Morning Wonketariat, happy Friday! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.
Carter Page had some talky time with the House Intel Committee and revealed that he definitely told Jeff Sessions about his most excellent Russian vacation — which (WHOA, if true!) would mean Jeff Sessions lied under oath.
Carter Page is glad he does not have a lawyer because he has a deep appreciation of the law and a “just, functioning legal system.”
Robert Mueller and his team of extraordinary investigators are sniffing around Prince Jared, so J-Kush dumped a bunch of campaign and transition papers in a box, and left them on the curb.
As Trump-Russia investigations continue to roll on, there’s a focus on who might be the super spies who loved Trump hiding right in front of our faces.
A new WaPo/ABC News poll has found that 58 percent of people approve of Robert Mueller’s investigation into Trump’s ALLEGED Russian fuckery, with 49 percent believing that Trump himself may have committed some Russian fuckery.
Gleb Pavlovsky was Putin’s advisor during his younger and more formative years, and during PBS’s Frontline documentary, he states that Putin believed that he elected Trump. The whole thing is good, and your weekend homework assignment.
The Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) have landed with a dull, emotionless thud on the Hill. They’ll slash corporate tax rates, and reduce personal income brackets to 12, 25, 35 and 39 percent. It will also kill the alternative minimum tax and the estate tax so that rich people can spread their wealth amongst all their spoiled brats.
But wait, there’s more! The Trump/Ryan tax plan ALSO kills the $7,500 electric vehicle tax credit, but the nuclear industry gets its tax incentive extended until 2021.
“WAIT,” you’re probably thinking, “what about the kids?” GOOD NEWS, the Trump/Ryan tax plan will kill a tax loophole that allows parents to save $5,000 on child care.
Deep inside the bowels of the Trump/Ryan tax cuts for the super rich is a bubble tax that creates a secret tax bracket and temporary tax hike for people earning more than a million dollars — but they REALLY don’t want to talk about it, it’s SUPER embarrassing to support the poors.
Republicans in the Senate are taking positions on the battlefield as the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) make their way over. Well, everyone except Ted Cruz, he’s just rambling about jobs and Jesus.
Several former and one current female House Reps. have come forward about allegations of sexual harassment, and some of the stories are just disgusting, especially when you realize some of these people are still serving.
No joke, Trump’s legal defense of sexually assaulting Summer Zervos, a former contestant on his game show, “The Art of You’re Fired,” is that she is a liar and his insults are to be considered political speech.
Some stupid science bozos LEAKED the Climate Science Special Report, part of the National Climate Assessment, to NPR and it looks like not only are humans responsible for climate change, but it’s about to get a whole hell of a lot warmer unless we do something about it.
The space hatin’ oil man who once threatened NOAA, Texas Rep. Lamar Smith, is the next to join the 19 other Republicans taking the long walk down washout lane in 2018.
Trump had some talky time with a DC talk radio station where he said he’s full of bigly sads about Sean Hannity’s uranium conspiracy, but “the saddest thing, is because I’m the president of the United States, I’m not supposed to be involved in the Justice Department. I am not supposed to be involved in the FBI. I’m not supposed to be doing the kinds of things I would love to be doing and I’m very frustrated by it.”
Last night, Trump had some MORE talky time with Laura Ingraham and said he doesn’t even need a fully staffed State Department because he’s a “business person” and he’s “the only one that matters.”
Trump is now in Asia and getting ready to meet all the Not American dictators who do all the evil things he can only dream about.
The DNC has “You’re Fired” its finance director after failing to bring in Ameros for the party. As the RNC swims in cash from sketchy super donors, most Democrats are simply donating to individual candidates.
Jerome “Jay” Powell has been tapped by Trump to be your new Fed Chairman. Powell is expected to clear the 51 vote threshold, despite his background as a lawyer, not an economist — but it’s not about what you do with Trump, it’s how you look doing it.
The investigation into the shooting in a suburban Denver was “absolutely” slowed by the number of people who drew their personal firearms, according to police investigators. The suspect was taken into custody last night, and his neighbors say that he was always an asshole.
The UK’s rejected Brexit Bond villain and low-rent Ted Cruz Nigel Farage says that Russia isn’t the greatest threat to the United States, IT’S THE JEWS!
After being slapped with banhammers on Facebook and Twitter, neo-Nazis and white supremacists are moving to Russian servers and social media sites.
The SEC is (again) warning people that the Internet’s magical money isn’t technically legal tender, and that fabulous celebrities could be breaking the law by endorsing cryptocurrency.
Newly released emails from Ivanka Trump are raising questions about whether or not Princess Ivanka is using a private email address as there’s a lot of unnecessary redactions. “LOCK HER UP!”
Congressional investigators have found that a popular Twitter troll was actually a Russian troll farm, which is just another reason why Twitter is a silly place.
A new Economist/YouGov poll found that 51 percent of Democrats have a favorable opinion of George W. Bush, however, most people would probably favor chewing broken glass over having Trump as their president.
If you get time, read the kind of sad story of Trump’s mysterious mom, Mary Trump. Jokes aside, it’s a good profile of a woman who Trump certainly never ever uses as an ad-hoc prop.
Trump’s money honey Robert Mercer bailed out of Breitbart and sold everything to his daughter. In a sternly worded letter, Mercer tried to put some space between himself, Breitbart, former President Bannon, and Nazis, and said he’s a little sorry he showered Milo Yiano-whatever with Ameros.
Trumpkin Joe Ricketts has decided to kill DNAinfo and Gothamist, two of the largest hyperlocal urban news and blog sites in New York and Chicago after
the employees tried to unionize failing to turn a profit. Killing good local news is historically shitty. Here’s how you can help.
The Baltimore City Paper is closing too, and it will be missed by people who grew up using it to find the gritty metal shows at Fletcher’s, Sonar, Spirits, Bad Decisions, and the rest of the Baltimorean weirdos hiding upstairs on the Natty Boh-covered barstools at The Ottobar.
And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert ‘splainered the crisis between Spain and Catalonia; James Corden is pissed time travelers only work for sportsball; Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich); The Daily Show thinks Google and Facebook seriously fucked up last year; Jordan Klepper shined a gas light on Trump and his minions.
And here’s your morning Nice Time! Lemurs eatin’ leftovers!
Did you know you can yell mean things at Dominic on Twitter? It’s true!