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Roy Moore is a Man of God™. A holy man, who walks humbly with the Lord and erects giant graven images of His Word on public property to bring the sinners back to Jesus. Brothers and Sisters, Roy Moore knows the Ten Commandments. And he knows that Our Heavenly Father never said anything about the IRS. Did the Holy Spirit ever speak of Form 990 Return of Organization Exempt From Income Tax? HE DID NOT!

Soon you’ll hear the devil-possessed heathens speak ill of Roy Moore. They’ll try to tell you this warrior for Jesus broke the laws of man. Don’t you believe it! Cast out that evil spirit, and know that he who donates to Roy Moore’s Senate campaign will find favor with the Almighty and prosper all his days. Amen.

JK! LOLOLOLOL!!!

Y’all, Roy Moore is in a heap of shit! Two weeks ago, we told you about some odd discrepancies between Judge Roy’s Senate financial disclosures and his ethics report to the State of Alabama. Roy and the Missus were both on the payroll for his Foundation for Moral Life charity (FML!), but the charity’s tax forms didn’t really jive with Moore’s financial statements. And when asked why the charity was two years behind on its tax returns, a spokeswoman told AL.com,

“The accountant that normally does our tax returns has been sick and almost died,” said [Kayla Moore’s assistant]. “He has since spoken with the IRS and the missing 2015 return will be filed in the next few days. And we have an extension on the 2016 return.”

Which is exactly how it goes with the IRS and not at all suspicious.

Hmmmmmmm, we said to ourselves in the Seekrit Chat Cave, the next shoe to drop on this one is going to be EPIC. Well, that shoe is here, and it’s big enough for us to get all our feet in at once, if we were into that kind of thing. The Washington Post broke the story today.

When the IRS closes a door, God opens a window!

Our tale begins in 2003 when Chief Justice Godbotherer was fighting a federal order to remove a 2.6-ton statue of the Ten Commandments from the Alabama Supreme Court building. Eventually, the 170lb Judge was removed along with his giant hunk of Biblestone. But before that happened, Moore’s apostles raised a pile of money for the Roy Moore Legal Defense Fund.

Unfortunately, the IRS declined to subsidize the Judge’s defense by recognizing the fund as a tax-exempt charity. But Roy is a wily one, so he grabbed the IRS application, crossed out his own name, and wrote JESUS!

We’re not defending Roy Moore, he shouted. WE’RE DEFENDING JESUS! And the IRS said, “Good enough for us.” The charity renamed itself The Foundation for Moral Law, and Roy Moore went back to hitting up suckers for money to publicize his two failed bids to become governor of Alabama.

And Roy Moore looked at what He had made, and it was good.

In the beginning, the FML was like a Garden of Eden. Donations were rolling in, Judge Roy was in demand as a speaker, and the FML bought a historic building in downtown Montgomery for $546,000 as a base for its charitable works. The charity was even able to provide a paycheck for Moore’s wife and two of his children, including Caleb Moore, the one with the … issues. As for Moore himself, the FML board decided they ought to buy him health insurance and VIP-level bodyguards.

“Judge was traveling the country speaking. He needed protection due to threats,” Kayla Moore said in her statement to The Post.

Calls her husband Judge, which is TOTALLY NORMAL.

“Judge” also needed to be protected from want, which is why the board of the FML decided to pay him $180,000 in exchange for a contribution of 20 hours a week to the charity’s Godly mission. The Lord works in mysterious ways, however, and it came to pass that the FML didn’t always have the cash on hand to pay Judge Moore the $180,000. But Roy Moore is a generous man of God, so he agreed to take a pay cut to promote The Lord’s work.

Oh, we are so silly today! No, Roy Moore didn’t give up a cent. He took an IOU from his own charity, which is why the FML’s tax return never reflected the $180,000 in annual compensation.

The charity’s descriptions on public documents of its payments to Moore varied greatly. In some years, including 2007, he was described as an outside legal contractor, tax filings show, and in others he was paid as president. His reported compensation ranged from $55,392 to $105,500 — and not until 2012 did the figure match the $180,000 the board had agreed to pay him.

Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. (Luke 6:31-36)

The Bible speaks of seven fat years, but by 2011, the lean years had descended on the FML. Donations were down, and demand for Judge Moore’s inspirational speeches was in decline. So the FML board came up with a nifty trick to render unto Roy what was Roy’s. They gave him a mortgage on the FML office building in Montgomery.

When the charity couldn’t afford the full amount, Moore in 2012 was given a promissory note for back pay eventually worth $540,000 or an equal stake of the charity’s most valuable asset, a historic building in Montgomery, Ala., mortgage records show. He holds that note even now, a charity official said.

Now you may be wondering if this kind of deferred compensation is normal, or even legal. And the answer is … maybe. But failing to mention your unorthodox arrangement to Uncle Sam is decidedly un-kosher.

Moore’s full $180,000 compensation should have been disclosed each year, whether it was paid to him or accumulated as debt, said Marcus Owens, who led the tax-exempt organizations division at the IRS from 1990 to 1999.

“The treatment of the payments to him really is quite irregular,” Owens said.

The FML did finally come clean to the IRS about its special payment plan, but see if you can spot anything strange about the timing.

The back-pay arrangement was not disclosed to the IRS on annual tax filings until Nov. 14, 2012, one week after Moore won an election to return to Alabama’s Supreme Court.

UH HUH.

And if you’re wondering what differentiates the FML from a slush fund to benefit Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore and his family, congratulations on being a financial supersleuth! You might have a future with the IRS, which is asking the same thing.

In February this year, the IRS concluded its audit of the charity’s 2013 finances, according to the documents provided to The Post. The IRS identified problems that it said could threaten the group’s tax-exempt status if not resolved.

The IRS wrote that the charity “did not identify its special fundraising activities.” It also found that the group’s tax filings contained figures that “did not reflect those recorded on your books of account.” The document does not detail the activities or figures at issue.

Yes, there are a lot of questions! Such as, what income did Roy Moore report from the FML on his personal returns? And what might those 2015 and 2016 returns reveal, when the FML gets around to filing them “in the next few days”? And was there a pick up in donations to the FML since Moore declared his candidacy? And who might those big donors be?

AND HOW THE HELL DID ROY MOORE THINK HE WAS GOING TO RUN FOR SENATE WITHOUT ALL THIS SHIT COMING OUT?

Guess we’ll have to wait for the next shoe to drop. Bet it’ll be a doozy!

[The Washington Post / AL.com]

Please render unto Wonkette what is Wonkette’s. You know you want to.

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  • onedollarjuana

    Why the hell do all of these Christians work so hard to amass treasures in this life when Heaven is supposed to be so much better?

  • The Wanderer

    (tsks) Money corruption? How . . . ordinary. How . . . passé.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      How very Republican of him. And not a farm animal in sight. *sigh*

      • The Wanderer

        Apart from his idiot son and his nocturnal . . . activities.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Yeah, but paying taxes is for suckers and little people.

  • cmd resistor
    • Nounverb911

      ‘Happy to announce’? For something so SAD!
      What about preventing the next one, stupid.

      • cmd resistor

        Have a good time.

    • OrG

      Who’s “we”?

      • Suttree

        Everyone but him.

      • Nounverb911

        Certainly not the people getting the tax cuts….

      • The Wanderer

        He keeps cheese in his underwear to attract mice.

      • cmd resistor

        Justice Department:
        The DOJ confirmed in a statement that its donation to the state of Nevada was drawing from emergency response funds to “help assist with the immediate costs of responding to the mass shooting in Las Vegas, Nevada.”
        “The grant funds announced today recognize the hard work and dedication of law enforcement officers across Las Vegas and the State of Nevada, who worked tirelessly in the wake of the tragic shooting last week,” the statement says. http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/354991-trump-to-donate-1m-to-aid-law-enforcement-after-las-vegas-shooting

    • therblig

      but wait, Las Vegas, would you rather have what’s behind door number 2?

    • Scooby

      LVPD…Come on down!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Lol. I love how he uses the term “awarding” like they won some fucking prize.

    • BigCSouthside

      Goddammit. Did they fuckin win a bid? LVPD vs the Puerto Rican government vs the NorCal fire departments or something?

      • OneYieldRegular

        Puerto Rico plays Cordelia in this production of Shakespeare’s King Moron.

