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Also, please write more time-loop stories. You can never have too many time-loop stories!

Listen: Dear ShitFerBrains has come unstuck in time. Or at least we’re still getting insane comments on a story from 2014. We’re actually sort of glad we don’t automatically close comments on old stories, because every once in a while, we find out that a story we’d mostly forgotten about still has a strange afterlife in the minds of kooks who are still pointing out to us that we got it all wrong and the Pope actually is at the head of a vast conspiracy involving child trafficking, Satanic ritual murder, and — why not? — the unholy goings-on at CERN’s Large Hadron Collider.

First off, some background: Back in March 2014, we wrote a piece debunking a story that briefly circulated among otherwise sane-ish people on Facebook, about a news release claiming Pope Francis had been charged with child trafficking by an international court. As it turned out, the “charges” were leveled by a Canadian conspiracy loon named Kevin Annett, a defrocked United Church of Canada priest, who made up his very own international court that he called “the International Tribunal into Crimes of Church and State” (ITCCS). It’s less a court than a blog that offers all sorts of interesting, baroque claims about the Pope, Queen Elizabeth, the Canadian government, and, as required by law, chemtrails. You can’t have a good conspiracy without chemtrails. We had a good laugh at the guy who calls his blog a “court,” and noted, via the wonderful smartass skeptics at RationalWiki, that finding Popes guilty of international crimes was old hat for Annett and his one-man judiciary:

Annett has “convicted” two consecutive Popes of genocide and child trafficking, issuing “international arrest warrants” for them. He has also issued a proclamation dissolving Canada. [link added — Dok Z]

And yet Canada persists in acting like it’s still a real nation.

This week, our comment moderation queue was alerted that someone had flagged a comment on the article, which frankly we hadn’t thought about in years. So we went to take a look and found that in the three and a half years since the story ran, it continued to garner angry rebuttals from people who wanted us to know exactly how wrong we were in dismissing the claims of some guy with a blog in ex-Canada, because obviously we’re in league with the Pope’s evil schemes and just blinding ourselves to reality. One of the milder examples, from sometime in 2014:

Perhaps this ITCCS is indeed a pseudo-organization. Regardless, no one can deny that pedophilia is rampant in the Catholic church and that this has been, and no doubt still is, covered up. That being the case, why would Doktor Zoom so patently dismiss the possibility of a Pope indulging in pedophilia? […]

I think the author needs to do a little bit more homework before he dismisses as absurd the possibility of sexual abuse in high places. I believe the appropriate description of the above article would be glib (to put it nicely).

What? A pedophilia scandal in the Catholic Church? The deuce you say! So obviously, since there have been real cases of the Church covering up for pedophile priests, it only makes sense to believe every single nutcase who says the Pope is kidnapping children and shipping them off to sex farms (but not the ones on Mars — those are run by Hillary Clinton, who’s a Methodist).

Then there was this comment from “Greensparks,” who did some research that showed us up for the liars we are:

I guess it’s not real because you say so.

This was accompanied by a link to a blog called “Child Abuse Recovery,” and with a title like that, it has to be reliable. Here’s the headline: “Pope Francis found guilty of child trafficking, rape, murder.” You guys all remember when Francis was arrested for that, right? Oh, but the article itself is pretty impressive too:

Yesterday defendants Pope Francis Bergoglio, Catholic Jesuit Superior General Adolfo Pachon and Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby were found guilty of rape, torture, murder and trafficking of children. Five judges of the International Common Law Court of Justice in Brussels determined that the crimes occurred as recently as 2010. Since last March over 48 eyewitnesses have come forward to testify before this ICLCJ Court about the defendants’ activities as members of the Ninth Circle Satanic Child Sacrifice Cult.

See! The International Common Law Court of Justice in Brussels is a totally different organization, at least until you google it and learn that, yes, it’s an imaginary court also made up by Kevin Annett, and has exactly as much authority as those “common law grand juries” that Sovereign Citizens make up to find American judges guilty of high crimes.

A more recent (two years ago) comment, by “Abbundantz” explains the only reason we haven’t heard more about the Pope’s conviction for murder and child trafficking is that the mainstream media is covering it up. Instead, we should seek out alternate news websites, which report what’s really going on. And who is Wonkette to casually dismiss all the evidence, huh?

While the ITCC [sic] may be a small group not yet widely recognized, their 5 judges heard 48 eyewitnesses to these crimes. If the ITCC is to be ignored, then at the very least this number of eyewitnesses clearly requires the respect of investigation and resolution.

Or perhaps the five judges and 48 eyewitnesses are entirely fictional, since they seem to exist only on websites that reprint stuff from the ITCCS website. Who knows, really? Probably the genius whose comment history explains that the “Khazarian Mafia-Zionists” run the media, asserts at least 70% of members of the US government are “pedos, or pedo set up,” and of course knows all about how the measles vaccine causes two kinds of cancer AND Parkinson’s. Also, yes, chemtrails.

Then there’s this, from “thunder-bear: courage,” who made a Disqus account just to post this solitary comment two years ago. Apparently we are right to be skeptical of Kevin Annett’s phony court, but our skepticism needs to go a little further. Or something:

You people are right man does not have the right to convene courts, only GOVERNMENT has that right. Man is a slave to the State. How dare these slaves try to convict the Emperor for wrongdoings. Man has no rights. The Empire has set up their LEGAL SYSTEM to keep the slaves in line. Slaves that believe LEGAL and lawful are the same thing. Just being sarcastic of course. If you don’t know what i meant when i said the Pope was the Emperor, then clearly you have not done any research into this subject and you are not qualified to comment on this post.

Well then. And here we thought we were an autonomous collective.

“Chris Sky” — also two years ago — really nailed us with this GOTCHA!

So in other words.. this article doesn’t not prove that he wasn’t charged.. its simply lie and propaganda, trying to discredit the sources that actually reported this! :D

good try, though.

He’s got us there. The Pope definitely was charged — and later found guilty — by a one-man international criminal court that also dissolved the government of Canada. Damn, and we thought we’d have been able to fool everyone.

Last year, “BamaGirl” let us know that we are really the WORST JOURNALIST EVER:

Thanks for wasting 3 minutes of my life. You call yourself a journalist? Damn, the pool of souless, sellout idiots willing to dance as their puppets must be getting small … because my 7-year old son writes better with his right-hand tied behind his back (yep he’s right-handed).

I’d actually LOVE to print your article & wipe my ass with it next time I shit, but that seems a little rough, plus you’re not worth the .001111 for the piece of paper (or ink for that matter). Plus, your writing is SOOOO bad, I wouldn’t even let it touch my ass.

Because I’ve already debited my kharma bank account enough I’ll end here. With THAT being said, you sound too “simple” to be spiritual, but if/when you learn about “kharma” – my guess is that in your next life, you’ll come back as toilet paper, since you’ve wasted so much paper (writing your CRAP) in this one.

What we take away from this is that “BamaGirl” really thinks about paper a whole lot. If it’s any comfort, we’re happy to let her know we write entirely on a computer, so we’re only murdering electrons, not wood pulp. Also, we sure hope “BamaGirl” isn’t actually tying her child’s right arm behind his back and making him write left-handed, since that’s the sort of child abuse only a dirty PAPIST would engage in.

We certainly couldn’t forget “POLAND,” who said “.Close this kidfkrs whole life >#” (all punctuation verbatim — it may be magic), and posted a video revealing… something.

No, nothing’s wrong with your computer — there really is no sound for half this thing, which frets about the Pope sending people to FEMA camps. In Europe, of course. It ends with a solemn warning:

Dear friends, ALL THINGS are being fulfilled. JESUS IS COMING SOON. Are you safe IN HIM?

Seems like a lot to read into a postmodern dance performance in a railway tunnel. We can only imagine what they’d think of Blue Man Group.

Just three months back, “truth teller” told us some truth about the (German Nazi inbred scum) Queen of England and her nefarious doings:

Annette isn’t the first or last to testify that there British ‘royals’ AKA German Nazi inbred scum, are corrupt, murderers & pedophiles. They’re heavily involved in the heroin & arms trade. They have huge influence over governments & media. To the point that, a princess can tell numerous people, write letters & record tapes saying that her husband is going to kill her in a staged car accident. She dies 2yrs later in the exact way she predicted & they were never even forced to testify in court. Yet these inbred trillionares, who hide their true wealth & pay zero tax. Want us to believe they have no power & they’re just decorative? You’d have to be an absolute idiot to believe that. Do I think these people could kidnap & kill poor & vulnerable kids? 100%. Countless survivors of child sex trafficking, from around the world have named British royals & other elites as being involved in this international ring.

Not a word about pizza, however, so we’ll assume this was a false flag disinformation message from a counterintelligence agent embedded in the Deep State.

“Eugene,” whose only other comment history is about Freemasons, offered this enigmatic message a month ago:

Shitty Marty Kelley, you’ve been hired.

Hmm. Well, yes, I’ve been working here about five years. Apparently I’m also working for… the Pope? The Freemasons? The Trilateral Commission? Damned if I know, but like George Soros, those bastards may run the world but they never send me a check. Since Yr Editrix’s checks actually clear, I can only assume that Rebecca secretly runs the world.

Finally, “Matt” dropped by the story just three days ago to offer this astute analysis, which goes right back to the start: There have been pedophile priests, therefore all claims that the Pope is running a worldwide child trafficking (and Satanic ritual murder) ring are of necessity credible. And the fact that no one takes Kevin Annett seriously is simply proof that he has to be telling truths that no one else is willing to acknowledge openly:

Why would a priest with clearly ‘radical’ opinions be defrocked? He only has peers who have been proven to be abusing children, and that his church actively protected them. Just because his organization isn’t recognized as credible, and it’s invocation is only met with ridicule for that matter — as if having an original thought in your life is blaspheme – doesn’t mean his point isn’t founded.

He has a grudge against a church we know is hiding things. Particularly rapist priests.

Excellent point! Or it might be, if Kevin Annett had been a defrocked Catholic priest; he was actually tossed out of the United Church of Canada, which is very much Protestant. But perhaps our thinking just isn’t original enough to see that a defrocked UCC priest is exactly the right guy to have the goods on the Pope o’ Rome. The real mystery? Virtually every other comment in “Matt’s” Disqus history is about video games. So he’s a guy with diverse interests and creative thoughts.

We look forward to coming back to this very Dear ShitFerBrains in two years to see what comments it’s collected. Now, Francis, where’s my damn money?

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to keep us online, and to help us continue covering up the Pope’s trail of murders and strange dancing in railroad tunnels.

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  • The Wanderer

    If I’m guessing aright from performances of the Deutschlandlied and Fratelli d’Italia that Sebastian Vettel won the Brazil GP for Team Ferrari.

  • Ezio

    For some reason when I see “CERN” all I can think of is Mike Cernovich.

    • doktorzoom

      His plan is WORKING

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    apparently it’s the one element of truth in a conspiracy theory that makes it believable. (Mostly).

    Also, too:
    Dear friends, ALL THINGS are being fulfilled. JESUS IS COMING SOON. Are you safe IN HIM?

    As long as you have a condom and his permission, I imagine you’re safe IN HIM.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Every time I see that “Jesus is coming” it reminds me of the punchline of that old joke “And he’s calling from Salt Lake City, and boy, is he pissed!”

    • Resistor Radio

      The “please subscribe” at the nd made me think of “please clap.”

    • Amy!

      That particular supplication made me think of goatse. Can’t think why ….

  • calliecallie

    “…the “Khazarian Mafia-Zionists” run the media…”
    Is that the Kardashians?

    • The Wanderer

      No, the Khazars. They were a Slavic tribe who set up shop on the northern shores of the Black Sea way back in the day. Their state faith was Judaism, and they were eventually wiped out by the Rus and the Mongols.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        I remember right after Trumnp stole the Election, I did a search on “Scarlett Johnsson” and her Wikipedia article started with a “Ashkenazi Jew”. Lucking the mods quickly reverted it.

        But this is where we are at, thanks to the Media and GOP normalizing all this garbage.

      • Resistor Radio

        I thought ‘Roos were only native to Australia?

      • calliecallie

        Damn. Thank you for that info. Rest in peace. Khazars.

    • Zonath

      They’re the hashish-smoking enforcers of the Khazarian. They’re Khazarian hashishin Kardashian assassins.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      They sound like some Klingon sub-clan.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Khazarian Mafia-Zionists

    And another great band name is born. Really, if the Deleted Commenters stuck to the music industry they’d be a lot more pleasant to be around…

    • The Wanderer

      I recall seeing KM-Z in concert. Their electric balalaikas sounded like a million razor blades shredding your consciousness.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        So, like REM on speed?

        • The Wanderer

          Better! They had their horn section hooked up to two Tumansky R-15 jet engines.

  • WIDTAP

    Doktor Zoom refuses to prove a negative because the Pope is Catholic. QED.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      And shits in the woods!

      • theCryptofishist

        Villago! I haven’t seen you in a while. I was even having a little trepidation. So glad you’re here!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Splitting my time between RL, here, Balloon Juice, Twitter, and WoW sometimes create short absences from one of them!

    • Proactive Cooperator

      I dunno but I thought the absence of evidence was not evidence of absence.

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    I used to see this kind of crap all the time. I was a Conspiracy Theorist for most of my life. I still listen to a few podcasts occasionally. Thank goodness I’ve learned better critical thinking skills, reality-testing, as a great therapist taught me.

    It wasn’t easy to free myself, Dad raised me with this kind of nonsense, and being BiPolar also seems to include a penchant for collecting unrelated data together to make new patterns. I was more into UFOs than anything else.

    Coming Out was a big part of freeing myself, almost all Tinfoil Hatters hate Queers, being accused of being part of the Illuminati was really quite amusing.

    • Didn’t you get your invitation from Beyonce?

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        No, I think I must have pissed Bey off somehow.

        • That happens pretty regularly, from what I understand.

        • janecita

          She is kind of a diva.

    • TJ Barke

      I love batshit bonkers UFO stuff.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i like conspiracy theories, for laughs in the past, but these days mostly as exercise in (attempting) to discern the “logic”.

        The LSAT has questions (hard ones) where you have to ascertain and apply logic from the prompt to another fact pattern. The logic is almost always flawed in some way. Challenging task.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        I still do. For years I studied it, but I’ve always been too aware of aviation to fall for easily-explained fakes or mistakes.

        Now we know than many if not most “Unexplained” sightings were military prototypes like the A-12/SR-71, U2, and Nuclear re-entry tests.

        • TJ Barke

          I love the Aldebaraan-Nazi connection stuff. Just a giant WTF.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Oh yeah, :) The Nazi “Bell” and Antarctica Base are making a comeback with the crazies, it’s still fun.

            None of them can explain to me why the Nazis didn’t use their Flying Saucers or Atomic warheads if they possessed such. Rokossovsky’s Tank Front would have made a very tempting target for an atomic bomb test.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          as much as a skeptic as I am…I saw something in the sky once in Mexico that I still can’t explain.

          • TJ Barke

            That’s what they want you to think.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Well, UFO is a label, if you cannot “Identify” it, it might be a UFO. I would dearly love for a sighting to be real. I have never seen anything I could not explain with some thought.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            PEN-DANT-TRY!!!!

            : D

          • Hiss

            It may have been the peyote.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’ve heard jimson is worse…and it grows around here.

            DUN-DUN-DUN!

      • weejee

        Well if you like conspiracies, how about the Big Bang being a 4-dimensional star collapse mirage?

    • Perkniticky

      I loved the UFO conspiracies as a kid – used to buy the books arguing that there was evidence that ancient civilizations encountered aliens. I mean really, who DOESN’T want proof of aliens?

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        Right? Sky Brothers, wiser and older civilizations, I’d love for some of it to be true.

    • Bitter Scribe

      When I was younger, before there was an internet, my hobby was collecting conspiracy theorist material. Anti-Masons, anti-Catholic, anti-Jew, whatever. Insane rants. Comics to make Jack Chick look like Family Circus. All kinds of gloriously weird stuff. Now, of course, it’s too easy.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I’m fond of the Sasquatch mystery, myself.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        I would love if it were found that some Hominid species shared the world with us.

    • Amy!

      Anna, have you read (or encountered) The Illuminatus! Trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson? I think you’d enjoy it, if not. It’s totally over-the-top fun.

      <fnord />

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        I have not, but I’m familiar with Robert Anton Wilson, I’ll add this to the list. :)

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    What are the odds that all of these folks that believe that the Pope is engaged in child trafficking and pedophilia are the same ones that either believe Roy Moore must be innocent because 30+ witnesses isn’t enough, or are willing to excuse his action because meh, that 14-yr-old was probably asking for it?

    • Perkniticky

      I always forget how odds work. Is it 1 to 1?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      “Well sure, he’s a child molester. But he’s our child molester.”

  • weejee

    …baroque claims about the Pope

    Baroque Cycle libel. L’emmerdeur Jack Shaftoe on line 2 Dok.

  • janecita

    I went to mass this morning, don’t ask why, and I realized that our Polish priest sounds exactly like Melania, and rambles on like Trump. It was torture.

    • weejee

      In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Carborundum.

    • Ellie

      Could be worse. Could have been a Polka Mass. Yes, they do exist.

      • theCryptofishist

        Polka improves so much. Especially if an accordion is involved.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “…the unholy goings-on at CERN’s Large Hadron Collider.”

    Because finding the “God” particle must be blasphemous!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Cripes, this Annett guy makes Alex Jones or Glenn Greenwald and the other “Deep State” obsessives look only slightly loony.

    Get it? Loony?

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      I was about to comment on the use of Canadian and Loon in Dok’s post.
      We saw what he did there, LOL.

  • btwbfdimho

    …JESUS IS COMING SOON…

    Yes, but unfortunately not to America, where He can’t afford health care because of His Holy Pre-Existing Condition.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      nails to the extremities, head wounds from thorns, and spear wounds to the abdomen are DEFINITELY not covered.

    • Proactive Cooperator

      Holey.

      • theCryptofishist

        Wholey, holey, holy, lord gawd al–might he?

    • Hiss

      And also place of birth.

  • ManchuCandidate

    These are the same amateur ignorant poorly educated dumbfuck nutsacks who proclaim a fugazi pie in the sky bullshit conspiracy based on innuendo and half truths is beyond scrutiny but when presented with actual evidence from actual professionals scream “Fake News.”

  • janecita

    I would be tempted to give these idiots the benefit of the doubt if Benedict was still pope, that man was sinister looking.

  • Resistor Radio

    I’ll only send you money if you promise to cover up the Pope’s CHEMtrails of murder. The chemtrails are the key to it all, man.

    (And holy shit, that video! W.O.W.)

  • Viktor

    The rampant pedophilia that plagued the Vatican infected Roy Moore long ago. ITCCS to the rescue!

  • SDGeoff3

    Is Disqus in A Mood this morning? Or is the new mac update going to be another pain in the ass?
    Anyone?

    • Proactive Cooperator

      Disqus hates me from time to time. Don’t know why. Just does.

      • theCryptofishist

        I’m wondering why we don’t call it Disqust.

        • SDGeoff3

          I’ve never had problems with it before. It must be my turn.

        • Doug Langley

          I keep calling it Disgusting but no one ever notices me. : (

      • SDGeoff3

        Ok.It’s been phhtt-ing at me off and on for a couple of weeks. Today, it’s being completely pissy.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Hate it back. Works for me.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      It’s been behaving pretty well for me this weekend.

  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    Methodist Manustipators on Mars!!!11!1!!

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      NB. I am positive the word “manustirpate” is in Psychopathia Sexualis or some such, and I have never been able to find a reference to it. Zero such results also too.

      • Beelzebubba

        You prolly want “manustupration”.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “And yet Canada persists in acting like it’s still a real nation.”

    “Canada: our mortal enemy!”

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    I’m watching a netflix “never-heard-of-it” movie…it may turn out good.

