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Sometimes crushing a vile beast will require many words. The best words. So pop an Adderall, dear reader, and let’s go.

Now, law school was easy for me, sure, but my wife positively crushed it. She was dead-set on public service — had been since the age of six — but the on-campus recruiters from the big firms hounded her. One was doggedly insistent that she apply for an internship. A recruiter from Jones Day. He said it was something you don’t say no to. Jones Day bills itself as the nation’s largest law firm. It employs 2500 lawyers on five continents. It has a revenue of $1.94 billion.

So my amazing wife (and you’re about to see why she’s my wife) submitted this cover letter to the esteemed legal institution.

Regrettably, she did not get the internship. Don’t worry though. Today she is gainfully employed. A big loss for Jones Day, a law firm which began in the late 1800s in Cleveland happily assisting railroads, private utilities, and oil moguls.

As my wife mentioned, their founding partner — the enigmatic William Lowe Rice — was murdered in 1910 under shadowy circumstances.

Rice, who is unfailingly described as “debonair,” was a well-known pillager of troubled companies. He was stabbed and shot outside his home.

Accounts of the aftermath describe an unsurprisingly racist investigation, fueled by the supposition that white men do not use knives:

By the way, I cannot over emphasize how much White America was freaked out by Italians at this time. They were viewed as an existential threat.

Imagine how the Right currently feels about Muslims, Mexicans, Antifa, & BLM. Now combine them, and dial it up to 11. That’s Italians in 1910. Check out this newspaper column about the murder, with its panicked headline 🚨“FOREIGNERS NEAR BY”🚨……

But Rice was murdered right outside his home, and his attacker ignored his cash and the obscenely valuable items on his person. Most historians believe it was a professional hit ordered by one of Rice’s many enemies. But nobody is exactly sure which one. And that should tell you pretty much all you need to know about Rice, a man whose spirit lives on in the brutal colossus he helped build.

Today, Jones Day is big and bloated and does many terrible things, like that Dana Corporation bankruptcy deal my wife mentioned in her letter. Jones Day says they are specialists at helping large entities solve financial catastrophes with strategies to “alter their debt obligations.”

Take a wild guess who always gets screwed in those types of deals.

Like the time when Jones Day found a way to get paid millions to help banks feast on the corpse of the once great City of Detroit.

Jones Day represented most of the banks which lay claim to Detroit’s debt of $13 billion, including Citigroup, Goldman Sachs, & Merrill Lynch. So it seemed weird when the state hired Kevyn Orr, Jones Day partner, to become unelected czar of Detroit, managing all its fiscal affairs.

But don’t worry, he resigned from the firm before assuming control…And then hired Jones Day to oversee the city’s bankruptcy deal. And when they were done, Mr. Orr rejoined the firm as partner again. Because of course he did.

And surprise surprise, the Detroit deal was widely seen as benefiting the banks and creditors while screwing over pension holders. Police & Fire workers got a 40% cut in cost of living adjustment. The remaining city workers lost the adjustment entirely. And lost a piece off the top.

Sorting out what went down in Detroit is too big a tangent on which to go off, but I assure you it was a hyena rodeo from start to finish.

Hundreds of Detroit residents and pensioners traveled to Jones Day’s Cleveland headquarters to protest the firm’s handling of the bankruptcy.

These Jones Day attorneys, who couldn’t look more ghoulish if they tried, came outside to watch.

Because as Richard K. Morgan wrote: “Rip open the diseased heart of a corporation, and what spills out? People.”

People like Jones Day partner Don McGahn, the new White House Counsel who has been doing a whiz bang of a job.

Our beleaguered soft-brained president loves Jones Day. And Jones Day loves that Trump loves Jones Day. Twelve attorneys at Jones Day were appointed to high-level positions in the new White House.

The amount of influence now held by Jones Day insiders is unparalleled.

And these lawyers were given a blanket waiver from compliance with anti-revolving door ethics rules, so that’s fun:

Then, Jones Day began advertising its access and influence in the White House, because of course they would openly sell that. They are shameless.

And let me say that it is unfair to completely single out Jones Day like this. All big law is basically trash. And some “Big Firm, LLP” attorney might tell me about the pro bono work they do or the Guatemalan t-ball team they sponsor or whatever. Or how their firm is bad, but they are a part of a practice subgroup that protects IP for fair-trade biodiesel fidget spinners.

But make no mistake: Those institutions are built on a pile of broken dreams and paralyzed children. They are towers of stolen money and lives. And the bulk of their activities which are not downright sinister are simply parasitic. They’re vampire squids wrapped around the face of humanity.

Nothing good happens in rooms like this.

Try and tell me that perfectly straight line of five apples doesn’t send shivers down your spine. That place has bad mojo.

But I guess the biggest reason to pick on Jones Day is because they are UNUSUALLY unamused by this type of stuff. A couple years ago, a small parody blog ridiculed Jones Day over its Detroit regime. They included this image, among others:

Jones Day responded aggressively, sending the blog a letter threatening a trademark suit. It really got them worked up. The letter from Jones Day states, ominously: “Your conduct will be closely monitored.” The Electronic Frontier Foundation wrote Jones Day a letter shutting that nonsense down while teaching a few lessons about parody of a corporation. As a letter, it’s less strange and caustic than I usually advocate, but still good. Here is a copy. (Sidenote: You notice there is a trend in my stories of the powerful trying to silence people when they are being mocked? Yeah, that’s intentional.

Anyway, because Jones Day got so incredibly rekt by EFF, I feel safe posting my suggestions for Jones Day advertising campaigns:

Whether you’re a struggling CEO who thought they had a way out:

Or if you’re a multinational oil giant who didn’t call 911:

Or a slow-witted fail-son who should not have taken a certain meeting:

Or a battered municipality with creditors ready to liquidate your community:

So spread the word everyone, I’m sure the @JonesDay social media manager would have a terrific day if my new ad campaign really takes off. Anyway, I gotta run. I’ve got a potential new client in a lawsuit against Chuck E. Cheese Pizza:

Now it is your OPEN THREAD.

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  • Joe Beese

    Today SUCKED.

    That is all.

  • Joe Beese
    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      Lovely! And then I read the IRS gave a 7.25 million no-bid contract to (guess who?) EQUIFAX! To keep all our info safe and private.

      • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

        Holy shit! I did not hear that! Linky? The family friend who works for the IRS will be mighty angry about that. She is due to retire soon, she has no fucks to give at this point.

        • Trump’s Potemkin Village

          Raw Story yesterday. Sorry can’t look up link right now.

  • Raan

    Jones Day: A Proud Subsidiary of Omni Consumer Products

    • bupkus231

      Wasn’t Omni Consumer Products bought out by Umbrella Corp.?

      • Raan

        Oh yeah, that’s right, Umbrella snapped them up after that whole Delta City debacle.

        • willi0000000

          they both disappeared down the gullet of Holdings Holdings, LLC.

          • Skeptical_thinker

            I believe that WeSaySo ended up with the holding company.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    GOP Sex Scandal – Tim Murphy (R-PA) staunch forced-birther asks mistress to get abortion – just like staunch forced-birther Scott Des Jarlais (R-TN). Surprised?

    I’m not really marveling that this family values scenario happened again…but what really puzzles me is any woman wanting to schtup this GOPig.

  • SDGeoff3

    I thought that was a line of green apples on the table, then I thought, no, it’s a 3 million dollar installation, then I thought, those things are poisoned. Your wife’s letter is over the top wonderful. I needed a good laugh, and I will share it with my needy friends.
    Thank you for another fascinating read!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Only one is… Choose wisely…

      • SDGeoff3

        You got me chuckling agin’! Bless your heart for real.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Because we all need a laugh:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd7FixvoKBw

  • CO
    • jesterpunk

      We cant even be trusted to eat chocolate with toys inside of it.

  • Jamoche

    *looks up* TV ad for mega ambulance-chasing law firm.
    *looks down* Wells Fargo CEO: We Can Block Customers From Filing Lawsuits Because We Promise To Not Screw Up Again

    https://consumerist.com/2017/10/03/wells-fargo-ceo-we-can-block-customers-from-filing-lawsuits-because-we-promise-to-not-screw-up-again/

    Right. Where’s the nearest dandelion field?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8d10d2d32ed8f7c0b976dfc08d0e85b797c95686b2d6a9d3f336d6e24fdaf978.jpg

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Great post. Wonkette shows me stuff I would never know about.

    Now, back to my canned clams and Sarah Palin porn.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Those are different things?

      • AJ Milne

        I’d go to the standard ‘you monster’, but it bugs me that in this context, it’s ambiguous to which horror it refers.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Totally ambidextrous…

  • Beanz&Berryz

    A good-hearted, strong wife is a good thing…. And she’s got the chops for some good, serious Wonking…

  • Bill D. Burger
  • my feet are normal

    That is some cover letter, alright.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Big corporate law firms are pretty nasty – some of them throw their weight around enough that just the mere mention of their name will cause plaintiffs to think twice about asserting their rights.

  • Swampgas_Man

    As some of you may know, I render. . . . amusing 3D art pieces. Just got a letter from a fan who says, ” I gotta tell you ( again!)… This blonde and brunette catfighting here resemble SO MUCH my wife and her daughter! You’ve captured their body types almost perfect ( and you didn’t even realize it?!)

    I have always enjoyed the visual of my daughter (step) just delivering anguish to my blonde cat…probably more so than my wife punishing her daughter (but not by much!)

    Should I be flattered, or should I be getting small and hiring a lawyer, just in case?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I’d keep that e-mail aside just in case someone comes along asking questions…

    • my feet are normal

      if I’d got a email like that I’d still be in the shower, Silkwood style.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Call CPS and the SPCA?

    • jesterpunk
      • Suttree

        Badgers are fast!

    • Suttree

      Print that out and give it your lawyer with instructions that start “in case of my death”.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Also, what a surprise that the talking points out of this White House basically said “Chicago CHICAGO CHICAGO!” and “good guys with guns solve!”

    https://twitter.com/NBCPolitics/status/915317663789928448

    • jesterpunk

      Look the good guy with a gun said he is sorry for missing another shooting, what more do you want?

      http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/4693340afc/good-guy-with-gun-whoops-i-missed-another-mass-shooting

      • Beanz&Berryz

        How many Manadaly windows would have been shot out if 20 armed Schmoes had taken to returning fire?

        • jesterpunk

          AOT,K?

          • Beanz&Berryz

            And 100 Mandalay guests shot in the process…

    • Joe Beese

      Can anyone picture Donald Trump kneeling in prayer without vomiting?

      • jesterpunk

        I can but I am not going to post the image, the only time he kneels is when Putin is around.

    • bubbuhh

      cuz everyone would need talking points to react to a tragedy

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump downplayed Puerto Rico’s suffering, says it’s not a “real catastrophe like Katrina”___and as he was leaving told everybody to “…have a good time.”

    Surprise!___ I know, right?

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DLPZzkdVYAAzXIF.jpg

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    What is the term for being simultaneously wryly amused (loved your wife’s letter), horribly depressed and craving a drink? Because that is where I’m at after reading that.

    Let’s be honest – it really is hopeless, isn’t it? There’s just too fucking many of the greedy bastards.

    • Joe Beese

      Tuesday.

    • Crystalclear12

      I’ve been calling it: trumpression.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        A worthy effort. But there is no amusement in that, at all.

        • Crystalclear12

          Hysterical laughter before the madness sets in doesn’t count?

          • SDGeoff3

            When that sets in, you need to drink in the morning more.

          • Suttree

            Throughout the day also too.

          • SDGeoff3

            As “at this very moment”. It’s a local ale today. There’s another part of my spare tire. We have too many damn good breweries.

          • Suttree

            I barely even drink beer anymore. Vodka and tea is good for me. I only add 3 teaspoons of sugar per half gallon. I should be getting thinner!

          • SDGeoff3

            Maybe we can come up with a new program like “drink rounds and drop pounds”.

          • marxalot

            Triple-H, the Beer Run where you literally run from one pub to the next.

          • SDGeoff3

            Hey, hey!

          • Suttree

            Brilliant! We’ll make millions!

          • Crystalclear12

            Sounds right.
            Let’s go with that.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    Jones-Day is the reason that little people can’t have nice things.

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    North Korea threatening nuclear war, gun massacre in America. Hope Peter the woodlouse is ok.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Yes…and no.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Those motherfuckers at Equifax are going to end up costing me time and $$ each month just to secure my credit rating and materials….in other words, for doing THEIR DAMNED JOB. I shall refrain from going further for fear of a stroke.
      BTW: Saw this morning that 2.5 million more accounts have been added to their total of almost 145 million that were compromised in one way or another by their breathtakingly inept security.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/840a86520817e322ee1b8270fc732572a41eae0c46caf686a275773550c13cd0.gif

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I got a call from a motherfucker last night who was offering “lower interest rates on your credit card debt” and “something something Equifax”. I informed the jackass that I don’t have any credit cards and “I don’t know why I would be getting this call. Please take me off your lists”. He couldn’t get off the phone fast enough.
      So this is how it starts…

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Of course, “an average white American” would never use a knife like a common Eyetalian.

    Average white Americans use guns.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    Bryan-Cave is another Jones-Day.

  • jesterpunk

    Can Jones Day help Puerto Rico get rid of the debt Trump left them?

  • DesertedPictures
    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      Oh my. It does look like a guy boinking a woman or a farm animal or such? I like the color though. Very phallic in a sort of way, without the usual displayed phallus.

      • DesertedPictures

        True: but there are no genitals in sight. It was on display in a German museum in the last three years.

    • Suttree

      Keep fucking that sheep?

    • hendenburg2

      I mean, if you’re into porn that has the resolution of a 56 kbps dialup connection

      • Suttree

        8-bit porn!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          On a 512×512 display

      • DesertedPictures

        Make it in minecraft?

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Fucking architecture.

      • Suttree

        Throw some cantilevered porches in there and you have a Frank Lloyd Wright house.

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          Wicked.

        • Spurning Beer

          That’s called “screwing the porch.”

          • Suttree

            Haha!

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          Add the word “bromide” and you got an Ayn Rand novel… (don’t know where that thought came from….)

          • Suttree

            Noooooo! Not Ayn Rand! I was really just making a joke about it looking like a FLW house. I’ve been to Fallingwater a few times and the Met has a nice room full of his furniture that is laid out in a home type setting. I always want to jump the rail and hang out for a while.

          • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

            Well, there’s a rumor that FLW wa the basis for her hero in The Fountainhead…

            Regardless, I, too have been to Fallingwater and Kentuck Knob, about 20 mins away. I wish I had funds to have houses like that built…

          • Suttree

            Growing up I lived in a small town in New Jersey that had a FLW house in it. You wouldn’t even pay attention to it if you didn’t know what it was. I have copied his style in a number of lighting fixtures, Not reproducing but working within a similar style.

          • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

            Sadly there’s little of his work in the Bay Area….Marin County Civic Center comes to mind…
            NJ? I used to live in Lawrenceville, many years ago… 8A…

    • eastcoastlib

      You found Jared’s Lego Porn stash?

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    PANTS OFF!!!!….

    • Suttree

      But it’s cold in here and I’m not drunk yet! Also my brand new jeans are comfy. My growing stomach required me to go up a size.

      • SDGeoff3

        Oh sweet jeebus, you too? I had to go for hanger number three the other day because one and two were out of the question!

        • Suttree

          Sweet babby jeebus having been out of work for a while I gained about 25 lbs. i was working for a quick moment a few weeks ago and I went through all of my jeans to find 1 pair that I could make it through the day wearing while breathing. Physical therapy needs to give me harder exercises!

          • SDGeoff3

            Ooof! I was involuntarily retired for eleven months and used the time to hone my cooking and catch up on my reading. That was successful, but I have a 10 pound spare tire to show for it.
            Back at work now for two years this month, and haven’t dropped a pound. Time to get walking here! Maybe water aerobics too.

          • Suttree

            I have been out of physical therapy for over a month and am about to go back. I need some core strength. lower back problems suck.

          • SDGeoff3

            Sorry to hear it. I’m fortunate in that department so far. (Knocks on head)

    • jesterpunk

      What are pants?

  • Suttree

    I will have to ask my father about this. He is a lawyer who lived in Cleveland. I wonder if there were any lawsuits the last time the Cuyahoga river caught fire?

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Jones Day is the law firm for the Civil Rights Museum here in Atlanta. I didn’t know they were this creepy though. Good post.

  • Paperless Tiger

    It’s worse that I thought again.

    • SDGeoff3

      Quite a ride, eh?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Joe Beese

      The program is the most expensive military weapons system in history, and has been much criticized inside and outside government, in the U.S. and in allied countries. Critics argue that the plane is “plagued with design flaws”, with many blaming the procurement process in which Lockheed was allowed “to design, test, and produce the F-35 all at the same time, instead of… [identifying and fixing] defects before firing up its production line”. By 2014, the program was “$163 billion over budget [and] seven years behind schedule”. Critics also contend that the program’s high sunk costs and political momentum make it “too big to kill”.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_Martin_F-35_Lightning_II

      • Raan

        Is that the one that doesn’t work in the rain?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I’m old enough to remember when Trump said we’d see the F-35 in hell and he would put Boeing to work building an even superer Super Hornet. Back in . . . December, I think it was.

    • thewalkindude

      Yea also, when he that is a fool walketh by the way, his wisdom faileth him, and he saith to every one that he is a fool.

    • Joe Beese

      Linda was never the same after suffering a tombstone piledriver at the hands of Kane.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDSjiyr632w#t=1m44s

      • Raan

        And Shane was never quite right after that fight with the Big Show.

  • Nounverb911
    • Joe Beese

      Entirely apart from her subject matter, I love her cartooning.

    • marxalot

      Have you seen the new season of BoJack?

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    I just feel hungry, want go and cook some English breakfast and have everything without the sausage and beacon. I’ll have with a steamed spinach instead and use a fog and knife,lol, while enjoying the beautiful view of Edinburgh hills. Wish you could see what I am taking about.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Wondering if you have a camera or phone what has a camera already innit.

  • AJ Milne

    (Blinks at ‘Try and tell me that perfectly straight line of five apples doesn’t send shivers down your spine…’)

    Y’know… Now you mention, that really, really does…

    … ya get the idea if you moved one, there’d be crazy blue plasma special effects everywhere, and a twelve-foot tall horned demon would pop out of nowhere, saying in a low, ominous, subsonic rumble: ‘At long last, FREEDOM!’

    (… or, somethin’ similar, anyway.)

    • Raan

      Or there’d be, like, an electric blue tether that snaps it back into place.

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Or an eclectic blue tether; al the more disturbing…

    • eastcoastlib

      I imagine every morning at 6am a team of frightened ethic minorities sets about the task of placing those apples on the conference table knowing that if they are a millimeter out of line or an apple (gasp!) has a blemish, they will all be taken to a back room and beaten with reeds.

    • marxalot

      It’s sheer Stanley Kubric.

    • MrTusks

      If you moved an apple, you’d be subjected to a meeting with the managing partner about the “culture of the firm,” relentless gossip among the other associates, a decline in your assigned work, a bad annual review, and eventually a firing.

  • Nounverb911

    That letter sounds like Jared’s application letter to Harvard….

    Jared Kushner’s Harvard Admissions Essay
    By Megan Amram
    (From The New Yorker)

    Dear Harvard,

    How are you? I hope you are well! My name is Jared Kushner, and I would like to go to you. As an example of how smart I am, here is some money.

    I heard from my daddy and my friends’ daddies that you are a big house for smart, good boys. I am a good boy! I am nice and my face is very smooth. Would you like a hundred-dollar bill? It has Benjamin Franklin on it! He is silly, because he only has hair on the sides, not on the top. Here are some of him!

    Here are some facts about me: I am Jared. I am more than six feet tall, which is funny, because feet are on your legs, not how tall you are! That always makes me laugh. My favorite color is green, like money. My favorite shape is rectangle, like money. I also like round, which is like some kinds of money that poor people use for littering in fountains.

    When I was a kid, which was last year, I got mad that there was no sixty-nine-dollar bill, so my daddy paid the U.S. Treasury to make one special for me. I showed it to all my friends and we all laughed and then I gave it to our maid because I was bored with it. She cleaned it and gave it back to me so that I could throw it away.

