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IT’S AN EARTHQUAKE AT THE SUPREME COURT! Or it could be. If Anthony Kennedy sides with the four liberal justices and rules that extreme partisan gerrymandering violates the Constitution, it will change everything. Of course, it’s dangerous to speculate based on oral arguments. But the general consensus is, it’s not looking good for the mapfuckers. HOORAY!

We’ve translated yesterday’s oral arguments in Gill v. Whitford into Wonkspeak, because we are service-y like that. Get psyched, because Notorious RBG is TAKING NO SHIT from that mansplaining little weasel Gorsuch! But before that, just a little background:

Way back in 2004, Justice Kennedy said, Look, we’re not going to say that partisan gerrymandering is illegal. But maybe we will if you come back to us with an objective formula to measure it. And then, with no one to stop them, Republicans spent the next 12 years drawing maps to give themselves permanent majorities in Congress and state legislatures, which is how Republicans won 49.9% of the votes, but took 55.2% of the seats in the House of Representatives in 2016.

Last year a Wisconsin federal court looked at the state’s electoral maps and said ENOUGH OF THIS FUCKERY:

In 2012, the Republican Party received 48.6% of the two-party statewide vote share for Assembly candidates and won 60 of the 99 seats in the Wisconsin Assembly. In 2014, the Republican Party received 52% of the two-party statewide vote share and won 63 assembly seats.

If the mapfuckers could figure out the math to rig the maps, the court could at least figure out the math to measure the rigging.

Modern gerrymandering is accomplished by drawing a few districts where Democrats win in an “inefficient” landslide, while maximizing the number of close-but-safe “efficient” Republican districts. Like we splained to you in June when the Supreme Court agreed to hear this case, the lower court accepted a mathematical formula called the efficiency gap to measure when partisan gerrymandering is so unfair that it violates Equal Protection and First Amendment rights under the Constitution. And now, if Anthony Kennedy blesses it, we can finally get back to voters choosing their representatives, rather than the other way around.

SO, with that out of the way … Y’all, it was LIT Tuesday at the Supremes! Here’s what they said, MORE OR LESS.

Attorney Misha Tseytlin, representing the mapfuckers: Good morning, your Honors. By way of introduction, let me say, MATH IS HARD. Wouldn’t it be easier to leave politics to the politicians? And maybe these whiny voters don’t even have standing to sue over their screwy districts!

Justice Kennedy: Well, let’s assume that they do have standing!

Tseytlin: [GULP]

Justice Roberts: Well, if these guys don’t have standing to challenge the districts, WHO DOES?

Tseytlin: Say, don’t you guys have your hands full with those racial gerrymandering cases? You don’t really want to bother with this stuff, too! Besides, half the time Republicans are dumb enough to draw these districts based on race anyway. Oh, wait, did I say that out loud?

Justice Breyer: Can we just get down to business here? Let’s make a three part test.

  1. Was the map drawn by one party only?
    2. Is the map biased, based on mathematical formula?
    3. Is this result likely to be repeated cycle after cycle?

And if yes to all, is there some other explanation?

Tseytlin: But math is hard!

Justice Kagan: Dude, what the hell are you talking about? Your map guy testified that he used computer modeling to predict the future, and he got it exactly right! That’s how Wisconsin Republicans got 48% of the vote but won 61% of the seats.

Tseytlin: Well, no one can see the future. Maybe we’ll lose next year!

Justice Sotomayor: Asshole, we have the receipts! Your model worked perfectly. So stop bitching and tell us WHY we can’t use this formula to determine whether the district is unfair. And quit telling us MATH IS HARD.

Justice Alito: BUT WHAT EVEN IS MATH?????

Justice Kennedy: So, would it be legal to pass a law saying that the maps MUST be drawn to maximize Republican votes?

Attorney Erin Murphy, also representing the mapfuckers: Is this a trap? Oh, shit.

Justice Ginsburg: You’re in my house now!

Murphy: Ummmm, maybe????

Justice Alito: Oh, come on! Even I know that’s illegal.

Murphy: Well, no. You can’t just come out and say it. But it’s okay if you just think it in your mind.

Justice Kagan: Did you really come up here to waste our time with this shit?

Murphy: Well, if they never say it out loud, then how can they get in trouble?

Justice Gorsuch: I’m pretty sure what Ms. Murphy meant to say was, MATH IS HARD. And if we change the law, then everyone will be up here making us do math! UNFAIR!

Justice Ginsburg: Neil, you ignorant slut! If we can’t be bothered to make elections fair, why should people even bother to vote?

Justice Roberts: Okay, yeah. It’s unfair. But if we change the rule, then people will be suing over districts left and right. And the average voter is too stupid to do math, so he’ll think we just rigged it and picked the side we liked best!

Attorney Paul Smith, representing the map UN-fuckers: But you guys have like ten gerrymandering cases a year already! You’re doing it anyway. Give us a rule! For the love of God, the Republicans are going to take the 2020 Census and redraw the maps so that they’ll win everything. The country is falling apart! Help us!

Justice Roberts: But then people won’t like us! Why can’t the legislature do it? MATH IS HARD.

Justice Breyer: What don’t you get, JOHN? The party that gets the most votes should get the most seats. It’s not fucking rocket science!

Justice Roberts: Dammit, Stephen! I’m a lawyer, not a mathematician!

Justice Alito: Okay, gerrymandering is “distasteful.” But do we really have to wade into this right now? Also, MATH IS HARD.

Smith: Look, the honorable Justice Kennedy long may he live, and may I say, you look marvelous today, Sir! Wise Justice Kennedy asked us in 2004 to come back with a mathematical formula. And here we are!

Justice Kagan: Smith! Splain to these dipshits why we’re not going to be drowning in redistricting cases.

Smith: Because math is not hard! Look, here’s the formula.

Justice Roberts: BUT MATH IS HARD! It’s hard for me.

Justice Gorsuch: “It reminds me a little bit of my steak rub. I like some turmeric, I like a few other little ingredients, but I’m not going to tell you how much of each.” [ACTUAL QUOTE. – ed.]

Smith: ????????

Justice Gorsuch: Maybe it’s not gerrymandering. Maybe it’s like when I add an extra pinch of turmeric to my steak rub. Am I deliberately disenfranchising the garlic powder? Who’s to say?

Smith: THEY USED COMPUTER MODELING WITH SEVERAL DATA POINTS ON EVERY VOTER.

Justice Alito: But what if the computer says that the map is discriminatory, but the computer is lying?

