SHARE
Punk ass

Ivanka Trump, YOOGE PUNK.

You never thought you’d say those words, or that you’d believe them so strongly in your heart. You see, Ivana Trump, Ivanka’s mom, has published a tome called Raising Trump, and she let Ivanka write some stuff in it about how NORMAL she is. Guess she didn’t spill it all in the book-shaped object SHE wrote this year.

In excerpts published by The New Yorker, we learn that Ivanka Trump had a “punk phase” and she liked Nirvana in the early 1990s, just like all the “punks” who liked Nirvana in the early 1990s, which according to our back-of-the-napkin math was fucking millions of people. Guess we were all punks?

During my punk phase in the nineties, I was really into Nirvana.

So were we, Ivanka, so were we.

But no, y’all, she’s serious, she was VERY MUCH A PUNK PERSON:

My wardrobe consisted of ripped corduroy jeans and flannel shirts.

Hardcore! What did you do one day after school, Ivanka Trump?

One day after school, I dyed my hair blue.

DUUUUUUUDE, IVANKA, WHAT DID YOUR MOM SAY?

Mom wasn’t a fan of this decision.

What did she do?????? Were you grounded from having your own private driver for a whole night?

She took one look at me and immediately went out to the nearest drugstore to buy a $10 box of Nice’n Easy. That night, she forced me to dye my hair back to blond.

Gah. MOMS. They are the worst.

But everybody lived happily ever after because:

The color she picked out was actually three shades lighter than my natural color… and I have never looked back!

And to think, if it hadn’t been for that one moment of defiance … well, things would be different now!

Now, non-punk readers, do you know who Kurt Cobain was? Ivanka Trump put some extra words in this next sentence (probably trying to hit a quota or something) to make sure you know:

It wasn’t too long after this that Kurt Cobain, the singer, songwriter, and guitarist for Nirvana, committed suicide.

Singer, songwriter, AND guitarist. Got it.

Anyway, Vanky cried for days and weeks and months and years, and her mom Ivana Trump didn’t really understand (MOMS!), but after “twenty-four hours of crying inconsolably in [her] room, alone,” her mom (MOMS!) marched up and said, “OK young punk lady, it is time for you to bring your punk ass out of your room because the Trump Tower servants have made you some punk dinner!”

And then Ivanka Trump ate dinner and everything was OK again. Three shades lighter, but OK.

Please make lists of other experiences Ivanka Trump probably had, all of which prove she is TOTALLY NORMAL, in the comments of this, your OPEN THREAD. We will start!

  1. Ivanka Trump watched “Saved By The Bell” and totally wanted to sneak Zack Morris into her gold-plated suite but she knew her mom would get mad at her (MOMS!) so she didn’t.
  2. Ivanka Trump may/may not have wanted “Charles” to be “In Charge” of her.
  3. Ivanka Trump kissed a girl just to see if that Jill Sobule song was right.
  4. Ivanka Trump had a gold-plated Tamagotchi. It died.
  5. Ivanka Trump tried to make a Blossom skirt out of ties. She failed.
  6. Ivanka Trump still secretly listens to Dave Matthews Band, even though she’s been proclaiming they are Not Cool Anymore since 1998 or so, when everybody else decided they were Not Cool Anymore.
  7. Ivanka Trump gets the joke if, when discussing some totally sexxxy and mysterious guy, somebody exclaims, “Joooordan Catalaaaaaaano!”

(OK actually, we’ll give her that one. She probably totally does.)

YOUR TURN!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries, servers, and all of the things are fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click here to fund us!

[New York Magazine]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Picabo
  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Her Pops caught her griftin’, and he said “NO WAY!”
    That hypocrite pays two bribes a day!!

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Grunge wasn’t punk you clueless Trump! (Sounds way more Dr. Suess than I expected)

    • ahughes798

      No, it wasn’t. Not that she would have picked up on it, anyway, but there was punk in there. Metal, also too. Cobain liked punk, as well as bands like Cheap Trick. In fact, if you listen to Cheap Trick’s first album “Cheap Trick,” and “Nevermind” back to back, you will hear similarities. He also liked the Beatles, and you can hear it in there, too.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Cheap Trick’s “The Dream Police” was my go-to Guitar Hero jam.

        • ahughes798

          I was such a spazz at that game….and I play real guitar and bass IRL, LOL!

  • La Cieca

    You’ve noticed, of course, that Ivanka’s “punk phase” preceded her most recent nose job. I mean, how punk rock can you get?

    • PubOption

      Perhaps she had an accident pushing the safety pin through it, so it had to be rebuilt.

  • nightmoth

    Okay–open thread—YAY!—and I have a great story from BBC concerning a Hollywood sex predator and just how cool Carrie Fisher was.
    http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-41650345

  • GoutMachine

    Ivanka Trump still secretly listens to Dave Matthews Band and thinks they’re cool.

    FIFY.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Hootie and the Blow Fish.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I like DMB. I listen to Under the Table… when I am working on something intense. I don’t think they are cool. I never thought they were cool. More like a guilty pleasure.
      They are good musicians. Don’t judge me.

  • bubbuhh

    So, Ivanka’s narcissism drove Cobain and her Tomagotchi to death. Sounds right.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I knew it! It wasn’t Courtney, it was the Russians!

  • Nounverb911
  • Crystalclear12

    I refuse to normalize any Trump.

    Besides, do fembots even have childhoods?

  • Unconscience

    hey ivanka. all the bands you like HATE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

    literally hate you. like, would skull-fuck your lifeless corpse. nirvava, rage against the machine, even those ‘mmmmmbop’ dudes… skull-fuck you to death and then keep on skull-fucking your dead body.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Skating a touch close to the rules there.

      Although those mmmmmbop people, I could see it.

      • Unconscience

        you’re right, i just.. it was that last round of lies from trump that just got me so …verklempt

        no, the other lies. not those, the other ones. yeah, no not those lies. the newest lies. the most recent lies. the lies from today, no, the newest lies from today… oh, i need to go lie down…

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Indeed. The Trumps have a LOT of secrets no one knows.

        • Ill-Advised

          You mean a lot of lies they haven’t told yet? I can believe that.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I think even Phil Collins would be in for some action at this point.

      • Joe Beese

        While pumping: “SU… SU… SUDIO!”

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      With votes, as we say in the shire.

  • jesterpunk
  • Serai 1
  • SomeBigRedDog

    Ivanka Trump ruined the nineties.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Did the carpet match the drapes?

    • Panika MCD

      if you asked Jared, he would tell you that the drapes have a nice gold paisley print on white and the carpet was “eggshell”.

  • GoutMachine

    Oh, honey, what would be punk would be pissing on the Oval Office rug, but I’m afraid Daddy’s Russian pee hookers already have that job.

    • Panika MCD

      she’s got dibs on the Lincoln Bedroom.

  • Joe Beese

    Jordan Catalano is now an evil corporate mastermind.

    You are old.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Help me start National Butt Day cause butts are better than Trump … make America Butter Again https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fd9d17b344405bbd215ed30c56e2703daa3f07679e977f52d209cf8385105347.jpg

  • Panika MCD

    she thought Nirvana was punk and not grunge? that’s so like…nobody I know.

    okay. Ivanka Trump wanted to be a North just like Robin Tunney’s character in The Craft, but she was not born in the right month according to the book she had Jeeves pick up at Barnes&Noble.

    • GoutMachine

      Especially with the band that was the Platonic ideal of grunge.

  • Crystalclear12

    So this is her idea of what normal is?

    Too much TV not enough brain.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    In 2000, she partied like it was 1999.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    You see, Ivana Trump, Ivanka’s mom, has published a tome called Raising Trump, and she let Ivanka write some stuff in it about how NORMAL she is.

    Dear, the word you are looking for is “dilettante”.

  • OneWhiteWhisker

    I’m calling bullshit on the dyed hair story. If her hair really was dyed blue, a cheap box of drugstore hair colour will not bring it back to blonde. At most it will bleach it to a lighter shade of blue. She’d need a professional to strip the colour and add the blonde back in. So yeah, more garbage lies from the Trump family.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Ya see she used food dye. It doesn’t stick. And it was left over from Daddy’s kit cause he only used Orange.

    • jesterpunk

      She could have tried the koolaid thing to dye your hair and been too dumb to add anything more then water to it.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        That’s the way I made my Saturday night purple fauxhawk. Dippity Do and grape Koolaide.

        • jesterpunk

          Thats how I did it when I was young, because its cheap and I was poor.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      For certain.

    • Eileen Besse

      You’re SO right! I dyed my brown hair blonde when I was 16 or so (late 60s), and then it turned more like orange. [I had plenty of teenaged company.] I called the “beauty shop” to see what it would cost to strip it and put back my brown hair. Whatever they told me was WAY out of my $$$ range, so I had to just let it grow out.

      • OneWhiteWhisker

        Too bad it wasn’t a few years later, you could’ve cut it short and said you were a Bowie fan :)

    • Shibusa

      Sounds like Dr. Ben Carson helped her cook up that little story.

    • Relativicus

      At least once a year for several weeks, everybody in America has that one friend with purple hair because she tried to dye it red for Halloween.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    The only shock is that some winger didn’t try this idea sooner.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/920402451760603139

    • mancityRed6

      well, they’re more used to giving away the whole gun before this.

    • GoutMachine

      I really, really hate these people.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Okay, so many questions. What was Ivanka Trump’s favorite Nirvana song? What does she listen to now for a good cry?

    IDK–would it be Donald’s acceptance speech or her declining sales numbers?

    • jesterpunk

      I would bet she would say “Smells Like Teen Spirit” because everyone claimed to like that song to be cool.

      • Jeffocaster in the West

        Weird Al’s version is better.

        • theCryptofishist

          That can be said of so many songs.

        • It’s hard to bargle nawdle zouse wif all these marbles in my mouth . . .

  • TJ Barke

    Nirvana wasn’t punk…

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Absolutely correct.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I don’t even like Nirvana and I know they aren’t punk.

    • Just Noh

      not by a long shot

  • Nice N Easy…she knows what daddy likes.

    • JustPretendImNotHere

      Oh well done, well done…

  • Bemused

    She was LITERALLY 12. I’m sure she was a super hard-core 6th grader (nope) who went out on her own and bought blue hair-dye and dyed her hair blue (nope) so that story must be true (nope).

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Smells like…..teen……uh…….BS

  • I thought Nirvana was grunge?

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Another person gets it right!

    • It is. She’s using “punk” incorrectly. It’s kind of like when like Nixon called 70’s metal heads “hippies.”

      • She’s a stupid fucking punk bitch.

        That’s the proper usage, right?

    • mancityRed6

      the lock around the neck says it all.

    • Adorbs.

    • Jamalama

      Nice. This looks vaguely raver-ish tho. Trying to find Juncos to confirm…..

  • mancityRed6

    by the time Cobain shuffled off his mortal coil, I didn’t really care. I had moved on and was way more into much better punk. not that they weren’t good, but there was so much more that this small town boy never heard before. a stepping stone, maybe. but then, everyone and the grandmother had nevermind around here.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Ivanka Trump decided to “Punk” up the Dave Matthews band by including some Hootie and the Blowfish. She was a *Hellion*, Y’alls.

    • TJ Barke

      Pro tip: Dave Mathews Band is great when stoned.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD

        • TJ Barke

          I don’t enjoy them otherwise, but stoned, they are amazing.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Not judging, you be you. :D

          • Resistance Fighter Callyson

            I was just going to ask “when who is stoned–you or them?”

          • Anna Elizabeth

            LOL!

          • FlownΩver

            Sorry – typed first, scrolled after. This is becoming a Groundhog Day thing for me.

      • FlownΩver

        When you are, or when he is?

    • Lord Jim

      I kinda liked HatB. Better than that country music shit he’s into now. Ugh.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        They are OK Hun, but none of it Punk, neither was Nirvana Punk. xD

        • Lord Jim

          Oh I knew that. I liked Pearl Jam better as a grunge band, myself. Not a punk aficionado, but my brother was once into the Plasmatics an age ago.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Nice!

            I was a Top 40 girl until the movie “TheCrow”. I bought the soundtrack CD on our way home from the theater, that album changed my life, it’s such a picture of music in the 90s.

          • Lord Jim

            I’m a bit of an old metalhead myself. The Crow was an awesome film.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Nice! What’s your favorites?

          • Lord Jim

            My ultimate favorite is Queensryche (up to Empire). I also like Metallica before the Black Album, Iron Maiden (a big influence on QR), and Priest. I also like Lamb of God, Symphony X, Within Temptation, Nightwish, blah blah etc. :D

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Good man. :) I like a lot of Metallica, a lot of Maiden.

  • Joe Beese

    I was in the Grand Central Station Apple Store for a third time in a year… It was the spacebar. It was broken. And not even physically broken — it still moved and acted normally. But every time I pressed it once, it spaced twice.

    “Maybe it’s a piece of dust,” the Genius had offered. The previous times I’d been to the Apple Store for the same computer with the same problem — a misbehaving keyboard — Geniuses had said to me these exact same nonchalant words, and I had been stunned into silence, the first time because it seemed so improbable to blame such a core problem on such a small thing, and the second time because I couldn’t believe the first time I was hearing this line that it was not a fluke. But this time, the third time, I was ready. “Hold on,” I said. “If a single piece of dust lays the whole computer out, don’t you think that’s kind of a problem?”

    In every other computer I’ve owned before I bought the latest MacBook Pro last fall, fixing this would have begun by removing the key and peering around in its well to see if it was simply dirty. Not this keyboard. In fact, all of Apple’s keyboards are now composed of a single, irreparable piece of technology. There is no fixing it; there is only replacing half the computer.

    The Genius shrugged empathetically. He cast around and pointed to a nearby pre-2015 MacBook Pro with relatively thicker keys. “I have one of those,” he said apologetically. Though Apple employees receive significant yearly discounts on computers, and this was the first significant redesign of the MacBook Pro’s body in eight years, he had chosen not to buy one of the new ones, even a year later.

    https://theoutline.com/post/2402/the-new-macbook-keyboard-is-ruining-my-life

    • Joe Beese

      Fortunately, Apple has posted steps on how you can fix this yourself. (And no, this isn’t satire.)

      1. Hold your Mac notebook at a 75-degree angle, so it’s not quite vertical.

      2. Use compressed air to spray the keyboard, or just the affected keys, in a left-to-right motion.

      3. Rotate your Mac notebook to its right side and spray the keyboard again, from left to right.

      4. Repeat the action, this time with your Mac notebook rotated to its left side.

      https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT205662

      • Joe Beese

        The base model MacBook Pro starts at $1,300.

        • Rasilom

          This shit is why I will never buy a mac.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Now you tell me?! I upgraded like 2 months ago (the old laptop was 5 years old).

      This past week the “o” key has been malfunctioning part of the time.

      Fuck me. And no I did not get the protection plan. I never get the protection plans.

  • icekat

    So, what we can glean from this is that in the early 1990s, Ivanka didn’t know the difference between grunge and punk. And still doesn’t. Got it.

    • Bemused

      Well, she was 12 at the time and I don’t think her parents were much into popular music.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Donald punched her to the ground and yelled “PUT ON A DRESS AND SOME BARRY MANILOW!”

  • ariel_gee_398

    To count the obvious lies/distortions of truth:
    1) Nirvana wasn’t punk.
    2) She was 12 when Cobain died.
    3) You can’t fucking Nice ‘n Easy blue Manic Panic out of your hair, especially not “three shades lighter” than the color your hair was originally.
    4) Ripped corduroys, really?
    Did I miss any?

    • Yeah, I called bullshit when I saw corduroys. Nobody wore those in the 90s unless that shit was a hand-me-down from a sibling. They were either navy blue or khaki, and they were fucking terrible.

      • mancityRed6

        or if you could find a good pair of green ones at a goodwill like I did.
        fucking loved those pants to skate in.

      • anon_the_great

        corduroys was the tell wasn’t it

        • theCryptofishist

          Got by me. I guess I’m not good at the nineties. I think there was a star trek and total eclipse of the heart but that’s all I remember. Being depressed has its compensations.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The Melvins did it better.

  • Nounverb911
    • GoutMachine

      I think they misspelled “fired.”

  • anon_the_great

    Excuse the all caps BUT GOD DAMN IT

    IVANA, FUCK YOU, YOU FILTHY LYING SAC OF LIQUID SHIT WHORE LIAR. MAY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE DIE SLOWLY, PAINFULLY, AND DISSOLVE INTO A GURGLING PUDDLE OF PUTREFACTION BEFORE YOUR EYES. BREATH DEEP AND TAKE IN THE ESSENCE OF AMERICA YOUR RAPIST DAD BROUGHT FORTH. MAKE NO MISTAKE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SEWAGE SCOW

    • Bemused

      IDK, this seems like a bit of an over-reaction to mislabeling a music genre and telling a tall tale about dying her hair. Maybe if she was sitting in on UN meetings or pretending to be the Preside… oh.

      • anon_the_great

        Yeah, mebbie

  • TJ Barke

    Hey, Ivanka, your dad is a: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BmTVzJr5Ns

  • mancityRed6

    an ex talked me into doing my hair green. it was a weird time, we had broken up but still had the apt together.
    so I did.
    and I brushed it better than I did usually, so it always looked well taken care of, just green.
    went to a show and got a free beer out of it. and shaved it all of a few months later.

  • kaydenpat

    Cobain: “If you’re a sexist, racist, homophobe or basically an asshole, don’t buy this CD. I don’t care if you like me, I hate you.”

    http://mashable.com/2016/04/05/kurt-cobain-social-good/

    So Cobain would have hated her dad because he’s a sexist, racist a-hole.

    • armed_bears

      Saaaayyyy… You know who else would have hated her dad because he’s a sexist, racist a-hole?

      • theCryptofishist

        This would so totally be the wrong place to drop an “Anne Frank.”

      • TJ Barke

        Every single decent American?

        • armed_bears

          All that, and more!

      • kaydenpat

        Who?

      • Jamie Stewart

        Both Godzilla AND Mechagodzilla?

  • DerrickWildcat
  • TJ Barke

    OT, video game related, but Jim was right again, RIP Visceral Games. Fuck you, EA.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOSUWFgLWGU

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got something we should be concerned about and keep an eye on, auto-play Bloomberg link?

    Democrats Are Getting Impatient With the GOP’s Russia Investigations

    Feinstein cites Grassley failing to subpoena Manafort
    Schiff accuses White House of trying to rush House probe

    Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee say they want to see more urgency in that panel’s efforts, while a leading House Democrat says the Trump administration is trying to pressure Congress into ending its investigations prematurely.

    Now would be a good time to stand the fuck up against this shit, Dems…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a05270279169b3cf8bb802266ca015bb8e0b6853ef9344b4c3e124fd24229896.png

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I anxiously await reading this exciting tome to learn about all of Vinky’s punk piercings. I’m gonna guess nips, but heck, she seems really hard-core, so maybe vag?

    You are welcome for this mental image.

    • mancityRed6

      like 5 per side?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        You’re not helping.

        • mancityRed6

          fine, just a hood then.

    • Panika MCD

      nah, she was an eyebrow piercing kind of gal.

      • mancityRed6

        with magnets

    • theCryptofishist

      Only with her father’s permission.