    I am a good student. I got straight D’s in high school. “D” is the first letter in the alphabet. At first, the teachers said “A” was the first letter, but my daddy paid the teachers to teach us a new alphabet song so that I wouldn’t feel bad about my grades. It worked! In school, my favorite classes were recess and lunch. I did very good on the SAT because I filled in every single bubble, even the ones for my name, which was a trick question. I am so smart! For me, tests are as easy as D-B-C!

    I am good at after-school activities, such as sports and allowance. I was on the basketball team in high school. My daddy gave the referee money so that I didn’t have to dribble and could just carry the ball. All the other good boys were jealous, but only my daddy loved me enough to pay the referees so that I got to carry the ball and use a ladder. Ladder dunks are worth fifty points.

    My daddy is also so good at games. Daddy and I like to play a game called hide-and-go-seek, which is where we tape money to ourselves and go to the Cayman Islands and hide the money all around. We are so good that no one ever finds it! Daddy said we were there to put the money in the laundry, which is funny because after we buried the money it was so much dirtier and sandier than before. My daddy is so silly sometimes!

    Harvard, I would like to go to you so that I can be big and strong someday, like all my daddy’s friends. They are so cool and impressive. They wear ties all the time to keep their shirts from falling off. My daddy is so rich that he can buy any building he wants, even the Empire State Building or the moon. Here are some things I want to be when I grow up: a fireman, an astronaut, a business boy, a fire truck, a thousand-dollar bill. If you would like some more money, here is some more money!

    I do not want to be mean, but if you do not let me into you something bad might happen. My daddy is very nice but when he is mad he can be very scary. One time when he got mad he made a lady go to my uncle’s house to kiss my uncle even though the lady wasn’t my aunt! Yuck!

    Anyway, thank you for letting me into Harvard! I am so excited to go in you. When I arrive, I would like four dorm rooms, a parking space for my Range Rover, a girlfriend, a girlfriend for my Range Rover, a pony, a Range Rover for my pony, three opals, and the ocean. I have been a good boy and I deserve it!

    Love,

    Jared Kushner, grade 12, age seventeen and a half. ♦

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Amazing.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      That is beautiful.

    • MrTusks

      You know what? I’m okay with being poor now.

  • bubbuhh

    Need to use of both knife and gun to put down Bloodsucker Rice, who wuz debonair, indicates he wuz either vampire, time traveling Scientologist or Satan Spawn from Deep State.

    • marxalot

      Rasputin.

  • (((Alt-Sedagive)))

    First of all: this is a wonderful post. I learned a lot. Thank you.

    Second of all: your wife’s cover letter is a work of art.

    Third of all: that marble-topped Saarinen table with the five green apples is so freakin’ five-to-seven years ago. No class. Sad.

    • Bananas Foster

      Trump made them switch to Golden Delicious.

  • Bananas Foster

    Next time I have a client who has just spilled their guts out to me I’m going to check the clock, realize our time is up and say, “Okay, have a good time!”

    Oh, wait, no I won’t.

    BECAUSE I’M NOT A FREAKING PSYCHOPATH.

  • jesterpunk
  • Joe Beese
    • jesterpunk
      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Again, the people who think that laws about who can pee where and who can have sex with whom will work are convinced that no laws will stop gun violence because “criminals will just ignore them anyway”.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I swear, sometimes it’s like we’re speaking two completely different languages.

      • willi0000000

        possibly just living in two different realities?

        [ maybe that’s where the whole ‘dark matter’ thing comes from . . . and why it can’t be seen, only detected by it’s gravitational influence ]

    • Raan

      Yes, we are inundated with permissive gun laws.

    • bupkus231

      Yeah, well, this fuckhead thinks snowballs disprove global warming – so why the hell should anyone give his opinion any weight?

      Oh, yeah – he’s one of our national legislators……

    • I ran “permissiveness” through Google Translate and it came back “buttsex”, not “sanctuary cities”.

      • Zombishroom

        of course it’s the gays fault. It always is.

    • Covfefe

      In all fairness, the Murrah Building would still be standing if it weren’t for the culture of permissiveness in Oklahoma City. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2154f8d9ee91fca85866a54b9ec1a7c254f077dbc737b5aa10b73fac74fb145d.jpg

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Do we libtards have our own politician that pivots towards an issue in such a groundlessly idiotic fucking stupidly embarrassing way? Maybe we need one!

      “Obviously the reason people are gunning down others in the streets is because of CHIP not getting renewed. There are a lot of children in the nation that need food assistance, so leaving them hungry will lead to things like this.

      Clearly, when you ignore children, and their basic needs, you’ll wind up with terrible consequences. Didn’t we learn anything from the flooding in Texas and Florida recently? Apparently not, because we continue to maintain this culture of inequal pay for women.”

  • Lizzietish81

    Have ye been attacked by a ninja?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g_8DQ3fjko

  • Bill D. Burger

    Time for a GOP putsch? The theocratic Trumpencers’ have jist’ had it, y’all.

    [Pence’s chief of staff floats ‘purge’ of anti-Trump Republicans to wealthy donors
    Nick Ayers urges donors to ‘form a coalition’ to take on GOP leaders and members who don’t back the president.

    By ANDREW RESTUCCIA and MATTHEW NUSSBAUM 10/03/2017 02:23 PM EDT

    Vice President Mike Pence’s chief of staff railed against congressional leaders in closed-door remarks to wealthy donors and called for a “purge” if GOP lawmakers don’t quickly rally behind President Donald Trump’s agenda.]

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/10/03/purge-anti-trump-republicans-nick-ayers-243416

    Same mewling smirk as Father Pence.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dbc0154bec48f85f228ce41b5d187bfb77d030fe6aa06441d47eba54de95ae68.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      Oh please oh please do that.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Nothings more enjoyable than a Republican circular firing squad.

        • jesterpunk

          Especially if they purge everyone who doesnt support Trump then he gets impeached.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        I wish they would just do it and quit Stalin.

        • AJ Milne

          This is just to say that I’ve been trying for 18 minutes now to come up with a workable English pun using ‘gulag’, and just can’t seem to pull it off.

          I is for shame.

          • marxalot

            Buncha lazy lollygulaggers

          • AJ Milne

            Богdammit! Can’t believe I missed variations on ‘gag’.

            (Gulag me with a spoon.)

          • Covfefe

            Time to pour me some gulager.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      They do know what happened in The Purge movies, right? *pops popcorn*

    • Pence’s chief of staff floats ‘purge’ of anti-Trump Republicans to wealthy donors
      Nick Ayers urges donors to ‘form a coalition’ to take on GOP leaders and members who don’t back the president

      ROFL
      Pence you ignorant slut, they have made MILLIONS with their boys.
      They are more likely to drop YOU for not getting jack done

      • Beanz&Berryz

        “you ignorant slut”… a classic…

      • Covfefe

        Turtle’s take is that incumbents are birds in the hand.

    • ltmcdies

      I saw one of those in a crypt when touring York Minister. You never saw him in the sunlight

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I been there, I think, 35 years ago, or so… and the 1400 years of architectural re-use in that one place… if I’m not confusing and conflating things… I didn’t see this smug fuck though…

        • ltmcdies

          You had to leave a couple of pounds with him to see the crypt.

          One of my fave things about touring those old castles and cathedrals …. the tour guides were awesome and seemed to fit the architecture.
          Our crypt keeper looked like he never saw the light of day… like this smug fuck
          Really doesn’t he look like Pence keeps him in a box or a closet

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A purge of other electeds sounds a bit… murdery…

    • Oh this is going to be good.

    • Ill-Advised

      Wow. Is this the face that launched a thousand punches? I think it beats Cruz, Spencer, and Kushner.

  • CO
    • jesterpunk

      So until it affected him personally it didnt bother him?

      • marxalot

        Better late than never. At least he didn’t go Full Nooge and double down on open carry sniper rifles at public events.

        • jesterpunk

          Thats what Eagles of Death Metal did. So I guess that is a small bonus.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Ya… Great that he gets it, finally, but holy sweet Jesus mother fuck… Cry me a bucket of “Ohh, now I get it” tears…

        • jesterpunk

          I am sick of people ignoring a problem until it personally affects them and ignoring anything that doesnt. Its called empathy assholes, try and get some.

          • Donkey Option

            “I didn’t understand how sexual harassment, cat-calling, and gender prejudice in the workplace were bad until I had a daughter.”

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Funniest comment was in Raw Story on the one about the musician whose come out against the 2nd amendment:
        “Meanwhile, Jason Aldean is still running…”

      • ….Republican

        • jesterpunk

          I guess that is better then saying asshole all the time.

      • Covfefe

        FWIW, I personally could not understand why people in California couldn’t tolerate a few offshore wells until the morning some suggested drilling in the Great Lakes.

    • janecita

      Welcome to every liberal’s reality Mr. Aldean.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      I see that it is tempting to diss this guy but we need every convert we can get and we will NEVER get the change we want in this world without these guys. I say keep the tent flaps open. Otherwise does that not make us purity ponies?

      • CO

        I’m all for welcoming him.

  • Nounverb911
    • ManchuCandidate

      Preznit Trump sez: Don’t squeeze the Donald!

    • Christopher Story

      I would blow next month’s rent to go to Puerto Rico and buy that person a beer.

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    ANOTHER CRIME COMMITTED BY A CIS-MALE. MEN SHOULD BE AShAMED OF THEMSELVES AND FOREVER IN DEBT TO WOMEN FOR THEIR TREATMENT THROUGHOUT HISTORY. IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT MAKING AMENDS FOR INJUSTICES LIKE IN THIS ARTICLE, GIVE 22% OF YOUR WAGE TO WOMEN TO MAKE UP FOR THE CURRENT WAGE GAP LIKE I DO, REPARATIONS MUST START NOW!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I give 80%

      • Still not bothering with this one today. I give .4 for effort, and all of that is the caps lock.

        • Jamoche

          It’s a mole – it’s like a troll, but it pops up somewhere else every time you whack it. Flagged & blocked. Again.

          • I blocked it yesterday cause I didn’t feel like dealing, and back again on yet another puppet, which I think proves who precisely is the stalker here.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Good grief, Spags is back?

          • Upsetti Spaghetti

            After looking through the interwebz history on me I am outraged! OUTRAGED!!! Someone had the audacity to impersonate ME! And you all believed it. I am disappointed in you all. I expected better from you. It had about as much personality as a carrot. Why would I post about mental health week? Does it look like I have a mental illness? SMH. FYI I am not lonely and I have no need for human companionship. I live in a tent with my pet Charlie the Venus fly trap. So there! I also don’t have a rare heart condition.

            Also, I think you guys hurt wolfies feelings.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Good point…

      • East Germany votes 10!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      22% of your wages? So what $40? Do you spend that at the titty bar?

    • jesterpunk
    • ltmcdies

      WHUT????

    • Joe Beese

      The Great Prophet Ikehedu can help you.

      • AJ Milne

        I bet it’s real annoying for a prophet, always being mistaken for somethin’ out of an Ikea catalogue.

        (‘Ikehedu? I think we moved that to the basement. It kinda started to look ratty after the second time we had to tighten up all the allen screws… it was never really the same after my old roomate Sven tripped over it, and broke one of the casters.’)

  • Nounverb911

    Another blast from the trumpian past….

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/383619856005738496

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just made me laugh. He’s an actual liberal from Mississippi. Man…that’s a rarity, I’ll wager.

    https://twitter.com/CoreyRForrester/status/913890678790385664

    • jesterpunk

      Is Erik Erikson trying to hide the body?

      • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

        Erik, Son of Erik is busy poking holes in a copy of the New York Times or perhaps the Washington Post with a No.2 pencil so he can claim he shot it with a .22

        • jesterpunk

          So he temporarily stopped fucking goats?

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      You’d be surprised how many liberals there are in the South.

      • Bill D. Burger

        I know one who is a national treasure. Love his posts.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfObia8aUZY

        • Courser_Resistance

          I really need to look him up. I only ever see these when you post them.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            He wrote a book and he’s been on tour. He’s hit Atlanta twice this year.

    • Covfefe

      Is the goat in custody?

      • Bill D. Burger

        My immediate thought was just wondering about what was being mourned, the goat or the motorcycle.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Motorcycles are harder to fuck, so I’d wager the goat.

    • MrTusks

      Be kind, that goat was someone’s wife.

  • Reddishrabbit

    (Looks at conflict record)
    At least I’ve never worked for them. Just almost all the other horrible evil banks/law firms.

    Excuse me, this whiskey needs drinking

    • Courser_Resistance

      Don’t feel bad. I worked at a number Oil & Gas companies during the ‘good’ years. I figure we’ve all worked at/for an Evil Empire company at one time or another.

      • Covfefe

        Please take notice that the property and casualty industry is run by good and honorable people who take pride in doing what’s fair, even though they might fail in that regard from time to time.

      • No comment.

      • bupkus231

        Hey – I worked for the military industrial complex. At first, I self-justified by saying “At least my company doesn’t produce weapons” – but after a few mergers and acquisitions, I could no longer say that.

        Of course, I could have changed jobs – instead, I sucked it up and got out as soon as I could ( maybe a little sooner than I should have, looking at my back accounts, but….. )

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
    • Christopher Story

      Capone got busted over unpaid taxes. Justice has an ironic streak a mile wide.

  • How are we supposed to post our hot end of day takes with SO MANY WORDS to read

    Pro Tip. Post (nonexistent) comment first, read second.

    Shit, I forgot the hot take. It’s five o’clock somewhere, but way past that here.

    • Edith Prickly

      Dok, Spaghetti-Trollios is back.

  • biologydave

    Last week I was at the National Safety Council’s annual expo and my co-worker, who is an open-carry guy, tried to carry beyond the “no firearms” point. When stopped, he complained that his right to feel safe was being infringed upon. I just shook my head at the irony that he needed a gun at a safety convention.

    • marxalot

      The Romans held that any man who felt the need to carry arms within the city was either an imbecile, a degenerate (and that is how they defined degeneracy, which tells you something about their society), or a coward. I am inclined to agree.

      • 52camellias

        So they made all their personal slaves carry them, right?

        • marxalot

          Not inside the city of Rome, except on the civic holidays when it was required (oh man the Roman civic religion is a whole other thing). Outside of the gates it’s a different story, and of course the Empire, in the latter days of its decadence, fell to all sorts of degeneracy.

    • mackafritz

      I’d feel safe if nobody was carrying guns.

      • biologydave

        Same here

    • My Co worker admitted to me that he always conceal carries, when not at work!
      I said goddamned, must suck to live in that much fear. How quick do you draw? Cause by the time you get it out, you know you are shot, right?
      He stopped talking to me about it. No idea why…..

      • biologydave

        I try not to engage this guy in work talk because he has to start every conversation with “since I’m a Christian”….

        I can’t take anyone seriously after that.

        • I adore that one myself. As a Christian.
          :D
          Who has actually read the bible.
          :D
          Including the icky libtard bits all in red.
          :D :D :D
          I can usually get them to “agree to disagree” in a matter of seconds. I’d worry about going to hell for it, but someone did tell us once to both beware false prophets and also, to show by deed.
          :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

          • biologydave

            Fools and thieves are well-disguised in the temple and marketplace

          • See?
            Oh, FYI, when they agree to disagree, you can let them know graciously that means they have nothing and know it.
            I myself choose the brilliant smile and “If you must, great talk, we should do it some more!” route.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Mathew 6 alone is usually enough to get them all het up.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Fucking with a scairdy cats’ fantasy quick-draw gun fight will just get you the cold furry shoulder…

        • ikr? Like the country singer someone else here mentioned. His whole crew was packin.
          No one had a chance because fucking 1700 feet away.
          YOU HAVE NO CHANCE AT BEING CHUCK NORRIS, CO WORKER MAN.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      He’s a fucking pussy…

      • biologydave

        And impossibly socially maladjusted

    • Donkey Option

      Wait – he was open carrying at a non-gun expo? What is wrong with people?

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    Well I for one am hoping that Kim comes out on top in this dispute. Not one singular customer in my vegan restaurant is supporting Trump in this, so it is clear that public opinion is changing. Here’s hoping that he delivers a devastating blow to Trump.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    They’re vampire squids wrapped around the face of humanity.

    Still a better love story than “Twilight.”

  • janecita

    Dear Mr. Respectable Lawyer, I want your wife to be my new best friend. She sounds like a total badass, smart, amazing woman. Congratulations on your sound choice of a partner.

  • memzilla Ω

    Thoughts & Prayers: The Game
    America faces an epidemic of mass shootings. It’s up to you to stop them… with the power of your thoughts and prayers.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bafe7790872e7c1fa0f6f0c00722dc71253282ea171ad810e0716d4e0779bc4c.jpg

  • Ωbjectifier
  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Pretty amazing CSI for back then.
    “A knife? Obviously a n*** did it”

    • Ωbjectifier

      Gotta disagree with your police work there Lou. Coulda been a wop.

    • Shanzgood

      You spelled “sp**k” wrong.

      • Covfefe

        Two doctors, who fortuitously come upon a dieting man — keep off my back, it’s on spell checker — can’t get him into a hospital because the hospital was full? And he expired as they drove around Cleveland looking for a hospital that would take him?

        • Shanzgood

          Did you read that as “spick” or “spook”? I just realized that could make a difference because I was only thinking of one version.

    • marxalot

      “d*go”

    • Joe Beese

      “Too bad he brought a knife…” [puts on sunglasses] “… to a gunfight.”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    I was convinced that aliens exist on the day of the EU referendum last year. When I saw all those Brexit voters going down to the polling station, I knew that they had to be from another planet to be just that ugly looking. Definitely not normal. Probably sent from another planet to destroy us economically through the ballot box.

  • marxalot

    Dok, we have a confused senior or mental patient wandering about ruining the name of Italian-American food.

    • It’s just spags. Block and move on. He will return with yet another sock puppet account tomorrow,

  • Nounverb911
    • Wow, NYT. You actually said it.

    • mardam422

      You win, Puerto Rico!!

    • miss_grundy

      Que hijo de puta!

  • Donkey Option

    I can’t help but wonder if I’m so sensitive to minority issues because I am the descendant of a bunch of Italians who were in Ohio starting in the late 1800’s. So, the exact time when we were the enemy. Probably not, because I’m not terribly close to that family, but there are reasons why my dad never learned Italian, and I remember my Grandmother telling me stories about how they were the first Catholic family in their neighborhood and suffered a lot of discrimination. More importantly, I think I’m sensitive to minority issues but I actually have a heart and am not a selfish asshole. Well, not a particularly selfish asshole. And I know how lucky and privileged I’ve been, and acknowledging your own privilege is the first step.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      bon pont

    • Suttree

      That may have helped you to empathize. My grandparents were Croats who met in a refugee camp in Austria before coming to the states. I think that has always helped me. How many Croats do you know? :)

    • On the Blue Bloods, the family was discussing immigration being hard and Daddy Magnum PI goes “Well, each tribe makes it difficult for the one behind it, to make it fair”
      And granddaughter braces goes “Who is that fair to?”
      And Magnut goes “To them” Cause well gee, they had it rough, why not make it rough for everyone else, I guess? Makes you tough? Grows hair on your chest?
      So poignant. That fucking show.

      • bupkus231

        Your description reminded me of this:
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRjItDLnAwc

      • marxalot

        This is basically the same as hazing the freshmen because 3 years ago, the seniors taped your buns together. This! This is what substitutes for thinking, and has for centuries! Aaaugh.

        • I recall hearing that (I was not watching, hubs loves him cop dramas) and then yelling very loudly how that was utter bullshit and why the fuck is anyone paying those hack writers anyway?

      • Lord Jim

        My mom watched several episodes of that show – they also defend cops doing “whatever it takes”, have a black community organizer who is simply a Tawana-Brawley-era Al Sharpton proxy, have defended “broken windows policing”, etc etc…basically cop apologists.

    • mardam422

      My grandparents (all 4 of them) emigrated from Italy to the US in the first decade of the 20th century. Settled in Pittsburgh. My Grandfather got a job with a railroad, and used to get beaten up on the way to and/or on the way home from work by “regular Americans”. They suffered so I wouldn’t have to. I’m not gonna do that to someone else.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    And thanks to some dimwit at CBS who decided to say the victims deserved “no sympathy”, the right wing gets to point their fingers and scream “BOTH SIDES! BOTH SIDES!”

    • janecita

      She immediately got fired.

      • She also issued an actual apology and not a “sorry if you were offended” thing.

        She was also a lawyer….hey…wait a minute…..

