAAcMKB.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      I just donated this morning, might have to send some more money this week.

    • RobKanC

      The Russian trolls should spell better.

    • proudgrampa

      You go, girl! (Rebecca. Not the other one.)

    • h4rr4r

      We need to do pledges. Like an extra $1 for each of those or something.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Everybody rushed over to that thread for some entertainment but I think Doc or Evan threw them all out of the pool.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The party of “Trump That B****” is accusing anyone else of being disrespectful towards women?

    • Left Coast Tom

      Who’s Darah Sanders?

      • Amy!

        Press Secretary of the White House in the Upside Down?

    • Sophia

      You go Trix! I don’t remember reading an article today about Darah Huckabee Sanders.

    • Crank Tango

      Somebody had to stick up for poor Darah.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Reader supported – fuck yeah.

    • Arolpin

      The only thing missing was
      P.S. You suck, fuck off!

  • Nounverb911
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Looks like lollapalooza sound check.

    • Crank Tango

      Soros paid people not to go I bet.

    • Begin Anew Day

      Victory in the War On Christmas!

      Throw in the towel you loser chritianistas and the compassionate Uber-Being, Cthulhu, will make your annihilation a quick one.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got a deserately needed feel-good story, NYT?

    Afghan Girls’ Robotics Team Overcomes Setbacks to Win Contest in Europe

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b8dbd6ce98ec02d43d8c902e886367b47058cf11afc0ac50655bdd2126a3aa1e.jpg

    • gallbladder

      Molotov!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Now, perhaps to be designing de-derping drones to fly over DC?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I hope they hurry up and seek asylum in Canada.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    If you want to feel good for a few minutes.

    https://twitter.com/ScarlettJimmy/status/936245565955899393

    • gallbladder

      It makes me feel good, a lot.

    • Bitter Scribe

      My favorite so far:

      “Because he’s a Super Callous Fragile Racist Sexist Nazi POTUS”

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump
    • Crank Tango

      Ha, I almost believed it, then I saw it was the Onion.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Q: Which one is See/Hear/See No Evil?

      A: NOT,K. They’re all called “Do Only Evil.”

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    What the hell is going on in Whitefish?

    The Trump administration wants to hand over spying duties to a private company in Whitefish, MT.Whitefish is also home to a power company with two employees that got a $300 million Trump admin contract in Puerto Rico.Whitefish has 6,500 residents.https://t.co/coQwY9HGBM— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) November 30, 2017

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      They’re moving the central computer to Crazy Horse. It’s like Logan’s Run, except only those with an IQ under 30 are allowed to participate.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        “Watch Fox and be Renewed!”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Richard Spencer’s parents-and a lot of other white supremacists-live there. It’s like home court for Trump.

      • TootsStansbury

        Gross. WHITEfish. Duh.

    • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

      What could possibly go wrong?

      • hudson

        exactly.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      If I remember correctly, handing out CIA responsibilities to private contractors didn’t turn out so well last time.

      • hudson

        what could go wrong?

    • hudson

      what’s going in whitefish? fishy whites is what is going on in white fish.

    • Ling Ling

      Wait until Tom Cotton is DCIA

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

    We are so fucked.

    Trump privately saying government shutdown might benefit him: report

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/362694-trump-privately-saying-government-shutdown-might-benefit-him-report

    • Amy!

      *shrug*

      He’s wrong, but today is a day ending in “day” so no surprise.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He might be right. He shouldn’t be, but he might be. He is going to try to frame this whole thing. Democrats will have to make sure that it’s not just about dreamers, but children’s health care, taxes, and infrastructure.

  • Nounverb911
  • La forza del resistino

    “Sexual harassment is not a laughing matter,” said Sarah Anderson, communications director for the Michigan GOP.
    Best ad to work ‘penis’ into the conversation, but Wonkette is still my goto for dick jokes.

  • mrFawkes

    This is a test of your internal parody meter…https://youtu.be/i9qv8RSreIM

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      If you play the Donnie Ruxpin tape backwards, he still sounds like a fucking moron.

    • it certainly is.

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    My step-son wants to be an admiral in the navy and drive an aircraft carrier. But, I think there’s potential as a Frank Lloyd Wright architect :)

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

    HAHAHAHAHA

    Rasmussen poll: Americans give Fox News the Fake News Trophy

    http://thehill.com/homenews/news/362569-rasmussen-poll-americans-give-fox-news-the-fake-news-trophy

    • hudson

      the best of polls this is no?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      But Trump specifically said they weren’t allowed to compete for it.