Justice Kagan: FFS! The map guys can just show their work. They built complex computer models that save every version. Some people aren’t computer illiterate, SAM!

Justice Gorsuch: Well, actually! There’s a little thing called the Constitution. And there’s no mention of computer modeling in there, is there? So I guess we can’t tell the states how to run their elections now, can we!

Justice Ginsburg: Check out the Equal Protection Clause, TWERP!

Justice Gorsuch: Well, but state legislatures could get rid of gerrymandering right? Don’t you think we should leave it to them?

Smith: State legislators are going to outlaw their own maps? The ones they drew to get themselves elected? That seems … UNLIKELY, your Honor.

Justice Roberts: Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Peace out.

We’ll know by June if Justice Kennedy decides to save the Republic or cast us all into an eternal darkness. Fingers crossed!

[Gill v. Whitford Oral Argument 10/3/17 / Gill v. Whitford, Original Decision]

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  • bookish

    Morning Brief. The Center on National Security at Fordham Law.

    MATTIS CONTRADICTS TRUMP ON IRAN DEAL AHEAD OF DEADLINE
    Days before President Trump has to make a critical decision on whether to hold up the Iran nuclear deal, Defense Secretary Jim Mattis openly split with him on abandoning the agreement, the second senior member of the president’s national security team to recently contradict him.

    Mattis told senators on Tuesday that it was in America’s interest to stick with the deal, which Trump has often dismissed as a “disaster.” Asked Tuesday at a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing whether he believes it is in America’s “national security interest at this time to remain” in the Iran nuclear deal. After a lengthy pause, Mattis replied to Sen. Angus King: “Yes Senator, I do.”

    Trump has an October 15 deadline to certify Iran’s compliance with the deal, or decline to do so.

    Secretary of State Rex Tillerson also recently broke with Trump, telling reporters in Beijing over the weekend that he was keeping “a couple, three channels open to Pyongyang” to defuse the situation in North Korea. The next morning, he was
    publicly slapped down by Trump, who read newspaper accounts of that conversation and tweeted that Tillerson was “wasting his time trying to negotiate with Little Rocket Man.” New York Times, Axios, The Hill, Los Angeles Times

  • Joe Beese
    • OrdinaryJoe

      “Thrall”. Very Game of Thronesish.

    • BearGHAZI

      WOW I’m so conflicted about liking North Korean Twitter. “Cringing Thrall” LMFAO

      • DAT

        No need to be conflicted. DPRK News Service is a parody twitter account.

        • BearGHAZI

          My inner conflict is abated, but now I just feel like a fool

          • DAT

            Shhh… don’t tell people about feeling foolish.

            News organizations don’t when they make the same mistake.

            The Daily Beast: Media outlets that have reported on the DPRK News Service Twitter feed as actually speaking for the North Korean government: Newsweek, Fox News, BuzzFeed (twice), Washington Post, a Norwegian TV network, The Verge, Roll Call, and now The New York Times. What was your reaction when you found out about this latest episode, and why does this keep happening?

          • CripesAmighty

            A lot of folks get burned at 1st. These guys are brilliant.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Related news: Trump renames White House “Canossa,” has Secret Service spray crushed ice on ground outside of Oval Orifice.

  • Skeptical_thinker

    Help us, Anthony, You are our only hope!

    • Explody Brain

      Fuck that shit. Midterms baby.

  • Mpeg

    This was a brilliant read. High five’s for FDF!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Megadittoes. But the math part was pretty hard.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    The Mapfuckers is the going to be my new garage Mercator band name.

  • bookish

    Morning Brief. The Center on National Security at Fordham Law.

    GOP LAWMAKER MET WITH KREMLIN-LINKED LAWYER AT CENTER OF RUSSIA INVESTIGATION
    Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Calif.) met with the Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya during a 2016 trip to Moscow, a previously undisclosed meeting that sheds additional light on the extent to which Moscow-based political operatives sought to influence American officials in the run-up to last year’s presidential election. Two months after her meeting with Rohrabacher, Veselnitskaya met in New York with
    Trump’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., to discuss the Magnitsky Act and to offer potentially incriminating information about his father’s opponent, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Foreign Policy

    • Joe Beese

      I might have expected this from anyone except Rohrabacher!

  • bubbuhh

    Teh important thing is teh Founding Fathermuckers dint have math. They had slaves named Gerry n Mander.

  • Joe Beese
    • Donkey Option

      “I totally called him a Moran as per Wonkette commenting rules.”

      • leemoder

        Rule #1: There ain’t no commentin’, no how.

    • Explody Brain

      Tillerson, please quit.

      Trump doesn’t have the political capital to ram someone as unqualified as you through now.

    • elviouslyqueer

      “For the record, he’s not just a moron, he’s THE moron.”

      • Msgr_MΩment

        MOTUS.

    • jesterpunk

      What about the report you called him a fucking moron?

  • Explody Brain

    Even these dark times haven’t cast out my optimistic spirit.

    I think Kennedy stayed for a reason.

  • BigCSouthside

    That efficiency gap formula is pretty damn cool.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Where was Thomas all this time? Oh, right. Farting into his hands and smelling it when he thought nobody would notice.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      He’s due to ask his next question in oral arguments around 2021. Don’t rush him.

      • GoutMachine

        And it will be why can’t rapists just get a little love and respect?

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          And will he lose his right to carry arms?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Staring at a soft drink can, looking for the next pubic hair. Long Dong Silver on the Supreme Court rides again!

  • bookish

    Morning Brief. The Center on National Security at Fordham Law.

    REPORT: RUSSIA TARGETS NATO SOLDIERS’ CELLPHONES
    Russia has opened a new battlefront with NATO, reports the Wall Street Journal, by exploiting a point of vulnerability for almost all allied soldiers: their personal smartphones.Troops, officers and government officials of North Atlantic Treaty Organization member countries said Russia has carried out a campaign to compromise soldiers’ smartphones. The aim, they say, is to gain operational information, gauge troop strength and intimidate soldiers. Wall Street Journal

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Are we 100% sure that Gorsuch is a real person and not just some sophisticated sock monkey with a recording of Federalist Society catchphrases?

    • rielly

      It was the fastest way to get him out of Colorado. /s

  • OrG

    Gorsuck-just as bad as dead scalia, without the winning personality.

    • Proud Liberal

      A man willing to accept a stolen Supreme Court seat has no integrity.

      • Explody Brain

        Fucking this.

    • Baconzgood

      At least Scalia was funny.

  • Joe Beese
    • ManchuCandidate

      It’s hard having to alter legal documents!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Do
      Math = hard
      Repeat.

