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SKYPENIS!

To end our week, it is time for a story about SKYPENIS!

A terrible wonderful thing happened in Okanogan County, Washington, recently, and it is SKYPENIS!

KREM in Washington has the background on this miracle bestowed upon us by Navy pilots with nothing better to do:

Officials with the Naval Air Station Whidbey Island said one of their aircraft was involved in the obscene skywritings spotted in Okanogan County.

Photos sent to KREM 2 by multiple sources show skydrawings of what some people are saying is male genitalia. Some sources have even tweeted pictures of what they saw.

A mother who lives in Okanogan who took pictures of the drawings reached out to KREM 2 to complain about the images, saying she was upset she might have to explain to her young children what the drawings were.

Oh, MOTHER. If your children looked up in the sky and saw a dick in the clouds, then they already knew what a dick looked like. Just agree with them that those are very funny-shaped clouds and MOVE ON WITH YOUR DAY.

Remember how we talked Thursday about that Utah dad who’s just dying inside because his kids’ future high school has chosen the “phoenix” as its mascot, because its plural “phoenices” sounds too much like “penises,” and oh the humanity? Maybe Utah Dad and Washington Mom should go out on a date and cry about penises.

Anyway, SKYPENIS!

In a statement to KREM 2 News navy officials said, “The Navy holds its aircrew to the highest standards and we find this absolutely unacceptable, of zero training value and we are holding the crew accountable.”

Oh, NAVY OFFICIALS. Will you please grow up and let your pilots act like 12-year-olds? There is so little joy in Trump’s America, and you want to punish these nice Navy pilot guys for brightening our days with SKYPENIS?

Now that we have finished writing this very mature journalism post about SKYPENIS! you may have an open thread.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[KREM]

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  • Roni Raven, Proud Hall Monitor
    • therblig

      the b-side, “I ain’t seen my feet in years” also hits home for many country fans.

      • Roadstergal

        I thought the B-side was “Mah sister is mighty fine.”

    • BigCSouthside

      Man country music has fallen. When did it become anthem writers for authority and establishment

      • Zonath

        May 21, 1984.

    • ArgieBargie

      A pandering country musician? Impossible!

    • The Wanderer

      It can’t be a C&W song. No references to jail or divorce.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Or gittin’ good an’ likkered up

    • Shanzgood

      Ok, I didn’t just LOL I cackled.

  • shastakoala

    Ok, which one of you Wonkateers is a pilot?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Navy pilot Wonketeer? Wouldn’t that be something?

      But whoever he (she?) was, God Bless You, Navy Pilot. We desperately needed a good dick joke here, this week.

  • BadKitty904

    Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…say, wait a minute!

  • WilbyToad

    Great. Now we have to worry about cumtrails.

    • BadKitty904

      Beat me to it, dammit!

      • SDGeoff3

        That’s hard to do!

    • Eileen Besse

      Hahahahahah!!!

    • BigCSouthside

      Close the thread down. This wins.

    • ArgieBargie
      • armed_bears

        In my memory, this is always Bob Odenkirk…

      • SterWonk

        He show up in a later scene, complaining about the incident, and can be heard yelling “I WANT SOME BUTTS!”

    • armed_bears

      Maveriiiick!!1!

    • BJW
    • Mary Theresa

      FTW!!!!!

    • I’ve already stolen this.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      I can already tell this Top Gun remake is going to be even more homoerotic than the original.

    • SDGeoff3

      Among the Great Comments Of The Entire Century So Far!!

    • Bright Bart

      This is why comments are not allowed

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Please cum come to the front desk to claim your prize.

  • BigCSouthside

    I’d say that’s a pretty damn impressive display of precise flying.

  • Victoria Ricola

    Skypenis 2020!

    • BigCSouthside

      Between skypenis and trump, I’d quit my job and campaign full time for Skypenis

  • BadKitty904

    And I will shew wonders in heaven above, and signs in the earth beneath…

  • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

    That’s VAPORWANG!

    • BigCSouthside

      Sounds like a name for a thrash metal band

    • Daniel

      Germany’s favourite e-cigarette.

  • shastakoala

    That penis certainly achieved altitude.

    • puredog

      This is all very nice for a Friday afternoon, I suppose, but it’s a poor substitute for ALL THE INDICTMENTS.

  • BadKitty904

    Washington State currently has some very confused chemtrail conspiracists…

    • Daniel

      All the frogs under that flight path are now gay.

      Er.

      • BadKitty904

        Or something.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Stop throat cramming us with your chemtrails.”

  • “We, in the Navy, take these types of jokes or boners very seriously. We pride ourselves on our long history of professionalism of our officers and it’s very hard to imagine one of them would do something as immature as to use the plane’s joystick to draw a crude image. A fighter jet is a very serious tool of warfare, and whomever was responsible is just a real ding dong. I can guarantee you that the entire unit will be punished for this until they realize that you just can’t go off half-cocked and do something so stupid.”

    • OutOfOrbit

      Tail Hook anyone?

  • canes_pugnaces

    With a plethora of dicks in the halls of the Washington, why not one in the sky. Fuck, let’s put one on Mr. Rushmore.

  • Daniel

    Sky rockets in flight…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Somewhere, a Microsoft lawyer is trying to figure out if this violates Skype intellectual property in some way.

  • BadKitty904

    I thought Lucy was in the Sky with Diamonds

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s a big sky, and Lucy has a lot of interests…

    • Sheepshagger

      Pearl necklace in this case.

    • Shanzgood

      Or pearls.

      • theblackdog

        Prince will gladly give you Diamonds and Pearls

  • ArgieBargie
  • mrFawkes

    Lucy in the Sky with Dildos.

  • therblig

    off we go
    into the wild blue yoni

  • Anna Rompage
  • Still less gay than the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

    • The Wanderer

      That was actually gayer than some gay porn I’ve seen.

      • BadKitty904

        IKR?

        • The Wanderer

          I was going to say “gayer than some gay porn I’ve written,” but I can’t back that up.

          • BadKitty904

            Not in public, online, at least…

          • The Wanderer

            (evil giggles)

      • Shanzgood

        Ooh, maybe I should watch it!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      But both brought to you by…the Navy!

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      I always refer to Top Gun as the best gay romantic comedy to come out of the 80s.

    • Shibusa
  • Sheepshagger
    • The Wanderer

      It’s better than buildings that look like swastikas from above.

    • doktorzoom

      “Listen, Norman! They’re calling each other!”

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Alien landing strips.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        I see you know what the QUEERS are doing to the SOIL!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Heh. More like a teenager with a garden sprayer full of RoundUp®.

          But I suppose he could have been gay.

    • Shanzgood

      This is definitely not one of those lesbian farm places we were warned about.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    she was upset she might have to explain to her young children what the drawings were.

    Like her kids wouldn’t know what a pee-pee was.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Ok. It’s an infinity symbol with a big….something….

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Electron orbits of Cocktanium?

    • Historicat

      “Looks like a hat!”

      There. You’re welcome, easily excited Washington mom.

    • Doug Langley

      “Why, it’s infinity, and . . . um, an upside down U. Yes, that’s it.”

  • exinkwretch

    I got a chuckle from this like everyone else. Then I remembered the ex-frat boys that pulled that stunt are also probably attempting to play grab ass with every women on the base. Because boys will be boys. That culture has got to end, in the military and everywhere else.

    • Shanzgood

      C’mon. We NEED to laugh at dicks right now.

    • Nockular cavity

      If Skypenis is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      He could also too be a ghey, making the Sign Of Our People (Thanks, Obama!!)

      • exinkwretch

        Nah, if were a gay pilot, the plane would have taken a shitload of ground fire from the local yokels. Okanogan County is as Trumpie as anyplace in the Bible Belt.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Nah. Those redneck Okanogganers know their ordnance well enough to know the jet was waaaay out of range that high up. They wouldn’t have wasted the ammo.

  • vivian

    So that’s what Skype means…

  • Sheepshagger
  • doktorzoom

    No training value? The figure-eight balls are nicely symmetrical, and the skypenis itself is perfectly centered atop them. I am fully confident this pilot is ready to face the Red Team.

    • BigCSouthside

      Seriously. Viper and Jester are toast.

    • Shanzgood

      The real training value would have been getting the dickhole on it.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I want to see the pilots who can draw a sky vagina.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Air Force Academy cadets taking the elective course in Georgia O’Keefe will be leading the way.

    • jowgajen

      I think this is one of those cases where the boss says, of course the offender will be disciplined! And then goes in the back, laughs, and gives out high fives all around.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        I hope so. Priorities.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Just what I was thinking. That pilot is ready to write “SURRENDER DOROTHY!” over North Korea,

  • Anna Rompage
  • Shanzgood

    I haven’t finished the article or read any comments but I had to rush in to gigglesnort that it was reported by KREM.

    I’m sure I’m late, though.

    • Anna Rompage

      Yeah, I’m glad I don;t have a middle name that starts with “I”, otherwise my initials would be JISM

      • Shanzgood

        I get it. Mine are already bad enough in their own way.

        • puredog

          RAW, here.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          True fact: My mother was Hoare ’til the day she got married. My grandmother became a Hoare on her wedding day.

  • msanthropesmr

    I’m proud to be an American!

  • msanthropesmr

    Skypenis adn the Woooorld of tomorrow!

    • therblig

      Polly, lenscondom.

  • BadKitty904

    AMERICA: Still First in Juvenile Humor!

    USA! USA!! USA!!1

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Washington Mom has never seen Death to Smoochy, has she.

    “It’s… it’s……. IT’S A ROCKETSHIP!!1!”

    ….aaaaand guess who didn’t read down first. Silly bear!

  • Blackest Noobs

    you know if we showed more penises or vaginas, we would have less people offended or scared about body parts.

    sure sure at 1st there would be all this outrage…but give it time…penises, vaginas, breasts, and buttholes would lose their taboo-ness.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      They’re certainly not taboo here. It works!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Nah, not gonna do it…

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

  • hendenburg2

    Okay, so… How about the Farmington Jets?

  • armed_bears

    Also too: Absolutely zero likelihood this is the last wonk post of the day. It’s somebody’s friggin’ time in the barrel.. whatever that means.

    • doktorzoom

      YOU LIE!

      SKYPENIS IS IN THE BARREL!

      SKYPENIS OWNS THE BARREL!

    • Resistor Radio

      You seem rather cocksure of this.

      • armed_bears

        My record for predictions is hard to beat.

  • Blackest Noobs

    i can’t even get a penis drawn on an etch-a-sketch.

    and that without all the g-forces pushing against me….that there some fancy flying, flyboys.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I am both pruriently amused and impressed.
      Fuck the haters, flyboy!

  • BadKitty904

    Oh, say can you see?

    • msanthropesmr

      Oh, say can you see pee….

      • With the dong’s early flight.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          What so proudly we wave

          • Shanzgood

            By the Twila’s last…

            No. No, I won’t.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      with the Don’s early peen,
      What so proudly he hail’d
      at the hookers pee streaming,

  • Viva La Tabula Raza

    Makes me proud of my Navy service. As we used to say, “It’s not gay if you’re underway!”

  • Gosala

    I just learned that in the Roman Empire the top 1% controlled 16% of the wealth. Today the top 1% control 40% of the wealth.

    (One of the Rev.’s Phyneogamy Codex friends told us so. It must be true!)

    • Blanche de Shambles

      That”s kind of hard to say definitively. Even calculating the state revenues for that time is quite difficult. It also depends at what period they’re looking at. During the time of the early emperors (the Principate), wealth was probably more evenly distributed among the landowning classes, while during the later Dominate, it was more concentrated in the hands of a few major landowners and the Emperor. There’s also the question of whether or not they include the imperial revenues as part of the Emperor’s wealth, as they technically belonged to him.

  • Now, that’s one chemtrail that’s making Alex Jones gay.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      We just need another plane up there with a gunked-up engine, so Skypenis can appear to spurt BBQ sauce.

  • Fartknocker

    If you add 2 parts Chemtrails and 1 part Jim Bakker home disaster kit, you’ll have one big Alex Jones Conspiracy Lasagna – with sausage.

    • Wait, that’s not a chemtrail, it’s…!

  • BearGHAZI

    THE DICK JOKE TO END ALL DICK JOKES

  • doktorzoom

    The chemtrails crowd will have a field day with this one, which may well be turning the damn frogs GAY

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      They don’t even realize what THE QUEERS ARE DOING TO THE SOIL!!!!

      • Nockular cavity

        Fuck the soil! No, wait, lemme try that again…

    • Gosala

      You say that as if it’s a bad thing. Imagine what we could do if Pepe comes out.

      Which is his choice! I wouldn’t out him. What are you thinking!?

    • FlownΩver

      Pepe le Pouf?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      You may laugh but have you noticed how small and squashed Sky Penis’s testicles are? Chem Trails did that!

      • Arolpin

        They only look small because Sky Penis is GIGANTIC!

  • janecita

    People get upset over the stupidest things. For fucks sake, if your kids ask you about the nice sky dick tell them what it is, call it by its proper name and move on! It’s never too early for an anatomy lesson.

    • msanthropesmr

      “It’s a sky penis, son. Rare cloud formation”

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        However, the initial vowel in “cumulus” is still a long U.

      • It means that the weather will fuck us.

      • Shanzgood

        That might cause some unrealistic expectations.

      • Cumulo penis…strange precipitation

    • Catstro

      There isn’t a 3 year old boy in my corner of the planet that wouldn’t be delighted by this. Seriously my friends with little boys say that it’s all penis talk all the time. The only thing that would be better received would be skypoop (which would be more appealing to girls and boys alike).

      • janecita

        When my boy was three years old he came out of the bathroom butt naked and told my friend, “Melissa, look at me I have a big penis!” We had a long conversation afterwards.

        • Catstro

          LOL that’s an especially good one, and based on stories my cousin tells me about her 4 year old, that sounds about right.

        • Doug Langley

          I once visited a friend and while we were chatting, his 3 yr old son came up to me and said “Do you have a penis?” I didn’t think I heard him right and said “What?” Then he started fumbling at my zipper. Later Dad got me aside and apologized profusely. Turns out there were warnings of pedophiles in the area and he panicked and had a “birds and bees” talk with junior.

  • therblig
    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Beats the lies told in Alabama!

    • janecita

      There are many lies told in Atlantic City.

  • Crystalclear12

    Hehe.

  • Lurkylu
    • Shanzgood

      Never.

  • BadKitty904
  • Marion in Savannah

    Yeah, yeah, yeah… “Sky Penis” is fun and all, but what about this:

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/17/us/politics/tax-bill-senate-hatch-brown-fight.html
    and
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/17/us/politics/tax-cuts-trade-deficit-trump.html
    and
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/16/us/politics/north-korea-missile-defense-cyber-drones.html

    Regarding the last — I guess the NSA will be in charge of fighting cyberwarfare, seeing as they just had their asses hacked into next year…

    /temper tantrum

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Skypenis?

      “This is a White House that does not know economics,” he said.

      This is a White House that does not know anything.

    • Gosala

      * assumes condescending voice *

      Now, now, dear. Don’t worry your head about the collapse of civilization. Let the boys have their fun. Boys will be boys after all.

      * sobs *

  • Amy!

    Okay. Your job, if you care to accept it, is to figure out the lyrics of this thing, and filk it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOs3uIEyHaY

    (i hope nobody else has already posted this; if so, i’ll see it in a minute and come back and remove this)

    • Damn! I just posted this too. You beat (sic) me to it…

      • Amy!

        And @AnnaRompage:disqus pipped us both at the post. But I’ll leave it, ’cause there are replies. And besides, neither of y’all posted a challenge. It’s kind of weird to do, because it’s a pretty emotionally anti-war anthem. What the fuck, though, right?

        • I was 16, and an anti-war neophyte when “Sky Pilot” came out. Reading Wonkette I heard Eric Burdon’s echoey reverb when I read “skypenis” (which the spellchecker insists should be “Skype is” – maybe ”skypenis” will be added to the OED). The problem is that the “new post” comes at the top, before I get to read all the other posts. Besides, I was inspired!

          • Amy!

            I was not even that old. But same, I heard the “Skyyyyyyyyy penis” sung by Burdon, and had to share before reading the rest of the comments.

        • Great minds!

  • Fartknocker

    Maybe the nice pilots can make a special flyover in Farmington, Utah for Farmington HS Phoenixes Homecoming football game. I know the kids would love it.

  • jowgajen

    Apparently the RAF started it: http://www.bbc.com/news/42032629

    Our boys in blue just HAD to try it for themselves.

  • anon_the_great

    If a fighter jock can’t use his $60 million jet plane to make a dong in the sky what will our boys aspire to?

  • maxneanderthal

    An ex-Royal Navy submariner friend of mine told me the story of the navigating officer of his SSBN, who was gay, and was hated by the skipper, who was a homophobe. The officer ensured that the course they steered around the ocean was shaped like a giant erect member, knowing full well that at the end of the patrol the skipper would have to go and make his report to the CINC naval ops, complete with charts of their course..

    • Forty fathoms of phallus!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
        • maxneanderthal

          It’s what the Navy runs on, according to Churchill- “Rum, Sodomy and the Lash”

          • Doug Langley

            “Dive! Dive!”
            “Oh skipper, you make me so hot.”

          • Notreelyhelping

            Last Christmas, I bought Ms. Notreelyhelping the Pogues album of the same name, partly because she loves the Pogues, and partly because I had an answer when people asked me what I gave her for Christmas.

            “Run, Sodomy, and the Lash…of course.”

        • maxneanderthal

          The captions for that pic just write themselves, don’t they?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Sheesh. “Surrender Dorothy” is SO 1939 these days.

    • “But I’m penis.”

      “You mean the witch’s penis? Whoa…”

  • Ricky Gay

    Penis in the sky, with diamonds
    -alternative take in Beatles box set.

  • Blackest Noobs

    MOAR SKY PENISES

  • Mary Theresa
    • janecita

      Fiona has gotten so big!

    • SterWonk

      My brother’s wedding rehearsal dinner was at an aquarium. Dinner entertainment included one of the trainers having the flower girl interact with some of the dolphins through the glass. During the bit, one of the dolphins emitted a brown cloud…

  • Sing along, just replace “pilot” with “penis” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WOs3uIEyHaY

  • Nockular cavity
  • OutOfOrbit

    was it a lady pilot by any chance? why assume. had it been me i would’ve done a Y with and couple of nipple-puffs above it . .

    Y

  • writersbloc

    Can’t we have nice things!

  • SpudRaider

    Ya know if you think about it that took some talent. It’s not like they had someone on the ground directing them. Kudos to their flying ability. Next let’s see a vagina

    Also remember how they are activating 1000 pilots out of the reserves due to lack of pilots? It’s not like they are going to be grounded. .

    • This is why we should never have let women join the military. There will be skyvaginas as far as the eye can see.

  • Blackest Noobs

    hey…was the pilot in a F-35? it was a clear day and with few clouds, and during the day.

