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Llifeless eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’… until he bites ya.

Caleb Moore, the 27-year-old son of Alabama Republican senatorial candidate Roy Moore, is clearly a fan of his father’s principled stand when it comes to the law: If you don’t like a law, well then it’s fine to ignore it. That’s why Daddy Moore ignored court orders to remove a giant Ten Commandments monument from the Alabama Supreme Court, and to comply with the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision in favor of marriage equality. We’re not certain whether Caleb heard from God Himself on whether it was divine providence that Caleb should go forth last November onto land that was not his and thereunto slay animals in a manner that is an abomination unto the law, or at least a misdemeanor. But he did it anyway, and now in addition to the two crimes he was charged with then, he also had to turn himself in on a charge of third-degree trespassing after the property owner signed a warrant for the trespass against him.

Young Caleb, lean of sinew and trollish of visage, was briefly booked into the Etowah County Jail Monday, then released on $1000 bond. This was the third set of charges stemming from his November 2016 escapade, for which he caught charges of hunting without permission and “hunting over bait.” Hunting over bait, we learn, is the far from sportsmanlike practice of luring animals out with treats so you can shoot them whilst they are eating, because taking your ass out into the woods and actually hunting a deer is apparently too much trouble for a busy animal killer on the go.

This was Caleb Moore’s ninth visit to the pokey after multiple arrests in Florida and Alabama for drunk driving, plus a few drug arrests, too. He was arrested on drug possession in Troy, Alabama in 2015. The charges were dropped after he entered a plea agreement and went into a pre-trial diversion program last year, which was apparently not enough to divert him from some illegal hunting on top of everything else. But maybe there’s hope for the boy, since as far as we can tell he was neither driving drunk nor hopped up on goofballs when he did the trespassing and deer-baiting (we’ll assume — we haven’t seen a report of what critters he was actually luring with bait).

Sort of makes you wonder what kind of parenting may have gotten poor Caleb off to such a poor start in the world. Perhaps he and Mike Huckabee’s dog-torturing son can get together and form a support group for sons of Republicans who have been unjustly witch-hunted just for having a little fun.

Moore’s opponent in the fall, that goody-goody Democrat Doug Jones, reopened the prosecution of KKK members who bombed the 16th Street Baptist Church in 1964, and convicted them of murdering those four little girls. Man knows what laws are. Jones has three children, all of them in college or graduate school, and they apparently learned the difference between right and wrong without a two-ton slab of rock telling them to not be monsters.

Just by way of comparison.

Just saying.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please CLICK HERE for great justice. Or at least great snark.

[AL.com / AL.com / Doug Jones for Senate]

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  • ariel_gee_398

    Raise your hand if you thought this story was going to involve bestiality.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    OT: Sorry, but this is rather frightening!

    https://twitter.com/_youhadonejob1/status/917829929156382724

    • aureolaborealis

      Better to be surprised by something massive coming out than to be surprised by something massive going in. That’s always been my policy.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Yeah, but it got in somehow. “Million to one shot, Doc. Million to one!”

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Is it near the thermal port?

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            Of course, but this port is well guarded.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Slipped and fell is the standard excuse.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Well, now this depends…

        • aureolaborealis

          ‘Surprised’ being the important word here.

      • chazmanr

        You have never had an Italian-American Christmas dinner of braciole, sausage, meatballs, ravioli and ante-pasta!

        • aureolaborealis

          Instructions unclear: Is that going into or coming out of my ass?

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Thunderbolt and lightning,

      Very, very frightening me.

      (Galileo) Galileo.

      (Galileo) Galileo,

      Galileo Figaro

      Magnifico-o-o-o-o.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I see double. Who ripped us a second ‘ranus?

    • OneYieldRegular

      “Read the card!”

  • whitroth

    First question, based on an old Readers’ Indigestion article, decades ago: while hunting with a deadly weapon… was he also drinking?

  • proudgrampa

    He Seems Nice…

  • Scooby

    He’s a master of bait hunting.

    • proudgrampa

      ISWYDT.

    • GuidedAccordingly

      Or a master baiter?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That, I think. If you’re using bait, you’re not eggzackly a master hunter.

  • TippingHeadon

    I think Moore is a shit stain on the weathered boot of humanity.

    That said, I don’t judge children by their parents and I don’t judge parents by one child. Now, TWO sons who do weird shit with guns and animals? I get judgey.

    • ahughes798

      I wonder if he had a license to hunt deer at all, since he fucked up everything else about hunting.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    9 times? Being a judge’s son must be nice – if he was any other Gomer he’d be doing a nickel upstate.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I have a feeling that if Moore wins the election the poor farmer who signed the complaint will be on Daddy’s shit list.

      • willi0000000

        i think you can safely assume that he’s already there and win or lose moore is going after him any way he can.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Seriously. I thought these ‘law and order’ types preferred the “three strike” method.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    How could this happen? Didn’t he see the ten commandments? Was the monument not large enough?

    • gallbladder

      He can’t read. Reading is a power of the Devil.

  • ginmar

    If I had Roy Moore for a dad, I’d do drugs, too. But not kill animals, because I’m not a serial-killer-in-training.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      If you’d had Roy Moore for a dad, you might be.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Young Caleb, lean of sinew and trollish of visage,…

    Congrats to Dok for resisting the urge to call him ‘Childe Caleb’ in this sentence.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      His real name is Moore Moore Moore, but Roy lied to his wife.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        “How do you like it? How do you like it?”

    • BeachBum

      I tip my hat to the Master Wordsmith. Zoom is justly proud of it’s scion the Doktor.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    Cows. He was hunting cows.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      To be fair, they ARE overgrazing.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Huckabee was there, too?

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        And over mooning.

    • shivaskeeper

      Those aren’t cows. They are slow elk.

    • Marion in Savannah
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    With a rebel yell he cried Moore, Moore….oops he forgot the third thing.

    • wait! what?

      Caleb Moore, Caleb Moore
      Riding through the land
      Caleb Moore, Caleb Moore
      Without his merry band
      He hunts from the poors
      Because he is rich
      Stupid Bitch

  • Vincent Ricola

    “Have Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama made a statement on this arrest yet? They really should be decrying Roy Moore’s Christian crimer son in a statement by now. Or maybe they won’t decry Roy Moore’s Christian crimer son’s unethical hunting practices because it’s their fault they didn’t stop him from doing it! They both could have said something sooner about Roy Moore’s Christian crimer son’s activities. Your thoughts, Dana and Chris?” – Wolf Blitzer, CNN newsroom

    • CindyinEncinitas

      If Killary wasn’t involved directly, we will eventually find her hands on this, and Michell Obama’s hands are as big as snow shoes, so it shouldn’t be long now…

  • Oblios_Cap

    I expected to see that he had been caught with his pants down, so to speak. He looks like a goat -fucker.

  • memzilla Ω

    …he caught charges of hunting without permission and “hunting over bait.”

    Caleb E. Coyote
    Super Genius
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ecb776c24ec3de12efe8e9e6225bcd633319cb5edf6ce15c47e6b6317995aa32.jpg

  • lucidamente

    “Forgive us our third-degree trespasses . . . “

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “And lead us not into a sandpit full of methamphetamine”

      • ahughes798

        And yeh that I walk through the valley of meth…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’m not sure if I can handle this today.

    (takes deep breath, skims story)

    BRB, I have to go shower my dogs with love FFS…

  • Bright Bart

    so this is not the goat fucking thread then?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Aren’t they all?

  • DerrickWildcat

    Ted Nugent school of hunting.

    • wait! what?

      He’s home schooled, because you have to learn how to “hunt” yourself, first.

  • Randy Riddle

    Probably the only thing surprising about this story is that it didn’t involve sex with animals. But it’s only Tuesday.