    But I want to note that apparently all Marine Corps special operators are male and female models, with witty, but cynical dispositions, and occasionally geniuses.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Also too – none of them are wearing helmets or have camelbaks (wait, just saw one!)

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        wait, there’s a helmet!

        They must just share it.

        • janecita

          What movie are you watching? Did you watch 1922?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            saw 1922 and Alias Grce.

            This is something called PainKillers.

            I’m really bad at watching the “big hits” – always have been. Haven’t seen ANY of the fucking superhero movies and stuff. I was in my 30’s before I saw the Godfather and Godfather II.

            Anyway, this is cliched, but the story is intriguing. We’ll see how it plays out. (I’m expecting poorly)

    • janecita

      Btw, you were so right about The Babadook, it totally sucked! And the fucking, annoying as fuck kid didn’t die!

    • Proactive Cooperator

      The Marine Corps is filled with little guys and guys with chips on their shoulders.

  • William
    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      Uhh . . . what?

    • janecita

      Magic!!!

    • Perkniticky

      He does magic tricks?! Wait, what am I saying – no magic trick beats transubstantiation. The pope is the original magician. Well, after Jesus, of course.

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        The last time I went to Mass the thing still looked like a cracker afterwards, what’s up with that?

        • William

          budget cuts.

        • Perkniticky

          If it still looks like cracker you’re doing communion wrong.

        • Doug Langley

          But the grape juice turned to wine, right?

        • Scrofula

          You’re supposed to *chew* your food, Cap’n.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I have a friend with a severe wheat allergy who has to stop by the sacristy on her way in to Mass to request a gluten-free host.

          Does this mean Jesus is made of wheat?

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      @disqus_Ltriirxlhk:disqus -OT, but I tried your Veggie-base idea for spaghetti sauce and it’s lovely, thank you. :)

      I started it last night with a cup of leftover Chopped Spinach, a lot of chopped Onion, and Celery, I let it boil for an hour and then built my sauce. It’s really got a deep, complex flavor.

      • William

        You’re welcome also. I found a lentil based pasta. It’s called Lensi red lentil fusilla. I can’t tell it from the gluten laden stuff. I think you can google it.

        • Put On Your War Paint!

          Will do, thank you. :) I love lentils.

      • Joey Brill

        If you make the onion and celery dance in a dollop of bacon grease first, everything else marries well.

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          And then add more bacon.

          • Joey Brill

            They get upset when they see the bacon.

        • Put On Your War Paint!

          OOh, that sounds yummy! I haven’t bought bacon this year yet. I usually only eat meat once a week.

          William is a Vegetarian, and I’m trying to eat more in the vegetarian-style myself.

          • Shanzgood

            Wait! Who is William?!

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Our William is a regular here. :)

          • Shanzgood

            OH! I thought you were referring to a different William. Like one you know in 3D.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            xD No, I haven’t met any guys lately. Unfortunately.

    • SDGeoff3

      And that, my brothers in christ, is how you change the altar linens.

      • Ellie

        I know a lot of Altar Guild ladies who would love to learn that trick!

        • SDGeoff3

          Oh, I see them every saturday, and I plan to share this next time. It’s great.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Next up: Is this your card?

      • SDGeoff3

        What’s this behind your ear, Brother Timothy?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        “Now, when I left the vestry this morning, I had a short rope, a long rope, and a medium-sized rope…”

        • SDGeoff3

          LOLOL!!! Loove it.

    • theCryptofishist

      That’s physics! Popes can’t do physics!

      • William

        The holy father has a graduate degree in chemistry.

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          Can he make a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?

          • John Thorstensen

            The precise rendering of the tone of Anglican ritual in that scene is what makes it hilarious, especially the falling tone in the last three words of: “verily to bloweth them up …. In thy mercy.”

        • theCryptofishist

          Maybe, but they didn’t declare war on chemistry like they did on Galileo.

          • StrangerCaptainHowdy

            Relitigating the Counter-Reformation, *sigh*.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            But can Pope Francis do the fandango?

          • richardgrabman

            No, but he can do a mean tango.

    • Mormos

      miracles ain’t what they used to be.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Still, he did that like a boss.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Not a Catholic. He’s actually a Prestidigitarian.

      • Shanzgood

        ha!

      • Phried Ω

        Nothing up my sleeve.

  • memzilla Ω

    And here we thought we were an autonomous collective.

    Here I thought we were neo-radicalistic anarcho-syndicalists.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    “Public notice: Canada is dissolved.” -some ignant moran guy, 2014

    “That’s what you think. Just watch me!” -some other, nicer, hotter guy, 2015

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3b0704a505e48ae918ef92ea3aca619c2e6363f1e63e21af5d20e872ea40dc6d.jpg

    • sarafina

      I love Justin.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Me too ❤️️❤️️

    • Shanzgood

      Those are some nice arms.

  • SDGeoff3

    “I do not have time to do a full review, but…” is when you know you’re headed deep into the forest.

  • theCryptofishist

    Does anyone have the stats on the Chunnel? Of course, they have cars run through there, but I wondered.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s rail only. If cars go through, they’re carried on rail cars.

      • theCryptofishist

        Okay, thanks.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        When it first opened, there used to be chaps and chapesses wearing heated backpacks who’d wander through the vehicle transport cars serving hot tea. That was kinda fun.

        • theCryptofishist

          Cool! (or hot, I suppose.)

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Earl Grey, hot.

          • theCryptofishist

            Lapsang Souchang or get the fuck out.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            I was mimicking Picard. Lapsang is my morning tea. Love it. Sometimes blend with ginger/peach.

          • theCryptofishist

            Fair enough. I’m simply not sure why anyone want’s to drink hot tiger balm.

          • Shanzgood

            You think Earl Grey tastes like Tiger Balm?

          • theCryptofishist

            Okay, tiger balm flavored tea. Although, actually, I love the pictures I”ve seen of Tiger Balm Gardens.

          • Shanzgood

            I like Earl Grey. It tastes fruity to me.

          • theCryptofishist

            How are you on cilantro? lager?

          • Shanzgood

            Cilantro is iffy. It used to make me gag but now I can enjoy (not just tolerate) it in small quantities. I can use it in a recipe to cook with but not as a fresh garnish.

            Lager? Meh. No strong feelings either way. I don’t seek it out but I don’t refuse it if that’s the only option.

  • Ellie

    I’m confused. How could Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby be involved in this horror of child abuse in 2010 when he didn’t become Archbishop of Canterbury until 2013? Could it be? Was he perhaps in possession of Barack Obama’s Handy Acme Time Machine? We could probably find out, by following the chemtrails.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Always follow the chemtrails. They lead right to Alex Jones’ online store where you can purchase nutritional supplements that will nullify their effect.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      “Sharna pax and get the poal
      When the Ardship of Cambry
      Comes out of the hoal.”

      • theCryptofishist

        Carrying poal to Newcastle?

        • eggs ackly-wright

          It’s from one of my favorite books, Riddley Walker, by Russell Hoban.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I think the “truth teller” person is an old LaRouchie — every so often I’d run across tracts from when Lyndon Larouche was perpetually running for president and denouncing the Queen for any number of whacko conspiracies, mostly with the Rothschilds, drug manufacturers and any other out-of-the-blue elements nearby. Kinda put me off conspiracy theories, so it was helpful in a way.

    • richardgrabman

      You have to be careful with laRouchie info. I wrote a short book on the leader of the Cristeros (a Catholic led counter-revolutionary uprising in 1920s Mexico). The problem was most info on the guy … still a hero to the extreme right… is in Fascist publications. Other material, which looked promising (and attacked the Fascists) came from a LaRouche site. Fact checking was a nightmare.

  • sarafina

    OT, but I am very bummed Mueller did not release any indictments this week.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Give him time. He may be slow, but I prefer slow and thorough to half-assed.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        This is a guy who dots his Is and crosses his Ts. And gets results.

      • Daniel

        [Sniggers]

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Patience. For all you know, he could have another conviction already.

    • jesterpunk

      Do we know for sure? Remember the one guy was charged months before we knew about it and he was work with Mueller to get more dirt on Trump people.

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      Just a guess, but I think Manafort’s defense leaked and forced Mueller’s hand before, which may be why he revealed Papa Dop’s guilty plea.

      I think Mueller is a very careful, thorough man.

    • Beautiful Soup

      I’m hoping he’s just waiting till Donnie is back on US soil, to lessen the damage of the inevitable tantrum.

      • Nockular cavity

        Wait till the return flight is in the air.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      that could well be because he got someone to flip

    • John Thorstensen

      A law professor and former supreme court clerk I know on the Visage Volume site has been following all this avidly. He has read the indictments with real professional expertise, and has concluded that Mueller is a superb lawyer and a masterful bureaucratic tactician who will unwind the whole Trump empire like a mummy. But he says it will take time to get it right.

      • theCryptofishist

        Sounds like it will be sweet to watch.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Meanwhile, 37% of Alabama Evangelicals say they are MORE likely to vote for Roy Moore now that it has come out that he was doing hinkey things with 14 year olds and such.

    • William

      Hey it’s Alabama. Remember Governor Bently? Now he had class. Sure he cheated on his wife, but he’d never dream of letting his 15 year old daughter smoke in front of her kids.

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        or is that, THEIR kids?

    • Mormos

      Alabama: the south’s south.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Seems like a lot to read into a postmodern
    dance performance in a railway tunnel. We can only imagine what they’d
    think of Blue Man Group.”

    Opening ceremonies at the Barcelona Olympics were pretty weird too…*shrug*

    • Resistor Radio

      I find most contemporary dance to be kinda head-scratching. The rolling cousin it things were pretty neat, though.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I just figured it for an interpretive dance about European history.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      I prefer kd lang’s Olympics opener from years back. Hilarious.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Thunder-Bear: Courage?

    A. Rotgut fortified wine
    B. Knockoff Axe Body Spray derivative
    C. Late 70s Hanna Barbera cartoon featuring an anthropomorphic something and a suspiciously Scooby Doo-like human cast?

    • All of the above, simultaneously.

      • Master Contrail Program

        “You’ll be so shit-faced and man-musky you’ll swear you’ve ran past the same background six times!”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      The Hanna Barbarians is the name for my new Miley Cyrus cover band featuring an all-furrie lineup.

      • Master Contrail Program

        What? No Josie and the Pussycats?

        • theCryptofishist

          Opening act. Four bald, large, tattooed, and generally unpleasant guys in their forties playing Skil saws and washboards covering Hildigard of Bingen.

      • Proactive Cooperator

        Is it all-furrie on Wrecking Ball too ? Asking for a friend.

  • proudgrampa

    As a recovering Southern Baptist, I can tell you that my Sunday Schools and Bible Camps were full of anti-Catholic and anti-Pope rhetoric.

    A lot more people than conspiracy theorists and wackos hate the Pope.

    • William
      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The racism. Always the racism.

        • Proactive Cooperator

          It really is. Find a reason to put someone down and you are automatically superior.

          • theCryptofishist

            Except that you aren’t. Yes, I know, too subtle for that crowd.

          • Proactive Cooperator

            Thanks. This is why I like it here. You don’t have to re-invent the wheel every time.

      • JohnBull

        I’d say “their fucked-up interpretation of the Bible,” as well as their fucked-up heads.

      • Phried Ω

        Willful ignorance and/or self-delusion.

    • Jack Chick made a cottage industry out of it.

      • theCryptofishist

        That was one scary cottage.

    • Wonky Magoo

      When I moved to the South, I made the mistake of mentioning I was Catholic at school. More than one person asked me, sincerely, if we worship the Harlot of Babylon and do blood sacrifices.

      • Marion in Savannah

        I’d go to work on Ash Wednesday after early morning church and people would keep telling me my face was dirty. Try to explain Lent to a Baptist…

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          I never saw that until I moved to New Mexico (from TN). It took me 5 seconds (if that many) to understand what it meant.

        • Shanzgood

          My former boss licked her thumb like a mom and tried to wipe it off a guy at work one time, saying “You’ve got some schmutz there…”

          • Wonky Magoo

            A friend of mine did that in college! The poor thing was mortified when she learned what it was.

        • clubseal

          Enough with the Pig-Pen cosplay, Marion.

        • Jamoche

          Ted Turner once called a couple of employees “Jesus freaks” when he saw them with ashes.

      • theCryptofishist

        If you’d been jewish they’d have asked to see your horns.

        • Marion in Savannah

          And tail.

          • Shanzgood

            My mom’s neighbor (probably not even my age) grew up thinking Black people had tails. She didn’t find out otherwise until she joined the military.

          • theCryptofishist

            Yikes.

      • MsEdgyNation

        Back in my goth princess days, a coworker asked me if I was a devil worshipper. I said “No, I’m Catholic,” and she indignantly replied “But that’s the SAME THANG!”
        Sigh.

      • Proactive Cooperator

        The Harlot has a website now, but it’s actually pretty tame. Unless you have a credit card. Er, or so I’ve heard.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      When I was a kid growing up on Lawn Guyland, kids in my school would ask one another “are you Catholic or Jewish?” That there were Protestants in the world barely registered with us. I’m pretty sure there were more Greek Orthodox kids in my 5th grade class than there were Protestant kids.

      When I was about 9, a family from Tennessee moved into our neighborhood, and Mrs. Taylor had enormous difficulty with the relative diversity she encountered. She was, however, clearly under the impression that the lack of vowels at the end of our last name made us Regular People Like Her, so she socialized with my mom a lot over coffee, as suburban ladies did in those days.

      At one point, she felt comfortable enough to lower her voice (they were alone) and confide that “Ah’ve nevah seeeen so many Eye Talian Caytholicks in ahl mah lahfe.” And giggled nervously.

      When my mom said “not just Italians… most of us Irish families are Catholic, too,” Mrs. Taylor looked startled… and the invitations to coffee slowed considerably.

      That was the first time I ever encountered the idea that Catholics weren’t the majority everywhere.

    • grindstone

      My first husband and his fundy family dismissed Catholics as idol worshipers and not of the saved. They also eschewed any kind of rote response OR music with lots of repetition as too Catholic.

  • Proactive Cooperator

    So last night I was watching the ND-Miami game, and at the end the coach of Miami was asked about the win, and after the required clichés, he said “and thank God.” With a big smile. So I’m thinking “is he saying God is NOT an Irish Catholic?” But ND was founded by the FRENCH. So I switched to PBS.

    • SDGeoff3

      …where god is Anglican most of the time.

  • Oh, BamaGirl, you might not let your ass touch Dok’s writing, but your ass is sneaking out at night and seeing Dok’s writing on the side!

    • puredog

      Did your mom give the okay for Dok’s writing to touch your ass? Then that’s cool in Alabama, as I understand it.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I dunno – if we’re unstuck in time 2014 isn’t the worst place to land…

    • Master Contrail Program

      Until November anyway.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      No! 2015 or Harper dissolves Canada!

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “Since Yr Editrix’s checks actually clear, I can only assume that Rebecca secretly runs the world.”

    She bought me dinner and drinks. She has my allegiance.

    • Christopher Story

      If it’s that easy to bribe you, you’d get along swimmingly in Washington.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I’m an honest and ethical unicorn. I’m faithful to whoever bribes me first.

        • Phried Ω

          Espionage is an excellent case in point.

        • SDGeoff3

          A very efficient unicorn, also too.

      • Proactive Cooperator

        ” The problem is not that everyman has his price. The problem is that usually the price is so low.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Yup, pizza and beer.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I was into the hard cider that night.

  • TJ Barke

    I wonder what it’s like to be this divorced from reality…

    • clubseal

      I get the impression that they were never married in the first place. Certainly never consummated anything.

      • Daniel

        I don’t know. Reality certainly seems pretty fucked.

  • Rick Hill

    So….christians could only act like they accepted Catholics for just so long, they must feel like they have an abortion ban just around the corner so they don’t need them as allies, anymore.
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/azqo3Wq_460s.jpg

    • Proactive Cooperator

      Christ, what would he do on Wall St. ?!

      • TJ Barke

        It wouldn’t be pretty.

      • Rick Hill

        Well, that is the conservative’s church

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Just remember your theology: Jesus saves but Moses invests.

    • Mormos

      i like that jesus is brown in this picture.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I like that – just a couple guys shootin’ the shit.

    • Mormos

      fucking amazing

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Leeds Castle is pretty cool. I used to play golf there all the time.

      http://www.thehopeanchor.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/leedsCastleAriel.jpg

    • Red Richmond

      I hate twitter. On an intellectual, emotional, genetic, and possibly atomic level I fundamentally despise twitter. But this History Lovers Club… this may be worth signing up.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      wait, no…you’re kidding.

      • Daniel

        No, it really is in Kent.

        • Nockular cavity

          I ran amok in Kent, once.

          • msanthropesmr

            I overheard in Mayfair.

          • theCryptofishist

            Where there’s mok there’s brass.

    • Cock Blockula

      They left off the last part of the conversation…

      Prime Minister Blair: Hang up, Bill. You’re drunk. (C)

  • William

    Well, time to fire up the lawn tractor. The almighty has once again seen fit to bless me with an abundance of oak and maple leaves. BBL. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/da56ab1efb6016b5282f51a4167306eeb0c2f730b6461de68821f1a46b2d9bb3.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      …and then, about five hundred yahds past whay-uh the old fi-uh station used to be…

    • Ayup!

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Years ago I knew a guy who once upon a time delivered appliances in rural southwest Virginia.

      He described getting directions that included phrases like, “Then you turn left where the Pepsi sign used to be.”

      Still cracks me up.

      • Sophia

        We had a truck driver in once whose company gave him this all important direction. “Get off the 402 at the exit before the weigh station.”

      • Proactive Cooperator

        “Turn left at the big tree. If the road turns to gravel, ya dun gone too far. Turn around and then make a right.”

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      I took a girlfriend out to her favorite Nepalese restaurant once. She was driving and it had been a while so she asked Cortana for directions, and Cortana so mangled the Hispanic street names in Downtown Colorado Springs that we got the giggles and missed our turns.

      It was a really nice date. :)

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Well, I hope you finally got there… and had many momos!!

        Mmmmm… momos….

        • Put On Your War Paint!

          We did, it was an amazing evening. I guess she hadn’t seen the prices in awhile, and she blanched when she opened the menu to “Entree'”. But I was ready and told her to have anything she liked, I would have Lamb Vindaloo. That smile was what made the date.

          The chef/owner took a liking to us, he kept coming over to chat. He was over so often that they brought the check before we could order dessert, so he comped us Cinnamon Labna. :)

          R. didn’t drink alcohol, so the meal was like $40 -45 bucks, and I left a huge tip because it evening had been so lovely.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Niiiiice… it sounds like a beautiful evening!

            I have to admit that vindaloos are usually too hot for me…but I’m mad for dal bhat and aloo gobi, and can eat any amount of sel roti. And momos. Many, many momos. My beloved makes delicious ones with turkey, and scoffs at my vegetable ones because he claims there’s no such thing as vegetable momos.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            I got the ‘Medium” on the Vindaloo, and my date didn’t even want to taste it. That night was my first “real” experience of Indian food, not counting Aloo Gobi from the freezer section, things like that.

    • Sophia

      That’s the kind of directions I understand. Make a right at the house that used to have a barn, continue on and make a left at the dead cat. Don’t give me this north/south bullshit.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        the worst is when they tell you to go past a place that used to be there, but isn’t anymore.

        • Daniel

          See, I can never follow directions that aren’t accompanied by a sense of irretrievable loss, and the inescapable knowledge of my own mortality.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            “Take the left just after the ennui starts kicking like an angry mule”

          • Daniel

            Summon up the energy to turn right after the tree with the two tramps sitting under it.
            Hope for surprise, expect disappointment at the roundabout.
            At the third exit, imagine Sisyphus smiling.
            Continue until your journey inevitably ends.
            Exit the car.
            Alone.