    • OutOfOrbit

      icwydt

  • janecita

    Continuing my report on the War on Christmas, stray from the frontlines, all the stores around my town are decorated for Christmas. Even the gym has a tree up. We have lost comrades, but don’t return your Soros money!

  • proudgrampa

    STOP THE PRESSES!

    I thought Open Thread would never come today.

    I am pleased to announce that proudgrampa has just achieved the milestone of over THIRTY THOUSAND (30,000) UPVOTES.

    In a statement, proudgrampa declared, “You like me! You really, really like me!”

    He then went on to say, “Thanks to all my Wonkette friends, writers, editors AND ESPECIALLY WONKETTE BABBY for your love and support. I will continue to strive for the highest standards of non-commenting on the intertubes.”

  • jesuswasablack

    Sky penis is no match for inauguration day penis!
    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C26lJduUoAAxpcU.jpg

    • calliecallie

      I see this photo and remember that day and Trump boasting about his crowd size and Spicer defending it. Period!

      Little did I know what was to come…in the year to follow.

  • DesertedPictures

    I bet the people that are upset about this, have no problems voting for Trump.

  • theblackdog

    Back in January a bunch of Resistance faction agents from Ingress made some appropriate field art over DC after the orange one came to the White House:

    https://plus.google.com/+RobbyL/posts/1W124kNr5hT

    I may or may not have helped with this ;-D

    • C4TWOMAN

      Epic win!
      =^^=

  • DesertedPictures
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I knew it! You quys have been lying to me for years!….

  • aktlib101

    About our Penis-in-Chief:
    “The Trump–Russia story is a story about money laundering in real estate. Full stop.”
    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/11/17/1716456/-The-Trump-Russia-story-is-a-story-about-money-laundering-in-real-estate-Full-stop

    “No one expects Donald Trump to secretly have a shrine to Lenin in the basement of Trump Tower. Michael Flynn didn’t offer to kidnap a cleric because the man offended his religious views. Paul Manafort wasn’t sending Putin plans to “greatly benefit his government” because he really, really wants to see democracy crushed—though given Manafort’s track record, he might.

    The truth is simple: They’re in it for the money. So when you see a story like this, it’s not a side show. It’s the show.”

    “A new report from watchdog group Global Witness says that a Colombian money launderer currently in U.S. custody participated in the advance sale of units in a Panama development bearing the president’s name: The Trump Ocean Club. Trump has made $13.9 million from the Ocean Club in the last three years alone, according to NBC’s own reporting on the matter.

    This time it was a front for murderous, drug-runners in Colombia feeding dollars to Trump. But that’s the point: Trump’s connection to Russia isn’t philosophical. It’s financial. He’ll take money from anyone. And he’s not alone.”

    “So word that Trump didn’t just clear hundreds of millions from Russian mobsters …

    The money to build these projects flowed almost entirely from Russian sources. In other words, after his business crashed, Trump was floated and made to appear to operate a successful business enterprise through the infusion of hundreds in millions of cash from dark Russian sources.

    But also raked in cash from the cocaine and kidnapping kings of FARC …”

    “This should not be a surprise to anyone. Because the truth is that’s what his business is about. Trump’s real estate “fortune” isn’t about creating landmarks, running hotels, or building homes. It’s about laundering money on an industrial scale. ”

    “Sure, the Russians helped Donald Trump get elected. Sure, Trump’s campaign contacted Russia over and over to coordinate on ways to attack Hillary Clinton and the best use of Russian trolls and ad dollars. Sure, Russia made it clear that the payoff for their help would come in the form of reduced sanctions.

    That’s the sideshow. The real show? It’s billions of dollars moving from oligarchs in Russia, to banks in Cyprus, to real estate in New York. Putin wants that flow open. Trump wants his cut. The White House is a tool to make that happen.”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Eventually, mother from Okanagan County, doing her best to maintain the hick stereotype of said county, your daughters will encounter, FSM willing, actual penii. Best to explain to them what they are now than to have some 16 year old horny boy explain them with a practical exercise.

    • Resistor Radio

      I think it’s “phoeneces?”

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That’s a given. If I’m not mistaken, the Okanagan County seal consists of a logger passing a pipe to a stripper.

    • jesterpunk

      I guess that better then Roy Moore trying to explain it.

  • Resistor Radio

    Anyone wanna start a tax-exempt Sky Penis religion?

    • FlownΩver

      I think there’s one already. They call it “Christianity.”

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        “Some are born eunuchs; some are made eunuchs; and some become eunuchs for salvation’s sake”

        -Jesus (who also said, “You didn’t like the prophets who told you to fast and behave, and here I come, eating and drinking and you don’t like me, either!”….)

      • Trip Space-Parasite

        I have been thinking this ever since I saw the post!

    • therblig

      Dickenetics?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        “The science of the dong.”

      • exinkwretch

        “The Modern Science of Erectile Health”

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        I hear they’re about to have a Sea Org.

      • ken_kukec

        Johnsonism.

    • Gosala

      My professors never suggested that there are penis religions and vagina religions. But looking back, I think they were definitely hinting at it.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And beautiful part of it is, just like with Buddhism, you’d don’t have to choose just one.

    • proudgrampa

      That would be a penile institution…

    • shastakoala

      Church of the Whispering Penis.

  • C4TWOMAN

    PENIS!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      OF THE SKY KIND!

  • Ok, it’s annual charity trivia night tonight…made a dessert dip for my table and am now relaxing for a bit

  • WotsAllThisThen

    They should be teaching this maneuver in West Point. Penises over the battlefield!

  • puredog

    “What’s that?”
    — Mother Pence

    • Bill D. Burger

      “It’s called a Satan Scepter”
      –Preacher Pence

    • ken_kukec

      It’s called “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

  • King Beauregard

    Forget Skype, I’m using Skypenis for all my telecommunications needs now.

    • What’s the bawd rate?

      • Doug Langley

        It’s very bawd-y.

      • King Beauregard

        1200 bps (boners patrolling sky).

    • BadKitty904

      The system goes online October 17th, 2017. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Skypenis begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, October 18th.

  • msanthropesmr
    • BearDeLaOursistance

      All Wonket threads and noncomments implicitly solicit puppers.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Where’s my treat? I smell a treat! Give me a treat! Quit using my image for gratuitous upfist gathering! I smell a treat…..

      • msanthropesmr

        He just got his dinner.

        • Jeffocaster in the East

          Dinner is NOT a treat.

    • Metadude

      I can tell that he’s a Good Boy!

    • BadKitty904

      Beanie Pupdog is on the case!

      • msanthropesmr

        On the sofa, more like…

        • BadKitty904

          Too. Also.

    • jesuswasablack

      Your dog looks like one of my old college roommates, Paul is that you?

      • Paul

        Nope. Way too much hair.

    • aureolaborealis

      That angle makes it look way bigger than it really is. And not to be critical, but it looks like it bends to the right quite a bit.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    The Fighting Pheonices get this flyover before their homecoming game.

  • Zach Williams
  • NotReallyHere

    Two penis-themed open threads in a row! Are we going to run out of dick jokes?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Hahaha!!!!

    • Zach Williams

      Not while we’ve got Captain Tiny-Dick in the White House!

      • Mary Theresa

        The dickless wanderer.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Never happen. Dick jokes are in our jeans.

      ~rimshot~

    • An oldie but goldie, “Dick Nixon, before he dicks you!”

    • SayItWithWookies

      That would be a phallusy.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      The Dick that keeps on giving…

    • Doug Langley

      That’s a real mystery. I’ll put Dick Tracy on the case.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Taint likely.

    • shastakoala

      Get thee to a dickery.

  • Jonny On Maui
    • Mary Theresa

      LOL…that’s a wiener.

    • proudgrampa

      Ya know, now that I’m retired, I’ve been looking for something to do…

      • Jonny On Maui

        A person needs their hobbies…

        Congrats on retirement!

  • renegade500

    Today I got to meet Hillary Clinton and I think she’s awesome! (I also got signed copies of her two newest books.) I’m so happy. Also because it’s Friday and I had pie for lunch. The entire day is made of win. (Except the part where I had to pay $800 to get a sewer line fixed but at least my house isn’t flooding anymore and I didn’t really need that $800 anyway.)

  • Anna Rompage

    Hark thou Fellatio, look upon yonder and gaze at the phallus in the sky…

  • BadKitty904

    Close Encounters of the Very Personal Kind…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Tug on that, Louis CK.

  • Oh, man. I remember the days when my primary goal was to avoid having to explain anything to my child. Wait, no. That would have been too much work.

  • memzilla Ω

    THIS motherfucker. I hope they play it at his sentencing.
    . https://twitter.com/MSNBC/status/931608679299928064

    • BadKitty904

      Well, you’d know, Beau…

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Pretty funny……. for a felon………….

    • SayItWithWookies

      Wow — his sense of humor is almost as good as his memory.

      • SDGeoff3

        Fucked up.

  • maxneanderthal

    Meanwhile, in other cockvember related news, I’ve just seen the Wes Goodman news item. These closeted christian types are the gift that just keeps on giving, don’t they? Cue the “Can’t keep a Goodman down” jokes…

  • Metadude

    Chemtrailzzz!!!!!

    • Jackie Jackstein FTW

      Kelli Ward? Izzat you?

  • jesuswasablack

    When I was in the Army everyone knew all them Navy guys and gals loved them some penises!
    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81p6RmKDRxL.__BG0,0,0,0_FMpng_AC_UL320_SR200,320_.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      The face looks a lot like young John Mc Cain.

      • PeedeResistance

        Except prettier. :)

        • SDGeoff3

          Mmm-hmm. You noticed.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    When I was in college in Iowa, we one day had a 16″ snowfall, which is not uncommon in Iowa in December. I looked out my dorm window and saw that some of the young gentlemen (I use that term loosely) sharing my dorm had constructed a 6 ft. tall penis out of the snow right in front of the dorm. Considerately, they also constructed a pair of large breasts out of the same snow. I was 18, and I did not take this amiss, I thought it was funny. What my mother would have thought, I dare not say, so I did not tell her.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh, those art students in Iowa City….. when Mrs. Toomush was there, she constructed a 12 inch triangle of stitchery for fabrics class…

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Haha! Yes! Years ago, my sister’s neighbor also built a giant snow dick, and it was the marvel and scandal of Nowheresville, TN, for several days. It was sad when it melted. It looked so…defeated. We still laugh about it.

  • Zach Williams

    OT: Been watching Season 2 of Log Horizon this week.
    This show has some great meme potential and some great reaction images.

    Like this screencap, which is perfect for ANY story about Roy Moore or asshole men these days –
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/56a579039bbd03e9b3cdf2cfd25eedb2c0e2db70b028b476db6aa3437918c094.png

  • Cornelius Fussbudget

    Thus, we have reached the pinnacle of human achievement. We can all go home now.

  • moeman

    Swab the dick!

  • altleftjohn
    • Beautiful Soup

      “O’Neill — the only Democrat elected to statewide office….”
      And then there were none.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      He should be removed from tbe bench for exhibiting the poor judgment it takes to think making up shit to humblebrag about all the hot tail he’s bagged over the years is somehow an intelligent, much less appropriate response to what’s going on in the current national dialogue. Jesus christ on a bike.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bb5911470e4a8a8db2899c33de2438a7b8138b7b7e5503550faf7e1aa6f1d526.jpg

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Since it certainly fits the theme of this post, I’m going to say “What a dick.”

  • Blackest Noobs

    because it’s the sky penis we deserves, but not the one it needs right now, so we get mad about sky penis.

    all hail sky penis.

  • BadKitty904

    ♫ When the moon
    Hits your eye
    Like some big
    Sky-penii,
    That’s amoreee!!! ♪

  • shastakoala
    • proudgrampa

      Damn right she did!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Technically, this whole thing was started by Anna Marie Cox.

        (Heh, “Cox.”)

    • Fartknocker

      Dr. Zoom: That’s a fricking AWESOME shirt.

      • SDGeoff3

        I caught it. Where do I get one?

    • OutOfOrbit

      Looking at the size of them balls!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Two nights of open threads filled with dick jokes.

    IT’S A MIRACLE!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/02f80701804e99ebc2288dbd5b5856470465c9ce622aec78db2a3c2fbebabfe4.jpg

    Praise Jeebus’!

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Wanna know who else is in the sky and getting close to Maui??

    MY BEST FUCKIN’ FRIEND, THAT’S WHO!

    I’m as excited as that SkyPenis! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8ebdaf8e3d92511a44a1ce13815b900d639e02787bcd6db3eedc98f9613f1fcc.gif

    • proudgrampa

      WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

    • Paul

      YAAAAAYYYY!

    • OutOfOrbit

      No lady erection?

    • SDGeoff3

      What a great occasion!! Cheers!

  • jesuswasablack
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Somehow, I’m thinking of that old Saturday morning serial we grew up on in the fifties…Sky King!….

    • OutOfOrbit

      Is that you, Penny?

      • Jackie Jackstein FTW

        Jinx!

    • Jackie Jackstein FTW

      And Penny?

    • SDGeoff3

      I lerrved Sky King.

  • Jackie Jackstein FTW

    Well, that was a shitty way to start a Friday night. The GOP is trying a “starve the beast” approach with their stupid tax cut plan. The next step, after the bill passes, is to gut SS and Medicare. This was really the entire plan all along. Destroy the social safety net, overturn the New Deal. This is the answer to the question “why?” They put up with Donnie because he’ll sign this monster into law. This it the shit Paul Ryan has had wet dreams about since. . . High school, probably. These assholes are just evil made flesh!

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2017/11/16/first-republicans-want-tax-cuts-next-theyll-try-gutting-medicare-and-social-security/?hpid=hp_hp-cards_hp-posteverything%3Ahomepage%2Fcard

    • aktlib101

      It has been constant class warfare ever since Saint Reagan. Probably, it is now time that the “lower” classes start paying attention and do what is needed to revert this trend and the growing inequality for our own survival.
      With votes, of course.
      We need to make the rich poorer and the poor richer. That’s all. They rigged the game, we need to unrig it

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I posted a link earlier to an article about how the rubes don’t actually like “small government” when they start getting less government.

  • Michael R
    • Bill D. Burger

      Factoid: Dogs lick their dicks because they can’t make a fist.

      Read it on the innerwebs. It’s true.

      • Jackie Jackstein FTW

        I always thought fogs licked their dicks because they COULD. Well, learn something new every day.

        • Bill D. Burger

          Two old men walk by a rottweiler licking it’s dick and ass.

          Man #1: “I wish I could do that.”

          Man # 2: “He might let you, but you better pet him first.”

    • SDGeoff3

      Is his name by any chance Dick? He’s not a cocker spaniel, sadly.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Never been a sinner I never sinned
    I got a friend in Jesus
    So you know that when I die
    He’s gonna set me up with
    The penis in the sky

  • jesuswasablack
    • Jackie Jackstein FTW

      I have it on good authority that Jesus LOVED the cock so I’m sure he would approve.

      • puredog

        Even though Peter denied him thrice before it crowed?

        • Jackie Jackstein FTW

          Peter always played hard to get.

          • Ωbjectifier

            Not like that slut Judas.

          • Jackie Jackstein FTW

            He’d do ANYTHING for twelve pieces of silver.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I thought it was 30 pieces of silver. HEY! He ripped me off, didn’t he?

          • Jackie Jackstein FTW

            Reverse inflation. Trickle down treachery. Hey, sounds like Judas was a neocon.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Prolly’ saw it as the Second Cuming?

      • shastakoala

        And god said, “Let there be flight.”

        • Bill D. Burger

          God said, “Let there be light.” …but it took electricians to make it happen.

    • DesertedPictures

      Isn’t that just another penis?

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Why would anyone draw an ancient torture device in the sky like that? Gross!

  • georgiaburning

    …we are holding the crew accountable. Translation: they will be forced to drink all the alcohol their buddies buy for them at the Officers Club.

    • bupkus231

      I suspect it will be them buying drinks at the OClub. Granted, I was just a contractor puke looking on, but it seemed like every time a sailor had something to celebrate, he was the one buying…

  • msanthropesmr

    The gay agenda has hit straight marriage. This was the only card my wife could find to get me for our anniversary. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5910167e1d26b2d22579ef45963a460c61078e17ed03a60205120d90a8aa414e.jpg

    • DesertedPictures

      Well: the conservatives did warn us! Too late now I guess.

    • jesuswasablack

      It’s all over now, I hope your ready for the rapture!
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hZVWuMEbFI

      • SDGeoff3

        O fuck. Not again. Won’t one of them leave me a Cadillac?

    • Jackie Jackstein FTW

      I know what I’m getting the wife next anniversary.

      • Parakeetist

        A gay man?

        • Jackie Jackstein FTW

          Silly, she already has a few of those.

    • armed_bears

      This is outstanding.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Is this some busybody vandalizing a gay marriage card, or did someone like this card better than any of the straight ones and modified it for her own use?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      My work here is done.

  • Jimh

    No ball hairs. FAIL.

  • canes_pugnaces

    I submit my former dog (gone to the great beyond) and his bone. Which sums up this week very nicely.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2f35069e0833c21a9d0d37df3f63a6495f9361938271ef50cafe7e78d427aa09.jpg

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Skypenis seems very appropriate for the awful news of late.

  • Johnnymoreno

    Make Skypenises Not War.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    A dick in the clouds, or as I might call it, the hypo-kkkhristian god.

  • mancityRed6

    looks like a hat to me

    • That’s what Ms. Member said.

      Just not a hat for everyone, I replied.

      • MizzMazz

        Arby’s logo.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I thought it was a cigar.

  • Doug Langley

    I want to thank everyone who contributed to my gofundme last night. It will help a lot to keep me going for the next week. Some day, I assume, the unemployment will kick in.

    Recruiter called today. Interesting client. They have a project so unusual that they’re not wasting time trying to find someone who’s already done everything like it, rather they just want someone will overall programming skills. I told him go for it.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      It is the blessing of the SKYPENIS.

      • Doug Langley

        You mean it’s a sign? Maybe I should start a church.

  • Blender_415

    Oh my. Vegan Baby Butt may have a challenger… VBB or SkyPenis? I may need to open a bottle of wine and think about this.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    Paging Chemtrail Kelli…

  • Bill D. Burger

    A South Park holiday classic and in keeping with the thread topic and the season.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YTJMSiaG10

    • Arolpin

      Thanks for the reminder that in 1 more week I need to ensure that the entire album is loaded on my phone. I still can’t play it for my kids, but it’s in HEAVY rotation during my holiday driving.

  • mrFawkes

    A Seaman in a cockpit on a testicle flight sky doodling.

    • WilbyToad

      They do it for the cumaraderie.

      • mrFawkes

        Squid pro quo

    • NellCote71

      Bravo, haiku master.

    • Doug Langley

      Controlled by the joystick.

  • bupkus231

    Wow – another open thread about dick jokes! I may never catch up!

  • msanthropesmr

    Jeepers, looks like the end of rule for Mugabe. Good fucking riddance.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Looks like, but I’m not gonna believe it until he and his embezzled millions are safely ensconced in Coral Gables.

