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Also, please write more time-loop stories. You can never have too many time-loop stories!

Listen: Dear ShitFerBrains has come unstuck in time. Or at least we’re still getting insane comments on a story from 2014. We’re actually sort of glad we don’t automatically close comments on old stories, because every once in a while, we find out that a story we’d mostly forgotten about still has a strange afterlife in the minds of kooks who are still pointing out to us that we got it all wrong and the Pope actually is at the head of a vast conspiracy involving child trafficking, Satanic ritual murder, and — why not? — the unholy goings-on at CERN’s Large Hadron Collider.

First off, some background: Back in March 2014, we wrote a piece debunking a story that briefly circulated among otherwise sane-ish people on Facebook, about a news release claiming Pope Francis had been charged with child trafficking by an international court. As it turned out, the “charges” were leveled by a Canadian conspiracy loon named Kevin Annett, a defrocked United Church of Canada priest, who made up his very own international court that he called “the International Tribunal into Crimes of Church and State” (ITCCS). It’s less a court than a blog that offers all sorts of interesting, baroque claims about the Pope, Queen Elizabeth, the Canadian government, and, as required by law, chemtrails. You can’t have a good conspiracy without chemtrails. We had a good laugh at the guy who calls his blog a “court,” and noted, via the wonderful smartass skeptics at RationalWiki, that finding Popes guilty of international crimes was old hat for Annett and his one-man judiciary:

Annett has “convicted” two consecutive Popes of genocide and child trafficking, issuing “international arrest warrants” for them. He has also issued a proclamation dissolving Canada. [link added — Dok Z]

And yet Canada persists in acting like it’s still a real nation.

This week, our comment moderation queue was alerted that someone had flagged a comment on the article, which frankly we hadn’t thought about in years. So we went to take a look and found that in the three and a half years since the story ran, it continued to garner angry rebuttals from people who wanted us to know exactly how wrong we were in dismissing the claims of some guy with a blog in ex-Canada, because obviously we’re in league with the Pope’s evil schemes and just blinding ourselves to reality. One of the milder examples, from sometime in 2014:

Perhaps this ITCCS is indeed a pseudo-organization. Regardless, no one can deny that pedophilia is rampant in the Catholic church and that this has been, and no doubt still is, covered up. That being the case, why would Doktor Zoom so patently dismiss the possibility of a Pope indulging in pedophilia? […]

I think the author needs to do a little bit more homework before he dismisses as absurd the possibility of sexual abuse in high places. I believe the appropriate description of the above article would be glib (to put it nicely).

What? A pedophilia scandal in the Catholic Church? The deuce you say! So obviously, since there have been real cases of the Church covering up for pedophile priests, it only makes sense to believe every single nutcase who says the Pope is kidnapping children and shipping them off to sex farms (but not the ones on Mars — those are run by Hillary Clinton, who’s a Methodist).

Then there was this comment from “Greensparks,” who did some research that showed us up for the liars we are:

I guess it’s not real because you say so.

This was accompanied by a link to a blog called “Child Abuse Recovery,” and with a title like that, it has to be reliable. Here’s the headline: “Pope Francis found guilty of child trafficking, rape, murder.” You guys all remember when Francis was arrested for that, right? Oh, but the article itself is pretty impressive too:

Yesterday defendants Pope Francis Bergoglio, Catholic Jesuit Superior General Adolfo Pachon and Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby were found guilty of rape, torture, murder and trafficking of children. Five judges of the International Common Law Court of Justice in Brussels determined that the crimes occurred as recently as 2010. Since last March over 48 eyewitnesses have come forward to testify before this ICLCJ Court about the defendants’ activities as members of the Ninth Circle Satanic Child Sacrifice Cult.

See! The International Common Law Court of Justice in Brussels is a totally different organization, at least until you google it and learn that, yes, it’s an imaginary court also made up by Kevin Annett, and has exactly as much authority as those “common law grand juries” that Sovereign Citizens make up to find American judges guilty of high crimes.

A more recent (two years ago) comment, by “Abbundantz” explains the only reason we haven’t heard more about the Pope’s conviction for murder and child trafficking is that the mainstream media is covering it up. Instead, we should seek out alternate news websites, which report what’s really going on. And who is Wonkette to casually dismiss all the evidence, huh?

While the ITCC [sic] may be a small group not yet widely recognized, their 5 judges heard 48 eyewitnesses to these crimes. If the ITCC is to be ignored, then at the very least this number of eyewitnesses clearly requires the respect of investigation and resolution.

Or perhaps the five judges and 48 eyewitnesses are entirely fictional, since they seem to exist only on websites that reprint stuff from the ITCCS website. Who knows, really? Probably the genius whose comment history explains that the “Khazarian Mafia-Zionists” run the media, asserts at least 70% of members of the US government are “pedos, or pedo set up,” and of course knows all about how the measles vaccine causes two kinds of cancer AND Parkinson’s. Also, yes, chemtrails.

Then there’s this, from “thunder-bear: courage,” who made a Disqus account just to post this solitary comment two years ago. Apparently we are right to be skeptical of Kevin Annett’s phony court, but our skepticism needs to go a little further. Or something:

You people are right man does not have the right to convene courts, only GOVERNMENT has that right. Man is a slave to the State. How dare these slaves try to convict the Emperor for wrongdoings. Man has no rights. The Empire has set up their LEGAL SYSTEM to keep the slaves in line. Slaves that believe LEGAL and lawful are the same thing. Just being sarcastic of course. If you don’t know what i meant when i said the Pope was the Emperor, then clearly you have not done any research into this subject and you are not qualified to comment on this post.

