SHARE
Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore

Let’s briefly note the irony of Donny Bonespurs representing the United States in Vietnam on Veterans Day. He finally made it to Danang! AHEM.

This weekend, Putin got a chance to check in with his protégé at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Summit. A perfect opportunity to assure the old fool that he did too win all the votes in 2016. And Putin is only too happy to whisper sweet nothings in the orange presidential ear.

Then Trump obediently trotted off to tell reporters that he is THE LEGITIMATEST PRESIDENT EVER! Via Axios,

I just asked him again. He said he absolutely did not meddle in our election, he did not do what they are saying he did.

Right. And the Russian hack of the DNC, Russian attacks on voting machines in 39 states, deceptive Facebook ads paid for in rubles, and the conclusion of the NSA, ODNI, CIA and FBI that it was Russian hacking directed by Putin? Per CNN,

I mean, give me a break, they are political hacks. So you look at it, I mean, you have Brennan, you have Clapper and you have Comey. Comey is proven now to be a liar and he is proven now to be a leaker. So you look at that and you have President Putin very strongly, vehemently says he had nothing to do with them.

Got it. Career civil servants who served under Democratic and Republican administrations are all hacks, said the guy who hired Carter Page and George Papadopoulos.

So WHODUNIT?

[T]hat whole thing was set up by the Democrats. Look at Podesta, look at all the things that they have done with the phony dossier. Those are the big events.

Well, at least he didn’t call it The Dodgy Dossier. But this is entirely too stupid to argue about. It’s like climate change — the science is in, and people who choose not to believe aren’t going to be convinced by any evidence. And frankly, we’re all suffering from outrage fatigue right now.

To the extent there are tea leaves to be read in the reeking compost heap of Donald Trump’s ramblings, however, we should note that he’s got a brand new talking point: We can’t investigate Russian interference in the election because … North Korea.

If we had a relationship with Russia, that would be a good thing. In fact it would be a great thing, not a bad thing, because he could really help us on North Korea. We have a big problem with North Korea and China is helping us. And because of the lack of the relationship that we have with Russia, because of this artificial thing that’s happening with this Democratic-inspired thing. We could really be helped a lot with Russia having to do with North Korea. You know you are talking about millions and millions of lives. This isn’t baby stuff, this is the real deal. And if Russia helped us in addition to China, that problem would go away a lot faster.

So if Democrats don’t quit examining the hacks in 2016 and shoring up the electoral system against future attacks, Russia will have hurt feelings and go running into the arms of North Korea. And then millions of people will die, and it will be all John Podesta’s fault. It’s just so obvious!

Donald Trump routinely threatens to rain fire down from the sky on North Korea, resulting in the deaths of millions of South Koreans.

But if shit goes sideways and people get dead, we should all blame Hillary Clinton. Got it? Also, too, we have to kill the Mueller investigation in the interest of national security!

Look for this nonsense in constant rotation on the Fox propaganda network next week. Up is down, down is up, and if we secure our voting machines against Russian hacks, then the terrorists win!

[Axios / CNN]

Look, we’re working on finding you a nicetimes weekend story! Please put some money in the kitty to help our search!

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Upright Ape

    Cuz KGB officers are so famously honest. And have such soulful eyes.

  • Michael R
  • TundraGrifter

    So President Trump looked into Vlad’s eyes and saw the pureness of his soul and Vlad told him heck no, we’d never meddle in your elections so our President took the word of this stone cold killer and as soon as Mr. Mueller finds out Vlad said he didn’t do it he will pee on the fire and call in the dogs. Just like Eliot Ness did in Chicago when Al Capone told him all those rumors about murder and bootlegging and prostitution and loan sharking and blackmail and extortion were just scurrilous lies and Eliot said “Thanks, Al – we had you all wrong! Maybe we can take in a Cubs game together some time!” And Al said “Well, there’s a double-header next Thursday with the Redlegs is that good for you?” and Eliot said “Geez, I got this Grand Jury on Thursday – are you good for Friday?” Just like that – right?

    • tomamitai

      To continue your Capone analogy, maybe Donnie’s incoherent blathering is evidence of the early stages of syphilitic dementia? It would be irresponsible not to speculate!

  • Oneofthebobs

    This all reminds me of the conspiracy by JFK to have himself assasinated.

  • Daniel

    Just a reminder- this is from the President who told Alex Jones that he does very good work.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He has the best memory, but “could not recall” 35 times in one deposition.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    So Barack Obama produces his birth certificate and birth announcement and you call him a liar. But Vlad says “Oh, no Comrade Donald. I would never do such a thing as hack the capitalist dog election system.” and it’s case closed?

    Has the syphilis eaten all of your brain?

    • C4TWOMAN

      What brain?

    • schmannity

      The pussygrabbing center is still intact.

  • Michael R
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Jon Snow knows more than Donald Jackass Trump, and Jon Snow knows nothing.

    • Joe Beese

      That’s what I’ve heard.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

    And on that note, I’m off to phone bank and post card for Doug Jones.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Or maybe this rambling and incoherent conversation was entirely in Dotard’s Swiss cheese brain?
    https://twitter.com/tedlieu/status/929400818473644032?s=17

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    So, Donnie looked into Putin’s eyes and saw his soul? Dubya’s gonna be so jealous.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Putin: (To Trump, through interpreter) “President Trump, I am trying to learn English. My instructor may give me words to use in a sentence, and I will practice my English with you. I hope you will help me in this endeavour.”
    “Of course, President Putin. I’ll be happy to help.”
    They converse through their interpreters for a few minutes. Then Putin’s English instructor passes him a note: “Use the word ‘dictate’ in a sentence.” Putin thinks for a moment, and then speaks to Trump in halting English:
    “Donald, how does my dictate?”

  • calliecallie

    Trump is in Vietnam questioning the findings of the US Intelligence community. That didn’t go so well when Jane Fonda tried it.

    • weejee

      He should go to Cu Chi and get his fat ass stuck in one of those tunnels.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Oh, that’s gonna leave a mark.

    • Joe Beese

      Right-tards still call her “Hanoi Jane”. 50 years later.

      Just in case you’re wondering if they’ll get over Hillary someday.

      • tomamitai

        Right wingers went from calling Dr. King the “N” word to misclaiming him as one of their own in less than fifty years, so maybe Hillary has a chance?

        • Khavrinen

          Yeah, but at least Dr. King wasn’t one of those untrustworthy vagina-have-ers.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        In anti-Hillary-ism I detect subtle notes of Hanoi Jane-ism. Sometimes I think 2016 was, in part, a long-delayed “so there!” to Jane Fonda.

    • Johnnymoreno

      For Veterans Day.

  • Photo caption: Slide your hand down a little further, my orange stooge.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Oh god, the Drumpf pose in that photo is so stomach turning. Subservient while being patronizing and condescending. It’s a total Eddie Haskel posture.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        I didn’t think of that before, but you are right. He’s Eddie Haskel.

  • OutOfOrbit

    i’m not wearing pants in front of nobody … just so yuh know

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      tmi

      • OutOfOrbit

        diddo

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          At least there isn’t an ‘l’ in it…

  • schmannity

    It finally hit me: there are no pee tapes, but Trump does star in the nastiest bukkake video this side of St. Petersburg.

    • Shanzgood

      That’s a thing I wish I didn’t know.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    In other words, Democrats are weak on defense (old talking point). But here in Bizarro World, it’s because we’re too hard on the Russians.

