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This might be one of the best anti-bullying ads we’ve seen. It’s a simple premise: A group of actors pretend to be a bunch of bullies and their victim in a real Los Angeles Burger King, and hidden cameras keep track of whether anyone intervenes. At the same time, on the cooking line, a Burger King employee “bullies” a Whopper Jr. then wraps it up to be served to whomever ordered it.

The bystander effect and social squeamishness about getting involved result in a depressing outcome: 92% of customers complained about getting a mooshed burger, and only about 12% intervened with the “bullied” teen, who earned his pay for acting. You’ll laugh and maybe cry some when the nice lady stands up and goes over to talk to the bullied kid. We’re not sure what we learn here, except that maybe we should get more people to pay two bucks for a teenager so they’ll care if he or she is bullied.

Also, we need a PSA showing Burger King executives how their employees could live much better lives on $15 an hour, but we don’t know if a comparison to a burger getting paid a living wage would work.

Just watch the ad, guys. We know you don’t watch the videos, but WATCH THE DAMN VIDEO OR WE’LL SMUSH YOUR BURGER.

We’d never do that. Really. We love you. It’s your open thread.

NOW GIVE US MONEY

[Fortune/ Josh Marshall on Twitter]

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  • Meccalopolis

    Nah

  • clubseal

    The only thing a Whopper bullies is a stomach.

    • Does it bully your stomach more than anything from the Taco Bell menu?

      • clubseal

        Oddly enough, no, although I only eat fast food about once every two months and it’s usually a super delicious McDonalds double sodium burger with cheese.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I’m a fan of the quarter pounder with cheese precisely because it ensures that I get my lifetime RDA of sodium in one meal. Which is why I try to have them only now and then.

          • clubseal

            That’s probably why they taste so good; you could open a desalinization plant inside your body after eating one and bring water to all of California’s fallowed fields.

      • SDGeoff3

        Never. (you MONSTER!)

        • puredog

          We reserve that comment for the canned clamburger.

          • SDGeoff3

            You haven’t dined at Taco Bell then. Or else your tummy is genetically protected!
            As far as canned clams goes, I could finish you off in a second with my Clam Cake recipe from Rhode Island. You haven’t urped until you have enjoyed deep fried clam fritters with canned Quohaugs. (They are really very good, we think.)
            So, take that, you and your canned clamburger! HA!

      • Crystalclear12

        That’s apples and oranges. I understand Burger King still uses meat.

      • Creepoman

        On rare occasions, I’m still a sucker for bean and cheese burritos (with about 12 packets of hot sauce).

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I love me some Taco Bell, but the way my tummy feels afterward makes me seriously question my life choices.

  • james crubb

    He went into burger king, he knew what could happen.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      You mean that burger knew what it signed up for but it still hurt.?

      • Sean Jungian

        I GUESS.

  • gallbladder

    Strong fucking medicine, that.

  • OddMan

    Welcome to Avila Beach, 98 99F right now. Hottest day on record in October. We will bring some cold beer.

  • mrFawkes

    In my town, Dairy Queen was bullied so relentlessly by Burger King, they called in Jack in the Box to mediate.

    • weejee

      That’s one of the cheesiest posts ever. Four up-hoofs for that.

    • BosGrl

      Yeah, and Prince Albert got involved, but he landed in the can.

      • Daniel

        I can’t imagine Prince Albert being welcomed in a family restaurant.

        • BosGrl

          Well, not since they stopped allowing smoking.

          • Daniel
          • Lambsendbeds

            Ouch !

          • Gayer Than Thou

            Which reminds me – I need to make an appointment with my dentist about my chipped tooth.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            From a car repair course for women (story told as true, unverified)

            Instructor: Just hold the screwdriver like it’s your husband’s dick.
            Student: I’d break my teeth!

          • BosGrl

            I keep forgetting I’m not the hip, cosmopolitan person I imagine myself to be!

  • blarg

    Interesting. A man of color and an, um, non-traditionally-feminine-looking woman standing up for the bullied kid. Maybe that’s a skewed, selectively chosen sample, but maybe it’s not.

    • gallbladder

      I noticed that as well.

  • PubOption

    At Smashburger they admit to squishing the burgers, so customers can’t complain about that. Would their customers be more or less likely to intervene on behalf of the bullied teen?

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Since this is an open thread, I am going to open a beer, a bottle of gin, a bottle of bourbon, and a bottle of vodka. Then open my mouth and pour them into it. Opening all possibilities of interesting open thread comments.

    • gallbladder

      (waits with gleeful anticipation)

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance
      • OddMan
      • Ill-Advised

        My first thought. What kind of Rorschach-like test could be made of a choice of beer, gin, bourbon, and vodka?

        I tried to find out what kind of person would do this, and more importantly, where I stood on the matter.

        https://www.quibblo.com/quiz/gVIYhvj/What-type-of-alcohol-suits-your-personality

        My second thought was Tito’s, or GTFO.

        To my horror, it took me this long to realize that TEQUILA was missing!

        And off I went to remedy the situation.

        • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

          Tito’s handmade vodka is my favorite; on the rocks, two limes. Buddha’s Hand from Hangar one is next. I will settle for Grey Goose though.

          • Ill-Advised

            More power to you! I think Grey Goose tastes like turpentine, but that’s why I don’t drink and draw anymore.

    • SDGeoff3

      Open your door and we’ll be right over.

    • Crystalclear12

      You don’t start your day that way?
      Just me, I guess.

      • SDGeoff3

        I’m of the Wake And Bake persuasion, myself.

  • James Baskin

    It was a long time ago. But yeah, if you’re smaller than the other kids, some assholes are gonna be punching down on you. And you know really, it wasn’t the getting punched on that hurt, it was the ridicule and laughing.

    • BosGrl

      I’m sorry, James. People, even the smaller ones, suck.

    • Werewolf

      Ain’t that the damn truth?

  • ariel_gee_398

    Has Burger King rendered Melania irrelevant, then?

    • gallbladder

      Most things do.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      no, but their heat lamps cause melanoma…..

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      The Prenup probably did that already.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    That woman was so kind, so there for that kid. I’m afraid my menopausal “cut that out you little shitheels!” while channeling their meanest great-aunts would not be nearly as hepful.

    • Persistent Demme

      Yep.
      I remember the moment when I realized that I was the mean, (don’t fuck with me!) aunt.

      (I was thinking she must be a teacher or social worker, etc., Her actions were so skillful and constructive.)

  • Molon Labe

    Perhaps the most tragic part of the experiment was the 5% of people that wouldn’t complain about their burger being smashed? Yikes….. Thats no way to live your life.

    • Daniel

      [Raises hand] I probably wouldn’t. But I’m English.

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        Yes, you would just eat it with a knife and fork.

      • TJ Barke

        Lives of quiet desperation.

        Holy shit, am I English?

        • Daniel

          Hamburgers of quiet desperation is the English way.

        • SpideySenser

          “Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way”
          PF

    • Creepoman

      I’m just happy when my burger comes without the big honking loogie.

  • Scooby

    Where’s the beef?

  • ariel_gee_398

    No wonder Bannon seems to prefer working from the shadows: https://twitter.com/CharlesPPierce/status/922545829084303360

    • Daniel

      He gets nervous when he’s been more than twenty minutes without his gin.

    • Kryptonian Canis Greyhame

      “the only surviving heir to House Harkonnen”
      I think Charles P. Pierce just won The Internet.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    One of these days, I’m going to be one of the bystanders and I’m totally afraid (read: certain) I’ll be the one pretending to look at his phone.

    • Daniel

      I’m fairly certain I would be too.

      • Seek

        I’m usually the one yelling at complete strangers to knock that shit off, and one of these days I’m gonna get beat on for it. I’m getting too old to keep up with this.

        • BosGrl

          I speak up too. I did it before, but these days I have no fucks left to give.

          • Seek

            My classic was getting into a shouting match with 3 skinhead types. They were mostly backing down because they looked like assholes getting into it with a single young woman. However one of them was getting pretty pissed off. I couldn’t resist asking him why he hadn’t shaved his (VERY bushy) eyebrows as it would have made more of a statement. That cracked up his asshole friends who dragged him off.

          • BosGrl

            Love it.

    • Historicat

      I’ll be the one actually looking at his phone and wishing those people would just quiet down.

  • Aunt PithyPat

    EVERYONE JUST STOP CUTTING ONIONS! Sheesh!

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Happy Science Time: 130 year-old sketchbook proves an amateur teen astronomer was only third person in history to witness super rare “White Solar Flare” on September 1, 1886.

    What [Juan] Valderrama had observed was a high-energy solar flare, strong enough to create a flash in not just ultraviolet or X-ray ranges, but also in visible light. Recent observations have shown that most solar flares release some white, or visible, light, Spanish researchers wrote in a new paper accepted for publication in a forthcoming issue of the journal Solar Physics. But highly sensitive equipment is usually needed to detect that light. Valderrama made his observations with a simple 2.5-inch-diameter (6 centimeters) telescope.

    “It is extraordinary that in the Spain of the 19th century, a 17-year-old kid would make such a scientific discovery, and it is even more impressive that he had the courage of submitting it for publication to a foreign scientific journal,” study co-author Jorge Sánchez Almeida, of the Instituto de Astrofísica de Canarias (IAC), said in a statement.

    https://www.livescience.com/60737-1886-sketch-reveals-white-solar-flare.html?utm_source=notification

    • C4TWOMAN

      Nice Time Science.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Bet the 8% who didn’t complain about the smushed burger were Canadian visitors. They’re just nice!

    https://wdfyfe.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/canada.jpg?w=547

    • doktorzoom

      Or worse, didn’t notice.

      “Huh. Tastes sadder somehow”

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Of course none of of you libtards cares about the feelings of the bullies.

    • Bill D. Burger

      It’s just like assault. Libs don’t worry about the trauma the perp suffers…..screamin’ in his ears, scratches…etc. Yyyyyyou ….libs!

    • SDGeoff3

      Yeah; SO?!!1!!

    • TJ Barke

      That’s exactly fucking right.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Bully Americans are the true oppressed minority in America. Look what poor Harvey Weinstein has been made to go through! A whole week in rehab!

      • Shanzgood

        Oh. JFC! He’s OUT?

        • Gayer Than Thou

          It was a one-week outpatient rehab program. I don’t see why you seem to think that isn’t sufficient. I’m sure he’s all better now!

          • SDGeoff3

            Like George Zimmerman, he will turn up forever, like a bad penny.

          • Shanzgood

            They removed all the “1960s and 70s culture” in a week, huh.

          • BosGrl

            Someone on Twitter noted that they had to train for two weeks to be a waiter at Friendly’s.

          • SDGeoff3

            I remember Friendly’s!

          • BosGrl

            We still have them. Both my girls thought it was a huge treat to go.

          • SDGeoff3

            The drippy sundaes, and the best hot fudge!

          • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

            We don’t need to hear about your sexual escapades on your weekends.
            On second thought, go on…..

          • SDGeoff3

            The best drippy sundaes, let me tell you. The drippiest.

          • SpideySenser

            Jim Dandy’s!

          • BosGrl

            :D

          • SpideySenser

            Fribbles!

        • SDGeoff3

          I never knew he entered a program. He needs more that a “program”. He needs re-programming.

      • Bill D. Burger

        And showering without an audience. MONSTERS!

        • SDGeoff3

          Why, I’ve never heard of such a thing.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Both sides do it!

        • C4TWOMAN

          A week of rebab?

    • bluicebank

      Or torturers, who go through their own hell.
      #sadistlivesmatter

    • CeeQ

      I’ll say what everyone is thinking anyways – this is obviously Obama’s fault.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I like burgers that don’t get smooshed. Sad.

    Also, too, while I hope that I have enough courage to stand up for somebody being bullied, the last time I tried to intervene at a guy publicly chewing out his girlfriend, the two of them then proceeded to yell at me for getting involved in their “private” affair. No winning, sometimes. Well, I guess I got them to stop yelling at each other, so that’s something.

  • bluicebank

    On the topic of bullies (and the bullies who bully them):

    NJ Gov. Chris Christie, as TPM summarizes the GQ article:

    New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) is still putting on a good face
    when it comes to his relationship with President Donald Trump.

    “He gets mad at me at times, he yells at me at times, but he respects me,” Christie told GQ in an interview published Monday.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/christie-trump-yells-at-me-but-he-still-respects-me

    Battered wife syndrome? Stockholm Syndrome? Whipping boy syndrome? Gotta be one of those.

    • Blackest Noobs

      respects you? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    • jesterpunk

      Sure Christie, he respects you. Thats why you couldn’t order your own meal at the White House when everyone else could pick what they wanted.

      https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/chris-christie-meatloaf-donald-trump_us_58a687e2e4b037d17d26761b

      “This is what it’s like to be with Trump: He says, ‘There’s the menu, you guys order whatever you want,’” Christie said, according to audio posted online. “And then he says, ‘Chris, you and I are going to have the meatloaf.’’’

    • SDGeoff3

      Syncophantic by nature?

    • wait! what?

      Good face libelz.

      Chris Christie doesn’t have one.

    • JAKvirginia

      I’d Suck Trump’s Ass Dry to Get a Job in The White House Syndrome.

    • Suttree

      I’m term limited and need a job in a few months syndrome.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    With the proliferation of guns, one thinks twice before intervening.

    • BosGrl

      If I saw a kid being bullied and didn’t intervene, I couldn’t look my daughter or nephews in the eye again.

    • Persistent Demme

      It’s harder for me, as a woman, to feel safe in this situation.
      If I had Mr. Demme, or my tall (6’5″, 6’10”) and terrifying brothers by my side, I would feel bold enough to act, (and have done, in the past).
      But bravo to the woman who simply moved her tray over to the bullied kid, diffused the situation, and actually introduced herself to the tormentors.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Well, that didn’t last long. I guess ESPN realized that hooking up with a company that brags about sexual harassment being the norm in the workplace and women had no right to complain was not a good look.

    https://twitter.com/ESPNPR/status/922548379175063552

    • BosGrl

      Good.

    • JAKvirginia

      Wait a mo… you approved of that kind of content, you acknowledge they delivered the content they said they would, but you’re cutting them loose because ESPN is getting bad mojo from the public? So lessee… YOU F*CKED UP BUT THEY PAY THE PRICE? You must just be the manliest of men, eh, snowflake?

    • Stulexington

      We honestly thought we would get a pass if we just said “oops, sorry.” and fired the people we hired. Who knew running something up the flagpole could actually harm us.

  • Bill D. Burger

    We’ve become so desensitized and our expectations so low, I cannot imagine what those burgers looked like.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XrZFM2nvLXA/hqdefault.jpg

    • HazooToo

      They looked like the one on the right, but even worse. WATCH THE VIDEO AND CRY, DAMMIT!

    • Marion in Savannah

      And people wonder why I refuse to eat fast food.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Because you’re not a lazy glutton like me? :-D

        • BosGrl

          Full > hungry

        • Marion in Savannah

          Nope, it’s because I actually try to enjoy my food. And, FWIW, I found that even when I was working full time and had another job I did from home it was cheaper and better tasting to cook myself.

          (Well, also too the fact that all that stuff seems to be soaked in salt, which I can mostly do without.)

  • TJ Barke
    • HazooToo

      Sorry I can’t click that link, I’m washing my hair forever.

      • TJ Barke

        There’s something regarding an affidavit of one of his accusers, then two thank you notes about random shit from Megyn Kelly and one from Gretchen Carlson.

        • Creepoman

          Seems on slightly stalker-ish that he’s been hanging onto a thank you note for a baby gift from Megyn.
          Alright, make the highly stalker-ish.

        • HazooToo

          So, supposedly exculpatory “evidence” he’s been hanging onto just in case he lost his job and got outed as a monster?

    • Mary Theresa

      After reviewing his proof, which is a nothing burger. I’m convinced BillO really doesn’t think he did anything wrong at all and that’s scary.

    • ManchuCandidate

      He’ll go on public access cable and star in “The Innocence Report with Homer Simpson Bill O’Really.”

      Except it totally goes off the rails when he sexually harasses the Gummi Venus De Milo with a Falafel.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Bill, if you’re so fucking innocent, then why did you pay her THIRTY-TWO MILLION DOLLARS??!?!?

      • TJ Barke

        Cuz bitches set him up!

  • Thiazin Red

    I’m still trying to find a good horror novel before the end of the month.

    The Grip of it had some decent writing, but didn’t go anywhere and the non ending was a real let down.
    Final Girls, also just okay and dragged out the story for too long.
    Anna Dressed in Blood, so far not bad, still not great or scary.

    • HazooToo

      OOH I know a GREAT TWO WHOLE SETS OF BOOKS actually a great AUTHOR OKAY, go find Brian Harmon on Amazon and download everything!

    • Bill D. Burger

      If you’d like a good flesh-crawling gothic horror novel, check out John Langan’s The Fisherman. Good read.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    True story: last time I ate at a Burger King, I asked for my burger to be prepared a particular way, because I knew that special orders wouldn’t upset them. The person who took my order smirked, and when my order came it seemed to have been assembled at random.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Some men just want to watch the world burn, my friend.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      That reminds me – I still have three birthday reward burger meals I have to redeem before next Tuesday.

    • clubseal

      The first time I ever had a Whopper it was free because I’d called in to my local radio station for a “contest.” I was probably about 10 and all I had to do was name two things that kids could do over the summer other than drugs. I don’t remember what I said, or whether I even knew what drugs were at the time, but I can say that it was the easiest free food I’ve ever earned (other than all those times my parents fed me growing up).

    • blaid droog

      13 years ago, the last time I ate at burger king, I got “take me to the fukkin hospital” level food poisoning. They could be offering free blow jobs with every burger and I still wouldn’t eat that shit. Actually, that was the last time I ever ate any brand of fast shit food.

  • Just give me my fucking unbullied kid.

  • doktorzoom

    More often than I want to admit, Kid Zoom and I end up getting Subway sammiches. About a week back, while I was up getting something, Kid put my sammich on the couch and I didn’t notice. No, not even when I sat down (no idea how I didn’t notice I’d sat on a sub sandwich; we were watching the Ken Burns Vietnam series, so that was a distraction)

    There’s Cuban pressed sandwiches, and then there’s Big Ol’ Irish Dad Pressed sandwiches. It was OK, actually.

    And no one spoke up for the sandwich

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Subway?

      Sir, I do believe we cannot be friends.

      *eats just as bad KFC and turns up nose*

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Subway, or as I call it “Vomit Bread”. Seriously, just walking past a Subway gives me the gaggers.

        • mailman27

          I’m with you. These guys wouldn’t know a sub if it was part of their name. Wait… Seriously, I grew up eating real subs, and subway isn’t even close.

          • Eileen Besse

            Boston Italian subs. Hands-down.

        • Persistent Demme

          What do they do to their bread?
          It’s stale the minute it cools off from the “oven.”

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Right?? And the SMELL, ye gods. My mum’s a bread baker, I’m a bread baker. Bread doesn’t smell like that!

        • Bobathonic

          THIS!

          I used to work in an office upstairs from a Subway. The baking bread smelled exactly like vomit. Every damned morning, eesh.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Oh god, that sounds like a nightmare.

          • Bmaccnm

            This might be libel, so I’m not saying it out loud, but in my capacity as a labor nurse, I recently was witness to the tragic night a lady who got food poisoning at an international sandwich shop with a name evoking public transportation. The lady had Listeria, which passes through the placenta. Her just-a-little premature baby died shortly after birth of fulminating Listeria sepsis. I won’t ever eat there again, and I caution pregnant ladies to be very careful of their choices in dining establishments. Listeria is serious business.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            That is awful! How tragic.

          • SpideySenser

            JFC, I can’t even.