      • Bad Scooter

        over/under on how long it takes him to tweet:
        “Rasmussen did not follow my instructions. Not smart. I gave @FoxFriends all the proof about how their polls are rigged. SAD!”

      • ariel_gee_398

        There was no competition.

  • Nounverb911

    There once was a White House from Nantucket,
    Full of cockroaches that said fuckit…

    https://twitter.com/Limerick_News/status/936382216862658560
    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/936374043867000832

    • Crank Tango

      And this is the part in the movie where they discover all the Russian listening devices, in like a rat king nest or something.

      • Nounverb911
      • Bad Scooter

        … and then, the murders begin (with indictments)

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        We will make device 25 MHz above OIRT FM band. That way, will never find. Ha-ha-ha.

    • jowgajen

      Well.Yeah. Besides the obvious, old buildings in major cities do tend to have this issue.

      • Bad Scooter

        unless you hire a company to perform monthly inspections and keep up pest control measures. Donald probably canceled the contract because he thought it was the Deep State plotting against him and hasn’t nominated a replacement because he can’t find anyone that would pledge loyalty and tell him he’s not vermin.

  • JustDon’tSayProbably

    Couple idiots on the Joe and Mika thread.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Is one named Ben?

      • JustDon’tSayProbably

        I think that’s the one I gave my favorite greeting to.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          I thought I bored him with science and he’d give up.

          • JustDon’tSayProbably

            Actually, I got the names wrong. One’s miguel something, the other goes by Stand_Down.
            All they do is throw epithets around. Boring.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Troll quality control is lacking.

          • JustDon’tSayProbably

            Right? The ‘bots had better lines

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      On my way!

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Very, very bigly OT: I am bored; also too, I have no life. My father ate all but one of the Pepperidge Farm anthropomorphic gingerbread cookies of the male presentation, leaving a 99:1 gender imbalance not counting the little gingerbread kids. I haz a sad, because I wanted to make different variations of families with the cookies. But then I haz a idea. (NB: Yes, this is how my thought process works.)

    The pop singers Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato are known for being friends (formerly rivals in one way or another, but friends now), and mental health advocates — and, also too, are purportedly what’s known as “maple chasers” (someone who intentionally seeks out mates from Canada for reasons; both have been linked to Drake, rapper The Week’nd and, yes, Le Beeb at one or more moments in time).

    So, I needed a “ship” that isn’t sinking to get me out of this funk over the Trumptanic, general holiday malaise, and my own woes over how America views mental health pejoratively (but will cast votes for a kiddy diddler). I made up this. It’s not real (they’re not “together”; just friends), but it’s cute, and, it gave me a happy. The cutest little maple-ginger anchor babbies that Pepperidge Farm at Sussex Drive has ever known.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5296f03cca1561c923bffed2e234903e51d2d9d67ef6b6a75d4b99a9848c0961.jpg

    Obviously Justin is not Bieber. Yes, Virginia, the little boy babby’s name is Barry Michel. And as far as I’m concerned, it’s still a better made-up love story than Twilight.

    (We now return you to your regularly scheduled open thread of existential despair.)

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Thank FSM… a like mind!! On long car trips, my sister and I used to make up elaborate stories about the characters in our “Guess Who?” sets. Mom and Dad used to turn down the radio to listen in. Problem children that we were, we provoked more than a few suppressed guffaws…

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        GMTA. Shipping with a Smile, before it was called that (and before Amazon levied the copyright on it). Still a better activity for kids than the iPad pacifier and prefab storylines canned like they were clams. And probably tons of better character backstories than Twilight.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Can definitely hear a lively conversation about Chuck Grassley’s bedtime on the Senate floor during votes— Seung Min Kim (@seungminkim) December 1, 2017

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      Hmm. Somebody’s not in the DC time zone.
      What’s that Dec. 1 thing about?

  • Joe Beese
    • FDRliberal

      The majority of America hates the illegitimate Trump. “Happy Holidays” to the Orange Scumbag and his cult followers.

      https://twitter.com/SteveRudinABC7/status/936369495853228032

      • Bananas Foster

        Jesus, we’re going to be hearing about the fucking crowd size at the goddamn tree lighting for the next year.

        It was YUGE! The biggest ever!

      • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

        Does this mean we’re winning the war on Christmas?

        • Ryan Denniston

          It’s like Afghanistan. We’ll never win. All we can do is maintain the stalemate.

        • Begin Anew Day

          We won it long ago. When the christians began substituting their icons into pagan traditions. They simply couldn’t beat TRADITION so they re wrote history.

          But the worshippers of the Elder Traditions have never left the field.