  • Nounverb911
    • Anna Elizabeth

      xD oh hell that’s funny

    • Serai 1

      No, no, that was the week after punk. Just before she threw over pop music and went for Bulgarian shepherdess chorales.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    She was Too Sexy for her shirt, her car, her hat, and her cat. She shook her little tush on the catwalk.

  • rumsey

    Maybe it’s because Ivana is not a native English speaker, but doesn’t “Raising Trump” sound more like what she did with Donald in the bedroom than what she did with her three children, which would be plural, “Trumps”?
    Whenever I read the title of the book, I wish I hadn’t.

    • Bemused

      It makes me think her husband was a man-child who needed to be forced into adulthood by his wife, but I might be drawing inferences from the current situation.

  • Walter Wellstone

    Nirvana wasn’t punk—just sayin’. Architecting!

    • Joe Beese

      Nevermind was power pop, IMHO.

      • Walter Wellstone

        With greasy hair and a second-hand wardrobe.

      • mancityRed6

        it was. not as discordant as bleach. and he apparently hated the fact that all the same kinds of people who used to pick on him loved that album. or so I’ve read somewhere.

        • jesterpunk

          Thats why they went with Albini for In Utero. And also why they did things like start to play SLTS then stop and skip that song.

  • Joe Beese

    So many people lying about Trump! Where do they all get the idea to lie like this?

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/920406959320371200

    • Nounverb911

      “Thanks, Donald.”
      –The New York Times Subscription Department

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “Print is dead.”
      “Sure it is. They’ve been saying that for more than two centuries. Yet here it is in my hand, defying all predictions of its demise.” – Star Trek: Vanguard

    • AJ Milne

      Ah ‘me. Septuagenarian McDonald’s addict w/ rage issues and in a high-pressure job he’s lamentably and comically unqualified for is on about ‘dying’ magazines…

      … pretty sure there’ll still be lotsa paper media when they do his sorry-actually-not-really-that-sorry obit.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      HEY! I’m a fiction writer too. One of my stories is about a gay wedding planner in the 1990s who says the vows with his partner at the weddings he plans. I titled it “FUCK YOU MIKE PENCE!” (checks paperwork) Oops. It’s called “Taking Vows”

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • “When they outlaw evolution, only outlaws will evolve.”

  • Persistent Demme

    I’m a mom and kinda old, and even I know that grunge and punk are NOT the same thing!

  • Blanche de Shambles

    Hey, Ivanka- I got some early ’90s punk for you and your dad:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1aycS7_P-M

  • Viktor

    Avril Lavigne is more fake punk than Ivanka. The most punk thing Ivanka does now is wearing an outfit for more than 4 hrs.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • One thing the Trump gals have in common? Their Nice and Easy.

    • JoeChristmas

      Fucking Meta.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Here’s what I listened to in the 90s:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP-WFxdQcJQ

    • Joe Beese

      The thing about the name “Pantera” is that you shouldn’t just say it. It needs to be barked like Phil Anselmo would.

      “PANTERA!”

      • Joe Beese

        Of course, they had their own punk period.

        https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/lruigq6.jpg

        • Anna Elizabeth

          :D

          • Lord Jim

            I remember Dime (God rest his soul) talking about that once. He was all “That’s just how it was then”.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        YISS! PANTERA, BITCHES!!

    • GoutMachine

      God, even her mom is copping a feel.

    • theCryptofishist

      Preppy Punk was too a thing!

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      At least she looked a little like Kurt Cobain when she still had her original nose.

    • Serai 1

      Hey, step off! She’s wearing plaid!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Meanwhile, something else to keep an eye on:

    https://twitter.com/RWPUSA/status/920407624646057984

  • I call shenanigans on Ivanka’s Grunge Blue Hair story.

    Back then Nice and Easy cost mebbe five bucks, tops.

    • Viktor

      They’re Trumps. They gladly pay double

  • Scooby

    A box of Nice N’ Easy is only $5 or $6 today. I doubt it was $10, 20 years ago.

    • Great minds.

      I think we’re supposed to spit or something.

      • Scooby

        We could both dye our hair blue.

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          In my case, dye both my hairs blue.

  • Bill D. Burger

    [During my punk phase in the nineties, I was really into Nirvana.]

    Here she is really slam dancing to ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’….. or is it Smells Like Junior League’? Sucha’ rebellious hellion.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/zKs2WxBCvUCdi/giphy.gif

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Does she remember where she was when her father grabbed her ass on national television? Oh, yeah, election night, when his Electoral College numbers slithered through.

    • Bright Bart

      He was drawing the electoral map on her woman parts, lets be fair

  • tenspd137

    No – just no. If he were alive, he would not give her the time of day. Her even mentioning Nirvana is a disgrace to my entire generation. Actually, she is a disgrace, but that is besides the point….

  • Nounverb911
    • Shanzgood

      Is that a ficus?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    If only there were a ritual that takes place every two years in November that could ensure that they would all lose:

    https://twitter.com/AdamsFlaFan/status/920407692329541634

  • Viktor

    Jared looks Emo

    • theCryptofishist

      Tickle Me Emo?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Ivanka’s Bullshit here reminds me that ZEGS Ryan says his fave band is Rage Against the Machine. Sure it is.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5NeyI4-fdI

    I’m sure ZEGS Ryan listens to RATM every Leg set at the gym.

  • JoeChristmas

    Her brothers went Africa to shoot baby elephants and cheetahs in the head. She wanted to join the Peace Corps — for a whole week!

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Piece Corps

  • DerrickWildcat
  • Bill D. Burger

    Uhhh…. Could someone Tell Ivy that Nirvana wasn’t a punk band.

    The Ramones, Sex Pistols, Iggy and the Stooges, and the Dead Kennedys were punk bands. Nirvana…nope!

  • mrFawkes

    Any true connoisseur of corduroy jeans would never intentionally rip them. Corduroy jeans are harmonically tuned with each stitch, once ripped, they lose that squishy, squirmy sound.

  • Picabo

    “One day after school I dyed my hair blue.”
    And then the murders began.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      xD

    • SadDemInTex

      I’ve got to remember that tag line…it is awesome

  • Bright Bart
  • Ricky Gay

    She thought that actual sea dolphins made Hootie cry. :(

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Heading out the door on this optimistic note–stay tuned, Wonkers:

    https://twitter.com/NolanDMcCaskill/status/920402457599139840

    • Lord Jim

      Bet they know what’s in that little black notebook now.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Corduroy jeans were never popular. Like Bellbottoms. Really.

    • yyyaz

      They were in 1968. BRB, I have some clouds to shout at.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Here’s Ivy’ and the Trumps, her ‘punk’ group, really working Smells Like Teen Spirit___or just smelling like teen spirit.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3c2e3edf6eecfd024a69af344b3bf29ce70179b5c55ce4388247d2af27bf7262.gif

  • Nounverb911

    Donni, you spelled ‘TRUMPcare’ wrong.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/920408108194783232

    • Paperless Tiger

      But it was only twelve dollars!

    • Daniel

      Like those people who thought selling steaks at The Sharper Image was a good idea.

    • mailman27

      Why the ” “?

  • AJ Milne

    I’m still pretty fond of Nirvana. My era ‘n all. Early university ‘n career, I think it mighta been keeping me sane. Or less insane, whatever… Don’t listen to it _much_ anymore, but that’s a bit like you don’t watch Firefly all the time, neither… Kinda so you don’t wear it out. And let’s face it, it’s not quite that age anymore. Certainly got a truckload of tracks around, still, kinda doubt the actual disks are likely to be real playable anymore; it’s been a long few decades, and thank you cdparanoia for pulling out the bits despite all that…

    … enough that I feel somehow this asshole shouldn’t even be allowed to _mention_ them. She’s gonna get something icky all over it.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      True story: I missed Nirvana entirely. Found out who they were when Cobain died. I had never heard of them before. I blame the fact that I had 2 toddlers.

      • AJ Milne

        I pretty much missed the first decade of the 21st century for that reason.

  • JoeChristmas

    She adored the Dead Kennedy’s Kill the Poor

    • theCryptofishist

      And then she took up playing ethnicy jazz, because Jello said it was a good idea.
      Edited to clarify that she played records, not an instrument. Nope, nothing for her, but the pipe.

      • TJ Barke

        On her 5 grand stereo.

    • TJ Barke

      She missed the point…

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      And then she got into Stealing People’s Male. At least that’s what Jared’s mom thought of it. A goyische girl?!

  • Ms.MLG on Maui
  • TJ Barke
  • Bill D. Burger

    Proof! Found it on the innertubes’____ It’s true!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMXZr-SX0AAaHwT.jpg

    • Anna Elizabeth

      LOLOMG!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Needz moar black lipstick

    • Ωbjectifier

      Screaming fucking bloody mess!

  • Mom was so upset that she dyed her hair blue, she took her out for a nose job. “Now, darlink, you look so much more natural now!”

    • janecita

      It was a boob job not a nose job.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Why not both? (Or all three?)

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        AOT,K

  • jesterpunk
  • notaten

    When I look at Ivanka and hear the word punk, I’m thinking more of You punks don’t know anything about hard work, sacrifice, ethics, empathy, or anything that real humans feel or deal with on a daily basis. So yeah, she’s definitely a punk. Oh, and Nirvana, they were not punk, you clueless punk.

  • Bill D. Burger

    PaPa went through a punk phase as well, just so his ‘girl’ wouldn’t be far from him.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMXmolTXUAI_nS8.jpg

    http://esquireuk.cdnds.net/17/10/480×240/landscape-1488976910-ezgifcom-gif-maker.gif

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Dang, Vivienne Westwood has let herself go.

      • Bill D. Burger

        More a ‘Divine’ impersonator.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          LIBELZ. And she embraced trash.

        • PubOption

          Shit went INTO Divine’s mouth.

    • yyyaz

      Frank Booth on a really bad night.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    “I think it’s outrageous, I think it’s a joke, it’s disgusting,” said Seagal, who last year became a Russian citizen.

    “I respect the American flag. I myself have risked my life countless times for the American flag and I don’t understand or agree with this kind of behavior. I think it’s an outrage

    I don’t know how this story flew under the radar. He also defends Trump and Putin. Good job, Comrade.

    • TJ Barke

      I don’t really give a shit what a Russian thinks about American freedom of speech…

    • jesterpunk

      Hey Steven playing someone in the military in a movie doesnt count as risking your life.

      • Jamoche

        Though he was risking his life by not pulling his punches on his stuntguys, but they were all better people than him.

    • Serai 1
    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. And, it seems, the sleeper.

  • jesterpunk
  • Nounverb911
    • janecita

      Every world leader, except for Netanyahu, pretty much agree with the Greek Prime Minister.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Bibi just calls him “the competition”.

    • Serai 1

      Obama would not have let an insult stop him.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Who among us …?

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    When your teenage punk phase story is about how you came to terms with being a bottle blonde.

    That’s hard core.

    • goonemeritus

      It’s the “‘pink” of punk

      • Juanita

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !di274d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleHomeCashJobsFoxOpportunity/earn/hourly ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!di274lhhhh

      • Wilma

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !do405d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNewCrowdNetJobsOpportunity/simple/work ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!do405lhhhh

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      Doing what your Mama says – now that’s Punk Rock!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Even mall punks would laugh at her stupid ass.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • rosenbomb

    I call absolute BS on that blue dye story. If you go dye blonde hair blue, the chances of you getting it back to blonde with a box of Nice’n Easy are slim. Maybe some hair professionals can chime in, but when my blonde self dyed my hair an outrageous color orange, I had to go to a salon to get it fixed.

    • notaten

      I’m sure they had a high $ stylist on retainer just to deal with these types of crisis. Nice ‘n easy my dyin ass!

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      As someone who also made some hair mistakes lately I can confirm.

  • DerrickWildcat
    • BearDeLaOursistance

      That just came up in my phone shuffle. You, sir, have telekinetic powers. Are you also capable of flinging large quantities of votes?

  • janecita

    Nirvana=Punk, like Ivanka=?

    • jesterpunk

      Smart?

    • Daniel

      Competent.

    • biologydave

      Credible

    • Daniel

      Independently successful.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      The voice of reason

    • janecita

      Authentic

    • Daniel

      Informed.

    • Daniel

      What she claims to be.

    • Serai 1

      Leona Helmsley.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      A Fashionista

  • Daniel

    David Cameron was publicly condemned for liking The Smiths by Johnny Marr, who told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t allowed to.

    Cameron also bizarrely likes The Jam, as direct descendants of William IV who secured their first job through the intervention of the Queen’s equary are wont to.

  • BadKitty904

    Does “extensive cosmetic plastic surgery, paid for by Daddy” define “punk”?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      “Those breasts won’t enlarge themselves,” is how he explained it to her.

      • BadKitty904

        Ew.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Picabo
    • JustPretendImNotHere

      So shall the Father tell of Trump sins in order to save the son?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If she became a peace punk I would have been I’m pressed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Furrw0VDpWM

  • memzilla Ω
  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Ivanka Trump likes Nickleback.

    • cicatricella

      way harsh, Tai.

    • Raan

      Hey, they had one good song.

      You know the one.

  • Nounverb911
    • jowgajen

      Sounds good.

    • BadKitty904

      I can live with that.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Thoughts and prayers

    • theCryptofishist

      *crosses fingers* pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

    • jowgajen
    • Joe Beese

      Shit, this is going to keep me up all night.

    • Daniel

      Let Christmas be like Donald and come early.

    • janecita

      Finally, something to look forward to!

    • Jennifer R

      Clock is ticking on that as well. Everyone running has to be in or out by March, and they have a lot of holiday time between now and then. Passing tax and welfare killers will determine who does or doesn’t run.

    • Paperless Tiger

      If only. You fail at everything, but the dopes keep electing you anyway.

    • proudgrampa

      And the problem is…?

    • Serai 1

      Be my guest.

    • Raan

      GOOD.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Promises, promises.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I wish I could believe you, Lindsey. I really do.

    • Canis Greyhame

      Oh Miss Lindsey, I’m afraid that ship has sailed!

  • proudgrampa

    This is proudgrampa’s new anthem:

    https://youtu.be/1rmAi9XmlIo

    • Thanks for that. It’s actually the first I’m hearing it.

      One of my favorite reactions to it was from someone over on Twitter, which was, “Morrissey releasing a song called Spent the Day in Bed is like Springsteen releasing a song called The Car Is a Symbol of Freedom.”

      • proudgrampa

        That’s good! I’m stealing that!

      • arundel

        A popular British-Irish comedian named Sean Hughes just died in the UK (sadly at 51, cirrhosis), he was a star in his early 20s, and one of his best quips people have been fondly remembering is, “We all grow out of our Morrissey phase. Except Morrissey.”

  • Ωbjectifier

    Corduroy jeans? Which is it?

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    One time in band camp…

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    On today’s episode of “Trash a Trump” we examine the young life of punkster Ivanka whose mission in life is to be as obtuse, scummy and lazy as Daddy. She reveals her deepest thoughts about loves, life and the tough times when Mom made her dye blond because “they have more fun”.

  • BadKitty904

    Meanwhile, Down Here…

    Florida Man Awarded $37,500 After Cops Mistake Glazed Doughnut Crumbs for Meth
    http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/10/16/558147669/florida-man-awarded-37-500-after-cops-mistake-glazed-doughnut-crumbs-for-meth

    • Bill D. Burger

      I’ve tried for years to convince my wife that being messy is a positive. Now I’m going to be able to prove it.

      • bupkus231

        Yeah, you just have to get falsely arrested because you’re messy…

    • I thought cops were better trained to recognize donuts.

      • BadKitty904

        IKR?

    • Raan

      To be fair, living in Florida is basically probable cause.

  • Joe Beese
  • Picabo
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka was not a big fan of Beavis and Butthead though since she felt, “Why watch it on tv when you got the real thing at home.”

  • TJ Barke

    So lying is just second nature to the whole family, huh?

  • valgalky23

    Wasn’t the punk phase in the 70’s to early 80’s? The what’s I remember but I’m getting older.

    • Daniel

      Round ’76 onwards.

      • Bigby

        The Sonics libelz!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Johnny Rotten was already post-punk in ’78.

        • Daniel

          ’77 was the big year for punk in the UK, but the Stooges were laying the groundwork in ’69 and Eno (of all people) did Third Uncle in ’74, which is almost the template for punk.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That was approximately the time that Disco peaked. I have always wondered if there is a connection there.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Indeed; and its name was Public Image Ltd. There were a bunch of other experimenters who melded the two, with rather interesting results. The concept had a big revival in my college days, too (mid-00’s).

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      More Sex Pistols than Nirvana. Ivana wouldn’t have loved Vanky with a safety pin through her eyebrow

      • WotsAllThisThen

        And a swastika t-shirt, just like all those Sid Vicious fans at her dad’s rallies.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    That one time the cool kids were bullying Ivanka in high school, and she sent her brothers, Eric and Don, Jr’s mansevrants to beat them up.

  • Jennifer R
    • Anna Elizabeth

      The fuck?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I hope he’s not rescuing people in Puerto Rico.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Also what happens if you look up “Pogue” in the dictionary.

  • bupkus231

    I suppose this just further exposes me an an oldz, but isn’t there a “difference” between “punk” and “grunge”? And isn’t blue hair more like “emo” ( or even “goth” ) than either?

    Fuck this 90s shit. Let’s talk about 60s and 70s ( without the disco ), please….

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I suppose that’s like asking if there was a difference between a Hippie and a Jesus Freak. In my mother’s mind, the answer was “No”, but of course the real answer is “Yes.” Every time my mother saw a hippie guy with long hair and a beard, she would make this noise of utter disgust in her throat. I can hear it now, in my memory. At the time, it made me want to date a guy with long hair and a beard.

      • bupkus231

        “…the real answer is “Yes.”

        Uh – not really. I knew several “Jesus Freaks” back in the day – and, no, they weren’t long-haired and/or bearded. They were counselors at the bible camp near Cape Cod I attended for several summers when a young teen. Their “freakiness” was defined more by their willingness to proselytize ( and to get their charges to, when out on weekly bus trips on the Cape ) than by their appearence.

        Shaped in me in more ways than one….

        • Angela Ruzzo

          But you are confirming what I said – that there was a difference between Hippies and Jesus Freaks. My poor mother was confused by everything that happened in the 60’s … and when Vatican II changed the Catholic Mass from Latin to English it really was too much for her and she practically became a hermit and started reading Barbara Cartland novels.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      It’s every day for Donnie!!
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBTT3VPriV8

  • h4rr4r

    Speaking of deceased entertainers, John Dunsworth passed. TPB is going to be a different show without him.

    • No doubt.

    • Beautiful Soup

      Oh I am so sad to hear that. Have you seen his YouTubes about working with concrete and such? Seemed like a fascinating man.

      • h4rr4r

        He did a lot of stage work and I so far have not found much of that.

        • Beautiful Soup

          Oh too bad, maybe someone will post more of that kind of thing soon.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Ivanka once travelled, sans limo, all the way downtown to the John Varvatos store ____ where CBGB used to be in Manhattan. So there! Girl’s was hard core.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      She thought Varvatos was where the help came from.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I like to be in America
    Have electricity in America
    Water to flush pee in America
    Der Fuhrer Donny in America

  • jesterpunk

    Ivanka went on to tell the story about how her life got flipped, turned upside down. She would like to take a minute if you would just sit right there to tell you how she became the princess of a town called Bel-Air.

