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Oh, Jared, you scamp! Last week you took a secret trip to Saudi Arabia, and this week all hell is breaking loose over there! COINCIDENCE????? Did you maybe tell your BFF Mohammed bin-Salman (MBS) that your father-in-law doesn’t care who they arrest as long as they round up that one Saudi billionaire who tweeted mean shit at Poppy Trump during the campaign? Did you tell them that they could kill all the Yemenis they want if Saudi Arabia will just use the New York Stock Exchange for the IPO of its sovereign wealth fund??

And when you and MBS were staying up giggling until 4AM, were you like, “Mo, how do you grow such a lush, manly beard? And do you maybe have a spare billion in the seat cushions so that my family business doesn’t go under?” Because it would be insanely reckless to solicit funds from a foreign government while Bob Mueller is all over you like white on rice. Nobody would be stupid enough to do that, right? RIGHT????

The Back Story

Saudi Arabia was founded 115 years ago by Abdulaziz Ibn Saud, a man with 45 sons and infinity oil. Because the country is basically a giant oil well in the middle of the desert, it never developed a diverse economy — money comes out of the ground whether people show up to work or not. And because the royal family is so large, everyone is getting paid by the government, and the line of succession is murky. In June, King Salman demoted the heir apparent and gave sweeping powers to his 32-year-old son Mohammed to clear out the deadwood and bring KSA into the 20th century.

So, we don’t know for sure what went down at Jared and MBS’s secret sleepover party. But if we had to guess, MBS said, “You guys cool if I take out all the locals who threaten my power so that I can modernize the economy and gear up for a regional war with those assholes in Iran?” And Jared said, “Whatevs, Bro! You know Vanky’s dad has a hard on for Iran. Plus Rex Tillerson’s busy canning everyone at the State Department so he can run through the halls naked. Dude’s into some weird shit!” And then they did some more manly sword dancing.

Consolidating Power

This weekend, dozens of Saudi princes and other leaders were arrested in an ostensible crackdown on corruption. Also this weekend, the Ritz Carlton in Riyadh evicted all its guests and cleared the calendar for November.

Members of the royal family are barred from leaving the country, and many of them are currently “guests” of MBS at the Ritz Carlton.

Among those booked at the hotel is billionaire Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, who owns stakes in Twitter, Lyft, Apple and Citigroup. Unlike many of his fellow residents at the Ritz, he doesn’t appear to have been a rival to MBS. But there was this.

Let’s not dwell on Donald Trump criticizing someone for making his fortune off “Daddy’s money.” This way madness lies. All we’re saying is that Alwaleed bin Talal pissed off Trump, Jared had a secret meeting with MBS, and now the guy is in jail. You do the math.

Also ALSO this weekend, Prince Mansour Bin Murquin, who had been crown prince in 2015 before being demoted by Prince Salman, was killed in a helicopter crash. Nice of Prince Mansour to wait until after Jared was wheels up to crash his helicopter in the middle of the desert. AHEM.

Welcome to the 20th Century

It’s hard to modernize your economy if the rest of the world thinks you’re a medieval backwater with public floggings and women forced to walk around dressed like beekeepers. The prince can’t turn Riyadh into Dubai with the morality goon squad arresting people over pop music and alcohol while courts refuse to enforce “un-Islamic” contracts. This summer MBS reined in the clerics and issued edicts allowing women to drive and attend soccer games. With his conservative cousins taking a rest cure at the Ritz, MBS is ready to present the world with a new, modern Saudi Arabia just in time for the planned IPO of KSA’s ginormous sovereign wealth fund Aramco.

SUBTLE. Safe to assume Jared mentioned this to his buddy Mohammed.

So, Who’s Excited For Total War?

In the past, Sunni-led Iraq and Shiite Iran kept each other more or less in check. But then George Bush decided to take revenge for a handful of Saudi hijackers in September 2001 by destroying Iraq. Which made no fucking sense, and also unleashed a wider regional conflict between Sunni Saudi Arabia and Shiite Iran that is still ripping apart Iraq, Syria, Yemen and Lebanon. Well-played, America!

(Yes, we are aware that Saddam Hussein and Bashar al-Assad were murderous despots. But the entire ME is on fire, and we’re going to abandon the Kurds AGAIN. So we fail to see how this is better.)

In May, Kush agreed on a $110 billion arms deal between KSA and the US. And he made clear we don’t give a shit which civilians they shoot. Which is good because Saudi Arabia is busily inserting itself itself into the Yemeni civil war and turning it into a proxy conflict with Iran. Yemeni kids are starving, cholera is spreading, and there’s no functioning government. Saudi Arabia has responded with humanitarian aid in the form of UK-made cluster bombs dropped in civilian areas.

Iranian-backed Houthi rebels have seized Yemen’s capital Sana’a, and yesterday they fired a ballistic missile at Riyadh’s airport. The Saudis managed to intercept the missile, which they insist was supplied by Iran. The whole thing is a humanitarian catastrophe with no end in sight.

And in case you’re still with us here, Lebanon’s Prime Minister Saad Hariri just happened to resign this weekend while on a visit to KSA, ceding control of the government to Iranian-backed Hezbollah. We can’t tell you what will happen now that Bashar Assad has regained control in Syria, sending hordes of ISIS fighters over the border into Lebanon. But it is NOT going to be good.

In sum, we know that Donald Trump is an existential crisis here in the US. But if you have any extra bandwidth, maybe pay attention to this. Because the Saudi-Iran conflict is reaching the boiling point, and if that fuckwit Jared doesn’t get indicted first, he’s going to lead us into yet another endless ground war in the Middle East.

[WaPo / WaPo, again / New York Times / New York Times, again / CNN / CNN, again]

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  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    So What if Hillary is Catherine and Donald is Peter III?

    One can dream.

  • Michael R
    • goonemeritus

      11 is the only one that can save us now.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    JFC, I can’t look away from Dolt trying to move in a human-like fashion. He really can’t do it.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Great post, FDF.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yup, I’m scared anyway.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    No, but wait – they modernized! Now women can drive around dressed like beekeepers.

    • Ducksworthy

      Beekeepers FTW!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Goth beekeepers, even.

  • BadKitty904

    I believe it’s called a “coup”. What will be of interest is to what degree Putin/Russia is involved in it…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    How the fuck are we supposed to work and keep up with this too–oh, right, that’s the whole idea. Fuck.

    • BadKitty904

      Jeez, IKR???

  • tihond

    This is great news! for John McCain?