          • Indeniable Ron

            Iä! Cthulhu ftagn!

          • Begin Anew Day

            Ftagn!

      • JustDon’tSayProbably

        Don’t they mean “Gaslighting Ceremony”?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Those chairs were so excited they had to show up to hear Donnie Two Scoops.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        I checked out the acts for the show. Two are washed up. Two I never heard of. Sad!

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        That will come out of somebody’s hide

        • Indeniable Ron

          I can’t wait!

      • The Not So Handsome Stranger.

        Perhaps everyone was visiting Melania’s creepy lair inside the White House. Of course, we’ll never know since anyone who enters is never seen again.

    • OutOfOrbit

      That gig will leave a mark in his thin skin

    • hudson

      boohoo.

      doode, we have been celebrating christmas with no problems for atleast a couple of millenia+a couple of decades. fuck off.

    • TootsStansbury

      It’s really goddamn sad. It’s a nice night here and this was always a big deal locally. What a travesty Tr*mp is. In every area he can trash, he’s trashed it. Fuck you, GOP.

    • Left Coast Tom

      He’s 25 days early. Fail.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Does hoping he sits on a tree topper and gets it stuck up his ass comply with the rules?

      • Left Coast Tom

        I think it’s OK as long as the tree topper contains votes.

    • Ling Ling

      Someone forgot to empty out the BEQ at Ft. Meyer and Andrews.

    • Begin Anew Day

      Why would christian Americans honor the SACRED RITES OF TREE WORSHIPPING PAGANS?

  • Nounverb911
    • hudson

      surprise vote #3. #3 subsumes #4.

    • gallbladder

      Yes.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Vote early. Vote often.

  • Unfortunately Ms Nessel won’t win the religious vote because she forgot to ask: “Who would Jesus rape?”

    https://twitter.com/laurenduca/status/936359745111445506

    YES! SERIOUSLY!!! 😲

    • UncleTravelingMatt
      • Begin Anew Day

        Mall Jesus for the win!

    • Begin Anew Day

      Jesus was an actual blasphemer and rabble rouser. He proclaimed himself a King in Imperial Rome’s Judean province.

      Pontius Pilate, he of the clean hands, did not have any problem crucifying such a seditionist.

  • tehbaddr
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    John “I only act like an actual human being because it feels better when I stick the knife between your ribs later” McCain is voting for the tax bill. Just in case anyone thinks brain cancer gives you compassion.

    • Joe Beese

      There is no bag of rat dicks big enough or salty enough.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      HIs wife is a beer heiress and is set to get a big tax cut.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        And a pill freak with Cactus Mafia family connections.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump
  • jesus christ did anyone hear grassley on NPR?!?! ‘why should thrifty rich people be penalized by the estate tax when the poors just squandered and spent’.

    and he was pissed about it.

    obscene.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Stupid poor people. They ruin everything.

    • Bananas Foster

      Mathematically, I believe it’s actually impossible for a poor to “squander.”

      • JoeChristmas

        I just saw someone squander their SNAP card on lobster and cigarettes.. Damn takers.

    • Amy!

      The thrifty rich person is too dead to be penalized. It’s the thrifty rich fuck’s worthless offspring that are (not penalized but) not rewarded for being born to a thrifty rich person (who prolly isn’t thrifty anyway, ’cause most rich people inherited their fucking money).

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Especially the ones whose estates would actually end up subject to the tax. That high bar is the one bit that always ends up missing from mass-media discussion…

      • right?

    • wait! what?

      Grassley and Todd Chrisley are probably the same person.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yes, the poor should be willing to eat table scraps instead of generic ramen.

  • wait! what?

    Who would of thought that Roy’s words could have been used against him?

    https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=122330031882219&id=100023156680710

  • Lance Thrustwell

    She was over-coached to put head and body motion into her delivery. She’s rattling around like a jointed dashboard ornament while she talks.

    Otherwise, good ad. {closes bathrobe}.

  • Joe Beese
    • Left Coast Tom

      Huh? I’m pretty sure the Bible says Joseph was not the father.

      • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

        That’s in Two Corinthians, isn’t it?

        • ManchuCandidate

          Book of Maury 3:16

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Roy Moore wants rewrite.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          If ‘ol Roy had been around 2000 years ago, ain’t no WAY Mary woulda been a virgin…

    • Nounverb911
      • gallbladder

        Christmas libelz!!111!!!!

      • hudson

        what a duplicitous waste of a human.

      • Ryan Denniston

        What holiday are to commemorating moron?