    Scuze me going to go drink turpentine now.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If only Obama had urged all Americans NOT to drink turpentine, Hillary would have won in a popular and electoral landslide.

    • weejee

      You should listen instead. Much better than drinking.

  • mancityRed6

    please tell me they didn’t call each other up the night before “what are you wearing? I’ll wear one too!” kind of thing.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    This has been an interesting week for conservatives and defendant’s rights. Taking Putin at his word, Taking Moore at his word…

    • OutOfOrbit

      someday somehow, this will all come to an end

      • gallbladder

        It’s the “somehow” that has me a little concerned…

        • OutOfOrbit

          ik,r?

      • Dudleydidwrong

        You mean like buttsechs?

        • OutOfOrbit

          donut say that. donut even think it

    • Khavrinen

      Isn’t it an interesting coincidence how everything someone on his side says is “obviously” true, and all of his opponents happen to be complete liars?

  • Anna Rompage

    And in other news today….

    A sex toy company has admitted its vibrators have been secretly recording users’ intimate sessions.

    Lovense blames ‘software bug’ after users discover intimate audio recordings stored without their knowledge

    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/lovense-vibrators-sex-toys-secretly-recorded-intimate-sessions-reddit-a8050066.html

    • OutOfOrbit

      they have a camera inside?!

    • OutOfOrbit

      oh oh hey hey, are yuh hitched yet? this is the BIG DAY to go into harness, right?

      • Anna Rompage

        Yes it is!

        5 hours and counting!

        I’ve got about 20 min before I have to jump in the shower, and start the preparations!

        • OutOfOrbit

          break a leg!

          • Anna Rompage

            Thank you!

          • OutOfOrbit

            : )

        • shivaskeeper

          Very good.

        • Shanzgood

          Congratulations!

        • ziggywiggy

          Congrats! It’s a nice day to start again… https://youtu.be/AAZQaYKZMTI

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          Congratulations!!!

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

      • TJ Barke

        Lot’s of splorchy noises, also, too.

    • natoslug

      Silly question, probably, but why would the vibrator have a recording device in it in the first place?

      • Joe Beese

        “Alexa, make me cum.”

        • natoslug

          “Okay, here are songs by Korn.” Alexa is a really shitty listener, at least in my house. And she refuses to replay our sex sounds.

          • ziggywiggy

            Freak on a Leash or A.D.I.D.A.S.?

        • jowgajen

          “It sounds like you are asking about Donald Trump, here is today’s news …”

          “Oh God, NO!!! ALEXA!!!STOP!!!!”

        • Ricky Gay

          Hahahaha!
          Alexa: “Okay, President Trump has been impeached and is headed to prison.”

      • Anna Rompage

        Yeah, that part is unclear to me.

        The vibrator is controlled by a smart phone, so I’m guessing when you activate the app, the mic on the phone records you

        • natoslug

          Okay, that makes sense, sort of. Although if you’re going to have an app-controlled vibrator, I’d think it would be for remote use. Let a partner randomly activate it during the day (assuming this is an insertable?).

          • Anna Rompage

            It runs off of Bluetooth, so the range is likely 30’ or so…

          • natoslug

            Well that’s disappointing. This is a clear case of a gap in IoT technologies!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Great, so now people are staring at their phones while having sex now?

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        If the body of the thing picked up the vibrations from the sound, you might be able to recover the sound from measuring changes in the current driving the motor. Perhaps it was Kellyanne’s dildo that is spying on her instead of her microwave.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Schrodinger’s dildo both records you and doesn’t.

        • natoslug

          I can’t imagine Kellyanne pleasuring herself. Not with anything less powerful than a jackhammer, at least.

          • puredog

            Pleasuring Kellyanne with a jackhammer sounds like a textbook example of something that would have to be done with votes.

    • Joe Beese

      Maybe they were counting on people being too embarrassed to join a class action suit.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I thought that was news months ago. They’re still at it?

    • Are they expensive? I was planning on buying a trail camera to photograph critters at work, and one of these vibrators might be a cheaper option.

      On second thought, wouldn’t want to create a rattlesnake panic…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Something something innuendo.

    • Covfefe

      But who installed them bugs? FSB or NSA?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        This has Putin written all over it. In semen.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      In reaction, a Man Going His Own Way known only by the handle “Hairypalms” announced that the MGTOW movement has been officially renamed MCTOWAOTI (Men Coming Their Own Way All Over the Internet.)

      “We are pleased that our rutting, nutting and splooging has become available to anybody with an AOL account and a public library card. We would, however, appreciate it if Lovense would correct the software bug that causes Blonde Monica (Model 328-A) to say things like, “It’s not very big, is it?” and “Did you cum or sneeze?”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Laugh if you must, but my buttplugcam detected those precancerous polyps before they became a real problem.

  • gallbladder

    Alternate Trump: “See, even Manson sez I’m a good guy, losers! Sad.”

  • Mavenmaven

    He loves Putin and Xi so much that he’s surrendered world leadership to them.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Donnie still hasn’t figured out someone can’t be a liar AND a leaker in the same incident, I see….

  • yyyaz

    That Pooty Pie did not collapse in convulsive laughter makes him a better man than I.

  • TJ Barke

    Maybe the fact that there’s one person that Trump won’t criticize merits closer scrutiny.

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    Of course Vlad didn’t interfere. He has people to do that for him.

  • SayItWithWookies

    So — we should stop all this coalition-building, and just get China and Russia to help us with North Korea? And maybe a few other countries too, like Japan and some of the other Asia-Pacifc nations, and maybe Pakistan, which used to engage in commerce with NK. As long as we don’t resort to the failed policies of the past.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Other true Putin promises to Trump:
    a) The check’s in the mail.
    b) He’ll respect Trump in the morning.
    c) Scout’s honor, no spunk in the face this time.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Wow. That’s some helluva economic anxiety, Middle America.

  • Nounverb911

    “IT’S NEVER MY FAULT.”
    –DJT

    • Daniel

      The buck stops elsewhere.

      • Nounverb911

        Truman?

        • Daniel

          Untruman.

          • LaChatSayWha

            Inhuman.

  • Michael R

    Is Trump Russia’s puppet or China’s ?
    Or is it whoever flattered him last ?

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      This has never been more appropriate:

      AOT,K.

  • BloviateMe

    We must have collectively been grade A pricks in our prior lives. This is all so maddening. How is this OK?

    If it weren’t for alcohol, well…

    • bewareofme

      Be careful with the booze. You see what happened to the Russians. The potato tonic only subdued them into acquiescence.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Who wrapped that pile of elephant shit in a blue tablecloth?

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      Elephant shit LIBLEZ!!!!!111!!!1!!

  • Shanzgood

    Speaking of Podesta, I made risotto last night. I’ve never had it before do I don’t know if I did it right. But it tasted good (butternut squash and sage, Parmesan and pepitas)) and everyone ate it up.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      Those are four of the best things to put in risotto.

      • Shanzgood

        I’m not fond of sage so I used less than the recipe called for. The kids were glad about that as well because they don’t like it either.

        It took me a ridiculous amount of time to “finely dice” two onions, though. I’m really terrible at it. But I’m a champ with the garlic press.

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          I’m particularly intrigued by the pepitas. I’ve never tried that, but I’m certainly going to.