  • Gayer Than Thou

    An IPO of Saudi Arabia’s sovereign wealth fund means that I can buy shares of Saudi Arabia?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      These are the Days of Our Lives.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98T3PVaRrHU

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Rock the Casbah

    • Iron Monkey

      They might go for about a million a share.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Well that’s just walking around money!

    • Alan

      Believe or not, yeah, in a sense.

  • James Baskin

    Dance Donald, dance!

  • Joe Beese

    Let’s hope the Presbyterians and the Methodists never decide to settle their doctrinal differences in the same manner.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Know why they’re called Meth-odists?

      –Not a Presby.

      • calliecallie

        Methinks they doth protestant too much.

  • Blackest Noobs

    someone ought to send over Rand Paul’s neighbor.
    I hear he’s a rib breaker.

    • Parakeetist

      Ba dum bump tish

  • UnsaltedSinner

    But the west can’t make the Saudis angry, because we need their oil. Just a little bit more, then we’ll quit, we promise.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c0248ddd9866b26913f26944ab2a8baaf48780db7ef51824b84621426088fd0c.gif

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “Yes, we are aware that Saddam Hussein and Bashar al-Assad were murderous despots.”

    Yeah, those guys are no joke, but don’t sleep on the fucking House of Saud. They’re reportedly willing to blow the entire country up (using Radiological Dispersal Devices even, maybe) to maintain their position as our “partners in democracy.”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      At the very least, the Ba’athist party was only nominally religious to avoid kicking the hornet nest of the troglodytes. Ba’athism is a Pan-Arab secular socialist philosophy. Saddam and the Assads are caught up in more cold war red scare bullshit that never quite went away. If Shrub hadn’t gone and hanged Saddam to prove to pappy how big his cowboy dick was (with help from Cowboy Dick), ISIS wouldn’t have filled the void. Saddam kept those fuckers in check. Not to mention, Saddam was our strange bedfellow when we wanted to support someone kicking the ayatollah around. The Americans and Brits made this mess and now it’s coming back to haunt and probably kill us all.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      aren’t there indications they knew of or even su pported the 9/11 hijackings? I had heard the government may have been involved, but not sure about the sauds themselves.

    • richardgrabman

      “… Saddam Hussein and Bashar al-Assad were murderous despots…” But, at least they were equal-opportunity murderous despots, despoting regardless of race, color, or creed. One of the great ironies of what was sold (in too many quarters) as a “Christian” act in overthowing Sadaam is that it destroyed the Christian minority in Iraq, making them targets for simply not having been persecuted before.

  • calliecallie

    Cross Saudi Arabia off the list of places to live when I exit Trumplandia. Oh, wait, it was never on the list! Phew.

  • cheetojeebus

    Christ, it’s like having to learn bridge on Monday, Cricket on Tuesday, Fucking trigonometry on Wednesday, Thursday is fucking Learning Japanese writing and Friday is Mueller Day. Saturday and Sunday are for homework and crying into your pillow.

  • susan_g

    “…if that fuckwit Jared doesn’t get indicted first, he’s going to lead us into yet another endless ground war in the Middle East.”

    Nothing to do with Jared. This is some serious shit. Jared offering anything other than coffee refills just gets ignored. Jared’s presence is saying that the U.S. is keeping out of Kingdom business.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      That’s probably what Jared said, but that was also all they wanted to hear.

    • Iron Monkey

      He may have been invited to carry a message back to Trump and the generals about the crackdown in the KSA.

  • Scooby

    What about the endless ground war in Asia we’ve been prepping for?

    • Parakeetist
    • Oh, they’re gunning for war with Iran. Nothing the hawks would love more than to destroy the last remaining check on Saudi power… for some… unknown stupid reason…

      • Scooby

        I know, but they seem equally intent on going to war with China in NK.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Are you suggesting they have no coordinate master plan?

          • Scooby

            Over in BB they think Trump is brilliantly playing Xi and Kim.

          • Daniel

            I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that’s because they’re not very bright.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        To ban abortion?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Can a president be impeached for having a tragic sense of rhythm? Mother of God…

  • Ducksworthy

    Trumps dance moves are a reflection of his coked out days at Studio 54. Neurologically speaking.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I got the impression he was the only sober person there. I bet he was a barrel of fun.

  • Daniel

    I can’t wait till the feminists get their plan on track and release all those bees into Saudi Arabia.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    With the Gulf between Iran and KSA, there might not be much of a ground war between them. But missiles and shipping and main cities could make for a good missile war, so maybe Jarad is queuing us up for a naval war. It’s been awhile since we’ve had Someone taking serious shots at any big Navy ships.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Trump: I’m very disappointed the justice department won’t jail my political opponents.

    Saudis: Hold my tea and watch this.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Trump got a wee widdle woody hearing about China’s plan to sentence anyone who “disrespects” the national anthem to prison also too. You know he and the GOP can’t wait to see Colin Kaepernick swinging from a lamppost for being uppity.

  • Saudi Arabia is a corrupt shithole, a state sponsor of terrorism, conducting war crimes and murdering women and children via disease and starvation, and exporting the most vile form of militant Islam out there so ISIS will never want for new recruits.

    And they are our ‘good’ friends.

    What a fucking disgrace.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Amazing what a difference a hundred billion dollars makes.

    • bbayliss

      America is a corrupt shithole, a state sponsor of terrorism, conducting war crimes and murdering women and children via disease and starvation, and exporting the most vile form of christianity out there so the altright will never want for new recruits.
      FIFY.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Because America is run by petrosexuals with little “gas pumps”, that’s why.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    We need a #deletedTrumptweets for the part you left out: Kush trying to get the Saudis to buy into the devil’s condo tower that is about to pull Kushner RE under for the third time.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Yeah, the first attempt at getting a billion-dollar bailout from the Saudis didn’t work out all that well . . . they aren’t as stupid as he was, and they know a hopeless money pit when they see one. If they change course 180º and bail him out now, that’s going to stink so bad even Mitch McConnell will retch.

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    I just wanna know who the grownups in the room are at this particular juncture.

    Anyone?

    Fuck.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Barron?

      • SDGeoff3

        Gets my vote.

    • Daniel

      That Marine who wouldn’t apologise for an obvious and repeated lie, who believes slavery was an issue that could be compromised over and who thinks a traitorous slave owner was an honourable man. Was that not clear?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Maybe he’s like a grownup who has to deal with children so much, he can’t have a conversation with other adults without trying to convince everyone Santa Claus is real. And white.

      • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

        Nope: he shat his diaper like the rest of them.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          And he has the world’s angriest soccer mom insisting it doesn’t stink.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      That lady astronaut in Canada who said (politely, and not verbatim) that religion is a load of dick-measuring bullshit.

      • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

        Lovely, but I don’t think she’s going to be able to do much to prevent all-out war in the ME.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          No, nobody is. She’s just pointing out the absurdity of it all.

          • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

            Which is always appreciated.

    • jesterpunk

      There are no grownups in the room.

      • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

        Ding ding ding!

        Give that man a plushie!

      • bbayliss

        And there is no fucking ‘plan”

        • jesterpunk

          The only plan is “Will this benefit Trump or was Obama for it?” If it doesnt benefit Trump and Obama was for it get rid of it.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Huh, and here we all expected Just Jarhead was going to bring *peace* to the ME. What a flippin’ change of tune, eh?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He’s setting up Israel for a nice quiet decade on the sidelines, while the Arabs and Iranians tear each other apart.

      • Werewolf

        If that’s what he’s thinking, he’s A Idiot. Israel will absolutely get caught in the middle of a full-scale war between SA and Iran, and the Israeli military and IC are well aware of it.

    • Edith Prickly

      Peace is not profitable.

      • Well, not for the decisions makers. But I guess that goes without saying here.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    This has nothing to do with this story. I just love it:
    via me.me

    • SDGeoff3

      It’s quite telling.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He was just mortally afraid they were all suicide bombers.

  • Bright Bart

    seems to be a trend
    “That all changed in July 2003, when Putin arrested Russia’s biggest oligarch and richest man, Mikhail Khodorkovsky. Putin grabbed Khodorkovsky off his private jet, took him back to Moscow, put him on trial, and allowed television cameras to film Khodorkovsky sitting in a cage right in the middle of the courtroom. That image was extremely powerful, because none of the other oligarchs wanted to be in the same position. After Khodorkovsky’s conviction, the other oligarchs went to Putin and asked him what they needed to do to avoid sitting in the same cage as Khodorkovsky. From what followed, it appeared that Putin’s answer was, “Fifty percent.” He wasn’t saying 50 percent for the Russian government or the presidential administration of Russia, but 50 percent for Vladimir Putin personally. From that moment on, Putin became the biggest oligarch in Russia and the richest man in the world, and my anti-corruption activities would no longer be tolerated.”

    more here https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/07/bill-browders-testimony-to-the-senate-judiciary-committee/534864/

    • Claire

      He was on an episode of Preet Bharara’s podcast. It was fascinating.

      • Bright Bart

        Yes! Thank you, forgot where i heard that. So many good podcasts to listen to nowadays

  • Outstanding post, 5$F!

    If measured on my rage-o-meter, it would rate in the top ten.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Thanks for the ‘splainer $5F.

    Everything is terrible. Wondering if sobriety is worth it.

    OT: Also too, can I brag about how proud I am my mom calls people names like “dickwad” ; p

    • gallbladder

      My mom’s go to line is “tit face.”

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        you should hear her various names for Trump. (We are a creative line of Scots and Irishmen after all).

  • Daniel
  • Mavenmaven

    Trump: If I’m going down, I’m taking the whole world down with me.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Burn Baby, Burn!

    • Crystalclear12

      It’s horrifying because it’s true!

  • Crystalclear12

    This is going well.
    Yes, I am day drinking. Why do you ask?

    • gallbladder

      There is no other way.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Kakkeltje

    But at least that warmonger Hillary was not elected.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I heard she gave a speech in Saudi Arabia once!

  • Anna Rompage

    And in other news…

    Mueller Team Says Paul Manafort’s Trump Tower Condo Isn’t Worth As Much As He Claims

    (insert sad trombone)

    The value of properties in Trump Tower appears to have declined since Trump’s election. A Trump Tower condo reportedly listed for $2.99 million ultimately sold this year for $1.9 million.

    • CripesAmighty

      The cachet of a vertical trailer park.

    • Claire

      There’s something to be said for gambling on a Trump Tower purchase right now, though. If it gets seized and goes on the market, the value will increase once the dust settles and the stigma wears off.

  • Put On Your War Paint!

    Here is some trivia. The Saudis buy top-line US hardware: F-15s, Abrams tanks, etc.

    They still fight like children. In Desert Storm, when 2 Iraqi Mirage F-1s with anti-ship missiles were detected heading towards the US fleet, a political decision was made to have the intercept by a Royal Saudi F-15C. Despite being vectored by AWACS, the Saudi could not lock up the Mirages, even though more than a dozen Iraqis had already been downed by USAF F-15s. He eventually had to convert to a tail-chase, and eventually he splashed both with AIM-9s.

    “There are several very valid questions to ask about these kills. [Why] is the pilot of an aircraft designed to kill Beyond Visual Range doing a stern conversion to visual range without [taking] a shot? Secondly, where was his wingman? Thirdly, he fired both missiles while they were still “caged”, IIRC.” ~quote from “F-15C Eagle Units in Combat” by Steve Davies”

    Your Anna Elizabeth could have done better. In my opinion, the two Mirages were probably downed by US Navy F-14s, and the kills given to the RSAF to spare them further embarrassment.

    Again, in my opinion, the Saudis could not fight their way out of a paper bag, and are skilled only in the slaughter of civilians.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The selection process for Saudi fighter pilots isn’t based on skill, it’s based on family and money. I know a guy who trained Saudi pilots in that war, which included sitting in the back seat for training flights. He said it was the scariest thing he’d ever done (and he flew combat in Vietnam). He described a typical session like this:

      “Okay, Mohammed, start your runway approach.”
      “Too fast, slow it down and level off.”
      “Still too fast, level off. Level off, slow down, okay I’m taking over now.”

      • Put On Your War Paint!

        Yikes. I can imagine.

        Also too, Saudi tank crews think of themselves as Knights, and as such are too “good” to do maintenance on their own tanks.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          They do have armor.

        • Opiwan

          Someone give them a camel and a lance… that’s about their speed.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          They probably hire cheap Indonesian labor to maintain the tanks and F-15s. Just like at home.

          • agnosticsdonthatemuch

            Pakistani, actually.

        • Werewolf

          Oh, man, I still have horrible memories of maintenance on the ferschlugginer tanks.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            I had friends in Armor at Fort Carson, on Abrams tanks. One of them told me a tank is the best toy in the world until the first time it throws a track. :)

          • Werewolf

            The only thing worse than a thrown track is a flywheel breaking in half-when the tank is on a narrow road cut by D9s through two meters of snow. :-(

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Oh that sounds like a really horrid day.