      • Michael R

        Why can’t he say “radical Islamic terrorism ” ?

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Not even a murder video attached. For shame!

    • Michael R
    • Bananas Foster

      Know, we actually don’t…

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I thought The Christmas Story began with Ralphie wanting to join the NRA.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      “whatever our beliefs”…. he says, and then uses the title “Christ” as though it were Jesus of Nazareth’s last name.

      What. a. maroon.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Jesus H. Christ, to be specific. The “H” stands for Hussein (or Horton, or Hip, or Haida, or AOT,K). Kenyan Muslim socialist feminist maple cuck born in Havana, Syria to Barbara Streisand Kim Cattrall Margot Kidder a Sinclair who doesn’t own RWNJ news outlets but was actually a liberal hippie, and whose father was either John F. Kennedy or Fidel Q. Castro or Mick W. Jagger or James Earl Jones or Gary Calvin-Hobbes Trudeau or John Hinckley Jingleheimer-Schmidt or something like that.

        At least according to the gospel of Alex Jones.

      • Indeniable Ron

        Even better, tell them his name was actually ‘Yeshua ben Yosef’ and they will freak.

    • Nounverb911
    • UnsaltedSinner

      “Whatever our beliefs”? What if we don’t believe in that story at all?

      • Indeniable Ron

        You do. You just refuse to admit it.
        (Sorry, channelled Ray Comfort for a sec.)

    • hudson

      bullshit. is what it is.

      but that aside. some doode ate an apple and this god guy, a self proclaimed creator of all, demanded a sacrifice. what nonsense is this?

    • Nounverb911
    • Me The People

      So, Joseph was the father? lol

    • Ryan Denniston

      So his birth is all that matters about his life?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Today’s conservatives like the baby Jesus. They got no use for adult Jesus and all his hippie communist teachings.

      • sarafina

        Pretty much.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The Christmas Story ends with them leaving their home and traveling to another country as refugees.

    • therblig

      so who was the guy born 2017 years ago?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Domini, i think.

      • Indeniable Ron

        Didn’t Jesus have a little brother?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Sacha.

    • Chyron HR

      Once in Royal David’s City stood a lowly cattle shed,
      Where a mother laid her baby.
      You’d do well to remember the things He later said.
      – Jethro Tull

    • Suse

      Wait, weren’t they brown refugees? Also, Jews?

    • TootsStansbury

      Tr*mp will not allow himself to be upstaged by Jesus.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      #headdesk

  • I would make a lousy Senator. Watching the C-Span feed on the tax plan to rob the working class I’m confounded by the civil arguments being presented by the Dems. after the 55-45 vote in favor of NOT sending the bill back to committee.

    I admit that I wouldn’t put a lid on my outrage when given the opportunity to speak.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      55? Which fucking Dems voted with this piece of shit?

  • FDRliberal

    It would have been far better if Theresa May had banned this repellent scumbag from entering the UK. Instead, like Flake, Corker and other cowards in the US, her complaints about Trump ring hollow as she takes no action.

    https://twitter.com/Telegraph/status/936354719651549185

    • Ryan Denniston

      I hope they erect that offshore windfarm outside your golf course in Ireland.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Flake and Corker are displaying their principled moral abhorrence of Trump by voting to make him and his evil spawn even richer. They’re like white versions of Martin Luther King.

    • hudson

      woah if true. well done UK.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!
      We still have US diplomats?

      • sarafina

        About 6, I read. Total.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Geez you share a few little bits of Nazi propaganda and everyone gets all snippy.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Trigger busted

  • Shibusa
    • Blackest Noobs

      Cat is like wait those are not penises?

    • FDRliberal

      Well at least fierce Trump critics like John McCain are standing up to the Orange Scumbag as he tries to take health care away from over 10 million and raise taxes on those earning less the 75K per year.

      Just kidding of course, the repugnant McCain is once again Trump’ Lickspittle, joining other fakes like Flake and Corker.

  • Picabo
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Dead on this date in 2017, Dick CLark

      • Ryan Denniston

        How tidy.

        • proudgrampa

          Like bookends.

        • gallbladder

          He wanted everything “just-so.”

      • hudson

        born and dead on the same day? cool.

    • ManchuCandidate

      I thought 1929BC

      • wait! what?

        I thought BC meant Before Clark.

  • Picabo
    • Joe Beese

      A friend once told me, “It’s what I put on when I’m depressed and want to feel more depressed.”

      • JustDon’tSayProbably

        He must not have The Final Cut

        • Joe Beese

          I don’t find The Final Cut depressing for some reason. Maybe because it’s such a period piece and the period is long ago now.