          • Shanzgood

            They are very tasty. I made a quinoa and arugula salad the other night with a balsamic vinaigrette/honey dressing and put pepitas, craisins, and feta on it. That was good as well. My son isn’t keen on the no-meat factor but he’s hungry enough to eat what I make.

          • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

            Yum!

            We’ve been a meatless household for 27 years, and we’ve never felt like we’re missing anything.

            Alas: Mr. Sedagive will eat almost anything, but he can’t stand quinoa.

          • Shanzgood

            I’ve only had it a few times but I would like to figure out other stuff to do with it. It’s very nutritious and I worry about the vegetarian girls in my house so I’m trying to give them more reasons NOT to eat Ramen or random cans of corn.

          • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

            Legumes are such a great source of protein. Wheat gluten has been so demonized that you’d think it was poisonous, but we eat it all the time, and we’re fit as fiddles.

            Real ramen yes. Instant ramen is the devil.

          • Shanzgood

            It’s the flavor packet that literally makes me sick. MSG and I do not go together.

          • Werewolf

            I’d maybe use pignoli instead of pepitas in a risotto, but the pepitas sound good, too.

          • Shanzgood

            They weren’t IN it, they were ON it. If that makes any difference?

        • puredog

          You should wander around YouTube looking for instructions on how to dice an onion. If you have a sharp knife, once you learn the approach, it’s easy peasy (though the horizontal cuts — assuning they are necessary — demand caution).

          • Shanzgood

            I know. I’m just a klutz I guess and the onions always slip around.

      • DrBigHead

        I would go with mushrooms. Preferably morels.

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          Agreed: mushrooms are the very best thing to put in risotto.

          • Shanzgood

            When in the process would you put the mushrooms in? I hate when they’re all rubbery and overcooked.

          • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

            Actually, I’ve never cooked mushroom risotto; it’s what I order when I see it on a menu (when someone else is doing the cooking).

            I have a weird thing with mushrooms.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Risotto is one of my favorite ways ever to repurpose leftovers. Once you have the basics down, the world is your oyster. Or canned clam, whateves.

      • calliecallie

        MONSTER!

      • hudson

        i love all ways to repurpose left overs. missus cooks in batches, and by the weekend i’m so sick of them, that when i cook, i’m constantly looking for ways to get rid of them in a polite way.

        I’m also always on the lookout for ways to get rid of weird veggies, especially frozen ones.

        what i have discovered so far, most veggies can be repurposed in a gravy of roasted nuts and pulses (some of them at-least). nobody will know the difference and you can clean up the fridge real fast.

    • JerryRich

      The original reason I bought a pressure cooker was to make risotto without having to stand over the pot for 30 minutes adding broth.

      • Shanzgood

        I didn’t actually mind that part. It didn’t take as long as chopping those frikkin onions.

    • hudson

      this is supposed to a cooking blog on the side. where is the cooker-in-chief? The cooker-in-chief had great real practical ideas.

      remember when the open thread used to be the recipe thread? these days we can’t seem to get an open thread unless a major scandal has erupted.

      • Shanzgood

        Pinkham’s Law usually did those but he’s kind of on hiatus for now.

    • hudson

      thanks ya. i’m on cooking duty tonight. let me try this.

      • Shanzgood

        I have a link to the recipe if you want. I’m useless without recipes.

        • hudson

          please do send. i figured i don’t all ingredients for tomight. but will try it again tomorrow. i’m on duty till tuesday night.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    He’s going to JAIL! He’s going to JAIL!!

    https://twitter.com/lrozen/status/929173338576089088

    • C4TWOMAN

      That’s the open Nazi, right?
      *does cartwheels*

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I wonder who will be emptying his trash can in prison?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I suspect that Stephen Miller and Carter Page are identical twins, one taken away from the mother to be raised by wolves, the other taken away to be raised in an antiseptic environment by robots. It explains a lot, I think.

      • Daniel

        No, Stephen Miller was written by Evil Wes Anderson.

      • Indeniable Ron

        Wolves act far more human (and humane) than either Miller or Page.

  • Nounverb911
  • WiscoJoe

    This whole Russian thing is such a hoax. Just think about it. Putin is just the patsy. Clearly the Shillary Democrats and Deep State Globalists conspired to elect Donald Trump just so they could make him look bad. Makes total sense!!!! //

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    I am having political feelings that I cannot quite define.

    Something encompassing rage, disbelief and the fight-or-flight response.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      100 proof alcohol at once.

  • Count Awesome

    Did Trump bring along his own personal Vietnam?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Syphilis?

    • Nounverb911

      I’m sure some of Putin’s ‘friends’ can give him an STD if he wants one….

      • Msgr_MΩment

        …or five…

  • davefromoregon

    i am really fed up with tiny hands. Was it really that scary to have a brilliant woman in the job?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      She didn’t smile enough. True mark of an untrustworthy vagina-haver.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        SHRILL!

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          EMAILS!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            PANTSUITS!

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            SICK!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            WARHAWK!

          • natoslug

            BENJAMIN GHAZI!

          • bubbuhh

            Trump wears lots uv pantsuits. He even wore HRC’s purple pantssuit in Vietnam

        • JerryRich

          My favorite was always “inauthentic”.

          Edit: Sorry, “INAUTHENTIC!”

        • Msgr_MΩment

          SPENDS TOO LONG IN THE BATHROOM!

        • schmannity

          BILL’S PENIS!

        • Naytch

          OVER-PREPARED!!

    • TJ Barke

      Let’s not forget that it was a woman subject to nearly 30 years of character assassination.

    • jodyleek

      The blatant misogyny in this past presidential election is the thing that really, really gets me. And not the misogyny from men, which I unfortunately expect, but from women. We have not come a long way, baby.

      • james crubb

        In Australia we briefly had a woman leader. “Ditch the witch” was a thing.
        Some Nazi said make the lie so big for success.

      • Red Bird

        Yes. I think there was a lot, a lot, a lot, of crabs in a barrel mentality that pushed the white women over the edge to vote for Trump. As Hillary said in a recent interview, they chose their race over their gender. It had nothing to do with economic anxiety.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Wilson:
    “It sounds less like the end of a diplomatic trip and more like a plea for asylum.”
    //twitter.com/TheRickWilson/status/929346196346490885

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Is Turnip trying for an insanity defense?

  • Nounverb911
    • Indeniable Ron

      Disappointing, yes. Surprising, not for a second.

  • Khavrinen

    “And then millions of people will die, and it will be all John Podesta’s fault. It’s just so obvious!”

    Wow! I had no idea that risotto was so dangerous!!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Risotto has been the downfall of many a cheftestant on “Top Chef”.

      Approach with caution!

      • wait! what?

        …and don’t get me started on broken butter…

    • ManchuCandidate

      Diabeetus 2.

      • wait! what?

        I hear their deep state is a coma.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    I’ll say it again, because it’s the only thing anybody absolutely needs to know about this shit. Putin’s first, last, and only goal in ratfucking the race was (Russian) domestic propaganda. He succeed admirably.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I think he hoped to get US sanctions lifted or relaxed, and probably also to have policies and regulations changed in a way that would make it easier for him to launder money. But he also realized that their was no downside for him. No matter what happened, Russian interference in the election would weaken, damage and destabilize the United States and it’s democratic institutions. And he was obviously right about that.