    In west Philadelphia born and raised

    On the playground was where I spent most of my days

    Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool

    And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school

    When a couple of guys who were up to no good

    Started making trouble in my neighborhood

    I got in one little fight and my mom got scared

    She said, “You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh shit! This one caused me to do a spit take.

    https://twitter.com/Decervelage/status/920381782519926786

    • WotsAllThisThen

      She was THAT close to being Tiffany. Whew!

    • Anna Elizabeth

      OMG! I’m in tears of laughter today

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Terrible Siouxsie and the Banshees cosplay

    • Blackest Noobs

      not terribly punk but more glam rock, or goth if less red and more black

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    If Vanky had a boob job, would that involve having her two brothers whacked?

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      Bravo!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I would never. Not with a cadaver’s hand, a neoprene glove, and Purell-impregnated lube.

      Oh wait, not that kind of whacked…

  • Ωbjectifier

    She was an animal
    She was a bloody disgrace

  • Bill D. Burger

    Punk and alone with PaPa in Aspen in the nineties.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMXWP7eXUAAMKqW.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      Is he wearing mom jeans?

      • Bill D. Burger

        Great minds! I was about to add that. Seriously
        lmao

        • jesterpunk

          Someone should twit that picture to Lumpy.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Yes, yes he is.

    • biologydave

      Worst Newhart episode

      • Anna Elizabeth

        LOL!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I’m Don, this is my brother Eric, and this is my other brother Eric.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Why is Liddle’ Baby Donnie wearing Ivanka’s blouse?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Seriously, what’s the lifespan of the ferret on his head?

    • Everrett Fanuelli
      • Bill D. Burger

        Add: Here they are in more typical PaPa / Daughter Wife poses:

        https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMXY-bSUIAA3XfF.jpg

        • It looks like she forgot to take the cardboard out of her dress before she put it on.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            And he forgot to take the cardboard out of his pants. Oh wait–

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            PUNK ROCK!!!!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I remember that punk style of wearing a sweater tied around your shoulders.

    • Raan

      Notice if you will that his hands appear to be roughly the same size as his teenage(?) daughter’s.

    • Crank Tango

      Here we are now, entertain us.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Of course, after her punk phase…

    She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge,
    She studied sculpture at Saint Martin’s College,
    That’s where I,
    Caught her eye.
    She told me that her Dad was loaded,
    I said “In that case I’ll have a rum and coca-cola.”
    She said “Fine.”
    And in thirty seconds time she said,

    I want to live like common people,
    I want to do whatever common people do,
    I want to sleep with common people,
    I want to sleep with common people,
    Like you.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      But if she called her dad, would he really stop it all?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I was so punk, I practiced looking defiantly at the maid while listening to Henry Mancini records. Don’t tell me what punk is!

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “You call THAT Hollandaise sauce!”

  • Angela Ruzzo

    When I was 12, my mother wouldn’t let me shave my legs, so I snuck downstairs to my sister’s bathroom and used half a bottle of Nair, and there wasn’t anything my mother could do about it once it was done. Did Ivanka ever do that? Somehow, I think not.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Around the same time Ivanka was being a true punk I was spending the night sleeping in my friend’s car because my drunk mom locked me out of the house.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Practically the same thing.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        How awful! I’m very sorry to hear that. Now that I am old, I look back and realize what wonderful parents I had. At the time I didn’t appreciate them or realize how lucky I was. Old friends I’ve known since grade school, who I thought had “normal” families, were actually living with violent physical and emotional abuse, and they never said a word about it, and I never suspected it.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      When I was 10 I tried shaving with my dad’s razor. I cut a small chunk of my lower lip off and got blood all over the sink. I cleaned everything up with toilet paper so I could flush the evidence. Managed to keep it a secret too.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I did something similar the first time I shaved my legs. I have the scar on my ankle to this day. Fortunately, my dad kept a styptic pencil in the bathroom. Those things really work, but nobody had told me how much they sting!

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Back then I wouldn’t have known what a styptic pencil was. After I finished cleaning up the bathroom I ran up to my room and hid in my room until the bleeding stopped. Luckily, I was a middle child (#3 of 5) so nobody noticed I wasnt there for lunch.

    • notaten

      Yeah, what was the big deal about shaving our legs back in the day? My Mom had a fit when I asked her if I could shave my legs, like I might as well check into the Wanton Woman Hotel that same day.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I can’t speak for All Mothers, but Italian Mothers of my mother’s generation firmly believed in the myth their mothers told them that once you start shaving, the hair grows back thicker and more coarse. This isn’t true, but you couldn’t convince my mother of that fact. But I had a solo in an upcoming choir recital, and NO WAY was I going to stand on the front of the stage in a dress and panty hose with unshaved legs. I told her “I’d rather die!” and being 12, I meant it.

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Ditto!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I went to a beach in Italy in 1972, and 3/4 of the women there had hairy legs and underarms. I guess they all believed the myth.

  • Picabo
  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Not punk either. But it’s damn good indie rock. And how can you not love a gay man named Roddy Bottum?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyXuCPDut2I

  • Blackest Noobs

    questions:
    1) Nirvana was punk? hmm maybe but if i was gonna say im punk ( which punks do not do) Nirvana wouldn’t top the list…their 1st album…maybe…in the top 100 to 200.

    2) did no one ever tell her punk is working class? punk is not wealth.

    3) sounds more like Ivanka was just another fucking poseur…ok not a question but a statement…but a true statement nevertheless. i seriously doubt she listen to Nirvana…do a Lil Marco question and follow up with “what’s your favorite Nirvana song?”

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Next thing you know Ivanka will tell us about her phase when she wore Guns N’ Roses and Thrasher t-shirts.

      • Blackest Noobs

        but but Everrett! that was ALL OF US, KATIE!!!!!

        we all had a Guns & Roses faze…we all did!!!!

    • Ωbjectifier

      The one about the bird, you know, Polly.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i thought it was about a girl he tied up/kidnapped

      • Canis Greyhame

        Such a hungry bird.

    • Blackest Noobs

      like one of my favorite of favorite bands is Jets to Brazil.

      i have three top fav JTB songs: sea anemone, conrad, and wishlist

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdNqB-FHN30

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDwBwWgwcAY

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2jU5jcGGzc

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Ivanka was Punk like I’m a fucking Soccer Mom.

  • Blanche de Shambles
    • Joe Beese

      Homeland ruined Claire Danes for me in several ways.

  • Nounverb911
  • Rebel Scum with permit

    How come we haven’t heard about Vanky’s Sid n’Nancy phase?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Listening to someone talk about how Sid and Nancy’s relationship was true romance is the true sign of a fucking poser.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Still a better love story than Twilight.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        One of my spawn went through this when she was 13. But then again, she was 13.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    OT bitchfest time.

    ‘Member yesterday when I mentioned that leak we have in our pipes somewhere? Well, yesterday we called our super-busy general contractor, who had worked on the kitchen rehab, to see if something he had done had caused the leak. He quite kindly came during his dinner time, because he’s so booked, checked the pipes and deduced that the problem was some piping in our guest bathroom, so not his work, but he offered to put in a shut-off valve for the hot and cold intakes for the guest bathroom to stop the leaking. Ok, not ideal with guests coming, but sure, better than having water damage until we could get him or a plumber back. Well today (during off-hours again) he came back and installed the valves, great. Except, this caused a problem in a neighboring pipe, which he said might be lead (!! our own Flint) and he could not fix. Water all over the place, giant mess. Sooo, to stop that, he installed another shut off further down at the boiler intake so we could at least have hot water (and hot only) in our master bathroom and kitchen, and cold at the basement sink. Ok, not ideal, but at least I could take a very quick, hot bath after a day of painting walls and getting gross and also clean up after dinner. But, there’s a catch. The mixer valve requires pressure between hot and cold sources, and our only using hot caused the upstream lead (?) leak to spring up again. So, after we discovered the leak had re-sprung, we had to turn off all the water in the house. So that’s it, no more running water and guests coming tomorrow. The leaky summer kitchen is a mess of water damage, there is no water to clean it (or anything else) and the plumber we were able to reach never showed the last time we called him. One of the ladies I know from town, who is a long-time resident, texted me that she knows another, so now we play a game of waiting and perhaps desperate dialing after a time. I guess if all other options fail, we might all be heading to a nearby B&B or the “cheap and cheerful” trucker hotel with our guests tomorrow. Because darn it all, guests generally like showering and brushing their teeth and other luxuries of water-usage. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f23be78f5b7602617b2652c25d40dff87eb4ce84b8570a988201ab69e15746a2.gif

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      So sorry this is happening. Kitchen remodels do horrible things to humans. We saw a decent house on Zillow with a clean but slightly dated kitchen.
      Fiancé: “We can always remodel”
      Me”If we buy, let’s make sure we like it enough to live with it a few years”.
      Blessings, I hope they can fix it quickly.

  • biologydave

    Just because the guitar has distortion, it is not punk, you vapid poser.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Punk officially died the day Ivanka began her phase. I got a message to Punk Ivanka

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MkRuV0aCcI

    • hendenburg2

      Thankfully for punk, she was ACTUALLY into grunge. You know, the genre of music that heard someone say that punk sounded like crap and decided THAT was the big takeaway

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    And the three people I admire the most,
    Trix, Shy Pix and the Donna Rose
    Took the Winnebago to the coast
    The day the music revived.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      A plethora of false rhymes.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Point to a quora of playful times

    • Ricky Gay

      and we were singing,
      Bye bye Mr. Trump’s daughter pie…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Meccalopolis

      And a prison phase

  • renegade500

    I went out and got my ears pierced when I was 12 to show how punk I was. And now my dad and (then) stepmother are dead.

    Hmmm I just realized all my former stepmothers are now dead.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Hillary did it !!!!1!!11!!!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh…Twitterers’ have been merciless. One final one…

    https://twitter.com/sarahkendzior/status/920375498936643585

  • ziggywiggy

    I thought that was grunge not punk. I did the punk scene in NYC in the early 80’s, saw bands like Fear, GBH, The Cramps, Siouxsie and the Banshees, PiL, Bauhaus, Love and Rockets, The Damned… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd703af54bff36b142705a5b9d402dc2ba3229218ac9d184966cc313747cec97.jpg

    • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

      Awww – we were at the same shows, I’m sure.

      NYC in the early ’80s: how lucky we all were.

      • ziggywiggy

        I think every Friday night we went to the Ritz for $5 rock nights. Loved Danceteria with the different floors and of course CBGB’s. There was so many great places and all the little bars, you ever go to The Aztec, St. Mark’s Bar and Grill, Holiday Lounge, Downtown Beirut, The Pyramid?

        • Meccalopolis

          All if them. Ritz was a classy joint, they used to put cigarettes out on the tables

          • ziggywiggy

            Yep or Djarum clove cigarettes stuck into empty Rolling Rock bottles.

          • ziggywiggy

            I pinned a guy against the bar and punched him in the face at the Ritz because he flicked beer into my eyes. The bartender just worked around us, LOL.

        • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

          We LIVED at Danceteria and the Ritz.

          We played CBs, Pyramid and Limelight. Our final gig was at No Se No. We hung out at the Aztec and Downtown Beirut.

          I had a friend who gave out the phone number at the Holiday Lounge if anyone wanted to contact him.

          • ziggywiggy

            What was the name of your band? Holiday and the Aztec were my 2 fav bars. Holiday had such character. It all disappeared, 8th St./St. Mark’s was so alive. I worked in Flip clothing right next to the theater(where Rocky Horror played). 1983-86 is when I spent most of my time there.

          • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

            Oh man – I remember Flip!

            My time in the EV really started in ’84 (I moved to NYC in ’87, and I’m still kinda there).

            First band: Killer Weasel. Second band: Fractured Cylinder. Third band: Yab Yum.

            When I got to the city in the mid-’80s all my boho/punk friends said “sorry – you missed out on all the fun.” Not quite – not quite.

    • Meccalopolis

      Right on

    • grindstone

      Awe.some. I had safety pins in my ears and a brush cut on top, long side pieces like parentheses beside my face, died black. I did smoke Virginia Slim Menthols, because I was still a lady. I cannot for the life of me remember the album we used to play over and over.

      For me it was just a short phase, though. My particular school wasn’t big on nonconformity.

      • ziggywiggy

        I smoked Virginia Slims Menthol too, until I switched over to clove cigarettes(which were all the rage in The Village(NYC). I left Indiana for NYC at 21 because I did not fit in so I totally understand.

        • grindstone

          I was at a lib arts school with some interesting folks with a broad range of artistic experience, then transferred to an engineering school and became the boring prototype for the white bread suburbanite I am today. Progress? One of those artistic types from the first school went on to become an Emmy winning videogragher.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I say if Ivanka really did have a punk phase then she needs to admit that she fucked her Dad. That’s punk. Anarchy!

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    I suppose she denies being with him at the time of his death, too? That’s not very punk of her!

    • She claims she woke up in her apartment and found Cobain dead on the bathroom floor with a single stab wound to his abdomen.

      Oh wait. That was Sid and Nancy.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    From HuffPo…

    Longtime Neo-Nazi Denounces Movement, Comes Out As Gay And Jewish

    “It’s not until it’s directed at you that you suddenly realize that what you’re doing is wrong.”

    Decent people already know it’s wrong.
    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kevin-wilshaw-gay-jewish-neo-nazi-repents_us_59e64dd2e4b08f9f9edb2244

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      “Being a hateful bigot is ok until it gets directed towards meeeeee!” Is there a better poster child for Republicanism?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    8. Ivanka totally remembers the landline internet hookup sound. Eeeeeee-nuh-eeeeee-nuh-neht! OMG
    9. Ivanka remembers being on this Booze Cruise and they started playing The Macarena and she was like way too embarrassed to jump in–but then she spotted this hotty Mark she knew from Marketing 101 and so she did it anyways. Did Mark get lucky? Haha, shut up wouldn’t you like to know!!!
    10. Ivanka remembers EXACTLY where she was when the OJ verdict came down. She was eating an early dinner at Tavern on the Green. Or . . . Wait, actually she had a riding lesson at that stable on West 75th and it was on the radio . . . or maybe . . . Oh, forget it it doesn’t matter.
    11. Ivanka remembers this one time she had too many margueritas and was a bad girl, and did the nasty with this hot but greasy art school student, and the next morning she was like Did you NOT wear a condom? And this idiot was all No I hate condoms. AND THEN IVANKA SWORE SHE HAD AIDS and walked the streets of Manhattan bawling her eyes out. SHE WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE FROM THE SCOURGE OF AIDS LIKE A COMMON FREDDIE MERCURY.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Keyboard Protection Plz!!! <3

  • goonemeritus

    I dyed my hair blue before it was cool, and over the years I have paid the price as I rose through the ranks of my corporations buttoned down culture .

  • JustPretendImNotHere

    Ivanka, sweetie, nobody gives a shit. Regardless of how hard you try, most decent people want to see you, your husband Jarrod the Boy Blunder and your father in prison.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Here Ivy is at the height of her punk rock phase, she listened to Dookie while taking a spin class at the Racquet and Tennis Club in Manhattan. ___ or was that spinning while taking a dookie..???

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMXTathWAAAXwXM.jpg

  • Serai 1

    I am watching this utterly brilliant reunion interview with Spinal Tap, with an eye toward clipping out some .gifs, and I’m finding it’s impossible to choose which bits to clip – every line is a fucking masterpiece.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waFM6KvSz70

    • jodyleek

      “Family owned, working sex farms.”
      God, I love these guys.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        There was an Influx and then a Reflux
        -that was because of the Acid…

      • Serai 1

        Jesus, hearing them trying to rap “Sex Farm” – my life is COMPLETE.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Im watching it now. This is awesome! Thank you.

      • Serai 1

        Any time is the right time for Tap!

  • Nounverb911
    • Panika MCD

      now if they’ll just update their training policies and give remedial training to those who need it so we can avoid this in the future.

    • Geez that cased dragged on……

  • CripesAmighty
    • Canis Greyhame

      And then came the inevitable contribution from the fourth voice in Fox & Friends’ early-morning chorus: “Why is the NFL getting massive tax breaks while at the same time disrespecting our Anthem, Flag and Country? Change tax law!”

      Oh my god, it’s like he’s been right there with them on the Fucking-Idiot Couch the whole time. This is no way to run a country!

  • Panika MCD

    I’m really getting sick of the purity pony theme this week. could people stop acting strange, please?

    • jesterpunk
      • Jeffocaster in the West

        Only when you are a stranger……..

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Women seem wicked
          when you’re a MIGTOW….

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’ve just been dropping by the Open Threads for the most part, so I seem to have missed this. And I’ve always considered myself nice, but eccentric.

      • Panika MCD

        you are very nice and the eccentricity is a bonus.

    • Doug Langley

      Will get right on it, just as soon as I finish filling the bathtub with whipped cream and telling my rent-a-boy I’m a chocolate sundae.

      • Panika MCD

        that’s the good kind of strange. you keep doing that good strange.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      But I am strange…I could try to act normal for a bit, but that might hurt a little.

      • Panika MCD

        just don’t go purity pony on me. be normal Spotts–which is its own kind of strange. if you were acting normal, it’d be contributing to the theme.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          I’m too pragmatic to be purity.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka thinks the Dead Kennedys’ “Kill the Poor” is a good idea.

  • Doug Langley

    Today at work: spent most of the day working in the next room by myself. Quiet. Calm. Only one moment when boss walked in, demanded to know something, and when I couldn’t answer threw her arms, sneered, and made some grunting noise that sounded like “you stupid idiot!!!!” Otherwise peace and quiet. It was almost restful.

  • Bill D. Burger

    C’mon….y’all were waiting for someone to do it.
    Sorry…it’s kinda sloppy.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMX3wPrVoAAPhdz.jpg

    • Mr. Blobfish

      She’s on her way to the Soul Asylum/Replacements gig.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Or Lilith Fair.

        • unionthuggery

          Not enough Birkenstocks and neon lime lipstick.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      That image looks like her Militia Etheridge phase.

  • Canis Greyhame

    Oops, if she wanted to tell a lie about totally having a punk phase, she should have claimed to be a huge Ramones fan just like everyone else who ever faked it.

    Seriously, did she crib all her ‘firsthand’ knowledge from various wikipedia pages? Cobain might have to rise from the dead just to avenge this pathetic invocation. And what the fuck are corduroy jeans?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      How is Nirvana punk anyway? I thought they were Grunge?

      • unionthuggery

        Yes. Nirvana is not punk. Not even as punk as greenday, or offspring, and they’re not hardly punk. When I see blink 182 referred to as punk, it makes me want to punch someone, this Nirvana thing just makes me disappointed.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Blink 182 was punk for generally middle class white well behaved 14 year old kids who wanted to pretend they were edgy. I know because I parented that target audience.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    The only punk song Ivanka knows by heart…possibly.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IFYUR76p0E

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I was a shy, wormy teen when I got into punk. I was standing outside the Hotel Diplomat in Midtown for some gig or other. Further up the sidewalk were some badass looking punks but one guy was different. He was wearing loafers and slacks and a cardigan and had his hair cut to look like male pattern baldness. He is still the coolest punk I ever saw.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka had daddy buy up so much stock of Teen Spirit when she first heard Nirvana.