    • jesterpunk

      That we know of…

      • Skeptical_thinker

        You mean it might be Wednesday?

        • jesterpunk

          Or Tuesday night.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Yet.

        • Ill-Advised

          Ok, there’s still time. It’s Tuesday somewhere.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      They generally hold their interspecies romances for “Freaky Friday”.

    • Petunia Cat

      I’m sorry and creeped out to say that’s what I was actually expecting. 🤦🏻‍♀️ 🤢

      • SweetDeeKat

        Don’t be sorry. Ever since Larry Craig and his “wide stance,” I now expect the absolute worst.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I did expect a chicken or a sheep to be involved. I’m patient….

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      I was surprised to find that bait hunting is illegal in AL. I guess they tried a bill to get it legalized this year but it didn’t pass. Hooray for sportsmanship, I guess.

      It’s a pretty common practise in TX, and seems like an asshole way to hunt.

      • Paul

        It is.

    • FlownΩver

      Yeah, but Tuesday in Cocktober!

  • wait! what?

    I like the idea of nicknaming Roy Moore “Rock-Mobster.”

  • Fartknocker

    If he had been raised in a liberal Christian house full of guns, sports channels, a well stocked liquor cabinet by his two sisters, and Mrs. Fartknocker, he wouldn’t be facing these issues because we follow the Democratic famuly values: Treat people with respect, adopt and raise an animal, help out whenever you can, no harm to people, and make your own damn sammiches and one meal a week for a family. And it’s OK to reach into the liquor cabinet but you can’t drive once you pour the 1st drink. And never, ever run out of ice when we’re drinking, damnit.

    • DerrickWildcat

      Drinking is only permitted when you’re done shooting and the guns are put away.

      • Well now here’s a novel Florida idea let’s open a bar and shooting gallery!

        http://edition.cnn.com/2015/08/22/us/florida-shooting-range-restaurant-alcohol-feat/index.html

        And since then there are no less than 15 across the state now. Some with even “family fun” themes.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Chuck-E-Cheese’s! Where our sacrosanct right to hoard prosthetic penises is more important than your dead kids!

          (Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, but I think it fits.)

        • Ill-Advised

          I’m looking forward to a thinning gene pool, right there. And at least one girl thinking, “Huh. Maybe I don’t have to wait until I grow up to get away…”

      • Celtic_Gnome

        You hear that, Dick Cheney?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    What. The. Fuck. is *wrong* with these people?

    • jesterpunk

      They are republicans?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Inbreeding?

    • gallbladder

      Everything?

    • Clyde Barrow

      Jesus came in them.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        And sent Moses to bat Clean-up?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Without warning?

    • JohnBull

      They’re fed a diet of fried cheese, processed meat, and religious fanaticism. Their brains are mush and their morals fucked beyond repair. It’s a wonder they’re able to so much as flush a toilet without being instructed how.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        That explains much, thank you.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • Spurning Beer

    Sometimes Moore is less.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Classic epitaph on a Boot Hill grave:

      Here lies the body of Les Moore,
      Shot in the head with a .44.
      No Les,
      No Moore.

  • Mpeg

    I’d wag my finger *tsk tsk* in disdain at him, but then he’d probably try to shoot it.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Or suck it. He sounds kinda repressed.

  • Clyde Barrow

    Why is it that every single Caleb I’ve ever met or even read about has not only been brought up by Christian fundamentalists, but is almost always a raging psychopath as well?

    That can’t be a coincidence.

    • wait! what?

      My step-brother had an orange tabby named Caleb. He was frickin’ cool.

      • Clyde Barrow

        Cats are almost always cool, unless they bring a dead bird or rat in the house as a trophy. That’s not cool.

    • ManchuCandidate

      The only Caleb I knew who wasn’t a shit was Caleb Trask (East of EDEN) but he was also fictional.

      • chortlingdingo

        Oh I loved Cal. East of Eden is one of the very few Steinbeck novels that I enjoyed.

    • PubOption

      Caleb Quaye became a Christian, perhaps it was preordained.
      http://www.foursquare.org/news/article/playing_a_different_tune_caleb_quaye

    • BeachBum

      Cause they cant spell Zechariah, Methuselah, or Jehoshaphat.

    • puredog

      CALEB CARR LIBELZ!

    • SweetDeeKat

      I’m suspicious of every Levi and Cody.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Caleb’s diversion program consisted of “take two of these and call me in the morning.”
    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51fKixJ1t1L._SY300_.jpg

  • TundraGrifter

    “Sort of makes you wonder what kind of parenting may have gotten poor Caleb off to such a poor start in the world.” Actually, it doesn’t.

    Sometimes great parents have really crappy kids. Sometimes really crappy parents have great kids. Good parenting obviously helps but it is no guarantee. This young man is an adult person. He, and he alone, is responsible for his actions. If his father pulled strings to get him off, that’s one thing. To blame his father for what he does – or doesn’t do – is wrong. Just as it would be wrong to blame him for having such a crappy father.

    • Crank Tango

      “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”

      Tango’s theory of relatives.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Or else it falls and hits someone on the head.

      • TundraGrifter

        Sometimes it rolls down hill, far far away.

    • ManchuCandidate

      True but this is also a dad who gets off being a high and mighty dick so that is why the snark train pulls into Roy Moore Station.

      • TundraGrifter

        There’s ample evidence Roy Moore is a complete idiot. He does a fine job of making a fool out of himself all by himself. I draw the line (most of the time) at blaming spouses for the actions of their significant others, blaming parents for the activities of their adult children, and at blaming adult children for what their parents do or don’t do.

    • Nockular cavity

      How can he be responsible? The liberals took God out of the schools! /s

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    My God! Roy Moore’s son is a… THUG!

  • Duke

    Needed a bigger rock.

  • ariel_gee_398

    In news of other hypocritical, law-breaking, not-very-nice Southern people: https://twitter.com/sam_baker/status/917839372338253830

    • gallbladder

      Da fuq?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Did the other barrels still have useful stuff in them?

    • Surprised she wasn’t seen in Uganda. The Xitian right is just going bonkers down there…

    • Talk about failing upward!

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      And here I was feeling only a little stabby so far today.

    • Oblios_Cap

      $80K a year in Methtown KY for not doing her job and international travel? There is no God.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      she’s really leaning into that patriarch

      • WotsAllThisThen

        That was her takeaway from Sheryl Sandberg’s book.

      • Nockular cavity

        Can’t have patriarchy without patriarchs, right?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Rutting heap of filth.

      • janecita

        Looking for hubby number 4?

        • theCryptofishist

          Is he lost again?

          • janecita

            I meant, hubby number 5. Man, that woman is kind of loose! She is worse than Trump!

          • theCryptofishist

            They are both beyond my despicable meter’s ability to record.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Republicans… Anything for a free plane ride.

    • Fartknocker

      Being from KY, Kim may want to help them build a theme park with a functional, life size Noah’s Ark.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      One might think, from the size of her forehead…………………….

    • Oblios_Cap

      What is she doing with Dumbledore?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        What is she doing with that stupid outfit?

        • janecita

          Hurting my poor eyes. Don’t get me started on the Duggar hair! Fundie White Trash.

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Good to see she brought her Sunday best to wear.

        • Ill-Advised

          What is she doing?

      • janecita

        And, does she know that he is gay?

      • ken_kukec

        In KY it’s called “stink-finger.”

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Cunt is as far as I can go and follow Rules.

    • jesterpunk

      Isnt there something about being divorced 3 times in the bible too?

    • laughingnome

      Is she trying to hump Santa?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Is that a burqa she’s wearing?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        A tarp with sleeves.

      • ken_kukec

        An outfit she picked up while doing her bid for contempt.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      And she got all fancy’ed up to meet foreign dignitaries. Is that her formal t-shirt?

      • Daniel

        And a dress scrunchy.

