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Morning Wonketariat, happy Friday! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Carter Page had some talky time with the House Intel Committee and revealed that he definitely told Jeff Sessions about his most excellent Russian vacation — which (WHOA, if true!) would mean Jeff Sessions lied under oath.

Carter Page is glad he does not have a lawyer because he has a deep appreciation of the law and a “just, functioning legal system.”

Robert Mueller and his team of extraordinary investigators are sniffing around Prince Jared, so J-Kush dumped a bunch of campaign and transition papers in a box, and left them on the curb.

As Trump-Russia investigations continue to roll on, there’s a focus on who might be the super spies who loved Trump hiding right in front of our faces.

A new WaPo/ABC News poll has found that 58 percent of people approve of Robert Mueller’s investigation into Trump’s ALLEGED Russian fuckery, with 49 percent believing that Trump himself may have committed some Russian fuckery.

Gleb Pavlovsky was Putin’s advisor during his younger and more formative years, and during PBS’s Frontline documentary, he states that Putin believed that he elected Trump. The whole thing is good, and your weekend homework assignment.

The Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) have landed with a dull, emotionless thud on the Hill. They’ll slash corporate tax rates, and reduce personal income brackets to 12, 25, 35 and 39 percent. It will also kill the alternative minimum tax and the estate tax so that rich people can spread their wealth amongst all their spoiled brats.

But wait, there’s more! The Trump/Ryan tax plan ALSO kills the $7,500 electric vehicle tax credit, but the nuclear industry gets its tax incentive extended until 2021.

“WAIT,” you’re probably thinking, “what about the kids?” GOOD NEWS, the Trump/Ryan tax plan will kill a tax loophole that allows parents to save $5,000 on child care.

Deep inside the bowels of the Trump/Ryan tax cuts for the super rich is a bubble tax that creates a secret tax bracket and temporary tax hike for people earning more than a million dollars — but they REALLY don’t want to talk about it, it’s SUPER embarrassing to support the poors.

Republicans in the Senate are taking positions on the battlefield as the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) make their way over. Well, everyone except Ted Cruz, he’s just rambling about jobs and Jesus.

Several former and one current female House Reps. have come forward about allegations of sexual harassment, and some of the stories are just disgusting, especially when you realize some of these people are still serving.

No joke, Trump’s legal defense of sexually assaulting Summer Zervos, a former contestant on his game show, “The Art of You’re Fired,” is that she is a liar and his insults are to be considered political speech.

Some stupid science bozos LEAKED the Climate Science Special Report, part of the National Climate Assessment, to NPR and it looks like not only are humans responsible for climate change, but it’s about to get a whole hell of a lot warmer unless we do something about it.

The space hatin’ oil man who once threatened NOAA, Texas Rep. Lamar Smith, is the next to join the 19 other Republicans taking the long walk down washout lane in 2018.

Trump had some talky time with a DC talk radio station where he said he’s full of bigly sads about Sean Hannity’s uranium conspiracy, but “the saddest thing, is because I’m the president of the United States, I’m not supposed to be involved in the Justice Department. I am not supposed to be involved in the FBI. I’m not supposed to be doing the kinds of things I would love to be doing and I’m very frustrated by it.”

Last night, Trump had some MORE talky time with Laura Ingraham and said he doesn’t even need a fully staffed State Department because he’s a “business person” and he’s “the only one that matters.”

A rogue Twitter employee tried to be a hero and disabled Trump’s Twitter account for 11 minutes on their last day. The silence was golden … until someone decided to tell him.

Trump is now in Asia and getting ready to meet all the Not American dictators who do all the evil things he can only dream about.

The DNC has “You’re Fired” its finance director after failing to bring in Ameros for the party. As the RNC swims in cash from sketchy super donors, most Democrats are simply donating to individual candidates.

Jerome “Jay” Powell has been tapped by Trump to be your new Fed Chairman. Powell is expected to clear the 51 vote threshold, despite his background as a lawyer, not an economist — but it’s not about what you do with Trump, it’s how you look doing it.

The investigation into the shooting in a suburban Denver was “absolutely” slowed by the number of people who drew their personal firearms, according to police investigators. The suspect was taken into custody last night, and his neighbors say that he was always an asshole.

The UK’s rejected Brexit Bond villain and low-rent Ted Cruz Nigel Farage says that Russia isn’t the greatest threat to the United States, IT’S THE JEWS!

After being slapped with banhammers on Facebook and Twitter, neo-Nazis and white supremacists are moving to Russian servers and social media sites.

The SEC is (again) warning people that the Internet’s magical money isn’t technically legal tender, and that fabulous celebrities could be breaking the law by endorsing cryptocurrency.

Newly released emails from Ivanka Trump are raising questions about whether or not Princess Ivanka is using a private email address as there’s a lot of unnecessary redactions. “LOCK HER UP!”

Congressional investigators have found that a popular Twitter troll was actually a Russian troll farm, which is just another reason why Twitter is a silly place.

A new Economist/YouGov poll found that 51 percent of Democrats have a favorable opinion of George W. Bush, however, most people would probably favor chewing broken glass over having Trump as their president.

If you get time, read the kind of sad story of Trump’s mysterious mom, Mary Trump. Jokes aside, it’s a good profile of a woman who Trump certainly never ever uses as an ad-hoc prop.

Trump’s money honey Robert Mercer bailed out of Breitbart and sold everything to his daughter. In a sternly worded letter, Mercer tried to put some space between himself, Breitbart, former President Bannon, and Nazis, and said he’s a little sorry he showered Milo Yiano-whatever with Ameros.