          • Werewolf

            Night.

          • Put On Your War Paint!

            Oh, worse. :(

      • laughingnome

        Yeah, but they excel at flying into tall buildings.

      • Bill D. Burger

        We saw on 911 that “landing” isn’t really a priority.

      • Edith Prickly

        I suppose that’s what you get when your nation is top-heavy with moneyed parasites and everyone else is unemployed?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      You are very likely correct about the Mirage shootdown Anna. And the record of Arab armed forces is generally not a good one.

    • Iron Monkey

      In the current war in Yemen the Saudi air force drops a lot of bombs on undefended Houthi villages.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Their dicks shrivel up at the thought a woman could do anything better than they could. Including and especially combat.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos
  • bbayliss

    fuck

  • Ωbjectifier

    In June, King Salman demoted the heir apparent and gave sweeping powers to his 32-year-old son Mohammed to clear out the deadwood and bring KSA into the 20th 15th century.
    FIFY

  • Opiwan

    Never get involved in a land war in Asia

    #inconceivable

  • canes_pugnaces

    There’s another option: Jarhead and Vajanka are looking for a place to settle down without extradition treaties. And after all, what better country than one that acts exactly like their cumulative daddies.

    • Edith Prickly

      One caveat – Jews are not terribly popular in the KSA.

  • Blackest Noobs

    why y’all fretting about the Saudis…didn’t they just let women drive cars now.
    this is just business as usual in a kingdom where crimes are paid with limbs.

  • Iron Monkey

    This operation was months in the planning.Demotion of the religious police was one indication. Bringing clerics under royal control was another. Could that missile from Yemen have been a Gulf of Tonkin type of provocation?

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: And there it is:

    Texas church gunman Devin Kelley had domestic problems, and his mother-in-law had attended the church he targeted Sunday, said Freeman Martin of the Texas Department of Public Safety.

    Kelley’s mother-in-law had received threatening messages from him, Martin said.

    Also, wut?
    “Texas Gov. Greg Abbott called the slaughter “the largest mass shooting” in the state’s history. But it’s still unclear what motivated the killer.”

    Also, re deaths: So were eight members of one family, a relative and a community leader said. Those relatives span three generations and include a woman who was about five months pregnant and three of her children.

    (Also also too, ye fucking gods: The massacre left about 4% of the small town’s population dead. And virtually no one at the church was left unscathed, Tackitt said.)

    • GoutMachine

      I really don’t care what motivated this dickweed, or the Las Vegas dickweed, or any of the other dickweeds. I care about the fact that they were able to purchase a military weapon and mow people down.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i saw a headline that said this shooter managed to wreak this havoc in 15 seconds. Not sure if true.

        • puredog

          He’d have to have had a bump stock, I’d think.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            speaking of which, say a headline saying that bill to ban them (bipartisan bill?) has stalled.

          • marxalot

            The Facebook pic he posted about being “ready for antifa” (as in, he was gonna go after non-existent antifascist actions) indicates that he had one, yes.

          • Werewolf

            A semiautomatic assault rifle can lay down a devastating rate of fire, and far more accurately than a full automatic. The bump stock was useful to the Vegas shooter because he was shooting into a packed crowd from high up-he couldn’t miss.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
      • gallbladder

        And god, by omission of intervention in his own fucking house.

      • Alan

        Ayup.

      • Daniel

        And apparently people are going with that Cernovitch lie that he was antifa.

    • jesterpunk

      He could have bought it in a private sale, all that is required there is the seller not knowing he is a criminal. You really think people are going to ask? They just ask if the buyer has the money for the gun or not.

      • Werewolf

        He bought it at a sporting goods store. Apparently his BCD from USAF didn’t show up on the background check.

        • jesterpunk

          Correct me if I am wrong but only dishonorable discharges prevent you from owning guns right?

          • Werewolf

            I think BCD also.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            he had one of those too.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      youngest victim was 18 mos. old.

      Shit fuck shit damn muthafucking coward asswipe (wanders off into the desert cursing…)

  • puredog
  • Oblios_Cap

    It looks like Israel’s two biggest competitors in the region are going to destroy each other.
    It’s almost like they’ve planned this whole thing.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Kuwait and Qatar might have something to say about that.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “But but Hitler” -Bibi, while his son tweets hooknose memes about Soros and dad “mows the lawn” over another Palestinian family

  • marxalot

    Okay, the worst thing about that gif of the Wig with a sword is seeing all the other dudes are doing an obviously proscribed series of up-and-down motions while he kinda tries to sway side to side in his own personal groove, and realizing that this is exactly what seeing him at Studio 54 was like.

    • Jgb979

      Only with truckloads of cocaine and sexual assault (cause even as a not yet morbidly obese millionaires son- wasn’t anyone in their right mind who would willingly)

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Proud Liberal

      I suppose it is. There’s so much dirt in Washington, I imagine if we knew it all, we would be very shocked.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    This is actually a very interesting interview with the Paul McCartney of Saudi.
    http://www.cnn.com/videos/world/2017/11/06/jubeir-saudi-arabia-corruption-arrests-ctw-intv.cnn

  • The Wanderer

    The only way to make the purge more obvious would be if the Riyadh Ritz-Carlton, chock-full of conservative relatives and members of the ulema, suddenly burned to the ground with everyone in it.

    • Alan

      Stay tuned.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      The downside of kings who have multiple wives is that they do tend to leave behind a lot of pretenders to the throne. Gotta get rid of ’em somehow.

      • Shan

        I think the FLDS folks just chuck them out of the compounds.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Blame an Iranian missile.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    They’re in “prison” at the Ritz Carlton. Wonder if there are any Saudi pee hookers there.

    Reminds me of that scene in Coming to America where Arsenio Hall’s character gets “punished” by the king (James Earl Jones, who apparently is everybody’s father) for going along with Prince Eddie’s harebrained scheme to find a queen in Queens. He gets sentenced to house arrest at the royal family’s luxury suite at the Waldorf Astoria.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_19ptVbGSg

    • Khavrinen

      “Oh noes, Brer Fox, don’t throw me into that there briar patch, please don’t.”