  • WomanInThePersistence

    New Trae Crowder. He’s actually being serious. I love this man.

    https://youtu.be/73GicaeMo_E

  • CO

    It’s nice hearing the positive stories
    https://twitter.com/USATODAY/status/915263207962546176

  • janecita

    Coldplay singing “Free Falling.”

    Check out this video on YouTube:

    https://youtu.be/12MQNUm9iBE

  • Nounverb911

    In today’s episode of ‘Lil Donnie’, donnie is still an asshole.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/69955f7efd3d16ff4051e1e2025efa9bdc7a60f486d1c261f58376fdcf1533e2.png

    • bupkus231

      I just saw a news clip showing this interview segment – and the first three panels of this comic are absolutely accurate. I only wish the final panel was….

    • janecita

      I really wish that Governor Roselló wasn’t such a servile, ass kisser.

      • He is trying to get help for his people. He is going to kiss all the ass he has to, and I for one support him.
        You saw what happened when someone DID NOT EVEN CRITICIZE THE GREAT SHITSTAIN right?

        • janecita

          Still, it looks like he is contradicting the mayor of San Juan. It isn’t good optics.

        • Lord Jim

          He ought to be getting the mayor’s back, rather than stroking Donnie’s ego. He could show his support without directly crossing Trump. He’s acting like a victim of a domestic abuser.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            The domestic abuser’s spouse will often take the hit to protect the children.

            My hope is that once so-called president is out of office or Puerto Rico is stabilized (whichever is sooner), Rosello goes full-Vincente-Fox on his ass.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Happy Nobel Times II: Einstein Bugaloo

    BERLIN—As expected by many, the 2017 Nobel Prize for physics went to three scientists who helped detect gravitational waves, ripples in space-time predicted by Einstein.

    “This year’s prize is about a discovery that shook the world,” said physicist Thors Hans Hansson, announcing the winners from Stockholm.

    Half of the 9 million Swedish krona ($1.1 million) award will go to Rainer Weiss of MIT. The other half will go jointly to Barry Barish and Kip Thorne of Caltech. All three were founders of the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory, or LIGO, which detected gravitational waves for the first time in 2015.

    https://www.livescience.com/60586-nobel-in-physics-for-gravitational-waves.html?utm_source=notification

    • Joe Beese

      “For decisive contributions to the LIGO detector”.

      The Lego something?

      The Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (LIGO) is a large-scale physics experiment and observatory to detect cosmic gravitational waves and to develop gravitational-wave observations as an astronomical tool. Two large observatories were built in the United States with the aim of detecting gravitational waves by laser interferometry. These can detect a change in the 4 km mirror spacing of less than a ten-thousandth the charge diameter of a proton, equivalent to measuring the distance to Proxima Centauri with an accuracy smaller than the width of a human hair.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LIGO

      OK, they earned it.

      • If they did it with legos it woulda been cooler

        • Bobathonic

          If they can find legos on the floor in the dark, before they’re stepped on, they’ll be doing a real service to mankind.

  • bubbuhh

    Peeps, kindly upvote this article. Hit the “Recommended” Heart. It is most excellent.

    • danke for the reminder. I sometimes forget

      • Candy Matson Y-28209

        What does the recommended heart do for the story?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Done. Because it is most excellent.

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    I don’t see anything wrong with a business adding on hidden charges so long as those charges are justified. For example, I am the owner of a highly popular and cool East London vegan restaurant, and if I feel that a customer is not dressed according to the vibe of my vegan restaurant, which is typically that of hipster chic, then I will add a surcharge onto their bill of anywhere in the region of £5 to £15 depending upon how uncool I deem their outfit to be. Customers are generally more than happy to pay this charge, as I always explain it in full, and in essence they are also getting some top fashion advice when they pay this charge – so they don’t really lose out at all really.

    • DainBramage

      You’ve incurred a $100, Posting Inane Drivel, surcharge. Please pay up above the comments. Have a nice day.

  • That is a FREAKING EPIC cover letter.

  • AnnieGetYerFun
  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Hope he remembered the President’s sippy cup and blanky…

    https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/912036442339184640

  • I am about to head into Mean Girls with my sister. Why? Because what day is it? It’s October 3rd!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I adore this youtube channel. It summarizes classic novels, myths and legends in a fast-talking, sarcastic way.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61nuXrvqNgI

  • meanlawyermom

    I love your wife.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Ad for new iPhone 8. I think the point being made is if you miss a payment on the $1000 and up overhyped gadget, it’s going to mace the fuck outta’ you.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/87832495ccffb1f071d66ed32bc326fb297918255e02486cddc73df5642df95d.jpg

    • Joe Beese

      Laurene Powell Jobs, one of the world’s richest women and the widow of Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, reportedly has purchased a 20 percent stake in Monumental Sports & Entertainment, the company that controls the Washington Wizards, Washington Capitals, Washington Mystics and Capital One Arena.

      http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2736639-steve-jobs-widow-laurene-reportedly-purchased-20-stake-in-wizards-capitals

      • Bill D. Burger

        I knew she was involved in some secondary school reform initiatives through her College Track foundation but not much more than that about her.
        Lady’s got serious change, that’s for sure.

  • jesterpunk
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Wow. I went from LOLing (at your wife’s cover letter) to lethally stabby in the course of this post. Nicely (?) done.

  • Panika MCD

    I had always been under the impression that Americans in 1910 were as afraid of Italians as they were of Muslims–which combines the ethnic and religious (Catholic) hatred of today’s comparison. they did not enact a constitutional amendment outlawing pasta or anything. but their hate of Germans was part of what led to Prohibition.

    • marxalot

      Sure, but the German-hate was tremendously influenced by the Great War. The Italians were targets from the get-go.

      • Panika MCD

        so were the Irish, but no amendment against clover.

        • Suttree

          As a child I used to go to Roman Catholic mass with my grandparents. The whole thing took about 3 hours and was in Latin and Croatian. I hate church!

          • Suttree

            Oops replied to the wrong person.

          • marxalot

            Yahg, Croatian Roman Catholic liturgy sounds like a punishment. At least it wasn’t Byzantine, though. They don’t get to sit down!

          • Suttree

            Nah it was sit stand kneel stand sit sing kneel sit stand.

          • marxalot

            Here’s the the old sit-stand-kneel-mumble, may Comrade Mom never hear me call it that.

          • Suttree

            I actually went like 2 years ago and actually remembers some of that stuff. I really hadn’t been to church since making my communion. Ya know being an atheist and all I only go for weddings and funerals.

          • marxalot

            I go when I happen to be at the family lair of a Sunday. It keeps the peace and also I get to have lunch with Gran after church only if I have gone to church in the first place. And Gran is fantastic.

          • Suttree

            For years I have always gotten out of it for holidays because I had to stay home. I needed to finish cooking!

          • Suttree

            Hahahahhaha! Awesome!

          • (Works for U@ fans, also, too. But, mostly because Bono is Catholic and lost the original lyrics to all of the songs on October. No, really. He left them in a taxi, and they had to wing it in the studio.)

        • Nah, just the eternal besmirching of Mrs. O’Leary and her cow.

          …Though, have you noticed that once Chicago banned foreign cows, there were no more Great Fires?

          • Panika MCD

            we still ban most foreign livestock because of diseases that can spread between the populations.

        • No amendment, but there were plenty of local laws about Irish, Italian, Chineese, etc.

          • Panika MCD

            I’m aware.

    • puredog

      You will have to pry my lasagna from my cold, dead fingers.

    • RobespierreHoo

      Part of it. One of the major influences was the passage of Women’s Suffrage, along with the rise of the Christian evangelical movement, and lots of drunks coming back from the War to End All Wars.

      • Panika MCD

        it was also because Germans were making beer. we had a resolution passed through Congress at the time encouraging Americans to refer to sauerkraut as “freedom cabbage”.

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Joe Beese

      27 years without starting a world war! Last time they only made it 21.

      • jesterpunk
      • ltmcdies

        I think there are other contending for that honour, these days

      • Doug Langley

        Amazing what little things like a Berlin Airlift will do for you.

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        ♫ Once all the Germans were warlike and mean,
        But that couldn’t happen again,
        We taught them a lesson in 1918,
        And they’ve hardly bothered us since then! ♫
        — Tom Lehrer

  • So, today was the first day of the New Schedule, in which I saw four o’clock in the morning from the waking up side in years. Staying up until all hours is kind to me. Waking up at all hours isn’t.

    Then, I returned home to total chaos. We’re having new siding installed, and half of the house is now naked, covered only with Tyvex (whatever the fuck that is).

    I feel like I’ve been awake for three weeks.

    • Tyvex is like a kevlar raincoat for your house!
      No not really, but that sounds bitchin

      • LucindathePook

        I have a Tyvek jacket, and it makes a great windbreaker.

    • Lord Jim

      You got up at 4am? Are you a farmer now? That just ain’t natural.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Tyvex keeps any water that may get behind your siding from soaking in a wrecking the wood and/or drywall.

      • Just as well that we are replacing the siding, then. Originally, no sort of moisture barrier was used. Which was discovered when the siding was removed.

    • marxalot

      Juggle your sleep schedule so that 4 am is more like noon, you’ll feel better.

      • I’d have to go to bed before I get off of work. And that would likely make my bosses cranky. Not that I honestly really care whether or not they are cranky.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Raan

      It’s like Oprah from the universe’s worst timeline.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Entertain me, Fools!”- Donald Trump

      • rofl, look how he is straining to toss a paper towel roll XD

        • Raan

          It’s not a buzzer-beater shot. You can just whip that shit out there.

          • I swear he has sweat on his upper lip from straining at throwing a paper towel roll.
            And we worried about Hillz having sniffles

    • Jesus. Skipped let them eat cake and went straight to clean it up yourselves.
      Lovely.

    • AJ Milne

      Far in the future, one artifact of our civilization will survive. It will be a tiny piece of an SSD. The sentient cockroaches who find it will for long years wonder what it could have been. But, in their infinite inventiveness, eventually they will decipher what it once contained…

      … it will be a fragment of my search history, possibly left over from the remains of one of Google’s datacenters…

      … they’ll never quite work out why I was searching such a a thing as ‘Trump throwing paper towels’…

      Nor what I found when I did.

      I envy them.

  • ltmcdies

    John Dingell is the philosopher king of the tweeter
    https://twitter.com/JohnDingell/status/915339615271342080

    • miss_grundy

      Why are the people in the crowd catching the paper towels? Why didn’t they just let them fall to the ground?

      • ltmcdies

        I’m sure it was a very well chosen tending toward pale crowd allowed to view “The Presence”

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I’ve just realized SHS wore green again at press briefing. Has the Internet been having fun with it ?

    • Most probably.
      I think she thinks they are praising her by their cleverness or something. No other explanation.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Finnibar87

    Sacco and Venzetti were executed as anarchists, but they were busted in the first place for being scary Italians.

    • DrBigHead

      Scariest Italian I ever met was one of my mother’s colleagues at the bank.. When I opened my first checking account at 16, she sat me down and hovered over me as best she could do with her 4’10” frame and said if I EVER went longer than a month between balancing my checkbook, she would personally track me down and… well, she was never clear, but I was sure it was going to be a bad thing. Kept in touch with her through holiday cards and the like until she passed about 5 years ago. Still cannot balance my checkbook without feeling her presence, and breaking out in a cold sweat a little bit.

      • marxalot

        Good.

  • Serai 1

    Hey, ya’ll, Trae has more words! THEY ARE NOT FUNNY WORDS.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73GicaeMo_E

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Thet southern redneck got a way with words and how they is delivered.

      • Serai 1

        I’s real impressed with those word usements he structures.

  • Joe Beese

    Dead Breitbartians are fretting over the prospect that Maria refugees will end up in Florida and vote Dem.

    This is not bringing out their racially tolerant side.

    • Raan

      Oh, you mean that thing that doesn’t exist.

      • marxalot

        It’s like Greta Garbo’s bad side. Plenty of speculation, but no one has even seen evidence of it.

    • marxalot

      Their what now?

    • jesterpunk

      Do those idiots know Puerto Rico is part of the US?

      • Raan

        No.

      • miss_grundy

        No, because it is an island. Surrounded by water. Big, big water. /s

    • Finnibar87

      Know what is still said about Jews by the GOP?

      ‘They live like Episcopalians, but vote like Puerto Ricans’.

      Yup.

      • Joe Beese

        Speaking as a Jew, I have no idea what that means.

        • Finnibar87

          It means you live like a conservative, and maybe the right wing would like you, but then you vote and are all liberal and junk.

          so the GOP has a confuse when it comes to Jews.

          • Three Finger Salute

            Well, the “real” Republican Jews hate the liberal ones who don’t bend the knee to Bibi and approve of Holocausting the Palestinians. Chomsky and Bernie got their Jew cards revoked so that Bibi can continue “mowing the lawn.”

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • puredog

    Sincere golf clap.
    Fine post.
    Fuck Jones Day.

  • Doug Langley

    Today at work: felt really good, oddly. For past week had sniffles, coughing, some runny nose. Dry air? Dust? Maybe I had a cold and didn’t know it?? Hard to believe, but today had a really great feeling like I just dumped a cold. Needed it. We’re moving files all around the room, thousands of files. Some spaces so tight can’t get files in, other spaces nice and loose. Move, move, move space into the tight areas. It’s called shifting.

    Shift happens.

    Boss still continues her suspicious behavior of being pleasant. But. Now working side by side with other temp. Remember I mention one temp left last week for new job? She was nice, polite to a fault, and could file like the bionic woman. Let’s just say the other guy is . . . not. Easily confused, whining, gets upset easily, etc. ALL DAY LONG I had to put up with this as we’re taking stacks of files to the mat. Please tell me what crime I committed to deserve this.

    • janecita

      You weren’t born rich. That was your big, unforgivable crime.

      • Doug Langley

        This is true. I thought of my family as “lower middle class”, although poor might have been better. But – on dad’s salary alone, had a house, 2 cars, acre of land, 4 kids and a cat. Today I would give a kidney to have it that “bad”.

    • marxalot

      It’s a downpayment on some fantastic good luck, or possibly when you sleep with your best friend’s wife while drunk driving and hit a priest in a crosswalk. Either way, you’re paid up front!

    • I still think the temp agency musta said something to boss’s boss. Like hey, you know that high turn over rate? Yeah about that….

    • DrBigHead

      When I was in graduate school I had a part time job at the University library. Spent a summer shifting the collections on the 3rd floor. Had to take them off the shelf row by row, place them onto a cart, move them to their new home, and reshelve them in the correct order. Spent the whole time working with another student. Had a lot of time to talk. Been married now for 26 years.

      • Doug Langley

        Inspiring story, but wasn’t planning to pop the question to the temp.

        • DrBigHead

          Give it time…. give it time…..

          • Doug Langley

            Sigh. Really wanted to get chummy with other temp, but she’s already married. : (

  • Mavenmaven
  • Impatient

    Can I just gently comment, for no good reason at this lovely time and place:

    MAGA? Get small? Dedicate a golf cup to victims? Warmest condolences? Paper towel toss?

    Jesus Fucking Christ! You fucking asshole Republicans [yes, redundant] who think that odd electoral events and ploys … mean that this whole motherfucking world is your goddamn toy? Sharpen it, and stick it where the sun never shines … sideways … with [whatever passes for] votes.

    Aah. I feel MUCH better now. (Actually, I do, a bit.) So please accept my little white bread apology, for any comments that you might see as upsetting. (I can’t really recognize “upsetting” anymore, in this great American shit hole. Did I say Jesus Fucking Christ? Yes, point covered.)

    • Finnibar87

      Our new reality is remarkably idiotic.

      • To be fair, we were warned.
        We just did not listen.

        • marxalot

          I listened! Can I have my 100$ back and my passport re-issued elsewhere?

        • Finnibar87

          Hey, I tried.

          I’ve been pointing out the idiocy of Trump for over two years. I also apply the phrase ‘corrupt as fuck’ to Trump, for he is truly corrupt as fuck.

          The news media preferred the email narrative, apparently.

          • But think of all the click revenue, Fin! What they might have lost in ad space were they not to breathlessly report on every whisper of email while putting Trump out there constantly!!!!!!

          • Impatient

            Part of my unending anger … I have to admit … is the teenager-like objection to the sheer injustice of it all. McConnell fucks us all, and gets his Gorsuch* and keeps his smug turtleneck smile. The MSM destroys our electoral process, for clicks, and now they’re rolling in new subscription money. Comey, well let’s just say he made a suboptimal choice, and now he’ll write a book, go on a speaking tour, and make millions … tough shit for the families of the killer Trump-nuts that he helped enable. Justice is dead.

            “Shit! Fuck! Piss! Cock! Cunt!” … In appreciation of Maxwell Kenton’s “Candy.” Which probably fucked me up, since my teen years. Who the hell left that in our cluttered attic? My dad? Or the previous owner? Again, Jesus Fucking Christ and all.

          • I think if you study human history, karma may be slow, but eventually people really do get just what they have coming to them. Good, bad or indifferent.
            We might not get to shadden the frued of it, but I can’t recall it ever really missing in some shape or form.

          • Impatient

            Ah yes. Karma!

            I find it hard to believe in much any more … or even concentrate much, obviously. But I still believe in The Golden Rule. And somehow, yes, Karma.

            Thanks, I needed that.

        • Impatient

          While I can’t point to contemporaneous notes, shared with Comey’s fucking co-workers, I was already on board with The Notorious RBG, at the start. Trump is a completely transparent fraud. And no, we don’t have a president now.

          • THIS.
            Whenever one of the morans says “He’s your president, you have to support him!”
            I go “We have no president right now. Also, so glad you supported Obama”
            That last bit just to rub it in lots.

    • Doug Langley

      You’d almost think elections were rigged or something.

  • jensie475

    Has anyone seen the news about rep Tim Murphy?? Sponsor of fetal pain bill… just got caught advising his mistress to have an abortion. The GOP could walk straight up to the top of mt Everest on the mountain of bs and hypocrisy they are constantly spewing

    • Joe Beese

      How dare you intrude on that couple’s fraught private decision?

    • spangled

      he’s not even the only GOP rep cosponsoring the bill who has been caught telling their much younger mistress to get an abortion! Scott DesJarlais is cosponsoring too!

      • Ok. This time, we need to stop going high.
        Why is this not trotted right out in the debate.
        What about your Mistress, rep Scott? Was she 20 weeks along before you pushed her to have an abortion?

        • ariel_gee_398

          I read that as “we need to stop getting high” and I thought to myself, that’s the only thing keeping me going, and I’m not letting you take it away from me.

          • Heaven forfend me taking thy spiritual release from the, brother and or sister! I merely suggest that just this once I have the great urge to get down and dirty and slap the mother fuckers with a metric ton of votes.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Or some Dem with a good sense of humor proposes an amendment to the bill to exempt the mistresses of the Republican sponsors from the ban.

          • DrBigHead

            I’m going to drop Senator Franken a line.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Kirsten Gillibrand might be game.

    • Finnibar87

      A most inconvenient fetus.

  • jesterpunk
  • shastakoala
  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Now that is an interesting house.
      Are the arms slides from one room to the next, or stairs?

      • Looks like the slides might lead to an anatomically correct ball pit.

        • I am ok with this. But does it have two bathrooms?

          • Pretty sure everybody pees in those ball pits anyway, at least at Chuck E Cheez if not Google.

    • Finnibar87

      I wonder if parts get larger when there is porn on TV.

    • CATMAN

      Could this be the prototype for the Trump Presidential Library? It might need to have a more canine appearance

  • janecita
  • ltmcdies
  • Shanzgood

    Can someone explain what else besides Mrs. Respectable Lawyer’s letter is supposed to be our Happy Fucking Nice Time?

    Sorry, I’m tired.

    • Suttree

      I think that’s it. At least in my eyes.

      • Shanzgood

        Great. I’m starting to understand my parents a lot better.

    • Awareness of a despicable firm that has seriously way too much power in our current government, methinks

    • jesterpunk

      Its not about Trump fucking up?

      • Shanzgood

        That’s…yeah.

    • memzilla Ω

      It’s all the WINNING.

      • Shanzgood

        What’d we win?

        • memzilla Ω

          The ability to be able say, from this point on, about any future president: “he’s an asshole, but he’s not as bad as Dolt 45.”

          • Shanzgood

            That doesn’t help anyone right now.

          • C4TWOMAN

            I don’t think you should go waving big red capes in front of Fate like that…..

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      The letter is a product of a sharp and witty mind. That’s the nice time. The rest of the story, not so much.