Trumpkin Joe Ricketts has decided to kill DNAinfo and Gothamist, two of the largest hyperlocal urban news and blog sites in New York and Chicago after the employees tried to unionize failing to turn a profit. Killing good local news is historically shitty. Here’s how you can help.

The Baltimore City Paper is closing too, and it will be missed by people who grew up using it to find the gritty metal shows at Fletcher’s, Sonar, Spirits, Bad Decisions, and the rest of the Baltimorean weirdos hiding upstairs on the Natty Boh-covered barstools at The Ottobar.

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert ‘splainered the crisis between Spain and CataloniaJames Corden is pissed time travelers only work for sportsballSeth Meyers took A Closer Look at the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich); The Daily Show thinks Google and Facebook seriously fucked up last yearJordan Klepper shined a gas light on Trump and his minions.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! Lemurs eatin’ leftovers!

Give us money or we swear to Crom, we’ll bring back the ads. You don’t want ads, DO YOU?

Did you know you can yell mean things at Dominic on Twitter? It’s true!

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  • Nounverb911
    • bupkus231

      Wow! What a turnaround! Two coffee memes, then this?

      Someone needs more coffee….

  • Paul Dietzel

    RE tax plan. in the words of Vinny Gambini: “Look, it’s either me or them. You’re gettin’ fucked one way or the other.”

  • Nounverb911
    • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

      I find the donut somehow disturbing.

  • Nounverb911
    • Resistor Radio

      Hawt

  • Khavrinen

    “Trump Tax Plan Screws Poor Losers.”

    Are you trying to tell me that there was GAMBLING going on at Ricks?!?!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Poor Losers isn’t redundant? Oh shit.”
      — Rich Losers Everywhere

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      A new National Holiday!

  • Nounverb911
    • ariel_gee_398

      This may be one of the few times I don’t think Trump was lying.

  • BadKitty904
  • Latverian Diplomat

    Thanks to a quirky proposed surcharge, Americans who earn more than $1 million in taxable income would trigger an extra 6 percent tax on the next $200,000 they earn—a complicated change that effectively creates a new, unannounced tax bracket of 45.6 percent.

    Old money sticks it to the upwardly mobile upstarts filthy, graspers who don’t know their place?

  • Asterix

    YAY! Lemurs!!

    I second the suggestion to read the Mary Trump story.

    • It’s so S A D

    • cmd resistor

      I always kind of wondered about her. He does have an item on the Trump Tower menu called something like Mr Trump’s Mother’s Meatloaf.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Carter Page is glad he does not have a lawyer because he has a deep appreciation of the law and a “just, functioning legal system.”

    That’s one stupid motherfucker…

    • MynameisBlarney

      Good luck with that, dumbass! LOL

  • beatbort

    How will Hate Week # 25 end? With a bang or a whimper?
    Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you, Robert Mueller…

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      woo woo woo..

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Liddle’ Baby Donnie wrote a nonsensical tweet about dropping the ACA mandate and use the savings for middle class tax cuts. (like I said, nonsensical) But here’s an idea: keep the AMT and estate tax and use the money for a middle class Tax Cut. Cap deductions for high earners and use the increased revenue for a middle class Tax Cut

    “Wouldn’t it be great to Repeal the very unfair and unpopular Individual Mandate in ObamaCare and use those savings for further Tax Cuts…..”

    • Creepoman

      And let’s go ahead and fix Social Security while we’re at it: Eliminate the income cap. Next!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Yeah, we know, turmp, you’re the single most important person in the entire world. To you.
    You don’t care about anyone or anything else but yourself.
    And it fucking shows every time you open that anus mouth of yours.

  • Nounverb911
  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Accountant studies Trump/Ryan Plan, tries to add up the numbers, suffers concussion.

    • weejee

      Head assplodes, too, also.

  • weejee

    tRump is heading to Asia for an extended trip. Longest for a prez in decades. Can TSA make it forever?

    • Jgb979

      What are the odds on embarrassing international incidents that happen in 10 days?

      My money is on 12

      • Let’s assume 8 hour work days, but knowing Donnie, let’s drop that down to 4. If we assume he is only talking/doing things for 33% of the time, that means we have 13. So I’m going with your number too.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Hello, Prime Minister ________. What a lovely country you have here. Oh, by the way, do you have an extradition treaty with us?”

      repeat ad libitum

  • Jgb979

    There are bond villains who are less hilariously transparent in their attempts to do evil. Even Dr. Evil didn’t just “take” everyone else’s money, there was always some sort of drama first.

    I sure wish those red state populists would actually pay attention to the positions they’re voting for occasionally.

    • CafeenMan

      Red state: “Does it piss off liberals? Yes? Then I’m in.”

      Regardless of what it does to them. They don’t care.

      • Arolpin

        We need to convince them that nothing pisses off liberals more than conservatives self-castrating. We’ll make it something like “they’re trivializing gender dismorphism” or something and sit back and laugh as they all castrate themselves (and some of them inevitably die of blood loss, because they’re stupid).

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
  • MynameisBlarney

    “The Fix Is In!”

    Maybe…not sure yet…I dunno…

    https://twitter.com/RWPUSA/status/926266340343799808

    • Bill D. Burger

      Sounds quite plausible.

    • BigCSouthside

      What about Rosenstein?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Dunno.

      • laughingnome

        If Sessions resigns the new acting ag is not recused. So he could fire Mueller.

        • BigCSouthside

          So basically install someone over Rosenstein then?

          That’s like super obstruction

          • laughingnome

            Yeah. So, you know Trump is being counselled by Bannon to do this.