  • mrFawkes
  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    I bet she used her charge cards all sideways, in her “gangsta style phase.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Super patriotic Jets’ fan respecting the shit outta’ the flag.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DMXzgsaX0AA1veF.jpg

    • Old Glory hole.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      To be fair he thinks he’s dissing the Patriots

    • Mr. Blobfish

      We’re classy as fuck.

    • Lambsendbeds

      It looks like he’s drinking beer with a straw, also too.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Via Talking Points Memo…

    Moore and Jones tied in Alabama Senate special election. It’s a Fox News poll. And before you say “whoa, even Fox says it’s a tie”, Fox actually does good, careful polling.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/fox-news-poll-jones-moore-tied-alabama-senate-race

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “Ham Rove Approved”!…

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Her Daddy’s probably pretty familiar with this one.

    https://youtu.be/NUzMdKWEouE

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • Lambsendbeds

      Hahahahahahahahaha! You don’t think for a minute that Alex Jones takes his own snake oil, do you? That shit is for the rubes.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I meant it explains why Jones has people who listen to his BS. Jones is nuts because of all the Trucker Speed

  • memzilla Ω

    Orwell (or any number of rightfully pessimistic futurists) could not have written anything better than what is now our current reality. Here are some current policies, laws, and programs being pushed.

    1) In order to make society safer, laws are passed so that everybody can own a rapid fire military gun.
    2) In order to make health insurance more affordable, government financial aid is to be withdrawn.
    3) In order to prevent abortions, birth control is made less accessible.
    4) In order to support the poor, the rich pay fewer taxes.
    5) In order to support the elderly, promised securities are cut and made more meager.
    6) In order to support the workers, unions are weakened.
    7) In order to strengthen the economy, economy raping investment firms are deregulated.
    8) In order to improve education, proven faulty, for-profit schools are pushed.
    9) In order to keep the peace, our coffers are bankrupted by the military.
    10) In order to protect democracy, millions of voters are disenfranchised.
    11) In order to call ourselves “the land of the free,” we have to imprison far more people than any other nation on earth.

    And this list can go on and on.

    – Written by Jody Mamone.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      The Official Platform of the Republican Party

    • Meccalopolis

      Ignorance is strength

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I heard when Ivanka got mad at daddy she would wear her bright red lipstick to piss him off.
    If anyone knows that reference there’s a shiny nickel in it for ya.

    • jodyleek

      The bright red lipstick left bigly stains on his trousers. Sad.

  • Serai 1

    More allegations against Weinstein, this time from Vietnamese actress Vu Thu Phuong. ARGH

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Just thinking about how my father united the country like DRI united punks and metalheads with their 1987 release Crossover.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9dde8c30de4d280cc5e2870b9512f798f4af44b8e3efeda3273b21ff69e61365.jpg

    • Raan

      You look at that face and try to tell me that there is thought one in that head.

    • hendenburg2
    • JohnBull

      Wee-yoo! A body her dad would be proud of!

    • Meccalopolis

      Saw them a few times. I knew Kurt brecht when he was living in a tree in golden gate park

    • Persistent Demme

      I guess Daddy “Who-would-touch-those-plastic-breasts?” Trump is over his thing about fake boobs.

      Googled Ivana Trump. Google says: Did you mean Ivanka Trump?
      (Ouch!! Sad.)

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Over at Josh’s place, the headline sez “Democrat On Trump Voter Fraud Commission Dies”. Sad. But if he were a Republican, there would be Drudge sirens and Alex Jones would want to know where Hillary was. Both sides don’t do it.

    • Meccalopolis

      Not a Dem anyway

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I heard someone asked Ivanka if she had seen the Stooges and she replied, “I don’t know where Daddy and my brothers are.”

    • Raan

      That’s unfair.

      The Stooges could be funny, not just mean.

      • OrG

        Uh… I think it’s Iggy and the Stooges. But they could be funny too.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Not those stooges.
        But the Bad Brains were better.

        • Meccalopolis

          Maybe. Apples and oranges though

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka thinks “The Velvet Underground” is a swank boutique in Soho.

    • mancityRed6

      it might be at this point.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Daddy’s Special Basement…

  • mrFawkes

    If Ivanka said her punk phase consisted of her and daddy listening to the Circle Jerks “Golden Shower of Hits”…that I could believe.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Asked if she knew The Ramones, Ivanka asked, “The ones from Newport or The Hamptons?”

    • Meccalopolis

      Where’s Rockaway?

  • “After each of the three children I had some level of postpartum depression and it was a very challenging emotional time for me because I felt that I was not living up to my potential as a parent or as an entrepreneur and executive.”
    ~ Ivanka

    She’s so warm and cuddly.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      She’s not even living up to her potential as a human being.

    • jowgajen

      Is this an excerpt of her undergraduate college admissions essay?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      You know, I can really relate to her now.

      Did I say relate? I meant hate.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Well, now we know the truth about the pee tapes. It wasn’t Russian hookers… it was GG Allin!!

  • Zonath

    Ivanka followed up her punk phase with a short gangsta rap phase where she listened to Run DMC and unadvisedly dressed up in black face.

    • mancityRed6

      more like MC Hammer.

      • Shanzgood

        Speaking of rap, I still owe you a massive THANK YOU for the Seattle Symphony one.

        • mancityRed6

          I found it a couple of years ago, it’s impossible to forget.

  • Mavenmaven

    What a LAMESTAIN!!!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    When asked about Discharge, Ivanka replied “My daddy knows all about bankruptcy.”

    • AJ Milne

      … this…

      … was infinitely better than where I’d have gone given Ivanka/Donald/discharge as the lead-in.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      When asked about “Incesticide” she replied “That’s between me and my father”

      • Count Awesome

        Jared asks for condoms with insecticide because Ivanka’s got a bug up her ass and he’s going in after it.

    • puredog

      When asked about Discharge, Ivanka replied “My daddy knows all about discharge.”

  • Raan
    • unionthuggery

      I can relate to this.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    o bliss o glee o joy for all my former woes a thousand times repaid

    https://twitter.com/yeblod/status/920258935667519488

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    I heard Ivanka’s nickname for daddy’s penis is “Minor Threat”

  • aureolaborealis

    I was not punk during those years, and I was way more punk that Vanky.

  • PixieThis

    I went through a grunge phase. I couldn’t get enough of Oscar the Grouch singing “I Love Trash”.

    Speaking of Oscar the Grouch – I’d read somewhere about what his mental illness was (and probably some of the other characters too). But one thing I always thought about Oscar was, no matter how mean and grumpy he was, everyone still engaged with him and let him participate to the extent he was willing. Oscar was different, but different was okay on Sesame Street. Of course, I watched Sesame Street when it first came out (’cause I’m the old).

    • Shanzgood

      Same! And Mister Rogers.

      • PixieThis

        I LOVE Mister Rogers.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Everyone loves Mr. Rogers. The Dixiecrats who crossed the aisle for Nixon let PBS live because of Mr. Rogers.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXEuEUQIP3Q

          • Shanzgood

            Baconz, who is from Pittsburgh like Mister Rogers, has lots of stories of close encounters because they’re local. One I particularly like is about when someone stole his car. After it was announced on the local news, the thief brought it back and left a note of apology.

          • Meccalopolis

            Great story

          • aureolaborealis
      • Meccalopolis

        Plus Captain kangaroo, wonderama, zoom, kukla Fran and ollie

        • Shanzgood

          Don’t forget Electric Company!

          (Also, I watched Romper Room because I SO wanted to hear my name.)

    • Carpe Vagenda
  • Persistent Demme

    What a poser/poseur!!
    (One of my hard-core punk brother’s favorite words.)

    • La Cieca

      “Poseuse” is the feminine.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Funny. Considering who her father is, I always considered Ivanka to be a Throbbing Gristle fan.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Hahah, eeeew!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka thinks “Sonic Youth” is the nickname of Barron’s new private jet.

    I can keep going.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Ivanka thinks Kat Bjelland is a British person insulting a feline.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Vanky was a real teenage riot.

  • aureolaborealis

    Other similarly punk stuff from that era:

    https://youtu.be/IY_bhVSGKEg

    • bbayliss

      jeeeeeeeeezus.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    Ricky Martin is so punk rock!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I don’t mean to nanny, and you do you, but as grotesque as this woman’s choices are, she was groomed by a monster and raised by a professional rich man’s wife. Can we maybe stick to dragging her for the shitty things she’s done rather than her creepy lolita thing with her dad?

    • Shanzgood

      Thank you. I was about to just bail because all the incest stuff creeps me out.

    • mancityRed6

      I can agree with that. let’s stick with calling her vacuous and callous.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        I’m on board with this too. She’s a vainglorious nincompoop.

    • Shanzgood

      It’s like prison rape “jokes” as far as I’m concerned.

    • Aggle Wok

      FINE.

      No, you’re right. At one time it was worthwhile to mention it, as part of a pattern on HIS despicable behavior, but we’ve shifted the focus of that creepiness to her, which isn’t really fair. I’ve been as guilty as anyone on that, so in the future I’ll stick to bagging on her cluelessness and incompetence.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      It’s a fair cop.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    For some reason, the Pistol’s “Pretty Vacant” comes to mind.

    • mancityRed6

      I can dig it.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Or “No future…”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    WHEN WILL HILLARY SPEAK OUT ABOUT HER PUNK PHASE.!,,11?

    • Augustus

      you know what that bitch needs to go away tho’

      let bernie take over bro

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd1Js-NckOg

    Ivanka got all her ideas about punk from this

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    “And then, I was so in love with Nickelback, believe me. None of them committed suicide.”

    But it is painless.

    • Amy!

      And you can take or leave it, if you please.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Ivanka: “I am a Jew!!!! If you prick me, do I not
    bleed? If you tickle me, do I not laugh? If you
    poison us, do I not die? And if you wrong us, shall
    I not revenge? (Like my Daddy ruining you?”

  • Jenny

    Odds that Vanky came across a riot grrrl magazine at her posh school?

    • Aggle Wok

      I miss old Sassy

  • JohnBull

    Lemme guess: She knew all the words to “Blister in the Sun” as she crouch-danced on the floor.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I sincerely doubt that. About knowing anything by the Femmes, that is. And I prefer not to think about her crouch-dancing.

      • puredog

        I read that as “crotch dancing.” How wrong am I?

    • Boohunney

      Small hands I know you’re the one.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    And D. Boon wept.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Minutemen” is what she calls Jared and Daddy

    • mancityRed6

      I’m fairly certain D Boon would have a helluva lot more to say and do than that.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat
    • puredog

      I heard Jones had a significant lead. So Faux News says “tied.” Who are you gonna believe?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “Black Flag” is Ivanka’s code term for when the help gets all uppity.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It’s just a little Minor Threat on her part.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I hate it when they Clash.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          It gives me The Cramps.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I only know about these problems when I see them on Television.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            It still beats a Circle Jerk. Just watch out for the Germs.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        It’s all imagined in her Bad Brains.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Ratfuckery is a bad religion indeed.

    • kaydenpat

      Hmmm. I think she would just use the “n” word. Her father would approve.

  • Rick Prose

    I am rolling a joint, because 1) a friend of mine talked me into helping demolish and rebuild a big set of pressure-treated back porch steps today, and 2) I am still in my punk phase – I will also drink beer and eat cold leftover pizza and listen to the Cramps turned up loud, or, as I like to call it, “Tuesday.”

    • From one garbage man to another, I approve.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Bury a fake skeleton under the deck, for posterity.

    • aureolaborealis

      You got good taste!

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

    It didn’t occur to the Texas wingtards that Svetlana wasn’t really from San Angelo and Kid Anatoly did not live in Dallas. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/democracy-post/wp/2017/10/17/how-the-russians-pretended-to-be-texans-and-texans-believed-them/?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      We know that the Russians behind these sites played all of their
      readers, and especially those who showed up at its protests in places
      like Twin Falls and Fort Myers and Houston, for fools.

      ….

      They also exploited our gullibility, which turned out to be far greater than I could have ever imagined.

      For that demographic? No, I can imagine quite a lot.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ivanka was so punk she once had a clip-on nose ring.

  • Raan

    Her metal phase was that time she watched twenty minutes of Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny.

  • AJ Milne

    I had a punk phase, too…

    Man. Bell bottoms and Supertramp. Ya shoulda seen me. Mom would get so pissed.

    (‘Give me back my Supertramp cassette, you little ass!’, she’d say.)

    • WomanInThePersistence

      When I was young, I thought life was so beautiful.

      • Lord Jim

        But then they sent me away, to teach me how to be sensible…

        ..and that’s when the murders began.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME, MA.

    • notaten

      LoL! I actually saw Supertramp at an off-off Strip casino in Las Vegas about 7 years ago or so. VIP seating was $25, which included a cocktail waitress to fetch you overpriced beers. It was fun, got VERY drunk took a taxi home. Yeah, bout all I remember from that night. But thank you for reviving that memory for me!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    When asked if she knew anything about “The Dead Boys,” Ivanka replied, “There’s no proof my family had anything to do with that!”

  • Jay Hansen

    A real rich girl of the people.

  • clubseal

    Lo, I was but six years old or so when Nirvana was big, so they were a little too soon for my teen angst and never really appealed to me. But I did become a huge Zeppelin fan during my high school years, so maybe in a couple decades I’ll come around to the 90’s punk scene.

  • Jenny

    Ivana knew how to bleach hair right. Blue hair dye is no joke. Although I question whether Ivanka’s basic blonde/brown hair was light enough to take the color. My daughter’s hair has too many brown strands to dye any wild color without bleaching first.

    My copper blonde brass hair I had as a kid could not take a red or pink without bleach (trust I tried). I usually ended up with maybe an orange strand but mostly it went straight down the drain.

    • mancityRed6

      my dark brown hair had to be bleached before I could go green. it wasn’t pretty.
      well, the green wasn’t bad, but the bleached wasn’t.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh god. The kid (who is a copper top) died her hair blue two days before the co-op board approval meeting. It didn’t go away completely for months.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka thinks “Pere Ubu” is a new type of caviar.

    • Meccalopolis

      30 seconds over Seoul

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    I had a feminist, industrial/goth band in the early ’80s. We played songs like “Hypatia” and “Wrestle Dance” (during which we actually wrestled). I wore a wedding dress with bullet holes – we played with baseball bats and sledgehammers. We set things on fire. We caused lasting, structural damage the floor during our first-ever gig.

    We were political, and aggro. We made our own clothes, pierced our own skin (this was before Modern Primitives), stayed up ’til dawn in downtown basements and slept on the West Side docks. The girls shaved their heads, the boys wore dresses; we fucked with gender, we were gay, straight, bi and trans together, because that’s what freedom feels like. No gods, no masters.

    Fuck these safe, privileged, comfortable, white bread parasites sucking the lifeblood out of the heart of this country: they never worked for anything, never risked anything, never lifted a finger to make this world a better place than they found it. Selfish ruling class motherfuckers never put anything on the line for anyone. All they’ve ever done is take.

    Now I’m gonna grab me a sledgehammer and write a new song…

    • TJ Barke

      PUNK ROOOCK!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Smash your head on the punk rock!

  • ariel_gee_398

    Before her punk phase, she was really into rap. Nothing but baggy khakis and Cross Colours shirts. She saw Vanilla Ice live 4 times.

    • Augustus

      so that’s like, 80% of his live performances, right?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Three times more than anyone else on the planet.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Speaking of out-of-touch 1%ers, catch any of the Spurs-Madrid game?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I was just watching as we speak…kinda had to zip through it. Not a bad result, yeah? Could’ve easily gone either way, the penalty could’ve been given, but a point at the Bernabeu isn’t relinquished easily. They seem like they should get through the group stage without much fuss.

          • ariel_gee_398

            You kidding me? A point away at Madrid (plus we’re actually top of the group of death right now on away goals), while missing our best defensive midfielders, having no proper left back, and Dele still suspended? I’ll take it gladly.

            The game never really seemed out of reach, either. Loads of pressure from Madrid, but aside from one or two derpy moments, it never looked like they were going to run away with it.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Well, I was being very restrained in case you were devastated that they didn’t win! Lloris came up big, also too. Could’ve gotten a little ugly otherwise. I was hoping for Dortmund to show better, but it is totally the group of death.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Lloris is a really, really good shot stopper, but the defense is usually so solid he doesn’t get much of a chance to show off.
            Not upset in the least. To be honest, I was expecting something a lot uglier.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Good to see PL teams doing well so far in the tournament. They’ve been notably lacking for the last few years.

          • ariel_gee_398

            I imagine at least 3 of them will advance, if not more.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Did City win today? Maybe four. Liverpool put in a lot of goals today too.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Yeah, City held on. Liverpool scored 7, and they’ve got an easy group. All the PL teams are first or second at this point, surprisingly.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Barca and Bayern are a little down this year, good chance for a couple of them to go far. Real will still be the team to beat, IMO.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Real are having a little bit of an off patch, actually. Had Dortmund been better, I could see Spurs and Dortmund being the teams coming out of the group. But yeah, I think there is an opening to at least get to the semis, if the PL teams keep playing well.

  • Oneofthebobs

    Doesn’t know “punk” from “grunge”. Worst kind of punk.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Wait until Ivanka tells us about her rap phase She was hardcore into PM Dawn and Me Phi Me.

  • mancityRed6

    can I just say that I am so very glad that so many of the non commenters know some very good punk?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka thinks “Circle Jerks” are a monthly tradition among the Trump men.

    • aureolaborealis

      Don’t ask about the “Minute Men.”

      • Amy!

        She’d be envious.

  • Augustus

    muy bien:

    “Ivanka Trump had a gold-plated Tamagotchi. It died.”

    many lols were had

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Huh. I was under the impression that she thinks her ‘tamagotchi’ is lined with gold.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    When asked if she heard “Bela Lugosi’s Dead,” Ivanka replied, “Sad. I loved his fashions.”

    • Raan

      “No one give two fucks for Bella.”

  • bbayliss

    Not many people know; Donald was a hippie.

    • mancityRed6

      hippie in a three piece, there’s a song there.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Hippie with a three piece three piece three piece
        Hippie with three piece on

      • bbayliss

        Momma was a sail boat
        Daddy was a jet plane
        I couldn’t wait to get out and go my own way.

        But the floor is hard
        the food, it sucks
        and life just ain’t the same without my credit card

        So I’m a hippie in a three piece…etc.

    • AJ Milne

      I buy it…

      … as oddly, I’ve often found myself wanting to shout at him ‘Get a job and cut your damned hair, asshole’.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Shit…I was hoping that maybe she’d spent a month as a backup dancer for the Buttholes Surfers while she was living with Lux Interior.

    • OrG

      Ivy would have kicked her ass.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thanks Evan.
    Your write the best snark. Invanka didn’t mention Mrs. Cobain?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka thinks the Motor City 5 is Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Violent Jay, Shaggy 2 Dope and Rick Snyder.

  • aktlib101

    I despise people like Ivanka T. Does this count?

  • So, this thing somehow wound up in my recommendations. It is an hour-long documentary about the history of pooping. And it is fucking fascinating.

    https://youtu.be/0ZHm3vkavgM

    • OutOfOrbit

      i ain’t going there

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        You will, eventually….

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          No shit.

        • DrBigHead

          If you are lucky….

    • Ghoti

      It showed up in mine yesterday too. So someone is paying to promote it, or we were separated at birth.

      Why not both?