          • blarg

            So this is why I was told to avoid coldcuts when pregnant. Sheez. That’s fucking terrible. I’ll never eat there again.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        KFC? It’s like I don’t even know you!
        *noms Popeye’s chicken*

        • Juan de Fuca

          That stuff is bad for you! *Walks out of Five Guys with a bag of fries*

          • Gayer Than Thou

            I guess some people just don’t care about what goes into their bodies or how it was made. *sneaks into Chik-Fil-A in disguise*

          • Shanzgood

            My daughter is still mad because she likes their food but won’t go there because she’s a ghey.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            I’ve been good and I haven’t actually snuck in. But I sure have been tempted.

          • NotALiar

            Right? I start thinking about like is it okay if someone else pays for me or something? But I never go thru with it.

          • NotALiar

            Omg I want to eat there so f’ing much. Why can’t they get new owners already?

          • ANNG14

            Popeyes Chicken is better.

          • Much better.

          • Bright Bart

            hobby lobby? that fruit is fake yo.

          • Eileen Besse

            Yeah, I haven’t ever gone there and will never go, either. Hobby Lobby is up there on my filth list, too.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            Hobby Lobby is next to Target, but I order my model kits and hobby paint online. Fuck them.

          • ANNG14

            Refer her to Popeyes chicken. They were voted best fried chicken and I agree.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            SIR! The vegan butthole baby cares!

          • SDGeoff3

            We like Five Guys fries. Mmmm.

        • Bill D. Burger
        • MynameisBlarney

          POPEYE’S?

          Popeye’s is fer noobs!

          *eats Bojangles cajun chicken and dirty rice whilst glaring at you*

      • doktorzoom

        Now hold on a moment, sir or madam!

        If I sat on an order from KFC I’d damned well notice!

        • arglebargle

          Mashed Potato Bowl. FTW

        • Shibusa

          You’re sofa/nny.

        • Rags

          Drumstick orientation is key

          • blarg

            You win the internets today.

    • renegade500

      Well, if you’re gonna smoosh a sammich, at least it was subway and not something good like Quizno’s. (I had Quizno’s for lunch, non-smooshed, so yeah.)

    • OutOfOrbit

      thx for sharing that, now i can get on with my (so-called) life

    • msanthropesmr

      My advertising phrase for subway
      “At least it doesn’t make you ill”

      • doktorzoom

        “At least it doesn’t make you VERY ill”

        Edit: Often

        • aureolaborealis

          * unless you get any of their salads, in which case you’ll be glad you had that seat belt installed on your toilet.

      • Creepoman

        “if you stay away from the tuna salad.”

    • HazooToo

      I tried to order a BLT from my fav place. They gave me a Turkey BLT, but I ate it anyway, and I got a free chunk of baklava as an apology. I do not discriminate between BLTs! Witness my virtue signalling!

      • Baklava is worth a great deal

        • HazooToo

          In more than just price! I love that place and they love me.

      • doktorzoom

        I am a big fan of the Sam Vimes BLT.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Ah, burnt crunchy bits!

        • HazooToo

          It looks good, but my preference is to cook the bacon to within 3 seconds of destroying it!

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Made with real dwarven bread.

    • Panika MCD

      you should try dog pressed tacos.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Those are different from pressed dog tacos, I think…

        • Panika MCD

          yes. one involves vegan buttholes. the other is something a dog sat on.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Fannini…

      • gallbladder

        I’m fucking stealing that, but promise to use it in good health.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Getting the grill marks right is a pain in the ass…

          • gallbladder

            How long are you here till? (tries the veal, tips server)

          • SpideySenser

            Hot cross buns.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            It’s less painful if you don’t sit on the grill.

      • doktorzoom

        Bravo.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      First, they came for my Subway sandwich, and I said nothing, because it was under Dad’s butt and honestly it was kind of funny.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        “Is that mayonnaise on your butt, or are you just glad to see me?”

        • Eileen Besse

          YES, hahahahahah!

      • doktorzoom

        Would upvote if my upvoter worked.

    • CeeQ

      Hahahahahahahahahahaha

    • Eileen Besse

      Hahahahah!!! “Irish Dad” accolades!

    • Shibusa

      ‘The Way A Sandwich Should Be™’

    • hudson

      i’ll skip the french and say it in english. what horror!!

    • Smibo

      I feel compelled to confess; I bullied a Burger King sandwich just the other day. No wait, I didn’t just “bully” it, I fn murdered that little punk ass, chomped him up into little bits, and dumped his body into a vat of acid. That piece o’ shit had it coming, too!

      Do I have regrets? Yeah; the mob that set him up doesn’t pay their soldiers enough, the mark never had a chance at happiness, and my actions only served to perpetuate that travesty.

      I’m a bad person, and I feel bad.

    • Yeah, the last place I worked Subway was the closest place to eat.

      I noticed my car smelled the next day when I left the EMPTY wrapper in my car.

      I know they don’t put yoga mat plastics in the bread anymore, but WHAT is making that lingering smell?

      Hmm.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        It’s their signature fragarance, Eau No.

  • HazooToo

    I used to work at BK. Order a Whopper JR with bacon and Angry Onions (when they have them) and also a packet of the balsamic dressing. Proceed to smother the burger in the dressing. You may die, but you will die happy.

  • msanthropesmr

    SO. I had food poisoning on Friday. SO bad, I hallucinated. And so I am being careful with my food. I didn’t do bland last night, but want to do bland tonight. What should I have? (And I may never eat ham again)

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You got any Cream of Wheat? A little of that with some sugar will probably do okay.

      • msanthropesmr

        No – but I do have grits. That’s a possibility.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Rice and pasta would work too.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Yeah, grits will do the job.

          • SDGeoff3

            Sounds like the title of a CW tune.

        • Eileen Besse

          Brown sugar!!

      • Eileen Besse

        Brown sugar!

    • SDGeoff3

      Oh no! How horrible. Many Liquids like water, broth. Watch for dehyration. Yogurt to replenish the friendly shit in your gut. And take it easy. I know you are exhausted on top of it all.

    • gallbladder

      What about dry toast?

      • msanthropesmr

        I’m not that ill anymore, I had sichuan last night, but something tells me I need to back the fuck off spicy.

        • gallbladder

          I think you may have just answered your own question.

        • SDGeoff3

          Go gentle for a few days. It never hurts, and it’s more relaxing.

    • janecita

      Mashed potatoes. Feel better.

    • stumpknocker

      poached eggs on dry toast

      • Shanzgood

        Yes. Go with some protein.

      • Creepoman

        Can he at least have a tiny squirt of Cholula?

    • Sean Jungian

      I just want to offer my sympathies. I only had food poisoning once, about 25 years ago, and I still remember the experience to this day. I shook with chills and was convinced I was going to die of dehydration before I’d ever get warm or be able to keep water down.

    • Panika MCD

      zucchini soup. but with loads or garlic.

    • BosGrl

      Geez, that’s scary! Glad you’re ok.

  • NotReallyHere
  • Juan de Fuca

    That was awesome and exactly how the bystander effect happens. I’ve never been as politically active as I should be but one thing I’ve always done is stand up to bullies. Mostly because I was a small kid, but because my family moved around so much, most of the bullies in my new schools never knew I could hold my own, small as I was. I spent a lot of time in detention back in those days standing up for myself but mostly for others. My mom never scolded me, because she raised me that way. I think it was because I was small and she hated bullies. But it says a lot about how fucked up our society was back then, in the 70’s and 80’s. Back when it was tolerated even more than it is now.

    Fast forward 30 years and my own daughter recently graduated from a high school in SoCal with 5,000 students and when I asked her if there were any bullies or if kids ever fought in her school (because they all seemed to get along great) she said “Nope. Just this one time where two guys were swinging at each other like girls but other than that, the teachers don’t tolerate fighting or bullies.” So at least we’re moving in the right direction.

    BTW, Fox News also did a story on the same ad with the title “Burger King goes after bullying in strange new ad.”

    Because only Fox News would think it’s strange.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Well, the bullied kid doesn’t end up being dragged into the street and lynched so I can understand their inability to get it.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Fox News and its various personalities are one of the biggest bullies on the block… Anti-bullying is anathema to them…

      • TJ Barke

        That’s their entire ethos. The powerful deserve to use their power how they see fit. Period.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      In a related story, Fox News no longer feels safe at Burger King.

      • Bobathonic

        They need a safe space?

      • Creepoman

        Look for herds of open-carry assholes to start showing up.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Oh, if only I could be certain this will just remain a joke.

    • Yeah, I’ve never had a tolerance for bullies. One of my proudest moments as a coach was hearing from the father of one of my students that an older kid was bullying a bunch of younger kids, and when he came to my student, my student was able to put him on the ground using a throw we had taught him when the bully pushed him. The bully was unhurt, but he’d never encountered this situation before. He knew something was wrong, and tried to push my student down again, getting thrown again for his trouble. He was so nonplussed by the series of events that he left. My student didn’t even get angry at the bully, he just treated things as if he were playing judo.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Nice :)
        I didn’t mean to go on but – I really do not like bullies, to the point where I used to just walk up and confront them, all five foot nothing of me back then. Me: “Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size?” Him: “Oh, like you?! Okay!” Few minutes later “What just happened?”

        So good on your student for hopefully teaching that bully a lesson.

        • BosGrl

          When I was in elementary school, a big girl bullied me and I fought back. I didn’t take shit from anyone. But when I was in high school, some girls from a neighboring town beat me up as they pushed me down the street. No cars stopped and my friend who was with me did nothing. It changed me and I could never not do anything if I saw a kid being bullied.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I and many others here would have your back in the real world for protecting any kid. Slightly O/T but when I was in the Army, one of the things that first attracted me to the Special Forces was their motto ‘De Oppresso Liber’.

            That’s what is captioned on the flash of their berets. RIP to all. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/226a3e849bb0cb51f7a944006793ee4f7197ea69d2f5f1b4dfac72d762148e7d.jpg

          • BosGrl

            I didn’t know that. Thank you. I tear up whenever I look at their faces.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Same here.

          • Eileen Besse

            I had an episode at my hangout place when I was 16 or so. VERY messy, horrible, 1960s Parkinglot Girlfight, and I won quickly (used to be an athalete). So then the ENORMOUS sister of the loser says, “Okay [redacted under protest] is done, so how about ME!” and swung right at my jaw. Immediately she was taken down by everyone there, and we never ever saw them or their toadies again….

          • BosGrl

            Oh wow.

          • Eileen Besse

            Yeah–it WAS an Oh, Wow. Never saw any of it coming…. They weren’t our friends, we barely knew who they were. Im 64 and still remember all of it, so I guess I’m a goober….

          • BosGrl

            You’re not a goober. It sounds terrifying. My thing happened in the early ’80s and I can remember it like yesterday.

          • Eileen Besse

            Hugs to you. I try not to remember the fear, just the outcome. I’ll bet you do, too. Slainte.

    • bluicebank

      Been meaning to ask you: Is your screen name after the …

      “Off the Oregon and Washington coast, the Juan de Fuca oceanic plate is slowly moving under the North American plate.”

      https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/10/171023101803.htm

      If not, know that the Juan de Fuca tectonic plate is one day going to cork off a Cascadia Subduction Zone 9.0 bad boy earthquake off the northwest coast. Not that we’re going to blame you.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        New drag name: Wanda Fuca.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Who doesn’t wanda fuca?

  • whitroth

    The *only* time I do fast food is if I’m travelling somewhere. Even then, I’d prefer a mom&pop. If I do, I suppose Wendy’s, though Whataburger or Sonic’s ok. And Sonic’s the *ONLY* one with fresh-squeezed limeade.

    But I’d really rather not.

    • HazooToo

      Cal-Tort or gtfo.

  • Jennifer R
    • TJ Barke

      Context, JenR, context?

      • Jennifer R

        AFAB means assigned female at birth.

    • janecita

      What’s going on here?

      • Jennifer R

        A cis woman saying they should identify as assigned female at birth trans women to get special rights.

        • janecita

          She is kind of dumb, isn’t she? That makes absolutely no sense.

        • Panika MCD

          anyone point out to them that there are some intersex people who are oops assigned female at birth or would that just ruin their whole day?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          The hell rights do they think those are? The right to have ignorant bigots treat you like a freak for existing?

          • Zombishroom

            People telling you where to pee?

        • NotALiar

          I love that they think someone else finally having SOME of the same rights takes away their rights.

        • Resistance Fighter Astraea

          Sometimes I wonder, does the stupid come first and then the hate? or does the hate make them stupid?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            The stupid precedes all the rest of it.

          • Jennifer R

            Well fox hitler is a high school dropout.

        • marxalot

          Wait what.
          No, don’t explain, I udnerstood all the words in a row, I just.
          Look, lady.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I swear, if brains were dynamite some people wouldn’t have enough to blow their nose.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a64f27deb0a6b03c504a65e43199da4cd64ee7fe8ed4d20f01c21ebd7655d7a2.gif

      • ladyblug

        If brains were gas, they wouldn’t have enough to ride around the inside of a cheerio on a motorcycle!

    • Panika MCD

      aren’t they just precious? bless their itty, bitty, PRECIOUS hearts

    • alpacapunchbowl

      FFS. Even if your heart is shriveled and gray, who the fuck has time to put such concerted effort into being a complete and utter asshole?

      • Jennifer R

        This is what happens when you don’t have enough children to be a soccer mom, and too much religion to be a wine mom.

    • HazooToo

      Omg, why doesn’t she just identify as a cow who should go fuck herself?

    • BosGrl

      It’s not just Drumpf. The empathy gene is missing in a sizable number of humans.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I hope somebody on the Twatter machine asked her, “What fucking ‘special rights’ do you think you’ll get?”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I see stories about people acting like assholes, or bullying people all the time. But I never seem to see it myself. If I ever do…SOMEBODY is in for a big, very unpleasant fucking surprise. I just want to be there once. Just ONCE

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      A few years back I stopped to pick up a quick breakfast at a fast food place. Saw a guy trying to force his girlfriend into his car. Told him to knock it off and when he got salty held up my phone and said “Fine, I’m calling the police.” He drove off without her.

    • bluicebank

      That’s probably why they don’t do it around you. They got radar for the likes of you and me.

    • Eileen Besse

      I’m with you….

  • I made bruschetta quesidillas for dinner tonight with goat cheese. They were fucking delicious

    • janecita

      You are always making good things, and not posting the recipes!!!

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      That sounds awesome. I have a big pot of beef stroganoff on the stove right now, and it smells terrific.

    • BosGrl

      The quesidillas sounds great but I can’t upvote goat cheese. I’ve tried, I really have.

      • Shanzgood

        Same here.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Ask your doctor if low-dose goat cheese is right for you. I can stand it in small quantities.

      • marxalot

        Goat cheese is terrific, the goatier the better. More for me.

        • BosGrl

          I wish I could like it. I have some missing taste bud or something.

  • Jenny

    You bullied my burger!!! ARGH!

    Those guys have super good priorities.

    • Creepoman

      I would’ve actually liked to see a few of the folks who were so very upset about their bullied burger make the connection to the kid that was sitting right fucking next to them.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The right only pretends to care about ethics – they’ll come running to any soapbox that O’Really? stands on. Which he will be doing within a year. I’m not sure he’d stoop to Breitbart, but he’ll find a platform somewhere from which to preach about the low morals of the left.

    • Teh_V

      That would require them to actually give a shit about Women’s bodily autonomy.

      • Canned Covfefe

        They do care about women’s bodily autonomy. We have too much of it to their way of thinking.

    • Creepoman

      Ahem . . . and maybe Trump while they’re at it?

    • CripesAmighty

      HAHAHAHA. You really still believe in Santa Claus, don’t you?

  • Panika MCD

    finished the TX Joint Interim Committee to Study a Coastal Barrier System. decided my budget couldn’t handle another Stanley fundraiser even though I really wanted to go to Brigid Shea’s. need to clean apartment, but don’t want to. could someone do it for me?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      My House-elves are presently on strike. Sorry.

      • Slavedriver!

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Hey, it’s not like I threatened them with clothes!

      • Panika MCD

        what about laundry elves? I have Sen Fi tomorrow…

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That’s what you get for letting them unionize.

    • No one cleaned mine…and it currently shows

      • BosGrl

        ditto… did the bare minimum this weekend.

      • Panika MCD

        does Hurricane Jazzy happen a couple times a week at yours?

    • stumpknocker

      i don’t know, are you a hot chick with low moral standards?

      • Panika MCD

        I am a hot chick and I have several low moral standards, but I don’t pay for house cleaning with sex because I am not supportive of prostitution.

        • OutOfOrbit

          prostitution should be legal

          • Panika MCD

            NO.

          • OutOfOrbit

            YES.

          • Panika MCD

            NO!

          • OutOfOrbit

            YES!

          • Panika MCD

            you are not on team taco.

          • OutOfOrbit

            team taco did not pick me ): nobody ever picks me

        • stumpknocker

          i was’nt thinking of it as payment, i was banking on the low moral standards paying off.

          • Panika MCD

            probably not in the way you would hope, but you might get a dog.

          • stumpknocker

            lighten up mary poppins.

          • Shanzgood

            Wot?

          • stumpknocker

            i did not know if she was a man or a woman when i made my first comment so it was just a snarky comment, i was not opening the door for some rightious indignation.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Excuse me?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      We could swap… I’ll clean your apartment if you de-moss the rest of my roof… How often do roofs in Austin need to be de-mossed?

      • Panika MCD

        we sometimes put moss on our living roofs–though yesterday I saw a bus stop with living roof that was all cacti.

        • marxalot

          The one down Riverside way, out by Mueller, or is there another one?

          • Panika MCD

            it’s on Manor.

          • marxalot

            Yay! That was my old route when I lived off Manor. Even when I was riding my bike instead of the bus, I followed the 21 up to either Berkman or Wheeless depending on how many miles I felt like doing. Bike path on Manor was also way better than the one on Springdale, tho that was mostly the crap from lot construction that made that journey perilous.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          We don’t need to put the moss on here… We get it by spontaneous generation…

          • Panika MCD

            but you don’t make your roofs with materials which would not require demossing.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            I think it’s partly just geometry… The really steep roofs seem not to have moss. The not-as-steep ones do… You know the old carpenter’s proverb – “Fast-assed moving water keeps the damn roof from growing moss…”

            Then there’s having a couple big-assed trees looming over the SW corner of the house… “If the roof pitch angle doesn’t get you, the 7 months of shade will.”

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Also too, we grow moss on concrete, brick, asphalt, cars (rubber gaskets and painted surfaces.. different mosses)…

          • Panika MCD

            I know.

          • Covfefe

            Spontaneous generation is how all those abstinence-educated kids in Texas get pregnant.

    • Raan

      I feel vastly unqualified for this job.

      Every time I look at the carpet of…kipple on the floor of my room, I just go “Eh” and go back to what I was doing on my computer.

  • ltmcdies

    I watched that PSA yesterday and I think it’s pretty on point overall.

    I also liked it was a bit of an education on how to intervene….

    Neither person got in anyone face…they directed their first comments to the bullied kid, they both defused the situation. I especially like how the woman sat down with the bullied kid basically saying “this is done now”

    That’s a skill set more of us need to learn

    • Carpe Vagenda

      There was a family in my old neighborhood who said hello to me because I sped up to walk with their grandma up the hill and the kid following her from the train stop peeled off. There were also a few assholes on the Flushing to Jamaica bus who weren’t fans because I let the tiny asian grandmother have my seat and told them to go ahead and push my oversized ass around.

      It’s not always that hard.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Happy Samurai Time: 450 year-old, newly translated, book gives insight into how to be Samurai; including what to name your Samurai babies.

    Called “The Hundred Rules of War,” the book is a series of songs that could be sung by samurai, who had never gone into battle. It was supposedly written in Japanese in 1571 by a famous samurai named Tsukahara Bokuden, who lived from 1489 to 1571, during a war-ridden time in Japan. Stories told about Bokuden claim that he fought in over 100 battles and slew hundreds of swordsmen.
    […]
    The rules also highlight the importance of archery, even suggesting that the best name for a baby born into the samurai class is “Yumi,” which means “bow.”