          Of course it’s only a Pink Floyd record in the sense that Chinese Democracy is a Guns ‘N Roses record.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        How can you have your serotonin if you don’t eat your meat?!?

    • FDRliberal

      I’m not a hyuge Floyd fan, but I think Roger Waters has Trump described correctly when touring Mexico. Apologies to pubic hairs.

      http://www.feelnumb.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Donald-Trump-Eres-Un-Pendejo-Mexico-Roger-Waters-Pink-Floyd.jpg

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Snicker. New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman sent O’Keefe a letter threatening to revoke the group’s charity status if he didn’t correct the record within 15 days today that he is a convicted felon. http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/schemer-behind-moore-setup-hid-criminal-conviction-tax-filing-article-1.3668635

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      15 days, that’s pretty charitable itself..

      • Indeniable Ron

        Giving him plenty of rope to hang himself.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Dear lord, incometency is contagious

      • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

        Is that directed at DiFi or….?

        • Raan

          I think he’s saying that Congress has become somehow less competent than the entire executive branch.

      • Sophia

        This time it’s a good thing

    • Ryan Denniston

      Save the grad students!

    • Joe Beese

      Well, that buys us another 16 hours.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Oh thank God–there’s still time for tonight’s phone bank to matter. Thanks honey!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      It’s half in the grave. Hit it with the shovel!

    • Apple Scruff

      Wow, they were so cocky a few hours ago that they were going to pass it. What’s Dumb Donald have to say?

      • JustDon’tSayProbably

        Busy gaslighting his Xmas Tree right now.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

    Oh boy, the howler monkeys are going to be out in full force.

    Jury Finds Garcia Zarate Not Guilty in the Death of Kate Steinle

    https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Kate-Steinle-Murder-Trial-Jose-Inse-Garcia-Zarate-San-Francisco-Pier-14-Shooting-459220203.html?_osource=SocialFlowTwt_BAYBrand

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      whoa.

    • Joe Beese

      Think Trump will have anything to say about this?

      • gallbladder

        I try to think of Trump as little as possible.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Ramen

      • JustDon’tSayProbably

        Yup. as soon as he needs a squirrel. Or takes a dump.

        • Raan

          Now I’m just picturing Trump pooping squirrels. Forever.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            And then one of the poop squirrels crawls on his head.

          • Raan

            And that’s the story of how he got his hair.

      • SDGeoff3

        Shit yeah.

    • Suse

      That’s not good.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      They had the choice of 1st or 2nd degree murder, or voluntary manslaughter. They rejected them all, which says something. He was convicted of a weapons charge, which carries a maximum of 3 years.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Quite possibly the DA overcharged based on the available evidence?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Possibly, but it sounds like the jury felt the defense’s case that the gun discharged accidentally had merit.

          • Left Coast Tom

            …or that the prosecutor didn’t adequately rebut it. I wonder if the family could sue Sig Sauer…the whole thing’s a horrible tragedy.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          The actual story, as opposed to Trumps lies, was that he fired the gun at random and the bullet hit her. From the story, it sounded like an involuntary manslaughter charge, but I wasn’t on the jury and I didn’t hear the evidence.

      • Indeniable Ron

        Weapons charges? Are those even constitutional?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          He’s not an economically anxious white guy, so of course, they’re mandatory.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Oh, stop pontificating, Tweety! Bobby Kennedy told me he doesn’t like you.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “That fucking guy.”

      –Robert F. Kennedy

    • Suse

      It’s getting reallly annoying.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Oh my fucking God. Now I am even more glad I cancelled my subscription:

    https://twitter.com/maxwelltani/status/936361736101416961

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      He refuses to be teachable? Fuck him.

    • Ryan Denniston

      It was not a story. White Nazi buys Miracle Whip? Gimme a break

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Now if the Nazis bought canned clams, that’d be a story!

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          No it wouldn’t. They’re already monsters. That’d be like breaking news about bears being Catholic and the pope shitting in the woods. Or something like that.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    I never see this kind of bald self-promotion here so maybe it’s not cool, but I’m just starting up an Instagram feed. Photography and occasional artworks. e.hutch66 if you’re interested.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Man, I read that as pornography and was all on board.

      • Jennifer R

        I make porn on my porn twitter at ADirtyTrans

        Just for the record and all.

  • janecita

    Well, I just got called a N-word on the Huckabee thread, also an illegal, and I’m going to be the first to go down when the race war starts! It’s been nice knowing you guys😂

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Charmers

      • janecita

        Every single one of them.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Nice. When did you become black? I was thinking about giving it a shot myself.