    • As it goes on, it starts talking about the state of sanitation in Bangladesh, and now I’m all mad, because no toilets in an urban setting? Christ on a rubber crutch!

  • aureolaborealis

    There is nothing more punk than plastic surgery. Dude! They cut your head open and saw your bones and remove all your emotional range and shit! BRUTAL!
    Awkward teen pic vs adult pic is not quite fair, but this was a pretty comprehensive facial overhaul.

    https://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/130/590x/secondary/Ivanka-Trump-plastic-surgery-side-view-810568.jpg

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      So that’s what happened to the girl from “Welcome to the Dollhouse”

    • AJ Milne

      Gotta admit…

      … a brain piercing is pretty damned hardcore.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I dunno, all I’m really seeing there is the nose, but then I know nothing about plastic surgery.

      • aureolaborealis

        Also: chin. I suspect that there was jawline and cheekbone whittling as well.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          This is why her head always looks too small.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          She’s getting shit sucked out of her cheeks too.

        • OneWhiteWhisker

          Also she had her neck lengthened.*

          *I may have made that up

        • C4TWOMAN

          But could be just babyfat and bad posture

      • OneWhiteWhisker

        OT but I love your username. I’ve been on an original Iron Chef binge lately.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I tend to agree. Exercise and loosing baby fat can explain most of the “transformation”. I know we despise her, but if cosmetic surgery was the worst thing she ever did, no one would care.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The only time Ivanka hears “Teenage Jesus and the Jerks” is when daddy talks about his evangelical support.

    • puredog

      Is that sung to the tune of “Benny and the Jets”?

  • puredog

    8. The punk scene had the best drugs at that point in time, and Ivanka Trump didn’t want to lose contact with her coke dealer.

  • janecita
  • Anna Elizabeth

    Playing STO just now, I selected a random encounter – “Intelligence Failure”. Ambushed by a fleet of Romulans. They’ve added Phase 2: “Vengeance”.

    You ever see 100+ Romulan ships on one screen? It was awesome.My Exec is a Projectile Witch, she can salvo 60+ torpedoes. Romulan ships get sucked into their own Singularity Core when destroyed.

    It was beautiful. xD

    • The Wanderer

      It’s a pity. Romulans have the best booze in the galaxy, but do we ever get invited to their parties?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I have some. Security keeps finding it in Inspection time. We clean the induction plates with it.

        Fleet Admiral Nomi’da is a harsh Mistress.

  • JohnBull

    Did she wear her jeans backwards like Kris Kross? That would be totally fly.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The only time Ivanka hears “The Dicks” is when daddy is talking about the Pence family.

  • Augustus

    Ivanka played Oregon Trail and died of dysentery EVERY TIME.

  • The Wanderer

    By Trotsky’s Fractured Cranium, I despised grunge and I still knew who Kurt Cobain was.

    • OutOfOrbit

      you are not entirely alone there–mee too same as yoo

    • mancityRed6

      I was from a shit little town in central western Missouri. I didn’t know any better. and it beat the hair metal that it replaced.
      then a girl turned me on to Dead Kennedys and everything else went out the window.

  • mancityRed6

    I love some punk, but did she like the cookie monster vocals bands?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gXwIu2d8oI

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    She’s never heard of “Bad Brains” since everyone in her family has a “very good brain.”

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      That they all share.

  • jesterpunk

    Someone should tell Rick Perry that Texas is part of the “war on coal”

    https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/10/more-than-4000-mw-of-coal-power-slated-for-retirement-in-texas-but-why/

    Late last week, power company Vistra Energy announced that it would close two of its Texas coal plants by early 2018. In a press release, the company blamed “Sustained low wholesale power prices, an oversupplied renewable generation market, and low natural gas prices, along with other factors.”

    Just the week before, Vistra subsidiary Luminant had announced another Texas plant closure, according to Reuters. The three Texas coal plants reflect more than 4GW of capacity. The plants are only the latest in a string of announced retirements from power companies that find their coal units offline more and more often due to low electricity prices.

    But these closures came at a surprising time: the Trump administration has been pushing some of the most aggressive policies aimed at helping out coal plants that we’ve seen yet. The US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) moved to roll back the Clean Power Plan just last week, and, in late September, the Department of Energy proposed a rule that would increase compensation for facilities that can store 90 days of fuel onsite (i.e., coal and nuclear energy). Industry watchers expected the proposed lifelines would forestall exits from coal generation. (In Texas, the Clean Power Plan repeal is expected to help coal out considerably, although the Department of Energy proposed rule won’t have too much of an effect because Texas’ grid operator is exempt from Federal Energy Regulatory Commission rules.)

    • mancityRed6

      “an oversupplied renewable generation market”
      there’s a small town, somewhere in west Kansas that took out loans for one of the huge windmills. it supplies the whole town. and the wind never stops blowing in western Kansas.

    • Three Finger Salute

      oops

  • Joe Beese

    Molly Ringwald:

    When I was fourteen, a married film director stuck his tongue in my mouth on set.

    Molly Ringwald was fourteen in 1982. Her IMDb credit for that year is Tempest, directed by Paul Mazursky.

    • DrBigHead

      Well, there you go…..

      • Joe Beese

        I suppose it’s possible that if the incident took place in 1982 then it was either of the her projects released in 1983. I’d rather it be the director of Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone rather than the one of Enemies: A Love Story.

        But I’m not optimistic.

    • Amy!

      Might have been for a later film, though, given that filming happens before release. Would she have been on set for Tempest if it was released that year?

      • Joe Beese

        I couldn’t find filming dates. But it came out in September of that year, which would have been enough time.

        • Amy!

          Yup (wikipedia says August, but same diff). And Spacehunter was released in May of ’83, and she also did a television film called Packin’ It In in ’83; one or both of those prolly had to have at least started filming some time in ’82.

          I’m just … if she’s reluctant to name names (and the directors of both Tempest and Spacehunter are dead), I’m kinda reluctant to pick one.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Please don’t be John Hughes… :(

          • Amy!

            Fucking rape culture.

            A woman who speaks out, naming names, has an enemy, and quite likely one more powerful than she is, and cries arise of “Proof! Hearsay! Slander!” because who’d believe a giiiiirrrrrrllll?

            A woman who does not speak out feels complicit, not because she wishes to be complicit, but because she fears naming names and making enemies and the public shaming and vitriol that will follow.

            A woman who speaks out without naming names tries to take a middle path, but has to walk with care, because if she provides too many details, then certainly someone will come along and begin to guess, and what if they guess wrong? Now she’s spoken, now will she speak more? Defend someone whose innocence or guilt she knows of only with respect to herself (innocent), or provide more hints, or name the names that she doesn’t want to name?

            Rape fucking culture. Damn it.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “Angry Samoans” is a term daddy uses for Puerto Ricans.

    • Itakecofefewithwackelpudding

      But do I still get a cookie?

  • Sheepshagger

    Eva Braun punks Fuuuuuck Offffff!

  • Blanche de Shambles

    “Talking Heads? No, I never watch cable news. That’s Daddy’s thing.”

  • aktlib101

    Haha, the 45th Orange Idiot called G.H.W. Bush as “Bush original”
    https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-sets-internet-ablaze-nickname-224838006.html

    “At one point while discussing past nominations, Trump referred to the former presidents who came before him as, “Bush…Obama…Clinton,” and, “Bush original.”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I actually love this, frankly.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I wonder what she thought–thinks–of Courtney Love.

    Actually, I’d like to get the two of them face to face. I bet Courtney would rip her a new one.

    • AJ Milne

      Honeysuckle, she’s full of poison.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Nothing quite like the mosh pit at a Dave Matthews show. And for when she was feeling REALLY hardcore, maybe a little Hootie and the Blowfish?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Rusted Root.

    • OrG

      Nickleback

    • tehbaddr

      Heh, Blues Traveler!

      /ducks

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Is it just me or does Ivanka have like, no affect?

    She keeps the same soft, breathy vocal intonation with slight facial tics that look like smiles every now and then. This manner is not to be confused with being an intelligent, polished professional person. This is a replicant.

    • jesterpunk

      Its hard to show emotions when you have that much plastic.

      • DrBigHead

        Smile too much, you break

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Just like a little girl.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Many sociopaths struggle with affect

    • Augustus

      you know what’s hilarious, the words “singer, songwriter, and guitarist” appear at this beginning of Cobain’s Wiki article:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Cobain

      lol

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      This is a thing that trophy women do–they never move their brows, and their smiles are just sort of a lip stretch and a smize. This is so that they engage as few facial muscles as possible to avoid getting lines. True story. (source: an old Gina Lollobrigida interview)

      Melania does it too.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Bonus upfist for Gina Lollobrigida reference.

    • Canis Greyhame

      The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over. But it can’t. Not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that, Ivanka?

    • C4TWOMAN

      She’s probably trying to be “sophisticated”…

      • Gigglesnort

        No, I’m voting for replicant.

    • Timothy Watson

      Most replicants have more of a soul than she does.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The Trumps are very big fans of bands like like Skrewdriver and Prussian Blue. They really dig their message. Any band on the Blood and Honour label, really.

    • Jamoche

      Even Prussian Blue isn’t fond of Prussian Blue anymore – the kids grew up and got educated.

    • thewalkindude

      Huh-I would have thought they preferred the Blood and Soil label

  • Michael R
    • epazote

      Yebbutt
      that woman wasn’t a real *murikkan*, she was a Messican
      Sheriff Joe was just being cautious… mom and the little bugger were planning an escape you know
      gawd, what a country !!!

  • tehbaddr

    “punk phase” Ivanka is a poseur!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      That may have been noticed, actually. :)

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The Trumps think “Naked Raygun” is conservative porn.

    • Sheepshagger

      I will never follow that one up.

  • Picabo
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “Big Black” is what Ivanka calls her side piece.

    • epazote

      “Big Black” is what she named her strap-on ?
      what’s her term of endearment for ForIvanka , Peggee ?

  • ariel_gee_398

    Wait a second. This was in a book. That presumably went through rounds of edits. None of the people involved knew enough to know that Nirvana isn’t fucking punk? How do they find the most incompetent people possible at every juncture?

    • AJ Milne

      Somewhere, I bet some lowly drone copy editor looked at that, thought to herself, ‘Yep… This has been past like six people… And every fucking person whose name is actually on this thing totally deserves this.’ And left it.

    • Raan

      “Did the check clear for me editing this fucker? Good, I’m out.”

    • Bitter Scribe

      Oh please. Fact checking is so 2013. If Ivanka says Nirvana was a punk band, it means it was a punk band, end of story.

      • Crank Tango

        Believe me!

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Punk, funk, bqhatevwr.

    • Crank Tango

      Pay peanuts, get monkeys.

    • WeaselPoo

      I’m guessing any actual editing attempt would result in a single folded blank page.

  • Blanche de Shambles

    Of course, Ivanka remembers all those early UK punk acts, like the Queen Haters.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJU5x67Sz1o

  • Far left liberal

    Ivanka paid dues during her punk phase. She was served Caviar Helper with her champagne popsicles. Things were tough.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Ahh, she thinks she had it tough.

      We had to scrape our Caviar Helper off the Ming Dynasty dinner plate by ourselves because our servant was having chest pains.

  • Anna Rompage

    Ivanka Trump wore a tie dye shirt once, during her day long hippie phase…

  • bbayliss

    Trump is taking credit for the defeat of ISIS (or as he says “the” ISIS)
    foreign policy experts disagree, pointing out that current strategy is an extension of the Obama administration’s.

    • OrG

      Are you saying …..he lied?!?!

      • TJ Barke

        Noooo…

    • jesterpunk

      When will the news networks start the both sides bullshit with this?

      • bbayliss

        CNN called him out, “facts matter”

        • jesterpunk

          About fucking time, although has Cillizza blamed Hillary yet?

          • bbayliss

            Give him a minute, he’s busy trying to blame the death of the green beret’s in Niger on her.

    • Bitter Scribe

      And if, God forbid, ISIS pulls off some major shit that kills lots of people, Trump will be sure to blame Obama.

  • Sheepshagger

    Speaking of not being punk, your antipodal legal correspondent got his new suit. Feeing swish. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0358d11b5f5fda5ddbbd2a4c80d78395cde94fad6ea30d84f2770a8c52c7a0c3.jpg

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Very nice, Hun. I love a man with taste in suits. :)

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Very nice!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      That wallpaper asks more questions than it answers.

      Suit looks the biz though.

      • Sheepshagger

        Sometimes a man just wants butterflies.

    • mancityRed6

      funny thing, that’s usually the look I get from women.

      • Sheepshagger

        Perplexed? I think after years of trying not to react to things I just look perplexed all the time

    • mancityRed6

      sweet tie, too

      • Sheepshagger

        3 bucks off eBay. Got to economise where you can.

    • Raan
    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Nice suit but it looks like the moths are after it.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      swish indeed!

    • Your tie matches the wall decor!

      • Sheepshagger

        It’s difficult, but if you carry a case full, yours can too!

    • puredog

      Do the sheep respond well to pinstripes?

      • Sheepshagger

        It’s more of a Velcro gloves and gumboots job.

    • aureolaborealis

      You in Oz?

    • Just Noh

      exceptional tie sir!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Maybe not “punk,” but certainly indie. It’s the glasses that highlight it so well. Very Rivers Cuomo, Elvis Costello. I like it!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Love to see a selfie video of Ivanka singing along with the Frantix…”my brother’s a fuckin alcoholic.”

    • mancityRed6

      oh come on, let’s start her off with the All vs Descendents question and go from there.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Google ‘punk’, Bitch, and while you’re at it, tell yer old man to google ‘government’.

    • puredog

      Or “sanity.”

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

    So this happened last weekend. My 3 1/2 year old granddaughter, the one who’s going to be Pinkie Pie for Halloween, spent about 5 minutes telling us all about George Harrison and how he got his friends together to be the Travelling Wilburys and before that he was one of the Beatles and he wrote Papa’s favorite song “Here Comes the Sun”. Sometimes that girl is scary precocious.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Awws. :)

    • Joe Beese

      I misread that as the kid getting her friends together to dress for Halloween as The Traveling Wilburys – which would have been precocious indeed.

    • Her rents are doing a fine, fine job

    • bbayliss

      Never pays to underestimate a child, we become so accustomed to underestimating adults it’s habitual.

  • Joe Beese

    I’m not understanding the thought process here.

    Less than a week after being placed on an indefinite leave of absence, Amazon Studio’s programming chief Roy Price has resigned from the company, according to a statement. His exit comes amid accusations from Man in the High Castle producer Isa Hackett that Price sexually harassed her during San Diego Comic-Con in 2015. She claimed that Price told her in a cab with another Amazon employee that she would “love his dick,” and later yelled “anal sex” in her ear at a party.

    http://www.vulture.com/2017/10/amazons-roy-price-has-resigned-amid-harassment-accusations.html

    • Raan

      What kind of mistakes do you have to make in life for your pick-up line to be just yelling “anal sex” at someone?

      • Joe Beese

        That was a programming chief apparently bereft of ideas.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      yelling “anal sex!” in a person’s ear is a panty dropper.
      /s

    • Three Finger Salute

      Amazon sux. “Liberal” tech industry my ass.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Who knew “Sheena Is A Punk Rocker” was really about her?

  • Jennifer R

    Made 2 phone calls today. Then used the anxious energy after to vacuum, do the dishes, the counters, and the tub, as well as the trash. Then I was still so anxious I forgot to have a bowl before walking to the store.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      ~hugs~ But you did them. :)

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah. Again to no practical change to the status quo. But I was ordered to make them and I did.

    • TJ Barke

      Cool.

    • Just Noh

      lord! the tub too?!? damn. i just did counters, bathroom (sink, toilet and handscrubbed floor – no tub yet!), swept and mopped, made chili and cookies. just now getting to bowl

      • Just Noh

        oh, and walked to store for ingredients ;)

        i’m very proud of myself, as should you be. <3

    • bbayliss

      Walks are good.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    home!

    hola all.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Hey. :)

      I saw 2 AH-64A Apaches when I went to the store today. It was around lunchtime.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, I heard something buzzing around last night but didn’t get up to look.
        (SOUNDED heavy duty though).

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Maybe a Chinook.

      • DrBigHead

        Lived on the flight path for Davis-Monthan AFB for a number of years.. Steady stream of A-10s returning from the Barry M. Goldwater Range. Never got tired of watching them.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          A-10s are awesome. There is an Electronic Warfare range somewhere South of my home, every so often I’ll see an F-16 or F-18 in transit, and about 5 years ago on a cloudy day an A-10. Amazing jet.

          • DrBigHead

            Have had the opportunity to be on the range after a training period. They drag out old trucks and containers for targets. The GAU-8 makes them go away

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Oh shit yes! What a machine.

            Ever hear of “Killer Chick”? http://www.badassoftheweek.com/kimcampbell.html

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Nirvana is punk on 5th Avenue?

    Who knew?

    And Nice ‘n Easy isn’t even 10 bucks today; you can get a 3-pack for 20 bucks on Amazon.

    I am calling BS on that story.

    • Me also too. Think that is her excuse for “why my parents forced me to change how I looked”

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        I think she lies like her dad: often for no discernible reason, and often they aren’t even good lies.

        • georgiaburning

          Lies get you attention. She learned that really early.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      More likely, they gave the maid $10 to go pick up the Nice ‘n Easy and didn’t know they had change coming.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        More than likely the whole story is fabricated. Like she’s ever had her hair done anywhere not in an over-priced salon.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Geez, Ivanka, Nirvana is grunge but had punk influences like the Marvins.

  • C4TWOMAN

    K. I’ll send her a dvd of Nevermind The Bollox by the Sex Pistols, with a note to tell Dad for his UK trip, that God Save The Queen is Her Magesty’s favorite Pistols song. Play it really loud, all the time. On bullhorn.
    (Bets on whether Trump or Ivanky would fall for this?)

    • AJ Milne

      I worry…

      … see, I think they just _might_…

      … and then Lyz would laugh so hard, it might just kill her…

      … and then we’d get Chuck.

      • Sheepshagger

        I think the word was that Brenda was fairly amused by the sex pistols. But she’s a good egg.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Music torture: How heavy metal broke Manuel Noriega

      http://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-40090809

      • C4TWOMAN

        “children’s TV music from Sesame Street, and the purple singing dinosaur Barney.”
        That’s some horrific shit right there.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Barney maybe. But Sesame Street? That was some pretty chill shit. I could listen to this all day:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2DTLbTQj0I

          • C4TWOMAN

            It was Barney I was shuddering about. Though really small kids liked him…

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    In the early 2050s, I redid my DNA with orange orangutan hair and was so into killing beggars and poor people on the holodeck. My parents made me hard erase my entire death metal brain-folder of mp7000’s by ‘Milli Vanilli.’ Yeah, I had a really serious Trump phase.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Rocket?

  • Canis Greyhame

    I think the self-styled ‘Right-Wing Banksy’ knows what punk is, and it is conservatism:
    https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2017/jun/21/rightwing-street-artist-sabo-donald-trump-la

    • TJ Barke

      Fascism isn’t punk, you stupid tool. Stupid servile scum. The enlightenment is the culmination of western values, and fascism rejects it.

  • aureolaborealis

    Pretty sure we all already know Ben Garrison is a vile excuse for a human being, but I just saw this today:

    https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1600/1*rvKgXtno_BgDtou7jj2Adw.png

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Not at all racist.