    “To one born a samurai, the name Yumi is best. The name should be revered and held as high as the pine tree of Takasago,” one of the rules reads in the new translation. The “pine tree of Takasago” probably refers to two pine trees at the Takasago shrine that grow from the same root, Shahan noted in the book. The trees, he said, “represent eternity and long life.”

    https://www.livescience.com/60738-ancient-samurai-book-reveals-warrior-rules.html

  • HazooToo
    • gallbladder

      Can I get back to you on this?

      • HazooToo

        One of these days, Alice….

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      It’s only amazing when there’s an anti tornado associated. I love how they whirl around assembling trailer parks from random debris lying about.

      • Bobathonic

        And returning sharks to the sea.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Kind of like San Juan Capistrano, only sharks instead of swallows

    • OutOfOrbit

      “flashes of … darkness”? humm

    • Panika MCD

      I think CJ would have the same reaction.

  • Mary Theresa
  • spangled

    did y’all see james comey’s weird emo twitter feed? Honestly, he is the most confounding person in the world.

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/hayesbrown/jim-comeys-been-tweeting?utm_term=.kp9OWoe9L#.xiryW58wL

    • Bill D. Burger

      aka: ‘Reinhold Niebuhr’ ___ although he’s more like Ned Flanders.

      And pictured in “running shoes” ___ in IOWA___ Is he trying to tell us something!

      https://twitter.com/FormerBu/status/922486295611371526

      • Crystalclear12

        Is he waiting for the bus he threw Hillary under?

        • Bill D. Burger

          Looks like he’s trying to blend in with the highway with the sweat pants. Hope he has better luck than with the White House curtains.

          https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DM1ZrhFX4AAhgC7.jpg

          • marxalot

            …he’s releasing a low-fi indie record?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Waiting for Godot

  • Johnatx

    Howdy. Hey, Texan Wonketters. All felony charges were dropped against Dawnna Dukes. I am surprised

    • Panika MCD

      she needs to get treatment. that whole thing is fucking sad.

      • Johnatx

        It is. Guess it was dropped due to insufficient evidence. I wish Dukes had just resigned and Sheryl Cole had ran

        • Panika MCD

          Sheryl Cole is running now and I support her.

          • Johnatx

            I had not seen that. I will do likewise. I kinda wanted her or Mike Martinez to have been elected mayor. I would have paid serious money to see Martinez take on Zimmerman

          • Panika MCD

            Martinez lets his ego get in his way too much.

          • Johnatx

            Beto was O’Kay. Fairly big crowd.

          • Panika MCD

            I was going to go to Brigid Shea’s thing tonight, but I blew my budget on JJP.

          • Johnatx

            I just got back from Houston and godawful med center traffic. So, I am just going to do nothing

          • Panika MCD

            I am going to try to clean up my apartment, but will probably get distracted.

          • Johnatx

            How’s the Jazzy business going?

          • Panika MCD

            still in my apartment…so not well.

          • Johnatx

            I am sorry to hear that. You are a good person for doing that for Jazzy

          • Johnatx

            Good luck with the cleaning. I gotta do mine tomorrow

        • Johnatx

          Or is it run? I are geologist, so not good with the grammar

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            Normally I would have corrected your grammar but for once, I thought I’d be gneiss.

          • Johnatx

            Bad grammar is a fault of mine. You can take it for granite

          • Canned Covfefe

            Granite, he probably can dip if one tries to strike with a grammer hammer.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        why does she (assuming Dukes) need treatment?

        • Johnatx

          Corrupt as Fuck.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Was she actually guilty even though charges were dropped?

          • Panika MCD

            she is not.

          • Johnatx

            No? I thought so. I stand corrected.

          • Johnatx

            I thought the whole thing stood in part on interpretation of some rule about reimbursement for trips. But, I wasn’t following it that closely

          • Panika MCD

            nah. paying your staffer for the extra 15 minutes to pick up your kid should not be a big fucking deal–certainly not as big a deal as paying former staffers for months using “emergency leave” provisions. did you know it wasn’t just Paxton? Bush and Miller did it also too!

        • marxalot

          Anyone who spends ANY money on an internet psychic needs help.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            that seems weird

        • Johnatx

          Kind of blew off actually going to the Lege

        • Panika MCD

          she got in a car wreck 4 years ago and barely shows up for work. when she does show up, she says she’s on drugs…in public hearings.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            that makes sense- I know nothing of the case other than what I just read from a quick Google search and nothing in the article mentioned anything that would need treatment

          • Panika MCD

            I think the paying her staffers thing was overblown.

          • Panika MCD

            she also spent $51 thousand on a Ms. Cleo type person…which was fucking bizarre.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            $51K? Wow, was that a result of the opioid haze?

          • Panika MCD

            I don’t know, but probably. she’s pretty awesome when she’s clear headed and never struck me as the type of person who would do that…but then again, I don’t know what kind of person would do that.

    • marxalot

      This whole story is fucking weird.
      Which is a fine Texas political tradition, and kind of a relief in a sad sort of way.

      • Panika MCD

        it’s just weird that it’s gotten so much attention outside the city–but it’s more understandable now than it was last year. she barely showed up and when she did she would say things like, “I’m sorry, I’m full of morphine right now.” it sucked monkey balls because had she stepped down and gotten treatment, she could still have a political career to return to. now it is highly doubtful that she will which is a damn shame because when she’s good, she’s a total badass.

        • marxalot

          That’s true: I remember her campaign.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “Rches have never made people great but love does it every day.”
    –Richard Feynman (of all people)

    https://www.brainpickings.org/2017/10/17/richard-feynman-arline-letter (Warning: onion ninjas.)

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Ohh… This PSA thing here is not related to prostates… I gotta get out of my bubble…

  • Johnatx

    God, driving to and back from Houston with innard probing in between sucks

    • AJ Milne

      I… Was unaware alien abductions were this endemic.

      (Should probably at least have warning signs on the highway there.)

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        They came in on the storm surge and haven’t left…

      • CindyinEncinitas

        They should post a schedule somewhere…

  • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

    I’ve met more than a few Bullies in my life. I got big as a teen, and they mostly left me alone ’til I Came Out.

    I have learned to stay cool, and to remember that I stand alone, I can rely on no one but myself.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Actually, you have friends.

    • HazooToo

      We may not be there in person, but we will ALWAYS be here to lick your wounds.

      • gallbladder

        Hear hear.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You don’t have to let down, but people have your back to the extent that they can.

  • mrFawkes

    When that day arrives, when spotted dick is no longer bullied, shamed and laughed at, then, and only then will we, as a nation, have reached food equality. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c0c29cbccb8ce62f01470c5073b27530f1980dd2dcce536696f50640947ae770.jpg

    • gallbladder

      Microwaveable? Wow!

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Hot spotted dick is the best spotted dick.

        • h4rr4r

          My doctor did not agree.

      • mrFawkes

        Pro tip: do not nuke it with a pocket pussy.

        • gallbladder

          NOW you tell me.

        • OutOfOrbit

          “pocket pussy”? do tell

          • mrFawkes

            A more lightweight, portable version of a fleshlight. They were sold in mens’ restrooms with the condoms.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Probably not in the can, though.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          The fact that it’s in a can is what squicks me out the most.

      • Suttree

        Steak is microwavable too. Just ask the WH chef his two step method on how to ruin meat.

        • gallbladder

          And waste ketchup.

    • HazooToo

      Maybe it shouldn’t be ASKING FOR IT, by shoving it’s dick in our face!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Wait, who’s shoving their dick in our face?

        • marxalot

          Whoever it is, they should get those spots looked at.

        • HazooToo

          That one right there, with the spots!

      • mrFawkes

        And down our throats.

        • HazooToo

          It’s all a part of the Great British Agenda!!!!!

          • altleftjohn

            It’ll be drowned baby and soused hogface next.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      The “sponge pudding” is a bit off putting.

    • William
      • BosGrl

        I do love that art, tho.

      • Nockular cavity

        Now I have to write a song called “Invisible Dick.”

    • therblig

      it’s just a mole. i’ve always had it, and removing it would be painful.

      wait, what?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Bill D. Burger
    • Suttree

      Being a shitty repug is John’s natural state.

    • Edith Prickly
      • gallbladder

        My laugh for the day.

    • Mary Theresa

      Oh Walnuts, yesterday you were yelling at Trump, today your yelling at the clouds.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I imagine he’s just trying to be subtle and chastised them for asking dopey questions he doesn’t want to answer out loud. It’s not like the entire world didn’t already know who he was talking about.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Of course he’s not going to say it’s about Trump. If he admitted it was about Trump, the Moran in Chief could “defend” himself on Twitter. Because McCain refuses to say, Trump can only sit and stew. McCain has passive aggressive trolling down to an art form, something he might have had a chance to work on as a POW while Trump was perfecting his bone spurs.

  • Jennifer R

    Click through to read a well written twitter thread about how fox hitler (he calls himself foxler) recruits underage people off the internet to join his furry nazi group.
    https://twitter.com/edgedestroys/status/922530797382520833

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Goodness, is that awful person still around?

      • Jennifer R

        Until he gets charged with a crime, yeah.

    • HazooToo

      Shared it. This is how ISIS and other extremist groups operate, as well. We shouldn’t consider the raiders or the khaki nazis any less dangerous.

  • William
  • memzilla Ω

    Did you see the way that burger was dressed? They were just asking for it.

    • gallbladder

      Too provocative.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Slutty burgers taste so cheap.

    • Ricky Gay

      Yeah, nice buns.

  • HazooToo
  • Raan

    “I’m not- I’m feeling less bad for Benny over time. Granted, all this is still horrifying and he doesn’t deser- no one deserves this. But. The fact that he was just, ‘Man, I’m hungry. Wish there was a baby around’, like…” – Pat

  • ContextIsKey

    How this ad plays over in RWNJ land: “A bunch of antifa thugs surround a normal straight Christian kid in a restaurant and attempt to commit violence. Most of the customers are liberal snowflakes and do nothing but complain about their meals and beg the government for help, but a couple of free speech warriors step up to rescue the kid, and the antifa cowards back off. One BLM radical tries to act like he’s a good guy, but he kills a couple of cops in the parking lot after the camera stops rolling.”

    • Paperless Tiger

      Needz moar gunz.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        and blaming Hillary/Obama

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Woah. You’ve probably just scene-set your way on to a lucrative gig at Fox in their “reality” TV reinactment division. I hope you don’t mind a little falafel and dick pix from Steve Doocy now and again.

  • Ricky Gay

    Good PSA. But my BK and McD burgers always look bullied. 😥

    • Mary Theresa

      My stomach always feels bullied after I eat there.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I was bullied through grade school by a kid one year older than me. He went on to junior high and I didn’t see him for a year, until I started attending the same junior high as him. He saw me around, figured it would be like old times and began giving me a hard time at school again – knocking my books out of my hand, pushing me into lockers, the usual crap. But he had not accounted for the fact that I had grown quite a bit in a year. On the way home from school one afternoon, he knocked me down, showing off for a couple of his buddies. I got up and beat the PISS out of him. I ended up sitting on his chest, using his ears as handles and pounding his head on the ground. It happened right behind the house of one of my hockey coaches, and the guy had to drag me off this kid. Funny thing is that after that I have no memory of ever seeing him again, although we still went to the same school.

    I don’t regret it in the slightest. There are a lot of people who would benefit from having their ass kicked, and this guy was definitely one of them. I’d be surprised if he ever bullied anybody again.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I have posted a few comments about my asshole neighbor who moved here from California last December – he thinks he can make as much noise as he wants, anytime he likes, but he found out from me he can’t. This is the weirdo who painted his fence white IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT using a dozen portable spotlights. Well, I found out yesterday that in 2010 he AND his wife were arrested in CA for illegally selling a great deal of pot grown on a medical marijuana farm to people in Kansas (I don’t fault him for that, they need all the help they can get in Kansas) and for running a meth lab on his property (this I do not approve of). All this time I thought he just had severe ADHD, and now I see that he is a drug addict.

    What I can’t find out is did he go to trial, how did the trial turn out, and did he and his wife go to prison, because apparently there is no state courts database that you can search for Tehama County, CA. I would also like to know how, if he did go to prison for illegal drugs, he managed to come up with $160,000 for a brand new house, a new pickup truck, a new SUV, a 24′ john boat on a trailer, a brand new big riding mower, and a used car for his 16-yr-old daughter. Also, the daughter’s car disappeared a month ago and I haven’t seen the daughter since then. The 12-yr-old son never leaves the house except to go to school, and does not seem to have any friends. The wife never leaves the house except to go to work. I suspect this guy of being an abusive husband and father, but so far I have no proof.

    This is a bad situation and I don’t see that there is much I can do about it except keep an eye peeled for trouble, which I have no doubt will come eventually.

    • gallbladder

      Any way to befriend the kid?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        No. He never goes outside. Also the father now hates my guts because I made him stop making noise, so I wouldn’t want the son to get in trouble by befriending me. He seems like a very timid, inarticulate kid, who is also very overweight.

        • gallbladder

          Valid point.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          That poor kid.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The news article I read about the arrest in California says both kids, then aged 8 and 4, were put into foster care temporarily. I wonder how long that lasted…

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Well, that’s not heartbreaking.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Hmmm.. A former drug dealer with lots of cash… Interesting…

    • Canned Covfefe

      Oh fuck! Please be careful although it can be difficult to know it careful actually is in such circumstances.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Bad Neighbors are the worst. That’s why I’m glad mine are about a mile and 3/4 away and on the other side of a lodge pole pine forest. (*But they are actually good folk___and have a hellova’ good BBQ get together once a year. )

      Suburbia on the other hand…fugeddaboudit’

      https://media.tenor.com/images/5b9d31a6ed80cc364e44fce3f3fa7b8e/tenor.gif

      • Angela Ruzzo

        This was a very nice, quiet, working- and middle-class neighborhood when I moved here 8 years ago. All the houses on my 2-block-long dead-end street were owner-occupied by retired people or professional couples. Then the retired people started dying…the house on the corner was bought as an investment and rented, and the tenants were major cocaine dealers that the SWAT team did a raid on, the house next to that one was bought by a retired woman with a 40-yr-old alcoholic, drug-addict son with a 25-yr criminal record who is now in prison for illegal possession of a firearm, and the house next to them was bought by a couple for their college-age son to live in while he goes to the local university and he and his 2 roommates now have 8 vehicles that they think they can park anywhere they like (they can’t). And now this guy from California moved into the brand-new house built right across the street from me. I don’t want to move, but this is getting ridiculous.

    • BosGrl

      Could he be getting ready to testify against someone? Although I guess you wouldn’t have found out about the past stuff.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I really don’t know, but that’s an interesting idea. The world he lives in is not one I am familiar with.

        • BosGrl

          Living off other people’s misery and neglecting your kids? Of course you’re not. If he was just a user, he wouldn’t have any money. It’s likely he’s a dealer, then.

  • going4baroque

    maybe the actors will consider “acting” kind and see what happens, that’s the real world as much as the violence, the ones who wish to mimic the violence to make a point, in my view, are just acting stupidly, I say hurray to all the bystanders who didn’t get taken in by a bunch of pretenders – so, if you want to create a better world, for instance, don’t make slasher movies, that’s my point, more or less

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      wut

    • Shanzgood

      Or you could make your own PSA instead of pointlessly criticizing someone else’s.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      I’m suspicious that all of these feel-good reality tv style PSA’s/Ads that are trendy now are all just actors including the supposed subjects/observers.

      • going4baroque

        probably so, all of them, they ought to be charged with being a public nuisance, and sentenced to eat lunch for a month at Burger King

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      I’d say that was quite a run-on sentence, but it didn’t have a beginning or an end.

      • going4baroque

        neither does eternity, my friend, and no one complains about THAT

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      You’re making as much sense as you usually do, I see.

    • BosGrl

      People don’t always act kindly or give comfort for those in a tough situation, and that’s the problem.

      • going4baroque

        I understand the problem, the pressures, the social forces at work, but to intentionally create an environment of violence, artificial as it is, in order to “teach” others self-righteously, which is in fact shaming those who do not challenge injustice is just another reason for me to avoid Burger King. And it is an immeasurably stupid thing to do. The place to begin to end violence is to clear one’s own brain of violence. Anyone can stage a play and hypocritically preach to others and then go home and yell at your wife, your husband, your neighbor. I don’t need another human being to teach me a thing about human relationships. Teach math, carpentry, but leave the human psyche free from damaging stupidity. That’s my view.

    • Creepoman

      Cool story, bro.

    • shivaskeeper

      So Hollywood fiction is to blame for people not wanting to get involved in a real world situation? It’s the fault of Hollywood that you can’t tell the difference between a movie and, well, reality? It’s the movie’s fault no one wants to make waves or get involved how exactly? Are the people watching bullies at work scared that the bullies are slashers just doing it to draw in more victims? Can you possibly make some sort of sense on occasion?

      I think that you copping to an inability to tell the difference between a horror movie and things happening right in front of you is your problem, not Hollywood’s.

      What would your PSA look like? Random strangers breaking up people not doing anything wrong? Jackasses butting into the actors faces because they were sitting down and having a meal and some nice conversation? Thrilling stuff there. Or would it just strangers ignoring other strangers who were not doing anything wrong? Also thrilling video, I’m sure.

  • Paperless Tiger

    I got my growth late so I got my ass whipped a lot up to that time.

    • BosGrl

      :( That sucks.

  • William
    • ManchuCandidate

      That is a guy who has a serious ass fetish and is probably a power bottom at the local airport restroom.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I am five of those things. Which Golden Girl does that make me?

      • msanthropesmr

        Bea Arthur. Always Bea Arthur.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          no love for Betty White?

      • ManchuCandidate

        Rose

    • marxalot

      If you’re going to properly capitalize HPV, you should also use the correct form of “AIDS,” unless you’re threatening us all with help.

    • Meccalopolis

      Looks like someone who thinks about gay sex. A lot

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      is this one of those Facebook Quizes?

      • William

        My guess the author will be found soliciting sex in a truck stop bathroom in three…two….

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        Back in my day, you could only “Poke” someone on Faceboop.
        KIDS THESE DAYS GNASHING NIPPLES RIGHT AND LEFT

    • gallbladder

      If only they put that much effort into decency…

    • Mary Theresa

      Um, it seems the research put into this was an……..Ummmm…let’s call it an over achievement.

    • weejee

      tRump just loves golden girls. Showers, too, also.

    • biologydave

      No alliterative for gerbil? Now I’ve lost interest.

      • marxalot

        I was impressed by “Nipple Gnashers.”

        • biologydave

          That one was pretty good

        • William

          Yeah, I feel like I might have missed out on stuff.

        • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

          Wang Wobblers and Dingus Diddlers are FREE TO GO

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Sounds like Turgid Love Muscle

      • William

        There are medical specialties that cover many of these activities. Gynecologists are clearly damned.

    • Alan

      Maybe he should be bullied.

    • nightmoth

      Clitoris Cleaners should be on a business card.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Stolen lesbian joke:

        Gynecologist: Your clitoris is so clean!
        Patient: Oh, I have a woman come in once a week.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      What a strange person.

    • unclejeems

      Translation: I’m not getting any, so neither should you.

    • SayItWithWookies

      “Labium lickers?” Hell, if you’re right there, you may as well do the other one too.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Leave Richard Gere out of this.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      Why’s it all wrinkly?
      Did a little moisture get to it? Or a lot of little moistures, over time?

    • weighmaster

      We “sowed to the flesh” really enthusiastically and got kids. Did we do something wrong?

      • Nockular cavity

        You, uh, ‘harvested’ more flesh. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?

        • weighmaster

          oh, good, had me worried for a minute.

    • bluicebank

      Labium lickers?

      Labium: (etymology) a fused mouthpart that forms the floor of the mouth of an insect. (botany) the lower lip of the flower of a plant of the mint family. (human biology) a part of the female external genitalia. Insects, a genus of wasps in the family Ichneumonidae, or a genus of earwigs in the family Labiidae. (music) a part of wind instruments such as the recorder.