  • Master Contrail Program

    Ahh, I was wondering why gas went up 30 cents a gallon this morning. Now I know, and knowing is………. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ce0905847bb5f1a92a8bbee2da9ca9a0cc83aedf2a4eb9a472a703a9189f7d10.jpg

  • btwbfdimho

    See? they let women drive one month ago and now the kingdom is already collapsing.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump is still trying to figure out why a man named ‘Lawrence’ isn’t the leader of Saudi Arabia and why flying carpets aren’t real.
    So…he’s not gonna’ be any help here.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      “That many wives thing you do, how does that work?”

      • Bill D. Burger

        Trump: “Damn! You mean I could have kept the other two as well?”

        • UnsaltedSinner

          “But — and I’m just thinking out of the box here — could you also marry, for instance, your hot daughter?”

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      He’s going to add Agrabah to his travel ban. You know it.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If the Saudis actually try to go toe-to-toe with the Iranian Army, they won’t stand a chance. They’ll want to pull us into it somehow.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Let’s not lose our heads over Saudi Arabia.

    • Blackest Noobs

      we won’t but they probably will. cuz, well, that’s their thing.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      We should consult with Sheik Yerbouti.

      • laughingnome

        It’s hard to find Yerbouti under those heavy robes.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT (put away anything you can throw and cause serious damage with)

    Chelsea Handler tweeted this:
    https://twitter.com/chelseahandler/status/927258860590530560?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rawstory.com%2F2017%2F11%2Fim-really-happy-at-times-like-this-kellyanne-conway-bashes-anti-trump-liberals-after-texas-mass-shooting%2F
    https://twitter.com/chelseahandler/status/927341804441124864?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rawstory.com%2F2017%2F11%2Fim-really-happy-at-times-like-this-kellyanne-conway-bashes-anti-trump-liberals-after-texas-mass-shooting%2F
    This was KAC’s response:

    “I’m sorry that we even have to show her Twitter comments,” Conway told the hosts of Fox & Friends. “Because it’s so far beyond any type of reasonable response that anyone should have.”

    “People are taking to Twitter in the comfort of their very luxurious lives, pointing fingers, and as far as I can tell, never really helping in between the tweet storms,” she opined. “Never really helped charities, never helped people to heal, never try to reach across for understanding.”

    Conway added: “I’m really happy at times like this that President Trump is our commander-in-chief and our leader in this nation. Because unfortunately every president has to help heal the nation at different times, different tragedies. But the rush to judgement, particularly by people who just see politics and Trump derangement in every single thing they do, it doesn’t help the victims and it’s disrespectful to the dead.

    • elviouslyqueer

      KAC, this is what happens when you let all that peroxide seep into your skull. It really does rot your brain.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Whereas Trump, the GOP, and the NRA are so much helping the victims. Right.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i was just thinking – well we wouldn’t be “disrespecting the dead” if policies you support didn’t lead to them BEING FUCKING DEAD.

        ahem.
        Sorry. Lotso coffee this AM.

    • clubseal

      Because of course Trump would never disrespect the dead, such as a recently deceased soldier. Or all the dead people he would use as mortar in his border wall, if he could get away with it.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        And Trump would never, ever rush to judgement.

        • clubseal

          He gets to judgement so fast that I think he discovered a wormhole.

    • Edith Prickly

      Another irony meter fried.

  • Daniel

    Trump didn’t know there were so many countries until he got elected. Atlases are only given to elected officials, after all.

    • jesterpunk

      If only there was some other way to learn about countries, maybe with a song or something?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x88Z5txBc7w

      • gallbladder

        Even says “Puerto Rico” correctly, unlike that other cartoon currently shitting in the WH.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          He even said Palestine. Bibi must have his claws out for Spielberg over that mortal sin.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Excepting Israel and Russia, this is a list of all the countries (and territories) Trump is going to war with. He already got America into a second civil war against itself.

        • Hollandaise

          Oh darling, we never left THAT war. It’s our favorite one.

        • jesterpunk

          They only need Israel around to end the world. Also he already pissed them off by giving their intel to Russia and possibly burning a spy.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Well, bye planet, it was nice knowing you.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    It’ll be super interesting to see if Trump and Tillerson are going to try to let the Saudis expropriate the captive prince’s US holdings.

    Also, this may only be about Trump by association. The guy bin Talal really feuded with was Rudy Giuliani, who refused $10 million after 9/11, when he was under the impression that NYC had a unilateral foreign policy. Trump didn’t really jump in until Giuliani and his buddies in the FBI got on board the Trump express.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • laughingnome

    Basically the Saudi – Iran showdown is Sunni v. Shia. Why do we have to pick a horse? Oh, I know, our religion is Oil.

  • btwbfdimho
    • Mr. Blobfish

      That’s some chastity belt she has on.

      • gallbladder

        Too late, though.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          NOW she wears it!

      • Daniel

        Donald’s little fingers are not capable of fiddly tasks like opening a belt.

      • SeeTrain65

        Made of the finest tissue paper.

        Easy for tiny hands to circumvent.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        It’s actually a high-tech defense device worn to protect her from Ben Carson.

    • Weird Fishes

      “I will only share that information with you if you give me your big gold belt.”

    • mailman27

      US’s first stripper First Lady meets world’s most overdressed man.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    You can bet Trump is pissed there isn’t a Trump Tower Riyadh.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
  • Crystalclear12

    Great, now Trump & Co. will be expecting to serve their sentences at the Ritz as well.

    • eggs ackly-wright
    • Khavrinen

      Serve sentences at the Ritz? I’m pretty sure they still think they’ll get off scott-free.

    • Rags

      A Go Fund Me to pay his hotel bill including his minibar tab is a shoe-in.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A few years back, PBS/Frontline aired a doc about the resistance in Saudi Arabia, minuscule and essentially suicidal as it is. The best part was a video clip of a matronly Saudi woman walking up as one of the Purity Police was harassing another young woman. The former was apparently to the point of no-fucks-left-to-give, because she started whacking the shit out of the god-cop. I can’t imagine what befell her for that.

    • gallbladder

      I’m guessing it was made of steel and had a sharpened edge.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Most likely. I remember being so struck by the scene…wondering what kind of astonishing courage or simple desperation motivated her to do what she did.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      “Why doesn’t she respect law enforcement? Mujahideen Lives Matter!!” — KSAGOP

  • clubseal

    You forget all the people we’ve droned to death in Yemen for freedom, or something. Of course our government isn’t going to care about someone else killing innocent Yemenis with all the blood on our hands over there.

  • Iron Monkey

    The whole thing is a humanitarian catastrophe with no end in sight.