Well then. And here we thought we were an autonomous collective.

“Chris Sky” — also two years ago — really nailed us with this GOTCHA!

So in other words.. this article doesn’t not prove that he wasn’t charged.. its simply lie and propaganda, trying to discredit the sources that actually reported this! :D

good try, though.

He’s got us there. The Pope definitely was charged — and later found guilty — by a one-man international criminal court that also dissolved the government of Canada. Damn, and we thought we’d have been able to fool everyone.

Last year, “BamaGirl” let us know that we are really the WORST JOURNALIST EVER:

Thanks for wasting 3 minutes of my life. You call yourself a journalist? Damn, the pool of souless, sellout idiots willing to dance as their puppets must be getting small … because my 7-year old son writes better with his right-hand tied behind his back (yep he’s right-handed).

I’d actually LOVE to print your article & wipe my ass with it next time I shit, but that seems a little rough, plus you’re not worth the .001111 for the piece of paper (or ink for that matter). Plus, your writing is SOOOO bad, I wouldn’t even let it touch my ass.

Because I’ve already debited my kharma bank account enough I’ll end here. With THAT being said, you sound too “simple” to be spiritual, but if/when you learn about “kharma” – my guess is that in your next life, you’ll come back as toilet paper, since you’ve wasted so much paper (writing your CRAP) in this one.

What we take away from this is that “BamaGirl” really thinks about paper a whole lot. If it’s any comfort, we’re happy to let her know we write entirely on a computer, so we’re only murdering electrons, not wood pulp. Also, we sure hope “BamaGirl” isn’t actually tying her child’s right arm behind his back and making him write left-handed, since that’s the sort of child abuse only a dirty PAPIST would engage in.

We certainly couldn’t forget “POLAND,” who said “.Close this kidfkrs whole life >#” (all punctuation verbatim — it may be magic), and posted a video revealing… something.

No, nothing’s wrong with your computer — there really is no sound for half this thing, which frets about the Pope sending people to FEMA camps. In Europe, of course. It ends with a solemn warning:

Dear friends, ALL THINGS are being fulfilled. JESUS IS COMING SOON. Are you safe IN HIM?

Seems like a lot to read into a postmodern dance performance in a railway tunnel. We can only imagine what they’d think of Blue Man Group.

Just three months back, “truth teller” told us some truth about the (German Nazi inbred scum) Queen of England and her nefarious doings:

Annette isn’t the first or last to testify that there British ‘royals’ AKA German Nazi inbred scum, are corrupt, murderers & pedophiles. They’re heavily involved in the heroin & arms trade. They have huge influence over governments & media. To the point that, a princess can tell numerous people, write letters & record tapes saying that her husband is going to kill her in a staged car accident. She dies 2yrs later in the exact way she predicted & they were never even forced to testify in court. Yet these inbred trillionares, who hide their true wealth & pay zero tax. Want us to believe they have no power & they’re just decorative? You’d have to be an absolute idiot to believe that. Do I think these people could kidnap & kill poor & vulnerable kids? 100%. Countless survivors of child sex trafficking, from around the world have named British royals & other elites as being involved in this international ring.

Not a word about pizza, however, so we’ll assume this was a false flag disinformation message from a counterintelligence agent embedded in the Deep State.

“Eugene,” whose only other comment history is about Freemasons, offered this enigmatic message a month ago:

Shitty Marty Kelley, you’ve been hired.

Hmm. Well, yes, I’ve been working here about five years. Apparently I’m also working for… the Pope? The Freemasons? The Trilateral Commission? Damned if I know, but like George Soros, those bastards may run the world but they never send me a check. Since Yr Editrix’s checks actually clear, I can only assume that Rebecca secretly runs the world.

Finally, “Matt” dropped by the story just three days ago to offer this astute analysis, which goes right back to the start: There have been pedophile priests, therefore all claims that the Pope is running a worldwide child trafficking (and Satanic ritual murder) ring are of necessity credible. And the fact that no one takes Kevin Annett seriously is simply proof that he has to be telling truths that no one else is willing to acknowledge openly:

Why would a priest with clearly ‘radical’ opinions be defrocked? He only has peers who have been proven to be abusing children, and that his church actively protected them. Just because his organization isn’t recognized as credible, and it’s invocation is only met with ridicule for that matter — as if having an original thought in your life is blaspheme – doesn’t mean his point isn’t founded.

He has a grudge against a church we know is hiding things. Particularly rapist priests.

Excellent point! Or it might be, if Kevin Annett had been a defrocked Catholic priest; he was actually tossed out of the United Church of Canada, which is very much Protestant. But perhaps our thinking just isn’t original enough to see that a defrocked UCC priest is exactly the right guy to have the goods on the Pope o’ Rome. The real mystery? Virtually every other comment in “Matt’s” Disqus history is about video games. So he’s a guy with diverse interests and creative thoughts.

We look forward to coming back to this very Dear ShitFerBrains in two years to see what comments it’s collected. Now, Francis, where’s my damn money?

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