      Looks like I picked the wrong time to quit licking insects.

  • weejee

    OT:
    Historically very GOP US News and World Report editorial calls tRump Classless. Will the elected GeeOhPee care?

    • jesterpunk

      They will attack the US news and world report.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        RINOS!

  • Johnatx

    Bye all. Have a good rest of the day

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      Take care, John. :)

    • gallbladder

      Go easy.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

    [Captain Novack] explained that Americans, especially young American men, exhibit posturing behavior. Two guys in a bar bump chests, get up in each other’s faces, and yell. If a fight follows, it’s about honor, saving face. That’s posturing. Marines on the battlefield must exhibit predatory behavior.”

    ~from “One Bullet Away” by Nate Fick. If you saw “Generation Kill”, Fick was the young, cute officer in ‘Hitman’ that knew his ass from a hole in the ground.

    This book was a great lesson on how to survive the street. I’m a natural predator, but my mission is to survive. I’ve learned several ways to display a posture to prevent trouble, and it’s another skill that grows with practice.

    I’ve reached a point where I can display sexual availability simultaneously with an aura of “What? You’re nothing”. I’ve seen nothing worse than Catcalling since early September, when I told an old man that tried to scare me with his car in a crosswalk that he was “another Worthless Waste-of-Skin Asshole”. The other cars at the crosswalk must have been listening, my whole neighborhood has been safer for me since.

    • John Thorstensen

      I know Nate Fick, and taught him in a class. He is the Real Deal.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        That’s awesome! I’d love to meet the man. From his writings I can tell he is a thoughtful and intelligent man. I’m sure he was a Hell of an officer.

    • mancityRed6

      Friday night I was in Joplin. got there a bit early and hit up a wally world (yes, I know) looking to see if they had any decent cases for my fancy new phone.

      there were guys outside of both entrances/exits getting donations for what I found out was an anti drug thing. the guy at the entrance I went into had just asked someone and was turned down. I expected to be asked, but got nothing.

      on my way out, he asked someone in front of me, still didn’t ask me about anything.

      maybe it was the plaid shirt/camo shorts combo, but I was told that I have a way that I look that is intimidating.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        I would guess from your pix and your attitude here that you present an aspect that discourages trouble.

        • mancityRed6

          people at work think I look angry but that’s just my “thinking” face

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            xD I have Epic Resting Bitch Face myself.

          • Shanzgood

            I always get the phrasing backwards!

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            xD

          • Shanzgood

            Asshole Resting Face? We understand!

          • mancityRed6

            no, my resting face is fine. my thinking faces looks more like the face I’d make if someone told me a racist joke
            but not denying the asshole part.

          • Shanzgood

            Mmmkay…

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        Oh, Target was out of milk *again* today so it’s Wally World tomorrow.

        They don’t much like me at Wally World, so I tend to stride in like Napoleon meeting Czar Alexander IV after Austerlitz. I’ve seen real fear in the eyes of a few men there.

        Life is an adventure. xD

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      This is evolutionary behavior, and can be seen everywhere in nature. If you could intimidate the other side with staring and threat displays, then neither side would be subject to serious injury or death. It’s also smart.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        It makes sense, and Nate Fick explained it in a way which was very clear to me, in a way I could adapt to my own circumstances.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Also predators of all types look for the vulnerable. If I have to walk somewhere in a sketchy place, I also try never to look lost or distracted.
          You are absolutely right- you can project “ find somebody else if you’re looking for an easy victim”. It’s not a guarantee, but it helps.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            Yes, the posture mostly works. I stay wary, ready to run or fight as necessary, and I think I’m winning respect in my neighborhood as well.

    • marxalot

      I go through life like a knife through water: for some reason I have an “ignore me” field that works on most people, basically no matter how I present. And for everyone else, there’s ultraviolence.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        xD

        I like being different too much to develop an “ignore me” field. I use my “don’t fuck with me” field. 5’10” +heels + posture helps with it as well.

        • marxalot

          Weirdest damn thing. I could walk through church with a purple mohawk or down the street in my underwear, and for whatever reason, no one looked. I always figured the threat-assessment part of their brains went “NOPE, anything that thinks it can do that is too much trouble.”

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            I like that. :)

          • marxalot

            And as I’ve said, for everyone else, there’s the fact that my survival calculus is “I will take any sublethal hit to inflict one which you will not survive.”

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            *nods* We’re alike in that. There are times a male will approach and my brain goes – “Hit him in the larynx. Use the left hand.” I’m guessing that sort of thought process reveals itself in my eyes.

  • my feet are normal

    oh huh, Jew-hating alleged rapist Julian Assange has Dumb Opinions about feminism? You don’t say.

    https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/922519623723094017

    • jesterpunk

      Is Assange upset he can’t get a job?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        He’s upset that he didn’t think of it first

    • my feet are normal

      Again, please do note that he’s SO INSECURE about not being twitter verified that he’s put a blue diamond in his name in some sort of cargo-cult approximation.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      What’s his fucking point? That a rapist/murderer would seek out employment where there would be plenty of victims?

    • weejee

      Ted worked for the local GOP out here, too, also.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Assange is slipping. In his prime he could have tied Hillary to that somehow.

    • Edith Prickly
    • gallbladder

      What’s next, Julie, petitioning a sainthood for Bundy?

    • RobKanC

      Since when is a serial killer a “feminist” icon. I think too many days on the run from the law has made him go crazy

      • TJ Barke

        He’s got to have cabin fever.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and your BFF and hero Donald Trump ran beauty contests- coincidence?

    • rosenbomb

      Thinking about the “logic” here…

      ‘Feminist’ man murders and rapes women = all feminist men murder and rape women
      Vs. Nonfeminist Julian Assange rapes woman = SQUIRREL??

    • Beautiful Soup

      I believe the crisis center gig was a work study job in college. He was a Young Republican then. Who else read “The Stranger Beside Me” by Ann Rule?

    • ltmcdies

      I look forward to someday seeing this on Last Week Tonight

      “Julian Assange…Why is he still A Thing”

    • my feet are normal

      best reply:

      [regular brain] all rape crisis volunteers are killers
      [galaxy brain] Men avoiding rape charges in an embassy are actually the least bad men

      https://twitter.com/tristanbuckner/status/922524715536719873

    • TJ Barke

      I like that he somehow thinks that that is a cogent point.

    • weighmaster

      Interestingly, many criminals seek positions that will put them in contact with potential victims…

    • Juan de Fuca

      But that was also back during the time when rapists couldn’t hide out in the Ecuadorian embassy, so he paid for his crimes. Time’s a wastin’ for you, Julian.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    The bullying doesn’t stop. My most recent incident involved the 23-yr-old intern at a recent client. (You think you know where this is going don’t you). Nope. you’re wrong. She spent her entire year there bullying me, almost old enough to be her grandmother, undermining my credibility with our staff and our clients. Guess which one of us got fired.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      ~hugs~

    • gallbladder

      Fucking hell.

    • RobKanC

      Guess she learned a important lesson, probably not.

    • BosGrl

      Jesus. She must have had some serious mother issues. Sorry that happened to you.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      She sounds nice.

    • ManchuCandidate

      It doesn’t. But you just deal with it. It ain’t easy.

      I had to deal with several at work who took turns trying to stomp the shit out of me (they were (emphasis on were) a group of friends.) And then I had to deal with the drug addicted liar who had me shit scared because she claimed she was connected and extorted cash from me. It took 3 months, but I ended up having a Michael Corleone week and took care of all them.

      I sicced HR and a director on two of them because I had enough evidence via logbooks to burn them. Got my manager on the ass of the leader (who was my supervisor) who broke the review process to fuck with me so I used that to fuck him back then turned around and evicted the liar using the cops. When she tried to say I was many things /fill in the blank crime/ and my neighbors told her about it, I brought out the neighbors and they said “nope and I don’t know who this woman is.” The cops told her to her face that she was a liar and she had no legal reason to stay. She left in her boyfriend’s car crying and I enjoyed it.

      • TJ Barke

        Did you walk away putting sunglasses on in slow motion?

        • ManchuCandidate

          No. I wish I did, but I also knew what victory felt like.

    • Shibusa

      I’ve seen a few hyper-aggressive women gossiping, lying, manipulating, etc. to get ahead at work–particularly in offices where most of the employees were men. The worst are the women who befriend other women so that they can learn their vulnerabilities and leverage them.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Who among us older women haven’t had some young upstart feel threatened by us and go after our jobs?

  • Alan

    …pay two bucks for a teenager so they’ll care if he or she is bullied. That line will become a classic.

  • Panika MCD

    I usually don’t got to PetsMart because they support open carry (not that many people in Austin would do that) and they also sometimes have puppies from puppy mills in them, but it is the place to get the cheapest clothes for Callie. so when we were looking for a new crate pad for JJP, we went there and lo’ they gave us a free toy basket! that is very nice as JJP had destroyed the wooden hay box I was using before and it was just a poo-pee pad box which she’d ripped open for a while there.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Free is a very good price.

      • Panika MCD

        (it was with $20 purchase)

        • Beanz&Berryz

          That was a quote from a long-time local furniture store owner when he did his simple, shouty TV ads… I think he required a purchase also too, so that still counts as free…

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Who? Who?

    • DrBigHead

      Interesting. The PetsMarts in Tucson (at least the one I frequent) only have dogs and cats from shelters. I assumed it was a corporate policy.

      • TJ Barke

        Could be differing state laws.

        • DrBigHead

          There are plenty of puppy mill stores in town, so I don’t think in this case it is a state law. Especially not in Arizona.

          • TJ Barke

            Hmm, I dunno then.

          • Panika MCD

            might be in areas that don’t know better. they don’t do it in Austin, but Merrick and others won’t use them as a retailer. and the Merrick guys are fucking awesome.

      • Panika MCD

        most of their adoption days down here are shelter dogs, but it’s bad enough that several dog and cat food brands based down here won’t sell through them.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      In my neck of the woods, Pet Smart works with shelters. And doesn’t have puppy mill pooches.

      • Panika MCD

        same with my neck of the woods, but some of these snooty do-gooder pet food companies don’t get to just put their food in our necks of our woods.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          ???

          • Panika MCD

            I trust the Merrick guys. they are total nerds.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            That’s good. I’m a bit confused about the snooty dog-food comment.

          • Panika MCD

            they are dog food nerds. dog foodies? nah, dog foodies are dogs who are snooty about their food–not the nerds that make the food.

        • kfunk937

          During one interminable carless year, I found online pet supplies convenient and cost-effective. Above a certain more-or-less reasonable minimum (usually $25 – 50, attainable with planning), freight was “free”.

          The thought of dragging heavy cans and litter for miles in inclement weather on public or on foot was the clincher, though.

          • Panika MCD

            Chewy.com is fabulous. bot only do they donate a fuck ton to relief work, but after just one shipment they sent my family a hand written holiday card.

          • kfunk937

            They were my favourite too, for all those reasons.

  • Werewolf

    Nice Time! (which I needed after last night).
    This morning I quit a job that I probably should have left months ago-it was a startup hospice that never really started up. I was there for two years and never worked more than ten hours in two weeks, I was the only one left from the original crew, and I was getting more and more friction from my supervisor (not the guy who hired me, he left in the spring). The writing was on the wall-I was asked to introduce the other chaplain to all of my patients. So, first thing this morning I closed a door that was about to slam in my face, and this afternoon one opened-I got an email from a hospital for a phone interview! And I’d rather be working in a hospital anyway! :-)

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      Good for you! :)

      • Werewolf

        Thanks, hon!

    • Marion in Savannah

      YAY! Best of luck on the interview.

      • Werewolf

        Thanks!

    • gallbladder

      Good luck to you, friend!

      • Werewolf

        Thanks!

    • Doug Langley

      Best of luck!

      • Werewolf

        Thanks! And good luck to you!

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      You’re a chaplain and go by “Werewolf?”

      My kind of chaplain!

      PS: Hospital/hospice chaplains are the best. Good luck, mate.

      • Werewolf

        Werewolf is a nickname from my yute-I spent a summer when I was seventeen in Israel and didn’t shave or get a haircut, so I was kinda shaggy. And I love being a hospital chaplain (hospice is okay, but not that particular one now).

  • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

    “Smush your burger”
    Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      As in “you can smush my burger anytime, baby”? Yep, that works.

  • msanthropesmr
    • msanthropesmr
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Beanie’s all “I’ve had it with this shit.”.

        • msanthropesmr

          He just got back from the dog hotel after we went on vacation.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Oh, so it’s “thanks a million for abandoning me. How can I make you feel appropriately guilty?”

          • msanthropesmr

            Aaand. He got a bath.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Bath days are not the best days.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Oh, he’s gonna sleep for 3 days straight!

  • HazooToo

    I am seriously considering not handing out any candy to kids with parents who are wearing this hat. https://twitter.com/LaraLeaTrump/status/922465255149768711

    • gallbladder

      Get the fuck outta here.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Trump is MAGAing a pumpkin face!?

    • Stulexington

      It’s not a MAGA hat, it’s a hat with a pumpkin on it. Seriously they think they can steal the jack o lantern now?

      • Hemp Dogbane

        I remember, long ago, when the pumpkin was sacred.

      • HazooToo

        I don’t see your name on it!

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Since his brain is a rotting pumpkin that works.

        • Stulexington

          Touche.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      The kids were just minding thier own business. No candy for the fuckwit parents works for me, however.

      Eta- who is Lara?

      • HazooToo

        Idfk, some dumbass Trump through either fucking or marriage.

    • ltmcdies

      it is Donnie’s colour

    • Just Noh

      it costs $45! of course it does.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      It needs some straw or a dead animal on top for the hair.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Tell them to go buy candy with their own bootstraps.

    • IdiotsforPalin

      Lara Trump is married to the stupid son……..no the other one.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      WTF? Is she working in the White House gift shop, too?

      • HazooToo

        If there is something out there that is even tangentially related to Trump’s dick, he will make it grift for him.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Give them Chick tracts about Jesus.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      What that hat needs is a shock of comb-over yellow yarn hair on top… That would make it kinda cool…

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      How is that a MAGA hat? That is a Jack-o-lantern hat.

      • ManchuCandidate

        It’s a Jackass-o-lantern hat…

      • HazooToo

        It is going to make Trump a ton of money. Isn’t that what MAGA means?

      • kfunk937

        Make America Grift Again?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Like when we were kids and there were razor blades in apples? That kind of great again?

      On the other hand, WTF, I thought it was an occult holiday that the Christianists disapprove of?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Does it only come in size Too Big, or is Lara Trump’s head just that tiny?

      • HazooToo

        Yes.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      The kids are suffering enough having brain dead cultists for parents. I’d give them extra.

  • Thiazin Red

    What the shit is this? All of the laundromats near my place have all decided just this week apparently to stop letting people do their own laundry. You have to drop it off and they charge you extra to do it for you.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      That’s some Oregonian bullshit.

      • TJ Barke

        Watch yo’ mouth!

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          I think I’ll go put some gas in my car now. By myself.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            That’s just crazy talk.

          • TJ Barke

            Cool story, bro.

    • Canned Covfefe

      OFFS! Sameish price or more?

    • OutOfOrbit

      mebbee all owned by one person tired of machine abuse

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    So I just discover that some people call pizza “flatbread”

    • gallbladder

      Been doin’ that up here for years. You ought to visit sometime.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      People who are wrong.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Flatbread is a pizza like Winger is metal

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        What’s a Winger?

    • shivaskeeper

      Those people are wrong. Full stop.

    • msanthropesmr

      Those people also call me Maurice

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        The gangsta of love? Cool!

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        Space Cowboy!

    • my feet are normal

      flatbread is something totally different (it’s flat bread*)

      * really it’s (usually) unleavened bread in a flat disc

      • Marion in Savannah

        Or maybe pita bread, which does have some leavening.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      See Doc’s story for an explanation of what flatbread really is.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        xD

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Well, you know, pizza does sound awfully…ethnic.
      There’s probably a big Venn overlap of the flatbread peeps and the people who call burritos “wraps”.

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Hummus burrito!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Garbanzo beans are good on Mexican food. I would try a hummus burrito!

      • Shanzgood

        Wraps are anything what doesn’t have Mexican food inside.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      PC fascism run amok!

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        IDK they called it flatbread but it was thin crust pizza.

        I ate it and loved it!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • gallbladder

    Okay, which one of you little commie libtard bastards took my…oh, here it is.

    • Marion in Savannah

      It was me, but I left it where you could find it.

    • bluicebank

      It wasn’t the right size, so I put it back.

      • gallbladder

        Fair play.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I actually wanted the other thing.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      We take the socks in the washing machine, too.

  • bluicebank

    OT but in the orbit of bullying. WaPo reports on Trump’s EPA bullying scientists:

    “‘Let us do our job’: Anger erupts over EPA’s apparent muzzling of scientists”

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/energy-environment/wp/2017/10/23/let-us-do-our-job-anger-erupts-over-epas-muzzling-of-scientists/?utm_term=.3ade4d4bcceb

    You know, eventually scientists are going to snap. These people know quite precisely how to jack you up. Most of them are all mild mannered. It’s the ONE GUY or ONE GAL you need to be worried about. Nice computer you’ve got there. Also, did you know that the entropy of your biological existence is on a razor’s edge? Be a shame if we brought physics to that knife fight.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Donald J. “Stephen” Harper.

  • mrFawkes

    https://twitter.com/PressSec/status/922245672409198597
    If I give 10 apples to one person and no apples to nine people, the average person has one apple.

    Why are nine people mad at me?

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      You must be Paul Ryan.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Careful with that math shit. You don’t cut that out, libertarians are going to be confused about how a flat tax works.

      • Arolpin

        Libertarians are going to be confused (and water is wet).

        FTFY

    • mackafritz

      What is the median tax cut?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Dear Sarah,

      You are a lying cunt.

      Would it be too much to ask for you to shut up and go away?

      Sincerely,

      This Once Fine Nation

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Math is hard

    • Shibusa
    • Shanzgood

      How many apples do YOU still have, hm?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      As someone tweeted yesterday, if Bill Gates walks into a room with 88 people in it, the average person in that room is now a billionaire.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Depends on how many of them have negative worth due to being in debt to Russian oligarchs, so might not work with the Trump family/admin.

    • Bill D. Burger

      And the Trumpanzee’ howlers will swallow that shit sandwich, shout yee-haww’, and ask for seconds.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4bf8bd8cb2091bc8f6fb3bd6fe96b63b41c34cee747ee364d14af9b6269ad6ae.jpg

      • Sophia

        That is a thing of beauty

      • Three Finger Salute

        rrrrribbit

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Except in this case, it’s 1,000,000 apples to one person, and no apples to 999,999 people… Times 100.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      Where the FUCK do they think half a trillion bucks is going to come from? Xanadu?

      • TJ Barke

        Basically.

    • TJ Barke

      The fucking gross disingenuous mendacity on display there makes me so very pitchforky.

    • Arolpin

      Can someone ask that fucking result of 6 generations of inbreeding to explain the difference between ‘average’ and ‘mean’ and ‘median’? Seriously, that is comedy gold waiting to happen.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I know Obama is evil, but I didn’t realize how petty he is. Some poor guy from Washington wasn’t able to assassinate a deer this weekend because, “That fucking Obama let the fucking indians shoot all the deer they wanted without getting licenses.”

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      It’s true he went back in time. He is a sneaky negro.

    • Nockular cavity

      Oh, he’s still in power? The things you learn!

      • Nockular cavity

        PS: LIKE WE’RE OUT OF FUCKING DEER.

        • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

          Right? There’s a family that hangs out in my back yard. In Oakland.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Shoot all those ghetto dogs*

          *Our nickname for the vermin known as “white tail deer”.

    • Stulexington

      Wow, I knew the rollback on Obama had past Katrina but I didn’t realize it went that far back.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I wasn’t aware that there was a shortage of deer anywhere. You want one, just drive and they’ll run in front of your car. No firearms necessary.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I guess this PSA will have to do until Melanoma kicks off her anti-bullying campaign…any day now.