    The war has made a dire situation intolerable, so much that refugees from Somalia (just across the Red Sea) are returning from camps in Yemen. There are widespread water shortages–not just drought but ground water drying up and aquifers empty; large parts of the country are inaccessible to anyone including so there is no medical care and widespread famine and the Saudi air force are butchers. When Somalia seems like a better option, you know you are in the worst place on earth.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “You think you’re suffering? I almost got deleted from Twitter!” -Dotard

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        FirstTrump World Problemz!

  • goonemeritus

    Are any luxury hotels large enough to hold all the Trump administration members if we follow this policy.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      1. Put all of the Trump maladministration in Trump Hotels.
      2. Nuke all Trump Hotels from orbit.
      3. Smoke weed or cigars, or get drunk.

    • Edith Prickly

      Nope, they’ll have to be locked up in one of his trash palaces.

  • elviouslyqueer

    *Eagles*

    Welcome to the Hotel Riyadh-fornia
    Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
    Such a lovely face
    They livin’ it up at the Hotel Riyadh-fornia
    What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
    Bring your alibis.

    */Eagles*

    • H0mer0

      “I HATE the fucking Eagles, man!”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Any estimates on when the Saudis will start testing their nuclear weapons?

  • Aileen

    Good thing we have an intelligent, capable, thoughtful President who will carefully weigh all options and pursue diplomacy whenever possible. Good thing that President is backed up by a fully staffed State Department too, boy, if ever there was a time we needed that!

  • bbayliss

    “And then they did some more manly sword dancing.”
    trump has a very droopy sword and no sense of rhythm

    • Blackest Noobs

      WELL….he is white isn’t he?

      • bbayliss

        Translucent orange.

    • Teecha

      The sword dancing isn’t that impressive in the first place. I can’t quite believe that the idiot is even worse at it than his hosts.

  • Weird Fishes
    • WotsAllThisThen

      That’s how we deal with political opponents in my house!

      • Weird Fishes

        A fitting end too, the scoundrels.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Nature, red in tooth and claw.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Vicious, bloodthirsty kittens.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      That’s how they learn that biting and scratching hurts.

      • H0mer0

        hurts me more than them.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          When my daughter was a toddler, she went to family day care. One day, when I picked her up, she had several bite marks. The mom who was watching her said “Before you say a word you should see my kids”. They all decided to try out biting that day- they figured out it hurt, and never did it again.

          • H0mer0

            [did she call the big one “Bitey”?]

  • MynameisBlarney

    Hell Memes.
    Because, Monday.

    https://imgur.com/gallery/NbUpo

  • MynameisBlarney
    • DrBigHead

      I didn’t know execution was part of the Ritz Carlton package

      • Werewolf

        If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to why don’t you go where fashion sits….🎶

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Beheading at the Ritz….

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        You have to click a little checkbox on the website when you’re booking your room to get it. It’s right after “spa package” but before “open war with Iran.”

  • jesterpunk
  • bbayliss

    Ladies and gentlemen, your president:
    Trump tells Japanese dignitaries he never knew there were ‘so many countries’ until he was elected

    • Christopher Story

      Are they supposed to be impressed by that confession?

      • TJ Barke

        “I’m very ignorant! Isn’t that great?”

    • TJ Barke
    • Put On Your War Paint!

      Trump is the Ur-Republican. He is every Joe Sixpack and Suzie Slackjaw, just given some monies and elevated far beyond his station.

    • Anna Rompage

      “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and
      narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these
      accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be
      acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s
      lifetime.”

      Looks like Trump should have traveled a little more…

    • Daniel

      “Grease! Really! There’s a country called Grease! And also Hungry! HAHAHAHAHA! Can you believe it?”

      • bbayliss

        Turkey?

        • Daniel

          Mike Flynn told him that one wasn’t real.

        • Raan

          God help us if he ever finds out about the Sandwich Islands.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Not to mention the Canary Islands.

          • Roadstergal

            Or the Virgin Islands.

      • Pilotshark

        wasn`t there something like Hitler got Hungry so he took Turkey and fried it in Greece.

    • kareemachan

      How about this gem: ‘Meeting with Japanese business leaders, Trump said,
      “We love it when you build cars – if you’re a Japanese firm, we love it
      – try building your cars in the United States instead of shipping them
      over.”’

      Japan car firms build more cars in the US than the top three US car manufacturers combined.

      • Boscoe

        Christ on a cracker… what’s next? He tells Putin “Russian dressing is great, but it would be greater if you made in in the US…”

        • But don’t make it with real Russians, says Trump.

          • Boscoe

            it’s even funnier when you realize most Russians have never heard of the stuff. It was invented in New Hampshire…

      • See? Trump is magical! He told them to try it, they did and now they make more cars in America than American companies.

        • Boscoe

          Clearly he stoled Obama’s time machine! LOCK HIM UP!!1!

    • Boscoe

      Like I keep saying, his mind stopped evolving at 2 years old. You know, the time when EVERYTHING was exciting and new, there was no embarrassment to discovering something obvious and every time you learned some rudimentary shit, someone gave you a cookie and a pat on the head.

      • Who doesn’t like a cookie though? …or a pat on the head?

        • Boscoe

          Sure, but at this stage in the game he should be getting them by doing something a little more impressive than discovering how an atlas works or not pooping himself…

        • H0mer0

          I’m not a fan of pats on the head cuz I’m short and people can be too rough.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      JFC the ignorance and stupidity. Imagine Shinzo Abe saying “I thought you were a country of cowboys. Why didn’t you nuke North Korea?”

      • Boscoe

        If he were anything like Trump, he would’ve asked what it’s like riding a horse to work every day…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Aircraft crash? Weird – that’s usually how Pakistani generals dispose of their unwanted leaders.

  • Boscoe

    Money… it’s pure evil…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdeerOUBNzc

  • Benedict McTeedle

    Just to be clear, the first of the former crown princes tossed out by Salman is Muqrin. Mansour bin Muqrin (which means Mansour, son of Muqrin) was,well, Muqrin’s son. He’s the one what died in the crash.

  • Toledo Window Box

    What’s going on in Saudi Arabia? Well, if Donald Trump is involved, nothing good.

  • Teecha

    Well. I’m not sad that Saudi is ignoring Qatar at the mo. Fingers crossed it doesn’t all go tits up here! I just bought some new furniture…

  • ken_kukec

    Worst. Country. Line. Dancing. Ever.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s the Loot Scootin’ Boogie.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    BLOOD IN THE SAND

    {cough} Ahem. Sorry.

  • Last Hussar

    So what I’m getting from this British engineering is so good that Saudi uses the bribe to buy US “tractor parts” from Britain instead. Huzzuh for Blighty…. I think.