      • Claire

        Yeah, getting the Magnitsky Act repealed was clearly pretty high on his priority list.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        I think he hoped to get US sanctions lifted or relaxed

        Putin’s owners may be that stupid, but he most certainly is not. The real purpose of Trump (for Putin) is to confirm every terrible stereotype of Americans in order to make Putin’s leadership inevitable. To the Russian man in the street, he now looks like the only person capable of keeping America divided and bamboozled enough to prevent it from acting against Russian interests. Deep down, the average Russian still believes that if America ever really gets its shit together, the first item on the agenda is making Russia the 51st state of the union.

        • LaChatSayWha

          This is spot on. His continuing humiliation of the US is an enormous win for him domestically. Even for the Russians who oppose him, the idea of America as an ally who stood up for democracy and who would support their resistance against autocracy, is dead.

          • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

            Trust me, I am a First Generation Russian, I know. Pussy Riot came on Larry O’Donnell and said as much.

          • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

            What an excellent, multidimensional nick by the way

  • Flashman

    Aaaannnnd, with that, the Republicans will call for a manhunt for the 300-pound guy in his mom’s basement in New Jersey.

    • Nounverb911

      Chris Christie?

      • Raan

        DAMN IT

      • puredog

        Chris wishes he were 300#

  • Angela Ruzzo

    The reason why we don’t have a good relationship with Russia is PUTIN, you orange moron. He doesn’t want one. He hates and fears the US. This is widely known among people with brains. Do you think he will tell you this to your face? He isn’t like you, Tweeting every fart.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “US President in ‘quarter-witted buffoon’ shocker!”

    • Rick Hill

      But…but…great negotiator! Best dealmaker!

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      tRump is a senescent windbag.

    • miss_grundy

      He did not want Hillz to be president because he knew she couldn’t stand him and knew what he was all about since she served as a senator and secretary of state. Why do you think he helped you win an election, Dotard. He knew all he had to say is something nice about you and you would be eating out of his hand. Traitor!

  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      MONSTROUS!

      • puredog

        something something geoduck something something

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “I did not have sexual relations with that bivalve mollusc!”

    • bubbuhh

      Roy Moore wishes he fucked clams.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I would imagine that with clams, No means “OMG, JEEZUSSSS!! YOU JUST SLICED OFF MY PENIS WITH YOUR SHELLS!!!”

        • wait! what?

          He likes the virgin ones. No pearl, no peeen.

    • wait! what?

      He likes his underage dates without muscles?

      • Doug Langley

        Without mussels.

        • wait! what?

          Damn it!

          #homonymerror

    • SisterArtemis

      Monsters, one and all

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The comments are wonket-worthy.
      “Well, he is a child-mollusker”.

    • miss_grundy

      I wonder if the individual who wrote this headline was educated in a DeVos charter school?

    • Doug Langley

      And I thought doing it with a goat was perverted.

    • Captain Kraut

      Is there only one party in Alabama?

      We’ve tried that twice in the last century, guys, that always ends in tears.

    • james crubb

      Well he is a shell of a man.

    • Querolous
  • Oginikwe

    That Axios article left out an important part of shitgibbon’s tirade:
    “I mean, give me a break, they are political hacks,” Trump said. “So you look at it, I mean, you have Brennan, you have Clapper and you have Comey. Comey is proven now to be a liar and he is proven now to be a leaker. So you look at that and you have President Putin very strongly, vehemently says he had nothing to do with them.”

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/11/politics/president-donald-trump-vladimir-putin-election-meddling/index.html

  • bubbuhh

    KGB iz Rooshun fer Boy Scoutz.

  • calliecallie

    Between Trump and Roy Moore I just cannot look at the internet any more today. I am going to vacuum and then make a roasted pork loin with apples and potatoes.

    • wait! what?

      We’d appreciate it if you could vacuum the Internet a little, too.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        There is a lot of dust collecting in all these tubes.

      • Ducksworthy

        I’m spraying my part of it with Lysol.

  • ManchuCandidate

    You gonna trust a man who has fucked with everyone who opposed him and is leader of a fucked up nation or Dictator and rw pinup Putin?

    • Indeniable Ron

      I feel like this is a trick question.

  • Rick Hill

    Well, then. I guess we can tell Mueller he can go home now and spend his time doing something constructive like cleaning out his garage.

    • Ducksworthy

      So he doesn’t have to kill anybody.

  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    Loomisrhea of the day:

    And that’s why I was very happy to see activists interrupt Ralph Northam’s victory speech to harass him over his ridiculous pandering on sanctuary cities.

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/11/democrats-never-compromise-race

    Er, I thought Virginia doesn’t have sanctuary cities?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Heckling the guy as he celebrates upsetting and totally embarrassing your candidate and party?
      Adventures in Meaningless Masturbation, Episode 452.

      • wait! what?

        …written by Lewis C.K.

    • John Thorstensen

      Nader & Stein 2020!

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      I am confused about which face. The one he was wearing or the one he was using as a napkin?

    • BloviateMe

      Why did Dahmer keep a blender on his porch?

      He liked to greet everyone with a hand shake.

      hand shake, Coral.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b63b8153a53c2dedd4b22d407a0d2bce4e36b6ee21d5d5740dd894f1c6b986b8.jpg

      • Count Awesome

        Jeffrey Dahmer’s mom: “Jeffrey, I don’t like your friends.”
        Jeffrey Dahmer: “Shut up and eat your vegetables, ma.”

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      His old apartment is for rent. Roommate included (may require some assembly).

  • Nounverb911

    So she’s currently accepting ‘gratuities’ from outside person for the privilege of running in Moore’s spot

    https://twitter.com/alanblinder/status/929411250307715073

  • wait! what?
    • Count Awesome

      The plane must have landed to a big “Mission Accomplished” sign.

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald must have been flattered when Vlad closed with a ‘believe me’ in English.

    • rocktonsam

      What’s Russian for “What time do the pee hookers get here?”

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    We must be living in an alternate universe, right? Tell me this isn’t happening.

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    On top of everything else he’s such a fucking slob.

    This is what happens when you don’t cast a proper British man as the villain.

    • wait! what?

      Not many villains can kill you with cholesterol and toxic body paint, though.

      #putinhenchman
      #agentorange

  • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

    Trump is too easily persuaded by parades, power, flattery and bling for me to trust any “deals” he makes.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      The fact that he wanted a goddamn soviet-style military parade at his inauguration tells you everything you need to know about him.

    • miss_grundy

      His idea of “the art of the deal” is scamming people out of their money. Or in his case, overpaying for a property, like the Plaza Hotel, and then dumping it for less and then calling it “winning”.

  • miss_grundy

    I am so looking forward to the day when Mr. Mueller points the smoking gun at Dotard and brings in an indictment so that he will either have to surrender at a federal courthouse or will be taken in handcuffs out of the White House, kicking and screaming. (Because you know he will!) On that day, I hope someone accidentally, on purpose gives him the kind of slapping that he has never gotten in his life. And if he ends up in prison for the rest of his life, along with the rest of his cohorts, that will be the icing on the cake. I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone could have voted for this man when he has spent his entire life having his activities covered by the press, gossip columnists and celebrity magazines. Back home in NYC, we knew he was a POS. Why didn’t the rest of you?

    • schmannity

      But he was a brilliant, self-made billionaire, born a poor black child in a Queens log cabin.

      • amrak63

        And then one day he heard his first Mantovani record, and realized: “This is who I am. These are my people.”