      • janecita

        Tonight, I guess:-)

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Have you gotten free crab legs yet?

    • Joe Beese
    • Edith Prickly

      I guess there’s another asshole invasion?

      • janecita

        Yup, they didn’t like my video:-(

        https://youtu.be/BCZ19LLMRsU

        • Edith Prickly

          That is my new favourite thing ever.

          • puredog

            In Portland, OR — where there is a negligible Nazi population — I saw a guy in the locker room yesterday with a Richard Spencer haircut and thought: Chicks dig that? (While realizing that there were alternate explanations of all sorts.)

        • gallbladder

          I can’t imagine why.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      I’m guessing the Daily Caller article brought all the cockroaches over here.

      • janecita

        Hundreds.

    • Edith Prickly

      My skin is far too pale for me to pass as black, but i could spray-tan myself to a faux-Hispanic if you need allies for the race war. I have the hair.

      • janecita

        Thanks:-)

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I have kind of Jewy wavy hair in damp weather, so I’ll be right alongside you when the murders begin too.

          • janecita

            I’m a Latina (Cuban) via France and Spain. I’m whiter than milk.

          • Resistor Radio

            I’m a brunette, so yeah, me too.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          I’ll be with you too, even though I’m pale with fine, wavy hair. I do speak some Spanish (with a Mexican accent, apparently) and one of my kids gets mistaken for a Latino frequently — if that helps.

    • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

      Witty trolls would be one thing, but they never are. They’re just stupid and annoying and hate-filled.

      • janecita

        Especially hate filled, it’s sad.

      • RMKH

        You guys have stronger stomachs than I do. I can’t read that crapola without getting ill.

    • proudgrampa

      You know what they say. Once you go black, there’s no going back…

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        That’s not true! If it was, why did we go orange? Fuck, we should have just been annexed by Canada. At least then we could go to plaid.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk7VWcuVOf0

        • gallbladder

          We’re working on it, starting with Alaska: That fucker is OURS!

          • Raan

            If you can keep the reality shows out of the US, I’m all for you annexing Alaska.

          • RMKH

            Are you going to make it look like Alberta? Wait, we’re already doing that.

            If you promise not to mine the Bristol Bay headwaters, it’s yours.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Just make sure you send Al-Berta away with Al-Abama and the rest of the theocratic fascist states.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Somebody needs to protect the wildlife refuge up there, and it sure as shit ain’t gonna be us.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            You’re willing to take Sarah Palin off of our hands? God bless you!

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Well I’m going to hell for being a homo. Darnit!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Too many homos in heaven. We need more in Hell

      • janecita

        Thank God! Let the bigots have heaven, we can party with all the cool people in hell.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        We’ll redecorate the hell out of it!

        • SomeBigRedDog

          Sorry, wrong gender. You redecorate, I’ll be over here buying flannel for everyone.

          • SomeBigRedDog

            You – “Its hot down here, I don’t need a flannel”

            Me – “JUST PUT IT ON”

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            Only if I can leave it unbuttoned and tie it in a knot at my navel. I mean you’re just going to wear a white tank top and tie the flannel shirt by the sleeves around your waist.

          • SomeBigRedDog

            STOP SPYING ON ME

          • Resistor Radio

            They won’t be laughing once softball season starts up!

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            Who the fuck do you think is going to be putting the track lighting?

    • Left Coast Tom

      What the hell is going on in that thread? When I perused it I only saw a group of sad trolls posting idiotic memes.

      • janecita

        Pathetic trolls defending Mike Huckabee’s (in an ugly dress, and wearing a bad wig) honor.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      I made the mistake of going into Discus and reading some of their comments on the daily caller. Now I need a shower.

      • janecita

        They are disgusting.

      • Resistor Radio

        I did that too. Damn, chronic curiosity always does me in.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Don’t worry, Steve Mnunchin is the first up against the wall after that photograph, that I can promise.

    • Sophia

      Ah but are you an illeagle?

      • janecita

        Nope, I’m a very healthy eagle:-)

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Beautiful plumage!

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I’ll go say something if it’s a troll I haven’t yet blocked, but then I have to go phone bank against tax hikes for everyone but the rich. BBL!

      • janecita

        Ignore the trolls, I shouldn’t have fed them. You go save us from tax hikes!

    • TJ Barke

      Cuz if there’s one thing I get from looking at Fuckabee, it’s “master race”

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        The Hutts?

        • redarmyzombie

          Harkonen.

    • RMKH

      Darn you for not being a male WASP. What made you choose not to be? What were you thinking?