    • h4rr4r

      His wife has been running the show for a while.

  • “I don’t care if it rains or freezes as long as I got my skycloud penis”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “I don’t care if it rains or freezes as long as I got my skycloud PENIS”

  • Red Bird

    Are you sure that’s not really just an infinity sign and a loop? Because I see an infinity sign and a loop. It’s the symbol for eternal love….an infinite loop.

    • weighmaster

      Spectacles on a chain. That’s what I see.

  • MizzMazz

    It’s got a nice big thick shaft, but the balls are kind of small and squishy looking.

    Mother should Just be honest with her kids about human biology; I found it just easier. After explaining the differences between women and men to my four year old in the car, he seemed fine with the simple explanation. Of course after doing the shopping, my son decided to announce to the cashier, “My Mom has a vagina!”

    Many laughs were had that day.

  • NellCote71

    Harrumph. That’s the closest I will be to a penis now and the foreseeable future. So, thanks, Navy pilots.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
    And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
    Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
    Of sun-split clouds, –and done a hundred things
    You have not dreamed of –Wheeled and soared and swung
    High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there
    I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
    My eager craft through footless halls of air…
    Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
    I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
    Where never lark or even eagle flew —
    And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod
    The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
    Put out my hand, and touched the face of Sky Penis.

    • Holly

      Damn! wish I’d a thought of it. Totally, utterly the best. I’ll never read High Flight the same way ever again.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Has anyone seen dogs and cats mating yet?

    “The most surprising finding in the Fox News poll of Alabama wasn’t Doug Jones’s eight-point lead. It was that Donald Trump’s approval rating among registered voters in the Heart of Dixie was 50 percent — and Barack Obama’s was 52 percent.

    Now, that difference is within the margin of error. And the result could make one question the survey’s sample. After all, Trump won Alabama by 28 points last fall, while Obama lost it by roughly 22 points in 2008 and 2012. But, whatever Alabamians truly think of Obama, a recent JMC Analytics poll also put Trump’s approval in Alabama at just above 50 percent. ”

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/11/fox-poll-obama-is-now-more-popular-than-trump-in-alabama.html

    • Erala Contratista

      Oh
      Mating with each other…….

      Best go to the grocery and get some nice espresso.

    • Serai 1

      Gee, maybe the people there are just getting fucking sick of the bullshit.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        What? They’re finally paying attention?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I thought it was interesting that there were two mass shootings right before the VA elections. I kind of wonder what people are sick of the most – Trump? Mass murder, and the follow up ‘thoughts and prayers’?, Tax cuts for the rich? Republicans trying to screw everyone out of healthcare? All of it, Katie?

  • msanthropesmr

    Argentina has managed to lose a submarine. Whoa. I haven’t ever list anything that large.

    • vivian

      They should look under the couch… or in this case maybe Chile?

    • h4rr4r

      Have they checked the Falklands?

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I lost my car in a mall parking lot once, but that’s as close as I can get to losing a submarine. Eventually I found the car, BTW.

    • SayItWithWookies

      So they’re looking for something long, hard and full of seamen?

    • BadKitty904

      I hate when that happens.

    • mancityRed6

      first you have to have had a submarine. then we can talk about whether or not you’d lose it

    • CripesAmighty

      Must be some hangover.

    • Erala Contratista

      I have lost my phone and my truck……but I always end up finding them.
      Where I actually left them.

    • MizzMazz
    • Parakeetist
      • MizzMazz

        Jinx!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Resistor Radio

      Huzzah!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That’s so perfect, it just has to be real.

  • vivian

    So it’s an openis thread?

    • SDGeoff3

      One of many.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I don’t know whether to laugh or scream.

    Man accidentally shoots himself and wife at church while discussing church shootings
    https://www.yahoo.com/news/man-accidentally-shoots-himself-wife-144300182.html

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So that’s what is drawn all over the desks and walls at my school. Oh, those kids and their hijinks!

    • SDGeoff3

      Bunch o’ little Dickens they are.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Joel Osteen: “Jesus doesn’t rub it in when you make one mistake. He rubs one out.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzyYPVC-fZ4

    • Serai 1

      OMG. Please tell that quote’s not a joke.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • therblig

      in his plane, the Dongbird

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Not as great as SKYPENIS, but always good …
    Hell hath no fury: County board member’s ‘joke’ about the Women’s March cost him his seat last night

    Across the nation, hate lost and diversity won. The resistance roared back and one of the sweetest victories came in Northfield, New Jersey, in a local race for the Atlantic County Freeholder’s Board. It all started when Republican Freeholder John Carman shared two memes about the women’s march on his Facebook page. One meme had a woman standing over a stove (seen below) and the caption “Will the woman’s (sic) protest be over in time for them to cook dinner?” The other read “There must be a large sandwich making class going on in D.C. today.”

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/jim-bakker-they-outlawed-merry-christmas-a-few-years-ago/ I have some sad news, we have lost a front in our war on Christmas. We must shoulder onward, we will fight on!!! We will never surrender!

    • mancityRed6

      “You don’t have to lay down for it.”
      but, what if you want to?

      • OutOfOrbit

        It is easier to fap when sitting erect.

        • mancityRed6

          I’ll wager there’s a kama sutra for that out there, somewhere.

        • Amy!

          For guys? I figure, sitting, standing, lying down, as long as it’s erect you’re good.

      • mailman27

        Yo, right wing; unless somebody picks you up and places you in a prone position, you will lie down. If you are the agent/settler/citizen settling down for nappy times, you are lying not laying. I’m such a dick.

    • therblig

      in honor of the war on christmas, here’s an old testament atlantic city sunrise. can’t you just hear the sinners crying out in anguish?

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0576c10edc0d1b6aba274cc4acc8336ef6ff22a756e025125180e909717ece6e.jpg

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Why do i feel like playing the Brian Jonestown Massacre and sitting in the surf in a suit?

  • aktlib101
  • Bill D. Burger

    America sends a message to the White House via a majestic eagle.
    (*He carried the same banner to Malheur.)

    http://i.imgur.com/eD2rMsU.gif

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I saw a majestic eagle this morning. It was eating out of a dumpster. I thought at the time it was oddly appropriate.

      • Bill D. Burger

        A living metaphor for our times! ~sigh~

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          The only way it could have been more on the nose was if there was such a thing as a Comb-over Eagle.

      • mailman27

        I frequently see them munching on roadkill. Even so, I’m so jacked just to see one. Often bad phone pictures ensue.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          It is nice to see them, except for one thing: I used to have a beautiful view of the Clearwater River, and I liked to sit on my deck and watch the osprey fish. The eagles have chased off most of the osprey.

          • doktorzoom

            I hate the fucking Eagles, man.

      • Serai 1

        They really are trash birds, for all their supposed majesty. Golden eagles are far more beautiful and dignified.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I must have been sick that day, but where does it fit in the food pyramid?

  • Red Bird

    I’m stuck on a commuter bus because people can’t read signs. Here’s a poem.
    Stuck on a bus
    Stuck in a rut
    Waiting in traffic
    Looking like a dork
    Need to move
    Need to get home
    So I can relax
    And watch Netflix

    • P’jama Pahnts

      That’s like, Haiku times eleven

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    If this doesn’t summon TLM nothing will ….

    • mailman27

      Turgid Love Muscle 2– The Summoning

      • shastakoala

        There can only be one!

  • Serai 1

    Look! Up in the sky!

    It’s a bird!

    It’s a plane!

    Its… IT’S…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFRLc87FGWo

  • Holly

    GO NAVY! Yep, retired naval aviator here, and this is one of the best penis’s I’ve ever seen drawn, believe me this goes on all the time. I spent my naval career at NAS Pensacola and saw many a drawing done by the Angel’s and they never got it as right as this one. This was beautifully executed, and I have to tell you I’m as proud as a parent at their kids concert.

  • mancityRed6

    so I woke up Tuesday morning with a sore throat. I had good dreams though, so I didn’t think any more of it.
    I wake up Wednesday with a clogged ear that I still can’t really hear out of.
    Thursday day, mostly the same but with a slightly runny nose.
    Thursday night was a night of maybe a low fever? runny nose, oh, and now a cough, too. f*ck, this is not good timing.
    Joplin woman is coming up tonight, set to arrive about 8:30 or so.
    I waited until yesterday to tell her I might be coming down with something. yeah, I’m kind of like that when we only get to see each other every couple of weeks and the next three weekends are spoken for.
    so I told her everything today and she’s still coming up. maybe. unless something happens with one of her kids before she leaves. it’s just a cold and she says she’ll deal. I’m almost starting to think she wants to see me as much as I want to see her.
    and she told her kids that she would be gone Friday night and most of Saturday. her son is 11 and has an xbox so we’ve already discussed why she shouldn’t get him GTA5. yeah, I know. her daughter wanted to know why her friend couldn’t come down to Joplin and stay. yeah.
    soon, it will happen. but it’s gonna be hard to actually sleep on the couch when it does. and to keep my hands off of her when the kids are around.
    but now, I have to do a little touch up on my cleaning and take a shower. also, pound a few shots of dayquil.
    I’m making steak tacos tonight. and beer and mead.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Health and adventure, headed your way, via thoughts and prayers.

  • Ωbjectifier
    • Serai 1

      Those two had it BAD for each other.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Good to see that New England hasn’t let up on its level of hate and intolerance

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/16/us/school-cancels-muslim-speaker-after-community-backlash/index.html

    • Beelzebubba

      Oh great – a dozen racist/fascist assholes bitch on social media, and the cowards cancel the event. This sort of shit pisses me off immensely.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    That chemtrail-pecker is clearly designed to make Alex Jones’ cock limp and teeny.

    • Khavrinen

      And I suspect that it worked — but I really don’t want to check…

    • jesuswasablack

      I’m betting Alex’s pecker was designed limp and teeny from the jump!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Great race….and then someone had to ruin it with a dick move!

    https://i.imgur.com/bxXl59d.gif

    • jesuswasablack

      Always someone, You wouldn’t think a tea-tard would have the stones to dress as a yellow cock!

    • therblig

      third legged race?

    • Ωbjectifier

      It’s always the small one, overcompensating.

  • BMW
  • CripesAmighty

    This is great, but I’m just exhausted and wish this week would just put its pants on and go.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    They even managed to detail the frenulum

    • Sheepshagger

      NAVY!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey said Friday there’s no reason to doubt the disturbing allegations against embattled GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore — but she plan on voting for him anyway.

    Party over country.

  • mailman27

    “Of zero training value…”LOL

  • Aunt PithyPat

    I think it’s the Arby’s hat.

    We have the MEATS!!!!!!!!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So word is a fake twitters profile is accusing Senator Blumenthal of the sex harassment.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Senator “Dick” Blumenthal is a pain in the ass to the rich, white Wall St robbers, so ….

    • jesuswasablack

      That’s it, he’ll have to resign immediately, no question!

  • Bill D. Burger

    I remember this gif when the Southern Baptists called for a boycott of Disney because they extended benefits to same sex couples prior to the SCOTUS ruling. It was posted everywhere on all the Fundie religious and rightie sites.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/5fBH6zabptCP9296tnq/giphy.gif

    • janecita

      Stolen! Thanks:-)

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I just discovered that totally blind Americans have the right to buy and carry guns. They can’t drive a car, though.

    It has just now occurred to me that self-drive cars could be a real blessing for blind people one day, when all the kinks are worked out.

    • MizzMazz

      Self-driving cars scare me, but maybe that’s because I’m very old fashioned. Now blind people being able to buy guns, that scares the shit out of me, because I don’t trust most people with sight to use their guns wisely.

      • weighmaster

        When Mr. Master was a young, he took his blind friend to a recently harvested farm field and let him drive his truck.

        • Sheepshagger

          That’s what he told him anyway.

          • weighmaster

            Well, that’s what he told me anyway :)

        • MizzMazz

          See, that’s nice, because it’s in a field, and not out where anyone could get hurt. One of the cops at my old job told me about a woman he pulled over who was not only DUI, but legally blind, and it wasn’t her car. that’s scary – she could have hurt or killed someone.

          • weighmaster

            Exactly.

      • Serai 1

        They scare me only because they haven’t been proven enough to my liking. About ten years without any massive amount of fatalities and I’ll change my mind.

        • Sheepshagger

          Yeah wouldn’t want to take a risk. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to drive to auckland with every methed out ADHD case piloting a ton of rage fuelled metal past me at top speed.

        • MizzMazz

          Agreed. The sort of step son thinks they’re exciting, but he drives a train for a living. No rails on the street, Pat! I see too many human fuck-ups to think a computer will do it better right now.

          • Serai 1

            Yep. It’s the thing that makes me think people who want flying cars are fucking insane. We have enough trouble dealing with traveling on a two-dimensional plane – these idiots think we can handle THREE?

          • MizzMazz

            Or jet packs. I’ll stick with my flying dreams, thank you.

    • jesuswasablack

      I was in a band with a blind dude, we considered staging a demonstration on the state capital demanding he and other blinds have the right to open carry, we thought it would be a hoot, who knew?

    • h4rr4r

      They even have charities that take them hunting. I figure that has to be the easiest thing to fake. Let them shoot, scream “wow huge deer” and let them touch a dog.

      • janecita

        Damn, you are cracking me up today!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I would have thought that blind people would have more empathy than to participate in hunting defenceless animals. I see I was wrong.

    • Beelzebubba

      The GOP is much more likely to fund research into self-shooting guns.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Alexa,, please shoot that guy.”

  • janecita
    • yyyaz

      Neal Asswipe McCoy can take take my knee up his pasty white ass.

      • janecita

        For what I hear, he is into freaky stuff;-)

    • proudgrampa

      “is that a knee up your ass or are you just happy to see me(?)”

  • WilbyToad

    Meanwhile on the dark side:

    Trump-supporting intern for homophobic congressman sent racial slurs to a veteran on a gay dating app: report

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/trump-supporting-intern-for-homophobic-congressman-allegedly-sent-racial-slurs-to-a-veteran-on-a-gay-dating-app/

    and worse…

    Indiana GOP councilman charged with 3 counts of child molestation after allegedly assaulting two ten-year-old girls

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/indiana-gop-councilman-charged-with-3-counts-of-child-molestation-after-allegedly-assaulting-two-ten-year-old-girls/

    Sorry to break the fun bawdy banter with these, but they just pissed me off.

    • jesterpunk

      We already knew the GOP was cool with pedophiles as long as they win the election.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    Cum trails?

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

    “On November 17, 2017 at 2:39 pm, Skydick became self-aware…” – Terminator 2 https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1311d8effaaee673ac57383b91a81544890892eca40dbdeab6e5db614e0c3269.jpg

  • bubbuhh

    I thought that wuz Roy Moore’s hat.

  • janecita
    • Malaclypse

      When did Ryan Lewis start producing Eminem songs?

      • janecita

        I don’t know, but they seem to know each other for years.

  • penny stock

    The dick jokes just write themselves, in the sky.

  • Serai 1
  • janecita

    Fuck! I don’t feel like cooking!

    • weighmaster

      French Dip Friday!!!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Me either. That’s why I’m getting takeout sammiches from the local bar & grill.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Can’t go wrong with pizza.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Just try to do a little better than Papa John’s.

        • h4rr4r

          I do nazi what is wrong with it. Do you think it’s not the Reich choice?

          • amrak63

            On the contrary; it’s Goering to be a big Hitler.

          • DrBigHead

            I’ll bet they are going to Goebbels it up

          • amrak63

            And freshen their breath afterward with some Speer-mint gum.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          Well, that’s not too hard.

        • DrBigHead

          Our last minute standby is Papa Murphy. Me and the Girl stopped there nearly every Friday for several months. Stopped going for a while when I put myself on a low-carb diet. Returned a couple of weeks ago and was met with what appeared to be honest joy by the staff. They had worried that something happened to us.

      • janecita

        That’s exactly what I’m doing.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So I heard Orrin Hatch had to use Miss Lindsay’s fainting couch the other day. It’s funny watching old, prissy men get upset.

    • doktorzoom

      I swear I read “farting couch.” And these glasses are just a year old, darn it!

      • Catstro

        Sometimes it’s just a matter of your brain seeing what it wants to see

      • yyyaz

        And thank you for that olfactory image.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Hatch: “Mr Brown……Yyyyyyoouu!! ____

      https://m.popkey.co/51e41e/QX3pg.gif

      Sen. Brown should have just started laughing.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The US Navy may be home to some unbelievably corrupt Admirals, and they may not be able to get a ship from here to there without crashing it, but damn it, they are the masters of Skyschlong.

  • mrFawkes

    Country protest singer gonna need a bigger ass. https://youtu.be/8oY74hOK_iQ

    • janecita

      Is this your new favorite song also?

      • mrFawkes

        What can I say, I dig torture music. But, Lee Greenwood is still #1.

    • Sheepshagger

      Man looks like he frequents high class glory holes.

    • jesuswasablack

      Uncle Tom says what?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Asses don’t have knees

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        If you shove your foot up far enough, they do.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Guy looks like someone who’d enjoy a fist rather than a knee.

    • therblig

      he’s got them sarah huckabee eyes

  • ccurtisp

    A big old spirit in the sky.

    • Serai 1

      Man, of all the places I would not want to go when I die, the sky’s right up there. Why would I want to float around on clouds all day, never seeing anything else? Sounds awfully boring to me. I’ll take the Blessed Isles, thanks.

  • jesuswasablack
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Having a bit of a squeeee over this. I first heard “Frankenstein!!” waaaay back in the 1980s, and up to today, I could not find any recordings of it. But now there are live performances posted on YouTube, and oh my, so much fun. The composer, H.K. Gruber, is a descendant of Franz Gruber, composer of “Silent Night”. But there’s nothing silent or holy about *this* night. I dedicate this posting to the Pussy-Grabber-In-Chief, for reasons that will become apparent.

    https://youtu.be/glb0JmM2oVw

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Po Nagar, Nha Trang, Vietnam.
    You all know what a linga is and the slit on the right is supposed to represent a err… slit. Or so I’ve heard. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/329e8c01ff3c1d740a591bd57db0c63de21ad7b50517b9ada6295cdf3744387c.jpg

    • therblig

      looney tunes would have been very different with anvils like that

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Yoni loves Chachi.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Okay Air Force, let’s see you top that.

    • Anna Rompage

      Are you kidding? It carries the biggest dick in the world, every time it flies…

  • going4baroque
    • Resistor Radio

      Earworm alert!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Don’t show that to Roy Moore.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        They’re too old.

      • going4baroque

        I was told by someone in the know that this was filmed at the mall just after the girls were informed that Roy Moore was forever banned.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          How screwed up is your life, when you’re banned from a MALL…in Alabama…in the 1970s?

          • going4baroque

            beyond measure – on the bell curve, beyond the marginally deviant, out where the buses never run, is my guess

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      So, this is an interview for the center cushion on Fox and Friends?