      • Shanzgood

        That’s what I was asking.

    • shastakoala

      Lots of pictures?

    • vivian

      Umm… we aren’t all afflicted with some weird flesh eating disease that attacks the brain last… yet?

      • Shanzgood

        Ok I’ll take tat one at this point.

        • vivian

          Hey Shanz! We’ve got the legion of Wonketeers. It’s may be palliative rather than ameliorative, but it’s not nothing.

          • I thought we were a palliative ameliorate commune?

          • vivian

            I thought we were a communal placebo-ameliorative palliation.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I think it’s on a relative scale. Here is some emergency cute.

      https://youtu.be/cv-N1JY4MEE

    • miss_grundy

      That a rat bastard lawyer got his just deserts?????

      • Shanzgood

        Yes but…I need a bit more. Sorry for being greedy.

  • jesterpunk

    OT but I love the beginning of this video

    Kurt “This song is about hairy sweaty macho redneck men…”

    crowd cheers

    Kurt looks confused

    Kurt “Who rape”

    crowd cheers more

    Kurt WTF look.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ax0C6rlo-54

    • Shanzgood

      I can’t.

      • jesterpunk

        I can delete that comment, I was just listening to Nirvana live and that video came up and the crowds reaction was pretty inappropriate for that song and Kurt’s reaction covered it pretty well.

        • Shanzgood

          It’s ok. I’m just exhausted today.

  • Picabo
    • Canis Greyhame

      ^ THIS

  • memzilla Ω
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Melon was modeling her new line of Disasterwear down in sunny Puerto Rico.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      I thought she was supposed to be some sort of fashionista. This is a complete wardrobe failure. Is Melanoma completely oblivious to the rule about wearing white after Labor Day? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f78a08c9e9dc8942f97f94b0cb07d8c0da5e518d404184854d58d6815ea6bdbc.jpg

      • Joe Beese

        Does that rule apply in the Caribbean?

      • Jamoche

        Just a model – she wore whatever they gave her. Or didn’t, as the case may be.

      • PigDootsMolloy

        She looks like she’s goosestepping.

      • ltmcdies

        Ok. I applaud the sensible footwear.

        • OutOfOrbit

          ready to go off the road? right

      • C4TWOMAN

        What? No high heeled waders?

      • bubbuhh

        Guess no one told her mosquitoes can bite right through skin tight clothes. They bite horses and bears for crying out loud.

        Besidez, most fashionistas will tell you (if they like you) that skintight wrinkled white iz not a good look for wide hipped persons.

        • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

          Would it be unkind of me to hope that Melanoma got malaria?

      • wait! what?

        It’s from the “Sexy Sarah Connor” line.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          *Robotic Arnold Voice*

          Baby got back.

      • stopthemovie

        Operation Camel Toe

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Now available on the Home Shopping Network!

    • OutOfOrbit

      and makeup too

    • DainBramage
      • C4TWOMAN

        Rosita Libelz!

        • DainBramage

          Rosita was a Disasterwear fashion trailblazer.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • spangled
    • Antonin Dvorak

      I’m not a fancy, big-city economist, but this feels incorrect.

      • only because deficits under Obama were bad worst horrible no good worst thing ever think of the children

    • Oh we are back to deficits are good if there is a Republican president, already?

      • jesterpunk

        “Ronny Raygun taught us deficits dont matter”

        Darth Cheney

        • BJW

          Except when the president is a Democrat. Then they matter.

          • jesterpunk

            The second a democrat is POTUS they matter.

          • BJW

            Isn’t that the same? Because I am damn well pissed with the GOP, dating back to 2008. I was a center right voter before Obama became president. I have moved considerably much, much farther to the left. And I don’t see ever voting Republican again, not even for dog catcher.

          • BJW

            In fact, the second a Democrat is elected POTUS the deficits matter. I remember the Tea Party springing up whinging about the deficit after Obama was elected and before he got into office. Damn, now I’m more mad.

    • miss_grundy

      Will Paul Krugman hit the guy with an economics textbook? Because I would watch that!

  • Joe Beese

    Oh, Lumpy… you silly piece of shit.

    https://twitter.com/seanhannity/status/915352491209875456

    • He. Betrayed. His country. While in uniform. To actual. Foreign. Agents.
      YOU FUCKING ASS

      • jesterpunk

        Did you forget IOKIYAR?

        • How can even that be ok with him?
          He literally took money from foreign powers WHILE IN SERVICE
          Fuck me, they wanted to hang Chelsea and she gave her shit out for fucking free

          • jesterpunk

            Lumpy will support it because Trump likes Flynn and he is a republican. He is a hypocrite who needs to go fuck himself with a cactus.

          • miss_grundy

            Is there any way that Lumpy could get on Pooty’s shit list because he would know how to deal with this asshat.

    • BadKitty904
      • DrBigHead

        I like that poster very much

      • Christopher Story

        My president

    • spangled

      you know how when you’re married for a long time, you start to look and sound like your spouse a bit?

      well sean hannity sounds exactly like donald trump these days. Investigate! Is particularly Trumpian twitter syntax.

    • ltmcdies

      They are investigating, dumb Sean. That’s why Flynn is in some dog doodoo

    • Edith Prickly

      Eat all the dicks, Schmannity.

      • Joe Beese

        Extra Salty

    • ariel_gee_398

      If Hannity farts out words on twitter and no one gives a shit, does it still smell?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        yes

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • BadKitty904

    R.I.P., Botts and Baker.

  • Candy Matson Y-28209

    That portrait of William Rice left me very impressed with his contouring game. Kim K would be proud.

  • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • Shanzgood

      Make them take time off work at the risk of losing their jobs, too. And also make it legal for them to be fired if their employer has a sincerely held religious belief that possessing guns is bad.

    • Lefty Wright

      Yeah, that was an example I used a couple of years ago when the courts said the state of Texas forcing women to have to drive 250 miles round trip two times, taking time off from a minimum wage job and having to find a ride since they had no car did not cause an undue restriction of their right to an abortion. I said try that with gun shops and see what the same court would say. Basically, replace the words “to get an abortion” with “to buy a gun”.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      And have a two-pound coffee can sized ultrasound probe right up the {{{censored}}}.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Only one gun shop still operating in the state, also too.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • C4TWOMAN

    Also too, parody website in Way back:

    https://web.archive.org/web/20140628032425/http://www.kevynorr.com:80/

    Lots of decay but still some lulz. Like:
    If you’re offended by content on this site, join the club
    – How do you feel about the white power structure using a black man as
    emergency manager to disenfranchise, dispossess and exploit Detroiters?
    It is offensive, and that’s the point.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    “Nutlig” really needs to be part of my vocabulary.

    https://youtu.be/Y3d_rp7zPHU

  • my feet are normal
    • my feet are normal

      Can you imagine if Obama had done this?

      • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

        Obama eternally shamed all veterans and service members by standing under an umbrella.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Wearing a beige suit.

          • Raan

            Presidenting while black.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Giving his coffee ‘salute’ to an Air Force officer. Christ, you’d have thought he’d spit on the officer.

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        No

      • Crank Tango

        Yeah but he said 57 states once, so everything Chump does is aok.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Not the Coast Guard, not the Coast Guard, you’re the Coast Guard!

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Why on earth would VoteVets be surprised?

      • my feet are normal

        I do not think that they are!

      • Jamoche

        They’re not. They signal boost the idiocy.

    • Jamoche

      Even Mel Brooks would toss that line if one of his writers put it in the mouth of Gov Lepetomaine.

    • jesterpunk

      Didnt Trump block them on twitter?

      • Jamoche
        • jesterpunk

          Well thats one way to support veterans.

        • AJ Milne

          I am becoming increasingly concerned that this wank may be outta office, or dead of choking on one too many taco bowls or terrifying reheated frozen food service pizzas or whatever it is finally makes and end to this general ignominy…

          … and I will not yet have earned the badge of honour that is having been blocked by him on Twitter.

          (Seriously, I might even have to rejoin Twitter in order to strive for the same.)

      • my feet are normal

        Yep!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Some rich person who hates Trump should put up a $1000 prize for every 1000th person Trump blocks on twitter. Or maybe get funded by a gofundme account. I wish I had sufficient ambition to do this.

    • snork, did that really happen?
      Cause if it did…twit storm in 3….2….
      And methinks someone is about to be busted in rank

      • my feet are normal
      • my feet are normal

        FOLLOW UP: Air Force Representative’s recovery was actually pretty good, but then Trump started rambling about the F-35:

        AIR FORCE REPRESENTATIVE: It’s been a tremendous team effort partnering with FEMA and NORTHCOM, providing support now (inaudible) also to U.S. Virgin Islands and to Puerto Rico, specifically trying to open up the airfields so that we can get — as an island — get the majority of the supplies and (inaudible) with the people and personnel setting up across the island, set up logistics networks so we could really get to people that are the most hurt and devastated by the catastrophe.

        THE PRESIDENT: And the runways now are pretty open?

        AIR FORCE REPRESENTATIVE: Yes, sir. We have four major runways that are fully open and operational; flown about 700-plus strategic airlift sorties to and from OCONUS, (inaudible) Puerto Rico to provide life-sustaining support.

        THE PRESIDENT: Amazing job. Amazing job. So amazing that we’re ordering hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of new airplanes for the Air Force, especially the F-35. Do you like the F-35?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          What a fucking twerp!

  • Raan
  • bbayliss

    To be fair, a prestigious firm like Jones Day is comprised of many professional…Aw fuck it.

    • C4TWOMAN

      ….Dicks?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      ….whores? (No offense meant to actual sex workers, btw)

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Hehe, the responses on this particularly idiotic hot-take are satisfying, if you’re in the mood for some Twitter browsing
    https://twitter.com/Mediaite/status/915200375694688263

    • TundraGrifter

      But we’re supposed to pay close attention to the wisdom of Mark Steyn, Milo, and the other right wing nutz.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Piers Morgan, who everyone agrees is a moran.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      But Gorka is ok?

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    Before a women aborts one of her cells she should be required to see an ultrasound of it – maybe she will change her mind when she sees that it has a nucleus. Peace.

    • vivian

      Over the course of seven years every cell in your body is replaced. Murderer.

      • Not your neurons, immune memory cells, oocytes, etc!

        • vivian

          What do you know about my neurons, immune memory cells, oocytes, etc? I drink habitually, thus ensuring that the above-mentioned are not a source of later affliction.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My brother was just telling me about a friend that adopted an embryo. I did not know that people are releasing the unused ones for adoption. Any hoo, the baby is to be delivered on 10/10 by cesarean section. Very interesting.

    • vivian

      Pretty sure the nucleus is the center of an atom, not a cell, and that an ultrasound would not show anyone a nucleus, but hey, you do you.

      • Upsetti Spaghetti

        Someone obviously skipped biology.

        • vivian

          Someone else obviously skipped Logic, Ethics, Physics, Philosophy, Religion, and pretty much the rest of the curricula.

          • Upsetti Spaghetti

            On the bright side however none of those subjects are necessary later in life.

      • rosenbomb

        Cells have a nucleus as well. But his/her comment still makes no sense.

        • vivian

          Yeah, I remembered after I posted, so amended the comment.

          • rosenbomb

            I hope I didn’t come off as too splainery– that wasn’t my intent!

          • vivian

            Nope- we’re good! I like my snark to be reality-based, so an apt correction is always welcome.

    • TundraGrifter

      Your comment is off-topic. And you’re off your rocker.

      • Upsetti Spaghetti

        It’s open thread. That means open to all topics.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Megyn Kelly is an alumni:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jones_Day

    • Candy Matson Y-28209

      That explains so much

      • C4TWOMAN

        IKR?

  • jaspersdad
  • Candy Matson Y-28209

    Hey kitchen gods/goddesses– how do you get liquid smoke off your hands? Google has too many suggestions. (Also, too, I don’t understand why this salmon marinade called for liquid smoke. It woulda been just as good without)

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Personally, I would use soap and water. Lots of both. But I’ve never really used it.

      • Candy Matson Y-28209

        I’ve washed and scrubbed a few times now and I still smell like a brisket. :/ Maybe one of my girly facial exfoliating soap? Just remove all the offending skin cells?

        • WomanInThePersistence

          That might work. Honestly, I’ve got nothing.

    • TundraGrifter

      Have you ever read the ingredients in “liquid smoke?” As I remember they are “Water; liquid smoke.”

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Lemon juice, maybe? It works for garlic, and that’s pretty strong.

      • Candy Matson Y-28209

        Perfect, I have a half of an already zested lemon left over

      • Candy Matson Y-28209

        It worked! :)

    • jesterpunk

      Lemon or orange juice.

    • brucej

      Try something like Goop, or a similarly strong mechanic’s hand cleaner. Liquid Smoke is *literally* an alcohol extract of woodsmoke. It is a witches brew of chemicals that laugh at soap and water: HA HA HA! You may just have to live with ‘brisket hands’ until it wears off, just don’t pet any strange dogs :-P

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If water-based remedies don’t do the trick, switch to oil. Scrub with olive oil, which will probably dissolve the polyaromatic carcinogens organic compounds.

      • Candy Matson Y-28209

        Are the polyaromatic carcinogens why I have a headache now? :)

  • OutOfOrbit

    LOOK OUT BELOW! — TURD ROLLER ON DECK

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Are you talking about Spags? Just flag and block.

      • OutOfOrbit

        flagging and blocking is above my paygrade, witch is zERO

        • WomanInThePersistence

          It’s easy. Just look to the right. at the very right, you should see a down pointing arrow. Just click on that. It will ask why you are flagging somebody, then once you’ve picked from the curiously stupid menu, you will be asked if you want to block it. The correct answer with Spags is “yes”.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I engaged a little. Spags is harmless.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I tried once upon a time. And it’s possible that Spags was also impersonated. That’s me being very, very nice.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Sitting on a stump
      deeply troubled by the pain
      new boots do not fit

      • Dedicated (by me) to Donald Junior.

        “Come here
        Ugly human
        Get your chastity
        Get your purity
        Throw it off
        Freakish face
        Biting nails
        Nervous
        Stupid
        For no reason
        Impure
        Filthy
        From the time he was born.”

        ~ Leon Agnew

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I’m pretty sure that’s just a photo stage set….

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Jeans with a freshly pressed crease.

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      Substitute ‘Unfuckable’ for ‘Irresistible’.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrGw_cOgwa8

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      there was a large, 8 inch splinter where he sat apparently

  • Joe Beese
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Everybody’s watching Rachel, no one will hear you.

      Edited for spelling, because I am A Idiot.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      How is this misshapen slug still on the air?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      This tweet makes no sense. Name names for….what?

      • jesterpunk

        For hurting the orange thin-skinned man baby feelings?

      • So Sean likes to name his genital warts. What’s the big deal? Everybody needs a hobby.

        • Candy Matson Y-28209

          Ew, you made me think about his genitals

          • OutOfOrbit

            the warts! focus on Te Warts

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Hannity has only one genital wart.

          There is not enough room for more than one.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        He’ll invent something for the wingnuts to feel butthurt about.
        Note the generic “gonna say shit about liebruls” sales pitch… the actual content is irrelevant to his fucknut fans.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Hannity’s going to name “despicable” people in “the media”? Himself?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      That son of a bitch will ruin EVERYTHING!

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Only his own shorts.

    • jesterpunk

      Hannity, Lumpy, BillO, Tucker Carlson, Erik Erikson, Megyn Kelly, everyone at Faux Noise, Breitbart, Infowars I didn’t list?

    • TundraGrifter

      What is InSannity doing in Vegas? Haven’t those poor folks suffered enough?

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Circling for souls like a lumpy grim reaper.

      • Kneeling Bozilingus

        Hurricane Donnie will be there soon. Suffering will continue until morale improves (or when Donnie leaves).

    • Michael R
    • vivian

      Lemme guess: Obama, Hillary, Pelosi, Schumer, and Reid for Old Times’ sake.

  • Marsupial99

    Read this on Twitter yesterday, and I’m happy to read it again here! I LOVE that Respectable Lawyer is writing here (or at least getting picked up here)!!

  • Picabo

    Please don’t blame down rank for the incompetence of their CiC. Onion ninja alert!
    https://twitter.com/USNavy/status/915267483602432005

    • BJW

      Finally goddammit! Yes!

    • Doug Langley

      Okay, everyone can stop rowing now.

    • rebecca

      TODAY??????

  • TundraGrifter

    I was in the Council Bluffs, Iowa, Union Pacific Museum over the weekend and they presented a fairly even-handed display about the Pullman Company. African American sleeping car porters were recruited to work 100-hour weeks for $720 a month – when a living wage for a family was $2,000 a month. They did get tips. And they did have the opportunity to travel around the nation. The sociology is very interesting, and I recommend looking into it. Also the geography of Pullman, Illinois. Fun bonus – all the Black sleeping car porters got to be called “George!”

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      White employees weren’t treated much better:
      http://www.gompers.umd.edu/cartoon%20pullman%20sm.JPG

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      My grandfather was a porter. That’s how he earned the money for college. He didn’t have a family to support. While in college, he met my grandmother.

  • Skwerl the Nazi Puncher

    Awww come on officer, I didn’t mean any harm:
    http://www.kare11.com/news/crime/mn-man-arrested-for-28th-dwi/480532505

    MN man arrested for 28th DWI

    • jesterpunk

      White guy? Checks link yup its a white guy.

      • h4rr4r

        They gave him a license, as in he had 27DWIs and they gave him a fucking license! Why?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          White guys always deserve a 2nd chance. Or a 28th chance.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      But Occifer, perfect makes practice!
      *passes out*

    • h4rr4r

      How is this possible?

      After 3 or 4 it should be jail time.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      That idiot should have his liver removed and {{{censored}}} over the {{{redacted}}} with it.

      I’t probably harder than a Louisville Slugger.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The town judge must be immediate family.
      “OK, Danny, I’m going to give you one more chance.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I saw a Judge Judy episode today where one of the cases was a drunk dad who took his daughter’s car, drove drunk, was arrested at a McDonald’s for DUI and public drunk. The car was impounded and when he didn’t get it out in time, was sold by the yard. The daughter’s puppy was also in the car as she was preparing to move and had crated the puppy.
      So the daughter lost her car, some of her stuff and her dog. And she had to sue her father for restitution. She was teary the whole time, while the story was being told.
      Moral of the story ~ the dad’s excuse. “I’m not responsible for what I do when I’m drunk”

  • Impatient

    Odd thought. Just to have background music to help occupy my thoughts, I told my Alexa to “play Jesus Christ Superstar.” Just going back to something I remember, from before I knew that the world was basically shit.

    When I got to the song late in the musical, “Damned for all Time” I think it’s called, I thought, “Oh my God! That’s Comey!” He’s Judas, and there is no hope for his reputation, whether he deserves it or not. Damned for all time. Maybe that will be the penalty that warns people away from such a horrible choice, in the future.

    Does Comey deserve it? Irrelevant for him, unfortunately. Judas made a choice, and Comey made his, and now it’s all over but the Buybull writing! Wow. Imagine what the book of this shitstorm will look like! A history chapter titled “And the Country Went Nuts”?

    • Candy Matson Y-28209

      I wore the hell out of that tape in high school. (Nerd alert!)

      • Serai 1

        I can still sing all the songs by heart.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I’ve always been fond of this one.

          https://youtu.be/Iwxa4r8kZi8

          • Arolpin

            This is definitely my favorite song in one of my favorite musicals. The only way to make it better is to include the video, with Harrod’s fat belly dancing around his pool. (It’s probably second to Book of Mormon, though I still love Miss Saigon, because it was my first Broadway musical, and I watched it with my Vietnam War-protester dad, and he was emotional in a way I’d never seen before.)

          • Serai 1

            I would love to see someone play that song sincerely, making Herod an honestly true fan. I could so see it – the song is incredibly fannish. That includes the turnaround at the end, with the fan turning on his idol and ending up hating him because he won’t give him what he wants. It would interesting to see an actor work it that way. Great song!

          • Serai 1

            Have you seen Rik Mayall’s version?

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaOfBQ5uw6M

        • Impatient

          With everybody searching around for the answer du jour, to “How do we fix this mess?” … maybe we need to work music into the answer. It is amazing that music stays with us so well. …. Since the election, I’ve been listening to a French singer who goes by “Zaz.” Perfect thing to calm the driver’s mind. I can’t follow French well enough, but she’s upbeat, positive in her message, and it comes through even before I look for translation. My recommendation “du jour.”