  • Picabo
    • gallbladder

      “The Andromeda Strain”…love that book.

      • TJ Barke

        The movie even holds up.

      • Doug Langley

        That was the very first book I ever bought. High school, library had a book sale. Movie was pretty good, too.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

          That’s neat. :)

          • gallbladder

            Got something for you that you might enjoy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWfnY9cRXO4

            Eerie without music and fanfare.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            Oh! How cool, saved.

            Also too I found the other NASA doc you recommended, it’s saved for later too.

          • gallbladder

            Awesome! Let me know what you make of it.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            Will do, I’m certain I’ll enjoy it. :)

          • Doug Langley

            Creepy.

    • TJ Barke

      Shame he was a climate denier…

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        Physics denier also too. I loved a couple of his books though. Even “Congo”,

        • TJ Barke

          Oh yeah, I loved a bunch of his books. Disappointing though.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            Yeah. He sounded like a huffy teenager about Dark Matter and such. I suppose it was all part of his Climate Denial BS.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      God I hated the little girl in the book. I wanted her to die really badly. Was relieved she wasn’t nearly as much of an idiot in the movie.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Inlaying butterfly keys into a $3000 table top made from wood it would take a couple of lifetimes to find again. This is where you REALLY don’t want to fuck up. Thank God we don’t have a president busy insulting a war widow to distract me or anything. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b079173b029e1008ed92400e2c17d3ed509229ff8ead29006f0a3532e236313c.jpg

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s soooo cool! I just this weekend saw some tables like that and, having previously seen some cool wood slabs at a different place, wondered how I, a wood-working neophyte moran, could do such a things to those wood slabs… And here it is on the Interwebz automatically! Amazing! I think the google search implant in my head must be working…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Top is made of two book matched slabs of quartersawn white oak, each piece 18′ wide. Quartered white oak isn’t rare, but the tree they came from was probably 48″ wide or so at the base in order to cut this timber outside the heart. If there’s a single tree like that left in this country, I’d be amazed.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I was at a place that mostly sells reclaimed metal and wood things… I was there looking at what metal I might weld into something, but they had various long-cut slabs…. And completely separately, at a furniture store recently, I saw some tables with the butterfly inserts and wondered about them…

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            What species were the slabs? I’m always on the lookout…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Some tight-grained cedar was what caught my eye – but others too…

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Any white oak I know like that is at least 24 inches hollow in the center.

        • shivaskeeper

          Beautiful wood. Book matched at that. Lucky bastard.

        • Arolpin

          Have you taken to buying old wood yet? My brother-in-law’s brother is a woodworker, and I’ve never seen him more excited than they day he bought $10,000 worth of 100-year-old lumber, because you can’t get planks that big from whatever wood it was anymore.

    • msanthropesmr

      Brass?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Maple. The butterfly keys are completely superfluous structurally….the clients thought they would look sharp.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      Oh, what lovely grain on that wood.

    • BosGrl

      Is that the big piece of wood you got a while back? That is so beautiful. And I love your tools. Are they vintage?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It is. The tools are vintage in the sense that I’ve had them and used them hard for the last 35 years. The mallet is something I made myself.

        • BosGrl

          Awesome.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      People call me a woodworker. Sometimes, in moments of weakness, I’ll call myself that. But really, I just make simple cabinets out of whatever is cheap at Home Despot. Birch plywood, pine panels, and the occasional 1×2 kind of shit. I have a fairly well-equipped shop for projects that are not too big. But what you are working on is real woodworking. I make too damned many mistakes to dare make anything out of expensive materials.

      I admire real woodworkers. I might get to that after several years of solid practice. However, I have many other things that I like to work on, usually electronics and computer related. I use wood to make enclosures for the gadgets I make.

      Keep up the great work!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Thx. It’s all about having a place to work, the right tools, and a lot of patience.

        • gallbladder

          Patience is critical in all good work.

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            As Robert Prisig said, “quality is the measure of caring.”

    • notaten

      That is very nice.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I remember repairing floors like that. Easy does it.

      I also made a screen door out of cedar without any fasteners. I fitted it at -20 with no humidity, by August, nothing could separate those joints.

  • Doug Langley

    Boss & I barely spoke at all today, so decent day of work. Four more days to go.

    It’s been 3 long months. I remember long ago when I would do a contract job. My bank account would be good and plump, and I’d essentially vacation for a few months until look for another. Well, this one has paid so poorly that I’ve been paycheck to paycheck. Once my last paycheck gets deposited, I still won’t have a thousand bucks in the bank. It’s getting so hard to believe I was ever in the situation of not worrying about money.

    One recruiter emailed me today wanting a phone chat first thing next week. A few others on standby. If all else fails, I should qualify for unemployment.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      ~hugs~ Four. More. Only.

    • NotReallyHere

      I admire your stick-to-a-tive-ness. Ok, I’m not sure what the correct term is, or how to spell it, but I don’t know if I could have handled your boss. I think she would have given me panic attacks.

      • marxalot

        Perseverance.

        • NotReallyHere

          Yes, but what’s the fun, but not $10 word with lots of hyphens version?

      • Doug Langley

        I’ve had panic attacks before, so I’m not immune.

        • NotReallyHere

          I’m sorry. They really suck.

          • Doug Langley

            So far, I’ve had nervous tics, some brief heart palpitations, needing to piss half a dozen times during the night. Otherwise okay.

          • NotReallyHere

            Really? That sounds kind of scary to me. But I’m glad you’re OK.

          • Doug Langley

            Well . .. relatively . . .

          • Doug Langley

            Bear in mind that I’ve got some PTSD from this. Walking down the street, something reminds me of files or something and suddenly just want to scream. Don’t know how long it’ll take to purge from my system.

          • NotReallyHere

            Wow, then I admire your perseverance (thanks marxalot :) ) even more. I was having panic attacks for awhile and needed medication. It really sucked feeling so out of control. I wanted someone to shoot me with a tranc dart a lot of days.

          • Doug Langley

            I had one job once where the boss was so abusive it literally put me in the hospital. After spending the night, made it back, and was told “Oh, by the way, you’re fired.”

          • NotReallyHere

            Holy crap. How did you recover from that?? Geez, people are shits sometimes.

          • Doug Langley

            Next job was better. Easy work, relaxed workplace, really good pay. Too bad it was contract.

            You know, I have no idea how much I have recovered. I’ve had so much goddamn shit in my life, going back as far as I can remember, and really can’t tell how much recovered from and how much is still poisoning me. For much of my life, I was the guy in the room where you think “Geez, why doesn’t he smile?”

          • NotReallyHere

            Yeah, I guess we all have our crap to deal with. I try to remember that when dealing with people. I hope you find a really good job after this one with the micromanaging, impossible to please boss.

          • Doug Langley

            Thanks. Possibly may go back into teaching. Lousy pay, but at least I enjoy it.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Beautiful Soup

      I thought it might have been a Vic Berger joke…

    • TJ Barke

      Fucking gross.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      Only $ Forty-five-fucking-dollars. Goddess help Anypony brings up “Economic Anxiety” to me again.

      • CripesAmighty

        And to quote Charlie Pierce: “Hello, suckers.”

        • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

          Right? Jesus, $45 bucks for a gimme hat. Guess how many nice hats I’ve paid $45 bucks for? Hint *zero*.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Modeled on The Fucking Moron Pumpkin: Orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out ASAP.

    • jesterpunk

      It doesnt say Merry Christmas, Trump promised everyone would be saying Merry Christmas. Is he part of the war on Christmas?

      • Sophia

        Repubs had a little time on their hands so they thought they would go after Hallowe’en this year as well. Beats doing anything in Congress

        • jesterpunk

          Like reauthorizing CHIP

    • Sophia

      Says it’s a treat but I personally think it’s a trick

      • Stulexington

        It’s a trap!

    • bluicebank

      The War on Halloween has begun.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Shortbread week: so far thumbprint cookies and rugelach. I’m thinking Russian Tea Cakes next? (never made those, and maybe Drumpf would like them!)

    • BosGrl

      I would marry shortbread.

    • gallbladder

      The bigger question is will WE like them?

    • Catstro

      Russian Tea Cakes *are* the cakes I like. Just be prepared for the fact that they’re really messy to eat because of the powdered sugar. It would be good to practice that recipe anyway; you’ll have it down pat in case you need to bring a dessert an indictment party potluck.

  • tehbaddr

    I would never bully anyone! Well maybe a full sized double Whopper, but trust me that’s a thing you don’t want to see!

  • alwayspunkindrublic
    • gallbladder

      What’s the project?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        A fairly simple, heavy trestle table.

    • Sophia

      Oookay?

    • Juan de Fuca

      Beautiful. What type of wood?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Quartersawn white oak, maple inlays. Quartered white oak is the only oak I’d consent to work with.

        • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

          Good choice. Wood’s tight. Will hold in all types of humidity.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Because of the climate here-incredibly dry for 9 months, incredibly humid for 3, wood expansion/contraction is a huge problem. Quartered wood has very little seasonal movement.

          • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

            Where you at climatewise?

            I’ve had projects get torn apart because of heat and humidity fluctuation.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Tucson, Az. About 5% humidity for most of the year, up to 70 or 80% during the summer monsoon season.

        • shivaskeeper

          Is that sugar maple or big leaf?

        • Juan de Fuca

          You’ve got a gift, sir. I would definitely subscribe to your newsletter.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Thank you, my friend. You’re too kind, as always.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Awesome!

    • tehbaddr

      I admire your craftsmanship! The googly eyes add a certain je ne sais quoi?

      • HogeyeGrex

        Everything is better with googly eyes.

    • Michael R

      Butterfly
      Use it in a sentence :
      I lost my mind when a butterfly kicked me

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      The huz would like to know what the pointy tool is.

      Thanks, and congrats!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        A fancy awl…used for scribing the area to be mortised very precisely.

        • DrBigHead

          Like the one that got Leon Trotsky (or was that an ice pick?).

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Aha. So the bit on top that looks like a plunger (which is what really intrigued him) isn’t, but is the extra fancy bit.

          Oh, gawd, I do love hand woodworking tools. In another lifetime …. but I am getting a beautiful loom this winter, so yeah, I’m good.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Beautifully done.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      Lovely work. :)

    • notaten

      Planeawltie? Awltieplane? Tieplaneawl? What do I win?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I owe you a Coke.

        • notaten

          Next time I’m in Tucson, I’ll buy you a beer. Might go before Christmas to see my cousin in Superior AZ. Could jog down that way to visit other relatives that I haven’t seen in a bajallion years. I’ll let you know!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Superior, AZ. Wow. Not many people know about that place. I actually grew up not very far from there.

    • CripesAmighty

      Gorgeous.

    • DrBigHead

      I’m Impressed. That looks like a well-worn plane, btw. Clearly has been well used.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s actually a replacement that I’ve had for about 12 years, though I use it constantly. The tweakers stole my other one that I had been using my whole life.

        • DrBigHead

          My great-grandfather on my Dad’s side was the only member of his generation (that I am aware of) that wasn’t a farmer. Made his living as a cabinet maker. For years his tools laid scattered around my grandfather’s shed. I eventually collected as many of them as I could. Most are very basic block planes, but there were a couple of sill planes that were works of art in their own right. Adjustments were made with wooden wing nuts on threaded wooden rods. Of course I have no skills in such things, but I’m glad I have them.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Tucker Carlson in the plane with an icepick?

    • hudson

      well done!!

    • shivaskeeper

      I do those with a MIlescraft template and a plunge router. I do not have the patience nor skill to do them by hand. Well done.

    • hudson

      how did you plane the top?

  • HazooToo

    Do you guys think we can collectively finish every one of these writing prompts tonight? Like, reply to this with the number you’re taking, then post the result? http://www.chicagonow.com/listing-beyond-forty/2013/11/40-really-awful-writing-prompts/

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      I am thinking of a number between one and ten. What is it?

      Seven, probably. Then everyone got run over by a truck. The End.

    • Panika MCD

      probably could do a couple myself, but I can’t post the results as most places won’t publish things that have appeared publicly online.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      Think about the play Hamlet. Write something good like that

      The problem can be cleared by unplugging / re-plugging the Ethernet connector at the All-in-One computer, or by disabling / re-enabling the interface in the Networking Management window.

      What? I’m at work right now.

    • marxalot

      I think I have written grocery lists in iambic pentameter.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      I’ve got #27, Y’all.

    • Tiny kaiju

      #7. A raspberry has been possessed by the devil, and then the murders started.

    • jesterpunk

      That sounds like homework or something, I was told us liberals didnt have to do any work. Also I need to find out who said that so I can beat them with a cactus since I seem to have to work to pay my bills.

    • Panika MCD

      I can actually name many of the works she’s referring to and some she may not be aware exist.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      30. Rearrange the words in Green Eggs and Ham to tell a story that doesn’t rhyme.

      No way I eat that shit. By the way, Sam’s the name.

      • Panika MCD

        that, way, the and name are not words in that book.

        • Tishalicious

          (‘That’ is in the book)

          • Panika MCD

            I stand corrected.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Now you’ve got me thinking about Ted Cruz — while I am eating dinner. Aargh!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Please someone do the diabolically-possessed aardvark.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Gaaah, can’t we ever talk about something besides Trump?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Aardvark libelzzzzzz

        • Doug Langley

          Well, how about that Bill O’Reilly guy?

    • mackafritz

      #22.
      Let me start at the beginning.
      The end.

    • HazooToo

      I’ll do #5 since everyone is soooo scaaaared lol

    • BosGrl

      8. A man awakes to find that all his socks are gone.

      I think that one writes itself. You guys and your damned socks.

    • Sophia

      15. Real men don’t make sanmmiches. That’s the women’s job. The end.

    • Sophia

      Which one of you is that does the RWNJ rant so well. You should be able to do #17 bigly.

    • Tiny kaiju

      #23 . It’s more a picture of a seven legged spider and it’s not mine.
      http://www.27bslash6.com/overdue.html

      • BosGrl

        LOL

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      41. And then the murders began.

    • BosGrl

      12. Write a grocery list in iambic pentameter.

      The bread, the butter, and the berry jam
      The saltine crackers and rosemary ham
      The salad stuff, tomatoes and a cuke
      The cakes we like that never make us puke
      The pork in chops all boneless, beef all ground
      The chicken cutlets, maybe get a pound

      Is that iambic? I’m a terrible poet anyway.

    • Tiny kaiju

      #20. Is the plot of Stranger Than Fiction, which I thought was actually a pretty good movie.
      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stranger_than_Fiction_(2006_film)

      • HazooToo

        I thought so too!

    • Tiny kaiju

      #16. OMG! My little brother is an elf! The little shit must have been an extra in the Lord of the Rings. Look at those leaf shaped green eyes ffs! Also, did that one maple tree in the front yard with a branch I can reach get run over by the lawnmower?

    • doktorzoom

      #4: Alice Walker thinks she knows me. She doesn’t know me.

  • TootsStansbury

    Don’t be discouraged, Melon is going to make bullying great again!

    • Paperless Tiger

      If she slaps your wrist, you’ll never forget it.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Servile Toady Todd Starnes Slobbers All Over Morally Bankrupt Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich And Guzzles His Pee In Bid To Disgust All Life On Earth Even The Leopard Slugs Are Like OMG GROSS

    (That’s not the actual headline, but I like it better.)

    http://www.themorejewknow.com/uploads/1/2/0/9/12094351/4442905_orig.gif

    In a conversation with Gingrich on his radio program on October 19, Starnes called criticism of Trump’s comments to Myeshia Johnson an “ugly attempt by the media to take a swipe at the president.”

    “There’s a bloc of people, unfortunately, who hate Trump so deeply that they spend all day every day trying to find some way to smear him or attack him or defame him and it distorts things,” Gingrich replied.

    You don’t say. Gee, nothing like that has ever happened before.

    https://content.newsinc.com/jpg/2975/31007135/39164252.jpg?t=1465906020

    “I think this ties right back in to this National Football League debacle with the national anthem, where American values are just under attack, Mr. Speaker,” Starnes said.

    Starnes is a worthless chickenshit ass-kisser.

    Gingrich replied: “Well, they’re absolutely under attack….What Trump has done in part is he’s brought out into the open how truly anti-American much of the left is and how much it stands for a set of values that all of us, if you looked at it carefully, would find horrifying.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3add05dccc4799ffb238f7c58b3a02c45cabd3985b70e3761509372e400503d7.gif

    Bell & Howell on line one for you, you fucking scumbag.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e515c25ccaf67e84661e49a3fbfe242e2e3c47b1b16bb6cf3a85568eeb1cf02c.gif

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/newt-gingrich-trump-has-brought-out-into-the-open-how-truly-anti-american-much-of-the-left-is/

    • gallbladder

      Jesus Fuck, Starnes.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Bend over and spread it, Toddy-boy.

    • jesterpunk

      Why didnt they dump their spouses when they where injured like Newt did when his wife was being treated for cancer?

    • alpacapunchbowl
    • Paperless Tiger

      Yep. Somehow those lefties find something on Trump every day. How do they do it?

    • OrG

      Dude,we don’t spend 5 seconds looking for a way “to smear him or attack him or defame him”.
      He serves that on a silver platter almost daily.

      • Arolpin

        And it’s not defamation if it’s FUCKING TRUE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF OVER-DEGREED, UNDER-EMPATHIED, WORTHLESS PHILANDERING WHORE-OF-BABYLON-ADJACENT FUCKWAD!

    • TootsStansbury

      Cool, they’re setting the stage for “eliminating” us. Almost there.

      • TJ Barke

        All that fear mongering about FEMA camps? Projection like a megaplex.

    • TJ Barke

      What a pathetic little bootlicker…

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Funny thing is, Gingrich is only a slightly bigger bootlicker.

    • Cat Cafe

      Do you think these guys constantly work from Goebbels’ playbook because they don’t KNOW how it ends, or are they arrogant enough to think they can make it end differently for THEM? (Hint: Goebbels was actually SMART.)

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Arrogance is usually a better bet.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Bell + Howell? More like IMAX.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    As an educator bullying always gets my goat. Every year I have to confront my students about bullying and every year I break down when confronting them since I’ve been on both sides. Those scars run deep, even 23 years later.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      First rule of education: school should be a safe place for everyone. You cannot learn if you do not feel safe.

      I saw too many students and also teachers and administrators who both bullied and condoned bullying when I was in school. I tried to make a difference when I was a teacher but I don’t think that I made a dent in the problem. I wish you all the luck in the world.

      • NorthernSaber

        It’s way harder to ferret out and deal with now, because so much if it happens out in cyber-space. 40 years ago leaving the school building usually meant a respite. Now it never ends, and a lot of it happens off our radar.

  • Michael R

    A open thread can be anything
    Here’s Jonathan Richman being optimistic in 1972
    ( That’s David Robinson later of The Cars on drums and
    Jerry Harrison later of Talking Heads on keyboards )

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_SVoOwW4Yc

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Put down the cigarette, Michael R, and drop out of B. U.

    • I was going to post some Jonathan Richman myself today. Good on you.

      The Modern Lovers one and only album is outstanding and Jonathan Richman has been a quasi-underground fave ever since.

      He’s had few cameo appearances in Farrely Brothers films.

  • Wow, clip of McCain on The View and he looks terrible

    • Panika MCD

      or he looks great for someone getting radiation treatments?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Who’s 81… And male…

      • OutOfOrbit

        tough ol’ bird

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Bastard often…

          • OutOfOrbit

            basterd buzzerd

      • shastakoala

        He might have cancer?

        • Arolpin

          I was actually almost relieved when they diagnosed him with cancer, because I had watched whatever Senate clusterfuck it was where he was speaking and obviously completely losing his train of thought. I checked to see if ‘McCain stroke’ was trending, and people starting asking that about 5 minutes later.

      • Radiation is the worst.

        • Panika MCD

          except for dying.

          • How do you know for sure?