      • therblig

        it’s turned inside out to hide the gravy stain, but no one noticed.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Is it too much to ask that she keep her Christian perversion to herself?

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      I see she learned nothing about wardrobe from her press experience a couple years ago.

    • therblig

      i wasn’t aware that anyone needed to be taught how to not do their job.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Woman is so full of hate, she just has to share it with the world. For the first time in my life, I’m thinking that the C-word is downright appropriate.

      • Werewolf

        She has neither the warmth nor the depth.

    • therblig

      i sense a complete absence of kevorka in this gathering.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Dear Romania,

      You can keep her if you want. Really. No backsies.

      Kisses,

      EQ

      • jodyleek

        If we can send one homophobe to Romania, why can’t we send them all there?

    • Nockular cavity

      It’s Romania. How do they feel about vampire marriages?

      • therblig

        as long as it’s between a Vlad and a Vlassie

        • Nockular cavity

          Can’t have two Impalers, can you? That would be wrong.

          • Ill-Advised

            Already had two impalers ~600 ago. No word on whether this is the quota for the current millennia.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Has not-America not suffered enough?

    • puredog

      Jeez Louise. Has she not heard of the Fifteen Minutes Rule?

    • nightmoth

      If I were her husband, I’d advocate for NO-sex marriage.

  • Funny, his post-drug charge “diversion” didn’t land him in a chicken processing slave labor camp. Shouldn’t his Christian dad want him to be in such a Christian environment?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Angola Prison is nice this time of year, they say.

      • theCryptofishist

        Isn’t that LA?

  • calliecallie

    Assume deer dead.

  • JohnBull

    Arrested on drug charges, too? A million dollars says this asshole is against drug legalization.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    After nine visits to jail, some *coughblackcough* Alabamites get long sentences. But I suspect Caleb here is good to go, as in go home, because he’s not one of those people.

  • Me not sure

    This is how the little turd responded to his last arrest on a drug charge.
    “This is nothing more than a prime example of how media and crooked police officers and critics of my dad try to not only destroy his career for what he stands for but will go as far as trying to destroy his family.”
    So much for “the party of personal responsility”.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      That works the first time, maybe. The eighth? Not so much.

      • willi0000000

        eight times? . . . well that’s persecution for sure!

      • Me not sure

        He walked.

      • Ill-Advised

        Even though it’s so we’ll-rehearsed? Sad!

    • OneYieldRegular

      Actually, this is nothing more than a prime example of how the whiney, snotty, privileged scion of a law-breaking local judge mysteriously manages to get busted nine times for various crimes in a state where a broken taillight could well get him killed if his skin was brown.

  • Hmm… sounds like the shit doesn’t fall far from the manure bag.

    • Ill-Advised

      Or the asshole.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
  • BigCSouthside

    when I saw the headline, I assumed they caught him fucking a farm animal

    • Msgr_MΩment

      As we learned in the Vegas article, first reports are often wrong.

      He totally fucked a farm animal.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      We all did.

    • janecita

      Me too, I’m really disappointed with this story:-(

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Patience. Story’s young.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh good lord, y’all. This is Alabama. Fucking a farm animal is just expected to happen. In fact, it’s just plain rude if it doesn’t happen.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I am never, ever going to Alabama if that’s the case. But I wasn’t planning of ever visiting there in the first place.

      • janecita

        Farm animals are used to it.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I almost expect Ford’s supporters to say “The goats were asking for it.”

      • aureolaborealis

        Right? What kind of savage would want to eat any part of a pig that isn’t good enough to fuck?

    • doktorzoom

      We can’t help it if our readers have dirty minds.

      We probably can help that we exploit that, but why would we want to?

  • therblig

    christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven. like after he gets drunk and wipes out a family with his truck, he’ll ask for god’s forgiveness and the fucking wingnuts will clasp him to their respective bosoms.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “What’s the matter with you, boy?”

  • At least he isn’t gay!

    • elviouslyqueer

      *ahem* *points up*

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    You know, I heard about this story earlier, but I only skimmed and absorbed the parts about Moore’s shithead son, animals and ‘baiting. I must tell you, I was assuming something different, involving unwilling goats.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh I’m sure that’s happened, also too. Because Alabama.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Give the story time to develop … I’m sure there’s more un-christianing to it.

  • I hope to hell he wasn’t hunting donkeys on that guy’s property. Because that would be coveting his neighbor’s ass, and it would mean the granite “slab o’ commandments” had failed.

    • jesterpunk

      He was getting ready for the donkey show.

    • Ill-Advised

      Um. Point of order. Coveting would mean possession in the carnal sense, surely? Being a sin of the eye and heart.

      (I flirted with Reform, while dating an Orthodox atheist, back on the day, and I’m easily confused about what is and isn’t trayf.)

  • elviouslyqueer

    Good ole Caleb is really really REALLY shouty about homosexxxxxxxxyalls. So odds are pretty good that he’s a big sissy bottom.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Insists he is ‘versatile’, too.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Meaning he does doggy style and missionary.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          You have not lived until you’ve had his whiskey dick mashed onto your thigh all night long.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “SWIC, this is Gaydar . We evaluate “Caleb” as a power bottom closet-case.”

    • ImGoingBacon

      Why is this always true? The louder they shout, the more they are into it?

      Self hate is not a pretty color on the Sherman-Williams chart.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Bait hunting is just one step away from hunting the neighbor’s cat.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    He’s really got that Norman Bates impression down for Halloween.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/66073378181147faa52b05d50beb5e85d3d6dac93f5c5ddebe4b3467dbddcd06.jpg

    Also, his dad is saying this ninth (NINTH!!!??) arrest is really just a ‘cheap political trick’

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/alabama-gop-senate-hopeful-roy-moore-calls-sons-ninth-arrest-a-cheap-political-trick/

  • KnaveOfSwords

    There’s also drug-related charges in 3 seperate counties, and DUI charges in both Alabama and Florida. All told, this is his 9th arrest.

    The Moores, of course, would like you to know that his criminal record is a “cheap political trick to detract from the real issues facing our country,” (Roy Moore on the latest arrest) and “This is nothing more than a prime example of how media and crooked police officers and critics of my dad try to not only destroy his career for what he stands for but will go as far as trying to destroy his family.” (Moore the younger, on his 2015 possession arrest)

    You know, business as usual from the party of (never taking) personal responsibility.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Publicly calling cops crooked is always a good move in the Deep South.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I know I’m not supposed to think he could be hot, so I’ll just say I’m kind of glad it doesn’t actually involve sex with animals because my sheep costume is hot and itchy.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      OT – but I kept thinking about the necklace photo you posted earlier today when I went out, and I broke into laughter every time! xD

      People probs thought a crazy girl was walking.

    • janecita

      I don’t find him ugly either.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Have I seen you on EweTube?

      • theCryptofishist

        No, just Ew!Tube.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Oh come on! You don’t need to lower your standards that far. At least Aaron Schick probably doesn’t have rabies, and his social calendar is likely a lot freer these days.

    • puredog

      I have a really excellent sheep costume that is very comfortable. ‘Course, 10/31 may be different in Portland than from where you’re at.

    • jackie jones

      He walks that fine line between hot and total asshole

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Sometimes, the line fades a bit…

    • elviouslyqueer

      He does have some pretty DSL.

      • janecita

        I thought that they were kind of thin.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          With lips like those, he better have pneumatic jowls.

    • BeachBum

      What team are you a mascot for ? I don’t know of any Fighting Sheep ? Perhaps from Down Under ?

      • Arolpin

        Colorado State Rams. I would say LA Rams, but fuck those guys.

        • BeachBum

          Ah, yes, of course! Silly me a City Boy.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Dad once took a trespasser to court. I think the guy got a wrist-slap. On the other hand, we had cattle shot DEAD after. Fucking entitled fuckers.