  • Proud Liberal

    A lot can happen between now and June…..

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Justice Ginsburg: Neil, you ignorant slut! If we can’t be bothered to make elections fair, why should people even bother to vote?

    Justice Roberts: Okay, yeah. It’s unfair. But if we change the rule, then people will be suing over districts left and right. And the average voter is too stupid to do math, so he’ll think we just rigged it and picked the side we liked best!

    THIS.

  • Joe Beese

    The scene of the president tossing out paper towels to his citizens like they were contest winners recalled Immortan Joe favoring his subjects by turning on the water spigot.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/10/the-race-baiter-as-kindly-monarch-trumpism-in-puerto-rico.html

    • Proud Liberal

      The people should have thrown them back. That fucker made them look stupid and like peons.

      • OutOfOrbit

        well they are stupid peons, Didn’t you see the way they were so grabby for catching one?

        • Proud Liberal

          I would have stepped aside or thrown it back.

          • OutOfOrbit

            throwing it back would gotten you smothered by the SS (a salting the prez, you know)

          • Khavrinen

            I know the Secret Service is supposed to take a bullet for the President, but what about paper towel rolls?

          • jesterpunk

            I think that goes along with a shoe, they will try and take it.

      • rielly

        His hand picked crowd.

    • bookish

      Last night on Joy’s interview, the mayor of San Juan said Trump lacked common decency and respect for others. She also called him the mis- communicator in chief.

      • cmd resistor

        Good thing he doesn’t watch that show.

    • OutOfOrbit

      when what they really needed was toilet paper

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I think they were worried about the obvious asshole connection on that one.

    • Joe Beese

      Now that I think about it, didn’t Joe tell everyone not to let themselves become dependent on water?

    • Baconzgood

      You get a roll of the quicker picker uper. You get a roll, AND YOU GET A ROLL!

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I honestly wish I could definitively say one way or the other how this is going to go.

    Reasons for why he’ll outlaw gerrymandering: It’s partisan fuckery that makes all of our lives worse via polarization. Kennedy is an Eisenhower Republican so he at least pays lip service to placing country above party and strongly distrusts the competence of those presently leading the party. Kennedy dislikes governmental infringement on people’s rights, which includes the right to vote, and clearly likes seeing himself in the moral “right”.

    Reasons for why he won’t: Gerrymandering isn’t explicitly unconstitutional, which is the beginning and ending of the thought process for most “originalists”; if he wants an easy out, one is available. He’s a Republican at the end of the day, and gerrymandering benefits his party and the shrinking elderly white populace of which he is a part. Remember and remember well that Kennedy wrote Citizens United as well as an absolutely unhinged dissent in the Obamacare case. That and outlawing gerrymandering would be a seismic upheaval in American politics, the likes of which we’ve never seen, which is generally the kind of political stuff the court likes to avoid.

    To be honest, largely because I’m a pessimist, I’m leaning towards he won’t. Gerrymandering is the foundation of politics as they’re currently practiced in this country: *everything* would have to change to conform to this case, and the likelihood of chaos (especially with Republicans fervently ratfucking it at every opportunity) is high.

    • Proud Liberal

      A lot can happen between now and June.

    • Baconzgood

      I’m seriously disturbed at the lack of butt secks jokes and Spinal Tap quotes in this comment.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Up the butt to 11? Leemelone, I’m tahhred.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Speaking of buttsechs and Spinal Tap in this context, has anyone heard from “Justice” Clarence Thomas on this matter? What is his formula for steak rub? Does it involve tumeric? Hell, it’s not brain surgery.

        • SeeTrain65

          The other eight haven’t heard from Thomas in years.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            He did inquire, after Scalia died, on a case with a domestic abuser if that would make him lose his right to have guns. I wish this was snark.

  • Scooby

    MAGA Make America Gerrymandered Again

    • SeeTrain65

      Again?

      • Querolous

        Make America Gerrymandered Always?

  • Khavrinen

    “Neil, you ignorant slut!”

    Jane Curtin libelz!

    • Khavrinen

      “Dammit, Stephen! I’m a lawyer, not a mathematician!”

      Also, too, Doctor McCoy libelz!

      • Cock Blockula

        That was my LOL line in this piece!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Justice Alito: BUT WHAT EVEN IS MATH?????

    I can picture Alito going through his day saying things like that. “But what even is justice? But what even is democracy? But what even is fairness? But what even is corruption? But what even is cheating at poker?”

    • wait! what?

      What is love? Ruth, baby, don’t hurt me no more…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      If we prick him will he not bleed?

  • Covfefe

    Roberts will go whichever way Kennedy goes. He’s worried about his reputation and won’t take the hit unless it’s a winner.

    • Proud Liberal

      I’m just hoping Kennedy lasts until June!

  • Explody Brain

    Heh, but for realz.

    Think what it must be like for Trump to know that Tillerson said he was a moron.

    Out loud. In front of people.

    • Daniel

      His tweets today show he’s pretty pissed off about it. He’s very angry at NBC for reporting it.

      • Proud Liberal

        When isn’t he angry?

        • Daniel

          When he’s sleeping.

  • Scooby

    Simple solution how about districts drawn by non-partisan committees.

    • Proud Liberal

      I’m all for it. Also, in presidential elections, something MUST BE DONE ABOUT THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Problem is, there is pretty much no such thing as a non-partisan person.

      Think a celebrity jury: to find people that don’t have an opinion on famous people, you have to stock the jury with shut-ins, cave-dwellers, and people with rocks for brains. Now imagine a jury made up of people who know literally nothing about politics.

      • Scooby

        Hire a bunch of German technocrats.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          “UN COMING TO IMPOSE LIBERALS ON US WHO WILL TAKE OUR GUNS”
          – Right wing headlines for ever and ever

          • Scooby

            First suggest having Iranians do it. Then the Germans won’t seem too bad.

      • pstokk

        Well Supreme Court justices are non-partisan, for example.
        Hahahaha I crack myself up sometimes.

        • Proud Liberal

          That was quite funny!

    • canes_pugnaces

      No such thing. Sadly.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Costa Rica has a non-partisan Election Commission that handles elections fairly and dispenses with this kind of bullshit. It has worked for nearly SEVENTY fucking years.

      Why is the US stupider than a “Third World”* country?

      *My apologies for this turn of phrase.

      • Covfefe

        Give the gop their gerrymandering and some time, we won’t have to be stupider than a Third World country, we’ll be in the club.

        • Scooby

          I think we are looking at stupider than Costa Rica in the rear view mirror.