        • John Thorstensen

          The Same Old Place?”You must mean the old Same place … “

      • Shanzgood

        I’m the opposite. I get confused UNLESS I have N/S directions.

        • Left Coast Tom

          I prefer N/S directions myself, but when I moved to the Bay Area in the 1980s I had to get used to “north” meaning “northwest” and “east” meaning “northeast” (SF Bay is oriented northwest to southeast, “north” is towards SF…).

          • theCryptofishist

            Ah, but in the inner bay area you can check where the hills, bay, and ocean are, and come out pretty ok.

          • theCryptofishist

            Which, now that I think about it, is what those old barn directions are, just much larger. Rooted in local knowledge.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Yeah, but as someone who knows how to read a map and compass, it’s especially confusing in Sunnyvale where “north on El Camino” is actually “west”.

          • theCryptofishist

            Yeah, I never used a compass. Growing up in Berkeley… Of course, it gives me an advantage in seat of hte “pants” navigation.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      As one with strong ties to Maine I really appreciate that. The only directions that would be as good are the ones from Marshall Dodge: “Ya cain’t get theh from heah.”

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • JohnBull

      Back in my day, we just stared out the window between the two guys across the subway car, because making eye contact was just weird. Or open our newspaper so it flies in the face of the guy next to us.
      Nobody wants to go back to that.

    • clubseal

      The best flight I ever had was to my 21st birthday party in Reno. An older woman was seated next to me and we talked the whole way and time just flew by. It was great, especially compared to all of my other flights, seated next to some crusty guy who wants to use every armrest in sight.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Does anyone else think Pope Francis is really George Soros? Have they ever been in the same room at the same time? Huh? HUH?!

  • BloviateMe

    Shitty Marty Kelley, you’ve been hired.

    I’ve been saying that for years, man.

  • Beelzebubba

    The crazies never know when to stop chewing this particular bone. Check out this link:
    https://voat.co/v/pizzagate/1508720
    Wonkette’s old post is linked to, so you can expect bits of conspiraloon detritus to keep washing up on that beach.

  • Sophia

    Uh, no. Just no

    Trump offers to mediate in protracted South China Sea feud

    “I’m a very good mediator and arbitrator,” Trump said at a news conference with Vietnamese President Tran Dai Quang in Vietnam’s capital, Hanoi, before flying to Manila for the summit of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations.

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/trumps-offers-mediate-protracted-south-china-sea-feud-062558174.html

    • Jamoche

      Only in the sense that having him in the negotiations gives the feuding parties a common enemy to unite against.

    • rocktonsam

      He’s the only one that ever agrees with himself that he’s good at something.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yeah, after giving the Chinese government a tongue bath you sure are a neutral party, Donnie boy.

      • Rick Hill

        Not sure if the new Chinese mind control agent is working or if trump is really easy to manipulate….

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Why not both?

      • theCryptofishist

        Hey, he gave one to Putin, also, too!

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      What the hell has he ever mediated or arbitrated?

      • He’s used the court system to run out the clock on small business owners he owes money to… there’s that.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          True, but that doesn’t fit the definition of arbitration or mediation.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Your “definitions” are just librul, Alinsky, Soros-funded plots to keep us from MAGA!!

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            I guess I just can’t accept that trump is a Great Businessman.

          • Mormos

            that is because you lack vision, unlike glorious leader #MAGA

    • Beelzebubba

      Calling people childish names is a well-known form of diplomacy – which most of us grow out of by the sixth grade.

      • Daniel

        I believe Palmerston succeeded in pushing through the Convention of London by judicious application of high pitched imitations of what the Prussian delegation said. He called them tell-tale-tits when they complained too.

        We will not see a statesman like that again.

        • theCryptofishist

          Pitt the Elder!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Trump is more like Pitts, The.

        • Querolous

          Trump needs a Diet of Worms.

      • proudgrampa

        I confess that I have never stopped calling people “poo-poo head.”

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Whatever, jerkface!

  • Jon Sussex

    Weird there’s an ICLCJ in Brussels. Belgium has a civil law not common law system.

    • Relativicus

      Well, it’s technically “in a locker at Brussels Central” in Brussels, not “in Brussels” in Brussels.

  • Rick Hill
    • Mormos

      common sense is the metaphysics of savages
      -betrand russell

  • ariel_gee_398

    We’d all been sleeping too well lately, what with indictments and election results and 12 time zones between us and Trump. Whatever this is ought to fix that: https://twitter.com/attackerman/status/929773766166577158

    • Daniel

      My guess is it’s the one about US consulates in Russia having their security provided by a former KGB agent who was once Putin’s boss in East Germany.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that can’t be good

        • TJ Barke

          Nothing fishy about that at all…

          • theCryptofishist

            Well, I had nothing to do with it.

      • ariel_gee_398

        If that’s “all” it is, I’ll be relieved.

    • My guess is that Trump gave Putin the nuclear football because Putin called him a Big Boy.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Trump toilet trained? That IS big news.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, grand. More disturbing than our president colluding with Russia to win an election, then hiring an unregistered (at the time) foreign agent as his National Security Advisor, then it being revealed that several representatives and senators including one who became AG, were helping, and meeting with the Russians, and lied about it to Congress, while the neophyte Secretary of State — also a friend of Putin — is rapidly dismantling our diplomatic apparatus?

      Something like that doesn’t need a teaser, it needs to be broken now.

    • Sophia

      Sigh, guess I need to make a trip to the liquor store

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I thought Nigel Tufnel ran the sex farms…

  • Canada has been dissolved as a nation, they’re just sticking around so they have a shot at a night with Justin Trudeau. First, he stole your girlfriend, now he’s stealing your sovereignty.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Someone wrote a South Park fanfic (a “sequel” to the first movie), where the women Lysistrata the men of America by migrating to Canada where Justin is a much nicer and more attractive leader than Trump — and it starts another war.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    wow, this quote from a 1936 opinion isn’t anti-Irish at all:

    “Mike Sullivan (born in Ireland and wished he ‘was back there’) was the elevator operator and a witness for defendant.”

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I’m with Andy here. Some things should not be tried by man…

    https://twitter.com/AndyRichter/status/929751464280551424

    • No. No. No. Fuck that with a splintery pole

    • ariel_gee_398

      Plus, it’s wrong. Enough leavening plus letting the batter rest before cooking works just fine, and doesn’t make me want to vomit thinking about it.

    • NastyBossetti

      I can see I will be in the minority on this, but I have no qualms about using mayo in anything. However, pancakes are not supposed to “tower.”

    • Jamoche

      Mayo is just eggs and oil, which are things that go into some baking recipes already.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I take it “lifehacker” saw the horribleness of the NYT’s “guacamole with peas” as a challenge.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I can just picture it- “Think that’s bad? Hold my pumpkin spice beer”

      • The work “lifehacker” needs to be hacked to death.

        While we’re at it, “woke” needs to be put to bed.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Deathhacker sounds like a guilty-pleasure B-grade horror film. Or a cyberpunk metal band.

    • Shanzgood

      Bake a proper cake, dingus.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Right? Those aren’t pancakes, they’re shitty sponge cakes.

        Not the cakes we like.

        • I have Mary Berry’s Victoria sponge bookmarked and ready to make

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I’m going to start stalking you soon.

          • If it turns you off, i am currently watching the Amanda Bynes classic, She’s the Man

          • theCryptofishist

            Well, I think the bat signal’s been sent and you have to get in there and counter create the monstrosity.

      • Dingus bakes
        Dingus cakes.

  • therblig

    anyone who would wipe their ass with printer paper deserves the paper cuts.

    • theCryptofishist

      & the ink smudges. Vegan ink smudges

      • Jamoche

        Laser FTW – an entire laser printer is cheaper than a refill pack for a color inkjet, and doesn’t throw a hissy fit when the yellow is “out”.

        • theCryptofishist

          As if yellow could ever be as “out” as purple. No… wait… I forgot about Trump. But he’ll never be out, merely outed.

          • Jamoche

            Yellow’s just lurking there, waiting to betray you
            https://www.eff.org/pages/list-printers-which-do-or-do-not-display-tracking-dots

          • Beelzebubba

            That’s why it keeps running out, even if you don’t use it.

          • Jamoche

            It doesn’t use enough for that; the printer says “out” when it really means “dried up because you’re only printing B&W.”

          • Beelzebubba

            And it won’t print B&W until you buy more colored ink. That’s why I don’t use HP inkjets. I can buy an excellent Bordeaux for much less $/ml.

          • Jamoche

            I’m one of those who print every few months, so there’s no way it’s really out of ink no matter how much yellow it hides.

    • Resistor Radio

      …and the skid marks.

  • bbayliss

    The wing nuts are committing the unforgivable sin of becoming boring.

  • Relativicus

    To be fair, the church trafficked in pedophiles, not children.

    • rocktonsam

      One of the indulgences Luther was so upset about probably

  • Major_Major_Major

    This is some nth level trolling, here. https://twitter.com/RespectableLaw/status/929742335172399105

    • Shanzgood

      There’s no need to smash Keurigs. They die about 20 minutes after the warranty expires.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Not to mention all those plastic pods in the landfill, at least recycle.

    • Relativicus

      I don’t understand what is happening there.

      • Shanzgood

        Keurig withdrew advertising from Hannity’s show and wingnuts are freaking out.

        • clubseal

          What about free speach!11!!! Keurig sounds furrin’ anyways!

        • Relativicus

          Oh, that’s funny.

      • A troll is ruining Dunkin Donuts for a stupid right-wing Thanksgiving relative.

    • Sophia

      He is really fucking with them. It is a good thread to follow

      https://twitter.com/RespectableLaw/status/929744310718918656

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Retweeted and Shared.

  • IdiotsforPalin
  • Also posted on Robyn’s “This week …” page
    Warning; sick bag needed
    via the Independent
    In the period 2001-2015 200,000 under 18’s were married in the USA dubious but fair enough except …
    …over 1000 of those were under the age of 14

    The youngest wedded were three 10-year-old girls … who married men aged 24, 25 and 31 in 2001. The youngest groom was an 11-year-old who married a 27-year-old woman …in 2006.

    A 14-year-old girl married a 74-year-old man in Alabama, while a 17-year-old wed a 65-year-old groom in Idaho.

    Children as young as 12 were granted marriage licences in Alaska, Louisiana and South Carolina, while 11 other states allowed 13-year-olds to wed.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      oh FFS.

      Are you fucking kidding me? Is this medieval england?

      • rocktonsam

        Mostly the south.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Worse, because while it occasionally happened, child marriage was actually rare in medieval England (although child betrothal among the upper classes was common).

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Also, Idaho, SC, Alaska, Louisiana – not terribly surprised.

      (And I’m pretty sure we have laws against this crap in Texas….TEXAS!)

      • sarafina

        There’s that fundamentalist Zion group here, remember the pedophile that locked up?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          the one they just found in Mexico?

          • sarafina

            Polygamist Warren Jeffs.

          • theCryptofishist

            Fundy mormons have got to be a significant chunk of the problem. Although, I don’t know how many of htem get licenses.

      • Shanzgood

        FLDS has a big population in Texas.

    • Sophia

      WTF???

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Parental consent is required in Alaska for anyone under 18, here’s looking at you, mom and dad…

    • SadDemInTex

      I was going to point this out. Thanks 😱for finding this information. The only one that surprised me was the 11 year old groom. I could totally get a 14 and up groom (disgusted and heartbroken but puberty)… but 11? But then I don’t actually understand pedos at all.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Even more repulsive is that many (most?) of these marriages covered up rape of minors.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    If you all were not such closed minded libturds you would accept the truth: the Queen is running the whole operation out of a command center hidden in the top floor above a carry away Indian curry place in East London.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/26c53620bfa4fb75be8023719d4c56daecbb8aef3f672dfa087a1602868a5134.png

    • Ooohhh, garam masala chemtrails!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        ha! I just had Lamb Roghan Josh last night

        • SDGeoff3

          Oh dear.

        • ahughes798

          Cannibal!

        • Long time no see – probably my fault

      • proudgrampa

        Saag and Tikka Masala or ferget it!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          almost did the Chicken Tikka Masala- next time…

        • you’re riding for a Phaal

          • calliecallie

            We’ll be having naan of that.

    • SisterArtemis

      Yeah, well DUH! the only real question is why she hasn’t done away with DT yet.

    • SDGeoff3

      Don’t tell me. The building has a real basement, and the top floor is a floor above the top floor.

    • John Thorstensen

      Chemtrails, schmemtrails.

      What ever happened to HAARP?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        His nefarious plan to dissolve Canada was foiled by a Jesuit Catholic.

    • Captain Kraut

      Yes but both their secrets and their lamb vindaloo are to die for.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • bubbuhh

    So, is Roy Moore a judge on ITCCS?

    • Pisto75666

      He’s passing the time til he gets a spot on the SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance) panel.

      • Resistor Radio

        Just keep him away from Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.

        • Pisto75666

          He’s an Alabama politician. He wouldn’t qualify anyway.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        He’d never last. Too many people with Teh Ghey around.

      • bubbuhh

        Do they allow old dudes to dance around in their underwear?

        • Pisto75666

          Only if they ask first.

  • Nockular cavity

    the defendants’ activities as members of the Ninth Circle Satanic Child Sacrifice Cult.

    Whoa whoa whoa, don’t start blaming us for the Church’s shit.
    -The Satanic Temple

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I like their whole bodily autonomy stance.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Trump’s so mad his dad won’t let him play with that Vlad kid:

    Hanoi, Vietnam (CNN)President Donald Trump tore up his diplomatic script this weekend in favor of an angrier, more familiar role after his conversations with Russian President Vladimir Putin at an economic summit were limited to hallway conversations lasting little more than five minutes.

    • natoslug

      He was hoping to let Vlad move on him like a bitch, but his handlers wouldn’t even let Vlad take him furniture shopping. Wasn’t even worth the time to pop a tic-tac. Unfair!

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    OT – Here is my Angel Hair pasta with the Sauce from Our William’s recipe:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6063c26f2f12724098c9cd0ac1bae141b916c1afcb98e223e82c8d39d4c44fbf.jpg

    It turned out lovely, thank you. :)

    • SDGeoff3

      We are on our way.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        teleportation really needs to be a thing.

        • TJ Barke

          Except it kills you and just replaces you with a copy that thinks it’s you.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            So, like eating at Olive Garden?

          • TJ Barke

            Somehow worse.

          • Hiss

            Is that even possible?

          • TJ Barke

            Hard to believe, I know.

          • Beelzebubba

            O.G. isn’t terrible – it’s just … not very good.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            eeep

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Oh, like that’s important or something!

          • I learned that from Timeline the book. Still hasn’t convinced me teleportation is a bad idea

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Then you get into the Ship of Theseus Argument and it really slows down the Star Trek plot de jur.

          • Mormos

            ONE PLANK MAKES A NEW SHIP, FOUR GRAINS OF SAND MAKE A PILE! I DEFY YOUR PHILOSOPHIC NONSENSE!!

          • Put On Your War Paint!
          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Am I going to be “that guy”? Yes, yes I am. Sorry.

            “du jour”

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            No, I appreciate the correction. :)

          • Jamoche

            Or worse, doesn’t kill you, then you and the original have to duke it out.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        I made a ton, dig in!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Now you’re just taunting us.

      Looks great!

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • Msgr_MΩment
    • mancityRed6

      thumbed before I clicked ’cause I knew what it was

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Thanks, I thought of doing that earlier, but forgot.

    • Beelzebubba

      “Sex farm woman
      Don’t you see my silo risin’ high?”

      They don’t write songs like that any more. Come to think if it, they never did.

  • ZangoCrudmonger

    A veritable sluice box full of commentary gold you have there , Dok.

  • TundraGrifter

    Youngest Living Confederate Girl Friend Tells All.

  • mancityRed6

    I’m going to take the lack of more recent morons as proof that they are busy with the infighting. which I welcome. wholeheartedly.
    also
    “I can only assume that Rebecca secretly runs the world.”
    I read it on the internets/intertubes so it must be true.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Or we’ve blocked the worst of them.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Here’s the headline: “Pope Francis found guilty of child trafficking, rape, murder and rape.”
    FTFY

    • mancityRed6

      what, no arson?

      • gallbladder

        Or shoplifting. Stunning omission.

        • Phried Ω

          What about vagrancy?

      • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

        No cattle rustling?

        • mancityRed6

          through the Vatican?

    • rocktonsam

      Kinky…

    • What about jaywalking and littering? Huh?

      • mancityRed6

        those might be horrible offences in Canuckistan, but here, they are smiled upon.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Class A misdemeanor: outstanding warrant for impoliteness.

  • Alan

    I fear the internet will be the downfall of mankind.

    • mancityRed6

      I don’t fear it, I know it

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      The first thing the internet taught me was that most people really are howling morons. Before the internet I merely suspected it, but it’s fucking true.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        frightening to find out just how many truly stupid people are out there

        • msanthropesmr

          It is amazing that anything gets done.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I’ve always said, the best thing about the internet is it gives everyone a voice, and the worst thing about the internet is it gives everyone a voice.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I’m rather insular, so to me it came as quite a surprise.

    • proudgrampa

      “Will be”???

      • Alan

        Point taken gramps.

    • TundraGrifter

      Millions and millions of monkeys typing on millions and millions of keyboards for a couple of decades and still no Shakespeare.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    is the phrase “quantum mechanical drawings” an actual thing?

    • Ask Justin Trudeau

    • Alan

      Ummm…nope.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Sorry, sir. It just drives me crazy when people slap the word ‘quantum’ on things when they can’t figure out how they work. As if ‘quantum’ were a synonym for ‘magical’.”

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Quantum auto mechanic?

    • Nockular cavity

      It’s an actual phrase, all right.

    • theCryptofishist

      You have to use a quantum mechanical pencil.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s both #1 and #2 until you look at it.

    • Mormos

      cube 2: hypercube!

  • TundraGrifter

    My sincere apologies! Last Sunday’s post was missing a few steps. Not that anyone would have gotten sick or anything – just not the best it could be…

    2.0 – It’s Autumn – HooDoo Chili weather!

    Start with three or four strips of good thick bacon. Dice and fry them up in a kettle. Add the spices – chili powder (of course!), cumin, oregano, a little garlic. Stir regularly – you want the spices to “smoke” but not burn!

    Add a large diced red (yellow is OK but red is best – or sweet if you can find them) onion (reserving some for toppings) and keep stirring! This is the most labor intensive part of the cooking process.

    Spread some Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce on the bacon-spice-onion mixture as it cooks. You must use Lea & Perrins! Any other brand is garbage. I recently learned there is a difference between the British and the Colonial recipe. Something I must look into.

    Anyway – Then add the meat. There’s different ways to go here. A pound or so of burger (not the very lean because the fat has the flavor) works. Turkey burger works. Lately I’ve been going to the store and looking through the meat on sale and buying a steak that’s a little over a pound. Carefully butterfly it (slice “the long way” through it) then dice. A week or so ago we used ground buffalo (very lean) and it was great!

    If you want to up your chili game go for the steak!

    Keep stirring, letting the meat brown.

    Then add the beans. Of course chili has beans! There’s no point in arguing about it. Chili with beans tastes better than chili without beans. If you don’t want beans make Chili Colorado. My secret (well, one of them, anyway) is to use “Ranch Beans” if you can find them in the store. A mix of pinto, dark red kidney and black is good. At least one can of each. Drain the “water” from them first. Some canned beans have extra flavorings and that’s fine, as long as you adjust the spices accordingly. I shop for beans at the 99-cent store, so what they have is what I use.

    Cook. Stir every so often and simmer low. After an hour or two you can turn it off – still stir but there will be enough heat to keep it going. Fire the stove up again about half an hour before you’re ready to eat.