      • Nephilim

        I wore the hell out of my LP vinyl record in College. “i don’t know how to love him……………………..” Love that song.

        • Candy Matson Y-28209

          Welp, I know what I’m singing in the shower tomorrow!

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I saw the show live in a revival where Corey Glover of Living Colour played Judas. It was amazeballs.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I think you’re at the wrong site…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I am not understanding your point. Are you comparing Comey to Judas, and therefore Trump is Jesus?

      • Impatient

        Please don’t overthink it. I’m not. Judas played a part … a part that pretty much had to be played … as the old bible stories told it. (Not religious here, but went to Sunday school a lot in the 60s.) But when the deed was done, Judas realized that, no matter what he’d done or why, he would never get away from the reaction to what he’d done.

        Just struck me that Comey has probably put himself in a similar position. I’ve wanted Comey to tell the truth, apologize, and then launch vote projectiles into his chest from months now, and I need to get over it.

        (Trump-Jesus? Bite your tongue! And I never did buy the Jesus story. But still. Bite your tongue … gently … with votes of something.)

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I also grew up church. Nice, liberal, real Christian Church. Where you’re nice to people. And I see you’re new here. Welcome!

          • Impatient

            Merci buckets! In all honesty, this site helps me see I’m not alone. I already knew that, but it’s hard to keep it straight and believe it. This is much better than yelling at the walls.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It’s always good to find not-insane sites. I hope you enjoy it. There are many good people here.

          • rebecca

            but IS IT THOUGH???

    • vivian

      Yeah. For the last word on Judas read Borges. Jesus had to have been complicit (“one of you will betray me”). Judas was set up to make the story work.

    • janecita

      I see your point, and yes Comey is Judas. He did fuck up the election really freaking good! The bastard!

      • C4TWOMAN

        Tragic misunderstood anti-hero.
        At least Comey trying to do something more useful that hanging himself….

    • C4TWOMAN

      “Every time I look at you I don’t understand,
      Why you let the things you did get so out of hand…
      You’d have managed better if you had it planned,
      Why’d you chose such a backward base, with Nazis land the Klan….”

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Comey is a guest lecturer at Howard University. He’ll be okay. Howard, along with Spelman and Morehouse are the Ivy League of Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU).

  • ariel_gee_398

    How. How is he THIS dumb and self-centered, and able to walk without assistance? https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/915356764073230338

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      60 million people thought this evil fuck was great.

    • Michael R

      Well it is an island.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Surrounded by big water.

    • mackafritz

      Done something like what? Being a complete jackass?

    • epazote

      Well, I don’t think any other President has tossed paper towels at the survivors of a major disaster and told them “have a good time” (or was it “have fun”?)
      malevolent fucking simpleton !

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Shut up, Donnie. You are so fucking stupid that you are a waste of natural resources.

      Kiss your own farts, then die.

    • Doug Langley

      Yes, I do believe it is the first time a sitting President scolded a disaster area for not helping him more.

      • jesterpunk

        But he threw paper towels at them.

        • Me not sure

          …a product of Georgia-Pacific, a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Industries.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            It’s the quicker picker-upper!
            See? Rapid response.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Many firsts. We are winning! Bigly!

    • Left Coast Tom

      I suppose he thought all the people yelling “pendejo” at him were offering a greeting?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The rich are not like you and me. I think Homer Simpson said that.

      • Suttree

        Especially not the stupid fucking twat rich. Turnip must have a fun house mirror that he traded his soul to Satan for. How the fuck else do you explain it!?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Who knows? The tide goes in, the tide goes out….

          • Suttree

            Loofahs are eaten with tzatziki sauce.

    • Me not sure

      Bionics. …except for the hair, oddly enough that’s the only real human part left.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        No way. That is not human hair.

    • jaspersdad
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It’s definitely the first time a sitting president has called Puerto Ricans lazy spics.

      • ariel_gee_398

        Teddy Roosevelt no doubt had classier slurs.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Hopefully he got a little more diplomatic by the time he was elected.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        To their face, no less.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      If you mean “make a complete fucking ass of himself in a disaster area,” then yes. Yes it is.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      If you mean “make a complete fucking ass of himself in a disaster area,” then yes. Yes it is.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Well if Assmouth didn’t congratulate himself on his humanitarianism, nobody else would.

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    McDonald’s has always been a fun place for kids – some of my happiest memories are from being dropped off there and playing in the kids area while my parents were at work.

    • my feet are normal

      And that was only last week!

    • vivian

      I assume it’s your birthday and you are on an ether binge.

    • Were you ever bothered by the fact that your parents never came back to get you?

      • Suttree

        Dammit I missed the troll? Anyway I liked your retort Little Bear.

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    Use vegetarian steak sauce for guilt free meat chops

    • vivian

      Or eat shit to think like you.

    • h4rr4r

      Ripping off KenM is a shitty thing to do.

    • my feet are normal

      This joke stolen verbatim from Ken M.

  • Upsetti Spaghetti

    North Korea threatening nuclear war, gun massacre in America. Hope Peter the woodlouse is ok

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Raan

      12/10 Stronk pupper

  • Changeling

    Do we have Kelly-cam footage from PR? There should be a camera on him 24/7.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5ebe3c4934829c75944fe5c864fcd87832ea75a9d336d50dd51701a5dd3833ad.jpg

    • BJW

      Yeah. I’m over thinking Kelly wants Trump to do right. Kelly just wants things to be more organized. Because between Kelly, Matthis and McMaster NOT ONE managed to tell/convince Donnie to help PR quicker? Organized evil is still evil.

      • OutOfOrbit

        you can say to a idot, “you are a idiot,” and it won’t change a damn thing

        • BJW

          Yes. But Donnie supposedly loves his generals. Wouldn’t a determined push by them have caused a better result? And Donnie is throwing fuel on the nuclear flame? Catastrophes are happening and what good are those generals?

          • OutOfOrbit

            my intended meaning was that the generals are idiots

          • BJW

            Oh! Got it. I thought you meant Donnie was an idiot. Well, that could be. Those guys have been around which is why I would’ve thought…guess I got into troubling thinking they were thinking!

          • OutOfOrbit

            only idiots believe [they] can fix stupid

          • Three Finger Salute

            You heard that wrong. Donnie loves his genitals. Every time he looks in the mirror, he sees the biggest dick in the world.

          • BJW

            That definitely makes more sense.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
    • Suttree

      Anyone in this administration who doesn’t constantly make this face has to live on the moon base with Newt. And listen to his ass for the next 20 years.

      • Changeling

        Seems fair.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Listening to Newt’s ass for even a minute is just way too cruel.

        But Trumpoids deserve every decade of it. They should also have to smell it during that time. And look at it, also too.

    • Slamtundra

      Paul Rogers? Bad Company totally ruled.

  • Raan

    Look at all these qualities that no one in the administration has!

    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/066/437/45b.png

    • BJW

      I’m afraid you’re right.

  • armed_bears

    Because, of course:

    A text message sent in January to U.S. Rep. Tim Murphy by a woman with whom he had an extra-marital relationship took him to task for an anti-abortion statement posted on Facebook from his office’s public account.

    http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/rep-tim-murphy-popular-with-pro-life-movement-urged-abortion-in-affair-texts-suggest/ar-AAsRPp6?li=BBnbfcL

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    every one? EVERY. ONE.

    Every single Yahoo account was hacked – 3 billion in all

    http://money.cnn.com/2017/10/03/technology/business/yahoo-breach-3-billion-accounts/index.html

    • jesterpunk

      So my spam account was hacked? Damn

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        last time my yahoo account got hacked, it sent a letter out to all my contacts “coming out.”

        A former friend who iz a ghey, but never felt like he could share that for some reason, congratulated me.

        • jesterpunk

          That could be awkward depending on where you live or your family.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            aye – a professional contact of mine for ABC’s Good morning america show was the one who alerted me to it.

    • Crank Tango

      That explains the Yahoo News comments.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’mmma gonna just mosey over there and change my password now.

      • Three Finger Salute

        No, that’s authentic. Those guys have been there since the Eternal September. They’re probably still calling for an investigation into Whitewater.

    • jesterpunk

      FYI its talking about the hack from 2013, verizon just said it was every account that existed then.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        wow.

        • jesterpunk

          Yahoo hid that information for years and got bought out by verizon who is just now releasing it.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh ffs.

          • C4TWOMAN

            But some of us eitehr found out, or there were other hacks around the same time (2014? 2016?), so I’ve already re-secured my shit years ago.
            Still alarming there was other stuff un known….

      • C4TWOMAN

        Thx…Abort pw change,. I already did that after the hacks…twice.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Seriously? Fuck me….
      And after I changed my passwords who knows how many fracking times….

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Thank you for the reminder that there’s a very good reason that I live paycheck to paycheck, as opposed to making bank at Jones Day.

    • Three Finger Salute

      Nice guys finish last.

      Source: Human nature

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Correction: “Nice guys” who claim to be nice guys are not nice guys

        Source: Personal experience and human nature

  • C4TWOMAN
    • vivian

      Tom DeLay, call us today!

  • Suttree

    Bleh. I was hoping that I could go up to Syracuse to see Lizzie this weekend but it turns out she doesn’t have Columbus day off. And I sat in the dentist chair for 2 hours today and it made me realize that my back won’t be happy sitting on a bus for 5 hours. We’re planning on turkey day now. I miss my baby!

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      You’ll see her soon.

      • Suttree

        I know. I just wanted to see her sooner. :)

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          I hear you. Haven’t been with the g/f in… fuck, two YEARS. Every time I plan something the housemate gets sick or the weather gets in the way or she complains about how much fuel I use on these 2000km trips, or all three.

          • Suttree

            Oh gawd! So 2000 km ~ = 1200 miles. I have driven that mileage by myself without stopping. Don’t ask me this one weird trick. :)

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Don’t need to. I once drove from Toronto to LA, straight through. In January. We stopped for fuel and food and one short nap somewhere west of Oklahoma. 54 hours. And because of the Blizzard of ’96 it took seven DAYS to get back.

          • Suttree

            That’s the kinda driving that I can appreciate.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            I don’t think I could do it now. Even if I could afford 6600 miles worth of fuel.

    • Slamtundra

      Aw…my lady friend is from Syracuse. I wonder if they know each other…

      • Suttree

        I doubt it. Lizzie just moved there about 2 months ago.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Now see, if you were both Canuckistanian you’d both have Thanksgiving off and you COULD go see her.

      • Suttree

        She just doesn’t have Columbus day off this coming weekend. She has turkey day off. I am planing on seeing her then. Unless you mean that Canadia has turkey day this coming weekend? I Are Confuzed?

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          It’s Monday. We like to have it before we get snowed in.

          • Suttree

            It will be 80 here on Friday and still in the 70’s on Monday.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Well, yeah, it was a simpler, considerably cooler time when we set the date back in 1957.

  • Winter? What’s that?

    We set our thermostat on 100, peasants.
    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/jones-day-vultures.jpg

    You’re paying for it

  • Jenny

    So much fun was had reading about how we the people are continually fucked by the rich… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9c38f6a723a7afbe36f589cf5ff94ebcba996f78b60801718db423a0cd180d63.gif

    • Suttree

      Kitten Mittens!

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Is your cat making TOO MUCH NOISE?!

        • ariel_gee_398

          His line reading of that whole bit is the best. “One SIZE fits ALL.”

    • C4TWOMAN

      That’s so mean…..

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      terrible

    • mancityRed6

      that’s topical for me! I just saw that episode

    • Michael R
    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      What kind of person makes their cat polish the furniture… smfh

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      MEEEEE-OWWW!

    • Courser_Resistance

      I had to keep booties on a dog’s feet for a while. MASSIVE pain in the ass and dog walked like that cat. Only it was a tall, skinny borzoi.

  • mancityRed6

    has anyone seen this yet?
    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/10/trump-tosses-rolls-paper-towels-people
    Trump Tosses Rolls Of Paper Towels At People In Puerto Rico

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Yeah, Twitter is having a field day with it.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        WHat’s the hastag? I would love to see them comments

      • mancityRed6

        it’s like, every time I think he can’t go any lower, he pulls out a shovel and makes someone else dig it deeper.

    • cheetojeebus

      da fuq?

      • mancityRed6

        are you kidding? this pivot is the bestest pivot! so presidential!

      • C4TWOMAN

        Okay. This has GOT to be a bizarre dream. Any moment I’ll be back in high school, on stage, about to take a test I haven’t studied for….

        • cheetojeebus

          Hope this helps, a Hypotenuse is the longest side of a right triangle.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Thanks! For some reason my dream notes are all in Mandarin.

          • Doug Langley

            If you’re taking Chinese, it’ll be a snap.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            What about wrong triangles?

          • cheetojeebus

            Well those triangles have baffled mankind for eons. My take. If she or he can’t make up their damn mind, make it for them and walk.

        • Parakeetist

          With no pants.

    • Jamoche
  • WomanInThePersistence

    Just because I need a giggle. And I love Randy Rainbow.

    https://youtu.be/580dYcYCneA

    • janecita

      I also love Randy Rainbow, his “interview” with Melania is hilarious.

    • Randy Rainbow is a national treasure. Has it all over Tom Lehrer.

  • Left Coast Tom

    In ten days Big Sur will become an access peninsula rather than an access island (not counting the low-standard Nacimiento-Fergusson Road).

    • Candy Matson Y-28209

      This is great news, I hadn’t realized Big Sur had been so cut off.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Nice!

    • altleftjohn

      Peace be upon her.

    • TundraGrifter

      “There was a rich subtext to this query. Originalists and textualists such as Gorsuch, and his predecessor on the Court, Antonin Scalia, often criticize their colleagues for inventing rights that are not found in the nation’s founding document.”

      Scalia, of course, who invented the novel legal theory in Heller that if you don’t like what it says in the Constitution of the United States, you can just dismiss it as irrelevant and avoid the messy work of “interpretation.”

      • Three Finger Salute

        “Reeding is hrd” -Antonin Scalia

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I love her. And she better fucking live for the next three years.

    • Changeling

      Other countries change their constitutions, you know. I think this sacralizing of the constitution is one of your biggest problems.

      • Three Finger Salute

        It’s also the complete anathema to “originalism” and what the Founders wanted. Even Jefferson wanted a convention every twenty years. They were big on the whole religion sucks thing so obviously they didn’t want it turned into the equivalent of the Ten Commandments. They’d probably take out a second amendment solution on themselves if they realized that fucking Moses was the spokesman for why the 2A is a gift from God.

        • Delu

          The best part is that the most ardent supporters of “originalism” are from the right.

          They support it until it doesn’t work for them.

      • It isn’t one of MY biggest problems, but I certainly get what you mean. We suffer from a bad case of apotheosis in this country. Those who were there at the beginning (well, the white dudes, anyway) have been lionized to the point of perfection, and, thus, everything they did has become proof of their perfection.

        …There’s nothing wrong with deciding that people long dead have more to say about what is going on right now, is there?

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          What would you call that? Necrogarchy?

  • memzilla Ω

    Nice Time! Notorious RBG bitchslaps Gorsuch with just eight words.

    • Reading them describe her as all sleepy and bent is so worrying, though. She really needs to hang on long enough for a regime change!

      • ariel_gee_398
      • Slamtundra

        I think they may have taken some artistic liberty with that, but even if not, she probably cannot even stand to be in the same room with that worthless bastard. She’s probably seething at it constantly, and just waits for him to say another boneheaded thing she can fuck with him over.

        But really, fuck that illegitimate shitstain gorsuch.

    • DrBigHead

      Wow. I knew Gorsuch was a prick, but until I read the article I didn’t know he was such an arrogant prick. Who’d a thunk it?

    • Serai 1

      Can’t see it.

  • TootsStansbury

    Um. Way to knock it out of the park, respectable lawyer.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Oh, this is bad timing.

    Guess what’s happening at the Eastside Cannery Casino this weekend? Go on, guess.

    • SDGeoff3

      The Canned Clam Pot Pie Festival?

      • Slamtundra

        Oh God you monster.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Bet they’re unusually busy.

  • Royal Ugly Globalist Dude

    Sorry your spouse didn’t get the internship. I hear Hamlin Hamlin & McGill is hiring.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Wow. Senator John Thune (R., South Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) just said we need to take personal responsibility if we find ourselves in a mass shooting. His personal suggestion? “Get small.” I’m speechless.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I can’t wait to dodge small arms fire on the morning commute. How many bullet holes do you think my car can take before I have to file an insurance claim?

    • Candy Matson Y-28209

      I wanna punch him in the smalls.
      (With votes, FINE)

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m kinda getting over the “with votes” thing myself.

        • DrBigHead

          Long past…

        • WomanInThePersistence

          It’s mildly annoying. But do we really want this to be a site where people threaten serious harm to others?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            What might you do if you had lost a loved one and this motherfucker told you it was basically their fault for not “getting small”?

          • ariel_gee_398

            I content myself with wishing them poverty and obscurity, but the rage is getting harder to tamp down, I admit.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I would be enraged. Volcanically. As you well know.

            My point, such as it is, is that this is a pretty decent site. And one of the reasons is that though we feel rage, we don’t let our ids run wild. We express our disdain and hatred for the shitweasels in a reasonably sane way. I like that.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Maybe I need to take the night the fuck off then. I’m not in a real drum circle mood right now.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            I find that when I start thinking in terms of death and destruction on others, taking some time off here and throwing myself into something difficult, painful and constructive helps defuse me. It took me DECADES to find a way of discharging my anger that didn’t involve someone lying bleeding on the ground.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I wasn’t really thinking death and destruction. A good, swift kick to the nuts though, mebbe.

          • DrBigHead

            With all due respect, I do not feel that the addition of “with votes” reduces the intent of the post one iota

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It lightens things. Personally I like it.

          • Suttree

            And we are smart enough to shit on someone with snark.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thanks.

          • Suttree

            I always got yo back WITP! :) Mostly because you are always right.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            You sweet, delusional person. ;)

          • Suttree

            I’m not delusional. i just see reality from a different aspect.

          • miss_grundy

            Only to those who deserve it. And right now the Republicans deserve it by saying that anyone who believes in doing something to strengthen gun laws is looking to politicize what happened on Sunday night. It only took 18 months for the last deadliest mass shooting to be replaced by what happened in Vegas. There will be another deadliest shooting soon and those crooks in D.C. won’t do anything about it. After all, has Steve Scalise come out for better gun control since he came out of the hospital?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Look, I am sickened and heartbroken by this horror. And infuriated. I LOATHE the Republicans. This will keep on happening as long as they remain thralls to the NRA. But I refuse to become what I hate.

            There are plenty of websites where one can voice one’s justifiable fury without votes. And have at it. Personally, I prefer a place where we use our brains rather than threats. YMMV.

          • guppy06

            Nikki Haley also believes we should kill people “who deserve it.”

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            I’d prefer not. Though there’s some irony in that the people we try not to intend harm to have NO difficulty with elaborate and terrifying plans to murder US.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I prefer not to become the kind of person I despise.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I guess this is another installment in the continuing series “why it’s a bad idea to give ‘statehood’ to places that can’t muster the population of a midsize city”.

      • Covfefe

        Roughly the same population as the city of Chicago.

        • Left Coast Tom

          ? South Dakota has 865K people and Chicago has 2.7M. Linky.

          • Covfefe

            Sorry. Thought we were talking about Puerto Rico. Wasn’t paying attention to the thread.

          • Left Coast Tom

            Ah, OK. Puerto Rico should be offered statehood.

          • Nockular cavity

            Rename it Southeast Dakota.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            It’s criminal that it hasn’t been already. Maybe include the VI. I mean, FFS, it’s 2017, it’s WAY past time to give up colonialism.

          • foiled again

            Wyoming has even fewer if i recall correctly.

      • Suttree

        Vermont libelz!

    • Crank Tango
    • Jamalama

      No man, I’m tall! Real tall…..

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yo también.

        • Jamalama

          I’m going to have to measure you…

    • Delu

      Best reply to him is “Get Bent”.

      • Three Finger Salute

        GET REKT

    • Three Finger Salute

      Well, we know “Get Smart” is not advice that Republicans have the ability to take. I’d be happy with them having to wear cones of silence like dogs with those humiliation cones, though.

    • Opalescent Riddles
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I did, thanks. I’m not really able to keep up when I’m at work during the day….which is probably a good thing. Blind rage and power tools are not a good mix.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          I totally sympathize.