          • Querolous

            The way things are going, we will soon see the the taillights of stupidity disappearing ahead of us.

      • Scooby

        Fun fact: The Sheriffs department in my town of 2500 has more military hardware then the entire Costa Rician military. I wonder who’s the Banana Republic?

    • Cock Blockula

      California has this.

  • Joe Beese
    • bubbuhh

      He very sad for him personally.

    • Proud Liberal

      Oh God! Another shit for brains day.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I wonder how much of his thoughts and prayers Vegas schedule was designed around taking media coverage away from the Senate intelligence committee leaders making their public Russia statements?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Melania got a jump on things early today before leaving D.C.

      http://www.pmslweb.com/the-blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/39-sending-thoughts-and-prayers-funny-adult-meme.jpg

      ___these were also filled with her ‘warmest condolences.’

    • therblig

      everyone except puerto rico, because that was yesterday, and besides, most of these folks are white.

      • Proud Liberal

        And he is especially reviled in Las Vegas.

        • Perkniticky

          I wonder what he’ll toss out to the crowd in Las Vegas? Bandages?

      • Nockular cavity

        They got towels. And a trophy! What else do they want?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      “Everyone remains in our thoughts and prayers.” The oh, fuck it, AOT,K sympathy card..

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Did he really need to add “Melania” to that twitty thing? Is there ANOTHER @FLOTUS around we don’t know about? (And yeah, yeah, Ivanka blahtyblahtyblah….)

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Fuck you, Donnie. Shove your thoughts and prayers up your butt. Then follow them with a {{{censored}}} {{{redacted}}}, fucking motherfucker moran fuck!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      That’s great, Don. Thanks for the heads up. We had no idea what you were up to.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Prediction: Kennedy votes with the fuckwits and we have a one party government because people thinks it’s too annoying to vote when they have to provide six forms of ID and then their vote doesn’t count because their district looks like a Rorschach test.

    The good news: The GOP will make Trump king. And that will be a lot of fun. And their will be lots of cake (bread) for everyone.

    • Sunhead

      Sorry. Trump will be Emperor. Kings are for running States. They are called States Rights Feudalists for a reason.

  • Joe Beese
    • Proud Liberal

      Tillerson should stick by his original statement.

      • Bobathonic

        It would take a commodity sorely lacking in this administration for him to own his remarks.

        That would be integrity.

    • canes_pugnaces

      “Did you know, Rex, that America is an island? Did you? huh? It is. It’s in an ocean. Who’s the moron now?”

    • Sophia

      2 of the 7 dwarfs. Dopey & Sleepy

  • bubbuhh
  • Proud Liberal

    We know there’s a problem when the majority of voters are not represented in Congress. Come on Supreme Court! Do the right thing!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “I got your steak rub right here!”

    • mailman27

      Bet that itches a little.

  • Major_Major_Major

    My own personal opinion, the only things that should be applicable to mapping districts is a)population, and b)geometric requirements (continuous, etc.). Sure that would likely hurt both parties to some degree, but fuck’em, ain’t nobody should have their vote squelched, even your crazy ass drunken uncle.

    • Proud Liberal

      The one thing I know is “acres don’t vote, people do.”

      • Major_Major_Major

        It’s actually not even that tricky a bit of coding, and by only factoring in where people live, and minimum requirements as to the geometry of the districts

        • Proud Liberal

          Republicans believe the minority should rule this country. Actually, the Civil War never ended in their minds.

        • pstokk

          That won’t work, problem is apparently that Democrats are concentrated in urban areas, meaning that they are naturally achieving one of the effects of gerrymandering.
          https://priceonomics.com/algorithm-the-unfairness-of-gerrymandering/
          “Winning an urban district with 80% of the vote has no more impact on representation than winning the district with 55% of
          the vote. When a state is competitive statewide, those extra votes from imbalanced districts can’t help Democrats across the state.”

          • rues

            Would it work if the districts were population based? So, like, TEH CITY has 27 districts and YEE OLD FARME has 12?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Hang on – how come when he does something stupid, he’s my crazy ass drunk uncle?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I don’t know if it was new news at the time, but it was in the past year or so that a mathy PoliSci someone figured out how to quantify gerrymandering – looking at the numbers of “wasted” votes – margins – there were for the squelched people. Concentrating lots of votes for the squelcheds was a mathematical sign of gerrymandering. It might make it easier than just eye-balling it.. Also too, it makes it easy to find gerrymandering when the dumb-assed Republicans are bragging about it as they are doing it…

      • Lefty Wright

        Yeah, like the North Carolina legislator when maps had to be redrawn due to an earlier case said the GOP would have to settle for a ten/three U.S. congressional split because eleven/two would be too hard to do. Even though the popular vote was fairly evenly split.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I was thinking a big ol’ grid of perfect squares or triangles all the same size but what do I know? Trust me, it’s not much about these kinds of things and always be wary of people who say, “trust me.”

      • Sunhead

        There needs to be a factoring of population density involved or rural areas get excess representation, but it’s not that hard especially with computers these days. (like the ones they use to manufacture the gerrymanders)

  • Baconzgood

    Isn’t this EXACTLY why we have the courts. The settle questions like this?

    • Proud Liberal

      One would think so.

    • I thought it was so dudes could wear dresses in public before Rocky Horror?

    • bubbuhh

      We have BiG COURTS to help BIG IMPORTANT PEOPLE and to declare non-people people.

      • OutOfOrbit

        there could be only one motive to vote [for] the “Dollars are People” law, and it looks nothing like a “1 person 1 vote democracy with well informed peeps”

    • canes_pugnaces

      Silly: We have courts to appoint presidents and give citizenship to multinational companies.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I thought they were designed to effectively disenfranchise people of color.

    • dslindc

      But math is hard. If you have 6 pieces of bacon, and I take 3 of them, who can say if any bacon even exists anymore?

      • Baconzgood

        Just try taking bacon off me. I dare you.

    • MrTusks

      As long as they have standing, and here they apparently decided they did. There was a danger they would decide this was a political issue, which is none of their business. For example, a court can know full well that an immigration ban is a dumbshit idea, but all they can decide is whether or not the president has the power to do it. Frankly, I’m kind of surprised this court had the balls to entertain the idea that districting like this violates equal protection. That makes me think the good guys will win this one.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Proud Liberal

      Guilty!

  • canes_pugnaces
    • cmd resistor

      I have called him worse in front of others, for sure.