      • janecita

        I blame my father (old Health Educator’s joke).

    • Resistor Radio

      Nobody told you to get a job? That’s some weak trolling.

    • sarafina

      I’ll contribute towards the cost of a pitchfork.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      You ARE Nice as fuck! Neat, even. Nifty, definitely.

  • Hey everybody! Who has an addition for their Christmas list?

    https://twitter.com/jmbryden/status/935202106541268993

    • Bananas Foster

      I’ll let him put some coal in my stocking!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I dunno, you think she’s getting jealous? She seems chill with the whole thing. Especially knowing full well what at least 65 million of us south of the 49th have to wake up to every single fucking day.

      I want a perpetual calendar for every current year. I already have a desktop screensaver. I want to go to there on my bedroom wall also too.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ~sigh~ Don’t bother with the trolls tonight. Unless some better exemplars come along, it’s an exercise in futility engaging or even insulting them. If simple stupidity were painful, they would be in overwhelming agony.
    No fun at all.

  • FDRliberal

    If these evil fuckers like McCain, Murkowski and their Leader Trump get their criminal legislation passed, history shows that payback can be a real you know what.

    https://twitter.com/jthorndike/status/936343340307578881

    • Bananas Foster

      Bitches don’t realize there’s never been a ruling class that hasn’t fallen.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Money isn’t bullet proof and offshore accounts can’t stop a guillotine.

    • Stinky_Hole

      If they accomplish what the Koch Brothers and the others in the ‘Donor Class’ want, then it might.
      Ever wonder if the “Kansas Experiment” may have been a success? See just how far down you can drive the people to where THEY are the ones willing to sacrifice to make life work? Resulting in the corporations and the people who own them calling all the shots – was that the plan all along?

  • Incoming Ham

    2017: Year of the Biopsy. Fuck this shit.

    • gallbladder

      I want to see prime-time vivisections and nothing less (I’m lookin’ at YOU, Bobby!)

      • Incoming Ham

        Fun fact: I always ask to watch the screen on an U.S. needle biopsy of my neck. It’s fascinating – especially when doc says “See that there?” pointing at the thing less than a centimeter from the needle, “That’s your carotid artery. You can see why we use US.”

        I think about the two other people I know who had these WITHOUT U.S. and it makes me want to pass out.

      • Resistor Radio

        I voted for Trump because he promised to release the Area 51 Alien Autopsy. Sad!

    • RMKH

      Be strong, Ham

    • I’ve had a few years of those.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I’m glad we’re finally associating McCain with all this crap. Enjoy your legacy dude. This is your swan song. Thumbs down? What thumbs down?

    • puredog

      Well. [pouts] I’m pulling MY support for the John McCain statue.

      • I would support a McCain statue under one condition, if it were made of ice and placed somewhere in the desert between Phoenix and Tucson in mid Summer.

  • WilbyToad

    The trolls have succumbed on the back threads, for now. {clink!}

    • Ryan Denniston

      Why do trolls go after the back threads instead of the current open thread?

      • WilbyToad

        Pure cowardice.

        • Raan

          So, the same reason the shit-fer-brains have been posting on months-old threads?

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Years, actually. There’s been SFB here posting on articles from the Bush era.

      • The are not only illiterate, innumerate, but they are also temporalate.

        • Amy!

          Intemporate as well as intemperate?

          (edited because I managed to misspell “well” … wtf, amy?)

          • They do get hot under the collar and demonstrate a lack of self-control, do they not?

      • Doug Langley

        They’re slow?

      • FDRliberal

        Yeah, Russian Bots and Nazi Trump fans love going on old, abandoned threads because they get the SEO benefits without the confrontation. A true collection of snowflakes.

        • Wonky McUbtrye

          I’m comfortable blaming SEO shitpost cowboys for just about everything wrong with the internet.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I think they were defending their sweetheart Sarah, and were offended by Evans language. Yes, it was inflammatory but appropriate given the circumstances.

        • sarafina

          I wish Evan wasn’t such a Southern Gentleman and would be straight about something for once.

      • Resistor Radio

        Probably because one troll gets outraged and then shares the link with their friends.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Now for a pint at the Winchester?

      • RMKH

        A pint! What an excellent plan!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    One more wave of calls. Let’s break the suckers.
    https://twitter.com/KamalaHarris/status/936399725842059264?s=17

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • Jacob DiCiaula

    Latent (at best) racism confession.

    I posted in a thread here about the opioid epidemic and being impressed the judge gave a guy on probation a chance to continue treatment for his addiction despite getting another possession charge. Small county, everyone in the courtroom is white.