    • foiled again

      From my home state, that of Jim Abourezk and Geo. McGovern, comes this skeevy reptile Thune. I rarely visit my hometown. My memories of the intense hatred and racism against Natives- I’m old enough to recall Pine Ridge, Bill “Fucking” Janklow and the Trail Of Broken Treaties in 1972 [a vehicle containing none other than Russel Means himself stopped for gas along the way at dad’s 66 station, according to my brother who could not help recognizing the man from the TV and newspaper, and the old man’s clipped reaction]- make it feel like the Dixie of the North. Every rotten attitude and prejudice common in Mississippi back in the day was front and center and aimed at the Natives then.

      And us little kids thought racism was over because Flip Wilson and Bill Cosby.

      Thune- he fits right in there.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Old enough to remember it too. I read Peter Mathieson’s “In The Spirit of Crazy Horse”-about Pine Ridge-back in the day. From that, your description sounds about right. BTW, interesting article in the Guardian a couple of days ago about how the Pine Ridge Lakota are finally making some inroads against alcoholism. I’m not good with linkys, but check it out. You so rarely hear anything good coming from there.

        • foiled again

          I read that Guardian article, and Mathiesson’s book too. Neither brightened my day.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Maybe try “The Big Lebowski”?

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      My advice is that if you’re in a mass shooting situation and Sen. Thune is nearby, use him for a human shield.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        He’s so good at making himself small, I’m not sure how effective he’d be as a human shield.

  • Hey, at least drumpf didn’t use a t-shirt cannon to launch those rolls of paper towels…

    • SDGeoff3

      At least!

    • willi0000000

      i blame disk-cuss for my non-post of 15 min. after yours . . . it’s still nice to know someone else saw just how tacky that was.

    • Candy Matson Y-28209

      He’ll probably do that in Vegas :/

  • shart of turin

    That was an acceptable amount of murder. And a hell of an interesting story. I bet Respectable Lawyer doesn’t argue with his wife much…

    • Left Coast Tom

      Either that or their arguments consist of writing snarky letters at each other.

      • DrBigHead

        If that were the case, I would start a new argument every day.

      • Suttree

        Sexy snarky letters about raking the leaves. If you know what I mean. wink wink nudge nudge

      • TootsStansbury

        When i have to respond to some offensive, hostile idiot in my work, I look to the legal proffession as my inspiration. Law folks are true geniuses at pissing on your shoes and making you it’s raining. Take that, sales people!

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is far and away the best John Grisham novel I have ever read.

  • OT: Has anyone here ever settled a parent’s estate and used a lawyer? Do you know how much settling a simple estate (my mother didn’t even have a credit card; she did have a reverse mortgage and two life insurance policies) would cost? I just need a ballpark estimate–I’m meeting with a lawyer tomorrow morning and have no idea what to expect. Thanks for any help.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      might depend on your city too, just a thought.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      and make sure to ask about taht reverse mortgage, cause, ugh, those things.

      • h4rr4r

        Don’t they just get the house?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          that’s the general idea, from what little I know, I’m not sure how it works when the person has died or how much was paid out in this case.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Yeah, it depends (generally) on whether or not the loan was paid out, if there is any equity in the house.

          • There is some equity.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i wonder if the pay the family the balance, in one lump sum or over time.

          • I think I will have to sell it, and pay off the mortgage balance, and keep the rest. Or I could just hand the bank the keys, in which case I have no idea what, if anything, I’d get back.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ask your lawyer for advice on that, as I noted above, but cause it sounds to me that the latter half of that sounds very unfair. Yeah, you wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of selling it and all, but still, $$ is $$.

          • Exactly. My parents worked really hard for this place to retire to, and would be hopping mad if I did something stupid like that.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            it’s why I asked! I used to do real estate before going to paralegal school, so it kinda jump out at me.

            Without a will, you’re likely (I’m NOT A LAWYER, I can’t give legal advice or analysis), still gonna have to divy the personal effects in addition to all the things mentioned above. If you’re cool with the fam, it should not be a problem, if not, shit can get petty and weird real fast in family law, from what I’ve heard.

          • My siblings have both said that they don’t want anything, because I’ve been supporting my mother for the last 3 years as she had to start hiring people to come in and help her. I’m sure they’d sign statements or whatever to that effect. I’m also cool with divvying it up with them, too. We’re cool.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            good to hear.
            And sorry for your loss. Doing some of the arrangements for my dad’s passing helped keep me busy and was a good thing – although I can totally see how it can be too much at that kind of time.

          • foiled again

            I’m convinced- going to do whatever it takes to die penniless.

        • The house has more value than the reverse mortgage was worth, so there’s some equity in it.

          • h4rr4r

            Ah, so it might make sense to pay the loan one way or another.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Really depends on where you are. Credit cards aren’t much an issue as whether or not there was a will, if there are heirs getting anything, how much the estate is, etc.

      • No will. Nothing of value; she gave the valuable stuff to us long before she passed. One of the life insurance policies more than covered the funeral and burial expenses.

        • ariel_gee_398

          The reverse mortgage makes it not entirely straightforward then, you’ll need an administrator to deal with the house (someone has to be able to sign documents to transfer title, etc), which is going to require drafting of (simple) documents and probate appearances.

          Just an educated guess, not accounting for peculiarities of a particular case/jurisdiction, etc etc, would be a couple thousand or so.

    • OutOfOrbit

      donut know about nowhere else but in my state a lawyer is required by law

      • h4rr4r

        Wow, lawyers who got elected managed to make it illegal to not use legal services? I sure wish I could make it illegal not to hire me.

        • OutOfOrbit

          they’re lawyers, it’s what they do

        • it doesn’t seem like a requirement in NH, but a damned good idea, since I don’t live there and have to be made the administrator. WAY more bureaucracy than I expected from a state whose motto is “Live Free or Die.”

          • h4rr4r

            I would get one, but making it illegal not to use the services of the folks who make the laws rubs me the wrong way.

    • RobespierreHoo

      Find out what your state law requires for minimal estates, which may not have to go through probate, or if so, a very staightforward, dirt cheap, layperson “probate”. The life insurance does not pass through probate, it is paid to the beneficiaries per the policy designation. Should be simple if estate as asset and liability free as you believe.

      • NH does have the minimal estate layperson probate, but I can’t even be made administrator without a “New Hampshire representative,” since I don’t live there.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      It costs a lot less than hiring one after things go pear-shaped.

      That said, a friend who does that kind of stuff says (with the appropriate caveats) no more than 2 grand.

      ETA: She’s in Seattle, so slide your scale up or down as your location demands.

    • proudgrampa

      A first consultation shouldn’t cost anything. And one of the topics of your meeting should be his / her fees.

      • Thanks!

      • This is such a rural area that I had difficulty even finding an estate lawyer anywhere near here.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          find one near the county seat? That’s where a lot of the work to be done will be, no, legal beagles?

        • RobespierreHoo

          You need a good general practitioner for a quick consultation. We’re not divying up the Buffet estate.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I’d expect anywhere from $2k to $4k for an uncontested probate. Probably at the low end, in a small NH town.
          Protip: Being dead is no protection from identity theft. Be sure the Social Security Administration is notified. They’ll pass it on to the credit agencies.

    • Thank you all for your advice!!! You guys are awesome.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’m so sorry about your mother.

    • m3bosha

      In Colorado, if the deceased doesn’t have a will, it takes a year to go through probate, but that is only if they have assets over (I think it was $20K). My bestie’s mom died w/o a will, and she had a headache over the house, but she didn’t have to hire an attorney, she just had to wait the year, and as the only heir, it wasn’t too bad. My mother-in-law divorced my father-in-law, they got back together, (but not remarried) and after he died she was able to deal with the few assets which were in his name w/o a lawyer.

      That said, when my FIL passed, I asked a lawyer who was a good acquaintance of mine about my MIL situation, and he didn’t’ even bother to tell me how to help her deal with his “estate” w/o a lawyer. Asshole.

  • Raan
    • wait! what?

      Next time you vote put some saliva behind it.

    • my feet are normal

      No lie, I loved the revenge plan in that episode.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Stolen for my new therapy booth.

    • Delu

      Scalise likes getting shot at or at least he doesn’t mind getting shot at.

      Problem is he thinks everyone else should feel the same way.

      And this seems like a pattern of some sort, there was that Republican senator whose daughter died of illness/complications due in part to the fact that proper treatment for her could not be afforded and the takeaway from that was….to support repealing of healthcare.

      He even used that incident to justify his vote.

      • Changeling

        Are you willing to pay that price for freedom?

        • Delu

          America is apparently.

          The 2nd amendment is to blame for much of these mass shootings occurring over the years.

          The response by America is to do nothing, possibly venerate it more.

          • bbayliss

            Not the 2nd amendment; Heller.

          • Delu

            That’s simply an extension of it.

            To be honest, it’s all down to the interpretation.If it was confirmed long ago that “bear arms” refers to a set of bear paws, we’d never see all these mass shootings happening.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “I wavered on my support for guns when I got shot, then the NRA doubled their campaign contributions.”- Steve Scalise

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I actually predicted this this morning. I’m afraid that snark and irony are about to sign a suicide pact.

        • willi0000000

          you may be right . . . with The Onion‘s headlines all rapidly becoming news.

        • Suttree

          They make ’em especially stupid in Louisiana! I know that for a fact.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Slow learner.

    • proudgrampa

      A Idiot.

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      Guess he already knows how to think small.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Vanishingly so.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Fucking Congresswhore!

      Eat shit and die.

    • Delu

      Scalise, I’d like to ask you an honest question, do you think that it would help even more if your views on gun rights were “further fortified” through the same manner?

  • willi0000000

    he threw paper towels to people? . . . what, did he forget his t-shirt cannon?

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      He sent it back when he found out you couldn’t kill people with a T-shirt.

  • Raan

    “So here’s what you do. You go down to your local pound, and you find a thirty to forty-five pound dog that looks like ‘I don’t know what that is, is that a dog?’ Get that dog. That dog will live forever.” – Pat

  • Jamalama

    Well, I feel better after reading that. I mean no giant meteor is gonna fuck with Earth with Jones Day backing us up!! Team Earth!!! Oh, what’s that? They’re going to ask for arbitration with the meteor and get 40% of any remaining assets?? And a spaceship to watch it from?

    • wait! what?

      Team Earth has all the qualities of a hotdog jello salad that hasn’t set up properly.

      • Suttree

        So Team Earth is made up of Democrats?

      • Jamalama

        Mormon libelz!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They’ll represent the meteor.

      • Suttree

        “We’ll be richer right before we die!” *high fives all around*

  • Three Finger Salute

    I thought Jones Day was one of those obscure “holidays” that you only hear about on the morning zoo radio programs. Like National Canned Clam Day or National Vegan Baby Butthole Day. I’m going to guess that just like 4 May is Star Wars Day (“May the Fourth Be With You”), 10/4 is National Good Buddy Day? Unless you’re in one of those Eurotrash countries like Canuckistan and Rule Britannia where it’s 4/10, so… Natonal Reducible Fractions Day, but only at bars, where they serve you two fifths?

    Not sure exactly what National Jones Day would be about, though. A “jones” is a slang term for a strong desire for something. So… a day to satiate the unquenchable thirst for blood money by “legal eagles” who turn out to be vampire vultures?

    I guess I don’t want to know what kind of creatures go bump in the Jones Night.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Every day is a Jonesing day, if that’s the definition.

      • Suttree

        At least until 5 o’clock.

    • Delu

      Keeping up with the Jones Day.

      • wait! what?

        May Davy rest in peace.

    • wait! what?

      It’s all about Alex Jones but it only happens at night because that’s the last thing Hillary’s assassins would expect.

    • proudgrampa

      It might conflict with Smith Day…

      • Three Finger Salute

        Well, then Smith would have to call his buddy Wesson and have a good ol’ fashioned all-American duel! YEAH! MURICA!!!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      National Alex Jones Day.

      Bleurg…

      • Raan

        A typical activity is the trucker meth cook-off, followed by the trucker meth eating contest.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Sponsored by Aluminum Foil Manufacturers of America.

    • Suttree

      Is Jones day like one of those southern blue law days? Large parts of Alabama don’t/use to not sell alcohol on Sundays.

      • Three Finger Salute

        Not just Alabama. Massachusetts, at least until the Lord’s Day got bought by Tom Brady.

        • Slamtundra

          Texas either.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Lucky for them so many of the locals make their own, then.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Dah Fuq? Has anyone told this vapid, classless bitch that she’s not a fucking model anymore?
    http://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/12/590x/Melania-Trump-Puerto-Rico-861791.jpg

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      They lost all of the other program cartridges.

      • Three Finger Salute

        They’re buried in a landfill next to E.T. for the Atari?

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Damned Superfund sites.

    • OutOfOrbit

      yes she is, it’s in the tRumpsterfire pre-nup’, standard form FUII

    • Michael R
    • Changeling

      The sunglasses annoy me. I like to see the eyes of the person I’m interacting with, especially if it’s supposed to be intimate.

      • OutOfOrbit

        you want to to intimate interacting with her? eww

        • Changeling

          Well I suppose she was trying to project some kind of warmth towards the victims.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      It’s nice she personally aerates the WH lawn.

    • Suttree

      I don’t think that she holds a candle to Michelle.

    • bbayliss

      Selling your ass is one thing, selling your soul is quite another.

    • Cogswell – In a Mirror, Darkly

      Chris Matthews referred to his royal anus’ clothing as a costume… Me? I fuckin’ laughed.

    • m3bosha

      So what do you wanna bet Don bitched about her wearing of sneakers when they tiptoed around Houston and demanded she wear heels. I just don’t want to believe that they were her idea. I mean… I know she can’t write her own speeches and she doesn’t realize her “husband” is the biggest bully eveh when she talks anti-bullying, but good gravy, she has to know those heels don’t belong in a disaster area.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I dislike her plenty, but I’ll play devil’s advocate. I’ve known a few eastern European/Russian women, and it’s sort of ingrained in them that they should dress like they are headed for a runway any time they go out in public. My old boss married a Russian woman. She wouldn’t even go to the mailbox without putting on high heels.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I’m glad to be in the part of the frontier where high heels aren’t a thing… Silly shoez

      • Left Coast Tom

        She was flying to a disaster zone in Puerto Rico. Would the woman you mention have worn high heels to go out to a mailbox in Lake Tahoe, in the middle of winter, with many feet of new snow on the ground?

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          She wore heels to Pyramid Lake in the summer, so, maybe.

    • janecita

      She never really was.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        She was a ‘model.’ <wink, wink>

    • Treg Brown

      Interesting way for an architect to dress. Oh wait.

      *DISCLOSURE: there’s no correct way for an architect to dress*

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Serai 1

      What’s up with Susan? Goddess, I want that poncho.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      God, I hated her when I was 15. She had the hair I wanted, the body I wanted, the lifestyle I wanted, she even had the teeth and clothes I wanted. I was so clueless when I was 15, I wouldn’t be 15 again for any amount of money. But it’s OK, I got over it.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Shirley was my first mom crush…

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Mine too. Seems like yesterday, doesn’t it?

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          I ran into her and her son in a hotel elevator in 1971. I was 12.

          OMG.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            Idda been 10…

          • Slamtundra

            I was 1. Maybe.

          • Beanz&Berryz

            She was still a hawt mom.

        • foiled again

          ..and David Cassidy’s.

      • Slamtundra

        Oddly, sh also had the body I wanted too.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          My teenage body was actually very similar to hers, but she had those skinny thighs, and I inherited curvy inner thighs from my Italian ancestors that I could not do anything about, and a nose from my Danish ancestors which ditto. Eventually I learned to accept and love myself as I was, somewhere around age 19, which was a great day and very liberating.

  • Left Coast Tom

    My glass of Zin from 110 year old vines in Cucamonga is a lot better than any of the news today.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Was it in Cucamonga that Bugs Bunny discovered he should have turned left at Albuquerque?

      • Left Coast Tom

        Same place, though the winery is hundreds of miles away in Santa Rosa – Carol Shelton.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          Old vine zins are a good thing….

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Amen.

      • penny stock

        It’s that place where Jerry and the boys hung out a little and they let Phil sing!

        One of the rarest to find live. Jerry didn’t play the steel guitar. Mars Hotel, damn fine album.

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        I think you’re confusing it with the Coachella Valley, and the carrot festival therein.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I was quite atuned to everything Bugs said on Looney Tunes, and I’m pretty certain Coachella never crossed his Mel Blanc lips.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Dear Respectable Lawyer: Your wife and I are kindred spirits. If I were younger and you weren’t married…enough said. Her letter reminds me of a job I had when I was very young – I took a job as a receptionist at a major tax accounting firm that shall be nameless while I finished my master’s thesis. That place was a lot like Jones Day. In fact, I quit after only 2 weeks, and I never bothered to put it on my resume. To give you an idea of how screwed up those people were, one of the partners hung himself IN HIS OFFICE six months after I left, because apparently he retained a shred of conscience and couldn’t bear to contemplate what he had been doing for the previous 40 years. I was 22 at the time, and I had no idea there were such evil, heartless, soulless people in the world. In fact, it was a valuable experience…I learned a lot.

    Ten years later I had a temp job for a major airline that shall also be nameless, and I met a lot of men who would have been happy working at Jones Day…people who took pleasure in firing all the employees at a branch because ONE employee was agitating for a union. They fired them the day before Christmas, and they could have waited until after New Year’s, but it gave them intense pleasure to ruin everyone’s holiday. I know this because I was sitting in the Board meeting when they made the decision.

    I concluded many years ago that some people don’t have souls, which contradicts what the nuns taught us in Sunday School. I think there are at least 3 reasons 1) they were born with one but had it stolen from them by severe childhood abuse 2) they were born with one but lost it due to addiction to alcohol or drugs and 3) they were born without one. I suspect Jones Day employs people from category #3.

    • h4rr4r

      Drug and alcohol libels!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Well it’s only true of “some” people. I know lots of alcoholics who have too much soul…that’s why they drink, to dull the pain of living in the real world surrounded by soulless assholes. I have done it myself, on a few occasions.

    • willi0000000

      to paraphrase Sir Pterry . . . everybody is born human but not everybody is a fully paid up member of the human race.

      [ . . . and Vetinari observed: “Ankh-Morpork, city of a million souls . . . and ten times that many bodies ]

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Vetinari was one smart dude.

  • Jennifer R
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Everybody gets a paper towel!

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        For only $5 a sheet!

    • epazote

      Told them to “have fun” (or was it “have a good time”?)
      malevolent fucking simpleton !

      • Grokenstein

        “You can take the empty tube and pretend it’s a telescope! Yarr, you’re a pirate!!”

        • Delu

          “Yarr harr fiddle dee dee, being a pirate is all right with me!”

          • Slamtundra

            Hahaha they love me here, right Melania?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Here’s some shit to wipe up all the water, now fuck off!”- Donald Trump

    • Delu

      What I want to know is whether Puerto Rico will return the favor and if so how.

      • Doug Langley

        Throw toilet paper at him?

        • Delu

          Among other things.

          To his face too.

        • Changeling

          I hope some protesters have this idea. You couldn’t blame them for being disrespectful, could you?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Used….

        • Slamtundra

          Used?

    • Anna Rompage

      “What, their skin is really that color? I thought that was just dirt from going a few days without a shower… They told me they were US citizens, how come they’re all brown?”. Donad Trimp

    • Nounverb911

      They should of thrown them back….

      • willi0000000

        hard!

      • Slamtundra

        What? They needed them to sop up that hurricane!

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Wrapped around big pointy rocks. Of votes.

  • armed_bears

    Does anyone else find it curious that Newt Gingrich’s Big Thoughts on Puerto Rico include this:

    Develop an island-wide health system. The administration should seek help from the best large mainland health systems (including the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs) to help develop a system to modernize the hospitals, integrate community health systems, and use telemedicine and other modern delivery systems so even the most remote communities are served;

    Do they know we can read what they are saying?

    • Slamtundra

      They don’t care, nobody cares and it makes no difference.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Vile asshole states the obvious.

      Film at 11.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    One more pupper before I popper off to bed. G’nite, lovelies!
    https://twitter.com/landpsychology/status/915374443135893504

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That’s the cutest Little Dawg I ever saw…

    • Three Finger Salute

      Night!

    • Parakeetist

      Squeeeeeee

    • proudgrampa

      AAAAAAAWWWWW.

      Wook at the widdle puppie!!!!!!!

      That is cute!