    From 80s sitcom “Just good friends”
    You sold them 6 tanks.
    No I sold them 300 ton of scrap metal.
    Thjey were 6 tanks.
    300 tones of scrap metal that just happened to be I. The shape of 6 tanks.

  • ken_kukec

    Aren’t Ritz Carltons the Donald’s fave for doing pee-hooker fetish? Prince Jared probably went over to make arrangements with the maitre d’hotel.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Whats frustating is that containment of Saddam Hussein was working, the often mocked “asprin factory” bombing and the sancations were putting pressure on him. Now i will concede the country might have fallen apart and turned into a civil war with or without us. But thanks to our stupidity we made sure it would happen absolutely. A excellent book on the Iraq War is Fiasco by Thomas E Ricks. Worth a read

    • Lordpnut

      Yes. The middle east is awash in brutal dictators, but why THAT particular one at That particular time made it absolutely necessary to remove him at any cost is a question that any rational person has to ask.
      Thanks for the notice on the book. It sounds interesting.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Ricks talks about after the Gulf War, there was a minority who wanted to keep going to Iraq after we drove Hussein out of Kuwait. They went on to believe containment was worthless and regime change was the only way. I personally think they did it out of hubris that we could turn Iraq into a colony of the US and get oil. If it hadnt turned into a clusterfuck,,we would have gone after Iran, or Syria to name a couple.

        • Lordpnut

          I also questioned the decision not to march on to Baghdad since we were already there, but have since changed my mind and understand the wisdom of not doing that. I, too, agree that hubris was the driving motivation behind the invasion. The argument that Iraq posed a serious threat to the security of the U.S. was never credible.

      • Keith Taylor

        Yes, that book sounds worth a look all right. Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11, but the Bush administration had to at least look as though it was taking decisive action to punish that atrocity. And the Bushes hated Saddam anyway. And Saudi Arabia’s rulers at least were happy when Iraq turned into a chaotic nightmare.

  • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

    Are there Dominionists in the Trump WH? I mean probably yes, but I haven’t been keeping up. I only ask because they’re the Sharia-Christians who has a sad that ol’ Bog or God or whoever hasn’t initiated the apocalypse yet – it was SUPPOSED to happen at Y2K! – but figure if maybe they nudge him with a little more Middle Eastern Conflict, he’ll get the hint, FINALLY. Because the wait to get Raptured up to where they can watch us sinners burn while they point and laugh has just been too darned long!

    • Jamoche

      If Pence isn’t, it’ll be the one surprise in the whole shitshow.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        wh00ps, this is my brane on Monday! He should have been the first one on the list that I clearly didn’t have at hand.

    • Suttree

      These fuckers have gone so far past Dominionist. I’m assuming that nasa’s budget hasn’t been cut, it has just been rerouted. A few spaceships to get them to Newt’s moon colony until the radiation settles down sounds feasible right about now.

  • Rickyphoo

    You mean some idiot trusted that asshole with a sword?

    Oh, wait, I just remembered the stupider side of our citizens, (and the Democrats who didn’t bother to vote), gave the asshole the nuclear codes.

    Nevermind.

  • glynnis bugati

    Scary article, thanks.

    Oil prices are up a bit.

    https://ycharts.com/indicators/crude_oil_spot_price

    Bush was determined to take down Saddam from the day he was appointed. No matter what happened, he and Cheney were going to get it done. Right from the PNAC playbook.

    9/11 was the perfect excuse, and they still had to make up a bunch of lies to sell it.

    • Keith Taylor

      Too true. And boy did they lie like rugs. Rumsfeld even established his own intel organization to supply “evidence” that Iraq was behind 9/11 when the regular intelligence community wouldn’t confirm it.

  • StrangerCaptainHowdy

    That is one nice Ritz Carlton.

    • Keith Taylor

      But the convenient thing is, you can have people bowstringed in a Ritz Carlton as easily as you can in some subterranean dungeon. If you’re a Saudi ruler. Donald Trump must envy the Saudi rulers so much. He can’t do that.
      Yet.
      Proceed undaunted, Mueller team. Please!

  • chimpevil

    So the Saudis are corrupt MF’s who our corrupt MF’s are in league with? GTFO.

  • beatbort

    I’m sure Jared has the best interests of America at heart. No need for any oversight on this visit.
    BTW, do they know he’s Jewish?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Saudi Arabia is cool with Jews. Without Jews, how would Saudi Arabia use Israel as their “squirrel” that they point to whenever someone mentions how awful Saudi Arabia is?

  • Lordpnut

    “This way madness lies.” Indeed. And that way…and over there…
    Is there an alternate destination?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      You can’t get there from here.

  • Lorindel Ó Loingsigh

    You might think I’d be surprised that human garbage Jared Kushner makes covert arrangements to have the orange diarrhea’s Saudi enemies imprisoned and done away with, but no. This is the guy who literally has tenants imprisoned in debtors prison because they dare to complain about mold, bedbugs, fire hazards or whatever and then move out of the hellholes that he uses to supplement his income and that of the used Ivanka tampon and their various mini-satans.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I’m torn between wanting to wipe that clip of Trump “dancing” from my mind forever, and wanting to watch it nonstop.

    • (((Aron)))

      Say what you will about the President, but the man’s for rhythm.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      I’m solidly on the need for massive eye bleach side of the issue.

    • Sekhmet1

      It’s oddly mesmerising. But his movements are really not right. He just sort of lumbers and totters, almost like a toddler (much like his vocabulary level really). No wonder he’s scared of stairs.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        It’s the look of extreme pain on his face that gives me so much delight.

  • Jared’s gonna be picking black pubic hairs outta his teeth for a long time.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Alright, fuck it. I was trying to get to New Zealand, but they don’t want me. I’ll go to Australia, even though they have spiders the size of my children. I didn’t want it to come to this, but I am more willing to be murdered by an Aussie spider than by an American gunman.

    • WannabeTraveler

      I guess you can still get killed by an American gunman in Canada, less likely in Australia. I see your point.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Canada also has winter.

        • WannabeTraveler

          I know, we are not suppose to have snow in my part Canada right now. BAD! I thinking of going back to Costa Rica for good. lol

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            It actually snowed where I live, near Seattle, and it’s been in the 30s every day since. I’m trying to figure out why tropical locations don’t have any work for me.

    • redarmyzombie

      Speaking of such, I wonder what the weather in Scotland is like this time of year…

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      The sage in ~Top of the Lake~ led a commune in New Zealand for a few months, then got fed up and left it for Iceland.