    • TJ Barke

      AIPAC does suck, but FFS…

      • aureolaborealis

        Right?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      I fucking knew it! All that bilderburgs and rothschilds crap was a giveway.

      (Also, I thought the cons LOVED AIPAC?)

    • jesterpunk

      What is Ben “One Man Klan” Garrison trying to say here?

      • (((Globalists))) are forcing people on the internet to comply or ELSE I guess?

        • Augustus

          yeah I don’t get where the being forced do anything is occurring in this scenario

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, the dreidel and star of david are obvious, but what is that poor goyim trying to do – his taxes? Some “journalism”?

    • AAAAnnnddd he still cannot draw.
      DUDE. Pick a face style. Seriously.

      • Also, has this douche never held a gun before? WTF?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          also too, I don’t think that’s how a dreidel works – but I was raised presybterian.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Who retweets this shit? Some Putin bot?

      • aureolaborealis

        It’s some scumbag neo-nazi undergrad who’s been run off a couple of university campuses, starting with Oberlin. I was reading an article about it earlier today, though I don’t remember where. Apparently he started OberChan (a la 4Chan) after he got banned from the university listserve, or something.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          I wondered because he really is scum.

  • Sophia
  • Joe Beese
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Ivana, tell it to the chick in this video.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo8waGM0OMQ

    • Major_Major_Major

      I wish I had more upfists to give. SFH is awesome.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
      • Major_Major_Major

        I love the music, but Lee Ving is a right wing asshole.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          Lots of punks were right-wing. Did you miss the whole skinhead thing?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            gah! Skinheads stole it from the british punks. I used to know non-racist skin heads (which is a prefix you have to use with skins).

            A bunch of san antonio skins came to austin for a show years back – every single one of them were latino.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            One of my brothers was very involved with SCAR (Skinheads Concerned About Racism).. Racist skinheads are no laughing matter here in PDX.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            SHARPS had a rep for being pretty brutal in chicago.

          • Major_Major_Major

            Those jackholes were boneheads, the traditional non-racist skins were and are skinheads.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            totally. Thats why it sticks in my craw.

          • Major_Major_Major

            As an old SHARP from the late 80’d/early 90’s I witnessed it firsthand.

          • Major_Major_Major
      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        Stza’s been in bands since at least the 90’s (former gutter punk) – I love the bands he’s been in. Choking Victim, Leftover Crack and SFH.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Shawna might weigh in also on Vanky…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47m2JTb6J1o

  • Joe Beese
    • Joe Beese

      Somewhere, Ann Coulter is moist.

      • Objection! Replicants have no internal moisturizing fluid!

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          Break out the WD 40.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          If Ann Coulter is a replicant, then something is seriously wrong at the Tyrell Corporation.

          I’m cancelling my order.

      • Sheepshagger

        She fell in the pool again?

      • Raan

        I didn’t know you could rehydrate dried clams.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          Oh, fuck!

          No, wait.

      • jesterpunk
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      was that in san diego like a week or two ago?

      If so, right before the press conference started, they caught somebody hopping the fence.

      Does that count as in inauspicious?

    • Huh. That is ugly. And there is a giant hole in it.

      • Joe Beese

        He did promise a beautiful wall.

        Has he broken a promise before?

        • Only every one he has ever made.
          Besides that though?

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        That must be where the beautiful door goes.
        Or maybe that’s the transparent part, so you can see the drug catapults and get out of the way.

    • Augustus

      a wall that tall and thin would be very prone to tipping over without a serious (expensive) foundation and a lot of steel

      I don’t think he has any concept of the magnitude of the excavation that will be required to build a real wall and the cost and complexity of making it happen

      • Hell, would be prone to tippage in a good wind.
        Which they have a LOT of across that particular border.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I think that’s the new Christo and Jeanne Claude installation.

    • epazote

      Israeli construction company and design ?
      Looks exzactly like that abominable “separation wall” snaking around the illegally occupied West Bank

    • CripesAmighty

      No doubt Vlad’s got some contractors with ready-made blueprints in his rolodex

    • The Wanderer

      Who’s the contractor? Yoyodyne?

  • Raan

    Just because I’m surrounded by puppers right now.

    https://youtu.be/ib2I5hlPc7o

  • Say, princess Vank vank.

    https://img.cinemablend.com/filter:scale/quill/0/f/e/d/6/0/0fed60cb2db10bab3c107862adc9df0961c1ed89.jpg?mw=600
    (bonus, the song he was playing there is appropriate for Vanky too!)

    • Serai 1

      And I hate you!
      and I BERATE YOU!!!

      By the by, that’s one of the film’s producers.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    This needs some Against Me!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7RUeMCZL3Q

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

    The Onion Sues Trump Administration for Stealing All Their Ideas

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ddd1cca6ccb0f3dd3496b1347c5394f02e004f8bcb453a7a14e4daac67a87c51.jpg

    The Onion is alleging that every time they come up with the “craziest” idea for a story their 140 employees can think of, the President and his administration preempts them by stealing the idea.

    “It’s almost like he has our ‘wires tapped,’” said Mueller, before bursting into laughter. “He stole that one too!”

    The Trump Administration responded to this report by calling it Fake News

    http://flatearthtimes.com/2017/10/17/the-onion-sues-trump-administration-for-stealing-all-their-ideas/

    • C4TWOMAN

      OMG. It’s like the RWNJs and Colbert all over again…

  • Oh, more message for Ivankette?
    Ok!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MkRuV0aCcI

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Jello is an odd person.

  • Kneeling Bozilingus
  • armed_bears

    There is not an iota of personal information about the Trump infestation — brood mares included — that makes them, their fetid boy king, or their crooked empire any less despicable. This book is just another tentacle of slime hoisting them back into view. Ick. And a pox on all their houses. With votes.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/729b2b3c64ab0c819fa677364f515b2b840c945f8464935273da8ece8713e678.jpg

  • Panika MCD

    okay, bullshit the one:

    over on the FacePlant there are a bunch of assholes who happen to have vaginas telling victims of sexual assault who happen to have penises that the “me too” thing is ladies only–“grrls rool, boyz druul!” or…something?

    help me here.

    • armed_bears

      No. Armed_Bears_Daughter is a sexual assault counselor and victim advocate. Sexual abuse is about power more than sex, and anyone in an asymmetric relationship can be abused. Sexual assault knows no gender boundaries, and it is awful.

      • Panika MCD

        I know that. I’ve had to refer many people to sexual assault statistics. and also remind them it’s about power. and also remind them that if someone is stuck in such a power dynamic for too long and doesn’t get the help they need they sometimes turn into an abuser. and it’s all WTF?

        also too: I referred to body parts instead of gender identity–which was dumb of me.

        • armed_bears

          The advantage of sexually abusing men is that they are far less likely than women (who are already extremely unlikely) to report the abuse.

          And a fun fact: If I assault someone today, I can have a state-paid lawyer acting on my behalf in a day or two. If I am a victim, in most states, I am on my own. In my state, that means even providing my own transportation to a clinic in another city for an assault exam and evidence collection. Fair! Fun!

          • Panika MCD

            no, there’s a federal crime victims funding program and the states are required to have them as well–not that they’re well funded or easy to navigate or anything.

          • armed_bears

            Pls send (tacos and) federal funds to New Mexico. Absolutely not the case here.

          • Panika MCD

            I guarantee you that it is in the budget. look for it.

          • armed_bears

            Will advise the young she bear.

          • Panika MCD

            and Gideon v. Wainwrignt actually saves everyone a whole fucking lot of money in the long run.

    • Anna Rompage

      Fuck them?

      Sexual assault is sexual assault…

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Bullshit. Sexual assault is very tough on men too. On top of the feelings of violation, they may begin to worry about their sexual identity.

      • hudson

        from personal experience, it’s about violation. it drains confidence.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          I can only say from the woman’s side that it’s an ugly stew of guilt, fear, shame,confusion, revulsion, and more. Then add the bullshit cultural assumptions about how men are supposed to be strong and able to defend themselves at all times, and I don’t see how anyone can say that only female survivors have a valid experience.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      Remind them that even if they don’t believe that women can sexually assault a man, men can still sexually assault other men.

      • Panika MCD

        I just refer them to the RAINN statistics page.

      • Werewolf

        Never mind that it was a grown woman who patted my ass when I was a teenager.

    • There are a idiots in every crowd?

      • hudson

        you know a group is thriving when they are comfortable enough to harbor their own assholes.

    • Michael Christian

      I thought about doing the me too thing and decided not. Not because I wasn’t aggressively grabbed and groped by an older gay man well after I said no, but because I expected this exact treatment.

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        As why I didn’t.

        • Panika MCD

          don’t give into the bullshit!

      • Panika MCD

        it’s such bullshit.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I think the point of people objecting to men joining in is that the “me too” thing was meant to specifically highlight the way women (including transwomen) are impacted by harassment and assault, not the impact of sexual assault more generally, and that men joining in is sort of “All Lives Matter”ing that goal.

      • Panika MCD

        it’s really not.

        and it started with the Weinstein thing. so if we’re not limiting it to actresses who interacted with him, we’re not fucking limiting it.

        too many victims go on to being perpetrators because it’s about power, not sex. telling them to shut up–that they’re “all lives mattering” the conversation just perpetuates that.

        “All Lives Matter” would be saying, “yeah, but my dad died in a car wreck 10 years ago and that was traumatizing, too.”

        • ariel_gee_398

          This round may have kicked off with the Weinstein thing, but the Me Too movement has been around for ten years and was started by a black woman who said, “The point of the work we’ve done over the last decade with the ‘me too movement’ is to let women, particularly young women of color know that they are not alone – it’s a movement.” https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-me-too-campaign-was-created-by-a-black-woman-10-years-ago_us_59e61a7fe4b02a215b336fee

          I haven’t seen anyone tell men to shut up, and if someone is, that’s bullshit, but I don’t think it’s fair to say that the reason some people have wanted to limit it to women is because they think the victimization of men and boys doesn’t matter.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      That’s fucking Bullshit, it’s dehumanizing and cruel. I’ve known too many boys and men that are survivors of sexual abuse, I have *zero* tolerance for this kind of shit.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I bet they are terf assholes too. Their assholery knows no bounds.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Tru dat. Turf the terfs!

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          I don’t get the victim exclusion game. If you were not just doing it for attention, wouldn’t you want to bring awareness of how widespread abuse really is, and thus help everyone that was victimized?

          • C4TWOMAN

            There you go using compassion and logic…
            Re terfs
            They are almost certainly an AstroTurf y gamergateish reactionary phenomena using women’s group and spaces as a cover for weaponizing be transphobia. While there have always been feminists uncomfortable with trans women, they were never this militant about it.
            Slagging off trans women is not got to close the pay gap…

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I just wonder are the more RT fuckery with the occasional asshole woman like a.Coulter who jump in for the attention?

          • C4TWOMAN

            Dunno. But the Queen of the Terms, Cathy Brennan, is a piece of work. Google her….shudders..

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I will later thanks, I think I’ve hit my asshole quotient for the day.

          • C4TWOMAN

            *terfs, not terms
            DAMN YOU AUTO CORRECT.
            Linky for when you have time:

            https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Cathy_Brennan
            =^-^=

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            And Fake goth! Poseur and a shitty person.

          • C4TWOMAN
          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            ROTFLMAO.

    • C4TWOMAN

      This shit pisses me off. You’re probably getting better advice than I can type on this damn phone, but are you sure none of these participants are fake or trolls?
      There is no excuse to mock victims of sexual assault ever, woman, man or child.

      • Panika MCD

        they’re not trolls. I think people are starting to get stupid with rage now.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I was actually heartened to hear more stories of victimized men breaking because of Weinstein. This is a win for ALL victims and to make this into a battle of the sexes bullshit is shortsighted and doesn’t help anyone. Tell them THAT.

          • Panika MCD

            I do.

      • Red Richmond

        I consider myself incredibly fortunate that I’ve never been subjected to this sort of treatment (too unattractive to anyone besides my wife?). In general I can’t abide those who use power and privilege to abuse and take advantage of vulnerable individuals, but those who do so via sexual assault/rape/molestation are the absolute worst, and for those who commit such acts I have nothing but the deepest loathing and hatred.

        If posting in a twitter group helps them or others reclaim a little bit of themselves back from their attackers, I’m all in favor of it regardless of their gender or the gender of their attacker. People shouldn’t be ostracized from that community if they experienced and survived the same kind of things; they deserve to be as whole as they can be from such experiences, and the people who perpetrated those assaults deserve every horrible thing that can possibly happen to them in this life and the next.

    • Werewolf

      I almost didn’t say anything because I was afraid of that reaction-I finally went ahead and said “Me too”. I saw the “Stay in your lane” BS elsewhere, but nothing directed at me.

      • Panika MCD

        good.

  • Serai 1
  • Jamoche
    • rofl, they don’t even want the current 4!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      “Hey Rocky, watch me pull a turd out of my ass!”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      “Americans are ‘going to be begging for four more years of President Trump in prison.’

      FTFY

  • Anna Rompage

    Ivanka, a punk?

    Nah, I picture her more as the nightmare hippy girl…

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AxzjTnWQeOU

    • C4TWOMAN

      At the most a wannabe that buys new Docs to match every outfit and gets pre-ripped gear at designer prices…
      Punk, my arse. I came to it late….in my 30s… and I….am turning into one of those Real Fan wankers…lol

    • Suttree

      Hippy girl libelz! Trust me. I have dated a few hippy girls. I have no problems with leg and armpit hair. I hate patchouli with the fire of a thousand suns though.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Sooooo, got some feedback on my legal memo from last week.

    These people are actually (apparently) going to rely on my analysis.

    That’s pretty spooky.

    • Sophia

      YAY!

    • No, that is GREAT!
      The feedback is “We think you did it right so we’re going with it”
      That is fucking the most awesome compliment EVER

    • Sheepshagger

      Adult as fuck.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Boy, are they in trouble!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks! (to everyone, but Disqus will call it spam if I thank you.)

        I was actually rendering an opinion that went opposite of what the chief thought, so she naturally brought it up later today…”so we really have to do x and y, huh?”

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Nice job, Sir! I was just funnin’ ya about them bein’ in trouble. They’re in the best of hands. drunk hands, maybe, but the best drunk hands.

    • jesterpunk

      That is awesome, congratulations.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Nicely done!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      That’s great! … except for the wearing pants part …

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        thanks!
        And you have no idea – plus all the ironing and the ties…and the pants…and teh lack of an office keg.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          And don’t be too unsettled by the laughing you heard when they were whispering to each other: “If anything goes wrong, we blame the lawyer.”

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, well they’re all lawyers and I”m just the paralegal student, soooo, but I get your drift.

            (Speaking of which, I felt bad for somebody doing a presentation to the whole (huge) office…room full of fucking lawyers).

          • Doug Langley

            Why? Did they keep yelling “OBJECTION!!”?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, somebody had a question and it turned into a big thing – 3 or 4 lawyers parsing what she said exactly and going around it till they answered the EXACT question they had.

        • DrBigHead

          That’s why I chose a profession in a town where I can go to work in shorts.

        • hudson

          don’t worry about the keg. from what they show on teevee machine you will soon you’ll be pouring expensive whisky in expensive glass container into expensive looking glasses and smoking cigars.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            rofl, prolly not. Government office and all. I asked for pens on day one, they gave me two.

          • hudson

            see!! y’all are a decadent lot. who gets two pens?

          • Suttree

            At an old place of work, I was allowed to get my own special pencils from the office cabinet. They were $0.75 a piece!

    • hudson

      congrats!!!

    • shivaskeeper

      Very good.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Outstanding!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Good, good good. Early days yet, but do you think you’ll go on to law school? Sounds like you have the gift.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’d be interested in it…but gotta have someone here to look after mom. Not leaving her alone.

        Also, uh, paying for it all.

        ; D

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          That’s true. Lawyer jobs don’t grow on trees these days, regardless of need.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye and my debt is bad enough (it’s one of the things they look for when they deem you fit to take the bar).

            No fucking way I’m going unless its a free ride.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Nice!

    • Doug Langley

      Wow, good going.

  • Sheepshagger

    I was head butted unconscious during this number at a Mint Chicks concert some years ago. That is, I suppose, moderately punk. https://youtu.be/wtOVyigxLfU

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      got kicked in the jaw by a crowd surfer at NoFX show.
      Came out of some show with blood on jorts once. (Look, it was the 90’s, jorts were popular).

      • Sheepshagger

        You got off easy.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          one of the san antonio skins i mentioned down below wanted to fight me after i stepped in between him and my gf at the time.

          Luckily this great big ugly dude stepped in and saved my ass.

          Thanks jean jacket guy!

    • Major_Major_Major

      Best show ever, I broke my nose during Jesus Lizard. Stopped the bllod, and then split my cheek during Helmet. Circa 92-93

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Wasn’t old enough to see Black Flag (in any incarnation) live, but I did see Keith Morris and Henry Rollins (with a bunch of dudes from Rollins Band) doing Black Flag numbers as a benefit for the West Memphis Three.

        This would have been in Chicago, back in 2002.

        Keith did his set, which was pretty awesome, and between sets I made my way up to the crush between the pit and the stage. Then Hank came out, and started with “Rise Above,” and everyone lost their fucking shit.

        My partner at the time told me I had fist-shaped bruises all over my back the next day.

        • Major_Major_Major

          I missed Black Flag by about a year, but I did see Greg Ginn play in a small bar in Daytona circa 95-96.

  • Begin Anew Day

    I could not read all of this.

    Normally, I like a bit of absurd snark.

    But this was too fucking MUCH!

  • stumpknocker

    i’m sorry, until ivanka’s sex tape comes out, i’m not believing she is your normal run of the mill rich kid.

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      I believe she is involved in Brazilian Fart Porn.

    • C4TWOMAN

      As long as Jared’s in it…

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    What if your Rocky Horror Picture Show phase has lasted 30 years?

    • stumpknocker

      well we are doing the time warp again.

      • CripesAmighty

        We’re all getting the pelvic thrust, that’s for damn sure.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      No comment.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Don’t dream it. Be it.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    3. Ivanka Trump kissed a girl just to see if that Jill Sobule song was right.

    Ah, the love between step sisters.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i wonder if a biggly majority of wimmins did not do a girl-girl kiss [at least once] when youngish

      • IceKing87

        Not this one.

        Nope.

        • OutOfOrbit

          of course not! heavans too mergatroit

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Maybe. Who wants to know?

        • OutOfOrbit

          um…My roomate?

        • Suttree

          Inquiring minds?

  • Michael R
  • Boohunney

    Oh, Gawd, the comments are fucking incredible… the best laugh I have had in a while…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Hair three shades lighter. Skin three shades orangier. It’s a family thing.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0fbef315df65c5c0b70969dddfa90fbff96d8083ffbe3d9b945d9778cf3ab45e.png

    • Anna Rompage

      3 time more orange and infinitely more vapid…

    • IceKing87

      Ivanka’s real hair color ain’t blond.

      • OutOfOrbit

        not a lie if you…uh, hold the phone… … uh

    • proudgrampa

      goddam that is disgustin’

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Fucking hell! This is like that scene in Prince of Darkness where they look at the video tape of the news report from three days in the future!

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      WHERE’S THAT GOD DAMN NOPE BUTTON!?!!?!!