    About an hour before serving add the tomatoes. Stewed are fine, or plum – just dice them first, as a huge hunk of tomato landing in your bowl of red isn’t a great idea. Canned diced or “Mexican” tomatoes work. Again, what I can find at the outlet or 99-cent store is what I use. While you are there, stock up on large cans of plum and diced tomatoes and tomato sauce for marinara sauce. Save yourself a trip because it’s cool to have on hand pretty much everything you need for red sauce when you’re in the mood.

    If you like rice serve your chili over rice. Some folks serve over pasta. Once in a very long time (usually with left-overs) I’ll dish it on top of a small bag of Fritos. Don’t make that a habit. Toppings include the diced onions you saved, diced fresh tomatoes, shredded cheddar cheese and avocado. If you want the alligator pears mash ‘em up a bit first. My wife likes sour cream or Mexican crema.

    Serve with fresh, crisp saltines and cornbread if you want to make it. I do! Cornbread should be cooked in a cast iron skillet for a wonderful crisp brown crust. If you think your saltines aren’t fresh, spread them on a cookie sheet and warm them a bit in the oven.

    Set out the cold beer and you’re good to go!

  • ariel_gee_398
  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    “Since Yr Editrix’s checks actually clear, I can only assume that Rebecca secretly runs the world.”

    I am content with this outcome.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      We really could do worse.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Still too complicated for Alabama

    • mancityRed6

      if we’re in the desert, I’m gonna stop the car and as soon as they’re out I’m driving off.

    • Mormos

      the one on the donkey looks like trump

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Well, Donnie is someone’s property …

        • Jonny On Maui

          A condemned one at that…

      • Covfefe

        Unpossible. Volodya doesn’t have a long nose.

  • Raan

    Huh, I didn’t know Hillary was a Methodist.

    • sarafina

      She’s United Methodist, I don’t know what flavor G. Warcriminal Bush is.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Methheadist?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      taught Sunday school for years

    • shoeflyin

      I’ve seen her quote John Wesley like she knows something about it

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    More on Adam Laxalt being the lone vote against pardoning an innocent man. Turns out the prosecution knew the man convicted could not have done it because he had received a citation from Union Pacific Railroad Police in Boise the day the murder was committed.

    https://twitter.com/swjlv/status/929784155365187584

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Geeze, Laxalt wasn’t on my radar, but he seems mean and vile enough to be a real GOP superstar.

      • Shibusa

    • BosGrl

      So many stories of lives being ruined for political reasons. Why do they hate America and American values?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I’m really digging Federslist Pitchbot these days
    https://twitter.com/FederalistPitch/status/929772829754691585?s=17

    • Shibusa
      • gallbladder

        Wilde would be pleased.

    • Rick Hill

      Ot: Moores contemporaries at the time thought it a bit odd that Moore liked to date high school girls.

      Not that it really happened or anything….

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Think about this for a second; a man too steeped in “biblical morality” (of the Warren Jeff flavor) for employees of the state of Alabama

  • Bill D. Burger
    • gallbladder

      I sense a double entendre there…

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Good news!

    Sex rarely causes hearts to stop, research says
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/12/health/sex-sudden-cardiac-arrest-study/index.html

    Also, after 2 days worth of research about cases involving elevators, I’m glad we don’t have elevators like they had between about 1900-1980 or so.

    Yikes. Falls, crushes, breaks…

    • Rick Hill

      You mean worse than this one, in China? Happened to another guy and he wasn’t so lucky
      https://i.imgur.com/MImABuv.gif

      • bbayliss

        It ate him!

    • Unless you’re Dr Drake Ramore

    • Spurning Beer

      I remember a story some years ago about how at least in Japan, the only men who had heart attacks during sex were having sex with their not-wives at the time.

  • thatdamnbob

    Bama Girl used to be quite sane, but that was 8 years ago:
    https://youtu.be/wKsoXHYICqU

  • Bill D. Burger

    ” Behold: Upon this book, the Republicans have built their party.” ___ The Book of Moran’
    derp, derp,derp…

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOYbqTSUMAAKuU7.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      Price Reduced from $88.00

    • Sophia

      Don’t give them any ideas

  • Jonny On Maui

    Couldn’t be happening to a nicer douchebag…

    https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5a085893e4b05673aa59c1bd

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Advertisers Ditch Sean Hannity Over His Coverage Of Roy Moore’s Alleged Pursuit of Teens
      At least five companies, including Keurig and Nature’s Bounty, have publicly distanced themselves from the Fox News host this week.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7c40d1992ead4722ffbcc8f17b82a0fde1648ba8648cee6b64aba9e5b1e10369.jpg

      • OutOfOrbit

        took’em long enough, years too long

    • mancityRed6

      he’ll be schilling for gold just like Limbaugh before you know it

    • Covfefe

      What good are rating if you don’t have advertisers?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I must offer my contribution here. For 3 years I ran the computer network for a Catholic religious order in St, Louis that ran an inpatient facility for monks and priests. They had about 80 patients at any one time, about 1/4 of whom were there with pedophilia issues. Slightly less than half of those had been sent there by the legal system instead of being sent to prison. The therapists admitted that there was no “cure” for pedophilia, and about half of those who received treatment for a year were re-admitted again as re-offenders. Half of the rest of the patients were there to be “treated” for very public involvement with minors of all genders, or for stealing large sums of money from the church funds to support drug habits, primarily cocaine. The rest were there for issues with depression and attempted suicide or issues with their faith (no doubt helped along by the Church’s demand for celibacy). It was a very strange place to work…the two senior therapists (both priests) were having an affair with each other, and then one of them began an affair with a patient, and then they sold the whole place to a golf course and moved to Hawaii along with the patient, and they left the order. One of their patients was discharged, moved to Canada, started his own church and began to practice rampant pedophilia, was about to be arrested when he escaped to some remote area in Africa where he re-founded his church and opened an orphanage. When I quit this job, Interpol was trying to find him. The majority of the patients had experienced severe childhood abuse in one form or another. Most people would not believe some of the things I heard while working there.

    • mancityRed6

      born Catholic, I started off with a priest I don’t remember and then a very good one.
      then it was the one who had had a nervous breakdown and had control issues. serious control issues. and then the alcoholic. I was gone not long after the last one started.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        The Catholic Church is no longer attracting “the best and the brightest” as they did 1000 years ago.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      This story is intriguing to me and I would like to buy the screen rights.

      • Rick Hill

        I’m saying! Top it off that a lot of christianists would lerv the chance to get back to bashing the catholics

    • Rick Hill

      I missed this miniseries but then I was usually deployed in the 80s so missed a lot of broadcast tv

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I didn’t mention the patient who had an eating disorder and weighed 400 lbs. He managed to lose 150 lbs while a patient for 2 years, but after he returned to his diocese, he gained it all back and died of a heart attack 6 months later, and the two senior therapists went to his funeral. They said the coffin had to be special-ordered to fit the poor man. I had never thought before about what happens when a morbidly obese person dies. Of course this requires a custom casket, why didn’t I think of that before?

        • Rick Hill

          Custom fit? That was in the 80s. Now that’s a regular sized coffin.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It was actually the mid-90’s, but you might be right. The last (and I hope the only) time I had to select a coffin for someone was 1992, and none of the ones on display would have fit this poor man.

        • Doug Langley

          In the film Breaker Morant, condemned prisoners watch carpenters build their coffins.
          “You’d think they’d measure us first.”
          “Don’t suppose they’ve had many complaints.”

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I have read stories about people who died long ago, and they were too tall for the coffin, so the undertakers cut off their feet. Don’t know how true this is, but I do know that when King Richard III was buried in 1485, the grave was hastily dug and was too short for him, so they had to bury him in a rather contorted position. There was no coffin.

    • Makes Craggy Island seem like heaven (well, purgatory)

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    I shall be eating Angel Hair pasta all week now, but I love cooking once and eating more-than-once.

    • redarmyzombie

      What kind of sauce to go with? I found that arrabiata goes pretty well with Anger Hair!

      EDIT: That’s Angel Hair, but I don’t think I really want to delete Anger Hair…

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        It’s based on a recipe from Our William. Starts with Celery, Onion, and Spinach, boiled down in water, Crushed Tomatoes and a can of cheap Dollar Store sauce, a tablespoon or 2 of Brown Sugar, lots of Basil and Oregano, salt, pepper, Garlic. I cooked it for about 90 minutes last night, let it meld in the fridge, then heated it again today.

        It would be easy to make it arrabiata, and I agree Anger Hair would be appropriate with Arrabiata. :)

  • Bill D. Burger
    • bubbuhh

      Religious fundies of any type are the worst kind of dick joke.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Fundies of any type… Atheists, foodies of various stripes (see vegan naked butt babies), scientists, economists, etc.

    • amrak63

      To all too many of the denizens of the cholesterol-clogged Heart Of Dixie, convicting the murderers of four little black girls is a strike against Jones.

      Many of those same people call themselves good Christians.

      While I believe Jesus will forgive them, I doubt that He shares their opinion of themselves.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Rick Hill

    Not related to the subject but…does anyone think that it would help if I just used some expanding foam insulation in my sinuses? I mean, it’s got to be an improvement on what I’m feeling now.

    • Resistor Radio

      Have you ever tried a neti pot? It’s kinda weird but it works.

      • Mormos

        no but ive tried regular pot. but honestly neti pots are pretty great

        • Canned Covfefe

          Thats recommended for other stuff.

          • Mormos

            there is fixing your sinuses and there is not giving a shit about your sinuses…

      • Canned Covfefe

        I second the neti pot. I kick myself when I delay using it. Best instructions I’ve had is to turn head so ear is parallel to drain. Made big difference for me.

    • Can’t imagine why that wouldn’t be medically recommended

    • TundraGrifter

      Have you tried the netti pot? Don’t smoke it – it won’t stay lit. And be sure to use absolutely fresh water. I have found it efficacious.

      • Spurning Beer

        Boiled water is best. Cooled off, of course.

        • Spurning Beer

          Oh, yes, I’ve found it effing-cacious, too.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Echinaceous?

        • Canned Covfefe

          I’ve never had a problem with tap water myself. Some folks also used distilled water. I usually add some xylitol as it has anti microbial properties but not necessary. Doc recommended when I ad fungal sinus infection that would go away.

          • Canned Covfefe

            Oh. And good way to test temp is like testing for baby formula. A drop on wrist and either don’t feel a temp or barely warm. Really sucks if too warm or cold

    • Jonny On Maui

      Only if you seal it in with epoxy on both sides. Have you tried snorting Drano? DON’T!

    • rocktonsam

      Go to the Dr
      Demand prednisone . Funny most of older folks conversations center around health. A steam room with eucliptus spritz is good also, too.

    • Phried Ω

      Saline spray from the drugstore.

    • redarmyzombie

      Have you been checked for a deviated septum? It’s a problem that runs in my family. When my sister got her’s checked she found she had the added “bonus” of having her sinuses clogged by polyps as well…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • WIDTAP

    For what it is worth, Moore has done a bit of damage to himself, but not necessarily a slam dunk for Jones:

    http://winwithjmc.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Alabama-Senate-Executive-Summary-General-Election-Poll-2.pdf

    • Resistor Radio

      When is the election? I doubt we’ve heard about all of his escapades.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Dec 12th. Plenty of time for a few more revelations.

  • puredog

    No more recent decent SFBs than a month ago? Boy, the trolls are really losing their touch. You’d think that the recent online takedown of Wonkette would have flushed a few more out of the woodwork.

    • Resistor Radio

      did you mean “takedown?”

      • puredog

        Actually, I probably meant “attempted takedown.”

    • TJ Barke

      Apparently no one reads that shitty hipster’s blog.

      • redarmyzombie

        Who?

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie
          • redarmyzombie

            (I really need to remember to add that snark tag…)

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            I can’t always remember who was in on a lengthy thread so I just assumed you weren’t around yesterday.

          • puredog

            I was around yesterday and saw some SFBs, and am surprised that at least they are not being subjected to Original Brand Dok Ridicule today. I mean, we all have our particular churches we like to attend.

    • gallbladder

      I hear they’re too busy prepping for the next Antifa revolution and the rapture. Same thing in my books.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Inbred Trillionaires is the name of my new Kid Rock/Ted Nugent fusion band. We do a great song called “I Gave Your Sweet Poontang Catscratch Fever All Summer Long, Cowboy.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    The fucking Fundie hypocrites and loathsome pedophile-enabling (lookin’ at YOU TOO Mike Huckabee) sons of bitches are the lowest of the low.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOXglD_UEAApDIv.jpg

  • bubbuhh

    Trump is visiting world class murderous asshole Rodrigo Duterte today. I wonder if Duterte will invite Trump to go shooting. I wonder if Trump will accept.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      The thought that a United States president is visiting that morally repugnant, vicious little thug is nauseating.

      • redarmyzombie

        May he reap what he has sown.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          BOTH of them.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Our president is also a morally repugnant, vicious thug. He’s taller, though.

    • gallbladder

      Hopefully after Drumpf tunes up.

    • Phried Ω

      He’s just picking up a few pointers on how to deal with the opioid crisis.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        I’d almost be willing to lay bets that we’ll see a suggestion from trump that Duterte-style “justice” should be meted out in the US.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Resistor Radio

      that is, indeed, how it works!

      • Canned Covfefe

        Oh yes. A Dog Year by Jon Katz.

  • Bill D. Burger

    That’ll show them’ thar’ Starbuck commie libs. Ima’ havin’ them barrasters’ write “Trump” on muh’ cup down here in Alabammy. I don’t allow my 14 year old common law wife to drink coffe yit’….so mebbe’ later fer her. And be shore’ to tellem’ Murry Christmas when you pick up yer’ Trump cup.
    Boom Goes the Dynamite!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOcK6E7X0AEHwaf.jpg

    • WIDTAP

      At $5 a pop, that’s quite a firm opinion there.

      • Bill D. Burger

        I’m sure Starbucks will be brought to its knees faster than a Palin girl on prom night.

      • bbayliss

        It’s still shit coffee, but then I doubt he knows any better.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        When his neckbeard and dumb hat already scream Trump.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          mirror Walmart shades and AR-15 strapped on his back (allegedly) also too

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      It’s so funny that they actually think anyone cares what’s written on their cups other than other trumpers.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        The funniest thing I’ve seen, actress Emily Osment whom played “Lily” on “Hannah Montana”, they write “Lily” on her cups instead of “Emily”. Like still, years after she was on the show.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      So he spent 5 bucks at Starbucks in order to get them to write Trump in his cup because he wants to stick it to them. He haz the reel smart!

      • javadavis

        He could be a mole, tricking trumpsters into buying starbucks.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I hear he’s going to buy a Kaepernick jersey and burn it.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Shibusa

    Mark Kasowitz and Ty Cobb are going to petition to get Trump tried for treason in the International Common Law Court of Justice in Brussels.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Dear Shitferbrains…..resign the Presidency. Thank you, The American People.

  • Ezio
    • Msgr_MΩment

      That’s why they want to deep-six the estate tax.

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    OH, also too about CERN, some of the cray-crayiest Conspiracy things about CERN –

    “It’s opened the gates of Hell.”

    “It’s meant to prove to the Aliens that we can play on a Galactic Playing Field.”

    For reals. One guy holds that CERN and HAARP are meant to effect the magnetic field of Sol, so the aliens will know they can’t knock us down like they did at The Towel of Babel. Those kinds of things are why I still listen to Conspiracy Podcasts, because didn’t *you* know that the Great Pyramid is really a Doomsday Weapon?

    • ariel_gee_398

      The Towel of Babel sounds like a long-lost work of Douglas Adams that has just been discovered. That’s a fantastic typo.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        Damn my fingers! xD

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Leave it!

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            I will. xD

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s on the Alternate Set of Wonders of the Ancient World, right after the Grape Pyramid.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          And the Colossus of Roads.

      • Covfefe

        Far more impressive than the Towells of Puerto Rico.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      It’s not a grain silo?! I don’t know what to believe anymore!

    • Nephilim

      Ancient Alien experts say extraterrestrial aliens are pleased with Earth’s progress and will not destroy our planet this year.

      • Khavrinen

        Stay tuned for next year’s verdict.

      • redarmyzombie

        Well, you coulda fooled me…

      • Canned Covfefe

        Don’t forget it takes their messages a loooooong time to get here. Did they say which year?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines!

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        One of my favorite episodes! Perhaps the TOS standout for space action.

    • Stulexington

      I remember a list of 10 situations that could lead to total world destruction and like 4 of them centered around CERN.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        I saw that too.

        “Stranglets”.

  • Sophia

    Top Democrats stage anti-Trump revolt at Bonn climate summit
    ‘I want to make it clear: The federal government is not just the president of the United States,’ Sen. Ben Cardin says.

    A handful of Democratic governors and scores of other lawmakers and mayors are mounting an insurgency at the United Nations climate conference here, orchestrating a highly choreographed campaign to persuade world leaders that President Donald Trump doesn’t speak for the United States on climate change.

    Several Democratic U.S. senators began meeting last week with officials from other countries, seeking to minimize Trump’s withdrawal from the Paris climate agreement. Meanwhile, the governors of California, Virginia, Oregon and Washington — along with mayors from throughout the nation — were expected to touch off a blitz of public appearances at the conference as the meeting enters its final week.

    https://www.politico.com/story/2017/11/12/democrats-climate-summit-bonn-trump-244814

  • Nephilim
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Stillers down two touchdowns to the Luckless Colts. What have they been doing during their bye week?!

  • BMW

    I thought this was really well done….

    President Trump, Please Read the Constitution https://nyti.ms/2hsMxUj

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Agreed. Very good, and depressing.

    • Resistor Radio

      Macy Haberdash is probably going to get a phone call this afternoon.

  • Beautiful Soup

    How is it possible that the Texas church shooting was only 1 week ago?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      The Vega shooting was last month.

    • Resistor Radio

      Why is time slowing down? What the fuck????!!!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Sounds like it is time for another one.

      I am going to go drink now.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • David Chaillou

    Please, Dok. Electrons are not “used up” in electronic devices. They’re just shifted around.

    As for wood being used for paper pulp, you are only helping it forward to its next incarnation, a worthy goal.

    • John Thorstensen

      Weirdly, they barely even move. The electron drift speed in a current-carrying wire is typically less than 1 mm / sec.

      • Grizzly

        That’s why I claim to mildly annoy electrons when I write.

      • David Chaillou

        But the electron speed is in the thousands of kilometres per second. They move a lot, they just don’t go anywhere.

  • efoveks

    Look out, North Korea, Mr. Annett is gonna dissolve your gov’t next! ;)

  • Bill D. Burger

    The old fucking pedophile is absolutely perfect for the Republican Party of today. It’s gonna’ be a landslide for him in Alabammy.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DObjg-kVoAIc3ID.jpg

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Sharia don’t like it….rock the casbah…..sez it ain’t Kosher….

      • Phried Ω

        That’s a Four Seasons hit, right?

      • John Thorstensen

        It’s not “Rocking the Cash Bar”? Well, I’ll be.

        It must still be true that the Creedence hiit is “There’s a bathroom on the right”, though.

    • TJ Barke

      When in doubt, blatantly make shit up.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      We should all start using Moore/Trump-speak. It’s easy:

      “I’ve heard, many people know this, Christian Roy Moore supporters have relationships with children all the time. I don’t know.”

      • Spurning Beer

        “You know it, I know it, everybody knows it.”

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Believe me.

      • Suttree

        A lot of people are saying. A lot!

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      “Roy Moore is a fine man, like those fine folks just trying to protest in Charlottesville. Poking little girls? All in fun….” DJTrump

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      “Par’m me, young lady. My pants seem to be on fahr. Would y’all lahk to pat out the flames?”

    • rocktonsam

      Oh alabama
      You got the weight on your shoulders
      And it’s breaking your back

      -Mr Young

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      He talks like he attended a Trump Public Speaking Seminar.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      One sentence in his statement is true. Can you spot it?

      • clubseal

        Roy Moore, Interview, Vox.Com, August 14, 2017

        • Msgr_MΩment

          This sentence no verb.