          • Catstro

            You’re talking like they give a fuck and checks and balances work

      • ScottGoode

        I thought he had some integrity for some reason. Might be thinking of the wrong person. You would think career FBI people would care more about their country than the president. I would love to give them the benefit of the doubt.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Unfortunately, Sessions wasn’t at the meeting with Jr., Kush, and Manafort. There will still be blame to go around.

      And if Trump had been going to try this gambit, shouldn’t he have done so when Sessions offered to resign months ago? Now that indictments are out, it looks a lot worse for them.

      Not to mention there are likely more sealed indictments. Firing Mueller doesn’t automatically make those go away, and he/his team could move to unseal them before someone else takes over.

    • Catstro

      Mueller seems like he would maybe see this from a mile away and hold off on that, maybe? If at all possible? Unless there’s a very good reason he *has* to indict the rabid elf next.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      So this evening Sessions resigns to spend more time with his babushka in his dacha?

    • OrG

      Worked for nixon.

  • There can be only one – A Haiku

    Deplorable dawn
    An old, only one matters
    betrayed by the Trump

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Trump: “I’m not supposed to be doing the kinds of things I would love to be doing and I’m very frustrated by…”

    You can fix that with just two words: I. Resign.

    • Bad Scooter

      Holy cannoli, is he implying that he’s currently showing restraint? I can’t let my brain imagine WTF else he’d “love to be doing.”

  • Creepoman

    “. . .poll found that 51 percent of Democrats have a favorable opinion of George W. Bush . . .”

    So I’m looking at my wife and thinking one of us is fucking nuts.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Some Democrats have terrible memories…like all the ones that forgot to vote in 2010…

    • Asterix

      Because Americans have short-term memory loss and they tend to be forgiving, eventually. Plus, Trump makes all preceding presidents look good.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “All preceding presidents?…huzzah!”
        — James Buchanan

      • Creepoman

        Forgiving IYAR. Would be interesting to see what popular opinion is for St. Jimmah.

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      I am unable to process or understand this information.

      We’re all gonna die in a radioactive derp storm.

    • GuidedAccordingly

      Well women are 51% of the population, so it is obviously her.

    • aureolaborealis

      “Statistics show that one in three people is a pedophile. But that can’t be true, because it would mean one of my neighbors was a pedophile. Which is ridiculous, because my neighbors are all smoking-hot 10-year-olds.”
      — Anthony Jeselnik joke, butchered beyond recognition.

  • Khavrinen

    “which (WHOA, if true!) would mean Jeff Sessions lied under oath.”

    Might be easier to just list the people in the Trump administration who haven’t lied under oath.

    I’ll start my list as soon as I find one.

    [ Don’t hold your breath. ]

    • arglebargle

      Melon hasn’t testified yet has she?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        They are still looking for a translator who speaks “supermodel”…

    • OrG

      Has tRump ever BEEN under oath?

      • ScottGoode

        Yes for some of the suits against him. He has a tendency to be more truthful than the rest of the time.

        • MrTusks

          Well, instead of wholesale invention of facts, he just says “I don’t recall.” Also likely a lie, but harder to serve as the basis for a perjury case.

    • proudgrampa

      I’ll start my list as soon as I find one.

      Is that you, Diogenes?

      • Khavrinen

        Diogenes was looking for honest men. He didn’t have much luck, so I’ve set the bar much lower.

        Not low enough for the Trump Administration, of course….

    • ScottGoode

      Do it in pencil so you can erase as they fall

  • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰
    • Antonin Dvorak

      The mic-drop Obama drawing is just lovely.

      • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

        And the lil’ halo…

  • weejee

    One of the Rs’ major goals with this tax disaster it to shoot Fed debt sky high (they know trickle-down does remotely work). That way they can go for balancing the budget by getting rid of Social Security and sending all the oldes to live under bridges. Then when the infrastructure crumbles – goodbye oldes..

    • laughingnome

      Yep. Shock doctrine.

    • MrTusks

      I guess Republicans know the end is near, because scared, stupid olds are the biggest reason they’ve had any power for a long time now. Or maybe they think the fix will be in forever?

  • Nounverb911
  • BigCSouthside

    I want more indictments

  • BadKitty904

    OT: A special celestial treat this time-change weekend!

    Almost-Super Full ‘Beaver Moon’ Will Shine Brighter Than Usual Over the Weekend
    https://weather.com/science/space/news/2017-11-02-november-beaver-full-moon

    • Major_Major_Major

      Beaver moon, hey? So it isn’t a man in the moon after all.

      • arglebargle

        A super full Beaver moon. I may have seen this somewhere before…

    • Creepoman

      As a proud Oregon State Beaver Believer, I approve of this moon. Go Beavs!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I thought it was testicle moons yesterday.
      I has a big confuzed now.

      • cmd resistor

        Our local NPR station has a short thing every day from the local astronomy guy. He will tell you what many different native American tribes called the upcoming moon. I only heard part of it but one of the ones this month I think was the sassafras moon.

    • therblig

      unseasonably warm today with a chance of showers, so it’ll be a hot, wet beaver moon.

      oh my.

      • BadKitty904

        ISWYDT…

        Ew.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Best note on Twitter in a very long time:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DNrjy0eW4AUTORy.jpg

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      RAMEN!

    • Khavrinen

      A long time. Or, quite possibly, EVER.

    • nightmoth

      This was hilarious. As we’ve now learned, a Twitter employee on their last day of work there did this. It gives a whole new dimension to the old country song “Take This Job and Shove It.”

    • Bright Bart

      paul ryan had to crawl up someone elses ass for 11 minutes.

    • calliecallie

      Some clever person retweeted this with the quote “It was all a dream.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Khavrinen

    “he has a deep appreciation of the law and a “just, functioning legal system.””