  • MamaBrown

    What the hell is it with these god botherers? I know. They know they can ask Jesus to forgive them. And he does! How about that?

  • janecita

    Doug Jones will lose this election, because he is a decent man running in Alabama.

    • Three Finger Salute

      See also, Jon Ossoff. That one hurt, because he was cute and also too a Jedi-in-training like our Prince Trueheart of the North, but I wasn’t surprised. The South has been owned by the Dark Side since forever.

      • janecita

        Things to be cheerful about, NJ electing a Democratic governor in November:-)

        • Three Finger Salute

          Springsteen 2017?

          • janecita

            I wish! Phil Murphy.

          • Arolpin

            I will happily take Phil Murphy over Chris “Private Beach Party for Fat Fucks” Christie any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

          • Three Finger Salute

            I’m not even from Joizey and I’d vote for his beach chair.

          • janecita

            Me too!

      • Paperless Tiger

        He wants workers to make a living wage, obviously a godless communist.

        • Three Finger Salute

          He (Ossoff) lived FIVE MINUTES out of the district! Obviously a globalist elite!!!1!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Boy’s just raising as much cain as he’s able.

  • jackie jones

    Does Caleb have a real job? Sounds like a total fuck up son mooching off parents.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Apparently, he’s a career criminal.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        And not a good one. More (no pun intended) of a crime of opportunity kind of guy.

  • puredog

    That clickbait headline made me lust for a story of Caleb, you know, VIOLATING those nonconsensual aminals. I guess I’ll have to make do with this.

    • chortlingdingo

      Not gonna lie, that’s where my head went too.

      • doktorzoom

        It’s almost like it was intentional.

    • I thought you wrote necrosensual animals for a second there…

    • Edith Prickly

      Yeah, I thought we were going to get more tales of Erick Erickson-esque shenanigans with ruminants. WEAK!

    • doktorzoom

      It was one of those wossnames, a double entendeer.

      • Rags

        Doe!

  • Red Bird

    Don’t worry he just has to confess and he’ll be forgiven.

  • Anna Rompage

    If Roy was your father, you’d probably be a little moore fucked up then the rest of the general populatoin…

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Does this lil fuckface have a twitter?????????????????

  • Baconzgood

    Can a Democrat really win in Alabama.

    • Blackest Noobs

      eh??????????????

    • willi0000000

      it seems the key to winning in any red state is to lie your ass off.

    • TimResistit

      Yes. If they act and behave exactly like a republican.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Only if you go back 50 years.

  • Joe Beese
    • TimResistit

      Believe what you want, but if you are trying to avois controversy…forcing them to stand is not the solution.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yeah, this won’t backfire on the NFL owners at all.

        • gallbladder

          Indeed, let them bench their star players and let’s see how many fans turn up for a game (I know my speculation is a long shot, but still…)

      • OneYieldRegular

        Believe what you want, but forcing people to stand for the National Anthem is against the law.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Something something First Amendment something something something.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Then we need to stop playing the national anthem before games. End this bullshit now. To paraphrase that tweet by that really smart guy, an oath sworn with a boot on your neck is not patriotism, it’s fascism.

  • Three Finger Salute

    The elephant doesn’t fall far from the tree. Or something like that. GOP SOP SOB.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/066cb7b98acd425d721aecb6c34aba9117f6f8d235f52918c231405a7b1dc3a0.jpg

  • Nockular cavity

    “GO ‘WAY! BAITIN’!”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Who hasn’t been arrested in Alabama and Florida?

    • Arolpin

      I lived in FL for 3 years and was never arrested. I’ve been through Alabama, and actually spent a weekend there one, and again, not arrested. I must be a magical flying unicorn. (Or, you know, not a total fucking inbred moron drunk-driving druggie.)

    • mancityRed6

      that would involve a physical presence in either of those two states, so…me?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Hitler!…Oh, so not that game then?

    • wait! what?

      Florida-man and Alabama-man, respectively.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Quote of the day: The President doesn’t have policies, he has mood swings.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
  • Joe Beese
  • Blackest Noobs

    ahhhhhh to be a young white guy….so entitled…gets away with practically anything….just like that Ginger Snap in Texas who shot the police officer in cold blood…sure sure they caught him but minus the bullet holes.

    shit they shoot black dudes armed with just a fucking knife if that…this Ginger Snap and Roy’s boy….shit they could kill a fuck LOAD of people and not one cop would shoot them..NOT A FUCKING ONE.

    • Professor Fate

      Actually that this clown got arrested nine times while being white and well connected would argue he’s completely out of control.

      • Blackest Noobs

        sure…but he sure does get plenty of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc chances.

        a black kid would be sent up the river at offense #1. that’s if they didn’t shoot him dead first.

        • willi0000000

          i had to shoot . . . i thought he had Skittles™

      • Three Finger Salute

        nine times…. nine… times…

      • Carole

        I’m guessing he was arrest-able, but not actually arrested, at least twice as many times as he was arrested (by people who didn’t know pappy).

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Tamir fucking Rice. If Moore’s son were black, well, 1) Moore would probably never have been a judge because Alabama. and 2) The son would be in the ground or in the carceration.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “If Moore’s son were black, well, Moore would probably never have been a judge because Alabama”

        Remember when the GOP race-baited McCain for having a black adopted daughter or granddaughter or something like that?

        How could anyone not have seen them being a party of deplorables WAY BACK IN 2000?!?

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          One of the proudest moments in Turd Blossom Rove’s career, that was.

        • willi0000000

          i’ve known since 1952 . . . i was almost four years old at the time.

          that’s the first time i can remember seeing tricky dicky . . . and hearing my father say “he’s a crook. he’s a goddamn crook.”

          my memory is strange and like flypaper . . . unselective about what sticks in it.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    It certainly is strange that so many rock-ribbed conservative, Christian folk have children who are absolute monsters.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Not to worry. I’m sure “Judge” Moore will tell god what to do about all this.

  • Atheist

    I think he’s kind of scary looking.

    There’s a saying about eyes being the window of the soul and all that.

    Well there’s no soul in the windows. Just sayin’.

  • exinkwretch

    Sure, the kid has had a few dozen brushes with Johnny Law, but AT LEAST HE AIN’T NO HOMO! Jesus loves him!

  • JMP

    I’m sure that pre-trial diversion program is just as available for poor black and Latino folks charged with drug possession with multiple prior arrests as for a white guy with a rich powerful daddy like this douche.

  • Joe Beese
    • Joe Beese

      The full statement goes on to say it’s the fault of the NYPD for fucking things up.

      That should go over well.

      • Three Finger Salute

        I almost don’t want to watch movies anymore.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Trust me, A Old former NYC born-and-bred bitch, it ain’t the first time, and it sure as shit won’t be the last time.

    • wait! what?

      Ooh, the “it’s not a crime to be Harvey” gambit.

      Well played.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Same as when they let Ivanka and Donny 2.0 walk.

  • nightmoth

    Deer-baiting is for losers who can’t shoot straight. We just called the game warden on an asshole who’s deer-baiting next to our farm.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      What’s the bait? Hay?

      • nightmoth

        Corn. They put up a deer stand and dump a bucket of corn in front of it. Can’t miss hitting the deer, although they’re so lame they sometimes still manage to only wound it.

        • Arolpin

          It’s fucking legal (or at least not-enforced) in NJ, which pissed me off to no end. It’s not like there aren’t enough deer running around suburbia already, but fucking unsporting hunters are baiting them year round so that they can step out the back door and shoot a deer. If you want to do that, move to the mountains, buy yourself 100 acres,and go to town (and still don’t fucking bait them).

          • nightmoth

            I was anti-hunting until I saw how my hubby-to-be did it. No deer stand at all, but walking quietly and stalking like an Indian, and then only taking the shot when he knew he could drop it with a one-shot quick kill. And then he got all Indian-savage-ish and thanked the dead deer for giving itself to him.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Sounds like a guy I know down here. He bow hunts, and gets his limit every deer season. And boyoboyoboy does his Mrs. know what to do with venison. YUM!

          • Arolpin

            That’s not entirely uncommon, and I was certainly taught to honor the animal. Did he go full savage and eat the liver raw? My dad offered me the chance when we bagged a moose, but I declined, mostly because I don’t like liver even when cooked.

          • nightmoth

            No, no raw liver. He did initiate a young man who had killed his first deer by smearing blood stripes on the kid’s face, which I found awful at the time. But later I thought, it does drive home that you’ve shed blood. “Honoring the animal”–well-said. Sounds like your Dad taught you good lessons.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Corn usually.

      • Corn.

    • Three Finger Salute
    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s legal, or was in SC. On private property.

      • nightmoth

        It’s legal in South Georgia, but not in our neck of the woods, which is North Georgia. A fine point, I know, but having some urban idiot come out here and take what should be an easy shot so he can go back to Atlanta and brag just sticks in my craw.

    • Deer-baiting is totally legal in WA state. Shoot-from-your porch style hunting.

      • nightmoth

        I’ve known some old codgers who did that shoot-from-the porch hunting. The bait, though was their vegetable gardens.

        • It’s a tough call in my neighborhood. Deer are prevalent, and one or two a year end up on the macadam meatmaker out in front of my property. There’s only so much food to go around for the ungulates, but introducing artificial sources throws everything off, imo.

          • nightmoth

            After re-introduction and 30-some years of biologists managing the numbers we’ve got a LOT of deer here. Our real problem, though, is wild pigs. A hunter brought some up from South Georgia and released them. They’re hard on the ecosystem, wily when being hunted, and they breed like–well–pigs.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Know how many times Caleb has been arrested?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hh_vLKlz2Mc

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Not to exonerate the li’l psychopath or anything, but speaking for us carnivores, we ain’t got much of a leg to stand on when it comes to judging hunters. “Hunting over bait” may seem less sporting in a sense, but if you use a strategy that gets you a better shot, you might be likely to get a quicker kill, and the animal will suffer less? Hunters might be able to correct me on this.

    Bit of a peripheral point, I know. And that may not explain his reasoning at all. But just puttin that out there.

    • Teaching bears to like donuts is fucked up.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Okay, but no shotgun traps.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Yee. No, agreed.

    • nightmoth

      What we’ve found is that the “hunters” who want a better shot usually don’t how to do one: i.e. arterial shot.

    • Anna Rompage

      I would bait trap if I lived in the woods and relied on meat to feed myself and family, but never fucking ever for sport hunting…

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Well, fair enough. But I think it’s important to remember that the perception of “sport” here is, shall we say, unilateral. :)

    • Gorillionaire

      No and no. Been a very long time since I went hunting with my pappy, but baiting is a bad idea. There is a reason that serious hunters totally friggin hate on baiters, and it ain’t just the cheating aspect of it. It is bad for the whole hunting environment.

    • Blackest Noobs

      the baiting thing isn’t hunting….i mean i hear these macho fucks talk all the time and im thinking shit…if it’s really about THE HUNT…then do it with just a knife or bow….handicap the fuck outha yourself…i mean Native Americans took down Buffalo without any of our modern conveniences.

      • Arolpin

        Well, they mostly did it by stampeding the buffalo to a cliff, where the buffalo would run off, fall down, and die. There’s a reason there are so many placed named Buffalo Jump or similar in the northern Plains states.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Interesting point. Breeding an animal, confining it all its life without ever giving it a chance to enjoy any of the things animals enjoy, except maybe eating, and then shipping it off with a bunch of other animals to be slaughtered isn’t kind or sporting either. And I’m an avid carnivore.
      But it isn’t really fair to the hunters who are following all the rules and are competing for the same animal, either.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        That’s true. Hadn’t considered the human-to-human dynamic there.

      • Rags

        In a lot of rural communities, deer are an important food resource. They practice semi- agriculture, feeding deer year round then going out on opening day to harvest at the feeding station. This is not a recreation for them

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          That is true. Last time we were in Texas, you could see deer feed at some of the stores. Even if you look at deer as a food resource (and in many parts of the country they’ve actually become pests) the person who poaches or otherwise doesn’t follow the laws gains an unfair advantage over his honest neighbor who does.

  • Blackest Noobs

    you know, if the white race is so superior, why are their children so fucked up, Marty…really why is that almost always the case?

    • Anna Rompage

      If the white christains are so superior, how come they can be so easily outsmarted & outmaneuvered by us jews, that make up less that 1% of the US population?

      • Atheist

        But didn’t you know that’s what makes Christians the VICTIMS in everything.

        Because it’s UNFAIR that any other group have any amount of power that is rightfully theirs.

        And also because after centuries of persecuting Jews, Muslims, women, unbelievers, and non-whites they still consider themselves the only group that is persecuted in the entire world.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Solution? Forge a tenuous partnership with (some) Jews to facilitate a land grab and cream their pants over end times fantasies. Zionism is just Manifest Destiny by any other name. A “Christian” wrote this.

      • Blackest Noobs

        and they’re soooo worried you Jewish peeps are gonna replace them.
        i’m like replace you…..ummmm we probably rather just delete you.

    • David Hollenshead

      “why are their children so fucked up”
      It is also the case for the children of non-whites, but they are usually charged and convicted, for their first major offense. While the privileged are given a few chances to change their ways, without having “their future destroyed by a felony conviction”…

      • Blackest Noobs

        i dunno from my experiences, and growing up in a town mostly of a bunch of rich whiteys..it was as if all the rich white kids were cursed….cursed with being whiny entitled assholes who did whatever they wanted and suffered no consequences.

        • David Hollenshead

          Yes, and we both realize that raising your children to be “privileged” is also raising them to be a “whiny entitled assholes”, with the key word being assholes.
          Of course, being a Sociopath could just run in their families…..

        • altleftjohn

          Where are their fathers?!

          • willi0000000

            out with their mistresses . . . why? was it important?

  • Caleb, son, didn’t your papa teach you that baitin’ a deer is just another way to fuck that chicken.

  • whitroth

    Hey, Wonketteers, I just read that after Moore’s win, the Senate Leadership Fund is staying out of the race. I guess the Kochs and the Mercers will have to do all the heavy lifting….

  • jesuswasablack

    “Jones has three children, all of them in college or graduate school, and they apparently learned the difference between right and wrong without a two-ton slab of rock telling them to not be monsters”
    That may be true but does he (Jones) wave a gun around at a rally? Cause if he aint waving a gun then he aint gonna win in Bama!

    http://a.abcnews.com/images/Politics/HT_Moore_gun_180926KA_12x5_992.jpg

    • gallbladder

      Kind’a surprised he wasn’t also holding up a bybul. That’s gonna cost ‘im!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      That’s his “shoot fish in a barrel” gun!

    • janecita

      That’s a tiny dick, holding a tiny gun.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Waving a gun around… Hmm.. When is waving a gun around a crowd a sign of political toughness and when is it a crime? Like that dolt who pulled out his gun at a Portland protest and got hisself arrested and convicted and maybe a bit Second Amendment dick punched?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Can the Democrats run some black guy carrying a slightly bigger weapon? Just for shits and giggles?…

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Don’t they always, allegedly?

  • SKruetheratbassedarDs

    I’m sure Daddy has n-e-v-e-r spent so much as a single breath running interference for the youngster in his multiple dealings with the justice system, no sireee! That boy’s legal fortunes have risen and fallen s-o-l-e-l-y on they own merits . . . .

    • willi0000000

      do your fingers hurt after typing that?

      • SKruetheratbassedarDs

        not as much as my soul does . . .

  • Jennifer R

    “they apparently learned the difference between right and wrong without a two-ton slab of rock telling them to not be monsters.”
    This implies the 2 ton slab of trash actually helped anyone in Moore’s family, which is not in evidence.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Maybe the two ton block of stone was carved from their heads?

  • Why does every Bible thumper name their spawn Caleb?

    • David Hollenshead

      Because using the name Judas Iscariot is too obvious……

    • Beanz&Berryz

      ‘Cuz it’s the one name that uses 4 of the first 5 letters of the alphabet

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Because they can’t spell Absolom….

  • wait! what?

    Caleb had been arrested 8 times if we stop counting at 2016.

    Here’s the highlight reel:

    It is the latest in a long line of arrests for the 25-year-old,
    dating back to 2013, when he was arrested for third-degree domestic
    violence in Troy.

    A few months later, he was arrested in St. Clair County on possession
    of drug paraphernalia and given a three-month suspended sentence. He
    was also ordered to attend a drug rehab clinic, where he later tested
    positive for drug use. A judge ruled he met the conditions of his
    treatment plan.

    In 2014, he was arrested twice – in both Florida and Alabama — for
    driving under the influence and on drug possession charges in Baldwin
    County.

    In 2015, he was arrested again for drug possession, this time in
    Troy. Those charges were dropped when he entered a pre-trial diversion
    program.

    In all, despite multiple DUI arrests and three arrests
    on drug-related charges, Caleb Moore has never been sentenced to jail
    time.

    • David Hollenshead

      It’s called “white privilege”……

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Boys will be boys until the Conservative man reaches the age of 50.

      • Carole

        Then he just engages in totally legal and justifiable pussy-grabbing.

  • stumpknocker

    i feel sorry for him if roy moore was my father, i’m sure i would be beyond fucked up too.

    • you are way nicer than me.

  • “March 2013, Caleb Moore pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor drug paraphernalia charge in St. Clair County and was sentenced to probation. He was given a three-month suspended sentence and told to spend a year at Canaan Land Ministries, a Christian prison-alternative program that offers a one-year rehabilitation process. On Oct. 21, 2013, an order was filed saying he had tested positive for marijuana, amphetamines and Benzodiazape, a psychoactive muscle relaxant drug category that includes Xanax.”

    “Christians” are so goddamned full of shit.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If blacks in this country are so offended no one is forcing them to stay here. Why don’t they pack up and move back to Africa where they will have to work for a living. I am sure our government will pay for it! We pay for everything else.

    Meanwhile, next door in Mississippi, someones account was “hacked” and they were sacked.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      This is going on in Mississippi?? The hell you say!

    • Carole

      Oh, she was TOTALLY hacked. I know people in Indiana who say shit like this all the time and are not sacked.

  • Bitter Scribe

    after the property owner signed a warrant for the trespass against him.

    ISWYDT

    • Why did he lead him into temptation in the first place?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Zackly. Having those damn deer on his property in the first place should be considered harboring an attractive nuisance. Property owner should be in jail.

        • whitroth

          You’re saying that those deer were asking for it…?

  • Three Finger Salute

    Speaking of Bannon’s boy (and Moore is one of Bannon’s Boys from Brazil): guess who else might be coming to dinner to “dismantle the administrative state”:

    Steve Bannon’s latest recruit: War profiteer — and Education Secretary Betsy DeVos’ brother — Erik Prince, for Senate

    Fuck the uber-fascist Blackwater guy and his Amway turd of a sister-wife… I can’t stand that bullying bitch who recently tried to mess with Ontario’s school system, and I really can’t stand Erik Prince. So, here’s a gratuitous photo of Canada’s Prince Eric.

    http://www.cosmo.ph/images/april_2016/04-28/justin-trudeau-modern-prince-charming.jpg

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Erik will be in jail for this Trump Russia thing.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Erik with two fewer Ks than his favorite “heritage” organization, that is. Prince Eric, above, should be canonized while still alive, and made Patron Saint of the Federation of Planets. Send tweet (at) Pontifex.

    • Teto85

      Does Ontario still have that double school system where the taxpayers pay for the private catholic system as well as the non-denominational public system? And how do we know that’s PM Snazzy Socks if we can’t see his snazzy socks?

      • marshlc

        If it’s anything like how it works in Alberta, you get to pick which system your taxes go to.

        I was brought up in the Alberta Catholic system way back in the 60s and 70s, and it was pretty good. Exact same curriculum as the public system, plus religion classes, which meant catechism when we were little, and things like Comparative Religion or Ethics in high school.

        As I understand it, these days it’s not quite as good – the bishops are in it up to their elbows. It looks like the kind of “Here’s a thorny ethical problem, how could a person work it through?” type of stuff we did in high school isn’t what they’re getting now. Back in those post-Vatican II days of the early 70s, there was quite the liberal, ecumenical wind blowing through some parts of the Catholic church. All gone now, I suspect.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Imagine what happens to anybody else going before Judge Roy Moore with a record like that.

  • chazmanr

    And that horrible Malia Obama is just sitting around doing nothing for a year before heading off to Harvard. Some people’s children!
    /s

    • Carole

      I heard someone saw her inhaling second-hand smoke at Lollapalooza.

      • chazmanr

        That was after she was observed jay-walking.

  • Bitter Scribe

    If this guy’s son is as fucked up as he sounds, then I feel legitimately sorry for both of them.

    BUT…if you have that much trouble raising your son, then just maybe you shouldn’t go around telling others how to raise their kids.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I got no sorryz for that Roy Moore fuck…

    • Cat Cafe

      If Roy Moore was actually a decent human being, it would be different. But he’s a shitheel who mouths pieties while being a shitheel and having a son who’s a shitheel.

    • Rags

      Half the counselors would be out of business

  • jesuswasablack

    Caleb, sometimes transliterated as Kaleb, is a figure who appears in the Hebrew Bible as a representative of the Tribe of Judah during the Israelites’ journey to the Promised Land.

    Gee I wonder what went wrong?

    https://img.thedailybeast.com/image/upload/v1506527084/170927-michaelson-roy-moore-hero_oijlm1.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      They had the shrimp tacos, mixed their fibers, and God inbred the shit out of them.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Doesn’t surprise me that he’s a baiter. Most of the republican’ts I know are….(you know the rest).

    • Teto85

      Yah, but he seems like an apprentice or maybe a journeyman but not yet a master of the craft.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        He should apprentice with Ted “Zodiac” Cruz.

    • Cat Cafe

      “Don’t come in! ‘Batin’!!”

  • Bren

    Aw shucks!!! There wuz me thinking the apple of Daddy Moore’s eye wuz caught rubbing his boy parts in the girl parts of some defenceless animal. And I thought girl parts because Roy’s boy would be going near any of them homosexual animals and make Daddy upset.

    Bad Doktor Zoom giving me nasty ideas, I’ll have to go to the nearest ten commandments monument now and confess my evil thoughts.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And leave your mark that you’d been there…

      • Bren

        Sure will, a big skid mark.

  • Anna Rompage

    Does this mean Caleb is a master baiter?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    When will the RW Christian community step up and take responsibility for the culture of lawlessness that pervades it? When will Chris Cillizza demand that Roy publicly denounce this scofflaw?

    • David Hollenshead

      When hell freezes over…….

      • Marion in Savannah

        And pigs are flitting through the tree branches.

        • sarafina

          Upvote for “flitting”.

    • Teto85

      When Jeebus comes down and tells them to knock it off?

  • stankbait

    I see what you did there. Bait and switch.

    • wait! what?

      I’m kinda hoping one of Caleb’s buddys ratted him out.

      Then it would be bait and snitch.

  • Daniel Hooper

    I believe being arrested once or twice shouldn’t necessarily be held against you. We all make mistakes, and if it happens as a result of protests or the like it can actually be kind of honorable…

    …When the number of arrests start pushing double digits for drugs and trespassing for hunting related things, that’s not so good.

    • David Hollenshead

      I’ve been arrested more than “once or twice”, but never formally charged.
      A major factor in getting arrested is how you appear to Police.
      However, when a privileged white child is protected from being charged, then they eventually end up believing they are above the law…….

      • wait! what?

        8 +; but who’s counting? It’s not like he’s going to jail or anything.

    • Cat Cafe

      It really does depend on what kind of “mistakes,” though. Killing defenseless animals is different from “carrying an ounce of weed” or even “shoplifting a 6-pack of beer.”

  • Carole

    Oh, look. Lil’ Caleb was arrested on Valentine’s Day 2013 for domestic violence. At the time, he was living on Easy Street. http://www.troymessenger.com/2013/02/20/police-reports-published-2-21/

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    But has young Caleb ever taken the knee during the National Anthem? All right then, you carping leftist character assassins. You leave this good boy alone.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Did he ever get up off his ass for it?

  • thewendyb

    Revoke his hunting licence forever
    -all the baited dead

  • Teto85

    So his “happy fun time” with the dog hasn’t been exposed yet?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I think you meant to spell “dog” as “goat”

      • Yellerduck

        Porque no los dos?

      • CafeenMan

        Goats need love too.

  • beatbort

    Well, from the headline, I was fully expecting that ol’ Caleb was having “Congress” with an animal, mebbe tryna’ make it his lil ol’ wifey, cos of it havin’ a purty mouf. And all he wuz doin wuz baitin’ and shootin’. Is that there a crime now too?

    • sarafina

      Yes.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Nearly everyone up here in Northern Michigan has a bait pile. The DNR tried to stop it for a few years, claiming that it contributed to the wasting disease deer went through for a while. However, the wasting disease diminished, anyway, and the bait piles went on unabated (unabaited?).

    Hunting without permission, however? That shit pisses people off, royally…

    • h4rr4r

      This varies from state to state, when it comes to deer.

      Save for feral hogs, but that is not about hunting. Simply eradication.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Do people eat the feral hogs?

        • h4rr4r

          I have. The smaller ones are fine. You do want to cook it to 145F to kill any trichinosis.

          Since her pregnancy my wife can no longer deal with the smell of venison, but she likes feral hog fine.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Traeger outdoor wood pellet smoker is good for such things…

    • Rags

      It’s legal in most of Michigan

  • Shibusa
    • Cat Cafe

      I love this SO MUCH

  • Beowoof14

    Much like the Trump kids, shooting stuff and doing lots of drugs is a way to cope with dad. He’s still an asshole

  • tehbaddr

    Meh! I read the headline and then the post hoping that somewhere in there he had fucked a goat, or some sort of animal (republicans excluded).

    • CafeenMan

      But that’s not a crime when Republicans do it. It’s just expected. The really weird Republican males are attracted to human adult females. Don’t see many of them though. Normally they cruise grade and middle schools looking for boys (or hang out tapping toes in airport men’s rooms if they can’t find a boy).

  • bubbuhh

    Do a crime. Blame an Islam, LBGTQ, black, libberul for gettin caught. If that don’t work blame Hillary or wimmenz in general.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    Stone him! That’s what Old Roy’s Christian Reconstructionism dogma calls for.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Actually, after seeing the headline, I kind of relieved the boy warn’t doing a Huckabee. But I expect Huckabee shall vigorously defend him.

    • exact same reaction.

      still. threw up in my mouth a little.

  • John

    I believe that the only Christian thing to do is to stone him until he is dead. So sayeth the Lord.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Wha? It’s not like he did anything REALLY dangerous, like have a lustful thought. About p3nus.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Did he say “Jehovah”?

      • Blanche de Shambles

        *throws rock*

  • Cat Cafe

    …without a two-ton slab of rock ORDERING THEM not to be monsters or they’ll be THROWN INTO HELLFIRE FOR ALL ETERNITY. Who woulda thunk that the whole “vicious threatening of torture” as a disciplinary method might backfire?

  • Jgb979

    I figured there was about a 68% chance he was having sex with it. I think this is why yokels are constantly whining about bestiality in a gay marriage discussion, because they know Cletus Jr and Benji are one state sanctioned marriage license away from living happily ever after.

    What a strong shining moral example he must have set for his sociopath kids.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Thall shall not poach. Is that even a commandment?

  • Last Hussar

    Everybody remembers the Bugs/Daffy “duck season-wabbit season” sequence. What they forget is the dénouement, where Elmer says he doesn’t eat his kill, he does it for the ‘sport’, and they both turn on him.

    How is killing with rifles a sport?

  • gratuitous

    Seems like a good place to test just how far the Republican brand has advanced during the Trump administration. Doug Jones sounds like a really good candidate, and Roy Moore sounds like a really good candidate to be a regular guest on Alex Jones’ Parade of Dumbasses program.

  • John Hollingsworth

    If no Christians, or at least Christians holier than you, are hurt, is it really a crime?

  • amrak63

    I was disappointed to learn that Moore the Younger was “merely” accused of hunting in an illegal fashion. I was hoping he had gotten caught fornicating with a beast.

    Yes, I’m a horrible person. ;)

    • FauxAntocles

      Heck that’s what I thought too, also.

    • Stand by…we haven’t been told what he did with the critter after he killed it. A lot of unseemly things can happen ‘twixt the kill zone and the weigh station.

    • doktorzoom

      Sometimes our heds are shockingly misleading.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        ‘Sometimes our heds are shockingly deliberately misleading.’

        FIFY

    • Moar Wordz

      ME TOO !!!!!

  • Red Herring

    As I understand comments are not allowed here, but….

    Can I just say “fuck this guy “ (with votes? And his own gun)

    I love meat all meat and venison is super tasty but c’mon have some fucking respect for the cute food animals, property owners and yourself.
    If all you can do is “bait” a damn deer ( that he likely killed with a Kalashnikov) just go to the supermarket and tell your buddies that you made a 250 meter shot in the wind and rain

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      That’s how I got such a good rep as a fisherman years ago, though now and again people would wonder how I was catching those swordfish in small inland lakes, with a Mepps spinner.

  • NorthernSaber

    Here’s how these Dominionist assholes spin shit like this: their psychopathic sky fairy gave them all the world’s critters and permission to do with (to) them whatever they want. So who are we to impose the laws of Man when He gave them dominion? I shit you not-that’s how these fuckwads think, and there are LOADS more of them than any of us would want to imagine.

  • Bad Scooter

    Daddy told me to mind the bible statue and it don’t say nothin bout huntin with bait bein a sin! i’m allowed to do anything i want, long as it’s okay with the bible statue!

  • The shit apple don’t fall too far from the shit apple tree don’t it?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      In reference to DJTJr and DJT I’m telling myself that I made up the aphorism that the shit doesn’t fall far from the asshole…

  • The south…where the phrase “oh dear” takes on a whole new meaning.

  • pgjack

    Hey, his daddy was a judge, he gets a free pass. Funny how so many kids of bible thumpers turn out to be so repugnant.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And some of us heathens have really good kids….

      • kareemachan

        SO true!

      • E.A. Blair

        That’s because we eat the bad kids.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Almost vegan. If you squint.

  • kareemachan

    Honestly, I thought they were going to report he was found in some motel room with a couple of sheep and a bottle of Woolite.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s not yet been denied or been reported as untrue…

      • Trollhunter

        I’ve heard that from many people.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate 😱😱😱

    • Parakeetist

      Baaaaa

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Baaaaaddddd 😵

  • Delu

    If you let them break the law without consequences then of course they will keep doing it.

    Especially if they believe that they didn’t do anything wrong to begin with.

    • Moar Wordz

      Republican Class Ethos

  • azeyote

    it might have helped if he had been beaten upside the head with the stone tablet version – or maybe he was

  • sure makes it seem as if daddy’s extreme religioning is…i don’t know…not real.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Or at least wildly ineffectual.

  • Tosca

    (Tosca reads headline). GROOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

    (Tosca reads article). Oh, he was HUNTING animals. Oh.

    • Vacuous Virgina

      Tosca like candy 😱

  • E.A. Blair
    • Begin Anew Day

      Comparing young Alex to those other trash is a bit over the line.

      Sure Alex was a violent sociopath and all that but he still had a wonderful singing voice!

    • SeeTrain65

      True. When I think of Moore and his dipshit son, I throw up, too.

      • Moar Wordz

        I’ve had vomit riding up my throat for hours and that was BEFORE I read this

  • Wookie Monster

    Remember when Ole’ Roy said mass shootings were caused by a lack of Jesus in our society?

    • mary5920

      How would ‘ole Roy know about that, since a lack of Jesus despite all his god bothering seems to be one of his problems?

  • OrG

    New competition in the creepiest rethug sweepstakes.

  • Not Flat – ROUND!

    After realizing this article was about illegal hunting, not beastiality, I was not relieved but disappointed. This indicates 2 things to me:
    1) when talking about Repu(gnants)blicans I always expect the worst
    2) you Wonkers have demented my brain (J/K my brain was demented long before I ever came here)

    Also too, 3) religious idiots are the worst kind of idiots

    • Maybe

      Hmm. I don’t think that bestiality has been ruled out.

  • BeatnikBob

    Why is this not the lead story on all platforms and networks TODAY? Why?

    I had no idea this guy was so…dirty…his 27-year-old son? I thought Moore was in his 80s, but between him, LePage, Arpaio and the rest of Trump’s FOWTs (Fat Old White Men), I get a little confused these days.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Moore is in his 80s…those creepy racist old white guys must have the magic to persuade women of reproductive age to part their legs – look at 71 year old Trump with 11 year old Barron. Of,course we all know Melanoma is a common hoor, but what did Moore have to offer? Did he let the young lady pet his horse?

      • Vacuous Virgina

        “pet his horse” — never heard that euphemism before 😂😂😂

  • Guest Liberal

    No word on whether spawn of Moore was intent on committing bestial necrophilia. But with Republicans, it’s best to assume the worst.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      OK so I’m not the only one who thought the headline suggested a different sort of ‘criming’ – ??

  • Old Testament Jebus-Dad said we had Dominion over the animals and land, so it’s A-OK to kill animals by whatever means one chooses, wherever they may be found, as long as you’re the right kind of righteous Jebus Man. That other guy thinking the land was his must not have been the right kind of Jebus Man, so it’s OK to trespass. That whole “trespass not…” thing only counts if the other guy is also the right kind of Jebus Man, doncha know.

  • SeeTrain65

    Where skirting the law is a family tradition.

  • Moar Wordz

    ******** Lean of Sinew and trollish of visage. ********

    • Maybe

      This kid is despicable, but I have to disagree about the trollish visage. He looks a lot like Nathan Fillion, who is really cute. Maybe Nathan can play Caleb on the inevitable made-for-tv movie after Caleb finally does something his daddy can’t get him out of.

      https://www.google.com/search?q=nathan+fillion&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS713US713&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjhq_vthurWAhVhsFQKHf68DRwQ_AUICygC&biw=2133&bih=1000

      • Moar Wordz

        I just liked the turn of phrase, brilliant

        • Maybe

          I think it’s safe to use it about the senior Moore.

          Or just about any other radical right-winger over the age of 50. They don’t age well. I think it’s the bile overdose.

          • Moar Wordz

            Well, Pence looks like he’s had enough botox and plastic surgery ( he just says ” No ” 2 crow’s feet, laugh lines, scars of any kind. )
            He looks like Venice Beach Ken Doll.

          • Maybe

            I’m not sure if it’s botox or just the fact that Pence has no personality.

          • Moar Wordz

            Factotum ?

          • Maybe

            I believe that factotums do actual work.

            Though I suppose following Donald Trump with a metaphorical shovel is sort of like work.

          • Moar Wordz

            HA

  • Zyxomma

    I always enjoy the way you tell a tale, Dok.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    The boy obviously wasn’t hunting with an AR-15 equipped with a bump stock and drum magazine. He wouldn’t need to bait his prey if he could have cut it to ribbons with a single trigger pull.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    That’s a good-lookin’ boy….Seriously…..But I can’t get the Deliverance banjo thing out of my head.

    • Joe T.

      Hair is receding already. That’s gonna eat at him.

    • chicken thief

      Aaron Schock called and wants his purple shirt back.

  • Pamela

    Speaking of boys, do we know why young Eric Bolling killed himself yet? Just curious.

  • rocktonsam

    That’s Gov. Caleb Moore probably soon.

    • roberteye

      Yeah, it’s a crap shoot with no winners. George W Bush and Jeff Dahmer started out as kids murdering small animals. One grew up to kill and eat people. The other initiated the deaths of tens of thousands, and will end up on a stamp.

  • Donna Mueller

    the RULES are for everyone else, NOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    Shouldn’t he be treated as incorrigible and be in some kind of repeat offender facility? You can’t cure stupid but you can keep them off the streets.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      He should, but luckily for him he’s too white.

  • Shartiblartfat

    The title of this story is misleading. I was hoping the lad was screwing the deer; although shooting the deer and then screwing it might be okay. Also, too, the boy’s forward comb-over will fail in a couple more years.

    • PersianOregano

      This is where you and I differ, I assumed he was molesting a farm animal, takes less ambition than screwing wildlife

  • Mike Steele

    Children of the Crom are a disturbing group, indeed. Every. single. fucking. Huckabee. Trumps, one and all (except, perhaps, Tiffany-Barron, a clone of his enabling mother, is still up for grabs). The elders rage about ‘ personal responsibility’, then enable and encourage lawless progeny…and still, the great unwashed do not see the disconnect, while they’re working two jobs to keep Jr. out of jail for stealing Grandma’s meds. Go figure…

  • chicken thief

    This is why Mother never leaves Mike Pence alone in the woods with animals.

    • Maybe

      I think it’s only a problem if they’re female animals.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Yeah, ’cause he’s not gay 😇

  • Shibusa

    Brilliant writing on this one, Dok. Srsly.

  • Joseph Stans

    It is important to understand that folks raised in strict evangleical homes have no real moral ethicalgounding.

    • dshwa

      See also: Duggars, The.

  • PersianOregano

    Scattering seed corn over the ground and waiting for the hungry birds to fly in for is also popular with your 2nd amendment “sportsmen” types

  • Laffing Crow

    This shit is like a rite of passage for the NRA Youth around here. Guess what? A bullet fucking “zizzes” when it slices the air about a foot from your head. NRA Youth taught my husband and I that.

    They got a stern talking-to though. Plus the Deputy made ’em wind it up early, and go home to dinner and bed. “You got a school day tomorrow, you know!”

    I’m not kidding. The Deputy? My landlord. The person whose property they were trespassing and illegally hunting on. Boys will be boys though. It all turned out all right.

  • mary5920

    I once read this (paraphrasing from memory) from a Christian pastor (a real one): A person who enjoys torturing a fly is further on the road to hell than someone who kills another human being in an emotional storm and is full of remorse.

  • bardgal

    I’m sorry……. NINTH arrest? What happened to the Three Strikes thing?

    • Janet Coffin

      You need three convictions.

    • dshwa

      Striking out is for poors, and, you know, those people

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    If your father was Roy Moore, wouldn’t you drink?

  • handyhippie65

    if you can’t hunt without bait, you should stay the fuck home.

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