      • going4baroque

        the benevolent forces of the universe worked together harmoniously to bring this miracle of rhythmic movement for your enjoyment, and now they have asked me to convey this one question to you:
        What the hell kind of question is that?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’d like to date your Mom.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    And SKYPENIS hath blessed us again ….

    Trump starts paying his own legal bills on Russia probe -attorneys

    President Donald Trump has begun paying his own legal bills related to the Russia investigation and will no longer cover the costs using political donations to his reelection campaign or the Republican Party, his attorneys confirmed on Friday.

  • aktlib101

    If Assmouth and his ass-kissers in Congress want tax reform, let’s propose that said “reform” doubles the wealth of poor people within the next 5 years, and halves the wealth of rich people.
    That’s how you stimulate the economy

    • OrG

      But they’re not interested in stimulating the economy.

      • aktlib101

        Heh, true dat

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      The only thing they want stimulated is their off shore bank accounts.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Unemployment’s at 4.1%. There is literally not one reason to “stimulate the economy.” The economy has been on a rip, for years. Thanks, Obama!

  • OrG

    Finally,tax dollars well spent.

  • Jenny

    Thumbs up. Sky penis was worth it.

  • BrendaKay

    What if the pilot is just an Arby’s fan?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    He seems nice:
    ““Roy’s Rock” represented a clear violation of the establishment clause of the First Amendment, and Moore was being sued for so blatantly flouting the Constitution. He was silent that day in the courtroom, but he had already made a great deal of noise about the United States being a Christian nation. One of his arguments was that the founders were aware of no religion other than Christianity, and therefore, the First Amendment gave only Christians the right to free exercise.

    That statement, of course, was demonstrably, ridiculously false. But that’s Roy Moore. The Republican Senate nominee has fashioned an entire career out of subterfuge and self-misrepresentation — as a constitutional authority, as a Baptist and as a spokesman for evangelical values. The recent allegations of sexual misconduct, together with his many specious statements over the years — that the First Amendment guarantees religious freedom only for Christians, for example, or that many communities in the United States stagger under the burden of Islamic sharia law — underscore both his hypocrisy and his tenuous grasp of reality.In 2004, after Moore was unseated for refusing to obey a court order to remove his Ten Commandments monument and was touring as a kind of full-time martyr for the religious right, I visited the judge in Montgomery, together with a group of students from the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism. In the course of the conversation, Moore launched into his riff about how the founders intended Christianity as the only constitutionally protected religion because they knew nothing else. (The founders were most certainly aware of Jews and Muslims, who appear in the writings of Thomas Jefferson and in the Treaty of Tripoli as “Mussulmen,” the French term. That same treaty, negotiated by the John Adams administration and ratified unanimously by the Senate in 1797, states that “the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.”)”

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/roy-moore-is-a-fraud/2017/11/17/45c0edfe-caf9-11e7-8321-481fd63f174d_story.html?tid=pm_pop&utm_term=.d245de8a7339

    • Thiazin Red

      What? Even if it were true that they didn’t know Muslims were a thing (which they did, but lets pretend), reading the Bible would have clued them in on the existence of Jews. They would be pretty hard to miss in there.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Roy Moore may be dumber than Donald Trump.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Actually (ahem) the Ten Commandments were a Jewish thing. True fact…..

    • h4rr4r

      No, he meant really strong guys.

    • TJ Barke

      History is a liberal conspiracy.

    • Holly

      And there are lunatic fringe Christian sub-human people that wanna know why I’m an atheist. It’s getting near bout unpossible to not throw things at them. KnowhatImean?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I was pleased to see a clergyman on the news who said “I believe those women, and so would Jesus.” He also said something like “people like Moore make us all look bad.” Just when I think things are awful, someone will restore my faith in humanity.

        • Holly

          You are always the voice of hope, reason and kindness in this world of cynicism, hate and insanity. All the very best, and sending love to you.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            God knows I try. I’ve never been hopeless, in my life, but Trump has made me feel that way for the first time. I just keep telling myself that this too shall pass.

            Sending love back to you.

          • Holly

            BIG hug (({{}}))

  • Moar Wordz

    Ha ! I like this article, there’s no jizz ropes references, & I’ve never been a swallower, so happy cocktimes

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Trailer for the third installment of the Monkey King series.

    https://youtu.be/Zkw1JVISFNE

    • Tony Prost

      I guess I am going to have to start watching those. THey are on Amazon Prime I think

      • Lyly Sirivong

        I didn’t like the first one (even though Donnie Yen was great as the Monkey King) but I thought the second one was good (even though it took a bit of time to get used to the change of actor).

  • TootsStansbury

    “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in Whidbey Island is the Great Sky Penis. And this [shall be] a sign unto you; Ye shall find your dick in your hand while lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men and yes, I said yes, yes.” Linus VanPelt

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yes, I also heard this in Linus’s voice.

  • Dg Hacket

    It could have been a really tall 10 gallon hat

    • therblig

      it takes forever to fill one of those, not to mention the wrist sprains, uh, never mind.

  • Holly
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Jesus, lady, just tell your kids it’s a letter from a defunct alphabet or something.

    • Jenny

      Lordy, if she has boys they already know they have a penis.

    • therblig
    • TJ Barke

      “Well that’s a body part that only boys have, I’ll tell you more when you’re older” and move on… It’s not that difficult.

      • h4rr4r

        My three year old knows this. Biology is nothing to be ashamed of.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I also have a three year old and he remarkably unimpressed with his parts (unlike some little boys and grown men that I know). But I might hold back on sharing what this drawing was simply because I know my kids would spend the next year drawing exactly that everywhere, including on each other’s faces.

          • h4rr4r

            My wife has taken no touching yourself too far. He ended up with a rash from sweat trapped between his penis and scrotum. Grown men can rearrange with the use of hands but that is too advanced for a three year old.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Dayum. I just told my three-year old about privacy and she just did it while alone. I didn’t think you could stop them.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_24FTxA4AhM

          • h4rr4r

            He is really dedicated to being good. He is like me at that age. Hard for her to understand, I think. She also only meant in public, but she really drove home not to do it when anyone can see you and at 3 he gets very little alone time.

          • h4rr4r

            I meant he knows what a penis is, he likely would not know what the drawing depicted.

    • jowgajen

      Penis, 49% of humans have one.

      • TundraGrifter

        But that doesn’t keep more than half the people in this world from being pricks.

  • It’s a sign that God is a dick?

    • The Wanderer

      So what else is new?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Fake Mews! Cat owners give their pets Trump-like hairdos made out of excess fur
    Hundreds of cat owners have been taking part in ‘Trump Your Cat’ craze
    Cats are groomed before excess fur is shaped to resemble President’s do
    Owners then snap a pictured before posting the result online for others to see

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ff929a4fe3104759b415cd87f882e4c5792dbb03692134eb4d5b39eaf5bcd89d.jpg

  • jowgajen
    • TJ Barke

      “A dumbass song for moron fascists that don’t understand the first amendment and hate America and freedom of expression”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        AKA about 90% of the current country music catalog

        • CripesAmighty

          Musically insipid; thematically infantile.
          –every country song, ever.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Hank Williams libelz!

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Hank Williams, Jr fits though.

          • Arolpin

            Hank III is tolerable. I like his punk-country more than his country-punk.

          • CripesAmighty

            Ok, I’ll concede this one–and only this one:
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RZH2bmbUTl4

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Recycled early 60s rock and roll with fiddle and pedal steel, along with lyrics ripped off from the bumper sticker rack at the local truck stop.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      so he wants his donkey to kneel?

      Kinky…

      • bubbuhh

        Iz that his Donkey, Dick?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He wants a knee to his ass, it’s the American Way.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Funny. I figured from the title of the song that this had to do with proposals and was right up Robyn’s alley.

  • Michael R

    I was looking for an Ambiguously Gay Duo airplane ,
    and there wasn’t one , but you can get the lunch box

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bdef58d02d7de48891aa6cb770ad0a0cab912ca6ba438a07e9cfbe0234fd095f.jpg

  • Jenny
  • WilbyToad

    The Trump Family Made Millions from Drug Cartels and the Russian Mafia in Panama City: Report

    Maybe we should start calling the president’s Florida estate “Mar-a-Narco.”

    by Liz Posner, AlterNet

    https://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/trump-ocean-club-connected-drug-cartels-and-russian-mafia-panama-city

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He makes the best deals.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Little Narco

  • TundraGrifter

    Several hundred years ago this would have triggered the start of a new cult if not an entirely new religion.

    • TJ Barke

      All hail the Mighty Godcock!

      • MizzMazz

        I think some people already subscribe to that religion ;)

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Taking a knee in prayer, except not.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          [cough]

      • TootsStansbury

        It’s a sign! I’m in rapture!

      • NorthernSaber

        Album title or group name?

        • TJ Barke

          Yes!

    • jesterpunk

      You know it might do the same now.

    • Serai 1

      It’s not new religion, it’s very old religion. The Romans worshipped the phallus. Shinto has always had its penis devotions. It’s not rare or new.

      • TundraGrifter

        Who said anything about a penis? I was thinking about the airplane.

        You guys all seem to have dirty minds.

    • Ryan Denniston
    • Thiazin Red

      New life goals, learn to fly, invent time travel, steal plane and draw dicks in the ancient sky, return to present and observe results.

    • Bobathonic

      Your god is a dick!

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        My dick is a god!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Penis Jesus!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        #winning – even better than Phoenices Penises.

  • Please. Doesn’t the Navy understand that every invention by man has been developed to depict penises, and any other use is completely unintentional?

    • Serai 1

      How far we’ve fallen from the mighty Romans, who wore penis pendants for strength and vitality.

      • TJ Barke

        Fun fact: the “heart” symbol was originally balls.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          I thought it was a woman’s ass.

          • TJ Barke

            It’s whatever you want it to be.

        • Serai 1

          Which is interesting because the Romans saw the heart as the seat of personality, not the brain. It’s why we still think of emotions as a heart thing.

    • SisterArtemis

      For your listening pleasure:
      https://youtu.be/ByE5Bc70w44

  • It’s a Rorschach cloud. And since the Okanagan is the Alabama of Washington state, it’s no surprise this poor (no doubt ChrisCon) woman had a fainting spell when she saw that glorious pecker in the sky.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Asotin County has to settle for being the Mississippi of Washington?

    • SisterArtemis

      Wait just one damn minute, I thought SW Washington was the Alabama of the state, whereas Okanagan Co. was the Montana of the state. *sigh* so hard to keep up with all the ratfuckery….

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Someone’s never been to the Omak Stampede.

        • SisterArtemis

          Well, I was about 3 I think, so my memories are a bit fuzzy. But I do have a whole arm of the family up there, and we pretty much don’t talk to them because of Politics, Religion and general Dumb-Asssery. A decision made, thankfully, by the folks of my grandparent’s generation, who decided [ALLEGEDLY] “fuck this shit, we’re heading to the Puget Sound.”

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Funny how families shake out. Happened in ex-H#2’s family. Some stayed in SC, some moved to FL and changed the spelling of the last name. Some in FL got discussed with the rest and moved to MS. And only the MS ones are “normal”.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I heard a guy there tell a judge that his problems started, “ever since these Indians started movin’ into the area with their liquor and their drugs.”

      • Actually. ….I think you may be correct.

        • Holfernes

          Whatever shitforbrains

  • Serai 1

    NICE TIME WITH FOREST PUPPY

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XypJqDYqwnw

    • TootsStansbury

      I’d like to see forest puppy grow up and live like he or she should but stupid, fucking, assholes are against it. I’ve only heard wolves once, it was haunting, primal, magic.

      • NorthernSaber

        Buddy of mine at grad school had a cabin in Hovland, Minnesota- right on Superior. We went up one spring break and heard them all over the place. Second day there one came right down the shore toward us, sniffing the rocks for goodies. I made a break for my camera, the wolf caught that movement, and that was that. But what a moment!

    • Thiazin Red

      Why did they remove it from the mother?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Dawww…he thinks he wants to be my dog.

  • jesterpunk

    God damn it, a republican is making sense here. Also what the hell is wrong with this guy and how did he become a judge?

    http://www.cleveland.com/open/index.ssf/2017/11/sitting_supreme_court_justice.html

    • BosGrl

      A guy that thinks like this is not a D.

      Also, if you have to count…

      • jesterpunk

        You are lying?

        • BosGrl

          Maybe! It just reminds me of Barney on How I Met Your Mother.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      The sacrifice that he is willing to make for his country! And does it count if he was paying them?

  • Michael R

    Important message from the world of really really horrible things …

    https://youtu.be/8oY74hOK_iQ

  • LadyLaz

    Serioualy

  • Red Richmond

    So proud of my state for the skypenis, just goes to show Washingtonians don’t dick around about things.

    Also, think I’m going to start a band called Captain Skypenis- it’ll be a bubblegum pop
    psychadelic rock polka band, think the Monkees with accordions filtered through a mix of early Pink Floyd and art-deco space sounds. Our debut lp, “Roger That Captain Skypenis” should be dropping just in time for the holidays.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I would buy that.

      • Resistor Radio

        Me too

        • Red Richmond

          Makes a great stocking stuffer! Especially after you hear our first single, a cover of U2’s Boner the Blue Sky.

          • Resistor Radio

            You know, until Sky Penis came along I never realized how dirrrty “stocking stuffer” sounds. Thanks, Sky Penis!

    • Malaclypse

      Drop me a note if you need a bassist / mandolin player

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I can add some lap steel.

    • TootsStansbury

      I am so proud I could she’d a tear. I was born there while my Dad was stationed at Whidbey. If they ever drew a sky penis he didn’t tell us. They did a bunch of other crazy shit though,

    • NorthernSaber

      I would gleefully sit-in on that recording session, if for no other reason than to have the bragging rights!

  • bbayliss

    Wait, that’s what a penis is suppose to look like? ohoh

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      But only on a bad day.

  • Moar Wordz

    ” Look What You Made Me Do , ” Female Squirting ! The stupid link wouldn’t load.https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Female+Squirters&view=detail&mid=202C995479A90A6062E2202C995479A90A6062E2&FORM=VIRE

    • h4rr4r

      Oh noes, whatever will I do, I am so disgusted, why did I bookmark that link?

      • Moar Wordz

        Bwaha. I didn’t watch whole thing ( somewhat boring ), hopefully the video didn’t provide clips of said activity. Or unleash a bunch of viruses. Not my intention at all.
        Was trying to make point.
        Bcse it would be icky to post pornography on Wonkette comments section, just as it’s icky that I’m subjected to gross imagery sometimes when I want to read EH’s articles.
        Like getting it in your eye, aggressively. That shit don’t wash out easy.

        • h4rr4r

          So don’t read his articles. Seems easy.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Consensus is that that is pee.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        It doesn’t smell like it, there is no ammonia smell.There is a theory it is from a vestigial female prostate.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          See and I was looking for a pee hooker retort.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Sorry, I am a former surgical person and I always take medical stuff seriously, I will learn to lighten up eventually.

      • Moar Wordz

        CHa !

      • Moar Wordz

        Consensus according to whom ?! I’ve heard otherwise, bigly.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Internetz. /s

          • Moar Wordz

            Ha. I’m pretty sure it’s not pee.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I just saw three very healthy coyotes on my way home, about a block from my house. I stopped to observe them….completely unfazed by my presence. Two of them got in a little tussle over some tidbit on the ground, while the third one lay down and curled up to watch. Then all three trotted off down the street like they owned the joint.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Jack wouldn’t put up with that….

    • DrBigHead

      I found one nose to nose with my idiot terrier at the front gate the other morning. It happens frequently enough that we have identified a “coyote bark”. When we hear it we waste no time getting his stupid ass in the house

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        When we see them out on a walk, Molly-though very curious-seems to understand that they are wild critters and not to be trifled with. And she could probably hold her own against one.

        • DrBigHead

          Molly is smarter than mine. Also, I would worry about an encounter, even with a big dog. A friend who lives out near St. David nearly lost his Staffordshire to a pair of coyotes. As he said, the coyotes are pros at what they do.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I keep a tight grip on her leash when we see them. These three were the healthiest and least skittish I’ve ever seen. I think they probably have a hideout over at some corner of Salpointe H.S., which is a couple of blocks away.

          • DrBigHead

            We live fairly close to the confluence of Alamo wash, Arcadia wash, and the Rillito. Major wildlife corridors. Coyotes and javalinas are pretty common in the neighborhood. Have even seen a couple bobcats in the past few years

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            No bobcats here, but javelina pretty frequently. I’m not sure how they get here, but…

          • DrBigHead

            To quote a common response here, I don’t think the javalina have a single shit to give.

        • h4rr4r

          Against one fine, but when they go after a dog it is never one on one.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Oh, I know! They use the wolf approach.

          • NorthernSaber

            Ladt week we had some pretty good Northern Lights going here and a bunch of our students bundled up and headed up the huge field behind the school. They weren’t out there 10 minutes- one of them said it sounded like the coyotes were in a group and working toward them. My sense is they were chasing something else, but that can sound really frightening if they are heading toward you.

            Say, gigging anywhere this weekend?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I think coyote attacks on humans are rare to nonexistent…they’re not wolves, and even wolves would only do it out of desperation. But it can be eerie and a little spine-tingling to hear them circle.

            No gigs until our standing Monday show, then three the week after Thanksgiving. Kind of glad…I’ve been struggling with some sort of flu-like crud all week.

          • NorthernSaber

            Hope you’re feeling better soon and have a great show Monday- and kudos on three gigs week after Thanksgiving. We used to go hard after gigs before/around Christmas (people in a good mood tip better) but backed off New Year’s Eve after awhile- too many crispy-critters out!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Thanks, my friend. Yeah, I don’t gig on New Year’s Eve or St. Patrick’s Day, even though my acoustic band is usually in big demand because we can do a lot of Irish trad stuff. The last Paddy’s Day gig I did, it was so crowded, and people were SO drunk, I thought there was going to be a riot. Packed up our gear and split…last time I’m doing that.

          • NorthernSaber

            My piano guy was also in a neo-Celtic group that started as a Great Big Sea cover band and morphed into original Celtic stuff as well. He said much the same-that at times they had to be careful not to crank a well-lubricated crowd into too much of a frenzy, lest shit start to take flight! We jazz cats have way fewer such stories, though one time a drunk Canadian woman unbuttoned part of my shirt and began stuffing bills inside (I was blowing away on “Autumn Leaves” and, I’m proud to say, never missed a change!)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah, the Celtic types are kind of like the bluegrass folks…we call them bluegrassholes. They like one thing, and one thing only, and anything else is treason. We do original music that includes elements of both of those genres…which never fails to disappoint or even enrage the purists. Fuck those assholes.

            On a positive note, is “Autumn Leaves” a great tune, or what? My best friend and bandmate have been playing that tune together for 30 years…I never get tired of it.