    “No, see, what you’ve used here is a comma, when what you wanted was the word ‘barely’.”

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • bupkus231

      Meme is a tiny bit out of date – the House plan keeps the 39.6% maximum rate ( but raises the threshold ). Of course, Rump doesn’t have to worry about paying that maximum rate.

      The other thing that is not mentioned by the meme is the loosening of what can be consider “pass-through” income, taxed at 25% – and that might lead to a lot of cheating, as high income taxpayers shift their earnings into “pass-throughs”

      Link: https://www.cbpp.org/research/federal-tax/republican-leadership-tax-plans-pass-through-tax-break-would-provide-massive

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Next time you pay your dentist, you’ll be writing a check to his LLC. Perfectly rational tax system.

    • proudgrampa

      Well, to paraphrase Senator Everett Dirksen: A billion here, a billion there, soon you’re talking REAL money!

  • Michael Smith

    I just saw some idiot on Facebook saying it was good that the Steelers have a bye this week, because there’s going to be a huge boycott of the NFL for veterans day and because of “the rumored antifa stuff tomorrow”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Antifa is going to gun down the rest of the NFL this weekend?

      I got no problem with that.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Why does every picture of Paul Ryan look like he just swallowed a canary? So far, he’s racked up a record of failure.

    • laughingnome

      He just loves being Paul Ryan.

    • proudgrampa

      A canary, or Trump’s dick?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Beautiful plumage. It’s just resting on its perch.” — The Speaker

  • Bill D. Burger

    New plan to rid us of the deficit: Every time Tweetler lies, he puts $10 in a Liar Jar. Deficit should be gone in a week.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Trump held a photo-op for everyone in his administration before going overseas.
    http://i.imgur.com/IsUJgBx.png

  • Bill D. Burger
  • AppleJackie

    After the giddiness of indictment Monday, I’m feeling more hopeless than ever. Republicans are fine burning our democracy down to the ground and selling our system to Russia to ensure tax cuts for the wealthy. Democrats are completely useless, disappointing their base with constant infighting and fielding weak/spineless candidates in races that should be slam dunks. I think VA is going Republican. Unbelievable. The kicker is Trump is proudly proclaiming, “L’état, C’est Moi” on TV. God. Maybe we need another fucking revolution here.

    • Major_Major_Major

      According to the wingnuts, tthat revolution is scheduled for tomorrow and accompanied by an EMP

    • The Wanderer

      Tree of liberty, blah blah blah.

    • Asterix
      • AppleJackie

        Yeah. Not the revolution I had in mind. Hard pass.

      • Yellerduck

        Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things? I’m supposed to go to the renaissance festival tomorrow.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Carter Page is glad he does not have a lawyer because he has a deep appreciation of the law and a “just, functioning legal system.”

    It would seem Page is oblivious to the Black Lives Matter movement.

    • Amongst the four bajillion other things he’s oblivious to? Seriously, i am stunned that guy can talk and breathe at the same time

      • puredog

        Well, actually, he can’t, without foaming.

    • Khavrinen

      It’s all in how you choose to define “just”. Black people shot for no reason, white/white-collar criminals walk away? Sounds “just” right to him.

  • The Wanderer

    Carter Page misspoke when he related that he liked a “just, functioning legal system.” It wasn’t a comma, it was a hyphen.
    As in a “just-functioning legal system.”

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I miss the days when the crazy was mostly Michele Bachmann and state-level Republican weirdos.

  • FlemmishSpy

    The IRS wants to take a $6.8B bite out of Robert Mercer’s ass. Meybe he expects the short-fingered vulgarian to intercede?

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-10-27/dispute-over-mercer-hedge-fund-taxes-moves-to-irs-appeals-office

  • Bill D. Burger

    Orange Ogre is feelin’ the heat this morning.
    Special glow and a twitter shitstorm at the outset. Cocaine is a hellova’ drug and dementia is a sad thing to watch play out in the White House.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DNtEXb1V4AAXZNk.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Ryan Denniston

    “the saddest thing, is because I’m the president of the United States, I’m not supposed to be involved in the Justice Department. I am not supposed to be involved in the FBI. I’m not supposed to be doing the kinds of things I would love to be doing and I’m very frustrated by it.

    JFC. PREDISENT NIXON IS NOT A ROLE MODEL. Maroon!

    • ariel_gee_398

      You know how if you live in a country where you don’t speak the language, normal people pick some of it up? Based on his ability to not learn anything about how government works, I’m guessing Donnie would go to his grave confusedly screaming, “Speak English” at everyone he met.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “I was very frustrated to find out that summary executions are not a part of my job description. UNFAIR!”

    • therblig

      I’m not supposed to be doing the kinds of things I would love to be doing and I’m very frustrated by it.

      fucking your daughter doesn’t count.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I’d hate to be in a Walmart when someone pops their chewing gum.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      “Eighteen Dead After ’92 Dodge Caravan Backfires in Walmart Parking Lot.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    I will take Kim and ISIS by their necks and strangle them. Believe me. You can believe me.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DNtWqZqX0AE_RIP.jpg

  • Khavrinen

    “Congressional investigators have found that a popular Twitter troll was actually a Russian troll farm, which is just another reason why Twitter is a silly place.”

    There are other Twitter trolls that are considered popular?
    Oooh, Donny’s gonna be so GRRR/angry when he finds out!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      and Aliens.

    • shivaskeeper

      Collusion. That word does not mean what you think it means Donnie.

    • cmd resistor

      Hey, way to make yourself look wise and presidential before going to Asia and pretending you are in charge.