    • Slamtundra

      I wanna snuggle that baby puppy so big! Of course with the puppies comes the pooping and chewing. I dearly love my dogs (one of whom my ass face ex-wife has) but God I’m so happy those days of coming home to shit paw-painted all over the floor are a distant memory.

      • Slamtundra

        But still I love to look at old pictures of my fur babies. They’re Akita / Lab(?) mixes and they were at least as adorable as that puppy up there.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      ‘I promise, I’ll never play with the magic markers again.’

    • Angela Ruzzo

      So cute! If only they stayed like that.

  • altleftjohn

    Come on all you hep cats and chicks.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_8yGGtVKrD8

    • Grokenstein

      I’ve been crazy about Cab ever since watching The Blues Brothers as a kid, but daaaaaaaamn, this performance by the Nicholas Brothers is astounding. There are several documentaries about them on YouTube, I’m gonna be watching them throughout the week now.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      MOTHERFUCKER! Excuse my French, but that was a hell of a number.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Saw that gem of a letter earlier today at Juanita Jean’s, The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon (http://juanitajean.com). Don’t mess with Texans!

  • Anna Rompage

    Got 5 rows of 3 different varieties of garlic planted this afternoon…

    Can wait for July!

    • epazote

      I have an heirloom tomato on the kitchen counter that has sprouted 2 stems with leaf buds ! Air tomato ?
      Imma plant it tomorrow
      why not ? Gladiolas and Day Lilly’s are in full bloom for the second time since April

      • Anna Rompage

        With a handle like ‘epizote”, I assume you live in a warmer climate then I do?

        • epazote

          yep
          temps below 65F are brutally cold

          • Anna Rompage

            I have a bunch of epazote growing in the yard…

            It’s quite resiliant and does pretty well up here in the PacNorWest.

          • epazote

            it’s hardy, and will take over a garden if not kept in a container.
            Do you use the epazote growing in your yard as seasoning in some recipes ?

          • Anna Rompage

            Fortunately it struggles due to the climate up here, so it’s not invasive

            I use it in certain salsas, pinto beans, in some braised pork dishes, and in certain Indian foods

          • Left Coast Tom

            Wow…I can’t sleep well if the nighttime low is above 60F.

          • epazote

            We run fans day & night to keep the air cool and fresh ( heat exchanged ?)

          • Left Coast Tom

            I open windows. But, I guess I’d need a different solution where you are.

          • epazote

            Windows and doors are open, fans run day and night.
            When the night time temps drop to 60F we pull out the polar fleece bedding, close windows and doors, turn the fans down to low…must have the air circulating at all times !

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Really? 65F isn’t even cool enough to justify long pants.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I’m still picking gold raspberries here in northern Michigan. Yup. Unusual…..

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          I noticed that most of our plants are still growing new leaves. I wonder if they know something?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      This weekend I did two parking strip patches with just my one regular variety – Inchelium Red. A nice northwest softneck. I don’t have the refinement for lots of hardneck flavors… But scapes are a treat…

    • proudgrampa

      I know nothing about this. Really? It takes that long to grow garlic?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Some places/folks grow it spring to fall… We can grow it fall to spring/early summer… A great use of ground that’s otherwise empty for the winter…

      • Left Coast Tom

        Drive by Gilroy in the Bay Area…heading south of town the air constantly smells of garlic (a major part of the US supply is grown there).

        • proudgrampa

          Used to live in Fremont. Some days that aroma would waft all the way up! Made a lot of dishes with Garlic from Gilroy…

  • The Wanderer

    Well, it’s been a long day, but the pants are off, dinner’s in mah belly, and I’m about a quarter of the way through writing Chapter 248 of the story I’ve been pounding away on since 2003. I plan on #250 being the last chapter; fourteen damned years is enough.

    • Sounds like a real page-turner!

    • Jennifer R

      hell yeah!

    • DrBigHead

      The Boy believes that walking around the house without pants is the absolute height of luxury. Can’t say I don’t completely disagree.

    • bluicebank

      Been there. Bless you and the fickle writing gods of inspiration.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Call it “The Avenger”. Put it right out there.

    • proudgrampa

      May the Muse be with you.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Welp, now I don’t feel so bad about my 2 year late novel.

      (I got sick and other IRL stuff happened…)

    • Whelp, you’ve got Varney the Vampire beat.

      But, do you have Sironia, Texas beat?

      (You don’t have Marienbad, My Love beat. Ain’t nobody’s got that beat.

  • Jennifer R

    Took a break today from the last few days of coding, but tomorrow I am going to do a little writing. I really have the hard part done, I just need to do the large bulk of the work, which is not technically demanding (until I come up with new features to add) but exists in large volumes.

    • proudgrampa

      Breaks are good.

      • Jennifer R

        Yeah, but the thing I have left is writing, and I think I need to write another 200K words? more?

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Jeez louise, ‘Christine’ was only 194k.

          • Jennifer R

            I have 94K so far. I am doing a non linear narrative remember, so I need more words to deal with the different directions things could do.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Mmm, of course. And of course it usually takes at least a paragraph to explain what ONE command can do.

          • Jennifer R

            I am keeping options to sentences or sentence fragments.

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      You know the old saying, I’m sure: the first 90% of a job takes 90% of the time and effort, and the remaining 10% takes the other 90%.

  • Meccalopolis
    • proudgrampa

      My god, you killed him!

  • Relativicus

    Jim Bowie was a Texan, that’s why.

  • RocketManCaptainHowdy

    HOT TAKES! GET YOUR NOMINAL LEFT VEGAS SHOOTING HOT TAKES!

    By “nominal left,” I of course mean those whose entire definition of left is “I hate liberals and the Democratic Party” as opposed to any policy differences. Oh, you were wondering, were you? Well let me help you. First, let’s go to the less than brilliant Lee Fang, whose once promising career has turned into a massive embarrassment of half-baked hot takes.
    . . .
    [H. A. Goodman] had one tweet that was literally a unicorn shitting a rainbow to define what liberals thought about gun control.

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/10/hot-takes-get-nominal-left-vegas-shooting-hot-takes

    • Left Coast Tom

      Oh, good…assholery from “The Intercept” and “HA HA Goodman” in one fell swoop.

  • Sexist, misogynist, talentless dirtbag lionizes his hero, who helped make him into a sexist, misogynist dirtbag.

    (The “talentless” part, Brett Ratner supplied himself. Women as consumables came from Hugh Hefner.)

  • bluicebank

    In times of trouble, nothing gets my engine happy like a hot rod song. This one takes me back to even when dear old Dad actually had one sometime in the ’40s (technically https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/41e6617039860bea1b1c74575ea89a2f49d7c9955d142abca3e62fbd691959d4.jpg a “roadster”, photo attached):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwgGuadsqyo

    • Slamtundra

      Is that what a deuce coupe is? The cover of that record had a front view of a Corvette on it, so I assumed that’s what it was. That’s a great song, but I dig Shut Down a lot. Tach it up, tach it up, buddy gonna shut you down…

      • bluicebank

        Originally a Deuce Coup was a 1932 Ford coupe. Good luck finding one of those still around.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          You can buy the parts to build one NEW. ALL the parts.

          • bluicebank

            Not original parts, but yes. There’s a difference between an original and what we used to call a kit car. Which is probably what my Dad’s roadster was — something cobbled together on top of a Ford frame, mostly the engine, natch.

          • Rocket Pony Ron

            Believe it or not, these are brand-new parts made from the original materials, to slightly better than original specs. Heck, you can buy most of a brand-new 57 Chevy convertible the same way. The only way to tell is by looking for the serial number plates.

      • bluicebank
      • puredog

        My first car was a 1964 GTO with tripower and a 4.88 rear end. It did not end well.

    • OutOfOrbit

      once upon a time a set of wrenches, a few odd screw drivers and a nearby juckyard was all it took to build a rod — and all of those were ubiquitous … once upon a time

      • Rocket Pony Ron

        Now all the editorial content in the car magazines is about where to buy stuff. Me, I’m old school. The local wrecking yards are used to my rummaging around for weird bits and pieces to put in the Fusion or the Studebaker.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So, is this the outfit that Grisham modeled “The Firm” on? Because organized crime seems to be their game!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Having to argue a motion to compel a prosecutor to give me the address and phone number of a State’s witness makes me verrrry thirsty.

    • Shanzgood

      Not stabby?

      • OutOfOrbit

        you mean “stroppy”?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Oh, no. I would never hurt this guy. He makes me look like the second coming of Darrow. I’ve smacked him around in half a dozen trials. I’ve never lost a trial to him. He’s my best advertisement.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          go you!

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            When you’re a defense attorney, you take your wins where you can get ’em. Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            sounds like your motion was granted. although I’m not sure what theory they were operating under.

            We had to go to court at hte ill-fated law job to compel production of plaintiff’s SSN and work records – I’m told we use those to determine benefits received and any time off work that may be alleged.. Why they thought they would win, I dunno, it was fairly standard in my short experience. And we fucking lost one of those! I forget which.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            He told the judge that he was only required to turn over the name (which is not true) and that investigation was my responsibility. I suggested that I (appointed counsel) might have to file a motion for investigative fees. Her Honor didn’t even hesitate to find in my favor.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            nicely done.

        • Rocket Pony Ron

          Congratulations! You have your very own Hamilton Burger!

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I probably should have referred to him as Hamilton Burger instead of “The Rented Mule.”

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      That’s something I can’t get over as an old these days- showing up for jury duty to see people’s fates decided by twenty somethings (the prosecutors)

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        try working for them! (around here at least, we call them baby lawyers).

  • Picabo
    • Grokenstein

      The rules are forever different for them.

    • yyyaz

      I, for one, am so tired of IOKIYAR, that I will no longer upfist its use. It is NOT OK, it isn’t even OK to BE a Repignant. Party.Of.Lying.Thieves. works much better for me.

    • BadKitty904

      Hypocrisy comes as naturally to a Republican as breathing.

  • CO

    This story has me in tears. Please read it when you have a chance.
    https://twitter.com/WesleyLowery/status/915293989229793281

    • rebecca

      i just did a few minutes ago. god damn.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      That was tough to read. Horrible.

      • CO

        It was. I hope more stories of people’s selflessness in the face of this tragedy continue to get shared.

    • Grokenstein

      Whatever you do, don’t read the replies…unless you want to turn into a foaming-at-the-mouth rage-monster.

      • CO

        Best to avoid WaPo’s comment sections.

    • Sophia

      That was so sad

    • my feet are normal

      Oh my god.

    • Bitter Scribe

      An American love story. Dog help us.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    OT: Alert to all you history buffs. Tomorrow night on PBS NOVA, a nice escape from Trumpistan:
    Secrets of the Shining Knight
    Once upon a time, knighthood was serious business, and their armor was what stood between life and death. But what was it really like to live beneath the metal? How was that shining armor crafted and how strong was it? Could it withstand impacts from the most lethal weapons of the day, including crossbows, muskets and primitive hand guns? NOVA challenged blacksmith Ric Furrer and master armorer Jeff Wasson to recreate parts of an elite armor originally manufactured in the Royal Workshop founded by King Henry VIII.
    http://pbsinternational.org/programs/secrets-of-the-shining-knight/

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Innerestin. Thanks 4 tha tip.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I’ve seen suits of armor in museums. They looked like something you could actually wear, assuming you were in good shape.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    I’m listening to the police scanner audio from the night of the shooting — some people were actually trying to go inside police vehicles during the chaos to grab shotguns. Police had to warn one another to lock their vehicles. And some drunk civilians were trying to run towards the gun shots. There is actually a video of a guy standing up with his hands raised in the air, in a “come at me, bro” stance shouting, “over here!” Goodness.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      people are fucking stupid.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        They are! And I’m a people, so I should know.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      p.s. it concerns me cops aren’t typically locking the doors of vehicles that have weapons in them.

      That kinda seems like common sense, even if there isn’t a policy about it.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I think it’s because they were rushing out of their vehicles to help people to safety and to also locate the shooter. They were also trying to shut down the streets as well as dealing with wounded. It was pretty chaotic. I guess they didn’t imagine that during an active mass shooting some people would try to enter their vehicles. Crazy!

  • Nounverb911

    File under not necessarily unnecessary inventions.
    https://twitter.com/aweldoncartoons/status/915045258190233600

  • Picabo
    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Yup. Makes you wonder when they finally learned to read.

  • Suttree
  • Nounverb911

    Reporters, save time next next massacre, use this new handy reporting form.
    https://twitter.com/Thetribalmind/status/915355507342303232

    (Sad actually)

    • Rocket Pony Ron

      Y’know, I’d’ve been ECSTATIC if Two Scoops had shown even this much empathy.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    When anything large is dead or dying, law firms like Jones-Day will show up to tear apart the corpse and pick the bones clean.

    • Three Finger Salute

      So I guess we can expect Jones-Day to rummage through the wreck once America finally collapses. Everything must go! Buy one national monument and get the next 10 free!

    • BadKitty904
    • foiled again

      I enjoy going down to the county park near sunset to watch the vultures soar and pinwheel among themselves. Early in the day they hop up onto fenceposts and do their vulture yoga- stretching their wings out to warm them in the sun before they get after it and clean up the roadkill.

      Noble creatures, unlike the squalid scavengers of Jones Day.

      • puredog

        Myself, I like watching the hyenas gambol and play. Renews my soul!

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        They actually get rid of a lot of nasty, smelly, disease causing carrion. They are natures disposal service

  • Nounverb911
    • Grokenstein

      My thoughts, prayers, sneezes and farts will always go out to Republicans. I’d give more, but I’m old and don’t get zits like I used to.

  • Do I even know you?
    https://i.imgflip.com/1wzsj2.jpg

    I found this website by accident

    • BadKitty904

      He looks so life-like.

  • BadKitty904

    Hey, no puttin’ bad-mouth on Adderall, thank you very much.

  • Rocket Pony Ron

    Dick the butcher: The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.
    ‘Jones Day… employs 2500 lawyers on five continents. It has a revenue of $1.94 billion.’
    Dick the butcher: Dammit, people, you had ONE JOB.
    Henry The Sixth, Part 2 Act 4, scene 2, sorta

    • Here is the trick:
      1.Make justice, commerce, even real estate so convoluted and confusing that, without having studied each individually and with excellent attention, a general citizen cannot hope to withstand the onslaught without expert aide.
      2. Create said expert aide, at a premium, the best of course going to those with the most premium.
      3. Profit!!!!
      The free hand continues to jerk itself off

  • Nounverb911

    Congresscritters to demand McCain die go away faster in 3…2…1…
    https://twitter.com/SenJohnMcCain/status/915293765174218752

    • Left Coast Tom

      McCain represents a state where districts are drawn by an independent commission.

    • I am trying not to be a cynic and believe in the no fucks to give Panama John…
      But something tells me the SCOTUS will somehow say bad for blue states, good for red!

    • m3bosha

      Nice thought John, never gonna happen. I wish you grew a conscience about 30 years earlier.

    • Suttree

      Is he asking for forgiveness now that he is about to die? Thanks John but you had a couple of years before this one to do the right thing. I hope that you are able to pass peacefully. I’m sure you will with your gold plated insurance. Unlike my grandmother who died in pain and lost her house.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        I’ll take any good thing I can get anytime I can get it.

  • OrG

    Scumbags like jones- day are a good argument for Socialism.

  • Count Awesome

    I prefer my to end my day with “la petite mort”.

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      Come again?

      • Count Awesome

        Give me a few minutes and let me recover.

    • Suttree

      I’m more of a morning person myself.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Who wouldn’t?

  • Nounverb911
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Longish post…I want to come up with these thoughts before I post them elsewhere.

    “Too soon.”

    These words echo with the same sound that a steel door makes when it shuts.

    “It’s too soon.”

    This is the ultimate, final, discussion-ending phrase. It is designed to force people to disengage. Its only intent is to cut off dialogue.

    And we only use it when people get shot. “It’s too soon to talk about guns. It’s too soon to talk about ease of access.”

    When a dam bursts and a town floods, we don’t say “too soon”. We start talking about “how can we prevent this from happening again?” We talk about stronger materials, or different places, or new regulations.

    In the 1950s, when we had a rash of mid-air collisions and near misses, it wasn’t “too soon” to talk about air safety. Congress passed new laws, formed the Federal Aviation Agency (we know it now as the Federal Aviation Administration) and took steps to prevent future crashes.

    A man buys enough weapons to arm an Army rifle platoon, more ammunition than I could possibly count, purchases legal devices to allow him to increase his rate of fire, and then in less time than it takes to sit through a Jason Aldean set mows down 600 people.

    And we’re told there’s nothing we can do about it. That this is “the price of freedom”. The price? 59 dead and over 500 wounded is an acceptable cost? The idea that now, on top of movie theaters and college campuses and elementary schools we have to think about the possibility that someone could kill us from nearly a quarter-mile away while we’re standing in the open?

    This is okay? This is right?

    We can’t even talk about things like trigger cranks and bump stocks and other devices that serve only to increase the speed at which one sprays hot lead into the air? What legitimate hunting or sportsman purpose do items like this serve? I’d sure like to know, because I can’t think of any.

    But sure, it’s “too soon”. Just like it was “too soon” after Columbine. And “too soon” after Virginia Tech. And Newtown. And Aurora, Charleston and Orlando. And now, add Las Vegas to that list. But keep your pen handy, because there will be another one. Another town that becomes known as a killing field. Another name etched into a monument to the rank cowardice and stunning obliviousness of people who could do something if only they could find the will to do so.

    “Too soon.”

    No, those words aren’t echoing with the sounds of a steel door. They echo with the sound of a coffin lid.

    • Suttree

      I somehow remember the right wing talking a bunch of shit about the Oroville Dam. Something about damn liberals in California endangering peoples lives. I can’t remember what their stupid fucking argument was besides California.

    • Left Coast Tom

      If we can’t do anything about it, then why do western US gun death rates seem to correlate with the strictness of western US gun laws? Why are people 2.5 times as likely to die by bullet in Alaska than in California?

      • Grokenstein

        Ah, but gun laws don’t stop EVER SINGLE SHOOTING EVER, so we shouldn’t bother trying. Norway had a shooting once, you know! (Oddly, this anti-logic is never applied to other crimes.)

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I recently posted a comment about a neighbor who had parked his truck so that it blocked the sidewalk and stuck out 6 feet into the street. The Sheriff’s Deputy who responded to my call because nobody was at home in the house to do something about it refused to help, saying it wasn’t against the law, which it was, and I told him so and gave him printouts of the state and county laws. I then called the owner of the house because the tenants were never home and the Deputy never called me back, and whoever owned the truck moved it the next day.

    So tonight one of the young men living in the house knocked on my door and attempted to harass and intimidate me because he was “annoyed” that I had interfered in his and his roommates lives. These 3 white guys are all between 22 and 25, and they think they are entitled to do whatever the fuck they want to do.

    Well, he mistook his woman. Turns out this guy is also a Sheriff’s Deputy, and went to the academy with the Deputy who responded to my call, which explains why that Deputy never did anything about it. And he had THE NERVE to tell me that I am not allowed to interpret the law and ask to have it enforced, because I am “not a member of law enforcement.” WTF?

    Well, we then had a confrontational but non-violent discussion of what citizens of a free country are allowed to do, and what the social contract between residents of a society entails, during which he revealed his total ignorance of almost everything that makes a human being civilized. I will not write it all here, as it went on too long, but I will say that he did not win his argument, and he did not get the last word, but if I set foot on his property he will have me arrested for trespassing. The thing is, he doesn’t own the house, he just rents a room there, so he has no right to say that. As a cop, he ought to know that, but DUH. The cops here are all morons.

    This was very depressing… if he is an example of the New America, and I think he is, then we are all seriously fucked.

    So now I have a Sheriff’s Deputy living 2 doors away who hates my guts. My goodness, I thought I would have a peaceful retirement, and every day proves me wrong.

    • OrG

      I hate cops.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Were they scum 60 years ago when I was a child? I don’t know, I had nothing to do with them then, but I don’t think they were this bad. But my father told me 50 years ago never to trust one, so maybe they were.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Well, in olden days like the Gilded Age, cops were generally regarded by the rich, poor and everyone between, as nothing more than hired thugs. ça plus ça change or something, right?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Right. Wow, you made me dig deep into the back of my brain to dig up my college French, and it is “plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.” Merci, mon ami, when you get old you need all the brain exercise you can get.