    • OneYieldRegular
    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      I can’t believe I’m defending the dirtbag, but since it’s a grant, it is “awarded”.

      He’s still a sack of orange shit, though.

      • cmd resistor

        Of course he doesn’t explain that, which is why it sounds stupid.

    • Daniel

      This is the prize you get for having the highest body count!

      Well done Las Vegas!

      • FlownΩver

        Second prize (to Orlando, I guess) is a set of steak knives.

    • GoutMachine

      How about all that $$$ he pledged to hurricane victims in Texas?

      • cmd resistor

        I did read that he’d actually sent the checks. It went to about 6 different charities. This $$ isn’t from him, though, it’s a DOJ emergency grant.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The accountant that normally does our tax returns has been sick and almost died

    Said accountant has no assistant? Church management didn’t think of hiring a replacement? The tax fairies didn’t show up that day?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ae24e88accd8ee6d25143f6e6f3dbcd6c7ae90f2154d4f8415360721a716f0d4.jpg

    • arglebargle

      Mebby they should have prayed for his timely recovery.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Or laid hands on something.

      • Bad Scooter

        maybe they only used thoughts, and ya gotta do the thoughts n’ prayers combo for the magic to happen.

    • cmd resistor

      Sick and almost dead for 2 years.

      • PubOption

        That’s Obamacare for you.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Pining for the fjords.

      • FlownΩver

        See, there’s a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Now, mostly dead: he’s slightly alive.

      • He spent two years almost dead for tax reasons.

    • Bad Scooter

      “there is no one corrupt – er, capable – enough to prepare our complicated tax returns that is also able to sit up and take nourishment. -FML”

  • OrG

    LOCK HIM UP!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    We’re not defending Roy Moore, he shouted. WE’RE DEFENDING JESUS! And the IRS said, “Good enough for us.”

    Go ahead, Deleted Commenters, tell us again how much the IRS is suppressing wingnut political organizations…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a5701987ba232f6eaadb91bdf5385a8091ca65a2d612ff328ea0e55de8ec17af.png

    • Suttree

      “We had to fill out paperwork!”

  • Nounverb911

    Is the FBI allowed to arrest someone on the floor of the Senate?

    • OrG

      Why wait?

      • Nounverb911

        Maximum embarrassment?

        • jesterpunk

          Arrest him at his next rally with Trump right when he comes up to the state.

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            Well, wait until AFTER Dampnut endorses him….THEN arrest him.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      “Technically yes, but the trouble is we can’t decide which one to go after first!”

      – FBI

      • Nounverb911

        SO why not all of them then?

      • HogeyeGrex

        “OK boss. Which one do I grab?”

        “Yes.”

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      This would be the IRS agents. And yes. Yes they can.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The charity renamed itself The Foundation for Moral Law

    FML? Really? I know they’re righteous Christians and all, but you’d think someone would have thought about the optics on that one…

    • MynameisBlarney

      They’re not known for their critical thinking.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Rather, they’re known for their uncritical thinking…

    • mailman27

      OK, I’ll bite. Racking my brain– what’s FML?

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        “Fuck my life.” An expression I’ve been using a lot since Donald took office FFS.

        • The Wanderer

          I thought ‘Family Medical Leave.’

          • Three Finger Salute

            Sounds like a communist Canuckistani thing. Jesus hates that.

        • Three Finger Salute

          “For fuck sakes”.

      • HogeyeGrex
      • Sunhead

        Fail More Loser – from online gaming spaces.

    • HogeyeGrex

      They must have asked these lawyers.

      “Is your business in the right hands?”

      • Suttree

        Ouch!

    • puredog

      Urban Dictionary has zero hits in Alabammy.

  • MynameisBlarney

    I am shocked.
    SHOCKED!

  • cmd resistor

    The sad thing is unless he goes to jail this probably won’t affect his election chances.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    This is all just another political stunt, like Caleb’s arrest standing over a dead deer and a pile of corn. Staged fake news that’s entrapping him by his political opponents. Jesus weeps for his victimization.

  • Nounverb911

    Also OT.
    Well this should be interesting.

    https://twitter.com/WSJ/status/918212122055790592

    • BigCSouthside

      Could just merge the organizations.

    • The Wanderer

      The BSA had better watch it. It’s rumored that the Department of Energy is going to hand over the nuclear arsenal to the Girl Scouts, under the rationale that the weapons need to be in the hands of mature and intelligent people.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Hand them over to the Girl Guides and watch them disappear.

        Some lucky girl is getting her Nonproliferation Badge this year, eh!

    • bluicebank

      Hate to be picky, but the WSJ is using a pic of Cub Scouts. You can tell by the two-fingered salute (Boy Scouts use three fingers). Note that only one Cub Scout has mastered the salute here (center), while the rest are either hitting their forehead, not saluting at all, or covering heart for national anthem playing far off somewhere, where only he can hear it.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I don’t think Roy Moore really believes in Jesus. If he did, he would have lived solely on his faith that God would provide, instead of setting up what sounds like a heavy wooden cross between a Ponzi scheme and a sidewalk shell game.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Neither does America. Jimmy Carter is the devil, didn’t you get the memo? He’s a socialist carpenter!

  • An interesting thing about faith and patriotism
    https://twitter.com/DearAuntCrabby/status/918210364126498817

    • I don’t think that some Orthodox Jews say the pledge because they can’t say the word God. They don’t even spell it in their literature. They do this: G-d. I used to live in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, and have recipe books that they give out, and spell it that way in those.

      • puredog

        If you can’t list love as an ingredient in granola, how can you have g-d in a recipe?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Hell, I’ve been to professional sportsball games a time or two. Tons of fans don’t stop gabbing or Instragraming or FaceBorging or whatever during the anthem. They may stand, but that’s about it.

      • The Wanderer

        Football players will stand, and sway and stretch and hop around – basically emulating Trump’s behavior back at the Memorial Day ceremony.

        • Three Finger Salute

          You should stand ’cause you have to
          Or you’ll get kicked in the behind
          But your friends don’t stand
          And if they don’t stand
          Well they’re no friends of mine

          If you dance ’cause you want to
          Well, it ain’t no mortal sin
          But only if you’re orange
          (Nothing rhymes with orange)
          And have no brown in your melanin

          You should stand
          You should stand
          Kneeling is disgracing the vets
          You should stand
          You should stand
          Otherwise you’ll have regrets

          You should stand
          You should stand
          Cover up your heart with your hand
          You should stand
          You should stand
          DO IT ‘CAUSE THE MASSA DEMANDS!

          Don’t do the anthem dance
          Don’t do the anthem dance
          You’ll take a bigly chance
          If you do the anthem dance…!

          • Swampay

            Dude, that’s a stretch.

      • Pilotshark

        and it be hard to believe no one was in the bath room touching parts, while it was playing.
        guess farting while in your american flag shorts, with matching american flag tank top tee shirt, and pissing and crotch grabbing is good old Merican patriotism.

      • Bad Scooter

        yep. if the NFL put it’s money where it’s mouth is and required all the beer-servers to stop pouring and stand at attention during the entirety of the anthem, i might believe their distressed cries of outrage over taking a knee.

    • Christopher Story

      Fun fact: not saluting the flag was what earned us JW’s our own triangle in the concentration camps. It was the purple one.

      • Shibusa

        Are you really a JW?

        • Christopher Story

          Third generation; born, bred, baptized and disfellowshipped.

          • Shibusa

            My bro got sucked in by new wife. :-(

          • Christopher Story

            How bad is it, if I may ask?

          • Shibusa

            It’s bad. He’s deep, deep in the JW Kool-Aid. He is all in. He talks like he’s in a trance sometimes. The kids are being raised in it, and they’re both angry, unhappy little people. Their JW neighbor-friend just died in childbirth, because she refused blood after things went kaflooey in the delivery room. They held her hand and watched her die and supported the blood rejection 100%. It’s all very disheartening. And the rest of the family walks on eggshells because we know the wife sees us as a threat. Maybe he does too at this point. I could go on and on and on! :-(

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Now come on guys. I’m sure he needed the extra scratch.

    It can’t be cheap to bail your own son out of jail NINE. FUCKING. TIMES.

  • Blanche de Shambles

    When the IRS closes a door, God opens a window.

    Hey, Roy! JUMP!

    • Christopher Story

      Do a flip!