          • Phried Ω

            Trick question. He does know that he is lying.

          • clubseal

            Roy Moore no conscience.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Is my mind in the gutter or is Twilight Sparkle looking at a floating pudendum?

    • proudgrampa

      Yes, your mind is in the gutter, but Twilight Sparkle IS looking at a floating pudendum…

    • Resistor Radio

      She IS smiling with delight.

  • LastNewDealer?

    Ye Editrix runs the world?!?! We are going to be in trouble for what we let happen while she was on vacation!

  • TJ Barke

    I’d like to know more about these sex farms.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Fertile ground

    • Jennifer R

      Everytime I start talking about them, you tracer.gif me.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Working on a sex farm
      Trying to raise some hard love
      Getting out my pitch fork
      Poking your hay

      • Resistor Radio

        Workin’ on a sex farm
        goin’ down down down down
        workin’ on a sex farm
        woo! I’m bout to get down

    • eggs ackly-wright

      I’ve heard of Big Ed’s Used Farms, but…

    • Resistor Radio

      Does the sex grow on vines, or trees? Do you need a greenhouse for the sex in the off-season, or the sex grow year-round outside? Finally, is the sex organic?

      • Grizzly

        Cage free at the better sex farms, but rarely free range. The better ones also use olive oil in stead of petroleum based lubricants so they can claim to be organically orgasmic.

    • OrG

      Spinal Tap will tell you all you need to know.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Same like sex ranch.

      • msanthropesmr

        Now available in a five gallon keg size.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Toss that salad. Yippee-kai-yay!

          • Jennifer R

            I was just talking about that last night.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Please proceed…

          • Jennifer R

            Turns out you and me are the only folks here who talk about eating ass positively.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Asstonishing, innit?

          • Jennifer R

            Already made a few converts.

          • Grizzly

            I’ve never understood why ass-munch is an insult. Are they bad at it? I mean c*#ksucker makes sense as an insult (if you’re a homophobe), but analingus is fun for everyone.

          • Jennifer R

            Yeah, you can look at my nude twitter and see that I have converted a few people from thinking it was icky, to amazing.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Trump prefers Russian.

        • Resistor Radio

          With lemonade to drink.

    • Doug Langley

      You mean the ones raising the sex clams?

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Canned Covfefe

      Ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s farm no more…

  • Ryan Denniston

    I know where that story came from!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFPjQZWOPY4

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Sure Roy. Look after my child while I go into the courthouse, or somewhere, for an appointment? _____________Oh….fuck her if you want to.” So….according to Moore, that’s Alabammy’ Motherhood.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOUyFmPX4AYQvn6.jpg

  • CountryClubJihadi
    • Bill D. Burger

      He’s certainly a moronic dotard.

      • CountryClubJihadi

        Perhaps Dotarte is more appropriate.

    • Ryan Denniston

      William Shatner wants his wardrobe back. He fondly remembers the 1970s.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        What a shame that the sleeves open at the ends, rather than snapping together behind his back.

  • Jennifer R
  • Poly_Ester

    Its the Large Hadron Collider not the large hardon collider. The guy must be lysdexic.

    • OutOfOrbit

      and yoo are a idiot

    • David Chaillou

      I like the hard-on collider better.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        DO NOT CROSS THE STREAMS BEAMS!!

        • David Chaillou

          But when beams collide
          Said George Pal to his bride
          I’m gonna give you some terrible thrills, like a
          Science fiction double feature picture show.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      I took a lot of lysdexic acid in the 60’s and 70’s.

  • Jeffocaster in the East
    • msanthropesmr

      Didn’t need the router, I take it.

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        Naw, but need to rip some 1 x 10 to 8 1/2 inches 24 feet…..

        • msanthropesmr

          We can do that.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • OutOfOrbit

      Aleebammee teen girls can read?

      who knew?

      • Aleebammee teen girls are allowed to read?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    This one’s for you, Roy!

    https://youtu.be/kVRxdPWV3RM

  • Bill D. Burger

    Roy’s gonna’ be using the Republican Party’s “Family Values Van” a lot as his campaign rolls on:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOdQQfOVwAALMZj.jpg

  • Sophia

    Toronto Zoo Giant Panda vs. Snowman

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIAO4Htzn8M

  • eggs ackly-wright

    My goodness, we’re a chatty bunch today.

    • proudgrampa

      I think Sunday just brings out the accumulated tensions from the previous week.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I finally have the time to spend some time here on Sundays.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        What do you mean? *squeezes beer glass until it shatters* What tension??

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Yeah, I should go do some stuff.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Resistor Radio

      “When you win elections, we let you do it.” That’s it, exactly.

      • Rick Hill

        When they lose they just act like they never heard of you

    • Ryan Denniston

      Dude, God knocked up Mary.

      • Doug Langley

        Don’t blame Him. She was wearing provocative clothes.

        • C4TWOMAN

          She had a provocative soul.

  • mancityRed6

    there is still a chance I might have a visitor this coming weekend. so I got this for shits and grins
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/138534cd7dfbd76400373fde10d05fd55ed5f16159649a2695860fb612c97efd.jpg
    local, as in Peck, KS made

    • SDGeoff3

      That has to be wonderful!
      At our San Diego Wonkette hookup, Hindenberg2 brought a homemade Mead
      with lime and cranberry. It was quite excellent. It was even more excellent when I stood up and really felt it.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Rick Hill

      We know those numbers are low, too

    • Khavrinen

      Those are just the women he didn’t successfully intimidate/pay off.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Have you heard of anyone being paid off (other than via divorce settlement)?

  • Bill D. Burger

    FIFY:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DONsP71WkAACkTj.jpg

    (*BTW: THIS tweet could also serve as the Fucking Moron’s self revelatory confession.)

  • Ricky Gay
    • mancityRed6

      “if Monday never comes”

  • folderol

    I have nothing against the Pope. I have nothing for the Pope, either. Does that make me an Ambipapist?

    However, I’m also advocate that the College of Cardinals elect a baby fawn as the next Pope. That would make me a Bambipapist.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • NastyBossetti

      There are also no more French fries. They’re freedom fries now.

      • mancityRed6

        freedom chili cheese fries, please

      • Marion in Savannah

        And freedom toast.

      • Phried Ω

        I remember doors, toast, cuffs, and kisses. Oh, those were the days.

      • C4TWOMAN

        That was one of the silliest, eye rolling “protest” ever…particularly given the “french” in french fries is a culinary term, not the nation.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Guess they’re really hoping for tax cuts to save for retirement.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    https://twitter.com/FaceTheNation/status/929733141488685057
    Quite a broad statement – and clearly bullshit.

    • Nounverb911

      Sez the man looting the treasury…

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Ryan Denniston

      I shouted bullshit the second I heard it come out of his mouth. Luckily, my coffee mug was out of reach.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Rick Hill

      Because trump won entirely on his own merits….

    • mancityRed6

      “I want to keep my phony baloney job, dammit!!!”

    • Doug Langley

      Thanks goodness they didn’t ask anyone trivial, like someone who studies elections.

      • Phried Ω

        But what does Louise Linton say?

        • eggs ackly-wright

          “I’m going shopping. Give me ten grand.”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          “I [shudder] do.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      To be fair, he was correct through “Nobody thinks” but he accidentally forgot the “that Louise Linton married for any reason but money, money, and more money. And power. And money.” part.

      It was an easy, absent-minded mistake to make.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Many people are saying…

  • Ryan Denniston

    I think these comments are all a complete false flag operation by gun humers meant to distract us from an all gun humper Dear Shit fer Brains following the massacre in Texas.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Five judges of the International Common
    Law Court of Justice in Brussels determined that the crimes occurred as
    recently as 2010. Since last March over 48 eyewitnesses have come
    forward to testify before this ICLCJ Court about the defendants’
    activities as members of the Ninth Circle Satanic Child Sacrifice Cult”

    Can’t wait to hear his “thoughts” regarding the 30+ sources used in the WaPo story on Roy Moore. Also too, Brussels? Globalist.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Now, Francis, where’s my damn money?
    He pays you in money? All I get are children, and since I am against abuse, I have to feed them all.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      At least I hope you are putting them to work in the coal mine. Don’t want to waste perfectly good child labor.

      • Red Richmond

        You’re just lucky you have a coal mine, I’m in the middle of town and there’s no coal in sight so I put mine to work digging a secret basement under my local pizza place. Since transportation is costly I save money by keeping ’em there at the work site, and since some of them sleepwalk for safety sake I keep them chained up at night.

    • mancityRed6

      those crops won’t come in by themselves

  • Nounverb911
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A pedophile, no problem. But a pedophile losing to a Democrat?? OUTRAGED!1!!

      • Ryan Denniston

        Even a pedophile is better than sending one more Senator to help that mad bitch Hillary get her agenda through!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah, he’d really put a crimp in President Clinton’s legislative game plan.

          • Phried Ω

            Damn Clinton administration.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        And all the Rethugs saying, “That was 40 years ago”and “his opponent is a democrat”.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I’d be shocked if the party of Family Values, the one who put Pruitt in charge of the EPA, would dump Moore over child molestation (If True).

    • Bill D. Burger

      “We’re the party of Family Values….Y’all!”

      [Alabama GOP Officials: We’ll Vote For The Pedophile Because He’s Not A Democrat
      By Conover – November 10, 2017361]
      https://deepstatenation.com/alabama-gop-officials-well-vote-for-the-pedophile-because-hes-not-a-democrat/

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Party of Family Values will obviously stand behind the skeevy uncle.

        • Bill D. Burger

          Looking more and more (no pun intended ~snicker~) like that ‘family’ is the Manson Family.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Which is why they have to postpone the election, as Geraldo Rivera has advised them to do. It is simply too important to allow simple decency to interfere.

  • mancityRed6

    what world did I wake up in where the Eagles have the best record in the NFL?

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      The crappy alternate time line where a cheetoh-colored piece of shit is the president.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Those cheetohs are the fastest snacks on the planet!

      • mancityRed6

        can we move it to one where the Raiders are on top? maybe even the Titans again. I won’t ask about the Chiefs, they know they’re losers. but still. anything but

        • Phried Ω

          If you are a Giants fan you have my sympathies.

          • mancityRed6

            Chiefs. they held so much promise but failed again. again.

          • Resistor Radio

            Hey, at least you have the Jayhawks

          • mancityRed6

            yay basketball!

          • Resistor Radio

            It’s that time of year!

          • Phried Ω

            Soft division. Not out of it yet.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Hey, I’m a Broncos fan…

          • mancityRed6

            I’m so sorry, again.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            The NFL sucks ass this year. I blame the blacks.

          • Phried Ω

            The league got what it wanted. Parity, mostly.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            pert much

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            In theory, it sounds OK. In reality, it’s universal mediocrity.

          • mancityRed6

            those bastards just lose time and time again when they need a win. we are still talking about KC right?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Something something infinite improbability drive.

      • mancityRed6

        *grabs my towel*

    • Canned Covfefe

      Wait. What?

      • mancityRed6

        I know, right?

    • BJW

      Alternate timeline. You zigged when you were supposed to zag.

  • Kukulkan was not available for comment.”

    • Keith Taylor

      He never returns my calls either. I want to know if he’s really the same person as that Aztec god Quetzalcoatl, who is also known as the Plumed Serpent, and what the hell he is hiding with that dual identity. Just to be on the safe side, LOCK THEM BOTH UP!

  • Nounverb911

    Really Jennie?
    You’re 66 years old, those must be some special rose colored glasses you’re wearing.

    https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/929796861698899973

    • TJ Barke

      beats you fucker’s outright attempt at fascism.

    • Daniel

      Make up your fucking minds- are the left the perpetual victims and you guys the hard talking, tough as leather realists or not?

      • TJ Barke

        “We can make our dumbass followers believe we’re both at once.”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Quantum victims!

          • Daniel

            Schrödinger’s claque.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Paging Dr. Mobius.

          • Daniel

            He no longer works here. He was fired for indecent exposure.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            He was stripped of his position?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      they love nothing more than playing the victim

    • Raan

      “I mean, sure, we control all three branches of the federal government and most of the states, but we’re the real victims here!”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        well, when you factor in all the discrimination against whites and the religious intolerance against Christians…

        • Raan

          It’s like you can’t afford to be a racist xenophobe these days.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Just an embarrASSment.

    • mancityRed6

      $1 says she lives in a gated community or an otherwise restricted entrance housing.

    • Bill D. Burger

      It’s always Opposite Day in FUX News’ “Pirro the Pandering Lying C**t World”

    • SayItWithWookies

      I guess casualties are still mounting from the Antifa massacre last weekend.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s always too early to too late to talk about the Bowling Green Massacre.

    • TJ Barke

      This is largely because many of those on the right have started openly embracing fascism and naziism and Trump has called them “very fine people”

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Did I miss the news where some nazi was run over while protesting?

    • BMW

      In fairness though, “unlike anything I’ve seen in my lifetime” is a pretty meaningless statement.

    • therblig

      “married to the mob” says what?

    • proudgrampa

      She really is a piece of work…

    • Alternative Dog

      One of the most over-privileged people on the planet says what?!!!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Soooo, apparently Texas has an Elevator Adivsory Board.

    WORST BOARD APPOINTMENT EVAH.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Job has its ups and downs.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah…but eventually you get the shaft.

    • Daniel

      Did you have to study this?

      I’m asking if you had Otis reading.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos
        • Daniel

          What steps would you have to take to get into that august body?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            surprisingly, we have law!
            Tex. Health & Safety Code. Sec. 754.012.

            Sec. 754.012. ELEVATOR ADVISORY BOARD. (a) The elevator advisory board is composed of nine members appointed by the presiding officer of the commission, with the commission’s approval, as follows:
            (1) a representative of the insurance industry or a registered elevator inspector;
            (2) a representative of equipment constructors;
            (3) a representative of owners or managers of a building having fewer than six stories and having equipment;
            (4) a representative of owners or managers of a building having six stories or more and having equipment;
            (5) a representative of independent equipment maintenance companies;
            (6) a representative of equipment manufacturers;
            (7) a licensed or registered engineer or architect;
            (8) a public member; and
            (9) a public member with a physical disability.
            (b) Board members serve at the will of the commission.
            (c) The presiding officer of the commission, with the commission’s approval, shall appoint a presiding officer of the board to serve for two years.
            (d) The board shall meet as determined by the executive director or by the presiding officer of the commission.
            (e) A board member serves without compensation but is entitled to reimbursement for travel as provided for in the General Appropriations Act.

          • Daniel

            There has to be some much more awesome sci-fi/horror purpose for this board.

      • Marion in Savannah

        We used to study the manual while we were sitting on the dock…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Gonna have to dock you for that.

    • mancityRed6

      easiest board appointment ever, you mean

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        I like the way you think.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      NC has the elevator queen. Parody account but Cherie Berry’s pictures are in every, damn elevator. https://twitter.com/ElevatorQueen

      • Daniel

        You mean the Elavator Lady?

        If all in all is true…

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      P.S. Blocking an elevator is a Class B misdemeanor.

    • Raan

      To paraphrase Game Grumps,
      “You know, people ask me about elevators. They’re like, ‘Is this an elevator?’ and I’m like ‘Yes. That’ll be $25 , please.'”

      • proudgrampa

        “No. It’s a Tardis.”

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Knowing Texas, that position is probably in charge of regulating air transportation or something.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        Hey, the Texas Railroad Commission being in charge of oil is a one-off!

        • Raan

          The Texas Oil Commission, however, is in charge of trying to resurrect the Houston Oilers.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Will no one think of the car elevators?” — Mittens

    • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

      Motto: “What goes up must come down, or you’ll be answerin’ to us!”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Maybe it just needs some music?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9b2yvNq0AA

    • Canned Covfefe

      People or grain?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        people. grain are under other authority.

        (Okay, it may be time to take a break)

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I dunno. Since moving back to Idaho, I live in fear of being appointed to the Idaho Bean Commission or the Idaho Bingo-Raffle Advisory Board.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        sounds to me like a well-founded fear.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Interesting that they don’t have elevator inspectors, only elevator “advisors.” I guess the science on gravity is still controversial.

  • jaspersdad

    Hobby Lobby CEO Steve Green is the founder and bankroller of this $500 million Museum of the Bible set to open near the National Mall on Friday. You remember Hobby Lobby, convicted of that great Christian tradition of stealing antiquities from Iraq.

    “We’re not trying to convert anyone,” assures Steve Bickley, the museum’s vice-president of marketing. “The Museum of the Bible exists to invite all people to engage with the best-selling book of all time.”

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/museum-of-the-bible-washington-dc-hobby-lobby-steve-green-1.4395204

    • Raan

      With a little luck, someone will soon be buying Hobby Lobby to keep them out of bankruptcy.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      I seem to remember several passages about not stealing in that book. Maybe they should read it instead of worship it.

      • Blanche Beecham

        that’s just crazy talk lol

      • bewareofme

        It turns out That Book is a great work of fiction equal to the Lord of the Rings series or Narnia. I’ll give ’em that much but no more than that.
        Ramen

      • jaspersdad

        And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Go forth, and pull up your bootstraps. Forget about those poor people. They aren’t working hard enough. My father never helped me. Okay, I’ve got a pretty good inheritance coming, but that’s not the point! You don’t see me walking around talking to the poor and helping them. It’s not my problem.”

        Jesus then continued on his way and ranted about taxes for the rest of his life.

    • bbayliss

      “Hobby Lobby Agrees to Forfeit 5,500 Artifacts Smuggled Out of Iraq …”
      chttps://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/05/nyregion/hobby-lobby-artifacts-smuggle-iraq.html?_r=0

    • Ryan Denniston

      No one convertible will visit.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        They’re a top-down organization.

      • phoenix00

        Coupes only!

    • Phried Ω

      I thought the description of marketing was trying to convert people.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Does this mean I’m going to have to pay more for the Sumerian clay tablets I like at Hobby Lobby to finance this new venture?

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Like lemmings off a glyph.

    • bupkus231

      “We’re not trying to convert anyone….”

      Yeah, they’re just looking to make a quick buck:

      When the museum opens, visitors will be able to wander a reimagined Nazareth village and interact with roaming actors wearing ancient Israeli garb. They’ll be able to sip on handcrafted coffees at the Milk and Honey Cafe. Children in the Courageous Pages zone can stand between the pillars like Samson and push them apart….

      Hmmm – sounds like a theme park. One suspects the prices of those handcrafted coffees would make Starbucks jealous…

      Admission is free, with a suggested $15 donation.

      Bibble grifters is the best grifters!!!!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I thought coffee was only a Nubian goat thing back then and not a human consumable.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Do you get to buy teenaged virgins for a couple of goats?

        /asking for a senatorial candidate

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          And of course the well informed buyer needs to inspect the goods. Will the historical interpreters tell you how it is done?

    • Nounverb911

      Will the museum have free admission like ALL of the other museums in DC?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Hahahahahahaha! No. This temple requires coin. As Jesus would have wanted.

        • phoenix00

          So THAT’S why he threw the coin collectors out of THAT temple, he wanted them all for himself!

    • Nounverb911

      I can’t wait to see the exhibits showing Jeebus’s Bris and Bar Mitzvah…

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      The Bible Museum has a Harry Potter section?

      • Major_Major_Major

        It didn’t say the best-selling believable book of all time.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Best-selling anthology of really bad fan fiction. Winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Lifetime Underachievement Award.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well this might be the most fucked-up gender/harassment story of them all — so far. I guess toxic fake masculinity is a thing too:

    For the last eight years, baseball fan-turned-writer Becca Schultz has presented herself online as Ryan Schultz, a false identity she assumed when she was 13 years old, duping and harassing women on Twitteralong the way.