          • Panika MCD

            because then we’d have to suffer through Trump at his funeral.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Oh, lord, I’m picturing that in my head. It’s gonna happen and it’s gonna be a whole new level of awful.

  • OrG

    How about making edible food?

    • gallbladder

      Quiet, you!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    88% of Burger King customers are not the least bit surprised to see Burger King management do nothing to protect a customer from physical attack.

  • my feet are normal
    • Beanz&Berryz

      I dunno… But is that what ass eating season means?

      • my feet are normal

        yes, you should definitely use it in that sense, preferably to everyone you know.

        I am a good friend and I am helping.

    • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

      It was 102 degrees in Anaheim today. I have a hard time believing that there is frost anywhere.

      • Stulexington

        Maybe she means frosting. Like frosting laced with drugs that make you want to eat ass … okay I’m reaching here.

    • doktorzoom
  • NorthernSaber

    Ok- ASPCA just ran one of their tear-jerker ads and, as per usual, it just about destroyed me. Am I the only Wonker out there who thinks that maybe, just maybe, a different approach might be as effective- or maybe even better?
    Sorry- this one just really got to me…

    • Three Finger Salute

      I think I read somewhere that Sarah McLachlan can’t even watch them herself.

      • NorthernSaber

        Yeah- I read that too, and for years that was my cue to change the channel. This one had a different start and caught me. I get it- people are awful toward animals and ASPCA need our help, but God this was awful.

      • TootsStansbury

        This is terrible but spoiled Mr. Kitten was sulking about something and Mr. S. played that song. And we laughed, and then up came the fact of “mock me at your peril”.

      • Meccalopolis

        I can’t watch them

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      We never see those ads. This is Humane Society turf. We are a sundown community for ASPCAers!

  • AJ Milne

    Heard Browder on (the CBC’s) As It Happens maybe half an hour ago… He’s giving (US) State the benefit of the doubt, figures probably the visa thing is just automatic from the Russians having gamed the system to slip the Red Notice in, and someone told the CBC separately the CBP had reviewed and reverted it pretty much immediately…

    … So I’m hereby rescinding my own suggestion Tillerson be stopped at all EU borders…

    (Trump and Putin remain under review, however… I cannot discuss this as it is a security matter; please feel free to file a freedom of information request with the front desk, and I assure you top people will get on this..

    Top. People.)

  • Juan de Fuca
    • Beanz&Berryz

      And whose CoS decried that women are no longer treated as being sacred…

      • Juan de Fuca

        There is no bottom with these sociopaths.

      • Kryptonian Canis Greyhame

        “Women were sacred and looked upon with great honor. That’s obviously not the case anymore, as we see from recent cases.”

        Well I guess Kelly is the only person in the country who’s never even heard about the Access Hollywood bus tape. Oh wait, that’s right, he can get away with acting all sanctimonious about that shit because he’s a fucking hypocrite.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And he was in the military so he’s entitled to be sanctimonious… The Trump ass-licker…

  • medcannabis1

    Thank you for sharing this. I needed a reminder of the good people who surround us, hidden in all the noise.

  • stumpknocker

    i dropped out of a small college because i could not take the bullying anymore, the leader of the gang was a full scholarship football player at the school. i went into commercial fishing and ended up fishing the north pacific, doing the “deadliest catch fishing” for years. After the Yankee Girl went down from under me and a helicopter ride back to the hill, my childhood sweet hart proposed to me and i said yes and came back to south carolina. i ended running up on him in a bar in columbia sc and i called him out. he was 6/1 240 or so and i was 5/10 180 and by the way he behaved, he had no fear of my person, the reality of the situation was there was going to be blood, lots of it and it were’nt going to be all mine. when i called him out, it had been six years, he said he did not remember me but he was sorry and he was an asshole back then. boy that took the wind out of my sails. his brother was an all american football player and their family name in columbia means something, for the rest of his life he was a big brother to me networking me and all. when he died in a car wreck, was crushed, the bully became the man that took away of all my hate. GOD BLESS YOU BRIAN PREZIOSO, my friend.

  • Three Finger Salute

    This ranks up there with another of my all-time top five hamburger videos:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxZfFgizACw

  • HazooToo

    #5. Devildillo…

    His name wasn’t always Rudepanty the Moist. In fact, before this, he didn’t even know what a name was! He had no need for names. Only rotting logs and sandy towers filled with insects, and the musky alure of the female in estrus. But he has no time for that, now. Not with the newly-erupted spines on his back oozing venom, and the snakes crawling and twisting underneath his thick skin, and the voices of the damned howling in his ears. No… the time for bugs has passed. Now is the time for BLOOD! Long, skinny tongue dragging through the dust, Rudepanty the Moist follows the directives of his Dark Master. He will kill, maim, and violate. And NO ONE will be able to stop him! No one… but Donna Rose…

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Our everyday dishes are a plain white design (though French, with nice, clean lines). I have 4 of the “cereal” bowls. One has a chip on the rim.

    The one with the chip on the rim is ALWAYS on the top of the stack.

    I blame Obama.

    • Thiazin Red

      Sounds like some kind of slightly annoying kitchen gnomes to me.

    • Sophia

      Poltergeists!

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      In the SF wargame Warhammer 40000, an Imperial Guard officer named Ursakar Creed has an ability to improvise that is legend. On the table, you got a dice roll for reinforcements or events that messed up your opponent, and it got to where anything weird that resulted ever got the response of “CREED!”

      Now, I say “OBAMA!”

  • Viktor

    88% of Burger King customers DGAF about bullying and just want to finish their sub standard food yo.

  • Wuulf

    Many people are saying that DOTUS is having second thoughts about releasing the JFK assassination files. He’s afraid it might prove he lied about Ted Cruz’s father being involved in the murder

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      LOL!

    • TJ Barke

      What, you think he cares that people know he’s lying?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Ha! Trump? Second thoughts? About being caught in a lie!? I don’t believe it…

    • Cat Cafe

      But on the other hand, he can take credit for it, pretending that he alone decided to release them, AND it will distract the rabbit-chasers for at least a week while he does more of Putin’s dirty laundry

    • Sophia

      he’ll just deny he ever said it

    • HazooToo

      Wasn’t that release scheduled for YEARS? He’s just taking credit for shit like usual.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Since this is an OT, a random thought. Am I the only one to whom it seems egregiously cruel to name your cartoon pig “Porky”? I mean, how would you like to go through life with your very name reminding you that you live only on sufferance until you’re killed and turned into a food product? Like, nobody comes up with names like “Cheeseburger Cow” or “Tenders the Chicken.”

    • OutOfOrbit

      go on

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      There was Lambchop.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        That’s almost worse! And I thought Shari Lewis was such a sweet gal!

      • OutOfOrbit

        i still love you CL

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        I had a GF that called me Lambchop, it was because of a slight misunderstanding about dinner.

        • BosGrl

          Rachel used to call Chris Hayes “Lambchop”.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            xD

    • AJ Milne

      Now you mention, I always _did_ get a bit stressed that all me shipmates’ nickname for me was ‘Long Piggy.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Worse is using a smiling cartoon pig to advertise a BBQ joint.
      “Come enjoy eating my friends and family!”

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Overtones of cannibalism there, with the implication that the chop-licking pig will join in the feast.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          He’s wearing a chef’s hat and holding a fork…

          • Elvis Causticfellow

            Holding forks and knives, to eat their bacon.

          • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

            What they need is a damn good whacking!

          • Elvis Causticfellow

            I would say so. Who the hell eats bacon with a fork and knife?

          • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

            I do when I want to combine it with a bite of mango.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            If it’s properly cooked, all utensils do is shatter it.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            *harpsichord*

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        You can eat some of my relatives – if you like BBQ assholes.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Scrapple

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          *reads the hot dog wrapper extra-carefully*

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        There’s an antique dealer about an hour and a half north of Toronto, across from the famous Webbers burger place on Highway 11. Last time I was by there they had this HUGE cartoon pig statue, with chef’s hat and apron, that had been used by a place of that sort. I SO wanted that pig for… I dunno, SOMETHING. I wonder if it’s still there? Damn, Webbers is closed for the season…

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Didn’t Chick Filet have some weird as shit ad campaign about saving cows? Because, what, fuck chickens?

      • Cat Cafe

        For many years I thought Chick Fil-A was pronounced “Chick-fill-Ahhh” until I said it aloud once and my husband laughed. I still accidentally pronounce it that way sometimes.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          I totally sympathize. I’m 60 y.o. and my reading vocabulary still gets me in trouble when I say out loud words I only know in print.

          At least you took the trouble to spell Chick Fil-A properly. I knew I was getting it wrong but I fucking hate those joints so didn’t take the trouble.

          • Arolpin

            As someone who learned most words by reading them, I still find myself worried that I’m mispronouncing a word, just because I’ve read it a hundred times but never heard it spoken. (It’s also a serious reason that I haven’t tried out for Jeopardy; I am afraid I would mispronounce my answer on Final Jeopardy and lose everything. I have strange fears.)

          • Cat Cafe

            That’s interesting you put it that way–I wonder if we oldz come from a time when we read and read and read (my Dad wouldn’t let us have a TV, which you could do way back when), and thus have a reading vocabulary rather than a listening vocabulary!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      When we got chickens, Crissy wouldn’t let me give them names like Kiev and Cacciatore.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I named my cow, “Dinner”

        • Arolpin

          After the first year of raising bummer lambs, we started referring to them all as Lamb Stew, because those damn things are too dumb to deserve their own name, and they are so damn frustrating that you’re always yelling at them. We didn’t do that with the other animals we raised.
          With pigs you had to be careful NOT to name them, because you get attached to those muddy little things. If they didn’t taste so damn good, I would have been conflicted.

    • doktorzoom

      But Porky, as a cartoon animal, is nigh-invulnerable, and more likely to survive a thousand-foot drop with a few instantly-applied bandages than to ever end up on a plate.

      You want weird, how about mascots with a bizarre enthusiasm for their own conversion into food?

      http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Piggie.jpg

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Only the French….

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        That’s fucked up, but at least it appears the pig is doing it of his own free will. Consent is crucial!

        • Meccalopolis

          Eat me!

      • BosGrl

        So that’s what pigs look like inside!

        • and what Trump looks like on the outside.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        “Restaurant at The End of the Universe”

        “Lets Meet the Meat!”

        • Beanz&Berryz

          And entrails too…

    • Juan de Fuca

      I dunno. My wife told me that when she was little, her parents name their steer “Stroganoff.” Then again, she also currently volunteers at an animal shelter and I’m not sure if there’s any causation related to that.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Porky means that? I thought it was just an alliteration.

    • Meccalopolis

      And if goofy is a dog isn’t pluto a slave?

    • HazooToo

      Do you really think this world is lacking in chickens named Nugget?

  • Paperless Tiger

    Knowing Burger King, I’m surprised they didn’t put the King in it and use it for a commercial.

  • hudson

    folks need help.

    i need help finding the english name for long thick needles. the ones on amazon are blunt. but what i have in mind are sharp. we used to thread twine through them and sew class notes.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

    @hazootoo:disqus

    #27 – Windows and Walls

    She took her place at the Console of the Blister. This would be her time.

    The console was mounted on a Window. Windows were opaque to the frequency of the Adversary. Around her, the walls were transparent to the visual spectrum. Humans relied best on their eyes, even now. She closed her eyes, breathing evenly, preparing.

    For twenty years she had worked and trained against this day, to not only command but to face the Adversary. Working, learning, trying , and crying. In an hour, she would find out if it were worth it.

    For thousands of years of space exploration, humans had done it slowly, obeying the laws of physics as all things must. Until Subspace was confirmed, entered, used to shorten the way.

    But Subspace wasn’t just different, it was inhabited. Miracle turned to nightmare, the Adversary hungered. Only the strongest could face Them. Even the strongest burned out.

    But now, if she were strong enough, she could face them from the Blister, shielded from their attacks, and if she were quick enough as well, she could strike the mortal blow. She pressed the communications switch on the console.

    “This is the Captain. What is our status?”

    “This is the XO. All systems nominal. Subspace in 10. The crew is ready. We’re with you, Ma’am.”

    “Very well. Countdown on the final 60, and stout hearts, all.”

    • HazooToo

      YOU MADE SOMETHING WEIRD AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU!

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        ~hugs~ :D

    • gallbladder

      Your work? I love the “stout hearts, all” line!

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        Thank you. :) Yes, HazooToo posted a challenge below.

    • BosGrl

      Now I want to read more!

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        ~hugs~

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    “Bite my laughters, drink my tears. Pore into me, volumes, spell me stark and spill me swooning, I just don’t care what my thwarters think.”
    ― James Joyce, Finnegans Wake

    • gallbladder
    • Bill D. Burger

      In ‘A Fable for Critics,’ James Russel Lowell wrote of Poe:

      ‘There comes Poe, with his Raven, like Barnaby Rudge,
      Three fifths of him genius and two fifths sheer fudge…’

      I’ve often thought the same of Joyce. But I do love ‘The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man’ ….. And the more I drink, the more I can enjoy and appreciate the genius of ‘Finnegan’s Wake’ __ and stream of consciousness. ;)

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Reading “Finnegan’s Wake” is like looking at a painting by Picasso or Jackson Pollock. The more you study it, the more you see. His technique, his use of language is incredible, but appreciating it takes some effort, and is by no means easy. Which is not a bad thing, it seems to me.

        • Bill D. Burger

          My wife and I argued in a few marathon sessions in college over who the best English language novelist of the 20th Century was. I would argue for Faulkner and she for Joyce. She was an English major and I lost every time….and I still do!

        • Lots of fun there, too, I hear

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Have you ever summarized Proust?

      • Thiazin Red

        Damn fine cookie.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Proust: “So this is a memory foam mattress. I’m disappointed.”

        (*Pared down from 300,000 words.)

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        Not successfully.

        “Well ladies and gentlemen, I don’t think any of our contestants this evening have succeeded in encapsulating the intricacies of Proust’s masterwork, so I’m going to award the first prize this evening to the girl with the biggest tits.”

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        “Poetry? That idiot Major Bludd thinks Proust rhymes with Faust!”

  • Thiazin Red

    I think I might rewatch Over the Garden Wall tonight. Its just a perfect 110 minutes, and its just the right time of year for it.

    • janecita

      I love Over the Garden Wall! I think that I’ll join you:-)

  • ok latest on the VA election fun with a scant 14 days to go til election day:
    Today’s anti Democrat ad is all about how VA is in the bottom ten of economic growth in the country. GASP!!!!!!
    Wait. No. it is 13th in the country for economy. 13, and not that big a state
    So here we see some Republican dumbfuckery because honest? Not gonna see a shit ton of growth in a state already doing really fucking well!
    https://wallethub.com/edu/states-with-the-best-economies/21697/

    And Ralph FINALLY started anti Trump ads. Dudes. Nail Gil as a Trump boy. DO EEET

    • For shits and giggles, the ten best this year are:
      Washington, Calicali, Utah (All that pr0n?), Mass, DC, Colorado, Oregon, New Hampshire, Maryland and Delaware.

      The worst are the usual suspects:
      New MExico, Alabama, North Dakota, Wyoming, Kentucky, Maine, Alaska, Oklahoma, Arkansas, mississippi, Louisiana and West Virgina.
      ok, DNC, you remember that 50 state stuff?
      Start doing fucking ads on how long those states have been red and in the bottom 10, HUH?????

      • notaten

        Interestinglyish, the last town hall I attended with my POS rep (Steve Pearce), my usual arch nemesis ( tea party douchebag) that shows up to all the meetings and is a total douchebag, we both ganged up on him together about healthcare and the shrinking all of the national monuments. It was like a, I hate you and you hate me in normal times, but these are extraordinary times and we need to be allies right now. I talked to him for hours afterwards, and I may have finally convinced him that the republican party, they have nothing for you, or your family. There is a long backstory here, but I don’t have time to share that right now. Suffice to say, he has totally lost faith in the conservative party, and wants to be more progressive in the future. Winning!!!!!!

        • I wonder, if we could turn them by the word progressive.
          Democratic is toxic to them, Liberal also. Progress though is a positive word. Teddy was progressive! Lincoln was progressive! All the great presidents we admire most were progressive (for their times, minus Reagan, but that is false worship).
          Food for thought

    • jesterpunk

      They stopped the MS-13 will murder you to death in your sleep commercials?

      • Yeah those were not doing so well. They were aimed at specific counties and even there they were saying they were not resonating.
        Lolz.

      • OH OH OH!!! But the NRA has jumped in feet first to yell about Justin Fairfax wanting people to get insurance on guns, thereby blocking your rights somehow! And then show Jill holding a piece like it is a pet viper.

        • jesterpunk

          So they are saying most of the gun owners are not responsible enough to have a gun?

          • Pretty much!
            And in VA…they are not wrong…but that is not why the NRA wants to stop it. You know all those guns that end up in NYC?
            Yeah. They come from VA.

      • 3rd because why the hell not, this says something, not sure what precisely but it made me lol the other day.
        Virginia Police Benevolent Association Endorses Justin Fairfax

    • janecita

      In NJ election news, Murphy could kill a hooker, in Newark, in the middle of rush hour, and he would still win. That’s how much we hate Christie, and anything associated with him.

      • From your fingers to the voter’s ballots.

      • Arolpin

        And yet the gay couple down the street has a sign for Guadagno in their yard. They are a very odd couple though. Had kids, yard was always full of toys, big decorations for holidays, but NASTY to kids selling stuff for scouts or band or whatever.
        The funny thing is that I’m friendly with, and used to work with the Libertarian Party candidate. He’s a good guy, surrounds himself with smart people, used to host really interesting technology cocktail hours with really interesting people, but I’m still not voting for him.

        • Why not? I mean I know Libertarian, but there are a whole slew of those who claim that mantle who really do not seem to grasp what it actually is xD
          Co worker lady is an example. Claims to be libertarian, rails about having health insurance all fucked with, and why doesn’t someone fix these roads and fund those schools?
          She don’t know

          • Arolpin

            This guy knows what it means. He’s smart, just not with regards to what it takes to run a society.

          • Gotcha. I got friends I wouldn’t want in politics myself XD

        • janecita

          My gay neighbors voted for Trump. I gave up trying to understand people.

    • Juan de Fuca

      C’mon Ralph! Hit ’em in the balls! Just copy and paste everything deplorable thing that Trump has said and done since taking office and the stuff should write itself.

      • I think we ought to start feeding the DNC. They are still too polite. Stop being polite! You can be hard hitting and not raunchy, you know, that is an actual thing!

        • Juan de Fuca

          I’d take his intended repeal of the ACA, his proposed tax plan and the consequences of them on the middle class and run with it all day long. That and maybe add in a thing or two about “How are those new, clean coal jobs working out for you?”

          Then throw in a Harvey Weinstein reference – “This is the most despised man in America right now (picture of Weinstein) and this (add in a picture of Trump) is our President.” Then show how they’re basically accused of the same crimes, yet only one of them is president.

          Just thinking off the top of my head. It obviously needs some refining.

          • I am telling you, I would make billboards all over the heartland showing a state’s standing in the country vs how many years they held that position vs how long they have been in the grip of the GOP.
            Followed by “How long will you vote to remain #40 (or 41, 42, 43….etc)

        • Three Finger Salute

          ‘Course they’re polite. Nobody ever got over Vietnam, including the Democrats. They got covfused into thinking they’re the Liberal Party of Canada. But Sunny Ways only works in a country where your opponent doesn’t literally want to nuke the sun.

  • Nounverb911

    This just in:
    Trump only president in history brave enough to stand up to war widows.

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/922546844961525760

    • Sophia

      Sad thing is that trump probably would agree with this

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Even though he knows Homer Simpson was against Prop. 305 years ago.

    • hudson

      that too despite his bone spurs.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      #MAGA! #Winning!

    • gallbladder

      Brave!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      “This country has been pushed around by war widows for far too long.”