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Sadly, in Alabama these charges will help his election. Gol Durned Revenuers.

    • proudgrampa

      Unfortunately, correct you are.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    When the charity couldn’t afford the full amount, Moore in 2012 was given a promissory note for back pay eventually worth $540,000 or an equal stake of the charity’s most valuable asset, a historic building in Montgomery, Ala., mortgage records show. He holds that note even now, a charity official said.

    “Amateur.”

    – Donald

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Better to run some shady offshore money through a few shell corporations and launder it with some condominiums.

  • proudgrampa

    Wow. Those shenanigans are positively…Trump-esque.

    • BigCSouthside

      Nah. When they didn’t have the scratch Trump would have his kid hold a cancer benefit and pocket the cash

      Roy is a fuckin amateur

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Wasn’t Matthew a tax collector?

  • Three Finger Salute

    You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

    Luke Obi-Wan 19:77

  • Anna Elizabeth

    ‘Twas an Accountant brought down Al Capone.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Accountants know where the bodies are buried.

      • Crystalclear12

        Even shovels and tarps have to be paid for.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Along with the lawyers, the accountants usually pick out the hole and do the digging.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I take it Geraldo never worked as an accountant.

  • Anna Elizabeth
  • BigCSouthside

    I’ve often thought about how if I had no morals I could start a religious organization and never work again.

    You have to be some kind of shit to pull these stunts

    • Three Finger Salute

      I thought about that too, only with conspiracy wingnuttery and NWO shit. At least I’d have a steady stream of income and would get to use my creative writing aptitude to make a living.

      The only thing standing in my way, of course, is empathy.

      • maxneanderthal

        And morals. Self respect. Conscience. Honour. Not being a sociopath probably helps, also.

    • ahughes798

      Well, just follow the L. Ron Hubbard playbook.

  • Three Finger Salute

    I hope OT is about our Canadian boyfriend going to Washington where Orange Helmet is still looking to have a contest to see whose Schwartz is bigger.

    Things have sucked a lot lately. We need a good Canadian boyfriend story. Justin Time.

    • Blanche de Shambles
      • Pass, we don’t need him Bernie Sandersing Jack Laytoning the next election.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Yup. I read about him. He has no political experience. The runner-up is “pinch-hitting” for him in Parliament while he takes the next two years to develop his platform and go across the country having people get to know who he is? At least Justin served 8 years as MP from Papineau riding and, whatever your opinion of the whole “legacy” or “family business” thing is, can’t have been completely oblivious to his father’s job and clearly was exposed to the political scene from an early age.

          Singh is banking on purity ponies who wanted Justin to wave a magic wand on day 1 and give them a blossoming weed garden in everyone’s backyard, and the “Canada’s Barack Obama” precedent-setting goal. The cons are hedging their bets to be sure. They don’t give a damn about the Dippers. They just want the hated son of Pierre (son of Castro, I’m sure some of them really believe that) back on his knees in permanent opposition status, with Scheer waltzing right through to give his throne speech in the original German.

          The Sanders wing always fights the wrong enemy.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Hey, don’t put that on Jack! Iggy was perfectly capable of losing that election all by himself.

          • Layton gave us a Conservative majority. Until the election laws are reformed in Canada (super pissed at Trudeau for not moving forward with that more quickly) you simply cannot vote NDP.

            If proportional representation (or, ideally, ranked balloting) is enacted, then go nuts, but until then, a vote for Orange is a vote for Blue.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Trudeau fils favors a more gradual approach than his father. He didn’t want to rock any boats at all, with the fucking American Nazis having just dropped a bombshell on the entire world stage. A vote for orange didn’t work out so well here either, for other reasons. It may come up again in the future, just like we’re trying to get the electoral college thrown out. Right now he’s got to focus on keeping the boat steady in very choppy waters. His father led a charge to change the whole constitution in his last term.

            Obama had some disappointments too, like drone strikes and persecution of whistleblowers and not removing pot from the schedule list. He certainly was not as tough as people wanted him to be with the intransigent Republicans — but, there was an obvious reason why he couldn’t be. That said, I don’t think you’ll find anyone save for the lockstep purists of the Sanders cult, who wouldn’t take Obama or Trudeau in a heartbeat instead of Darth Cheddar or Adolf Harper. No matter how “bad” the current guy is, someone else can always be worse.

            W looks intelligent compared to Trump, and “Money in the Suitcase” Mulroney looks squeaky clean compared to Harper or his milk boy.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Yeah, he’s a nice-looking guy and props to them for being an open enough country that they can have a visible minority as a party leader at all.

        But… Empty platform, no experience and Bernie-party vote-stealer. A vote for the Sikh guy or anyone else is a vote for Local Milk Fascist Boy.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Hey, man- don’t give away the Liberals’ entire election strategy so early!

      • Damn, look at that hand-size!!

  • exinkwretch

    The cousin-humping goobers who’ll be voting for Judge Roy don’t give a rat’s ass. Screwing with the IRS is a plus in their book. Not the Good Book.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      It’s the Deep State screwing with him. And when the above mentioned goobers vote him into office, he won’t see any conflict at all with voting to abolish the IRS.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Who bribed Judge Roy Moore?
    Why and what’s the reason for?

    • whitroth

      Not us, cried the angry crowd (of Wonketteers)

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Can we be at least a little pleased that the FML appears to be doing so badly it has trouble paying Moore and Family?

    • puredog

      I am.

  • Crystalclear12

    Republicans used to be better at this.
    I blame Palin, she really lowered the bar.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      I blame McCain, Palin really lowered the bar.

      IFYPFY

  • maxneanderthal

    This kind of you-couldn’t-make-this-shit-up wankpaffle is right up there with “the cheques in the post” and “of course size doesn’t matter darling”. Doesn’t this rube realise that only death and taxes are certain? And these aren’t undertakers?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Sums it up nicely:
    “The self-righteous scream judgments against others to hide the noise of skeletons dancing in their own closets.”
    ― John Mark Green

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • Eileen Besse

        THIS SCARED THE EVERLOVING S-H-I-T OUT OF ME BACK IN THE 50s….

      • ahughes798

        Excellent! This scared the hell out of me when I was a kid. But now I’m older and only the skull coming towards the camera gives me the heebie-jeebies. I love old animations.

  • proudgrampa
    • The Wanderer

      AIYEE!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Ahh, when the internet was young.

    • Simpler times….

      • proudgrampa

        Indeed.

    • armed_bears
      • proudgrampa

        Wow. WTF was that?

        Definitely some RW mushroom tiki-torch thing…

  • Vincent Ricola

    I really liked scrolling down on this story and finding out that the FML acronym wasn’t just an obvious joke made by Wonkette, these grifting liars literally identified their criminal organization charity with it. A+ page layout. Would scroll again.

  • Daniel

    How did he think he’d run for senate without this coming out?

    Because he’s a man who supports Trump, and this generally requires a complete lack of understanding of how anything works coupled with the arrogance to sincerely think laws do not apply to you.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Dampnut admited to being a sexual predator and he STILL FUCKING WON. The rules they have changed, mon ami.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      And a rock solid believe it doesn’t matter a flying fuck in the USA anno domini 2017 and he is not even wrong believing this.

  • whitroth

    Because Roy Moore-or-less is a damn Christianist, and so Above The Laws Of Men. Unfortunately, the US “is in no wise a Christian nation”, and so he’s a crook.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Are you as sick of seeing this as I am of feeling the need to post it?
    https://media.makeameme.org/created/religious-plaque.jpg

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Not yet, no.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      four out of five ministers agree

  • janecita
    • TheGrandWazoo2

      I can’t remember.

    • McCain has to be on that list…

      • YoBunnyBunny

        He just stayed up a little late watching the sportsball that one time.

    • jesterpunk

      “My heart and my best intentions still tell me that’s true, but the facts and evidence tell me it is not.”

      Ronny Raygun.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “I don’t recall.”

        Reagan, again and again

        • jesterpunk

          What where we talking about? Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…

    • They’re protected by the HIPPAcratic oath.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Hypocritical oath is more like it.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      They’re just setting up their future court defense. “I don’t remember colluding with Russia.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Devin Nunes is a bit young for Alzheimer’s, isn’t he?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Maybe he’s on Adderall for ADHD.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          It’s pretty obvious Dampnut’s not on Adderall.