      • SeeTrain65

        “Rex is a piker.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    How the depraved, mindless Trumpanzees see Trump:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLTiNlWW4AA6wf_.jpg

    How sane people and the rest of the world see Trump:

    https://i.imgur.com/m06qzt7.gif

    • Proud Liberal

      The latter is the appropriate description.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      I was expecting to see something floating in a toilet!

    • Cock Blockula

      Both are apt.

      The top one is the “Cargo Cult” Trumpster.
      The bottom one is the “he’s all powerful and will vanquish our enemies (i.e., POC and Libruls)” Trumpster.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      They will be so rich that they can buy all of the Slim Jims they want.

      Too bad they can’t chew them.

      • puredog

        If you just suck on them, they really last a long time.

  • shart of turin

    If computer modeling can be used for gerrymandering, then can’t it be used to map out fair districts as well?

    And Gorsuch, no one gives a fuck about your steak rub. Is it spicy? Good. Rub it in your eyes.

    • pstokk

      See https://priceonomics.com/algorithm-the-unfairness-of-gerrymandering/.
      Conclusion “Having voting districts based on contiguous
      geographies lets very small swings in vote totals create really wild
      swings in representation,” Fedor says. “Probably the only way to
      reliably avoid that is to move away from this kind of winner-take-all,
      geographic districting.”

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    One person. One vote. All the bitching these assholes do about illegal immigrants voting and this is WAY worse than that. When you get less than 50% of the vote, but 2/3rds of your representatives are from your party, that’s seriously fucked up. C’mon…Justice Kennedy. Do the Right Thing!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      This^^^^ So much this.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Here, peasants, clean up my mess!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLTiYRJVAAImVoB.jpg

    • Proud Liberal

      You’re so clever Bill.

      • SDGeoff3

        He has some beauts!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      It’s for the cake crumbs….

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Sorry, OT, but I WOULD SO LOVE TO BE IN THE PRESIDENTIAL PRESS POOL TODAY so I could ask some hard hitting questions.
    ME: President Trump, do you have any reaction to the recent story that Rex Tillerson referred to you as “a moron?”
    TRUMP: That’s been refuted, fake news!
    ME: Actually sir, he never denied it, he just said the whole issue was petty. Does it bother you that your own Secretary of State might think you’re a moron?
    TRUMP: Never happened! Fake news!
    ME: But are you worried now that the general public might also be picking up on this idea that you’re a total moron, since it’s in the air now?
    TRUMP: Fake news!
    ME: Sorry to persist, sir, but the fact that everyone is now calling you a moron, that’s got to hurt, no? I mean, just yesterday didn’t you ask an Air Force Officer to talk about what it was like to be in the Coast Guard? Any response to that sir? Sir???

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Do you think it was several nasty phone calls Trump gave Tillerson this morning or one really looooong painful one. Now with more screaming.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Well he apparently reamed Price out for two straight hours before Price “resigned”. So I imagine ol’ Rexy got the business for at least half that amount.

    • Baconzgood

      Watch your press credentials be revoked faster than you can say “fact checked”.

      • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

        Yeah, I wouldn’t last long but it would be totally worth it.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      “Sir, we’re hearing a lot of people refer to you as a quote ‘fucking moron’ endquote. More and more people are saying this to us. A lot of people don’t know that you’re a fucking moron, but it seems more and more people are learning that you’re a fucking moron.”
      “What’s your question?”
      “Oh, no question. I just like calling you a fucking moron.”

      • Lefty Wright

        The way Melon has been acting and the reluctance of most women to be alone with Trump now, the fucking part may be a misstatement. I’ll settle for just plain moron.

    • elviouslyqueer

      “April, April, quit shaking your head. APRIL? Quit… quit, I mean it. April, quit shaking your head.”

      Good times!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Proud Liberal

      Today should be fun!

    • Khavrinen

      “Hold my beer diet Coke…”

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Beanz&Berryz

      “Fake news”

    • Proud Liberal

      I actually heard him say that in his voice. He’s killing me!

    • Querolous

      Hands are too big.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Justice Thomas:

    • Proud Liberal

      Will vote with Alito.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Math isn’t really all that hard.

    • pstokk

      That’s what she said.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ‘Hell is empty. All the devils are here.’

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLTmIziUEAAQxyB.jpg

  • h4rr4r

    I don’t think is going to go in our favor.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Three Finger Salute

    Trump says partisan redistricting is a Chinese hoax. It was invented by some guy named Jerry who’s a Mandarin.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Maybe we just need our dis to be more relaxed…

  • Joe Beese

    For some reason, watching President Trump’s visit to Puerto Rico on Tuesday brought to mind the scene in Charles Dickens’ “Tale of Two Cities” in which the Marquis St. Evrémonde runs over a child with his carriage and without remorse or compassion declares, “It is extraordinary to me that you people cannot take care of yourselves and your children!” He throws a coin at the grieving father and another into the crowd, and as he moves on, one of the peasants on the street throws a coin back in the carriage, at which point the Marquis turns in anger and threatens to “exterminate” them all. The peasants hang their heads and say not a word, knowing what power the man has to destroy them.

    Donald Trump didn’t throw coins into the crowd in Puerto Rico, but he did throw Bounty paper towels. And he didn’t scold the island’s people to their faces for failing to take care of their children, but he didn’t need to. He’d made it clear in his tweets that he thought Puerto Ricans had refused to help themselves because “they want everything to be done for them when it should be a community effort.”

    Officials on the ground wisely behaved much as Dickens’ peasants did. They kept their eyes down and parroted the president as he complimented his own leadership over and over again. This was more like an audience with the king, not a visit from a democratically elected leader who had come to forge a personal connection to what had happened.

    https://www.salon.com/2017/10/04/trumps-puerto-rico-spectacle-ruler-deigns-to-visit-stricken-peasants/

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    You say you want a revolution….well, you know – we all want to change the world….

    • Oblios_Cap

      We’d love to see the plan.

      • marxalot

        We’re all doing what we can.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Ask Madame LaFarge….

  • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

    Is Gore-sux the Shit-stupidest Crook to ever sit on the Supreme Court?

    • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

      I’m sure he’ll give Taney a run for the title.

    • Thiazin Red

      He does not come across as a smart person.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        He wasn’t sleazed into the job for his brains, it was because he’d vote the way he was instructed.

    • marxalot

      Wasn’t Rutledge barking mad for half his term?

    • pstokk

      It does give an opening for impeachment. “You’re the stupidest fucker to ever sit on the bench.”

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        xD

    • cmd resistor

      I dislike him intensely.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Scalia was as, if not more, evil. And Thomas seems to be tied for lack of IQ.