        • Werewolf

          Thirty-five years ago or so, my dad (who was a psychiatrist who did a lot of consulting for the courts) told me never to give cops even the tiniest excuse to administer a beat-down, because they’d do it.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That’s true. That’s why I think the suggestion that I communicate directly with the Sheriff is a good one – go straight to the top, my father always told me, and every time I have taken his advice, it has worked out well. If the Sheriff knows that one of his junior officers is harassing me, lying to me, professing ignorance of the law, and blatantly disregarding the covenants of the neighborhood he lives in, and that I know it and I know the law and I will be proactive about it, he has the power to nip this in the bud before the asshole gets his deputy buddies to start following me around waiting for me to drive without a seat belt so they can ticket me. It is vital to stand up to bullies. They can dig through my personal history back to the day I was born, and they won’t find a thing against me.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      “The thing is, he doesn’t own the house, he just rents a room there, so he has no right to say that.”

      I’m not entirely sure that’s accurate, but ask someone who knows. Also, you can complain if you want to the sheriff’s office. Might make things worse, I dunno.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Good point, and a legal tenant does have the right to forbid trespassing, but I asked the owner about the terms of the tenancy, and his name is not on the lease, because there is no lease. The owners rent the house to their son who is the college student living there, and he rents rooms to 2 friends, therefore the friends have no legal standing.

        This jerk told me “I own the house so I can make decisions” and I pointed out that he does NOT own the house, the owners live in another city, as per the legal documentation in the Assessor’s Office and the records of the HOA, both of which I have copies of. If he thinks he can outsmart me, he needs to think again.

        I have two lawyer friends, I will consult them as to the wisdom of complaining to the sheriff’s office. I suspect they will say “keep quiet for now and wait and see if it escalates, but document everything.”

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          ah – gotcha.

          And i failed to say, “that fuckin’ sucks.”

          Cause it does. Sorry…hopefully things will get better after this.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          wait, if there’s an HOA, is there a rule about this kind of situation?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, but unfortunately our Covenants, although they are very comprehensive, do not impose any financial or legal penalties on Members other than liens if they do not pay their annual fees, because the Covenants were written in the 70’s when nobody was anticipating the kind of anti-social behavior that is common today. The most the HOA can do is send a strongly-worded letter from the Board, followed by a more strongly-worded letter from our HOA’s attorney. After that, we would have to pursue a civil suit, which our Board would never do because it would be expensive and because they are spineless cowards.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        The only way to confront the Sheriff’s Dept. would be to make an appointment to see the Sheriff personally, and complain to his face. This worked for me once in St. Louis County, but whether it would work in this rural backwater, I don’t know. I need to research who our Sheriff is, and who his friends are. I used to have friends in the County government and Sheriff’s Department, but they are all either retired or dead.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Yuck. I guess it’s a waste of time to ask if your county requires any “training” of its “officers”…or if it pays those officers enough to be able to attract quality.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        The answer to both questions is No.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Where I live, base pay for police is above $100K. I grew up in the Flint, MI area. Flint, from what I’ve read, is now (thanks to the emergency managers) paying officers at rates that wouldn’t be enough to rouse me from bed. Yesterday, I saw an article where a Flint officer shot a hole through someone’s window because he was firing at a charging dog and, somehow, didn’t realize bullets would ricochet. The department offered to pay for the window but the homeowner is holding out for a requirement for better training. But, presumably, that would also require paying more money.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            How sad. Another problem is “who would design the training”? The senior officers are not any better than the street cops, and the current status of law enforcement theory is decades out of date.

    • guppy06

      When there’s a structure fire, call the fire department. When there’s a medical emergency, call EMT’s.

      When you want to make a bad day worse, call the police.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You got that right.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        speaking of bad cops, there was a hting here about 10 years ago when a cop got in trouble for using the police chopper to buzz his ex’s house.

        • guppy06

          Even when things are working out the way they’re supposed to, a victim’s day really isn’t made better by police interaction at all (they’re enforcers, after all). You’ve taken a bad event in your life and just added a heap of pestering and paperwork to it, which can go on for months, all before you’ve had the chance to just lie the fuck down for a little bit.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            I said the other night – our office does protective orders against abusers and harassers (and not a terribly lot of damn good they do). I always remember to try to be respectful in the lobby or near the waiting area. It may be the same kind of thing they’ve been dealing with their whole adult life, it may be the kind of thing that constitutes the worst thing in their life. Either way, I don’t pass through there all fucking chipper and shit.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Good for you to stand up to this assclown.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Thanks. I didn’t make it to age 61 as a single professional woman without learning how to stand up for my rights. And I had a wonderful role model in my mother, who never tolerated anyone telling her how to live. Thanks, Mom!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Write a letter to the Sheriff outlining this, and cc it to the prosecuting attorney. They won’t do anything, but when you are inevitably cited for failing to signal when you back out of your driveway, or some other petty bullshit, you’ll have a great conversation starter.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I know the Prosecuting Attorney, and I know the “Victim Liaison” attorney in his office quite well, and I think he likes me. Great idea, thanks. If only the guy who was P.A. 30 years ago was still P.A., because I went to school with him and he lived 1 block from me when I was growing up and he dated my older sister in high school.

        I am disabled, and I rarely leave the house, and I live at the very end of a dead end street, so they would have to cite me for weeding my petunias at an inconvenient time, or something equally ridiculous.

        The interesting thing is that I have 3 white working-class male neighbors who are my friends, even though they are ignorant Trump voters, and when I told them about this they wanted to go beat the shit out of this guy, but I talked them out of it. So I have protection, if I need it. These guys own guns, and they know how to use them.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          also too, there’s always the local tv news. Cops fucking HATE publicity and it should make you harder to harrass.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Yeah, one of those 11-on-your-side-type broadcasts could help, if any are still around.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            yup – just what I was thinking of. They still do them (i think).

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Good idea, thanks. I was actually going to contact someone I know at the local newspaper and suggest they do a series on accessibility rights of disabled people, particularly as they involve sidewalks and building access, because ignorance is rampant. They are usually desperate for community interest stories.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i was going to say, newspaper works and you’re right about the community interest stuff.

  • Moebym of the Returners

    I officially switched firms today. It feels awkward using the name of the new firm in my correspondence, to be perfectly frank, but that’s to be expected. I just hope that in a few months’ time, I will still feel that I’d made the right choice.

    Also, to go on a tangent, every single digital screen I came across on or near the Strip while driving to the Real Estate Division’s office to submit paperwork had “Pray for Vegas” on it, and/or a message of gratitude toward first responders. This makes everything feel so much more real to me, in the sense that it’s real world confirmation that this event actually did take place.

    And on that note, Clark County Commission Chair Steve Sisolak’s GoFundMe page has far exceeded $4 million, and the new goal is $10 million. Please consider donating to help the victims.

    Link

  • ltmcdies
    • Bar tender and a young Canadian just starting out in life. Fuck you, gun humpers

      • Grokenstein

        NRA: “If people like you would just buy guns–lots and lots of guns, and ammo, lots and lots of ammo, I’m sure your mom could sell a kidney or something so you could buy more–then things like this wouldn’t happen. Buy guns. Buy guns. The answer is always, buy more guns. Buy them. Buy guns.”

        Pastor: “Sir, this is a funeral. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

        NRA: “Buy them! Buy guns, everyone! Obama’s coming to take ’em from you! Buy guns!”

        • urge…to buy guns….rising

          • Grokenstein

            NRA: “Hang on a second…you’re white, right?”

      • Three Finger Salute

        Yeah, at what point do other nations start having a say in telling us to quit sucking the NRA’s barrel?

  • memzilla Ω
  • Picabo
    • OutOfOrbit

      and ronny “the rooster” raygun took credit for the sun rising on time

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        “Mr. Gorbachev tear down that….. what was I saying?”

    • Three Finger Salute

      …..and this year, what used to be East Germany voted for actual Nazis.

      How do you say plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose in German?

  • Michael Smith

    A few weeks ago I wrote a post that a decent number of people thought was a sincerely right wing rant about an issue and it made me feel kind of bad for even being able to think of the horrible things that these idiots frequently cough up. But in the spirit of reminiscing about law school, I think I might know why I’m so drawn to writing satirical fake right wing takes on things. I grew up in a very conservative family and was marinated in it. I went to catholic school all the way through college. My college was especially conservative (many of my awesome professors were still fire breathing liberals but we had an inordinate number of conservatives especially in the political science department where I studied). I bought into all of it for many years. It wasn’t until I went to law school at the surprisingly liberal university of Pittsburgh that I recognized the essential inhumanity of my beliefs. That the simple Christianist principles I’d been taught were actually betrayed by the politics those purveyors of righteousness had sold to me. If law school taught me anything it’s that American conservatism is utter bullshit. Not through any course I took really, but because of the people I met. I met a transgender guy who was just trying to get by in the same world as me but who was constantly hampered by conservative bullshit. A gay guy who was smart as a whip but whose first impression on potential employers was not ability but liability because of the people he was attracted to. A black student who was baffled that conservative white people found his distrust of the police to be disrespectful rather than unfortunately pragmatic. So I started to turn from the conservatism as I felt it was further and further from the foundational belief I’d had since I was young – that you need to treat everyone fairly if you want to have a thriving community. So sometimes I read these stories and I know what conservatives will say, because I spent an unfortunate chunk of my life being brainwashed by them. I hope if there’s one skill I can bring to the table it’s that. My knowledge of their inhumane doctrinal though processes. And also to maybe be funny about it.

    • I also grew up Catholic, and went also too to Catholic school and even a conservative little Catholic college.
      I don’t recall anyone trying to brain wash me but then, I probably would not have noticed if they tried.
      I do have a co worker who put her 4 year old in Christian Preschool this year, and they taught her the pledge. And the tyke recites “I pledge allegiance to the Christian Flag….” which I think is about a bajillion more times brain washy than anything Sister Alma tried to do to me…..

      • Michael Smith

        Wow! Geez. No the brainwashing i experienced was not that egregious. No one told me that the flag was Christian. I think things may have gotten worse.

        • “Christian” school is NOT the same as Catholic school.
          What I am saying here is Sister Mary Yard Stick making you say you love Jesus while having perfect penmanship is really, really, really, no big deal to me. But, of course, YMMV

          Least my religion nun had no qualms with evolution- as long as we accepted it was God’s plan to ground up the show.

          • Michael Smith

            True. I actually had an excellent nun teacher who was one of if not the best teacher I ever had. And aside from making us memorize prayers she taught us about injustice in the world, particularly in the horrible way people in developing countries were living while they made our cheap products. Catholic school was conservative but there was a heck of a lot more wiggle room for reason than you find in other sects.

          • Solidarity movement turned a buncha clergy into right socialists. See also: New Pope.
            I am waiting for him to visit Romero’s grave, unlike last 2 popes.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Nuns can be the most amazing people.

      • Michael Smith

        P.S. brainwashing might be a bit of an overstatement meant to exculpate myself from my own responsibility for finding merit in right wing thinking. I should have known better but I was more concerned about being loyal to the people that brought me up than about my own conscience. Well. No more. And not for a while now.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Have I mentioned recently how much I enjoy your non-comments? And please don’t beat yourself up.

          • Michael Smith

            Thank you 😊

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I just call it like I see it.

    • puredog

      Well, you failed to be funny in this post. But that does not detract from its value. Thank you for it.

      • Michael Smith

        Yeah I just felt like I needed to release that.. I’ll snark again tomorrow

    • Cock Blockula

      Nice to know where you are coming from, Michael. I thought your posts were satirical or ironic in nature, but there is a convergence of satire and reality that is difficult to distinguish right now. I can understand the confusion of some, sifting through various posts here and trying to sort the trolls from the satire.

      We live in a confusing age … (said everyone at every point in time).

  • Three Finger Salute

    OT: Michelle Obama is tired of old white guys making the decisions for people who are not old, not white and not even guys.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/michelle-obama-slams-congress-for-lack-of-diversity/

    Now, I just had someone slam me on another blog for using the phrase “the future is female” and speaking favorably of Hillary’s would-be cabinet and the 50/50 one Trudeau already has. I explained to him (and I’m guessing it was a him) that affirmative action is not irrelevant and we are not yet at a point where twirling your finger around and hiring or promoting someone solely on their resume qualifications is enough to effect real change in how institutions represent the people they are supposed to represent.

    I then told him to go and read the story of The Tortoise and the Hare, to get an understanding of why the ones already in the majority or otherwise in power need to take some effort to expand their horizons and practice conscious hiring initiatives, so that women and minorities can catch up. It’s not that the hare in this case took a nap and the tortoise surpassed him. It’s more like the hare got too far ahead of his buddy and decided to slow down a bit so that he and the tortoise could reach the same destination together.

    Unfortunately, it seems the only thing Obama being president showed us is that even when a black man ascends to the top job in the land by his own hard work he’ll still get discredited as an “affirmative action” candidate and see a rash of unleashed hatred from people who don’t want the status quo to change and don’t want the historically marginalized to have a go-to person who looks like them and demonstrates that getting to this point is possible.

  • Nounverb911

    Little shit that lives in his mother’s basement makes big threat, doesn’t think it through since Democrats might win these seats….

    https://twitter.com/JacobAWohl/status/915228425933135873

  • Panika MCD

    before I read the rest:

    JJP’s meet-and-greet went well and they are putting in an application on her! if all their stuff checks out, JJP will have a little person sister in a couple days!

    • Hooray!

    • Congrats to you and JJP!

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yay!

    • Suse

      That makes me so happy! She deserves a loving home. Thank you for helping homeless critters.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Hurrah for JJP!!!

    • janecita

      Yes!

  • Catstro

    As promised, I’m reporting back on the fried food offerings from the fair today. Disclaimer: we didn’t actually try any of them. As soon as the kid saw the rides she went nuts, and I knew we’d have to play it safe with the food if any of us hoped to make it through the day without puking on the swings. Husband had a turkey leg and a fancy root beer; I had a corn dog; and the kid had part of a hot dog, which she tossed to the side once she discovered the turkey leg. I forgot that red hot dogs are the usual around here, and turns out baby girl doesn’t like them any more than I do. Red hot dogs are so gross. We got ice cream after we were done with the rides. Super boring, but nobody puked!

    I hope that I am not a complete disappointment, as I am still bringing you breaking news on the new fried item at this year’s Dixie Classic Fair, even if I didn’t eat it out of fear. It is a Twinkie, stuffed with a Twix, wrapped in bacon, deep fried, and dusted with powdered sugar. It is called a Twinx. I mean, who doesn’t want to go down to the fairgrounds and pick up some Twinxs?

    Anyway, fun day. Weather was fantastic, the kid didn’t get lost or give us too much shit, the pig races were a big thumbs up, and nobody puked.

    • Hey, it is fair time in VA also! And what is a red hot dog?

      • Catstro

        Oh, I guess they’re just an NC thing, not a broader South thing? So they’re basically just a hot dog that’s dyed red. Some places you’ll see them branded as “Brightleaf”. In my Meats class (yes, I have that in common with Oops, but I made an A+ because I have real SMRT glasses) we learned that it was just a marketing technique that caught on around here. Anyway, the dogs have more filler than what I normally buy; typically a mix of pork/beef/poultry which gives them a texture I find somewhat mushy and definitely unpleasant. And the spice mixture is a little sweeter. Lots of mace, light on the garlic. And they gave my sister migraines when she was little so I super hate them.

        • Jamoche

          I know I saw them when I was a kid, so either Texas or Alabama. IIRC they were cheap, but also “no matter how hard up we are, it’s anything but that”.

        • oh it could be in VA, but I am a transplant so I may have ignored it as weird looking not food XD
          Only fair food I eats is funnel cake because funnel cake.
          Yes let us fry swirls of batter and coat it in powdered sugar, that is a great idea!

    • Are you at the Fryburg Fair?

    • Bitter Scribe

      I almost puked reading your description of a Twinx.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The Twinx – twice your daily recommended caloric intake, none of the nutritional value.

    • Count Awesome

      As part of work I went to a food trade show where most of the food was deep fried and awful. I felt so bad that night afterwards and the next morning I went in to work and said “I took a crap last night and I swear it came out breaded and deep fried.”

      • Catstro

        I’ve been to an IFC conference, which is basically an expo for experimental food. I don’t think I tried one new product that could pass as actual food for actual humans, but this sounds even less appealing.

    • janecita

      I’m disappointed, no funnel cake:-( Twinxs sounds disgusting!

      • Catstro

        Between the rides and the hourish drive home, I wasn’t going to risk it. The new coffee joint near my kid’s school does have free churros on Friday (your choice of cinnamon, cardamom, or orange zest sugar), so I’m going to indulge my fried dough longings then.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Let me know if someone figures out how to fry Cheerwine. I’d want to get in on that.

      • Catstro

        Hmmm, well they have fried Kool-Aid, so it seems like they could figure it out. With the syrup, minus the carbonation. Surprised they haven’t done this yet.

    • Cock Blockula

      I’m waiting for deep-fried Jello. Has it been attempted yet?

      • Catstro

        Gross. AFAIK no, but you might want to check with any Minnesota fair goers, because a) Jello and b) Minnesota is at the forefront of fried fair food development.

        • Cock Blockula

          I was thinking of a conversation I had with a fellow who’d lived in Kansas most of his life. He said that for any church function or fair there would be jello, lots of jello, mostly lime. My own grandmother (from Colorado) used to make a lime jello dessert that was blended with cottage cheese and walnuts. Even our state and county fairs here in Cali have nothing but deep-fried and sugary fare served.

          I was just imagining the convergence of jello and deep frying as some divine melding of the mid-west and south.

  • janecita
    • Three Finger Salute

      BUT OBAMA DID KATRINAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!11111111!

  • jesterpunk

    Wait a shooter who is a misogynist? Who would have ever guessed?

    http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-las-vegas-shooting-live-updates-at-his-local-starbucks-vegas-shooter-1507060195-htmlstory.html

    The workers behind the counter at the Starbucks inside the Virgin River Casino in Mesquite, Nev., winced whenever Stephen Paddock and his girlfriend, Marilou Danley, lined up for their usual beverages.

    That’s because Paddock had a nasty habit of berating Danley in public. “It happened a lot,” Esperanza Mendoza, supervisor of the Starbucks, said Tuesday.

    • Edith Prickly

      Compulsive gambler with anger issues. Who would have thought…?

      • jesterpunk

        That also too.

      • Bitter Scribe

        IK,R? I’m amazed more gambling addicts don’t snap.

    • Probably why she was in Europe–to get away from him.

    • BadKitty904

      Dickless NRAts and their semi-automatic compensation issues…

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I was waiting for this type of info on him to emerge. The media was stuck in their “who could have seen this coming” narrative because, well, we all know why. Now hopefully we’ll start to get the real picture.

      • Sophia

        First article I saw about him described him like it was on a dating site.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      This is why I can’t trust what the brother says. On the one hand he says this:

      “Even with Eric, he never talked much. They created a lucrative real estate investment business together, but Stephen would only text Eric now and then.

      ‘We didn’t talk much. We talked when there was something to talk about,’ said Eric Paddock. ‘Steve had no help. Steve did not take help. He was a stand-alone guy.’

      Then, on the other hand, he says this:

      ‘They were adorable — big man, tiny woman. He loved her. He doted on her,’ Eric said.”

      I’m not sure how he would know this if they didn’t talk much.

      Not that I’m blaming the brother as I’m sure he’s in shock and doesn’t want to think his brother is capable of this.

  • BadKitty904

    Is it wrong of me to wonder, in a tiny corner of my mind, why a grossly overpaid corporate scavenger would be so gauche as to wear a summer suit when it’s winter enough to be snowing outside?

  • Had a great time at Mean Girls. Theatre even had a tasty boozy beverage especially for the show. It was very pink

  • Michael R

    Open thread can be anything
    From a old GE Bug Light package I found at an estate sale

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/84e84435f5fafda6d86710576c54b9fbc6221e43c1e95d89180e8fc06263a403.jpg

    • Ah! One of those outdoor yellow bulbs that was supposed to not draw bugs, but probably drew more of them.

    • foiled again

      If that’s not a perfect punk rock band logo, I do not know punk rock band logos.

  • Suse

    This may have been posted already, but really???
    Chuck Todd unearths video of Don Jr. advertising gun silencers that help ‘get little kids into the game’ https://www.rawstory.com/2017/10/chuck-todd-unearths-video-of-don-jr-advertising-gun-silencers-that-help-get-little-kids-into-the-game/?