        • Bobathonic

          He has the Stupid. It’s incurable.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Maybe he’s fallen and broked his head a bunch… plausible, right?

  • Did the FML use any of the charitable donations on anything other than salaries for the Moore family? ’cause, it kinda doesn’t seem like that counts as a charity to me…

    • I would have assumed that being from Alabama made one eligible for charity, but these fucks seem to like it there

    • ManchuCandidate

      It is a charity that gives to the moral-less

    • Duke

      yer nothing but a Sharia-spouting HEATHEN!

      He’s doing GODS WORK!

    • Sally

      Hey, now, SARAHPAC used 8% of donations to send to candidates of her choice, 60% for ‘postage,’ because everyone is using US Mail to advocate for candidates, and the rest went to her personal use. SARAH PAC never ran afoul of the IRS and is now defunct. Who knows how the Palins are paying their mortgage now, but they sure don’t have the cash for her cross-country hate speeches any longer.
      The Moores amped it up, didn’t they? And this is the guy Palin supported right?
      HAHHAAHAHAH

  • Anna Rompage

    What, a self righteous fiscal & social conservative douche nozzle, lied on their taxes, and by a bunch?

    Color me shocked, as I clutch my pearls and saunter on over to the fainting couch…

    • puredog

      Hey, Anna, you’ve been spending a goodly amount of time on that couch today? Is this a day that ends in “y,” or what?

      • Anna Rompage

        No kidding, now if I only had a young, good looking pool boy to bring me a refreshing cocktail…

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          *brings you a daiquiri and a hopeful smile*

          Oh darn, you said “young”. Never mind.

    • Anna Elizabeth
    • WomanInThePersistence

      May I fetch you some smelling salts?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    How nice. Roy and his son will be able to spend some time together in jail.

  • Bebecca

    He knows that he’s a good Christian man and that’s all that counts in Alabama.

    • Nounverb911

      Crimson Tide fan libelz….

    • Duke

      Wasn’t the governor a “good Christian man?”

      Now that was a fun downfall.

  • Fartknocker

    This is what I would expect from a shithead that can’t even properly wear a cowboy hat. All this stupid shitgibbon needed to do was create the Roy Moore South Alabama Christian Convention House of Worship, call himself Pastor, and presto, you’re tax exempt. Even his old lady couldn’t figure it out while earning six figures/year.

    • Bobathonic

      Ha! “earning”.

  • ManchuCandidate

    2012 FML!
    2017 FML

  • CO
    • jesterpunk

      First Joe Walsh now Rush? WTF is going on? Why do I agree with either of them about anything?

      • Bobathonic

        End Times.

    • Duke

      Perhaps as a person who has become rich abusing the protections of the First Amendment he knows they’re not doing anything illegal.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      HE HATES THE TROOPS!!!!!!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        We’ll his listeners “boycott” him too? You know his flying monkey brigade we’ll turn on anyone who dares to suggest Trump should STFU.

      • cmd resistor

        I read more of what he said. He said the players should be standing because, troops, etc., but Trump as government shouldn’t tell them to do it. I did have to read it 3 times to make sure I agreed with anything he said.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Holy shit – are we about to find out Donald Trump has been 5150’d and these dorks are trying to distance themselves before it becomes public?! That would be lovely!

    • jesterpunk

      Ok look someone has to find and press the red button. Maybe then we can get back to a sane universe where things make sense.

      https://displate.com/displates/2014-10-08/f017c3b1abb04a5139d8d63d96669b6c.jpg?w=357&h=500&v=3

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      https://i.imgur.com/6zEXQKa.gif

      I refuse to believe that the pill-popping asshole and I agree about anything!

    • William

      Because he ingested a perfect combination of hillbilly heroin and a fat digit striking some delicate part of the cerebellum, Limbaugh has now achieved perfect consciousness, and understands clearly the first amendment. Glory be, and halleluiah. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1613923499e13cfb29fa3908f4e1f12c46e91b9a725690662fa33de8fe49168b.png

    • Bobathonic
  • foiled again

    Thanks, Donald J Caligula and his TX underwear-head voters for making our national park’s air more opaque:
    https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/oct/11/trumps-pro-coal-agenda-is-a-blow-for-clean-air-efforts-at-texas-big-bend-park

  • Gayer Than Thou

    If I had a husband, I would probably cal him “Judge.” Or “Daddy.” Or “Coach.” Or “UPS Guy.” Would probably depend on the circumstances.

    • lucidamente

      Or at this rate, “Defendant.”

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Just not “Senator.”

      • Raan

        How about “Inmate 20671”?

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Don’t Judge me Daddy, Coach me UPS, Guy.

      • Anna Rompage

        Don’t judge daddy coach, or the UPS guy….

    • If I had a husband I would probably be calling him “ex” by the end of the week.

    • bupkus231

      “UPS Guy” sounds like the modern equivalent to “the milkman” ( for you youngsters, the milkman was a guy who used to come to your house once or twice a week and leave delicious dairy products. Often accused of being the “real” daddy of kids at a time when Momma stayed at home while Daddy went off to “bring home the bacon”. Yeah, I know…. )

      • Raan

        That was the entire plot of a South Park episode.

        • bupkus231

          Aaah, the joke longs predates “South Park”.

          Hey, face it, even “South Park” is getting old.

      • data_ninja
  • Marion in Savannah

    Charlie Pierce has Things. To. Say. To. President. Obama.

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a12816114/obama-america-not-real-trump/

    • Three Finger Salute

      It’d be nice, but hasn’t he suffered enough? The mob is rabid enough at this point that he’d get killed. Enjoy retirement, Mr. President. Heck, defect to Canada as a refugee. Justin will take you in. You guys and Harry can hang out, the wives can have a nice housewarming for Megan.

      Barack Obama does not need to do anything except whatever he decides to do.

      • bupkus231

        I am not seriously advocating that President Obama re-enter politics, but Pierce does make his case that we need someone with the credibility of Obama to up and challenge today’s GOP directly.

        It might actually keep the rest of us from the pitchforks and torches ( altho’ not tiki torches, apparently ) if someone with the “moral authority” of an Obama or Carter spoke directly against the GOP, instead of relying on lickspittles like Bob Corker to offer the only “pushback” against the assholes.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Well, he could become a motivational speaker like Martin Luther Ki — uh….

          He’ll have to do a YouTube channel from an undisclosed location if he does decide to go into punditry. Hillary’s basement in the pizza parlor, why not. As long as it’s got bulletproof walls and doesn’t show up on GPS.

    • bupkus231

      I wuz kinda waiting for the open thread to post excerpts from that. God, I wish I could write like Charlie Pierce.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I guess this is de facto OT even if not declared so officially. Usually OT happens at 5pm happy hour Eastern. It’s 20 of 6 right now so, no harm no foul.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Don’t we all!

  • P’jama Pahnts

    …and it came to pass…

    DRINK!

  • Susie from Philly

    Because Jesus, silly!

  • Scooby

    Drain the Taberncle!

  • So…temperature dropped a solid 10 degrees from what it was two days ago and i forgot to check the weather before i left this morning. I am fucking freezing

    • I wore a jacket today. A JACKET!

      I tells ya, this colder weather ain’t for me.

      • Fuck. I wish. I wore CAPRIS and left the jacket at home

        • Crystalclear12

          You use more calories when you are cold, so there’s that.

        • William

          Absolute proof that global warming is a myth. Also, I just had my fill of quiche, so world hunger is a myth.

        • Well, long pants are a requirement at my work (for some reason, I never see customers or potential customers, so why do I need a dress code?) so that was a given, but I trusted my gut on the jacket and it paid off…

          • I wore the jacket this morning
            It is both warm and cute. BTW: really liking your bands album!

          • I went sans jacket today, I tend to run pretty hot and t’was the right decision! I’m glad you are warm/cute though!

            Also, awesome! I’m glad you’re enjoying it, tell your friends! (And still trying to figure out when that Toronto show is happening… Supposed to be @ the Smiling Buddha Cabaret though.)

      • Beanz&Berryz

        For all but 4-6 weeks a year here the question is what style and weight of jacket. And sometimes AOT,K.

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s cold enough in Portland today to where I’ll be firing up the wood stove when I get home…

    • Three Finger Salute

      71F in Li’l Rhody Metro right now. Windows are open. Haven’t taken the a/c out yet either. Chinese hoaxes sure make for comfortable weather in the middle of October but, they’re not good for the planet in the long run.