        So he decided to become white.

        He had his cock shortened (oops, overdid it!). ;)

        • StrangerCaptainHowdy

          They did, indeed.

      • OrG

        The Jerk libelz!

    • amrak63

      Actually, I suspect he got slapped quite often in his life, by his old man, and perhaps his mother as well, and that this goes a long way toward explaining why he is such an egregious asshole now.

      • rocktonsam

        I ‘m sure as hell positive no other child other than him deserved to be slapped. Fucker probably enjoyed them slapping.
        I am against any physical punishment on any child.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      ALL the rural white working class people I know say they voted for him because he is a “good businessman, and we need that in the White House. Also, he’s not a politician, and we don’t trust politicians.”

      But see, they wouldn’t know a “good businessman” if they ran over one with their pickup trucks. A good businessman he ain’t, but they don’t know that. They also have NO IDEA how our government actually works. They are inexperienced, untraveled, uneducated people who can’t grasp the fact that important, powerful people would ever lie to them. Some of them believe the National Enquirer tells the truth, because “They couldn’t print that stuff if it wasn’t true, could they?” You could sell these people an ocean-front timeshare in the Gobi desert, and Trump knows that, so that’s what he did.

      What we’re seeing is “Barnum and Bailey Government” – “There’s a sucker born every day.”

      • Phried Ω

        I’ve hear the median income of his voters was $70k. These people chose to ignore the negative evidence laid before them and believe Hillary was worse. This was entirely willful on their part. I believe most of his votes were by people who simply voted the ticket straight down the ballot and ignored that they could pick and choose. Frankly, that is how I vote only in the opposite column.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          If the median income was $70K, that would probably be for a working couple. Example, my one neighbor is a manager at Auto Zone and makes $40,000, his wife is a manager at IHOP and makes $30,000, but they have a mortgage, 2 car payments, a truck payment, a motorcycle payment, two teenage children, and owe $20,000 on credit cards. Another neighbor trimmed trees for the Electric Coop and made $35,000 as a crew manager, his wife worked as a manager at the Wonder Bread Outlet Store and made $25,000. They had a $1600/mo mortgage and 2 car payments and owed $15,000 on credit cards. Then the wife died of cancer and he couldn’t make the mortgage payments without her income and was clueless because they did not have a single penny in savings or any life insurance, so he lost the house to foreclosure and her car was repossessed. These are people who live one day at a time, never plan ahead, don’t understand paperwork, and can easily be bamboozled by realtors, lawyers, bankers and politicians. They never, ever read a book or researched anything. They all went to church every Sunday and believed whatever the preacher told them. They all voted for Trump because they believed he would “drain the swamp” and apply good business principles to the government. Hillary is a crook and they just DO NOT LIKE HER. They NEVER liked her because she is an intellectual elitist and they don’t trust intellectual elitists. You can NOT shake them of these beliefs.

          It is absolutely true that Trump could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and his supporters would still vote for him. My neighbors would be sure that he had a very good reason for shooting someone on 5th Avenue, or else it would be FAKE NEWS. It would not change their mind one iota.

          • Phried Ω

            Thanks. It never occurred to me that the 70k figure might be household income.

          • Naytch

            And living day by day, paycheck to paycheck ensures you keep your head down and just glance at headlines if you try to follow the news at all.

          • idiotboy

            Yes.
            Especially the debt situation. Many of these people lost everything during the reccession with most of the foreclosures, repossessions, and bankruptcies occurring during Obamas term because these things take time.
            Therefore it was the black guy and democrats fault, not the inability to read “after three years the interest will expand to 23%”

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It was the 105% mortgage loans for unqualified borrowers that did most people in. I sold my house in St. Louis in 2005 for $120,000, the young couple that bought it were 22 and 26 years old, not married, expecting a baby, he worked as an auto mechanic, she worked part-time as a hairstylist, they put no money down and financed the closing costs. Whatever banker gave them that loan should be taken out and shot. Naturally that banker sold that loan immediately and made a pile off of it, but the couple lost the house as soon as he lost his job in 2009. By then they had 2 children and two new car loans (so OK, they were stupid too).

    • leemoder

      He’s never had the honor of Red Forman taking him out back and cleaning his clock for him. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a38ed25d88e5b2082564eafa5d733864b08821d3a0561958b0015f767d02bb43.jpg

  • Garbageman

    I’m also fascinated by a Russian news account that says, basically, that when they met, the subject never came up. . . . So, if that’s true, Trump is not only lying about the Russian election meddling, he’s also making up Putin’s denial . . .

    • the_steamer

      It’s a conundrum isn’t it? You can believe the Russian propaganda network claiming it didn’t come up at all because we know Trump lies at least once per speech. Then again it’s not like Russia can be believed in the first place. So where is the truth? Knowing everyone involved lies, What probably happened is Putin and Trump discussed how to turn a NK “crisis” into a 2018/20 victory with the help of Putin’s trolls and hackers.

      • Doug Langley

        Harry Mudd: “I am lying . . .”

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It’s like the joke about the Truthful Whitefeet and the Lying Blackfeet. How do you know which of them is telling you the truth? Except in this case you have Lying Whitefeet.

        • Teecha

          If I was to ask you to tell me what he would say if I asked him whether the Russians interfered with the election, what would you say he’d say?

          Except that only works if one always lies but the other tells the truth.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Correct. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what he would say, because he would forget he said it tomorrow and deny it.

      • LaChatSayWha

        They did what they always do. Putin and RT knew Dumpy would lie, so they immediately release a statement claiming the opposite of what he spewed from his mouthanus. They do this every time. And it can’t be very difficult —as an opponent, he’s a ridiculously easy to play.

        For the KGB/Russians, it’s a victory. Sow chaos, destroy the truth & weaken the US as a global player. Profit.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I’m half convinced at this point that the guy would burst into flames if anything factually correct passed his lips.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Quite a few people would burst into flames if he ever did that, some of whom might be in the same room.

        • Carrie

          Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
          On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !dm272d:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsAcademyWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!dm272lhhhhh

        • Susan

          Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
          On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !fq272d:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsWayWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!fq272lh

      • CB

        “the guy would burst into flames if anything factually correct passed his lips.”

        It happened once!

        …when he said he believes White supremacists are “fine people”.

        It’s literally the only time I’ve been sure he meant what he said…

        • HogeyeGrex

          Nah. Pretty sure he has utter contempt for them as well. They’re the Great Unwashed as far as he’s concerned. People to con. The racism he’s okay with, but not being billionaires is unforgivable.

  • mt2099
  • Indeniable Ron

    Russian help with North Korea, hmm?
    During the Korean War, the DPRK had Russian guns, Russian rocket launchers, Russian tanks and Russian aircraft. I really don’t think we need that sort of ‘help’ any more.

  • rocktonsam

    Who told him “meddle” was a word?

    • Doug Langley

      Scooby Do?

    • OrG

      Pink Floyd of course.

      • SeeTrain65

        You know “Ummagumma” is coming next.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    He said he absolutely did not meddle in our election…….Putin thought he said “meddle with my erection”

  • Joshua Norton

    Our story so far:

    Obama will go down as one of our better presidents.

    Trump will go down on Putin.

    • Red Bird

      If he hasn’t already.

    • james crubb

      Yeah, Trump is good bj’er , look at Puty’s smile.

  • OrG

    Hey dipshit,pooty is LYING TO YOU.