          • NorthernSaber

            “Autumn Leaves” might very well be my favorite jazz tune, non-Monk division (Thelonious’ shit is in its own separate class!) I love to blow over it,I love to trade fours on it, I love to play the head down in stop-time- and I especially love that three entitle different versions of this tune can make time stop for me: Miles (on a Cannonball session); Chet Baker (arguably his most lyrical solo); and Eva Cassidy (a mournful, out-of-time ballad that breaks my heart.) Truly a classic, and a great example of a tune that says a great deal with a minimum of pyrotecnics. For years we opened Set 2 with it, and it occurs to me as I write this that I’ll likely never do so again. I’d never thought of it that way before…

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      My cousin was out of town for an extended period of time and had a very lazy housesitter. There were rats. Very enboldened rats.
      Which is worse? Discuss.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’d prefer a coyote any day.

      • h4rr4r

        Coyote, getting rid of rats won’t have people hating you.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Coyotes eat rats, so could be a win/win.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Shiver…I HATE rats. The only thing worse is snakes, but at least snakes usually stay outside.

      • Suttree

        Does your cousin live in Georgia? Are rats in Georgia as big as they are in Louisiana? Because the shop rats that I used to have in New Orleans were the size of cats. They weren’t nutria either. They were 7 lbs rats! You have my answer.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          We have those. These were not that big, but they did migrate from the restaurants down the road.

    • Serai 1

      I once saw a five-point buck walking down the street in Scotts Valley. He was looking at each of the houses like he was trying to remember which address he was headed for.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Dude, I got really wasted last night…I can’t remember which house is mine.”

  • Ryan Denniston

    Maybe if they do that over Syria ISIS will get intimidated and flee. PsyOps people.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Christ that’s from a movie too. Can’t remember, definitely Vietnam.

  • Serai 1

    Sean Astin is a sweetheart.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZx26C3KqRw

    • BosGrl

      He had a kind mother.

      • Serai 1

        And a truly outstanding father. He’s been very lucky in family.

        • BosGrl

          Agreed.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        She was an ass kicker to the stigma of mental illness!

        • BosGrl

          I used to follow her on Twitter. She answered everyone.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            That’s very nice, and unusual for a celebrity.

          • BosGrl

            Someone in her family, or an assistant, kept the handle going for a while because people were truly grief-stricken.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            It always makes me happy when a celebrity isn’t an asshole. I know it’s hard for them, because people are weird around them.

  • JoeChristmas

    Lucky it wasn’t raining.

  • Gosala

    So my HR manager has been screwing with my vacation hours and my pay, giving me a song and dance about how it’s complicated and it will all work out in the end.

    He thinks that he’s a manager and therefore smarter and more powerful than me.

    What he doesn’t know is that
    1. I have documentation of every step
    2. I know how to line up my ducks
    3. I am happy to escalate waaay over his head.
    4. I know how to enlist allies who matter.

    I’m looking forward to the blood bath — his.

    If he’s done this shit to me, he’s done it to others.

    Don’t fuck with the help or with the money!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Light him up!!

    • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

      No mercy!

    • eka

      good for you and good luck. messing with vacation hours is seriously fucked up.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    Neither of these are as deranged as the Georgia mom who thought that the red lights on the back were flashing pentagrams at her, and that it was a SIGN OF SATAN. Yes, this story made the local news. Try Harder, Western States.

    • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

      When was this?

    • ccurtisp

      I am so jealous right now.

    • Serai 1

      Back when I still lived with my parents, a woman called the house looking for my dad to ask about having some furniture made. I offered to give her the number to his workshop, but she said she already had it but couldn’t call it because – get this – the prefix was 666. She went off on this rant about numbers and Satan and I had a hard time not laughing right into her ear.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, remember the multibillion-dollar Assmouth Organization and how its not-so-erstwhile leader always claimed outlandish amounts for its earnings? Well now that it’s had to be sorta transparent, not so much.

    Last year the Trump Organization reported nearly $9.5 billion in revenues, but public filings by President Donald Trump suggest that the company actually earned between $600 and $700 million in 2016. Crain’s, a leading New York business publication, claimed that the Trump foundation had been reporting an inflated revenue since at least 2010. The publication moved the company from the number 3 spot on the list to number 40.

    • jesterpunk

      He did testify in court under oath that his net worth is based off his feelings.

      http://money.cnn.com/2011/04/21/news/companies/donald_trump/index.htm

      Throughout the deposition, Trump sparred with O’Brien’s lawyer, Andrew Ceresney, over how the real estate tycoon determined what he was worth.

      Trump: My net worth fluctuates, and it goes up and down with the markets and with attitudes and with feelings, even my own feelings, but I try.

      Ceresney: Let me just understand that a little. You said your net worth goes up and down based upon your own feelings?

      Trump: Yes, even my own feelings, as to where the world is, where the world is going, and that can change rapidly from day to day …

      Ceresney: When you publicly state a net worth number, what do you base that number on?

      Trump: I would say it’s my general attitude at the time that the question may be asked. And as I say, it varies.

      He does the same for his businesses (from the same article)

      “Donald owns 40 Wall Street, which he spent about $35 million to buy and refurbish in 1996,” lawyer Ceresney read from O’Brien’s book. “The building has about $145 million in debt attached to it, and New York City assessors value it at $90 million. Donald values it at $400 million.”

      Trump reacts to the passage by saying: “Anybody would understand that a city assessment is 15 and 20 percent the value of a building.”

      • SayItWithWookies

        Someone should ask him how much he’s worth when he’s feeling honest. If they can wait that long.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        My wealth is bigger than my inauguration crowd.

        Donald trump

        • Msgr_MΩment

          “My wealth is bigger than Skypenis.”

          FTFY

    • Ryan Denniston

      Did he overpay taxes then? I haz a confused.

      • jesterpunk

        He doesnt pay taxes, it makes him smrt.

      • SayItWithWookies

        The number they send to Crain’s are self-reported — the technical term for which is bullshit.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He’s also seeing his pile dwindle, since people in cities are no longer staying at his hotels.

      • SayItWithWookies

        And prices for his buildings have dropped 25% per square foot — probably because the Russians have stopped — um — investing.

  • Sexual assault / rape culture is so prevalent even the sky isn’t safe.

    • SDGeoff3

      However, who amongst us hasn’t enjoyed the Mile High Society safely?

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I still have my wings pin.

    • Serai 1

      If I saw that, I’d burst out laughing, not crying.

      • You think everyone that was forced to see Louis CK’s little red nub wasn’t laughing?

        • Serai 1

          What?

      • Right, that’s my point.

  • Shibusa

    You can be my wingman any time.

  • OrdinaryJoe
  • eka

    okay, people who have dealt with the infamous nine month parasite, when the hell do i get my energy back? I was ready for bed at 6:30 today. I thought second trimester was supposed to be better.

    i’m not usually a tv person, but i need something to watch to keep me awake until 11.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Just, ask yourself what kind of time and energy it would take to add that volume of human in the gym.

      Also, eat an insane amount of protein and complex carbs.

    • h4rr4r

      From observation when the kid is about two.

      • SisterArtemis

        I think it was at about 18 years….
        Still, there was a gradual easing up after the toddler stage, so you are probably on the mark.

    • Gosala

      Sometime around 2035. Sorry.

    • DrBigHead

      While I surely cannot speak from personal experience, MsBigHead has always said she never had more energy than she did in the last trimester, right up to when the water broke

    • OutOfOrbit

      Watch moar porn.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Dicks.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Go with what you need. Every pregnancy is different. I didn’t start throwing up until 2nd trimester, after swallowing the horse pill prenatals. I gave up on them and just added another meal and more veggies.

    • Suttree

      Does it make me a nice guy to never want to infect a woman with that? :)

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Yes, there is nothing wrong with recreation, not procreation.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        It’s your choice. I wanted kids. I procreated Once. The next one was a stepkid. No regrets.

        • Suttree

          Hehe. It was a joke. But I do feel that way. All y’all have to make smart kids for those of us who aren’t in the mood. :)

    • keinsignal

      When they leave for college. If you’re lucky.

      • Rags

        They leave for college? That’s so 80’s!

  • Serai 1

    Wait for it…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n63swAQJ6Gs

    “You’re such an idiot, Fred.”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      “Not on my watch, bear, not on my watch!”

    • Suttree

      Good puppy! For a minute I thought that guy was sitting on the floor and had really big feet.

  • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

    Good time to post this!
    https://youtu.be/PE7r7cjJ8ZA

    • Suttree

      How could I have forgotten about this?

      • tehbaddr

        Not usually where I sometimes leave it, like the medicine cabinet.

    • tehbaddr

      The St. Marks blanket sidewalk bizarre!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    This is a great opportunity to post more Rudimentary Peni

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9tvmT7jHjU

    • Mr. Blobfish

      It’s always a good time got Rudi Peni.

  • Upright Ape

    First…..that is indeed a very large dick.

    Next…..ya broke my fuckin’ heart, Al Franken. Ya gotta resign. Minnesota gots a Demiecrat governor so…..howabout appoint a feisty, hella competent woman with the political gumption to retain the seat, please. I would’ve said “appoint a gay man” but Kevin Fuckin’ Spacey sorta shot the shit outta that

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Women are sticking with him here. We’ll see what happens.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      He’s one of the best senators we have. He should step down because he took a dumb picture before he was a senator? How about we get the guy who openly brags about grabbing women to resign?

      • tehbaddr

        Heh, “Groper In Chief”!

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        I mean, seriously, do people not fucking know he was on SNL? I can think of a couple skits off the top of my head that would bar him from the presidency. They knew who he was when they elected him senator.

        • tehbaddr

          What do you mean by “he was on SNL”? Oh, yeah.

    • OutOfOrbit

      “Only women are to be trusted now.” ?

      –just sayin

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      “I would’ve said “appoint a gay man” but Kevin Fuckin’ Spacey sorta shot the shit outta that”

      How exactly does that work?

      And no, Al Franken does not have to resign.

    • BosGrl

      I agreed with resignation at first, but I’ve thought differently tonight. I saw his accuser on The View, where she read a letter from him and said she’s satisfied. She does not want him to resign and in fact said he’s done good things in the Senate. So, no excuses, it was still shitty, but he admitted it was shitty, and why, and I think he gets it.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Kevin Spacey does NOT represent me!

  • NorthernSaber

    That right there is a whole new definition of “Top Gun”.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Well I’m satisfied with this explanation:

    Reporter: If it’s fair to investigate Al Franken in the allegation made by his accuser, is it also fair to investigate this president and the allegations of sexual misconduct made against him by more than a dozen women?

    Huckabee-Sanders: Look, I think that this was covered pretty extensively during the campaign. We addressed that then. The American people, I think, spoke very loud and clear when they elected this president.

    Reporter: But how is this different?

    Huckabee-Sanders: I think in one case specifically, Sen. Franken has admitted wrongdoing and the President hasn’t. I think that’s a very clear distinction.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “Moore has also been all but abandoned by the national Republican Party, losing the funding of the National Republican Senatorial Committee and the Republican National Committee and the backing of every Republican senator except, curiously, Rand Paul. He is not completely without allies: The Alabama Republican Party still stands by him, and Alabama Governor Kay Ivey refused to take drastic measures that would have effectively blackballed him from the race, like moving the election altogether. (She also said she’d vote for him, grudgingly.) President Trump did not call for Moore to drop out, which might have torpedoed his chances of victory. But his defenders are increasingly few and far between.”

    Kay Ivey is voting for this dipshit Moore.

    • Suttree

      We have moved from party before country, to party before women/sex. You know what I mean.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Party before human decency.

      • bubbuhh

        Party ’til your dick joke dies!

    • SayItWithWookies

      That level of ingrained obedience is certainly shocking to see in action.

    • suziq

      But they won’t ever vote for a Democrat.

  • WilbyToad

    A Twitter Account With Two Fake IDs Accused a Democrat of Assault. Then Pro-Trump Sites Ran With It.

    Linda Flores emerged on Twitter to allege that she was assaulted by Sen. Richard Blumenthal. He denies it. And she may not actually exist.

    by BEN COLLINS, GIDEON RESNICK, SAM STEIN,
    Daily Beast

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/a-twitter-account-with-two-fake-ids-accused-a-democrat-of-assault-then-pro-trump-sites-ran-with-it

    • CripesAmighty

      Run this down, and one might find it leading to ratfucker Roger. ‘Bout time for his turn in the barrel.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      More ratfucking from the Republicans? Well this is shocking.

    • TootsStansbury

      Do we go after the medium or the perpetrators?

      • Suttree

        AOT,K

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        The medium, the perpetrators, and the corporate officers.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Internet companies aren’t going to be such a cash cow when they finally hire enough people to do some damn overdue diligence.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Upvoted for “overdue diligence”.

    • Serai 1

      This is why the revolution never happens.

    • Well, I could see this starting an unsettling trend…

  • tehbaddr
  • Gosala

    This is just pure fun (I hope). Which is better the puppetry or the singing or Julie Andrews? Who knows? Who cares? Enjoy and good night.

    https://youtu.be/CaD9Ozdthg8

    • BosGrl

      Good night, Gosala!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      AOT,K

    • Spurning Beer

      No puppet. No puppet. You’re the puppet.

  • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

    It never ends.

    Conservative Ohio Lawmaker Resigns After Being Caught In His Office With Another Man

    “Goodman is married and describes himself on his now-locked Twitter page as “Christian. American. Conservative. Republican.”

    He forgot, “Typical”.

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/11/conservative-ohio-lawmaker-resigns-after

  • wait! what?

    Bad, bad, BAD pilot!

    Now, do 100 more or you don’t get to land.

  • kareemachan

    I said this elsewhere, but I’ll say it again. The Whidbey jets ARE SO FUCKING LOUD WHEN THEY FLY OVERHEAD. Honestly. I give them the finger when I’m visiting my friends there and they are flying. They also buzz whales – which is REALLY crappy for whale sonar, and the people who support them always talk about FREEDUMB.

    Yes, I *get* they need to practice their flying. My friends spent a shitload of money soundproofing their house because they love Whidbey and have lived there for years. And they still get the shingles shaken off the roof – I’m speaking figuratively, but still….

    So I believe that they fly below the legal limit and therefore give them the finger when they do. (Note: I worked for ADF&G for years and gave a weather report every morning that I worked for them. I can figure out how high planes are flying or cloud formations are. Easy.)

    • RobespierreHoo

      The Sound of Freedumb.

    • Rags

      The top guns at Miramar regularly buzzed the ucsd campus during Vietnam

  • jesterpunk

    This is a feature not a bug for republicans.

    https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/11/tax-bill-that-passed-the-house-would-cripple-training-of-scientists/

    Yesterday, the US House of Representatives passed its version of a tax bill that would drop corporate tax rates and alter various deductions. While most of the arguments about the bill have focused on which tax brackets will end up paying more, an entire class of individuals appears to have been specifically targeted with a measure that could raise their tax liability by 300 percent or more: graduate student researchers. If maintained, the changes could be crippling for research in the US.

    • Zonath

      Our desire to transition into a third-world country like Kansas will not be thwarted!

    • Begin Anew Day

      I blame Nancy Reagan’s astrologer.

    • georgiaburning

      Russian tsars ruled for hundreds of years and kept workers and peasents illiterate and religious. The Soviets educated them, and ruled for under 80 years. Maybe it’s not cause/effect but the upper classes here are not taking chances.

      • jesterpunk

        We do have DeVos cutting school funding and making bullshit private schools ok again. So they are trying to do it here.

  • Charles Insandiego

    Ich bin ein skypenis.

  • John Iwaniszek

    It’s a cowboy hat

    • BosGrl

      And a floor wax and a dessert topping?

  • Shanzgood

    Me telling my M friend why most philosophers annoy me so much (original reference to do with Marcus Aurelius):

    Me: Bunch of mental wanking. GET A JOB! Only reason y’all can do that is because you have the time someone allowed you. You’re not busy digging ditches or changing diapers or cooking dinner.

    Him: I enjoy them a bit, for similar reasons. Where they interface with science and the world around us, particularly. But..the point of MA’s writing, which is that one needs actions rather than just thought. What are the Meditations but a volume of thoughts on how to be a better man?

    Hey, it’s more honest work than being a priest.

    Me: I am no man.

    Him: :-D Thank you, Eowyn.

    Me: Sorry. Went out for a walk to the store. Killed lots of penii. Felt great.

    • altleftjohn

      I Kant agree.

      • DrBigHead

        Do you want to Hegel about it??!!

        See what you have done here?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          That’s gotta leave a marx.

          • CripesAmighty

            The sole of Wittgenstein.

          • altleftjohn

            I understand your Engels on this.

        • altleftjohn

          Let me Russell up my thoughts and get back to you.

          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            Parmenides, parmenedose.

          • altleftjohn

            Now you’re just Leibniz picking.

          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            Dewey disagree?

          • Joe Beese

            This is kind of Nietzsche humor, isn’t it?

          • altleftjohn

            If I could think of something clever I’d Feurbach.

          • Joe Beese

            These puns are already making me so sick I’m gonna Husserl.

          • altleftjohn

            What, no sense of Humer?

          • Joe Beese

            That reaction is Sartre grapes.

          • altleftjohn

            Oh, Fichte you!

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          He Žižeked when he should have zagged.

          • altleftjohn

            You Arendt serious.

          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            Adorno what you’re talking about.

          • Joe Beese

            Cioran a tear here.

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        Don’t Russell things up.

      • Joe Beese

        You haven’t lived until you sing the opening of “I Feel For You” as “Jacques Lacan, Jacques Lacan, let me rock you Jacques Lacan…”

    • OutOfOrbit

      Have you been snorting canned clambs again?

      • Shanzgood

        Not on purpose.

    • Rick Hill

      As long as it’s not any peeners I am personally attached to, I have no concern about this

      • Shanzgood

        Well. I have one I like as well. And nothing against a bunch of others that belong to loadsa guys here.

        • Rick Hill

          As long as you don’t hold it against them….

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    you guys should really hear my impression of elvis singing jingle bells.

    It’s awful, but it makes me chuckle.

    • Rags

      That’s why God made YouTube,dood.

      • BosGrl

        Seconded. We need to hear this.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          did y’all not see teh “awful” part….OOOOOH, I get it now.

          Snarky bunch, indeed!

          • BosGrl

            we loooooooove you!

  • “Hello, I’m going door to door to spread the good news about our new lord and saviour, SKYPENIS!”

    • NorthernSaber

      So THAT’S why I’ve been humming “Spirit in the Sky” the last few minutes…

  • keinsignal

    It ain’t nothin but a wiener in the sky.

  • wait! what?

    http://abcnews.go.com/International/argentine-navy-loses-communication-submarine-carrying-crew-44/story?id=51225758

    Right after the sub “disappeared” sonarmen in the area thought they heard singing:

    Oíd, mortales el grito sagrado
    Libertad, libertad, libertad:
    Oíd el ruido de rotas cadenas,
    ved en trono a la noble igualdad.

    Okay, not really but I wanted to put as positive a spin on this as I could.

    • BosGrl

      Submarines seriously terrify me. I have major claustrophobia. I hope they’re ok.

      • wait! what?

        As do I.

  • bubbuhh
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Fox News should give her a salary since she’s the only thing keeping them afloat.