    • OutOfOrbit

      soft degrees better?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      It was 48F when I left this morning to go food shopping, 75F by the time I reached my block on the way home.

    • weighmaster

      26F when I left for work, high 41F.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    Wait guys I think I see the problem. He forgot to put the word “family” in his fake charity’s name.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Moore is planning to use the Rick Perry defense…OOPS!

    (Will probably work too.)

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Working it out with a pencil first.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      KFC’ll do that to ya.

    • CO

      What about these sick beats? https://imgur.com/0kCwzG4

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Have him wait by the mailbox for his record contract.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        What. The.Actual.Fuck. over?

        • He doesn’t have to make sense. That he hates blacks is enough to attract a Youtube and Twitter audience.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah. I saw a video by him once, he is a Quantum Singularity of hate and ignorance and lack-of-charisma.

          • And high-viscosity spittle.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

      • There’s a reason loaded Dice are not allowed in casinos.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      “melts in your”…no..

    • Christopher Story

      Honestly, trump can’t say anything that wasn’t already screamed at him in the 90’s. He’s not that creative

    • William
      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        “Ivanka! I dropped my phone in the toilet again!”
        “Oh, daddy!”
        “Send Kellyanne in here. Tell her she’ll need the elbow length rubber gloves. It’s…messy.”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Like all of the megachurch grifters, there is no possibility that Moore actually believes in God. Because if he did, he wouldn’t pull this shady shit for fear of smiting.

  • whitroth

    Thing is, all these fuckers remind me of Rod Blagojovich, former gov. of IL, and convicted felon. The IL machine politics worked by paying off your supporters with jobs or contracts. He wanted the money, without ever doing the payoffs. That doesn’t play well…. These current neofascists Rethuglicans want what they want, and don’t think they even have to give lip-sync to the laws and forms.

  • William
  • GoutMachine

    I’m beginning to think these Christian Republicans aren’t very good people.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      By Jove, you may be onto something.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Jesus would probably hate this asshole

    • OutOfOrbit

      leftover sushi

    • Bad Scooter

      judge not, lest ye be …. oh goshdiddlydarnit eff that sanctimonious shit.
      you are correct.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Dude’s scam –and only a part of it — was getting paid $180,000 for a part time job. (We’ll leave out the part that he in all likelihood never even bothered to show up for the 20 hours). That comes to $173/hr. Rubes bringing in $8.50/hr ought to be able to understand that math on all of this when it’s presented as a TV ad. Also, interestingly, if one works 20 hours/wk for 52 weeks, one will have worked 1,040 hours. Thar’s right: ten-forty. The Lord does worketh in mysterious way, Roy.

    • cmd resistor

      I’m sure the 20 hours included time spent at home sending out thoughts and prayers and stuff.

    • bubbuhh

      But, Ray gonna help Trump distribute teh grift to all teh Xians n put teh GA in Xian murrika.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Are you kidding? It’s like a Nigerian Prince scheme that they wish they’d thought of.

  • Nounverb911

    On this date this happened, don’t see it EVER happening to donnie.

    https://twitter.com/WestWingReport/status/918161992984166405

    • Thiazin Red

      That is some ugly 70s carpet in there.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      The reports I’ve seen indicate that the Soviet military determined the best counter to SDI was to vastly increase the number of launchable nuclear warheads and simply overwhelm SDI with too many targets.

      Then you get in to problems of target bias, fratricide, guidance issues….chances are a full nuclear exchange would not only be the End, but the biggest technical disaster ever seen.

      • Meccalopolis

        SDI was a first strike weapon and you’re right, the only way to beat it is to overwhelm it with targets. All this leading to greater proliferation, of course.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Yes, I hated the very idea of SDI when I really studied it. I was so crazy that even in the late Eighties I recognized that the USSR had some legitimate security concerns,and that SDI was going to be completely destabilizing.

          • Covfefe

            It cost a lot of money to get Reagan elected president. Some of the donors wants a return on their investment,

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah. The more you read about SDI, the crazier it is, and the more obvious it becomes that it was the ultimate pork-barrel Contractor Welfare program.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And decoys, but maybe we had the decoy counter-measure figured out. Or pretended that we did.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          I’m not sure, but decoys also are worrying as far as target bias and fratricide.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      And Donnie still won’t get an Emmy either.

  • bupkus231

    “AND HOW THE HELL DID ROY MOORE THINK HE WAS GOING TO RUN FOR SENATE WITHOUT ALL THIS SHIT COMING OUT?”

    Because he knows it won’t mean a thing to his supporters – who appear to be a large percentage of Alabamans. Shit, the fact that these assholes managed to get him re-elected to the Alabama Supreme Court, even tho’ he had already demonstarted his contempt for Federal law, should be all one needs to know about Alabama ( yeah, I know, “There are good people” in Alabama – but they’re drowned out by the number of numbnut fuckheads in that state ).

    FUCK the GOP – and FUCK Alabama, too.

    • Covfefe

      Justice Moore thought he was going to run for Senate in Alabama. Does that answer your question?

      • bupkus231

        Weelll, yea-ah. That wasn’t my question, it was my re-statement of 5$F’s question at the end of her post. My rant was my “answer” to her question.

  • armed_bears

    Was it Jesus who said, speaking of Donald Trump, By his minions, ye shall know him?

  • Ellie

    I do have to take exception to your statement that Roy knows the Ten Commandments. In my opinion, he can’t remember them at all, which is why he had to have them carved on a giant rock – sort of a permanent cheat sheet.

    • Three Finger Salute

      He only knows the second one, that God handed down to Moses and Moses dared the damn dirty apes to pry from his cold, dead hands.

      • bupkus231

        I think that’s an amendment, not a commandment – but, who am I to say?

        • Three Finger Salute

          Nope, they’ve merged since 1980. Heck, the 2A and 1A are practically indistinguishable now. Hoarding an arsenal is a religious practice. Free-flowing bullets are freedom of speech.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    No open thread yet? Well, I’m getting impatient:

    https://twitter.com/peterdaou/status/918152568118874112

    • bupkus231

      It ain’t you, Peter Daou ( whoever you are ).

    • Nounverb911

      Bannon’s just a Nazi, Hillary, well, she’s a woman….

      • Red Bird

        Actually the nazi/white supremacy thing IS the reason they respect him.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Just saw the Siege with Densel Washington and Bruce Willis again. Jesus Christ, in 20 years this distopia is now pretty much real world except that justice doesn’t prevail after 120 minutes.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      great flick – eeriy foreshadowed parts of 9/11 There was an even n article about it

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        And most importantly how NOT te react to it.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          indeed (sorry, long ass day for me).

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            No worries. 18 hours on the clock here.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            okay, now I feel bad.

            Mine wasn’t that bad.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            In all fairness, My day was about bringing my kid to school, see a presentation of my kid’s art made these first few weeks in school and buying my (soon te be) girlfriend a new car. Hardly a hard day’s work. ;)

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh – the new car part is a bastard. I fucking hate shopping, much less for cars.

            Mine was getting up at 5 am, fucking off from the internship, and doing dull asz data entry for like 8 hours.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Then you definitely win. I love shopping for cars and afterwards having a beer with a grateful person makes it even better.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            well, then it sounds like you had a great day!

            whiner.

            ; p

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            I never complained about being sentient for almost 20 hours. ;)

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh hell, I would have.
            Definitely if sober.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Well sober for the first 10. ;)

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Plus I could not help noticing the WTC in every goddamn scene.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          ikr?
          That shot of the FBI HQ?!?

          I’m guessing that was based more on the OKC bombing aftermath, but spooky to watch.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Yup.

    • Wild Cat

      And to think—in real life, Bruce Willis loves this dystopia.

      He’s a fascist.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        wait, what?

        • Wild Cat

          Strong right-winger, like many “Friends of Abe,” a right-wing collection of actors (Gary Sinese, Jon Voight, et al).
          They’re a big group.

          This “Liberal Hollywood” vomit is just another fascist-media smokescreen.

          • Sinese too? 😣

          • Wild Cat

            Absolute right-wing “victim” of everything.

            If you’re ever curious, just google an actor’s political affiliation and political contributions. It’s all out there.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I guess the actual left-wing ones are so far out into loony land as to go off a cliff.

            Yes, I’m talking about Susan Sarandon.

          • Sunhead

            Too many of them are insulated from the world by layer upon layer of aides, assistants and agents for everything. They live in a giant echo chamber of yes men.
            It’s kind of understandable that they get a bit nutty.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            big time – has been for awhile.

          • Dammit.
            That’s probably why I no longer find him attractive.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Not his fault he started going skinhead in his 30s…

        • Wild Cat

          I’m so tired of old tropes, some of which are so often repeated by our media zeitgeist even the Left believes it’s real.
          An actual liberal in Hollywood is rare. It’s all about property and money.

      • H0mer0

        Yippie Ki-Yay Mofo!
        (meant Bruce, not you kitty)

  • Thiazin Red

    Apart from the IRS issues is it legal to start a charity that does nothing but pay you and your family?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Technically, no. You have to have some charitable purpose. A religion, on the other hand, can be grift city.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: The TX mom just now: “How did we elect such a stupendous fuciking idiot?”

    heh.

  • Donna Mueller

    why do repiglicants always look so STRANGE???????? he looks like a reptoid scaly alien covered in skin. and those eyes ARE NOT HUMAN. JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBUSSS what an ugly psycho.

    • Crystalclear12

      Hey, it’s not easy to look natural thru those skin suits!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      What’s inside wants out.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      It’s because he has no eyebrows. Like Skeletor in Florida. And he has a fivehead.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    One last bitter laugh before I have to head off. Have a good day/night, Wonkers!

    https://twitter.com/Marmel/status/918149320330711041

    • Three Finger Salute

      Night Cally!

  • Wild Cat

    He’s what Christians are and always will be. At least he’s just grifting. More dedicated Christians threw Jews and other undesirables, many of them Christians, into ovens from 1933–1945.

    And don’t get me started on the Thirty Year’s War, WWI, African-American church burnings by white Christians . . .

    • Three Finger Salute

      “Christians” in scare-quotes. I’m not big on anything supernatural being taken as fact, but there’s Jimmy Carter and there’s Roy Moore among Christians, just like there’s Bibi and there’s Einstein among Jews and there’s Malala and the Taliban who tried to kill her among Muslims. No one group is a monolith and the ones who use their belief as a weapon to hurt others shouldn’t be the poster children for the whole of them.

      • mancityRed6

        there are those that are real, and those that are fake.

      • Wild Cat

        Keep in mind that Einstein felt his “Jewish Identity” was thrust upon him.

        • mancityRed6

          Mel Brooks, then.

          • Wild Cat

            Maybe. Think he’d support BDS?

            (I don’t.)

          • mancityRed6

            that, I don’t know. and I’ve never really read any interviews. I saw a show once, but it was more about his life, and not anything outside of the country.

          • Wild Cat

            It doesn’t matter.
            You’re either a good human or a bad human.
            Most prefer the latter.

      • toughsister

        And your point is…

    • Covfefe

      Thirty Years War was just Christians trying to reconsider the Grrman nation for Christ.

    • “JD Hall, pastor, dad, husband, writer, etc…” is an asshole with a blog and a Bible. He enjoys sharing special moments with his kids. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e36408987839d4e4d44e55c84403f5f5e9fde806f87c01b1361a438e6d4591a4.jpg
      Jesus loves this kind of shit, no question. That deer will meet him in heaven to exclaim what a great shot he is.

  • mancityRed6

    “it’s big enough for us to get all our feet in at once, if we were into that kind of thing.
    well, who isn’t?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      My shoes get nailed in place.

      • mancityRed6

        hey, everyone is welcome at the really big shoe

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Ed Sullivan lives!

          • Bobathonic

            Also too Ed Simian!

  • John

    Don’t worry, God has a plan….

    • Anna Rompage

      Please gawd, let it be meteor 2018…

    • Crystalclear12

      Are we sure God is on the side of humanity?

    • mancityRed6

      which god, and which plan?

      • Raan

        Come on, Shiva!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Take the money and run?

      • jowgajen

        No son, that’s your plan. And you still ain’t God.

  • Anna Rompage

    Their minds ain’t right
    And their eyes ain’t bright
    Deep in the heart
    of Dumbfukistan….

  • jesterpunk

    So conservatives finally found a “right wing christian charity” the IRS targeted?

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    The Satanic Temple pays its taxes voluntarily (they are exempt). They do this because they wish to lead by example, and promote the very American values of being a good citizen and a good neighbor.

    Maybe someday Christians like Roy Moore can live up to their very high standards.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      When Hell freezes over, Moore and his fellow “Christians” will.

  • William
  • Iam Reading

    Scratch a vocal xian politician, expose a shady, nepotistic grifter.

  • mancityRed6

    and, just being catty here. I’m not a handsome man. kinda plain with a nose that leans to the right, due to being broken a few times.
    but damn, between Moore and Sessions, is “ignorant looking” a prerequisite to running for office in Alabama? I mean, say what you will about Brownback (skeezy mofo that looks like a cheap televangelist rip off), but he’s still looking better than either one of those two.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I think those are two of the smart ones there…

      • mancityRed6

        when you can convince a majority of yokels to vote for you…something, something, one eyed man is king.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          King Popeye… Popped Eye…

          Which, in that context, is a pretty gross name for a kid’s cartoon character…

  • jesterpunk
  • These goddamned “Christians” have got to be reigned in. They’re a cultural, ideological gang. I’m sick to death of mass superstition being given a blind pass.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Whenever I see that fish sign or a business that advertises itself loudly and proudly as Christian, I move on, or hold on extra tight to my wallet.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        My family home is next to a church. My mother’s opinion was that people who go to church need that, for whatever their reason. (A benign tolerance without buying into it.)
        My father’s advice differed, he said if someone loudly proclaimed they were a christian, keep your hand over your wallet and never present your back to them.

      • godsaidHA

        or count the spoons.

    • And taking away my goddamned birth control.

      • Grrrrr…..Also can we PUH-lease quit referring to anti-abortionists as “pro-life”?? They’re non-spontaneous-abortion haters. Period.

    • Keith Taylor

      That is the big thing and the important thing.
      But just to be a nitpicking pedant, if “Judge” Roy Moore was really so big on the Ten Commandments, he should know that the Ten he had displayed in stone in the courthouse, the Ten that we all regard as the authentic Ten, to be found in Exodus 20, are really only the first set of commandments, and there’s a second set in Exodus 34. Moses had shattered the first set of tablets in a snit when he found the people worshipping the Golden Calf. Therefore, God says to Charlton Heston, uh, Moses, “Cut two stone tablets like the first ones, and I will write on them the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke.”
      But the Ten Commandments in Exodus 34 are not by any means the same as the originals (if those were the originals), except the first and second, which specifically ban religious freedom. They go like this.
      1. Do not worship any gods but me, the Almighty, because like any jealous prima donna I do not endure rivals.
      2. Do not make graven images or worship them either, because see above.
      3. Strictly observe the Festival of Unleavened Bread.
      4. Every first born son and first born domestic animal belongs to me, the Almighty. And no one is to come and worship me without bringing a sacrifice.
      5. Don’t do any work on the Sabbath Day, not even at seed-time or harvest when it’s most urgent to get the work done.
      6. Observe the Harvest Festival and the Festival of Shelters too.
      7. All the men of Israel must gather to worship me, the Almighty, three times a year, and don’t worry about an invasion. I’ll make sure your enemies don’t try to conquer you during your main religious festivals.
      8. Do not offer me, the Almighty, leavened bread with a sacrifice, and do not keep any part of an animal sacrificed at Passover until the next morning..
      9. Offer me, the Almighty, the first grain you harvest each year.
      10. Do not cook a young sheep or goat in its mother’s milk.
      The commandments which are most people’s favourites, like “Do not commit murder,” “Do not steal,” “Do not perjure yourself in a lawsuit to get an advantage over your neighbour,” and, yes, even, “Do not commit adultery,” are absent. I suppose cooking a young sheep or goat in its mother’s milk is much worse. Well I’m not guilty of that. Excuse me while I go out to steal, perjure and be unfaithful …

      • Bad Scooter

        which tablet had the “no buttsects” rule ?

        • Keith Taylor

          Neither of them, specifically. But elsewhere in the Pentateuch, probably Leviticus, it says it’s totally forbidden and the penalty is death. There is also a charming bit that decrees a girl who is found not to be a virgin on her wedding night shall be put to death, and if she happens to be a priest’s daughter, she gets special treatment. She’s to be burnt. And there’s a story about some fellow who gathered firewood on the sacred Sabbath day, when Moses was boss, and he was taken out and stoned to death. (The firewood gatherer, not Moses.) Also, since “You shall have no other gods before me,” is the first commandment in the first version, and “You shall not commit murder,” is only number six, I guess it’s considered that much less important.
          And Roy Moore wanted that monstrousness displayed in stone in U.S. court houses. STFU, Moore.

  • mancityRed6

    it’s almost like the shit they can cover up at the state level won’t ever be found out under federal scrutiny.

  • bubbuhh
  • Plotinus

    Brought to you by your friends at Breitbart.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    God may be the omniscient, omnipotent Master of the Universe, but not even He/She/It/They can protect His/Her/Its/Their Servants from the power of double entry bookkeeping.

    • jowgajen

      Ima needlepoint that for my office wall.

    • toughsister

      Actually, there is no god. Incompatible with the laws of physics as we know them. Yet totally compatible with human stupidity, greed and propensity to murder.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      No power in the universe can defeat a good forensic accountant with the time and tools they need. A certain orange fucking Moron is finding that out.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I’m shocked, shocked that Roy Moore is a grifting Mammonist shitstain.

    Just shocked, I tell you.

    • Keith Taylor

      And that gambling has been going on here!
      Your winnings, sir.
      Ah. Thank you.

  • Picabo
    • Raan

      TV’s Frank needs to be protected from 2017 and all years following.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Someday, Moore’s son will graduate from hunting without a license on other peoples’ property without their permission to this sort of thing.
    Them Moores learn slow.

    • jowgajen

      He probably had permission to hunt but not permission to break game laws. It’s also trespassing when you go beyond the permission you have to use the land.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Moore’s Law – Alabama style

  • cheetojeebus

    Judge Roy “Shart Dumpling” Moore is right out of fucking central casting.

  • So much shocked am I that a god bothering republican is, when it comes down to it, a tax cheat.
    This is my wow amazed face.

  • Three Finger Salute

    OT: Idiot governor of Bluegrass State is blue about grass in his state.

    Tea party governor warns of “marijuana overdoses” if Kentucky legalizes recreational pot

    Trudeau must feel like Luke Wilson’s character in Idiocracy every time he comes to this country. Not just for the fact that the president is a pro wrestler, but because Trudeau has already figured stuff out that the state “leaders” here are having massive paranoid conniptions over. Pot? How the hell do you overdose on pot? That’s like overdosing on chamomile tea! You’d probably have to smoke enough to cover the entire land mass of Kentucky in order to overdose on pot!

    Heck, Trudeau figured out stuff that Americans can’t understand a long time ago. He already learned the alphabet when he was a little boy — in two languages at that…

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      To be fair, children can overdose on marijuana products like brownies or candy. But that’s true for alcohol, prescription medication, and other things that are left where they shouldn’t get them
      https://www.childrenscolorado.org/conditions-and-advice/conditions-and-symptoms/conditions/acute-marijuana-intoxication/

      • Three Finger Salute

        Well, that’s true. But no one is talking about giving this stuff to kids. Actually, even before getting into the whole “we’re gonna score bigly with revenue!” thing, that’s the same framework Trudeau started from: a regulatory framework to keep kids safe — and anyone else who relies on the local shady dealer who might be lacing it with crap, rather than a licensed storefront outlet where the product can undergo rigorous quality-control. Prohibitionists aren’t the ones thinking of the children.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Then again, we live in a country where marijuana overdoses seem to be a terrifying possibility, but child gun deaths are a totally acceptable occurrence and on fact more like an act of God. Once again, America, smfh.

      • h4rr4r

        And then they die! No wait, they fall asleep and are better the next day. Worst case this is a traumatic but not life threatening event.

        Alcohol and medicine overdoses can be fatal. Show me a fatal cannabis overdose.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          I’m on the side of legalization myself, although I don’t indulge. The UC Colorado site does mention that small children have been brought in in a coma after ingesting enough product and have needed a breathing tube and ventilator. Personally, if my kid were in a coma and needed help breathing, I’d consider that life threatening.
          That being said, most people agree that the benefits of cannibis as a recreational drug and it’s medical possibilities outweigh the risk.

          • h4rr4r

            I must have missed that. I would love to read more about that case. Just curious about the mechanism.

            I mostly laughed at the site’s advise to prevent them from falling.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            Like I mentioned, marijuana overdose a terrifying threat, but child gun deaths unavoidable and the cost of liberty.

          • h4rr4r

            I more was implying that I suspect the kid may have ingested something else and the parents found it easier to say marijuana.

            Much easier to say marijuana edible on admission in a legal state than opiate lolli.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Get a cozy couch with a handy secret compartment for Xbox remotes and Doritos? Works for most of the people I know.

  • Changeling

    The ten commandments. Are there any actual Christians following them? I thought coveting was the American dream?
    I once watched a lecture series on the history of the Hebrew Bible. I realized I found all of the commandments either immoral or vacuous in their original context. I guess it’s a safe bet Fundagelicals don’t do context.

    • JoeChristmas

      Well, barely three of them have any validity today. Ten is an easy number for simpletons to remember.

    • Jukesgrrl

      I have funny feeling our current president considers most of the commandments Dos instead of Don’ts. (All except for “honor thy father.”)

  • bubbuhh

    The $180,000/year wuznt fer ole Ray. It wuz fer hiz cat, Caesar.

  • toughsister

    Roy Moore: another “christian” crook, à la Pat Robertson, Jim Bakker, Robert Tilton and other assorted scum.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      AOT, K

    • JoeChristmas

      And the 65 million suckers that voted for 2 Corinthians

  • bubbuhh

    The $180,000/year wuznt fer ole Ray. It wuz fer hiz good ole dog, Caesar. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6396837c77b62b01360a064451edc7172e57259fd0c76889d3ea1089f0f61591.jpg

  • Sakonyachen

    “Well, that shoe is here, and it’s big enough for us to get all our feet in at once, if we were into that kind of thing.”

    Thanks for ruining my fap fantasies!

  • Upright Ape

    So if’n Ol’ Roy hates the Gays so much, what up with his Village People Cowpoke ensemble?

    • Jukesgrrl

      If cowpoke ensembles signify the ghey, then I’m living in San Francisco. Jukesgrrl. reporting from Southern Arizona
      (And mind you, most of our pokiest cowpokes are from Wisconsin, Minnesota, or Michigan.)

  • Sakonyachen

    I mean, if Roy Moore cheated on his taxes in a Jesus related way, doesn’t that make him emperor of Alabama? I don’t see where this is a down side for him.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Pope, except, what’s an anti-Papist Pope called?

      • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

        Jerry Falwell?

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Jim Baker?

  • BearLeft

    Oh, go fuck yourself, ‘Judge.’ Uniform Plumbing Code 129:16.

  • In the beginning was the IRS, and the IRS was with God, and the IRS was God.

    • Changeling

      And then they created death and taxes, and saw that they were good. The end.

      • JoeChristmas

        Paying taxes is the most patriotic thing you can do.

        • clairence

          “only idiots pay taxes” — freeloading rightwingers

          • JoeChristmas

            And the idiots that vote for them.

        • NerdWithNoName

          Freedom isn’t free! Pay your damn taxes! I need this on a t shirt.

  • Bobathonic

    I love that the acronym is FML.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I think there something about that I’m missing…

      • Bobathonic

        FML = fuck my life

        • Beanz&Berryz

          That wasn’t used on AOL Instant Messenger back in the day…

  • Gigglesnort

    The IRS will probably also look into whether Roy’s compensation was commensurate with the level of work he actually did for the organization. It kinda looks excessive, but there is some wiggle room. But just suppose he didn’t even put in the 20 hours a week, or mysteriously has no record of that: that would look suspicious. Then there is the question of who decided on the $180k salary. Could it be that Roy Moore basically set his own salary? The auditors tend to frown on that. And by the way, losing your tax-exempt status might mean that all of a sudden that organization’s assets might be needed to pay taxes, and won’t be available for grifting, after all.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Yeah. I’m wondering if he picked it up on his taxes when he got the promissory note. Not a good look.

  • Alan

    They think the IRS won’t catch them? Haha what a bunch of morons.

  • Mavenmaven

    The whole point of being a religious fanatic is that ethics and laws don’t apply to you. Kierkegaard said so!

  • Plotinus

    He could have devised a better excuse, like I am being audited by the IRS so I can’t discuss or reveal anything.

  • Me not sure

    I would swear that “judge” Moore has a touch of Cuyler blood in him. I think it’s the smile. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/625c77a78a57521bfd82e24e5cb14636329a9537a52c81c8e93b9773c6d760a8.gif

    • Donna Mueller

      squidbillies-it’s really a documentary

  • Plotinus

    These Christians are like reverse Oreos – all white and smiley on the outside, but a dark treachorous soul on the inside.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Evil Fucks (TM)

  • Portia McGonagal

    Well he needed that $$ for all the bail he’s had to pay for his 9X arrested son. Duh!

    • Plotinus

      But his son is being framed. Lol

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Hillary is at it again? God damn, she’s fucking devious.

        • Plotinus

          Are you sure its not Obama’s fault again?

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            It’s possible. I guess we could try blaming them both and the liberal media and see how that goes?

          • clairence

            it’s gotta be one of them. and it doesn’t seem to matter which one, as long as they’re mentioned it’s enough to prolong the delusion.

      • Portia McGonagal

        He has to pay to clear his name for the ninth time!

  • Poly_Ester

    What does Roy thing the scripture passage “render unto Caesar the things that are his” mean?

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      That he himself IS Caesar.

      • Poly_Ester

        Caesar Jesus or Jesus Caesar?

        • svejk

          caesar word salad

  • Jgb979

    There was a study a while back that basically documented how the fear center of Republicans brains was elongated when compared to democrats, meaning they were all a bunch of scared piss babies who would vote an amoral sex monster for president if it let them feel the teeniest bit safer.

    I want them to next isolate the grifting gene. You know every single 2017 Republican has it.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Guess we’ll have to wait for the next shoe to drop. Bet it’ll be a doozy!”

    Remember that Moore, in a CNN interview in 2007, compared homosexuality to “having sex with a cow”.

    Just sayin’.

    https://www.queerty.com/senate-hopeful-roy-moore-gay-sex-thing-sexual-relations-cow-20170921

    • JoeChristmas

      Hey, don’t bring his wife into this…oh, wait, she was on the grift payroll too.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Well, if anybody knows, it’s Roy.

    • Paperless Tiger

      He may be okay if it wan’t in a Russian hotel room.

    • amrak63

      Sheep in serafuku uniforms with zettai ryouiki or GTFO.

  • FauxAntocles

    Excuse me, “jibe”, not “jive”.
    I’ll shut up now.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      I don’t speak jive. But did you have the fish?

      • amrak63

        Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue.

    • Cat Cafe

      I like the cut of your jibe!

  • Hemp Dogbane

    One of the more prominent Strange primary backers should have said “Show us your taxes!”

    • JoeChristmas

      After he gets elected.

  • Bad Scooter

    “Judge” is a Roy-al Moore-on. an immoore-al one, at that.

  • JoeChristmas

    Tax evasion and cuts for the wealthy plus grifty capitalist christianity is the the core of the GOP. That’s how 65 million people put Dotard McFuckface in the cockpit.

  • JoeChristmas

    C’mon, it’s not like he beat up a reporter the night before the election or admitted to sexual assault

  • Sashineb

    Oh, well, at least he can take comfort in knowing that the road to Hell is paved with “good” intentions.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    Clearly the man is a crook and evil to boot. He is the absolute worst that our society births. But what does that even mean anymore? So he “cheated on his taxes”…”who doesn’t?!” He’s the guy who “tells it like it is” and is an “outsider”.

    Clinton can have a foundation that literally touches thousands of lives and its gotta be crooked. This douche can have a “charity” that helps only one and there is going to be a big collective “meh” from the right. Fuck ’em.

    • clairence

      Or in Trumpworld, he’s one of “the best people”.

  • TundraGrifter

    ProTip: “Phantom Income” is a bitch. You have to pay Federal income taxes on it – even though you never received the cash. There’s a reason zero coupon bonds only work for tax exempt entities – as buyers found out the hard way a number of years ago.

  • Delu

    FML…..Fuck My Life?

    Nice charity name bro.

  • Delu

    Oh and lest we forget, this is the same Roy Moore who won the Trumpian Primaries in Alabama.

  • willi0000000

    “When the IRS closes a door, God opens a window!”

    oh, goody! . . . it’s defenestration time!

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Hopefully so one can jump out at the 15th floor.

  • clairence

    Wait, what?! You mean I can file a tax return with numbers that are different from my accounting books? FML is right! I’ve been doing it all wrong.

  • Parakeetist

    Take him to the Al Capone suite.

  • CATMAN

    Another “Christian” scam artist enriching himself from the credulous–just add him to the long list of these scumbags

    • Cat Cafe

      They are SUCH FUCKING MORONS

  • ibwilliamsi

    Gawd gave Judge Roy Moore that tax exempt real estate. I’m sure that Alabama is cool with that.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Ladies and gentlemen, meet President Trump’s next Secretary of State!

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    “The accountant that normally does our tax returns has been sick and almost died…”

    Well, I am truly sorry that he was so sick, I mean that would be scary for him–but come on, is there only one accountant in all of Montgomery?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Every time they showed it to one, he got sick too.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Why didn’t he use the ‘my taxes are under audit’ excuse? It worked so nicely for Two Scoops.

  • PabloDali

    Lock Him Up!

  • The Librarian

    The Grifters movie has nothing compared to the Judge and his wife. Living the dream…../s

    • TundraGrifter

      They made a movie about me?

      • SDGeoff3

        Again.

      • The Librarian

        Yes! Great cast, too. You should be proud.

        • TundraGrifter

          That’s an amazing coincidence! I was in a cast once. Then my arm healed.

  • Viktor

    And his son Caleb Moore just happens to get arrested constantly for DUI’s and drug possession, because the police and judges and crooked critics of his dad are making him do drugs.

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      Christian persecution is what that is! /s

  • bubbuhh

    It seems Roy Moore’s money hoover sucked 400,000 to 560,000 dollars a year out of the pockets of credulous dupes out of which 180,000 smackeroos went the Roy Moore Xian Wallet of Gun Fucking Fun. That is when the Foundation wasn’t busy bankrupting itself by justus folks finacial schemes.

    Roy Moore’s foundation never sucked enough money out of Goober B. Dumbazz’s wallet in any given year to be rated by the charity watchdog’s but then it didn’t actually seem to do anything but pat ole Roy and the Charity’s Board members.

    Check it out.

    https://projects.propublica.org/nonprofits/organizations/30502850

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b3d47cef6a50accc4be6315504ce8c30e4f56003bdf0f329a7b0cb42a153a479.png

    • Shibusa

      Program services: $0.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The sad thing is that he’ll probably still be elected Senator, because, Alabama.

  • Gorillionaire

    All this grifty news has got me thinking, is the Sarah Palin Foundation for Endless Vacation and Shopping Sprees grift shop still in business?

    • TundraGrifter

      I believe the Sarah PAC closed. The gravy train has left the station. It was a great scheme while it lasted. It paid for her travel but she took speech income personally. It supported “speech writers” for $6,000 a month! The head of it pocked huge amounts of money.

      Many similar Scam PAC’s remain. Look at the FEC website for one with “Tea Party” in its name or has the name of a famous right wing gasbag.

  • peteywheats

    I smell a pardon!

  • nightmoth

    Jesus wept.

  • JackLinks

    So much blood has been shed by the Church because of an omission from the Gospel: “Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor’s religion is.” Not merely tolerant of it, but indifferent to it. Divinity is claimed for many religions; but no religion is great enough or divine enough to add that new law to its code.
    Mark Twain

    • TundraGrifter

      Presidential candidate John F. Kennedy gave a wonderful speech on religious tolerance to a meeting of Baptist ministers – I believe it was in Houston, Texas. if you haven’t watched or read it I highly recommend it. I can’t do justice to it here with excerpts or quotes – other than to say one of the important themes is that a person’s religion is that person’s business and no one else’s.

      Check it out!

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