  • Kryptonian Canis

    Damn, is he making that face again in the photo, just like that time at the G-20?
    Melania needs to get herself a man who looks at her the way Trump looks at Putin.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      It really is pornographic the way he looks at Putin. Except Trump isn’t faking it.

  • Persistent Demme

    But did Trump look into his eyes?
    “I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy,” Bush said in remarks he later regretted. “. . . I was able to get a sense of his soul.”

    Idiots.

  • Baconzgood

    Is it just me or don’t you think the president of the United states trusts the leader of Russia at his word vs. The intelligence community of his own country as an odd thing?

    • ((( Augustus )))

      Yeah, it’s not good buddy

  • fawkedifiknow

    I’m starting to think tha Republicans set up a purpose diversion with their Senator Pedophile scandal just to take our attention away from that orange moron’s trip to Asia.

    • StrangerCaptainHowdy

      What will they think of to distract from the Orange Moron’s Asia Trip Pedophile Scandal starting in 3, 2, 1 . . . ?

  • jodyleek

    Does anyone know why Turnip and Putin are wearing the same shirt in the pic above? It’s like Dr Evil and not so mini-me for god’s sake. Fucking creepy.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie
      • H0mer0

        one of my Karate classmates who was a prior Secret Service agent who worked with Dubya and Clinton, told me about Dubya’s not wanting to wear the smock in 2011 but they prevailed upon him that it was a tradition that he needed to follow. As they rode the elevator down, my friend smirked at Dubya, resulting in Dubya threatening to kick the ass of the next guy who he caught looking at him like that.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      World leaders often wear matching outfits when they gather for some sort of conference. Apparently they think it’s great fun.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Sort of a tradition, started by Bill Clinton in 1993 when the US hosted the conference. And further explained, with a dash of comedy, by Vanity Fair: “If Trump were as clever about optics as he claims to be, he would have seen this coming: an American president—dogged by allegations of collusion with the Russian government—standing next to the Russian president, looking for all the world like they‘re wearing matching pajamas and about to sleep next to each other in twin beds, Bert and Ernie style. Sure, they’re in a large group, and not even the only ones wearing the same shirt. But the Internet is a place where images can be made to do crazy things like, say, show Trump’s golf ball hitting Hillary Clinton. For some corners of GIF-happy Twitter, this pajama-party photo is the start of something beautiful.

      https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2017/11/trump-putin-matching-shirts

      • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

        Awaiting said GIFs with great glee!

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • CripesAmighty

      The United States government is being run out of the backroom at Stinky’s Pool Hall.

  • CripesAmighty

    “Hey, Boys, Barney here, what dint’ buy no um, ‘supplemental insurance’ what we wuz so kind to offer, sez his joint boint down, an’ is pointin’ fingers at ol’ ‘Matches’ here”
    “Now, ‘Matches, you wudn’ know nut tin’ about dat, now, wouldja?”

    “Now, Stinky, I’m insulted what youse could believe I would know nuttin’ ’bout such a ting”.

    “See, Barn, what would make ya tink ‘Matches’ would know about such a ting. Youze should be ashamed!”

  • Bitter Scribe

    If there’s one way you can tell a tough negotiator, it’s that he takes the other guy’s word on everything.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Well, when the other guy has his nuts in a vice…

    • HooverVilles

      Bigly. SAD!

  • William

    So Cheeto-shithead says he takes Putin at his word that there was no interference. Well I guess that’s settled now and Mueller can just pack up his shit and go home. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/db10b7d8af80267ffd1bfe0e7260c881660e5805bdc3bad15a6973c8f8e46f70.jpg

    • yeah, yeah. he should.. he has a LOT of shitl

  • MamaBrown

    Putin: I’ve got your balls in my second best dacha fridge, you orangutan.

  • Toledo Window Box

    Donald Trump must be immediately impeached.

    He conspired with Russia to steal the last election, successfully. He denies they did it, despite our own government knowing they did. He plans to work with them in 2018 and 2020 to steal MORE elections.

    We MUST take action – NOW – to remove this man from office. This is our democracy, people, our right to pick our own leaders, and we have been INFILTRATED by a TRAITOR. Something MUST be done.

    • He plans to…

      Why use the future tense?

      I have absolutely no doubt the GOP is planning right this very minute how to steal 2018, fer sure

      • Toledo Window Box

        For 2018 the goal is not victory, it’s minimize the damage. They could not get away with keeping Congress, it would be too obvious.

        I hope.

        Because if they brazenly keep Congress despite actually losing badly, we’ll know it, and we’ll do something about it, right?

        • ((( Augustus )))

          Like what? All communication is monitored and any attempt to rock the boat will get beaten down. We are fucked unless something magic happens.

    • Phried Ω

      I have no doubt that the Russians are continuing everyday business and learning how not to get caught at it.

      • Toledo Window Box

        Who knows what intel Trump is feeding them??

        • Phried Ω

          He certainly doesn’t. We make another mistake thnking McMaster is an adult, I fear.

    • george lastrapes

      Pence has got to go too, and so many others. The govt should commandeer Mar-a-Lago and turn it into a maximum-amenity holding facility.

  • anon_the_great

    John Birch and Barry Goldwater’s souls are in torment.

    If there were such things as souls

    • Phried Ω

      John Birch was just a convenient martyr for Welch and Fred Koch but the Koch boys don’t seem particularly distressed by the current administration. Barry G would be appalled by all of it.

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      if there were, neither of those two would have one

  • Impatient

    So now tRump and Putin are going to “succeed” in making a treaty over Syria? Russia has wanted bases, and particularly a warm water port, in the Mediterranean for something like … all of recorded history. Crimea navy base? (Got it, but constrained by a tight strait.) Remember Khadafi? Russia wanted its sub tenders in the calm, shallow waters off Libya (stymied there). But installing their own man in the US presidency is their best effort yet. Hey, here, enjoy Syria!

    Yay! Winning?

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

    “Vladimir should not associate with Donald. Donald is having bad influence on my good boy.” – Vladimir’s Mom.

  • Lefty Wright

    Seeing the Trump/Putin handshake, I wonder if he tried his old trick of the two minute grasp, clinch, and pull he was famous for in his first few months in the White House.

    • Phried Ω

      He yanked Gorsuch like a rag doll. It does make one wonder if Neil resents it and if it will factor in his decisions.

  • SeeTrain65

    I just asked him again. He said he absolutely did not meddle in our election, he did not do what they are saying he did.

    Absolutely right!

    He had other people do it for him.

  • docterry6973

    Trump says – out loud – that the US intelligence services are politicized hacks and we must, as he does, take the word of Putin.

    Ponder this. Whether Trump actually believes this or not, he thinks that SAYING it will help him. I am very curious to see how many Republicans go along with this.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Oh, AotK.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      They don’t give a fuck, they think they’re about to get a big tax break for their owners!

  • Zyxomma

    I’ve been living in terror since 11/9/16. I’m just glad I’m never subjected to Fox “News.” Thanks for this, $5F.

  • Mirful

    “President” trump says he fears that Putin is “really insulted.”

    Without, once again, caring a whit about how I feel about all this.

  • Ryan Denniston
  • Ladies and Gentlemen, the jury has reached a verdict…
    https://i.imgflip.com/1z7sr8.jpg

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Guilty of being adorable!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    probably been said, put Trump, please point out the lie Comey told.