      In this he is no braver than Ann Coulter speaking about 9/11 widows:

      No, but don’t use the fact that you lost a husband as the basis for being able to talk about, while preventing people from responding. Let Matt Lauer make the point. Let Bill Clinton make the point. Don’t put up someone I am not allowed to respond to without questioning the authenticity of their grief.

      • Wow really? She wants to be able to question the authenticity of grief?

        OHHHH I get it! Annie knows she’d get yelled at for saying mean things to a bereaving widow so therefore it is no fair if they get to speak things she does not like!

        • Three Finger Salute

          “The Authenticity of Grief” — a new book by Ann Coulter. A perfect 0 star review on Kirkus, Publisher’s Weekly, and Good Reads.

          For a far better text from a much more competent and compassionate author, read “The Audacity of Hope” by Barack Obama.

        • Relativicus

          That was years ago, when she could actually get a rise out of people. Viagra is her only hope now.

    • Relativicus

      War widows get all the sympathy.

  • Joe Beese
    • Nounverb911

      Welcome to TRUMPCARE everyone.

  • Nounverb911

    Okay everyone, time for your basic trumpglish lesson.

    https://twitter.com/MerriamWebster/status/922568285157187585

    • lol, even the pic XD

    • hudson

      bamboozle is overrun no?

    • Tiffany de Houston

      I looked on his Twitter account about 45 minutes ago and he misspelled “Hezbollah” with an “i”. He is such a dumbass.

      • hudson

        from what i remember proper nouns have some leeway with spellings. especially given that they are in another language and phonemes don’t always transfer.

        my pet peeve is when people say eye-rack/eye-ran. even news reporters. they have been reporting on that for over a decade for crying out loud.

        • I like to rock, but I don’t wanna rock Iraq

          • Three Finger Salute

            You say Ne-vaw-da and I say Ne-vaah-da… better call the whole thing off.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Iran is not so far away. Getting stronger every day.

    • gallbladder

      Could’ve sworn I had five bucks in my pocket…

      • hudson

        and now it’s gone? lol.

  • jesterpunk

    Since Halloween is coming up.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkplPbd2f60

  • Nounverb911

    You?
    Pence?
    Pence’s Mother?
    Kelly?
    Ryan?
    McConnell?

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/457787929969324032

    • Stulexington

      AOT,K.

    • hudson

      you?
      not in the same category as snowden, but far more damaging.

    • Mary Theresa

      Dotard and his followers.

    • rofl, let us play this game!
      Assmange!
      Fox News!
      The GOP!

    • SayItWithWookies

      He’s awfully nice to someone who gave lots of information to Russia — not that he has any reason to, or colludes with anyone who might.

      • To be fair to Snowden, I think he thought he was giving the info to an actual watchdog and not a puppet org for Russia.
        Not that he shoulda done it, really. IDK, there is the entire oath thing, and the entire other way to be a whistle blower thing, but aside from that I think he thought he was doing a good thing and was absolutely used.
        And burned probably by those who he helped.

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      Jesus Fucking Kee-Ryst with a Movie Theater, the projection is shining across the Mall!

      • gallbladder

        So long as there’s hot-buttered popcorn, the rubes will pay admission.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Wow, man. Heavy.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      Rexxon?

    • doktorzoom

      Col. Cathcart?

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      CREED!

    • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

      All of your godawful cabinet?

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • Stulexington

      Damn onion ninjas, they’re everywhere.

    • janecita

      ¡Yo no estoy llorando, tú estás llorando!
      That dog made my day, thanks for posting:-)

    • gallbladder

      Fucking dust.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      I was privileged to help arrange a similar reunion once.

      Got a call from the county shelter in Aiken, wanting to know if we would work with someone whose dog had been picked up there an wanted her out of a shelter environment, so asked if they could contact a Rescue – and they picked us. When we said we’d be glad to help, they gave us her Dad’s contact info and we called him up.

      Hannah had been stolen from her yard 5 years beforehand. She was healthy, clean & happy, so whomever had her had taken care of her. Her Dad wasn’t going to be able to drive down from . . . Indiana? Illinois? until later in the week, and he wanted her in a home, not a shelter. So, we picked her up the next day – a Tuesday, as I recall – took her to be bathed/clipped, ran her to the vet, etc, and held her until he got there on Friday at midnight. He couldn’t take time off work, but they closed early that day, and he drove straight through when he got off.

      She saw him through the glass storm door when he came around the end of the carport, and her reaction was instant and ecstatic. She was only 2 when she was stolen, so she had been away from her family longer than she was with them, but SHE KNEW who that was!

      Many, many tears were shed by all.

      It was the best Christmas Eve I’ve ever had. And, almost certainly, the best Christmas present I will ever give anyone.

  • SisterArtemis

    dammit, BK, you made me tear up! but ok, for a good reason. That lady walking over definitely changed the mood.

    • To be serious one second, I hope if I were that, I would be that lady, but my fear is that I won’t be.

      • OutOfOrbit

        that “confession” reflects hidden grit

        • Nah, realisms. Only by recognizing the shortcomings in ourselves can we work on them really. I don’t like yelly things. I’ve gotten better but I could get better still

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            Working to overcome your flaws and weaknesses of character shows great strength.

          • Dunno about that, but to do otherwise seems pointless. Why not constantly strive to do better? Not that one can’t be content if they are where they think they ought to be, but if you are not, seems rather silly to not even try

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            ~hugs~ I agree. As my hero says “And that is what it is to be human. To make yourself more than you are.”

          • :D I love it when I get quotes.
            I am not the best at remembering direct quotes, except from movies.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            That’s from a movie. xD My hero is Jean-Luc Picard.

          • rofl I know, that is why I got it XD

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            xD

          • Juan de Fuca

            But she did it smart and respectfully. She went over and introduced herself (as a respectful adult) to the group, shook their hands and threw them off. Don’t know if it was real or not, but it doesn’t sound like a bad way to handle something like that. Defuse rather than escalate.

          • It had the potential to be a yelly thing is the problem. Would I have kept my head? Would I have raged and made it worse? I do not know. I would like to think I could do the firm mom adult thing and what fored em, but then I might have just slunk off, or stood at a distance and did the rage yelling XD

          • Juan de Fuca

            “…or stood at a distance and did the rage yelling”

            Well, you are from Philly…

            *ducks*

          • Were the bullies wearing santa suits?
            Cause if so……

          • OutOfOrbit

            that’s fine. stay that way

        • Juan de Fuca

          I’ve got five bucks on Jen being that lady.

          • You guys are sweet but I am being cereal. We just do not know how we would react until something happens, you know? It is pragmatic to admire those we wish we were like

          • Juan de Fuca

            Which is why I have five bucks on you being that person.

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            No bet, I can’t afford to throw away $5 bucks.

      • SisterArtemis

        This made me think about the post-Nov-8th phenomenon on Pantsuit Nation – everyday, previously timid and non-confrontational people talking about deciding to step up and say something, do some small compassionate thing, and talking about how “before” they might not have, but “now” they felt compelled to. I think a lot of them thought they’d be too afraid to ever step up, and when the occasion arrived, found that courage in their rage about the political awfulness.

        Courage… rage.. I’m sure a expert in languages could explain the relationship between those two words.

    • Juan de Fuca

      That’s where I teared up.

  • Nounverb911

    In today’s episode of ‘Lil’ donnie, donnie has some fun with lyin Ted Cruz.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b730029fd74c5c410c02263cfa89fda0a45260ba6689b6d3c9d415ded0da9d99.png

    • wait! what?

      It’s probably been suggested elsewhere, but, is Donald threatening to release JFK documentation in order to rein in Mueller?

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        I figure it’s just a targeted distraction, but there may be some intentional twarting of current investigations in there too. Why not both, right?

      • Not sure how even he could think it would, since they were scheduled for release anyway?
        I think someone told him it was something he got to do, so in his head, he has decided it was him who thought of it

      • Relativicus

        No, he’s doing it so the headlines read “Trump releases JFK files.” He will list it among his accomplishments, guaranteed.

  • you guys seriously i have to go watch buffy or something.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      An excellent use of your time.

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    I watched the video, Wonkette! I did for realz this time, because I was looking for a reason to continue being optimistic today. The number of do-nothing bystanders did not shock me, but the stand-up awesomeness of the folks who did something renewed my resolve to make the world a better place for all whoppers, Jr or otherwise.
    Today we are all Whoppers.

    • There is a show that does this, what would you do, or something like that. They set the scene, watch the reactions, and then talk to the people to find out what they were thinking.
      This one time it was a blind guy handing a butcher a 20, but the butcher acting like it was a 10. This lil old lady FOR SHAMED!!!! That butcher up and down, was fun XD
      Then they swapped out blind white guy for blind black guy. No one came to his aid. They had a VERY sobering discussion afterward.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        I may have seen that show back in the olden times when we had cable. I am so disappointed in humans, mostly.
        Sigh.

        • Every time I get disappointed in humanity I see something to remind me that #notallhumans.
          Even if it is a trove of JT pics.
          Cause rowl.

          • Three Finger Salute

            How about a rerun of watching J.T. kick some Conservative ass.

            Politely.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuSpZ3_5pTc

            Ignore Ezra Pissant the asshole commentator.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            It’s true. I fight the good fight and recharge with joy when necessary. For instance, minihontas got the fedora he always wanted for his bday this weekend, and the “OMGs!!!” rang through the rafters (which might kill me with delight just thinking about now). He also got a computer and a tshirt with a panda eating pizza on the front, which elicited equally not OMG responses.
            *not pix per his request*

    • Sophia

      I found this one awesome as well. ” In Real Life is a social experiment that shows what happens when online bullying is taken offline”

      Bullies/bullied are actors. Saviours are real people

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URvC6T_xhE0

  • The Wanderer

    Here’s a snippet from my work-in-progress, a story for Halloween release titled Bicycles Don’t Bathe:

    His initial reaction was one of hope that she was finding him attractive.

    That spastic colon story never fails.

    Instead, he glanced quickly to his right and his eyes went wide.

    • wait! what?

      …and the derailing began…

      • CafeenMan

        ….and the murders. Obviously.

        • gallbladder

          Not to mention the defecation.

          • OutOfOrbit

            and the stench

    • HazooToo

      Need more!

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        Seconded!

    • Stulexington

      oooh I like it.

      I need to write more on my own book, thank you for inspiring me to pick it back up.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

    Yays! I found my old copy of Fred Saberhagen’s “Berserker Wars”.

    ~“I am a weak and foolish man,” Karlsen was saying.” But I have never been your enemy. Are you mine?”
    “No. You forgave all your enemies Got rid of them. Now you won’t have any, for a while. Galactic hero. But, I don’t envy you.”
    “No. God rest her.” But Karlsen’s face was still alive, under all the grief and weariness. Only death could finally crush this man. He gave the ghost of a smile. “And now, the second part of the prophecy, hey? I am to be defeated, and to die owning nothing. As if a man could die any other way.”

    ~ from “Stone Place”

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      He’s definitely a KC Royals legend

  • DirtyHippyLiberal

    OT- I’m interning 2 mornings a week at a preschools working with 3-4 year olds. I love working with them, in no small part because I don’t ever even have to think about our current political crap. However, speaking of crap…

    Today, on the playground, they were all excited; “Look! We found beads!!” (if you are not familiar with small children, this is an AMAZING find). Except, they were not beads. I’m 99% sure it was rabbit poop. Much hand washing followed. The mentor teacher and I laughed so hard. Love those kids!!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      fellow intern! Are we not the most long suffering group evah?
      ; p

      also, at least you get some hilariousness at your internship. Most of evertyhign I deal with is terrible.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        Hey Sexy! Is that necktie pointing the way to the Beach?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol, gurl, ain’t no neckties nearby! It’s my weekend!

          • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

            Even better! :)

      • DirtyHippyLiberal

        I’m sorry you have to deal with terribleness. Life is too short. I hope you’re working towards something that will not be terrible and I’m wish you much more hilariousness in your life.

        Stick to the Wonkette, these folks always come through on that front.

    • doktorzoom

      Coulda been worse. They coulda said there’d been a lot more raisins, but they couldn’t wait.

      • DirtyHippyLiberal

        I cannot say how happy I was that they weren’t the younger crowd. The “beads” when gone directly into mouths before we even knew what happened. Imagine informing parents “So…little Johnny had a small amount of unknown excrement today. We’re sure he’ll be just fine…”

    • janecita

      Kids are adorable at that age.

      • DrBigHead

        I always made a point of volunteering at the kids school for special events (lucky to have a job with the flexibility to get away). Made gingerbread houses out of milk cartoons and graham crackers. Helped make hobby horses out of brooms for rodeo day. Helped make musical instruments out of household items. Had to fight the urge to do too much of the actual work myself. Still, I’m sure I had more fun the kids.

      • Parakeetist

        They taste good with dressing.

    • Sophia

      I love kids.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        All ages… Little babbies to our 20-somethings…

        • hudson

          yes.

    • hudson

      i love how kids get amused by the littlest of things.

      • DirtyHippyLiberal

        They are hilarious and so generous with the hugs. I get ALL the hugs. It’s amazing! Also, a drink of water fixes almost everything. Magical.

        • hudson

          i have to tell this story. when my niece was young and we lived near them, i used to go to her soccer games. one game her best friend was in the opposite team. when my niece scored a goal, her friend came running over and gave her a hug. and they both shrieked and jumped for what seemed like ever.

          • BosGrl

            If only that kind of joy lasted into adulthood.

          • hudson

            i know.

    • DrBigHead

      When I was not much older than that, I caught what I thought to be a hummingbird. Watched it hover back and forth over a bunch of flowers for a bit and then caught it in a net. Was absolutely mortified to find out I broke off its beak. Panicking, I went running to Dad to see if anything could be done . He did his best to hide his amusement as he explained that hummingbirds did not have 6 legs and what I had caught was actually a sphinx moth. I was more relieved than embarrassed.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        My little sis found “something cool” in the yard and shoved it right in my mom’s face to show her. It was one of those shiny black beetles with the long pincers. Still alive, and now feeling annoyed and clacking its pincers.

        • DrBigHead

          One last LittleBigHead story and then I’ll stop boring you. When I was about 6 or 7, I caught a small garter snake and hatched a scheme to scare Ma. Pug it in a shoe box and told her I made her a present. She opened it up and said “awww” and picked up the snake. She then told me she used to catch snakes when she was little and chase her brothers, who apparently did not appreciate snakes as much as she did.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I did that to my mum once when I was little. Found a pile of ’em in the backyard, gathered them up, and ran over and told her to hold her hands out because I had a gift for her.
      I seriously thought I was being nice!

      • DirtyHippyLiberal

        You were being nice. Beads are a fantastic find and you were SHARING! Such a good little alpaca you were!

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Rabbit Raisins

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • Beanz&Berryz

      Llama shit… that shit’s nasty…

    • Tishalicious

      This reminds me of the unholy delight of acrostic resignation letters. We need more of those.

    • Stulexington

      If only they’d all wake up.

    • Toledo Window Box

      I really like the llama shit part.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        That was a nice touch.

  • Sophia

    Trump’s latest big interview is both funny and terrifying
    POTUS swings and misses at the softest softballs.

    https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/10/23/16522456/trump-bartiromo-transcript?ICID=ref_fark

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      The dumb motherfucker would strike out in a T-ball game.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Jesus. I could feel my brain softening just reading the excerpts. What a goddamned idiot.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        *offers a couple of vials*

        Ketamine? Formaldehyde?

    • When will the pundits declare that today was the day he finally pivoted?

    • Alan

      Well he is an idiot so….

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Christ on a bloody crutch.
      Is it possible? Can he really be stupider now than when he was elected?

      • Sophia

        Hard to imagine innit it

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          It’s causing me to rethink my ideas of how the Universe works.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Nounverb911

    Tomorrow, donnie swears in Callista Grinchgrinch as Ambassador to the Vatican, while Newt has tea with the other ambassadorial wives and Melania where they discuss child rearing in a furrin land…

    https://twitter.com/markknoller/status/922608498495631361

  • Nephilim

    Pity The Nation —– Lawrence Ferlinghetti

    Pity the nation whose people are sheep,
    and whose shepherds mislead them.
    Pity the nation whose leaders are liars, whose sages are silenced,
    and whose bigots haunt the airwaves.
    Pity the nation that raises not its voice,
    except to praise conquerors and acclaim the bully as hero
    and aims to rule the world with force and by torture.
    Pity the nation that knows no other language but its own
    and no other culture but its own.
    Pity the nation whose breath is money
    and sleeps the sleep of the too well fed.
    Pity the nation — oh, pity the people who allow their rights to erode
    and their freedoms to be washed away.
    My country, tears of thee, sweet land of liberty.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      As a freshman n college, I remember seeing him speak to an antiwar protest in about 1969. It was very cool.

      • Nephilim

        When I visit San Francisco, I always visit his City Lights Bookstore. Fantastic store and collection of books.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      It wasn’t supposed to get MORE accurate with time.

  • HazooToo
    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      Hey, that works. :)

    • Stulexington

      And you know soon because Interpol has this annoying ability to track commercial travel.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Awesome.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      The system works!

      • HazooToo

        Maybe if you hit it a couple of times and don’t get arrested or assassinated while you’re waiting for it to reboot…

    • Rags

      Could it be that we are beginning to see something that might resemble a bottom to this cesspool?

      • HazooToo

        You’re funny!

  • Picabo
    • Toledo Window Box

      I hate da boooleez. Especially da fat slob boooly I married.

      • psychobroad

        She thinks what he does is just fine. He’s signing the checks, after all…

        • Toledo Window Box

          She hates every fiber in his body.

          This is a woman who knows when the camera is on her, and how to pose for it. She did it professionally; she was at the top of that game.

          Didyou see any photos/video from the inauguration? She knew the cameras were rolling. And all she could muster was a face of disgust and hatred.

          • psychobroad

            The disgust and hatred is for us, she’s wondering why the hell she has to pretend to give a shit. And she’d probably stop, except any criticism of her would redound to Dump and he’d make her life a living hell. She’s a racist, anti-Semitic misogynist and she deserves everything she gets.

          • Toledo Window Box

            What informs you she is an anti-Semite?

          • psychobroad

            Jewish journalist wrote truthful (meaning less than flattering)article about her , when the journalist started getting death threats Melania said she deserved it for being so mean (i.e. truthful)

          • Toledo Window Box

            Did Melania mention anywhere it had to do with her being Jewish?
            If she’d been Muslim instead, would that make Melania anti-Muslim?
            I don’t see how you get to anti-Semitism from that.

          • psychobroad

            The story emphasized the Jewish identity of the journo, and being threatened with ovens would seem to point to anti-Semitism. Melon was ok with all that. So yes, she’s an anti-Semite. I’m sure she hates Muslims as well, look at the crowd she runs with.

          • Toledo Window Box

            I think she’s just a shallow thinker.

    • Kryptonian Canis Greyhame

      Well now they’re just fucking with us.

    • psychobroad

      Didn’t you see her explanation? Dump is separate from her, what he does has nothing to do with her. No head explody! No head explody! You the head explody!

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Wow, my photo of Editrix + Wonkette screencap + IMPEACH hat has more than 40 upvotes.

  • Jenny

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5b241da721ad0f93e935fbbeacc33f3b037c4150f7aff8b73de481c7f1bf5096.jpg

    Today has been a long tiring day, but my boyfriend took a picture of mah dog looking majestic af. Day got better!

    • janecita

      Good looking dog!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Where’s my frisbee!?

    • hudson

      majestic indeed. looks like he gets exercise.

      • Jenny

        Yes she does! That frisbee under her is a full body workout!

        • hudson

          sorry i mistook her for a he.

  • Relativicus

    I was just eating a Snack Pack with a fork because I didn’t feel like cleaning even one spoon. Subsequently, I spilled a good sized dollop of chocolate pudding on my shirt. And although I am exceptionally biased, and even though I ate the dollop of chocolate pudding that fell on my shirt, I still believe I am more of an adult than the President. Not much more, but more.