    • puredog

      Hey, way to make yourself look like you actually read a book.

  • I read somewhere this morning pre-coffee that Sessions is being set up as the fall guy to be fired/indicted then the new AG will fire Mueller.

    Bring it.

    • Ryan Denniston

      We have a lot of profiles in courage in congress that will stand up to an out of control executive. Oh…

  • nightmoth

    Happy Friday to Dominic and all! Before we all get into parsing the wonkagenda, I want to post a little additional Nice Time from BBC about a violent Nazi whose black probation officer made friends with him and changed his life. It’s a reminder I sorely needed: Love is powerful. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-41816588

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

      And those are his good points!

    • bupkus231

      I would change “arguably” to “inarguably”, but otherwise accurate…

    • Ghenghis McCann

      And that’s what his mother said about him.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • BadKitty904

    OT: OK, question – TrumpCo sets up Sessions as their patsy and fire him, appointing a new AG, who will fire Mueller. What happens then?

    • Joe Beese

      Many Democratic legislators will release angry statements. Feinstein will say it’s not the time to talk about impeachment. McCain will say he’s concerned.

      Short answer: nothing.

      • BadKitty904

        *sigh*

    • shivaskeeper

      My understanding is Rosenstein is the only one who can fire Mueller.

      Either way we would be looking at a Constitutional crisis, same as when Nixon did the same thing.

      • Joe Beese

        I think the phrase “Constitutional crisis” is thrown around too loosely.

        There would be no crisis. The institutional remedy of impeachment and conviction would be right there, waiting to be used. The crisis – if that’s the right word for it – is the devolution of the Republican Party into the foul thing we see today.

        If Trump cancelled elections and dissolved Congress, that would be a Constitutional crisis.

        • shivaskeeper

          True.

          The crisis would be whether Congress, specifically the GOPers in power, chose to ignore the rule of law in this case. If he manages to fire Mueller, or get someone to do it for him, and the GOPers* do nothing then they have utterly given up their duties. That is a pretty big crisis.

          The 25th and impeachment have always been on the table. His Cabinet will not invoke the 25th and right now the House will not start impeachment because wingnuts.

          *I’m calling out the GOPers since they control both houses right now.

          • Dg Hacket

            The cabinet needs a 25th amendment remedy also

          • shivaskeeper

            They won’t do it. It’s been an option, but there is no way half of them plus Pence will do it.

          • Dg Hacket

            I should have phrased it better. We need to find a way to remove the cabinet, then we’ll just impeach Agent Orange

          • shivaskeeper

            Unfortunately there is no mechanism for that. As far as the impeachment, it can happen at any time. But it’s generally used in the case of high crimes and misdemeanors as undefined as that is. In a practical sense it just means there needs to be enough evidence to charge him and likely convict him once he is removed from power. The impeachment is purely a political process to remove him from power. There are no criminal charges or punishments from the impeachment itself.

            This will likely follow the Nixon model. He will hang on as long as he can and the House and Senate will cover for him and sweep shit under the rug until things become so egregious they can;t ignore it anymore.

            The question is going to be whether he and Pence resign a la Nixon/Agnew, just he resigns with Pence thinking he’ll skate free, or him clinging to the bitter end and facing the impeachment before being dragged out of the office by main force.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Don’t give him ideas.

      • BadKitty904

        A “Constitutional crisis” and a Republican Congress. Yeah, I can see how that’s gonna work out…

        • shivaskeeper

          And there is the goal to work for. A Dem Congress.

          • BadKitty904

            Amen, amen, amen.

          • shivaskeeper

            Now all we need is for the two dominate wings of the left to stop flinging shit at each other. Stop stabbing each other in the back. Stop gleaning the talking points from the right. And not least of all, show me some sort of plan to get back into office and get shit done.

          • BadKitty904

            *sigh*

    • ariel_gee_398

      If Sessions leaves for whatever reason, the new acting AG could fire Mueller – for cause – if s/he wanted to. There’s nothing improper about that, legally speaking, so there would be no recourse.

      Practically, lots of people are still in a heap of shit, because their crimes are also prosecutable at the state level. And hey, New York doesn’t really do country club prisons, so welcome to Sing Sing.

      Any remaining sealed indictments probably get unsealed, revealing federal charges against who knows. Even if those are eventually dismissed, the information is out there.

      I don’t think Sessions is being set up as a patsy – I think he’s as guilty as the rest of them. And I don’t honestly think they can pin everything on him, so I’m not sure how effective that will be. Meaning lots of uproar and protests.

      The thing is, Mueller has shown himself to be a pretty great tactician, so I’m willing to bet he has a plan for what happens if that does occur.

      • BadKitty904

        That last bit…

        (Who knew grown-up life would be so exciting?!)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Still-civilized nations will send thoughts and prayers.

  • Daniel

    Ivanka gave a speech about women’s issues today in Japan. The auditorium was reportedly half empty. A great turnout for an otherwise albeit birthday!

    • BadKitty904

      What would Iwanka know about “women’s issues”?

      • ariel_gee_398

        “How to keep the spice in your marriage when your husband is under federal investigation” would be a popular topic, very relatable.

        • Daniel

          “Did you know vanilla is a spice? It’s true!”

          • Arolpin

            I thought it was both a bean and an extract. (A floor wax *AND* a dessert topping.)

          • ariel_gee_398

            “Rent a trailer now for all your dangerous liaisons, so you can get accustomed to the atmosphere to conjugal visits.”