    Get a jolly rancher and some lemonade.

    Remember I started my career in Chicago. Most of my clients sold dope. Was in house counsel almost for a West side gang I won’t name. I remember asking for treatment a few times and jumping through hoops to get it; sure wasn’t one hearing with a kindly Judge. But mostly remember seeing if I could beat a gun or dope case. If I could, great. If not, limiting the prison time. After all, they were poor and black.

    I didn’t see any epidemic. Just street sales and gun charges and gang violence. Funny how changing the color and residence of the defendant matters.

    • Bananas Foster

      The white face of the opioid epidemic is changing how people see addiction.

      Hopefully it will cross over to help everyone.

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        I’m not sure if I’m too cynical or you’re too naive. Cheering for you

    • Raan

      What are the Jolly Rancher and the lemonade for?

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        My snacking habits haven’t changed much since I was 7

    • Johnatx

      It’s like poverty and welfare. In the 1960s, I remember seeing sympathetic magazine and newspaper articles about poor whites in Appalachia. Jump to present day (well, actually from Reagan on), instead of noble whites struggling, we have the right wing calling poor folks black welfare queens, young bucks and so on. Racism, pure and simple.

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        It’s not great to recognize yourself as part of the problem. Not sure what else I can do but represent my client, and certainly the institutional racism in policing was obvious. Judges could even acknowledge it on relatively smaller cases (I beat a major felony dope casewhen a white cop testified his probable cause was smelling weed at over 100 yards).

        Just never would have identified anything so systemic.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Welcome to the bright side. We still have plenty of cookies.

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        I’m watching football and reading a book on the military history of the crusades. I suggest saving the cookies for less boring folks

        • yyyaz

          When you are on the inside of the system working these cases it seems rote sometimes. From us looking on from the outside you are a fucking hero and don’t ever forget it.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            First, thank you, that is so kind!

            Second, I am not in any way shape or form a hero, and I’m not debating it. I was a prosecutor too, and locked up plenty of folks. It’s just a job. You did yours, I did mine. Mine weighs on me, and you folks are an insightful sounding board. Thanks for listening

    • CripesAmighty

      Fuck em. Let em ferment in their own swill of infantile superstition, willful ignorance, insipid culture and OxyContin fog until the last one topples into the toilet.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Isn’t “exploiting crisis for personal gain” kinda the definition of electoral politics?

  • Nice time:

    Colin Kaepernick receives Muhammad Ali Legacy Award from Sports Illustrated

    • Nounverb911

      RWNJ headsplotion in 3…2…1…

    • sarafina

      If only he could get a JOB!!!

  • FDRliberal

    Trump’s fluffer John McCain say “Sounds good to me!”

    https://twitter.com/tedlieu/status/936053654293024768

    • WilbyToad

      McCain and Flake are getting an earful from me.

      • FDRliberal

        “McCain and Flake are getting an earful from me.”

        Good. Give those bastards some real hell, they deserve it. Evil fucks.

      • sarafina

        Will it make a difference to either of them? Flake is getting out yet is still spineless, and McCain seems to have gotten over any desire to fix his legacy as anything other than an dishonorable, greedy, hateful sack of shit.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Merry Fishmas to all, and to all a good Trout!

    https://twitter.com/realGollumTrump/status/936400226545487872

    • WilbyToad

      Something fishy every day.

  • Nounverb911
    • Resistor Radio

      It needs to be said, apparently.

    • puredog

      Well, based on what facts we know, it should be clarified that people who TRY to fuck children are bad, too.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      And that by every measurable margin that your own messiah laid down, most of you are going to hell.

  • Bill D. Burger

    HAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/936395008139198464

    The ‘crowd’….It was embarrassing being there, obviously.
    ~snicker~

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DP6nFcGXcAAkPse.jpg

    • WilbyToad

      Lagest ever. Bigly. Yuuuuuge.

      • Bill D. Burger

        “It was the biggest crowd ever to see the National Tree Lighting___PERIOD!”

    • Raan

      Boy, they sure invited a lot of empty chairs.

    • Nounverb911
      • Indeniable Ron

        Y’know, lardass, it’s kinda hard to show something that ain’t there.

    • gallbladder

      Standing room only.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Weak. Sad!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Really? I could draw a bigger crowd.

        • redarmyzombie

          A dead badger could draw a bigger crowd.

    • Stinky_Hole

      So Sad Sarah gave him her book report on “‘What The Lighting Of The National Tree’ Means To Me”?

    • cmd resistor