    On Wednesday night, a woman named Erin tweeted a series of screenshots announcing that Schultz is not actually Ryan, a married father of two studying to become a pharmacist. Instead, Schultz is a 21-year-old college student in the Midwest, whose entire career as an aspiring baseball writer has been under a fraudulent byline.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Look for her on Fox Sports and her new radio show on Clear Channel stations!

      • eggs ackly-wright

        Or Sin-Clair.

    • Ryan Denniston

      It’s so inspiring to see the lengths our youth will go to in order to pursue their dreams,

    • Covfefe

      What’s the big? I write under a fraudulent by-line myself.

      • proudgrampa

        As do we all.

        • bbayliss

          Take that back.

          • David Chaillou

            Are you grampa’s gramchild?

          • bbayliss

            Nope Iyam who Iyam.

          • David Chaillou

            I’m not in this world
            To live up to your expectations
            Neither are you here to live up to mine, yeah
            I don’t owe no one
            No obligation
            No, I don’t mean none
            So everything is fine, fine
            I said, I am that I am
            I am, I am, I am
            I am that I am
            I am, I am, I am
            I am that I am
            I am, I am, I am
            I am that I am
            I am, I am, I am

          • H0mer0

            that’s not from Nacho Libre, is it?

          • David Chaillou

            Peter Tosh.

        • Resistor Radio

          Well, Resistor Radio is on my birth certificate. I’m an heiress to the Radio Shack fortune. It’s been a rough couple of years.

          • proudgrampa

            That’s a shame, too. I used to love your stores!

        • Major_Major_Major

          Speak for yourself. After WWII, I shipped home from Pianosa and opened the first of several snark mines which I have been operating at a loss to provide amusement and express outrage across a number of electronic platforms.

          • Resistor Radio

            And everyone gets a share!

    • proudgrampa

      So?

      I’m a trans-gendered hip-hop artist from Ukraine.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I’m my own grandpa.

        • Resistor Radio

          Huh, I never would have guessed you’re from Alabama

          • Major_Major_Major

            West VA libelz!!!!!

          • H0mer0

            Philip J. Fry libelz!

      • Resistor Radio

        I know you’re telling the truth because you didn’t say The Ukraine.

        • proudgrampa

          I had good education in spy school.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      . . . and she was Rachel Dolezal the entire time!

      • Daniel

        Maybe she’ll be cast as Keiser Size now.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Too soon?

    • David Chaillou

      I don’t understand this absurd rule that people should be who they say they are.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Exactly. I am Skwerl the Taco Hunter.

        • Rick Hill

          As long as you eat what you kill

          • Resistor Radio

            Is that a Dahmer joke?

        • phoenix00

          I am SO an animated butler dressed as a maid! Totally!

        • David Chaillou

          Enchanté. Tonight i am David Chaillou.

      • SayItWithWookies

        It’s not the being someone else so much as her being — while a teenager — a cranky, married father of two who coerced women to send her naked pictures of themselves and was in other ways kind of nasty and abusive. As one of the people in the article says, “If you’re going to create a new persona for yourself, why make it so shitty?”

      • Shanzgood

        I still think your name is Charles.

        • David Chaillou

          No fucking way. It’s Antoine actually.

          • Shanzgood

            Aren’t you the one I accidentally called Charles?

          • David Chaillou

            Yes, but I’d rather forget that. Here and now Charles is the kind of name wannabe aristocrat parents would dump on an unsuspecting child. Bad vibes.

          • Shanzgood

            Still sorry! I don’t know WHAT I was thinking!

      • puredog

        Really. I mean, if you’re not commenting, what could it matter?

        • David Chaillou

          It’s a matter of principles. I will let no man deny me the right to not make comments under a fake identity.

    • Rick Hill
    • Resistor Radio

      I’m mostly agog that she was getting a following and writing gigs at age 13.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I skimmed over the article and am amazed that people can become so emotionally entangled with a person they’ve never met IRL. Then again, there are those women who gave all their money to their Nigerian internet lovers.

  • proudgrampa
    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Cool! I’ve been debating which hat I want to order. Do you have hat remorse, and wish you got a different one the moment you put it on? That’s what I fear…hat remorse and guilt.

      • proudgrampa

        Well, you could order two hats, I suppose. ;-)

        But I don’t have hat remorse, fersure!

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          Then…which to WEAR? What if i make a MISTAKE!

          • proudgrampa

            Then you must carry both with you at all times. It’s a rule.

            Nice guitar, by the way… Stratocaster?

          • MasRioBravoHombre

            Les Paul. Thanks….I actually sold my 1964 Stratocaster, and got cash and this Gibson. I’ll change my av to the Strat…it’s identical to the one Jimi played at his final show in Georgia, which helped me sell it.

          • proudgrampa

            Cool!

          • David Chaillou

            But the man who is devoted to the Self, and is satisfied with the Self, and content in the Self alone, he has no obligatory duty.

            He has no object in this world (to gain) by doing (an action), nor (does he incur any loss) by non-performance of action,—nor has he (need of) depending on any being for any object.

            Therefore, do thou always perform actions which are obligatory, without attachment;—by performing action without attachment, one attains to the highest.

          • Indeniable Ron

            Very true, but it doesn’t really answer the question.

          • David Chaillou

            You’re not detached enough yet.

          • Indeniable Ron

            Not detached at all. In fact, my retinas are in excellent shape.

          • H0mer0

            Baghavad Gita I presume? (translattion was a little different in the version I read.)

          • David Chaillou

            Yeah. The Tao is disappointingly vague on the question of which hats to wear, but the BG never lets you down. Pity my keyboard doesn’t do Sanskrit.

          • puredog

            2020 will come and go, but there will be impeachable idiots forever.

    • David Chaillou

      Love it. And with the glasses on you’re much more convincing than Donna Rose.

      • SDGeoff3

        I’m not so sure…(looking over my shoulder)

        • David Chaillou

          Chucks, DR is sweet, she would never hurt you for taking her job.

    • David Chaillou

      You a bird watcher?

      • Resistor Radio

        Like bird as in british slang for woman?

        • David Chaillou

          No, more like in there are field looking glasses on the upper shelf. Guess it could work either way.

          • proudgrampa

            Actually, amateur astronomer. Some nights I’m too lazy (and it’s too cold) to drag out the Celestron 8.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Hmmm, looks like spy vs. spy to me.

      • MasRioBravoHombre

        I thought it was John Goodman!

    • Rick Hill

      I’d buy one but it’s misspelled

      • proudgrampa

        You mean wrong tense?

        • Resistor Radio

          or not “I’m a Peach?”

        • Rick Hill

          Inpeach. Couple these thingies, too. !!

    • Resistor Radio

      The Impeach is my favorite of the trilogy. Or is it a literal hat trick?

  • Michael R
    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Why can I upload photos, but not videos? I’m a computer-Luddite…please speak in non-computer lingo.

      • Michael R

        They have to be GIF’s under 5k (?) in size ,
        unless you’re linking to a Youtube video .

        • MasRioBravoHombre

          Ooooooooohhh! Thanks.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • mancityRed6

      “my phone, my phone!”

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      I’m stoned…that may be the funniest thing I’ve seen all week.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    White whine strongest in warmer climes https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/929805056442097664?s=17

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Man…this Daniel Dale dude asking Bamas what they REALLY think. He’s liable to get swallowed by an emotional black hole he’ll never recover from.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        At least he can go home to his dissolved country run by son of Castro.

    • Phried Ω

      Make so, Number Two.

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    “While the ITCC [sic] may be a small group not yet widely recognized, their 5 judges (…)”

    That international court is still pretty underground, but their 3rd judge is a gavel wizard, man.

    • Phried Ω

      And the point guard is 10 for 12 from the free-throw line.

    • proudgrampa

      “He’s a Gavel Wizard
      There has to be a twist,
      The Gavel Wizard
      Got such a supple wrist!”

  • Nounverb911
  • OrdinaryJoe

    OMG. Went swamping snorkeling in some RWNJ sites. Roy Moore (R-Pediphilia) is the MRA hero. The original Incel. Need to go now to shower and pour in some eye bleach.

    • bbayliss

      Why torture yourself? said the guy who just got back from breitbart

  • Sophia

    I’ve been watching a set of documentaries on H2 called “Last Days of the Nazis.” Jesus there is no end of horror to what people can do to each other. They had one on the Warsaw Uprising and what happened to the Polish people after the truce. How can white nationalism actually be a thing in Poland after surviving that horror?.

    Also I just learned of the “Dirlewanger Brigade” what a group of sick fucks.

    • TJ Barke

      And Spencer seems shocked that people don’t like nazis…

      • CripesAmighty

        They think nobody remembers anything but the kewl Hugo Boss fashions and Busby Berkeley production numbers at Nuremberg.

    • Werewolf

      There was no shortage of Poles who collaborated with the Germans during WWII.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      The atrocities committed by Oskar Dirlewanger and his brigade were so monstrous they even turned the stomachs of other SS men.

  • You’re missing the greater picture! It’s, um, the pope’s brother in law is George Soros Hapsburg (he cleverly never uses his last name, like Madonna or Tiny Tim) had Princess Camilla inducted into the Jesuitical Army of Darkness so thus was she forced to renounce her princessorship and allow the Charles and Diana plan (the famous Beatboxing Day Plot) to sally forth. This caused Bobby to wake up in the shower having lost a year of his life. Also, pear pimples for hairy fishnuts. I am not a crank.

    Love, paleo

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    The latest right wing boycott. (They sure don’t do boycotts well, do they.)

    The Hannity supporters defending pedophilia are boycotting Keurig by smashing their coffee makers… then will buy replacements 😂lmao owning libs 👍 https://t.co/6uF1x9vOyM— William LeGate (@williamlegate) November 12, 2017

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I want Keurig to disappear myself, but what did they do to rile Hannity?

      • bbayliss

        Withdrew ads.

        • Elvis Causticfellow

          Ah. well, too bad so sad guys, maybe you’ll get a taste for better coffee.

        • Major_Major_Major

          And we all know that puling out makes Jesus sad, as iic causes millions of potential babies to be wasted on the bed sheets.

          • bbayliss

            But it sometimes causes the re-erection.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Yeah, I think Keurigs are ridiculous and environmentally damaging, but destroying something you already paid for and that doesn’t affect the manufacturer is stupid.

        • Major_Major_Major

          It’s a wing nut protest, so the stupid is built in.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Why are they doing this?

    • Michael R

      Keurig pulled their ads this week

      By Sunday, Realtor.com, biotech company 23 And Me, women’s clothing company Eloquii and vitamin distributor Nature’s Bounty had also announced they were done running ads on Hannity’s program.

    • bbayliss

      Don’t forget these are the same people who punish their assholes with shitty pizza to spite libs.

      • bewareofme

        Also too French vanilla creamer. See Bundy KKKlan.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      A long day of child molesting without that morning cup of Joe is going to be tougher than they think.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I feel so pwned. No wait, it’s wearing off. Maybe if you smash the replacement…

    • phoenix00

      And how will they make coffee now? Pour-over? Drip? Percolator?

      Oh the humanity!!

      • Shanzgood

        It’s not like they can just go to Starbucks any more.

        • clubseal

          So much collateral damage in the War on Christmas.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        Oh, the inanity!

      • Mavenmaven

        Has Folger’s made any political comments lately?

    • SayItWithWookies

      I like how it’s steaming as he breaks it open — almost as though he brewed all his remaining K-cups right before making the video.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Hopefully, he got burned.

    • TundraGrifter

      That home-made soda company used to advertise on Sheer InSannity’s radio show. They either gave that up or just went out of business. The entire concept was nutz. You were going to save all this money buying a machine that cost over $100. And you didn’t have to “lug” bottles of soda – just the crap you needed for the device.

      You can purchase bottles of Italian flavored syrup and cans or bottles of seltzer (far less sodium than club soda) and be all set!

      • CripesAmighty

        Sodastream. They’re still trying. They thought it’d be a crunchy ‘yupscale’ trendery thingy. That having gone thud, they’re sliding down the socioeconomic razorblade. I think they’ve hired the Shamwow guy to yell at you until you submit, now.

    • Indeniable Ron

      How can they afford new coffee makers when they’ve spent all their money on gold, dietary supplements and survival supplies?

  • Shanzgood

    An interesting take on the Louis CK admission by a feminist author from Australia, Clementine Ford.

    Why ‘asking first’ doesn’t excuse Louis CK’s behaviour

    http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/news-and-views/opinion/why-women-dont-leave-when-men-like-louis-ck-commit-lewd-acts-20171111-gzjidr.html

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      I didn’t hear any apologizing in that “apology.”

      • Bobathonic

        When you think they look up to you, you can do what you want.

      • Shanzgood

        I didn’t even read it, honestly. I couldn’t.

  • msanthropesmr

    OMG I am boycotting Keurig inadvertently.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I, too, am guilty of boycotting those over-priced, underwhelming coffee “machines” from Keurig

      • bbayliss

        I considered one, but my phone has a calculator that allows even me to do math.
        I think $6,000 a pound for coffee is just too much.

    • I’m feeling rather guilty now for never having bought one, drank any coffee from one, or had any interest in them.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Our coffeemaker can use k-cups or ground coffee, but nobody bothers buying them.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Ours too. We just use coffee we grind just before brewing.

    • grindstone

      I realize that Christmas is coming up (ohgod), but haven’t most people that wanted a Keurig or Keurig knockoff already purchased one???

    • clubseal

      I don’t drink much coffee, but I did like the searing hot water in an instant for tea.

    • SayItWithWookies

      One of the last places I worked had a Keurig — it’s great if you want your coffee to taste like plastic.

      • CripesAmighty

        Fiddly, fussy and pretentious. Mr. Coffee and fucking Folgers. And if, after drinking the last in the pot, you can’t manage the Herculean task of placing coffee into a filter, sliding the thingy in and pressing the button, then you deserve to be consumed by the black hole from whence you came.

        • H0mer0

          I only got one because my mom washed my one cup at a time coffee maker and broke it (I know, she meant well, but that patina was holding it together.) I still don’t get the big deal. I don’t find it tastes any better.

    • TundraGrifter

      I think the Keurig concept makes sense in an office. For a home, not so much. I am glad somebody invested the reusable cups. Those things produce more waste than the first Polaroid instant cameras.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Francis isn’t even his real name,,,! What is he hiding,,,?!?!?!? Wake up, sheeple,,,!!!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Msgr_MΩment

      That’s an incel I feel bad for.

    • clubseal

      Preserve his DNA until cloning becomes more viable. Reactionary, sure, but it’s a little late to be proactive.

    • Phried Ω

      Don’t let Uday and Qusay discover his whereabouts.

    • eyelashviper

      This makes me cry. Really.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Is it wrong to be excited about a new set of sweats? (They’re green.)

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      It is never wrong to be excited about new clothes.

      And don’t you mean “It’s..it’s..Green.”

    • William

      I stopped identifying clothes by color. I now categorize them into clothes labeled by my wife as “You’re not really going to leave the house dressed like that are you”?, and “When are you going to throw those out?”

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        “Underwear is still usable even when it’s yellowed!”

      • eyelashviper

        My husband wears shirts with the collars so frayed that they hang in threads, and then goes out in public wearing them. I tell him he just needs to carry a tin cup around and at least make gas money.

        • William

          I nearly made it out the door with sandals and black dress socks. She screamed “Hey, whadda-ya? GERMAN?

    • Indeniable Ron

      Depends. What shade of green?

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    OT – Just back from the store.

    Item – new family moving in. 19-year-old girl in Booty shorts, all the guys hovering around her. Talk to me when they still hover when you’re 45, Honey.

    Item, no one messes with me in my Black Widow wig, but some guy checking me out on line, and his – I dunno, wife, GF, Mother -has to get in my space. *If* I wanted a man today Ma’am, it sure as Hell wouldn’t be *that* man.

    Item – my friend that mnages on Saturday ws shopping, her little boy is *Adorable*. He got saucer eyes when she introduced me, but I am huge. As I was on line, they lined up behind me and the little one grabbed my Captain America’s shield keychain hat hangs off of my purse. I asked him does he like Captain America, and he said “I like *Batman*!” So we talked super heroes for a sec, he certainly isn’t afraid of me anymore.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Aww. Reminds me of Home Alone where Kevin got to know the neighbor and they found that they had a lot more in common than previously thought. Cute :)

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        She’s a lovely woman, and the little one is the spitting image of his Mom. She grabbed some clearance Halloween decs and he was super-excited. :)

        • Indeniable Ron

          Oh, to be that age again, where just about everything could be exciting…

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            :D She grabbed some skulls-on-a-rope, but he wanted the Vampire Bat. The kid’s a charmer. He wasn’t disruptive, just super-excited about the Vampire Bats.

    • William
      • Put On Your War Paint!

        xD

    • Indeniable Ron

      Afraid? He’ll probably start waylaying you every time he sees you so he can talk superheroes again.

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        I can live with that. :)

  • Mary Theresa
  • Interesting that some of the people who scream about GLOBALIST LIBRUL COMMUNIST PEDOS the loudest are also the loudest in defending… Roy Moore.

    • Wonky Magoo

      It’s almost like they’re projecting or something…

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        More projection than a multiplex.

    • Rick Hill

      And Roy, hisself, is loudest in proclaiming he is guarding morality on our behalf.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    So lemme get this straight, did Keurig pull their ads from Hannity’s show specifically because he defended Roy Moore? And also, what does the Hannity defense of Moore come down to? Is it “It’s unproven” or is it “So what if he did”?

    • bewareofme

      All of them Katie

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I believe it’s “He’s not a Democrat!”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Both – most are taking the “it’s not proven/it’s in the past/they’re lying” track. The die-hards are going with the “So what?” defense.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s both.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Mary was 13 when she moved in with Joseph so this is okay was the last I heard.

      • TundraGrifter

        In an age when the average life expectancy was what – 30? 35? If you weren’t a woman in childbirth, of course. Then it was probably more 24 hours.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Also Chuck Todd thought it very important that we all remember that this is child molestation, not pedophilia.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        I… I don’t have a response to that.

        • Ryan Denniston

          I will assume this came up in a staff meeting or something to prevent libel charges.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “I am getting really sick of guys named Todd.” -George Carlin

      • Indeniable Ron

        From the same people who think that Medicare and socialised medicine are different things.

    • mancityRed6

      is this the hill that the shitty coffee company wants to throw down on?
      seriously.
      fuck that shit

    • David Chaillou

      It’s “we know it’s true but we agree to pretend we don’t believe it”. Party of trolls in full combat gear.

    • David Chaillou

      Guy ended up marrying an ex beauty queen 14 years his junior. That part no one denies.

      • mancityRed6

        ewwww

    • Bitter Scribe

      “Fake News,” I think. That’s their go-to. It’s the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling LALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

    • puredog

      I think Keurig’s explanation for public consumption is “nope, just a coinkydink.”

  • Mehmeisterjr

    And here we thought we were an autonomous collective.

    I mean, if I went ’round, saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “bint”

      • H0mer0

        I thought it was a “watery tart” that lobbed the scimitar.
        (goes to check her Holy Grail Book to find she misplaced it)

  • William
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I remember when it said “free candy” on the side.

      • William

        Not to be confused with Ted Nugents Jeep.

    • phoenix00

      “alabamadeservesmoore.com”

      From what it seems, Yes it does.

      *shudder*

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Derserves? That’s a preverted way to spell it.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        DerpServes?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        heh, nice find!

    • Bobby Tolberto aka TDA

      There’s cigars, phallic symbols, and ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Roy Moore’s alleged pursuit of a young girl is the symptom of a larger problem in evangelical circles http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-brightbill-roy-moore-evangelical-culture-20171110-story.html

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    No, no, no. ‘Trix doesn’t run the world. DR runs the world.

    • phoenix00

      And we’re just living in it.

    • mancityRed6

      not just yet

      • mailman27

        I will welcome the day. Matching vest & hat indicates good strategic awareness.

        • mancityRed6

          that just screams “doctor” who? yeah.