      • Daniel

        “Go along to get along: Captain Ivanka’s guide to not rocking the boat”

        “Chinese women aren’t really women and other key information to justify your work practices”

        “Where does plagiarism begin and homage end? Albeit descriptions for architecting legal relative”

        • Opalescent Riddles

          “Presumptive Destiny: everyone’s choices are the same as yours”

          “What I’m Saying Is Really Important — I know this because I got here on my merits”

    • bbayliss

      Pessimist, you might have said “half full”

    • From Russia with Love

      FAKE NEWS! It was 75% empty.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    “add a new $300 credit for each parent and non-child dependent in a household, such as a grandparent.”

    How much does it cost to feed a grandparent a year?

    • Daniel

      What are you feeding them to?

    • laughingnome

      If you let them forage they can be quite inexpensive.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Be sure to pay the BLM fees.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Cat food is relatively inexpensive.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Well, $300, obviously. Caintcha read good?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Ryan Denniston

      From the man who hired Pruitt to head the EPA. I think I’m going to assume the exact opposite.

    • Daniel

      “The president appears to be calling on the Justice Department to investigate his political opponents”

      Again

    • Ryan Denniston
    • shivaskeeper

      He really does seem to not understand that the campaign is over. I mean, there is tossing read meat to the base, and Hillz is nothing if not red meat for the base, and there is this. This seems to be him really believing he is still running against her.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        I think he understands that the campaign is over. This is him seeking to distract people from Mueller’s investigation, plus his natural instinct to vindictiveness.

        • shivaskeeper

          The distraction, sure. Basic red meat to the base. Hillz is one of the greatest boogeywomen they have to use. At this point though, I am unsure whether he actually knows the campaign is over. It’s a commentary on his mental state.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Yeah, it’s pretty clear that he is teetering on the edge of a psychotic break, and there is no real way of knowing how firm his grasp of reality is. If (when)someone in his inner circle is indicted, things will get very interesting.

          • From Russia with Love

            One of his spawn would be good. Kush is going down regardless.

          • shivaskeeper

            No real way of knowing how firm his grasp of reality is. Yes. That is the crux of this. Even without the possible dementia or tertiary syphilis there is no way of telling how many of his own lies he believes.

            He lies constantly. About everything. At some point he is just not going to be able to tell the difference or care about that difference anymore. Truth and reality will be whatever he thinks they are. What we don’t know is if already crossed that line or not and if he did, when was it.

            As has been asked numerous times, if he did suffer a break from reality, how would we know? I can very easily picture him behind closed doors right now ranting about no one in the DOJ listening to him. About why Hillz isn’t under arrest right now because he gave the order over Twitter. About how everyone is disloyal etc. . .

            That’s what scares me the most about him. As a business man, he’s bad at business. As a politician, he’s ineffective at best and destructive to his own party and ideas. As the unleashed Id of American with no line between fiction and fact and a bunch of rabid followers, he’s dangerous.

          • Bub, the cynical zombie

            Completely agree.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Republican lawmakers unveiled a sweeping rewrite of the tax code on Thursday, outlining a $1.5 trillion plan that will deliver a significant tax cut for corporations and more modest savings for middle-class families while tilting the United States closer, but not entirely, toward the kind of tax system long championed by businesses.

    This is a lede that was rewritten many, many times in an attempt to obfuscate the actual impact of the “sweeping rewrite,” and they forgot to go back and make sure it was still a coherent sentence. But then I’m sure substituting “more modest savings” for “scant savings for a small number of taxpayers” was way more important than fixing “closer toward the kind of tax system”

    • bupkus231

      And, of course, it makes no mention that the “tax system long championed by businesses” is more regressive than our current one.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The kind of tax system long championed by businesses is one that doesn’t tax businesses.
      Which we are moving closer but not entirely toward.

  • bupkus231

    I saw this over at Charlie Pierce’s shebeen, thought this part was curious:

    Link: http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a13143891/oklahoma-seduce-unmarried-woman-laws/

    Gov. Mary Fallin on Monday signed Senate Bill 286 repealing laws against seducing an unmarried female and imputing unchastity to females. The changes go into effect Nov. 1. Sen. AJ Griffin, R-Guthrie, was the author of the legislation, getting it passed after three years of trying. Griffin said she came across the seduction and slander crimes while trying to educate herself on the law. “I peruse the criminal code quite a bit, just trying to learn primarily, and then ran across those … and, of course, initially laughed,” she said….

    and,

    …The main slander law being repealed prohibits any person from “falsely and wantonly” imputing to any woman “a want of chastity.” A conviction is punishable by 30 to 90 days in jail and a fine of $25 to $500.

    Too bad this bill couldn’t have caught all those “conservative” assholes calling women “”sluts” over birth control coverage under the ACA …

    • shivaskeeper

      Repealing a no longer enforceable blue law?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It’s “de-regulation”.

        • shivaskeeper

          I’m in agreement about taking some if not all these old laws off the books if for no other reason than they can still be used by the police/prosecutors to harass the shit out of people.

          I was seriously asking if this was an unenforceable law being removed.

          • bupkus231

            Appears this is the story from which the “Esquire” piece comes from:

            Link: http://newsok.com/article/5547759

            The bill’s author calls the laws repealed “obsolete, antiquated, inappropriate for our modern society.”, but doesn’t say whether or not they were “unenforceable”

          • shivaskeeper

            Unenforceable as in unconstitutional. Even after Lawrence v. Texas there are plenty of states that have sodomy laws on the books. Some because they never got around to repealing them, some because they are hoping the SCOTUS will one day make homosex illegal again.

            In either case the laws are unenforceable by dint of being unconstitutional.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            How unenforceable they are is up to the courts. As you say, they can be used to make your life miserable – it takes time and money and a lot of angst to get to the point where a court throws out the law.