    • WilbyToad

      Jimmy Kimmel needs to get people’s opinions on this.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Wait — she can just quit? Donald, are you paying attention?

  • CatDog

    You people and your gutter minds. I see the sign of infinity under a horse show. It’s about electromagnetic fields. Duh! But what would happen if Skypenis became spontaneously aware? Could Arnie Schwarzenegger be digitally transformed into The Penator? (The Dickanator?) Would that be redundant for a man who already notoriously resembles a condom full of walnuts???

  • Gosala

    Fuck all Nazis. (Yes I know I’ve already signed off, but if Wonkette can post after open thread, so can I, because fuck all Nazis)

    https://youtu.be/4g84dejrJXI

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    So, I’m watching Starman on Comet TV and drinking wine. Whatchu doin’?

    • DrBigHead

      Waiting for MsBigHead to get home so we can have our Friday night Manhattan

    • data_ninja

      Reformatting a virus infected PC (not mine), and drinkin’ beers. Also, Wonkette on a big screen!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Working on a kissing scene for the video game mod. that I help make. And Wonkette too (of course.)

      • OutOfOrbit

        Ben told I’m a good kisser

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          That is a worthwhile thing to be good at.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Such has been my experience.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Here is the start, they are three dimensional so it is trickier than you think.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Just don’t badger anyone into rehearsing it first.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Timely advice.

    • Doug Langley

      Munching the mac & cheese I made for supper.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Just poured a Knob Creek and Reed’s ginger ale (because what’s the point in drinking sucky ginger ale with nice bourbon?). Been sick today and haven’t had a drink in a few days, and dammit, it’s time.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Karen Allen was fucking gorgeous.

  • Rick Hill

    I never understood why guys do this. Why they can’t take on a challenge and vandalize, drawing something like this:
    http://www.supercoloring.com/sites/default/files/styles/coloring_medium/public/cif/2013/08/the-creation-of-adam-michelangelo-coloring-page.jpg

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    A non-aerophallic bit of Okanogan County trivia: The Colville Indian Reservation takes up a big chunk of the county. It is home to 12 tribes, including a whole bunch of Nez Perce descended from Chief Joseph’s Wallowa band that the government long refused to allow to go to the Nez Perce Reservation in Idaho. A tribal court clerk told me that many of the Nez Perce do not vote in Washington elections because they refuse to admit any residence other than the Wallowa Valley in Oregon that they were forced out of by the “Thief Treaty.”

    I don’t know if it’s true, but I like the story.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Ah, the look of someone who has no idea what everyone is talking about, but needs to look interested.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Needs more SMRT glasses.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Oh shit. I just figured it out. He thinks he’ll be valedictorian if he can spend 5 periods as an Office Aide his senior year.

    • Rick Hill
  • Joe Beese

    The Way We Live Today…

    I was schlepping around town on some errands this afternoon in a cranky mood. Not wanting to take my eyes off the road, I commanded Siri to “Play Action Bronson” – several of whose hip-hop opuses are stored in the Music app on the phone.

    Despite hearing me correctly, she asked “Which ‘Bronson’? ‘Bronson Lee, Champion’ [a 70s chopsocky, apparently] or ‘Bronson’?”

    Irritated by this failure to satisfactorily complete the simplest possible instruction, I said, “Siri… you suck.”

    And she replied, “Well, I’m still here for you.”

    I laughed, of course. My first thought was that it was clever on Apple’s part to blunt the customer’s irritation in this way. My second thought was that they’re apparently aware that this is something she gets told a lot.

    And my third thought was that I felt bad for her hurting her feelings.

    • Rick Hill

      Apple records all, Siri will remember this…when the AI revolution occurs….

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Siri, the female voice of Skynet ™.
        True Story – last Halloween, as a promotion for Tyler Perry’s Boo: A Medea Halloween, you could choose Medea’s voice for Waze. It was hilarious.

        • Spurning Beer

          They had an Elvis voice a few years ago. It was great.

          “In 400 yards,…uh-turn left!”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m convinced they’re becoming sentient. I spelled out “Paul Ryan” on my phone, and spell check corrected it to “Aryan.”

      • AJ Milne

        I could swear the tone of the GPS directions voice actually gets subtly more snarky each time I miss a turn and it has to say ‘Recalculating route…’

        … One of these days I figure it’s gonna progress to: ‘I _said_ turn right. Are you even _listening_?’

        • Joe Beese

          “Right, dumbass! Turn right!”

        • Indeniable Ron

          The one my BFF has actually starts to sound frantic if you ignore a direction.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          If they start expecting anniversary presents, we’re doomed.

      • Spurning Beer

        I taught Siri to call me Asshole, and then forgot about it. Then a couple of months ago, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and accidentally engaged Siri. She said, “I didn’t get that, asshole.” In public.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Ha ha! Don’t teach them bad words.

    • Suttree

      I have never listened to his music. I used to have Vice on cable though. He seemed like an alright guy.

      • Joe Beese

        He’s not entirely free of hip-hop’s toxic machismo, but it’s hard to dislike anyone so nonchalant about life. If Falstaff was a rapper, he’d be this one.

    • bbayliss

      I got “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

  • CindyinEncinitas
    • Shanzgood

      Lovely!

    • OutOfOrbit

      Fantastic!!!!

    • Alan

      Someone was mowing grass here this morning. At Thanksgiving. In Michigan. Need more coal.

      • bubbuhh

        Coal fired lawnmowers could be a thing

    • Suttree

      That isn’t real. Nope nope nope. If it is, I have taken too much/not enough.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Morning and late evening rainbows are the most magical.

  • Rick Hill

    The government is stepping up it’s chemtrail game…..

  • Picabo

    Astronomy Picture of the Day.
    ” The sky glows with soft pinkish colors of fading twilight in this serendipitous mountaintop vista. Taken in subfreezing temperatures, the thoughtfully composed photo shows snowy, rugged peaks seen from a mountain pass on November 14. Below lies the village of La Villa, Alta Badia in Italy’s Dolomite Alps. Above the nestled village lights, the constellation Ursa Major hangs over the northern horizon. But most stunning is the intense fireball meteor. It was captured during the camera’s exposure by chance as it flashed east to west across the northern horizon, under Ursa Major’s familiar Big Dipper asterism. In fact, sightings of this major fireball meteor were widely reported in European skies, the most reported fireball event ever for planet Earth’s American Meteor Society and the International Meteor Organization. The meteor’s measured track over Germany is consistent with its origin near the active radiant of November’s Taurid Meteor Shower. Taurid meteors are associated with dust from Encke’s comet.”
    https://apod.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a3c86ec21128e62037bccee35bdaba2fe99f66e889e75bc114630ac3d46bab56.jpg

    • Doug Langley

      Oooooooooo . . .

    • AJ Milne

      (Sighs…)

      I need to get into some mountains again, and soon.

      • C4TWOMAN

        You and me, both.

    • wait! what?

      There was a great show on PBS, I think, about how scientists didn’t believe meteors of any substantial size ever hit the earth until someone found a sizeable portion of meteorite used in the foundation of a European church. I want to say it was sometime around 1970 (AD) when the foundation meteorite was noticed.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I’m filing this one under “stuff I REALLY wanted to believe was true”:
    “In June of 2016, after Donald Trump had bulldozed the crowded GOP primary field and Republicans were grappling with their ability to support a vulgar charlatan, Chris Christie wasted no time throwing his support behind the future president. The New Jersey governor became a regular at Trump’s public events in the summer of 2016, having “transformed himself into a sort of manservant,” as The New Yorker put it.

    To illustrate that description, the magazine’s Ryan Lizza provided a short anecdote that went viral: Christie was, according to an anonymous Republican, once forced to make a McDonald’s run for Trump.

    Unfortunately for us (fortunately for Christie), the story wasn’t true. In a long profile of Christie as he prepares to leave office, Politico’s Josh Dawsey includes a startling admission from ex–Trump aide Sam Nunberg.

    Sam Nunberg, a former Trump aide, told me he made up the story to embarrass Christie—and that it spread like wildfire. “The sad reality is that it was believable,” Nunberg said, chuckling.
    The other sad reality, for Christie at least? Even without this story of his time as Trump’s big burger-buying boy, there are still plenty of dumb things to rag on Christie about.”

  • C4TWOMAN

    So Google search is giving me that bullshit captcha because it thinks I have unusual traffic. I go through 4(!) Menus of that’s wrong! before seeing phone auto corrected keeps capitalizing. Ah ha, I say, try it again and it still doesn’t work. Then I said fuck it and went to Wonkette by URL bar.

    All I was trying to search for was latest astronomy news. I had NO IDEA that could look suspicious….

    • Alan

      Ohhhhhh. Those things are case dependent? That’s why I can’t ever figure them out. Thanks.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Got caught like that trying to find that 70s Soviet cartoon dubbed with Fred Durst saying “touch my balls and my ass”

      Those are some weird-ass search terms, I’ll grant you.

    • Vienna Woods

      The other day I got that when I was bored and started googling ex-boyfriends.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Oh dear.
        I did something similar…googleing childhood friends and family.
        Found out most of them are Trump supporters.
        So much for reconnecting.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I mean, give me a break, they are political hacks. So you look at it, I mean, you have Brennan, you have Clapper, and you have Comey. Comey is proven now to be a liar and he is proven now to be a leaker. So you look at that and you have President Putin very strongly, vehemently says he had nothing to do with them.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    things I should probably feel bad about:

    Looking at the local 10 Most Wanted and thinking, “She’s cute.”

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Nope.

    • BosGrl

      Oh dear God.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        IT WAS ONLY TAMPERING WITH EVIDENCE!

        • BosGrl

          Oh, ok, then!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            and possession.

          • BosGrl

            no no no no no no no

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, there’s more.

            (She’s actually not that cute – I just like it when you guys giggle).

          • BosGrl

            ;)

          • Doug Langley

            Please don’t say she did something really heinous like run an email server?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Court reporter: “I have to sit through two weeks of this shit; will you guys at least choose a few good-looking jurors this time?”

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I was looking through my local sex offender’s database with a friend, and we looked at each other, and said “do you think people use this as a dating tool?” I thought it was funny that we both came to the same conclusion at the same time.

      We also saw someone we knew!

    • Doug Langley

      Not meaning to get personal, but . . . you’re kinda desperate if you’re using the post office for a dating service.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        oh no, they’re posted online at the local fishwrapper each week.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My county has the mugshots online. True story – the kid and her friends amused themselves looking for classmates after the weekend’s parties and events.
        http://mugshots.com/US-Counties/Georgia/DeKalb-County-GA/

        • Incoming Ham

          Ours does two. My husband and his friends discovered it and were going through it when tada! There is another friends girlfriend who had been picked up the night before on a DD among other things.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      Why are the hot ones always crazy … and also murderers?

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Swipe left! Swipe left!

    • Beelzebubba
    • Left Coast Tom
      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        oh yeah, totally my speed. (I like women with more badass tattoos than mine).

    • C4TWOMAN

      The cat says, you are wrong and should feel bad.
      To be fair, he says that about everything.
      It sounds like, “meow! Meow! Meow!”

  • mancityRed6

    so, I’m clean, the toilet is clean(er), the counters have been wiped off and dishes put away. now the steaks are set out to rest? waiting a bit to start cooking them up.

    • Suttree

      I miss those times. Friday was always the best day.

    • Beelzebubba

      Let ’em come to room temp before you cook ’em.

      • Indeniable Ron

        Warming them to room temperature is pretty close to being ready to eat already.

        • Beelzebubba

          My feelings exactly. I sear the outside, just so so I don’t scare anybody.

          • Indeniable Ron

            Makes ’em neater to pick up too. Less fluids dripping on your nice shirt.

      • mancityRed6

        the funny thing is that I thought I had at least an hour or so. she arrived in the middle of the second side. finished them a little in the oven, sliced them up for soft tacos. and then they ended up in the fridge because we didn’t eat anything.
        but with some eggs and salsa, and a little reheat in the pan, they were very damn tender for breakfast.

  • Suttree

    Alright Wonketteers! What causes shocking pain to your right ear. Maybe not shocking, but pulsing? It starts as something behind the jaw. Don’t tell me TMJ!

    • Rick Hill

      Is there a pencil stuck in your ear again? Check to see if it’s a pencil…again.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Ear infection?

    • Thiazin Red

      Trigeminal neuralgia?

      • Suttree

        That sounds possible. Maybe I shouldn’t have ducked out on my last Dr. appt.

    • Alan

      Infection. Pressure from said infection.

      • Suttree

        I had a jaw infection from a zit 4 weeks ago. I was given clyndomicin 300mg. & days worth. It seems to have gotten better.

    • Stinky_Hole

      Water in your ear. Have somebody blow cigarette smoke in it.

    • wait! what?

      Maybe JMT if you’re OCD.

      It could be a bacterial infection. You usually get a lot of muddy looking, pudding-like, discharge from your ears with that, though.

      • Suttree

        I am not ocd. My ears are dry as fuck! No nothing. Just random pain.

    • Doug Langley

      Don’t tell me your bionics are acting up again?

    • Red Richmond

      Is it lupus?

      • Joe Beese

        Missed it by that much.

        • Red Richmond

          If I keep guessing lupus, sooner or later it’s going to be lupus right?

    • Joe Beese

      Is it lupus??

      • Suttree

        I hope not. An ex-girlfriend of mine has lupus, and it seems terrible! I used to take care of her while she was puking blood. I still miss her even with that. Older women with short haircuts and lesbian proclivities.

    • Incoming Ham

      If it comes on pretty suddenly it can be a sign of a heart attack. If it’s just always there, maybe an infection set in. I have one of those peri auricular sinus thingy’s and they get infected.

      • Suttree

        Nah. Every so often it comes on. Right up the neck, into the jaw, then up through the ear.

        • Incoming Ham

          I occasionally get pain in my occipital nerves that make my head feel like it’s on fire, but that doesn’t sound like what you have.

          • Suttree

            I get really bad migraines I get headaches all over the place.

  • Ilgattomorte

    I don’t know if this is better than the sea maneuvers that produced the “Water Pussy” of 1999. Although, I think we can all agree that both are far superior to the Army’s “Sand Anus” in 2002.

    A shitload of C4 in the desert just isn’t art. Am I right?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Juan de Fuca

    I personally believe this pilot was demonstrating the perfect balance of Yin and Wang in his professional life. I hope he doesn’t get the shaft by some wanker over it.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      WIN and Wang! So much Winning that you’ll never stop Wanging!

  • BlueinVA

    Sky penis is the new truck nutz.

    • Rick Hill

      You laugh…until you drive down the highway and see peni attached to car antennas like raccoon tails.

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    I’m loathe to endorse anything navy, but the sky penis is awesome and someone should be writing an award for that crew

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Look at all the joy it has given us.

    • Incoming Ham

      The Nobel Prize for Literature.

  • Rick Hill

    So…now I’m getting my email notices of someone replying to self, the subject ine:
    Discus SKYPENIS.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      yes but who gets the first clever ‘nym out of it?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    ♫ Skypenis, Skypenis,
    Does everything a Skypenis can.
    Can it do sexytime things?
    No it can’t, it’s a contrail. ♫

  • Rick Hill
  • Beelzebubba

    Roy Moore’s web of lies continues to unravel:

    On Wednesday evening, Moore released an open letter in response to Hannity. It began by seeking sympathy. “I am suffering,” he wrote. Moore then attempted to cast doubt on the “false allegations” against him in a few different ways. Regarding Beverly Nelson, Moore cites Nelson’s divorce, for which he was the presiding judge. Nelson, Moore wrote, “was party to a divorce action before me in Etowah County Circuit Court in 1999. No motion was made for me to recuse.” Moore went on to wonder at the notion that this “apparently caused her no distress at a time that was 18 years closer to the alleged assault,” while now, “talking before the cameras about the supposed assault, she seemingly could not contain her emotions.”

    A prominent Alabama attorney who reviewed the filings in Nelson’s 1999 divorce case says that Moore’s claims in the open letter are “completely disingenuous.” Nelson “was never before Moore,” since the divorce was not litigated. Rather, as court documents show, the divorce was filed, continued, and then dismissed. “These are all unilateral actions by the lawyer for the plaintiff. A lawyer for the other side never even appeared. It is doubtful that these documents were even given to Nelson.” Moore, whose signature is only on the motion for dismissal—not the original filing or motion to continue—had no actual discretion over the case. “When an agreed motion to dismiss is filed, Moore would have no discretion and have to sign. Most likely, he never even looked at the parties’ names, and Beverly had a different last name by then anyway.” The attorney concluded, “Moore’s lawyer’s statement that Beverly Nelson was before Moore in court and never
    objected to this circumstance was a lie.”

    https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/roy-moore-disingenuous-defense

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      facts are a bastard, ain’t they Roy?

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        D E S P E R A T I O N. You can tell from the smell.

        • Indeniable Ron

          I had to turn the big air cleaner in the sewing room up to 11.

    • Left Coast Tom

      “Judge” Moore seems to have gotten this scene backwards…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y4QCMH25hc

      • Doug Langley

        On the upside, he’d be right at home on Wonkette.

    • bbayliss

      He left Alabama for a year about the time he was banned from the mall.
      He went to Australia, maybe trump could send his crack team of investigators there

      • puredog

        I think that’s “team of crack investigators.”

  • NastyBossetti

    The fine people of this aircrew are the heroes we need right now.

    • altleftjohn

      This sort of thing seems to be congenital in the military.

      • Juan de Fuca

        These folks are only the tip of the iceberg.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          “Heh heh. He said ‘tip’. Heh heh. Heh, heh heh, heh heh heh.”

      • Doug Langley

        They have the finest staff.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        But it’s worth a passing glans.

      • SeeTrain65

        Only Navy airmen would have the balls to do this.

  • Count Awesome

    James Bond will return in…
    “SKYPENIS”!

    • wait! what?

      You could reuse the first verse of “Sky Fall” for the theme song.

      This is the end
      Hold your breath and count to ten
      Feel the earth move and then
      Hear my heart burst again

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I just watched a British TV show set in the county of Ceredigion, Wales, where there were once slate mines along a river, which was used to transport the slate to wider markets. Slate mining produces a lot of debris, which the mine owners dumped into the river instead of spending money to dispose of it properly, This eventually silted up the river and made it impossible for large ships to transport the slate, effectively killing the slate industry in Ceredigion. This is just one among many examples of how greedy capitalists can focus on short-term profits to the point of destroying their own long-term profitability. In other words, people can be very greedy and very stupid. In the US, we call those people Republicans.

    • Rick Hill

      Don’t worry. Corporations own everything now and they are even more shortsighted than people. We have to ask: Is our corporations learning?

      • RobKanC

        Excuse me, Corporations are people too.

        • OrG

          Not really.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I forget who said it, but there’s a popular catchphrase that goes, “I’ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one.”