  • Iam Reading

    My wardrobe consisted of ripped corduroy jeans

    So punk…..as in punk ass poseur

    • Suttree

      I wonder how much her flannel shirts cost? $200 a piece?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      It’s the corduroy jeans that is killing me. With laughter.

    • Wee Mousie

      I wonder how many pair she had to rip before she got one with the rip just right?

  • IceKing87

    Ivanka never defied her crime family.

    To his day, she always whispers. Dad told her no man likes a woman’s voice that ain’t a quiet whisper.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Ivanka is the Orange Shitgibbon Whisperer.

      • IceKing87

        Of all the Trump criminals, she’s pretty much Tokyo Rose.

        • Werewolf

          More like Axis Betty, tbh.

    • wait! what?

      #niceandeasyivanka

  • Sophia

    If we had Taco Trucks on every corner things like this wouldn’t happen

    Texas juvenile justice staffer arrested after stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas over nine years

    This spicy story unfolded when Gilberto Escaramilla decided to take a day off on August 7 for a medical appointment. A driver from Labatt Food Service in the city of Harlingen—the juvenile justice department’s meat vendor—called the kitchen to notify it about the delivery of 800 pounds of fajitas, but the woman who answered the call said the center did not serve fajitas. After hearing this, the delivery man said he had been shipping fajitas to the juvenile justice department for nine years, Saenz told the newspaper.

    Escaramilla lost his job on August 8 and was arrested the following day. Once the District Attorney’s Office Investigations Unit was able to get a search warrant, officers allegedly found plenty of fajitas in his house.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/texas-juvenile-justice-staffer-arrested-after-stealing-1-2-million-worth-of-fajitas-over-nine-years/

  • Suttree

    Whatever Javanka. Is there a picture of you that doesn’t show your roots? If you were a brunette without a nose job you might be attractive. If you weren’t pure evil that is.

  • Major_Major_Major

    I’m a go ahead and say it. There are a a lot of sub genres and arguments about who is punker than who. I don’t usually weigh in….but Vanky is no a punk. Not based on class, not based on music choice, but solely based on what she has become.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      aye, punker than thou is fucking lame and I hate it.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I’d still be more than happy to pull her into the pit at a vfw show and see how she stacks up to, oh, I dunno, everyone who’s ever even had it cross their mind that they *might* be punk.
        And no Vanky, no one’s impressed by your designer threads that are, in a weird reversal, knockoffs of Hot Topic shit.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          ayup – a good punk show reeks of sweat and stale beer fermenting further on hte floor, not one of her damn fragrances.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Ahhh, I remember it well!

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      I was punk before the letter p was invented.

      • proudgrampa

        Cuz, you make me laugh!

    • Panika MCD

      it was, like, a phase! she architechted out of it! (shut up, MOMS!)

    • Serai 1

      Honestly, it’s punker to hate punk than it is to be Vanky-punk.

  • Picabo

    On this date in history, 1931, Capone goes to prison. They got him on tax evasion. Go team Mueller!
    http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/capone-goes-to-prison

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I don’t think I had a distinct “punk” phase. I’ve just been dressing like a Ramone for thirty years.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’ve been wearing Converse Chuck Taylor Allstars since I was 6 years old.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Those things must be pretty ripe by now. That’s fucking punk as hell, yo!

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Well, to be fair, I’ve had like…two pairs in that time.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Well, sure. You’ve got your “Everyday” Chucks and your “Appearing at Sentencing Hearing Chucks.”

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            You NEVER want to receive that restraining order wearing your shitty Chucks.

    • armed_bears

      In honor of the Ramones, I have not properly tuned my guitar in three decades.

      • armed_bears

        Nor can I play any of those fancy barre chords.

    • proudgrampa

      I knew it…

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Dave Matthews Band was NEVER cool. D’you hear that, all you fuckers who lived on the same floor as me in the dorm circa 1994?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      My first dorm experience was 1976 and they weren’t cool then, either.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I’m just gonna put Satellite on repeat while I work on a totally grueling 3 page midterm in women’s lit, man.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Haha, yeah you know what I’m talking about.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          *Fist bump*
          We were innocent enough to think THAT was the worst. Good times.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Oh my god, I was thinking exactly that while waiting for my train this evening! Spooky.
            Ahhh, the salad days.

  • Wild Cat

    Goebbels: And what did you do before you met Adolf, Eva?

    Braun: I went through this really weird Bruckner trip. That pussy, Brahms, was too close to the Judendogs. So I really went to the concert hall nightly, wore these Egon Schiele–based ripped capes, dyed my hair blood red, and had bizarre Bruckner fantasies . . . him up my …

    Goebbels: Herr Bruckner is quite a staunch supporter of Adolf, but I had you pegged for a Wagnerite all the way.

    Eva: That hook-nosed closet case!

  • Serai 1

    OMG NICE TIME WITH SLOTHS THEY ARE SO SQUEEKY

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWEfCPXsg64

    • Red Bird

      This………made …….my…….day. Even after the salty hamburgers. squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Wayne Allen Root, paid Adelson hack and panic inciter, with the most important questions regarding the Las Vegas shooting:

    https://twitter.com/WayneRoot/status/920369673811529728

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Which has to do with fuck all?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        It takes the heat off of the precious guns.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          I really loathe some of the anti immigrant types. My congresscritter at his town hall meeting mentioned that he attended a DACA awareness event at one of the local community colleges, and the small group of hecklers he calls his “fan club” showed up with bull horns and started screaming at the kids to “go back to where they came from”.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            He sounds nice.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      some racist ass shit man.
      He’d think my city was in Mexico what with all our brown folk.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Mine as well.

      • Panika MCD

        he’d think NV was also too.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Wow! Amazing! Are we sure Root wasn’t a detective or lawyer in his past?

    • Panika MCD

      EVERYDAY IS ASSHOLE DAY IN THE THE GOOD, OL US OF A!!!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Wow. That is some serious racist shit going on there with that protonazi.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        WAR has been a blockhead for a long time. He’s one of those birther nuts who pushes the “Obama got financial aid for foreign students” myths. Now he just gets paid to do it.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    You wouldn’t believe it! When Ivanka would get mad at daddy she’d go full punk, slam her door and play Chumbawumba full blast!

    • Serai 1

      Never gonna keep THAT girl down!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      *whispers* I kind of like Chumbawamba.

      https://youtu.be/BH9kha55VTc

      They’re not exactly punk, though.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Lawrence seems annoyed.

    https://youtu.be/DdZqRlitBTY

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I saw a journalist on the tv come up with an idea so crazy it might work. He said when Trump makes a false claim during a press conference or interview, journalists should refute it with factual evidence and he’ll backtrack.

      • TootsStansbury

        Whaaaaat? Maybe next we can figure out peanut butter and chocolate are a good combo?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I like the tactic. I doubt the result. Has anybody ever, in 70+ years, heard Donald admit he is wrong? I don’t think that he is cognitively or emotionally capable of that.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          He is not used to being publicly called on his bullshit. It throws him off his game. He needs more of it.
          He may not admit he’s wrong, but he stumbles. He’s not a smooth liar like Cruz or Pence.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I completely agree. He needs to be called out every time. That doesn’t mean that the Dotard will backtrack.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Could this principle be leveraged elsewhere?
        Convince Trump Obama always wanted him to be president….and he resigns?

      • TJ Barke

        Almost like, what’s it called… Journalism?

      • Doug Langley
        • TJ Barke

          IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK, SHITBAG, IT MATTERS WHAT’S TRUE!
          *TEARS HAIR OUT*

      • Bitter Scribe

        Or else he’ll say “people are telling me” whatever it is.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Apropos of nothing, we used to do a tune where I’d borrow the Pogues Spider Stacy’s stunt of keeping time by bashing my own head with a beer tray. One night, sans beer tray, someone tossed me one from the bar…turned out it had this sharp steel rim on the bottom, which badly lacerated my scalp. Finished the tune and two more with my hair, my face, my shirt, and my guitar covered with blood. My crazy green-haired friend Jeff rushed up when I was walking off the stage, hugged me, and said, “dude, that was the most punk rock thing I’ve ever seen in my life!” (It wasn’t). I think he may have been a little teary-eyed.

    So yeah, fuck you Ivanka, fucking poser.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      yup.
      Punk As FUCK!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Oh yeah, forgot to mention, the bar owner got up in my grill later for getting blood on the floor.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          if it ever comes up again with a venue owner, tell them the cops ahve this solution that gets blood off the pavement.

          (Don’t ask, its something I learned during my journalism days).

    • OrG

      Blood on the stage is ALWAYS Punk.

    • Major_Major_Major

      As long as you don’t take it to GG Allin extremes…

    • Bitter Scribe

      I’m sorry for what happened to your scalp, but…who makes beer trays with sharp steel rims on the bottom, and why? So the waitress can mutilate her fingertips?

      Also, I know hindsight is 20/20, but…once you became aware of the rim’s presence, couldn’t you have just turned the tray over and struck your head with the flat upper surface? Or wouldn’t that have been punk enough?

    • NastyBossetti

      Pics or it didn’t happen.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I wish there was. It was such a weird night. Right after the green-haired friend came up, I was accosted by this creepy fan who had attached himself to the band. He walks up and starts lecturing me about how we should get rid of the drummer, completely oblivious. I got a wet bar towel from a waitress and I’m trying to staunch the bleeding and clean up a bit with this imbecile going off on me. I was finally, like, “would you take a look at me right now and give me a sec?”. Then the club owner bitched me out. I’m thinking “hang on to that day job”.

        • NastyBossetti

          Do you at least have a sweet scar?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Well, I still have all my hair, so if I do you can’t see it. It’s the one thing I haven’t lost in old age.

          • NastyBossetti

            I don’t know. Your mind seems to work pretty well, from what I can tell.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I didn’t quite get that. Could you repeat it for me?

          • NastyBossetti

            I SAID I THINK YOU ARE SMART. I feel like maybe you just wanted to hear it again.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            How dare you suggest I was using infirmity to trick you into propping up my fragile self-esteem!

            Oh, btw, I saw a few six-packs of Punk In Drublic at one of the beer stores the other day. Maybe we were misled about the availability. Did the people at your party appreciate the beer and your effort to provide it?

          • NastyBossetti

            I was misled, because I definitely read some release info indicating they would ONLY be available at those 3 show dates. I can’t say I’m surprised, though, because Fat Mike is Fat Mike, and he was involved.
            My brother saw it in his local beer store, but they literally only had 12 cans, so I don’t mind having ordered it online. It’s not at my local beer store, but PA has weird liquor laws that can make it annoying to import new beer names.
            I think people appreciated my efforts. Not sure, though. It’s kind of all a blur!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah, they only had a few six-packs….I’m assuming they were just trying to sell the surplus, which is fine. I’m glad you told me about the online outlet and that I made sure to get some. And yeah, if Fat Mike was involved, there has to be a certain level of chaos. A “blur” is usually a sign of a good party.

    • memzilla Ω

      That’s Richard Hell level punk.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m flattered, but really, NOTHING comes close to Richard Hell level punk.

  • TootsStansbury

    Oh fuck off you stupid, ridiculous cow.

    • Panika MCD

      cow libels!!

    • OutOfOrbit

      who? moooooie?

  • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

    Ivanka was *so* punk that she once had the downstairs maid spin her Barry Manilow records backwards on the turntable when it was clearly the upstairs maid’s turn to do so.

    • Picabo

      And then the murders began.

      • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

        “turn me on, dead man… turn me on, dead man… turn me on, dead man…”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “I buried Donnie…”

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            LULZ times infinity! :-D

      • wait! what?

        The obvious runner-up story line for Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi” video

        https://youtu.be/d2smz_1L2_0

        • Three Finger Salute

          Moar like Papa Nazi, amirite?

          • wait! what?

            Lol. Just when you thought Ivanka’s pet names for her daddy couldn’t get any worse…

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Ivanka’s nickname for daddy is “Stiff Little Fingers”

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Or “Stiffy like a little finger”

  • Kneeling Bozilingus
    • TootsStansbury

      OMG, me and Mr. S’ song.

    • TJ Barke

      I prefer the Streetlight Manifesto ska cover:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0bu2fMiL1c

    • NastyBossetti

      This song has been in my head ALL DAY.

    • Red Bird

      I feel old now.

  • Wee Mousie

    Can you see, Ivanka trying to cobble shoes as her only way of making money, other than trying to give daddy a heart attack so she’ll inherit already.

    Unfortunately, people hobble on the shoes she’s cobbled.

    “Instead of going back to being punk, maybe this time I’ll be a Goth Clothes and hair black (nothing 3 shades lighter) no 50 shades of grey, all one shade of jet black Also lipstick, nail polish, and just to keep daddy’s backers happy Kohl for eye makeup. Have a big black man in a big black limousine drive my black upholstered ass all around New York and Washington, while I read Nietzsche to my black Mastiff/Chihuahua mix (OMG!) through an ever-present thunderstorm.

    “Occasionally I can stop by the White House, just for contrast.”

    • theCryptofishist

      Really, that dog was the result of artificial insemination, with the mastiff as the dam.

      • Wee Mousie

        If the Chihuahua was the sire and it wasn’t artificial insemination, I wonder how long the little dog was missing, and how long it took to persuade him to try it again?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    The only “X” Ivanka knows about is the one where she signs the contract to hire more slave labor.

    • Major_Major_Major

      And she has been to Los Angeles also too.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        She had to leave.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Apologies if this has already been shared but New Jersey lawyer and Daily Kos blogger Frank DiPrima said he was close friends with one Trump’s former and highly respected professors at Wharton, Dr. Bill Kelley. According to Frank DiPrima, this is what Dr. Bill Kelley thought about his former student:

    Professor Kelley told me 100 times over three decades that “Donald Trump was the dumbest goddam student I ever had.” I remember his emphasis and inflection — it went like this — “Donald Trump was the dumbest goddam student I ever had.”

    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/10/12/1705902/-Former-Wharton-Professor-Donald-Trump-Is-the-Dumbest-Goddam-Student-I-Ever-Had

    • TJ Barke

      I’m not surprised.

  • matthewthawkins

    That’s not punk nimrod, that is grunge.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    a message from my mom to all of you:

    “The scariest thing about Trump is that he’s been allowed to reproduce.”

    (Look at that, on topic and everything!)

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Go, Tx. Mom! :)

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i talk about you guys a lot.

        ; D

        • Anna Elizabeth

          As well you should! :)

    • Doug Langley

      Your mom is smart.

    • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

      There oughta be an edict against that sort of thing!

      • ahughes798

        Like an executive order, or something.

    • AJ Milne
  • amrak63

    Good night, Wonketarians.

    I found this over on Mock Paper Scissors.

    How the moose get high is not explained.

    https://i.imgur.com/lJUWCt5.jpg

  • mancityRed6

    she’s just such a fucking idiot.

  • Raan

    “Steaks? This is a chicken and air miles and steak scam now?”

  • Major_Major_Major

    Kiddo’s, there was a time when MTV played music and even sometimes played punk (yes it is a Proclaimers cover, but Dave Smalley was in Dag Nasty DCHC represent)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DG0gl4p2F-g

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “Joy Division” is how daddy refers to his hoes

    • theCryptofishist

      It was better in the original German.

  • Red Bird

    Next we will hear how Vanky was into that hip new music those folks in The Brooklyn and The Bronx were making with their scratchy record players. She’s such a pioneer, so on the edge, so much like us. Just like us!

  • Panika MCD

    bullshits the second:

    if it’s one thing I really can’t stand, it’s people on my side being stupid and then refusing to admit they were wrong.

    over on the Jammakain thread, a regular wonker said that he should shut up because apparently McCain elected Trump all by himself. except for how he didn’t. at all. he never really endorsed formally, but he said he’d support the party’s nominee back in May. when he explicitly unendorsed after pussburglin-ghazi, he was one of the few that held firm on it. and he is not part of the EC.

    ipso facto ergo ASSHOLES have been trying to justify this bullshit to me ALL DAY. well, really the poster tried once and then stopped. but this other person who likes to speak for “WE THE WONKETTE” has. and they have all sorts of links to nothing that proves that Old Walnuts! was being hypocritical by saying, “Nazi = fucking bad”.

    but OMG, PANIKA! like he’s been with us and then not with us on completely unrelated things! (yeah, that’s how the world works and still doesn’t justify lying.)

    this has been all day.

    and there is a new flavor of this shit every day–if not more than one.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Glad that wasn’t me. I’m scared of “righteously angry Panika”

      • Panika MCD

        aw. you’ll probably never get it in person. that’s an experience!

      • wait! what?

        Avoid a r.a.p. battle, if you can.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Understandably so.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      gawd, didn’t that conversation start about 8 hours ago or so?

      • Panika MCD

        yes. Dr. HeadUpHisAss does not let go of being called a hypocrite and likes to go off on unrelated tangents and then really doesn’t like when I’m all, “here’s what we were talking about, just to remind you.” because S/HE CAN REED GUD! and I’m all, “then do it!”

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          I’m ordering extra tater tots, if that halps.

          • Panika MCD
          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Wiff extry avacado!

          • Panika MCD

            “you my favrite wonky!” ~ CJ

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            *scritches*
            Hell, I share tots with yucky cats who have absolutely no one to bark at them to get off the damb counters. It’s THAT bad, CJ. It’s that bad…

          • Panika MCD

            “Cawry Cawry eats Meeka’s tacos and walkies on the dambs counters. but he betta keep his paws off mah fuckin’ abocado tots!” ~ CJ

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Fuck yeah.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            *scritches*
            Who’s a good girl?!

    • Covfefe

      BernieBros moving on?

    • mancityRed6

      I speak for me and he unleashed a hellspawn upon the world with his VP pick. and the “bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran” comment.
      McCain has never been the sharpest pencil in the congress.
      I’ll apologise for the idiots in my state that gave us Kobach all day long, but no. just no.

      • Panika MCD

        and you can still not like him on that basis. I’m just saying that doesn’t mean you make bullshit up and then double down on it and use those things as an excuse to not admit you were wrong. heck, I bet he’d still punch a Nazi if they got anywhere near him.

        • mancityRed6

          well, I mean… throw an elbow with votes like they did to Dick

        • mancityRed6

          you don’t want to punch anyone in the face.
          for reasons.

          • Panika MCD

            I don’t. but he’d probably punch them in the throat anyway. I’m just using my imagination. I’m not doing it and I’m not suggesting anyone else does it. but I would watch the video of John McCain doing it is what I’m saying.

          • mancityRed6

            agreed

          • mancityRed6

            because the skull is one of the strongest bones in the body and your hand isn’t.

          • wait! what?

            Don’t punch nazis in the face. Hypothetically you could punch a nazi supporter in the face and whisper “pass it on.” It would be a punch by proxy; or maybe don’t do that either…

    • theCryptofishist

      I have no idea whom you’re speaking of, which is probably good, because I’m a child of divorce and who knows what the ambiguity would do to me. However, I agree about the refusing to admit when wrong. Sometimes, when I’m still smarting, I might slink off, but, damn, I don’t want to be confused with the republicans or any other vile opportunists.

      • Panika MCD

        obligatory: not all Republicans.

        seriously, I want them to fix their party. if they feel the need to vote for our candidates in general elections on occasion, that’s fine. but I don’t want people defecting and watering down our party.

        • theCryptofishist

          Noted.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Have you considered not going back to that thread?