            Bergen County NJ still has their old “no business on Sunday” law on the books. Drives the merchants nuts when everybody heads out of town to do their shopping, and most absurdly, Costco has to rope off all the “shit you can’t buy today” on Sundays. Religious crap, but decades of legal wrangling have failed to get the law struck down.

          • shivaskeeper

            All true. I was referring more specifically to the ones already deemed unconstitutional by SCOTUS decisions. You could still be charged with violating them as they are on the books, the state would spend a lot of time and money to ultimately lose the case, but you would also spend time and money getting it tossed out.

    • Resistor Radio

      I saw that too, what a weird law.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Fucking Farage. I happen to have my reservations about Israel – and AIPAC – my very own self. But to just consider all that “the Jews”… That’s something only someone who doesn’t know any Jews well and didn’t grow up with them might say. And who has allowed himself to remain ignorant about the simple fact that they are anything but monolithic.

    • Ling Ling

      You could have stopped at “Fucking Farange”, whose only accomplishment is demonstrating that “fake news” is not restricted to the USA.

    • The Librarian

      I think people have more to worry about Putin and Russia than the Joos. Personally, I’m pleased with my share of world domination and I’m trying to make it a better place. :D

      • Zyxomma

        If we Jews are so good at world domination, why can’t I find work?

  • The Librarian

    “You’ve seen it strongly” Trump said to Ms. Ingraham about his policies. Is this his new misused buzzword? What happened to bigly? The only strongly things I’ve seen are fucking people over. When you’re the president, it’s pretty weak(ly) not to help and serve the people you represent.

    • shivaskeeper

      Technically bigly” was his mush mouth pronunciation of “big league”. Since his public speaking, syntax, word choices, and pronunciation are horrible, it came out as “bigly”.

      • Khavrinen

        You could say he has a diversary of bad pronunciations.

        • shivaskeeper

          I could do that. I could also tell you bigly and diversary are real words, Believe me,

      • The Librarian

        Lol, yes, I know. This was for snark purposes.

        • shivaskeeper

          Bigly truly.

    • Resistor Radio
    • bubbuhh

      Pretty sure he really wanted to say dickly, but Kelly put that on his “No Say” list.

  • Doug Langley
    • bbayliss

      I love kites and these are the best ever.

    • Resistor Radio

      Woah! Those are beautiful. Would love to see them flying over head…bucket list!

    • grindstone

      Oh gosh, I love this, thank you!

    • Zyxomma

      Wow, that was brilliant. I celebrated el Dia de los Muertos by making a big pot of chili sin carne and a pot of sprouted rice. And eating them. Yesterday, I made caponata. I have to visit Guatemala one day.

  • bbayliss

    Prediction: (I’m wrong about everything*)
    Today Friday Nov. 3, 2017, will come to be known as “freakout Friday”

    • Crystalclear12

      May the prophecy come to pass.

      • puredog

        Be careful what you pray for.

  • bubbuhh

    Jeff Sessions proudly represented the GOPee AND Alabama. Of course, he lies constantly (Bless his tiny heart.). Bein a stoopit evil little elf, it wuz only a matter uv time before he got caught.

  • Carter Page.. definitely told Jeff Sessions about his most excellent Russian vacation — which (WHOA, if true!) would mean Jeff Sessions lied under oath.

    Well. You know what they say…

    “When Republicans lie, People die”
    https://i.imgflip.com/1yqkag.jpg

    • Khavrinen

      Luckily not a one-to-one correspondence, or there’d be no American soldiers left at all.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I dunno, under Dubya alone, counting combat deaths (war based on a lie) and 9/11 (lack of security based on a lie), that’s about 5,400 deaths. Then there’s domestic gun deaths (maybe not a “lie” but certainly a whole lot of misleading about gun laws), which would probably push it over a quarter mil. So I think it’s way beyond one-to-one.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Lamar Smith going the fuck away ought to be a good thing – but the nimrods who elected him will undoubtedly send somebody even worse to take his place.

  • Marceline

    I really hope we get some good Mueller news today. Last Friday was awesome with the wondering who was about to get indicted. Every Friday should be that way.

    • Weird Fishes

      Make every Friday Put-Away Day!

  • Crystalclear12

    Ah gwad, homework!?
    *whines and stomps off to do homework*

  • sosuume

    Paul Ryan explains the tax bill today, and it does fit on a post card: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9425f9efb1283a31cdac611bbd850ed13c5c1044b24158d2529c370fdf6dd1e9.jpg

  • cmd resistor

    So wingnut bro says we can’t call it tax cuts for the rich because of the double standard deduction. So that’s that.

  • jesuswasablack

    “definitely told Jeff Sessions about his most excellent Russian vacation — which (WHOA, if true!) would mean Jeff Sessions lied under oath”
    Well actually if you read sessions answer to Miss Lindsey’s question he was able to qualify it in a way that avoids both telling the truth and outright lying! Miss Lindsey asked the question in a way that allowed Session to wiggle out, which means Miss Lindsey is also in on the Russia-Trump cover-up. All the repugs are onboard with the cover-up, move along!
    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/lindseygraham.gif

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Weekend Homework assignment link is borked. Or maybe it’s Putined. or Trumped. any road, not working?

  • puredog
  • jesuswasablack

    The DNC has “You’re Fired” its finance director after failing to bring in Ameros
    Not surprising I got a call from the DNC, when I told the caller that I did not have time to talk to her right now (working to earn a living) she berated me with some “you don’t have time this is our country” and then fucking hung up on me? That’s some serious telemarketing skills right there!
    http://cdn.momentofgeekiness.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/hqdefault4-300×135.jpg?x15551

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      oh ffs – I’m not involved enough to be on board with all the DNC bashing – but that right there is some A++ bullshit/

      • jesuswasablack

        Well it happened just the other day, Monday I think? Makes one wonder…………

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          oof – could be an overzealous volunteer or part of the culture.