    We’ll wait.

    (And being called a “liar” by Trump is just fucking…MEGA PROJECTION).

  • TundraGrifter

    “If we had a relationship with Russia, that would be a good thing.”

    So far it looks much more like a one-night stand. “I hope you got kissed because you sure got fucked.”

    • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

      “And the whores that joined us left you stinking like pee.”

      • TundraGrifter

        Pee-U!

        • george lastrapes

          “Swhy I call him the PeeResident.
          Consider this: Putin probably understands the US government better than Trump, but he and the cronies seem to think that Trump as Pres has more power than is in fact the case. Somewhat similarly, Putin is thought to be an absolute monarch, but he’s more of a mob boss. And his latest plan to expand the mob’s territory hasn’t gone as hoped.

          • TundraGrifter

            I’ve read a few articles suggesting the ultimate Russian goal was disruption. Encourage people to lose faith in the system. Get Americans fighting with each other rather than unite against their common foe. So far, it seems to be working.

          • george lastrapes

            The impact of the sanctions must not be underestimated. Russia is not a safe haven for oligarchs’ money- other oligarchs, or Putin himself, will snatch it if they can. The ruble is not stable. Access to western markets, US market chief among them, keeps the peace in Oligarchistan and secures their fortunes.
            Putin doubtless thought it would be good to weaken the US, but not to the extent that sanctions are tightened by congress and the POTUS is flirting with the idea of nuclear war.
            Putin is probably avoiding upper-story windows.

      • george lastrapes

        The whores’ names? Strumpet and Putain.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He’s not calling Donnie. If you call him, he’ll talk to you, and maybe he’ll agree to come over once in a while, but he’s not taking you anywhere, and he’s not staying over.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        And he sure as hell ain’t paying.

      • Cat Cafe

        He doesn’t agree to come over, he makes you come over, and give him oral sex, and then he makes you leave, right after he threatens to tell people about the accessory to murder thing and the child sex trafficking thing, and to make you drink Big Igor’s special polonium tea.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    It might just be me, but whenever I see Trump and Putin shaking hands, post-election, I swear Putin is trying as hard as he can not to bust a gut laughing.

    • BeachLoafer

      It’s a testament to the man that he can keep his composure around DJT. Unlike Trump, Putin is aware of reality, and he must be stunned that Trump has not only taken his bait, swallowed his hook, line, and sinker, but is now massaging and whispering sweet nothings to his pole also, too.

      • Cat Cafe

        Right? I keep picturing Putin with his cronies, passing around the vodka bottle and laughing with disbelief and contempt. Trump is such a fucking tool.

        • george lastrapes

          The Trump gambit hasn’t turned out as Putin hoped, and the claque of oligarchs- as desirous of stability as the Soviet-era collective leadership ever was- may be tiring of Putin’s autocracy.

          • Cat Cafe

            I think you may be right. Even Putin has to be appalled by what an utter clown Trump is. And thus, others, tired of Putin.

          • george lastrapes

            It’s going to come as one hell of a surprise, if it comes, Maybe soon.

          • Cat Cafe

            I vote for “much, much worse.” You KNOW there’s much, much worse. Maybe Trump is singing “My boyfriend’s back, he’s gonna save my reputation,” and Putin’s all “Hey! Bitch! Get out my way!”

      • HooverVilles

        So true!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Fortunately he was well trained to hide his feelings.

  • BMW
  • BeachLoafer

    Note to self: Do NOT, under any circumstances, read anything referring to DJT while sitting in a bar with an open tab!

    As for the news itself, I. Just. Can’t. Even!

    What I CAN do is order another drink, and I just did.

  • Nockular cavity

    Yes, Donny, the problem of North Korea will just “go away.” *eyeroll*

  • Beelzebubba

    Fucks Gnus and Il Douche are just passing b.s. back and forth, hoping the rubes will buy into the narrative. Problem for Donny Bone Spurs is that 70% of the country knows he’s full of shit, and the number just keeps creeping up.

  • ken_kukec

    There was no hacking, this I know
    Because my Vlad’mir tells me so

  • JoeChristmas

    Well, you know what Dotard boy, if you are so onnocent why doesn’t everyone of your lickspittles stop lying about Russia and then show us your tax returns?
    But yeah, the outrage fatigue is enormous.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    There was an article in Raw Story about an interesting set of tweets from James Comey, apparently in response to the liar comment
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/james-comey-sends-trump-a-message-about-about-truth-and-lies/
    From a man as low key as Comey, this is what those tweets actually meant: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/110424563ae7e2dedb2db13ec3f900db4af8b53c1545fd583ba5eb90548fb203.jpg

    • TundraGrifter

      I believe Dr. MLK, Jr., often quoted that same passage: “…it reminds me of my favorite scripture verse, from Amos: ‘But let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.’”

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        “And it was all yellow.” — Coldplay 20:02

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Why are they wearing matching jammies?

    • kareemachan

      jammies ain’t normal.

    • covfefesumgame0005

      more along the lines of matching Hillary-style pantsuits :)

  • TundraGrifter

    Does President Trump think OJ didn’t do it? After all, he said he didn’t.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He thinks OJ did it in collusion with five black kids in Central Park.

  • azeyote

    what’s with this “we have a problem” with this N. Korea shit and need countries without our problem to fix it – no other country seems so worried – could it be our endless war thing that rakes in the cash for the corporate machine, along with the fear they want us to have, the patriotism shoved down our throats, and all the crazies praying for the apocalypse, is the problem – things are only gonna get worse now that a lunatic is in charge – inertia’s a bitch –

  • ken_kukec

    I think the old, orange fool may really have himself convinced that it doesn’t matter that he’s a compromised Russian asset, and that the Russians helped him win the election — and that he should have no compunction about lying and covering those things up — because it’s actually in everyone’s long-term best interests that he be president and that the US and Russia cooperate with each other.

    • MsEdgyNation

      He was brought up to believe that lying, cheating, stealing, intimidation and blackmail are normal ways to succeed at business. Therefore, he won fair and square, and anybody who complains is a sore loser.

  • george lastrapes

    What does the PeeResident claim not to know, and how in God’s name could he not know it?

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Dear President Trump, I’d like to share something with you that many people don’t know.

    The word “gullible” is actually not a real word. It’s not even in the dictionary. Go ahead, look it up. I’ll wait.

    • Skaarphy

      I almost did that. :)

    • MsEdgyNation

      Resident Rump. FIFY

    • Petunia Cat

      Clever you. 🔃

    • svejk

      i favor the term “president turnip” myself. it”s (wait for it) term-limited!

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Saaaaay, you know who else denied interfering in an election?

  • It’s fucking amazing that, somehow, we have gotten to the point where a person’s vote in one state is worth less than one in a another and it’s OK to Republicans that FUCKING RUSSIA INTERFERED WITH OUR ELECTION.

    • Begin Anew Day

      The GOP would suck all six of Cthulhu’s cocks if it helped them ban abortion, fuck over poor folks, normalize pedophilia in Alabama and throw sick people under the bus.

      Russia? I’m pretty sure we will be treated, in the near future, to free history lessons about how Russia held the line with HITLER once upon a time. Twenty five years ago no self-respecting GOP “historian” would admit such a thing happened. It was MURICA(!) what won WWII!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      And even if it weren’t for any liberal urban centers getting less Senatorial representation than Bumblefuck, Kansas, and even if the GOP wasn’t gerrymandering the hell out of legislative districts and suppressing Democratic votes, our democracy is already ducked because money is everything. It is the only way to have a voice in this country and that voice is concentrated among a few very wealthy individuals.