  • Jamoche
    • Wonky Magoo

      I’m dying. That thread has been added to my list of reasons for getting up in the morning. ETA: I’m METAPHORICALLY dying, from hilarity.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Alabama Evangelicals more likely to support Roy Moore after child molestation accusations

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/alabama-evangelicals-more-likely-to-support-roy-moore-after-child-molestation-accusations/

    • Left Coast Tom

      They went from 100% likely Moore to 110%?

      I actually suspect that poll is bad news for Moore, about 30% or so are “less likely”, when 100% would have otherwise voted for him.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        Nearly 40 percent of Evangelical Christians in Alabama say they’re now more likely to vote for Roy Moore after multiple allegations that he molested children, even as voters across the historically red state now seem to be punishing Moore for his past actions, a new poll shows.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Right, but every one of those 40% were going to vote for Moore anyway.

          • CripesAmighty

            But they’re gonna vote for him HARDER, PRAISE JEEBUS!

    • Alternative Dog

      Get off the cross Roy, we need the wood.

      • Wonky Magoo

        Well… not YOUR wood, Roy. You know what, let’s get you back up there, I’ll get some of those old gutter nails.

    • Indeniable Ron

      ‘It says “suffer the little children” right there in the Bible. Judge Moore is just being extra-Biblical.’

  • Jamoche

    https://twitter.com/TomPerez/status/929790790867484672
    “sort their priorities”? What makes you think they haven’t?

    • Indeniable Ron

      They HAVE sorted out their priorities. That’s why they want to make raising a family, buying a home, and getting an education more expensive.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Nothing like waiting 58-1/2 minutes to start playing offense, Stillers.

    • Indeniable Ron

      Never mind that, the damned Bills apparently told their defensive line to stay home and relax today.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Good day folks! /rantmodeon/

    Let’s talk. Let’s talk about common courtesy, situational awareness and douchebaggery.

    When you’re standing in line at the store is when you should start preparing for checkout. Get your payment stuff together and any other cards/coupons/crap that you will need to complete your transaction. The time to get this together is not after all your stuff has been ringed up while you’ve been gabbing with your friend like you’re the only two people in the world. Yes, surprise is not how you should react when it’s your time to complete your transaction. And when you get called on your douchebaggery by folk who have had to endure your douchebaggery, it
    is a good idea to set someone up with the best set up line ever…

    “I’ve never been so insulted in my life!”

    “You should get out more…”

    /rantmodeoff/

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d6bad23fa829ebdfea0f76dbee2458e7f486bda7776a87dd0bd919fd26091040.gif

      My faves are the ones paying by check that don’t even get out the checkbook until the cashier is all done.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        please don’t ever associate my future wife and her beautiful smile with the toads who do that.

        ; p

        • Put On Your War Paint!
          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            sooooo gorgeous – the picture perfect smile just makes it unbelievable.

            ; )

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            I think Scarlett is the hottest woman on the planet. She has a brain and a feisty personality behind that smile, too. :)

          • Bitter Scribe

            Oh THAT’s who it is. The red hair threw me.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            So you haven’t seen ANY of the Avenger movies?

          • Bitter Scribe

            Cripes, I can’t even remember the last movie I saw in a theater.

      • Bitter Scribe

        FWIW, according to a grocery store trade group, only 4% of sales were by check in 2016.

        • Put On Your War Paint!

          Gods above, I must have been behind all of those then.

        • phoenix00

          That’s still in the millions of transactions, if not the high hundred-thousands.

        • mailman27

          They were all in my line.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Yeah, but that 4% of sales took 70% of the fucking time!

          • puredog

            And 95% were made by people in front of me in various checkout lines.
            ETA: You’d think I could scroll down one.

        • grindstone

          Most of those in Florida.

    • Bobathonic

      It’s as if some people are surprised about what happens when the cashier is done.

    • Jeff Ackerman

      At least sky net became self aware…

      • clubseal

        Skynet’s in line behind that person, thinking to itself, “I’m so going to send something back in time to make them pay for this.”

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        And then the murders started…

    • Swampgas_Man

      Better yet, “I didn’t come here to be insulted!”

      “Where do you usually go to be insulted?”

      • clubseal

        My job as a newspaper editor.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      fuck do i hate that…you were in line for 10 minutes, watched the person scan all your items AND THEN, the second they’re done, THAT’S WHEN YOU REACH FOR YOUR MONEY?!?

      Were you unsure about your purchases up till that point?
      Did you think the grocery store was going to refuse your money?
      WERE YOU SURPRISED YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR GOODS?!?

      ahem, sorry about that.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      Some people just want to talk to anyone, about nothing. This is why cigarettes were invented.

    • PersianOregano

      these are the same people that get to the front of the line of a fast food chain restaurant and THEN begin to study the menu thoughtfully to decide on their order

    • Bitter Scribe

      And if you try to dodge this with self-checkout, you end up behind someone who’s mystified by the exotic piece of technology called a “scale.”

      IOW, you can’t fucking win.

    • phoenix00
    • MizzMazz

      Also don’t be the asshole who throws money/credit card on the counter instead of handing it to the cashier. and don’t be on your phone, take care of your transaction.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I just got back from grocery shopping.

      I feel your pain!

    • puredog

      I would ask to subscribe to your newsletter but I am too busy yelling at the clouds and the kids on my lawn.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    Remember when cons were really fucking FREAKED about public restrooms being overrun by transgendered pedophiles? Well…pedophiles have now been GOP-approved for the SENATE. Slight change in policy.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      It’s the Hastert Rule.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Cisgendered pedophiles are okay. Especially if they’re Republicans and really really godly. The Bible says so.

      • Wonky Magoo

        Morality is all about how much money you donate to the right causes, after all.

  • Ezio

    So…Polish Nazis on Twitter are now defending their Nazi rally in Warsaw with cultural relativism, saying that calling them racists is a case of imposing foreign values on the country.

    DO THEY KNOW WHERE NAZISM CAME FROM?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not like the nazis ever imposed foreign values on them.

      • TundraGrifter

        I heard an interesting, although very depressing, piece on NPR about how the Nazis treated everyone in Poland. Along with wiping out the Jews, they simply declared that Poland wasn’t really a country and its citizens really weren’t, well, people.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          All the old rules went out the broken Kristallnacht window. Jewish Nazis are even a thing now. See entries under: Mike Cernovich; Stephen Miller; Ezra Levant; Benjamin Netanyahu and son; and Mark Zuckerberg and Jared Kushner (kapo enablers)…

        • Ezio

          The Nazis considered Eastern European people “inferior” in general. It’s partly why Hitler got his ass kicked in Russia. He underestimated their ability to defend themselves.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Also, the people of Ukraine *hated* the Stalin-lead Soviet government. The Nazis could have had a 100,000 man Volunteer army of Ukrainians, but Hitler chose to exterminate them instead.

          • Bitter Scribe

            A lot of Ukrainians ended up working for the Nazis anyway, either as soldiers or in ancillary roles like camp guards. It’s one of the reasons Ukrainians and Russians hate each others’ guts to this day.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Yeah, I’m not certain when policy was established or changed.

          • Bitter Scribe

            The Nazis were great when it came to exploiting regional hatreds, especially in Eastern Europe. They pitted Croats against Serbs, Slovaks against Czechs, etc.

            They also had some weirdass thing where Russians, Ukrainians and or other Eastern Europeans whom they wanted/needed on their side were classified as Cossacks or something, which was racially OK.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Ahh, that’s right. Even the Waffen-SS had Volunteer “Cossack” regiments. There was also a Muslim SS Mountain Division, a lot of volunteers from Turkey and such in it.

          • Werewolf

            And everyone against Jews.

          • “And everybody hates the Jews.”

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIlJ8ZCs4jY

          • theCryptofishist

            They hated each others’ guts before. The years of the tzarist empire–Ukranians treated like inferiors. The years of the famine–completely manufactured to starve the populence into obedience. After that, Hitler looked like a liberator and he won their hearts and minds. For a while at least.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Oh absolutely. That’s how it is so often. X gets Y, who gets back at X, who a few generations later gets Y back again, and round and round we go. All kinds of generational hatreds, kept alive by demagogues.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
    • The Librarian

      Really? No one left alive in Warsaw to remember? Everyone has dementia? Or just a bad case of denial? :P

      • theCryptofishist

        To be fair. living in Poland from 1945 to 1991 and beyond probably means they have a toxic metal load making them pretty fucking senile.

    • Ryan Denniston

      The liberals?

  • eyelashviper
    • clubseal

      A masterpiece.

    • theCryptofishist

      It’s been posted here, but it’s delightful to see again. Also, first time I didn’t get that that was a dutch door, so it makes more sense now.

  • Resistor Radio

    I have had this earworm ever since the Sex Clams headline hit, so I’m sharing the love (so to speak)
    https://youtu.be/Ku5sdcnQO4I

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’m ready for the sex clams.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        MONSTER!

      • SDGeoff3

        Can it, MONSTER!!!

    • Incoming Ham

      I know nothing of this “sex clams headline.” Must Google.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Chances the NRA speaks up on this one?

    BUSTED ON VIDEO: White gun shop owner refuses to sell to black man — because he might be a criminal
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/busted-on-video-white-gun-shop-owner-refuses-to-sell-to-black-man-because-he-might-be-a-criminal/

    “In a video was posted to Facebook, a black activist and performer attempted to purchase a gun from white gun shop owner in Virginia, only to be turned down before even going through a background check.

    “The the owner of this store refused to sell me any firearms. His reason was simply and I quote ‘I will not sell you or your friend any firearms because my reason to believe is that you will sell them to someone else,’” Mason wrote on Facebook.


    According to gun news site Bearing Arms, there is some confusion over whether Hopkins is a “racist” or if he is just a “prudent” gun dealer.

    • Nope. Racist

    • Ryan Denniston

      Following in the finest tradition of Reagan there.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mulford_Act

    • Ryan Denniston

      Problem here is, you have to have a reason for suspecting that this gun will be resold. Indulge us sir, is a teenager 50 feet outside the store looking in expectantly?

    • phoenix00

      I guess the 2nd Amendment now says to check the skin tone before selling said firearm….

      Also: survey says “racist”

    • Serai 1

      Depends – does he refuse to sell to everyone for that reason? If not, then he’s probably a racist.

    • mailman27

      Since when were these guys concerned with being “prudent”? You kid.

  • William

    Remember the time Roy Moore tried to change the Alabama drinking age to 32 in an effort to keep alcohol out of high schools?

    • canes_pugnaces

      It was really so he could be the only one buying booze for underage girls.

  • canes_pugnaces
    • Left Coast Tom

      Needs hearts over the “i”s.

      • theCryptofishist

        Flowers?

        • theCryptofishist

          Smiley faces?

          • puredog

            Anuses?

    • Ryan Denniston

      You know, Putin will never let you attack North Korea right?

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    I have heard an internet law cited (someone name it please) that without some sort of marker included, a satire of an unhinged rant is indistinguishable from such a rant.
    Today I was thinking about this and online bots. Bots are relevant to the Turing test, actually encountering an AI online is an actual Turing test session: Can you tell if it’s a person or an algorithm? (See also Voight Kampff test for replicants.)
    Has anyone experienced a troll-bot in a comment thread? How did you know?

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      Poe’s Law.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Thanks!
        The Raven points me to “Thirteen Ways Of Looking At A Blackbird.”

      • bbayliss

        Yesterday at breitbart I posted the list of credible people trump called liars that ends with him calling putin honest.
        Got the most up votes ever

    • Alternative Dog

      I don’t know if I’ve ever engaged with one anywhere, but I do remember hearing that a significant number (most?) of the female profiles on Ashley Madison were bots. That must say something.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        I see, and that would be relatively easy because of the limited context.
        Maybe some shopping site chatters are bots, or soon could be.

        • Alternative Dog

          Yes, I do think the context matters.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It says that internet bots are sexier than real women but not as sexy as the most recent AI sex robots.

      • MizzMazz

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXtllukYBCg

        Some guys like that sort of thing.

      • Ryan Denniston

        It says Josh Duggar is an easy mark.

    • The Librarian

      Yes, but it took me a few replies back and forth to figure it out. Replies don’t make sense and they don’t call you a libtard.

    • clubseal

      I knew once it asked me to service its hard drive with my five inch floppy.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        What about its shiny metal ass?

        • clubseal

          I’d be so happy if I found out I was talking to Bender in real life.

      • MizzMazz

        The one I knew wouldn’t load…at least not for me.

      • H0mer0

        [refraining from noncomment simile about sex without Viagra between the old and menopausal]

    • Jamoche

      Back when the Internet was young, I found a transcript of someone on a message board trying to pick up an early version of a chatbot. He had absolutely no clue “she” was a bot, even when other people tried to explain it to him. He’s not the only human I’ve ever seen fail a Turing test.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Mrs God back then enjoyed reducing Eliza (or something like it) to pure incoherence.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        My hobby is building advanced AI bots to post on Free Republic.

        I’ve not been caught yet.

        They *all* fail the Turing test.

        • ariel_gee_398

          You know how there were different tracks in school for different levels of proficiency? Maybe for Free Republic there’s a more remedial Turing test?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            So about six months ago I rebuilt the backend to use machine learning as well as Dirichlet for contextuality.

            Damn thing started to make MORE SENSE than FR posters. I had to hobble it with a randomizer to make spelling and grammar mistakes otherwise it would have stood out.

          • ariel_gee_398

            I wonder if there is some sort of way to use AIs to reach the unreachable. If you start off sort of at their level and broadly in agreement, and then slowly introduce reality and proper grammar, would it pull any of the commenters it had built a rapport with along?

        • Husband Of Mrs God

          So to be clear, all the members over there fail the test. Good work.

    • William

      I’ve noticed some of the Russian trolls will use old English words. A few were pretty outdated and more than once I had to look it up.

      • clubseal

        How about ye olde Patriots this year, friend?

        • Johnatx

          Huzzah

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Examples, prithee?

        • William

          I was accused of engaging in Brabble.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Swounds! ‘Tis forsooth passing strange to one of my caducity to hear such malapert crinkum-crankum from whoreson dandiprats.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            By’r’lady, Diskus woulds’t lief bury mine response enant but “Brabble,” forsooth? “Tis passing strange. I should as fain say “Boggle.”

        • TJ Barke

          verily!

      • Indeniable Ron

        Hmm, I do as well.
        OMG, I’m a Russian bot!

      • Johnatx

        Pray tell

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Drive-bys. They post and then split. Don’t engage to responses. *crickets* Or the responses don’t make sense. We’ve had them here, especially between the conventions and the general election. I knew that there was fuckery, just didn’t know it was GOP/Russian BS.

    • Edith Prickly
      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Thanks for including a link with yours.
        The Raven points me to “Thirteen Ways Of Looking At A Blackbird.”

    • Werewolf

      Poe’s Law.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Thanks!
        The Raven points me to “Thirteen Ways Of Looking At A Blackbird.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Poe’s Law.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        Thanks!
        The Raven points me to “Thirteen Ways Of Looking At A Blackbird.”

    • Cat Cafe

      Absolutely, and I’ve gotten at least three accounts banned from Twitter. Small success, but a start! It doesn’t even matter if it’s a bot, a troll, or a Russian agent. You can see from the tweet, their self-description, and then, their other tweets.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I had one try to follow me on the Book of Face. Blocked. None other has tried and all of a sudden, my list of followers got smaller.

  • William

    Another good God fearing Christian serving up a warm glass of human kindness. https://www.facebook.com/UpnUpNews/videos/2024080144474422/

    • phoenix00

      He sounds like he fears a black girl holding a camera more than he fears G*d.

      Also: nice.

    • Alternative Dog

      Who is that young lady recording the video? I would like to apologize to her on behalf of us white folks who aren’t racist assholes.

      • William

        I so hope there actually is a gate to heaven and St Peter is black.

        • Alternative Dog

          All the upfists for that one.

  • IdiotsforPalin
  • William
    • Daniel Hooper

      No, that’s not fair. It’s roughly 5 seconds BEFORE a popular Republican molests you; otherwise it might actually be a crime that other Republicans would have to acknowledge.

    • Daniel

      Or a police officer decides to shoot you.

  • Jack Takes A Knee

    Since most of you don’t use the FacePlant, I’m reposting this here for those of you who have not seen it. It’s from a friend of one of Moore’s accusers. It’s long, but please read and repost wherever you can. Moore has always been a monster and he must be stopped. I lived in Birmingham during his reign of terror. I know a few people unfortunate enough to have had to appear before him in court. If he becomes the next senator, he proposes a clear and present danger to each and every one of us.

    Preamble aside, here is the post:

    Mary Jo West

    Yesterday at 9:34am ·

    I need to say something, not because I want to get political, but because I know the truth and I need to tell it.

    The now-national story about Roy Moore and Leigh
    Corfman is true, and I have known it for over 20 years. Leigh’s mother
    and step-father have been friends of mine since 1992 and I know them to
    be the best of people. We don’t share the same political beliefs but
    we love and respect each other on a level deeper than politics and these
    wonderful friends tell the truth. They are caring and educated and
    accomplished people who would choose privacy over headlines any day.

    Leigh’s mother told me and others “The Roy Moore Story” in the
    mid-1990s, because her daughter had finally unburdened herself after
    years of silence and that burden lay dark and deep on a mother’s
    shoulders and in that mother’s heart. I listened to the same details as
    those that are printed now, and while some of the story has faded with
    time, several facts are seared into my brain: 1) the attacker was
    attorney Roy Moore and the victim was then teenager Leigh Corfman; 2)
    Roy Moore got Leigh to his house under false pretenses; 3) Roy Moore
    made overt sexual advances to Leigh which involved Roy Moore coming out
    of the bathroom undressed and ready for action; 4) Leigh was terrified
    and had the good sense to say NO and Roy Moore accepted her NO.

    During Roy Moore’s political ascent, I’ve almost called Leigh’s mother
    many times to suggest that they expose who Roy Moore is at his core, but
    I realize that this story is Leigh’s to tell… no one else’s. Why has
    she not exposed him before now? Perhaps because no one likes being
    called a liar – and she is being called that now. Perhaps because that
    secret was safer locked away from the pain that she must be reliving now
    and having to deal with all over again.

    Whatever it is, it is
    NOT a political conspiracy. Leigh’s parents bleed Republican red as
    long as I have known them…and Leigh says she has voted Republican in the
    last three elections. While this story has the “He said, She said”
    element, surely the counterbalance on the scales in Leigh’s favor is
    US…the group of friends who knew the story before it was a headline.
    There was simply no reason for Leigh to make this story up when she was
    young and trying to figure out life. Roy Moore’s terrifying advances
    surely had to complicate the path that she admitted was filled with
    choices she would like to redo. She owned them, admirably, but I wonder
    if some of her young years might have been easier if she hadn’t been
    abused by Roy Moore when she was 14 years old, vulnerable and confused.

    Perhaps it’s simply that it’s time to shout from the rooftops that this
    man, Roy Moore…who wants our nation’s trust and our belief that he is a
    good man… simply doesn’t deserve our trust. He lied yesterday when
    he said he had never met Leigh Corfman. Maybe he’s gotten too old to
    act on his abnormal urges now, but in his heart, he still knows that
    when he could, he scared and emotionally scarred young women and in that
    chamber of his heart, his blood still runs mean and cold.

    I
    believe in redemption and forgiveness. I’ve asked for forgiveness many
    times in my life, but first, you have to acknowledge that you did
    something wrong. And yesterday Roy Moore stood staunch and unyielding
    that he did no wrong. Take a lie detector test, Mr. Moore. There’s
    nothing fake in this story. Roy Moore is lying. This story happened
    and it was shared mother-to-mother with no agenda other than to get it
    off her chest and share her agony. Women friends do that, thankfully.
    Leigh’s mother told me this story when Roy Moore was a nobody…now he’s
    just a lying somebody.