    • gallbladder

      Where can we contribute to your election campaign?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      You were able to find your mouth. That’s better than he can do most of the time.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

    ~It’s such a pleasure, to sing with you together
    Making love when there is nobody home
    But I can’t kiss you ’til you lift up your chin
    You have to want to stop being alone

  • janecita
    • You know, there are a lot of refugees looking for a place to be. Could probably get them for free!

      • janecita

        I like the way you think.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      I am all over that. I qualify according to the article……

    • Jeff Ackerman

      I’m married to an Italian girl that was born in Biitbug Germany, I’ll show her the article!

    • DrBigHead

      Florence or bust!!

  • memzilla Ω
  • Kryptonian Canis Greyhame

    Holy shit y’all, just how insanely jealous of Obama is this guy?
    http://www.newsweek.com/trump-murkowski-sullivan-denali-mckinley-mountain-native-obsession-691104

    • So very very very Jealous.

    • hudson

      denali. denali. denali.

      i dare him him to change the name of manhattan

      • Three Finger Salute

        Fun fact: An anagram of Denali is Denial. If Trump ever does get his own monument, that’s what it should be called. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Although in his case… he should probably get the Yellow River…

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      When you can accomplish nothing of your own what’s left is to tear down the work that other people did. The only thing they can point to is the Supreme Court seat that they stole.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      When the president asked, “Why?” Sullivan answered, “The Alaska Native
      people named that mountain over 10,000 years ago.… Denali, that was the
      name,” according to the newspaper.

      I can only imagine him staring blankly at hearing that.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      It occupies every bit of his spirit that isn’t occupied by father issues and secret self-loathing.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Sent my wife this knowing it would irritate her. She’s playing bridge with her friends this evening and she had to leave the table.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/065e896800e9ea24deb16a89fb674f875cb1a32666f79cfa5ad6390b22e03682.png

    Got this back___ with a smiley face emoji!

    https://pics.me.me/if-youre-happy-and-you-know-it-go-to-hell-16883662.png

    I love her.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Woulda been maybe a bit too edgy to show some grownup dude wading into the group and backhanding the shit outta the bullying kid, right? If that happened – and it might have – there’s no way it would have made the final edit.

    Nurturing, dry-your-tears anti-bullying is heartwarming and sells burgers. Righteous-discipline anti-bullying equals lawsuits and controversy.

  • Master Contrail Program
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Smoosh my burger at your own peril.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      *smooshes*

    • Master Contrail Program
    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I don’t recall ever getting a burger at a fast food joint that didn’t look smooshed and I’ve absolutely never gotten a burger or sandwich that looked like the display picture.

      In fact, I used to make a point in asking for one that looked like the photo and I’m sure you can guess how well that went over.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Back in the day, when McDogfood came to Canada, they made quite a point of showing us how the little cardboard ring kept the burger nice and square and unsquashed. I know it was technically wasteful but at least you got a burger that looked carefully constructed rather than flung together.

  • gallbladder
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Not a word about his electoral college victory.

      • gallbladder

        Nor free maps.

    • Bill D. Burger

      ManO’Man, that’s such a refreshing alternate universe than the one we have to endure now.

      https://media.giphy.com/media/F9DzQnxx6ZZNm/giphy.gif

    • hudson

      from there to here what a fall.

      it must not take great disaster for us to be represented at this level.

      • No, it does. Usually it takes Republicans sinking us into a recession before we get to enjoy 8 years of relative sanity.
        Rinse, repeat.

    • Alan

      Thanks. Now I’m sad.

    • janecita

      I miss eloquence, intelligence, class. I miss having a human being as a president.

      • We have a human being as president. He happens to occupy that branch that normally we don’t let out in public….but humans need to own this.

        • janecita

          I’m sorry, but no, I refuse to claim him. I’ve come to believe that Republicans are less evolved than the rest of the population.

          • redarmyzombie

            I for one look forward to becoming a Morlock.

          • That is an interesting hypothesis

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Okay, fine. Trump has human DNA.

          So do my turds.

    • Panika MCD

      that was at Texas A&M–apparently Lady Gaga got the largest roar from the crowd of the night.

    • Beautiful Soup

      #stillmypresident.

  • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6100fab6cacaa580d12203e6e2ca3bbcb5996fbb81c5c1c4660d5a8629a95082.gif

    Chocolachino and Vanilla Ice. For *some* reason these 2 make me smile.

  • Panika MCD

    so the conclusion of the hearing was:

    we need more ecosystem restoration. this is not going to be argued with.
    we would like more of what they’re doing in the Netherlands, please.
    and we will probably get lost in a fight over whether or not the Corps should be involved when really we should be doing what we can without Corps involvement and hoping more than is reasonable that Congress will approve the Corps projects AND give them a direct appropriation (one time big appropriation) rather than the normal process which is approval of a project and an annual appropriation when they remember it.
    we need new FEMA maps and we need to plan for 500 year events–also too getting people to purchase flood insurance if they are in the 500 year flood plain on down to the regular flood plain.
    Texas Chemical Council are still a bunch of lying bastards.
    the state is willing to put some money up if someone will tell them how much.

    • I think I could die, happy, if I saw Texas become a leading state in ecological preservation and restoration.
      Because the shadden of the frued would kill me dead.
      Anyone mention that a lil state income tax would help pay for things, yet?

      • Panika MCD

        not yet. Patrick is already attacking Straus again. but we’re hoping to become a leading state in ecological restoration.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Speaking of cyberbullying… Putin’s minions have poured further salt in the wounds of America’s other original sin.

    Amid revelations that Russian troll farms infiltrated Black Lives Matter and other black civil-rights movements online, a new report indicates that Native American resistance movements at Standing Rock were also targeted by Kremlin-linked hackers

    I really have no words for how much I fucking hate Putin, the GOP… and the data-driven sociopath techbro “leaders” who let this happen and shrugged it off as NBD.

    Dismantle the Internet. It’s corrupted beyond repair. It has an unfixable rootkit.

    In Soviet America, machine hack you.

    • shivaskeeper

      Sounds good, but after dismantling the internet, then what?

      • Three Finger Salute

        The tech CEOs are sent to prison and all data is destroyed. We go back to the Fairness Doctrine and we implement proper hate speech laws under the auspices of an EU and Canada-led coalition at the UN. The Internet is then recognized as a weapon of mass destruction that humanity failed to utilize for benevolent purposes. Part of an international disarmament program that would also include global nuclear disarmament and an abolition of guns.

        Bring back books, and implement ongoing education and awareness programs for civic and social-emotional literacy. To hell with the Internet and its predecessor, cable tee vee.

        • amrak63

          Don’t dismantle the Net, regulate it.

          “The Constitution is not a suicide pact”.

          • Three Finger Salute

            OK then, you have to have an Internet broadcasting license if you want to open up a YouTube channel/blog etc., which can be revoked if you use it irresponsibly just like any other regulatory license. RFC 1855 becomes the law of the land, and Virginia Shea’s expanded text on Netiquette is required reading for a national civics exam.

        • Gosala

          A friend of mine used to say, “Its been all downhill since agriculture. ”

          Sometimes I think she was wrong: it’s been all downhill since fire.

        • Without the net, there is no Wonkette.
          So NO WAI, MAN

          • Three Finger Salute

            It could be a ‘zine, or a distributed club like Berkley Macintosh User Group. Bring back snail mail, for Jeremy the snail male.

        • shivaskeeper

          But you are using the internet right now.

          The internet is a tool. Nothing more, nothing less. How the tool is used is the issue, not the tool itself. Ranking up there with nuclear weapons seems a bit of a stretch.

          Perhaps teaching critical thinking again would be a better step than destroying everyone’s ability to communicate instantly across the globe, or access the sum total of human knowledge at the speed of light, or at least the speed of the servers.

          But you still didn’t answer the question of what happens after all the data is destroyed other than bringing back books.

        • Covfefe

          Who is to decide what constitutes hate speech? Who decides what constitutes false news? Who decides which priests, ministers, rabbis and imams get licensed, or if imams get licensed at all?

    • OutOfOrbit

      the poblem is having no Fairnss Doctron

    • To be fair, there was some cross over and flogging, but by and large the Russian Trolls did not do much denting in progressive circles. Not nearly as much as in conservative circles.

      • Three Finger Salute

        That’s even scarier then… the Bernbrats and Steiniacs Berned it down all by themselves without much help from Vlad and his cyber orcs after all?

        • WEEEEllllllll there is that.
          OR you can take it in good faith that, as the Macedonians learned, liberals tend to be less impressed by hearing what they want to hear.
          That is a good thing.

      • Covfefe

        All of which raises the question where our noble trolls come from.

    • Sophia

      Cambridge Analytica, the shady data firm that might be a key Trump-Russia link, explained
      Why House investigators think this company might have helped Russia spread fake news.

      https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/10/16/15657512/cambridge-analytica-trump-kushner-flynn-russia

  • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

    I have an odd relationship with pants. I finally took my jeans off to revel in freedom as a Wonket Non-commenter must, but on the other hand, when I wear *these* jeans, cars slow down to watch me.

    SRSLY, one guy today missed his left-turn lane!

    • snorkle
      So you are a walkin traffic hazard?

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        Wasn’t even walking! Just at the curb, waiting for the “Walk” sign like a good girl….

    • hudson

      #1. are you cheating on us anna?
      #2. imma have to report you to NPA for violating the second amendment of wonkette.

      • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

        Cheat? Me???

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Must’ve been a liberal driver.

    • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

      To be honest, I had my knee-high spike heel boots on too.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Those boots are made for walkin’.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

          Made my date happy the other night also.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Ascertaining the level of Trump’s ignorance of any given issue by textual clues:

    “A lot of people don’t know . . .” = “I remember the words on one of my flashcards.”
    “I’ve been very strong on this.” = “I tweeted some nonsense that I didn’t understand.”
    “We’re looking at that” = “Issue was discussed in my presence, but I know nothing.”
    “We’re looking at that very strongly” = “I heard someone mention the issue in passing.”
    “We’re looking at that very, very strongly” = “I got nothin’.”

    • Three Finger Salute

      What’s your take on his lack of awareness for the names of world leaders? “Person who runs Germany” and “Justin from Canada” in particular. Ignorance, disrespect, or BOT,K and then some?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I think he’s lost the plot. I honestly believe he’s struggling with dementia.

      • Sophia

        Disrespect, no one is higher or better than him.

      • CripesAmighty

        Stupid and lazy. Period.

      • therblig

        who run barter town?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      “Many people are saying…” = “I’m a fucking moron.”

      • Sophia

        I agree, many people are saying he’s a fucking moron

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          ISWTDT!

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      ‘Believe me’ = ‘I’m lying through my teeth’
      ‘Many people are saying’ = ‘They all work for Fox News’

    • Stulexington

      “A lot of people don’t know …” = “I just found out/made it up.”

  • janecita
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      All Twitter accounts are mysterious, and none of them are too.

    • Bill D. Burger

      aka: ‘Reinhold Niebuhr’ ___ although he’s more like Ned Flanders.

  • Three Finger Salute
    • Don Down, Don Down
      Mueller come and tear Don the Con down.
      Don Down, Don Down
      Mueller come and tear Don the Con down

      Russians came and they bought my vote
      Mueller come and tear Don the Con down
      DonDon knew that he fucked the goat
      Mueller come and tear Don the Con down

      Come Mr. Muller man, get this crooked loser
      Mueller come and tear Don the Con down
      More than half the country’s already turned into boozers
      Mueller come and tear Don the Con down

      Let’s have six or seven or eight indicts
      Mueller come and tear Don the Con down
      If you could get Pence too, that would be so nice
      Mueller come and tear Don the Con down

  • Sophia

    McCain rips Fox reporter’s question: ‘Why would you ask something that dumb?’

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Om6yuBL9bU8

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      So there is such a thing as a “stupid question”. I always suspected there was.

      • Sophia

        Trust Fox to find it. BTW reporters name was Peter Doocy. Stupid runs in the family?

        • gallbladder

          (see: Hannity)

    • hudson

      i’m glad he found his balls. good for him.

      • Alan

        The problem with all of these guys is that they don’t find them until they know they won’t be back.

        • hudson

          der aye durust aye. joined in late, but came prepared. better late than never.

          everything is on a relative scale right? whatever it takes to solve the more dangerous problem.

          • hudson

            lets not be purity ponies ourselves. it’s an organic country with many people with many perspectives. if it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a country to take take down a man-child.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        They were hanging low, down by his knees, so I understand his confusion.

        • Dooooo your balls hang low?
          Do they waggle to and fro

          I am in a musical mood tonight

        • Anna Elizabeth, Diva

          “That old chick *really* needs a bra.”

          “Not a chick, and not boobs. That’s Maverick.”

          “Oh. My. GAWD!”

    • Bill D. Burger

      Maveriky Mac cornfuzes’ me these days. But at moments like that, I applaud him.

    • TJ Barke

      What was the question?

      • Sophia

        “Has your relationship with the President frayed to the point that you are not going to support anything that he comes to you and asks for”

        • TJ Barke

          It really is the only answer anyone should have for a Fox reporter.

      • hudson

        don’t worry about the kweshun. an enabler was called out for using known techniques to perpetuate a known scammer and somebody called him out. that’s all. small ripple. hopefully big waves ensue.

  • psychobroad

    You’re crying! You’re crying! I’m not crying!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Frakking onion ninjas…

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        The Ninjas of the House of Un-Yun are busy tonight.

        • gallbladder

          No shortage of work.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Yes. Also dust. And pollen.

  • Gosala

    So Harvey Weinstein is getting the drubbing he so richly deserves. Now, maybe it’s time to revisit another piece of detestable garbage:

    Donald Trump’s sexual harassment accusers hope president goes way of Weinstein

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/oct/23/donald-trump-sexual-harassment-accusers-harvey-weinstein?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Copy_to_clipboard

  • Picabo
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Had it been Obama.

      But really and all, there are not even enough elected Dem raising voices and taking some kind of action. Are they that afraid of reelection? Or what?

      • They are speaking. None of the press is bothering to get what they think on things.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Step 1: Ignore what they have to say.
          Step 2: Use the lack of coverage as proof they have nothing to say.
          Step 3: Profit.

    • gallbladder

      Christ!

      • OutOfOrbit

        not even close

    • Three Finger Salute

      That’s Pennywise’s idiot brother, Poundfoolish.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Good one!

        • TJ Barke

          Kiri came up with it this morning.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Scary pumpkin spice!

  • TJ Barke

    OT: Finally figured out the problem with the choke on my motorcycle. Stupid simple problem that nevertheless required taking the bike apart. The choke control cable was somehow stuck inside it’s outer casing, making it unable to freely move, which was forcing the choke to remain open. Freed it up, and should be fine now. Still gotta put everything back together… So many hoses…

  • OutOfOrbit

    TRMS building up to eric holder like he’s an icon of great goodness & good greatness so i am switching to netflix now

  • Picabo
    • gallbladder

      Telling.

  • Vorhees

    I read this article in The Week this weekend – Why Men Need to Fess Up, and I’ve been waiting for an open thread here to respond. I don’t know why for sure, but this is the place I immediately thought to post. This is where I’ve failed, when I’ve sexually harassed, and my position on the topic currently.

    For a while in 6th grade, if I thought a girl was cute, grabbing her butt was my way to express that. Probably more than 5 and less than 20 girls, a few with repeat offenses. It took a while to really internalize their predictable responses as a bad thing. In high school, I was really mad at anyone who did that (re-routing guilt to anger?) Several female friends knew that I, literally, had their back – i.e. they came to me at parties to stand with their backs to me to feel secure for a bit. (I know this because they explicitly told me so.)

    Still adolescence, I tried once to force the girl next door to at least hold my hand but let it go after a couple attempts.

    I was a big flirt and would make sexual suggestions, not what I would consider obscene, more like seeing girl push the dog’s nose away, “Stop it doggie…that’s MY job!”, or responding to “OMG, what’s wrong with me?” with “I’m not sure but I’d be happy to give you a complete physical! (I’m not a doctor but I play one in the bedroom.)” and so forth. A lot of girls gave as good as they got, but I know now a lot more, including probably many of the first category, were probably made uncomfortable.

    Some would say I’m a big flirt still, just keeping it clean. I can’t resist dropping one-liners, I like to make people smile and laugh. It’s just when there’s a female in the room, sometimes anything other than “Good morning” is apparently flirtation. And “Good morning” is offensive, how dare I dictate what kind of morning a woman should have, down with the patriarchy!

    I’ve “checked out” an attractive girl/woman about 38,450,761 times. Can’t seem to help it, a member of the opposite sex is a potential mate, I believe it’s instinct and that all sexes do it. Still, feel I guilty about it every time. I try not to, I try to stop immediately when I realize I’m doing it, I try to be subtle when the little red guy on my shoulder wins the argument, I’m sure they almost always know anyway if they happen to notice me at all.

    I have not, since high school, made a sexual comment on a female’s appearance. I have never insulted a woman’s appearance intentionally. (Once, I innocently asked a young coworker who brought a woman into the store, “Oh hi, is this your mom?” It was his girlfriend…)

    Ok I take that back. I tried to tease a female roommate once the same way I might tease a male friend and she burst into tears. I felt terrible and tried very hard to make it up to her.

    My own appearance has been insulted a number of times. 3x a complete stranger met my gaze and proceeded to tear me a new one for no reason I understood. Misinterpreted my happy mood smile as leering possibly? (Amusingly none of the three were actually sexually attractive to me. One specifically told me that she was waaay out of my league and it was really really hard to not respond “better check your league, b-” but I managed to go high.)

    I have commented on a woman’s appearance to male friends and heard their comments without objecting. I have heard “locker room talk” from friends and have not objected.

    For most of my working career I’ve been very cautious not to say anything that might be construed as sexual harassment.

    I have offered my support in one-on-one conversations after the fact to women that were getting sexually harassed if they wish to report it. I have asked coworkers to stop harassing in the event when it’s clearly unwelcome and making the woman uncomfortable.

    Apparently holding the door for a young woman coming inside was sexual harassment in the 80’s. (Actually I told her I hold the door for men too, and she apologized.)

    I am sure there are many other cases I don’t recall or even recognize. A lot of stuff depends on the perception of the individual person on the other end of the transaction. An unhelpful, but often true, observation is “I was not thinking about sex. Apparently, you are.” It can all be very confusing.

    I have always taken no for an answer. Which, in turn, has led to a few cases of, paraphrasing, “her feeling were hurt because she thought you weren’t interested because you weren’t persistent.”

    So, some of this has been a bit snarky. Let me finish with – I have never raped, touched a person in a sexual way without consent, exposed myself, or hit a woman (have physically restrained a violent one a few times to prevent injury to self or others). I have always treated intoxicated women as someone to keep an eye on and help/protection as necessary, not someone to take advantage of.

    • Sophia

      I had someone else talk one time about getting yelled at for holding a door open. It’s not sexism it’s fucking manners. I hold doors open for men, women anyone who is using the door right after me, People can you just say thank you

      • Vorhees

        Thank you. Like I said I don’t know what her story was that day, and when I responded with the same message, she DID apologize.

  • Panika MCD

    here’s the full concert from TX A&M. the video Bamz was referring to was at about 1:32. there are also comments from the other presidents including Carter pledging on behalf of Habitat for Humanity that they would be building 6 thousand homes in affected areas.

    https://youtu.be/-XfPL43Bwg0

    • You know, I almost chuckled and went 6k, Jimmy, you can’t build 6k homes….
      And then I thought to myself…ya know, not only can he, but he will prolly work on most of em with his own hands.

      • Panika MCD

        you should watch the video. there are loads of onion ninjas, but it’s good.

        • I will at the work place tomorrow. VERY sure they will not be blocking former presidents XD
          Then I can watch more than snippets

      • Three Finger Salute

        “J.C.” Like a common socialist carpenter…

    • gallbladder

      And Drumpf golfed. Fucker.

      • Panika MCD

        apparently there’s a taped message from him somewhere promising some money or something. boo.

      • Sophia