    • HooverVilles

      Up is down. Left is right. …
      Sigh!

  • Constant Gardener

    Hillary was right. Trump is Putin’s puppet.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He even does that old “you’re the dummy” Vaudeville bit.

      Have we ever seen him talk while Putin drinks a glass of water?

      • Begin Anew Day

        That old schtick is out of date!

        Trump now talks while Vlad’s gargling hooker pee!

        Now That’s Entertainment!

  • Skaarphy

    Funny how he comes up with all these new narratives right after he met Putin.

  • JoeChristmas

    Hard to say who’s the bigger liar. Putin or the Dotard.
    ♫ ♬ Nothin’ from nothing’ means nothin’…♫ ♬

    • Alan

      Goes ’round in circles.

    • H0mer0

      Stevie Wonder or Rogers and Hammerstein? Oh, wait…

      • Begin Anew Day

        Billy Preston Libel!

  • Delu

    Hey if Trump wants to admit that he believes Putin, the head of a foreign country with conflicting interests, over his own intelligence agencies, I’m cool with it.

    • Mike Steele

      Just shows how much he LURVS those vets!

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      What’s crazy is that his entire base will now parrot that talking point.

  • Deborah Ujevich

    Does this chucklefuck even realize that Russia has been supporting North Korea for, oh, EVER?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      A lot of people don’t know that, but he’s been hearing this.

    • Too mamy Americans must think the Korean War was just a fictional setting from the TV show MASH.

      • Deborah Ujevich

        EXACTLY. And obviously, the exact same is true of goddamn Vietnam. He seriously doesn’t get that the real opponent in those conflicts was RUSSIA.

        • H0mer0

          am I missing something? I thought it was GINA that was the problem both times, or was it Western Imperialism?

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        It was filmed on the same set used for the moon landing.

  • reelreeler

    This is America, deporting veterans

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipM0aktXbOY

  • Mike Steele

    WH propaganda office intimated that Donnie & Vlad had a meaningful sit-down, while Kremlin suggests they barely s[

  • GRH

    When will all the haters and fools out there realize that having a good relationship with Russia is a good thing, not a bad thing. There always playing politics – bad for our country. I want to solve North Korea, Syria, Ukraine, terrorism, and Russia can greatly help! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 12, 2017

    haha “There always playing politics…”
    That’s right, he misspelled – they’re.

  • unclejeems

    Isn’t that sweet? Those two boyfriends are wearing matching outfits.

    • BrianW

      That’s what I thought when I saw the picture : Everyone knows you’re together if you’re wearing matching outfits. Any 70s-80s kid could tell you that.

  • Ryan Denniston

    What is the going rate for a Trumpjob these days?

  • Carrie

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dm272d:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsAcademyWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!dm272lhhhh

    • svejk

      where is the “report” button? we need a “report” button”! even if the fucker being reported isn’t russian.

      • SDGeoff3

        Flag as inappropriate, click spam, block user.

        • HooverVilles

          Done.

      • HooverVilles

        What SDGeoff3 said.

  • andyshelt

    Meanwhile Trump continues to display the dignity and gravitas of the office of President by trading playground insults with Kim Jong-un.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/929511061954297857

    • Delu

      However you were fine with your cronies calling Hillary “old” (even though you are actually older than her) not to mention you keep calling her “crooked Hillary”.

      Admit it, you’re as much a playground bully as Kong Un in the name calling section.

      • Bill Diaz

        Moreso actually, Trump is older and should kknow better.

        Have a great day!

        • H0mer0

          and Jong Un is more articulate in English with the pejoratives (I happen to like the lyrical stylings of Elton John.)

    • TundraGrifter

      So, Mr. Trump, is tall and fat better or worse than being short and fat? Being proud of being tall is rather like idiots who are so proud of their ancestors.

      If you can’t be humble, at least have the decency to be proud of something you had something to do with.

    • Relativicus

      A fucking child, he is.

    • anomie

      Conveniently not mentioning that he started the name-calling with “Rocket Man.”

      Suddenly having middle school flashbacks…

  • andyshelt

    And in the world’s biggest asshole contest being held this year in the Phillipines the judges gave the closely fought contest to the home candidate, Rodrigo Duterte.

    The judges said they were impressed by the all-round asshole qualities of challenger Donald Trump but had to give the award to Duterte based on the following quotes from the candidates:-

    “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters,”
    Donald Trump.

    “At the age of 16, I already killed someone. A real person, a rumble, a stabbing. I was just 16 years old. It was just over a look. How much more now that I am president?” Rodrigo Duterte.

    Better luck next year, Donnie.

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/nov/12/a-tale-of-two-trumps-duterte-hosts-us-leader-in-the-philippines

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/10/philippines-president-rodrigo-duterte-says-he-once-stabbed-someone-to-death

  • GRH

    President Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin did not discuss alleged election meddling on Saturday, despite Trump saying they did, according to Putin’s office.

    http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/359893-putin-trump-did-not-bring-up-election-meddling

    Trump indicated Saturday that he didn’t believe Russian president Vladimir Putin, who recently denied that his country tried to interfere in the 2016 election.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/trump-denies-agreeing-with-putin-on-election-meddling-im-with-our-agencies/

    I’m starting to to think that these guys are trying to undermine our perception of TRUTH.

    • HooverVilles

      Starting????

  • H0mer0

    someone might have said something to this effect already but having face to face denials with all sincerity from my patients requesting narcotics from me regarding use of other (controlled) substances that I did not prescribe (I’m okay with spliff) and/or diverting the pills or capsules for sale and/or “sharing” with others, and then their urine tests tell another story, why would we believe two known pathological dissemblers?

    • Odd Jørgensen

      it`s like a kid with the lower half of his face covered in gold paint vehemently denying huffing spray paint.
      https://youtu.be/uOB2XOM8Tt8

  • Relativicus

    My uncle started winning,
    Cowboys got sore.
    One of them called him,
    And then two more.
    Accused him of cheating.
    Oh no, it couldn’t be!
    I know my uncle;
    He’s as honest as me.
    And I’m as honest as a Denver man can be.

  • On the bright side, he has just saved us a bundle on the justice system. If someone says they didn’t do it, you believe them. Case closed!

    Man, this shit is EASY.

  • BMW
  • Lucas Foxx

    Apparently, there is still a voice in the back of my mind that will always laugh when I wonder how the old Republicans I knew from the ’70s on would have reacted to the new Russian Republicans. But they probably would have tuned into the hate-radio / Fox-News narratives, and would have forgotten (or blocked) everything they had actually watched happen with the rest of us; like the rest of them.

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      Hell, what would uber-russophobe Joe McCarthy think if he knew that his party is now the pro-Russia party?

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Podesta’s risotto. Shoulda known.

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    “Who ya gonna believe? Me or your own eyes?”

    – Chicolini (Chico Marx) in Duck Soup

  • Susan

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !fq273d:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleOnlineWayEasyTechJobsOpportunities/easy/jobs ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!fq273lhhhhh

Previous articleBreitbart’s Big Scoop: One Of Roy Moore’s Accusers Was Not Going To Vote For Him!
Next articleThe Week In Garbage Men: All Of Them, Katie