          Either way, NOT GOOD dnc.

    • From Russia with Love

      You fucking voters…

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    sigh:

    “Carter Page is glad he does not have a lawyer because he has a deep appreciation of the law and a “just, functioning legal system.”

    A fucking lawyer is part of a just, functioning legal system – dumbass. Its in the damn Constitution.

  • Chyron HR

    I remember back in 2000, when saying GWB isn’t that bad was the real true progressive viewpoint.

    • From Russia with Love

      I don’t.

    • quantum mechanic

      Something no progressive anywhere ever said.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    P.S. Dom – I read last night they may try to get rid of the electric vehicle tax credit. not sure if that’s technically part of the tax plan or just something they’re bandying about.

    ETA: heh, ALWAYS SCROLL DOWN.
    my bad dude.
    : D

  • Me not sure

    “I don’t remember much about the Papadopoulos meeting and I have the world’s greatest memory, so it never happened. LOGIC!”
    DJT

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      this was the tactic I used with several (frustrated) girlfriends. “If I don’t remember it, it never happened.”

  • Bad Scooter
    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      FTMF.

  • folderol

    Carter Page needs to understand that our legal system is adversarial, and doesn’t play nicey-nice with suspected criminals. Biggest mistake to make.

    • From Russia with Love

      “Put your underwear back on Mr Page. That’s not what I meant by briefs.”

  • Panika MCD

    1) this is how Miss T. *mostly* ended sexual harassment in the Pink Dome. we can’t 100% end it, but this took a great white shark sized bite out of it.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKf-6WiBq_Q

    2) I absolutely could not be happier about Lamar Smith announcing retirement–especially because he only comes to TX to campaign and spends most of the rest of his not-congress time at his homes in NH and Cape Cod.

    3) CO: proving that mostly liberal states can be stupid about guns also too. OR, you’re not alone on this one.

    4) I have a positive view of Shrub when he’s not in office. my response to that question would be totally different if it was about his job while in office.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • aureolaborealis

      “I feel good! I knew that I would!”

      — John Brown on the gallows, probably not

  • Ms.Moon

    It is November in New York I am currently wearing summer sandals because it’s a balmy 70+ right now. The trees have green leaves still mixed with the brown leaves. I have never worn summer sandals in November because it is usually cold in New York in November. Climate change is so very real and Trump may not live to see the consequences but he has grandchildren, he would not try to fix help set things to rights for their sake?

    • WIDTAP

      My apple tree has, for the first time, decided to grow a second set of apples this year. lIt’s leaves are still green. I feel only a little bad that Mar-a-lago will be under water long before it gets bad for me.

      • VirginiaMorningBlend

        Last year we saw trees like oaks and poplars having a second growth of new leaves in July. Cherry trees and daffodils bloom here in January, then it snows. Used to be we could count on a frost hitting by October 14th. I’m old and the world is fucked.

    • BrendaKay

      My hubby has been looking at current temps vs. historical averages and says we are consistently 7 degrees warmer now all year long. Sigh.

      • Ms.Moon

        I did not have to for the first time in ages last winter take out my January coat. I have a coat that I usually start to wear in January, it’s fur lined and ever so warm. Last year it stayed in the closet, I had no reason to take it out. I have not worn my fall/spring coat consistently yet. I went out yesterday in a tank top with a warm cape over it and I ended up in my pashmina because it was so warm. It is November in New York in past years we’ve had snow already.

    • RugzYaBurnt

      My friend who is a climate scientist is fond of pointing out that the people who do the loudest squawking about “the family” are typically the ones that deny wholesale the very existence of the single biggest threat to their children and their children’s children. Shorter version: conservatives care about their tax brackets, not their kids and grandkids.

  • BrendaKay

    “Jerome “Jay” Powell has been tapped by Trump to be your new Fed Chairman.” OMG I am shocked! Another old white man will be added to the government so a woman can be let go! (I am not shocked.)

  • TakingAmes

    Happy Friday! A further descent into authoritarianism, elimination of my (woefully inadequate) pre-tax dependent care monies, world on fire, and now I’ll be drinking my lunch.

  • calliecallie

    Wait, we have homework now?

  • aureolaborealis

    Is it just a coincidence that the people that white guy lone-wolfed at the Walmart were all Latino?

  • javadavis

    Why is CNN putting flickering, strobey ads on their stories? I clicked three of their links and they all had one. Isn’t that one of those things that could be dangerous, like video games post warnings about possible seizures, even? Plus they are very annoying. Perhaps I should work out who they are adverting and explain to them why I will promote the boycott of all their products.
    (edit) Perhaps there is something in my browser settings, pretty weird.

  • ExecutorElassus

    WTF is with the rehabilitation of Shrub? The man’s a fucking war criminal who laid much of the groundwork for the present administration. My only wish for him is that the constant guilt and shame over all the lives his dick-wagging war destroyed eventually crushes what’s left of his feeble mind, and he ends up broken and alone, hated by all.

  • Sharon Cooper

    Seriously, is it too late to go back to being a British colony? I feel like I’m getting taxation without representation either way.

    • BadKitty904

      Speak for yourself – we were part of the Spanish Empire. An oppressive Church, but better food.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Every time I see a lemurs, I think of the Kratt brothers and then it’s off to my bunk. Thanks, Wonkette!

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