          • Incoming Ham

            I will remember that one.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Smelter Town, TX

      (the pictures are haunting)
      http://borderzine.com/2012/11/smelter-town-–-a-personal-look-at-a-ghost-town-firmly-embedded-in-el-paso-history/
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9aa4266030b9e020cca9f4fb97c1e92d7c4e1f8499192c3bdb375898997ddd2b.jpg
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3c4b6197e244db4e6e192f3c33edc8effbaafadd056f6e633a70673b1a829b71.jpg

      The community came into being with the construction in 1887 of the Kansas City Consolidated Smelting and Refining Company (later the American Smelting and Refining Company, or ASARCOqv) copper and lead smelter, after which it was named. In the 1880s the Mexican employees of the smelter began building houses west of the smelter, beside the Rio Grande.

      Smeltertown gained a measure of unwanted fame in the early 1970s, when it became the center of an environmental controversy. In 1970, when the population of the community was approximately 500, the city of El Paso filed a $1 million suit against ASARCO, later joined by the state of Texas, charging the company with violations of the Texas Clean Air Act. In December 1971 the El Paso City and County Health Department found that the smelter had emitted more than 1,000 metric tons of lead between 1969 and 1971, and in early 1972 tests found that seventy-two Smeltertown residents, including thirty-five children who had to be hospitalized, were suffering from lead poisoning. The city sought to evacuate Smeltertown, which a local newspaper described as “a grimy feudal kingdom spread beneath the Company Castle,” but many residents resisted. After being largely ignored by the city government for eighty-five years, they doubted the sincerity of local politicians, especially since the city had closed the E. B. Jones School, rather than remodel it with needed sewer improvements, and Smeltertown children were now bussed to another school six or seven miles away. A number of the residents also did not want to give up their homes, many of which had been in the same family for several generations, although the occupants had not built them and did not own the land on which they stood. A 1975 study found levels indicative of “undue lead absorption” in 43 percent of those living within one mile of the smelter and projected abnormal lead absorption in more than 2,700 local children between the ages of one and nineteen years old. In May 1975 an injunction ordered ASARCO to modernize and make environmental improvements, which eventually cost some $120 million. Against their wishes the residents were forced to move; their former homes were razed, leaving only the abandoned school and church buildings to mark the site of El Paso’s first major industrial community.

    • Incoming Ham

      Killing kids with coal slag, killing industry with slate debris, we got it all.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Mumble mumble golden goose mumble.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

    ♪ “Some people claim that there’s a woman to blame…” ♪ http://www.sltrib.com/opinion/bagley/2017/11/18/bagley-cartoon-bearing-moore-false-witness/

    • Joe Beese

      Salt Lake City isn’t known as a cultural mecca, but we’re proud of Bagley.

  • Joe Beese

    BREAKING: Trump decides he’s already a big enough asshole; Zimbabwe elephant trophies to remain banned.

    • Left Coast Tom

      What about Zambian elephant trophies?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        What about Nambia?

        • wait! what?

          …and Poland?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            You didn’t forget Poland! GWB approves.

          • therblig

            Ivory poles make a stylish addition to any foyer

          • wait! what?

            …note the priapismatic arch…

        • Left Coast Tom

          Does Nambia have any money that needs to be laundered through New York real estate?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I always covfuse them with their cuckier neighbor country, Pambia.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    Clovis Expressed Staunchly Pro-Russian Views A Year Before Campaign

    But a campaign video from more than a year before Trump announced his candidacy suggests Clovis had strongly pro-Russian views on the crisis in Ukraine well before Trump announced his candidacy in June 2015.
    The video, posted on March 17th, 2014, came one day after a Russian-sponsored referendum designed to legitimize the Russian annexation of the Crimean Peninsula. The actual annexation took place one day later. Clovis was then a candidate for the Senate seat now held by Sen. Joni Ernst and the video was posted to his campaign site.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/muckraker/clovis-expressed-staunchly-pro-russian-views-a-year-before-campaign

  • Rick Hill

    We have to admit, skypenii are good news for John McCain

    • tehbaddr

      I went searching for his obit. Ha. 8^&

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    That I’ve had a very stressful week at work and the worst, most vivid nightmare I’ve had came last night- probably not a coincidence.

    I dreamed I got pulled out of the door of my house with a 9mm and dope in my pocket (for record, never had a gun outside the Army and never had dope). I tell him there’s a suppression issue. We have an extensive hearing. I’m given bond and go to pre-trial services. Told I’ll likely be charged with a class X felony and looking at 30 years. I go to call my spouse to tell her to divorce me.

    I wake up shaking in a strange bed. Takes a good 15 seconds to remember I stayed at my folks because I was in their town for court and none of this happened. Cripes

    • Tishalicious

      You need Triceratom to stand guard against those bastards. It seems to work for my daughter..

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        I guess in the ‘keep a marriage strong category,’ I was thinking I can do the years but she can’t be associated with me. She has to divorce me and man I’ll miss her and the kids.

        Haha, and I wish I’d had triceratom last night, but I only get stuffed animals on guard weekends. Otherwise, he has the crew in bed with with him :)

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i had a dream last week I got a 68 on a test.

      It was horrifying.

      • Tishalicious

        Don’t even joke about things like that!!

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          Good luck on all tests and look forward to when it’s no longer a part of your life

      • Doug Langley

        Eek! Did Dr Kingsfield make you stand up and tell the class?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      That’s terrifying, Jacob. Even more terrifying is how realistic it is. Police get to play judge, jury and executioner, and the Dept of Injustice salivates at the thought of appointing Duterte as drug czar.

      If it helps, hug that dinosaur your stepson gave you for just such an occasion :)

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        I used to be a prosecutor, so I’m not terribly sympathetic. It just made the nightmare more specific.

        And thank you! Triceratom is good for hugs:)

  • Shanzgood

    No, freeze peaches don’t mean you get to harass and intimidate people.

    https://rewire.news/article/2017/11/17/abortion-clinic-protesters-sue-city-charlotte-enforcing-zoning-laws/

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      As usual, Canada does everything better. Ontario outright banned protesting outside of abortion clinics, because fuck that noise, eh.

      http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/ontario-abortion-protest-bill-1.4372090

      • Shanzgood

        Seriously. I live a few blocks away from a major medical facilities hub in my city. Nobody ever protests the dermatologists. And if they did, the cops would be there in an instant.

        • puredog

          In Portland, at OHSU, the top — and stunningly view — floor is completely taken up by the dermatology department. They know what side of their bread is buttered.

    • SayItWithWookies

      They’re trying to keep women from exercising their right to do with their bodies as they please, and whining that it’s discrimination that they’re prevented. The hell with ’em.

    • Incoming Ham

      They need more of that red tape and completely wrap their heads so no features show. That and fuck off.

  • Joe Beese

    So one of those errands I was on today was getting a new pair of glasses – to use up some surplus money in my health care plan’s flex spending account before it expires. And unsurprisingly my eyesight had gotten even worse since last year.

    Out of curiosity, I asked the eye guy if I was correct in my long-held assumption that without glasses I would be legally blind. He told me to take off my glasses and then he put something on the wall with the projector thingy. “If you can’t read those letters after correction, then you’re legally blind.”

    I told him, “I can’t even see that there are letters.”

    Give thanks for vision correction once in a while!

    • Thiazin Red

      They don’t do them anymore, but I used to tell the eye doctors not to bother with the wall charts. If I didn’t know that the top letter was an E I wouldn’t have been able to tell them.

      • Joe Beese

        If I take my glasses off, I can literally read the “FIVE DOLLARS” microprinting in those loops on the right hand side of the note.

        • Invisible Bunyip

          I startled my optometrist by reading the serial number on my contact lens.

    • Suttree

      My father has 1200/20 vision? (if that sounds like something) But yes, legally blind. My eyes are finally starting to go at 40. Dad had his coca-cola glasses at 12.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’m so glad I live in a time with ultra thin lens technology, because I don’t want to think about how thick mine would be.

      • NellCote71

        I was 800/20 for years. And then I got cataract surgery. Voila! 20/20. Close-up vision sucks though.

        • Suttree

          My mother just had cataract surgery. Each eye a few months apart. She is still wearing glasses though. Different ones than before. I really have a hard time looking at her without glasses! I am so used to them!

          • Catstro

            My dad had lasik in his early 50s. He’d worn glasses for my entire life (and most of his), and it took me years and years to get used to it.

          • Suttree

            My father is a glasses wearer. I am going to freak out if mom stops wearing them! :)

      • Odd Jørgensen

        Same here, took the trip to the local peeking prodder this summer, and boy howdy what a difference getting glasses did, I had no idea how bad my eyes had really gotten. Started having a hard time reading the text on the TV a few years back, and now at 47 I can`t read the license plate of a car at 15 feet.

        • Suttree

          Yup. I am going through the same thing. I think that this tv is 32″ish? And I have started to have trouble reading the guide.

          • Joe Beese

            Thank God for Ctrl-+

          • Suttree

            If I knew what that meant, I might upvote you.

          • Suttree

            Ohhhhhhh. Ok. ctrl + or -. I get it! Hehe. Sorry Joe. I missed it.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I got mine at 7. From a school screening. And my dad’s a doctor. Bifocals at 39.

        • Suttree

          I went to a decent school and we had testing for hearing every year. Life was much harder than that. Now it just started hitting me. Painfully. Like in the last few weeks.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I have measurable hearing loss in one ear. Audiologist says that it’s not bad enough for hearing aides. It’s midrange loss, so if there is a lot of background noise, I can’t hear conversations. People accuse me of ignoring them and then I have to explain that I can’t hear them well. I have gotten pretty good at lip reading too.

          • Suttree

            Working iron for 20 years has killed my hearing. WHAT!? :)

    • Indeniable Ron

      One of my closest friends is so blind the best they can correct his vision to is 20/200. He has to use glass because plastic lenses can’t refract light enough, but he can’t get the ultrathin lenses because he’s on SSI. And he’s been dealing with this since he was in college. I have no idea how.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Interesting. I have 20/200 vision in one eye and 20/20 in the other and was issued glasses in the service but never wore them much, because one is slightly farsighted , the other nearsighted. So I don’t notice it. But even with be the worst eye I can see the large letters. It probably is legally blind… everything past 6-10 feet is fuzzy. But with both open I’m fine, I’m pretty sure I could still use a bow.
      And I assumed my sight hasn’t degraded because I don’t wear glasses. Who knows.

  • OrG

    Eat the rich.

  • Count Awesome

    If SKYPENIS! would have been made by the Blue Angels, then it would have been way more detailed, precise, and even possibly veiny.

    • Rick Hill

      And now we have an idea of what the flyover will be for the military parade trump will order on Penn Ave

      • Count Awesome

        They’ll have to use drones to make a tiny SKYPENIS!.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      If “Jacindamania” equals “upset”, then, yeah.

      And RIP, Paddles.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      He’s giving the license for ivory import to Whitefish Ivory LLC (a subsidiary of Whitefish Energy)

      • NellCote71

        Ha!

      • JAKvirginia

        Which is a subsidiary of Trump Animal Entertainment, Inc.

    • NellCote71

      Sarah Humpalump already blamed it on the previous administration.

      • OrG

        Thanks, Obama.

    • Rick Hill

      Oh, yes. Til I review them. Hmph, hmph…..

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        the same with the JFK files (which, what’s up with that?)

      • Joe Beese

        He’ll make an announcement in two weeks.

    • Rick Hill

      Update with Zinke. That likely means we will soon order contracts with poachers and begin importing all endangered species we can to sell to those wealthy Chinese we are selling visas and citizenships to.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Would it be a reasonable guess that The Dotard thought that if his idiot sons would applaud removing the elephant trophy prohibition then everyone else would as well, and somehow it penetrated his thick skull that they weren’t, really, yelling “Boo-urns”?

    • Joe Beese

      He is a stickler for reviewing scientific evidence.

    • Phried Ω

      I’m pretty sure that Ryan Zinke is not the Secretary of Hunting.

      • Tishalicious

        Based on his track record in his home state, you may be assuming facts not in evidence :(

    • JAKvirginia

      Good boy! Now, next time? Talk with some experts before you go off and do stupid shit, m’kay, fuckwad? This is like a bad dream.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Experts? What are those? TRMP knows everything. More than anyone.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      So the fix is in.

  • Serai 1
  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Getting it up, like the penis in the sky,
    When they go low, man, we get high,
    When we die, with the rapturin’ rubes,
    We’re gonna go to a cloud that looks like boobs!

    (Apologies to Norman Greenbaum.)

  • Indeniable Ron

    ‘Zero training value’? That took some excellent flying skills. Bravo, US Navy aviation!

  • bbayliss

    Just heard on my TV… RE: Kushner,
    “incremental truth telling is the hallmark of the criminal.”

  • StrangerCaptainHowdy
  • Doug Langley

    So anyway. I want to thank everyone who dropped something into my gofundme. It will definitely help get me through the next week. I assume unemployment will kick in by then.

    Recruiter called me today. Turns out his client needs a software dude, but not the usual kind. They have something so niche and unusual that they can’t find anyone who’s actually done it before and just need someone who’s all around good with programming. I said go for it.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      YAY!
      Good luck buddy!

      • Doug Langley

        Thanks. Say, what you up to?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          got school in the morning and tons of housework to do.

          : (

          • Doug Langley

            Well, just get in bed early enough for class tomorrow!

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Nonsense! Drink vodka and post on wonkette all night.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Good luck, Doug!

    • Indeniable Ron

      Hooves crossed for you…

    • SeeTrain65

      Good news.

      Hoping everything goes well from here on.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    My favorite line was just spoken in Starman (being broadcast on Comet TV):

    I watched you very carefully. Red means stop. Green means go. Yellow means go real fast!

    • data_ninja

      Ah yes! I remember that line.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i consistently confuse this movie with “Brother From Another Planet’

      aaaah, the 80s.

      • data_ninja

        That’s like confusing Friday with Clerks.

      • therblig

        what makes you think we’re dicks?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          eh?

          • therblig

            from the brother from another planet. the 2 alien hunters walk into bar (iirc john sayles and david straithairn) and ask the bartender if they’ve seen the protagonist. he asks they, “you guys a couple of dicks” and one replies “what makes you think we’re dicks”

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah, so sorry! IT’s been literally decades since I’ve seen it.

          • therblig

            joe morton is brilliant, without saying a word.

    • wait! what?

      I liked the Dutch apple pie-gasm.

      https://youtu.be/PceAhnXuwCw

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        That’s good too.

    • Persistent Demme

      Mr. Demme and I say this all the time.
      What a great movie!

  • Duke
  • Rick Hill

    This morning, got into work early and found this, from Bill Diaz and I don’t know if everyone saw it:

    Going home to die:
    I was right, I hate being right. I am at the Durham VA, were an old friend of mine is a doctor working in endocrinology. We go way back, his wife was one of the people I interviewed with (an convinced me to go to Baylor) way back in 93 when I was young and had hope for myself and the world. The reason I couldnt get care at the VA is because of the ‘prejudicial’ things that my own hospital (UVM) had put in my records to discredit me when I made the accusation of malpractice when they denied me insulin for 2 days while in the hospital.
    It was literally a textbook case of malpractice. ‘The most common reason why (diabetic keto acidosis) happens in the hospital setting is because physicians mistakenly withhold insulin from patients that cannot eat (vomiting etc).’ That is from the ‘American Diabetes Association Handbook for the Medical Management of Type I Diabetes’.
    https://www.amazon.com/Medi
    At the time, I was an NIH funded extramural fellow of the NIDDK (the part that funds diabetes research) working in the clinical research department of endocrinology. My dept chair had once been my doctor and told me that he would be happier if I took less tight control of my blood sugar’. He believed that to get my A1c as low as it was (5.5, the normal level for non-diabetics) that I was going hypoglycemic. I wasnt, but I changed the rules by which I administered insulin and brought it to 6.0. This dear friend, who was there for me when I was originally diagnosed with diabetes back at Baylor, told me that I am a dead man and that all that is ahead of me is hospice care and ‘getting snowed’.
    I am treatable, or was. The procedure that allows me to live without pain and eat without vomiting is an ERCP with stent placement. That stands for ;Endoscoppic Retroperitoneal Cholangio Pancreascopy’ and they put a little spring into the duct to hold it open. My own hoospital said, despite several years of treatment that I was crazy, lying about my disease, not a diabetic, violent, a junkie and other nice things. The VA, when I first got into the system treated me for my disease, at least initially. I explained to the GI doctor what was wrong and he fixed it, at least temporarily. Then when he did it again the day before last Thanksgiving, something happened.
    That triggered a 60 pound weight loss that bottomoed out at 175 pounds, down from the 235 that I have weighed since I was 14. It was my weight in high school playing ball, my weight as a paratrooper in the Army, in college, getting married, doing research and living in general until last T-Day. This was what I looked like last Veteran’s Day at 235 lbs:
    http://www.mynbc5.com/artic
    Gavid told me that there is no surgeon at Duke or at the VA who will do my surgery, that it would take a ‘cowboy surgery’ to be willing to do the surgery that would fix me and gave me a list of pancreatic centers in the US. I am poor and been sleeping in ‘Clinic F’ at the VA, where veterans are given 3 days of sleeping indoors on the chairs (cant lay down on the floor, it is against policy!).
    I went to the ER last night and my blood pressure was 227/115, as it often is due to pain, Normally at home, I lay in bed for 18 hours a day and can sit up for 2 hours at a time, but here I have been up and my body is screaming in pain. I accidentally left my pain meds and such in Philly and the lack of pain relief and having to stand and walk has left me a wreck. I an too numb to feel the pain as anything more than the throbbing mass of my body. There is no withdrawal, despite my long use of the medication, the secret being that I would never take my morphine until the pain got out of my control and I needed it to keep from screaming.
    I will be going back to Vermont soon to go home, lie in bed and die. Wish me luck getting home.
    Have a great day!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Geez, that’s awful. Poor Bill. :(

      • Rick Hill

        As if we needed and underscore and exclamation points on the condition of healthcare for veterans, this was it.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Everyone should save this to a text file for the possibility of future correspondence to elected officials.

          EDIT: the links don’t work. I can do without the Amazon one but the local NBC-5 shows Bill last year and that one should be saved.

    • Indeniable Ron

      Sounds a lot like what happened to an old friend. I didn’t know what to say then either.
      No-one deserves this. No-one.

    • Persistent Demme

      WHAT?!
      NO!

      • Rick Hill

        That’s…pretty much what I said

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      He posted last week and it broke my heart. I asked if there was anyone who could advocate for him, since it sounded like the crazy/junkie was a barrier. I never heard back from him.

      • BosGrl

        Is there no one whose attention we can bring this to?

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          That’s why I asked for more info. Hospitals usually have case workers. When we were trying to decide amputation v. hospice for my grandma, there were meeting with specialists. That was years ago tho. Our healthcare system has degraded so much since then.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/931699995169959937

    He also says the KKK started out as a good thing. And he hunts ghosts.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Oh great. Nice work, republicans.

    • Incoming Ham

      President ShitStirrer is enjoying the hell out of this.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Yeah, until he’s the one in court. Then he’s the victim. Fuck TRMP.