    • Sekhmet1

      If anything, you’re more likely to be murdered by an Aussie human here than an Aussie spider, and any homicidal human – or spider – has less chance of getting its mitts on a semi-automatic here if that’s any comfort.

      (I know this is snarking, but the spider joke baffles me – there’s a woman in a Facebook group I’m in who trots out “but the spiders! Hur hur” every time the prospect of someone visiting Australia comes up, when she comes from a country with a ridiculous number of annual gun deaths, and she knows full well that we have no more spiders – deadly or otherwise – than anywhere else, and the risk of death from spider bite is infinitesimal. It’s bizarre. At least spiders are more useful to the ecosystem than far right ammosexuals or oxygen thief politicians like Tony Abbott or Peter “let’s torture refugees for political gain!” Dutton.)

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        It’s just a phobia. I mean, I literally nearly piss myself when I see an average-sized spider in my house, and none of the spiders in my house can carry a dead mouse up a wall or eat a bird. I doubt a spider would bite me and kill me so much as saunter across my bed and cause me to die of a heart attack.

  • DraxUSklounst

    just got back from living in riyadh for 2 years. there’s a lot in this article that wonkette nails. good analysis. and funny,

  • Keith Taylor

    I love Wonkette and I am really sorry to say this, but hey, you’re not quite on the ball there; recognize facts! George W. Bush’s destruction of Iraq made perfect sense! The situation as I remember it was, “Hmmm, First year of my presidency and the twin towers are destroyed by terrorists. Have to at least LOOK as though I’m doing something decisive to avenge that atrocity if I want a second term. Well, any sort of public declaration that most of the hijackers were Saudis or travelling on Saudi passports is on the no-way-I’ll-do-that list. Not politically possible even to rebuke the Saudis. Who IS it politically possible to punish for this? Take military action against?
    “Saddam Hussein! Oh, thank heaven for that murderous rat! Get me some intelligence proving he had something to do with this! Make it up if there’s none! Besides, Saudi Arabia will just love it if I wreck that country and reduce its oil production to nothing!
    “All together, now, fellows, Saddam has links with al-Qaeda!”
    And getting back to the present … oh, Prince Mansour was killed in a helicopter crash? The preferred way of getting rid of people who are inconvenient or embarrassing in Saudi Arabia is light plane or helicopter crashes. Well, I’ve heard that, but it can’t be true. The Saudi rulers are our friends and they have lots of oil, so they couldn’t be that nasty. I conclude it really was an accident.

    • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

      You are so fucking wrong.

      • phoenix00

        I think KT was snarking there.

        • Keith Taylor

          I think he was too! And I know him fairly well!

          • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

            Wow, that;s a lot of effort for sarcasm. Sometimes it doesn’t immediately scan on los internetos.

          • Keith Taylor

            Yeah, maybe I went a bit heavy on it.

          • CovfefeOfTheThoughtlessMind

            I’ve been flamed enough by people who missed my sarcasm that I usually add a little (sarcasm alert) at the end.

          • Keith Taylor

            I may do the same. POE and all that.

    • Delu

      America has always been reluctant to push blame on Saudi Arabia for anything.

      Even terrorist activity.

      • Keith Taylor

        And rotten human rights records. Hey, what are you, intolerant of different cultures? Especially when they have lots of oil?

    • malsperanza

      If by “not politically possible” you mean “we owe our shitty corrupt family’s personal wealth to these people,” then I’m with you.

      • Keith Taylor

        Pretty much just what I meant.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Yes, there is music for this, dedicated to the late King Faisal, assassinated in a different Saudi struggle

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeVzAMyFvZM

  • Lucas Foxx

    Thanks for keeping track of this. Interesting what is happening with the power vacuums around the world in the absence of American leadership

  • Zyxomma

    Ah, $5F, I’ve known some really lovely Lebanese people in my life. Great music, terrific food — and now it’s probably going to be turned into the worst shithole in the world, apart from Yemen, Syria, Somalia, and South Sudan, where they’re having a(nother) civil war and facing starvation.

    • I ain’t fer it, I’m agin it!!!

      I was just telling my lady friend how much I want her to visit Beirut with me…lovely city.

      Guess I should put those plans on hold…

  • MIT NUTRA

    Impeach this piece of sh*** https://impeachdonaldtrumpnow.org/

  • dieselox

    I have no more fucks to give. I mean that in a sad way. All I can do is watch.

    This is so messed up, and Donald is just in the middle of all of it. Mueller must be on this. Had to have somebody turned and wearing a super tiny wire in his/her ear, listening to everything. We so fucked.

  • phoenix00

    But Kushner was supposed to Peace in the Middle East, just like how I left my heart in El Segundo?

    (Gotta get it, got, got to get it.)

  • Loveoption9

    Thanks for the clarity spiked with humor regarding who’s on first in this insane merry-go-round .
    Here’s my take on https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/efe77b54ff602c844c3a9bf048fac885e8132c53fc430e80d293fa1dc52fb09f.jpg recent white house decision making. Fortunately, it seems the Golf trip in Asia has preempted the final round. For Now.

  • Mervin1

    “Saudi Arabia was founded 115 years ago by Abdulaziz Ibn Saud, a man with 45 sons and infinity oil.”
    Actually – The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is an Islamic hereditary dictatorship and it was founded in 1932 by Ibn Saud. Oil wasn’t discovered there until 1938. Come on Wonkette!!

  • Lily412

    This article taught me a lot about what’s going on in the middle east right now that I have missed because I’ve been so preoccupied with Trump, Russia and N. Korea. Thanks, 5$F, for kicking ass as usual.

  • Keith Taylor

    I’m cracking up with laughter. I know it’s not humane and I know my sense of humour is dark, grotesque and macabre, but, ohhhh … ostensible crackdown on corruption! In Saudi Arabia!
    And just in passing, Dr. A.Q. Khan, the Dr. Strangelove of Pakistan, at one time chief of Pakistan’s atomic weapons program, raised some of the money to fund it by selling nuclear info and materials to LIbya and North Korea. (Gaddafi was running the former at the time, Daddy Kim Jong-Il the latter.) But Saudi Arabia funded Khan’s nuclear program too, in the 1990s, with oil money, only U.S. agents were ordered not to follow that money trail because the Saudi rulers might be offended. I guess they just might have been.
    Whether or not the Saudis are now running a nuclear weapons program of their own, I couldn’t tell you.

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