      • Panika MCD

        I have literally not gone back all day, I’ve had this asshole not letting shit go.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I just assume John McCain does whatever will bring the most attention to John McCain. Right now, punching Donnie repeatedly gives him that attention. It’s an alliance of convenience. So okay.

      • Panika MCD

        he’s one of the few that doesn’t seem to do things out of convenience–though he will time them to get maximum exposure. he’s pretty steady in his ideology. if people don’t understand that sometimes it crosses over with theirs and other times doesn’t and none of that means he’s being two faced or betraying them, I will call them assholes.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          McCain isn’t on my Christmas Card list, but there are quite a few Senators (including my own vapid, useless-as-a-marzipam-dildo Republican one) who are higher on my shit list.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Things seemed to get worse in Internetland after the election. I find myself on less and less.

  • Covfefe

    BREAKING: Senate Republicans have developed a way to save medical insurance for the poors. Donald said he supports this Republican bill. Chris Hayes just disclosed this on MSNBC, citing he president hisself.

    • theCryptofishist

      At least until next week…

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Next week? Optimist.

        • theCryptofishist

          (I didn’t want to break Covfefe’s heart.)

  • NastyBossetti

    My mom didn’t mind when I dyed my hair. She minded when people at church – like the priest – talked shit about it, though, and she let them know what she thought. As for me, she said her favorite color was the turquoise because it looked nice with my eyes.

    • theCryptofishist

      What a splendid mother, and I hope you let her know.

      • NastyBossetti

        She knows.

    • TootsStansbury

      I scandalized everything when I a) chopped my hair off and b) spray painted it pink! Not even dye; just temporary. I also had pink chinese slippers. So subversive!

    • Major_Major_Major

      My favorite, when the then future Mrs. M3 did a checkerboard on my hair. I had to wear a hat at one job, and NOT leave the kitchen at the tother one for weeks.

      • theCryptofishist

        For Hollowe’en that year, you glued chess pieces to your head, and got “best in show.”

      • NastyBossetti

        I made a crown on my brother’s (who is a non-commenter and occasional writer here) head. It was shaved directly on top and the sides, but a crown of red fire that stuck up around the top of his head. It was a pretty great look.

    • mancityRed6

      I forget what they said about the green hair, but dad was worried when I had a GF take a bic to my head. he wondered what everyone would say about me.

  • TundraGrifter

    Of those 7 things above, I didn’t get any of them. Just sayin’. But I remember the Maine! I’ve forgotten about the Alamo.

    • Sophia

      I’m there with you

      • TundraGrifter

        54-40 or…something…I’ll think of it in a minute…hold on! It’s 54-40…

        • theCryptofishist

          … or… get off?

          • TundraGrifter

            Get down? That could be it…

  • Red Bird

    OT Wonklette advice column. Do NOT eat at Freddy’s Burgers. Not good. It’s like they have a mandatory salt quota or something. My arteries hate me now. Salty beef is the wrong way to get your cholesterol.

    ETA: clarification DO NOT

    • TootsStansbury

      That’s why there is bacon.

      • Red Bird

        :(

    • Bitter Scribe

      So you meant “do not eat at Freddys Burgers”?

      (It’s a moot point for me because I never heard of them and have no idea where they are.)

      • Red Bird

        Yes. Thanks for catching that. I don’t want to mislead innocent people and have them drink two cases of water after eating there because they weren’t warned.

        • Bitter Scribe

          OK. Thanks for not accusing me of nitpicking.

          I’m actually kind of jealous because the Chicago area doesn’t have any really good fast-food burger chains, like In-n-Out (sp?) or Whataburger. Red Robin doesn’t count because it’s a sit-down restaurant with table service.

          • Red Bird

            Thanks for calling Whataburger good. That’s the hometown joint. I feel like the universe is punished me for straying form the tried and true.

          • Bitter Scribe

            Truthfully, I’m going just by what I’ve read. I’ve never eaten there. I don’t travel as much as I used to.

          • DrBigHead

            Whataburger has the BEST breakfast bisquits– jalapeno cheese with bacon, egg and cheese. Talk about hardening arteries. I guess that’s why god made statins

          • Red Bird

            I like them. I don’t think they’re food is as salty as what I got. I should have just gone to Whataburger. :(

    • hudson

      Hi Red Bird,
      What’s your opinion on tequila? it has worms!!

    • mancityRed6

      5 guys

      • hudson

        awesome fries, fresh halapenyos and all you can eat roasted peanuts.

      • Red Bird

        5 Guys is good. But there weren’t any near me.

        • mancityRed6

          whattaburger? steak and shake? local?

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            Steak and Shake? Shit. I am not paying $5 for a burger so thin I can read a fucking newspaper through it. Although, their chilli is good.

          • mancityRed6

            when your choices are limited, you take what you can get.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            And the use ice milk in their shakes not ice cream. “Hand dipped” means nothing if you don’t know what it’s being dipped into.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Burger King Whopper! And I don’t give a flying donkey’s ass what anybody says!

        • mancityRed6

          meh, I’d go to Wendy’s first.

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            Did you not understand the second sentence? ;)

          • mancityRed6

            I did, and I don’t either. but you loved me enough to reply, so, there.

  • theCryptofishist

    There’s something about “punk” and “airbrush” that doesn’t connect for me.

  • sangria&stretchies

    I would have been fine without ever hearing of an Ivanka punk phase, fabricated or not.

    • armed_bears

      yes. this.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    “Motorhead” is what daddy calls that special time when it’s just him and Ivanka riding in the presidential limo.

    • armed_bears

      Lemmy Libulz.

  • Ginnie Sack

    I’m calling it fake. 1. I don’t believe for one minute that any Trump (male or female) ever used a dime store box of hair color. 2. I’m not a cosmetologist, but I’m pretty sure Nice & Easy wouldn’t cover blue hair.

    • Major_Major_Major

      Manic Panic, which was the go to for vibrant colors, didn’t set very well. So there may be a kernel of not complete bullshit in that story.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        oh god, when I went blue, it turned into green and came off on fucking everything.

        • Major_Major_Major

          I remember sleeping with a plastic bag on my head to keep the bed from turning spring green/torquoise/chartruese/fire engine red/ etc. etc. etc.

        • Catstro

          Thd blue was really true and lasted for weeks on my husband, but his hair was good and bleached out (and damaged as hell) beforehand, so maybe that helped?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            I can’t remember if I did or not. It was the only time I used Manic Panic though.

            I bleached before doing other colors (except black of course).

      • Catstro

        I’m only familiar with how it worked on bleached out hair (it lasted a good long while), but even on untreated hair, it wouldn’t have washed all the way out, and she would have been left with a situation that would have required a salon to fix. Also, I’ve never had a desire to make my hair lighter, but don’t you have to like, bleach it first?

        • Major_Major_Major

          Yep, my hair was like straw through the 90’s after i got out of the Navy

    • NastyBossetti

      If she didn’t bleach her hair first, the color wouldn’t have taken very well. But yeah I’m sure they had a professional “fix” it, if it even happened at all.

  • OrG

    She sucked cock for cigarettes?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      No. Just her Dad’s when she wanted some “walking around money”

      • Shanzgood

        Ew no.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Elevating Henry McMaster, teabagger, to the Governor’s Mansion is the sole reason Darling Nikki is now at the UN. (Allegedly!).

    Tonight, a viable Democratic challenger to his re-election threw his hat in the ring. James Smith.

    Yr Wonkette’s husband observed, upon viewing the assemblage, that “Half of them are Republicans!,” and wasted no time in informing people nearby that he, in fact, is one and that he was excited to support Smith’s candidacy against the extremists who have hijacked his party..

    http://joinville.se/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/cat_1-jpg-compressor.jpg

    • mancityRed6

      thumbs for the Darling Nikki, and now brainbleach for me

  • Boohunney

    Ivanka-
    You see we never ever do nothing
    Nice, easy
    We always do it nice and rough…
    Love, Tina Turner

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Nice and Easy? Was that the hair dye t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶i̶d̶ mommy ran out to the drug store and bought?

  • Sophia

    Integrity, Integrity I tells ya. We need more Integrity says the Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity. Apparently the 2 Democrats on the Commission knew nothing about this until they read the paper.

    Conflict Mounts Inside Voting Fraud Commission in the Wake of Child Porn Arrest

    Two commissioners say they were in the dark not only about the arrest of a researcher for the commission — but also about the fact that he was working there in the first place.

    https://www.propublica.org/article/conflict-mounts-inside-voting-fraud-commission-in-the-wake-of-child-porn-arrest?

    Edit: Go figure”The Office of the Vice President of the United States — Mike Pence is the co-chair of the commission — did not respond to multiple questions about Williams’ role, or when he began his work.”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • TJ Barke

      Christ these people are sick.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        It’s disgusting.

    • hudson

      it was only 16 days ago?

      guilty myself.

    • Bitter Scribe

      So I guess now it’s time to talk about gun control?

    • hudson

      the last meme is on the point. for these guys participating in a life affirming event is against their beliefs, but not slaughter.

    • BMW

      There must be a fine line between “too soon” and “are we STILL talkinh about this?” Like maybe 5 minutes the first Thursday after it happens, unless there is another shooting and the clock restarts?

  • ahughes798

    I was at my boring cube-farm job when I found out Kurt had killed himself. I actually did cry, a little. He had a cute little girl to live for, FFS. I thought then, and still do, that it was a huge loss for music.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I saw it on channel one news in high school. Among the skater community, Nirvana was considered a sell out band so it didn’t have much impact on me. Years later was when I got back into them.

      • Bitter Scribe

        I thought Pearl Jam was the sellout band. Who can keep track of these things. All I remember is that Cobain and Eddie Vedder did not like each other.

        • NorthernSaber

          Todd Snyder’s “Talking Seattle Grunge Rock Blues” had some fun with the lot of them.

      • ahughes798

        I think their music has stood the test of time. I liked the whole grunge thing.

      • ahughes798

        The “sell out” phenomena always puzzled me. A band works for years, usually for little to no money, certainly not enough to live on. You eat lots of Ramen, and maybe for dessert, if you can afford it, some tortillas with sugar and cinnamon sprinkled on them. You either couch surf, are homeless, or live in a tiny apartment w/your band mates. You load in and load out your own amps and guitars, there is no-one else but you and your band to do it. You work shit jobs for minimum wage, and you and your band finally scrape together enough money to do a 4 song demo. You also have to scrape together enough money to mail it out.

        In the meantime, you run up huge phone bills trying to book gigs, and put a tour together with other bands you’ve made friends with.

        Then, if you’re really lucky, someone notices you. You sign a record deal, probably to your eventual detriment. You record an album, and hope it sells well, because you have to pay the record company back for the recording and mixing and mastering time, plus the promotion of the album.

        Then, if you’re super lucky, there’s a hit song on that album. But the record company, and your management take most of it, so maybe you end up with $60K to split with your band mates. You still have to work your shitty job/s, but you can afford slightly better food, and maybe you all move to a bigger apartment.

        Now the pressure is on to make your second album, and it had better be even better with more hits, and get critical acclaim. Hopefully, it catches the right ears, and you get good mouth to mouth promotion from your fans, good attendance at shows, and the record company decides whether or not they “hear a hit,” which will affect how much money the label decides to put into promotion, which you still have to pay for, along with the recording.

        Say the 2nd album is a monster hit(still a very long shot), and it’s critically acclaimed. Now you’re making enough to live on, semi-comfortably. Hopefully, you spend the money wisely, and not on booze and drugs. You have your own place to live, and a car. You still owe the record company, and management, but now your old fans are calling you a “sell out.” It makes you bristle, because you know you haven’t. It’s just that you’re not a secret any more.

        After all that hard work, and lack of food and sleep and going without for years….you’re a “sell out.” I’ll never get it.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    During my Conservative Christian phase in the nineties, I was really into MC Hammer. My wardrobe consisted of laced bustiers and ushanka hats. One day after school, I shaved my head, total tonsure. Mom wasn’t a fan of this decision. She took one look at me and immediately went out to the nearest drugstore to buy a $10 box of Rice-a-Roni. That night, she forced me to grow my hair back. The length she picked out was actually three inches longer than my natural length… and I have never looked back!
    It wasn’t too long after this that MC Hammer, the singer, songwriter, and pants wearer for 2-Legit-2-Quit, committed bankruptcy.

  • Red Herring

    Look I really like Nirvana but they were not fucking “punk”. Punk influenced sure. Punk light absolutely but goddamn!

    If she was into the Dead Kennedys, Misfits, Butthole Surfers, Sex Pistols, Ramones(when they were good) or any number of actual punk bands who we’re everywhere in the 70s and 80s then I would forgive the blue/blonde stupidity

    • C4TWOMAN

      I was a little thrown by that too.
      Punk? Okayyy…

      • Red Herring

        I was actually triggered by this but the musical bonanza in this thread made it worth it.

        These days I am more into Ex-Soviet punk

        Yegor Letov and Yanka are two that my wife turned me on to.
        Come on Ivanka your mother surely knows them or at least Tsoi

    • NorthernSaber

      Ok- back in the mid-80’s the fantastic WTOS in Maine used to play “Big Audio Dynamite” and, Thor help me, “Sig Sig Sputnik”. Where would these folks fall on the punk/New Wave continuum?

      • Red Herring

        I have hazy drug addled memories of Sig Sig Sputnik so ????

        • NorthernSaber

          Does the name Mojo Nixon ring any bells from those hazy days long ago? His “Stuffing Martha’s Muffin” never, alas, made it to MTV back when they actually played music, but it was lethal as fuck…

  • Suttree

    Ok. By a show of hands, who has ever had an RX not been filled because of lack of instructions. I received an RX for tramadol yesterday that I told them wouldn’t fucking work. I go back today and get a script for t#3’s for 5 days that I am unable to fill until tomorrow when the Dr.’s office opens back up to tell the pharmacy every 6 hours. FML

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Suttree

      It’s like they aren’t even trying anymore. Not that they need to with the average intelligence of the dead end 27%.

    • TJ Barke

      I can maybe see the spousal abuse thing, cuz job losses leading to anger and frustration leading to violence, but WTF…?

      • Suttree

        Not having a job saps the American male’s sperm count.
        -AEI

        • Shanzgood

          I thought that was BC which is why they’re trying to get rid of it.

          • Suttree

            That’s why I refuse to drink the water. Only commie vodka for me.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Why not throw male pattern baldness in there while we’re at it?

      • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

        And the embarrassment of ring-around-the-collar.

    • armed_bears

      Fish ain’t bitin’, neither.

    • Left Coast Tom

      That’s weird, because my city is very much engaged with the Global Economy, and WalletHub said we’re the least stressed city in the US.

      • San Leandro libelz!

        • Left Coast Tom

          Is San Leandro one of the 150 largest cities in the US (Fremont is near the bottom of the top 100)? If not, then San Leandro’s lack of stress wasn’t considered.

          • Fremont is the largest city, by land mass, in California if I recall. Regarding San Leandro, I’ll have to talk to East Bay Ray and get back with you.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Not close, it’s number 12 in the state.

            I had guessed California City to be number 1 in land area, but LA is – California City is number 3.

          • Thanks for the the update. I was relying on my stats from the 80s when I lived and worked in the neighborhood.

  • armed_bears
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Trump Dollars!

    • wait! what?

      #bitcon

    • Covfefe

      Lame

  • Lyly Sirivong

    A Swedish transport company held a public vote to name their new express trains. Trainy McTrainface was the runaway winner.

    https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/trainy-mctrainface-naming-ceremony-sweden?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=atlas-page.

    Last year, some 124,000 people voted to name a new British research vessel Boaty McBoatface, but the decision was overturned. The ship was named instead for the popular British broadcaster Sir David Attenborough. Trainy McTrainface, however, will today officially receive its name in a naming ceremony in Gothenburg, Sweden, reports The Local.

    • TJ Barke

      The internet is a… mixed blessing.

    • Suttree

      Civilization should at least be humorous before we become extinct.

      • TJ Barke

        Laughing into the grave.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well, the Internet did come up with these. “Stab Rabbit” ftw.

      https://www.sadanduseless.com/2016/06/internet-names-animals/

    • hudson

      that’s so lame. everything is X-y McXface these days.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Donnie is Shitface McShitferbrains.

        • JustDon’tSayConfabulation

          I thought it was Fuckface McClownstick.

  • Nirvana was not a punk band.

    • wait! what?

      That’s a good name for a punk album.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Well, you couldn’t expect someone like Ivanka Trump to get into grunge, could you? I mean it’s so…grungy.

    • hudson

      Nirvana is actually a state of being where there is only unconditioned perception. But that is not what this story is about.

    • Left Coast Tom

      That’s OK…Ivanka isn’t, or wasn’t, “punk”.

  • Panika MCD

    the amount I talk to myself these days is causing the pets concern.

    • My pets are talking to me these days.

      • hudson

        lol. funny.

      • Panika MCD

        they don’t always?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You just want intelligent conversation. :P

  • Picabo

    “Treat one another like your life depends on it. It does.” My skydiving instructor. She is wonderful.

  • Anna Rompage

    I owned an Ani DeFranco album back in the 90s once, i suppose that’s enough to make me an angry vegan lesbian, that just looks like a relatively normal cis-male on the outside…

    I don’t shave my armpits, so I suppose that accounts for something…

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Patti Smith? Is that you?

  • BMW

    Ivanka Trump kissed a girl just to see if that Jill Sobule song was right.

    Jill Sobule > Katy Perry.

    Because duh.

  • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist
    • OrG

      No way the rethugs lose. If they have to cheat, they will.

      • IdiokraticCulturalMarxist

        Yeah, probably.

    • JoeChristmas

      shouldn’t it be Discredited EX-Judge Roy Moore?
      “thou shall not bear false witness”
      “thou shall not steal”

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    Mentally preparing self for another brutal cubs loss. Trying to give comfort to newly single friend getting back into dating. Basically, no good ideas on where I’m going

    • Wrigley Field?

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        If only I could afford 6 dollars for an old style :)

        • OrG

          They still sell Old Style at Wrigley?

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            Haha, that shit puts hair on your chest. It basically tastes like piss in a can with some alcohol, but that’s being a cubs fan :)

          • Bitter Scribe

            Charmingly retro piss.

          • OrG

            Oh, I’ve drank Old Style at Wrigley, I just figured it would be Budweiser or Coors light by now.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            Yep, in a tallboy

    • anon_the_great

      Fck teh Cubs. See what happened last time they won all the sportballs? Twitler, that’s what. These are no longer Steve Goodman’s lovable losers.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        You mean Steve Bartman?

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          No. Steve Goodman was a singer who made a whole album full of Cubs songs – he came up with their rally song “Go, Cubs, Go” as well as “A Dying Cubs Fan’s Last Request”.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xBxZGQ1dJk

    • Bitter Scribe

      I never thought they’d get past the Dodgers, but getting swept would really be too much.

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        I really shouldn’t bitch. After game 7 last year I was jumping up and down like a kid meeting Santa Claus. Agree that a sweep hurts

        • Bitter Scribe

          If they can just keep it out of the hands of the bullpen as long as possible…

          Oh well, time to tune in the game. Peace out, y’all.

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Go git ’em!
      Also too faceborg is evil.
      *lift one up for Gma, folks. I miss her.

      • TJ Barke

        As in commentor Yr Gma? Did something happen?

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas