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NO ONE HAS A CLUE WHAT TO DO ABOUT PUERTO RICO.

Can we just stop fucking around and admit it already? Puerto Rico was in an economic crisis before Hurricane Maria, and now it’s confronting a humanitarian catastrophe. Before the storm, PR owed $70 billion to Wall Street and $50 billion to its own citizens. Three weeks after the storm, PR is facing massive food shortages, 8% of its roads are passable, and only 16% of Puerto Ricans have power. Republicans have the #HottestTake, of course. Let’s lend Puerto Rico some more money! That will totally work!

Paul Ryan, that “limpdick motherfucker born in a petri dish at the Heritage Foundation,” is taking a field trip to PR on Friday to figure out which tools from his bag of market-based magic tricks will produce hundreds of thousands of meals a day out of thin air. Luckily, he’s taking Cathy McMorris Rodgers, so she can comfort them as a mother who appreciates that all life is sacred. The rest of you whiners can bootstrap yourselves out of this mess, but Puerto Rican fetuses — she is THERE for you!

The problem for Republicans is that Puerto Rico proves that every single piece of GOP orthodoxy is utter bullshit. Small government can’t rebuild the electrical grid for 3 million people. Cutting taxes will not put food in Puerto Rican grocery stores. And the free market is how Puerto Rico got $70 billion of bond debt in the first place.

A real free-market economist would say, “Well, we clearly intend to cook the planet with carbon emissions, so Puerto Rico is facing an eternity of supercharged storms. We just have to evacuate most of the population to the continental U.S.” But that would require Republicans to acknowledge man-made climate change and allow all those brown-skinned Democrats to turn Florida blue (and Spanish-speaking). Which is right out.

So Republicans have gone to Plan B.

Yeah, they’re going to do nothing and hope no one notices. AGAIN.

Oddly enough, the one person who seems to get it about Puerto Rico is Donald Trump. Mr. Bankruptcy can spot when it’s time to hit the reset button and stiff your creditors.

We have to look at their whole debt structure. They owe a lot of money to your friends on Wall Street and we’re going to have to wipe that out. That’s gonna have to be, you know, you can say goodbye to that. I don’t know if it’s Goldman Sachs or whoever it is, but you can wave goodbye to that. But we have to do something about it, because the debt was massive on the island.

But then the GOP tackled him and reminded him that this ain’t that kind of party. And isn’t it more fun to shit tweet at that nasty mayor and brag about your super wonderful recovery efforts, Mr. President?

That’s the spirit, Papi!

So now we’re back to loaning Puerto Rico money and hoping that charities fill in the gaps to prevent starvation for long enough that the public loses interest. And, hey America, look over there! California is on fire!

Which is all very gloomy, of course. But don’t despair, Wonkers! If there’s one thing that will save this country and fund all our disaster relief efforts, IT IS A MASSIVE TAX CUT FOR THE WEALTHY.

MAGAMAGAMAGA!!!!!1!!

[The Guardian / NYMag / Politico]

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  • bubbuhh

    It’s all about paying the rich bondholders, not about helping Puerto Rico. Self-styled King of Debt and other piglets urgently want to buy up the territory at pennies on the dollar.

    • Red Bird

      Like they tried to with Cuba.

      • richardgrabman

        Frankly, I thik PR would be better off annexing itself to Cuba. During their “special period” the Cubans were short of everything, but somehow have emerged as the healthiest people in the Caribbean (they started growing their own food, instead of relying of cash from exports for sugar to buy food), with a good educational system, and excellent emergency preparedness. Ok, there is that Stalinist hangover thing… but still…

        • Red Bird

          Yeah. That tiny problem of a dictator. I have a suspicion that Raul is going to allow elections soon. But as long as US businesses are not in control Cuba will continue to be punished.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • So how much of these loans will go to PR and how much will go to bondholders?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I just emailed Katie. She’s going to get back to me about that.

    • Iron Monkey

      All of it will go to the bondholders. It will be used to service existing debt. That’s what they do.

  • ArgieBargie

    “More like ‘Puerto Pobre,’ amirite?!”

    — Paul Ryan and his drunken congressbros last last night.

  • Nounverb911

    “I wanted to throw paper towels at Puerto Ricans, but trump beat me to it.”
    –Paul Ryan

    • Bigby

      C’mon! Give P90x Ryan some time (to take back the towel rolls Trump threw and re-throw them until the cameras stop rolling)! It worked in that soup kitchen, afterall…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • wide_stance_hubby

      This photo is final proof that there is no god.

    • Persistent Demme

      Ewww!
      All that Trumpstink!
      (Doesn’t come off with soap and water.)

  • Yellerduck

    a $4.9B loan at the low, low introductory rate of only 6% for the first six months.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      And no balloon payment until 2065.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Moronic Dotard played golf while Puerto Rico was drowning and American citizens were dying.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLs4fTCWkAEhc1N.jpg

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That’s one hell of a water hazard.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      You do NOT want to be around when the Dolt gets gassy. Believe me.

  • ArgieBargie

    Sounds like Puerto Rico is all a lone with this one.

    [quietly walks out]

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Your friends on wall street. Cause he doesn’t have any friends on wall street left. Cause he’s All of The Bankrupt. Lol.

    • Randy Riddle

      He didn’t leave enough bankrupt for anyone else.

  • Randy Riddle

    The GOP Puerto Rico loan idea is about as shifty as a Pay Day Loan office next to a liquor store in an unsafe Trump owned strip mall in the worst part of town. But shiftier.

    • jesterpunk

      They even have the robbers standing right outside of the loan office to make sure you need another loan.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Does kneecapping come standard with this, or is that just a perk?

    • gallbladder

      No, that’s extra.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Depends on the vig.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • vivian

    Question for the banks: would you rather own 10% of a vibrant economy or 100% of a failing economy?
    Answer: 10% of something is something; 100% of nothing is nothing.

    • As long as they can get something in the near term, they won’t care about the long term… They never do, ’cause they can just get the government to bail ’em out again!

      • Seek

        Privatized Gain and Socialized Loss is the New and Improved American Way.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Transcript from the closed door session:

    “Question for the first witness: Does the President or anyone in Congress rely on votes or donations from Puerto Rico? I yield the balance of my time.”

    • gallbladder

      For added irony (and the win) have Auntie Maxine ask the question.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Big Pharma has factories in PR. The meds are manufactured in the USA, keeping the FDA happy. They are manufactured in a US Territory, so they can get tax breaks for their “Economic Opportunity” program.

      PR has been shafted by us since we stole it from Spain in 1898. Both the Philippines and Cuba were treated better.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • jesterpunk

      They where paper towel brand paper towels. Nothing but the best from the dollar store for Puerto Rico.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Don’t worry Puerto Rico, you can pay him back later, when you get on your feet.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’m not an economist. Is this how it goes?: Congress loans Puerto Rico money to pay back its Wall Street investors and then we try to collect from broke little Puerto Rico who has no money to fix their infrastructure and continues to play the game that was designed to turn them bankrupt in the first place?…

    • gallbladder

      Some would call it making them an offer they can’t refuse.

    • Christopher Story

      Preditory lending on a national scale

    • Stulexington

      That’s the idea, your tax dollars bail Wallstreet out of the massive risk they took (not actually a risk, they in fact planned to make PR fail). The banks get the money, PR limps along and the government is left holding the bag. See also: Greece.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I was hoping someone would say I didn’t get it. Fuck…..

      • H-Bob

        How about suspending the Afghanistan quagmire for 2 years and use that money to pay off the PR debt ?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Nounverb911

      SOmeone check on Crowley Marines bank accounts and see how much they just transferred to the RNC.

    • armed_bears

      Stupidity and cruelty, also too.

    • Foreign ships are foreign???

    • Red Bird

      Many PR consider themselves white.

      • Three Finger Salute

        But not all them speak Merkinese. Even those who do, speak something other than Merkinese. Anyone who speaks something other than Merkinese is a member of the global cosmopolitan alliance and therefore a traitor. Take them away!

        (Speaking of Star Wars, if Québec was a U.S. territory, they’d have sunk into the ocean already.)

        • Red Bird

          True. But I said what I said because not every PR will attribute their poor treatment to racism. They don’t see themselves as being a different race than Trump.

          They probably think it is purely politics.

          Same thing with DR.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I worked for the Secretary of State’s office in 2008 when one of the major cities in the state got a big influx of Puerto Ricans. The Voters Rights Act of 1965 decreed that, when the PR population reached a certain point, the state was required to provide ballots in both English and Spanish.

          The Secretary of State was a Democrat. Do you want to know what sort of calls we got on this subject from the barely literate English-speaking morons of the state for complying with federal election law?

  • Crystalclear12

    Nobody pays attention when California is on fire, unfortunately.
    So, back to Puerto Rico.

    • Because the fires in Cali happens every year because summer is the DRY SEASON?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Your time is coming you fucking Moron n’ Chief.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL1JsY1W0AYkmbr.jpg

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thanks $5F.

    Remember all the money that was loaned to Greece? Yep, the right austerity measures will get Wall Street paid, and keep PR Broke. To bad PR can’t pull out of the dollar like Greece did with the Euro.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Donald J. Trump‏Verified account @realDonaldTrump Oct 8
    More
    FEMA and first responders are working hard (yet again) on Hurricane Nate. Military helping. Very much under control!

    https://twitter.com/deepstaterogue/status/917115589780422656

    Trump is a fucking liar who lies as easily as he breathes. Believe me! You can believe me.

  • Stulexington

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He said it! He promised it! He’s done it dozens of times and he said he’d apply his “business strategy” to the White House. This is what you bought with your “win at all cost” strategy, time to pay the piper! Time to deal with the fact that the best strategy for PR is to threaten bankruptcy for a better deal and that your President is the champion of and expert in bankruptcy threats!

    Edit: my god. My god is this his plan? Hold off giving them aid until they declare bankruptcy because he knows any aid package will just get whisked away by PR’s creditors and they’ll be left with nothing with which to rebuild?

    • Can Trump threaten bankruptcy only to give them a WORSE deal?

      • TJ Barke

        Probably.

      • Stulexington

        Well PR is going to come out of this in pretty bad shape financially no matter what, it’s important to note that while his heart may be in the right place (shockingly) bankruptcy is a lot harsher on a government than a company. So if this is his strategy it’ll screw them over either way.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      And all Trump’s rich associates (since he doesn’t have any friends) will buy up every available piece of land (after the taxpayers pay to fix everything) for pennies on the dollar, make a killing, and force all the brown-skinned resident of that third-world thing to work for them for next to nothing..

      Except, of course, the people now dying from water-born infections.

  • JohnBull

    If the free market and tax cuts don’t repair the electrical grid, you could always pray and shout “freedom” in any speech you give to the ravaged locals.
    If those things don’t work, blame Obama. What’s so hard to figure out?

    • And if that doesn’t work, you should probably cut taxes again, since you likely didn’t cut them enough.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And definitely more guns. LOTS more guns needed in PR.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    A quick Google is not answering this question, but I’d bet the rent money that Houston and Florida are not getting loans in lieu of aid TYVM…
    /FFS

    • Nounverb911

      And California will get ignored….

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Oh, quit it. California has plenty of loud, strong legislators. Puerto Rico has none….

        • Nounverb911

          Hmmm. Issa used to be an arsonist wasn’t he?

          • Hrmm.. used to be, but does anyone know his whereabouts when these fires started?

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Good question. It’d probably be easy to find out how many over-insured properties he owns in Nor Cal.

    • Oblios_Cap

      The GOP runs both TX and FL. Unfortunately.

  • Nockular cavity

    AHEM. “Fuck you, pay me.”

    • gallbladder

      Goodfellas. Awesome flick.

  • Nounverb911

    “California? That’s the state will the 3 million fraud voters….. How’s that supply of defective fire extinguishers doing my Koch Boyz friends?’
    –DJT soon

    • Three Finger Salute

      “NUKE THOSE ILLEGAL SHITSKINS KIM!!!!! MAGA!!!!!11!”

      -Trump’s inbred base

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’s not like those Puerto Ricans are American citizens.

    Wait, what? How’s tricks in the USVI?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Sorry, free-association time for me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45pIvr4gJD4 “America is pregnant with promise and anticipation, but is murdered by the hand of the inevitable.”

  • Joe Beese

    Loans won’t lift them out of poverty. What the Puerto Ricans need is the opportunity to make a lucrative investment in a Trump-branded property in Azerbaijan.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Damn, that’s a lot of economic anxiety…

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hey! I’m trying to eat some lunch here.

  • Mavenmaven

    Next Trump will sink the Dominican Republic.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Trump is too busy trying to sink the US.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I guess I’ll have to seek refuge in Cuba then.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Canada’s full, even in the Caribbean.

        • richardgrabman

          Whatever happened to the plan for Canada to annex the Turks and Caicos?

  • canes_pugnaces
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I call bullshit.

      Even sharks have standards.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I want to make a ‘move on like a bitch’ joke, but I just can’t with this.

      • canes_pugnaces

        I think with Trump there’s no such thing as a bad joke.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I think Trump is the worst joke in the world.

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      SHarKKKK!

  • Baconzgood

    I wonder how quickly this problem would be solved if all the Puerto Ricans threatened to move to say…Kansas or Oklahoma or Wyoming? Turn a red state blue.

    • jesterpunk

      Are there enough people there to turn Texas blue? Because with Texas and California blue it will be damn near impossible for republicans to ever win a presidential election again.

      • BrendaKay

        Make it so!

    • MynameisBlarney

      They’re very likely to turn Florida deep blue.

      • Baconzgood

        Florida will be blue in 10 years. I’m saying go for a safe haven.

        • Covfefe

          If global warming keeps up, . . .

    • Christopher Story

      We must do this! Start a Puerto Rican GoFundMe relocation campaign. I’m sure we could tip Florida blue. Texas in another generation.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Not to worry. They want them to reimburse the government for the cost of evacuating to the mainland, and they want to hold their passports as collateral.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Love Cathy McMorris Rodgers 2018 campaign slogan-

    They Will Never De-Fetus!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Mueller is coming and he’s bringing the hook with him:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLo_jX1V4AABABm.jpg

    • gallbladder

      I was kind of hoping for a trapdoor and spike pit.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Fire. It’s the only way to be sure.

        • Dg Hacket

          Nuke ’em from space!

      • Nockular cavity

        Sharks with frickin’ lasers.

    • SeeTrain65

      Sparky Anderson is there?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Carpe Vagenda
    • TJ Barke

      Neat, but it won’t go anywhere.

    • Mpeg

      FFS let this happen with palpable authority if disjointed unity — and take momentum, or I dun’t think my bedraggled horror-stained heart can take much more.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Well, of course this is boner-inducing, but Al might as well be shittin’ on the dock of the bay, cuz it is unlikely we see a paddy wagon pulling out of the WH.

      • SeeTrain65

        That joke would work better if he were Rep. Otis Redding.

        How about this: “Hey Dems: Let’s Stay Together on this!”

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Any tips on how to remove dried egg from a face? Thanks!

          • SeeTrain65

            Use a sharp spatula or a thin knife … NO, WAIT! That’s just for getting dried egg off clothing.

            (I can be a petty, smug, pedantic old prick when I want to be. Even though I don’t want to be. ; ) )

    • Persistent Demme

      Warm up those muscles!

    • TimResistit

      Hey, someone has to break the ice over this. It’s a good practice round.

  • Indiepalin

    Everything’s up to date in Puerto Rico. They’ve gone about as far as they can go.

  • Nobody could have done what I’ve done for #PuertoRico with so little appreciation. So much work!

    We don’t deserve your best work.
    http://m.quickmeme.com/img/47/47f232c4dcd9c95534be6f162adac5e68b15e4afecef2b7d7f0d87329995b80b.jpg

  • Joe Beese
  • Bill D. Burger

    Yup! Still hard at work on it.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLsR4pDWsAAVgSl.jpg

  • Oblios_Cap
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Okay, now that’s bullshit. Funny tho.

    • Shanzgood

      Like a vegan baby with a newly discovered butthole he can’t stop yodeling about.

      • Erala Contratista

        Cannot get that yodeling baby butthole veganist out of my head since that tale was posted.
        Be in Memphis next year and am WAY tempted to go to that restaurant. But know this is one thing the Contratisto would NOT be amused by.

        • Shanzgood

          Do you think the restaurant is still even open? I mean, the health code violations alone!

          • Erala Contratista

            Yeah, and after the story got loose on the inner webs, I doubt it is still around.
            I’ll still see if it’s there, but no chance of visiting.
            And I was willing to do a report, too!

    • Did the photocopier not pick up the decimal place after the 0?

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        I’d have guessed it was after the 2.

    • jesterpunk
    • Christopher Story

      Bullshit. The highest I ever tested was less than that, and that before a decade of drug and alcohol fueled self-destruction.

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        I was tested about IQ 140 as a kid. They took me out of the dumbs class and put me in the smarts class. Took about a week to put me right back in with the eraser eating kids, or as I call them: my people.

        I am going to have shoe polish toast for lunch.

        • Christopher Story

          The last number I remember was 150. I got tested a lot because of my mental health therapy. There was even talk of that mensa thing. I would’ve gone to the gifted class (school was so God damned tedious for me), but the teacher running it didn’t trust me (I was too unstable) especially after Columbine. plus, my grades, because I refused to do my homework (ADD).
          Then there was the whole ultra religious part of my life and my whole world supposing to be about being a minister and a religious leader of my faith, so my family never put much stock on

          • Three Finger Salute

            I don’t even know my number and don’t really care. I just know that there was a bigly strong anti-intellect streak at my school, to the point where they stopped publishing the honor roll because it served as unintentional doxing for bullying victims.

            It wasn’t even a religious thing. The school was literally run by cheerleaders and jocks. The principal was the cheer coach and the district superintendent was the football coach. Their “favorites” got turned a blind eye to for bad behavior, and everyone knew their grades got fudged just so they could meet the “red tape” of GPA requirements to stay on the team/squad. You didn’t dare utter a peep, and neither did anyone else on the staff, because even they knew who ruled the roost and who could make bigly trouble for them in their careers.

            To be perfectly honest, if it is in fact true that the higher you go on the intelligence scale, the more likely you are to have a mental disorder and/or be a social outcast, I’d rather be an emotionally stable and socially popular idiot than a reclusive bookworm with a useless college degree. Ignorance really is bliss. I’m not entirely opposed to eugenics. I think they actually made a mistake in the ’30s trying to engineer geniuses, not knowing that geniuses were more apt to be A.D.(H.)D., schizophrenics, manic-depressives, autistics and the like.

            I hate being smart, because being smart is in part why I’m crazy. My brain doesn’t work properly because it functions at all.

          • Christopher Story

            I get that anti-intellect streak too. Small town hick school, and I moved in from the big city of KCMO, so on top of being smarter than everyone else, I wasn’t from around there. So many abusive nicknames, so much ostracization, so much social stigma.
            In fact, they were so behind I their curriculum, that when I moved in from KC, they were just starting what I’d already done a semester ago. So yeah, I got screwed from every direction when it came to perusing higher educational opportunities.

        • calliecallie

          I don’t know my IQ, but I did poorly on a reading comprehension test in 6th grade and in 7th grade they put me in remedial reading. Those kids were the most fun! And the classroom had this great lending library! It was great. Until my mom found out and explained to the school that I was a voracious reader who clearly just tested poorly that one day. They pulled me out of the class, but for the rest of that year I was still in the “track” with the fun kids for all my other classes.

        • SeeTrain65

          As I said before, an online test recently told me I was at 142.

          IT’S A COMPLETE BULLSHIT NUMBER.

          (By the way, were you an Eberhard-Faber kid? Dab on a little Elmer’s Glue or Paste, maybe season with some glitter, and mmmmm mmmmm, that’s good eatin’.)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I have no idea what my number is. I figure there’s a good chance it’s higher than I expect, which means that I didn’t live up to my full potential, which would bum me out.

        There’s also a good chance it’s lower than I expected, which means that I’m not as smart as I think I am, which would bum me out.

        See where we’re going here?

        • Christopher Story

          Damned if you are, damned if you aren’t. I understand. Instead of building rocket ships or designing next generation AI for those rocket ships, I spend my intelligence (what’s left of it) on my Beautiful, impressing her with nerd tricks.

    • bubbuhh

      I got one uv those that sez I’m a minister uv sum religion or tother. Itz much more impressive, plus I got a nifty coffee mug n canvas shoppin bag.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Can the IQ of a pathological liar be measured?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        No. The machines cannot count that high.

    • FukuiSanYesOta
    • Red Bird

      No. That’s his weight.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        In kilograms maybe.

      • SeeTrain65

        His hat size. Or his penis size, in micrometers.

    • SeeTrain65

      Dad: “You have a safety certificate and everything?”
      Barry: “Listen, mate, you can make so-called ‘certificates’ to prove whatever you want.”
      Dad: “O.K., but have YOU got one?”
      Barry: “Yeah. That’s what I’m saying. You can make certificates to prove whatever you want. Look.”
      Dad: (reading) “‘Royal Academy of Safe Rapid Rides certifies that Barry Crisp Definitely Knows What He’s Doing.’ … Yep, that all seems in order.”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QEKXmr9MFk

    • SeeTrain65

      Pretty good trick, since the highest score and adult can possibly achieve is 161.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • MynameisBlarney

    OT, but a BFD…

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/10/tech-editor-kara-swisher-defends-facebook

    Seems facespace gets moar eviller every damn day.

    • TJ Barke

      Less social media, more social management.

    • Red Bird

      Scary.

    • Three Finger Salute

      It needs to be deleted from the Internet and Zuck’s cell at Leavenworth be a Faraday Cage.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    There are currently about 130 million employed adults in the United States. If every taxpayer/family is charged about $100 extra on next year’s taxes and you shut down a couple of overseas military bases, you’ve got about 40 billion, easy. You can allocate it now and make it up within the year. Boom. Done.

    I can haz presidency now?

  • chimpevil

    Disaster capitalism at its finest. A country hogtied by austerity and preyed upon by capitalists experiences a horrible storm, making them further bound to the predators, who just can’t wait to “rebuild” the country to their rapacious specifications. As for the citizens, who none of the bastards really give a shit about, they will have to either flee or be subject to the demands of their captors (Wall Street, other assorted international bankers, corporations, etc.) Nice scam if you can get it.

    • Paperless Tiger

      It’s almost like a bunch of Goldman Sachs alums are running the country.

      • Three Finger Salute

        What, you missed the statue to America’s God?

        http://www.wallstreetwalks.net/wp-content/uploads/Wall-Street-Bull-from-left-300×225.jpg

        The anointed high priests make their pilgrimage to the Temple of Finance every day, where they practice their righteous tithing away from the sinful poor and into the coffers of Mammon!

        It’s a miracle, I tell you! A miracle!

        • PubOption

          Put a green shirt and clear-rimmed glasses on the Fearless Girl.

    • Red Bird

      If hurricanes become more severe, how will they rebuild it?

      • PubOption

        They have the technology.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Cheaply, I imagine.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Daniel

      Tillerson looks a lot different out of his suit.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      If I buy that t-shirt, will it make my torso look like that?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I will say it again, instead of a tax cut, let’s give the rich our thoughts and prayers.

    • Nope. Not even that!

      How ’bout our frauds and liars?

      • Christopher Story

        We can’t give them those, that’s how we got here

  • Bill D. Burger

    Hey….Legitimate Presidents of the US…..How would YOU describe Trump?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DL3xVX0VwAAsdbp.jpg

    • chimpevil

      Wow, I never thought I would read a reference to W as a “legitimate president” and say yeah ok. Seriously, what kind of alternate universe rathole have we been flung into?

      • The Wanderer

        All RIGHT, I admit it!!1!! I turned the intensifier disk on my Interociter 47 degrees to the left instead of 17!

        • Bad Tom

          YOU MONSTER!!!
          ——-
          Or is that response reserved exclusively for canned clam crime?

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Is that what made your forehead so big?

          • Lily412

            And why does he have a picture of a cheeseburger on the wall?

      • therblig

        in some other alternate universe, an aged former viet cong soldier is telling ken burns how he saved the bonwit teller building.

      • The SECOND time, Dubya won fair and square.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Nope. The second time Ohio ran the general election tabulation through the backup mirror site in Chattanooga on a server run by a conservative Republican. That guy also hosted the site where Karl Rove hid all those emails.

          The polls closed at 7:30 PM, and the Secretary of State sent the entire office IT staff home at 9:00 PM.

          • SeeTrain65

            And Ken Blackwell is still a stain on politics to this very day.

          • You realise that when liberals spread conspiracy theories to make ourselves feel better, we’re no better than those imbeciles who suck down Alex Jones.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I worked at the Ohio Secretary of State’s office from April 4, 1983 t0 March 30, 2015. A good friend who started in the IT Department soon after me and was named Director of IT by Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner, J. Kenneth Blackwell’s successor, confirmed that he and every other member of the office IT staff was sent home at 9:00 PM on election night before the first partial tabulations came in from the county Boards of Elections.

            Secretary of State J. Kenneth Blackwell contracted with an IT company in Chattanooga, Tennessee to maintain backups of the business registration and voter registration databases as well as a mirror site to run in parallel to the office site during the election tabulation in case of computer problems on our end. The county Boards of Election, who were doing the actual counting and uploading the results throughout the night, would not have noticed the difference.

            The 2004 Ohio general election vote was counted by a private company with strong ties to the Republican Party and the Bush White House. This is not conspiracy theory. This is history.

          • Instead of posting all this in an non-existent comments thread, if you could somehow get actual proof of this to an MSM journalist, you’d have the scoop of the century. Seriously, I don’t believe anonymous anecdotes online, even if I’d love for them to be truth.

    • Three Finger Salute

      When Shrub calls you a moron, you’re reeeally a moron…

  • Nockular cavity

    Say it soft and it’s almost like preying.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • canes_pugnaces
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Mormos

    because debt bondage isn’t “technically” slavery.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Just for the record, $4.9 billion would do a lot to help my sort-term liquidity issues too.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The problem for Republicans is that Puerto Rico proves that every single piece of GOP orthodoxy is utter bullshit.

    Can’t be said enough.

    • Daniel

      But Kansas already exists.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        I guess we’re using Puerto Rico to verify the results of the Kansas experiment.

  • jesuswasablack
    • gallbladder

      It’s down here and Canada as well (at least where I’m at.) Maybe my family will actually take a hint and call me every once in a while.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Hopefully it’s suffered a permanent outage. Mark Zuckerberg should have his Canuck internet privileges revoked for unleashing all that garbage that’s turning Canadians not-polite. Crap like this:

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7c96c90e1f9ff438635d0ae51ecce035cb5f27fcb4867b84a6b239c67c8a768f.jpg

        ….and that’s a SCHOOL BOARD candidate from Calgary.

        • gallbladder

          I know: I live in Calgary. She’s a twat.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Zuck freaks out about breastfeeding photos, but lets death wishes and even threats to world leaders go through. Nazi stuff too, even though he’s Jewish!

            To quote the eminent psychologist Foghorn Leghorn, “that boy, I say, I say, that boy, he just ain’t right in the head.”

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Somebody needs to crack down on the hate speech. We tossed out that Nazi fuck Zündel for less than this.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Alberta, the Texas (politicians) of Canada.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Sint Maarten however is doing pretty well with the rebuilding. Airport is open again for commercial flights and even cruise ships will be able to anchor ina few weeks to make sure tourism income returns

    http://www.smn-news.com/st-maarten-st-martin-news/27283-rebuilding-of-sxm-airport-terminal-building-will-commence-soon.html

    • bubbuhh

      They must have previously buried their power grid to be so close to restarting tourism, not to mention they must have access to real help from real friends who aren’t interested in stealing from the islanders at pennies on the dollar.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Well they are part of the kingdom of the Netherlands so we send troops and supplies and a national day of action raised millions. We’re not there yet but we expect to have it fully up and running in a few months. Damage to nature might take a little longer but almost everyone has fresh water and electricity.

        • arglebargle

          socialists

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Clearly you people have NO idea how to deal with a crisis!

    • Mormos

      no clean water, but tourism is up and running! gotta have your priorities straight after all. For your entertainment, watch poor browns die in the streets!

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Well you must understand that the entire island depends on income and revenue made out of the tourist industry so yeah having that up and running is actually key to recovery for many people.

      • WIDTAP

        Resorts have their own water purification systems. Locals are fucked.

  • bubbuhh
  • MynameisBlarney

    This is an even shittier loan that the one gov. Voldemort came up with florida after Irma.

  • Dear President Trump-ski
    Get down on your knees
    ‘Cause no one likes a moron
    With a social disease

    (Apologies to Sondheim)

  • Anna Rompage

    I’ve got an iDear…

    Seeing that the current GOP tax cut is suppose to add approx $150-$200 billion a year to our annual debt/deficit, how about we cancel the upcoming tax cuts, bail out Puerto Rico with about half of what the tax debt would have cost us in a single year,and invest the rest into actual brick & mortar infrastructure jobs here in the states?

    • jesterpunk

      But how will that give the rich more money?

      • Anna Rompage

        Through the normal schemes they use that allow them to pay a lesser effective tax rate than their administrative assistants…

        • Mormos

          he said MORE money (than they are currently extorting)

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And they’d get paid as the contractors for the infrastructure projects. Regular profits.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Pfft, like they’d approve of getting so little. Though I suppose they could make it up with graft.

    • laughingnome

      Guvmint can’t solve the problem. It is the problem!

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Use the rebuilding money to get Tesla to solarize Puerto Rico. They build their solar panels in Buffalo. (SolarCity)

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Now that’s just crazy talk.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    Puerto Rico should just change their name to Houston.

    • Mormos

      The capital ciy of Jefferson Davis on Robert E Lee Island.

    • Three Finger Salute

      They already changed their name to Poooooeeerrrtoh Rrrrrrreeekoh.

      Or at least, Dotard changed it for them.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Mar-a-Let’s Go to the Mainland?

    • Red Bird

      Or just leave the US.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        We could use a province somewhere warm. They might have to switch from Spanish to French, though.

        • Red Bird

          Who is we?

          • marxalot

            French Canuckistan, always grasping for a warm water port.

          • Red Bird

            Oh. I thought you had access to Guadeloupe and Martinique.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            People’s Republic of Canuckistan. Our secret ploy to take over Florida failed, so we need a Plan B.

          • Red Bird

            I thought the plan was to invade the Cayman Islands. There are lots of maple leaves there in the winter months. Also Santa visits by boat.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Or all the people could come to the mainland and have a vote

        • Lady4real

          THAT!

    • Puerto Rico should just change their name to Houston.

      Well, kinda already is. “Puerto Rico” means “rich port”.

      Houston is the 2nd largest port in America, so Rich.

  • Daniel
  • OneYieldRegular

    This will be a sub-prime, adjustable-rate loan, no doubt.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Figures, “Christians” are no friend of brown people named Jesús.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Yeah….so…this might be a weeeee bit unsettling.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029698450

    • The Wanderer

      Well, yes, it is unsettling. But when you realize that you have a bunch of skeevy Alte Kackers in both Houses – and the Supreme Court – oh, yeah, and the White House, you might want to bring in the Aricept by the truckload.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Let’s be realistic here, if you were a Republican, wouldn’t you avoid anything with RICO right in the name.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      <golf clap>

    • JustDon’tSayKneel(OrNeil)

      Apparently they aren’t very good at avoiding it, though.

  • “Good news! Your part of the United States now. And we’ve passed a law that says you’re only allowed to order everything you need from Amazon… which means they can pretty much charge whatever they want for their stuff. Hope everything works out.”
    (later…)
    “So, we know you’re having trouble paying for stuff… would you like some low interest credit cards and a mortgage on your house?”
    (later…)
    “So you’re maxed out and your house is gone. But don’t worry… we’re going to offer you… MORE CREDIT CARDS to rebuild! My, you’re gripping that pitchfork rather tightly, aren’t you?”

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • BearGHAZI

      Oooooh! Do YOU come with the money, Honey?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        How much you got?

        • BearGHAZI

          2 more burritos on my card, and I get a free burrito

      • Ricky Gay

        Da monies make everyone come!

      • OrdinaryJoe

        I thought she was one of Elliot Spitzer’s girls.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Don’t trust her, those are fake backwards twenties!

    • Chuck

      Where is the button for 79 BILLION American dollars?

    • azeyote

      doesn’t really matter how much cash you get – she’s there with a smile to take it from you – typical banker

  • When you walk through the storm
    Keep your hands held high
    And catch all the crap that I throw

    At the end of a storm
    There’s some nice one ply
    And me squawking at you like a crow.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    If it weren’t for the fact the conservative orthodoxy *is* cutting taxes, one might argue it was was not fiscally responsible to do so at this juncture, what with the wrath of God bearing down us and all — or “natural disasters” if you will.

    • Lady4real

      THIS!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Waidaminuuuutttte. $5F, are you being sarcastic?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Puhwhereto Reeecooo is not America. There is no madate to make them great. They are lucky DOTUS treats them like shit because otherwise he wouldn’t have anything at all to do with them.

  • Wookie Monster

    I forget. Did Florida and Texas receive loans for their hurricane damage?

    • Pilotshark

      not sure, but Texas owes wall street around 230 billion and Florida 180 billion give or take a million or two.
      So PR`s 73 billion is nothing. kind of blows that shoot group all to hell.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        There’s a per capita thing that makes PR’s debt proportionally bigger…

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Yeah, but it’s not as if the people themselves took out the loans and have to personally pay them back, so the per capita thing is sort of a diversion. Next they’ll include all the cows in Texas in the per capita figure to make it look better for Texas.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            I could have it backwards, but here’s what I was thinking… The dept we’re talking about is PR government debt, whether Commonwealth, local, I dunno. Hence, I think the per capita thing does ultimately relates to how many taxpayers there are to cover repayment of that debt, eventually…. Like it does in Texas… Or is there something else?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            There are a lot of factors to consider, such as comparing sales tax rates, business tax rates, average income levels, business reinvestment ratios, real estate taxes, the cost of food and housing, etc. There are far more rich people in Texas than in PR, but rich people have more ways of getting out of paying taxes than low- and middle-income people do. It’s all so complicated that simply announcing a per capita ratio does not really say anything relevant or significant.

  • Dutchman

    Maybe having the lovely folks from Puerto Rico move to the “real USA” is not such a bad idea. We could get those 3MM people to scatter throughout some of the Redder states and vote.

    *Better Caribbean food available to all of us
    *They’d have actual representation in our government
    *I got nothin’ else….the strain is wearing on me

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Better music?
      A slightly lower percentage of fundamentalist Christians in the population?

  • whitroth

    Oh, but wait, there’s more…. In his column today, Krugman notes that “Specifically, PR runs, on paper, a huge trade surplus in pharmaceuticals – $30 billion a year, almost half the island’s GNP.” It is, of course, big pharma playing with tax shelters.

    And you wouldn’t want to, I dunno, TAX that trade surplus (with the mainland!), I mean, that would hurt ROI…..

  • Angela Ruzzo

    So let me get this straight…
    • Puerto Ricans are starving, have no power, no water, no sewer, no hospitals, and the Republicans want to … lower taxes for rich people
    • 500 people were shot by a lunatic with 40+ guns and Republicans want to … lower taxes for rich people.
    • 16 million Americans acquired health insurance for the first time under the ACA, and Republicans want to take it away from them and replace it with … lower taxes for rich people.
    • Clean energy is a global necessity that could save the planet, but Republicans want dirty coal and oil and to … lower taxes for rich people.
    I see a trend here.
    Why on earth would anybody vote for these idiots? The people who do are either rich people, or they are brain dead. Or they are Russians.

    • Lily412

      I think it’s because the GOP doesn’t use logic, facts or rationality. They prey on people’s fears about the loss of their freedoms and the march of progress. Who cares or notices that rich people got another tax cut when there are brown people to deport and gay people to hate?

      • This. Liberals are nuanced by and large. Conservatives paint only in black and white

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          That is not really correct. they paint in blah and white. :)

  • Bitter Scribe

    Shorter Republican orthodoxy: Not one dollar of tax money must ever be spent to help anyone, ever.

    • whitroth

      You have it *sooo* wrong. Those tax dollars should help Our Bottom Line, for Holy ROI, and we’ll outsource to people getting nothing, so see? What trickles down is, um, the smallest trickle we caqn manage….

  • I was talking to a boricua last weekend, and came to the conclusion that we should just make Puerto Rico the sixth borough of NYC.

  • Kooolest G

    I love how trump keeps calling the governor of PR “your” governor to geraldo. he was born in NY, his mother is jewish, his dad was born in puerto rico but left in 1939 before geraldo was even born. geraldo never lived in PR. my father was a born in nebraska, pete ricketts is not my governor

  • Zyxomma

    Pendejo.

    • TheStrayGoose

      ¡PENDEJO CABRON CHINGADO!

      • SeeTrain65

        Democrats: “Es verdad, amigo.”

        Trumpanzees: “SPEAK ENGLISH, MUTHER FUCKER!”

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    did we LOAN money to my home state of texas after harvey? No?

    Than fuck this shit.

    Fuckers.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Oh, by the way, the U.S. Virgin Islands is even more fucked than Puerto Rico, and absolutely no one is reporting on it. Joy Reid went there, but, while MSNBC is pounding Trump every night on PR, no one mentions VI.

  • Jack

    What’s up with the LSM? There has been no news about VI or PR for days Millions are dying and starving, and the LSM is worried about Hollywood’s sexual mores? Where is Trump’s news team reporting on FEMA’s successes in distributing food and water to the distressed population? Where are the pix of intrepid Navy and Marines delivering food, water and medicines with all the high priced aircraft we bought them.
    If Trump is doing an amazing job, why isn’t the LSM reporting that? Or are they too busy covering loose peni in Hollyweird?

  • Trumpism…

    Something that distracts you from the fact Republicans only plan is to steal everything and give it to the Rich.
    https://i.makeagif.com/media/9-25-2015/ymufUv.gif

    I can kick my foot higher than you, therefore Trump is correct

  • SeeTrain65

    What’s $5 billion among friends a US possession in trouble and a dictatorship looking to score as much money as they can before being forced from office?

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