    Just because Leigh Corfman didn’t come
    forward and tell this horrific story about a bad man until now, doesn’t
    mean that it never happened. It’s her story. Yes, it was a long time
    coming, but she told her own story on her own timeline. The swelling
    tides filled with the tears of victimized women’s deep dark secrets can
    no longer return to the sea. There are many of us standing with you,
    Leigh, saying “Good for You”, and “Me Too”. #NoMoore

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Wow.

  • mancityRed6

    so fine, I’ve shared something with others, I’ll share it with you. what do you think of my writing style?
    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WHpkIrrsHTFGM9aMuQqu14mgxsz7GmJlQFAp1n-Y_YU/edit?usp=sharing

    • Indeniable Ron

      I like it. Punchy, stream of consciousness, pulls you right in.

      • mancityRed6

        yay!

  • phoenix00

    Say, does anyone here want to know what’s in MY Ninth Circle Satanic Child Sacrifice Cult?

  • Indeniable Ron

    If Canada’s been dissolved, does this mean I have to peel the flag decal off my car? What do I replace it with?

    • phoenix00

      No need. It’s already transmorgified into maple syrup.

    • SDGeoff3

      Poutine. Swedish Chef can show you how.

      • Parakeetist
        • SDGeoff3

          Thank you very much. I need to learn how to do that.

        • theCryptofishist

          My husband, who identified as the Swedish Chef (I’m Beaker?), and was an EMT, would have loved that.

  • aktlib101

    I’ve seen this earlier today. Sounds like a headline from “The Onion”, except it is real:
    Putin’s former boss will oversee security for US embassies in Russia
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/putins-former-boss-will-oversee-security-for-us-embassies-in-russia/

    “A company headed by the former chief of KGB counterintelligence will provide security for U.S. embassies in Russia.

    The firm, Elite Security Holdings, received a $2.83 million contract from the state department to provide “local guard services for US mission Russia,” according to the Telegraph Friday. The main U.S. embassy is in Moscow, and there are consulates in St. Petersburg, Yekaterinburg and Vladivostok.”

  • Michael Loraine

    Rebecca secretly runs the world? I’m ok with that. What would it take to get her to appoint me as the King of California? Maybe Emperor Norton II?

  • Mary Theresa
    • phoenix00

      Just wait ’till next week.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I read that as “urinate on them”, but they probably want to do that too.

    • Courser_Resistance

      As far as I know they still haven’t re-authorized CHiP

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    This is why America has failed. Panem et circenses is all the voters want.

    Trump voter admits that president has done nothing, but says he’s glad that Trump is “good entertainment on the news

    📁 Documents and Settings
    |___📁 My Movies
    |____ 📁 Documentaries
    |______ 🎥 Network (1976).mkv

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Not even most of the voters, but still enough to fuck up everything.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        A turd of the country.

    • Rick Hill

      The revolution will be televised…as long as the ratings are good.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Really, really incredible ratings. The best ratings. Awesome ratings. Believe me.

    • phoenix00

      Christ, Trump isn’t even /good/ entertainment. It’s painful and sad.

  • Ezio
    • Mary Theresa
      • Villago Delenda Est

        Trumpanzees are so fucking stupid. It’s amazing they can figure out how to launch a browser to vent their intestines on Twitter.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I’m surprised they can work a Keurig…

      • Zonath

        Keurigs are stupid and should be destroyed on principle, but why do the Russians have a hate-on for them now?

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          They pulled their adverts from Sham Hannity.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Can’t the Russians just buy time?

          • theCryptofishist

            Where’s the sport in that?

            Edited to add: And, as always, currency shortage.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Now we’ve gone and done it. They’re going to take down Big Coffee! First Starbucks, now Keurig, will the madness ever end?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson tweeted

      Matilda turned out pretty damn good! Put the Nazis in the Chokey!

      • Ezio

        I sure hope she’d be against Nazis. She’s Jewish.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          It’s not a guarantee anymore. Stephen Miller, Mike Cernovich, Ezra Levant, and kapo enablers Mark Zuckerberg and of course Jared Kushner.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Calling all non-Trump supporters: if you have a Keurig: please drive over it.

      • Ezio

        Yes

      • phoenix00

        …. and ruin a perfectly nice car? There go those insurance premiums….

    • OrG

      I didn’t know what a keurig was (looked it up). I’m sure they welcome a wingnut boycott though.

      • Ezio

        They are a brand that pulled their ads from Hannity after he defended Roy Moore.

    • Cat Cafe

      Well, look at how they vote

    • SeeTrain65

      You just can’t give it the nearest liberal to where you live?

      Oh, forgot … they don’t know any liberals and don’t care to know them.
      Also, GIVING SOMETHING AWAY? FOR NOTHING? Charity begins at their asses.

    • Raan

      They make those individual coffee machines, right? The ones you can get the reusable cups for that you can put whatever you want into?

      Think I’ll, uh, take a walk later tonight.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • Nounverb911

      Ann, the positioning in your drawing is all wrong….

      • Courser_Resistance

        Well, it’s a family paper…

  • Jack Takes A Knee

    I’ll make this as brief as I can, which you all know usually means a novella as opposed to one of my usual full-blown novels. In case you haven’t noticed, I have not been around as much as I used to be. Since some of you are stupid enough to actually care about me, I am offering this as an explanation.

    I had a breakdown of sorts four weeks ago. Not the foaming at the mouth/instituionalized type, more of a “holy fuck, the bottom just dropped out of my outrage meter, time to go to bed for a month” type. As a result, my doc had to double up my meds, making me a virtual zombie for the last two weeks and change.

    Fear not, all is as well as can be expected for one in my frame of mind inn this, the year of no lord, 2017. I say this to offer a bit of a warning to any other wayward newshounds out there; Do not burn your candle at both ends. It never turns out well. Be sure to take a self care day or two. Cleanse your palate. Enjoy things. Listen to good music, eat good food, have great sex, read a good book. This revolution is already a slough and it’s unlikely to get any better any time soon. It will, however, get better. There will be a post tRump era. And we need to save some strength for the massive rebuilding effort that awaits us.

    I know, many of you are thinking “But Jack, I already know this. I’m not a total MORAN, you know?” Yes, I do know. Thing is, I forgot this and it almost cost me more dearly than many of you may realize.

    So, you’ll still see me around, just not every hour of every day any more. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up the fight. I call, I fax, I vote.

    Thanks for reading, all two of you.

    • Nounverb911

      Three.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Four.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Does the kitteh count? Then six.

        • Bad Scooter

          Five. Hugs, Jack, and thanks for the reminder.

    • Moebym of the Returners

      Five.

    • Daniel Hooper

      Six.
      Seriously, though, I hear you. I’m working double digit stretches of work between singular days off, and all I hear from others is, “Why are you working so much?” just before they demand more from me, or, “Stop being so lazy” when I collapse on my bed after 8, sometimes 12 hour days. Add that stress on top of the Trump administration… it’s not easy. So take some time. You need it; fuck, we could all use it.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Take care of yourself, Jack. Conserve your energies. We need as many people as we can get.

    • BosGrl

      Love and hugs, Jack.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Seven.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Eight

    • Alternative Dog

      I took a road trip from CA to TN earlier this year to gather with my siblings and various offspring at a family reunion type thing just outside of Smokey Mountain NP. We had 13 people in a somewhat cramped but comfortable vacation rental.

      It turns out the internet connection was essentially nonfunctional and I had no cell service so I was basically out of touch with the surrounding world for eight days. It was absolutely the healthiest escape one could wish for. It would be hard to describe the complete lack of care I had for “current events” and just how healing that was. I highly recommend a treatment like this.

      • SDGeoff3

        Don’t stop because you’re home.

        • Alternative Dog

          Exactly! I do disconnect, mostly because of work and other things I need to take care of, but even a half day out in nature without any distractions can be monumentally restorative. Weekend camping is highly recommended.

          • SDGeoff3

            We took a favorite road trip from San Diego to Sequoia National Park, which is my personal cathedral. Each time we visit, the attraction is stronger and leaving it is more difficult. This year, we arrived on my 65th birthday and both of us bought lifetime senior passes for $10.
            I brought a two year-old giant sequoia seedling home and it’s getting chilly enough now that I can plant it. We have some successful established trees even ‘way down south here, and a Master Gardener is giving me advice. It goes in the planter tomorrow, my new “calm down and fuck the news” scheme. I’m hoping to leave it to a park, if it’s a successful endeavor.
            Maybe I’ll start a journal.

          • Alternative Dog

            You got in before they raised the price! My location in Sacramento makes Yosemite my cathedral and I do visit regularly. I will get my $80 lifetime pass in two years when I’m considered mature enough. :-)

          • theCryptofishist

            (Damn, you make me ashamed that I’ve only used my free lifetime pass the once…)

          • SDGeoff3

            Well, gas up the tank and hit the road, buster! Meet us in Sequoia, or Yosemite!

          • theCryptofishist

            I could do that to the tank, but it’s not attached to anything running.

          • SDGeoff3

            O geez. LOL.

          • SDGeoff3

            We started our trip on eclipse day, and we stopped several times to watch it and share our eyeglasses, largely with homeless folks. The pass purchase was one of the main reasons for us to go, and between the galaxy and the planet, it was a spectacular experience. (It doesn’t hurt that we travel well together.)

          • Susan

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !fq272d:
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    • Ricky Gay

      We contain multitudes!

    • Put On Your War Paint!

      ~hugs~

    • 42!

      • proudgrampa

        That is the answer.

    • Courser_Resistance

      My two year contract job ended in August, the following week, the last week of of August before Labor Day, I went off into the woods for 4 blissful days. It took about a day and a half incommunicado before I started to relax, but relax I did. I’d like to do it again, but it’s getting a bit nippy out. I have the gear, but it’s a much bigger production, so not gonna happen.

      • Alternative Dog

        I can so relate to this.

    • SeeTrain65

      Thanks to you for speaking for many of us.

      Sincerest best wishes.

      • SDGeoff3

        Yes.

    • SDGeoff3

      We’ll be looking forward to you.

    • Mental disorders suck, and I think they’ve probably become a lot more widespread in the Shitgibbon Administration. I’m currently dealing with depersonalisation-derealisation disorder, which is a new diagnosis for me, and actually a disorder I hadn’t even heard of until a few weeks ago. I must emphasise that the Shitgibbon-in-Chief didn’t cause me to suffer this disorder; the trigger was an unexpected death in the family, which is a fairly common cause. However, the president* has certainly worsened it massively.

      Since most people have never heard of the disorder, its central characteristic is that it causes a person to feel reality is no longer real (hence derealisation), and that they themselves are no longer real (hence depersonalisation). It isn’t a psychosis; we retain intact enough reality testing to know that the issue is with our perception. But the result can effectively be considered the world’s largest existential crisis.

      I’ve put it as feeling as though I’m no longer a person; I feel like a character in a poorly written political satire or Philip K. Dick knockoff. Reality seems almost like a video game, or as though there’s an imperceptible veil separating me from reality. My recent memories feel impersonal, as though they are someone else’s implanted memories. When I am with people, even loved ones, I often feel distant from them. I feel robotic and not in control of my actions, and my attention span wanders even on tasks I enjoy, despite my taking medication for ADHD that functioned perfectly before the onset of the disorder. My perception of time is distorted; minutes can pass like hours, and so can days. Sometimes it feels like both are occurring at once, as though there are a pair of twins who’ve been separated with one travelling at lightspeed, and I’m somehow both of them at once. Occasionally I even have the sensation of my consciousness departing my body, as though I’m observing myself from a few metres above myself.

      Naturally my productivity has plummeted. I can still do my job (perhaps not as well as before), but school is hopeless; I haven’t figured out how to learn anything. I have no coping strategies. Most resources I’ve found boil down to “see a therapist”, which I’m doing weekly.

      As I said, President* Dotard didn’t cause it. But reality is so surreal that it’s proving much harder to recover than I suspect would otherwise be the case, and an awful lot of the surreality is the Shitgibbon’s fault.

      I’m not really asking for sympathy or advice here (though if anyone with experience suffering or treating the disorder has the latter, I’ll certainly welcome it). I’m mostly writing this to emphasise that you’re not alone in having mental issues worsened by this presidency*. To be honest, I kind of suspect that any adult American whose mental state hasn’t been affected by this presidency* might actually have far greater problems (e.g., a lack of conscience or empathy).

      As important as it is to help others, you’ve also got to take care of yourself; you’ll be little to no help at all to anyone else if you’re not mentally and physically healthy.

      (Unfortunately, good sex – or any sex at all, for that matter – doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me right now. Unless any women in southwest Florida happen to be interested in a male-presenting Jew of non-binary gender identity who’s on the autism spectrum and dealing with a serious existential crisis. I could probably put more effort into getting myself laid, but I don’t particularly wish to inflict my psychological issues on anyone else even indirectly.)

      • Jack Takes A Knee

        I am very sorry to hear that, on all counts. This doesn’t come from a place of pity either, I don’t insult anyone with that worthless emotion. I know all-too-well what derealization and depersonalization fees like. In fact, you locked on to the biggest part of what I’ve been going through myself.

        Sometimes, I feel like my life is a movie. Not that I am in the movie, but that I am watching an actor pretending to be me on a movie screen. I can sense what is going on around me, it just feels like living inside a full body condom, if that makes any sense.

        That’s not as worrisome to me as the derealization. For those not in the know, it righteously sucks to not only feel like you are not real, but to also feel like no one or nothing else is real either. It’s like that moment of sheer panic at the realization of an uncanny valley, only on chronic repeat. Anxiety has this uncanny (there’s that word again) ability to twist sedate, everyday things into monsters too horrific for Hollywood to capture.

        In short, I get where you’re coming from and if you’re anything like me, it helps to know other people know exactly where you’re coming from. Existence is lonely as hell, it helps to know we’re not the only ones suffering, if that makes any sense.

        • All of that describes my recent experiences almost exactly. It’s incredibly unsettling, particularly because I’d never experienced anything like this on this scale before. I’d developed a set of coping strategies over a painful, decades-long course of trial and error. This disorder has upended virtually all of them, because those strategies depended upon meaning I had constructed for myself, and without a sense of reality, I no longer have connection with that meaning.

          The way I’d put it is that I’ve been lost at sea. Getting the diagnosis was like getting GPS coordinates and directions back to shore. However, I still don’t have sight of the shore, nor do I feel I possess the strength to swim back to shore, and I have no idea where or how I’ll obtain it.

          Thanks, btw. If you’ve developed any coping strategies I’d be curious to hear of them. If you’d prefer to contact me privately, my profile website provides a few options for doing so, though I’d recommend informing me which you’ve used and when.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Take good care of yourself, honey.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      Yes. I thought I was handling this last year well by listening to music a lot and not tuning in to the news every day. But I kept creeping back to get more and more info; before I realized what I was doing, I went a little insane. I nearly abandoned the group of women I work with over the stupidest shit imaginable. I thought my meds weren’t working anymore and that the future was hopeless.

      But I talked it out with my friends. I took several days off from my iPad and walked the dogs more and read books for awhile. I recharged. All is well again. I’m ready for further punishment, and I know I can recharge when I have to.

      We’re living in interesting times, as they say. We still have power, as the recent elections have shown us. I have hope again. We’ll get our lovely country back. The Resistance is working.

    • proudgrampa

      You do have to turn it off sometimes or you WILL go crazy! To escape, I often re-read Agatha Christie novels. They help me relax.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Wah, wah, wah. Trump is president, the world is coming to an end and I can’t take life anymore.

      Oh yeah, try raising a daughter the best way you think is responsible, as a strong, reliant feminist type of woman, make career and major family life decisions based upon her future only to have her come to you one day, soon after graduating high school and say “Dad, can we talk? “*John* and I have been talking it over and we want to get married.”

      Trump is the least of my worries right now, as pitiful as he is. Well, he’s second on the list but somehow still isn’t close to the top.

      All snark aside, take care of yourself, Jack.

    • valgalky23

      Just got back from a weekend in the country hiking and hanging out at a friend’s glorious property and large beautiful cabin. Off the grid for 2 days. Ahhh, relief.

      Also too, the last several weeks I’ve been watching West Wing (my fav show of all time) again on Netflix. An episode here and there and a few late nights binge watching. In many ways, it’s mind blowing on so many levels looking back from 2017. At 2a.m. last night, I was wrapping up the episode (Two Cathedrals I think it was) where President Bartlett has just announced he has MS, Mrs. Landingham dies in a car accident by a drunk driver and President Bartlett cusses God out in Latin in the National Cathedral. That was some powerful shit there, Bartlett cussing God out in Latin and putting a cigarette out on the floor of the Nat. Cathedral….because he’s pissed. (Martin Sheen is all that) As we all know, later that evening he decides to run for a second term. That recharged my batteries in a big way.

      West Wing got me through the Bush years and I highly recommend revisiting it for escapism and therapy during these dark days.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVgK5HKj3P4

  • Nounverb911

    There’s a tweet for everything…
    (Check the date.)

    And now you’re doing it to the world, happy now?
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/278967557334134784

    • SDGeoff3

      That’s inspiring.

  • Ezio
    • SeeTrain65

      Making them living tributes to the “Which hand do you wipe your ass with?” joke.

    • phoenix00

      Prepare, my dear brothers and sisters, for a proliferation of…. skid marks.

      • SDGeoff3

        Check the seat before taking a spin on that gocart at Walmart.

        • phoenix00

          > Check the every seat before taking a spin on that gocart at Walmart.

          FTFY

          • SDGeoff3

            Whew! Thanks. I needed that. Good advice.

          • phoenix00

            Also: bring disinfectant. Lots.

    • Ricky Gay

      I fear many of them still use corn cobs, or nothing at all.
      (or printer paper, like our esteemed shitferbrain)

  • Mary Theresa
  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10100135738835545&set=a.533508148695.2037769.46403135&type=3

    This morning, I visited a quiet, out-of-the-way plot of Arlington National Cemetery known as Section 60. Being Veterans Day, the Cemetery was packed with tourists and volunteers, schoolchildren and general well-wishers. The crowds at Arlington’s main gate jostled shoulder-to-shoulder to see the Tomb of the Unknowns, or visit Kennedy’s Eternal Flame. Some had arms full of flags to plant, row by row, stone by stone.

    These aren’t the people you see at Section 60.

    Section 60 is a newer plot of Arlington National Cemetery, where most of the recent American casualties of war are laid to rest. I visit this plot because two men I knew were buried here, about eight rows apart. One of those men hardened me into a soldier; the other helped soften me into a leader.

    While visiting their graves, I met a lone man walking the stones at Section 60. Far away from cameras and fanfare, Defense Secretary James Mattis spent his Veterans Day with the recent fallen. I watched him listen patiently to stories from surviving friends and family members. An old man visiting his Marine son’s grave told Mattis that he was his boy’s hero; the Warrior Monk smiled sadly and said that the old man’s son was one of his.

    James Mattis is one of those living legends who transcends politics and ideology. His job is his life, and that job is the welfare of this country and its servicemembers. This Veterans Day, I send a special thanks to James Mattis, for not taking today off.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f81ca0e9416c51f7917bc0f1d267fa6cd377785383b9fb8f2c30cd92156b4c28.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      Beautiful.

      damned onions…

    • Ryan Denniston
      • SDGeoff3

        This is exemplary leadership. Not a hint of orange.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      How on earth does that man put up with Dampnuts?

      • CripesAmighty

        Probably duty. He realizes that he may be the final bulwark between idiocy and Armageddon.

        • Scrofula

          Praise jebus, Trump doesn’t know what button to press. Hopefully this guy doesn’t show him.

      • Phried Ω

        Please just keep us out of more war.

    • grindstone

      F’ing onion ninjas….

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Yes, Mr Whitford, that about sums them up: insane.

    • clubseal

      Is that Brad Whitford of Aerosmith fame?

    • phoenix00</