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        That’s saying something, about low intelligence. I agree that Scalia set the mark for sheer malevolence.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          As I posted the other day pissing on his grave is on my bucket list. He is unmatched for sheer amount of ratfuckery.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            I like the way you think. :)

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Likewise my friend, likewise.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      This is how it feels to watch an Empire disintegrate, Everypony. If humanity itself survives – unlikely – then someday learned historians will be writing about this very Asshole as a symptom of Decline and Collapse.

      • Daniel

        At least we got some nice parades when our empire collapsed.

        • Proud Liberal

          Wait until the next Presidential election parade. Should be a doozy.

        • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

          Indeed. The United Kingdom weathered it’s time with comparative grace.

          • Daniel

            Well… ask the Mau Mau about that.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            Yes, the Empire has not always been kind to native populations, including the Irish in that. I still think the UK stands proud compared to what my nation has become. I doubt anyone worried over Margaret Thatcher ending life on planet Earth because she had a bad Taco Bowl.

          • Grumpy Twat

            No, but she didn’t mind launching a war over the Falklands. Which got her re-elected.

          • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

            I still say that the Argentinian Junta bear some responsibility for that. I don’t see Thatcher as anywhere as wrong as Trump would be regarding the DPRK.

      • PubOption

        We have gone from Gibbon to Shitgibbon.

        • Thiazin Red

          At least with Gibbon you get funny shit taking about the Scotts.

      • natoslug

        I trust that civilized societies will survive. Just not American society.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Not necessarily. Germany has actual Nazis in the Bundestag and according to new polls, Canada is turning full-blown schizophrenic, with the Liberals the party of the middle-class, college-educated, women, and visible minorities, and the Cons the party of the mythical “white working class male”.

          Justin’s party and the cult of the local milk boy are statistically tied — and because the numbers underwent their biggest shift in the winter and spring rather than over the summer when the tax proposals came out, it’s likely because of the refugee influx (which is bigly Trump’s fault).

          Ford Nation is resurgent, and looking to make the empire strike back. They really want the nice, friendly Jedi to be frozen in carbonite, not just taking a walk in the snow.

          This is actually terrifying. We know where this went in 2016…

          • natoslug

            Hush. I’m happy in my bubble!

          • Three Finger Salute

            At least according to the polling, if he does end up a one-term wunderkind, it won’t necessarily be for anything wrong he did. It’ll be for doing the right thing that, well, wasn’t exactly the “white” thing. It sure will confirm our faith in humanity (or lack thereof) for one bigly reason: he’s Justin Rodham Carter. Too good for politics and too good for this world.

            I don’t know about you, but I don’t find anyone’s lack of faith disturbing at this point. The knuckle-dragging monkeys always seem to find a way to drag the coalition of the ascendant down to “knowing their place.”

            If Paper Towel Man is such a contagious epidemic that he even infects friendly Canada, it’ll prove once and for all we as a species are Just Not Ready. They sent us Instagram Jesus, and we responded with Adolf Twitler.

            “Ask Jesus Christ what happened to the just society he promised two thousand years ago.” -Pierre Trudeau, in an uncharacteristic fit of cynicism seeing the Four Horsemen of the Reaganpocalypse barreling down the horizon. Reagan, both Bushes, and now, the pestilence that is Trump.

          • Christopher Story

            I’m getting “Justin Rhodam Carter” tattooed across my chest. (Roosevelt is my angel on my shoulder)

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            I’ve seen those polls. I don’t put a lot of stock in them. The right-wing media Up Here is waving the numbers around like it guarantees them the next election despite that election being as much as three years away.

        • mardam422

          Large intelligent beetles.

  • DesertedPictures

    If they argue that the states should make the anti-gerrymandering laws I don’t disagree. They should. Unfortunately they won’t. The courts are a bad option: but they are our only option at this point…

    • jesterpunk

      They use the same excuse for everything, Healthcare: states should handle it, gerrymandering : states should handle it. Ignoring the fact that states dont handle it and if anything make things worse.

      • Jamoche

        Gun control: OMGNO you have to allow people to do concealed carry if their state allows it!

        • jesterpunk

          “Constitutional Carry” which means they just made shit up and allow people to carry guns with no regulations at all.

      • DesertedPictures

        State rights wouldn’t sound so hollow if they actuallu used them. When was the last time you heard a Republican argue for higher State taxes to make it capable of taking over current federal policies?

        • jesterpunk

          The only states rights they actually like are the ones where they block cities from doing something they dont like.

          • renegade500

            Lordy, that happens in Austin all the damned time! Made worse no doubt by the fact that the legislators have to live in Austin when the lege is in session, and they have to follow our damn rules.

          • jesterpunk

            Here in PA we had republicans passed a law allowing the NRA to sue cities over gun laws. The first 2 laws they went after said “no you idiot you cant shoot your gun into the air the bullets will come down and hit someone or something” and “if you lose your gun report it within 72 hours OF YOU NOTICING ITS GONE”. They claimed those punished responsible gun owners.

          • DesertedPictures

            Interesting view on what a responsible gun owner is…

          • jesterpunk

            They claimed the second rule punished the victims somehow, but there was no actual penalty it was just a hey it would be really nice if you do this so we know there might be someone walking around with a shit ton of guns and dont waste time coming to your door when its used in a crime.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Which implies a pretty strange definition of ‘responsible.’

          • DesertedPictures

            They don’t really believe in subsidiarity: only in enforcing their agenda.

        • Jamoche

          Hell, they want to get rid of the deduction for state taxes.

        • Three Finger Salute

          Or states’ rights for weed legalization.

  • Terpsichord

    I vote for all appellate arguments to go exactly like this.

    • renegade500

      Ha I said the same thing. That was good, and informative, too. Esp the bit about the tumeric. Who knew it was good in a steak rub?

      (And why does handsome Gorsuch have to be such a tool?)

      • Marion in Savannah

        Republican, of course.

  • renegade500

    That was way better than trying to sit through the arguments! If you live blogged SCOTUS arguments, I’d so tune in for that!

  • mardam422

    Roberts: I was told there would be no math. That’s why I went into law in the first place.
    Aren’t there mathologists or something who can do this?
    Ginsburg: John, you fucking moron, mathematicians ARE doing this. They even have rules for their programs that can be used to draw fair maps.
    Alito: John, Sonia is kicking me under the table again.
    Thomas: Snnnnrrrrfff…no…I don’t want a can of Coke, Anita…snnnnrrrrrrr.
    Roberts: Sonia, how many times do I have to ask you to stop tormenting Sam?
    Sotomayor: I didn’t do it. He’s just old is all.
    Roberts: OK, OK. Let’s break for lunch. Whose turn is it to order out?
    Ginsburg: You still owe me $6.50 from last Thursday, John.
    Roberts: I was told there would be no math!!!!!

    • jesterpunk

      Isnt Gorsuch supposed to order lunch and get drinks since he is the newbie? Or did they decide he is too stupid to get that right?

      • mardam422

        No, he kept ordering baloney sandwiches with mayonnaise all the time. So now he just has to stand on the lunch table and sing his alma mater.

        • marxalot

          Last one to get served, too.

          • TundraGrifter

            And he has to carry everybody else’s litigation cases.

      • Sunhead

        they decide he is too stupid

        Bingo!

    • At lunch, Roberts gently nudges Ginsburg awake, who replies, “Careful, man, there’s a beverage here!”

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    From Justice Kennedy’s future memoir:
    “Look, when I said come back with an objective formula to measure partisan gerrymandering I was obviously being metaphorical. What I meant was come back with an objective formula that I can use to support Republican partisan gerrymandering.”

  • dslindc

    Disenfranchising garlic powder seems unlikely, given that it is basically white.

  • bookish

    Atlantic tropical depression Sixteen. Expected to develop into tropical storm.

    https://mobile.twitter.com/WeatherNation

    • Proud Liberal

      It is hurricane season and a particularly destructive one at that.

      • mardam422

        I thought it was baseball season.

        • Three Finger Salute

          I thought it was duck season.

          • mardam422

            Wabbit season.

          • Three Finger Salute

            “I say it’s duck season! And believe me, if all those endearing young charms –”

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pSTT7yaiDQ

            (pow)

            “You’rrrrrrrrre… deplorable….”

          • Me not sure

            Apparently it’s always human season in America.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Rabbit season.

          • SeeTrain65

            I got a rock.

            Sorry, wrong theme.

          • Frank Underboob

            BLAMMM!!!

      • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

        I fear this is the New Normal for Hurricane Season. I truly hope to be wrong about that.

    • Sophia

      Gonna be a run on paper towels.

    • pstokk

      Time to stock up on paper towels.

      • Sophia

        Jinx

    • jesterpunk

      “This is the best hurricane season ever, Obama never had a hurricane season like this. We have the best storms that do the most damage.”

      Trump

    • Antonin Dvorak
  • dslindc

    Also, I would give all of the moneys to hear RBG actually say, “Neil, you ignorant slut!”

    • specialcircumstances

      id buy that t-shirt too

    • cmd resistor

      He really is smarmy, isn’t he.

  • TundraGrifter

    PBS ran an interview with the former governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger and he had some very intelligent comments about how this cheating has driven people farther and farther apart. I may have the details wrong, but he said something to the effect that in some 250 California Congressional elections over 10 years one seat changed hands to the other party. The GNoP safe seats go to the far right because they can win the primary contests over their more moderate foes.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Wow. When even the Terminator is calling you a destructive force you know you’re a destructive force. Can Arnie send some of us back in time to the Eighties so we can tell America “stop trying to make Reagan happen”?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Is Ahnold talking when he cheated on his wife? Oh, that was the other thread. My bad.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Quoth my Civ Pro professor: There are three kinds of lawyers in the world, those that can do math, and those that can’t.

    Let’s hope the Court has more of the former.

  • Slamtundra

    This is awesome and Nina Totenberg is awesome and F$F is awesome.

  • tomamitai

    OT Senate intelligence chairman Richard Burr’s statement makes me suspect that their finding will be “both sides did it/it’s Obama’s fault!”.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Yeah, I heard some of that. Sounded to me like he already knows what his conclusion will be, and is tailoring the allowed testimony to suit.

  • Wonky Magoo

    Who the fuck puts turmeric on a steak, and why??

    • Anna Elizabeth Tank Grrl

      This.

    • Wonky Magoo

      “I know what this fine cut of meat needs: yellow!”

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Shit, at least it isn’t ketchup on burnt steak.

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        You had better not jinx me because you can’t jinx a not a comment.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Mind you, I’m absolutely NOT defending it, but considering there’s an asshole squatter in the WH who puts ketchup on a burnt steak…

    • Rick Prose

      I’m a pretty good cook, and never even thought of putting turmeric in a spice rub, thanks, Neil G.!

    • Ducksworthy

      Hindoos?

  • HazooToo

    Slow torture, caring what is fucking happening and loving you people so much. Everything is fucking horrible every day. Can’t even imagine what it’s like to write about it and try to make something amusing out of a heap of shit. I hope everyone is fully stocked on whatever painkillers you prefer, and that you all get at least two hugs per day.

  • Christopher Story

    No, Neil, you are not disenfranchising the garlic powder because, 1) the garlic powder and tumeric didn’t hold a constitutional refferendum on matters of representation on the steak, and 2) IT’S NOT FUCKING GARLIC AND TUMERIC ON STEAK, IT’S PEOPLE’S RIGHT FOR FAIR REPRESENTATION IN THEIR ELECTED GOVERNMENT!!!

  • Cock Blockula

    Outstanding job $5 Fem!

    While I like Nina Totenberg, your write-up is much easier to understand. Should be made into a recording.

  • Crystalclear12

    I hope. . .

  • SisterArtemis

    Oh my.
    I posted this on the overnight thread, because… wow. It doesn’t have the lilting grace of the dramatic re-enactment above, but yikes:

    From Nancy LeTourneau’s day-end wrap up, 10/3/17:

    Today the Supreme Court heard arguments in a case about Wisconsin’s gerrymandered districts and Jeffrey Toobin relates a fascinating interchange. Apparently Justice Gorsuch has taken to dominating oral arguments and lecturing his colleagues. Today he opened a question with, “Maybe we can just for a second talk about the arcane matter of the Constitution,” as if that would be a novel idea to his fellow justices. After questioning where the Court is given the authority to revise state legislative lines, Justice Ginsburg apparently decided that it was time the young man learned a lesson.

    Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who is bent with age, can sometimes look disengaged or even sleepy during arguments, and she had that droopy look today as well. But, in this moment, she heard Gorsuch very clearly, and she didn’t even raise her head before offering a brisk and convincing dismissal. In her still Brooklyn-flecked drawl, she grumbled, “Where did one-person, one-vote come from?” There might have been an audible woo that echoed through the courtroom. (Ginsburg’s comment seemed to silence Gorsuch for the rest of the arguments.)

    In one cutting remark, Ginsburg summed up how Gorsuch’s patronizing lecture omitted some of the Court’s most important precedents…

    Perhaps Gorsuch will eventually learn that you don’t mess with Notorious RBG.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Gee, nobody likes anything better than to be lectured by the newest member of the team.

      • Slamtundra

        Especially when that new person doesn’t know shit. Yep, I certainly love that.

    • SeeTrain65

      The only thing better would have been to see RBG give Gorsuck a piledriver right there on the floor of the Court.

    • Ross Garner

      May she live long enough to see the next Democrat in the white House.

  • Jennaratrix

    I’m so glad Crooked Hillary wasn’t elected so we could get a decent Supreme Court justice after Obama was obstructed for like 10 years; I mean, I’m sure Neil Gorsuch is going to be fine!

    No, wait. I’m the opposite of that.

  • Mavenmaven

    This will be known as Wisconsin V. Ratfcking

  • Rick Prose

    I would rather listen to $5 Fem’s analysis over Nina T.’s any day, good job!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Come on, gerrymandering is just a quaint way of mixing set theory and rounding to get the results you want every time. It just needs a little image makeover – like renaming it Brewster’s Millions of Votes. See? Much better.

  • Kooolest G

    now if we could just do the same with the senate, I live in a state with 35 million people and I have the same representation in the senate as someone in a state with 585 thousand people. seems to me the gerrymandering in the house and state houses is pretty minor compared to that

    • Bitter Scribe

      Unfortunately, that’s baked into the Constitution. Along with the consequent Electoral College fuckery.

  • Candy Matson Y-28209

    I hearby request that Five Dollar Feminist do transcripts for ALL Supreme Court arguments. Please? I will totally throw money at you.

    Also, really with the fucking turmeric steak rub? Really? What the fuck is wrong with that asshole?

    • Erala Contratista

      Amen!
      Guy is terminally dorked up.
      Just said “turmeric” because he thinks it makes him look hip. Wouldn’t know turmeric from tapioca.

    • BrendaKay

      Also too… I’ll bet Merrick Garland would have better things to talk about than turmeric in steak rub!

  • BrendaKay

    Yep. Fingers crossed.

  • Jenny

    The magic of drawing voting districts is just as top secret as KFC’s secret spices. Get over it libtards!1!

    • Jeffery Campbell

      And presided over by a kindly ol’ confederate colonel in a white suit.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Nina Totenberg step aside. $5F needs to do all SCOTUS transcripts from now on.

  • puredog

    I feel like a nitpicking dick for pointing this out, but “general consensus” is redundant (that is, there is no other kind of consensus). Someone had to point it out to me once, like, fifty years ago, and I never forgot.

  • NotReallyHere

    That was so fabulous that I was compelled to click the donate link!

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Thank you! This term is going to be crazy. There will be many more scotusplainers.

      • Frank Underboob

        Please do. You are very good at it!

      • NotReallyHere

        I’m so happy to hear that. I can read computer code, and a little Spanish, but for some reason legalese totally escapes me. It may as well be in Martian.

  • puredog

    When Wonklandia gains its seat at the U.N., I propose that 5$Feminist be made interpreter for life.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Even grid!
    Even Grid!
    EVEN GRID!

    Start from scratch. Perfectly even grids over every state, sized to create the right amount of districts. Border districts will have funny shapes.

    BOOM! Problem solved.

    Next case??

    I oughta be a judge.

    • whyieverdidit

      Abso-fucking-lutely. That’s the second item on my list, after “Dissolve Congress” and before “Call new elections.”

      You do know the name of that fancy map-drawing software is Dominion, right?

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Is it really? I miss shame and trying to hide bad acts from the light of day.

  • whitroth

    A lawyer friend sent me a link to this story.

    Excerpt:
    …in an unusual soliloquy, the chief justice argued that the court shouldn’t get involved in the Wisconsin case because then it would have to intervene in others. “It’s going to be a problem here across the board,” he lamented.

    The poor dears. Maybe, given that democracy is at stake, they could shorten their summer holiday, which just ended Monday?

    Roberts continued: “The intelligent man on the street” will deduce that, if the Supreme Court rules with Democrats in a gerrymandering case, “it must be because the Supreme Court preferred the Democrats over the Republicans. . . . And that is going to cause very serious harm to the status and integrity of the decisions of this court in the eyes of the country.”

    Now he’s worried about the public standing of the court? After Bush v. Gore, campaign finance rulings that give the wealthy dominance over elections, and the brazen politics of the Merrick Garland fiasco?
    — end excerpt —

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/fake-news-comes-to-the-supreme-court/2017/10/03/3a17f86c-a87b-11e7-92d1-58c702d2d975_story.html

    If you’re not beyond utterly mind-boggled by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, the final arbiter of the Constitution, worrying about the country seeing them siding with one party or the other when it’s so blatantly sided before….

    I need a stiff drink.

    • artem1s

      well looks like Roberts has decided to lay claim the the title of worst Supreme since Roger Taney. FFS. What an asshole

  • Zyxomma

    Well done, $5F.

  • richardgrabman

    There’s nothing in the Constitution (that I know of) that would prevent a state from going to a statewide proportional representation system for allocating congressional seats. That’d take care of the problem with gerrymandering, though getting rid of the non-choice between two 19th century parties to give voters a real choice might take more work.

  • Lefty Wright

    North Carolina is just as bad. We have 13 U.S. House of Representative seats. 10 are Republican, 3 Democrat. Despite having more registered Democrats than Republicans and a fairly even split on total votes. We have a court ordered redistricting map redraw that the GOP is screwing with again. It would likely end up with the same totals. On an earlier redraw several years ago, a Republican said they wanted to try for an 11/2 split, but it just wasn’t possible. There is also a case pending with state legislative districts, and, of course, the voter disenfranchisement laws an appeals court said were crafted with “surgical precision” to impact black voters.

  • blaid droog

    There’s no splainin like wonksplainin. I begin to see the light. Now I just need me an abacus.

  • Alternative Dog

    Thank you FDF. This was a very informative and entertaining post.

    And I would love to hear Nina Totenberg do a rendition in her regular supreme court play-by-play style.

  • Frank Underboob

    Law is HARD! Thank you for that highly explicable Wonk’splain!

  • deadjello

    I laughed myself sick reading this! 5$F for evah!

  • Kitty Smith

    I refuse to call Gorsuch a Justice.

  • Mike Steele

    Nothing was lost in THAT masterful translation – thanks for clearing this up:)

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