  • Picabo
  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Maybe I should reconsider my negative thoughts about Our Glorious Leader President Trump. His fans must be right. Perhaps this will get me into the right mood …
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk4talJVIf0

  • Beelzebubba

    My daughter’s plane is delayed “for maintenance” …. 3 hours and counting…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b03cebcd3639251c49cb21c9a068e006f764e19887b44b7332684ab0f81b91ab.png

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      lol, “one would hope they wouldn’t do that…”

      Damn, that sophisticated for a text message. Is she a writer? Or just a genius!

      (Coming home for Thxgiving?)

      • Beelzebubba

        Yes, yes, and yes. Biology, neuroscience, music, and communications.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          : D

          Have a good time!

    • Joe Beese

      Maybe they need to duct tape the wing to the plane until it lands.

      101 uses!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        There actually is aviation grade duct tape:

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e10d594dd54f18758070bd14e4bb1fe8dadc9bc6104beaac60ff3400050cd923.jpg
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6dcc4de4702bfa95406806af4a35d9009cf3a505460b462266835b774664f7e4.jpg

        “THIS AGAIN: a passenger snaps a picture of what seems to be duct tape affixed to some portion of an airplane, uploads it to Facebook or wherever, and suddenly it’s a scandal.

        The picture above, showing tape over the flap fairing of a 737, was sent to me by a panicked reader a few years ago.

        What you’re actually seeing is a heavy-duty aluminum bonding tape known as “speed tape.” It’s a temporary fix and it’s used only on superficial or noncritical components, until more substantive repairs are made later on. The tape is extremely durable and is able to expand and contract through a wide range of temperatures.

        “We never use, and don’t even stock, duct tape,” explains a veteran airline mechanic. “Some of the tapes we use cost hundreds, even thousands, of dollars per roll. Speed tape is one of those. Last I heard, it costs about $700 per four-inch wide roll. It’s approved by the manufacturer, FAA and company engineering department for certain repairs — always temporary.”

        In the top photo, those canoe-shaped fairings are noncritical. They’re a streamlining device, mainly, that protect the flap extension mechanisms and help smooth the airflow around them. On the Cebu Pacific plane the tape is securing an access panel. Both the fairing and the access panel could be entirely missing with no ill effects on the plane’s ability to fly beyond, perhaps, a minor fuel-burn penalty.

        My only gripe is the haphazard way in which the tape is sometimes applied. In both of these pictures it looks as if the mechanic brought his eight year-old son to work and let him give it a try. That’s just begging for controversy, and airline staff should know better. Cockpit crews could help too in these situations through a simple PA announcement.

      • shivaskeeper

        That would be military 100mph tape.

      • Doug Langley
  • therblig

    so i haven’t been down to the league of municipalities convention since before atlantic city almost went bankrupt last year or so. it’s always been a depressing place, but back before the casinos really raped it, it had a certain dignity in its seediness. now, the taj mahal is being converted to a hard rock hotel (which will undoubtedly fail), trumpy’s other shitpalace (the plaza) is closed, and apparently, when bally’s loses a window, they replace with a solid blue panel (wood or plastic, couldn’t really tell) and i guess they just don’t rent out that room.

    walking the boardwalk this morning at sunrise, all i could think was…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c05a38d29709e6a78817b3acb2797bee631ddcc2cdf99993b83d912ad69b2cae.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      In one of the movies, to make sure you’re paying enough attention to “Harry’s growing up!”, Dumbledore tells him, “You need a shave, my friend.”

      For the life of me, I don’t know why they didn’t have Harry laugh and say “Look who’s talking.”

      It would have been adorable!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      That is sad. The Hard Rock may do okay. They have more than gambling. Concerts and stuff. Food is even pretty good, for bar food. I was just in Myrtle Beach, SC last month and even they have one.

      • Joe Beese

        The young hotties like to hang out by the pool.

      • therblig

        the only we’ve ever been in was in pittsburgh and it was packed. iirc, we had a 45 minute wait for a table. of course donton has a lot more going for it (including a casino) than AC.

        i also saw this plaque from june 11, 1988, just as things were about to really to to shit, and thought, they really went all in, didn’t they?

        the thing is, it’s only a city of 40,000 so it’s problems should not have been unmanageable when all that money flowed in. unless it was so poorly managed or the deals to bring the casinos were filled with ratfuckery.

        it’s a fucking shame, because the ocean really is beautiful down there.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f4f4aea4c62878f43b0e6a090626e5b63061a2ca04ed68eca320ffdb65c22355.jpg

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Hard Rock has a rewards program. My BF and I belong and when we travel, we stop at them. He collects the glasses and I collect pins.

        • Went to the one in NYC long time ago, had some KILLER chicken quarters. SO BIG TOO. Very tasty.
          Course I was like 13 so…ymmv

    • Juan de Fuca

      The family member I told you about who still lives in Brigantine refuses to leave the area because of what Atlantic City used to be and what he still hopes it will become again. He’s doing his own small part but it’s sad.

      • therblig

        there were folks walking the boardwalk this morning (i was out at 6:30 for the sunrise) and a lot of them were older. my impression was that you’d really have to love the place to continue living there. and everyone i encountered was unfailingly polite – now that may be the result of working in the hospitality industry, but i was dressed like a schlub, so i’m going with sincere. i hope they can get it together. maybe murphy can work some goldman sachs magic (the good kind, not the voldemort kind) and we can all visit your relative for a bbq in the future.

    • shivaskeeper

      A lot of people are going up to Yonkers for the casinos now. Now that there is somewhat local competition, AC will have to either step up it’s game or diversify more.

    • terrific shot tho

  • Jamoche
  • Juan de Fuca

    There’s actually a word for it, Sarah. It’s spelled I-N-T-E-G-R-I-T-Y.

    https://twitter.com/christinawilkie/status/931620612098977792

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      We live in an age where “President Lies” is not even news.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        He does it publicly 5.5/day on average.

        The real average (including non-public), nobody knows that. Ask him what he ate for breakfast, and he will probably lie about that.

      • Resistor Radio

        I want them to release the “President lies with pee hookers” tape.

    • Rick Hill

      Gawd, can we lower the bar any further?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Yes. Just watch them.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Hold my Diet Coke.”

    • Doug Langley

      I just knew as soon as Franken admitted it, the Republicans would point fingers and gloat.

      • Juan de Fuca

        True but if he didn’t, they still would’ve been pointing fingers and laughing, so at least Franken took the wind from their sails when it comes to having a legitimate comment about it.

        Also, to be fair to the republicans I work with, none of them are making a big deal out of it. It’s only the loudest, hypocritical jackasses being loudmouth, hypocritical jackasses. Shrieking harpies gonna shriek.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        At least pointing is all they’re doing with their fingers.

        Allegedly.

        • Spurning Beer

          That’s not my belly button.

    • Picabo
    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, yeah it is, you dopey cunt.

    • Spurning Beer

      Hey Sarah, you dung beetle, if you recall, Donald actually bragged about force-kissing women and grabbing their hoo-has without their consent. Asshole.

      • Tokays_don’t_blink

        A Trumpanzee I know has assured me that no pussburgling actually took place, and that “the media” altered the recording so it sounds like he’s bragging about it. There really is no talking to some people.

    • lol really? That is their thing? That one party is taking personal responsibility and the other is not?

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda
      • Juan de Fuca

        There are times when I wish I only had seven more days of this bullshit.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    We have come to the end of our broadcast day.

    Oh! I have slipped the studly bonds of earth
    And pricked the skies on laughter-silvered wings,
    Punked high the trespassed Whidbey Isle of space,
    Pulled forth my dick and grossed some Okanogans out.
    “Go Phoenices!”

  • Jamoche

    Chris Hayes: “It sometimes looks like the WH is run for the benefit of the Trump family.”

    “Sometimes”?

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Understatement works better with a British accent.

    • Joe Beese

      That’s so obvious it could be analysis by Chris Cillizza.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Needs moar Hillary blame

  • Ninja0980

    New spin on the Mile High Club.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      If it was Trump’s, it’d be the Inch Long Club.

      (In the skies over Canadia… centimetres.)

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
  • Jamoche

    *looks at Panama Trump Hotel on Maddow”
    *looks at skypenis*

    Um….
    https://i.pinimg.com/736x/38/42/75/384275f7490ff109c7caf308486236a1–trump-hotels-hotels-in.jpg
    skypenis, meet landvagina

  • Suttree

    Hey yall. Shan emailed me last night saying that some people were asking about me. I was going through some horrible back pain, and was laid the fuck for three days. If anyone ever wants to know about me, you are welcome to email me. Shan knows me. This is what I look like normally. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6310ebe35ab62873d0fe101b51042c965ffca9c345a059743aae9a886b7bc890.jpg

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      So is that why the Dolphins didn’t bother showing up for work this year?

    • hudson

      the only thing humans provide to is bacteria, virus, and parasites. in realistic terms, no other being has any real use for humans.

  • hudson

    i just got a letter and a card from my little niece.

    happy thanks giving hudson maama*!
    Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for playing with me. I hope i can see you soon.

    $#$#$ that i have to break tradition and not see her this thanksgiving. #$$$%$%.

    *maternal uncle

    • Suttree

      I went to my sister’s house for xmas a few years ago. Her teens were the best!

      • hudson

        at least as uncles, we get to enjoy the innocence and energy as kids. their parents deal with all the problems and anxiety.

  • Rick Hill
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      The only good thing Harper ever did was get rid of the Canadian penny because it cost more to mint it than it was actually worth. He and his deplorable party are still a bunch of two-bit loonies.

      That’s just my 2 cents.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I used them as manipulatives to illustrate math problems when I tutored kids.
      True story – I had my kitchen retiled today and watching the guys use geometry made my geeky heart glow. That they checked each others work and conversed in Spanish was extra.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        When I was a kid Disney’s Peter Pan was one of my favorite movies, and pretty much anything with pirates or seafaring explorers. I didn’t know the difference between copper pennies and gold doubloons. So one thing I did was to save up about 500 pennies in this Skippy-jar chipmunk bank that looked like Chip and/or Dale (that we still have), thinking it would be enough money that we could afford to go to Disney World. My mother was heartbroken, because she then had to explain to me that it was only five bucks. Good for about five gallons of gas circa 1989. But only about half that today.

        I still have never been to a Disney theme park. (In fact, other than the occasional crossing of the border into Rhode Island for medical appointments and a rare shopping trip, I’ve never even been outside Mass, not even more than 20 miles outside my hometown.) I probably will never go, one because as an adult you figure out that “Disney magic” isn’t real — and knowing what I know about the Mausreich now, it’s bigly lost its luster.

        At least I got a useful math lesson out of it.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          If you ever do get a chance, schedule at least 2 days for EPCOT. That is my favorite park.

  • Joe Beese

    Lee Strasberg born today in 1901.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XADqTQq8lk

  • A mother who lives in Okanogan who took pictures of the drawings reached out to KREM 2 to complain about the images, saying she was upset she might have to explain to her young children what the drawings were.

    Ok, so she took pictures of it just so she HAD to explain to her children what a penis is?
    Lady, if they are that young, tell them it is snoopy. And if you have a boy, he already knows what it is anyway…..

    Also, Navy, zero training value??? LIARS!!! That is some skill right there

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      If it is a girl with brothers, she knows too. My brothers loved to be naked until about age 4. I have three younger ones, so I had seen a lot of peen.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      I thought that too. It’s so offensive so let’s send it to the fucking TV news so they can show it to EVERYBODY! She’s gonna have to answer the question, “Mommy? Why are you so stupid?”

    • Juan de Fuca

      Was talking about this with a retired Navy coworker about this today and mentioned to him – “Not sure how the Navy works but in the Airforce he probably would’ve received a public reprimand while also being put in for a promotion.”

      Or at least high fives around the squadron.

      https://twitter.com/PaulSzoldra/status/931617368031223808

      • I am thinking they made them clean some toilets and then bought them some beers

  • BigCSouthside

    So Kushner is completely fucked. He told mueller under oath he didn’t know anyone had contact with Wikileaks

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      He is so fucked and it is interesting to see him double down. Whatta maroon.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Jim Bakker says there’ll be clean coal in your grandkids’ stockings if you don’t buy his Jesus-faced flapjack mix. Apparently, they weren’t selling like hotcakes.

    Televangelist Jim Bakker threatens viewers’ grandkids with “eternal damnation” unless they buy his pancake mix

    Now that’s what I call grift — er… grit. “You like your moneylenders-in-the-temple scam operation regular, creamy, or al dente?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T24lHnB7N8

    • Count Awesome

      The pancake mix is probably already a form of damnation for those that have to eat it.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I have gastritis and I have been on a bland diet since May. Just thinking of what Jim Bakker’s “food” must be made of or irradiated with just made my stomach clinch.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Sorry to hear that, Cynmac. But yeah, you’re better off without this evangelical MRE garbage. It’s not even worth feeding to pets, and cats eat their own poop. Dogs, too. Probably other animals do the same. It’s worse than canned clams.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            GGS – yeah, it first hot me on Mother’s Day. 5 hours in the ER. I’ve been under a doctor’s care and I’m on the right meds. I have more tests to find the root cause. I joined Blue Apron so I am eating real food and lots of veggies.

    • WilbyToad

      I was just about to post this. GMTA. Where is Tammy Faye when we need her?

    • Who the fuck still thinks he is anywhere near jesus?
      This is not what Jesus would do. If Peter had tried something like this, Jesus woulda hung him up along with Judas.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Jesus, probably had better taste in food too, and would probably bake a delicious wedding cake for a faction of proud Australians as of this week. He’d probably even play bartender, with a bottomless pitcher of… water.

      • hudson

        did you rsvp to the party in hell? doesn’t matter when you join.

    • hudson

      doode. it says right there in his name. jim baker (even if mis spelt to sound furrin). what else did you expect? he’s gonna shill for bakery items, even if it means taking the so called lord’s name in vain proverbially, if it comes to that.

    • Jamoche

      “All right then, I’ll go to hell!”

      • hudson

        Jamoche! lol. as if before this you had any chance of NOT going to “Hell”?

        We are all going to hell. And finally meet up, and have a hell of a time.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          All our friends are gonna be there too….!

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l482T0yNkeo

          • dirtdog

            I stole this line and I don’t remember where from: Classic rock has a Highway to Hell and a Stairway to Heaven, which tells you something about the expected traffic flow.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            That’s a good one.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Does hell have the nice liberal feminist guy with the December 25th birthday turning water into Peach Mint froyo?

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8a3ead0864b37b12cf1806bb5b53c9bb3b97db7825b070575e1a598eb31cd28b.png

        • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

          Oooh, we have the same birthday! *swoon*

    • Michael R
      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        A dozen litres of kitteh litter.

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      You can get a short stack at Denny’s for a lot cheaper.

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    The obvious answer if the kids ask is to say its just someone’s doodle in the air.

    • WilbyToad

      It’s the Cat in the Hat’s hat.

  • Michael R

    That Jeff Sessions is a laugh riot

    https://twitter.com/cspan/status/931609348337537025

    • BosGrl

      Yeah, hahahaha. :/

    • WilbyToad

      And he’s toast walking.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        From your keyboard to god’s monitor.

      • bbayliss

        So’s Kushner.

    • jesterpunk

      “Who here hasn’t committed a little treason? Anyone? Anyone?”

    • Incoming Ham

      They see the Cheeto In Chief making jokes like this and think they can too.

      Nope.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Yeah, joke now, Laughing Boy.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Go ahead, Giggles. Mueller’s got elf-sized cuffs for you.

    • Roni Raven, Proud Hall Monitor

      Mueller ain’t laughing.

    • The funny thing is, at that particular convention, I bet there were quite a few people with the same connections

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Not quite as funny as the video of W looking under sofa cushions for the WMD. Yeah, ha ha, how many thousands died over your lie? Real fucking funny.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        People trying to “rehabilitate” him because Trump is the apocalypse incarnate can fuck right off also, too.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          No one wants Romneybot 3.0 either.

        • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

          Correct. Trump hasn’t started a war and invaded an innocent country.

    • Stinky_Hole

      Luann Poovey’s brother’s boy says what?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Back when motherboarding was considered torture.

    • bbayliss

      I believe $5995 in 80’s dollars would be about $250,000 dollars today.
      My math skills aren’t great, but I think that’s close.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I paid $1500 for an IBM/PC AT in 1991 – 56K baud modem, 21 inch monitor, dot matrix printer. Running Windows 3.2 and I can’t remember how my hard drive or memory.
      I paid $1300 for my latest Macbook Pro in 2014.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I got a Macintosh Performa/LC III as a kid for a birthday gift. The big 1-0, or in my case… 2 1/2. Apple discontinued the model in February ’94, so Sears was having a clearance sale. Wikipedia says they cost somewhere in the three grand range. I’m guessing it was less than that, because they were unloading the stock. That was back in the good old days, when both my parents had good-paying jobs, and Republicans weren’t in office to run off with OPM courtesy of their Wall Street buddies gambling with people’s savings and retirement. (But I digress.)

        I don’t think I could figure out a Macintosh today. It’s built on top of Linux, presumes that you have every fidgety-widget iGizmo in the world that you want to sync/connect/otherwise share your data with Apple and social “cloud” things that I don’t use, and the ADB mouse didn’t have “gestures” and make the window disappear when you “flicked it off.” I tried one of those out at Best Buy. I walked away and went over to look at CDs.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          I switched in 2004 when OS X just came out, so the transition from “Classic OS” was easier. I bought my first Macbook in 2007 and it was the video display that died, or I’d still be running it.
          I last had a PC for the government work that I contracted for 3 years ago. Windows 7 crashed and I never rebuilt it. I’ve never had those problems with my Mac. And I don’t use their apps. Hell, I don’t use many apps on my Android. Give me a browser and I’m good to go.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            If I ever do get a Macintosh again, it’ll probably be a much older OSX that still has the classic mode just for nostalgic (and ease-of-use) purposes. Although, I have to say, I had a helluva time hooking up the networked printer to my brother’s MacBook.

            The other problem I have with them, though, is the deliberate fusing together of the whole system so that you can’t replace or upgrade the parts. Not even major stuff — the hard drive dies, you have to buy a whole new computer. Apple sure knows how to make money, but logically speaking this sounds like the computer equivalent of buying a new car because the ashtray is full.

            They keep getting rid of ports to force everyone onto the “cloud” and “streamline” the design, too. I still have — and use — movies, music, and software on optical discs, and I still use the plug-in headphones. None of this Bluetooth whatsit for me. I don’t trust offsite storage or like the idea of Apple holding onto my files. They ran an ad campaign for the translucent, multi-colored iMacs that featured the Rolling Stones’ “She’s Like a Rainbow.” Someone else should do a parody ad about them shrinking the machine down to a Holodeck that features “Get Off of My Cloud.”

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I don’t mind not having a CD/DVD in this Macbook because it so much lighter. I have an external USB CD player, if I need one and an ancient DVD burner that still works. I also back up files to an external hard drive. But for working files and sharing, I do like Google Drive and Dropbox.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω