SHARE

Minchia!

Every year I dread Columbus Day. I dislike Columbus Day for the same reasons that all decent people dislike Columbus Day — but I dread it because of the inevitable op-ed written by some cafone claiming that we should continue celebrating a genocidal maniac on account of how it is also a celebration of our glorious Italian-American heritage.

Which, as an Italian-American myself, I find deeply, deeply embarrassing. Scaramucci Week levels of embarrassing. Also, as an Italian-American, I feel it’s important for me to be as loud as possible, in general, but especially about this issue given that it’s my people who are the ones trying to keep Columbus Day around.

This year’s big one is an op-ed in the New York Times from John M. Viola, president of the National Italian-American Foundation, titled “Tearing Down Statues of Columbus Also Tears Down My History.”

And it starts out just about as wrong as anything possibly could:

As I watched the disturbing events unfold in Charlottesville, Va., several weeks ago, I knew our Italian-American community would soon be called to once again address questions about statues celebrating Christopher Columbus and the day named in his honor. We would once again be called on to “defend Columbus” against efforts to remake his day into Indigenous People’s Day.

I’m gonna say that if you’re comparing your holiday to statues defended by Nazis, you are already starting off on the wrong foot, no? “Ugh, it’s so unfair how we just can’t celebrate people who were monsters without people raining on our parade, amirite?”

After lamenting the recent beheading of a Columbus statue in Yonkers, Viola goes on to explain just why the holiday is so important to him and other Italian-Americans who are definitely not me. In fact, he even notes that “Columbus’s earliest critics were the same white supremacists preying on our nation today, who loathed the idea that a non-Anglo-Saxon Catholic could be an American icon.”

This is true! In fact, it’s quite likely that the same type of people who are today defending Columbus Day would have, back in the day, thought of the holiday as some kind of Social Justice Warrior bullshit. At the time, Italians were very unpopular. They were “swarthy” in that suspicious “white but not quite” kind of way. They were poor, having come to this country largely as a result of unification leaving Southern Italy economically devastated. Oh, and they were Catholic, which was definitely not an OK thing to be at that time.

Plus lots of them were here “illegally.” My own great-grandfather did not become an American citizen until after my grandfather was born, which actually gives me (and lots of other Italian-Americans) dual citizenship in Italy. People will tell you that this does not count because “things were different back then” — but they actually were not. People were quite hysterical about immigration back then as well. Particularly immigration from poor areas of the world.

The old-timey version of “They’re not sending their best people.”

There was the Chinese Exclusion Act, as well as the Emergency Quota Act of 1921, which limited the amount of immigrants from any country to 3% of their population as of the 1910 census. Darling pieces of legislation those were!

So no, people weren’t cool with immigration back then, we were not popular, and any Italian-American who tells you otherwise is full of shit. Except they probably don’t know it, on account of the fact that our path to assimilation often involved siding with white supremacy rather than challenging it. Thus, their relatives probably didn’t tell them those kinds of stories. Thus, Columbus.

Thus, Viola’s argument that you don’t see Italians going around demanding the statues of various Roosevelts torn down:

There are many monuments to Franklin Roosevelt, and although he allowed Japanese-Americans and Italian-Americans to be interned during World War II, we as an ethnic group are not demanding that his statues be destroyed. Nor are we tearing down tributes to Theodore Roosevelt, who, in 1891, after 11 falsely accused Sicilian-Americans were murdered in the largest mass lynching in American history, wrote that he thought the event “a rather good thing.”

This, too, is true. That happened. There were also lynchings of Italians throughout the country following the lynchings of those suspected of murdering New Orleans Police Chief David Hennessy. People were fine with that. One of the men who organized that lynching, John Parker, would later go on to become Governor of Louisiana. Notably, he said that Italians were “just a little worse than the Negro, being if anything filthier in [their] habits, lawless, and treacherous.”

And, again, it’s true. We don’t demand statues be taken down. We don’t complain. As Frank Gardaphe points out in his essay “Whites On A Leash: Italian-Americans and White Privilege in the U.S.,” not complaining about these things is part of the price we paid for our status as Official White People.

For a few generations we have had to trade-in or hide any customs which have been depicted as quaint, but labeled as alien, in order to prove equality to those above us on the ladder of success.

In this way, Italian Americans have become white, but a different kind of white than those of the dominant Anglo/Saxon culture. Italian Americans have become whites on a leash.

And as long as we behave ourselves (act white), as long as we accept the images of ourselves as presented in the media (don’t cry defamation) and as long as we stay within corporate and sociocultural boundaries (don’t identify with other minorities) we will be allowed to remain white.

To complain would be to align ourselves with other groups who have faced persecution in this country. To complain would be to deny the Whiteness we worked so hard for.

Viola explains that Columbus Day was a reaction to these acts of violence on Italian-Americans.

It was in reaction to these tragic killings that the early Italian-American community in New York scraped together private donations to give the monument at Columbus Circle to their new city. So this statue now denigrated as a symbol of European conquest was from the beginning a testament to love of country from a community of immigrants struggling to find acceptance in their new, and sometimes hostile, home.

I have a certain amount of understanding of and empathy for why they did that at the time. I honestly do. Especially because I’m reasonably sure that a bunch of poor Italian immigrants didn’t know anything of Columbus’s genocidal tendencies and only thought of him as a way to claim their right to be here, in some way. They thought that by taking a piece of American history for their own, people here would start to see them as Americans too. They’d see them as having just as much a right to be here as the Anglo-Saxons who invaded the country centuries later. It was a move that, more than anything else, was about survival. “You guys like Columbus, right? You think he was a good guy? He was an Italian! Like us!”

This was especially important during a time when Italian-Americans were considered suspiciously un-American — when it was assumed we were anarchists, socialists or mafiosi, or even just too strange and quaint and superstitious and brutish and “swarthy” to ever be “Real Americans.”

But I don’t think honoring a man who perpetrated violence against an ethnic group is the right way to honor an ethnic group that was victimized by violence. In fact, I think it is the absolute worst way to do that. Columbus wasn’t us, Columbus was John Parker. He was a lot worse, frankly, than John Parker.

I am honoring the victims of crimes like those lynchings by standing against Columbus Day, by standing with those whose ancestors were victims of an even worse crime.

I have a lot of frazzled, disorganized, bad feelings about the process by which my capital-W Whiteness was obtained. I have a lot of anger towards Italians who embraced racism against black people in order to assert their own Whiteness (AHEM, Frank Rizzo), and fierce anger towards those (AHEM, Scalia, Joe Arpaio) who shit all over those immigrants who came after us. Columbus is a part of that. “Oh look, we killed tons of Native Americans too, so we’re on your side, white people!” isn’t the look I’d like to see us going for.

I believe with my whole heart that Columbus Day should be replaced with Indigenous Peoples Day. But I also would not be opposed to having a less gross holiday to celebrate the heritage of my people. To say that we need to celebrate a genocidal maniac in order to celebrate our heritage is completely insulting to me, and should be to every other Italian-American out there who is not a genocidal maniac.

Tear the Columbus statues down and replace them with statues of those who were lynched in New Orleans, with statues of Sacco and Vanzetti, with the bad ass Italian anarcho-feminist Maria Roda, with union organizer Angela Bambace, with Frank Sinatra’s bad-ass illegal-abortion-providing feminist anti-racist mom who is my hero. HELL. Replace them with statues of Louis Prima and Keely Smith, a much better meeting of Italians and Native Americans than Columbus represents.

Or replace them with pizza. Pizza never hurt anybody (who wasn’t lactose intolerant) and has only brought joy and deliciousness to this country.

Viola argues that we need to celebrate Columbus Day and have statues of him to remember our history, to remember things like the lynching in New Orleans, to remember the hardships and hostility Italian-Americans endured. But this holiday and those statues are not doing that. They are doing the exact opposite. People know all about Columbus, but most people do not know about the lynchings, they don’t know about those who fought and died for labor rights in this country, they don’t know about the Italian-Americans who actually were fighting against racism, or those who were victims of it.

Columbus Day doesn’t just disrespect the indigenous people Columbus massacred, it disrespects us. It puts a happy, patriotic, pro-America face on an ugly history that many are still too afraid to confront.

[New York Times]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Joe Beese
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Proclaiming something that already exists? That is a metaphor for something, I’m sure.

      • bubbuhh

        We’re seein history! Trump inventin Columbus Day!

        • GoutMachine

          FAKE ™

    • ExPFCWintergreen

      In tomorrow’s Totes Not-Fake Nooz, “President” Donald “Dinky Digits” Trump will proclaim October 10, 2017, as the tenth day of October. Hah! Suck on it, libtards!

      • therblig

        APCO says “10-10” means “negative”, so seems appropriate.

    • jesterpunk

      Not many people know Trump invented Columbus day, sure people may have used the term before but he wasn’t aware of it.

    • coozledad

      Is he going to throw some more paper towels?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Bottles of Ragu, more likely.

        • Arolpin

          Ragu sounds too foreign. Maybe Chef Boyardee.

          • Joe Beese

            Fun Fact: Chef Boyardee was a real person who, among his other accomplishments, was awarded the Gold Star for producing rations for Allied troops during World War II.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ettore_Boiardi

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Perfect time to launch, literally, Trump Sauce.

          On second thought, eww.

          • coozledad

            Launched from the “Launch Pud.” By elves.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Jerkoff sessions libel!

    • Daniel

      Chris Columbus made some terrific movies, believe me just so fantastic, and he’s doing some more very good work in the next period of time.

  • ExPFCWintergreen

    Interesting how Columbus Day used to be focused on attacking the idea of prejudice and racism — by ignoring the inherent prejudice and racism that underpinned Columbus’ actions in the first place. At the Columbus Day dinner in 1958, for example, the Governor of New York attacked the McCarran-Walter Immigration Act for being prejudiced — not against Italians, but against the then-current waves of immigrants. This article from a few years ago is pretty interesting and points out how the Columbus narrative got started in the US in the first place. Short version: blame Ben Franklin. http://www.post-gazette.com/ae/books/2011/10/02/The-Next-Page-The-endless-discovery-of-Christopher-Columbus/stories/201110020238

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I barely remember there *is* a Columbus Day (Nevada hasn’t celebrated it as a formal holiday since at least 1989). The only time it makes news here is like last year when some idiot injured two people protesting the commemoration of the day downtown by driving through a parade.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It isn’t even a school holiday in most of the south.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i went to school today, but much of the government and some public businesses are closed.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I do not like Columbus Day, I do not recognize it, I’d love to see it replaced.

  • armed_bears

    In 1937, creating Columbus Day might have been a nice recognition for Italian Americans, who would then have still been smarting from the 1924 federal immigration law that blocked them (and other southern Europeans) from coming to America. Now? Not so much.

    Now we can use the day to recognize a group who might still be smarting from a couple hundred years of federal policies.

    It’s OK for your country to change for the better. That’s what happens. Change.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    In a way, I’m thankful to be mostly Slavic American. It would never occur to most of us to want to celebrate our culture and history, because most of it sucks.

    • ExPFCWintergreen

      Suffered from plenty of Slavic culture and history in Chicago back in the 60s and 70s, especially among the Serbs and Poles. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhAea-F8D7k

      • SDGeoff3

        So, who did steal the kishka after all?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          IDK, but it’s in Mrs. Murphy’s chowder, right next to the overalls.

          • SDGeoff3

            Now there is a taste sensation I will have to miss.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        My favourite polka duo:
        https://youtu.be/R-DIHp62ZrU

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Oh, God. I am so sorry.

      • coozledad
    • Suttree

      For once I’m glad of American ignorance. No one knows where Croatia is nor have they ever heard of the Ustashe.

    • Daniel

      Tesla though.

      • PubOption

        Questionable, US patriots know that Edison invented electricity.

        • SDGeoff3

          And trendy lightbulbs, also as well.

    • SDGeoff3

      Well, there is vodka.

    • laughingnome

      We have a long and proud history of serfdom and drinking ourselves to death.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Yes, but not many statues go up in honor of that. Mostly because we are too drunk to erect them.

  • coozledad

    I definitely think there should be a holiday set aside for honoring “Southern Italians who literally put a shoe in Mussolini’s ass, after they helped kick the Northern Italians who were still fighting on the Nazi side, because you just know those yoghurt eating motherfuckers were still calling southern Italians the N-word when their ass was already backed up to their natural home in Germany” day.

    • armed_bears

      That is a Hallmark card I would buy.

      • SDGeoff3

        I want to see what they can rhyme with “shoe in Mussolini’s ass” and “yoghurt-eating motherfuckers.” The final product should be most heartwarming.

        • armed_bears

          Yeah, but they’re going to have to print the day’s name on posterboard to get it all in…. That’s gonna take a bunch of Forever stamps to mail…

          • SDGeoff3

            I had thought of the envelope with “extra postage required” on it.

    • goonemeritus

      Hey, Hey lighten up, we are all Americans now. And besides if someone whose Great Grandparents immigrated from Liguria has an opinion odds are that it isn’t his opinion anyway.

  • Scooby

    I never understood why the selected Columbus to represent Italians when they should have selected the guy that invented pizza.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      If it means we all get pizza, I can sign on to that.

      • Scooby

        As long as it’s not Papa Johns or Dominoes.

        • SDGeoff3

          Give me wood fired or give me calzone.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Or that one with the child sex slaves in the basement.

          • SDGeoff3

            But they make the best pepperoni.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          I said “pizza”, not “extruded pizza-like substance”.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Sam Panopoulos is a Canadian from Greece who put pineapples on pizza and called it Hawaiian.

      Perhaps there should be statues of Mario and Luigi?

  • bubbuhh

    Pretty sure Columbus’s earliest critics were teh Native-Americans he indulged with murder, slavery and rape followed by his Spanish employers who were no prizes themselves.

  • Daniel

    Wasn’t Amerigo Vespucci Italian?

    • TimResistit

      No, that was his stage name. His real name was Myron Crackerspasm.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Also John Cabot. His real name was Giovanni Cabotto.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      speaking of which, columbus doesn’t sound italian – it sounds terribly english. There’s not even a vowel at the end!

      • janecita

        His real name was Cristoforo Colombo.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        It used to be common to “Latinize” names. Like the Swedish Soldier-King Gustav I Adolph, is better known as Gustavus Adolphus.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          the things you people know.

          ; )

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD He was a badass. The Czar of all the Russias pooped himself when he heard Gustavus Adolphus was on the march. I like reading about Badasses.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’d be in a book if they wrote them about fatasses.

            Wait…

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Aww, don’t be so hard on yourself,Honey.

            You gotta like yourself before you’ll find a partner to like you. I am proof of this. :)

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            amen to that – but self-deprecation is kinda part of the package. I actually have a reasonably nice ass, thank you.

            : D

          • Anna Elizabeth

            ~hugs~ Good for you. I’ll remember that.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i got soul too – put the two together and i’m pretty impressive on a dance floor. (totally kidding, I am the WORST dancer ever).

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD Too bad, chicks love guys whom can dance.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            that’s what my mom has been telling me since i was about 13.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Tx Mom is right.

          • janecita
          • Anna Elizabeth

            Not until now, thank you! :) I am an admirer of Mariya Oktyabrskaya, as linked. She was a real Tank Girl.

          • janecita

            The original one;-) She was a real badass.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            For sure. :) The RedArmy of Workers and Peasants had many female soldiers in combat jobs.

          • Daniel

            He was one of the most important generals in the Thirty Years War, along with his helper Axel Oxenstierna.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            He started some of the first “uniforms” with his Blue and Yellow regiments as well.

          • Daniel

            And was the first to issue the subsequently famous Swedish battle cry “the winner takes it all!” which would famously cause their enemies to let out an SOS, like the very small contingent of Malmø mercenaries at Waterloo, accompanied by their Spanish drummer, Fernando.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Wow, I didn’t know there were Swedes at Waterloo, and I fancy myself knowledgeable. :) Which army, French, Prussian, or Anglo-Allied?

          • Daniel

            …[debates whether to keep this going, decides not]

            It was an ABBA joke.

          • janecita

            That was hilarious, but Anna knows too much about military history to be fooled for too long.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah, I figured. xD It was cute.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Annae Elizabethus!

        • Three Finger Salute

          Also too, the mad emperor Gluteus Maximus, First Dotard of Western Russia.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            xD

    • Three Finger Salute

      And other countries get annoyed that the U.S. — and by extension, the descendants of immigrants from Europe (African-Americans don’t get to have an identity, they’re just “blacks” or far worse) — gets to claim the shorthand monikers “America” and “Americans” all to themselves, when “America” actually encompasses two continents. We really should be called Washingtonians or Jeffersonians or something else. Vespuccians? Neo-Europeans? Nah, that one sounds too Nazi.

      All I know is, in a lot of Spanish-language countries we’re just gringos from Gringolandia. In Canada we’re hosers and “that country with the nukes.” Trudeau gave a speech at the governors’ conference in July where he used the awkward descriptor “U-S-onians.” Nobody knows how to approach this. We’re not “America,” at least not the whole of it, so calling us “Americans” is a misnomer. But calling us “Yankees” is going to anger the South (and Red Sox fans). “Statesiders”? “Trumputinists”?

      • Daniel

        I use “USians” when I want to be all specific, and nice to Canucks.

        • tomamitai

          Considering how our Dear Leader got elected, perhaps we should all now be called “Russians”?

        • Three Finger Salute

          Eventually, the US will collapse, and the map will read Greater Canada and Lesser Canada. Officially, the Canadian Colonial Commonwealth Protectorate (CCCP) of Lesser Orangustan.

          Demonym? Orangustanis.

      • janecita

        Yup, definitely Gringos from Gringolandia, and America is a continent not a country.

        • Shanzgood

          By that metric, Mexicans are Americans as well.

          • arglebargle

            Now you’ve done it. Expect a letter from the Trump administration. If they can find paper and pen.

          • Three Finger Salute

            It’s 4:00. Does Donnie know where his pen… is?

          • janecita

            Of course, we are also taught that there are five continents not seven. Only one America not two, because they are connected by the Isthmus of Panama. And not Europe and Asia, but Euresia. Hence the five circles on the Olympic flag.

          • Shanzgood

            I always thought that “Eurasia” thing was just lazy when I was in school.

          • Three Finger Salute

            No, it’s the country we have always been at war with since 1984.

          • janecita

            To us Australia was a country, Oceania was the continent Australia was a part of.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Fun Fact: Frank Lloyd Wright tried to popularize Usonian (Yew-so-nee-an) to describe craftsmen-style architecture as uniquely American.
        Bonus Fun Fact: In Esperanto, there are two words for America: “Usono”, for the US and “Ameriko” for everything other than the US.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Esperanto? OH NOES! That’s the language GEORGE SOROS name is in! GLOBALIST FERRIN TONGUES!!! REEEEEE!!11!!

      • ViveLaResistance!

        Oh just end the argument altogether. We are all now subjects of (to) Idiotstan. Yep – that makes us all fuckin’ Idiots! (ed…but not those who actually give a fuck).

    • Creepoman

      Maybe even the first Italian-American?

  • TimResistit

    I really like the idea of statues for Civil Rights leaders. That should have already happened.

    • coozledad

      There should be Vietnam Memorial sized monuments to every slave insurrection from the German Coast to Nat Turner’s. His grave is still under a parking lot.

      I understand there’ll be a space open soon in Charlottesville.

  • I don’t know WTF ya’ll are talkin’ about. It’s Thansgiving today

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Happy Thanksgiving, Canadians. :)

    • bubbuhh

      Best Punkin Pie in North America is in Canada!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      You leaf-lovers with your strange and mystical ways…

    • Three Finger Salute

      You guys deposed the drunkard, genocidal founder John MacDonald with a black female civil rights activist on your $10, and ignored the cons’ hemming and hawwing that Trudeau is a politically-correct panderer who picked a makeup artist for the money because he’s a (insert slur about men who ain’t afraid to wear pink shirts here). As for us, Bloody-Bloody Andrew Jackson remains on the $20 because Trump really likes that guy for some… very… disturbing… reason.

      As for Canadian Thanksgiving, I saw this in Time magazine. Literally a day to thank whatever gods or fates or Parliamentarians or whomever that you’re not American. I actually lol’ed when I read it, and thought, yup, I bet there’s a very bountiful harvest this current year. We have a turkey… you have Maple Jesus. I rest my case.

      The surprising reason Canadians’ Thanksgiving is different from the U.S. version

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        men don’t wear pink – they were rose. (Says the TX mom who loved my dad in his ROSE shirt)

        ; p

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          I don’t wear either. I’m more of an autumn.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            me either, i feel like it brings out the red in my face – I can do black, grey, and I like me in blue. Brown is a gamble, depends on the shade for some dumbass reason.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Probably warmer browns are clashing with your complexion. How do you like khaki or tan colored clothes?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i think I look weird in light tan or brown…but I have NO sense of style. I prefer a really dark dark brown.

            I have a t-shirt I got somewhere, it’s a nice dark chestnut, it works with my eyes and what USED to be dark brown hair.

            (Gurl, you should see how quick I’m going grey…not even forty and I’m mostly grey. It’s weird seeing my h.s. graduation photo now).

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Ha! I’m 44 and my natural is gone grey.

            I think warmer browns and tans are clashing with your complexion, The darker browns probably have some blue notes to them that works better for you.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            if I had money I’d hire you as my style consultant.

            Lol.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            You don’t have to pay me, we just have to do consultations by Internet. :) Lots of people ask me for tips, I get approached by strangers asking for shopping advice. :)

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i saw about all the inquiries and complements you got about your shoes the other day! My school friend who we practice our 2nd languages together (his is english, mine is spanish) was giving me a hard time today about how he was all dressed up for his internship, like I usually am. (I have mondays off).

          • Anna Elizabeth

            :D Last Christmas I twice had women approach me to ask for help picking gifts for their daughters, and my friend whom managed a store I shopped at turned all style and cosmetics questions over to me. I love doing it.

            It’s nice to have Mondays off. I am kind of sad for men, suits and ties are nice, but Y’all never get much variety with them.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            even I think we don’t get as much variety as women do. And especially in terms of…formalness? It’s like shorts – then jeans – then slacks and shirt – then full suit. That’s it.

            But I like to think I have a classic taste in style, I have some bold things I like. But this is a conservative gov’t office, so I don’t dress like I’m going to the club.

            I’ve realized recently the tie, as hated as it deservedly is, can be a chance to make the outfit. If it’s all dark, you get a tie with a little color in it. My favorite tie (god I’m old) is blue and yellow striped.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Exactly! Your tie is the way to show some flair. It seems to me you have a good sense of style. :)

            And yes, I can go formal or sexy or business or kicky, men don’t get so much variety.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Pink. He wears pink, and marches along a street adorned with rainbow banners. He DGAF if Dotard and the other insecure con haters don’t like it.

          https://murrayhuntblog.files.wordpress.com/2016/04/justin-trudeau-2.png?w%5Cu003d663%5Cu0026h%5Cu003d633

    • TimResistit

      What does one stuff a moose with anyway? I mean on average.

      • A deer, a wolf, a turkey…but good luck finding a large enough oven to cook that

        • Three Finger Salute

          Mooseducken?

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        A Møøse once bit my sister… No realli!

        • TimResistit

          The one trained to mix concrete and sign insurance forms?

      • SeeTrain65

        “Moose Beer. I can live without it, but you can’t get it here.”
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFnpBXdeIFM

  • So President Baby Hands just tweeted out his proclamation that today is Columbus Day. Apparently, he has no problem with White illegal immigrants who are rapists, murders, and human traffickers.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    great piece robyn! Recc’d!

  • janecita

    I always thought that it was kind of ridiculous for Italians to claim this day, since Columbus was the only Italian on that trip. Anyway, this day should be called “The Beginning of the end for the Native population of the Americas.” We should replace all Columbus statues with statues of Rudolph Valentino, most people wouldn’t notice it anyway.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Arawak pre-Rapture Day”

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Right. Wasn’t it the Puerto Ricans that financed the trip?

      • janecita

        Yup, that’s why they are so indebted. Columbus never paid them back.

  • 🦇🎃 Treg Brown 🦇🎃
    • I thought this was a Netflix show and i was gonna have to wait a year for another season. I have never been so happy to be wrong

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      hey treg! How goes classes? You a fancy doctor yet? If so, can I borrow a few bucks?

      ; p

      • 🦇🎃 Treg Brown 🦇🎃

        I’m currently eating lunch at an unnamed clinic today, (peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, 6 chicken nuggets, and a handful of carrots), but I’m eating it very fancily with my pinkies up and I’m using a fancy paper napkin, not a paper towel, to wipe the jam from my coat before I lick it clean.

        Actually, classes are so fucking interesting right now, focusing on actual differential diagnosis, with accompanying treatment and I love having “patients”, especially those in the community. I think I have about 70 more years before I’m actually finished with school, and then I’ll be a truly fancy doctor who will then buy his own car.

        How are you? I try to read what’s going on with my Wonketteer friends here, and I know you’ve been lawyering a lot lately. Was or is there a new job on the horizon? And Excel crashes! Yikes!

        I have $16.13 until the 15th, and you may borrow it all my friend.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol…so great to hear! Its fun when you start doing the practical shit, no? Finally get to put all that fancy learning to good use.

          The clinic I go to (no health insurance) is a teaching clinic, so you must be up there with my doc. The sad thing is they cycle out every two years. My last one was kind of a dick, the dude I have now is awesome! Like wanna hang out and have beers with him awesome. I’ve noticed they will actually sit and listen to every dumbass thing I have to say/worry about. They’re not like the other docs who look at your chart, ask a few questions, and are gone in 5 minutes.

          I’m good! Thanks for asking! Excel is crashing again…and I am doing much paralegaling! My internship has me doing a lot of fucking legal research.

          It’s so awesome when they treat you almost like one of them. We talk law and strategy. It’s awesome!

          I just wish they had more time. Govenrment work means everybody is SUPER busy – I’m learning when to ask for some hand holding and when to just stay out of the damn way.

          Glad to hear you’re doing well! Keep kicking ass!

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      I adore Janet!

  • TimResistit

    Actually, the greatest explorer of all time is Captain Cook, no one comes even near him in what he discovered and mapped.

    • Daniel

      And invented cookery.

      • TimResistit

        Probably helped him with this.

        Cook helped pioneer new methods for warding off scurvy.

        In the 18th century, the specter of scurvy—a disease caused by a lack of
        vitamin C—loomed over every long distance sea voyage. Cook, however,
        managed to keep all three of his expeditions nearly scurvy-free. This
        was partially because of his obsession with procuring fresh food at each
        of his stops, but many have also credited his good fortune to an
        unlikely source: sauerkraut. While Cook didn’t know the cure or cause of
        scurvy, he did know that the nutrient-rich pickled cabbage seemed to
        keep the disease at bay, so he brought several tons of it on his
        voyages. His only problem was getting his crew to eat it. To trick them,
        Cook simply had sauerkraut “dressed every day” for the officers’ table.
        When the enlisted men saw their superiors eating it, they assumed it
        was a delicacy and requested some for themselves.

      • SDGeoff3

        And not a moment too soon.

      • janecita

        You could say that he immersed himself in it.

        • Daniel

          And I bet they put pineapple on it.

          • janecita

            And lots of coconut milk.

      • Wojciech

        Just like Plato invented the plate.

        LOL

    • tomamitai

      Galileo LIBELZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!

    • laughingnome

      Captain Kirk was the greatest.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Did you know that there is a popular conspiracy theory that Columbus was actually a mid-ranked member of the Spanish nobility, and not Italian at all?

    • Daniel

      In Catalunya they think he was Catalan.

      • bubbuhh

        Cataloons is gettin funny.

      • laughingnome

        They’re independent thinkers.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      I’m surprised InfoWars hasn’t claim Columbus’ landing was fake – they had actual flags, could have been false ones!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Better get Geraldo and Joe Piehole to find his birth certificate from West Kanye.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Was BillO on the Niña, Pinta, or the Santa Maria?

    • janecita

      AOTK.

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      Why wasn’t he on the one that fell off the edge?

      • Nockular cavity

        They all fell off the edge, but the Round Earth Illuminati don’t want you to know that.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Nina and Maria outran him but Pinta, well, thoughts n’ prayers for her.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I was hoping for the Titanic.

      You know, because tides go in and tides go out. You can’t explain that.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Killing the New World

      • Anna Elizabeth

        *golf clap* Well Played, Sirrah.

    • SeeTrain65

      The poopdeck of a dinghy.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    What does Cristobal Colom have to do with Italy?
    http://www.christopher-columbus.eu/who-was-columbus/catalan.htm
    Columbus was Catalan.

    EDIT: Like Daniel said, right below me.

    • SDGeoff3

      Shhh.

    • Daniel Nee

      What is an Italy is a better?. Where mostly southern napales or Sicilian. Meaning Greek. Some phonichain some italic but not Latin, or Ba’al forfend Celt. Colombo was a damn German Tuscan northern barbarian

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Italy wasn’t even really Italy until about 400 years after Columbus sailed the ocean blue anyway.

  • armed_bears

    OT, but I cannot fucking wait to read what Honey Boo-boo has to say about all of this.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/07f91e42676106d5cb597b23547abe0522622104beaeb1d61e03da6950aad94c.jpg

    • wide_stance_hubby

      BITCH FIGHT!! It’s ON!!11!

      • armed_bears

        America is like the trashiest mobile home park ever, and we all get to peer in the curtains.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          My favorite part is the yelling right before the bottle hits the wall. Good times…

          • armed_bears

            Au contraire: That quiet sobbing after the police cars leave, IMHO.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Cheer up, they always come back within the hour.

          • Nockular cavity

            “Next week on Real Trophy Wives of the White House.”

        • elviouslyqueer

          It’s like the Palins, only with loads more gold leaf.

          • armed_bears

            That’s it… The elevator pitch for this whole clique of dotards.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Ladies, Ladies, there’s plenty of me to go around.”

    • elviouslyqueer

      Okay, you bitches. The Thunderdome is ——–> right over thataway.

      • armed_bears

        Leave Tina Turner out of this… I wanna see white girls rumble.

    • laughingnome

      That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows Ivanka is FLOTUS.

    • Khavrinen

      Attention-seeking and self-serving

      So, when she married DJT it really could not have been less of a case of “opposites attract.”

  • Daniel Nee

    So how bout a Colombian extchange day. Learn all those capitalism lifted up the masses about y and how the energy from two contents fueled the Eurasian system. Also plus y whould Sicilian amarican give a shit for colombo we f mother fucking Genoa

  • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

    Channeling my inner Joe Mantegna, can we celebrate Antonio Meucci instead?
    http://www.famousinventors.org/images/antonio-meucci.jpg

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      or how about Galileo? There’s one or two other important italians I vaguely remember from De Grass Tyson’s version of Cosmos.
      Shit Chef Boyardee brings more happy memories to the people of this country than columbus.

      There are literally a dozen better people that some dumbass who got his ass lost and then exploited the people he found whilst getting lost.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        Yeah, but Meucci actually lived in the US when he invented the telephone (before Graham Bell got all the credit).

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I’m pretty fond of da Vinci and Michelangelo

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh da Vinci, how could I forget.

    • armed_bears

      OK… I did not know. Looked it up, and am impressed.

      • SDGeoff3

        Was it the telephones or the pool cues that caught your eye?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I know some pretty vile anti-immigrant super-racist Irish- and Italian-descendant people, so progress? Or yanno, I got mine fuck the rest a’ y’all types. Typical Republicans.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Yup, my father’s side were Irish-Scandi mix and barely stopped short of calling my mother a N because she’s full-blooded Portuguese. To them, I was a bastard child and a darkey just because I didn’t have blonde hair and blue eyes. They even tried to break up the marriage because they considered it invalid.

  • elviouslyqueer

    OT, but y’all, this bitch right here.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Agreed.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I’m going to have to take a knee on celebrating his slaving, genocidal ass.

  • VirginiaMorningBlend

    Didn’t he only get to the Canary Islands? He never actually saw North America.

  • James Baskin

    OT…. but mozzarella does not contain much lactose at all. The lactose is removed in the cheese making process.

  • shastakoala

    I blame the Vikings.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      so will the Bears in a few hours

    • Creepoman

      Too soon!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Columbus Day is payback to the Italians after the Irish got St Paddy’s Day and the Germans got Oktoberfest. We even gave the Messicans Cinco De Mayo, once we discovered how much beer and street tacos we could sell that day…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Creepoman

    All right, the dagos can stay, but not the Irish!

    • shastakoala

      Irish coffee can stay.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Oh, hey, I’ll see your italian american and raise you genoese. My great-great-great grandfather came over in the 1860s and was impressed by the Confederate army, after which he fled back to Italy like the hounds of hell were at his heels and let his grandchildren take advantage of the reconciliation citizenship.

    Ferdinand and Isabella kicked out all the jews, stole their stuff, used it to fund a guy who utterly failed to find a place which had been discovered by tons of people by then. He ended up an embittered failure. It’s not the thing I prize about my heritage.

    That would probably be pesto.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And Hawaiian pizza

      • SDGeoff3

        whispering…*you monster!*

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Hear, hear!

      • Three Finger Salute

        Canada by way of Greece. Perhaps it should become one of the customary dishes to be served on Canadian Thanksgiving.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Man I love pesto.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        There is no bad there.

        Also too, osso buco and gremolata and polenta (or as a friend in NC put it, you people fry your grits?)

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Yr makin me hungry!

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      I, for one, am ever grateful for the pesto.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It was the least we could do.

        The funny thing is that the stuff we think of as fancy food here, like sun dried tomatoes or dried porcini or herbs preserved under oil, are what my subsistence-farming grandmother did because canning jars were expensive.

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          Yep – I hear ya on that.

          As a kid, we ate Shrimp Creole cuz shrimp, rice and tomatoes were cheap. Now? I don’t eat much shrimp anymore on account of the price.

    • Three Finger Salute

      My maternal ancestors were Conversos in Portugal who got packed off to the Azores because Ferdinand and Isabella pressured the king to take part in the Spanish Inquisition (which he wasn’t expecting). If he didn’t, they wouldn’t agree to fund explorations from the breakaway republic.

      The Portuguese were a shade less into the whole Jewish purging thing than Spain, but suffice it to say there was of course a lot of bloodshed. You were either converted, and then deported; converted and then killed (to “save your soul”), or all three — converted, deported, and then killed wherever you ended up.

      Europe has a long history of not being a very nice place.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        and at that, ironically enough, probably the longest period of stability the jews in that part of Europe had was when the muslims running things were leaving them alone.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    OT: Watch Donnie declare victory over the media on this one.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/917476007891931136

    • jesterpunk

      You knew they where going to do that because it hurt Trump’s feelings.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        This is for a new batch of tweets yesterday where she expressed displeasure over Jerry Jones’ threat to bench any player who didn’t stand for the anthem.

        • SDGeoff3

          It would be an easy living and a great salary, kneeling for a crappy piece of music and then enjoying the game from the bench.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I’d Boycott ESPN but I haven’t watched their shit in 5 years or more.

      • Creepoman

        I put it on for the dog when I leave the house . . . and now I think I’ve figured out why my dog is so fucked up.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          xD

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
      • SeeTrain65

        RUINING SPORTS FOR NEARLY 40 YEARS.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Way to cede the high ground. Damn.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    I think we can all agree that we can do without these squabbling Slovenians:
    https://twitter.com/BenjySarlin/status/917450380044390400

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Yeah…this isn’t a contrived cat fight designed to distract us from Donald’s utter failure as POTUS at all.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      She’ll hold off on trying to sell books until after the impeachment and divorce.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      So Melania adopted her husband’s policy of punching back no matter how small and petty. IMO it’s not a good look for a First Lady to engage in that type of squabble.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    My own great-grandfather did not become an American citizen until after my grandfather was born, which actually gives me (and lots of other Italian-Americans) dual citizenship in Italy.

    (suppresses wave of jealousy of Robyn over her good fortune, wonders why Robyn hasn’t peaced-out from the reign of Donald the Terrible to go live in Tuscany)

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      My VERY italian buddy in chicago told me Italy has required military service. He said, back in the day, he was wanted in Italy for not doing his.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    We German-Americans (and Danish-Americans, other side) were lucky here because we looked more or less just like those with British Isles ancestry. All we had to do was lose the accent to kind of slide into the privileged group.

    Ain’t none of it nuthin’ but dumb luck.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I’m German-American on Mom’s side and Yorkshire-British on Dad’s. Supposedly his fam was here for the Jamestown Colony.

    • Arolpin

      And still the Germans didn’t assimilate. In the early 20th century the bilingual education battle was over all the places in PA/OH/etc where entire towns used German as the primary language, school was in German, public notices were published in German, etc, etc.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        There was a spot of non-assimilation there for a while, true. Still can see shreds of it in the Pennsylvania Dutch/Amish communities. But eventually, they had the choice to just relax and go with the flow.

        • Arolpin

          Hell, my grandfather’s family spoke German at home until he was a teenager. I think the brewing WWII is probably what precipitated the switch to English. (His ancestors were here before the Revolution, but they were Church of the Brethren, so lots of German spoken there.)

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Good point. WWI & II changed a whole lotta things.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            My Grans immigrated after the Great War, they met on the ship to Ellis Island! :)

            Gramma was from Alsace-Lorraine and Granpa was from Bavaria.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I’ve heard a little about that. My Grans apparently regarded it as a symbol of pride to learn English as soon as they could, but Granpa had a German accent until the day he died.

      • LucindathePook

        My grandparents were both born to immigrants from Germany. but could barely understand each other in German because they spoke different dialects.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Those with British Isles ancestry were more or less German-pre-Americans and Danish-pre-Americans.

      Modifier correction…

      • Anna Elizabeth

        No wonder I’m such a mean Bitch. xD German all the way through, sort of.

    • Michael Smith

      Also, in the old days the thing that the English had that they thought made them exceptional was “Anglo-Saxon Liberty,” which Germanic ancestors brought with them when immigrated to Britain after the fall of the Roman Empire.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It also helps that the British Royal family are themselves German. Gives them a bit less wiggle room on the issue.

    • TimResistit

      Same with the horde of Irish my ancestors came with. We tried to blend. “That’s not me rosary, officer, it’s me anal beads, by garn.”

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD LOL

  • Red Bird

    Why not celebrate the patron saint of Italy the same way we celebrate the patron saint of Ireland? That would be a more appropriate way of recognizing the cultural contributions of Italians to America.

    But Columbus belongs in the history books not on our calendars like he is an actual saint.

    Also, too, why do these cultural preservationists always ignore the fact that the Europeans destroyed the culture of the Indigenous people when they pushed them onto reservations and built on their land? Please tell me where the statues are? Or is the point that they were supposed to be replaced?

    • elviouslyqueer

      History is written by the winners, obvs.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        except for the Civil War, apparently

      • Red Bird

        I still want a statue. True story…there is a statue to the last chief of the Carib people, Hiarima, in Trinidad. They may have lost but it’s not that hard to acknowledge them.

    • Michael Smith

      Because the cultural preservationists identify with the culture that did the destroying – but a vital part of that culture is that it is the bearer of the light of civilization, and so it would be counter-productive to build memorials to the civilizations that it snuffed out (or tried to).

      Once, in an age in which imperialism was more openly embraced in White Culture, historians at least mentioned the Natives, albeit as a savage people who whites conquered in order to spread civilization. Now the historians of whiteness just like to kind of pretend the continent was a blank canvas.

      • Red Bird

        Thanks for the lengthy explanation but that was a rhetorical question. I already know white Americans tend to be self centered white supremacists. It’s what they call their “culture”.

      • Three Finger Salute

        See also: “A land without a people, for a people without a land” — Zionist justification for Palestinian genocide in Israel.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_land_without_a_people_for_a_people_without_a_land

        Fun fact: this was actually written by a Christian, and has basically become Bibi et. al.’s motto.

  • Daniel
    • Khavrinen

      Has he twitlered “I’m rubber and you’re glue” yet?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      My 12 year old daughter’s immediate reply, when I told her about this, is better by far than this crap from Dolt. “President moron is still president. I guess that’s not enough for some people.”

      • SDGeoff3

        Your daughter is a twelve year-old smart mouthed little dickens!
        Congratulations.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Takes after her Mom.

          • SDGeoff3

            Ah! Surrounded by brilliant women? More congratulations!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Visit any Italian deli in NJ and you will see pictures of the Holy Trinity on the wall: Joe DiMaggio, Frank Sinatra and Don Corleone.

    • BosGrl

      Stallone, Travolta, too… Don’t we have any 21st century Italians?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Mario Cuomo.

        • BosGrl

          YES

  • bubbuhh

    How ’bout Holy Pizzamore Day instead? Or, Pastafaria Day? The latter would celebrate Italians, Chinese and Pastafarians in one giant bowl.

  • Anna Rompage
    • Spurning Beer

      Did somebody say Spurning Beer?

      • SDGeoff3

        Not I. No way.

  • arglebargle

    Excellent Salon article on Columbus and fuck-up extraordinaire, BillO the clown…

    https://www.salon.com/2017/10/09/bill-oreilly-inadvertently-makes-the-case-against-christopher-columbus/

  • goonemeritus

    Ok you can have Columbus day but don’t be surprised if I dig up some dirt on “Saint” Patrick.

    • SDGeoff3

      Someone has already scooped you about the shamrock underpants.

    • TimResistit

      What? So he was Italian too now?

      • LucindathePook

        He wasn’t Irish.

        • TimResistit

          I had no idea.

          • laughingnome

            Wasn’t he English?

          • Werewolf

            Not a fecking Saxon-he was a Briton, i.e a Celt.

          • LucindathePook

            Born in Britain and captured by Irish slavers, brought to Ireland and later escaped.

    • mancityRed6

      like how the Irish used foreign labor for their snake problem?

  • laughingnome

    Besides pizza, did Italians invent italics?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Maybe?

  • BosGrl

    I’m Italian – burn the Columbus monuments down.

  • Michael Smith

    “Well, if we stop celebrating Columbus, we might as well stop celebrating anything about the discovery of America and its expansion through the hemisphere!!”

    Yeah. And that’s not historical censorship. There’s a difference between remembering and celebrating. Why is that so hard to understand?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Being of Irish descent, let me tell you how proud we are to have our Irish-American day celebrated by portraying us all as a bunch of drunken frat boys.

    We are nothing like frat boys.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      They don’t even give us Swedes a day. We know we don’t deserve one…

      • Oblios_Cap

        There’s no Swedish Meatball Day?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          There is! I spend it strogan off.

          • Oblios_Cap

            The internet knows all:
            The day of the Swedish meatball. August 23 is the day of the meatball, one of Sweden’s best known and best loved dishes. Make them yourself (recipe supplied) or try your local supermarked for ready made ones.

          • SDGeoff3

            Look for old cookbooks from The American Daughters of Sweden online. There must be a dozen recipes in the one I have, and so far the three I’ve tried have been great. Found it on EBay, about $5. And I discovered where all my favorite childhood comfort foods came from.

          • laughingnome

            You must be Finnish or are you still Russian?

      • laughingnome

        Come on – Swedish meatballs and hot blonds! Be proud! Volvos and SAABs too!

      • SDGeoff3

        I celebrate the Swedish Chef’s birthday.

        • Werewolf

          Bork, bork, bork!

          • SDGeoff3

            Have you seen him make Poutine in Montreal? Diversity is his middle name!

          • Three Finger Salute

            Bork bork bork… eh.

          • SDGeoff3

            Cute.

      • Gigglesnort

        But that’s ok, because the Norwegians don’t have one either.

        • SDGeoff3

          They don’t deserve one.

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Sittende Mai!…when they finally got loose!…

      • Christopher Story

        I thought that was the Winter Olympics

      • TimResistit

        One more thing to depress the Swedes.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      You are hard-working, virtuous, upstanding citizens, blessed by Nature and God! Or so I’ve been told at Irish bars.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Begorrah, you’re right.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    But then this classic would fall into obscurity:

    In fourteen hundred and ninety-two
    You’ll never guess who Columbus screwed…

    • Three Finger Salute

      Columbus was a man from Nantucket?

      • Oblios_Cap

        If he had been
        he would have said “Fuck it”.

        • Three Finger Salute

          We’ll do it live!
          In 1495!

          Then he got seasick and puked in a bucket.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Stephen Miller is working on a new Bannon inspired immigration policy.

    French
    Ugandans
    Colombians
    Kenyans

    Taiwanese
    Haitians
    Eritreans
    Mongolians

    Albanians
    Laotians
    Lebanese

    • Three Finger Salute

      Gotta fuck them all. He wants to be the very worst, like no one ever was.

  • Three Finger Salute

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/columbus_day

    Perhaps someone who could be memorialized instead.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    If my hometown doesn’t put up a Franco Harris statue instead, IDK WTF FFS.

    What? Being half-Italian American does too count, or at least it should…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I really understand how Robyn feels. My First Nation half weeps at the thought of how our people were mistreated by my Euro-Spanish other half and how that horrific treatment continues to this very moment.

    On the other hand, can’t we modify this day a bit, add some other dates to the existing calendar and begin to rectify some of this.

    For example, why not use today as Italian Heritage Day? Honor all the accomplishments of Italian Americans, maybe highlight one person every year. Dolly Sinatra would be a good start. Or Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia? Marconi? Or Enrico Fermi? Or, maybe yes Columbus…

    And then, we take the Friday after Thanksgiving, make it a national holiday and call it Native American Heritage Day. And we use that day to focus on celebrating and commemorating the Native nations and their descendants.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Thanksgiving isn’t really even about Pilgrims anymore outside of Massachusetts. It’s a shopping holiday. There’s actually been calls to quit referring to the day after as Black Friday, because Brainfartians believe it’s a holiday that got taken over by blacks.

      Is there a day to memorialize all the unborn brain cells that were mercilessly slaughtered as a result of America’s anti-literate culture?

      • mailman27

        That’d be every day.

    • BosGrl

      I love this idea.

  • goonemeritus

    How about we comprise and rename the day for Sacco and Vanzetti. Now there are some Italians everyone loves.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Filthy anarchists!

      • goonemeritus

        I have always thought of them as well scrubbed anarchists.

  • Daniel Hooper

    Why not just replace all the statues of Columbus with the Mario Bros? They’re pretty inoffensive (minus all the Koopa and Goomba murder), and they’ve accomplished so much. They’re athletes across multiple sports, kart enthusiasts, they’ve explored space, time and the insides of strange creatures, saved kingdoms and befriended dinosaurs… they’re an inspiration!
    Plus, all those dang youths actually know who they are…

    • Dept. of Space Tacos


      where can I subscribe to your newsletter?

      • Daniel Hooper

        Fair warning; my newsletter consists largely of hobby board gaming, video games, and furry stories with various levels of erotic content.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          I’m down with 1 and 2, I can prolly just skim through 3.

          ; p

          • It’s all fun and games until the erotic furry content begins

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            some people would say you have that backwards.

            ; )

    • BosGrl

      In that case, why not Father Guido Sarducci Day? Because all Italians have thick mustaches (even the women) and add vowels to the ends of ever word.

  • Spurning Beer

    I will celebrate the day watching some Sopranos episodes. Maybe the one about the Columbus Day riot.

  • TimResistit

    I’m mostly Irish and German with a large dollop of Scottish mixed in. I’m so white I make the royal family look like The Temptations.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      heh – my mom’s family looks like a bunch of snowmen with straw blond hair. I’m literally the dark one in the family…must be “something” in my dad’s line.
      (Although I was a fuckin aryan ass baby – puberty hit me like a mack truck).

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      I’m Swedish, Danish, German, Irish.

      An even whiter shade of pale.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        transluscent?

        • SDGeoff3

          At least!

      • mailman27

        A light fandango.

    • Three Finger Salute

      The Daily Fail readers are going to shit a brick when Harry and Meghan have their first babby.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    just want to remind everyone, on the first day of class immigration law prof said immigration law makes no fucking sense and it’s ALWAYS been based on politics.

    I keep saying, after McKinley was shot, they added anarchists to the list of people who should be denied entry. The shooter wasn’t an immigrant, he was the son of immigrants.

    • Three Finger Salute

      I believe communists are still on the list. Which is going to make for a laughable mess considering the U.S. believes anyone to the left of Hitler a filthy Marxist. Watch Dump cancel Trudeau’s passport because he comes from our mortal enemy to the north, the Soviet socialist republic that has universal healthcare and a widespread epidemic of literacy.

  • laughingnome

    The great thing about America is we’re a big melting pot of people who can barely stand one another.

    • SeeTrain65

      “America is a melting pot. The people on the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.” – Charlie King

      I get so much good stuff from St. George of Morningside Heights.

  • Ωbjectifier
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Wow, just wow.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I’m scared to click the play button on this.

      • Spurning Beer

        Rightly so. White supremacy in cartoon form.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          Yikes. Thanks. I’m staying away.

  • tomamitai

    Want to get rid of Columbus Day? Convince everybody he was a Jewish, but let me buy some tiki torch futures first!

    • Spurning Beer

      Isn’t there a theory he was a Sephardic Jew pretending to be Italian to escape the Inquisition and shit?

      • Werewolf

        Yeah, I’ve heard that. There were some conversos in his crew, but no evidence that Columbus himself was one.

        • Even in 1492 if someone was being a dick they whispered about him being a Jew.
          Basically, besides genocide, Columbus also brought us bigotry!

  • memzilla Ω
    • Three Finger Salute

      Might be why Dotard loves him some Eminent Domain.

  • Spurning Beer

    I know Peter Falk was Jewish, not Italian, but couldn’t we all get behind Columbo Day? Guy was adorable, and a brilliant detective.

    • laughingnome

      Just one more thing…

    • Antonin Dvorak

      To be celebrated with a parade of Peugots down 5th Avenue.

    • Ωbjectifier
      • TimResistit

        Ok that’s really weird and random.

      • Spurning Beer

        Can’t you picture that statue at the top of the column in Columbo Circle in NYC?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Just one thing, Fido. What happened to the cat’s dish?”

        • willi0000000

          “oh, and just one more thing . . . when was the last time you saw the cat?

    • Three Finger Salute

      Yeah, but you don’t want to hear the rest of the origin story. There’s kissing.

    • Anna Rompage

      Matlock libelz!

    • SeeTrain65

      Damn it! Can Banacek get ANY LOVE? ; )

      (Full Disclosure: I fucking LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV Columbo.)

  • TimResistit
  • William

    *sigh*https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/97d77b4cd5c052238452c040b52783e2d9a58e5db5aa3903997fa54e91ffcfb1.png

    • Anna Rompage

      Holy shit….

    • BosGrl

      Why do people suck?

      • SDGeoff3

        Because they can.

    • Antonin Dvorak
    • look on actual native’s face is all “You are going to die early of heart disease. Just thought you should know”

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Or “does it hurt, to be so stupid, it’s killing me.”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Nothing racist about that, no sir…

    • Daniel

      He. Is. Wearing. Literal. Red face.

    • Atheist

      Oh my fucking god…

    • Haiku_drift

      I know this is serious, but man that guy looks like such a dickwad I can’t. stop…laughing!! He’s even doing the “lemme explain somethin’ to ya” with his hands! As if the Native guy really needs somethin’ explained to him by a dickwad!
      Oh it’s too much, but seriously-
      Seriously, man that’s a fucked up photo and I hope someday soon he can look at it and feel nothing but shame and embarrassment, cuz this is one lateral step away from drunk pooping your pants at a party and having that shit blown up on FB..

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Let me guess, he’s whitesplaining…

    • SeeTrain65

      Why do you think I call the baseball team “Cleveland?”

      JACKASSES LIKE THIS.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Hey, I know of some Italians we could put up statues for!

    http://download.gamezone.com/uploads/image/data/1197144/ninja_turtles.jpg

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      ha! I was so stoked when I heard.

      (And I wanna buy those books).

    • Atheist

      That is good news, thank you for sharing!

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Vox Day’s salty tears are delicious.

  • susan_g

    I grew up in a neighborhood of Chicago that had a lot of folks whose families came from Norway. They would have a parade to celebrate Leif Erikson day which coincidentally is also Columbus Day. A lot of “Viking Warriors” wearing helmets with horns, some really poorly made dragon boats on really funky floats. The theme was pretty much–he came to America, checked it out, and left. A better holiday, really. The parade still goes on, it took place yesterday but I think they ditched the floats and Viking stuff ( but not the drinking as this is Chicago).

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      I’m from a mostly hispanic city – when I moved to Austin, at least one year, the Hispanic or Mexican Student Association marched on Columbus Day. Some white asshole I was with told them to go back to mexico. I didn’t have the bravery in those days to tell them they were here first.

      I never noticed being one of the few white dudes till i left and came home again. For some reason I thought it about today in class. There was one other white dude in class. And that’s a rarity. I’m often the only person NOT of color (besides pink) and it rarely ever registers.

      Its a shame more people don’t experiences like that.

  • lucidamente

    Francis of Assisi would make an ideal figure for yearly celebrations for Italian Americans. His feast day is October 4, for Catholics he’s the patron saint of Italy, and for everyone in general he’s got that peace, love, and helping the poor thing going for him. Plus, the blessing of the animals is a hoot.

    Che ne dici, Robyn?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      That is a pretty good idea, actually.

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Peace and love? No wonder Francis was a sissy!”

        -“Christians” in the GOP

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          BA-to-the-DUM-to-the-TISH!

    • Three Finger Salute

      Also too, patron saint of animal-lovers. (Not furries. Vegetarians, conservationists, and pet-rescuers.) That’s who Pope Francis took his name after, and why that whole peace/love/help-the-poor stuff has him branded as an antipope and communist subversive among fascists like Bannon.

    • Robyn Pennacchia

      EH. I’d actually prefer to avoid saints on account of the fact that it sort of excludes those of us who aren’t religious?

      Which is not to say that I will not eat all the things on Feast Days, BECAUSE I WILL. Especially St. Joseph’s day because that is when you get zeppole!

      • lucidamente

        Right, but the historical Francis is such a remarkable figure that even us non-believers find him inspiring. (In Italy they’ve held marches for peace in Assisi since the early 1960s, which have united cattolici and laici alike.)

  • Villago Delenda Est

    If you’re going to celebrate an Italian, why not Michelangelo or Marconi or someone who wasn’t a genocidal maniac.

    Just sayin’.

    • TimResistit

      Da Vinci!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Hell, celebrate Dean Martin, for that matter!

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Volare!…

        • willi0000000

          i’ll drink to that!

    • Ezio

      Danny Devito Day.

  • marxalot

    The only Legitimate American Historical Figures are genocidal dudes, though. Anarchists? Victims? Women? What is this?! Robin, why are you erasing your Legitimate Americanness?!

  • Werewolf

    How about the Feast of San Gennaro to celebrate Italians? It’s around the same time of year, and when I was in NYC in my youth, there was a hell of a street party in Little Italy.

    BTW, this is my picture for today. Quanah Parker, the best-known Comanche chief. The Comanche were the original inhabitants of Austin. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6e59190b6b801a017e8b4e1cb9af74291eb4cb31763d51c542189fe0e940f71f.jpg

    • SDGeoff3

      Quite a looker. Woof.

    • Spurning Beer

      Feast of San Gennaro it is, then. I’ll celebrate by listening to some classic tunes from Led Zeppole.

  • Columbus may have been Italian, but he sailed for Spain.
    So once again: Hate, not Heritage.

  • House0fTheBlueLights
    • Three Finger Salute

      …in the name of Capitalism.

      Indigenous people were the real inventors of the so-called American Dream

      But, it was Socialism, and we can’t have any of that being bandied about.

      • Many nations were also matrilineal. The women folk owned the land and worked on it, the men folk did hunting and war and councils. Hence why when Euros tried forcing the men to farm they felt emasculated and humiliated.

  • Three Finger Salute

    Might want to give some more points to Ol’ Blue-Eyes for that memorial thing

    Frank Sinatra told Donald Trump to go fuck himself in 1990

    His daughter Nancy carries on that legacy of telling Trump to go fuck himself. Some of these days her boots are going to walk all over him… with cleats and votes.

    And he did it…. hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis way…!

    • TimResistit

      That’s nice to know, actually.

      • Robyn Pennacchia

        Sinatra had his faults — particularly with women — but he was actually really good when it came to civil rights stuff, which was very cool.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    An Actual Question: Was Columbus actually himself genocidal, or did he merely set-off the genocidal chain of events?

    And two books to read: 1491 and 1493, which look at the world before and after Columbus’ inadvertent stumbling into the New (to Europeans) World.

    • SDGeoff3

      He was also a product of the Inquisition era, before the introduction of the Comfy Chair.

      • mailman27

        Well, I didn’t expect that.

        • SDGeoff3

          No one expected the Comfy Chair, you fool. It was unexpected by us all.

    • He himself was genocidal. He considered the people there to be exploitable chattel and if they resisted being exploitable chattel, he killed them. He, himself, set up the rules and laws that so decimated the islands that they had to import slave labor to make him rich.

    • Daniel

      Yeah. His behaviour towards the taíno is a good example.

    • House0fTheBlueLights
      • Beanz&Berryz

        Thank you…

    • Button

      Like, it kind of depends on where you draw the line? He certainly did his part in enacting the genocide, but he didn’t seem to be motivated by wanting to destroy their race, which is a part of some definitions. He was “just” motivated to get rich and powerful in whatever manner he thought he could get away with.

  • Rented the Wonder Woman yesterday and honestly….eeehhh? But it was good, for a DC movie I guess. But anyway, relevant here, the character Chief (really, could not have thought of a better name than that? ok then) said he was at the war because he had no where else to go. And WW asks him whut? And he goes my people have nothing, no home, no food, no freedom, so I came here. She asked who did that? And he points to Steve and goes “his people”
    Obvs the character was put in the movie for the sole purpose of providing that point (and what the fuck was with the WWI?) but, I thought, even aside from that I was glad that they bothered to make the point at all.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I saw it this weekend and liked it. I haven’t seen much of the superhero genre of movies in the past 20 years, but I thought this was pretty good. An honest to God woman super hero. Fighting for Goodness against Nazi-ized WW1 Germans. (Nazis are always the bad guys.) An above average studly guy being pretty goodly second fiddle to a woman.

      • I just thought she spent an inordinate amount of time standing there letting the wind blow her hair and or looking sad eyed is all. Also, they fucked with the origin like whoa (the nerd in me twitched a bunch is what I am getting at, pay it no heed). I DID however like how they explained the accent and speaking English. They speak all languages so there XD That was clever.
        For what it was, a DC effort, it was better than most by a metric ton, and Gal was pretty dang good when not standing around sad eyed or hair whipped. So. Much. Hair whipping.

  • puredog

    Yay, Robyn, as per yoozh.

  • House0fTheBlueLights
    • JCfromNC

      I knew at least one person would link to that comic and save me the effort of doing so.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I stole this joke from somewhere or another, but it’s a good one…

    “So I presume that Columbus Day Sale means I can walk into the store and take whatever I want, right?”

  • Atheist

    Great article, Robyn, thank you for sharing your input about this. I think this is an important discussion to have whether one is an ethnic minority or not, and how the label of “white” has always been exclusionary and limited to those of English speaking Anglo-Saxon Protestant stock (there’s a reason why the term WASP exists). Everyone else was expected to “assimilate” which meant giving up their native language and “become American” which unfortunately also means pledging allegiance to a political system built on sexism and white supremacy.

    I think your post also shows that anti-immigration is a recurring theme in America and that our nation can’t seem to learn it’s lesson. Republicans are targeting Spanish speakers and Muslims even though they damn well know it wasn’t too long ago that their own ancestors had to navigate the legal and cultural logistics to earn the dubious honor of being considered “white.” And, depending on your background, you may only have “conditional whiteness” which means that people consider you mostly white but still Other because of ethnic differences (whether those differences are real or perceived). For example, I don’t think Jersey Shore would have even been a television show if the viewers truly thought they were watching just another group of white people.

    However, this is all happening in the background of what is probably the largest genocide to happen in history – Native Americans were systematically murdered, enslaved, walked/worked to death, forcibly assimilated by “schools,” lost their languages, had their land occupied, stolen, and were segregated where the land was considered useless, were stereotyped, appropriated, and a profit made off of what the white imagination thought Native American heritage constitutes.

    I think we can all agree that we should never forget that this happened, and the idea of celebrating Columbus Day is a generally horrible thing to do. I’m all for replacing it with something more humane and appropriate, and support ethnic minorities honoring their heritage with historical figures that did good things rather than bad.

  • FauxAntocles

    I demand a Viking Raiders Day!

    • Keith Taylor

      Every spring they prayed, all along the coasts of Western Europe, “From the fury of the Northmen, good lord, deliver us!” And the good lord said, “No.”
      Of course we blonde types romanticise those barbaric buggers all to hell now.
      Tend to ignore the way they crawled with lice and their beards stank, too.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Do they play this year?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Columbus was from Genoa, which is in northern Italy. Northern Italians despise Southern Italians and consider them subhuman, and have always resisted spending any tax money in the South, which is why there were so many poor people in southern Italy who emigrated to the US. My grandparents came here from the Naples region in the 1890’s. My mother was born in 1914, and in the 1930’s when she was looking for work in New York City, she frequently encountered signs that said “No Italians need apply.” When she was in nursing school in the late 30’s, several “Anglo” students refused to share a dorm room with her. After she married my father during WWII, they lived in Lynn, MO which was populated exclusively by German Catholics, and they treated my mother, who was also Catholic but the wrong kind, very badly. Shopkeepers wouldn’t sell to her, and the local church refused to enroll my older siblings in the Catholic school (they said they were full). My mother told my father “Find a job somewhere else or I’m leaving you and taking the kids back to NYC” so he found a job somewhere else.

    My point is, I have zero admiration for Columbus, as I’m sure he would have spit on my mother and refused to hire her. In his own lifetime he was greatly disliked by almost everyone who knew him. I’ve been to the house in Valladolid, Spain where he died, and hardly anyone seems to visit it, because who cares where that bastard died? I only went there because I had a few hours to kill before I had to catch a train. Italy gave us many wonderful things, including some of the best food on the planet and the cotton fabric that later became denim, but Columbus was not one of those things.

    Maybe we should rename “Columbus Day” “Invasion Day” and leave all of his statues in place, and then on “Invasion Day” we could all gather around them and throw tomatoes at them. It might be cathartic.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I am so sorry your family was treated that way. Reading accounts of the Titanic sinking, they include the urban legend of the “swarthy” man from steerage who wrapped a shawl around his head and climbed into a lifeboat while all the American and English men went bravely to their deaths. The truth was very different.
      The 15th and 16th centuries were brutal times, but Columbus was cruel even for then.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        The sad thing is that people who are discriminated against often look for others who are even more despised so they can discriminate against them. My Neapolitan grandfather was not pleased that some of his children married people of Sicilian descent, as the Neapolitans despised the Sicilians, and vice versa (I think they still do). Then my aunts and uncles who had married Sicilians were horrified when their children married people of Puerto Rican descent.

        • Robyn Pennacchia

          Same. My Nonnie (who is generally quite progressive for a 95-year old woman) was rather freaked when I found out she was part Sicilian through the Ancestry dot com thing and was like “Oooh di’! They’re all in the mafia!”

          Also my mom is Irish. I… probably don’t need to expound much on that. Except to say that even in the 1970s my parents couldn’t get married at the church my Dad’s family went to.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            My dad is German/Irish/Scottish/Hungarian/Danish, so my parents couldn’t get married in the church either, they had to get married in the PORCH of the church, and my dad had to sign a paper agreeing to raise his children Catholic. He signed it, but I think he regretted it.

            One of my uncles worked for the mafia in NYC. He lost a leg when he was 7 after a train ran over him, and during the Great Depression even able-bodied people couldn’t get jobs, so you can imagine nobody wanted to hire a man with a wooden peg leg. But the mafia hired him as a courier, and when he was picked up in an FBI sting he refused to rat on his bosses, so he spent 4 years in Sing Sing prison. While he was locked up, they supported his wife and child. When he got out the mafia took care of him for the rest of his life – gave him an apartment in Las Vegas and a lifetime pension and paid for him to get a real prosthetic leg.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            OMG It reminds me of all the different flavors of Catholic churches in the Pittsburg area. When my mom and her family would talk about those “other” churches i.e. not Polish. I, having grown up in Colorado was WTF? They’re all Catholic!

          • theCryptofishist

            In my mother’s time, they weren’t *really* Catholic. The Poles broke away from the Catholic Church and founded the Polish National Catholic Church–with the mass in Polish (this was well before Vatican II.) Buffalo, and other rust belt cities to be.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Did your Nonnie used basil or dried mint in her spaghetti sauce? In northern Italy they always use basil, but many people from southern Italy use dried mint instead. Basil is slightly sweet, and dried mint is tart. I always use mint, and when people eat
            my spaghetti they always say “This is so delicious, so different, what’s the secret?” When I tell them it is the dried mint, they are startled, as they had never heard of using it in spaghetti sauce. In 60+ years I have only met two people outside my family who used dried mint in their sauce, and both of them were from villages near Naples.

          • Robyn Pennacchia

            Basil! I’ve never heard of the dried mint thing! I will have to try it!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You use exactly as much mint as you do oregano. The only place I can find it in my little town is at our tiny Middle Eastern grocery store, but a good Italian or Greek grocer should sell it.

    • writersbloc

      I’m aware there’s a cultural divide between Northern / Southern Italians but I had no idea there was that kind of rift- and that carried over to US immigrants. Really interesting- curious to learn more about this from a historical standpoint.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        The rift extends to the cuisine. In northern Italy you do not commonly see pasta dishes with tomato-based sauces, whereas in southern Italy this is the norm. I once ordered Ravioli in Venice and was shocked to find it came with a cream sauce (it was delicious). Americans normally think of spaghetti as having a tomato-based sauce because it was southern Italians who introduced spaghetti to the US. Even the cheeses are different – my Neapolitan relatives all use grated Romano cheese on their spaghetti, instead of Parmesan.

        The first time my Northern European paternal grandparents met my Italian mother they decided to honor her by cooking spaghetti. My grandmother did not know how to make it, and they did not sell tomato paste in her rural Missouri stores in 1946, so she used ketchup. My mother said it was inedible…but she ate it anyway. She then taught my grandmother how to make proper spaghetti sauce, and in return my grandmother taught my mother how to make spareribs with sauerkraut (delicious!!! I still make it!).

        If you see “Spaghetti Napolitana” on a menu in Italy, it means pasta with a tomato-based sauce with nothing else in it – no meat, no mushrooms, nothing. If you are very poor, you can’t afford meat in your sauce. Spaghetti with meat sauce is “Spaghetti Bolognese” because Bologna is in northern Italy and they were rich enough to afford meat. Spaghetti Napolitana is Poor People’s Food. We ate it every Friday when I was growing up because we couldn’t eat meat on Friday, but we didn’t know it was Poor People’s Food, we just thought it was delicious. The rest of the week my mother would add meatballs. We also ate a lot of “Spaghetti with Oil” (Cacio e Pepe) which is spaghetti tossed in olive oil mixed with black pepper, and just a bit of grated cheese on top. It is also Poor People’s Food, and also delicious.

        Did you know there are more than 300 types of pasta? Allegedly, Marco Polo brought pasta back to Italy from China, so I suppose we should thank the Chinese for pasta, but if pasta was the only thing the Italians gave to America, we should be eternally grateful. Perhaps we should build Pasta Statues.

        • Robyn Pennacchia

          I had Cacio e Pepe for lunch today. It was delicious.

          Also in this category of Italian poor-people food, my favorite name of any dish ever — spaghetti alla vongole fujute — which means spaghetti with fugitive clams. Like “Oh, there WERE clams in this sauce, but they ran away” and you put a bunch of parsley in it to sort of imitate clam sauce. That and dandelion salad.

          My dad was BEWILDERED when he found out about pesto, because he definitely did not grow up with pesto and was like “How have I never heard of this thing that is supposed to be Italian?”

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I have not heard of the Fugitive Clams, but that is very clever. Perhaps the clams all ran off to Milan to find jobs.

            My mother was an expert at psychology…she never said “We’re having Poor People Food tonight because it’s the end of the month and I ran out of money.” Instead she said “We’re having a special treat tonight – Cacio e Pepe!!! And we drooled with anticipation and clamored for more and pitied our non-Italian friends who never got to eat such delights. I must have been a sore trial to my frugal mother, because I would grate so much cheese on my spaghetti that she would look at me sideways and say “Do you want a little spaghetti with that cheese?” Romano cheese was expensive, and none of the local supermarkets stocked it, we had to special-order it or drive 125 miles to St. Louis and shop in the Italian markets there.

            I used to take Salami sandwiches to school for lunch 50 years ago, and nobody would sit next to me in the cafeteria…they said “Yuck! Smells like dirty feet!” This bothered me not at all, I just smiled and thought “You don’t know what you are missing.” Now everyone eats salami.

            I never even heard of pesto until I was over 30.

          • theCryptofishist

            Pesto hit in the 80s, didn’t it?
            And Salami is wonderful. Landjagar, also, too. I like hard sausage. I like sausage. I find the idea of haggis distasteful, even though it’s basically sausage. Go figure.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I don’t remember when pesto first became popular, but I didn’t run into many people who made their own until the late 90’s, and now practically everyone I know makes it. I can’t eat haggis. I can’t eat anything that looks as if someone else has already eaten it once already. Corned beef hash is like that – it’s very tasty as long as I don’t look at what I’m eating. My cat throws up stuff that looks just like corned beef hash or haggis.

            They have a lot of delicious hard sausages in Spain, but I can’t get any of them here.

          • theCryptofishist

            Well, there’s always prosciutto for unobtanium.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That’s good, I’m going to steal that. It reminds me of a story I read about a woman who loved to garden, but who was annoyed by show-offs who always had to use the Latin names for plants. When they would ask her for the name of some flower she was growing, she would reply “It’s No-namicus In-a-poticus.”

        • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

          cacio a pepe–at mfp house aka ‘when the sauce is gone’ 😆

    • Robyn Pennacchia

      YESSSSS Angela. I actually had made that point originally (about him being Northern Italian, and them hating us anyway) but took it out because it was just… too many things. So I am glad you said it!

      Also my people are from Naples also!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I went to Naples once – in 1972. It was dirty and smelly and everyone was poor and most of the buildings were crumbling. It shouldn’t be like that – it is in one of the most beautiful natural harbors in the world, and has been a seaport for 4000 years. I wonder if it is still like that, and I suspect it is. Lately I have spent many hours wishing my grandparents had stayed in Italy, cause if they had, I’d be living THERE now instead of HERE. I never thought I would live to say such a thing.

        • Robyn Pennacchia

          It does not smell too good these days, I’ll tell you that. There’s a reason people say “va fa Napoli” (or rather, “fanabla” It’s the whole thing with the garbage.

          Aside, when my dad catches me saying “fongool” he’ll say “Oh! Don’t say that! Say fanabla!” — which I find hilarious because A) most people don’t even know what that means and I’m sort of using it as a minced oath to begin with for that reason, and B) We are FROM Naples.

          Although technically they’re not from the city. My Papa’s family is from Teano, and my Nonnie’s family is from Marzano Appio. But obviously it’s easier to just say “Naples.”

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I say “Naples” too, although my grandmother was from Fontana Rosa, a small village outside Naples. I don’t know where Grandpa was from, all he would ever say was “that god-damned village where we almost starved to death, may it rot in hell.” Or words to that effect, in Italian. He thought Dupont, PA was paradise in comparison, and since Dupont, PA can in no way be compared to paradise at any time in its history, his village must have been pretty bad.

            When I was in Naples in 1972 they were clearly having a problem with trash removal. I think they always have a problem with trash removal. I think maybe they are proud of this, for some obscure reason.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I was there a few years ago and they still have not mastered the art of waste management. I think all the stuff from then is still there.

        • theCryptofishist

          Think of how many Berlusconi regimes you would have had to live through.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I forgot to mention…when I moved to New Orleans in 2005 I was very disappointed to find that the small Italian community there is not predominantly Southern Italian. There were exactly 2 small Italian grocers in New Orleans, and they didn’t sell anything I wanted, including Romano cheese or Volpi salami. I had to order food from Viviano’s Italian Market in St. Louis – shipped with dry ice. You also could not find sauerkraut in New Orleans, and nobody ever heard of a Reuben sandwich or Black Russian Rye Bread (yumm!). They had also never heard of Toasted Ravioli. The fact that New Orleans has it’s own fabulous cuisine could not make up for the lack of good Italian food. I ordered a HUGE amount of frozen toasted ravioli from St. Louis and I treated all 40 of my coworkers to it for lunch, and they totally flipped out over it.

        • Cat Cafe

          I grew up in the Bay Area and there was a GLORIOUS Italian community in S.F. then. It’s been pushed out, like most everything else, by the Silicon Valley jerks, but I wish you could have been there then! Wonderful cafes, markets, family-style restaurants, on and on. The food!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The food!!!!! I am getting hungry now. I think I will have Spaghetti Napolitana tonight. I actually found a gluten-free brand of spaghetti that is not terrible. It is Ronzoni. It tastes ALMOST like real spaghetti, and I can get it in Penne, Rotini, Elbow, Lasagna, Spaghetti and Spaghettini. I wish I could get Linguine, Orzo and Farfalle, but no luck yet.

        • Robyn Pennacchia

          I was gonna say “WHO DOESN’T HAVE ROMANO CHEESE” but then I remembered that I lived in Chicago for nearly a decade before I was able to find a stick of pepperoni at the grocery store.

          It’s actually kind of interesting here — there anywhere near as many of us as you’d think. Apparently they all moved out of the city years ago, and a lot of the people that moved here from other states are from states where there are not a whole lot of us. The first time I met someone from Indiana he literally told me “Oh! You’re the first ethnic white I’ve ever met!” and I was FLOORED.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Sam’s Club now carries big bags of grated Pecorino Romano. But I grew up eating the domestic Romano, which is softer and a bit stronger-tasting. I will eat the Pecorino if that is all I can find, but it’s just not the same. I can get a 5-lb bag of freshly grated domestic Romano cheese at Viviano’s Italian Grocer in St. Louis, 125 miles away, so I stock up 3 or 4 times a year and keep it in the freezer. Volpi brand salami is made in St. Louis – it is yummy! There is ONE supermarket in town that sells Dry Italian salami, and I pig out once a month.

            There were only 2 Italian-American families in the Catholic church I grew up attending in central Missouri. I was the only Catholic child going to my public school, and the only Italian-American as well, but I paid no attention to this. I was raised not to give a damn what other people thought about me.

            BTW: cats love salami. Every time I open the ziploc bag with the salami, my 2 cats come running and meow hysterically until I give them a piece. Sometimes I put a piece or two in their bag of dry cat food so the dry food will smell like salami, and they love that! I can’t understand why Purina doesn’t make a Salami-flavored cat food. Purina must be run by Anglos.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I lived in Chicago for one year (1987-88) and I lived at the corner of 103rd and Pulaski. Right on that corner was a Greek grocer, and I used to get off the bus after work and go into the store just to absorb the smells – the cheeses, the olives, the bread, the spices!!! There should be a room freshener called “Mediterranean Market.” They had great Italian salami.

    • Cat Cafe

      And of all the hypocrisies, for GERMAN Americans, during WW2, to shit on Italian immigrants! They were practically banned from public life! German used to be routinely taught in our schools, the word “kindergarten” even comes from them, but after WW1 German started to be forbidden, street names and city names were changed, and they were forbidden to donate blood or join certain groups, even more so in WW2. I guess that’s why they had to find someone to shit on.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        It seems to me that EVERY group of people, no matter how far down the power pyramid they are, has to find some other group to shit on, and if they can’t find another group that is actually worse than them, they start making up lies about another group so they can shit on them. For example, Ignorant, stupid, bone-lazy white trash having sex with their siblings and living in decrepit mobile homes and cooking meth in one of the trashed cars on concrete blocks in the back yard, will say despicable things about African Americans. I have rural relatives who do this.

      • theCryptofishist

        My grandfather, married in the 1920s, so growing up in the oughts and teens? was targeted by the boys in the german neighborhood next to the Polish neighborhood if he crossed the line. It’s the same old story…

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    The 15th and 16th century were just a bad time to be a human. It was bad to be a suspected heretic, Muslim, or Jew. It was bad to be a male blood relative of the king. It was bad to be a poor family driven off the land because some rich lord decided to raise sheep. Starving, you’d be whipped from town to town as a vagrant, because unemployment was a crime. If you were a Native American and captured by the tribe next door, your fate wasn’t likely to be much better than if Columbus had gotten ahold of you.
    I vote for the Pizza.

    • mailman27

      Me too! Just don’t start fighting about the toppings.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Too late! Pineapple and ham pizza is heresy!

        • Cat Cafe

          Infidel! Grilled ham and pineapple is PART OF OUR HERITAGE!

  • Persistent Demme

    Sorry if this was down thread already but, I thought he was Portuguese?

    And what about the theory that he was actually a Jew trying to escape the Spanish Inquisition?

    • Werewolf

      There are all kinds of theories floating around, including that he was Catalán. The idea that he was a Jew was mostly floated by his enemies.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I thought that as well.

  • Ezio
    • Roadstergal

      Columbo’s Day!

    • mailman27

      An Irish guy wearing a London Fog? I love it!

      • Ezio

        Peter Falk? He was Jewish.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Yay Robyn!

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    I’m always gabberflasted by this argument. Like, no Italian-American did anything else worth putting up statues?

    I am a Jew. Some of the founders of Israel did some extremely sketchy shit, but it’s not like we’re clamoring for statues of Meyer Lansky or Bugsy Siegel.

    • Manders

      I’ve been talking to an Italian-American fellow New Yorker for a bit on Twitter. He’s all, “But why can’t you give indigenous peoples another day? Why you gotta take a day away from Italian-Americans where we celebrate our heritage?”

      And then he mentioned the parade. And I looked it up: there’s a parade on Columbus Day in New York. I’ve lived here over 20 years and had no idea. I really did not know that Italian-Americans look at Columbus Day as a day to celebrate their heritage.

      Now, I’m Welsh-American. St. David’s Day gets fuck-all, but I’m supposed to care that the Italians might have to parade for someone else, or on a different day, or just settle for having an entire part of town dedicated to them, several streets named after famous Italians, a bunch of mayors including the current one, all kinds of famous movies, perhaps one of the most famous singers ever every, food that is now ingrained in our culture . . .

      • Cat Cafe

        Well, if getting blackout drunk and vomiting all over the sidewalk is a “parade,” I guess that’s what you could call it.

        • theCryptofishist

          Yeah, well, I guess that kind of parade was pioneered here by the Irish.
          San Francisco has some weird thing where someone wades ashore pretending to be Columbus. Isabella gets in there, too, somehow. Which, at least, is kinda random and wacky. Which can happen on Indigenous Peoples’ Day, as far as I’m concerned.

  • Pancakes please!

    “We sailed to North America first, but we weren’t dicks about it”
    -Vikings.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Having arrived in America, the people of Maya-K’iche ‘found many cities’ [1348], p.193. As Popol Vuh informs us, soon the question of the New Kingdom’s establishment and Benediction came up. It was required to send back to the East across the ocean the embassy of Maya-K’iche to the great Quetzalcoatl to obtain the authority to govern [1348], p.206-210. This section of Popol Vuh is extremely interesting.

    A.T.Fomenko , G.V.Nosovskiy
    HOW IT WAS IN REALITY

  • cmd resistor

    So i have often wished i was born italian for many reasons but Columbus is not one of them. Btw my brain hurts from having read some of the replies to the trump tweet today declaring today Columbus day.

    • theCryptofishist

      Did he invent that, also, too?

  • William
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      I learned a LOT of that sort of Italian while living in Toronto, which for a time had the second-largest Italian-speaking population in the WORLD. Unfortunately, most of it would have got me beat up or at least chased out of Little Italy.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I am 100% in favor of dropping Columbus Day and instead getting the day off for Pizza Day. I promise to spend part of the day reflecting on the many contributions of Italian Americans to American history and culture.

    • William

      Good idea. Take for example those gold chains worn around the neck so Italian men know where to stop shaving. What a blessing.

    • Atheist

      We should replace thanksgiving with this holiday!

  • Donkey Option

    Thee things – as an Italian-American I cosign this with all my heart. Second, there is a possibility that Columbus wasn’t even Italian (I like the theory that he was Catalan myself, not because the Catalans deserve him, but because there is something intriguing of a Catalan having to pretend to be Italian in order to be respected in Spain at that time.) Third, there have to be better Italians to celebrate! Come on, we had some great musicians, artists, scientists. Columbus wasn’t Italian-American. He was (possibly) an Italian who came to the Americas by way of Spain. Let them have statues to him. We don’t need them. We can and should do better. He wasn’t a visionary, didn’t discover something new that hadn’t already been discovered (Leif Erikson, anyone, whose day is also today,) and frankly was a major asshole. No points for him. Then again, we don’t have anything celebrating German-Americans, or Welsh-Americans, or any other group my heritage derives from, so maybe we don’t need statues. Maybe we do just need pizza, and all the other amazing Italian food that we are privileged to have.

  • ken_kukec

    John “Viola” — Dude, make up your mind already, whether you’re a cello or violin.

    • dshwa

      I love a good viola joke:
      What do a viola player’s fingers and lightening have in common?

      They never strike the same place twice.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

        A viola burns longer.

  • ken_kukec

    How ’bout Sinatra’s anti-racist anthem from the Forties, “The House I Live In”?

    Here. Canta, paisan:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpO6mpYvyqQ

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      why is this not the national anthem?…instead of the war song we have now

  • Roadstergal
  • Viktor

    If Linda Stasi sees this article she will promptly go into anger mode and write 17 articles about her proud Italian heritage.

  • Wojciech

    At least you Italians get a national holiday (even if Christopher Columbus was an asshole). All us Polish-Americans get is a genuine (and even politically correct!) Revolutionary War hero who’s “celebrated” by being put on a bottle of brown mustard and just had the bridge named after him in Brooklyn blown up.

    NB: I don’t live in Chicago, so I don’t get to celebrate Casimir Pulaski Day. He was pretty cool, too.

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      pulaski day is a state holiday here in IL

    • natoslug

      Wait, we have a mustard celebrating us? Progress!

    • theCryptofishist

      Yeah, for some reason I don’t feel that my German American quarter gets as short shrift as my Polish American half. Don’t we also sort of get Dyngus Day? (Which actually has nothing to do with the Maltese Falcon) And we’ll always have Madame Curie–who has no association with this country that I know of, but I’m willing to play fast and loose for ethnic pride.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        You sure get Dyngus Day in Cleveland – stop by next April! (or whenever it is. Easter Monday).

        • theCryptofishist

          I know when it is. just not sure if I’ll be in the Rust Belt in the spring.

          • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

            It’s becoming quite the bash around here – kind of a second St Patrick’s Day. And we take that seriously in Clevo (by which I mean, serious drinking begins at 5 am and the party goes on til the last vaguely-Irishman falls over)

  • Duke

    Christopher Columbus Day is garbage.

    Everyone knows that Leif Erikson discovered Vinland 500 years before he did.

    I’m agonna hit the herring pretty hard in a minute.

    • Billy Wigglestaff

      said the actress to the bishop.

    • theCryptofishist

      Wouldn’t cod be more appropriate?

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Do be careful, the herring hit back.

  • Ricky Gay

    Wonkette, come for the snark – stay for the excellent history lessons!

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    beautiful article robyn, also the article about frank sinatra’s badass mom, which i encourage everyone to read…thanks for the writings…brilliant, fabulously talented, etc-etc, all true

  • bluicebank

    It stands to reason that Italian-Americans should advocate for Amerigo Vespucci Day, since he wasn’t an asshole, and unlike Columbus, knew the Americas were not India. Then, too, neither of them landed in North America.

    Let Columbia keep Columbus Day.

    By the way, today is Leif Erikson Day.

  • C4TWOMAN

    This is how I feel about Sir Francis Drake.
    They say he was a great man, pioneered ship building, etc, etc.
    All true. he was also a slaver and took part in the mass murder of Irish dissidents on the orders of Elizabeth I.
    One can acknowledge Drake’s contributions to advancing exploration technology without lauding the git as a “hero”.

    • Wojciech

      Oliver Cromwell is even more problematic, without Drake’s positive qualities.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yes, I love studying the English Civil War, and I’m building a wargame force of New Model Army, but let none of that indicate any admiration for Oliver Cromwell.

        • Incoming Ham

          The UK has had the statue debate for years. There are moves afoot (from time to time ) to get rid of Cromwell and Edward Colston statues as well as others.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Cromwell did some ugly things I know. The British named a tank after him in WW2 though.

            Maybe it’s time to leave statuary for men like him behind, and make something new.

          • theCryptofishist

            In San Francisco (and I may have said this before) in Yerba Buena Gardens, there is a fountain that is a waterfall. It’s a memorial to MLK, and you can walk behind the water falling and there are pictures and quotes and things translated to other languages, and one of the quotes is his referencing the bible, talking about justice raining down like a mighty stream, which is the inspiration for the basic idea of the fountain. I remember reading someone saying that it didn’t work, and it’s something that I think about–when I take BART to or from work, I tend to use the Powell Station instead of Montgomery Street because I can walk by the damn thing, and I think–does this guy want us to just make another bronze statue, pretty much like the ones of his oppressors and the oppressors of african americans throughout history? So MLK can just be another man, going green, with pigeon icing? I haven’t decided yet if it works as a memorial, but it is a splendid fountain, and it’s nice, for the two minutes I roll by, to hear the noises of a fountain and water, and not the other typical city noises. I would love an explosion of forms of monuments for all our new real heroes. King, Milk, and I know that I’d find some women if I thought about it, but it’s been a long day.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            :) I think I agree.

          • theCryptofishist

            I expect you’ll come out here some time in your life, and then you can see for yourself.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I hope so. :)

          • theCryptofishist

            Didn’t Oxford shed a Rhodes statues a few years back. *shudder* Rhodes…

          • Incoming Ham

            I think so. I’d have to look.

  • Mathew G. Smith

    Columbus wouldn’t even have identified as Italian, he was Genoan centuries before unification.

    • H0mer0

      they say he wuz also a converso, trying to avoid being genocided himself.

  • PattyCake

    I come for the snark, but I stay for the Louis Prima !
    https://youtu.be/WGM2HPM6BDc

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I don’t know much about Italian Americans. But we French people have a weird relationship with Italians. We acknowledge the similarities (we are both Latin countries, after all). But we also like to take the piss out of them, mainly for the political shenanigans.

    • theCryptofishist

      Well, there were times when the “French” “owned” parts of Italy, Naples, specifically, iIrc. That whole business of trading duchies and bits and pieces of land around with war or marriage is just plain weird, in a modern view.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    This really needs to be here: Hare We Go

  • I’m Genoese-American and I think that the day should be changed. Italy is a young country, most of the ancestors of today’s Italian-Americans would have considered themselves Calabrese or Pugliese or Abruzzese rather than ‘Italian’. How about honoring Giuseppe Garibaldi, who not only played a major role in the formation of a unified Italy, but also lived in NYC for a while?

  • Circumventing

    In 1492, Columbus said there’d be a wonkboner thing in 500-ish years and all the cast-outs from the New World would whine there and beg for money.

    Columbus was right again lol.

  • MisterShoebox

    Why don’t you guys have a day honoring Marco Polo? He seemed like a pretty okay guy.

  • Mike Steele

    Lady MS is directly descended from a guy who is mentioned in MD’s state song. Neither proud, nor ashamed. Rather, uninvolved, if you catch my drift. Entitled to join DAR/DOC, chose to do neither, but plowed on to make my own history. Do understand Robyn’s ambivalence, but it is anyone’s choice to embrace or reject the behavior of their forebears. Have never believed in collective/ancestral guilt. You are accountable only for what you accomplish in your lifetime. Any other construct appears, to me, as an adaptation of original sin, which I also don’t accept. Rest of you Wonkers are entitled (by virtue of our 1st Am.) to your own opinion, and we’ll fight for your right to defend it:)

    • ExecutorElassus

      I think what you’re conflating here is the idea of being guilty of the sins of your ancestors, vs. being responsible for fixing them. Nobody is saying you are a traitor and segregationist (at least, I guess, not yet; there’s still plenty of those in the US). But for those of us who benefit from the system of inequality and oppression that our ancestors built, it falls upon us (myself included here) to fix it, simply because — as part of that privilege we enjoy — we’re the only ones with the real political power necessary to do so.

      • Serai 1
      • Mike Steele

        “Not yet…”? Not EVER, Exec. (also Serai, Robyn). In order to ‘get’ me, you must understand that I was raised to believe that EVERY person fortunate enough to be born/reside in the US bears a responsibility to leave this country better than they found it. “Those of us who benefit from the {US} system” are ALL of us, as there are far worse (though far better) places to live. Taking a more ‘globalist’ view of the world – as unpopular as that is these days – will posit that there isn’t a nation on this planet that hasn’t undergone some shameful period they’d like to forget/expunge. As Americans, we cannot/should not attempt that ruse, and it is incumbent upon each of us to rectify the injustices that preceded us. For example, I find the NFL players’ protests a brilliant strategy for bringing such discussions into the domain of popular culture. The ‘traitors and segregationists’ with whom you would cavalierly associate me are now forced to choose between the tight end they love and the n***er they congenitally hate. Let’s see where THEY come down.
        As for being ‘the only ones with real political power’, how’s that working out these days? I knew Trump – and the lower-middle-class versions of his fanbase – decades ago. You aren’t going to shame them into doing the right thing (remember Spike Lee’s film?), as they’re so indelibly stupid as to vote against their own economic interests. They did not ‘benefit’ from the oppression our ancestors imposed, but rather were oppressed by the obscene dichotomy of wealth based more on class than race. And, no, I’m not a Bernie-bot. HRC had it right, but expressed it wrong, much to the detriment of our futures – and those of our planetary neighbors. Do you read me now?

    • Red Herring

      As much as I want to just rage and yell these days, I do need to chime in a little bit.
      I get you Mike. I am not a big believer in “guilt” exactly. I just want to do better.
      However, I have had somewhat similar conversations with my spouse who is an immigrant.
      When we have discussed the dark periods of American history (Genocide, Slavery, Manifest Destiny, Slaughter of the Buffalo, Civil War, Jim Crow laws, Lynchings, the KKK, Chinese Exclusion Act, Japanese Internment, House Unamerican activities committee, Vietnam War, Watergate….), she said that that all happened before she became a citizen.
      I told her that shameful as it is she/we have to own it…those same actions and working to overcome them happened in the context that built this nation into something unique and (dare I say) special.
      American “exceptionalism” is a thing. Exceptional isn’t necessarily better. Honestly, I dream about getting off the treadmill of the “American Dream”. However, we should recognize that the dark periods of our history, and specifically how we continue to attempt to overcome them, are what has made us into the society and nation we have today.
      Despite its problems, I continue to believe in the United States of America and my fellow citizens (native born or not), but we cannot turn a blind eye to the events of the past and tell ourselves that we (collectively) have not benefited from the dark history we share.

      • Mike Steele

        Lady MS: Yours is as beautifully stated a position on this matter as I have ever read – anywhere. There, for an instant, you almost made me feel guilty for the ‘privilege’ I attained by the accident (ask Mom) of my birth. Along with you, I do not ‘turn a blind eye’, and I do recognize/acknowledge/even interpret as a docent the dark periods in our nation’s history. As you suggest, I work daily -writing, calling, protesting, donating, voting – to make this a better place. However, neither I – and certainly not your spouse, as a recent citizen – should be tasked with perpetual PERSONAL guilt and shame for the actions of our forebears. Have longed believed that this construct has fueled much of the bitterness and bile that gave us Trump. Post WWII Germans had to deal with this and, for awhile, later generations struggled with collective, hereditary blame/guilt schtick. Finally, they seemed to have found middle ground, by putting the onus where it belongs – expunging all things Nazi (as we should have done years ago w/all things Confederate insurgent) and prohibiting the sort of rhetoric that spawned their 20th c. nightmare. Of course, our cherished and inviolable 1st Am. makes it tough to shut down speech, hate or otherwise, but marginalizing the resurgence of such subsets of humanity would be a good first step. Thanks for your though-provoking, articulate reply! (BTW, MS is first generation American, via UK:)

  • EER

    Happy Birthday, John Lennon. Sorry about all the guns in the US, sir.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      And all the untreated crazies. And most of all, sorry for all the untreated crazies with guns.

    • davej1s

      I miss John. Imagine if he was still here…

  • EER

    So, if you run upon a place, and the people who live there are staring at you, I don’t think you discovered it.

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Repeal and replace with statues of Joe Pesci!!!!

    Also too, Pesci can replace the Duhnald for the remainder of his term?

    • kaydenpat

      If we’re going for great Italian American actors, I’d have to nominate Robert DeNiro.

      • Serai 1

        Not after that anti-vax nonsense. I nominate Al Pacino. HOO-AH!!!

  • sillyclucker

    I would whole-heartedly support a National Pizza Appreciation holiday. In fact, I just celebrated pizza by having some for breakfast.

  • JJ O’Shaughnessy

    You and your Columbus. Everyone knows it was the Irish that discovered America, with the voyage of St. Brendan..

    *runs*

    • Serai 1

      The Vikings might have something to say about that…

  • reelreeler

    Agree…End Columbus Day. Scratch the surface, many still think Italians are “suspiciously un-American”. People who watch too many movies assume I must be friends with gangsters because my name ends in a vowel. Yep, Fuck Columbus Day

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Thank you for this excellent essay. As it often happens to me here, I am so much smarter now than when I arrived this morning.

  • davej1s

    The company that I work for has a rigid view of holidays…you will take them on the day of the holiday…no leeway. Columbus Day is one of those days and I will just be damned if I am going to celebrate CC. I went to work. Fuck ’em and fuck him.

  • kaydenpat

    Honor this Civil Rights Activist who was murdered by the KKK. Columbus didn’t set foot in the U.S. so I don’t get why Americans want to celebrate him anyways.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viola_Liuzzo

  • Serai 1

    I gotta wonder what the fuck is up with those who need STATUES around to remind them of history. I live in L.A., where the only public statues are a tiny smattering in the downtown area. Thus, I almost never see a statue of this type. And yet, somehow, I have developed the ability to remember history, my own and that of my country. How, you cry, HOW do I accomplish this amazing feat? MAGIC, that’s how! A magic I refuse to share with these cretins. They’ll have to discover it on their own!

    • Oh please, please…speak to us of this magic! I wish to know more about the “history.”

  • Zyxomma

    Louis Prima and Keely Smith for the win!!

  • mariahwg

    Giovanni Caboto (John Cabot) was a Venetian who sailed for America under the flag of England (like Columbus with the Spaniards), and was the first non-Viking to visit mainland North America, in 1497. Never got within arrow’s distance of a Native, so no pesky murder or sex or slave trade problems. Giovanni Caboto Day!

  • Kooolest G
  • whitroth

    Being me, let me note that *I* recognize Lief Erikson Day, which is, of course, on Oct 11, the day *before* the “traditional Columbus Day”.

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/38/Thorfinn_Karlsefni_1918.jpg/800px-Thorfinn_Karlsefni_1918.jpg

  • Red Herring

    I hope you all had a great “We killed the Natives Day”! This “holiday” is damn disgrace and as a (partially) Italian-American it is deeply embarrassing that folks who share a genetic heritage with me would find cause for celebration of genocide.
    As Americans there are many things to be proud of, but the systematic and purposeful slaughter of those that came before over the 400+ years following that syphilitic asshole’s voyage of plunder is certainly not one of them.

  • Mike Steele

    Dear Robyn: What’s the story on Verrazano? Folks who visit a historical site on Delmarva where I volunteer are astonished to know that the bridge connecting Trumpturf to the idyllic island of Assateague (which he would gleefully destroy) is named for the same explorer as the NYC bridge. Was he a good/bad guy from the POV of today’s Italians?

  • Claudio Fogu

    Great post Robyn. We agree 100% with you and the great comments below. Please join the NoColumbusDay campaign to abolish/replace Columbus Day as a federal holiday by signing our petition asking the 44 members of the Italian American Congressional Delegation to open up lines of communication with the Native American Congressional Caucus to draft a common bill for the abolition/replacement of Columbus Day as a federal holiday: https://www.change.org/p/nocolumbusday

    Check out our blog: nocolumbusday.wordpress.com

Previous articleTrump EPA Will Make You Eat Coal, And You Will Like It
Next articleBetsy DeVos Loves The Poorly Educating!